I think monogamous gay relationships are the exception than the rule. At least that is the general perception!! So, good for you that you are in a monogamous one!!!
Deep respect for the emotions you would suffer from that betrayal, but in defense of honesty and truth: that’s not what an open relationship is. By your expression, the hurt that you feel merely resulted in a prejudice against polyamory and open relationships. I hope that you are able to fully recover from almost 40 years of being lied to and that it does not pollute your future relationships. Contrary to what some people believe, it’s still possible to cheat on someone who believes they’re in an open/polyamorous relationship; cheating only requires lying to someone about true feelings/actions.
Jordyn Turner been there. Trust me it gets easier as u get older, and you get to figure out who you truly are. Keep that head up, even at your lowest point, universe has a reason for h to go through what you’re going through.
highschool sucks because we lack control of ourselves and others, but after that , you gain so much more control over yourself just because you have so much more experience being yourself. think of your life as a ticket for your soul to experience the human essense , also , eventually acting tough is all have peopel have left, dont let that happen.
Was in a 16 years old monogamous relationship. It all went to hell the moment we let a third person into the relationship. I really tried to be open-minded and did all I could to make things work but in the end... it's inevitable in a triad for one part to feel that he/she is being left out. So, after 6 hellish months, I just had to get out of that situation and let go of everything we had built over the course of those 16 years. I lost my partner, my investments, my plans for the future, and I lost 16 years of my life for nothing. I am aware of polyamorous relationships working for other people... it just didn't for me. The only thing I got from that deal was a deep emotional depression. So no... those types of relationships are definitely not for me.
So yeah...your man cuckolded ur arse...that's brutal, but something tells me there were numerous signs that he wanted something and someone new. He should've just ended it with you, but didn't want to be that guy...so he let you figure it out urself...damn that's savage...and you just watched them. You got replaced and pushed out
I’ve been in a monogamous relationship with my now husband for over 50 years - we wouldn’t have done it anyway other way - easy no - worth it you bet - we both would do it over again!
I did hesitate about open relationships, but my partner seemed unsecured and uncomfortable. So I gave that thought up because my partner is more important than those temporary excitements.
If your partner wants an open relationship and you don’t, break up. Three possibilities: 1. You agree to be open and resent them for it. 2. You agree to be closed and they resent you for it. 3. You agree to be closed and they cheat on you.
Except, you know, some people are okay with either monogamy or polyamory? There's nothing wrong with asking your partner, whom you love and respect, whether they'd consider it.
Daniel W. It can be worth it to discuss it thoroughly. I originally didn’t want to be open, but over lots of conversation I decided to try it and looking back after a year it was a great decision.
I appreciate the way you reflected your own feelings in this comment without disparaging the other side. I don’t see any reason in why you need to be convinced of the validity of open relationships since you already acknowledged it works for some people. It doesn’t sound like an open relationship would be something that would fulfill you or be consensual for you and that’s perfectly fine! We’re all wired differently! Thank you for being fair to all sides 🙌🏻
@@ethana.3091 I strongly disagree. Just as RGB points out relationships are in their very essence orders of power. The bonding of 2 individuals to create - be it children, wealth or a stable environment for themselves - is innate to being a human. What a "stable environment" constitutes is entirely in the eye of the beholder(s) and contained within the laws that govern society. The ability to maintain relationships, choosing the right partner etc. is heavily influenced by the first relationships we have and witness. Namely the ones within our atomic family. Countless studies have verified this hypothesis, without citing Godfather Freud ;). It's debatable whether these relationships also have a "subconscious" sexual element to them. Back on topic, for aforementioned reasons monogamy/polygamy appear to be purely ideological. Jealousy can occur under any circumstance, sex outside a relationship can also happen under any circumstance and breakups happen also in both "types". Nevertheless I think monogamy is more appealing. There's a certain pride one can take in having an all pervasive significant other, surrendering one's desires and sexual drive exclusively to that person and wilfully restraining oneself in all aspects of life for the love you get from your other half. Others argue that this would be a too dependent and constricting experience.
My advice is that you need to lay down your values. For example me in a relationship there are 5 things based on my value that are essential: 1) communication, 2) honesty) 3) growth 4) trust 5) consistency. It will differ for you in some ways but I know what I want in a relationship so I passed the stage of not knowing what I want or don't want.
@@baimken3001 Dont be because everyone is different and not everyone is a cheater. I never and would never do that to someone I loved and care about. You need to have the maturity or basic decency to simply let someone know that you are not or no longer interested.
I've been in a 12 year relationship and had many of the ups and downs that you mentioned, but when I realized I can only control myself and communicated the things that I am not ok with, that is when I was able to be ok with moving on and finding my happiness elsewhere or staying and working on building on the happiness we already had. I don't think open relationships are bad. I just honestly know they are not for me.
This was very well thought out and well said Andrew. One of my greatest life lessons I have gained is we each need to first (& foremost) become our own best friend and then the next big life lesson I learned is that the “behavior of love” is giving another person my attention. I loved what you said about communication.
I honestly didn’t expect this point of view to come from you and I’m impressed. Very mature and realistic attitude toward navigating relationships!! Honest communication is paramount for successful relationships. People also should understand that THERE ARE WORSE THINGS THAN BEING ALONE.
I love how you are often so clear, concise, and descriptive. Monogamy has not worked very well for me in the past and this video has really helped me verbalize some of my feelings. I hope you keep posting videos my dude!
We made it work for 42 years. According to my partner, sometimes sex is just "fun". No love involved. Our relationship had deep love and our sex included that. I was only in two relationships. The first actually just friends. The second (the one that lasted 42 years until he died) made both of us stronger and the outside trysts slowly tapered off until there was just "us"! A wonderful life wouldn't change it for anything. And yes it is hard. The work is worth it.
Gary Johnson 42 years!!! My hat off to u sir. Here I was proud to b with my bf for 2 yrs. lol. I mean it is an achievement for me, longest “relationship” I’ve been on before this one was 6 months. I’m pretty sure he’s “the one”. How did u know your partner was that for you? I’m sorry if it seems like prying, I just I’ve always wanted someone to share life with. And 42 years is a long time. I’m sure there was a lot of talking and compromising to make it work. Anywho, just wanted to comment and congratulate u.
@@peruianpride Thank for your comments. How did I know my partner was "the one"? I really don't know. He made me laugh and he made me cry (most often because he did something wonderful for me). He loved me. What else could I do but love him. It was made easy by the fact that my family accepted and loved him too. And yes it does take talking (never stop) and compromising to make it work. Hard sometimes but well worth it. Just let love happen. All the best to you and yours.
The key in any relationship is communication, yet it can be one of the most difficult things because it constantly takes practice and work. I completely agree a healthy relationship is where you’re both bringing one another up and making one another a top priority.
I've been with the same guy 31 years in a monogamous relationship. It happens. There's a myth that people will cheat to "meet their needs", but in the end, you have to look into yourself and decide what you think you really "need". Often it's not about what we "need", but more about what we "want." "Wants" aren't "needs", and you won't get everything you "want" in a relationship. You will need to relinquish your "wants" for the sake of the relationship. If you aren't getting any sex or if you don't have any sense of safety from your partner (e.g. abuse, etc). You should break off the relationship. But if you "need" a bigger dick or "need" sex in a particular way....that's actually a "want" ... and something you have to learn to give up. Often, once you have let go of the "want", the unspoken pressure on the other person will go away and the other person will more likely come around to trying something new.
I have a very difficult time separating emotional intimacy from sexual intimacy, so I don't know that I could do an open relationship. This is interesting to think about
One thing which I do have a small issue with (and it depends on your mindset) is the "it's perfectly possible to be happy and single". As you get older though, this does become harder for many people - your friends partner up, maybe they move away, have children, family members pass away, and if you aren't in a relationship life can quickly become lonely. That aside, a really thoughtful video, thanks Andrew :-)
I love your wisdom and I'm 60. You're fresh, you're human, and you express yourself with such pride and conviction, it's the music of my youth to my ears. You don't know or could imagine how proud I am to hear you and your friends and collaborators talk. You have (and your friends, supporters and those who comment) proven to me that my struggles (and I'll speak for those who are not longer alive) were not in vain.
This video was such a Godsend to me; especially for being single on Valentines Day. Thank you so very much for making this video Andrew. Your authenticity and kindness are very much appreciated. Thank you!
Thank Andrew for posting this video. My hubby and I met by a blind date. We stayed up all night sharing our past because we both had been in bad relationships and had decided we were fine being alone. Communication is key and we are married and 13 years strong!
Thank you for sharing your opinion. I can see that when talking about the issue of open relationship, many are going to show resistance and disagreement towards it, sometimes at the expense of truly listening to the whole message. I love how communicative and authentic you're on this and that does help me a lot. Thank you. You did great!
Personally monogamy is the only relationship I could handle. I feel if either of us has a life that is so void of hobbies, interests and activities together or alone and/or either of us is so obsessed with sex then we do not belong in a relationship. It is about love and sharing life together.
I liked your video, it certainly expands my perception of reality. Just couple things that I consider worth keeping in mind. One, regardless of looks, falling in love includes the acceptance of qualities and defects of the guy you are in a relationship with. It does not matter how extrovert, introvert, etc... He is. Its company is what makes you happy. Two (related with the previous statement), if he is not what makes you happy, you are not in love (That's why we communicate I agree with you in that). If you cannot perceive that he is happy, he is not in love. In other words, monogamy is where both guys (or both girls or guy and girl) share the special bond that no matter what there is nothing that can make you stop loving him.That is because all the things missing in your life are completely satisfied by this person.
Open relationship is nothing more than roommates with benefits. After I surprised my ex of ten years by coming home early from a work trip and finding a strange car in the drive, strange shoes at the door and noises I was quite familiar with behind the bedroom door, his only justification was that he wanted an open relationship. That was the end.
I believe in monogamy only! I have been in the same relationship for 19 years now. We have a deep love between us and neither of us have strayed! We keep our relationship exciting and new. We do new thing together. We don't want to take the chance for someone to come in to our relationship with an std! We keep things exciting and new! Role play instead of having someone join you in your intimacy!
The perfect way to know when your partner is being monogamous is by their habits by how they want and treat you they desire you like I say being spontaneous is kind of like the spice of life.
@@TAKEmeTOtheMORGUE I know that my partner has never strayed and even with STDs in condoms available he has no reason to stray. There is maybe only two days maybe three out of the week that we are not intimate! That's when you know someone's hours their traits their habits you can tell if you're truly in love but that person does not and has not strayed.
Wow, I love that you acknowledged that some on the happiest times have been when you were single. That is my personal experience but it's difficult to validate in a society that values marriage
I was slightly worried about how the direction of this video was going to go. But as someone who has been in a open relationship, monogamous relationship, and who has been cheated on and left for someone else…I can confidently say you have captured everything important in this video. Communication plays a HUGE part in any relationship. I was in my current relationship for 6 years before we explored ethical non-monogamy, and I can say this is the closest and strongest our relationship has ever been. Truly communicating with eachother not only improved the relationship, but it made us both feel safer and even more grounded and committed to eachother. And even though we do sometimes have others join is, my partner is always the star in my eyes.
My experience tells me that I can be in an open relationship only after I feel secure. Sorta like "fine, go out and play but be home by bedtime". I then can love him enough to let him get what he needs/wants and secure enough to know that he will come back to me.
Wow, I’ve never heard such a mature perspective from someone so young. My spouse and I have been together for 30 years (since before you were born) and our relationship has been built on the foundation and principles you laid out.
We have had an open relationship right from day one and we've been together for 20 years and married for 15 years. I think you are absolutely right clarity and good communication is the key. What works for us may not work for others. But we are happy in the choices that we have made.
He really makes great thought out points. Personally i would want to make my partner happy(if i was lucky enough to have one) but i dont think i would be ok with them physical with others😥
I understand your comment but if your partner did want to get physical with someone else, would you not consider it at least? I don't think you have the right to control or own someone's pleasure or explorations and when people make statements like the one that you did above, when you examine it, it comes down to you not feeling like "enough". It's an ego thing right? I'm not coming for you at all, just trying to give you some food for thought.
Truthfully i think i would give it thought but ultimately i think i would come back to the realization thats not what i want. And you are absolutely right i dont own anybody but what i do have control over is if im willing to stay in a relationship that makes me unhappy. I wouldn't ask for someone to sacrifice there happiness for mine nor would i hope they'd ask that of me
Ross Coyle, hopefully the subject would be discussed before entering into a committed relationship. I do not try to control my partner, I love him for who he is, but if he said he wanted to explore pleasures with someone else after we were in a committed relationship, then yeah, I'm going to be controlling. He can go play, but he will be single.
What is the point of having a relationship if your partner is elsewhere having fun with another person. Who has the time to be with other people AND with you when you need?
Sex is sex but partnership is different. I think it is very honest to accept the fact that there are other people you might be attracted to but it doesn't mean that you love your partner any less.
@@yevgenolefir9895 Everybody is going to be attracted to other people if they always think about sex. Nobody is perfect not even your partner. But if you always think about OTHER guys, about OTHER sex and not focusing in you relationship. Or only giving half of your commitment then there's no point to stay. Might as well leave the partnership.
Exactly! Love for your partner should include a level of loyalty & commitment to that 1 person. Whatever is lacking, should be communicated not just to please the lacking spouse but to also make the bond between the 2 even deeper. I would want my spouse to share if he has seen someone attractive or even desired that person sexually,... but his love for me should cause him to bring his ass home & SHARE those thoughts. Now I have to be secure enough to create that space & allow him to have that level of comfort with me to share those thoughts!! We are ALL human so we would be crazy to think that no one else will turn our partners on, HOWEVER I believe that if love “truly exist” between the 2, the all the open sexually activities without outside parties will NOT!
This is one of the best video I’ve seen on TH-cam! So inspiring and enriching! Even though I’ve never been in a relationship, this would definitely shape how I see relationships and deeply review my single status. Thank you so much Andrew!
On the west coast, it's next to impossible finding other available single men. It seems like 99% of guys there are already married or in Open/polyamorous relationships! I never thought I would live in a day and age where it's becoming rare to find another single man.
I think the 'single biggest fear' for everyone, is growing 'old alone' and having to rely on people - perhaps family, friends, or strangers. You need to build and support 'a community'. So you have to give as much as you plan on getting way in advance - it should not be transactional (1 for 1) but as we get older single or not you have to give out to receive back. Unless you have kids, this too has to be considered.
Im always daydreaming, cos i never had any relationship. I didnt tried having a Relationship. Im single for the rest of my life. I dont know why theres nobody out there who likes me. Im looking for love. I hope i can find someone whom i can grow old with and spend the rest of my life.
Hey Andrew. Really love your channel. I’m single and not sure if I want to be in a relationship sometimes but when I see other people I always wonder why can’t I find someone like that. You are very inspirational
What a great video Andrew. Yes communication is the most important factor in a relationship. This is really great advice you are giving to people and it's so true.
Andrew, how did you get so smart at your young age? So smart, open and handsome. I love how you sincerely are wanting to HELP other guys. You will make someone a wonderful partner. I have watched many many TH-cam advice videos, yours are by far the most open, honest and helpful. Thank you so much. Keep them coming.
11:13 this is the key issue of our times about relationships. Is happiness the pursuit of any of our desires or fantasy ? Is there a limit ? What is the limit ? Today a bigger guy, tomorrow a taller guy, the day after an Asian guy, and then a Latino guy and then a black guy and then a bi guy and then an FTM guy and then and then and then .... I have friends in open relationships, they spend tons of time looking for other guys for sex which is weird, it’s always full of jealousy anyway, it’s a competition of who has had more, not to mention the risks of STDs, and at the end they all stay in these relationships because they are afraid to live by themselves. To be with a guy who needs constant new sexual experiences or who needs to seduce a guy every week to feel better about himself, looks like a nightmare to me. So not for me. I have more interesting things to do with my time on earth. Better to stay single than any type of open relationship.
Way to put open relationships in the most negative light though? Like, are you aware that there's jealousy in any relationship? Open relationships can work out, despite what you see. Even if you are not for it, that example was pretty bad.
Informative Andrew. You made many strong points. The one point that is so true is when someone is not getting what they want or need from you and they go elsewhere to get the need met. Then there are the insecurties we all have. No one is perfect. I will say I am not in the business of sharing. I worry because of safety issues and the only person you can really is yourself. There are many deep issues and things in relationships we all have to deal with on some level. Communication is key. Trust, listen and understand each other.
Andrew, excellent self-examination video. Anyone anticipating a serious commitment in a relationship should watch and re-watch this as many times as needed before making the commitment. It will save hours, days and possibly years of grief. thank you, bro..........Ray
I agree with you 100% Andrew that is what I'm a relationship feeling wanted and knowing that person loves you for you not for what you are both mentally or emotionally or if you have health issues like me most of those are autoimmune related I have grown so much and knowing my limitations but every relationship needs communication and understanding of what you need to successfully have a long term relationship on top of wanting to fall in love and stay in love and let your feelings grow feeling that he loves you enough to let you love him back I want to experience that if the right guy comes along
By the way, in the example you gave where the other partner wants someone big and muscular - then he needs to find someone that is and end the relationship. Why would you want to be with someone who’s not your type? Also I think gay men focus WAY too much on physical instead of finding a guy who is financially secure, a good person, kind and thoughtful and a general good long term partner. Why are the non-physical aspects often overlooked? Also - I 100% agree with you about living a fulfilled happy life being single. It’s also very difficult to compromise and not do things you want to do when you want to do them because your partner doesn’t want to or wants to do something different. I’ve been single for a long time and am very set in my own routine. I like to do things when I want to do them and not live according to someone else’s schedule. That becomes difficult to give up after a while.
west hollywood is apparently a gay mecca and most are prob very narcissistic and into themselves and only want hot guys i think its annoying, id never live there
JPS, I think you can have more than one type. What if you fall in love with someone who you are sexually attracted to and best friends with, but you also are attracted to muscular men, or someone tall or short or someone of another ethnicity?
@@JoshDore84 Well that's normal. Just because a person is in a relationship doesn't mean he won't see other people he's attracted to. We're not all blind. You can look but not act. When you make a commitment to one person, that's it. It's not just about sex, the person you're committed to should have a much higher value than just sexual attraction and you should realize that that person and the relationship and the life you've made together is much more valuable than a one night stand / acting on impulse with someone else that could ruin the important relationship that you have built. Anything valuable and meaningful in life requires a commitment - work, relationships, your physical appearance, your health, etc.
Discovered you during quarantine and I'm sorry if this sounds corny but I love listening to you talk. Your voice is so comforting. You're authentic and thank you for sharing your experiences and advice.
I can understand and respect people who goes and do that, but what u say it's 100% right it ultimately depends on the person and what they expect, I have meet tons of guys on open relationships for years on dating apps mostly on grindr. Now, I don't see myself a lot in an open one because for me the idea of 2 (+1) won't do the job as may it means that I'm not enough for the person (even tho sometimes may not be the ultimate reason) and like I said it's like doesn't even feel like a relationship to begin with. Whatever works for u and your boundaries that's fine. Gays overall I do agree everything is too sexual and I know that staying with a single person for decades can be truly challenging but I'm 100% sure that at the end if it's genuine and happy so worth it.
I feel like trust and being honest with each other goes a long way. My husband and I through 4 years of relationship had one rule set which is to never lie to each other. It is a great base for open relationships. If you can't trust somebody and you question their loyalty to you as a partner than it won't be for you.
some people are monogamous, other people are polygamous. For some people, emotional connection is important; for others, sexual life is important. We are all different, but we all try to live the same life. As a result, there are paradoxes when the soul wants one thing and the brain wants another. You just have to accept yourself as you are, and then you and your partner will be happy. And the format of the relationship is not important - it's just the rules (the main thing is that they suit both)
Speaking as a guy thats been in a relationship for 25+ years, relationships are not just about building you up or one another up in my humble opinion. A relationship is about finding someone that you want to do more for than take from them. Its about loving your partner or husband even more than you love yourself. The trick with this is you need to find a mate that wants to do the same for you and then each of you need to allow the other to be good to you. Then finally you need a commitment in a relationship if you want it to work long term!? You will always have a temporary relationship without commitment, because into each relationship sometimes its the commitment to one another that gets you through a difficult time with your spouse. Yes we all have difficulty from time to time and if you work hard, you will get through it together, become closer with more love and respect in the end. I can say some of our friends chose a temporary relationship and it works for them. If you want the butterflies that you get from a new relationship and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! You can have happy, healthy permanent relationships with friends and romantic relationships that ebb and flow throughout your life it that works better for you. Andrew, I wish you all the happiness, love and laughs in life and that you have the kind of relationship or relationships that make you happy and that contribute to your being a better person! Cheers! Always enjoy your channel & thank you for sharing. PS, you are so right about communication and its importance!
I fall in love with HIM (Andrew - the sweetest boy in the world ) all the time ... He is the most beautiful boy I've ever seen - his heart is real and he knows how to have a relationship :) love you Tiger !
Thank you for saying that people don't need to be in a relationship to be happy. I am in my 30s, I've never dated anyone, and am completely out, though it did take me a while after high school😅. While I am open to a relationship, it just hasn't happened yet, and I'm comfortable with the idea of it just not happening. I've been close a couple times. Both times the other person told me they didn't want to date me because I had no relationship experience and they didn't want to have to "train me (their words)." Kinda feels like not getting the entry level job because you don't have any work experience😂. Long rant, but I appreciate it when people acknowledge that relationship virgins can be regular people too.
My husband and I (8 years) have gone through open and closed phases. The closed phases usually last longer. The open phases are fun and exciting but I find that it's important to always communicate. It's sounds cliche but it's much harder than it seems to be fully transparent. There's something about how attached I am to my husband that's never made me want to leave despite meeting many men that provide things that my husband may not be able to. In some ways there's this weird assumption that I'll never not want to be with him. One of the problems with being open is that you can always have someone there if you need to (especially if you have to travel a lot). Therefore you go through long periods of not working on yourself and catering to a wide variety of men with different tastes. You can lose yourself easily and feel very alone despite always having someone. It can work but it's not for everybody. Jealousy isn't always the main issue with an open relationship even though everyone focuses on that aspect. Lol.
I'm in my mid 50s and have had a single month and a half relationship - I am envious - I love you said "Communication, and Listening". One 'advice', obviously I'm no expert someone said is to have 'these talks' outside of the bedroom or 'weighted space' - not i n a restaurant - where you both have each others attention, in a 'safe place' without additional expectations - while drinking coffee in a park, on a picnic, etc. Everything you said in my view is 'on point'.
@Canal Street Make a good 'community' (club-church-hobbies, voluteer), and keep family in your life if you can, make a point of staying in touch and in the know of what your family needs and is going through (both biological and adopted.) I am trying to rebuild mine.
Andrew, I always believe that monogamy is essential in an relationship. You love and accept each other, give and take. Find the right guy, it will make sense. Don't settle for "okay, for now".
Through positive experience, speaking when a need is needed - as SOON as the need becomes strong enough to break commitment - leads to proper communication, compromise, and continual commitment.
I’ve been in monogamous relationships that have been successful, and unsuccessful. I’ve been in open relationships that have been successful, and unsuccessful. And at my age I’ve learned that in every case it came back to two things. One, as you said, communication. Talk about everything. No secrets. If you love each other and are willing to work at it, even the seemed impossible will work out. And two, honesty. This goes hand in hand with communication, but if you can’t be honest with your partner out of all the people in the world, then that’s not the partner for you. IDK about the knight in shinning armor you described in your intro but I’ve always been the type of person that wants to protect my partner, to spoon him, make him feel safe if even for just a few moments with my arms around him, to remind him every single day that he is special, important, and a priority in my life. Not because he needs me to justify his existence, nor his mine. But because of exactly what you said, to lift each other up. Prince Andrew, you seem like a very confident person; like you don’t need anyone to complete you. But even you enjoy having someone special beside you to raise you up and remind you that you can do anything. And you have that essence/energy about you that would make anyone feel special in return. Then there are times like this morning with the as****** on social media attacking you. When I see that sort of thing happen, to a partner of mine or even just a friend, it triggers a response in me to protect and defend them because no one deserve that kind of hatred. But that’s just one example of what I mean, lifting others up, friend or partner or stranger. Because we all feel insecure, weak, scared at times and it’s a blessing to have someone special there to help bust through the irrational thoughts and remind us of the real beauty that exists in all of us. Yeah, I suppose I’m an old fashioned thinker too. Or maybe just a typical INFJ.
@@superyachtchef no, not really. I wouldn't trade my lifetime of amazing and beautiful experiences even if they paid me. And cocky is no more of an attractive trait than being a young, insecure, bitchy queen. Now, out of respect for Andrew and his wishes regarding appropriate conduct in the comments of his videos, I will no longer continue with this dialog on this platform. Perhaps you should show the same respect.
@Vidur S. just curious. If you feel so strongly about him why are you trolling him and his videos, on more than one occasion, just to post negative or derogatory comments about him and his content? Seems like to me you wouldn't waste your time.
To be frank, your assertions here really do not pertain to “gay open relationships” as much as monogamy in general. You posit that if someone has a desire, fantasy, interest, etc. they will eventually step out of a relationship to seek it. I think it is fair to say that the concept of monogamy centers around the idea that while you may fantasize or be curious about another person or scenario, at the end of the day, your commitment to your significant other makes it worth forgoing temporary pleasures out of your commitment to your partner. Perhaps actively choosing to specifically deny certain desires is a sign of commitment to your partner. In both heterosexual and homosexual relationships people often cannot or are unwilling to refrain from self denial. More prominently in the homosexual community than in the heterosexual community, we have seen a “have your cake and eat it too” approach where you get the commitment and the side play, too. However, there seems to be a drastic correlation between those who have sex outside of their relationship and the failure of those relationships. Is it possible? Sure. Do we see it more in the gay community? Definitely. In the future will the idea normalize and alleviate societal pressures that cause open relationships to have a higher failure rate? Who knows. Perhaps I’m old fashioned, but for me, I’m happy show my partner that I care for him, and only him, by making a choice to keep physical affection just between us. Self denial is not a bad thing. You do not have to have everything that catches your eye. My relationship is important enough to not risk imperiling it over a fleeting whim. Maybe it wouldn’t end my relationship, but it’s too important to take the risk. A good thing is worth protecting. I hope someday everyone will meet someone about whom they care enough to forsake temporary indulgences. To each their own, but that is my two cents.
Hey clay i agree with you completely.If you still have the need to fuck with other people maybe you are not that into the person you with .i think people just scare of being alone that they can’t accept the fact that their partner is not enough for them
Listened carefully to your post and this was applicable whether gay or straight. Divorce results from breakdown in communication resulting in loss of mutual respect and hurt feelings. You seem very well grounded....
From my experience if you want a serious long term relationship then dont do it. Some people can be in an open relationship but with most people it wont work out in the long term. Whatever you do just make sure your partner wants the same thing as you.
I love when guys tell me this crap that men cannot be monogamous... We have to be in open relationships... I say to them.. What you believe is not always fact, and you should not shame other people who want the opposite. Men can be just as emotionally diverse as woman.
Great video, nice to hear your thoughts. Personally I think communication, trust, and also prioritisation is key, because frankly if there is zero prioritisation...then...you're basically just dating, not in a relationship. The other thing I want to say is rules and boundaries matter, and people should talk completely openly about what they want, because at the end of the day you can't get your time back. My experience of this I have to say was painful: I thought it would be enough to go into an open relationship with an open mind, respect and communication, but instead it turned out the guy just didn't know what he wanted and based on his actions I decided whatever it was, it wasn't me. "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time"
You said on this video Andrew what i'm saying and believe in my whole life for a Real Relationship!! I'll add only this on the communication part that is very important!! All we have friends and very close friends and we love them and care very much for them but on my opinion, your relationship must be and your best friend!! It's the most important key to last a relationship for a whole life... Kisses from Greece!! ;-)
Love this video! My partner and I have been in a great relationship for over four years. Started monogamous and shifted to being open during a long stretch of long distance. And has been in various states between since then. Its been a really great experience for us. It forces even deeper communication which builds vulnerability. It allows us to make sacrifices for each other and be adventurous, and it lets each of those decisions reaffirm how we draw each other to be the best versions of ourselves.
Wow, incredibly insightful. Thanks for making this video Andrew. Your words really resonated with me because I truly believe healthy communication and honesty is key to any relationship 🫶🏼
Yep true i have accepted me as I am not going to change me for someone who says you can't I have learned to love myself and not be afraid of who I am or what I have become as a man
Well spoken, Andrew. It is all about communication. And you can not change your partners. Just accept them as they are or leave them. That´s your option. I love being single and independent. Having people I see, but they never step into my appartment. That is what works for me.
Great to explore these ideas Andrew :) Thanks! In a non-monogamous marriage. Working out continually what your respective needs and desires are is tricky, and amazing work. Keep searching
Thank you for this video, Andrew! As someone who has struggled with this (I prefer non-monogamy, most of my partners don't), this is one of the clearest and best explanations I've heard. It was affirming to be reminded that being non-monogamous is OK and that we just need to learn to accept both of them. I even reflected back on some things from my previous relationships and how I could do things better moving forward. Thank you! :*
What a beautiful young man Andrew is . I came across this channel by chance as I have elected to have no social media presence and find on line blogging frankly uninteresting. However I find him inspiring complicated and somewhat wonderful. He gives me hope for the future of his generation. Long may he continue to share his wisdom ! Liam London
I’m in a monogamous relationship and I hate the fact that some people think all gays are in open relationships
MANY of them ARE though, atleast in my experience in the bay area where out here seems to be a haven for open married and partnered guys!
I think monogamous gay relationships are the exception than the rule. At least that is the general perception!! So, good for you that you are in a monogamous one!!!
Pwat stereotyping
Kewal Patil stereotyping
I agree with Teacup ☕️
My husband and I have been in an Open Relationship for 38 years. The only problem is that I didn't find out about it until recently.
🥺
Deep respect for the emotions you would suffer from that betrayal, but in defense of honesty and truth: that’s not what an open relationship is.
By your expression, the hurt that you feel merely resulted in a prejudice against polyamory and open relationships.
I hope that you are able to fully recover from almost 40 years of being lied to and that it does not pollute your future relationships.
Contrary to what some people believe, it’s still possible to cheat on someone who believes they’re in an open/polyamorous relationship; cheating only requires lying to someone about true feelings/actions.
Sorry to hear that, seems your the one with a healthy emotional IQ, really important for maintaining a quality relationship.
OK that’s Super Funny but also Super Sad
😂😂😂
Being alone doesn’t mean being lonely
I concur!
True!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE MY FAVORITE "ALONE"? EHEHEHEH...
You can also feel lonely in a relationship too, which is, unfortunately, the sad part
Amen!
Who is watching but has NEVER been in a relationship...
Me
Me too!
I'm here 😊
XD
Me
God I love Andrew he really helps me get through being gay and lonely in high school❤️
Jordyn Turner been there. Trust me it gets easier as u get older, and you get to figure out who you truly are. Keep that head up, even at your lowest point, universe has a reason for h to go through what you’re going through.
I felt the same way man. But now I’m 31, and I don’t even remember high school. It will be over before you know it. And you won’t look back.✌🏻
highschool sucks because we lack control of ourselves and others, but after that , you gain so much more control over yourself just because you have so much more experience being yourself. think of your life as a ticket for your soul to experience the human essense , also , eventually acting tough is all have peopel have left, dont let that happen.
This is one of the clearest explanations on thi topic that I have ever heard. Definitely food for thought. Great video.
Was in a 16 years old monogamous relationship. It all went to hell the moment we let a third person into the relationship. I really tried to be open-minded and did all I could to make things work but in the end... it's inevitable in a triad for one part to feel that he/she is being left out. So, after 6 hellish months, I just had to get out of that situation and let go of everything we had built over the course of those 16 years. I lost my partner, my investments, my plans for the future, and I lost 16 years of my life for nothing. I am aware of polyamorous relationships working for other people... it just didn't for me. The only thing I got from that deal was a deep emotional depression. So no... those types of relationships are definitely not for me.
So yeah...your man cuckolded ur arse...that's brutal, but something tells me there were numerous signs that he wanted something and someone new. He should've just ended it with you, but didn't want to be that guy...so he let you figure it out urself...damn that's savage...and you just watched them. You got replaced and pushed out
So sorry to hear that. Man, I feel bad for those 16 years. I hope you make it through this ordeal.
Opening a relationship and building a triad are two different things...
I’ve been in a monogamous relationship with my now husband for over 50 years - we wouldn’t have done it anyway other way - easy no - worth it you bet - we both would do it over again!
Awww
Yeah right. That's not possible
Jajajajaja bs
I did hesitate about open relationships, but my partner seemed unsecured and uncomfortable. So I gave that thought up because my partner is more important than those temporary excitements.
Sometimes it's those temporary excitements, and sometimes it's your deeper needs that your long time partner cannot fulfill...
If your partner wants an open relationship and you don’t, break up.
Three possibilities:
1. You agree to be open and resent them for it.
2. You agree to be closed and they resent you for it.
3. You agree to be closed and they cheat on you.
Daniel W. Second this!
You have summed it up nicely in three points! Thanks!
Except, you know, some people are okay with either monogamy or polyamory? There's nothing wrong with asking your partner, whom you love and respect, whether they'd consider it.
Yup! If someone comes to me about an open anything I’d just rather be single
Daniel W. It can be worth it to discuss it thoroughly. I originally didn’t want to be open, but over lots of conversation I decided to try it and looking back after a year it was a great decision.
I don’t see how people can do an open relationship! It would kill me to share someone you love with others but it does work for some couples!
RuralGayBoy at the end of the day it’s sharing & can cause so many more problems.
RuralGayBoy family love etc. is completely different compared to a relationship with a partner.
RuralGayBoy let’s just agree to disagree
I appreciate the way you reflected your own feelings in this comment without disparaging the other side. I don’t see any reason in why you need to be convinced of the validity of open relationships since you already acknowledged it works for some people. It doesn’t sound like an open relationship would be something that would fulfill you or be consensual for you and that’s perfectly fine! We’re all wired differently!
Thank you for being fair to all sides 🙌🏻
@@ethana.3091 I strongly disagree. Just as RGB points out relationships are in their very essence orders of power. The bonding of 2 individuals to create - be it children, wealth or a stable environment for themselves - is innate to being a human. What a "stable environment" constitutes is entirely in the eye of the beholder(s) and contained within the laws that govern society. The ability to maintain relationships, choosing the right partner etc. is heavily influenced by the first relationships we have and witness. Namely the ones within our atomic family. Countless studies have verified this hypothesis, without citing Godfather Freud ;). It's debatable whether these relationships also have a "subconscious" sexual element to them. Back on topic, for aforementioned reasons monogamy/polygamy appear to be purely ideological. Jealousy can occur under any circumstance, sex outside a relationship can also happen under any circumstance and breakups happen also in both "types". Nevertheless I think monogamy is more appealing. There's a certain pride one can take in having an all pervasive significant other, surrendering one's desires and sexual drive exclusively to that person and wilfully restraining oneself in all aspects of life for the love you get from your other half. Others argue that this would be a too dependent and constricting experience.
I’ve never actually been in a relationship. It’s always weird trying to figure out what I want if I’ve never had it
My advice is that you need to lay down your values. For example me in a relationship there are 5 things based on my value that are essential: 1) communication, 2) honesty) 3) growth 4) trust 5) consistency. It will differ for you in some ways but I know what I want in a relationship so I passed the stage of not knowing what I want or don't want.
After been cheating on last relationshp ...i afraid to hv new person in my life..
@@baimken3001 Dont be because everyone is different and not everyone is a cheater. I never and would never do that to someone I loved and care about. You need to have the maturity or basic decency to simply let someone know that you are not or no longer interested.
Same
I've been in a 12 year relationship and had many of the ups and downs that you mentioned, but when I realized I can only control myself and communicated the things that I am not ok with, that is when I was able to be ok with moving on and finding my happiness elsewhere or staying and working on building on the happiness we already had. I don't think open relationships are bad. I just honestly know they are not for me.
This was very well thought out and well said Andrew. One of my greatest life lessons I have gained is we each need to first (& foremost) become our own best friend and then the next big life lesson I learned is that the “behavior of love” is giving another person my attention. I loved what you said about communication.
31 years together, today. Our anniversary. Monogamous for all of it. Not always easy but fairly uncomplicated.
I honestly didn’t expect this point of view to come from you and I’m impressed. Very mature and realistic attitude toward navigating relationships!! Honest communication is paramount for successful relationships. People also should understand that THERE ARE WORSE THINGS THAN BEING ALONE.
I love how you are often so clear, concise, and descriptive. Monogamy has not worked very well for me in the past and this video has really helped me verbalize some of my feelings. I hope you keep posting videos my dude!
We made it work for 42 years. According to my partner, sometimes sex is just "fun". No love involved. Our relationship had deep love and our sex included that. I was only in two relationships. The first actually just friends. The second (the one that lasted 42 years until he died) made both of us stronger and the outside trysts slowly tapered off until there was just "us"! A wonderful life wouldn't change it for anything. And yes it is hard. The work is worth it.
Gary Johnson 42 years!!! My hat off to u sir. Here I was proud to b with my bf for 2 yrs. lol. I mean it is an achievement for me, longest “relationship” I’ve been on before this one was 6 months. I’m pretty sure he’s “the one”. How did u know your partner was that for you? I’m sorry if it seems like prying, I just I’ve always wanted someone to share life with. And 42 years is a long time. I’m sure there was a lot of talking and compromising to make it work. Anywho, just wanted to comment and congratulate u.
@@peruianpride Thank for your comments. How did I know my partner was "the one"? I really don't know. He made me laugh and he made me cry (most often because he did something wonderful for me). He loved me. What else could I do but love him. It was made easy by the fact that my family accepted and loved him too. And yes it does take talking (never stop) and compromising to make it work. Hard sometimes but well worth it. Just let love happen. All the best to you and yours.
Hats of for you sir! But i don't think it's going to work for anyone!
I am proud to say that my now husband and I have been together for 24 years in a monogamous relationship
I am not knocking anyone for what works in their relationship 42 years so it all worked out
The element of Jealousy is the main reason that i can't be in an Open Relationship. 😏
Me too. The word intimacy would have no meaning.
Exactly same
ME TOO
Super A BIG FACTS
I’m so over jealous
The key in any relationship is communication, yet it can be one of the most difficult things because it constantly takes practice and work. I completely agree a healthy relationship is where you’re both bringing one another up and making one another a top priority.
And that’s what I couldn’t find so far
I've been with the same guy 31 years in a monogamous relationship. It happens. There's a myth that people will cheat to "meet their needs", but in the end, you have to look into yourself and decide what you think you really "need". Often it's not about what we "need", but more about what we "want." "Wants" aren't "needs", and you won't get everything you "want" in a relationship. You will need to relinquish your "wants" for the sake of the relationship.
If you aren't getting any sex or if you don't have any sense of safety from your partner (e.g. abuse, etc). You should break off the relationship. But if you "need" a bigger dick or "need" sex in a particular way....that's actually a "want" ... and something you have to learn to give up. Often, once you have let go of the "want", the unspoken pressure on the other person will go away and the other person will more likely come around to trying something new.
I have a very difficult time separating emotional intimacy from sexual intimacy, so I don't know that I could do an open relationship. This is interesting to think about
That's because you are HUMAN with a conscious and that's a great thing. People with your mentality are needed in this society.
One thing which I do have a small issue with (and it depends on your mindset) is the "it's perfectly possible to be happy and single". As you get older though, this does become harder for many people - your friends partner up, maybe they move away, have children, family members pass away, and if you aren't in a relationship life can quickly become lonely. That aside, a really thoughtful video, thanks Andrew :-)
I love your wisdom and I'm 60. You're fresh, you're human, and you express yourself with such pride and conviction, it's the music of my youth to my ears. You don't know or could imagine how proud I am to hear you and your friends and collaborators talk. You have (and your friends, supporters and those who comment) proven to me that my struggles (and I'll speak for those who are not longer alive) were not in vain.
This video was such a Godsend to me; especially for being single on Valentines Day. Thank you so very much for making this video Andrew. Your authenticity and kindness are very much appreciated. Thank you!
Thank Andrew for posting this video. My hubby and I met by a blind date. We stayed up all night sharing our past because we both had been in bad relationships and had decided we were fine being alone. Communication is key and we are married and 13 years strong!
Thank you for sharing your opinion. I can see that when talking about the issue of open relationship, many are going to show resistance and disagreement towards it, sometimes at the expense of truly listening to the whole message. I love how communicative and authentic you're on this and that does help me a lot. Thank you. You did great!
Personally monogamy is the only relationship I could handle. I feel if either of us has a life that is so void of hobbies, interests and activities together or alone and/or either of us is so obsessed with sex then we do not belong in a relationship. It is about love and sharing life together.
I liked your video, it certainly expands my perception of reality. Just couple things that I consider worth keeping in mind. One, regardless of looks, falling in love includes the acceptance of qualities and defects of the guy you are in a relationship with. It does not matter how extrovert, introvert, etc... He is. Its company is what makes you happy. Two (related with the previous statement), if he is not what makes you happy, you are not in love (That's why we communicate I agree with you in that). If you cannot perceive that he is happy, he is not in love. In other words, monogamy is where both guys (or both girls or guy and girl) share the special bond that no matter what there is nothing that can make you stop loving him.That is because all the things missing in your life are completely satisfied by this person.
This was really good to watch.Nice to know this dialogue is happening. Thank you for this content
Open relationship is nothing more than roommates with benefits. After I surprised my ex of ten years by coming home early from a work trip and finding a strange car in the drive, strange shoes at the door and noises I was quite familiar with behind the bedroom door, his only justification was that he wanted an open relationship. That was the end.
Jack Churchill wow that’s hurtful. I’m scared of meeting ppl like that and letting them in to my life.
Hi
@@TheRenegadeStarr hi❤️
Yeah, that's called cheating, open relationships are necessarily consensual from all parties involved
I believe in monogamy only! I have been in the same relationship for 19 years now. We have a deep love between us and neither of us have strayed! We keep our relationship exciting and new. We do new thing together. We don't want to take the chance for someone to come in to our relationship with an std! We keep things exciting and new! Role play instead of having someone join you in your intimacy!
1. How can you be sure he never "strayed" or thought about it?
2. STDs are prevented by condom.
The perfect way to know when your partner is being monogamous is by their habits by how they want and treat you they desire you like I say being spontaneous is kind of like the spice of life.
@@TAKEmeTOtheMORGUE I know that my partner has never strayed and even with STDs in condoms available he has no reason to stray. There is maybe only two days maybe three out of the week that we are not intimate! That's when you know someone's hours their traits their habits you can tell if you're truly in love but that person does not and has not strayed.
Wow, I love that you acknowledged that some on the happiest times have been when you were single. That is my personal experience but it's difficult to validate in a society that values marriage
I was slightly worried about how the direction of this video was going to go. But as someone who has been in a open relationship, monogamous relationship, and who has been cheated on and left for someone else…I can confidently say you have captured everything important in this video.
Communication plays a HUGE part in any relationship. I was in my current relationship for 6 years before we explored ethical non-monogamy, and I can say this is the closest and strongest our relationship has ever been. Truly communicating with eachother not only improved the relationship, but it made us both feel safer and even more grounded and committed to eachother. And even though we do sometimes have others join is, my partner is always the star in my eyes.
I’d give up my needs to make my boyfriend/husband happy, I couldn’t share the person I love. 🥺
My experience tells me that I can be in an open relationship only after I feel secure. Sorta like "fine, go out and play but be home by bedtime". I then can love him enough to let him get what he needs/wants and secure enough to know that he will come back to me.
Wow, I’ve never heard such a mature perspective from someone so young. My spouse and I have been together for 30 years (since before you were born) and our relationship has been built on the foundation and principles you laid out.
We have had an open relationship right from day one and we've been together for 20 years and married for 15 years. I think you are absolutely right clarity and good communication is the key. What works for us may not work for others. But we are happy in the choices that we have made.
That's not true togetherness in my book but I hear ya.
He really makes great thought out points. Personally i would want to make my partner happy(if i was lucky enough to have one) but i dont think i would be ok with them physical with others😥
Me too
I wouldn't either
I understand your comment but if your partner did want to get physical with someone else, would you not consider it at least? I don't think you have the right to control or own someone's pleasure or explorations and when people make statements like the one that you did above, when you examine it, it comes down to you not feeling like "enough". It's an ego thing right? I'm not coming for you at all, just trying to give you some food for thought.
Truthfully i think i would give it thought but ultimately i think i would come back to the realization thats not what i want. And you are absolutely right i dont own anybody but what i do have control over is if im willing to stay in a relationship that makes me unhappy. I wouldn't ask for someone to sacrifice there happiness for mine nor would i hope they'd ask that of me
Ross Coyle, hopefully the subject would be discussed before entering into a committed relationship. I do not try to control my partner, I love him for who he is, but if he said he wanted to explore pleasures with someone else after we were in a committed relationship, then yeah, I'm going to be controlling. He can go play, but he will be single.
What is the point of having a relationship if your partner is elsewhere having fun with another person. Who has the time to be with other people AND with you when you need?
Sex is sex but partnership is different. I think it is very honest to accept the fact that there are other people you might be attracted to but it doesn't mean that you love your partner any less.
Yevgen Olefir attraction doesn’t equal having sex with someone that’s not your spouse.
Yevgen Olefir well sex outside of relationship is cheating, partnership is relationship! Sex is part of relationship between your significant other!
@@yevgenolefir9895 Everybody is going to be attracted to other people if they always think about sex. Nobody is perfect not even your partner. But if you always think about OTHER guys, about OTHER sex and not focusing in you relationship. Or only giving half of your commitment then there's no point to stay. Might as well leave the partnership.
Exactly! Love for your partner should include a level of loyalty & commitment to that 1 person. Whatever is lacking, should be communicated not just to please the lacking spouse but to also make the bond between the 2 even deeper. I would want my spouse to share if he has seen someone attractive or even desired that person sexually,... but his love for me should cause him to bring his ass home & SHARE those thoughts. Now I have to be secure enough to create that space & allow him to have that level of comfort with me to share those thoughts!! We are ALL human so we would be crazy to think that no one else will turn our partners on, HOWEVER I believe that if love “truly exist” between the 2, the all the open sexually activities without outside parties will NOT!
I don’t know. The only thing that hurt me is him not expressing himself and then going behind me to get those things
This is one of the best video I’ve seen on TH-cam! So inspiring and enriching! Even though I’ve never been in a relationship, this would definitely shape how I see relationships and deeply review my single status. Thank you so much Andrew!
On the west coast, it's next to impossible finding other available single men. It seems like 99% of guys there are already married or in Open/polyamorous relationships! I never thought I would live in a day and age where it's becoming rare to find another single man.
I think the 'single biggest fear' for everyone, is growing 'old alone' and having to rely on people - perhaps family, friends, or strangers. You need to build and support 'a community'. So you have to give as much as you plan on getting way in advance - it should not be transactional (1 for 1) but as we get older single or not you have to give out to receive back. Unless you have kids, this too has to be considered.
Im always daydreaming, cos i never had any relationship. I didnt tried having a Relationship. Im single for the rest of my life. I dont know why theres nobody out there who likes me. Im looking for love. I hope i can find someone whom i can grow old with and spend the rest of my life.
Hey Andrew. Really love your channel. I’m single and not sure if I want to be in a relationship sometimes but when I see other people I always wonder why can’t I find someone like that. You are very inspirational
What a great video Andrew. Yes communication is the most important factor in a relationship. This is really great advice you are giving to people and it's so true.
This is your best video yet! Very thoughtful and essential. People need to think about these things when in and out of relationships.
I literally can watch you talk all day long Seriously
Never been in relationship but good talk, learnt a lot !
Thanks Andrew
Andrew, how did you get so smart at your young age? So smart, open and handsome. I love how you sincerely are wanting to HELP other guys. You will make someone a wonderful partner. I have watched many many TH-cam advice videos, yours are by far the most open, honest and helpful. Thank you so much. Keep them coming.
11:13 this is the key issue of our times about relationships. Is happiness the pursuit of any of our desires or fantasy ? Is there a limit ? What is the limit ?
Today a bigger guy, tomorrow a taller guy, the day after an Asian guy, and then a Latino guy and then a black guy and then a bi guy and then an FTM guy and then and then and then ....
I have friends in open relationships, they spend tons of time looking for other guys for sex which is weird, it’s always full of jealousy anyway, it’s a competition of who has had more, not to mention the risks of STDs, and at the end they all stay in these relationships because they are afraid to live by themselves.
To be with a guy who needs constant new sexual experiences or who needs to seduce a guy every week to feel better about himself, looks like a nightmare to me.
So not for me. I have more interesting things to do with my time on earth. Better to stay single than any type of open relationship.
Dude I wholeheartedly agree
I Agree so hard!
Way to put open relationships in the most negative light though? Like, are you aware that there's jealousy in any relationship? Open relationships can work out, despite what you see. Even if you are not for it, that example was pretty bad.
This! 👍
Gay men (Plus straight people too) Use the "Open relationship" excuse to justify cheating
Informative Andrew. You made many strong points. The one point that is so true is when someone is not getting what they want or need from you and they go elsewhere to get the need met. Then there are the insecurties we all have. No one is perfect. I will say I am not in the business of sharing. I worry because of safety issues and the only person you can really is yourself. There are many deep issues and things in relationships we all have to deal with on some level. Communication is key. Trust, listen and understand each other.
Andrew, excellent self-examination video. Anyone anticipating a serious commitment in a relationship should watch and re-watch this as many times as needed before making the commitment. It will save hours, days and possibly years of grief. thank you, bro..........Ray
I agree with you 100% Andrew that is what I'm a relationship feeling wanted and knowing that person loves you for you not for what you are both mentally or emotionally or if you have health issues like me most of those are autoimmune related I have grown so much and knowing my limitations but every relationship needs communication and understanding of what you need to successfully have a long term relationship on top of wanting to fall in love and stay in love and let your feelings grow feeling that he loves you enough to let you love him back I want to experience that if the right guy comes along
I soooo love these wonderful, calming, deeper communicating, truth and wisdom sharing moments with you!! Happy Valentine's with much love! 🌹💕
Most important thing is atlast you are alone. What is this relationship? It is you and the connection with cosmos.
Omg I found you yesterday and have been binge watching all of your videos😂your so amazing 😍
By the way, in the example you gave where the other partner wants someone big and muscular - then he needs to find someone that is and end the relationship. Why would you want to be with someone who’s not your type? Also I think gay men focus WAY too much on physical instead of finding a guy who is financially secure, a good person, kind and thoughtful and a general good long term partner. Why are the non-physical aspects often overlooked? Also - I 100% agree with you about living a fulfilled happy life being single. It’s also very difficult to compromise and not do things you want to do when you want to do them because your partner doesn’t want to or wants to do something different. I’ve been single for a long time and am very set in my own routine. I like to do things when I want to do them and not live according to someone else’s schedule. That becomes difficult to give up after a while.
JPS I agree with you about his partner wants someone big just end the relationship. Next
Agreed. These days gays just want fit jocks and enjoy the moment.
west hollywood is apparently a gay mecca and most are prob very narcissistic and into themselves and only want hot guys
i think its annoying, id never live there
JPS, I think you can have more than one type. What if you fall in love with someone who you are sexually attracted to and best friends with, but you also are attracted to muscular men, or someone tall or short or someone of another ethnicity?
@@JoshDore84 Well that's normal. Just because a person is in a relationship doesn't mean he won't see other people he's attracted to. We're not all blind. You can look but not act. When you make a commitment to one person, that's it. It's not just about sex, the person you're committed to should have a much higher value than just sexual attraction and you should realize that that person and the relationship and the life you've made together is much more valuable than a one night stand / acting on impulse with someone else that could ruin the important relationship that you have built. Anything valuable and meaningful in life requires a commitment - work, relationships, your physical appearance, your health, etc.
Discovered you during quarantine and I'm sorry if this sounds corny but I love listening to you talk. Your voice is so comforting. You're authentic and thank you for sharing your experiences and advice.
I can understand and respect people who goes and do that, but what u say it's 100% right it ultimately depends on the person and what they expect, I have meet tons of guys on open relationships for years on dating apps mostly on grindr. Now, I don't see myself a lot in an open one because for me the idea of 2 (+1) won't do the job as may it means that I'm not enough for the person (even tho sometimes may not be the ultimate reason) and like I said it's like doesn't even feel like a relationship to begin with. Whatever works for u and your boundaries that's fine. Gays overall I do agree everything is too sexual and I know that staying with a single person for decades can be truly challenging but I'm 100% sure that at the end if it's genuine and happy so worth it.
I have been with my husband for 23 years. Just the two of us.... It's all I need.
Always really enjoy you making these kind of videos, you are very wel spoken and it makes figuring stuff out a bit easier💜
I feel like trust and being honest with each other goes a long way. My husband and I through 4 years of relationship had one rule set which is to never lie to each other. It is a great base for open relationships. If you can't trust somebody and you question their loyalty to you as a partner than it won't be for you.
some people are monogamous, other people are polygamous. For some people, emotional connection is important; for others, sexual life is important. We are all different, but we all try to live the same life. As a result, there are paradoxes when the soul wants one thing and the brain wants another. You just have to accept yourself as you are, and then you and your partner will be happy. And the format of the relationship is not important - it's just the rules (the main thing is that they suit both)
Speaking as a guy thats been in a relationship for 25+ years, relationships are not just about building you up or one another up in my humble opinion. A relationship is about finding someone that you want to do more for than take from them. Its about loving your partner or husband even more than you love yourself. The trick with this is you need to find a mate that wants to do the same for you and then each of you need to allow the other to be good to you. Then finally you need a commitment in a relationship if you want it to work long term!? You will always have a temporary relationship without commitment, because into each relationship sometimes its the commitment to one another that gets you through a difficult time with your spouse. Yes we all have difficulty from time to time and if you work hard, you will get through it together, become closer with more love and respect in the end. I can say some of our friends chose a temporary relationship and it works for them. If you want the butterflies that you get from a new relationship and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! You can have happy, healthy permanent relationships with friends and romantic relationships that ebb and flow throughout your life it that works better for you. Andrew, I wish you all the happiness, love and laughs in life and that you have the kind of relationship or relationships that make you happy and that contribute to your being a better person! Cheers! Always enjoy your channel & thank you for sharing. PS, you are so right about communication and its importance!
This was actually a very mature and intelligent approach at relationships. Very great insight and information from your personal point of view. hugs
Bold of you to assume more than one person would be interested in me
Love it 🤣🙃
Get into a relationship and you'll find many guys are interested in you "or your partner".
I could never be in an open relationship because I'm most comfortable seeing the same person as oppose to having multiple partners.
This may be an older video that I’m just seeing about monogamous and non monotonous relationships but your reflections are right on. Thank you!
The last time I agreed to an open relationship my boyfriend left me when he found a girl he liked more.
I fall in love with HIM (Andrew - the sweetest boy in the world ) all the time ... He is the most beautiful boy I've ever seen - his heart is real and he knows how to have a relationship :) love you Tiger !
Thank you for saying that people don't need to be in a relationship to be happy. I am in my 30s, I've never dated anyone, and am completely out, though it did take me a while after high school😅. While I am open to a relationship, it just hasn't happened yet, and I'm comfortable with the idea of it just not happening. I've been close a couple times. Both times the other person told me they didn't want to date me because I had no relationship experience and they didn't want to have to "train me (their words)." Kinda feels like not getting the entry level job because you don't have any work experience😂. Long rant, but I appreciate it when people acknowledge that relationship virgins can be regular people too.
My husband and I (8 years) have gone through open and closed phases. The closed phases usually last longer. The open phases are fun and exciting but I find that it's important to always communicate. It's sounds cliche but it's much harder than it seems to be fully transparent. There's something about how attached I am to my husband that's never made me want to leave despite meeting many men that provide things that my husband may not be able to. In some ways there's this weird assumption that I'll never not want to be with him. One of the problems with being open is that you can always have someone there if you need to (especially if you have to travel a lot). Therefore you go through long periods of not working on yourself and catering to a wide variety of men with different tastes. You can lose yourself easily and feel very alone despite always having someone. It can work but it's not for everybody. Jealousy isn't always the main issue with an open relationship even though everyone focuses on that aspect. Lol.
I'm in my mid 50s and have had a single month and a half relationship - I am envious - I love you said "Communication, and Listening". One 'advice', obviously I'm no expert someone said is to have 'these talks' outside of the bedroom or 'weighted space' - not i n a restaurant - where you both have each others attention, in a 'safe place' without additional expectations - while drinking coffee in a park, on a picnic, etc. Everything you said in my view is 'on point'.
@Canal Street Make a good 'community' (club-church-hobbies, voluteer), and keep family in your life if you can, make a point of staying in touch and in the know of what your family needs and is going through (both biological and adopted.) I am trying to rebuild mine.
With what has been going on in my life it is not a coincidence that I ran across this. I needed this. Thank you
Andrew, I always believe that monogamy is essential in an relationship. You love and accept each other, give and take. Find the right guy, it will make sense. Don't settle for "okay, for now".
Absolutely correct that communication and similarities in long term goals are critical.
Through positive experience, speaking when a need is needed - as SOON as the need becomes strong enough to break commitment - leads to proper communication, compromise, and continual commitment.
Hi❤️
I’ve been in monogamous relationships that have been successful, and unsuccessful. I’ve been in open relationships that have been successful, and unsuccessful. And at my age I’ve learned that in every case it came back to two things. One, as you said, communication. Talk about everything. No secrets. If you love each other and are willing to work at it, even the seemed impossible will work out. And two, honesty. This goes hand in hand with communication, but if you can’t be honest with your partner out of all the people in the world, then that’s not the partner for you.
IDK about the knight in shinning armor you described in your intro but I’ve always been the type of person that wants to protect my partner, to spoon him, make him feel safe if even for just a few moments with my arms around him, to remind him every single day that he is special, important, and a priority in my life. Not because he needs me to justify his existence, nor his mine. But because of exactly what you said, to lift each other up. Prince Andrew, you seem like a very confident person; like you don’t need anyone to complete you. But even you enjoy having someone special beside you to raise you up and remind you that you can do anything. And you have that essence/energy about you that would make anyone feel special in return. Then there are times like this morning with the as****** on social media attacking you. When I see that sort of thing happen, to a partner of mine or even just a friend, it triggers a response in me to protect and defend them because no one deserve that kind of hatred. But that’s just one example of what I mean, lifting others up, friend or partner or stranger. Because we all feel insecure, weak, scared at times and it’s a blessing to have someone special there to help bust through the irrational thoughts and remind us of the real beauty that exists in all of us. Yeah, I suppose I’m an old fashioned thinker too. Or maybe just a typical INFJ.
I got bored with all the text but I'm sure the snowflakes will also appreciate your contribution or not!
Wow, that felt good or not!
@@superyachtchef I'm impressed you attempted to read it at all. Usually cretins are illiterate.
Yeah, that felt good, or not. 🤣
@@russhughes9150 you would love to be this young , cute and cocky xXx
@@superyachtchef no, not really. I wouldn't trade my lifetime of amazing and beautiful experiences even if they paid me. And cocky is no more of an attractive trait than being a young, insecure, bitchy queen. Now, out of respect for Andrew and his wishes regarding appropriate conduct in the comments of his videos, I will no longer continue with this dialog on this platform. Perhaps you should show the same respect.
@Vidur S. just curious. If you feel so strongly about him why are you trolling him and his videos, on more than one occasion, just to post negative or derogatory comments about him and his content? Seems like to me you wouldn't waste your time.
To be frank, your assertions here really do not pertain to “gay open relationships” as much as monogamy in general. You posit that if someone has a desire, fantasy, interest, etc. they will eventually step out of a relationship to seek it. I think it is fair to say that the concept of monogamy centers around the idea that while you may fantasize or be curious about another person or scenario, at the end of the day, your commitment to your significant other makes it worth forgoing temporary pleasures out of your commitment to your partner. Perhaps actively choosing to specifically deny certain desires is a sign of commitment to your partner. In both heterosexual and homosexual relationships people often cannot or are unwilling to refrain from self denial. More prominently in the homosexual community than in the heterosexual community, we have seen a “have your cake and eat it too” approach where you get the commitment and the side play, too. However, there seems to be a drastic correlation between those who have sex outside of their relationship and the failure of those relationships. Is it possible? Sure. Do we see it more in the gay community? Definitely. In the future will the idea normalize and alleviate societal pressures that cause open relationships to have a higher failure rate? Who knows. Perhaps I’m old fashioned, but for me, I’m happy show my partner that I care for him, and only him, by making a choice to keep physical affection just between us. Self denial is not a bad thing. You do not have to have everything that catches your eye. My relationship is important enough to not risk imperiling it over a fleeting whim. Maybe it wouldn’t end my relationship, but it’s too important to take the risk. A good thing is worth protecting. I hope someday everyone will meet someone about whom they care enough to forsake temporary indulgences. To each their own, but that is my two cents.
That's your vision of love. That's not the definition of love.
@@TAKEmeTOtheMORGUE If you LOVE to have sex outside of your relationship, then that is not even close to LOVE.
@@TheSenelcoolidge That's YOUR definition, not everyone's.
Hey clay i agree with you completely.If you still have the need to fuck with other people maybe you are not that into the person you with .i think people just scare of being alone that they can’t accept the fact that their partner is not enough for them
Open relationship is just about sex, nothing more, nothing less...
Listened carefully to your post and this was applicable whether gay or straight. Divorce results from breakdown in communication resulting in loss of mutual respect and hurt feelings. You seem very well grounded....
From my experience if you want a serious long term relationship then dont do it. Some people can be in an open relationship but with most people it wont work out in the long term. Whatever you do just make sure your partner wants the same thing as you.
andrews comments section is lowkey the best on yt
I love when guys tell me this crap that men cannot be monogamous... We have to be in open relationships... I say to them.. What you believe is not always fact, and you should not shame other people who want the opposite. Men can be just as emotionally diverse as woman.
Great video, nice to hear your thoughts. Personally I think communication, trust, and also prioritisation is key, because frankly if there is zero prioritisation...then...you're basically just dating, not in a relationship. The other thing I want to say is rules and boundaries matter, and people should talk completely openly about what they want, because at the end of the day you can't get your time back. My experience of this I have to say was painful: I thought it would be enough to go into an open relationship with an open mind, respect and communication, but instead it turned out the guy just didn't know what he wanted and based on his actions I decided whatever it was, it wasn't me.
"When people show you who they are, believe them the first time"
Great seeing you. You look fantastic. Just love how you talk and carry yourself. Hope you're doing well.
You said on this video Andrew what i'm saying and believe in my whole life for a Real Relationship!!
I'll add only this on the communication part that is very important!!
All we have friends and very close friends and we love them and care very much for them but on my opinion, your relationship must be and your best friend!! It's the most important key to last a relationship for a whole life...
Kisses from Greece!! ;-)
Wow. Thank you! You really clarified so much for me. You're very intelligent.
Love this video! My partner and I have been in a great relationship for over four years. Started monogamous and shifted to being open during a long stretch of long distance. And has been in various states between since then. Its been a really great experience for us. It forces even deeper communication which builds vulnerability. It allows us to make sacrifices for each other and be adventurous, and it lets each of those decisions reaffirm how we draw each other to be the best versions of ourselves.
Wow, incredibly insightful. Thanks for making this video Andrew. Your words really resonated with me because I truly believe healthy communication and honesty is key to any relationship 🫶🏼
Yep true i have accepted me as I am not going to change me for someone who says you can't I have learned to love myself and not be afraid of who I am or what I have become as a man
Thanks for the insight Andrew. I really enjoy your posts.
Well spoken, Andrew. It is all about communication. And you can not change your partners. Just accept them as they are or leave them. That´s your option. I love being single and independent. Having people I see, but they never step into my appartment. That is what works for me.
Great video. LOVED the Netflix Explained on monogamy.
Feeling very lucky to have youtubers like you.Great video, keep up !
Great to explore these ideas Andrew :) Thanks! In a non-monogamous marriage. Working out continually what your respective needs and desires are is tricky, and amazing work. Keep searching
Thank you for this video, Andrew! As someone who has struggled with this (I prefer non-monogamy, most of my partners don't), this is one of the clearest and best explanations I've heard. It was affirming to be reminded that being non-monogamous is OK and that we just need to learn to accept both of them. I even reflected back on some things from my previous relationships and how I could do things better moving forward. Thank you! :*
Thank you for this video, your description was on point for me…one shared my thoughts on paper and after 2 years together he left…thanks again
What a beautiful young man Andrew is . I came across this channel by chance as I have elected to have no social media presence and find on line blogging frankly uninteresting. However I find him inspiring complicated and somewhat wonderful. He gives me hope for the future of his generation. Long may he continue to share his wisdom ! Liam London
Were are you traveling now Dr Andrew. Good to see you an hear your stories. ❤🌈