I just have to say, your statement on compassion and empathy was POWERFUL. He’s a human, and through the experiences of his life, he behaves from the formation of childhood. If I could speak to the therapist I would speak on how sad and unfortunate it is that he is unable to bear imperfections of life. Focus on that empathy and not on his inability to take responsibility. Really big! ALSO IF YOURE READING THIS: Please do LONGER videos! I loved the 1 hour one, so informative. Also would love for you to try Season 2 of Couples Therapy
I agree!! Not only did I watch the whole show first before finding this (perhaps a mistake because I have questions based on info not included in THESE videos 😅) but I specifically found this based on a YT search for 'Commentary on Showtimes Couples Therapy' 🤦🏼♀️ Now that I'm two episodes, nearly three into THIS series, I am so eager to follow the rest of the show, this way! I am learning a lot and even have been able to apply the information in my life, married 25 -together 28, two adult children. One is completely out of the house the other is a college student who only "lives" here about 4½ months out of the year. So we are "new" empty nesters and redefining our relationship parameters, under the new circumstances. 🙄 Being reminded to be empathetic and sometimes objective in comprehending our spouses and their behaviors 😉
I love that the therapist goes to another therapist and says she is struggling with that guy. That she has an issue with how he is and she knows it's not okay.
The husband wants sex daily but doesn’t care for his wife’s needs or feelings whatsoever. He’s used to getting his way by being arrogant and demanding. The wife is so understanding towards him and so willing to compromise, but he won’t reciprocate that one bit.
@@peterjones9087 Oh my goodness...I just can't with this husband. How did they date? How did she not see this before marrying him? How?? He is so so disrespectful.
Lillith Sternin Sometimes these types of guys treat you differently when you're dating. They like the novelty of it all then once they're close enough to you that they have to relate to who you are as a person rather than the idea of you, they get bored and mean.
Dr. Honda, do you think your approach with this couple would be different in part because you are a man? i.e. how do you teach men and women trainees differently to approach these sort of situations where there is an element of sexism?
@@therabbithat it wasn’t implied that women are less competent.. she asked if there would be a difference in training and/or handling the situation between a male or female therapist. I take annual training that is specifically designed for women in management because sometimes there are differences in processing, perception, etc.
I know this was an old question but in case someone is reading this now… Dr. Honda’s approach is the norm. Everyone is trained this way when it comes to assessing and confronting a guy like Mau (or anyone else for that matter). You must consider what the person isn’t saying alongside hearing what they do say in order to gradually work through challenges like these. And while men are more likely to have certain barriers, women are capable of having the same barriers, so that’s why gender-based training should not be a thing. That said, if working within a specific population, certain things should be more easily identified. However, less common factors should be revisited to ensure they are not forgotten. While adults will generally be aware of what is occurring in a therapy session, it nevertheless remains effective to utilize valuable reinforcers to encourage appropriate behavior (i.e., targeted behavior). As time passes, these reinforcers can be thinned out and eventually eliminated as natural reinforcement takes their place.
I am in school for counselling and this reaction series is LIFE. I learn so much from your reactions to this show. Thank you Dr. Kirk Honda!! Please do more!
Say more please about the dynamic of the person who is the opposite of this guy who unconsciously acts in ways or chooses people who will act toward them in ways that are dominating.
The therapist mentions this husband does trigger her countertransference pretty strongly and she's worried about pushing him more for the wife's sake but is concerned he'll quit if she does. I think she's identifying with the wife in their interactions and wants to save her.
Understandable to me... I think he's incredibly abusive. My fave waa Dr H going "He's not being a Psychopath in that momemt..." I was like, Exactly. But in most moments I think he Is lol
He doesn't think it should have hurt her. He justified his actions as not wrong and her as overreactive or needing help. He is not open to empathizing and trying to understand how it might make someone feel badly... because he doesn't want to take responsibility, look wrong or feel bad. He is rejecting her experience and reality as a valid reason to feel badly.
Because he doesn't want to empathize with her. For whatever reason, it's probably not because he's "evil", but I'm guessing he would be very hurt if he fully realized that he's hurting her. So he'd rather not engage with that, consciously or subconscious
@@namuseraici I think it would hurt his self image and how others view him. . . And also, if he is responsible, he would need to be accountable. . . And that means having to make change. . . Like Dr Kirk says he likely has an issue with being wrong... Or admitting he is wrong.
It’s my understanding from Domestic Violence literature that if a relationship has a history of emotional or verbal abuse that couples counseling is not recommended. Individual counseling is recommended.
I read the same but related to physical violence. I think abuse is a spectrum, like if you've ever been rude with your partner because you've had a bad day, that's verbal abuse. I can't imagine a person never verbally abusing anyone ever (even passive aggressiveness could count as abuse).
I looove when you get into talking about the goals of therapy and how we can have more productive conversations with people-that hammering them isn’t likely to get us to the best place. It’s fun to think about in regards to therapy, but also everyday life. I also love hearing about the supervisor/supervisee relationship.
I feel like "couples therapy" might be meant as a possessive and should be "couple's therapy", I always saw it as like an adventure for couple's lol therapy is the adventure but it's the couple's adventure. Like, since it's a group effort it seems more adventure-y.
With toddlers, we call that “labeling emotions” or “reflecting back emotions”. Example: “You want to watch cartoons, you love cartoons! I wish we could watch TV all day, but we need to eat lunch.” It’s my #1 tool to avoid tantrums.
This is one of my favourite shows, so I'm glad your continuing to react to it! Watching this couple in particular interact was one of the most triggering for me personally (across both seasons). So I'm really intrigued by your point of view on this. I think Orna (the therapist) is always SO compassionate & PATIENT. I really felt for her when dealing with this couple... he is such a tough nut to crack, and I could sense her counter transference towards the end with all the constant push back from him :(
And deep down his sexual need is his emotional need, I think Dr H mentioned that before, that it's a safe place for a macho macho man to be vulnerable and intimate, so...
He feels entitled to.do.whatever he wants whenever he wants and he'll sit around rationalizing, blaming most importantly bullying if anyone challenges him blah blah blah I wouldn't last 1 conversation with him, the wife clearly has self esteem issues. 100 he's the worst "pseudo-intellectual" ugh
I'm really enjoying your analysis of this show. More content, pretty please! It's SO reassuring to know even talented, experienced therapists lose their crap now and then 🙌
I found the book 'Never Split the Difference' by Chris Voss , insanely helpful when helping validating people's feelings. The books about how to negotiate effectively, but it doubles as a good guide for de-escalation tactics (Not Sponsored btw lol)
Orna admitted that she has to ram through these sessions because she only has 8 months to help these couples per season. So I think that's why she pushed so hard at Mau.
It's interesting- I find that I have poor reactivity to the example of positive encouragement you gave because it sounded like a sarcastic slight to me. I almost preferred "I hate it when you are late" to "I love it when you are on time" because I feel like one isn't kind of condescending or deceptive. Not sure what that means but find it curious.
I feel like the husbands doesn't understand that intention is not always what matters most in communication. He says he understands that she thinks he's being dismissive but it wasn't his intention so it's not actually true and not a problem.
I'm so happy to see another reaction to this show! But regarding the customer service behavior, after years of experience in that field I can guarantee you that a customer would bite my head off if I'd start repeating what they just said. I know this skill is very useful in talking to people in general (my pastor does that and it feels wonderful) but a pissed customer would ask me what's wrong with me for that kind of style of conversation. Usually you have to validate the frustration and be very solution oriented so you can focus on ending the conflict instead of going in circles. Also it's not only about skills, often you have strict procedures to follow too.
Yeah, I don't think repeating back what a person is saying works in extreme emotional situations, including irate customers. In those moments people want empathy, not understanding.
This was excellent. I can see a difference when you watch the clips and you have an impassioned delivery when you give us your opinion. I’d like to go into the field so I’m eating this up!
this guy is so triggering for me. its not even a particular person he reminds me of, but a composite of a lifetime of domineering, intimidating men who won't let you get a word in edgewise and regularly try to make people feel small. probably my least favorite personality type lol. "pseudo-intellectual" is correct. I can't imagine being a therapist and engaging with this dude in the most effective way...he makes me grit my teeth
@@slinkygay862 doing well thanks. I think Honda makes some good points but most of it seems kinda silly and reactionary, perhaps his being triggered neuters his insight, I think he suggests as much. Can't blame him entirely for his misunderstanding, the editing of the show does promote a false narrative that seems to deeply resonate with his preexisting bias he expressed. Could be interesting to see a reaction to the actual content of the interaction v what was curated for effect here.
@@taoofmau7316 ewww are you really that guy?? Why are you here reading these comments?? That cant be good for you. Also, do you even know what "reactionary" means?????
@@miaumiau679 Not sure about the "ewww" part but yes I am the guy in the show. Reading the comments because I had a follow up conversation with Orna about the reactions from random people on the internet and I find in curious the level upset people have with someone they don't know and never met. The comments don't bother me, rather representative of certain type of personality. I'm guessing self-awareness is not strong in the complainer class. Yes I know that reactionary means, I used it as it was meant. Anything else?
Husband doesn't want to admit that wife has something he badly wants, but that she is in charge of whether she'll give it to him or not. He probably would prefer it if it was her duty by contract to give him what he wants. He perhaps unconsciously has an old-fashioned marriage-contract in mind - like supposing: he has bought her from her father and now she is his possession and slave. He cannot negotiate that she is her own as much as he is his own, and that he has not bought her, and she has no duty to provide him with sex when he wants it. She is in the position to deny him sex, to say no - and which part of "no" is so difficult to understand? His whole world has crumbled in its foundations. Let's assume he had a very dominating father, let's assume all his mates talk BS like: never let a woman see your weakness, your dependency, just be the alpha-male, never cry, never beg, never give in - just leave her if you are not satisfied with her! I guess he is full of selfpity deep down and very fragile. He will not gain much from therapy, and then she will not either, if therapy is not an extremely safe place for HIM. It will interesting to see if the therapist can provide that for him, with the wife's consent and collaboration.
My interpretation of the therapist insisting about the being dismissive part is that maybe she thought he kinda admitted it because when the wife was looking for a word to describe her experience he was the one who said it. So she might interpretated it like a form of admitting that he is....I can see that because I have this tendency too. If someone knows what I am trying to say I believe that person is already kinda agreeing with me...is it just me? 🤷♀️
That's a big assumption. He may have offered the word "dismissive" because he may have heard that this kind of behavior is labelled "dismissive" by others. That doesn't necessarily mean that he recognizes that he is; it's most likely the exact opposite.
@@ErebosGR I don't say it is a fact, I just say that at least this is what I tend to believe when it happens to me. Of course you can be right and he just filled in what he has been told to be before. I was just making thr comment that maybe it was the same for the therapist and thst is why she reacted the way she did.
I am really liking these reactions! It is also so interesting how we can all hear something different- when the supervisor responded at the end I felt it was less 'he is going to have to accept' and more 'who else will help him but you?' that she was perhaps introducing subtly the idea of the therapist needing to feel that empathy/desire to help him in order to be able to do the work or even redirecting her towards being helpful as being the main goal as you keep mentioning, thanks Dr Honda :)
I always thought it was couples' therapy, possessive not plural. But now that you mention it I don't think I ever saw it with an apostrophe and it doesn't make sense. 🤯😂
Also I feel like I’m watching a Ted Talk on 2X speed watching these… a therapist commenting on a therapy session.. AND IT’S AMAZING! I’m clearly late to this game but I’ve been binging these videos and have to say your ability to communicate so precisely AND succinctly is astonishing… I hope I absorb some via the osmosis of video watching 😂
I love this show and I love your reaction. I think there was an episode that Anne says that he goes to therapy for only a couple sessions, it was my impression that she was trying to get somewhere in the least amount of time.
I understand “siding” makes one patient feel badly or even disengage, but when I was in couple therapy that impartiality really fed into my now ex’s abusive behavior. He also saw our therapist as siding with me, even though I was always frustrated with her impartiality. When I watched this show, I wished she had been out therapist. I really enjoyed this show overall, and found it really helpful to see the therapists thoughts and conversations with her advisor. As a mental health patient, I am finding therapy to be extremely unhelpful. It seems therapists seek to minimize nearly all emotional and physical issues and boil it down to just reacting, thinking, and feeling less. One example is the housewives with Crystal and Sutton. You comment on how Crystal isn’t wrong but should kowtow to Sutton and reword what she says to just make a false peace. Even though their issues stem from Sutton reacting poorly to a conversation that had to do with race.
It's interesting that you interpreted her "advisor"'s comment that way. I heard it as her saying that he wasn't going to get beyond it unless ORNA changed what she was doing in the treatment and how she was reacting towards him. Either way, a rather vague and elusive comment to make for sure!
@@fortyyearfitness if he had heard it 5000 times and hasn't reflected on it once - I'd just divorce him. She really thinks she has to put up with his shit, while in reality he has to start taking responsibility for himself and it's none of her business.
Listen Pal! 😂😂😂💀💀 The husband is so smug.. each time you pause the video on him. He reminds me of a typical narcissist. I did nothing wrong. I gotta keep the perfection on the surface so nobody can see thru me. Also he is dismissing the therapist which is why she is siding with the wife. Just my personal opinion
@Psychology In Seattle - Suggestion: I'm currently watching a thriller movie called 'The Drowning'. The protagonist is a psychologist and it could make for a fun review. I feel like so many ethical boundaries are being crossed, both by the therapist and patient (hence the plot), but it could be interesting to discuss.
I don’t appreciate how Dr usually frames his feedback as “right vs wrong” way to do things when every therapist is unique. Starting from the theoretical background, Dr H and Dr G will not be doing things the same way. Dr G is a master therapist acknowledged by many therapists who have watched the show.
Is there any data on individual therapy for each party compared to having them in the same room together? It seems it would be easier to give therapy to both of them alone. Because then they would be forced to take responsibility for their behavior instead of just sitting there and blaming the other person for everything. Plus, there would be less counter-transference and other issues?
Pseudo-intellectual is spot on, in my opinion. I love these videos! Every video I’ve watched had been so interesting and engaging. I just discovered Psychology In Seattle recently and I have been binging!
It's weird, she's clearly psychoanalytic yet the consult is like "he said this he said that he said this he said that", which has got nothing to do with anything, when clearly she is totally embroiled in counter-transference and isn't acting as a therapist from a psychoanalytic perspective i'd be expecting them to really be focusing on the therapists feelings.. imagining the guy in the room, what is she feeling... free associate etc. to try and separate her own stuff out first and THEN figure out why is he acting this way that gets everyone's back up.... but first she's gotta stop letting it work so much on her... "work" makes it sound like it's intentional, it isn't, but for lack of a better word it is really working on her
@@TheYoli182 it’s a British TH-cam show where there are 2 couples going to couples therapy. It similar to this show but the two couples I find very interesting the channel it’s on is called “black central”!
It's a great illustration the way that relationships play out with a narcissist. Look at us, you as a commentator and us as followers, are sucked in by his manipulative needs. Consumed trying to understand HIS needs and dynamics. This is couples therapy and yet we spend so much energy tip-toeing around this one man's weaponized narcissistic indignance and fragility. Here we are likely replaying every relationship he has had (most likely). What does he want in therapy? What is he doing there? Why keep trying as a therapist? WHO are we trying to be helpful to when one person of the couple takes up all the time and energy? Is he just there to complain and masturbate while being witnessed by a therapist? To me this feels like a power play. Yes, we are there to help people, but what about the wife? (And...would be interesting to know what SHE is doing in this dismissive, arrogant relationship for so long)
Nice! For anyone that has watched this show, are the people in it real people (not acting)? It looks super interesting to me and I wanna check it out but i haven't heard about it before :-)
I’ve been through about a half dozen or so therapists in my life- maybe more- but none of them have been as perceptive, or as eloquent as you. That is not to discredit them but to point out that not all therapists are created equal.
If there are two roads... Why is the way you wouldn't take... closer to bad? And why is "Do you think you do that?" -- your way -- less accusatory than - "do you recognize this behavior?" Also isn't the fact that he finishing her sentence part of the reasoning to ask him if he recognizes the behavior?
I just have to say, your statement on compassion and empathy was POWERFUL. He’s a human, and through the experiences of his life, he behaves from the formation of childhood.
If I could speak to the therapist I would speak on how sad and unfortunate it is that he is unable to bear imperfections of life. Focus on that empathy and not on his inability to take responsibility. Really big!
ALSO IF YOURE READING THIS: Please do LONGER videos! I loved the 1 hour one, so informative. Also would love for you to try Season 2 of Couples Therapy
Yes Please!! Learning so much from this series. Would love more content with this dynamic.
I agree!! Not only did I watch the whole show first before finding this (perhaps a mistake because I have questions based on info not included in THESE videos 😅) but I specifically found this based on a YT search for 'Commentary on Showtimes Couples Therapy' 🤦🏼♀️
Now that I'm two episodes, nearly three into THIS series, I am so eager to follow the rest of the show, this way! I am learning a lot and even have been able to apply the information in my life, married 25 -together 28, two adult children. One is completely out of the house the other is a college student who only "lives" here about 4½ months out of the year. So we are "new" empty nesters and redefining our relationship parameters, under the new circumstances. 🙄 Being reminded to be empathetic and sometimes objective in comprehending our spouses and their behaviors 😉
yes, but guys like that should stay single.
"Focus on that empathy and not on his inability to take responsibility" I disagree, this seems to be incredibly enabling of bad behaviour
this might be my favourite series on this channel right now :)
Me too!
It hurts so much to watch it but it´s so interesting!
I agree!!
I love that the therapist goes to another therapist and says she is struggling with that guy. That she has an issue with how he is and she knows it's not okay.
Yes that is called supervision! Great she is being ethical and seeking help instead of letting countertransference get in the way
The husband wants sex daily but doesn’t care for his wife’s needs or feelings whatsoever. He’s used to getting his way by being arrogant and demanding.
The wife is so understanding towards him and so willing to compromise, but he won’t reciprocate that one bit.
I actually hate this husband. Truly awful awful guy. Divorce him please. So painful watching him.
@@peterjones9087 honestly.. seems like the best solution. His behaviour towards his wife and the therapist is so off putting.
@@peterjones9087 Oh my goodness...I just can't with this husband. How did they date? How did she not see this before marrying him? How?? He is so so disrespectful.
Lillith Sternin Sometimes these types of guys treat you differently when you're dating. They like the novelty of it all then once they're close enough to you that they have to relate to who you are as a person rather than the idea of you, they get bored and mean.
Codependent and narcissist.
PLS REVIEW THIS SHOW MORE KIRK!!!!!
Dr. Honda, do you think your approach with this couple would be different in part because you are a man? i.e. how do you teach men and women trainees differently to approach these sort of situations where there is an element of sexism?
That´s a really interesting question and I´d love to see a segment on it.
I was thinking the same thing, Colleen!
men can allow themselves to be overcome by counter-transference and stop doing their job too, women aren't less competent as therapists!
@@therabbithat it wasn’t implied that women are less competent.. she asked if there would be a difference in training and/or handling the situation between a male or female therapist. I take annual training that is specifically designed for women in management because sometimes there are differences in processing, perception, etc.
I know this was an old question but in case someone is reading this now…
Dr. Honda’s approach is the norm. Everyone is trained this way when it comes to assessing and confronting a guy like Mau (or anyone else for that matter). You must consider what the person isn’t saying alongside hearing what they do say in order to gradually work through challenges like these. And while men are more likely to have certain barriers, women are capable of having the same barriers, so that’s why gender-based training should not be a thing. That said, if working within a specific population, certain things should be more easily identified. However, less common factors should be revisited to ensure they are not forgotten.
While adults will generally be aware of what is occurring in a therapy session, it nevertheless remains effective to utilize valuable reinforcers to encourage appropriate behavior (i.e., targeted behavior). As time passes, these reinforcers can be thinned out and eventually eliminated as natural reinforcement takes their place.
I am in school for counselling and this reaction series is LIFE. I learn so much from your reactions to this show. Thank you Dr. Kirk Honda!! Please do more!
"It's like a plumber watching a plumber" -- or in kirkese, a plumb person watching a plumb person 😁
kirkese 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I love it!
😂
the thing is is that it's like a plumbing person watching a plumbing person
A person who plumbs 😆
Dr. Honda, we all truly appreciate these videos and all that you do. So thank you.
Really enjoying this show
Say more please about the dynamic of the person who is the opposite of this guy who unconsciously acts in ways or chooses people who will act toward them in ways that are dominating.
The therapist mentions this husband does trigger her countertransference pretty strongly and she's worried about pushing him more for the wife's sake but is concerned he'll quit if she does. I think she's identifying with the wife in their interactions and wants to save her.
Interesting, do you have a source? Did she get interviewed or something?
@@kinesin8221 it's in a later episode when she talks to her therapist.
Understandable to me... I think he's incredibly abusive. My fave waa Dr H going "He's not being a Psychopath in that momemt..." I was like, Exactly. But in most moments I think he Is lol
You're making my doordash shift go by better thank you for posting!
I'm always thankful for dinner at my doorstep. I'm glad your shift got better.
Ha literally watching this while doordashing right now.
Again, thank you for covering this show. Love, love, love it!
When the wife explains what hurts her, the husband’s response is: “that’s a terrible example” 13:15
Does anyone know why he says this?
he probably feels attacked
He doesn't think it should have hurt her. He justified his actions as not wrong and her as overreactive or needing help. He is not open to empathizing and trying to understand how it might make someone feel badly... because he doesn't want to take responsibility, look wrong or feel bad. He is rejecting her experience and reality as a valid reason to feel badly.
If he can negate specific examples she comes up with he´ll probably feel like he´s "proven" that she´s wrong in general.
Because he doesn't want to empathize with her. For whatever reason, it's probably not because he's "evil", but I'm guessing he would be very hurt if he fully realized that he's hurting her. So he'd rather not engage with that, consciously or subconscious
@@namuseraici I think it would hurt his self image and how others view him. . . And also, if he is responsible, he would need to be accountable. . . And that means having to make change. . . Like Dr Kirk says he likely has an issue with being wrong... Or admitting he is wrong.
It’s my understanding from Domestic Violence literature that if a relationship has a history of emotional or verbal abuse that couples counseling is not recommended. Individual counseling is recommended.
Even better would be a dual modality where there is both individual and couples therapy. It’s gaining traction lately
I read the same but related to physical violence. I think abuse is a spectrum, like if you've ever been rude with your partner because you've had a bad day, that's verbal abuse. I can't imagine a person never verbally abusing anyone ever (even passive aggressiveness could count as abuse).
@@seungjukim8202 Nah. That's a third person for the abuser to use for their own gain.
Thank you! I loved this show, I’m glad you are following it!
I looove when you get into talking about the goals of therapy and how we can have more productive conversations with people-that hammering them isn’t likely to get us to the best place. It’s fun to think about in regards to therapy, but also everyday life. I also love hearing about the supervisor/supervisee relationship.
I feel like "couples therapy" might be meant as a possessive and should be "couple's therapy", I always saw it as like an adventure for couple's lol therapy is the adventure but it's the couple's adventure. Like, since it's a group effort it seems more adventure-y.
Also, shouldn't it be "couples' therapy" with an apostrophe to mark the plural possessive form? 🤔 I just never see it written like this.
Maybe It depends on if it's multiple couples or just one.
With toddlers, we call that “labeling emotions” or “reflecting back emotions”. Example: “You want to watch cartoons, you love cartoons! I wish we could watch TV all day, but we need to eat lunch.” It’s my #1 tool to avoid tantrums.
This is one of my favourite shows, so I'm glad your continuing to react to it! Watching this couple in particular interact was one of the most triggering for me personally (across both seasons). So I'm really intrigued by your point of view on this. I think Orna (the therapist) is always SO compassionate & PATIENT. I really felt for her when dealing with this couple... he is such a tough nut to crack, and I could sense her counter transference towards the end with all the constant push back from him :(
Here's a conceptualization: He feels like his wife is neglecting his sexual needs. So he feels entitled to neglect his wife's emotional needs.
And deep down his sexual need is his emotional need, I think Dr H mentioned that before, that it's a safe place for a macho macho man to be vulnerable and intimate, so...
He feels entitled to.do.whatever he wants whenever he wants and he'll sit around rationalizing, blaming most importantly bullying if anyone challenges him blah blah blah
I wouldn't last 1 conversation with him, the wife clearly has self esteem issues. 100 he's the worst "pseudo-intellectual" ugh
I would challenge the concept that these are needs - people generally have demands rather than needs.
Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinally! Thank you Dr Honda. I've been waiting for you to return to this show!
I'm really enjoying your analysis of this show. More content, pretty please!
It's SO reassuring to know even talented, experienced therapists lose their crap now and then 🙌
This is awesomeeeeeeeee!!! I learn so much from this series. Makes me so excited to start graduate school.
I could watch you watch Couples Therapy all day.
Thank you so much for continuing with this series!!
I found the book 'Never Split the Difference' by Chris Voss , insanely helpful when helping validating people's feelings. The books about how to negotiate effectively, but it doubles as a good guide for de-escalation tactics (Not Sponsored btw lol)
Thanks! I am always looking for a good reflective read
Orna admitted that she has to ram through these sessions because she only has 8 months to help these couples per season. So I think that's why she pushed so hard at Mau.
It's interesting- I find that I have poor reactivity to the example of positive encouragement you gave because it sounded like a sarcastic slight to me.
I almost preferred "I hate it when you are late" to "I love it when you are on time" because I feel like one isn't kind of condescending or deceptive.
Not sure what that means but find it curious.
I see your point - I think it depends on the tone of voice with which the statement is delivered.
I feel like the husbands doesn't understand that intention is not always what matters most in communication. He says he understands that she thinks he's being dismissive but it wasn't his intention so it's not actually true and not a problem.
I really respect yoyr honesty about your own work and feelings and i wanna thank you for such helpful comments about therapist behaviour! Great job!
SO glad you're continuing these!!! Taking a super fascinating show and making it even MORE interesting. Can't wait for more!
Thank you for watching more of this show!
I'm so happy to see another reaction to this show! But regarding the customer service behavior, after years of experience in that field I can guarantee you that a customer would bite my head off if I'd start repeating what they just said. I know this skill is very useful in talking to people in general (my pastor does that and it feels wonderful) but a pissed customer would ask me what's wrong with me for that kind of style of conversation. Usually you have to validate the frustration and be very solution oriented so you can focus on ending the conflict instead of going in circles. Also it's not only about skills, often you have strict procedures to follow too.
So true!
Yeah, I don't think repeating back what a person is saying works in extreme emotional situations, including irate customers. In those moments people want empathy, not understanding.
This was excellent. I can see a difference when you watch the clips and you have an impassioned delivery when you give us your opinion. I’d like to go into the field so I’m eating this up!
Thank you for continuing with this series!! It was so interesting to watch!
Oh shoot, I didn’t realize this was only posted 2 days ago. It was so interesting, I immediately started looking for episode 4. Can’t wait for it!
this guy is so triggering for me. its not even a particular person he reminds me of, but a composite of a lifetime of domineering, intimidating men who won't let you get a word in edgewise and regularly try to make people feel small. probably my least favorite personality type lol. "pseudo-intellectual" is correct. I can't imagine being a therapist and engaging with this dude in the most effective way...he makes me grit my teeth
Great, I'll cross you off my list of potential future girlfriends Camilla. And see a dentist about gritting your teeth, it can cause TMJ.
@@taoofmau7316 ha! is this really you? I hope you're doing well. would be genuinely interested to hear your thoughts on Dr. Honda's commentary
@@slinkygay862 doing well thanks. I think Honda makes some good points but most of it seems kinda silly and reactionary, perhaps his being triggered neuters his insight, I think he suggests as much. Can't blame him entirely for his misunderstanding, the editing of the show does promote a false narrative that seems to deeply resonate with his preexisting bias he expressed. Could be interesting to see a reaction to the actual content of the interaction v what was curated for effect here.
@@taoofmau7316 ewww are you really that guy?? Why are you here reading these comments?? That cant be good for you. Also, do you even know what "reactionary" means?????
@@miaumiau679 Not sure about the "ewww" part but yes I am the guy in the show.
Reading the comments because I had a follow up conversation with Orna about the reactions from random people on the internet and I find in curious the level upset people have with someone they don't know and never met.
The comments don't bother me, rather representative of certain type of personality. I'm guessing self-awareness is not strong in the complainer class.
Yes I know that reactionary means, I used it as it was meant. Anything else?
I really love you watching this series! It's super interesting to get inside knowledge about therapy
Husband doesn't want to admit that wife has something he badly wants, but that she is in charge of whether she'll give it to him or not. He probably would prefer it if it was her duty by contract to give him what he wants. He perhaps unconsciously has an old-fashioned marriage-contract in mind - like supposing: he has bought her from her father and now she is his possession and slave.
He cannot negotiate that she is her own as much as he is his own, and that he has not bought her, and she has no duty to provide him with sex when he wants it. She is in the position to deny him sex, to say no - and which part of "no" is so difficult to understand?
His whole world has crumbled in its foundations. Let's assume he had a very dominating father, let's assume all his mates talk BS like: never let a woman see your weakness, your dependency, just be the alpha-male, never cry, never beg, never give in - just leave her if you are not satisfied with her!
I guess he is full of selfpity deep down and very fragile. He will not gain much from therapy, and then she will not either, if therapy is not an extremely safe place for HIM. It will interesting to see if the therapist can provide that for him, with the wife's consent and collaboration.
My interpretation of the therapist insisting about the being dismissive part is that maybe she thought he kinda admitted it because when the wife was looking for a word to describe her experience he was the one who said it. So she might interpretated it like a form of admitting that he is....I can see that because I have this tendency too. If someone knows what I am trying to say I believe that person is already kinda agreeing with me...is it just me? 🤷♀️
That's a big assumption.
He may have offered the word "dismissive" because he may have heard that this kind of behavior is labelled "dismissive" by others.
That doesn't necessarily mean that he recognizes that he is; it's most likely the exact opposite.
@@ErebosGR I don't say it is a fact, I just say that at least this is what I tend to believe when it happens to me. Of course you can be right and he just filled in what he has been told to be before. I was just making thr comment that maybe it was the same for the therapist and thst is why she reacted the way she did.
This is really helpful for us counsellors in training!
I am really liking these reactions! It is also so interesting how we can all hear something different- when the supervisor responded at the end I felt it was less 'he is going to have to accept' and more 'who else will help him but you?' that she was perhaps introducing subtly the idea of the therapist needing to feel that empathy/desire to help him in order to be able to do the work or even redirecting her towards being helpful as being the main goal as you keep mentioning, thanks Dr Honda :)
BRING THESE VIDEOS BACK
I always thought it was couples' therapy, possessive not plural. But now that you mention it I don't think I ever saw it with an apostrophe and it doesn't make sense. 🤯😂
We don't say family's therapy etc, so idunno
more of this please!!!! so fascinating :)
Please do more of these. This is my fav show
I just started watching this show and I love it! I would love if you would do season 2 and 3.
Also I feel like I’m watching a Ted Talk on 2X speed watching these… a therapist commenting on a therapy session.. AND IT’S AMAZING! I’m clearly late to this game but I’ve been binging these videos and have to say your ability to communicate so precisely AND succinctly is astonishing… I hope I absorb some via the osmosis of video watching 😂
Thanks for continuing with the show!!
This is great. The whole sexism question and its implications is fascinating 👏
Wow… Dr Honda’s explanation 23:30 (just after the counseling clip)
learn a lot from this video, truly appreciate, Dr. Honda.
How about Blue Therapy? I can't wait to hear your thoughts on Paul!
Lookin for the Yikes 😬
That show is fake.
I love dr kirks strategy of flipping off on matcho and stubborn men 🤣 interesting tactic!
I love this show and I love your reaction. I think there was an episode that Anne says that he goes to therapy for only a couple sessions, it was my impression that she was trying to get somewhere in the least amount of time.
I think it's the possessive form of Couple's, not the plural couples. Couple's therapy...?? Maybe?
I understand “siding” makes one patient feel badly or even disengage, but when I was in couple therapy that impartiality really fed into my now ex’s abusive behavior. He also saw our therapist as siding with me, even though I was always frustrated with her impartiality. When I watched this show, I wished she had been out therapist. I really enjoyed this show overall, and found it really helpful to see the therapists thoughts and conversations with her advisor. As a mental health patient, I am finding therapy to be extremely unhelpful. It seems therapists seek to minimize nearly all emotional and physical issues and boil it down to just reacting, thinking, and feeling less. One example is the housewives with Crystal and Sutton. You comment on how Crystal isn’t wrong but should kowtow to Sutton and reword what she says to just make a false peace. Even though their issues stem from Sutton reacting poorly to a conversation that had to do with race.
It's interesting that you interpreted her "advisor"'s comment that way. I heard it as her saying that he wasn't going to get beyond it unless ORNA changed what she was doing in the treatment and how she was reacting towards him. Either way, a rather vague and elusive comment to make for sure!
Omg. My FAVE
YESSSSS Fascinating, wonderful, and ultimate Dr.Kirk content. Keep ‘em coming! (No pressure, but we just like them)
How interest to watch a therapist watching another therapist talking to an advisor about therapy
I wanna watch a therapist reacting to this reaction video
Therapception
I wonder if the therapist is rushing per the show's directives, or if the editing is making it look like she's rushing?
He provided the word "dismissive" for his wife, which implies that he knows and admits he's dismissive.
or he knows where she is going because she has told him 5000 times
@@fortyyearfitness if he had heard it 5000 times and hasn't reflected on it once - I'd just divorce him. She really thinks she has to put up with his shit, while in reality he has to start taking responsibility for himself and it's none of her business.
THANK YOU!!!!
Listen Pal! 😂😂😂💀💀
The husband is so smug.. each time you pause the video on him. He reminds me of a typical narcissist. I did nothing wrong. I gotta keep the perfection on the surface so nobody can see thru me. Also he is dismissing the therapist which is why she is siding with the wife. Just my personal opinion
Narcissism is extremely rare, he's just defensive, right?
The therapist is dismissing him too though, when that's the opposite of her job.
More of this show please please please
Keep doing these episodes please they are great!!!
I hope to see more of these Couple(s) Therapy sessions.
@Psychology In Seattle - Suggestion: I'm currently watching a thriller movie called 'The Drowning'. The protagonist is a psychologist and it could make for a fun review. I feel like so many ethical boundaries are being crossed, both by the therapist and patient (hence the plot), but it could be interesting to discuss.
Omg that looks really good. Thanks for the suggestion!
Will you be reacting to the other couples as well?
Thank you doc
I don’t appreciate how Dr usually frames his feedback as “right vs wrong” way to do things when every therapist is unique. Starting from the theoretical background, Dr H and Dr G will not be doing things the same way. Dr G is a master therapist acknowledged by many therapists who have watched the show.
Is there any data on individual therapy for each party compared to having them in the same room together? It seems it would be easier to give therapy to both of them alone. Because then they would be forced to take responsibility for their behavior instead of just sitting there and blaming the other person for everything. Plus, there would be less counter-transference and other issues?
"I'm getting the impression, husband...whom I enjoy" XD
haha I always assumed it was couple's therapy. Makes no sense for it to be plural!
Could it also be that’s this “rushing” is influenced by the limited numbers of sessions the series has assigned to each couple for making the season ?
Pseudo-intellectual is spot on, in my opinion.
I love these videos! Every video I’ve watched had been so interesting and engaging.
I just discovered Psychology In Seattle recently and I have been binging!
It's weird, she's clearly psychoanalytic yet the consult is like "he said this he said that he said this he said that", which has got nothing to do with anything, when clearly she is totally embroiled in counter-transference and isn't acting as a therapist from a psychoanalytic perspective
i'd be expecting them to really be focusing on the therapists feelings.. imagining the guy in the room, what is she feeling... free associate etc. to try and separate her own stuff out first and THEN figure out why is he acting this way that gets everyone's back up.... but first she's gotta stop letting it work so much on her... "work" makes it sound like it's intentional, it isn't, but for lack of a better word it is really working on her
Loved this epsiode and show!!
You should react to the Bella poarch interview she did with H3 podcast
8:17 is a Gem 💎
i don't know how they're so calm. he makes me feel violent.
Around 24 minute mark- how adult deals with childhood feelings of inferiority
I’m not sure if this is been request but I would LOVE if you reacted to “blue therapy”!
What's Blue Therapy?
@@TheYoli182 it’s a British TH-cam show where there are 2 couples going to couples therapy. It similar to this show but the two couples I find very interesting the channel it’s on is called “black central”!
It's a great illustration the way that relationships play out with a narcissist. Look at us, you as a commentator and us as followers, are sucked in by his manipulative needs. Consumed trying to understand HIS needs and dynamics. This is couples therapy and yet we spend so much energy tip-toeing around this one man's weaponized narcissistic indignance and fragility. Here we are likely replaying every relationship he has had (most likely). What does he want in therapy? What is he doing there? Why keep trying as a therapist? WHO are we trying to be helpful to when one person of the couple takes up all the time and energy? Is he just there to complain and masturbate while being witnessed by a therapist? To me this feels like a power play. Yes, we are there to help people, but what about the wife? (And...would be interesting to know what SHE is doing in this dismissive, arrogant relationship for so long)
YES!!! Finally!!!
Up next: "Your an arrogant. piece of crap" -T-shirt. (Just joking Dr.!!)
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
YYYYEEEEESSSSSSSS, DR. HONDA!!! FUCK YEAH!
Love hearing what you have to say about this!
Nice! For anyone that has watched this show, are the people in it real people (not acting)? It looks super interesting to me and I wanna check it out but i haven't heard about it before :-)
I think it’s a drama but it’s very interesting
@@Star-dj1kw it's not a drama. It's "real" as much as a taped therapy session can be real
@@madison_mcelroy wow, then I am impressed
I’ve been through about a half dozen or so therapists in my life- maybe more- but none of them have been as perceptive, or as eloquent as you. That is not to discredit them but to point out that not all therapists are created equal.
Would you watch White Lotus and discuss relationships and connection and repair?.
If there are two roads... Why is the way you wouldn't take... closer to bad? And why is "Do you think you do that?" -- your way -- less accusatory than - "do you recognize this behavior?" Also isn't the fact that he finishing her sentence part of the reasoning to ask him if he recognizes the behavior?
Disagree.. I don't need customer service to listen.. I need them to solve the problem.
Hey there. Please please can you do an update on Colt with Colt and Vanessa the single life?
I thought it was couples therapy as in it's for couples, like the s in couples therapy is showing the therapy is owned by/ for the couple
Ty
This video was so good. Could you please react to Blue therapy?
I thought it was possessive, not plural. Couple’s therapy. 😬
Regardless, I’ll correct to “couple therapy.”