There's also verbal abuse disguised as a joke. That may be part of the reason why people don't realize they grew up in an abusive home until they are older. At least that was my experience. My father felt entitled to say whatever he wanted to anybody, no matter if he offended or hurt their feelings, because in his mind if he meant it as a joke, then you were supposed to take it that way. If anybody ever offended him though, then you would never hear the end of it. Many people think of abuse as being only physical, but that's not true.
well said. 👏🏼 to your point, i saw an old childhood friend. thanks to studying about narcissism, the whole conversation was the same pattern as it was when we were "friends" in grade school and high school. it was a consistent hidden array of condescending backhanded slaps, and using me as an audience so he could brag about his successes. i was polite but was able to see him for who he was, and called him out several times. he def looked at me weird each time. understanding toxic and narc behavior is literally a superskill that few people have or are willing/able to learn. -cheers, steven
i don't believe in coddling bullies or narcissists. if they're going to dish it out, they better be able to take it. humoring them only encourages more abuse. in my experience, the fastest ways to get rid of a narcissist are to let them know that you see right through them and to not give them supply. like all bullies, narcissists are cowards. they can't take a sliver of what they've dished out. the biggest secret the narcissist doesn’t want you to know (aside from their false mask of manipulation) is that not only are you capable of a healthy, successful, happy life without them…but that your happiness relies on getting rid of them from your life. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
Hello from WNY 🙂-- I think you're spot on with this. My narc's final months with me were intense, and as soon as I finally figured out what they were up to after so many years, it did not take them long to decide to leave after I started grey rocking and not putting up with their crap. All of 5 days of that and they realized I was finally done and they packed up and left a 15 year marriage and 17 year relationship. Now I'm undoing all those years of damage, and boy is it ever a mindfk. I am really, really struggling.
@@TheCattiestCat i'm 50 years old, and have lived my whole life dealing with narcissists. cut off my parents forever at age 33. only regret was not doing it sooner. it's not as bad now but narcs are more prevalent than what meets the eye. i've been studying videos and websites for the last 4 years and it's been a huge benefit to learn the science of toxic behavior. as hard as this sounds, consider the narc doing you a favor by leaving. there’s nothing a narcissist runs faster from than the shadow of their shame. accept as well that they were using you for some benefit. not sure how old you are, but some people waste a lifetime with a narc hoping that things can get better. or they live in denial and don't learn the science of toxic behavior. a narcissist doesn't discard you only because of how you view them, they discard you because of how they view themselves. they know your view is accurate, and so they discard you in an effort to hide from themselves, not just from you. if it hasn't happened already, be prepared for the smear campaign. you're going to learn who was on your side and who was looking for an excuse to go against you. you are going to lose some "friendships" that were anything but that. could even be family members. keep watching videos and get involved with online communities that not only validate your lived experiences, but can foster an environment of mutual understanding and a desire to improve one another with knowledge and solutions. the good thing about you discovering narcissism is once you learn and apply the science of toxic behaviors, you will have a superskill that very few people are willing or able to learn. if you have kids, i suggest you teach them about toxic behavior as well. lastly, as far as calling out people, do so with caution. some narcs can become violent. once you know who and what they are, the desired endgame is getting rid of them from your life. in your case from what you described, you made the right moves, for sure. -cheers, steven
It's amazing how many psychologists don't understand rewarding bad behavior gets you more bad behavior. Same with punishing good behavior because it "offends" the narc. It's almost unimaginable that people can think that's a good plan, despite the results. Problem must be not rewarding the bad behavior enough. Double down on the double down. Eventually we'll get to that utopia.
Exactly! The same for me. I wanted specific examples of what behavior of mine he was referring to. He didn't give any examples. He would only say, "It's the way you act." He was angry that I was standing up to him, and he was losing control.
1. If you treat me like I treat you, what would you do? They want you to stop pushing them to accountability. 2. Get over it, you have a habit of holding onto things. Ect... 3. It's not always about you, to a narestisic person, you are to be perfect. You expect reprosity..they don't give it. 4. You're too fat...but I'm your parent or partner so I still love you. If you ask why you say, they turn around 5. You are the only one who thinks like that... invisible triangulation. Trying to make you feel wrong to ask for understanding ect. They want you to function to what they want, maybe you have a different opinion they count you as an enemy. They want you as a carbon copy. There, I tried to do the best to put the 5 points down for you.
#5 I'd always ask why my golden child brother was treated better than me. She never denied it. Just tell me be quiet. She didn't want to hear it. I was crazy.
*Having been raised by a paranoid schizophrenic narcissist sadist, I can relate with all of these!! I finally found enough love within myself to break the trauma bond and walk away from my mother and unhealthy family relationships!! I love myself today, and I do NOT mean that in the "ego" sense of the word. I am able to love and accept myself, and in doing so, I am able to love and accept others. I have HEALTHY boundaries today and accept the boundaries of others. It's a beautiful thing when we truly learn to love ourselves!!!* 💕🌈💕🌈💕
I've done this with my mum but find it hard with my grandma I not seen her in years but last Yr told her why in a letter. but I offered to go counselling together she declined. I had a few rough months felt really lonely and vulnerable I wrote everything about the family out and how I don't fit in. I've not sent it yet that was a week ago I feel better thus wk decided not to send it. I'm having counselling so think it's brought up emotionally pain. last wk I was willing to see her with boundaries now I don't know if I do or just cosi was horrifically lonely not wanting to be here. I know everyone has there own bad experiences but when I've offered to work on the relationship she doesn't want to she said "you've always been difficult for me" throughout the letter. I had selective mutism as a kid and did what i was told, so I can only assume the mutism pissed her off. I thought if I told her this is how I am if it makes you uncomfortable than that's your choice to not see me but I'm not going to pretend. actually that might be a good plan. but she thinks I'm purposely upsetting her. my family is very black and white no one ever asked how I am. I have social anxiety so rather than be supportive they get angry for me not being like them.
They see a 14 year old, like an full blown adult, who knows life, have decades of life experience. This is a horrible way to see a 14 year old or even when they are younger.😢
Wow that "you have to make them your enemie" hit home. Its how they isolate you. They make you not want to have anyone else in your life and they most definitely dont want anyone in your life that will have your back.
This. My mother tried to isolate me, when she learned my dad (her premium narcisssistic supply for 52 years) was dying of cancer. She basically committed Munchausen by proxy, causing me to leave my husband with my kids, and move in with her for what I thought was a a temporary amount of time. Instead, she tried to isolate me and turn me against my husband (just the way she turned my dad against ALL his relatives). In the end, I told her I could not stay there, and I had to return to work to help take care of my own kids. She started triangulating me with my dad..... and all my other relatives. A-mazing. In the end, she had my own dad calling me up... my DYING DAD.... and having him yell at me (because she's too lazy to yell at me herself) that I was "evil." Projection any? After helping her with her broken down house and paying for groceries and repair materials and .... so much stuff.... for two years. Yeah. No. I'm not the one who's evil, thank you very much. Since my father's death in January 2024, I have been no-contact. It's been about six months with no calls from her at all. Finally two weeks ago, she calls my husband to tell him to tell me to sign paperwork so she can withdraw money from a foreign account. No "Happy Birthday" to my daughter. No apologies for all the money she stole. Nope. Her only attempt to contact me is to squeeze more money out of me. These narcs do not change. They only get worse. They have no shame whatsoever. I dropped her like a hot rock, once I figured it out. My mother-in-law is now my role model for parenting.
The “you are too sensisitive” destroyed me. My mom would rage at me and then say that when I cried. I completely shut down by the time I was a pre teen. Had no friends because I could not express myself
You will not be a narcissist--the difference is INTENT. They need consequences--you need closure and an exit plan. Ignore the bullshit that falls out of their mouth. Say what you need to say and then walk away...forever. If your narcissist is prone to violence, have some backup present when you say what you need to. It won't affect the narcissist at all, but if saying it makes you feel better/stronger, say it loud, then go no contact and go forward with your own life.
Number 5 was my mom EXACTLY. Most mornings we'd sit at the dining room table, drink coffee, and share the newspaper. Conversation would happen. Opinions might get shared. I'd agree with my mom (heaven help me if I didn't!) and add a thought or two. Mind you, I'm not confrontational. My intention was just to chat. But, without fail, she'd get huffy and leave the table. I couldn't win for losing!🙁 She'd then go put her makeup on and do her hair. Which is exactly what she'd do anyway! Even if I wasn't there. She couldn't just leave the table. She'd always leave the table in a huff. Which, of course, made me feel like crap. I felt like I did something wrong. Mind you, this would happen 3-4 times a week - for YEARS. Needless to say, that added to my insecurities.💔
Yes I was made to feel wrong in everything I said, my relation put a friend or friends opinion above mine to the point of making an issue about it all the time, in other words embarrassing me, shut me up etc; so I got to the point of saying to this person " I know now when to keep my mouth/opinions to myself" that was and still is my defense, this person doesn't realise that she is narcissistic and a bully, now I've got so old I am learning to be a bit more confident to think "what the hell, if they think of me like that and I havnt done any harm, so what, go by your own thoughts and be dammed " its taken me years to realise this, "I'm dammed if I'do and I'm dammed if I don't " ..
I said a few times before the end,,, you have to take responsibility and accountability for your actions as we all do,that was the straw that broke the camels back!!!
Once again you hit the nail on the head. He lied about EVERYTHING. EVEN THE TIME OF DAY. THE SUN WAS BLAZING BRIGHT AT HIGH NOON BUT HE INSISTED IT WAS 2PM.
This is True pl dont realise this ppl trying to belittle this is part of the problem. They are adpet liars or they use half truth withhold information.
Thank you! I think I have a quidance. I just experienced these things few days ago and almost started to doubt myself. I opened the TH-cam and got this. There are angels there!
In my parents' culture children were put on this earth to serve the parents and are to be raised as carbon copies of the parents. It is worse for the female children. They were meant to be housekeeper, caretaker, cook, laundry woman, etc., and males were meant to be the boss and breadwinner. We were expected to go to college and excel after graduation. But if you are female, especially is you're a younger sibling, you are expected to drop everything in your life if a parent gets sick or too elderly to take care of things by themselves and are called upon to shoulder the burden of taking care of the parent(s). If you want anything different of your life, you are accused of being selfish and gaslighted as ungrateful.
Yep. That's what my mother believed. What she didn't count on was my having children. I realized she was being incredibly selfish by putting herself (a grown woman) above innocent children (her own grandchildren) and their safety and health. It was then I realized my mother was evil. Once that clicked, it was easy to say "NO!" to her selfish demands. I do not enable people who steal or take advantage of children anymore. ESPECIALLY if that person is my own mother. Period.
Here is a good one the narcissist told me to get me to act out of character. They asked, “Are you a snowflake? Oh no, you’re just a flake!” It took everything I had not to laugh at the narc until I went home and laughed hard! When they were/are exposed, I’m laughed out! I have the peace of Christ for he vindicates me!! 🙏❤️🕊🌟🎶🌹🎚️⚖️ God bless you Danish!😊
You are so right! It took me years to realize what was going on. It carried over into my marriage with me always putting up with his unstable temper and control. I saw it as normal behavior until I realized it wasn't. They get worse with age!
My mother would warn me not to do something. If anything negative happened as a result, she would say in a sarcastic, hurtful tone, "See? God's punishing you." Also, my narc husband would beat me down verbally with lectures anytime the house wasn't clean enough, when I didn't do things his way, when I made an accidental mess. He made me feel clumsy and stupid like a little child. And I completely relate to showing emotions being a burden for the narc. It was a HUGE inconvenience for my mother and my husband. And they would invalidate so heavily and make me feel like I was exaggerating and over-dramatizing. So incredibly hurtful.
Everything you said is 100 percent right . One thing is 200 percent is about his enemies. I have to feel the same way to them like he does . I am friends with everyone he know . After we married . He is angry with me that I am friends with them . He literally everyone I invited to my home that he have problems with . I have to encourage him to be nice to be friendly.
I solved my problem, at an alanon meeting I suddenly realized the solution I saw the writing on the wall GET OUT! I met my husband at a restaurant and told him i wanted a divorce, after a week or so.after i came home from work he demanded to know where i had been, then he ripped the phone off the wall, threw it into the dining room and then threw me on the kitchen floor,i ran to a neighbor, called the police and he was arrested! The thought is you can't leave me! Even though i treated you like sh-t ! 22years was enought!
I love you for doing this. Tbh, I don't know how you, and others on YT, do it. It's gotta be draining. But so necessary & important. You're saving souls.🙏🔥
@@randycoolbaugh1408 Somebody with a good memory is a narrcissts worst nightmare. What's even more hilarious is when you've heard the same story repeatedly from them. How can you not remember what they told you? That was my father.
They always say,Past is past, lets not talk about it. It didnt happen in 1947, but 3 months before in 2024.And the cycle repeats. I am 8 months pregnant now during the isolation and his silent treatment period, we lived in the same house as strangers and he only got onions to cook for himself.
My (ex) Narc used to say almost exactly the same. "Why do you bring up the past?". "I've changed. We have to look forward not backwards". Did he ever change? No. The confusion and hurt of being in this relationship is so difficult x
Is going into another room to be alone and away from you a form of abuse? It sounds to me like you are hormonal and being difficult so he is isolating to get away from you because he doesn't like how you treat him. Narcissists like to claim victimhood when their abuse is being resisted or avoided. Was he cooking onions because you don't cook for him and you ate all the food and all there was left to eat was onions? It sounds like the onions were for him because you complained that he was cooking onions and he assumed you didn't want any. Men like to cook meat. When we are cooking just onions it's because there was nothing left to eat but onions.
In my former relationship, my narcissistic abuser would accuse me of behaving to distress him, would then concoct a story and badger me with “That’s what you did, didn’t you? Didn’t you? Didn’t you?!” It would continue until I said yes, just to get him to stop. Then that confession (under duress) would be used against me later. I was very broken at that time in my life.
every time you speak, you describe the relationship between me and my father... i feel every word! Please go on with your work, and help the victims. Tanks for your videos.
Oh. That was why we were at the time not being allowed to dress ourselves while being teenage girls about to sing in a choir. None of us there enjoyed allowing someone else dress us. Whomever was assigned to dress us may have felt ackward at the time doing so too given we were all teenagers. We had to for awhile all wear saris which required safety pins added in spots we could not reach at the time. While volunteering during the late 1960's and early 1970's to entertain crowds during the Christmas season here in the city called the gateway to the north. Given how it gets up to 38 degrees Celcius here too our city no longer feels like the gateway to the north all of the time.
Holy cow! Mr Bashir, you are spot-on - my parents BOTH have NPD; my mother is a 'malignant narcissist and is the worst of the two. Literally ALL 5 of these narcissistic buzz-phrases she uses. What's also interesting to note is that not only am I the family "scapegoat" and suffer the brunt of her evil, but she pulls this same crap with my father to a lesser extent - **however** she DOESN'T pull ANY of this crap with my two siblings and with anyone else either. With no one else. Thank you for your video - it has helped enormously!!
8:20 -- I have used that phrase many times, but I actually meant it and I'm pretty sure I'm not the narcissist. My narc partner would take something I said or did completely out of context or wrong and turn it around on me to mean something completely different than I meant at all. So I would respond with, "That was not my intent" or "That's not what I was trying to say at all". My narc was a master manipulator and it's taking so much therapy to wade through everything from the last 15 years. They've only been gone two months.
After 35 years of infidelity, lying, verbal abuse, etc, I filed for divorce. My narc ex told me that it was me breaking my marriage vows! I said I've never cheated on you, how can you say that? He said " You said FOR BETTER OR WORSE" & I couldn't accept the that's what I got.
Please get ready for a fight. Your ex is going to try to do everything possible to stop you using guilt, shame, anger (please be careful), scare tactics, isolating you and destroying long time friendships, taking money, you name it. I am speaking from personal experience, leaving a narcissist after 20+ years and two kids. I'm still fighting two years after filing. He says he deserved all the money because it's "his", leaving me stranded with two kids and a part time income, I couldn't afford a place to live. But he saddled me with all of their expenses. Sent me books, letters, cards he had saved that I sent him with love notes, saying I still loved him. Sent me suicide statistics for children of divorce. I had to call the police to make him stop terrifying behavior six times and Children's Services has been called by four different people. Please PLEASE be careful. Do not give him a heads up about ANYTHING. He will use it against you. Cut yourself off from anyone still associated with him. Go no contact if you can. Please be careful and wishing you love and luck. Don't give up. You are worth it!
"Im allowed to talk to to you like that." Heard that a lot from my parents. My mom was emotionally neglectful and i think it made my dad become something he would not have.
I used to think I was in control of not being manipulated bc I knew he was a liar but in reality me being in his life at all had him being in control the whole time. The fact that you still hear his lies or try to figure which is which. You’re still stuck in their game.
I've been doing this for years. My entire family, the women, with the exemption of my mother and my grandparents, all of which are deceased. I use my own brain thank you very much. I am an independent thinker.
I figured all these out with a family member years ago, before there were any resources on the topic. It was crazy making!! One extreme example was when this person named a particular movie as their favorite, they loved it. I liked the movie but didn’t think it was extra special or anything. Unaware, I voiced my opinion. Not rudely or anything, just oh, glad you enjoyed it so much, I thought it was okay. This set off a multiple year line of attacks where periodically I was prodded, just randomly, that didn’t I really think the movie was great? Sometimes, this person would try to turn into victim, well, I guess I’m just stupid cause I said it was great, to mega victim - oh so you are saying I’m an idiot and attacking me because that movie is my favorite!! No, all I ever said was that, no, I thought the movie was okay. This would go on for hours and hours over days and days, vigorously vicious attacks against me. Sometimes I would be in tears, saying okay I was wrong, the movie was brilliant, I missed it the first time (in reality, there was no second viewing), but watched it again and you were right, just in an attempt to get them to leave me alone. This exemplifies a relationship with a narcissist in my mind
😂😂😂 wtf I wud not even have a conversation with this person, I'd walk away and say "like I said it's okay, if u think it's great that's on you bye" but do it in public so they can't do anything back, they hate public exposing
Thank you so much and I share, share, share your videos. So important all these videos are. God bless you so much. From Cynthia in JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
My narc told me that a substitute dog sitter wanted to do a meet and greet before we left the dog with her when we went out of town. I said, "That's strange. We've never had to do that before." I told him we didnt need to do it. He said he canceled it. Two days before we left, he walked out the door at 9:30 a.m. with the dog and said, "Im taking the dog on a walk to get some exercise." He NEVER gets up that early on his week off. While he was gone, I thought it was quite strange that he went walking; he never goes walking. When he got back, I asked him when the meet and greet was. He told me that he had just gotten back from the person's house so she could meet the dog. He LIED! Plus, he walked a mile just to take the dog over to that house when he could have taken his car!!! What a nasty jerk he is for lying and for plotting out his manipulative plan.
@@StudiosDelirium That's absolutely what he was thinking. 😂 I always book the dog sitter before vacation, but I asked him to do it since our usual sitter was busy. He studied the "pictures" for TWO hours! 🤭 I kept wondering what took so long to choose a dog sitter. He gets ZERO supply from ME. I've asked him to move out. When he committed adultery, he told me that he "knew this day would come because vacations were no longer fun." (???) He said he KNEW he was going to leave me. And I kicked him out. Unfortunately, he agreed to go to counseling if I'd let him come home. BIG MISTAKE! He cheated for three more months, and he even texted and called her while we were on our "weekend getaways" to work on our marriage. I ask him why he won't leave, and I told him it's over, but he won't leave. I'm exhausted.
@@tammyhollis1519 I am sendind you my most positives and precious energies. Reiki ( on line ) has helped me get rid of the narcs, so has meditations on the subject and cutting trauma bonds and cords. Good luck, friend. I am praying for you right now.
So you didn't want to do the meet and greet. You did not have to. So he did it without you. You asked him about it and he gave you an honest answer. Now he is taking you on a vacation. You just publicly called him a nasty manipulative jerk and a liar. He didn't tell you that he was doing the meet and greet before hand because he knew that you would make a big stink about it. What was his lie? He did cancel the meet and greet for you. He told you when he did it. When asked. There is no harm in letting the dog sitter meet he dog before taking care of it. Everybody got what they wanted including you. But you now are accusing him for plotting, manipulation, lying and you are calling him nasty. You come on here to portray yourself as the victim and get approval and confirmation in the comments. That is how you are the one plotting and you are the one lying by falsely accusing him of lying then you can use the comment section to validate yourself. I see right through your BS. You are causing trouble over a non issue. I know that when he told you he went to mee the dog sitter, you were nasty and went off on him and called him names. All because you wanted to control him and you didn't get your way.
My narcissistic sister is all of them. She knows what makes us different and hates me for it. She likes to try to guilt trip me by saying that I should just forgive her, and I'm "supposed to" forgive. She tries to tell me what to think, what I should "do", and how I "should" handle certain things. Umm, no. I've never followed her "advice🤢" and I'm just fine. Her life's a mess.
I want to become at the state of radical acceptance, or this never ends. I still try to get acknowledgement from my parents and just get more dirt on me, just giving more material for them to prove that I am ”grazy”. So, in a way they are right: It is the best to let past go with them. You must heal your pain alone or with the theraphist. I’ve been in almost no contact to my parents about three years, but some and then written mails to them, trying to get some solution. Well, it is just getting more obvious, who they are. It is terrifying! I am already 59 and they, of course, now are entitled to anything because they are ”old”. This has been a long journey! Only 10 years ago I even got known about narcissism! Thanks You Tube! Then, try to find someone, a theraphist, who knows what it is. Now I really must to learn to be totally calm, complete no-contact. In any way: they will not be alone. They do have my golden sister there- or? 😅
My parents have convinced our entire family that I am insane and dangerous. Every attempt to repair my reputation has resulted in them taking what I said to mean the opposite and my attempt to clarify was met with their attempt to end the conversation but ending the conversation at that point meant that I'm being quoted as saying something that was not what I was trying to communicate. Pressing the issue to clarify what I said resulted being accused of causing trouble which was so frustrating I cussed them out. Then that was used as evidence to prove that I was insane and violent. They won't listen to what I say unless it is something they can use against me. My confronting their abuse is making up lies to be hurtful to get revenge. Thus they called me a narcissist and cut me off. I called them narcissists and cut them off as well. Being called a narcissist, I started to research the topic and learn all I can about narcissism. I was able to determine that I am not the narcissist because I admit to my wrong doings and am willing to accept responsibility and I feel remorse and I am willing to apologize. They deny wrong doing and what ever apology they ever offered was vague and never admit to specific wrong doing and confronting them results in the "How dare you!" routine. I am the only child of my father and my inheritance is going to my step mother and step siblings and their children. I will figure out how to stop these abusive people from swindling me out of my inheritance. My Step mother touched me inappropriately when I was a minor and when I told my father, I was called a liar. I cannot let this evil woman rob me of my birthright and get away with it. I will record it when I confront them for abusing me and protecting the abuser. What ever they say will be the proof I need to use in court to make my case that I am not smearing anyone. I just want to not be cut out of the will based on lies. I am 52
I realized one day that my narcissist Aunt was telling me a lie she often used to try to make me feel guilty...I called her on it and shocked her that I finally saw through her.
Accusing of things that they are actually doing. Reasoning, makes them look innocent and they then say “but you were doing it so Im onky doing something you’re doing yourself.”
This kinda reminds me of how i would give my mom a pass for acting this way because she probably experienced it and was now doing it to me. What I learned is that this was an unhealthy/false way to look at forgiveness. It wasn’t right when it happened to her and it was even more egregious to do it to me having experienced it herself.
Danish your videos are always helpful... Pls make a video on NPD spectrum so that we can understand the difference between low, mild, average and extreme NPD symptoms, which makes us understand with whom we are dealing with.
I have a client who has severe narcissistic personality, and her daughters is the same way. She is a rich drunk w/dementia. I tell her, "Do not bring me into your drama," this really triggers her.. I set boundaries, she goes off, then I just take the phone and go downstairs so she can't call her family on me. Pay is $25 per hr so I can't leave....until I am fired. Amazing that hasn't happened yet
I'm being accused of gaslighting, doing dreadful things, he is cheating on me and accusing me of sending nasty messages to her friends and family. Then he's loving, then he ignores me. Sending love then being unpleasant. It's so painful
Narcissistic parents will “meet your needs” without taking into consideration your unique abilities and preferences in a way that is most beneficial to them and least beneficial to you. The message to you, with anger, is that you had better be grateful, that they had to sacrifice and do without and that other people in your situation are getting less or nothing.
Hi sir, my husband's mom is a big narcisst she destroyed my family. Bonding.. now my husband has transformed like his mother he has changed like a chameleon he has removed his mask ....he is imitating his mother, I feel so sad of his sudden behaviour..
THERE WAS A PERSONALITY IN HIM THAT I WAS ATTRACTED TO AND I WANTED SOMEHOW TO DO EVERYTHING IT SAID !! THIS DIDNT HAPPEN AND IT LEFT ME TRULY WOUNDED TO BE HONEST I FEEL I WANT TO GET BACK TO DRUGS I USE TO TAKE BUT I AM HOLDING MYSELF!! :(
I grew up with a narcissistic, drug addicted, violent bipolar, hyperchondriac mother who hurt everyone in our family, and I had an extremely bad self esteem, and I knew that all of the negativity and violence was directed towards me, because I literally begged my counselors at school to help, but they instead called her and told her what I had said, and she just dismissed the truth, and said that I was lying, and back in the 1980’s, nobody in authority was ever called regarding this. I was not the only one-I saw her beat us all up, including my father! In fact, I saw her actually stab my father and beat him with a rake in our garden. It was terrible! I was always told that I was such an inconvenience to her, that I’d never be worth anything, and that I was literally too stupid to pour piss out of a boot (her words) but I was ready to run away and live on the streets, eat from garbage cans, and sell my body to survive, or commit suicide, and my poor father was the one who checked me out of school , moved me to my grandfather’s home, and checked me into the other school. I struggled to get myself through high school, and had to return to my parents’ home on the weekends. So, in high school, I was actually too depressed to even kill myself at that time, and during that time, my beloved grandfather died from cancer, so I was all alone in his home…but I had friends and freedom for the first time ever. I felt very alone and worthless, but I worked 3-4 part time jobs, went to college, got an academic scholarship, and finally graduated college, but I felt so horrible and couldn’t shake my feelings. After I’d graduated, I was working, and finally got diagnosed after marrying a narcissist, I was diagnosed as Bipolar, with PTSD, agoraphobia, panic attacks, and she was genetically and in every way, was the root cause, but I had blamed myself for decades! I had believed her lies and painful deceit to my father and me! After 13 years of being completely miserable in my first horrific marriage, I was free, because I had originally been told by the counselor I was seeing, who was the preacher who had married us, that I would go to hell, if I divorced my husband for any reason other than adultery, so I stayed in that terrible marriage of sadness and violence for 13 years and divorced him, and then found a wonderful job and worked for several years, and met my second husband while living on my own and was happy and stable, and am still happy to have him and his joy added to my life. We’ve been married almost 18 years and are honestly so blessed together, and I have been stable for 21 years with my bipolar disorder and am in therapy for my panic attacks, and my husband and I are still hoping to become parents through adoption someday in about 3-4 years, and we both have such a love for children that we’d love to foster and adopt. I just had to move away from my mother when I was younger and get my own life, and discover that I am worthy of great blessings and love, and my husband treats me like I’m a goddess! But 32 years ago, I wanted to end my sad life, because I never felt like I belonged anywhere but at my home. I have agoraphobia and panic, because Hurricane Ida and its spinoff tornado destroyed $156K in damages to our home, which was my happy place. I’m doing much better now, but in the past 3 years, my husband has cared for me through surgeries on 6 places in my spine, and am trying to improve my mental health by learning to say no, to set healthy boundaries, and to know that I’m worth more than how I used to feel, like I was being an inconvenience, a burden, and a punching bag for 😊my mother. I was so afraid of having children and accidentally treating them like she did, that after I struggled with ovarian cysts constantly rupturing and causing me pain and also having fibroids, while I was married to my cruel narcissist first husband, that when the hormones that the doctor was giving me weren’t helping, I decided to go ahead and have a hysterectomy. I didn’t ever want to be like her in any way! Actually, I’m a very empathic person who adores children, and I teach Sunday school to pre-k through second graders and I have covered my refrigerator with their beautiful drawings. They are so special to me in each one’s way, and I cherish the bond that I have with each child, because they are so precious to me. My husband and I love children so much that we send each other funny or touching videos with children in them from TH-cam shorts, and we watch them together and share our love and joy. My husband has been so much fun and especially healing to me, and we are very happy together. My husband is truly a great man, a loving husband, and would be a terrific father. We’re so thankful to have each other, and we pray together, and that has helped me so much. I wish that our home hadn’t been damaged but we’ve finally recovered after 3 years, and we are still trying to heal in our own hearts, but we do have faith that no matter what, we will be all right, because we just place our faith in the Lord, but, of course, believe that everyone has their right to choose how they believe. I’m so thankful that my dear father took me away to live with his father, because I know he was so concerned about my mother’s intention of driving me crazy and/or to suicide, and I thank God that my father cared enough to stand up to her, to be physically and emotionally abused by her for my safety, and I will always be grateful for my Daddy! ❤
I left my husband a year before no contact for 1 year Even he is not talking to kids Now i am in trauma bond cannot Can not get out ftom it Now i am trying to contact him I feeling talking to him will make my dipression better
My severely narcissistic aunt ( to whom ive had to cut all ties a few months ago) LIVED to debate, to oppose, to confuse me. It was a sick game to her. I could tell she ENJOYED provoking me. Then she'd twist and flip it. Long bouts of silent treatment, then more baiting. Then the rage. The discard. Then online stalking, triangulation . Some of her favorite phrases: : and you KNOW it. Prove it. Give me examples. Youre mentally ill. And of course the classic "after all ive done for you".
The mother of my child makes up any reason to reject my advances. So i stopped wanting anything from her. Yet me rejecting her very few advances (after she's had a night out partying with who knows who) she gets very angry. I am not going to be someone's second choice when i am expected to treat her like a queen throughout all her disrespect. Shes a terrible mother and i am trapped because i have to be a stay at home dad or my kids are neglected. The courts dont help, and i dont have any money. She has all the leverage.
I actually had a former so-called Big Brother of the Big Brothers of America tell me decades later that he had a right to talk to me the way he did because he was like a father to me. My father was killed by a drunk driver when I was seven. I never wanted a Big Brother. He became a member of the Big Brothers because he wanted to impress the church he moved to my town when I was ten. Sometime around then. Left when I was eighteen. Then for decades I received a Xerox letter addressed to Dear Folks on .y birthday and Christmas. Narcissist.
The narcissist I had a toxic situationship with for years, got married to someone recently, the last time I spoke him was a year ago, he still was toxic back then, active on social media and all that. He never posted relationships and was always active on social media in some form. He recently got married, deleted half of his social media and isn't that active anymore. He only posted a picture of him in a weddingsuit on a businessprofile with this woman cropped out, I don't know who she is or anything. Can a narcissist be happy and validated by being married? Because they have permanent supply and they get to be viewed as normal now that they're married? Is he fully committed to her because he deleted half of his social media and isn't active anymore?!
Having been there myself, I can say with most probablity is the reason he got rid of half his social media is that his new wife caught him either cheating or talking to other women. He will just be sneakier about it now is all.
@@pheart2381 We all watch these videos about narcissism, including this one, because we are all wondering about things.. So don't shame me for asking a question. We are all wondering and wanting to be informed about things of our ex narcissist, otherwise we weren't in this comment section. Thank you for your comment anyway
A couple a times I wen5 to new places with the narcissist friend and he always demanded he new how to get to the destination but we always got lost while I was telling him that we had to into a other direction , now I know it was ine of his nadty games .
![โรงเรียนดัดสันดาน นักเรียนเถื่อน..!! [โรงเรียนไดเม่]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/vRKPeXn4Fl4/mqdefault.jpg)
Heal After Surviving Narcissistic Parent
emotionalabuserecovery.com/hap
Best coment: " they call you crazy,because you know WHO the crazy one IS"! 👌😉💪
Can a female covert narc get sexual supply from her female friend if the narc is hetero?
you met my EX and four offsprings[ yeesh!]!!!❤❤❤❤
One thing I noticed is that in a normal conversation, they will turn it into an argument . Everything they say ,they will do the opposite.
Then paint you as "difficult to get along with".
...And they will certify you as "crazy."
That's why their brain virtually functions upside-down.
💯💯👍
Yes it like that all the time with my husband
There's also verbal abuse disguised as a joke. That may be part of the reason why people don't realize they grew up in an abusive home until they are older. At least that was my experience. My father felt entitled to say whatever he wanted to anybody, no matter if he offended or hurt their feelings, because in his mind if he meant it as a joke, then you were supposed to take it that way. If anybody ever offended him though, then you would never hear the end of it. Many people think of abuse as being only physical, but that's not true.
well said. 👏🏼
to your point, i saw an old childhood friend. thanks to studying about narcissism, the whole conversation was the same pattern as it was when we were "friends" in grade school and high school. it was a consistent hidden array of condescending backhanded slaps, and using me as an audience so he could brag about his successes.
i was polite but was able to see him for who he was, and called him out several times. he def looked at me weird each time. understanding toxic and narc behavior is literally a superskill that few people have or are willing/able to learn.
-cheers, steven
'carol You are too SENSITIVE"! since 1961😂😂
That is passive aggressive behaviour 😢
My father said: ”You must make compromises!” 😂😂😂😂 You know, what this means? He meant: ”You must give in.”
That comment struck a nerve! My ex is narcissistic, and that sounds JUST like him.
i don't believe in coddling bullies or narcissists. if they're going to dish it out, they better be able to take it. humoring them only encourages more abuse.
in my experience, the fastest ways to get rid of a narcissist are to let them know that you see right through them and to not give them supply. like all bullies, narcissists are cowards. they can't take a sliver of what they've dished out.
the biggest secret the narcissist doesn’t want you to know (aside from their false mask of manipulation) is that not only are you capable of a healthy, successful, happy life without them…but that your happiness relies on getting rid of them from your life.
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
Very well said.
Hello from WNY 🙂-- I think you're spot on with this. My narc's final months with me were intense, and as soon as I finally figured out what they were up to after so many years, it did not take them long to decide to leave after I started grey rocking and not putting up with their crap. All of 5 days of that and they realized I was finally done and they packed up and left a 15 year marriage and 17 year relationship. Now I'm undoing all those years of damage, and boy is it ever a mindfk. I am really, really struggling.
@@TheCattiestCat i'm 50 years old, and have lived my whole life dealing with narcissists. cut off my parents forever at age 33. only regret was not doing it sooner.
it's not as bad now but narcs are more prevalent than what meets the eye. i've been studying videos and websites for the last 4 years and it's been a huge benefit to learn the science of toxic behavior.
as hard as this sounds, consider the narc doing you a favor by leaving. there’s nothing a narcissist runs faster from than the shadow of their shame. accept as well that they were using you for some benefit. not sure how old you are, but some people waste a lifetime with a narc hoping that things can get better. or they live in denial and don't learn the science of toxic behavior.
a narcissist doesn't discard you only because of how you view them, they discard you because of how they view themselves. they know your view is accurate, and so they discard you in an effort to hide from themselves, not just from you.
if it hasn't happened already, be prepared for the smear campaign. you're going to learn who was on your side and who was looking for an excuse to go against you. you are going to lose some "friendships" that were anything but that. could even be family members.
keep watching videos and get involved with online communities that not only validate your lived experiences, but can foster an environment of mutual understanding and a desire to improve one another with knowledge and solutions.
the good thing about you discovering narcissism is once you learn and apply the science of toxic behaviors, you will have a superskill that very few people are willing or able to learn. if you have kids, i suggest you teach them about toxic behavior as well.
lastly, as far as calling out people, do so with caution. some narcs can become violent. once you know who and what they are, the desired endgame is getting rid of them from your life. in your case from what you described, you made the right moves, for sure.
-cheers, steven
@@jodizellmer994 thanks for your kind words.
-cheers, steven
It's amazing how many psychologists don't understand rewarding bad behavior gets you more bad behavior. Same with punishing good behavior because it "offends" the narc. It's almost unimaginable that people can think that's a good plan, despite the results. Problem must be not rewarding the bad behavior enough. Double down on the double down. Eventually we'll get to that utopia.
I got to a point where I asked them "how do you want me to be?" Because EVERYTHING was my fault NEVER theirs and whatever I was doing, was wrong!
Exactly! The same for me. I wanted specific examples of what behavior of mine he was referring to. He didn't give any examples. He would only say, "It's the way you act." He was angry that I was standing up to him, and he was losing control.
1. If you treat me like I treat you, what would you do? They want you to stop pushing them to accountability.
2. Get over it, you have a habit of holding onto things. Ect...
3. It's not always about you, to a narestisic person, you are to be perfect. You expect reprosity..they don't give it.
4. You're too fat...but I'm your parent or partner so I still love you. If you ask why you say, they turn around
5. You are the only one who thinks like that... invisible triangulation. Trying to make you feel wrong to ask for understanding ect.
They want you to function to what they want, maybe you have a different opinion they count you as an enemy. They want you as a carbon copy.
There, I tried to do the best to put the 5 points down for you.
Correction: Number 4 was That was not my intention. Ect…
OMG.. I get all of these almost on a daily basis......
#5 I'd always ask why my golden child brother was treated better than me. She never denied it. Just tell me be quiet. She didn't want to hear it. I was crazy.
*Having been raised by a paranoid schizophrenic narcissist sadist, I can relate with all of these!! I finally found enough love within myself to break the trauma bond and walk away from my mother and unhealthy family relationships!! I love myself today, and I do NOT mean that in the "ego" sense of the word. I am able to love and accept myself, and in doing so, I am able to love and accept others. I have HEALTHY boundaries today and accept the boundaries of others. It's a beautiful thing when we truly learn to love ourselves!!!* 💕🌈💕🌈💕
My MOMster is of the Sadistically CATHOLIC church
My MOMster is a Sadistically Catholic type
God bless you
I've done this with my mum but find it hard with my grandma I not seen her in years but last Yr told her why in a letter. but I offered to go counselling together she declined. I had a few rough months felt really lonely and vulnerable I wrote everything about the family out and how I don't fit in. I've not sent it yet that was a week ago I feel better thus wk decided not to send it. I'm having counselling so think it's brought up emotionally pain. last wk I was willing to see her with boundaries now I don't know if I do or just cosi was horrifically lonely not wanting to be here. I know everyone has there own bad experiences but when I've offered to work on the relationship she doesn't want to she said "you've always been difficult for me" throughout the letter. I had selective mutism as a kid and did what i was told, so I can only assume the mutism pissed her off. I thought if I told her this is how I am if it makes you uncomfortable than that's your choice to not see me but I'm not going to pretend. actually that might be a good plan. but she thinks I'm purposely upsetting her. my family is very black and white no one ever asked how I am. I have social anxiety so rather than be supportive they get angry for me not being like them.
They see a 14 year old, like an full blown adult, who knows life, have decades of life experience.
This is a horrible way to see a 14 year old or even when they are younger.😢
Wow that "you have to make them your enemie" hit home. Its how they isolate you. They make you not want to have anyone else in your life and they most definitely dont want anyone in your life that will have your back.
This. My mother tried to isolate me, when she learned my dad (her premium narcisssistic supply for 52 years) was dying of cancer. She basically committed Munchausen by proxy, causing me to leave my husband with my kids, and move in with her for what I thought was a a temporary amount of time. Instead, she tried to isolate me and turn me against my husband (just the way she turned my dad against ALL his relatives). In the end, I told her I could not stay there, and I had to return to work to help take care of my own kids. She started triangulating me with my dad..... and all my other relatives. A-mazing. In the end, she had my own dad calling me up... my DYING DAD.... and having him yell at me (because she's too lazy to yell at me herself) that I was "evil." Projection any? After helping her with her broken down house and paying for groceries and repair materials and .... so much stuff.... for two years. Yeah. No. I'm not the one who's evil, thank you very much. Since my father's death in January 2024, I have been no-contact. It's been about six months with no calls from her at all. Finally two weeks ago, she calls my husband to tell him to tell me to sign paperwork so she can withdraw money from a foreign account. No "Happy Birthday" to my daughter. No apologies for all the money she stole. Nope. Her only attempt to contact me is to squeeze more money out of me. These narcs do not change. They only get worse. They have no shame whatsoever. I dropped her like a hot rock, once I figured it out. My mother-in-law is now my role model for parenting.
@@maow9240 💯True!
The “you are too sensisitive” destroyed me. My mom would rage at me and then say that when I cried. I completely shut down by the time I was a pre teen. Had no friends because I could not express myself
@ shiva
Same
You are not alone! The same thing with me, unfortunately. I still would like a friend who understands that.
Narcissists hang onto everything. They keep a book filled with grudges going back to the year dot. They have a 'grudge memory'.
You will not be a narcissist--the difference is INTENT. They need consequences--you need closure and an exit plan. Ignore the bullshit that falls out of their mouth. Say what you need to say and then walk away...forever. If your narcissist is prone to violence, have some backup present when you say what you need to. It won't affect the narcissist at all, but if saying it makes you feel better/stronger, say it loud, then go no contact and go forward with your own life.
Number 5 was my mom EXACTLY. Most mornings we'd sit at the dining room table, drink coffee, and share the newspaper. Conversation would happen. Opinions might get shared. I'd agree with my mom (heaven help me if I didn't!) and add a thought or two. Mind you, I'm not confrontational. My intention was just to chat. But, without fail, she'd get huffy and leave the table. I couldn't win for losing!🙁
She'd then go put her makeup on and do her hair. Which is exactly what she'd do anyway! Even if I wasn't there. She couldn't just leave the table. She'd always leave the table in a huff.
Which, of course, made me feel like crap. I felt like I did something wrong. Mind you, this would happen 3-4 times a week - for YEARS. Needless to say, that added to my insecurities.💔
It’s like water torture. Wears you down.
@@Ivar-V ~ You are so right! 👍🏼
Yes I was made to feel wrong in everything I said, my relation put a friend or friends opinion above mine to the point of making an issue about it all the time, in other words embarrassing me, shut me up etc; so I got to the point of saying to this person " I know now when to keep my mouth/opinions to myself" that was and still is my defense, this person doesn't realise that she is narcissistic and a bully, now I've got so old I am learning to be a bit more confident to think "what the hell, if they think of me like that and I havnt done any harm, so what, go by your own thoughts and be dammed " its taken me years to realise this, "I'm dammed if I'do and I'm dammed if I don't " ..
I said a few times before the end,,, you have to take responsibility and accountability for your actions as we all do,that was the straw that broke the camels back!!!
Once again you hit the nail on the head. He lied about EVERYTHING. EVEN THE TIME OF DAY. THE SUN WAS BLAZING BRIGHT AT HIGH NOON BUT HE INSISTED IT WAS 2PM.
He opens his mouth! It's a lie! Case closed!
Even if it’s a truth, it’s a lie, bc of their twisted motives.
FACTS
Omg so true! I woke up hearing, if their mouth is moving, it's a lie! I grew up hearing this from my mom, and it was truth. Lying lips...
Lol😂😂😂😂
This is True pl dont realise this ppl trying to belittle this is part of the problem. They are adpet liars or they use half truth withhold information.
Every day i watch ur videos some body tells to me ur crazy but i know ur words are my experience
Thank you! I think I have a quidance. I just experienced these things few days ago and almost started to doubt myself. I opened the TH-cam and got this. There are angels there!
In my parents' culture children were put on this earth to serve the parents and are to be raised as carbon copies of the parents.
It is worse for the female children. They were meant to be housekeeper, caretaker, cook, laundry woman, etc., and males were meant to be the boss and breadwinner.
We were expected to go to college and excel after graduation. But if you are female, especially is you're a younger sibling, you are expected to drop everything in your life if a parent gets sick or too elderly to take care of things by themselves and are called upon to shoulder the burden of taking care of the parent(s).
If you want anything different of your life, you are accused of being selfish and gaslighted as ungrateful.
wow....sounds like we both come from the same exact culture...I could sign under every sentence you wrote 🎯
Yep. That's what my mother believed. What she didn't count on was my having children. I realized she was being incredibly selfish by putting herself (a grown woman) above innocent children (her own grandchildren) and their safety and health. It was then I realized my mother was evil. Once that clicked, it was easy to say "NO!" to her selfish demands. I do not enable people who steal or take advantage of children anymore. ESPECIALLY if that person is my own mother. Period.
Here is a good one the narcissist told me to get me to act out of character.
They asked, “Are you a snowflake? Oh no, you’re just a flake!”
It took everything I had not to laugh at the narc until I went home and laughed hard!
When they were/are exposed, I’m laughed out!
I have the peace of Christ for he vindicates me!!
🙏❤️🕊🌟🎶🌹🎚️⚖️
God bless you Danish!😊
I used to get told "You determine our relationship". I was 14 at the time, the person was 40.
That it’s not a healthy relationship. And adult with a child!
Took me many many times to finally leave. That is the truth Danish!
Bet you were angry with yourself for not doing it sooner.
It is so hard to stay steady that a person is so evil. But I see it every day.
You are so right! It took me years to realize what was going on. It carried over into my marriage with me always putting up with his unstable temper and control. I saw it as normal behavior until I realized it wasn't. They get worse with age!
Thanks for the beneficial content and your support xx
My mother would warn me not to do something. If anything negative happened as a result, she would say in a sarcastic, hurtful tone, "See? God's punishing you." Also, my narc husband would beat me down verbally with lectures anytime the house wasn't clean enough, when I didn't do things his way, when I made an accidental mess. He made me feel clumsy and stupid like a little child. And I completely relate to showing emotions being a burden for the narc. It was a HUGE inconvenience for my mother and my husband. And they would invalidate so heavily and make me feel like I was exaggerating and over-dramatizing. So incredibly hurtful.
Everything you said is 100 percent right . One thing is 200 percent is about his enemies. I have to feel the same way to them like he does . I am friends with everyone he know . After we married . He is angry with me that I am friends with them . He literally everyone I invited to my home that he have problems with . I have to encourage him to be nice to be friendly.
I solved my problem, at an alanon meeting I suddenly realized the solution I saw the writing on the wall GET OUT! I met my husband at a restaurant and told him i wanted a divorce, after a week or so.after i came home from work he demanded to know where i had been, then he ripped the phone off the wall, threw it into the dining room and then threw me on the kitchen floor,i ran to a neighbor, called the police and he was arrested! The thought is you can't leave me! Even though i treated you like sh-t ! 22years was enought!
I love you for doing this.
Tbh, I don't know how you, and others on YT, do it.
It's gotta be draining.
But so necessary & important.
You're saving souls.🙏🔥
Exactly: ”Get over it! You hang on old things! …” (And I can escape the responsibility).
Right! the Narcissist HATE it when you keep "records".
@@randycoolbaugh1408 Somebody with a good memory is a narrcissts worst nightmare. What's even more hilarious is when you've heard the same story repeatedly from them. How can you not remember what they told you? That was my father.
Right!
They always say,Past is past, lets not talk about it. It didnt happen in 1947, but 3 months before in 2024.And the cycle repeats.
I am 8 months pregnant now during the isolation and his silent treatment period, we lived in the same house as strangers and he only got onions to cook for himself.
My (ex) Narc used to say almost exactly the same. "Why do you bring up the past?". "I've changed. We have to look forward not backwards". Did he ever change? No. The confusion and hurt of being in this relationship is so difficult x
Is going into another room to be alone and away from you a form of abuse? It sounds to me like you are hormonal and being difficult so he is isolating to get away from you because he doesn't like how you treat him. Narcissists like to claim victimhood when their abuse is being resisted or avoided. Was he cooking onions because you don't cook for him and you ate all the food and all there was left to eat was onions? It sounds like the onions were for him because you complained that he was cooking onions and he assumed you didn't want any. Men like to cook meat. When we are cooking just onions it's because there was nothing left to eat but onions.
Danish your voice is my daily routine allah will bless you ❤
AMEEN
I,just told my x-narc "to get over himself!" Didn't take it tooooo well😭
Haha! That is my favourite line to use on entitled people who treat you poorly. And I used it on my narc. Would absolutely go bonkers when I said it.
@@TheCattiestCat beautiful comeback line. narcs ironically expect people to accept behavior they themself would never tolerate.
@terriarnold4364 beautiful comeback line. narcs ironically expect people to accept behavior they themself would never tolerate.
In my former relationship, my narcissistic abuser would accuse me of behaving to distress him, would then concoct a story and badger me with “That’s what you did, didn’t you? Didn’t you? Didn’t you?!” It would continue until I said yes, just to get him to stop. Then that confession (under duress) would be used against me later. I was very broken at that time in my life.
every time you speak, you describe the relationship between me and my father... i feel every word! Please go on with your work, and help the victims. Tanks for your videos.
Narcissistic always try to blame about dressing patterns and says you are not capable of doing anything right.
Oh. That was why we were at the time not being allowed to dress ourselves while being teenage girls about to sing in a choir. None of us there enjoyed allowing someone else dress us. Whomever was assigned to dress us may have felt ackward at the time doing so too given we were all teenagers. We had to for awhile all wear saris which required safety pins added in spots we could not reach at the time. While volunteering during the late 1960's and early 1970's to entertain crowds during the Christmas season here in the city called the gateway to the north. Given how it gets up to 38 degrees Celcius here too our city no longer feels like the gateway to the north all of the time.
Holy cow!
Mr Bashir, you are spot-on - my parents BOTH have NPD; my mother is a 'malignant narcissist and is the worst of the two. Literally ALL 5 of these narcissistic buzz-phrases she uses.
What's also interesting to note is that not only am I the family "scapegoat" and suffer the brunt of her evil, but she pulls this same crap with my father to a lesser extent - **however** she DOESN'T pull ANY of this crap with my two siblings and with anyone else either. With no one else.
Thank you for your video - it has helped enormously!!
8:20 -- I have used that phrase many times, but I actually meant it and I'm pretty sure I'm not the narcissist. My narc partner would take something I said or did completely out of context or wrong and turn it around on me to mean something completely different than I meant at all. So I would respond with, "That was not my intent" or "That's not what I was trying to say at all".
My narc was a master manipulator and it's taking so much therapy to wade through everything from the last 15 years. They've only been gone two months.
After 35 years of infidelity, lying, verbal abuse, etc, I filed for divorce. My narc ex told me that it was me breaking my marriage vows! I said I've never cheated on you, how can you say that?
He said " You said FOR BETTER OR WORSE" & I couldn't accept the that's what I got.
@@MaryBlandford they are so manipulative
Please get ready for a fight. Your ex is going to try to do everything possible to stop you using guilt, shame, anger (please be careful), scare tactics, isolating you and destroying long time friendships, taking money, you name it. I am speaking from personal experience, leaving a narcissist after 20+ years and two kids. I'm still fighting two years after filing. He says he deserved all the money because it's "his", leaving me stranded with two kids and a part time income, I couldn't afford a place to live. But he saddled me with all of their expenses. Sent me books, letters, cards he had saved that I sent him with love notes, saying I still loved him. Sent me suicide statistics for children of divorce. I had to call the police to make him stop terrifying behavior six times and Children's Services has been called by four different people. Please PLEASE be careful. Do not give him a heads up about ANYTHING. He will use it against you. Cut yourself off from anyone still associated with him. Go no contact if you can. Please be careful and wishing you love and luck. Don't give up. You are worth it!
It took me 7 years to leave him after 23 years!😢
"Im allowed to talk to to you like that." Heard that a lot from my parents. My mom was emotionally neglectful and i think it made my dad become something he would not have.
Super sir , you have said everything correctly.
After leaving narcist I confused which is true which is false his lies are knocking my brain
I used to think I was in control of not being manipulated bc I knew he was a liar but in reality me being in his life at all had him being in control the whole time. The fact that you still hear his lies or try to figure which is which. You’re still stuck in their game.
I was expected to and became the care giver with unconditional love and was chided for it.
I've been doing this for years. My entire family, the women, with the exemption of my mother and my grandparents, all of which are deceased. I use my own brain thank you very much. I am an independent thinker.
I figured all these out with a family member years ago, before there were any resources on the topic. It was crazy making!! One extreme example was when this person named a particular movie as their favorite, they loved it. I liked the movie but didn’t think it was extra special or anything. Unaware, I voiced my opinion. Not rudely or anything, just oh, glad you enjoyed it so much, I thought it was okay. This set off a multiple year line of attacks where periodically I was prodded, just randomly, that didn’t I really think the movie was great? Sometimes, this person would try to turn into victim, well, I guess I’m just stupid cause I said it was great, to mega victim - oh so you are saying I’m an idiot and attacking me because that movie is my favorite!! No, all I ever said was that, no, I thought the movie was okay. This would go on for hours and hours over days and days, vigorously vicious attacks against me. Sometimes I would be in tears, saying okay I was wrong, the movie was brilliant, I missed it the first time (in reality, there was no second viewing), but watched it again and you were right, just in an attempt to get them to leave me alone.
This exemplifies a relationship with a narcissist in my mind
😂😂😂 wtf I wud not even have a conversation with this person, I'd walk away and say "like I said it's okay, if u think it's great that's on you bye" but do it in public so they can't do anything back, they hate public exposing
@@elizabethspears1934 sadly relatable.
Hello Danish. Thanks again for some important information about Narcissists. Always looking forward to gathering insight.
Thank you so much and I share, share, share your videos.
So important all these videos are.
God bless you so much.
From Cynthia in JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
My narc told me that a substitute dog sitter wanted to do a meet and greet before we left the dog with her when we went out of town. I said, "That's strange. We've never had to do that before." I told him we didnt need to do it. He said he canceled it. Two days before we left, he walked out the door at 9:30 a.m. with the dog and said, "Im taking the dog on a walk to get some exercise." He NEVER gets up that early on his week off. While he was gone, I thought it was quite strange that he went walking; he never goes walking. When he got back, I asked him when the meet and greet was. He told me that he had just gotten back from the person's house so she could meet the dog. He LIED! Plus, he walked a mile just to take the dog over to that house when he could have taken his car!!! What a nasty jerk he is for lying and for plotting out his manipulative plan.
Maybe he has the sitter in sight as futur supply.😊
@@StudiosDelirium That's absolutely what he was thinking. 😂 I always book the dog sitter before vacation, but I asked him to do it since our usual sitter was busy. He studied the "pictures" for TWO hours! 🤭 I kept wondering what took so long to choose a dog sitter. He gets ZERO supply from ME. I've asked him to move out. When he committed adultery, he told me that he "knew this day would come because vacations were no longer fun." (???) He said he KNEW he was going to leave me. And I kicked him out. Unfortunately, he agreed to go to counseling if I'd let him come home. BIG MISTAKE! He cheated for three more months, and he even texted and called her while we were on our "weekend getaways" to work on our marriage. I ask him why he won't leave, and I told him it's over, but he won't leave. I'm exhausted.
@@tammyhollis1519 I am sendind you my most positives and precious energies. Reiki ( on line ) has helped me get rid of the narcs, so has meditations on the subject and cutting trauma bonds and cords. Good luck, friend. I am praying for you right now.
@@tammyhollis1519they are self serving and will not change. So do what’s right for you. Don’t worry about them. They’ll take care of themselves.
So you didn't want to do the meet and greet. You did not have to. So he did it without you. You asked him about it and he gave you an honest answer. Now he is taking you on a vacation. You just publicly called him a nasty manipulative jerk and a liar. He didn't tell you that he was doing the meet and greet before hand because he knew that you would make a big stink about it. What was his lie? He did cancel the meet and greet for you. He told you when he did it. When asked. There is no harm in letting the dog sitter meet he dog before taking care of it. Everybody got what they wanted including you. But you now are accusing him for plotting, manipulation, lying and you are calling him nasty. You come on here to portray yourself as the victim and get approval and confirmation in the comments. That is how you are the one plotting and you are the one lying by falsely accusing him of lying then you can use the comment section to validate yourself. I see right through your BS. You are causing trouble over a non issue. I know that when he told you he went to mee the dog sitter, you were nasty and went off on him and called him names. All because you wanted to control him and you didn't get your way.
A superb psychologist . You can definitely make the best derivation.
My narcissistic sister is all of them. She knows what makes us different and hates me for it. She likes to try to guilt trip me by saying that I should just forgive her, and I'm "supposed to" forgive. She tries to tell me what to think, what I should "do", and how I "should" handle certain things. Umm, no. I've never followed her "advice🤢" and I'm just fine. Her life's a mess.
Your podcast is ALL SUBSTANCE! Mashalloah. Amen.
So true! Thank you for your life's work!
I want to become at the state of radical acceptance, or this never ends. I still try to get acknowledgement from my parents and just get more dirt on me, just giving more material for them to prove that I am ”grazy”. So, in a way they are right: It is the best to let past go with them. You must heal your pain alone or with the theraphist. I’ve been in almost no contact to my parents about three years, but some and then written mails to them, trying to get some solution. Well, it is just getting more obvious, who they are. It is terrifying! I am already 59 and they, of course, now are entitled to anything because they are ”old”. This has been a long journey! Only 10 years ago I even got known about narcissism! Thanks You Tube! Then, try to find someone, a theraphist, who knows what it is. Now I really must to learn to be totally calm, complete no-contact. In any way: they will not be alone. They do have my golden sister there- or? 😅
My parents have convinced our entire family that I am insane and dangerous. Every attempt to repair my reputation has resulted in them taking what I said to mean the opposite and my attempt to clarify was met with their attempt to end the conversation but ending the conversation at that point meant that I'm being quoted as saying something that was not what I was trying to communicate. Pressing the issue to clarify what I said resulted being accused of causing trouble which was so frustrating I cussed them out. Then that was used as evidence to prove that I was insane and violent. They won't listen to what I say unless it is something they can use against me. My confronting their abuse is making up lies to be hurtful to get revenge. Thus they called me a narcissist and cut me off. I called them narcissists and cut them off as well. Being called a narcissist, I started to research the topic and learn all I can about narcissism. I was able to determine that I am not the narcissist because I admit to my wrong doings and am willing to accept responsibility and I feel remorse and I am willing to apologize. They deny wrong doing and what ever apology they ever offered was vague and never admit to specific wrong doing and confronting them results in the "How dare you!" routine. I am the only child of my father and my inheritance is going to my step mother and step siblings and their children. I will figure out how to stop these abusive people from swindling me out of my inheritance. My Step mother touched me inappropriately when I was a minor and when I told my father, I was called a liar. I cannot let this evil woman rob me of my birthright and get away with it. I will record it when I confront them for abusing me and protecting the abuser. What ever they say will be the proof I need to use in court to make my case that I am not smearing anyone. I just want to not be cut out of the will based on lies. I am 52
Thank you for amazing video God bless you.
I realized one day that my narcissist Aunt was telling me a lie she often used to try to make me feel guilty...I called her on it and shocked her that I finally saw through her.
Accusing of things that they are actually doing. Reasoning, makes them look innocent and they then say “but you were doing it so Im onky doing something you’re doing yourself.”
Enough for today, its stirring up too much past! Gonna listen to some pleasant music. 🤗
This kinda reminds me of how i would give my mom a pass for acting this way because she probably experienced it and was now doing it to me. What I learned is that this was an unhealthy/false way to look at forgiveness. It wasn’t right when it happened to her and it was even more egregious to do it to me having experienced it herself.
Danish your videos are always helpful... Pls make a video on NPD spectrum so that we can understand the difference between low, mild, average and extreme NPD symptoms, which makes us understand with whom we are dealing with.
Seems like they don't like you but have to have you because of their ego,and supply!
Wow! His parents really messed him up..but he could of been a good person..he chose to be evil
I have a client who has severe narcissistic personality, and her daughters is the same way. She is a rich drunk w/dementia. I tell her, "Do not bring me into your drama," this really triggers her.. I set boundaries, she goes off, then I just take the phone and go downstairs so she can't call her family on me. Pay is $25 per hr so I can't leave....until I am fired. Amazing that hasn't happened yet
I'm being accused of gaslighting, doing dreadful things, he is cheating on me and accusing me of sending nasty messages to her friends and family. Then he's loving, then he ignores me. Sending love then being unpleasant. It's so painful
Narcissistic parents will “meet your needs” without taking into consideration your unique abilities and preferences in a way that is most beneficial to them and least beneficial to you. The message to you, with anger, is that you had better be grateful, that they had to sacrifice and do without and that other people in your situation are getting less or nothing.
I love when they THINK they can Read others minds and also even strangers thinking ✅
They are literally always wrong
Brilliant as ever Sir.
Backfire to narcissist, I love God thank God Amen
I got to the point. I wonder if he ever says any truth. In their sick minds, even though they are lying, they think they are telling the truth.
Hi sir, my husband's mom is a big narcisst she destroyed my family. Bonding.. now my husband has transformed like his mother he has changed like a chameleon he has removed his mask ....he is imitating his mother, I feel so sad of his sudden behaviour..
THERE WAS A PERSONALITY IN HIM THAT I WAS ATTRACTED TO AND I WANTED SOMEHOW TO DO EVERYTHING IT SAID !!
THIS DIDNT HAPPEN AND IT LEFT ME TRULY WOUNDED
TO BE HONEST I FEEL I WANT TO GET BACK TO DRUGS I USE TO TAKE BUT I AM HOLDING MYSELF!! :(
As Salam alaikom,
Every video u post,I can relate to it 100%
Christine Albright
"Thank you"!...
"+"!..."❤"!...
Bang on
Spot on!
It is much better bring away from that person even when its a close relative. I certainly enjoy my alone time now.
I grew up with a narcissistic, drug addicted, violent bipolar, hyperchondriac mother who hurt everyone in our family, and I had an extremely bad self esteem, and I knew that all of the negativity and violence was directed towards me, because I literally begged my counselors at school to help, but they instead called her and told her what I had said, and she just dismissed the truth, and said that I was lying, and back in the 1980’s, nobody in authority was ever called regarding this. I was not the only one-I saw her beat us all up, including my father! In fact, I saw her actually stab my father and beat him with a rake in our garden. It was terrible! I was always told that I was such an inconvenience to her, that I’d never be worth anything, and that I was literally too stupid to pour piss out of a boot (her words) but I was ready to run away and live on the streets, eat from garbage cans, and sell my body to survive, or commit suicide, and my poor father was the one who checked me out of school , moved me to my grandfather’s home, and checked me into the other school. I struggled to get myself through high school, and had to return to my parents’ home on the weekends. So, in high school, I was actually too depressed to even kill myself at that time, and during that time, my beloved grandfather died from cancer, so I was all alone in his home…but I had friends and freedom for the first time ever. I felt very alone and worthless, but I worked 3-4 part time jobs, went to college, got an academic scholarship, and finally graduated college, but I felt so horrible and couldn’t shake my feelings. After I’d graduated, I was working, and finally got diagnosed after marrying a narcissist, I was diagnosed as Bipolar, with PTSD, agoraphobia, panic attacks, and she was genetically and in every way, was the root cause, but I had blamed myself for decades! I had believed her lies and painful deceit to my father and me! After 13 years of being completely miserable in my first horrific marriage, I was free, because I had originally been told by the counselor I was seeing, who was the preacher who had married us, that I would go to hell, if I divorced my husband for any reason other than adultery, so I stayed in that terrible marriage of sadness and violence for 13 years and divorced him, and then found a wonderful job and worked for several years, and met my second husband while living on my own and was happy and stable, and am still happy to have him and his joy added to my life. We’ve been married almost 18 years and are honestly so blessed together, and I have been stable for 21 years with my bipolar disorder and am in therapy for my panic attacks, and my husband and I are still hoping to become parents through adoption someday in about 3-4 years, and we both have such a love for children that we’d love to foster and adopt. I just had to move away from my mother when I was younger and get my own life, and discover that I am worthy of great blessings and love, and my husband treats me like I’m a goddess! But 32 years ago, I wanted to end my sad life, because I never felt like I belonged anywhere but at my home. I have agoraphobia and panic, because Hurricane Ida and its spinoff tornado destroyed $156K in damages to our home, which was my happy place. I’m doing much better now, but in the past 3 years, my husband has cared for me through surgeries on 6 places in my spine, and am trying to improve my mental health by learning to say no, to set healthy boundaries, and to know that I’m worth more than how I used to feel, like I was being an inconvenience, a burden, and a punching bag for 😊my mother. I was so afraid of having children and accidentally treating them like she did, that after I struggled with ovarian cysts constantly rupturing and causing me pain and also having fibroids, while I was married to my cruel narcissist first husband, that when the hormones that the doctor was giving me weren’t helping, I decided to go ahead and have a hysterectomy. I didn’t ever want to be like her in any way! Actually, I’m a very empathic person who adores children, and I teach Sunday school to pre-k through second graders and I have covered my refrigerator with their beautiful drawings. They are so special to me in each one’s way, and I cherish the bond that I have with each child, because they are so precious to me. My husband and I love children so much that we send each other funny or touching videos with children in them from TH-cam shorts, and we watch them together and share our love and joy. My husband has been so much fun and especially healing to me, and we are very happy together. My husband is truly a great man, a loving husband, and would be a terrific father. We’re so thankful to have each other, and we pray together, and that has helped me so much. I wish that our home hadn’t been damaged but we’ve finally recovered after 3 years, and we are still trying to heal in our own hearts, but we do have faith that no matter what, we will be all right, because we just place our faith in the Lord, but, of course, believe that everyone has their right to choose how they believe. I’m so thankful that my dear father took me away to live with his father, because I know he was so concerned about my mother’s intention of driving me crazy and/or to suicide, and I thank God that my father cared enough to stand up to her, to be physically and emotionally abused by her for my safety, and I will always be grateful for my Daddy! ❤
I left my husband a year before no contact for 1 year
Even he is not talking to kids
Now i am in trauma bond cannot
Can not get out ftom it
Now i am trying to contact him
I feeling talking to him will make my dipression better
My severely narcissistic aunt ( to whom ive had to cut all ties a few months ago) LIVED to debate, to oppose, to confuse me. It was a sick game to her. I could tell she ENJOYED provoking me. Then she'd twist and flip it. Long bouts of silent treatment, then more baiting. Then the rage. The discard. Then online stalking, triangulation . Some of her favorite phrases: : and you KNOW it. Prove it. Give me examples. Youre mentally ill. And of course the classic "after all ive done for you".
Please talk something about narcissistic boss at office
Why the victim has problem in focus??
This is crazy I have head this wording so much I'm so windblown and so upset
thanks really helpful😊
Thank you very much
Very typical phrases, specially, the 1st one, the no difference between us, once you show them their behaviour in return for one time, I had it a lot
good vid🙏
Number 5 is my situation to the tee my goodness wow
Once we were walking home from a concert , it was freezing cold and I fell because ice on the street , he didn,t reach out a hand to help get me up 😢
The mother of my child makes up any reason to reject my advances. So i stopped wanting anything from her. Yet me rejecting her very few advances (after she's had a night out partying with who knows who) she gets very angry. I am not going to be someone's second choice when i am expected to treat her like a queen throughout all her disrespect. Shes a terrible mother and i am trapped because i have to be a stay at home dad or my kids are neglected. The courts dont help, and i dont have any money. She has all the leverage.
Love you DANISH🎉🎉❤❤
I hear get over it constantly. I can't wait to get out of this life.
Spot on
They must be put in isolation by law for God sake!💯🙏
They are so destructive and harmful to everybody😢😢
Help me how to get separated emotionally from narcs in life .
I actually had a former so-called Big Brother of the Big Brothers of America tell me decades later that he had a right to talk to me the way he did because he was like a father to me. My father was killed by a drunk driver when I was seven. I never wanted a Big Brother. He became a member of the Big Brothers because he wanted to impress the church he moved to my town when I was ten. Sometime around then. Left when I was eighteen. Then for decades I received a Xerox letter addressed to Dear Folks on .y birthday and Christmas. Narcissist.
i have to come back to this later. i was born to a narcissist and I married a narcissist.
What about if they say they have no feelings for you.
The narcissist I had a toxic situationship with for years, got married to someone recently, the last time I spoke him was a year ago, he still was toxic back then, active on social media and all that. He never posted relationships and was always active on social media in some form. He recently got married, deleted half of his social media and isn't that active anymore. He only posted a picture of him in a weddingsuit on a businessprofile with this woman cropped out, I don't know who she is or anything. Can a narcissist be happy and validated by being married? Because they have permanent supply and they get to be viewed as normal now that they're married? Is he fully committed to her because he deleted half of his social media and isn't active anymore?!
@@Analist_altijd_elegance pls don't chase him enjoy little things in ur life definitely one day his mask will removef
Having been there myself, I can say with most probablity is the reason he got rid of half his social media is that his new wife caught him either cheating or talking to other women. He will just be sneakier about it now is all.
Does it matter? He belongs in the past. He deserves to be forgotten. Dont waste your thoughts on this person.
@@elizadawne3896 Thank you for your response
@@pheart2381 We all watch these videos about narcissism, including this one, because we are all wondering about things.. So don't shame me for asking a question. We are all wondering and wanting to be informed about things of our ex narcissist, otherwise we weren't in this comment section. Thank you for your comment anyway
And if you don’t watch out they will cause you to loose your mind and they think they are clever to do that!!!!!!!!
A couple a times I wen5 to new places with the narcissist friend and he always demanded he new how to get to the destination but we always got lost while I was telling him that we had to into a other direction , now I know it was ine of his nadty games .