Danish-- I have very recently discovered you, and I find your videos leaps and bounds over the many other psychologists that speak on the topic of narcissism because you address things in very specific ways. I am not only subscribed, but am bookmarking this particular video, "Stop Doing These Five Things..." My request is that you do a series of videos on why we are repelled by non-narcissists.. If I don't have narcissists, I don't have friends. What else am I doing wrong, or are these "nice" people just a figment of my imagination? I am 67 and am only discovering that this is why I am alone, because I have eventually cut all these people out of my life and there is no one.
In addition to my first message, I would like to say that every time I try to get involved in some sort of interest I have (say flora or fauna or music, etc.), I run in to this blockade by people who challenge my value as a participant. Yes, I downplay my level of knowledge to make people not think I am coming in as a know-it-all, and wonder if I should put myself out there a little more assertively, but then I don't want to get challenged and not be able to meet it. Also, any women who are not particularly attractive are already just "part of the woodwork," "uninteresting," "unbelievable," etc., which only becomes more evident with age. So we are shunned or exploited by default. I dyed my grey hair and that has made a world of difference, but still have a hard time getting through the "barriers."
@@sandramirekuayim1161 unfortunately most people already lost their intuition long time ago. if i'm not bitten by a venomous narc, i will continue to think naively that everybody is good, especially those who went to church often and 'help' people and 'love' children.
@sandramirekuayim1161 If a person is raised by Narcissistic Abuse, their brain and body systems get Developmentally Damaged to have it UNSAFE for our systems to tap into ANYTHING for our OWN well-being, including Intuition and self-worth... NO child abuser sees ANY use in allowing that, because it works against their dehumanizing of their targets. I am very grateful to be in times where this is all getting better understood and medically clarified by neuro-biological and developmental sciences. It has been a lifetime of feeling inept when ppl victim-shame abuse-survivors expecting us to just CHOOSE to "love ourselves first," "listen to your Intuition/ gut," "believe people when they show you who they really are," "know Red Flags are actions not matching their words..." With COMPLETE DISREGARD for how foreign and DANGEROUS that is for systems raised under violent ramifications any time an abused child dares to try to tap into any of that. Unfortunately, it takes professional Trauma-informed interventions to work through ways to replace that programming of our long abused systems' forced firing and overuse in ways not neurotypically or developmentally ideal or natural (nervous, poly-vagal, hormonal, somatic, respiratory, parasympathetic, cardio-vascular, + + as well as the inherent epigenetics). Even us Truthtellers and "premature launching" runaways from the decades before any of this was understood STILL come away with physiological and psychological blocks and gaps to being able to SAFELY know, explore, and backfill developing this, because even though we can tell and prove to our thoughts that we ARE safer, and our own autonomous adults, our subconscious and survival mechanisms have been too long jammed- from our starts- into hypervigilence (until we crash into burned and burned-out dissassociative hypo-vigilence tolerance incapacities). Our systems are all wired for emotion BEFORE cognition... In teachers' college, that was one of our first lessons. If emotions are ramped or crushed/ depleted- for better or worse- our systems do not optimally learn/ think. Abusers keep targets in a constant state against the ideal calm needed to think clearly about our well-being, let alone any other personal wants of autonomous value. SO many people have NO clue what we are up against when one is Developmentally Damaged and brainwashed from your start in life AGAINST having SAFETY (let alone encouragement) to develop those privileged neurotypical ideals. Hopefully the actually trauma-impact data will increase such key awarenesses of these realities over such assumptions that anyone can just choose to over-ride Developmental Abuse by heeding clichés flung at us.
Whenever I'm being gas-lit, shamed, teased, ridiculed etc. By the narcissist, I just freeze and never know what to say in the moment. A part of me just doesn't believe that someone would deliberately be that unkind, and try to hurt me in this way.
When people insult you realize it's them projecting their fears and their emotions on to you, what people use to insult and shame, what they acuse you of is exactly what they have done or how they feel of them self, the best reaction is two options One : " I love you" and smile *they can't except kindness or love and it's almost an insult to them Two: " I'm sorry you feel that way, it must be exhausting to go around using all that energy to be that angry, I feel sorry for you" and walk walk away, but privately keep in mind how evil they are, fake empathy and kindness towards them and you will always come out on top especially in public
@juliet8678 When someone FREEZES after triggers you describe, like not knowing what to say to stand up for oneself, or rationally discuss things for adult-to-adult fair clarity, my Trauma Therapies have taught me that that is because our Child selves Survival Traumas have been triggered by feeling UNSAFE, so the primal Limbic Survival INSTINCT parts of the brain kick-in, shutting down younger/ later-developed more complex Brain functions like reasoning & diplomacy, to PROTECT you. Those oldest brain systems don't have upgrades from later developing brain areas to know the difference between a physical beating attacking you, or someone just being petty and mean with words projecting their toxicity onto you... It takes professional Trauma-informed help to heal that and gap-fill to help our brain parts upgrade and align to undo such developmental abuse damages. There are many options, plus even free online supports, groups, and videos if people can't afford and access 1:1 therapy sessions. Also, look up most effective Trauma Therapies, because there are a few VERY different types, including ones that don't even require a lot of rehashing history... RTT, EMDR, Tapping, EFT, CBT & DBT, IFS. You never deserved this... None of us deserve to have our well-being and quality of life treated as less equal to others'... Took me 50 yrs to START learning this!
I totally felt the same way, shocked, frozen, complacent. It's meant to short circuit your mental capacities and nervous system. Crush your soul so you'll keep taking the abuse as it gets worse and worse over time.
Oh I'm still in awe to this day. Wouldn't wish a narcissist experience on my worst enemy but my eyes are surely open to what exists now. I choose to see what I went through as a super power now.
Absolutely, no respect for boundaries. Boy have I learnt my lesson about NO. Now quite prepared to take legal action or abuse Narc's who won't accept No as a response. Believe me saves a lot of time, money and stress.
The fifth point is very important. My intuitions told me not to marry that man. But I rationalized and ignored my own intuition. I thought that as a highly educated person I should not take such an important decision based on intuition. My rationalization was proved wrong within a few months after marriage and I had to suffer narcissistic abuse for twenty long years. But I learnt a lesson 'Do not ignore what your sixth sense tells you '
I dreamed of being cheated on twice even with the name in my dream & ignored it. Head heart attacks and chest pain, weight gain without any reason, thank gut he discarded me like I’m no one on Valentine’s Day 😑
Same here! I didn't listen to my gut intuition and got married for all the wrong reasons. I summed it up as having "cold feet" while my gut was doing back flips. But, I learned a lot along the way.
This advise is also great for the “fixers”. I’m not a people pleaser, I can say no and I have no problem calling people out on their nonsense. My problem was I wanted to fix my broken Narc. He talked about his tough childhood with a narcissistic mother and I saw a damaged little boy. I thought that with enough love he could be healed and because of this I forgave certain behaviors. When I had enough and realized I couldn’t fix him I left him and never looked back.
Omg .. I had the same experience. He was a covert narc. Covert narc comparing to other (more obvious) types harder to recognize right away. Good thing that you realized that and left! 💪🏻
It took me 50 yrs of cycling with trying to help such people to learn: 1) not ALL abused people are wanting or having capacity to value healing options and better-together solutions... Many are addicted to negative-attention-seeking in victim problem-fixated dramas. 2) SOME Narcissistic Abusers MIRROR ppl they meet by LYING and saying they went through abuse/ Trauma/ Betrayals too... Then Love-Bomb and Hoover fast tight us-against-all Trauma-Bonding... Now, I am being more cautious and discerning with such seeming "kismet" connections. 3) Abuse doesn't only create very caring people who don't want the same for others... Abuse can also create Narcissistic Abusers, and emotionally unavailable people, too. 4) Love and time can't heal others who don't authentically value mutual well-being to best make use of opportunities of sharing love and time. 5) ...that I had to start valuing MY well-being and energies as equal to others' because I kept getting burned and burned out- thanklessly (I took a group tx Healthy Boundaries course that was pivotal). Honestly, I am so happy that you and others figure such out earlier in life... Sure wish I had! Keep sharing your awareness regardless of when you learn such key gap-filling in your life... That's one key way to help spare others sooner, so this is not as prevalent, and the Narcissistic Abusers are not so under the radar more and more!
Heal yourself. Love yourself Get to Church or Ronald McDonald houses. Penelope house. Salvation army. Call 911 and ask for help. Don't try to tough it out by yourself. Get some help. !!!! ! GODSPEED !!!!!!
I hope to god more people are awake to these folk. Its not just lovers its friends as well. They steal your time,are selfish and attention seekers,liars,manipulaters,users and ever so good at love bombing,gift giving i could go on. Thank the lord for spiritual intuition .🙏🏻
Don't forget family of origin . Society sanctifies the family system yet an egregious amount of abuse stems from within the family system.. Millions of children ending up in foster care or "juvenile" societal systems. Why? Of course the scapegoat is lucrative to sick minds wanting to transfer their sins and sicknesses on. Peace
“ the moment someone confuses you, gives you mixed vibes, makes you question your identity, personality, feelings…”! My ex narc would say” that’s not how you feel, or you can’t feel that way”. Told me what I could and could not feel! Such a great point to know your traumas and feelings! And protect yourself!
It will never come easy to me, saying no. I apologise, over explain and worst of all, over-share my feelings. It's a cringe inducing experience for all. However, if I get out of something I felt uneasy about then it is a triumph.
It’s hard to stop those things! It takes time and patience with yourself, I still have a tough time with not saying “I’m sorry “. Amazing coworkers are helpful to me and I’m much more confident about myself. We’re unlearning these behaviors, not easy or quick and definitely cringey at times. But we’re doing it so yay! Good luck to you, stay strong 💪 ✌🏼👍💜
You are a wonderful teacher and I appreciate you so much this all makes sense to me I swear my ex narcissist narcissist of 36 years brainwashed me completely he wiped his muddy feet off on me he wouldn't work he ended up being a raging alcoholic a raging Percocet narcotic seeker and he verbally abused me on a daily basis all I was was a paycheck we had two beautiful children I prayed and prayed and prayed to God for years and years and nothing happened I've been divorced 12 years now I will never look at another man people don't understand how cruel these people are thank you again❤
it is so sad when your Prayers go unanswered 😔 talk about over thinking 🤷🏼♂️but we know God has a plan for us that we at times can never understand. so glad your free. 3 years for me 🙏🏼. Hallelujah, and I will never lose my faith
Right there with you! People don't understand why I'm completely through with relationships. I married mine twice! I fell for it again! I can't trust my judgment. My stepfather was also a narcissist. They gravitate towards me. Now, I'm shut off. I had friends I had to let go of too. The purge came after my third marriage. He left me after 11 months. The healing has begun. God is still good! I'll pray for you right now.
My gut is always uncomfortable as I care give for my narc Dad. I keep thinking he is going to chill out in his old age, but no. He will be evil until dead, unfortunately. I have decided he needs to go to a facility for care and he guilts me saying "That's where they throw people away." I feel like telling him that after a million and one chances, yes, he is being discarded, just as he discarded my mom, letting her lay on the floor until she died, pretending he did not know to dial 911.
When dealing with narcissist practice indifferiance do the opposite of what they want. They are so stupid they tell you their playbook they only want your reaction. Also don't create a fair fight with them be ruthless. Give them nothing.
I should have listened to my inner voice, because it was saying alot but I just thought I was overthinking and the narcissist gaslighting confirmed it. I chose to ignore so many red flags.
You said it exactly the way it is. The narcissist studies you. Is from the beginning piecing you together like a jigsaw puzzle. And then will use his ways to knock out each one of those puzzle pieces till you are a wrecked puzzle with no beautiful picture anymore. No one knows that you didn't do that to yourself but that a monster did that to you. A monster disguised as a "wonderful" man. If one has never gone through being married to a narcissist they could watch a thousand of these videos and never get it. But to anyone who's married or has been married to a narcissist, everything you said is right on the mark exactly true. And a reality that never ends as long as the narcissist lives. They are like not human. They don't know how to love people. They don't have the internal human love that humans naturally have. They are truly the definition of a monster.
Intutions is the most important part of our personality. While being in narcissistic relationship your mind keep telling you that there is something majorly wrong with this person and this relationship, but in hope of change we keep ignoring the red flags and our intutions... We need to listen to our institutions and act on it... Thanx a lot for all your videos Danish!
In hope of change we ignore the red flags. Damn right. I just flew to another country to meet a guy i met 4 months ago. We spoke txt video called morning and night txt for 4 months. For 10 days we never kissed property, he had sex after 4 days of me being in this other country, he actually did not look at me. Eye were closed... We never went out to a cafe or a bar or a walk in this beautiful city even though my air bnb flat was just next to his flat. He also never stayed the night .. My stay was all about if he comes and what time. He would drop by annanouced or come at 1am. But then I would get jewelery , food shopping for a week.. But then on my last day he would get angry that i met some neighbour next to me when I was waiting all saturday for him and left for a walk with then at 11 40 pm.. I was guilt tripped for that alao for ownig own business and having own life. I do not have to mention he was sexy as hell. My peace was gone throughout this 10 day visit. Second day when he came to see me he actually started shouting at me in a car. I left immidietely and cried after being alone in a foreugn city. I just wonder if I encountered and run away from a narcisistic relationship
@@orianam9835Yes you did, I hope you saved yourself. I hope you can imagine you were not the only one he was doing the same thing. You know what a player is?
It’s so true! In retrospect, most of us notice their odd behaviors since the beginning. We just choose to give them a chance because they are so good and mirroring us that we think they have the same intentions as us
Your the only one I've heard saying survivor's normally it's victim's, since I started my narc education I honestly love saying No , the best way to learn to say no is use a mirror and watch yourself saying no ,it's brilliant we don't see ourselves talking use the mirror to show you how you look saying no ,adds to self confidence..self empowerment..
I'm still a people pleaser. However, it is much easier to say no. My ex narc taught me to be callus with him just like he was with me. He taught me that "people aren't my friends." I have cut off people that only want to use me as a punching bad, a doormat, or an ATM, mostly in my own family.
'Mixed vibes' is really sticking out for me in this video. Those people that you think are alright but your not sure. I think the 'mixed vibe' is enough to tell you exactly who they are. We must listen more and be cautious.
Also, the minute you go " cold" on a narc, they try and tell you that everyone perceives you that way.. that you really are a cold person... It's really a mind game they are trying to play.
You are super smart and you know these satanic creatures like the back of your hand. Yes, believing in good people, being forgiving and kind, forgiving them and giving them chances - this is what they use to torture us. I clearly saw the signs of a mental disorder and sadistic tendencies, but I forgave her time after time hoping that she will understand and improve. Fatal mistake.
OMFG, perfect timing! I just broke up with my narcissist and was wondering how I kept ending up in these relationships. I'm committed to personal growth and thought I was pretty solid. My self-confidence is fine, I don't avoid healthy conflicts and really don't care much about people's opinions of me in general. But I have a blind spot when it comes to the people I care about and are closest to me. I just (literally 3 days ago) realized that I have some lingering codependency traits. I become the savior, the fixer, all in service of love. I have unlimited compassion and tend to overfunction in relationships. When the red flags started to show, I addressed them. I pointed out the gaslighting and subtle acts of manipulation and tried to encourage healthy dialog. This is almost impossible with a narcissist. Committed to making it work, I ended up tiptoeing around her emotions and coddling her insecurities. I stopped personal training because of her jealousy of other women. She continued to exploit my patience and the sacrifices started to build to where I felt like I was losing myself. I ended up feeling angry, hurt, and resentful, and she had to go. I realized that this was a me problem. All of her needs were being met. My childhood trauma has left me with unclear, practically non-existent boundaries and an unhealthy willingness to give and give. I've started to reevaluate those behaviors and the beliefs that have held them in place. I'll be coming back to this video as a reminder. Thanks
Thank you for posting as your words helped my floating thoughts to settle. Experiencing much of the same, have just started to learn how my childhood trauma shaped me, the whole thing is so insidious. Having a Blindspot for my parent, but these videos and comments are helping me to adjust to the sad reality
All of this is true. Being very agreeable, conflict-averse, peaceful, accommodating - all of this is used by the narcissicts. Empathy, fixer, savior - these are the targets. Yes, they play the victim to get you to jump into their trap.
Danish...you are like a driven man to protect us, and we so need that. I need that. Thank you and God bless you and may we all listen to you and act accordingly.
Thank you so much. 🌿 Learn your inner fears, say no without feeling guilty (or with feel guilty whatever don't care, just say no and don't explain why you say no). 🌿Connect people with different levels, protect your peace, you don't have to save anyone, don't waste your evergy on the things you don't have to do 🌿Cut ties when you are exposed mixed vibes by a person, 🌿TRUST YOUR INTUITION, IT'S YOUR BIGGEST GUIDE. 🌿Clear your priorities, and put them prior. 🌿Focus on your traumas and understand them, heal them. Don't accept narcissist'shelp to heal the trauma, it's fake. GOD SAVE HUMANS FROM HUMAN EVILS. Stay strong. 💪🏼
You have to know your Achilles's Heel, & know it well, before anyone else figures it out. That's our weak spot where we're most prone to manipulation when it comes our way.
This was my Dad who you are talking about. I could never figure out why I would not follow his attempts at manipulating me, even when he offered me money for Copyrighting one of my best songs. (It seemed that there was some kind of "gimmick" attached to what he wanted me to do & I just bring myself to follow his suggestions as to what he wanted me to do. You helped me see just now that perhaps it was my "intuition" that kept me from doing what he wanted me to do. Later, he even told me that if I copyrighted my song, with his name on the song also; it would be best. Then I started to think about the fact that he wanted 'me' to put his name down on the song in order to get "credit" for contributing to the song, when he hadn't done anything at all to contribute to its finished product.
This was pure gold! You validated me❤ I was told that I was overthinking...no, that is code for, my intuition was right! And it was used against me. Predator...perfect description...yes they want to get into your head so they can manipulate. Thank you! Thank you! Always listen to your intuition...nobody knows you, better than you!
This is sooo good!! 1. Say no! Always! I’m not polite either. I say FUCK no! Well it depends, Lol 2. Don’t let anyone destroy your peace! Omg! So true! Don’t give people access! You can’t let people have access to your super powers!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️ know what they are!!! Cut ties (I call it Door slam b/c I’m an INFJ!) 4. People are bad they are energy vampires (yup!) people are mostly not good 4. Know your traumas 5. Trust your intuition (INFJ’s) have that down see people for who the F they are !!!!! So good Danish ❤️
This is what am working hard on, starting from family level to friendships with people, though it's not easy 😢 especially when you know it's not about pleasing anyone it's your good heart 😢 God have Mercy 🙏
Learn to say no Protect your peace and timeand stability its assets Not cutting ties when we should do Be self aware Make your value system honnesty, respect ,respect boundires You must embodyy your emotion Must follow your intuition.
All Dany is saying are common things a mother and father should have teach us while growing up. Instead, they chose to programmed us for failure. I was having a meal in a terraza of a restaurant by the seashore full of people and tourist when an unknown man stood by my side while smiling like a vulture. I didn't even look at him before that. I told him to heat the road and later I was thinking; how come?...I was feeding sparrows (they might become extinct while doves are multiplying) with bread crumbs). Feeding them was what put me under his radar. At the end, this is going to be the planet of the robotics; no one would dare to show their human side, and the ones smiling will be the "weird ones". I have already heard people saying that if someone is nice is because they want something (which is partly true due to our narcissistic societies but it rules out genuine kindness).😢
Wow, sure hit the nail on the head there ! I love all the little creatures, feeding the birds, the squirrels...etc.. I'm,also, a narc magnet.. As someone once told me, kindness is seen as weakness...Go figure ! 😟
Yep! If you're giving out a warm vibe and let your guard down then horrible people will try to inch their way in. It can lead to very uncomfortable exchanges, especially in strange places, as in holiday destinations.
@@jbrown2908 Thats a very invalidating, gaslighting, belittling response. I hope you understand that as a fellow narc survivor. Of course, I have thought of that. Rumination is a basic trauma response. Self-doubt and accommodating the needs of the family first and foremost is the norm as the scapegoat. Why would that not cross my mind? Please also consider that if they do not have knowledge of their own behavior they won't be capable of kindness and giving respect to others at all, stranger, everyone but you. EVEN IF THAT'S PERFORMATIVE, it shows that they are capable of deciding whether to treat person well or not. I have experienced the potential of that myself. They are completely aware of how they are treating you, I tested that and see it with my own eyes. you can never get any closure and have any productive discussion with any narcs ever and I needed closure and certainty. Believing that BS will only lengthen the process of our recovery. I am highly empathic to a fault, I don't even have to try to consider others and understand them from their POV. In fact, have to work on being selfish and considering my own needs first to heal and get to this point. We are victims and they harmed us intentionally, thats necessary to acknowledge for us to heal.
@@jbrown2908 I'll do it but not in public; I'm tired of being harassed. I need to take care of my own. I'm all by myself and learning to set boundaries while dealing with smears campaigns.
This is the best video i have ever seen . I always felt i lost my intuition and now i know why . I want to reprogram my mind to get it back and take a stand
Yeah knowledge strengthens you! Because of all you and narcissist exposers here, I immediately see the signs. That man who appears to want a caring mutual relationship, those women who IMMEDIATELY want to be your best friend (but come dragging a sob story)and spin confusion. They say they want a solution to a problem but bring you down & NEVER follow any solid advice! RUN!!! 😃
My mother was/is "the hell like that." In the past three days I've listened to as many of your talk as I possibly could. The first night I stayed up till 4 AM. You are more helpful than anyone I've ever encountered!! Bless you over and over!! Dr. Fischer
This is by far the best video ever on this topic! This information HAS to be taught to children esp teenagers. Wish I had this lesson early on 😔☹️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
True. Every school & colleges should be taught about mental health subject at very early age. Healthy relationship, narcissism, Narcissistic Personality Disorder & mental health disorder.
I learned from the best about narcissism from my Mother's side of the family and of course her. That is tough growing up being controlled and not given choices not even of what to wear, or how to speak. I am learning how to cut ties because its hard to when its your own mother. NO. Set boundaries. Keep your peace, learn your traumas, and TRUST YOUR INTUITION. Be in touch with your essence and take time to know people. Read them as best as you can.
I can definitely mirror their behaviors back. Used to get me in trouble "being a Navy bratt" both my parents OCD NARCISSISTS.. Im breaking the cycle.im the scapegoat of the whole family
Thank you, Danish, that's exactly what I'm doing since 5 years ago. Maybe this is one of the reasons why I defeated the narc over here. Whenever I see the clue on his face, I defuse it right away. I knew he wanted to gaslight me, but I will stop it. I questioned him, and I asked why his face looked like a Cobra ready to bite? I guessed he understood that I'm ready to defeat him. I could see his face changed to the normal way. I won't let him gaslighting me again. Not in this life anymore.
I cut ties with a date last night who took every opportunity to belittle my leadership and was a really shitty person. Just block and move on. DO NOT give them another chance.
Your intuition is the voice of the spirit, also referred to as the inner voice! That is what the narssisist, this agent of the enemy targets first. To cut you off from the ONLY source of truth to help you against deception.
You are doing a great job Danish. Keep making such insightful videos . People who are victim of narcissistic abuse need you out there . Much love and light to you .❤
Thank you for this message. These are things I used to have a problem with, because I was narcissistically abused by my mom and dad. But, I thank God that after counseling I have gained the tools to navigate differently through the world. I still pray everyday and depend on God to guide me🙌🏾
Same... Wish I had understood plus learned to value my well-being as equal to others' BEFORE age 50, and many tough draining patterns cycling... Learning to teach my systems to feel SAFE with valuing ME and Healthy Boundaries with professional Trauma supports... So grateful awareness and supports are improving and increasing. 🙏
I really like helping people when it costs me very little. Almost nothing. I love it when someone is in need and I fix their problem with no effort and carry on with my life like it was nothing. Normal people are grateful, Narcissists out themselves "That didn't inconvenience you at all!" and they look like they want to cry. One of many ways I found narcissists are very good at disappearing. But decent people respect you for helping them... the trouble is, you might not remember them because it was such a small insignificant thing to you. So help any stranger if you can do it easily and without any risk. Only go out of your way for people you trust.
I ignored my intuition with the last narcissist in my life. I had a good friend that ended up marrying him. I accepted him because of my friend, when I should have just ended the friendship! I will never ignore my intuition again! I really paid the price.
This is brilliant, essential, and life-saving advice! Listen to ur intuition and be unafraid to say no or call out the other person(s) if u suspect smear campaigning. U are not being negative in doing this! U must fight back against all attempts that attack ur peace. You must be fearless in defending yourself and any who are innocent around you! This is a hard but valuable lesson! Powerful presentation, Danish; thank u for this! It triggered some painful past events that were important lessons for my growth. 😊
That's got to be one,if not the biggest reason I need to quit drinking. Though I drink nowhere like I used to, I still drink enough to open myself up to the narcissist
I couldn't have come across this at a better time. I've just realized my oldest friend is a quasi-narcissistic predator who feeds on my energy. Would have never realized there had I not tried to enforce boundaries with him (which he did not take too well). Oh well, life is full of disappointment when your supposed caregivers decide to emotionally abuse you instead.
I think I now know what is meant by "do you want me to pound it into your head? " I knew of some of these advice and I never put it into action because I always thought things are going to be better (it never did). Thank you so very much for pounding it into my head. Lol. I must say though, the way you are explaining the various scenarios on narcissism, anyone can understand. I wish you all the best, and may you be blessed with all the necessities to allow you to help others in your capacity 🙏😇💯
Thank you Danish for all this wisdom! Most people who are "normal" don't realize there are these wicked people out there or they are themselves narcissistic. A observation I would like to make is religion plays a big part in out innocent attitudes about others. It tells you to pit others first & stick by them esp in marriage because they may change by seeing your good qualities. And that is BS. I have come to be disgusted with religions although I turn to God to help me to overcome these destroying attitudes.
Thank you for clearly showing me my flaws, i.e., the characteristics which allow narcissists to trap me! All my life I've been attracting narcissists and wondered why. I always gave people "chances" because it was the nice thing to do/ good thing to do. Thanks, have just subscribed.
You are not FLAWED... You probably had those gaps conditioned in harsh ways into your subconscious and other systems when coping as best you could, in times and environments where this kind of awareness was blocked or devalued. I am so glad you and all of us are learning to reclaim our equal rights to well-being and fulfilling individuality. 🙏💞🦋
@@sarahcinnamonthriving9563 Thanks for saying that. I am learning so much here. I think It stems from my childhood where The conditioning was to be nice and please my mother/ elders, so that they would be proud of me. This past year has been a teacher. My eyes are open now.
@soleil25mm You are definitely not alone, and I only started learning all this around age 50! Like you, I had a lifetime of such draining hurtful imbalanced connections. I became disabled, and all the Users bailed... It was painful... I lost nearly everything that I had worked so hard for, all the while giving and sharing so much with others, who didn't reciprocate when I actually needed caring, too, for a change. Having to take care of my own severe well-being needs- AFTER so much of my resources had been wasted on others- has been a harsh set of lessons, but finally forced me to learn to value my well-being as equal to others' - especially in finding out no one else was. I also came to realize that I had built my self worth and "adult" identity/ roles on doing for others, and I have learned that I didn't know how to be alone separate from serving others, nor to feel safe and valid to do things that just resonate with me, like for fun, or my recharging... I would get major panic attacks, guilt, sense of doom, and huge anxious restlessness... I learned that this is because I was raised to get beaten every time I was not doing something "useful." My systems got conditioned to feeling unsafe if I wasn't being dutiful. So believe me, I get where you are coming from. Just know that unless someone is deathly ill perhaps, your well-being is otherwise a non-negotiable EQUAL right to anyone else's. 🙏🦋💞
Hi Danish. I can not THANK YOU ENOUGH for these videos! I've suffered from narcissistic people and ALL forms of abuse for decades! Thanks for helping me change and STOP the ABUSE! God Bless you!
Thanks a lot Danish ❤. Your precious teaching help me through my healing process to my ex narcissistic husband and I finally realised after 44 years that my parents are narcissistic
Fantastisch erklärt, danke! Genau das übe ich und es ist so schwer. Ich kann es noch nicht gut, Bindung zu trennen. Bewundere , dass du so klar bist. Ich bin noch nicht so weit. Deine Videos helfen sehr weiter zu kommen. Danke
Only recently found your channel and you're such a wonderful, direct, firm but kind communicator. This is so necessary because I personally need to work on listening to my intuition, and setting boundaries, saying NO and feeling okay to do so.
Thanks 😊 for explaining we have to hang on to our values and be kind calm and aware and don't get involved in negative conversation pay attention very helpful
I think trusting your own intuition is a learned thing through practice. I didn't do that in my youth but by the time I was in my late twenties, early thirties, I finally learned to listen to my gut.
Wonderful video.......I'm a people pleaser, very selfless and empathetic.........My strengths are my weaknesses when it came to the narcissist in my life.......Learning to say no is going to be like memorizing the constitution......
The moment someone makes you feel like your heart fell into your stomach or that sensation of " oh shit" and then panic...run bcs that is your intuition and body saying this is wrong ...i know it is hard i always try to see the better in ppl but its better to love yourself
Great information but some can't 'see' it (in the beginning anyway...) I say that do to my ex's next victim. Long story on how I know this but may help others. 1. If this person all of a sudden 'loves' you, your family, your kid yet only Works with you. 2. Wants to be your 'friend' on these social media pages but you never clicked 'accept' 3. You have clarified that you're with someone and can hang out but Only as friends 4. They are persistent on hanging out, loving you, somehow knows all about you even though you have made it clear but get this odd love infatuation story from them They play such warped mind games. I have read all this and would put examples but probably not a good idea. His text history I have come across, just not long ago the victim had clearly stated she is with someone she loves, the narc apologized and blamed the fellow coworkers for telling him to 'go for it, she's not takin', she clarified and clearly stated she leaves her personal life out of work and That is why those coworkers don't know. He kept contacting her, trying to 'play it cool' but gradually went back to the obsession character. It's like he's stalking her, contradicts his prior statements. I'm thinking, girl....I hope you caught that, as that's the same stunt's he pulled on me and look where I/it ended up* (As usual, he used it to reel me in but within months his contradictory self appeared and took me years to see and find a way out)
Every time I listen to you I learn so much. Everything you talk about reflects my experience and I never realized what I was doing wrong and why I kept running into people like this over and over. The thought that there are people in the world who depend on others to get their needs met instead of depending on themselves, and will stop at nothing to do get what they want, including hurting other people, just never occurred to me.
Here is the link to all my best resources:
beacons.ai/narcabusecoach/
This link is not working
@@suvarnajoy2879 try again... It worked for me and others.
Thanks big bro
Danish-- I have very recently discovered you, and I find your videos leaps and bounds over the many other psychologists that speak on the topic of narcissism because you address things in very specific ways. I am not only subscribed, but am bookmarking this particular video, "Stop Doing These Five Things..." My request is that you do a series of videos on why we are repelled by non-narcissists.. If I don't have narcissists, I don't have friends. What else am I doing wrong, or are these "nice" people just a figment of my imagination? I am 67 and am only discovering that this is why I am alone, because I have eventually cut all these people out of my life and there is no one.
In addition to my first message, I would like to say that every time I try to get involved in some sort of interest I have (say flora or fauna or music, etc.), I run in to this blockade by people who challenge my value as a participant. Yes, I downplay my level of knowledge to make people not think I am coming in as a know-it-all, and wonder if I should put myself out there a little more assertively, but then I don't want to get challenged and not be able to meet it. Also, any women who are not particularly attractive are already just "part of the woodwork," "uninteresting," "unbelievable," etc., which only becomes more evident with age. So we are shunned or exploited by default. I dyed my grey hair and that has made a world of difference, but still have a hard time getting through the "barriers."
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
narc will never show you who they are, especially when you are the narc's supply or flying monkeys. else u won't be their supply, would you?
@@spaideman7850well that's where your intuition comes in😊
@@sandramirekuayim1161 unfortunately most people already lost their intuition long time ago. if i'm not bitten by a venomous narc, i will continue to think naively that everybody is good, especially those who went to church often and 'help' people and 'love' children.
@sandramirekuayim1161 If a person is raised by Narcissistic Abuse, their brain and body systems get Developmentally Damaged to have it UNSAFE for our systems to tap into ANYTHING for our OWN well-being, including Intuition and self-worth... NO child abuser sees ANY use in allowing that, because it works against their dehumanizing of their targets.
I am very grateful to be in times where this is all getting better understood and medically clarified by neuro-biological and developmental sciences.
It has been a lifetime of feeling inept when ppl victim-shame abuse-survivors expecting us to just CHOOSE to "love ourselves first," "listen to your Intuition/ gut," "believe people when they show you who they really are," "know Red Flags are actions not matching their words..."
With COMPLETE DISREGARD for how foreign and DANGEROUS that is for systems raised under violent ramifications any time an abused child dares to try to tap into any of that.
Unfortunately, it takes professional Trauma-informed interventions to work through ways to replace that programming of our long abused systems' forced firing and overuse in ways not neurotypically or developmentally ideal or natural (nervous, poly-vagal, hormonal, somatic, respiratory, parasympathetic, cardio-vascular, + + as well as the inherent epigenetics).
Even us Truthtellers and "premature launching" runaways from the decades before any of this was understood STILL come away with physiological and psychological blocks and gaps to being able to SAFELY know, explore, and backfill developing this, because even though we can tell and prove to our thoughts that we ARE safer, and our own autonomous adults, our subconscious and survival mechanisms have been too long jammed- from our starts- into hypervigilence (until we crash into burned and burned-out dissassociative hypo-vigilence tolerance incapacities). Our systems are all wired for emotion BEFORE cognition... In teachers' college, that was one of our first lessons. If emotions are ramped or crushed/ depleted- for better or worse- our systems do not optimally learn/ think. Abusers keep targets in a constant state against the ideal calm needed to think clearly about our well-being, let alone any other personal wants of autonomous value.
SO many people have NO clue what we are up against when one is Developmentally Damaged and brainwashed from your start in life AGAINST having SAFETY (let alone encouragement) to develop those privileged neurotypical ideals.
Hopefully the actually trauma-impact data will increase such key awarenesses of these realities over such assumptions that anyone can just choose to over-ride Developmental Abuse by heeding clichés flung at us.
.......the first time.
Whenever I'm being gas-lit, shamed, teased, ridiculed etc. By the narcissist, I just freeze and never know what to say in the moment. A part of me just doesn't believe that someone would deliberately be that unkind, and try to hurt me in this way.
When people insult you realize it's them projecting their fears and their emotions on to you, what people use to insult and shame, what they acuse you of is exactly what they have done or how they feel of them self, the best reaction is two options
One : " I love you" and smile *they can't except kindness or love and it's almost an insult to them
Two: " I'm sorry you feel that way, it must be exhausting to go around using all that energy to be that angry, I feel sorry for you" and walk walk away, but privately keep in mind how evil they are, fake empathy and kindness towards them and you will always come out on top especially in public
@juliet8678 When someone FREEZES after triggers you describe, like not knowing what to say to stand up for oneself, or rationally discuss things for adult-to-adult fair clarity, my Trauma Therapies have taught me that that is because our Child selves Survival Traumas have been triggered by feeling UNSAFE, so the primal Limbic Survival INSTINCT parts of the brain kick-in, shutting down younger/ later-developed more complex Brain functions like reasoning & diplomacy, to PROTECT you. Those oldest brain systems don't have upgrades from later developing brain areas to know the difference between a physical beating attacking you, or someone just being petty and mean with words projecting their toxicity onto you... It takes professional Trauma-informed help to heal that and gap-fill to help our brain parts upgrade and align to undo such developmental abuse damages. There are many options, plus even free online supports, groups, and videos if people can't afford and access 1:1 therapy sessions. Also, look up most effective Trauma Therapies, because there are a few VERY different types, including ones that don't even require a lot of rehashing history... RTT, EMDR, Tapping, EFT, CBT & DBT, IFS.
You never deserved this... None of us deserve to have our well-being and quality of life treated as less equal to others'... Took me 50 yrs to START learning this!
I totally felt the same way, shocked, frozen, complacent. It's meant to short circuit your mental capacities and nervous system. Crush your soul so you'll keep taking the abuse as it gets worse and worse over time.
Some of us couldn't realize there's people out there that can only harm and manipulate others.
Oh I'm still in awe to this day. Wouldn't wish a narcissist experience on my worst enemy but my eyes are surely open to what exists now. I choose to see what I went through as a super power now.
😢@@HealedChakras777
@@HealedChakras777”people”??😂👹💩🎃💀🤡🤣🤣
@@HealedChakras777oh I would😁😁🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
They keep showing up in my life. My family, SOs and at work... Its like I'm surrounded by them
So true. The Holy Spirit of God guided me through out this hell. The angel of God was always by my side Sho.... phew what a journey!
No is a complete sentence it’s wonderful! They’re pushy people that’ll suck the life out of you then leave you for dead.
Absolutely, no respect for boundaries. Boy have I learnt my lesson about NO. Now quite prepared to take legal action or abuse Narc's who won't accept No as a response. Believe me saves a lot of time, money and stress.
I'm in a 20 year marriage to a covert narcissist and finally realized what is happening to me
The fifth point is very important. My intuitions told me not to marry that man. But I rationalized and ignored my own intuition. I thought that as a highly educated person I should not take such an important decision based on intuition. My rationalization was proved wrong within a few months after marriage and I had to suffer narcissistic abuse for twenty long years. But I learnt a lesson 'Do not ignore what your sixth sense tells you '
I dreamed of being cheated on twice even with the name in my dream & ignored it. Head heart attacks and chest pain, weight gain without any reason, thank gut he discarded me like I’m no one on Valentine’s Day 😑
Same here! I didn't listen to my gut intuition and got married for all the wrong reasons. I summed it up as having "cold feet" while my gut was doing back flips. But, I learned a lot along the way.
@ basantidevi8185, same here. Not only that in my case others stopped me too but I went by intuition.
never ignore your intution, its a voice from god/higher inelligence
@@dZeNa.I love you for being so brave and smart.
I fiercely protect my peace. I love my freedom and joy that “no contact” has brought me.
❤
So, no one is gonna save us.
Only ourselves.
This advise is also great for the “fixers”. I’m not a people pleaser, I can say no and I have no problem calling people out on their nonsense. My problem was I wanted to fix my broken Narc. He talked about his tough childhood with a narcissistic mother and I saw a damaged little boy. I thought that with enough love he could be healed and because of this I forgave certain behaviors. When I had enough and realized I couldn’t fix him I left him and never looked back.
Omg .. I had the same experience. He was a covert narc. Covert narc comparing to other (more obvious) types harder to recognize right away. Good thing that you realized that and left! 💪🏻
Clear our. Don't go back. They are the Devil in a meat bag. GODSPEED !!!!!!!!!!?
It took me 50 yrs of cycling with trying to help such people to learn:
1) not ALL abused people are wanting or having capacity to value healing options and better-together solutions... Many are addicted to negative-attention-seeking in victim problem-fixated dramas.
2) SOME Narcissistic Abusers MIRROR ppl they meet by LYING and saying they went through abuse/ Trauma/ Betrayals too... Then Love-Bomb and Hoover fast tight us-against-all Trauma-Bonding... Now, I am being more cautious and discerning with such seeming "kismet" connections.
3) Abuse doesn't only create very caring people who don't want the same for others... Abuse can also create Narcissistic Abusers, and emotionally unavailable people, too.
4) Love and time can't heal others who don't authentically value mutual well-being to best make use of opportunities of sharing love and time.
5) ...that I had to start valuing MY well-being and energies as equal to others' because I kept getting burned and burned out- thanklessly (I took a group tx Healthy Boundaries course that was pivotal).
Honestly, I am so happy that you and others figure such out earlier in life... Sure wish I had!
Keep sharing your awareness regardless of when you learn such key gap-filling in your life... That's one key way to help spare others sooner, so this is not as prevalent, and the Narcissistic Abusers are not so under the radar more and more!
Lucky you 👍
Heal yourself. Love yourself Get to Church or Ronald McDonald houses. Penelope house. Salvation army. Call 911 and ask for help. Don't try to tough it out by yourself. Get some help. !!!! ! GODSPEED !!!!!!
I hope to god more people are awake to these folk. Its not just lovers its friends as well. They steal your time,are selfish and attention seekers,liars,manipulaters,users and ever so good at love bombing,gift giving i could go on. Thank the lord for spiritual intuition .🙏🏻
Don't forget family of origin . Society sanctifies the family system yet an egregious amount of abuse stems from within the family system.. Millions of children ending up in foster care or "juvenile" societal systems. Why? Of course the scapegoat is lucrative to sick minds wanting to transfer their sins and sicknesses on. Peace
I got rid of everybody . Problems solved :)
To that I've been met with "what's wrong with him, is he going crazy? He's pushing everyone away!" No I'm reclaiming my sanity- thank you very much!
“ the moment someone confuses you, gives you mixed vibes, makes you question your identity, personality, feelings…”! My ex narc would say” that’s not how you feel, or you can’t feel that way”. Told me what I could and could not feel! Such a great point to know your traumas and feelings! And protect yourself!
It will never come easy to me, saying no. I apologise, over explain and worst of all, over-share my feelings. It's a cringe inducing experience for all. However, if I get out of something I felt uneasy about then it is a triumph.
The over explaining and over sharing is your childhood trauma showing through.
Why?
It’s hard to stop those things! It takes time and patience with yourself, I still have a tough time with not saying “I’m sorry “. Amazing coworkers are helpful to me and I’m much more confident about myself. We’re unlearning these behaviors, not easy or quick and definitely cringey at times. But we’re doing it so yay! Good luck to you, stay strong 💪 ✌🏼👍💜
Yes, I agree with you and this me
We must be related. Lol
You are a wonderful teacher and I appreciate you so much this all makes sense to me I swear my ex narcissist narcissist of 36 years brainwashed me completely he wiped his muddy feet off on me he wouldn't work he ended up being a raging alcoholic a raging Percocet narcotic seeker and he verbally abused me on a daily basis all I was was a paycheck we had two beautiful children I prayed and prayed and prayed to God for years and years and nothing happened I've been divorced 12 years now I will never look at another man people don't understand how cruel these people are thank you again❤
it is so sad when your Prayers go unanswered 😔 talk about over thinking 🤷🏼♂️but we know God has a plan for us that we at times can never understand. so glad your free. 3 years for me 🙏🏼. Hallelujah, and I will never lose my faith
@@heyoldman2003 thank you so much for your kind words I hope you have an amazing life we need more good-hearted people out in the world like you
We are at the same point, been divorced 13 years, the best thing I have from him are my children!
Glad your prayers were answered amen 🙏
Right there with you! People don't understand why I'm completely through with relationships. I married mine twice! I fell for it again! I can't trust my judgment. My stepfather was also a narcissist. They gravitate towards me. Now, I'm shut off. I had friends I had to let go of too. The purge came after my third marriage. He left me after 11 months. The healing has begun. God is still good! I'll pray for you right now.
My gut is always uncomfortable as I care give for my narc Dad. I keep thinking he is going to chill out in his old age, but no. He will be evil until dead, unfortunately. I have decided he needs to go to a facility for care and he guilts me saying "That's where they throw people away." I feel like telling him that after a million and one chances, yes, he is being discarded, just as he discarded my mom, letting her lay on the floor until she died, pretending he did not know to dial 911.
My goodness, what on earth?
When dealing with narcissist practice indifferiance do the opposite of what they want. They are so stupid they tell you their playbook they only want your reaction. Also don't create a fair fight with them be ruthless. Give them nothing.
I should have listened to my inner voice, because it was saying alot but I just thought I was overthinking and the narcissist gaslighting confirmed it. I chose to ignore so many red flags.
You said it exactly the way it is. The narcissist studies you. Is from the beginning piecing you together like a jigsaw puzzle. And then will use his ways to knock out each one of those puzzle pieces till you are a wrecked puzzle with no beautiful picture anymore. No one knows that you didn't do that to yourself but that a monster did that to you. A monster disguised as a "wonderful" man. If one has never gone through being married to a narcissist they could watch a thousand of these videos and never get it. But to anyone who's married or has been married to a narcissist, everything you said is right on the mark exactly true. And a reality that never ends as long as the narcissist lives. They are like not human. They don't know how to love people. They don't have the internal human love that humans naturally have. They are truly the definition of a monster.
All you said is💯
Intutions is the most important part of our personality. While being in narcissistic relationship your mind keep telling you that there is something majorly wrong with this person and this relationship, but in hope of change we keep ignoring the red flags and our intutions...
We need to listen to our institutions and act on it...
Thanx a lot for all your videos Danish!
In hope of change we ignore the red flags. Damn right.
I just flew to another country to meet a guy i met 4 months ago. We spoke txt video called morning and night txt for 4 months.
For 10 days we never kissed property, he had sex after 4 days of me being in this other country, he actually did not look at me. Eye were closed...
We never went out to a cafe or a bar or a walk in this beautiful city even though my air bnb flat was just next to his flat.
He also never stayed the night ..
My stay was all about if he comes and what time. He would drop by annanouced or come at 1am.
But then I would get jewelery , food shopping for a week..
But then on my last day he would get angry that i met some neighbour next to me when I was waiting all saturday for him and left for a walk with then at 11 40 pm..
I was guilt tripped for that alao for ownig own business and having own life.
I do not have to mention he was sexy as hell.
My peace was gone throughout this 10 day visit. Second day when he came to see me he actually started shouting at me in a car. I left immidietely and cried after being alone in a foreugn city.
I just wonder if I encountered and run away from a narcisistic relationship
@@orianam9835Yes you did, I hope you saved yourself. I hope you can imagine you were not the only one he was doing the same thing. You know what a player is?
It’s so true! In retrospect, most of us notice their odd behaviors since the beginning. We just choose to give them a chance because they are so good and mirroring us that we think they have the same intentions as us
Your the only one I've heard saying survivor's normally it's victim's, since I started my narc education I honestly love saying No , the best way to learn to say no is use a mirror and watch yourself saying no ,it's brilliant we don't see ourselves talking use the mirror to show you how you look saying no ,adds to self confidence..self empowerment..
can’t say no , people pleaser and conflict avoider ? yes , yes and YES. thank you Danish . now we know what to do 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
I'm still a people pleaser. However, it is much easier to say no. My ex narc taught me to be callus with him just like he was with me. He taught me that "people aren't my friends." I have cut off people that only want to use me as a punching bad, a doormat, or an ATM, mostly in my own family.
'Mixed vibes' is really sticking out for me in this video. Those people that you think are alright but your not sure.
I think the 'mixed vibe' is enough to tell you exactly who they are. We must listen more and be cautious.
Literally that. If they come across as disingenuous that's a red flag.
Also, the minute you go " cold" on a narc, they try and tell you that everyone perceives you that way.. that you really are a cold person... It's really a mind game they are trying to play.
"...shapeshifting...bad feelings.” That part.
You are super smart and you know these satanic creatures like the back of your hand. Yes, believing in good people, being forgiving and kind, forgiving them and giving them chances - this is what they use to torture us. I clearly saw the signs of a mental disorder and sadistic tendencies, but I forgave her time after time hoping that she will understand and improve. Fatal mistake.
OMFG, perfect timing! I just broke up with my narcissist and was wondering how I kept ending up in these relationships. I'm committed to personal growth and thought I was pretty solid. My self-confidence is fine, I don't avoid healthy conflicts and really don't care much about people's opinions of me in general.
But I have a blind spot when it comes to the people I care about and are closest to me. I just (literally 3 days ago) realized that I have some lingering codependency traits. I become the savior, the fixer, all in service of love. I have unlimited compassion and tend to overfunction in relationships.
When the red flags started to show, I addressed them. I pointed out the gaslighting and subtle acts of manipulation and tried to encourage healthy dialog. This is almost impossible with a narcissist. Committed to making it work, I ended up tiptoeing around her emotions and coddling her insecurities. I stopped personal training because of her jealousy of other women. She continued to exploit my patience and the sacrifices started to build to where I felt like I was losing myself. I ended up feeling angry, hurt, and resentful, and she had to go.
I realized that this was a me problem. All of her needs were being met. My childhood trauma has left me with unclear, practically non-existent boundaries and an unhealthy willingness to give and give. I've started to reevaluate those behaviors and the beliefs that have held them in place. I'll be coming back to this video as a reminder. Thanks
Thank you for posting as your words helped my floating thoughts to settle. Experiencing much of the same, have just started to learn how my childhood trauma shaped me, the whole thing is so insidious. Having a Blindspot for my parent, but these videos and comments are helping me to adjust to the sad reality
You offer some of the best advice online right now on how to deal with narcissists. It is very much appreciated, thank you.
As a Libra and as a survivor of narcissistic abuse for 36 years, the best thing that's ever happened to me was learning to love being in solitude.
Dump the zodiac,
Why, some zodiacs are narcissist...Aries, Taurus, Sagittarius n Capricorn ( ambitious narc ) , @@MattyNelson-rs3ik
All of this is true. Being very agreeable, conflict-averse, peaceful, accommodating - all of this is used by the narcissicts. Empathy, fixer, savior - these are the targets. Yes, they play the victim to get you to jump into their trap.
Danish...you are like a driven man to protect us, and we so need that. I need that. Thank you and God bless you and may we all listen to you and act accordingly.
Dealing with evil at its best 😢
Thank you so much.
🌿 Learn your inner fears, say no without feeling guilty (or with feel guilty whatever don't care, just say no and don't explain why you say no).
🌿Connect people with different levels, protect your peace, you don't have to save anyone, don't waste your evergy on the things you don't have to do
🌿Cut ties when you are exposed mixed vibes by a person,
🌿TRUST YOUR INTUITION, IT'S YOUR BIGGEST GUIDE. 🌿Clear your priorities, and put them prior.
🌿Focus on your traumas and understand them, heal them. Don't accept narcissist'shelp to heal the trauma, it's fake.
GOD SAVE HUMANS FROM HUMAN EVILS. Stay strong. 💪🏼
Great list. I like being 68, because I always meet much younger men; it’s easy to say “Oh, I’m way too old for you.”
We are all such valuable children of God and deserve only the Best from conception to now. I love you all so much ❤❤❤
You have to know your Achilles's Heel, & know it well, before anyone else figures it out. That's our weak spot where we're most prone to manipulation when it comes our way.
That’s the blessing of having a physical flaw. The creep will throw it up to you right off the bat; point out that most folks wouldn’t want you! Ha!
This was my Dad who you are talking about. I could never figure out why I would not follow his attempts at manipulating me, even when he offered me money for Copyrighting one of my best songs. (It seemed that there was some kind of "gimmick" attached to what he wanted me to do & I just bring myself to follow his suggestions as to what he wanted me to do. You helped me see just now that perhaps it was my "intuition" that kept me from doing what he wanted me to do. Later, he even told me that if I copyrighted my song, with his name on the song also; it would be best. Then I started to think about the fact that he wanted 'me' to put his name down on the song in order to get "credit" for contributing to the song, when he hadn't done anything at all to contribute to its finished product.
Hope it was a big hit.
This was pure gold! You validated me❤ I was told that I was overthinking...no, that is code for, my intuition was right! And it was used against me. Predator...perfect description...yes they want to get into your head so they can manipulate. Thank you! Thank you! Always listen to your intuition...nobody knows you, better than you!
This is sooo good!! 1. Say no! Always! I’m not polite either. I say FUCK no! Well it depends, Lol 2. Don’t let anyone destroy your peace! Omg! So true! Don’t give people access! You can’t let people have access to your super powers!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️ know what they are!!! Cut ties (I call it Door slam b/c I’m an INFJ!) 4. People are bad they are energy vampires (yup!) people are mostly not good 4. Know your traumas 5. Trust your intuition (INFJ’s) have that down see people for who the F they are !!!!! So good Danish ❤️
This is what am working hard on, starting from family level to friendships with people, though it's not easy 😢 especially when you know it's not about pleasing anyone it's your good heart 😢
God have Mercy 🙏
Learn to say no
Protect your peace and timeand stability its assets
Not cutting ties when we should do
Be self aware
Make your value system honnesty, respect ,respect boundires
You must embodyy your emotion
Must follow your intuition.
No is such a great word. Saying no to someone shows just what kind of person they are. Thanks for your great videos.
All Dany is saying are common things a mother and father should have teach us while growing up. Instead, they chose to programmed us for failure.
I was having a meal in a terraza of a restaurant by the seashore full of people and tourist when an unknown man stood by my side while smiling like a vulture. I didn't even look at him before that. I told him to heat the road and later I was thinking; how come?...I was feeding sparrows (they might become extinct while doves are multiplying) with bread crumbs). Feeding them was what put me under his radar.
At the end, this is going to be the planet of the robotics; no one would dare to show their human side, and the ones smiling will be the "weird ones". I have already heard people saying that if someone is nice is because they want something (which is partly true due to our narcissistic societies but it rules out genuine kindness).😢
Wow, sure hit the nail on the head there ! I love all the little creatures, feeding the birds, the squirrels...etc.. I'm,also, a narc magnet.. As someone once told me, kindness is seen as weakness...Go figure ! 😟
Yep! If you're giving out a warm vibe and let your guard down then horrible people will try to inch their way in. It can lead to very uncomfortable exchanges, especially in strange places, as in holiday destinations.
@@jbrown2908 stop saying that shit they didnt do the best they could when they didnt even try lol
@@jbrown2908 Thats a very invalidating, gaslighting, belittling response. I hope you understand that as a fellow narc survivor. Of course, I have thought of that. Rumination is a basic trauma response. Self-doubt and accommodating the needs of the family first and foremost is the norm as the scapegoat. Why would that not cross my mind? Please also consider that if they do not have knowledge of their own behavior they won't be capable of kindness and giving respect to others at all, stranger, everyone but you. EVEN IF THAT'S PERFORMATIVE, it shows that they are capable of deciding whether to treat person well or not. I have experienced the potential of that myself. They are completely aware of how they are treating you, I tested that and see it with my own eyes. you can never get any closure and have any productive discussion with any narcs ever and I needed closure and certainty. Believing that BS will only lengthen the process of our recovery. I am highly empathic to a fault, I don't even have to try to consider others and understand them from their POV. In fact, have to work on being selfish and considering my own needs first to heal and get to this point. We are victims and they harmed us intentionally, thats necessary to acknowledge for us to heal.
@@jbrown2908
I'll do it but not in public; I'm tired of being harassed. I need to take care of my own. I'm all by myself and learning to set boundaries while dealing with smears campaigns.
This is the best video i have ever seen . I always felt i lost my intuition and now i know why . I want to reprogram my mind to get it back and take a stand
Yeah knowledge strengthens you! Because of all you and narcissist exposers here, I immediately see the signs. That man who appears to want a caring mutual relationship, those women who IMMEDIATELY want to be your best friend (but come dragging a sob story)and spin confusion. They say they want a solution to a problem but bring you down & NEVER follow any solid advice! RUN!!! 😃
I cannot begin to explain how much you’ve helped me, thank you.
My mother was/is "the hell like that." In the past three days I've listened to as many of your talk as I possibly could. The first night I stayed up till 4 AM. You are more helpful than anyone I've ever encountered!! Bless you over and over!! Dr. Fischer
This is by far the best video ever on this topic! This information HAS to be taught to children esp teenagers. Wish I had this lesson early on 😔☹️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
True. Every school & colleges should be taught about mental health subject at very early age. Healthy relationship, narcissism, Narcissistic Personality Disorder & mental health disorder.
I learned from the best about narcissism from my Mother's side of the family and of course her. That is tough growing up being controlled and not given choices not even of what to wear, or how to speak. I am learning how to cut ties because its hard to when its your own mother. NO. Set boundaries. Keep your peace, learn your traumas, and TRUST YOUR INTUITION.
Be in touch with your essence and take time to know people.
Read them as best as you can.
I can definitely mirror their behaviors back. Used to get me in trouble "being a Navy bratt" both my parents OCD NARCISSISTS.. Im breaking the cycle.im the scapegoat of the whole family
This is 10000000% 🔥🔥🔥
Preach it Danish!!
And for goodness sakes, stop being so nice!!! 😅😊😼😽
Thank you, Danish, that's exactly what I'm doing since 5 years ago. Maybe this is one of the reasons why I defeated the narc over here. Whenever I see the clue on his face, I defuse it right away. I knew he wanted to gaslight me, but I will stop it. I questioned him, and I asked why his face looked like a Cobra ready to bite? I guessed he understood that I'm ready to defeat him. I could see his face changed to the normal way. I won't let him gaslighting me again. Not in this life anymore.
I cut ties with a date last night who took every opportunity to belittle my leadership and was a really shitty person.
Just block and move on.
DO NOT give them another chance.
Your intuition is the voice of the spirit, also referred to as the inner voice! That is what the narssisist, this agent of the enemy targets first. To cut you off from the ONLY source of truth to help you against deception.
Tell him no when you’re sick & he wants to sleep with you: it’s silent treatment at it’s best 😮
13:38 so very true never doubt in your inner voice I did ignore it and I payed my price lessen learned for the future
You are doing a great job Danish. Keep making such insightful videos . People who are victim of narcissistic abuse need you out there . Much love and light to you .❤
58 and still seem to be making the same mistakes. Urghh...I think I learned a little this last time. So many of them!
Thank you for these self help advise. I am empath. I plan to protect my peace. You are spot on. I am most grateful for your words.
if u want to stop being used by narc, stop making judgement (or worse act on behalf of story teller) after u had heard a one-sided sad story.
Thank you for this message. These are things I used to have a problem with, because I was narcissistically abused by my mom and dad. But, I thank God that after counseling I have gained the tools to navigate differently through the world. I still pray everyday and depend on God to guide me🙌🏾
Same... Wish I had understood plus learned to value my well-being as equal to others' BEFORE age 50, and many tough draining patterns cycling... Learning to teach my systems to feel SAFE with valuing ME and Healthy Boundaries with professional Trauma supports... So grateful awareness and supports are improving and increasing.
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I really like helping people when it costs me very little. Almost nothing. I love it when someone is in need and I fix their problem with no effort and carry on with my life like it was nothing. Normal people are grateful, Narcissists out themselves "That didn't inconvenience you at all!" and they look like they want to cry. One of many ways I found narcissists are very good at disappearing. But decent people respect you for helping them... the trouble is, you might not remember them because it was such a small insignificant thing to you. So help any stranger if you can do it easily and without any risk. Only go out of your way for people you trust.
Very powerful video
Thank you
I ignored my intuition with the last narcissist in my life. I had a good friend that ended up marrying him. I accepted him because of my friend, when I should have just ended the friendship! I will never ignore my intuition again! I really paid the price.
This is brilliant, essential, and life-saving advice! Listen to ur intuition and be unafraid to say no or call out the other person(s) if u suspect smear campaigning. U are not being negative in doing this! U must fight back against all attempts that attack ur peace. You must be fearless in defending yourself and any who are innocent around you! This is a hard but valuable lesson! Powerful presentation, Danish; thank u for this! It triggered some painful past events that were important lessons for my growth. 😊
That's got to be one,if not the biggest reason I need to quit drinking. Though I drink nowhere like I used to, I still drink enough to open myself up to the narcissist
Yeah… intuition! Praise God!❤️
I couldn't have come across this at a better time. I've just realized my oldest friend is a quasi-narcissistic predator who feeds on my energy. Would have never realized there had I not tried to enforce boundaries with him (which he did not take too well). Oh well, life is full of disappointment when your supposed caregivers decide to emotionally abuse you instead.
I think I now know what is meant by "do you want me to pound it into your head? " I knew of some of these advice and I never put it into action because I always thought things are going to be better (it never did). Thank you so very much for pounding it into my head. Lol. I must say though, the way you are explaining the various scenarios on narcissism, anyone can understand. I wish you all the best, and may you be blessed with all the necessities to allow you to help others in your capacity 🙏😇💯
You are one of the best on sharing information on narcissistic abuse. Thank you very much.
Thank you Danish for all this wisdom! Most people who are "normal" don't realize there are these wicked people out there or they are themselves narcissistic. A observation I would like to make is religion plays a big part in out innocent attitudes about others. It tells you to pit others first & stick by them esp in marriage because they may change by seeing your good qualities. And that is BS. I have come to be disgusted with religions although I turn to God to help me to overcome these destroying attitudes.
I watch about narcisism for 3 years now. And this is by far the most informative Channel of all. Much appreciated. 👍
Ahh! Yes. The old go along to get along saying comes to mind.
Thank you so much, Danish for the reminder. I always ignored my intuition when I was still in the narcissistic relationship.
Thank you for clearly showing me my flaws, i.e., the characteristics which allow narcissists to trap me! All my life I've been attracting narcissists and wondered why. I always gave people "chances" because it was the nice thing to do/ good thing to do. Thanks, have just subscribed.
You are not FLAWED... You probably had those gaps conditioned in harsh ways into your subconscious and other systems when coping as best you could, in times and environments where this kind of awareness was blocked or devalued. I am so glad you and all of us are learning to reclaim our equal rights to well-being and fulfilling individuality.
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@@sarahcinnamonthriving9563 Thanks for saying that. I am learning so much here. I think It stems from my childhood where The conditioning was to be nice and please my mother/ elders, so that they would be proud of me. This past year has been a teacher. My eyes are open now.
@soleil25mm You are definitely not alone, and I only started learning all this around age 50! Like you, I had a lifetime of such draining hurtful imbalanced connections.
I became disabled, and all the Users bailed... It was painful... I lost nearly everything that I had worked so hard for, all the while giving and sharing so much with others, who didn't reciprocate when I actually needed caring, too, for a change.
Having to take care of my own severe well-being needs- AFTER so much of my resources had been wasted on others- has been a harsh set of lessons, but finally forced me to learn to value my well-being as equal to others' - especially in finding out no one else was.
I also came to realize that I had built my self worth and "adult" identity/ roles on doing for others, and I have learned that I didn't know how to be alone separate from serving others, nor to feel safe and valid to do things that just resonate with me, like for fun, or my recharging... I would get major panic attacks, guilt, sense of doom, and huge anxious restlessness... I learned that this is because I was raised to get beaten every time I was not doing something "useful." My systems got conditioned to feeling unsafe if I wasn't being dutiful.
So believe me, I get where you are coming from. Just know that unless someone is deathly ill perhaps, your well-being is otherwise a non-negotiable EQUAL right to anyone else's.
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Hi Danish. I can not THANK YOU ENOUGH for these videos! I've suffered from narcissistic people and ALL forms of abuse for decades! Thanks for helping me change and STOP the ABUSE! God Bless you!
We still need to pray for these people though. Jesus said to pray for even our enemies!
Thank you for the information and the valuable advice🙏 God bless you🙏
Thanks a lot Danish ❤. Your precious teaching help me through my healing process to my ex narcissistic husband and I finally realised after 44 years that my parents are narcissistic
This video is amazing! #3 was so fierce I had to watch it over and over. I gotta get better at this. As HG Tudor says, “when you know, you go!”
Fantastisch erklärt, danke! Genau das übe ich und es ist so schwer. Ich kann es noch nicht gut, Bindung zu trennen. Bewundere , dass du so klar bist. Ich bin noch nicht so weit. Deine Videos helfen sehr weiter zu kommen. Danke
Only recently found your channel and you're such a wonderful, direct, firm but kind communicator. This is so necessary because I personally need to work on listening to my intuition, and setting boundaries, saying NO and feeling okay to do so.
Thanks 😊 for explaining we have to hang on to our values and be kind calm and aware and don't get involved in negative conversation pay attention very helpful
I think trusting your own intuition is a learned thing through practice. I didn't do that in my youth but by the time I was in my late twenties, early thirties, I finally learned to listen to my gut.
The best relationship with someone else is none at all.
if you are a people pleaser its difficult to say No! thank you❤❤
Wonderful video.......I'm a people pleaser, very selfless and empathetic.........My strengths are my weaknesses when it came to the narcissist in my life.......Learning to say no is going to be like memorizing the constitution......
It is very difficult, they also make sure we can't earn money outside. So money is the weapon they use to control , mainly women.
This is are the best tools against narcissist i ever learned! So true!! Thank you so much!
The moment someone makes you feel like your heart fell into your stomach or that sensation of " oh shit" and then panic...run bcs that is your intuition and body saying this is wrong ...i know it is hard i always try to see the better in ppl but its better to love yourself
Great edition. A service to humanity.
Thank you for this video … very very helpful especially that someone morphing into exactly filling your needs could be a red flag.
this is perfect im trying to break the cycle and im trying to get the courage to leave a narc workplace
Well said trauma ,intuition,masking real intentions
You're a God-send. Thank you so much!!
Great information but some can't 'see' it (in the beginning anyway...)
I say that do to my ex's next victim. Long story on how I know this but may help others.
1. If this person all of a sudden 'loves' you, your family, your kid yet only Works with you.
2. Wants to be your 'friend' on these social media pages but you never clicked 'accept'
3. You have clarified that you're with someone and can hang out but Only as friends
4. They are persistent on hanging out, loving you, somehow knows all about you even though you have made it clear but get this odd love infatuation story from them
They play such warped mind games. I have read all this and would put examples but probably not a good idea. His text history I have come across, just not long ago the victim had clearly stated she is with someone she loves, the narc apologized and blamed the fellow coworkers for telling him to 'go for it, she's not takin', she clarified and clearly stated she leaves her personal life out of work and That is why those coworkers don't know. He kept contacting her, trying to 'play it cool' but gradually went back to the obsession character. It's like he's stalking her, contradicts his prior statements. I'm thinking, girl....I hope you caught that, as that's the same stunt's he pulled on me and look where I/it ended up*
(As usual, he used it to reel me in but within months his contradictory self appeared and took me years to see and find a way out)
2:26 absolute truth spoken....much needed for me
Every time I listen to you I learn so much. Everything you talk about reflects my experience and I never realized what I was doing wrong and why I kept running into people like this over and over. The thought that there are people in the world who depend on others to get their needs met instead of depending on themselves, and will stop at nothing to do get what they want, including hurting other people, just never occurred to me.