Overcoming feelings of failure
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 ต.ค. 2024
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Here’s an example of the exercise: “I am such a failure” -> “I didn’t study for the exam as much as I could have.” Now it’s your turn.
Oh no, I wanted to do the exam one ;)
especially because I am personally affected (failed multiple exams at uni)
I got my results back 2 days ago, thank you for your support, thats what I needed!
I look in the mirror at myself and I say “You’re disgusting and repulsive”
I think a way of turning this shame into guilt is “I didn’t exercise as much self control as I should have”
Thank you for this. Really needed this right now
Instead of beating myself up about how packed my schedule is, and how my education is suffering because of it, I need to forgive myself. it's not because I'm weak, or can't say no. I simply need to learn to prioritize, and take better care of myself.
What about feeling guilty for silly things too often? I feel the "I could have done better" all the time. I'm very self demanding.
"I'm so fat, I should starve myself again" >> "I haven't been taking care of myself properly and I should be more gentle and kind with my body"
Stay strong! 💪
Just loved u r wording. So beautful and human
Elena Guerrero This is actually so close to what came to my mind. I was having a hard time wording the “guilt” sentence. Thank you for this!
Pull yourself together dear you can do it just trust in yourself and love yourself ♥️
This is what I was thinking of myself and I couldn't think of how to switch it. Thank you!
“I’m such a procrastinator” to “ I just need more practice on my time management skills”
I am that too.. And yeah.. I need to stay connected to reality more
Same!
Same
Me too
I need to add myself to this list
"I'm not smart enough" --> "I haven't learned it yet"
"I am not capable of doing this" --> "I haven't even tried and given my best shot yet"
As an intern in a dietetics program, I subconsciously do have thoughts that shame me. While my clinical rotation is tough, I know I'm getting better and learning day by day. I hope to be an RD as wonderful as you Sadia!
i love this so much , your words are so good and gives beautiful vibe
can you help me
i usually call myself " i am so stupid " when i make a mistake
or "i am such a bitch " when i feel bad about something wrong i did !!
That one is so relatable!
@@aimieb Hi Aimie, thanks for your kind words :)
I would turn "I am so stupid" --> "I made a mistake, but I can fix it. What will I do?" This allows me to take responsibility and know that while mistakes are inevitable, I can learn from them and it's not me who's stupid, because we're not.
"I am such a bitch" --> "I know I was behaving selfishly. What am I going to do to make up for it?" When we tell ourselves that we "act" a certain way, we feel less shame because we are just criticizing our actions instead of our character. Actions can be changed and improved on, so we can also change the way we perceive ourselves.
I hope these tips help!
@@avolovo thank you so much
Lovely examples, Karen, thank you for taking the time to share them. And many thanks for the kind words, Karen, it means so much ☺️🙏 Wishing you all the best with your rotations!
"No one likes me" --> "I don't have to please everyone."
Thank you 😊
I want this one on a pillow :P
The right people love me.
My mentality has changed so much since I've started watching your channel that I'm actually having a hard time thinking of an example. Thank you so much for all of the great work you do.
Such an incredible compliment, Marina, so happy to read this :)
me too! thank you so much Sadia!
"i'm so lazy" ------> "i had 8 hours of school today and i deserve some rest."
thank you so, so much for this video, Sadia. 💓
wow the part that surprised me is that people have 8 hours of school i hope you succeed in your school and hobbies
Switching my thinking from “I’m a terrible mother and life partner” to “I need to practice taking a deep breath and thinking before speaking to my family”
That's incredibly honourable, ma'am. I don't have the confidence to face myself in this way, and i don't know why i deny my troubles. Sadia's videos help me tremendously.
Same here ma'am you are not alone! I feel the same way as you all we can do is support each other as mothers. We love our family but we parents are not perfect. Every day is a new start. Have a wonderful day 😊
I can completely relate to this ...😔
Ooooops,
I'm going through the same serious issues n feel like I've failed in my struggle😭
"I'm such a loser" ---> "I just haven't found my path yet"
Thank you for sharing this thought 😊
such an incredible game changer, thank u
@@newyork21741 thank you for ur response. I didnt even remember writing that comment and its so interesting to read now as my life looks so different from 4 years ago. I was a bit anxious and disappointed in myself back then and now I am just so content in how things are. This makes me so happy to realise how life does support you and give you what you need.
"I'll never be smart enough or skilled enough, I'm delusional for thinking I ever could be." ---> "I made a mistake but I have to keep making mistakes to get better, and the more mistakes I make now, the less I'll make later, it just takes time"
Yes! If we really want something, all those "scrapes to our knees" will be worth it, because we will have achieved what we wanted or even more! Growth comes from repeatedly trying something until we master it. My 7 month is practicing standing and shows me this everyday
“I’m incompetent, I can’t ever finish what I started.” -> “I need to practice patience and keep my ‘why’ front and centered to remember why I started and stay motivated. I CAN do this!”
"I should be fluent in this language by now." > "I just need to practice the language, listen to how it's spoken, engage with those who speak the language, and indulge in the culture more often."
Bloombaby99 are you learning german? I feel you
"I am not doing enough, for the world, for my mind, for my body" ---> "I am in the process of finding what works for me"
“I’m so stupid”- “I could have thought through that more”
"I'm an airhead" to "I did not know that"
"I am shy and awkward" to "I feel that with time and exposure, I will be more comfortable"
Those are both really good examples!
The second one is especially beautiful put! 👏🏽
"I am always jealous of others" to " I need to enjoy other's happiness as well"
Your video came at a perfect time for me. I just got accepted at a university for further studies and was immediately plagued with limiting thoughts “I am not good/ smart/ capable enough. I cannot do this on my own”. This video helped me look at things objectively -> “i just have to keep learning and working hard. It may take time but I can do this well.”
I have a question. Can shame and guilt be interchangeable? I feel like I am not kind enough in my interactions with my family members, especially my father. I admit I have difficult experiences and emotions as well. In guilt, I can be pretty critical and sensitive to criticism (direct or backhanded) and yelling which leads me to get defensive and shut down. I wonder if those feelings co-exist or if they are interchangeable and for the choosing of the person in concern.
P.S. I noticed that you posted this comment 4 years ago. How are you doing? I would like to know how your experience was in university and how these feelings played a role? I am curious to learn about your experiences and perception in case you are comfortable sharing them?
P.P.S. How did my reply come across to you?
I am curious to know about that too if you are comfortable.
Failure is NOT the end, it's just the beginning to new and better opportunities! Who agrees? :)
😍
@@veganlunchmom Have a great day!! :)
Thank you:) you too!🙂
@@veganlunchmom Thanks :)
easy to say this! Difficult to even get out of the bed when you are depressed
“I am a horrible listener” ->
“I get distracted easily and I need to practice zoning in on 1 task at a time”
“I was silly doing that” > “I needed this experience”
When the advice comes from the right people in the right way, it has much more effectivness, thank you Sadia, you're such a lovely human being and the honesty in your advices is appreciated and is so sweet too. ❤️❤️❤️
That means so much, thank YOU, Lamyaa ❤
Well said👍
I’m ugly and fat, everyone looks better than me -> everyone is different, im beautiful and I should look after my body
"I'm a lost cause, I'll never change, Whenever I try to fix my flaws, I end up going back to the start or making it worse than it was.. " To "Change is long process that will take as much time as it needs and maybe I haven't found the best way to change yet, I'll keep trying until I succeed, Patience yields focus"
Thank you so much Sadia 💖
Yasmine That is so true
2 years on I just wonder how your doing x I am 68 years young & yes it dose take years ( I found it so difficult) & I really like my self more as I have grown & not been to hard on my self x never give up on yourself x sending love and peace 💕🇬🇧
From “I’m a mess” to: “I am not taking care of myself at the moment, let‘s go do something that makes me happy, take time for myself because I’m worth it”
Thank you so much for sharing ways to think more constructively and for your amazing chanel in general..!
"My home is untidy unorganised and unclean" ------->"I just need to declutter and keep only what sparks joy."
"I am not popular at school "-------->"I have a few friends with whom I am happy with".
She is an ocean of knowledge..... I really adore her
From "I am useless to the people I love, I have no purpose" to "I need to find out how I can contribute and be helpful" . Thank you Sania, for this video. Probably everyone needs all the help they can get. On the journey to cultivating positivity, I think listening to such positive and motivational words constantly is really helpful.
What you said about sharing our mistakes (?) with others reminded me of a friend whom I admire. I've observed her many times laughing at her own mistakes. I remember thinking to myself that that must be so freeing. Sharing your embarrassment or mistakes with friends (whom you expect not to judge you) and being able to laugh at it seems like such an easy solution to move past something which could otherwise create tons of pressure and shame. It gives you the opportunity to distance yourself from the error without denying it. I tried to copy her approach and every time I succeeded I felt much better afterwards :)
"I'm so distracted and tired all the time, I'm so lazy and a horrible partner!" - "I overexhausted myself the last few months and I need to take care of myself and rest so I can reconnect with my loved ones with more energy."
Hi Sadia, me and my wife, we both are a huge fan of your content and presentation. Thank you for spreading so much love around this planet. God bless you :)
I am very moody-> I can’t keep a check on my emotions and I let it control my day irrationally.
I am an unhappy person-> I fail to see happiness in daily things and doesn’t practise gratitude.
Words are so powerful! They can actually hurt you, but also heal you, and the people around you.
I adore Brene Brown! The power of vulnerability is one of the best audiobooks I have ever listened to! I loved this video so much, Sadia! 😘 I will listen to this book again!
Most times I think" I'm not good enough , I'm a failure, I'm finished, my life is messed up" each time I see successful people or people who have achieved or got what I'm longing for or what I strive so hard to get. It's good to share our problems or challenges in life with someone we trust or love. Thanks for the video.
“I’m lazy” = maybe I’m just tired, maybe I need to sleep earlier through the night and be more active in the day
"I'm such a loser" ---> "I just haven't found my path yet" this line. This is really nice that we can feel better about ourselves when we just change the words, but that does not change the fact if there are any.
Your posts are so perfect timing! I was honestly just feeling down lately. Thank you for the post !
"It's not us who is flawed but our behaviour is" what a profound thought, imbibing this in our lives will not just make our lives easier but also that of others whom we constantly judge and attach labels
This came out at right moment in my life. I cant explain, how shocked I am. This has been such a great help n inspiration. Thankyou.
the best part about your videos is you impart meaningful knowledge that subtly shifts the viewer's mindset while not sounding preachy or subjective.
"I'm such a bad friend. I just can't keep in touch with anybody." - > "I should answer my friends right away when they text me."
By far the most relatable one I've read so far.
Being vulnerable really does work. It was the only way I began to share what caused my feelings of shame, and therefore could talk out and notice that it was my behavior that was not the best. I could then change and do things in a better manner
Damn. Thanks for separating the two Sadia, once failures strike you feel both guilt and shame and can't tell apart which is which, which is so so damaging to our mental, emotional and overall psychological health. I needed to hear this today since I've being going through something similar in my own life atm. Thank you so much for these videos Sadia🤗💗 Keep them coming, Love from India💞💖
Thank you for this video, Sadia. I am in graduate school, and even though I have read some of Brené Brown's books and am familiar with the distinction between shame and guilt, I hadn't considered that I have a lot of shame around my performance as a grad student. I've been struggling with negative self talk for a while now ("You're not good/smart/creative enough to be here. You can't do this. You're not trying hard enough."), and this was a good reminder to try to re-frame some of those thoughts ("#1 Grad school is REALLY hard--they make it that way! It's okay that you don't know how to do everything. #2 I'm consistently getting distracted; try to create an environment that is easier for you to focus throughout the day.").
"I am so lazy"
"I haven't been practicing, but I can start now!"
I think the reason your videos are inspiring, no matter the theme, is that you are beautiful in a sense of class. And everything, the calmness, the music, the colours, the makeup, the clothes, the calm talking, the places/decors in your video are giving out a simplicity but as I said in a classy way. This gives out a modest kind of personality who at the same time appreciates and pumpers yourself. That makes me want to be that.
I've never been this early, this video is just what i needed. Will you be uploading more vlogs,, I find them very inspiring.
I just found your TH-cam channel. It is amazing . Your shame video is really eye opening for me ...because I honestly hate myself ...I have no reason to but I just do. This is helping me realize the distinction between the two; shame and guilt.
Thank you
"I'm not good enough!" -> "I just need more practice"
Since i am a perfectionist person, i'd love everything works under my control. It makes me freaks out whenever it goes out of control. I criticize myself a lot. Then i almost fall into burnt out. Moreover, i am so lucky to see your video today. It talks about the power of the vulnerability. You save me !!! Thank you so much
My biggest shame is compulsive overeating.... Please do a video on this topic Sadia:) thank u
She already did. It's entitled binge eating
I’m a lawyer and usually I feel ashamed for not being able to keep up with the intense work rithm. I was so depressed...
after I saw your video I decided to share with my husband my worries and he gave me some ideas and helped me calm down. Thank you so much for your video.
"Oh goodness! I am such a procrastinator!" --> "I am getting distracted...so, need to become mindful and focused...and get back feeling calmer."
BTW, great video Sadia! A lovely thing about your videos is the growth-oriented books that you recommend through them. It makes inculcating new habits so easy, so joyous...
At 12 midnight with examinations coming up, I devoured some heavy instant noodles while watching in netflix for hours. Both not good for my health and my studies. Feeling ashamed and guilty of what I did, I tried searching youtube for some self help. Thankfully, I stumbled back into this channel.
This video was right on point. I should focus more on guilt rather than shame; on changing the behavior rather than self punishment.
Thank you Sadia.
Hi, Sadia! I always love your inspirational videos. You really have a knack for making difficult topics feel "less scary" to confront.I had no idea about the difference between shame and guilt. I feel thankful that my faith helps me to realize and remember that we are made perfect and worthy in His image, though I do sometimes tend to focus on the things I "haven't achieved" as opposed to the things I've accomplished, which can make me feel like I'm failing. Thank you for giving such great insight into how we can empathize with one another and help one another through these tough feelings. XO!!!
You are the person who speaks only sense. And aweeeee! You two 🥰
"I'm not disciplined enough" --> "I didn't do as much as I could have today"
Thank you for this video
I've been a big fan of Brene' Brown for quite some time. I first saw her on a TedX video and have since listened to everything I can find from her. Thanks so much for adding pearls of wisdom to my life. I don't suffer from what was mentioned here today but my wife does so I will try to help her. I share you with so many people because I know your subject matter and advice is meaningful. Lovin' you more every time I'm blessed to be in your company through PUL.
“I don’t know enough to do well in my final class.” -> “I have the resources and help that I need to be successful and finish strong.” Thank you for this video. I’ve been feeling extra anxious and like a failure because I’m in my final semester for my degree and taking five classes and in the midst of moving. So I’m feeling like I won’t do well in these final classes, and I won’t graduate with the GPA I’ve worked hard for.
With this mentality and putting in the work, you'll do so well with this class, Libby - wishing you all the best with it!
Right words in the right time, thank you very much Sadia!
"I even don't know how to do this simple things properly" -> "I need to find out what is the proper way to do it"
"I don't know how to explain my thoughts" -> "I will try my best to help them understand what I mean"
Everything was you said in this video is completely true! Thank you dear Sadia for your wonderful videos ❤️
This is such an important topic! The distinction between person and action helps me to be more compassionate, less judgemental and overall to appreciate people more.
One example is with non-vegans, we often feel like they're immoral, we call them names, sometimes even murderers, and it's soo alienating. When we step back - judge the action, not the person - it makes it so much better.
"I'm a total mess and I ruined my love life breaking up with my boyfriend" -> "We both needed time for ourselves to grow into better people, I just had the courage to admit that we had a problem"
You're like a sibling we all needed and didn't have 💛
Seven years ago, I replaced “You’re worthless,” with: “I love you ” every time I was embarrassed, or humiliated, or ashamed. I have been made to feel great shame by other people, and it almost destroyed my life. Try this method - it really works!
And remember, the enemy has three plays:
1. He tells lies: about you, others, and possibly your situation in life.
2. He overwhelms you with guilt and shame.
3. He steals your identity.
This is so touching! I will definatly be using this!
A really close friend of mine linked this video to me last night knowing that it could really help me and I love him so much for it. This video and all of these comments have helped me more than I've ever thought possible. Everyday is a new beginning and its comforting knowing that that fire in me hasn't gone out. Here's to never giving up on yourself and living your BEST DAMN LIFE.
Thank you for making our lives better Sadia!
Oof..I just moved to France from the US this week, and I've been making A LOT of mistakes. From getting on the wrong train to losing my debit card, I've been having a hard time shutting out the negative self-talk. This video came at just the right moment for me. Thank you, Sadia.
"I'm irresponsible" -> "I can learn to prioritize better"
One example that I turned around was instead of saying I am so unmotivated I am never going to be come disciplined enough to get healthy. Now I say I am not there yet but I am not where I was. This has helped to look at myself in a positive way. Thank you for sharing this video.
This is so powerful! Thank you❤️
I love how you make us feel like you live in the jungle... live your style and branding 😍😁
I want to thank you for making this video, because it had a deep impact on me and was just what I needed. My shame often comes from not being the kindest person ever, even little things like I accidentally didn’t hold a door or I said something kinda a little bit mean because I had a headache or something going on. I need to switch it to “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you” or “let me rephrase what I said, I’m not feeling well and my mind is running a bit behind”.
"I am worthless" - "I should go out more to help the environment or people and communities in need"
I really love when you make these videos. You talk with such grace and peace, it makes hearing difficult things easier lol. My example is when I say, 'I'm such a bad mom, I'm not patient enough', to maybe 'patience is something I need to push to the front of my mind actively'.
I’m such a selfish person/ I didn’t take into account the feelings of others and I could have acted intelligently.
That felt like one less burden 😪
What's interesting is that you probably would have said that to a loved one about themselves had they made the statement about being "a selfish person'. I always try to remember what I would tell someone I loved about some mistake they made or an undesired outcome and apply it towards myself as well. It's unrealistic to be perfect in everything we do or try to do.
Recently a friend casually said during a conversation 'we are the only friends you have here?' And that has really messed up my confidence, made me feel guilty, even shameful about not trying harder and going out more. Truth is, I like being by myself sometimes, and I'm happy with a few handful of reliable people; quality over quantity. After watching this video, I feel so relieved because now I will be guilting myself the 'right way' and not feel pressured. Thank you for being such a beautiful light for everyone :)
'I'm not likeable' --> 'It takes time to build connections. I need to make as many opportunities for myself to socialise and build relationships'
'I am worthless' to 'I deserve to be happy', 'I don' t deserve that situation which makes me sad and in pain, I will work on growing better and being more confident' 💪💪💪
"I am not doing enough to achieve my goal" --> "I am recovering from an illness and it is okay. Health comes first. Once I feel better, I can work towards achieving my goal with zeal again"
i am always considering my unbalanced in every situation -> I need to be calmer and compose, Observe and then react.
Thanks for this transformation.
Your videos are so well made and so healthy, I love every single one of them. A huge Thank you to you, Sadia. It would be cool if you made a video with a list of your favorite audiobooks. I started listen to audiobooks after I first heard of Audible, in yours and Boho beautiful's videos.
I come back to your channel every time I need a pick me up. Literally, cannot get the same calming and encouraging feeling anywhere else. I'm thankful for your content and your channel. I really appreciate your work, knowledge, and soul.
It's 3:42 am. Well I needed it. Thank you.
@nitish kumar yes
I learnt a lot from this video, never really saw the distinction between shame and guilt. I always think I was guilty but never realised I was more ashamed instead. I started working on myself from last year but this point was almost where I was getting stuck. After having a great productive month but then I just got more and more sad and lazy the next week after that. And I kept thinking what I was doing wrong. And this was it. I was shaming myself to get productive but it only worked till like a month. I never really realised I was doing this all along when I watched this video I realised i especially realised I am shaming myself too much when I feel blue and I didn't talk to anyone.
Thanks Sadia! Will definetely read this book.
“I never learn I keep doing the same things over and over again “ I haven’t learned to change that yet
I that regret was the enemy 😅
U have become such an important part of our lives and honestly at this point I so badly needed someone to tell me all that you told through this video. I was reluctant to make change giving excuse of being imperfect and started feeling shame and toxicity. But now that i have changed the perspective and looking at it as my behaviours and not me.. it is helping a lot in getting an inner conviction for making an effort to change. Thanks Sadia.. lots of love ❤
Sadia, it is my first comment. Watching your videos is such pleasure for me that I can't explain u sweetie. Thank you for coming in my life through TH-cam 😊😊
Suffering from self-loathing for a long time you just teach me how to love myself. Thank you for everything :-)
"I'm so stupid why do I always mess up everything!" >> "It's okay to make mistakes I just have to learn from them."
Namaste 🙏🏿. 😊. The shame and guilt (manipulative behavior) was taught as a young child for me and followed me through my adult life. Some of us may be able to relate to verbal abuse from the ones that are closest to you. I started to believe those statements growing up and made a vow to myself never to say those things to my children. I am always practicing words of Life. I am starting at home with my children and grandchildren and for all people that may cross my path, if the opportunity presents itself. I have listened Berne Brown’s audible book a while ago and didn’t know it was difference between guilt and shame, because they both seem to hurt. The book was enlightening and received. I shared it with my family.
I would’ve shared triggers, but it was so many that I choose not travel back to retrieve them because they have been forgiven.
Your video is Great! Thank you sharing the power of healing.
I've been struggling with "I"m not doing enough work towards my passions." The truth is "I'm working 60 hour work weeks, so I can save money to go back to school; it's okay to have downtime. I am enough."
Broken, like we don’t belong, and unworthy of love.... Right there you summed up the experience of so many people. Bless you Satiya. 💕
Example: why do i suck so much at making videos! Or: I am striving to improve my content with each new video and these improvements may be slow but steady. Even my videos CAN reach others and make a difference for the better in the world. 💕💕xo
"I can't do it" -> "I haven't exposed myself to enough learning experience to feel secure doing it"
I mess up all of my relationships -> I haven’t done a good job at communicating and should speak up more.
I suck at remembering things -> I’ve been dealing with so much at once and not taking care of myself has lead to a distracted mind.
This comments section made me cry. Thank you so much for a great video.
You just gave me my next book! Thanks so much ☺
I can't be vulnerable in front of anyone. I have been betrayed many times as a kid and now I don't trust people to be vulnerable with. I have been ashamed to follow my dreams because I have convinced myself I'm not worthy of being on this earth.
I really appreciate this video because it really put into perspective the difference between shame and guilt. Maybe, I can use this new info to help me get out of this situation I'm in. I'm still not going to be vulnerable in front of anyone yet - because I'm really all alone in this world. But I hope I can meet people and trust them enough to be vulnerable one day.
"I'm a crazy person" to "I tend to act crazy at times".
Thanks Sadia, this video couldn't have come at a better time.
Changing from I'm a failure to just because I failed in a situation doesn't make me a failure, I'm now wiser because I failed
Sadia ❤️ You are just amazing in whatever you are doing.. Keep Inspiring the World You beautiful Soul❤️ Love you and will Continue to love you Forever❤️❤️❤️
I used to know a teacher who had a knack for eliciting shame, rather than guilt. It took me a few years to put my finger on exactly how she managed to upset kids more than most other teachers. The humanistic approach to psychology includes this distinction by asserting that caregivers should dirties children's actions, not children themselves.