Yeah I don't think I'll ever change. I feel comfortable being a loner because I feel safe avoiding people. But I do enjoy watching loners on TH-cam and on social media so I know there are people like me. It makes me feel normal even though I know it's not. Happy you are brave to try something different instead of staying stuck. ✌🏽
I'm always impressed at how clearly you are able to articulate your thoughts and emotions. That's a precious life skill that is unfortunately not that common in people. I wish you a lot of strength for the tough times you are going throught and hope you'll find time, motivation and inspiration once in the mid west to post some more.
Im in a similar situation you were in with my partner (weve been together 5 years) and ive always been scared of the idea of something happening and having to move back in with my mom (we have alot of issues and different politics which gets heated so its complicated) but yea idk you but im so proud of you for being brave and starting this new chapter in your life vs staying stuck, comfortable but ultimately unhappy. I have total faith things will work out for you and youll create the life youve been wanting so badly
I can definitely relate to overcommitting to a relationship even when it reveals itself to be not what you need. It turned out very badly for me. Not only did I not see that any relationship isn't automatically better than being alone, I didn't really know that I was thinking that way. I applaud and admire your courage.
We’re a special bunch, we AVPD’ers. I think our (super) power is our sensitivity, and our life’s challenge is figuring out how to live in a world that often overlooks kindness, care, and connection. We absolutely experience the human tendencies of ego and narcissism too, we’re not perfect, and we’re hyper-aware of that. So, how do we carry on? I’m not entirely sure. But I believe it starts with being truthful about who we are and what we feel. Your recent admission about the breakup is a powerful truth for you, and I commend you for that. I wish you all the best, please produce more video's. You help a lot of people.
Heyy, I'm a 24yo guy diagnosed with avpd few days ago..., and weird thing is, I also became a Christian, coming out of a non-believing family. Never did I thought that'd happen lol.., but somehow also made sense weirdly enough, I couldn't be more glad. It struck me the way you talked about kindness, care and connection, as it is exactly what I tried to find before getting diagnosed, and I have a good feeling I'm close.. I know these things are sensitive to talk about, but I'd absolutely love to share these words and ethical teachings with you..., from Jesus... I left some blank space so you could decide to read further into it, so I may not force you. Whatever you decide, I'll pray for you. Blessed are the poor in spirit: for their's is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled. Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for their's is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you. Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: but I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: but I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: but I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you. Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light. But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness! Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: for every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up: that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. ~ Jesus
I'm sorry you are going through this. Please know that you have done much to shine light on AVPD and the courage needed to do this in such an insightful way reflects so well on you. I wish you peace and strength.
I can relate to you so much. And I just want to say how thankful and grateful I am that you're willing to get on here and share and be vulnerable and honest and brave. Thank you.
Wishing you the very best on this new path of growth, acceptance, patience’s with your self and others, forgiveness where it is needed and grace for yourself ❤️
it's such a coincidence I just decided to move back home too...and what you said about running into people definitely resonates. thanks for sharing your experience, it's helped me a lot with understanding my AvPD
This hits really close to home. I went through a very similar situation a few years back when my partner and I decided to end our 10 year relationship. We ended it together on good terms because we didn’t want to drag it out and soil what we had. In hindsight sometimes I wish it ended ugly because it would’ve been easier for my brain and heart to move it on. My heart is still with her, which is weird because there was so much distance between us the last few years. We weren’t fighting but we were distant and I was oddly comfortable in that. It was that relationship that made me realize I might be an avoidant. I have no interest in starting new relationships. My philosophy has become : everyone benefits when I keep them at arms reach. No one gets hurt and no one gets disappointed. I have no desire or intention to change myself, I believe we are wired how we are wired and instead of trying to change it I choose to live my life within it. I wish you luck wherever your path takes you.
I know exactly what you mean. We didn’t align on certain core values so there were phases of fighting, but mostly it’s just been cold but comfortable distance. I was ok with it for a long time… but we eventually had to accept that it was a waste of both of our time. I have also said a couple times that it would be easier in a way if we weren’t ending on such good terms… it’s very bittersweet.
I went through nearly the same thing several years ago. My girlfriend of eight years and I agreed to split up, and I moved back in with my parents at 28. My life had been going nowhere. The difference is- I'm 37 now and still living with my parents, alone, and still going nowhere. I know it's unfair of me to ask a fellow AvPDer, but please: don't forget your resolve, allow yourself forgiveness, and let me wish you the best.
I understand. It’s a big risk, but for the last several years, I’ve been profoundly alone (within my relationship) and going nowhere. The alternative of going nowhere with my family does seem like the better option at the moment, even though I hope I’ll be able to pull myself together enough to go somewhere eventually too. 😅
@anxious_and_avoidant Yeah I feel you, I felt the same way actually, though I didn't know that's what it was at the time...I just got stuck after step one 😅 but that doesn't mean it was the wrong step. I still want and hope to take step two.
Sorry you're going through this. But you definitely are looking at all of this with a positive and strong mindset. It's good to hear you are excited about this next step, even if you don't know what the future holds. you're smiling even has you say these things. Yep, things won't feel normal, but no end of an relationship ever does. I'm sure there will be many instances where you will be triggered, but as you said exposure therapy. You've got this. I hope you find the fun and beauty of being alone without isolating yourself. Dance around in your living room barely dressed, sing when you feel like singing,... Do whatever you want, heal and grow. ❤
I really commend you for doing this! I will refrain from giving advice other than this (I have AVPD too and have been a long-time alcoholic) it's okay to reinvent yourself. You don't have to be Maxine with AVPD or whatever. Just be Maxine who might be a bit reserved/distanced or whatever. You might not be that, I don't think I am either. I just think a diagnosis, while helpful in certain situations, can be self-perpetuating.
I do agree honestly. Beyond using it as a way to signal to others here that I struggle with the same things they do, I don’t overly-identify with the label anymore… and I think I have the potential to break out of this pattern eventually. ❤️
I saw this coming a while ago. You’re super incredibly strong to even have ended it. Take one day at a time and practice being present. Your family who you think you’re burdening, are going to be so glad to spend time with you, as you’ve avoided them for so long. You’re beautiful and you don’t even know how amazing you are. Lots of love 💕 I see a great deal of myself in you and we have a very similar story. Look forward to seeing your future videos x
Yeaaaaah it’s needed to happen for a long time and I’ve definitely struggled to talk about the relationship without dropping hints that it wasn’t going well. 😅 But thank you so much. 🥹 It’s been the scariest thing I’ve ever done honestly, but I think the payoff is going to amazing… even if it takes a couple years to bounce back. ❤️
@@anxious_and_avoidantyes definitely. You have to consider what’s best for your long term happiness and wellbeing. With AVPD, it’s natural for us to cling to whatever feels easiest and most comfortable at the moment, until we suffer so much that we have no choice but to change something. It can feel like life or death at that point. We can use that suffering to propel us forward towards anything else. You will thank yourself in a few months/years ❤ x
I don’t move for another week but have already been applying for jobs. 🙂 Pretty motivated not to live with my parents longer than necessary. Thanks though!
im 39 and live in the midwest with my mom, who was the origin of my avpd. also i have always been in relationships. until this year. i love being alone......but......i hate FEELING alone
Hey 👋🏻 I don't follow the discord as much as I'd like to, so this came unexpected. But I understand why you're doing this and I wish you all the best. I believe in you and I'm glad to know you :)
Hi, I relate a lot to your videos .. we seem to have a lot of similar things going on. This might be a bad time to bring this up considering you're going through major changes in your life. But I would love to get in touch and talk sometime.
Yeah I don't think I'll ever change. I feel comfortable being a loner because I feel safe avoiding people. But I do enjoy watching loners on TH-cam and on social media so I know there are people like me. It makes me feel normal even though I know it's not. Happy you are brave to try something different instead of staying stuck. ✌🏽
❤️
I'm always impressed at how clearly you are able to articulate your thoughts and emotions. That's a precious life skill that is unfortunately not that common in people. I wish you a lot of strength for the tough times you are going throught and hope you'll find time, motivation and inspiration once in the mid west to post some more.
Im in a similar situation you were in with my partner (weve been together 5 years) and ive always been scared of the idea of something happening and having to move back in with my mom (we have alot of issues and different politics which gets heated so its complicated) but yea idk you but im so proud of you for being brave and starting this new chapter in your life vs staying stuck, comfortable but ultimately unhappy. I have total faith things will work out for you and youll create the life youve been wanting so badly
❤️❤️❤️
I can definitely relate to overcommitting to a relationship even when it reveals itself to be not what you need. It turned out very badly for me. Not only did I not see that any relationship isn't automatically better than being alone, I didn't really know that I was thinking that way. I applaud and admire your courage.
Thank you ❤️ better late than never I suppose… took me longer than I’d like, for sure.
We’re a special bunch, we AVPD’ers. I think our (super) power is our sensitivity, and our life’s challenge is figuring out how to live in a world that often overlooks kindness, care, and connection. We absolutely experience the human tendencies of ego and narcissism too, we’re not perfect, and we’re hyper-aware of that. So, how do we carry on? I’m not entirely sure. But I believe it starts with being truthful about who we are and what we feel. Your recent admission about the breakup is a powerful truth for you, and I commend you for that.
I wish you all the best, please produce more video's. You help a lot of people.
Heyy, I'm a 24yo guy diagnosed with avpd few days ago..., and weird thing is, I also became a Christian, coming out of a non-believing family. Never did I thought that'd happen lol.., but somehow also made sense weirdly enough, I couldn't be more glad.
It struck me the way you talked about kindness, care and connection, as it is exactly what I tried to find before getting diagnosed, and I have a good feeling I'm close.. I know these things are sensitive to talk about, but I'd absolutely love to share these words and ethical teachings with you..., from Jesus... I left some blank space so you could decide to read further into it, so I may not force you. Whatever you decide, I'll pray for you.
Blessed are the poor in spirit: for their's is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for their's is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.
Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: but I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment.
Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: but I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: but I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.
Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.
Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light. But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!
Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: for every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up: that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.
~ Jesus
Brave, strong, wise and dignified. Wishing you the peace you need, and some moments of joy in the months and years to come.
🥹🫶
I know the future looks daunting but take small steps as you can. I believe in you 🙏❤️
I'm sorry you are going through this. Please know that you have done much to shine light on AVPD and the courage needed to do this in such an insightful way reflects so well on you. I wish you peace and strength.
Thank you 🥹
I can relate to you so much. And I just want to say how thankful and grateful I am that you're willing to get on here and share and be vulnerable and honest and brave. Thank you.
Thank you. It really means a lot. ❤️
Wishing you the very best on this new path of growth, acceptance, patience’s with your self and others, forgiveness where it is needed and grace for yourself ❤️
it's such a coincidence I just decided to move back home too...and what you said about running into people definitely resonates. thanks for sharing your experience, it's helped me a lot with understanding my AvPD
This hits really close to home. I went through a very similar situation a few years back when my partner and I decided to end our 10 year relationship. We ended it together on good terms because we didn’t want to drag it out and soil what we had. In hindsight sometimes I wish it ended ugly because it would’ve been easier for my brain and heart to move it on. My heart is still with her, which is weird because there was so much distance between us the last few years. We weren’t fighting but we were distant and I was oddly comfortable in that. It was that relationship that made me realize I might be an avoidant. I have no interest in starting new relationships. My philosophy has become : everyone benefits when I keep them at arms reach. No one gets hurt and no one gets disappointed. I have no desire or intention to change myself, I believe we are wired how we are wired and instead of trying to change it I choose to live my life within it. I wish you luck wherever your path takes you.
I know exactly what you mean. We didn’t align on certain core values so there were phases of fighting, but mostly it’s just been cold but comfortable distance. I was ok with it for a long time… but we eventually had to accept that it was a waste of both of our time. I have also said a couple times that it would be easier in a way if we weren’t ending on such good terms… it’s very bittersweet.
Im sorry you are going through this but you will bounce back, you got this.❤
I went through nearly the same thing several years ago. My girlfriend of eight years and I agreed to split up, and I moved back in with my parents at 28. My life had been going nowhere. The difference is- I'm 37 now and still living with my parents, alone, and still going nowhere. I know it's unfair of me to ask a fellow AvPDer, but please: don't forget your resolve, allow yourself forgiveness, and let me wish you the best.
I understand. It’s a big risk, but for the last several years, I’ve been profoundly alone (within my relationship) and going nowhere. The alternative of going nowhere with my family does seem like the better option at the moment, even though I hope I’ll be able to pull myself together enough to go somewhere eventually too. 😅
@anxious_and_avoidant Yeah I feel you, I felt the same way actually, though I didn't know that's what it was at the time...I just got stuck after step one 😅 but that doesn't mean it was the wrong step. I still want and hope to take step two.
Sorry you're going through this. But you definitely are looking at all of this with a positive and strong mindset. It's good to hear you are excited about this next step, even if you don't know what the future holds. you're smiling even has you say these things. Yep, things won't feel normal, but no end of an relationship ever does.
I'm sure there will be many instances where you will be triggered, but as you said exposure therapy. You've got this.
I hope you find the fun and beauty of being alone without isolating yourself. Dance around in your living room barely dressed, sing when you feel like singing,... Do whatever you want, heal and grow. ❤
Not fun, I will be praying for you that things go well.
Thank you. Good to hear from you, Oliver.
I really commend you for doing this! I will refrain from giving advice other than this (I have AVPD too and have been a long-time alcoholic) it's okay to reinvent yourself. You don't have to be Maxine with AVPD or whatever. Just be Maxine who might be a bit reserved/distanced or whatever. You might not be that, I don't think I am either. I just think a diagnosis, while helpful in certain situations, can be self-perpetuating.
I do agree honestly. Beyond using it as a way to signal to others here that I struggle with the same things they do, I don’t overly-identify with the label anymore… and I think I have the potential to break out of this pattern eventually. ❤️
I saw this coming a while ago. You’re super incredibly strong to even have ended it. Take one day at a time and practice being present.
Your family who you think you’re burdening, are going to be so glad to spend time with you, as you’ve avoided them for so long.
You’re beautiful and you don’t even know how amazing you are.
Lots of love 💕 I see a great deal of myself in you and we have a very similar story.
Look forward to seeing your future videos x
Yeaaaaah it’s needed to happen for a long time and I’ve definitely struggled to talk about the relationship without dropping hints that it wasn’t going well. 😅
But thank you so much. 🥹 It’s been the scariest thing I’ve ever done honestly, but I think the payoff is going to amazing… even if it takes a couple years to bounce back. ❤️
@@anxious_and_avoidantyes definitely. You have to consider what’s best for your long term happiness and wellbeing. With AVPD, it’s natural for us to cling to whatever feels easiest and most comfortable at the moment, until we suffer so much that we have no choice but to change something. It can feel like life or death at that point. We can use that suffering to propel us forward towards anything else. You will thank yourself in a few months/years ❤ x
Just be careful that taking some time to settle in doesn't turn into a year. Easier said than done though. Best of luck in this challenging time.
I don’t move for another week but have already been applying for jobs. 🙂 Pretty motivated not to live with my parents longer than necessary. Thanks though!
im 39 and live in the midwest with my mom, who was the origin of my avpd.
also i have always been in relationships. until this year. i love being alone......but......i hate FEELING alone
I'm sorry you're going through this! I believe in you!!
You've got this 💪
Best wishes
Hey 👋🏻 I don't follow the discord as much as I'd like to, so this came unexpected. But I understand why you're doing this and I wish you all the best. I believe in you and I'm glad to know you :)
I hope you are well, all the best to you :)
Hi Maxine! I hope you are handling the changes alright a month & a half later
Thank you 🥹 it’s been an adjustment for sure and I’ll film an update after the holidays I think. Mostly things are very good. ❤️🩹
Dang. Good luck.
HELLO, hope that things are going well with you?
I live in chippewa falls wisconsin.
Hi, I relate a lot to your videos .. we seem to have a lot of similar things going on.
This might be a bad time to bring this up considering you're going through major changes in your life. But I would love to get in touch and talk sometime.