Wow! I have had this problem my whole life! I look so extraverted when I meet people but I just can’t keep up. I eventually crash. I do try and explain to people that I am an introvert but people look at me like I’m crazy and end up assuming I am just moody. 🤦♀️
Ah I'm totally feeling you! Yes, I guess at the end of the day, no matter how much you explain to someone they might just never get it. Especially if they're an extrovert... Some people automatically assume that all of us operate in the same way! We can be moody looking together. 🤪
Thank you! I'm in the same / similar boat to you. My folks and coworkers in particular go on about how "talkative and friendly!" I am, while I'm trying to explain that I'm literally just in Public mode. I _cannot_ maintain that long-term.
Oh yes "moody" also "flaky"... ugh😳 so hard. Now we'll into my 60s sadly where I live in a condo community and needing to be a roommate with an incompatible personality type I have given up with being super friendly when I meet someone new because I know it won't carry through consistently unless it's that super rare person that would be a great energetic match for me in which case I'd probably become over attached and that would end in disaster. Crap life
During a time studying abroad I met a guy in the context of a masive party I was dragged to. We got along pretty well but I ended up finishing the friendship because 3 years after he would still not understand that I go to big parties like once a year and it is usually not my choice. I was open about that from the moment we met. He was shocked when he knew I was the straight-A quiet nerd whose main hobby was art. He kept trying to push me to go party again. I told him I was more comfortable un smaller gatherings. He kept insisting so much that I eventually just stopped replying because it was uncomfortable af. I am not proud of this. It makes me feel like a double-faced person. I am very glad that I have met people along the way that understand that the social butterfly in me is always available for them - it just shines better in smaller gatherings instead of noisy clubs.
I could imagine that friendship would have been exhausting! Yes, it's always interesting when you meet people out of context of how you usually are. I'm sorry that it made you feel like a double-faced person. I don't think it does though! You were honest with him from the beginning, and you're occasionally allowed to go to those big parties if you wanted. :) I agree with you about being able to shine more the smaller the group! I find that the more people there are, the quieter I become.
I would have understood why you don’t want to go but how come he still pressure you to go. I mean he could make you feel better by saying, no worries, nothing bad will happen and it won’t be long 😊
I think if someone has a real friendship with an infj, it's easy to communicate these needs and be understanding about it. Confusion should only arise with acquaintances and not so close friends.
Yes, I absolutely agree!! I think our real friendships, they just know, and they get us, and they aren't offended. 🥰 The confusion definitely comes from the acquaintances and new-er friendships. Thank you so much for you comment by the way, I appreciate it so much.
Well said, I can be totally open about what I want to say infront of my INFP best friend. Except for him , it's almost hard and in a way Idk cringey like to communicate that way with any of my peers.
@@PaperCraneOfHope as the commentor said its about communication not just knowing though. Close friends are more open to our overcommunicating (responsible communicating) whereas this is less appropriate with acquaintances.
As an INFJ, it's become important to me to maintain balance in my relationships, because I was on that high/low cycle in my 20s and as you describe, it gets exhausting, and guilt inducing. Rather than trying all the time until I'm burned out, I just schedule a meetup every month to every other month with friends. Sometimes brunch, sometimes swimming, sometimes, games, variety keeps it interesting and engaging, and it helps that as my friends and I have gotten older, we've all got so much going on in our lives that working in that once a month thing feels really good for everyone involved to catch up, rather than feeling like a cycle of a disappearing act.
Yes! So true, I love this, thank you for sharing. I agree with you about the high/low cycle in the 20's... That was definitely me. As I've gotten older, the better I am at balancing myself out and putting my needs first. I'm loving how you have variety in how you see friends too. That's so good. :)
You're welcome Sarah! 🥰 I'd be curious to hear what people's responses are as you start to speak up more. Thank you for always encouraging and supporting me! x
I kid you not, I actually include my gratitude in my prayers for people (my family, my close friends) that bear my personality. I have been called out many times, that I don't call them, they don't know that they're always in my thoughts, just can't muster up courage to actually pick up the phone and hit that dial button.
I’m an INFJ myself and all my best friends understand I’m a daydreamer and have a huge imagination. And they know my strengths and flaws. I would tell my friend I’m an ambivert, sometimes I just need to socialise for a while then I have fulfil my desire of conversations for the day. I just can’t talk too much except if it’s a best friend, I can talk for hours 😊 But when I really need to retreat because I probably going to have a burnout or emotional mental breakdown or I need more time for myself because I need to heal from some bad things that happened to me
That's incredible to hear that you have friends in your life who understand and accept you for who you are! I'm glad you have the self-awareness too, to know when you need to retreat and re-charge. Thank you for sharing on my channel, I really appreciate you.
thank you for reminding me that i am frustrating and annoying 👏🤪😜😝😅🤣😂🤣😂🤣🤣. I also appreciate the permission, Marie, to "have my cake 🍰(socialize with people) and eat it too😋 (have introvert burnout battery📱⚡️ 📲🔁♻️recharging time)."
Hahaha, I mean, you're frustrating and annoying in ALLLLLL the right ways!!! 😂 😂 Also, my name is Sam and not Marie lol. But that's ok I don't think I mention that in videos. Thank you so much for your comment by the way, it's very encouraging to me!
An interesting take on the INFJ MBTI friendship types! Thanks for sharing to inspire my MBTI channel. Randomly discovered your channel through the TH-cam algorithm! 🤟🤟🤟
Ohh yay I'm glad the algorithm brought you my way! I'd be happy to do a collab with you if you ever want (I've never done a collab before so I'm not sure how to go about that hahaha.) Thank you so much.
You're welcome! I hope it was helpful for you in some way. Would love to hear your other thoughts on my videos too. 🥰 Your feedback and encouragement is always welcomed and appreciated!
This makes so much sense to me. I constantly meet new people when I feel extra social and we spend a lot of time together doing fun things, only for me to suddenly get that hermit energy come on all of a sudden and those new friendships I've just built almost completely dissolve and it feels like I'm back to square one with them. It's very frustrating and unfortunately I don't even realise it happening until 3 weeks later when I bump into them and we're like new aquaintances again. I still see them the same way I but I can feel their energy is not the same towards me as it once was.
Ahh Isaac.. I really felt what you just said then. It really can be frustrating hey. I'm sorry that this has been your experience. I've learnt now to just be upfront and honest when I first meet people haha.. The good ones stick around.
@@PaperCraneOfHope Oh for sure! The friends I've been able to keep around tend to notice I have an introverted nature and naturally adapt around it instead of being confused and potentially hurt from the sudden shift in interaction. All my closest friends have learnt to approach me first during these times and it's helped me get out of my shell. Now that we are very close I am able to be more of myself around them and they understand that I can go from very social to almost anti-social within a week
Oh, Lord. That moment when you're just so desperate to have one day -- just ONE mostly-whole day -- of no social expectations and then having somebody barge in and go "Hey, let's do things!" 😟 I just... one day. No humans. Please.
Haha oh no!! I definitely remember life being like this!! 😂 🤪 I hope you get that day soon! I like to schedule it in my calendar, and then when people ask me to do something I tell them I'm busy. (Because I am... by being on my own haha.)
Just don't organise things on a given day and take the day off... Don't look at your phone. Say no and set boundaries. You're allowed to be an introvert it's not rude to say you need some alone time. I know someone who just put Sundays aside for solo time and told their friends they were never available for socialising on Sundays. They're not even infj. Other people (besides kids) can't fill your calendar for you only you can do that. Others can't know ahead of time your energy levels are on a given day and not invite you to things. Also I wish I had people inviting me to things everyday. Unless it's like work/school mingles it sounds like you have friends who actually appreciate you and that's rare for infjs
Is this why my infp ass is like an infj magnet? I know more infjs than any other type.... Which is crazy... But I don't know that many people.... So I dunno.
This explained my personality to a T. I could never explain it, like how I could be super friendly then completely avoidant the next day lol I feel like a lot of ppl think I don’t like them. Or that I’m moody like you’re saying haha cause I definitely have a RBF when I don’t smile.
Ahh I'm so glad that you resonate and this made sense!! 🥰 Thank you for letting me know. Your comment and support means alot to me! It helps me to keep on going and creating videos.
Hey pal, I'd love to see the whole video but I had to turn it off. You realize there is a chop edit approximately every 1.5 seconds, no exaggeration. I hope to see more from this channel but those chop edits every 2 seconds are not for me. . . . Let me explain a bit. It removes the natural space where you would be taking a breath, so it's as if you're talking all in one gulp and it induces sympathetic over breathing or hyperventilation. . . . . .Here's another example of what I mean as you read this quickly with your eyes there are no spaces and it keeps going but you can't stop so you can't stop and there's no space but you have to read and there's no keep going as you read see the words in this area you can see what there is to look here when you're seeing the next word after the next words keep coming along as there are no places and you can't go where the words are moving you moving your eyes can't keep up to the speed to read it all this word and some more . . . . - Fellow infj It's rough, right? Sorry to go, i can't watch this style.
All good! Maybe try some of my other videos… This one was me just experimenting with a different style of editing. I’m very much in the learning process of everything. 🥰💙
@@PaperCraneOfHope ahhhh, I just sampled half a dozen more videos. It's all the same chop cuts : ( My beef WITH IT is, that's NOT you. I LIKE TO see real PEOPLE, BEING how they ARE. I wanna HEAR WHAT you have TO SAY. SEE how unnecessary the ALL CAPS is? please consider, because your authentic voice is gone, and now it looks exactly. like. any. other. video.about. whatever. I know I sound dramatic, sigh. That's my comment. I tried, sorry, have fun.
@@stevepeterson5943 Ok soooo I’m curious… What about this style of editing? It’s a recent video I did. th-cam.com/video/Qy23BYW4Mr8/w-d-xo.html I really appreciate your thoughts, by the way. You Tube is haaard. Being on camera as an introvert (who grew up with a speech impediment!) is harder! Would love to know what you think of the other video.
Agreed. Too many cuts. It’s jarring and creates cognitive overload. Some INFJS have highly attuned visual cortexes and this style of cutting every five seconds makes it unwatchable. I was thinking this before I read your comment.
Wow! I have had this problem my whole life! I look so extraverted when I meet people but I just can’t keep up. I eventually crash. I do try and explain to people that I am an introvert but people look at me like I’m crazy and end up assuming I am just moody. 🤦♀️
Ah I'm totally feeling you! Yes, I guess at the end of the day, no matter how much you explain to someone they might just never get it. Especially if they're an extrovert... Some people automatically assume that all of us operate in the same way!
We can be moody looking together. 🤪
@@PaperCraneOfHope 😂🙏
Thank you! I'm in the same / similar boat to you. My folks and coworkers in particular go on about how "talkative and friendly!" I am, while I'm trying to explain that I'm literally just in Public mode. I _cannot_ maintain that long-term.
Oh yes "moody" also "flaky"... ugh😳 so hard. Now we'll into my 60s sadly where I live in a condo community and needing to be a roommate with an incompatible personality type I have given up with being super friendly when I meet someone new because I know it won't carry through consistently unless it's that super rare person that would be a great energetic match for me in which case I'd probably become over attached and that would end in disaster. Crap life
@@luvondarox YES, YES, YES!
During a time studying abroad I met a guy in the context of a masive party I was dragged to. We got along pretty well but I ended up finishing the friendship because 3 years after he would still not understand that I go to big parties like once a year and it is usually not my choice. I was open about that from the moment we met. He was shocked when he knew I was the straight-A quiet nerd whose main hobby was art. He kept trying to push me to go party again. I told him I was more comfortable un smaller gatherings. He kept insisting so much that I eventually just stopped replying because it was uncomfortable af.
I am not proud of this. It makes me feel like a double-faced person. I am very glad that I have met people along the way that understand that the social butterfly in me is always available for them - it just shines better in smaller gatherings instead of noisy clubs.
I could imagine that friendship would have been exhausting! Yes, it's always interesting when you meet people out of context of how you usually are.
I'm sorry that it made you feel like a double-faced person. I don't think it does though! You were honest with him from the beginning, and you're occasionally allowed to go to those big parties if you wanted. :)
I agree with you about being able to shine more the smaller the group! I find that the more people there are, the quieter I become.
I would have understood why you don’t want to go but how come he still pressure you to go. I mean he could make you feel better by saying, no worries, nothing bad will happen and it won’t be long 😊
I think if someone has a real friendship with an infj, it's easy to communicate these needs and be understanding about it. Confusion should only arise with acquaintances and not so close friends.
Yes, I absolutely agree!! I think our real friendships, they just know, and they get us, and they aren't offended. 🥰 The confusion definitely comes from the acquaintances and new-er friendships.
Thank you so much for you comment by the way, I appreciate it so much.
Well said, I can be totally open about what I want to say infront of my INFP best friend. Except for him , it's almost hard and in a way Idk cringey like to communicate that way with any of my peers.
@@PaperCraneOfHope as the commentor said its about communication not just knowing though. Close friends are more open to our overcommunicating (responsible communicating) whereas this is less appropriate with acquaintances.
@@chloeindigo I forget what I said in this video… But your comment makes complete sense! X
As an INFJ, it's become important to me to maintain balance in my relationships, because I was on that high/low cycle in my 20s and as you describe, it gets exhausting, and guilt inducing. Rather than trying all the time until I'm burned out, I just schedule a meetup every month to every other month with friends. Sometimes brunch, sometimes swimming, sometimes, games, variety keeps it interesting and engaging, and it helps that as my friends and I have gotten older, we've all got so much going on in our lives that working in that once a month thing feels really good for everyone involved to catch up, rather than feeling like a cycle of a disappearing act.
Yes! So true, I love this, thank you for sharing. I agree with you about the high/low cycle in the 20's... That was definitely me. As I've gotten older, the better I am at balancing myself out and putting my needs first. I'm loving how you have variety in how you see friends too. That's so good. :)
This is so good Sam. I know I do this, needing alone time etc, but have never really thought to let others know. Thank you 😊
You're welcome Sarah! 🥰 I'd be curious to hear what people's responses are as you start to speak up more.
Thank you for always encouraging and supporting me! x
I kid you not, I actually include my gratitude in my prayers for people (my family, my close friends) that bear my personality.
I have been called out many times, that I don't call them, they don't know that they're always in my thoughts, just can't muster up courage to actually pick up the phone and hit that dial button.
You sound like a really kind person! I'm sorry that your friends don't completely understand your heart.
I’m an INFJ myself and all my best friends understand I’m a daydreamer and have a huge imagination. And they know my strengths and flaws.
I would tell my friend I’m an ambivert, sometimes I just need to socialise for a while then I have fulfil my desire of conversations for the day. I just can’t talk too much except if it’s a best friend, I can talk for hours 😊
But when I really need to retreat because I probably going to have a burnout or emotional mental breakdown or I need more time for myself because I need to heal from some bad things that happened to me
That's incredible to hear that you have friends in your life who understand and accept you for who you are! I'm glad you have the self-awareness too, to know when you need to retreat and re-charge.
Thank you for sharing on my channel, I really appreciate you.
thank you for reminding me that i am frustrating and annoying 👏🤪😜😝😅🤣😂🤣😂🤣🤣. I also appreciate the permission, Marie, to "have my cake 🍰(socialize with people) and eat it too😋 (have introvert burnout battery📱⚡️ 📲🔁♻️recharging time)."
Hahaha, I mean, you're frustrating and annoying in ALLLLLL the right ways!!! 😂 😂 Also, my name is Sam and not Marie lol. But that's ok I don't think I mention that in videos.
Thank you so much for your comment by the way, it's very encouraging to me!
@@PaperCraneOfHope Thanks Sam. I meant to alude to Marie Antoinette, the French queen who once said "let them eat cake."
@@PaperCraneOfHope And Sam, thank you for this educational yet entertaining (in a "tongue in cheek" way) video 😂🤣😁
@@stephanvillavicencio5679 Oh my gosh, I feel so silly, of course! That makes sense. 😂🤪
@@stephanvillavicencio5679 haha you’re welcome! 😆 And thank YOU for commenting and supporting me! I’m very very grateful for that!
An interesting take on the INFJ MBTI friendship types! Thanks for sharing to inspire my MBTI channel. Randomly discovered your channel through the TH-cam algorithm! 🤟🤟🤟
Ohh yay I'm glad the algorithm brought you my way! I'd be happy to do a collab with you if you ever want (I've never done a collab before so I'm not sure how to go about that hahaha.)
Thank you so much.
interesting insight... knowing the problem and solving it.!! thanks.! 🎉😊
You're welcome! I hope it was helpful for you in some way. Would love to hear your other thoughts on my videos too. 🥰 Your feedback and encouragement is always welcomed and appreciated!
This makes so much sense to me. I constantly meet new people when I feel extra social and we spend a lot of time together doing fun things, only for me to suddenly get that hermit energy come on all of a sudden and those new friendships I've just built almost completely dissolve and it feels like I'm back to square one with them. It's very frustrating and unfortunately I don't even realise it happening until 3 weeks later when I bump into them and we're like new aquaintances again. I still see them the same way I but I can feel their energy is not the same towards me as it once was.
Ahh Isaac.. I really felt what you just said then. It really can be frustrating hey. I'm sorry that this has been your experience. I've learnt now to just be upfront and honest when I first meet people haha.. The good ones stick around.
@@PaperCraneOfHope Oh for sure! The friends I've been able to keep around tend to notice I have an introverted nature and naturally adapt around it instead of being confused and potentially hurt from the sudden shift in interaction. All my closest friends have learnt to approach me first during these times and it's helped me get out of my shell. Now that we are very close I am able to be more of myself around them and they understand that I can go from very social to almost anti-social within a week
Oh, Lord. That moment when you're just so desperate to have one day -- just ONE mostly-whole day -- of no social expectations and then having somebody barge in and go "Hey, let's do things!"
😟
I just... one day. No humans. Please.
Haha oh no!! I definitely remember life being like this!! 😂 🤪 I hope you get that day soon! I like to schedule it in my calendar, and then when people ask me to do something I tell them I'm busy. (Because I am... by being on my own haha.)
Also, thank you so much for your comment! Your support means the world to me. 💙
Just don't organise things on a given day and take the day off... Don't look at your phone. Say no and set boundaries. You're allowed to be an introvert it's not rude to say you need some alone time. I know someone who just put Sundays aside for solo time and told their friends they were never available for socialising on Sundays. They're not even infj. Other people (besides kids) can't fill your calendar for you only you can do that. Others can't know ahead of time your energy levels are on a given day and not invite you to things.
Also I wish I had people inviting me to things everyday. Unless it's like work/school mingles it sounds like you have friends who actually appreciate you and that's rare for infjs
Is this why my infp ass is like an infj magnet? I know more infjs than any other type.... Which is crazy... But I don't know that many people.... So I dunno.
Haha maybe! 😂 Funnily, I married an INFP!
How is it infjs are the rarest personality type in the world and yet everyone claims to be an infj. Something is off
Good question! It’s not the first time someone has asked this. Maybe I should do a video about it. 🤔
@@PaperCraneOfHope I would be very interested. Please do. Thanks!
@@troycarpenter3675 I'm working on it now! 🥰 Maybe press the notification bell thingy so you know when it's out.
@@PaperCraneOfHope awesome!
Hey Troy! Here is the video!
th-cam.com/video/kuKi8DxJx5k/w-d-xo.html
This sounds more like adhd lovebombing. I would hope most infjs would be forward thinking enough to communicate what is happening for them
Thank you for your comment! To be honest I made this video awhile ago, I forget what I said! 🙈
This explained my personality to a T. I could never explain it, like how I could be super friendly then completely avoidant the next day lol I feel like a lot of ppl think I don’t like them. Or that I’m moody like you’re saying haha cause I definitely have a RBF when I don’t smile.
I think I have an RBF too! haha (this video is so old, did I mention that in this one? lol) I'm in my avoidant stage at the moment.
What friendships 🎉😂
Aww, I wish I could give you a hug! 💙
😂😂😂
OMG! You've described me to a T!
Ahh I'm so glad that you resonate and this made sense!! 🥰 Thank you for letting me know. Your comment and support means alot to me! It helps me to keep on going and creating videos.
Hey pal, I'd love to see the whole video but I had to turn it off. You realize there is a chop edit approximately every 1.5 seconds, no exaggeration.
I hope to see more from this channel but those chop edits every 2 seconds are not for me. . . . Let me explain a bit. It removes the natural space where you would be taking a breath, so it's as if you're talking all in one gulp and it induces sympathetic over breathing or hyperventilation.
. . . . .Here's another example of what I mean as you read this quickly with your eyes there are no spaces and it keeps going but you can't stop so you can't stop and there's no space but you have to read and there's no keep going as you read see the words in this area you can see what there is to look here when you're seeing the next word after the next words keep coming along as there are no places and you can't go where the words are moving you moving your eyes can't keep up to the speed to read it all this word and some more . . . .
- Fellow infj
It's rough, right? Sorry to go, i can't watch this style.
All good! Maybe try some of my other videos… This one was me just experimenting with a different style of editing. I’m very much in the learning process of everything. 🥰💙
@@PaperCraneOfHope ahhhh, I just sampled half a dozen more videos. It's all the same chop cuts : (
My beef WITH IT is, that's NOT you. I LIKE TO see real PEOPLE, BEING how they ARE. I wanna HEAR WHAT you have TO SAY. SEE how unnecessary the ALL CAPS is? please consider, because your authentic voice is gone, and now it looks exactly. like. any. other. video.about. whatever. I know I sound dramatic, sigh. That's my comment. I tried, sorry, have fun.
@@stevepeterson5943 Ok soooo I’m curious… What about this style of editing? It’s a recent video I did.
th-cam.com/video/Qy23BYW4Mr8/w-d-xo.html
I really appreciate your thoughts, by the way. You Tube is haaard. Being on camera as an introvert (who grew up with a speech impediment!) is harder! Would love to know what you think of the other video.
@@stevepeterson5943 PS Had my kid trying to talk to me while I finished that above comment so no idea if it made sense. 😂
Agreed. Too many cuts. It’s jarring and creates cognitive overload. Some INFJS have highly attuned visual cortexes and this style of cutting every five seconds makes it unwatchable. I was thinking this before I read your comment.