3 irritating Behaviour List:- 1)Describing your internal world and thoughts to the outside world 2)We change our minds 3)We have a difficult time understanding how we feel.
At work my boss is always asking me if I'm okay or if I'm stressed, I always answer "yeah I'm good" because I know I can't explain how I exactly feel. I have a huge problem with communication and being able to let others help me only because I don't want to make things harder for them.
I have a co worker who gets me and when she wants to invite me, says "I know you may not feel very people-ly sometimes, but I am having a small get together on(whichever day) but the invitation is there if you feel like going." I absolutely love her for that!
@@mandyvincent1439 A viable first approximation would be ENFP. If she's outgoing but at the same time takes care to not steamroll you, that should be a strong indication.
The INFJ: Can you see me? No, you cannot, for I cannot even see myself. I’m a shape shifter that adapts to/by extroverted feelings. I can argue both sides of an argument with equal vigour then add a third perspective from apparent nowhere. It’s terribly frustrating but highly intuitive for left wing solutions that appear to manifest from the invisible. The INTJ understands.
Yes! I am INTJ female friending/dating an INFJ male. I think he's weirded out by my ability to understand. I know he spent a long time waiting for the other shoe to drop.
@@Revamckillop 💯% and if i didn't have commitments i would go back to very rural living tomorrow i tend to avoid people as a rule what with their small talk their rudeness and the way they think they are better than everyone else As an INFJ i tend to stand up for other good decent people who are being bullied pushed around for no reason I've been that way for all my life just find nearly all people are too much of an annoyance so much that i love my alone time don't know why i moved to a much more populated place i miss very rural living . Stay safe and well and Godbless to you, myself and all the other good decent people
Ive noticed that awkwardness comes from being too aware of your surroundings and uncomfortable in certain situations. And once you make yourself more comfortable in that enviornment awkwardness tends to fade.
@@EazyMurphy i can feel that i don't fit in ! i am just soo awkward around some folks that its painful to even try to fit in , i'd rather leave or not be around them, its not them though its me !
"You don't have to thank me for doing my job" a colleague said this to me 4 years ago and it still doesn't compute to me. I still thank everyone everytime. Not sorry (lol). 😁
No kidding. My family scolds me for "being too soft and submissive". Bitch, I just practice common courtesy as everyone should! I don't want to become accustomed to being rude and selfish like they are. :/
I met a fellow INFJ at a Myers Briggs meetup. We decided to talk on the phone. When two INFJ's talk on the phone....uh...uhh...awkward pause...word fragment....another sentence fragment...then another word fragment...excited ideas resembling something in actuality. The whole thing is like a locomotive that wants to start, but can't.
@@DavidBadurina I know zero of them and really want to meet a few. Ever thought of setting up a Zoom meet and greet so some of us aliens can meet other aliens?
Unfortunately way too many people are going by the mantra "My mind is set, don't confuse me with facts!" It's especially upsetting when they are propagating such blatant nonsense that it's virtually screaming *bullcrap* in your face, but they still behave as if they had written a dissertation on this subject. Alas, I can in no way eat as much as I wanted to barf...
@Janiece I also have this issue where the idea is in my head but doesn’t come out of my mouth-I will miss a whole component of my reasoning (or whatever). I don’t even know how this happens.
I can write like a house on fire, but so not so articulate in spoken words, so I think I come off as being really squirrelly to others. A real social nerd.
A friend shared a comment that said 'I dare you to spend 30sec in my head.' I told them they would not survive 15sec in my head because it is simultaneously running down multiple rabbit holes in search of information. Some days I wonder how I survive being in my own head. I call it 'squirrel' mentality but Spidercow works. Mostly I need time to think before I respond but it's kinda awkward for people to sit and stare at you while your brain does it's processing thing.
OMG - I have had people become impatient and disrespectful if I pause 3 seconds to consider what they have said or asked. I have a sibling that would say "Hello?" like Jerry Lewis. I asked if they would rather have a responsive thought, or a mindless continuation of a conversation.
Wait. As an infj. I missed all three points. Lol I got so deep inside my own head at the start. I got lost. Lol. That’s another one I’m gonna have to rewatch 100 times.🤪
What you said here was almost exactly what an INFJ friend of mine has said, "I have feelings about a lot of things but I don't say them. If I tried, I doubt they'd come out in an articulate way anyway". She has also stated she often has trouble knowing how she feels but keeps saying to me, "your feelings are valid and you have a right to feel them", which is basically what you also said here. I admit it's hard for me to understand someone claiming they don't know how they feel easily. It's challenging for me to not get tangled or tripped up with that one because honestly, my mind doesn't get it, but I keep trying to understand. Ti is also a tougher one for me to grasp as well, but I'm getting better at it. I do feel that about 50% (at least) of all INFJs out there do have pretty good Ti as I have witnessed it. Te is an easier concept for me to identify with despite having a rather odd relationship with it as my inferior. Some INFJs can access Fi critic a lot easier than others despite favoring Fe. My observation is that an INFJ that has developed Ti and uses it along side Fe almost equally can almost appear at times as if it's presenting like Fi but there is this feeling that it's not the real thing. I think this makes sense because the critical parent is supposed to be a bridge between your 2nd and third function. Thanks for sharing, David.
No thank you! What a fabulous set of observations! This is must-read for those on the outside of the INFJ thought process as well as INFJs themselves. I appreciate your input so very much! I think you hit the nail on the head in regards to Fe/Ti manifesting as a sort of Fi copycat. That’s exactly the feeling.
@@DavidBadurina Another thing I forgot to mention is the trend of INFJs remembering the past quite differently than INFPs due to weak Si. I find when they think of the past it's a lot more abstract than that of an INFP, who will often get into Fi-Si loops where their subjective feeling is directly linked to and effected by their past concrete experiences. INFPs are more sentimental usually and get stuck both in the past and the future due to Ne and Si being our two middle functions. I revolve back and forth between them and they fight eachother a lot for air time. I have watched a number of videos by INFJs just seeking to understand how different their experiential memory tends to be from someone with Si in the conscious part of their psyche. And again, I have also witnessed it with INFJ friends I've came to know. As for me, I can still remember the colour of coat I was wearing at 2 years old when my cat walked up to my stroller I was sitting in and bit the head off of the pink clover I carried home from the park. I'll turn 42 in 3 weeks so that was basically 40 years ago. I still remember how it made me feel in that moment, I cried my head off because I was so proud of myself that i carried it all the way home. It was my flower. I remember how the air felt that day, it was getting mild and that the leaves were just beginning to come out. I can do this all through my life, bring back the exact emotion I was feeling in that moment. Until I started to study typology I thought everyone could easily do this but I learned they can't. So I think for types who value Si over Se, this can also be a source of confusion until we study the functions. I find you all tend to remember things a lot more abstractly as opposed to concrete details. Also: Putin on the Ritz 😂
Oh, my goodness, the process of making plans with people hit home hard. "Wednesday rolls around, along with the cloud of dread,". This is one of the most difficult things for me to overcome.
I’m an INFJ and recently did the Autism Quotient test after having yet another period of exhausting social interaction that has seen me totally withdraw into my reclusive “cave” feeling “peopled out”. I scored 42 out of 50 which puts me well and truly in the spectrum so I’m curious as to how many other INFJs out there also have autism because many of the quirks and social difficulties are identical. PS: I read something years ago that tickled my funny bone because it was so relatable. It said: “I’m sorry I won’t be able to come to your party in 3 weeks because I’m not in the mood” 🤣
I scored 25 out of 50 and I just took it right now. Sorry if that seems really unenthusiastic but an exclamation point would be a weird punctuation to put at the end of that sentence.
I had never even heard the term INFJ before today. It’s only taken 48 years to figure out why I’m so freaking weird 🤪 Thank bro, you may have just changed my life 🙏🙏🙏
14:39 hits really close to home. For INFJs who are children of immigrants, it can be so difficult to prioritize your own needs and passions when your family has expectations of what they want you to achieve. Not meeting those expectations can feel like you're not honoring your family's resilience and sacrifices in trying to provide a better life for you. To those who are navigating this, I'm cheering for you :)
I laughed when you mentioned canceling plans, I’m so guilty of that. It’s like at the moment, I do actually want to hang out but then the day comes and it’s hard, I’m not really proud of how creative I can get with my lies lol. And about not knowing how you’re going to feel in the future, how our emotions is constantly change due to our internal realizations, can be tiring sometimes, I haven’t noticed how much I change my mind until you mentioned it. Great video❤️
I can totally relate. We had HS reunion before Christmas. I was half hearted until the day came. I went anyway. After that I said to myself, I should have not come,. I knew I'd get bored. next time I'm not going. 😂 Why? They're laughing at something I didn't find funny. And every time they start talking about others or making fun of them, I end up watching TH-cam. 😆 They may find me boring, but actually it's me who's bored with their type of humor. I struggled with this before. But now, I feel good about myself being this way.
@@harrycain5912 then I highly doubt your my personality type bc I can't stand liars. And if you're the type to think sh like they'll never know, yeah, ur def not the type. If you want to be a thirsty f just say so.
David, my partner is an INFJ, (I'm an INTP) and i find the traits you described as irritating, to be endearing. I see the changing his mind thing as a pattern of self improvement and personal growth. He is usually taking on a new challenge or learning a new skill and if it doesn't benefit him then he tries something else. I love this about him as i can observe and take what's proven useful and implement that myself.
INFJ here. Love this video! I fairly enjoy getting called out. It helps me laugh over the irritating things that I subconsciously do. It can be frustrating, but I'm happy to be more aware of my weaknesses. My biggest weakness is Extroverted Feeling. I have spent most of my life focusing more on others than my own. It took me on a whirlwind of bs and stress until I couldn't take it anymore (Burnout/Door Slam). After a few years of studying myself (with the help of MBTI), I am much happier. I can handle being selfish and set very strict boundaries for myself to not get too caught up into other people's emotions. It's hard because it feels like I'm letting people down. Or I spend time fighting myself on how/if I should involve with people without stressing out. But at the end of the day, I feel less strain and it's easier to focus on my Introverted Feelings. I appreciate watching your videos, David. And thanks to anyone who read this super long comment lol. Love and Blessings
Thank you!!! So true!!! I’m surrounded by fast thinking, very vocal people that think I am so slow and probably dumb, but I am actually just sorting through millions of individual thoughts and feelings and trying to find the kindest and most effective way to say something. By the time I get that together, the moment is long gone and it’s too late. 🤷♀️
The best thing about irritating that the narcissist is the first one you visible irritate. Super power narc identifier. Most everyone else will stuff it for as long as that can.
I honestly used to believe there was something really wrong with me. I would constantly berate myself for never knowing or being able to express how I felt (about anything). Discovering my latent INFJ-ness has been the most profound event in my recent life, and now thanks to videos like this, I'm totally fine with having no idea about what's happening in my brain. Cheers!
Damn! ! ! ! It’s like you took a piece of my brain, my thoughts, my feelings and my life and exposed it in this video. I said “ yes” to having coffee tomorrow morning with a friend. Now I don’t wanna. I am stressing out , cause she will be upset and I can’t think of another excuse. . 👍👍👍👍👍
You can always chuck a sickie. I did this with my old friends. I didn't feel like I was lying to them. I honestly didn't feel up to going (mentally speaking), but they'd guilt me about it and essentially punish me by being really pissed off about it. And it's not like I told them I didn't want to see them for no reason. You'll be pleased to know I no longer consider those people to be my friends. They used and abused the friendship so many times. Eventually I had to doorslam both of them.
"We change our minds" This is why I will never, ever get a tattoo. I can't imagine having a permanent reminder of something I don't think, believe or like any more. Love this video. The first thing I thought when I saw the title was "I irritate myself" and of course that was the first thing out of your mouth. Now I understand more about why.
People don't ask me out...they just don't. No one. If I spend time with friends, it's a short amount of time because they are very busy...and I'm usually only busy in my head...🤐
As an older INFJ, I don't trust anyone with my inner workings or feelings. It is like letting the walls down and therefore creates a vulnerability in my structure. I have found that, even when you trust another person with her life, they will often use those inner workings to their advantage to get what they want out of you when you know what they are doing. I just keep things to myself. Often times watching what is going on and the interactions of people and smh. It is a very lonely life. Your vid almost made my eyes hot. NO I did not cry but I felt that shit! If I thought for a second that anyone really cared how I feel and why, I would send them this vid. But, it will end up being used against me. Have I surrounded myself with un-intuned people? Probably and that is my fault.
ok dammit, went and watched a reaction to Disturbed "Sound of silence" and definitely cried. Does this song get to any of you. It always gets me! "sigh"
It is hard to move through this life feeling so lonely and misunderstood, being criticized by others even when we have a heart full of good intentions. Thankfully, your video brought me an imense relief to feel understood and heard, to know I'm not alone in this. Thank you for what you did sir, you sure are helping a lot of us out there who needs to be understood too. Love from Brazil! 🖤 (I'm INFJ 5w4)
Reason 2 is so much more painful to me as a depressed person. I'm glad I have 3 friends that totally get it and know it's nothing personal when I suddenly just have no energy.
It’s insane to hear you read my mind How did you learn all of this I remember 12 years ago being at my psych appt and telling him “I can’t answer the phone” And he wasn’t getting it And here you get it
The most irritating, self - critical, unpredictable, procrastinating, empathetic .....etc.INFJ I know stares at me every morning, while I try to figure out how to get out of chit - chats with humans. The only thing keeping me from pulling my hair out is talking to myself, out loud. Don’t care if anyone hears me. For me it’s practice for future “ chit - chats “.Having coffee and gossiping is the most draining and stressful thing to do. I endure it a couple of times a week . I think she’s starting to understand that I am “ absent” for the rest of the week.Two women having coffee is torture for me. CRAZY!!!🤐🤐🤐🥴🥴🥴♥️
When he says my sweet sweet INFJs..... Does anybody else tear up a little bit? When I am feeling overwhelmed or anything that's going on that I'm not handling well, I replay him saying my sweet sweet INFJ over and over it helps me calm down and regroup. Thank you so f****** much. You have no idea how much that simple phrase is help me
How about having the trait of "all or nothing at all." I am very all in, or all out. For example, if I decide I want to study biology, I want to master all the fields of biology: microbiology, zoology, botany, wildlife, etc. When I was studying to be a cook, I wanted to become a master chef, master pastry chef, restaurant owner, etc. Also, I could never settle on just one subject in school/college, and everything peaked my interest. Just when I thought one major was "it," an elective would capture my interest, and I wanted to do that instead. I ended up not graduating from anything, and I can be somewhat of a jack of all trades and a master at none. Is this typical of INFJ's, or is it just me? ADD? I dunno...anyone else?
The hardest work I've done (and still doing) on myself is not being led around by my Fe. My whole life I've beaten myself up (thanks Fi) and the best advice I give myself on a daily basis is what would I tell me to do if I was a separate person I know who is important to me. (That sentence lacks proper grammar.) It's amazing how we can give cold hard truth's (wielding Ti) to people we care about, sometimes flaying friendships in the process as be believe the end justifies the means. Turning that inward and listening to our own wisdom is empowering. How many times have we tried to give a friend advice and thought "if only they'd f'ing listen they'd have an amazing life?" Treat yourself to those cold hard truths and you will begin to know how you feel about things and be able to change your life for the better.
@@DavidBadurina It's not just Fi Critic that makes the entire thing so devastating - also keep your Si Demon in mind, and you know what's going on, especially if the two are entering into a tight loop with one another: Fi Critic berating you for (allegedly or actually) having acted counter to your core values and principles, and Si Demon picking up on that to happily put you down. As an INFP I do know how tough the Fi-Si loop can be when it is in the active stack, but Fi Critic joining forces with Si Demon... Ouch!
These past few months have been kind of a nightmare honestly. My family is moving in a few months and everyone wants to know my opinions and feelings on certain organizational details, what house we should get, what area we should move too. I barely even know how I feel half the time, so trying to articulate it is almost impossible. Sometimes I just have to go away for a while and come back once I've had time to think all my feelings into oblivion.
Wow, all I can say is it gets better but everyone’s situation is different. At 53 I now realize I’m so glad I didn’t find my type until my 40s and if I found out too early in life I would have found it comforting to place myself in this box I’m now told I belong in. Most are born into extroverted families and are broken and misunderstood and even traumatized by this. Certain functions early on have not developed enough yet to protect us, and being the most adaptable type you might fall into an unhealthy category. From my limited experience and in some circles I’m still considered young by way of experience the best advice I can give a young person is build yourself a healthy ego. In some circles the ego is considered bad and needs to be destroyed and is the cause of all the negative aspects of your life and that’s just not true in my opinion. Not knowing my type forced me to work on my weaknesses early on which would be the external. We already have the internal aspects of ourselves working overtime so that’s a given unless you’re dealing with past trauma that has been ignored or not healed. People naturally are drawn to us as most of you should notice when you enter a room. If you’re not careful and no one tells us this but you can have your energy instantly drained and you’re overwhelmed, but energy flows both ways and we get in that sweet spot at an event where you’re glad you came you’re moving that energy unconsciously. Imagine learning how to do that on the conscious level and even then it’s just temporary but it feels superhuman. To make a long story short and It might already be too late for that lol. You realize in this external world you can make the outside look however you want it to depending on what your given at birth. It’s a hard challenge if you’ve already fallen into despair and unhealthy habits creating an outer self that gives you an excuse not to be out in the world and you justify that action. On the other hand if you’re capable of getting fit and getting yourself together and we already have the best sense of style and taste. You start to notice and it still doesn’t change the fact that you don’t want to be in the outside world that when you are you can control the narrative and always have a good time. Not to be superficial but yes it helps to look good on the outside as well as the inside and that’s just how this extroverted society operates. Even though we now lock ourselves away to recharge we can honestly start realizing we can have a good time in moderation and are glad that we allowed ourselves to create that moment to add to the memory bank. Look, as the most adaptable and inspirational people on the planet we are doing ourselves a disservice not becoming the best and healthy type we can instead of locking ourselves away from the world, pre Covid-19 of course. So any people are walking around in society broken and unhealthy mentality, spiritually and physically and this goes for all types. We allow this to become our normal and we become stagnant in life. This world is full of distractions good and bad, just remember you’re here to experience this life not hide away and to know our type needs to create a harmonious balance with that. So much more to say but I’m sure most never made it this far and if you did good luck on your journey and remember you are equipped with everything you need you just need to access it. I hope this helps someone who might need it! ❤️
"Its as if your brain has crafted this incredible scene in your mind that is detailed and exquisite...And then it comes time to describe what that's like in the outside world... and you're just like... DUH" Irritating myself into not wanting to speak to other people makes me wish I could somehow connect an usb port to my brain and let them take a peek at how rich my inside world is and how dumb I feel like when I try to explain things xD Pair that with adhd, and being bilingual, you get a whole new level of mess :D Btw, your hair looks flawless in this video! O:
When he got really serious on #3 and gulped after saying sweetheart...basically any INFJ explaining their feelings. It's odd that standing up for yourself hurts.
This episode is me. Even when I make the plan to meet someone for dinner, the time arrives and it's all I can do to take myself go, sometimes I don't go. Finally, it's explained as to why I react that way. I can't thank you enough for your videos and sweet delivery. They've helped me understand myself better. So thankful for you!
Everything you said hit home for me. It’s easier for me to write out my thoughts rather than speak it. And the party or dinner invitation can be draining. I love my friends, but I get caught up in the excitement of the moment, they now want to meet again......and I hear myself or husband say --SURE! And 2 days before I am praying for a blizzard! 😖😂😂😂. Doesn’t mean I understand why I’m this way...it is weird. But thank you.
Yes! This is so, so true for me. This honestly brought me to tears as an INFJ struggling through depression. It is such a struggle expressing my thoughts and feelings, trying to be understood in order to obtain the the help I need.
It's like he's speaking from within me. The sarcasm is supreme. Also, I don't care if people don't like me and I hope they have an awesome day! I need someone to do accents with in public!
I just finished listening to irritating behaviour #1 and SERIOUSLY. You know it, and worded it so perfectly. I been feeling this so much lately it's ridiculous. The struggle is real. Edit. Okay I'm done and it's so accurate. This video is bittersweet. A comforting understanding among us all and yet a sad truth/reality of our struggles.
Not only reference material, but they have some significant advantages as well: Since their milk is coming as strands, you don't risk to accidentally spill it so you don't lose any of it. 😉
As I am an INFJ, I’ve had hard time to feel my own feelings. Most of time, my feelings are mixed with other people’s feelings and needs. Like he said, my feelings go down underneath of other people’s feelings so I have to separate them. Writing down helps me to recognize
Thank you kind sir for the huge service in explaining that no, I don't like feeling lonely and I don't want to be, I just need a lot of alone time to recharge and order myself to function as a human being and not go into a mental breakdown ahahah
You perfectly described me better than anyone else. I saw a therapist when I trying to find myself and after a few sessions and on our last one he gave me a warning, Be careful when you go inside your mind, you may not be able to come back out. Had no idea what he was saying until now 40 yrs later..
To follow up in this I went to the gym this morning and while waiting for my trainer, I sit down at a table what do I start doing? Watching all the people doing their routines soaking in as much as I can reading what their lives are like by observing their inter actions, but the worse part was I started comparing myself in the worst way to them even though I had no idea who they were. I started putting myself in their shoes. almost decided to cancel my session and say to hell with it. Luckily my trainer showed up and and I had a decent workout. It would nice to find a facebook group like me just to feel appreciated.
I wish I had even a nickel for every time I've apologized for jumping around topics, attempting to find the correct words for the story I am trying to tell, and then making the excuse "oh my, it's just one of those days", I would never have to leave my home again. I even blurted out to a client once "maybe I'm having an existential crisis" while performing a Brazilian wax on her. Also, DO NOT pursue a career in beauty. I am returning to school to become an assistant pathologist. I will deal with the dead and a doctor. I do not belong in public.
As an inventor, writer, etc., it's necessary when a complicated idea has been worked out in detail for the idea not to be shared or talked about with others. Unless valuable ideas are protected they can be stolen, and often times are. This is a paradox for an INFJ because it helps to talk about ideas and often times great ideas are the result of sharing thoughts with others. This is why I sometimes I have a hard time explaining things that are on my mind with my friends and family. There are plenty of other things to talk about and share. Just not what's emotionally being invested in... Not an easy solution.
The biggest thing you can do as an INFJ to go from an Omega to a Sigma occupation is to learn about the art of body language & presence. Also spend time learning how to speak confidently. It will be the best investment you ever make for yourself.
I'm an INFJ. I'm definitely going to read the book. Everything you said in this video is soooooo true. I'm so different then most around me. I'm a caretaker. I'm glad you wrote this book and I cant wait to dive in.
People have always said I speak and explain like an artist. So detailed and thought provoking. Also if asked questions or advice my replies are so thought provoking it overwhelms others. They wanted a simple structured straight forward answer. Example: My best friend owns a INSURANCE business and is ordering pens with the company logo. She asked me what color pen should she pick? From the choices My answer- White gives a clear and clean impression. Red will be left at home and used the least because at a glance people wont use it thinking it writes/ red ink as well? Blue is more common and doesn't stand out much. Black is the same. Chrome- is the most prominent and has the most professional look with small dark grayish black printed logo. So I gave her the way the mind presives the thought about each color to help HER choose how she wishes to convey her business. She choose white pen with red writing and blue logo. I would have chosen Silver/ Chrome with the gun metal gray. Name and address, plus the logo- all that same color. But the choices in her life are hers to make. So yes... I'm very helpful to others but over whelming as well. I'm an extremely perceptive Empath. Put it all together... I have to keep my inter thoughts and feelings to myself 99.99% of the time. People can see and feel that I'm very deep but that I stay... to myself 😌 Neutral and peace out I'm a very private person
I'm an INFJ as well. I recently learned my personality type and it explains so much. This video is great and so relatable. To hear of an INFJ writer gives me such a sense of comfort as writing seems to be the only way I can truly express myself. When I talk I seem to say too much or too little, all while assessing every miniscule detail around me and especially about the people around me. I feel alone and prefer it but also want to fix everyone I care about. Social interaction is exhausting and the hardest thing I deal with is setting healthy boundaries. I'll literally sacrifice my sense or well-being to do it all...until I'm burnt out so badly I have no choice but to hide away until I'm recharged again, and the cycle continues. Relationships are tough, whether that's family, friends, or romantically. It's a lonely life being an INFJ, even when you're surrounded by others.
Thank you for helping me understand me a lot better. Strangely enough, I conveniently get a migraine a couple hours before I am supposed to be somewhere. I actually did different accents for closing announcements when I used to work at a retail pharmacy. Blessings always dear one❤️🙏🏻
OMG, it feels good to hear some one saying Exactly the things I experience as an INFJ and the outcome, I am feeling some type of way right now, I love your sense of humor, I have goose bumps right now, you have made my night, thank God for us,we are the CHOSEN
So true! I tend to hate family gethering or social activities and I think about that a lot the days before, an anxiousness, but I started noticing that I suffer by anticipation, because when I go to those meetings I feel happy and it's fun haha so I realise that I don't need to think so much about it, but anyway, I can't help it and I always think a lot.
Jay, buddy, I HAVE BEEN THERE. It’s hard to be kind to yourself for the way you feel. But do it, because nobody else is obligated to show you kindness and acceptance, so make sure you do.
2 years old and yet timely...Living among my children and their families, I have been struggling with Fe observations that are out of my control, not my place to act upon.
Yes this was so well done. I don’t know how often I have tried to say what I wanted to say but because I could sense how the other person might feel, I ended up making things worse. I either can’t get the words out and give up and not say them or I spend more time trying to make the other person feel good and never say what I need to say. Nice video!
My former boss called me sensitive. I asked, "Sensitive, as in emotionally unstable, or sensitive as in highly attuned to those around me?" All said while doing a penetrating stare. She couldn't answer.
1. We have hard time articulating our thoughts into words. we need a lot of time to figure things out. 2. We change our minds a lot. but for some commitment thing, we always go. 3. we have a difficult time understanding how we feel.
Yep. I'm a burden to the world. I'm a social misfit. No matter what I do my intent apparently looks like something else to other people. After watching a "Pucokie" vid on "nice guys" finishing last and the comments stating that it looks like a nice guy is hiding real intent, I'm ready to pack it up and find a deserted forest somewhere to dwell in. Whether I'm nice, or an ass, I'm still an ass. I should take up drinking.
That's really frustrating, and I get it. People get paranoid because they project bad experiences onto others out of fear. Predictive analysis for survival, except it's flawed. If I may, here's what I've learned (the hard, self-abusive, avoidant way): 1. Videos reflect a specific opinion. Not the opinion of 7.6 billion people. Certain videos get popular due to what's popular at the time. Wait a bit, and you'll see the trends swing wildly. That can create a major confirmation bias that "it's like this everywhere", which is only made worse if you meet someone who has made you feel like a "nice guy." As hard as it can be to remember, people are not all the same. Give them a chance to show you who they are. Just as you want that chance. 2. You can't please everyone, no matter what you do. So don't try. Be who you are, and the people who will love you and want to get to know you will see that. Quality over quantity. 3. Try to find some videos on how people interact, and practice if you have any anxiety over social interactions. It can help a lot to be prepared in advance. And if someone doesn't like you, someone else will. 7.6 billion people. The odds are in your favor :) I hope this rambling thesis helps. Best wishes to you!
By my experience many people don't really "get" us. However, instead of ruminating what that might reveal about yourself, you should rather flip that around and investigate what that tells _you_ about the others. As a hint, said people very frequently turn out to be quite narrow-minded (as far as I have experienced) in this matter. If they perceive you to be fake for being nice, there's a very high chance that they are actually projecting; and do listen to your inner critic: If you notice that the other party has a valid point, you can still take that into account, but if your inner critic is calling bullcrap, it most likely is. The point is, if niceness is mistaken as being fake, the folks in question very frequently turn out to be extremely superficial. You cannot get to know someone just by briefly meeting them and believing that you have seen everything about them (anyone smelling Dunning-Krugeritis?). It requires a lot more time and effort to actually get to _know_ someone, but that is usually not going to be invested.
Point #1 I just shut up. Point #2 I just shut up. Or said I don't know. Point #3 I just keep my mouth shut. In all 3 scenarios, there's storm and tornado tsunami whatever brewing inside...its all trying to get out but it's like an elephant trying to go through the needle hole. That's what it like for me. After awhile, people just left me alone.
I've heard it said that the difference is the concept of the 'web' information storage as apposed to container storage. where the sensitivity of the web vibrates every part of it should you touch any part of it. Thus the intuitive mind absorbs all sensor information whether it is relevant or not whereas other personalities are selective. A process that is unconscious. Hence the recall surprise, the 'light bulb' moments.
Nailed it, David. There have been 3 times in my life where words were needed, but wouldn't come. Because I was enraged I was terrified of what I COULD say. Beyond measure. I really effin needed the words and the courage. The 3rd time was just last night outside and under the full moon. So ,I let out a yell that would topple Manhattan. Not the best move, but it got me through. And I didn't hurt anyone with my words. Need to work on this, though. But not today. Today, I will be kind to myself. Thank you for all you say and write, David.
Only 2-minutes in and I can’t stop laughing. I see the connections in your conversation and I can literally hear how I must sound to everyone I encounter 🤣
I need a fellow infj as a best friend,or at least a regular level 1 infj friend.I think it would be,at times competitive and reassuring at the same time.
![ฮักเทื่อสุดท้าย - บอย ศิริชัย [OFFICIAL MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/-1PoPoQ-B-k/mqdefault.jpg)
Any other INFJs that actually love his humor?
I’m not sure about the guy ...
I do, makes me see the absurdity of it all :lol:
Yep :) . My fav is the “think squish to speak hole” :p
Love his humor. It is exactly how I think and talk. Keeps my friends, coworkers and husband rolling in laughter.
heeeere! I cried the entirety of the video because I laughed too much
3 irritating Behaviour List:-
1)Describing your internal world and thoughts to the outside world
2)We change our minds
3)We have a difficult time understanding how we feel.
In a nutshell!
At work my boss is always asking me if I'm okay or if I'm stressed, I always answer "yeah I'm good" because I know I can't explain how I exactly feel. I have a huge problem with communication and being able to let others help me only because I don't want to make things harder for them.
@@naomimills7215 story of my life lol and we're always gonna say yea we're good lol everytime so jus leave well enough alone 😌
I hate being told “you’re too sensitive”.. 😐
Ugh it’s the worst!
@@DavidBadurina yeeep.. it is. Great video today!
Yeah I had an argument yesterday and I wasn’t even assistive and I was told being over sensitive is just being too emotional
agree so much so irritating!!!
To me, the only thing worse than that is being called selfish.
I have a co worker who gets me and when she wants to invite me, says "I know you may not feel very people-ly sometimes, but I am having a small get together on(whichever day) but the invitation is there if you feel like going." I absolutely love her for that!
Hold on to that one!
I will. 😊 She is amazing!! I wonder what MBTI type she may be.
@@mandyvincent1439 A viable first approximation would be ENFP. If she's outgoing but at the same time takes care to not steamroll you, that should be a strong indication.
@@Robidu1973 that makes sense, because she reminds me as an outgoing version of my Husband who is an INFP.
Wow what a wonderful way to be understood and cared for!
i think we struggle because we always filter our words considering other people's feelings but at the same time weighing our values.
Quite true!
We want to tell the truth but we end up talking in parables
@@santiagoscho so very very true
Like we want to sugarcoat without compromising honesty. Tough job.
I’m 60. In my life experience, people often don’t want the truth.
The INFJ: Can you see me? No, you cannot, for I cannot even see myself. I’m a shape shifter that adapts to/by extroverted feelings. I can argue both sides of an argument with equal vigour then add a third perspective from apparent nowhere. It’s terribly frustrating but highly intuitive for left wing solutions that appear to manifest from the invisible. The INTJ understands.
INTJs understand a lot!
Yeah this!
I'm ENFJ and same pretty much.
Yes! I am INTJ female friending/dating an INFJ male. I think he's weirded out by my ability to understand. I know he spent a long time waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I love INTJs :)
i think we find ourselves so irritating is because we know we really don't fit in and so we feel awkward .
i know exactly where you're coming from .
Exactly!
It is because we are too deep of thinkers. We can't stand the small talk and would rather be alone than shallow in the midst of many.
@@Revamckillop 💯% and if i didn't have commitments i would go back to very rural living tomorrow i tend to avoid people as a rule what with their small talk their rudeness and the way they think they are better than everyone else As an INFJ i tend to stand up for other good decent people who are being bullied pushed around for no reason I've been that way for all my life just find nearly all people are too much of an annoyance so much that i love my alone time don't know why i moved to a much more populated place i miss very rural living . Stay safe and well and Godbless to you, myself and all the other good decent people
Ive noticed that awkwardness comes from being too aware of your surroundings and uncomfortable in certain situations. And once you make yourself more comfortable in that enviornment awkwardness tends to fade.
@@EazyMurphy
i can feel that i don't fit in !
i am just soo awkward around some folks that its painful to even try to fit in , i'd rather leave or not be around them, its not them though its me !
Apparently being really polite is also an exasperating trait.
Very annoying lol.
It is, please and thank you...lol
@Silver & Cold same they dislike it and me for it. Toodles
"You don't have to thank me for doing my job" a colleague said this to me 4 years ago and it still doesn't compute to me. I still thank everyone everytime. Not sorry (lol). 😁
No kidding. My family scolds me for "being too soft and submissive". Bitch, I just practice common courtesy as everyone should! I don't want to become accustomed to being rude and selfish like they are. :/
Life for INFJs will never get anywhere close to the fantasies in our heads.
I met a fellow INFJ at a Myers Briggs meetup. We decided to talk on the phone. When two INFJ's talk on the phone....uh...uhh...awkward pause...word fragment....another sentence fragment...then another word fragment...excited ideas resembling something in actuality. The whole thing is like a locomotive that wants to start, but can't.
I know quite a few INFJs and there’s definitely some truth to that!
That’s exactly what I sound like on the phone 😅🥲
It's because we reflect people. Someone has to be open up somehow
@@DavidBadurina I know zero of them and really want to meet a few. Ever thought of setting up a Zoom meet and greet so some of us aliens can meet other aliens?
@@alyssaisnotdoneyet Good idea!
This is so me, too. It’s lovely to be so empathetic but frustrating to not feel understood all the time.
Always a conflict!
Unfortunately way too many people are going by the mantra "My mind is set, don't confuse me with facts!"
It's especially upsetting when they are propagating such blatant nonsense that it's virtually screaming *bullcrap* in your face, but they still behave as if they had written a dissertation on this subject.
Alas, I can in no way eat as much as I wanted to barf...
My husband says “you’re talking in shapes again” 🤣🤣
😂 That’s excellent!
😅
I like the internet and I like typing. I have time to organise my thoughts before I express them.
Agree completely!
yep!
@@CarissaJenkins you too? What comes out of my mouth is another story, though.
Exactly I can write or type my feelings, but speak....? Not so much.
@Janiece I also have this issue where the idea is in my head but doesn’t come out of my mouth-I will miss a whole component of my reasoning (or whatever). I don’t even know how this happens.
I can write like a house on fire, but so not so articulate in spoken words, so I think I come off as being really squirrelly to others. A real social nerd.
Absolutely right - I'm WAY better written word!
A friend shared a comment that said 'I dare you to spend 30sec in my head.' I told them they would not survive 15sec in my head because it is simultaneously running down multiple rabbit holes in search of information. Some days I wonder how I survive being in my own head. I call it 'squirrel' mentality but Spidercow works. Mostly I need time to think before I respond but it's kinda awkward for people to sit and stare at you while your brain does it's processing thing.
So true!
Im being told that all the time and Im like yeah that sounds like a nice vacation how do I do that!
OMG - I have had people become impatient and disrespectful if I pause 3 seconds to consider what they have said or asked. I have a sibling that would say "Hello?" like Jerry Lewis. I asked if they would rather have a responsive thought, or a mindless continuation of a conversation.
I have made life bearable by marrying the warmest enfj, moved to the country, becoming a housewife with 2 sweet children and only having 4 friends.
Wait. As an infj. I missed all three points. Lol I got so deep inside my own head at the start. I got lost. Lol. That’s another one I’m gonna have to rewatch 100 times.🤪
Hah typical INFJ stuff - getting so lost in the internal world that you miss the sensing! 🤪
What you said here was almost exactly what an INFJ friend of mine has said, "I have feelings about a lot of things but I don't say them. If I tried, I doubt they'd come out in an articulate way anyway".
She has also stated she often has trouble knowing how she feels but keeps saying to me, "your feelings are valid and you have a right to feel them", which is basically what you also said here.
I admit it's hard for me to understand someone claiming they don't know how they feel easily. It's challenging for me to not get tangled or tripped up with that one because honestly, my mind doesn't get it, but I keep trying to understand.
Ti is also a tougher one for me to grasp as well, but I'm getting better at it. I do feel that about 50% (at least) of all INFJs out there do have pretty good Ti as I have witnessed it. Te is an easier concept for me to identify with despite having a rather odd relationship with it as my inferior.
Some INFJs can access Fi critic a lot easier than others despite favoring Fe. My observation is that an INFJ that has developed Ti and uses it along side Fe almost equally can almost appear at times as if it's presenting like Fi but there is this feeling that it's not the real thing. I think this makes sense because the critical parent is supposed to be a bridge between your 2nd and third function.
Thanks for sharing, David.
No thank you! What a fabulous set of observations! This is must-read for those on the outside of the INFJ thought process as well as INFJs themselves. I appreciate your input so very much!
I think you hit the nail on the head in regards to Fe/Ti manifesting as a sort of Fi copycat. That’s exactly the feeling.
@@DavidBadurina OMG you pinned it, thank you so much for the kind words in response to my post!
I can understand the first paragraph, but the rest... I have a hard time understanding cause I'm not good at the Fe, Fi, Ti, Te things? 😅
@@melbeth79 Hell yea I pinned it! lol.
@@DavidBadurina Another thing I forgot to mention is the trend of INFJs remembering the past quite differently than INFPs due to weak Si. I find when they think of the past it's a lot more abstract than that of an INFP, who will often get into Fi-Si loops where their subjective feeling is directly linked to and effected by their past concrete experiences. INFPs are more sentimental usually and get stuck both in the past and the future due to Ne and Si being our two middle functions. I revolve back and forth between them and they fight eachother a lot for air time.
I have watched a number of videos by INFJs just seeking to understand how different their experiential memory tends to be from someone with Si in the conscious part of their psyche. And again, I have also witnessed it with INFJ friends I've came to know.
As for me, I can still remember the colour of coat I was wearing at 2 years old when my cat walked up to my stroller I was sitting in and bit the head off of the pink clover I carried home from the park. I'll turn 42 in 3 weeks so that was basically 40 years ago. I still remember how it made me feel in that moment, I cried my head off because I was so proud of myself that i carried it all the way home. It was my flower. I remember how the air felt that day, it was getting mild and that the leaves were just beginning to come out.
I can do this all through my life, bring back the exact emotion I was feeling in that moment. Until I started to study typology I thought everyone could easily do this but I learned they can't. So I think for types who value Si over Se, this can also be a source of confusion until we study the functions. I find you all tend to remember things a lot more abstractly as opposed to concrete details.
Also: Putin on the Ritz 😂
Oh, my goodness, the process of making plans with people hit home hard. "Wednesday rolls around, along with the cloud of dread,". This is one of the most difficult things for me to overcome.
I’m an INFJ and recently did the Autism Quotient test after having yet another period of exhausting social interaction that has seen me totally withdraw into my reclusive “cave” feeling “peopled out”. I scored 42 out of 50 which puts me well and truly in the spectrum so I’m curious as to how many other INFJs out there also have autism because many of the quirks and social difficulties are identical.
PS: I read something years ago that tickled my funny bone because it was so relatable. It said: “I’m sorry I won’t be able to come to your party in 3 weeks because I’m not in the mood” 🤣
I'm INFJ and my AQ is 10/50. I don't even cancel, however tortuous the event.
That whole "Sorry I can't come in 3 weeks I'm not in the mood" thing is GOLD. Haha!
I'd be curious to see the results of that AQ survey as well!
i got 37 so yep on the past "normal" part.
I scored 25 out of 50 and I just took it right now. Sorry if that seems really unenthusiastic but an exclamation point would be a weird punctuation to put at the end of that sentence.
@@melbeth79 this helps very much :) very informative too
I had never even heard the term INFJ before today. It’s only taken 48 years to figure out why I’m so freaking weird 🤪 Thank bro, you may have just changed my life 🙏🙏🙏
14:39 hits really close to home. For INFJs who are children of immigrants, it can be so difficult to prioritize your own needs and passions when your family has expectations of what they want you to achieve. Not meeting those expectations can feel like you're not honoring your family's resilience and sacrifices in trying to provide a better life for you. To those who are navigating this, I'm cheering for you :)
So true! Thank you for this!
I laughed when you mentioned canceling plans, I’m so guilty of that. It’s like at the moment, I do actually want to hang out but then the day comes and it’s hard, I’m not really proud of how creative I can get with my lies lol. And about not knowing how you’re going to feel in the future, how our emotions is constantly change due to our internal realizations, can be tiring sometimes, I haven’t noticed how much I change my mind until you mentioned it. Great video❤️
Thank you!
Few things make me as happy as when someone else cancels plans. Woohoo.🌻🌻
Sometimes a lie is easier to swallow than the truth. And some lies are justified. Especially when it comes to your mental health.
I can totally relate. We had HS reunion before Christmas. I was half hearted until the day came. I went anyway. After that I said to myself, I should have not come,. I knew I'd get bored. next time I'm not going. 😂 Why? They're laughing at something I didn't find funny. And every time they start talking about others or making fun of them, I end up watching TH-cam. 😆 They may find me boring, but actually it's me who's bored with their type of humor. I struggled with this before. But now, I feel good about myself being this way.
@@harrycain5912 then I highly doubt your my personality type bc I can't stand liars. And if you're the type to think sh like they'll never know, yeah, ur def not the type. If you want to be a thirsty f just say so.
David, my partner is an INFJ, (I'm an INTP) and i find the traits you described as irritating, to be endearing. I see the changing his mind thing as a pattern of self improvement and personal growth. He is usually taking on a new challenge or learning a new skill and if it doesn't benefit him then he tries something else. I love this about him as i can observe and take what's proven useful and implement that myself.
This is wonderful! That's a great outlook (and totally expected from an awesome INTP!)
INFJ here. Love this video!
I fairly enjoy getting called out. It helps me laugh over the irritating things that I subconsciously do. It can be frustrating, but I'm happy to be more aware of my weaknesses.
My biggest weakness is Extroverted Feeling. I have spent most of my life focusing more on others than my own. It took me on a whirlwind of bs and stress until I couldn't take it anymore (Burnout/Door Slam). After a few years of studying myself (with the help of MBTI), I am much happier. I can handle being selfish and set very strict boundaries for myself to not get too caught up into other people's emotions. It's hard because it feels like I'm letting people down. Or I spend time fighting myself on how/if I should involve with people without stressing out. But at the end of the day, I feel less strain and it's easier to focus on my Introverted Feelings.
I appreciate watching your videos, David.
And thanks to anyone who read this super long comment lol.
Love and Blessings
I like to do it in a self-deprecating way. Let’s have fun with our shortcomings but try to improve!
I appreciate you!
Thank you!!! So true!!! I’m surrounded by fast thinking, very vocal people that think I am so slow and probably dumb, but I am actually just sorting through millions of individual thoughts and feelings and trying to find the kindest and most effective way to say something. By the time I get that together, the moment is long gone and it’s too late. 🤷♀️
Same here, Vicky! Almost this exact thing has happened in countless meetings.🥰
The best thing about irritating that the narcissist is the first one you visible irritate. Super power narc identifier. Most everyone else will stuff it for as long as that can.
I honestly used to believe there was something really wrong with me. I would constantly berate myself for never knowing or being able to express how I felt (about anything). Discovering my latent INFJ-ness has been the most profound event in my recent life, and now thanks to videos like this, I'm totally fine with having no idea about what's happening in my brain. Cheers!
Cheers to that, David!
Damn! ! ! ! It’s like you took a piece of my brain, my thoughts, my feelings and my life and exposed it in this video. I said “ yes” to having coffee tomorrow morning with a friend. Now I don’t wanna. I am stressing out , cause she will be upset and I can’t think of another excuse. . 👍👍👍👍👍
Exactly!!
You can always chuck a sickie. I did this with my old friends. I didn't feel like I was lying to them. I honestly didn't feel up to going (mentally speaking), but they'd guilt me about it and essentially punish me by being really pissed off about it. And it's not like I told them I didn't want to see them for no reason. You'll be pleased to know I no longer consider those people to be my friends. They used and abused the friendship so many times. Eventually I had to doorslam both of them.
"We change our minds"
This is why I will never, ever get a tattoo. I can't imagine having a permanent reminder of something I don't think, believe or like any more.
Love this video. The first thing I thought when I saw the title was "I irritate myself" and of course that was the first thing out of your mouth. Now I understand more about why.
Some people think they get us but they have little clue.
People don't ask me out...they just don't. No one. If I spend time with friends, it's a short amount of time because they are very busy...and I'm usually only busy in my head...🤐
As an older INFJ, I don't trust anyone with my inner workings or feelings. It is like letting the walls down and therefore creates a vulnerability in my structure. I have found that, even when you trust another person with her life, they will often use those inner workings to their advantage to get what they want out of you when you know what they are doing. I just keep things to myself. Often times watching what is going on and the interactions of people and smh. It is a very lonely life. Your vid almost made my eyes hot. NO I did not cry but I felt that shit! If I thought for a second that anyone really cared how I feel and why, I would send them this vid. But, it will end up being used against me. Have I surrounded myself with un-intuned people? Probably and that is my fault.
ok dammit, went and watched a reaction to Disturbed "Sound of silence" and definitely cried. Does this song get to any of you. It always gets me! "sigh"
It is hard to move through this life feeling so lonely and misunderstood, being criticized by others even when we have a heart full of good intentions. Thankfully, your video brought me an imense relief to feel understood and heard, to know I'm not alone in this. Thank you for what you did sir, you sure are helping a lot of us out there who needs to be understood too. Love from Brazil! 🖤
(I'm INFJ 5w4)
That’s very sweet! I appreciate you!
It’s embarrassing for me. I told myself that I wouldn’t participate in answering questions.
Reason 2 is so much more painful to me as a depressed person. I'm glad I have 3 friends that totally get it and know it's nothing personal when I suddenly just have no energy.
Sometimes, it takes all my strength and discipline not to just go into myself and stay. (Also, I reviewed The Caretaker on Amazon.)
Absolutely right, and thank you!
So true
yep!!and find a deserted island
It’s insane to hear you read my mind
How did you learn all of this
I remember 12 years ago being at my psych appt and telling him “I can’t answer the phone”
And he wasn’t getting it
And here you get it
I like to think I get you, because I’m like you. 🤷🏻♂️
The most irritating, self - critical, unpredictable, procrastinating, empathetic .....etc.INFJ I know stares at me every morning, while I try to figure out how to get out of chit - chats with humans. The only thing keeping me from pulling my hair out is talking to myself, out loud. Don’t care if anyone hears me. For me it’s practice for future “ chit - chats “.Having coffee and gossiping is the most draining and stressful thing to do. I endure it a couple of times a week . I think she’s starting to understand that I am “ absent” for the rest of the week.Two women having coffee is torture for me. CRAZY!!!🤐🤐🤐🥴🥴🥴♥️
I do the same thing, talking out loud to myself. And I’m sure the coffee will be great! 😃
I actually cried when you told me my feelings matter.
I’m an INFJ too! I definitely feel annoyed by myself all the time too.
I love my infj friends. For some reason i don’t find it that difficult to understand INfJs. -INFP
Yes I am , I can't stand manipulative people so I can't connect to people like this .
It’s okay to not connect with manipulative people.
When he says my sweet sweet INFJs..... Does anybody else tear up a little bit?
When I am feeling overwhelmed or anything that's going on that I'm not handling well, I replay him saying my sweet sweet INFJ over and over it helps me calm down and regroup. Thank you so f****** much.
You have no idea how much that simple phrase is help me
I appreciate that. Stay strong out there!
How about having the trait of "all or nothing at all." I am very all in, or all out. For example, if I decide I want to study biology, I want to master all the fields of biology: microbiology, zoology, botany, wildlife, etc. When I was studying to be a cook, I wanted to become a master chef, master pastry chef, restaurant owner, etc. Also, I could never settle on just one subject in school/college, and everything peaked my interest. Just when I thought one major was "it," an elective would capture my interest, and I wanted to do that instead. I ended up not graduating from anything, and I can be somewhat of a jack of all trades and a master at none. Is this typical of INFJ's, or is it just me? ADD? I dunno...anyone else?
The hardest work I've done (and still doing) on myself is not being led around by my Fe. My whole life I've beaten myself up (thanks Fi) and the best advice I give myself on a daily basis is what would I tell me to do if I was a separate person I know who is important to me. (That sentence lacks proper grammar.) It's amazing how we can give cold hard truth's (wielding Ti) to people we care about, sometimes flaying friendships in the process as be believe the end justifies the means. Turning that inward and listening to our own wisdom is empowering.
How many times have we tried to give a friend advice and thought "if only they'd f'ing listen they'd have an amazing life?" Treat yourself to those cold hard truths and you will begin to know how you feel about things and be able to change your life for the better.
"Not being led around by my Fe" - isn't that a mood! And that critical parent (Fi) can be absolutely brutal at times. Great thoughts on this!
@@DavidBadurina It's not just Fi Critic that makes the entire thing so devastating - also keep your Si Demon in mind, and you know what's going on, especially if the two are entering into a tight loop with one another: Fi Critic berating you for (allegedly or actually) having acted counter to your core values and principles, and Si Demon picking up on that to happily put you down.
As an INFP I do know how tough the Fi-Si loop can be when it is in the active stack, but Fi Critic joining forces with Si Demon... Ouch!
These past few months have been kind of a nightmare honestly. My family is moving in a few months and everyone wants to know my opinions and feelings on certain organizational details, what house we should get, what area we should move too. I barely even know how I feel half the time, so trying to articulate it is almost impossible. Sometimes I just have to go away for a while and come back once I've had time to think all my feelings into oblivion.
Hi Annalise - when all kinds of things are up in the air it's exponentially more difficult to get through it all. Stay strong out there!
Wow, all I can say is it gets better but everyone’s situation is different. At 53 I now realize I’m so glad I didn’t find my type until my 40s and if I found out too early in life I would have found it comforting to place myself in this box I’m now told I belong in. Most are born into extroverted families and are broken and misunderstood and even traumatized by this. Certain functions early on have not developed enough yet to protect us, and being the most adaptable type you might fall into an unhealthy category.
From my limited experience and in some circles I’m still considered young by way of experience the best advice I can give a young person is build yourself a healthy ego. In some circles the ego is considered bad and needs to be destroyed and is the cause of all the negative aspects of your life and that’s just not true in my opinion. Not knowing my type forced me to work on my weaknesses early on which would be the external. We already have the internal aspects of ourselves working overtime so that’s a given unless you’re dealing with past trauma that has been ignored or not healed. People naturally are drawn to us as most of you should notice when you enter a room. If you’re not careful and no one tells us this but you can have your energy instantly drained and you’re overwhelmed, but energy flows both ways and we get in that sweet spot at an event where you’re glad you came you’re moving that energy unconsciously. Imagine learning how to do that on the conscious level and even then it’s just temporary but it feels superhuman.
To make a long story short and It might already be too late for that lol. You realize in this external world you can make the outside look however you want it to depending on what your given at birth. It’s a hard challenge if you’ve already fallen into despair and unhealthy habits creating an outer self that gives you an excuse not to be out in the world and you justify that action. On the other hand if you’re capable of getting fit and getting yourself together and we already have the best sense of style and taste. You start to notice and it still doesn’t change the fact that you don’t want to be in the outside world that when you are you can control the narrative and always have a good time. Not to be superficial but yes it helps to look good on the outside as well as the inside and that’s just how this extroverted society operates. Even though we now lock ourselves away to recharge we can honestly start realizing we can have a good time in moderation and are glad that we allowed ourselves to create that moment to add to the memory bank.
Look, as the most adaptable and inspirational people on the planet we are doing ourselves a disservice not becoming the best and healthy type we can instead of locking ourselves away from the world, pre Covid-19 of course. So any people are walking around in society broken and unhealthy mentality, spiritually and physically and this goes for all types. We allow this to become our normal and we become stagnant in life. This world is full of distractions good and bad, just remember you’re here to experience this life not hide away and to know our type needs to create a harmonious balance with that. So much more to say but I’m sure most never made it this far and if you did good luck on your journey and remember you are equipped with everything you need you just need to access it. I hope this helps someone who might need it! ❤️
Thank you!
"Its as if your brain has crafted this incredible scene in your mind that is detailed and exquisite...And then it comes time to describe what that's like in the outside world... and you're just like... DUH"
Irritating myself into not wanting to speak to other people makes me wish I could somehow connect an usb port to my brain and let them take a peek at how rich my inside world is and how dumb I feel like when I try to explain things xD Pair that with adhd, and being bilingual, you get a whole new level of mess :D
Btw, your hair looks flawless in this video! O:
I would absolutely do the USB thing. Like the matrix! And thank you! Fresh outta the barber it won’t look like that again lol.
When he got really serious on #3 and gulped after saying sweetheart...basically any INFJ explaining their feelings. It's odd that standing up for yourself hurts.
Actually I think my mouth was just dry.
I'm my own therapist lol but I'd enjoy being analyzed by a real and HONEST therapist, remember be "HONEST" because I absolutely loathe liers
I like people who have opinions and are comfortable with arguing them out without coming into agreement.
This is the first time in I don't know how long that I've felt understood by another person.
I’m grateful!
This episode is me. Even when I make the plan to meet someone for dinner, the time arrives and it's all I can do to take myself go, sometimes I don't go. Finally, it's explained as to why I react that way. I can't thank you enough for your videos and sweet delivery. They've helped me understand myself better. So thankful for you!
That one of the sweetest things ever. Thank you so much and I'm so grateful that anything I put out there can help. I appreciate you!
Totally agree to this its so irritating Sometimes I don't want to utter a single word to anyone.
I share my feelings and then regret it because there is no understanding. 🥺🙄
I laughed so hard at the beginning because I can relate! I love listening to your words. You articulate our INFJness so well! Thank you ❤
So glad! Thanks!!
Ugh, yes! Making plans is the worst sometimes.
It IS!
How could people find you irritating, do non infj find you irritating? I find you enlighten
Omg, number two. Luckily my husband is an ENFJ and forces me to go through with most social obligations.
Everything you said hit home for me. It’s easier for me to write out my thoughts rather than speak it. And the party or dinner invitation can be draining. I love my friends, but I get caught up in the excitement of the moment, they now want to meet again......and I hear myself or husband say --SURE! And 2 days before I am praying for a blizzard! 😖😂😂😂. Doesn’t mean I understand why I’m this way...it is weird. But thank you.
So very welcome!
Yes! This is so, so true for me.
This honestly brought me to tears as an INFJ struggling through depression. It is such a struggle expressing my thoughts and feelings, trying to be understood in order to obtain the the help I need.
I’m glad it resonated! Stay strong out there!
It's like he's speaking from within me. The sarcasm is supreme. Also, I don't care if people don't like me and I hope they have an awesome day! I need someone to do accents with in public!
My job at work is solving data puzzles, my dream job. I solve problems that others can’t at my work; dream infj position for me
I just finished listening to irritating behaviour #1 and SERIOUSLY. You know it, and worded it so perfectly. I been feeling this so much lately it's ridiculous. The struggle is real.
Edit. Okay I'm done and it's so accurate. This video is bittersweet. A comforting understanding among us all and yet a sad truth/reality of our struggles.
It IS real! And thank you glad it resonated! Appreciate you always!
I'm far to familiar with "Spider Cows". When I have trouble explaining how my brain works I refer people to the video with spider cows.
Spider cows as reference material! 😁
Not only reference material, but they have some significant advantages as well: Since their milk is coming as strands, you don't risk to accidentally spill it so you don't lose any of it. 😉
As I am an INFJ, I’ve had hard time to feel my own feelings. Most of time, my feelings are mixed with other people’s feelings and needs.
Like he said, my feelings go down underneath of other people’s feelings so I have to separate them.
Writing down helps me to recognize
Thank you kind sir for the huge service in explaining that no, I don't like feeling lonely and I don't want to be, I just need a lot of alone time to recharge and order myself to function as a human being and not go into a mental breakdown ahahah
I showed my husband your spider cow video. He laughed so hard, and said how true it was. I’ll have to show him this one too.
Glad to entertain!
You perfectly described me better than anyone else. I saw a therapist when I trying to find myself and after a few sessions and on our last one he gave me a warning, Be careful when you go inside your mind, you may not be able to come back out.
Had no idea what he was saying until now 40 yrs later..
I hear that! Stay strong out there!
To follow up in this I went to the gym this morning and while waiting for my trainer, I sit down at a table what do I start doing? Watching all the people doing their routines soaking in as much as I can reading what their lives are like by observing their inter actions, but the worse part was I started comparing myself in the worst way to them even though I had no idea who they were. I started putting myself in their shoes. almost decided to cancel my session and say to hell with it. Luckily my trainer showed up and and I had a decent workout. It would nice to find a facebook group like me just to feel appreciated.
i hate when people say "- but man, that is impossible, you can't feel bad for absolutely no reason"
Haha try me.
I wish I had even a nickel for every time I've apologized for jumping around topics, attempting to find the correct words for the story I am trying to tell, and then making the excuse "oh my, it's just one of those days", I would never have to leave my home again.
I even blurted out to a client once "maybe I'm having an existential crisis" while performing a Brazilian wax on her.
Also, DO NOT pursue a career in beauty. I am returning to school to become an assistant pathologist. I will deal with the dead and a doctor. I do not belong in public.
As an inventor, writer, etc., it's necessary when a complicated idea has been worked out in detail for the idea not to be shared or talked about with others. Unless valuable ideas are protected they can be stolen, and often times are. This is a paradox for an INFJ because it helps to talk about ideas and often times great ideas are the result of sharing thoughts with others. This is why I sometimes I have a hard time explaining things that are on my mind with my friends and family. There are plenty of other things to talk about and share. Just not what's emotionally being invested in... Not an easy solution.
Great point!
Omg! I just laughed when you hit “we change our mind...”
I almost changed my mind about including that one! 😂
yes i do to but i don't want upset the people who have invited me so i go wishing every minute i didn't come
The biggest thing you can do as an INFJ to go from an Omega to a Sigma occupation is to learn about the art of body language & presence. Also spend time learning how to speak confidently. It will be the best investment you ever make for yourself.
I hate how she puts me in a pedestal wondering where i did wrong.
I’m just dying laughing 🤣 .... I thought I was weird and irritating.... you with the accents ... popping sounds .... thank you !!!!!!💥💥
You're welcome!
I'm an INFJ. I'm definitely going to read the book. Everything you said in this video is soooooo true. I'm so different then most around me. I'm a caretaker. I'm glad you wrote this book and I cant wait to dive in.
Thank you Diana!
I have the book downloaded. I
People have always said I speak and explain like an artist. So detailed and thought provoking.
Also if asked questions or advice my replies are so thought provoking it overwhelms others.
They wanted a simple structured straight forward answer.
Example:
My best friend owns a INSURANCE business and is ordering pens with the company logo. She asked me what color pen should she pick?
From the choices
My answer-
White gives a clear and clean impression.
Red will be left at home and used the least because at a glance people wont use it thinking it writes/ red ink as well?
Blue is more common and doesn't stand out much.
Black is the same.
Chrome- is the most prominent and has the most professional look with small dark grayish black printed logo.
So I gave her the way the mind presives the thought about each color to help HER choose how she wishes to convey her business.
She choose white pen with red writing and blue logo.
I would have chosen Silver/ Chrome with the gun metal gray.
Name and address, plus the logo- all that same color. But the choices in her life are hers to make.
So yes... I'm very helpful to others but over whelming as well.
I'm an extremely perceptive Empath.
Put it all together...
I have to keep my inter thoughts and feelings to myself 99.99% of the time.
People can see and feel that I'm very deep but that I stay... to myself
😌 Neutral and peace out
I'm a very private person
My girlfriend often asks me yes/no questions. I always answer, "maybe" ;^)
I'm an INFJ as well. I recently learned my personality type and it explains so much. This video is great and so relatable. To hear of an INFJ writer gives me such a sense of comfort as writing seems to be the only way I can truly express myself. When I talk I seem to say too much or too little, all while assessing every miniscule detail around me and especially about the people around me. I feel alone and prefer it but also want to fix everyone I care about. Social interaction is exhausting and the hardest thing I deal with is setting healthy boundaries. I'll literally sacrifice my sense or well-being to do it all...until I'm burnt out so badly I have no choice but to hide away until I'm recharged again, and the cycle continues. Relationships are tough, whether that's family, friends, or romantically. It's a lonely life being an INFJ, even when you're surrounded by others.
Thank you for helping me understand me a lot better. Strangely enough, I conveniently get a migraine a couple hours before I am supposed to be somewhere. I actually did different accents for closing announcements when I used to work at a retail pharmacy. Blessings always dear one❤️🙏🏻
It’s fun! And thank you! Best to you, Valerie!
OMG, it feels good to hear some one saying Exactly the things I experience as an INFJ and the outcome, I am feeling some type of way right now, I love your sense of humor, I have goose bumps right now, you have made my night, thank God for us,we are the CHOSEN
So true! I tend to hate family gethering or social activities and I think about that a lot the days before, an anxiousness, but I started noticing that I suffer by anticipation, because when I go to those meetings I feel happy and it's fun haha so I realise that I don't need to think so much about it, but anyway, I can't help it and I always think a lot.
You're so good at explaining this. I wish I knew infjs in real life.
We’re all here! :-)
@@DavidBadurina ...because we're not all there 😉
RELAX ABOUT IT????!!!! Lol. That’s sooooo funny.
It felt wrong to say 😂😂
Is it odd that I hate that I feel at all?
Jay, buddy, I HAVE BEEN THERE. It’s hard to be kind to yourself for the way you feel. But do it, because nobody else is obligated to show you kindness and acceptance, so make sure you do.
2 years old and yet timely...Living among my children and their families, I have been struggling with Fe observations that are out of my control, not my place to act upon.
Is this why people have put all different kinds of labels on me and yelling at me all of my life?
It's like having an internet disconnect everytime you try to say what's in the think squish through the speak hole
Haha complete with "Loading ..." screen!
Precisely !!!!
Yes this was so well done. I don’t know how often I have tried to say what I wanted to say but because I could sense how the other person might feel, I ended up making things worse. I either can’t get the words out and give up and not say them or I spend more time trying to make the other person feel good and never say what I need to say. Nice video!
My former boss called me sensitive.
I asked, "Sensitive, as in emotionally unstable, or sensitive as in highly attuned to those around me?" All said while doing a penetrating stare.
She couldn't answer.
Congratulations and I am sorry, the best way to describe learning your an infj. That statement becomes truer everyday
1. We have hard time articulating our thoughts into words. we need a lot of time to figure things out.
2. We change our minds a lot. but for some commitment thing, we always go.
3. we have a difficult time understanding how we feel.
Those are the ones!
Yep. I'm a burden to the world. I'm a social misfit. No matter what I do my intent apparently looks like something else to other people. After watching a "Pucokie" vid on "nice guys" finishing last and the comments stating that it looks like a nice guy is hiding real intent, I'm ready to pack it up and find a deserted forest somewhere to dwell in. Whether I'm nice, or an ass, I'm still an ass. I should take up drinking.
I’m certain whatever is in your head is far worse than actual reality or other’s perception of you. Be kind to yourself!
I hear you and feel the same! I’m in that forest and there’s nobody here, and it’s perfect!
That's really frustrating, and I get it. People get paranoid because they project bad experiences onto others out of fear. Predictive analysis for survival, except it's flawed. If I may, here's what I've learned (the hard, self-abusive, avoidant way):
1. Videos reflect a specific opinion. Not the opinion of 7.6 billion people. Certain videos get popular due to what's popular at the time. Wait a bit, and you'll see the trends swing wildly. That can create a major confirmation bias that "it's like this everywhere", which is only made worse if you meet someone who has made you feel like a "nice guy." As hard as it can be to remember, people are not all the same. Give them a chance to show you who they are. Just as you want that chance.
2. You can't please everyone, no matter what you do. So don't try. Be who you are, and the people who will love you and want to get to know you will see that. Quality over quantity.
3. Try to find some videos on how people interact, and practice if you have any anxiety over social interactions. It can help a lot to be prepared in advance. And if someone doesn't like you, someone else will. 7.6 billion people. The odds are in your favor :)
I hope this rambling thesis helps. Best wishes to you!
Abracadabra! Don’t such awful things about yourself. Be kind to yourself you deserve it.
By my experience many people don't really "get" us. However, instead of ruminating what that might reveal about yourself, you should rather flip that around and investigate what that tells _you_ about the others.
As a hint, said people very frequently turn out to be quite narrow-minded (as far as I have experienced) in this matter. If they perceive you to be fake for being nice, there's a very high chance that they are actually projecting; and do listen to your inner critic: If you notice that the other party has a valid point, you can still take that into account, but if your inner critic is calling bullcrap, it most likely is.
The point is, if niceness is mistaken as being fake, the folks in question very frequently turn out to be extremely superficial. You cannot get to know someone just by briefly meeting them and believing that you have seen everything about them (anyone smelling Dunning-Krugeritis?). It requires a lot more time and effort to actually get to _know_ someone, but that is usually not going to be invested.
I’m an INFJ and my husband is an ISTP😐😓 but yes I agree that I am always more irritated with myself than what anyone else says they are with me.
Point #1 I just shut up.
Point #2 I just shut up. Or said I don't know.
Point #3 I just keep my mouth shut.
In all 3 scenarios, there's storm and tornado tsunami whatever brewing inside...its all trying to get out but it's like an elephant trying to go through the needle hole. That's what it like for me. After awhile, people just left me alone.
I've heard it said that the difference is the concept of the 'web' information storage as apposed to container storage. where the sensitivity of the web vibrates every part of it should you touch any part of it. Thus the intuitive mind absorbs all sensor information whether it is relevant or not whereas other personalities are selective. A process that is unconscious. Hence the recall surprise, the 'light bulb' moments.
That’s great!
Entp here,
And I get you
Nailed it, David. There have been 3 times in my life where words were needed, but wouldn't come. Because I was enraged I was terrified of what I COULD say. Beyond measure. I really effin needed the words and the courage. The 3rd time was just last night outside and under the full moon. So ,I let out a yell that would topple Manhattan. Not the best move, but it got me through. And I didn't hurt anyone with my words. Need to work on this, though. But not today. Today, I will be kind to myself. Thank you for all you say and write, David.
Thank you Elizabeth! I appreciate you!
Only 2-minutes in and I can’t stop laughing. I see the connections in your conversation and I can literally hear how I must sound to everyone I encounter 🤣
Glad you enjoy it! :-)
I need a fellow infj as a best friend,or at least a regular level 1 infj friend.I think it would be,at times competitive and reassuring at the same time.