My dad pulled this on my sister. We weren't allowed to date in high school, but she met a guy (Andy) and wanted to anyways. Parents finally agreed, but seemed to hope he'd eventually just go away. Well they kept dating, made long distance work through college, then were planning to get engaged the summer after she graduated. But when Andy went to my dad to ask for his blessing, my dad said NO. He said he didn't know Andy well enough to approve. The whole family was like "WHAT??" They'd been dating for 6 years. They'd been openly planning to get engaged. It was 100% a last minute power trip, and everyone knew it. My dad is the only one who refused to recognize it. He held out for months and made Andy come and do bible studies with him and jump through hoops. Meanwhile, the wedding planning that was supposed to happen that summer was halted and they had to rush and book things after he finally did approve. My dad still has never admitted that he was wrong. When it was my turn a few years later, I told my guy not to ask my dad's permission. He'd proven that he didn't deserve that position of power.
I’m 29 I’ve only introduced 1 boyfriend to the family and my father quickly let me know that I was not allowed to bring anyone around unless I was engaged or he was there to ask for my hand in marriage. I can totally see him act like your dad not wanting to give his blessing because he doesn’t know him lol. But yeah I’ve also grown out of that mentality of wanted his blessing
The beauty of being an adult is that you make the decisions, not the parents. Little child parents need to be controlled not the other way around. When the adult child tries to take control the little child parents will push back because they are immature and narcissistic. Expect them to start a smear campaign against you and to bring in flying monkeys like the brother to spew the shame and guilt all over you. That is when solid concrete boundaries are essential. If you are vulnerable and let those boundaries by smashed then you need to find a good therapist to put a rocket up your ass and re erect the effing boundary.
My father pulled this kind of thing. I decided he would not walk me down the aisle, I walked myself down the aisle alone. This was more difficult than predicted, I almost lost my balance with the dress. By the way, I'm GenX so it's not just the younger generation. My family was disfunctional and my father was most certainly narcissistic. Oh yes, my parents decided they wouldn't pay last minute also. So we had both the wedding AND reception in the church. I had a clearance off season dress. My mother in law was spectacular and helped make decorations. We got it done.
I'm 29 and I just set boundaries with my parents. It took a while because being raised in a church..."Honor thy mother and father" was big in my house. Their house to be honest. But now being married almost a year and moving plans underway....I finally decided to man up and sit down with them. Explained that it's okay to speak honestly but it's not okay to fight every decision me and my wife make multiple times
Honoring one's parents isn't about what your parents want. It's about what G-d is telling us to do in real time. Not the parent's wants/desires. Often, that includes boundaries. I've had to learn this as a 34 year old.
Okay this sounds really wild but there is a kid's movie called Turning Red that I just watched and it covers that very idea of honoring your parents and being your own person ..you should give it a try
I am in this right now. I'm very close with my family and they butt heads with my wife. 3 years into my marriage I finally learned how to stand up for my wife to my parents. However, my wife is claiming that it is too late and she has cut them out of her life. It's been a rough week.
@@bballprostar16 As rough as it is for you, it’s devastating to be treated like trash by your “new family” and even MORE devastating for your husband to take 3 YEARS to finally DEFEND you and do something about it. I’m NOT trying to bash you, I’m trying to help you really understand how she feels and why she’s so hurt. I hope that she can forgive them and possibly have some sort of relationship. God bless you for finally stepping up!
I'm 39 and have been 'no contact' for 7 years with my mother. She would roll her eyes, huff and puff and gaslight me about things she'd say and do. It was enough to make me explode on occasion. My husband said, 'enough'. I am so thankful my husband's wonderful family gave me the 'point of reference' needed to see the toxicity. Anna, if you need to write: -Be Kind ... something ain't healthy.
Whenever a parents or relative says don’t bring your spouse or don’t tell your spouse. RUN! That is so not healthy or safe. You and your spouse are a unit! A team! And no one can separate the two of you.
At 33 she doesn't owe her parents an explanation for who she marries. It doesn't sound like Mom and Dad ever cut the umbilical cord even though she took an ax to it 15 years ago. LOL!
Right and they clearly see her husband as a threat. Who tries to encourage their adult daughter to “date around” when she’s made it clear that she has settled down and wants to turn her life around?
This video helped so much! It's HARD to break through the gaslighting and conditioning when you're born into an emotionally immature/emotionally abusive family who train you (or, at least TRY to train you lol) that they have the RIGHT to refuse you basic human dignity, boundaries, connection, etc. Good on this caller for being brave and for not staying stuck in her emotionally abusive family of origin 👌
OMG I feel sick that this is my story. Except my partner thinks it's OK to have his feet in both camps. Thank you so much for confirming for me that I am right to demand boundaries and respectful interactions.
Narcs don't see boundaries like normal people do. Just the fact that you had to express a boundary means that they've won on some level. Once you've expressed a boundary, a narc now knows exactly what they need to do as a means of control and invalidation, and that is violate that boundary. You see a boundary as a barrier, narcs see a boundary as a goal to achieve.
@@om617yota8 They are 100% Narcissists and flying monkeys. If Steph is thinking Christian Bale American Pycho Narc, I agree they are not that way. But there are stealthy, covert Narcs who do way more damage to their victims via Gaslighting, shaming, guilting, smearing, and Emotional & financial abuse. This girl should RUN from her family. No contact whatsoever and never let her family sabotage & destroy her marriage to a good man who actually loves and supports her!
@@om617yota8 Nah, you don't know them and cannot diagnose them as narcissists based on this call. Plus she's clearly holding back details on her behavior in this scenario. She's very immature.
Yes, mine was similar. If you love your father and me, you’ll break up with your boyfriend. A wonderful man who is so good and “kind” to me… It was about control.
My husband’s mother had great difficulty with not trying to run our home. At the time of our marriage, two of his brothers were already divorced, their ex wives complaints were that the mother in law was interfering with marital decisions. I wouldn’t allow it which made her not care for me. A third brother got married and his marriage failed in under a year. Another brother is in a healthy marriage, but he lives five hours away from his wife. My husband and I distanced ourselves from the family because of the non stop interference from the mom and brothers. They were upset that we weren’t conforming to her bullying. After several years she finally relented and we started having a relationship with his parents again. Three brothers are no longer welcome around us, two other brothers are. I want my husband to have a relationship with his parents. I’m glad everything worked out.
Just a teeny correction- "two of his brothers were already divorced, their ex wives complaints of the mother in law interfering with marital decisions. I wouldn’t allow it which made her not care for me." It should be- "two of his brothers were already divorced, their ex wives complaints of the mother in law interfering with marital decisions. MY HUSBAND wouldn’t allow it which made her not care for me."
When my sister was pregnant with her 1st child my mother got keys cut without her permission and would do “helpful 😂” stuff like let herself in when she was at work and redo her washing to mother dearests standards , surprise them with new better matching colour themes in the marital bedroom , paint the spare room without consulting them ready for the new baby. Needless to say I set up firm boundaries when I had my child didn’t go down well and who knows what was said behind my back to extended family but I couldn’t put up with that interference and Shannanigings
Having similar issues with my family too, unfortunately. Getting married very soon and my family has turned against me. They feel betrayed and they feel like I no longer care about them at all. My siblings have been turned against me and both of my parents are overbearing
Hey. This is exactly what has happened to me. All I can tell you is it is so much better cutting them off, letting them go and move on. I couldn’t be happier with my life, wife and baby on the way now! Trust me, it’s worth your inner piece.
I can almost guarantee your mother is the key person turning everyone against you to punish you. The best thing you can do is move far away before the wedding, change your phone numbers and don't give anyone in the family or friends your new location because your mother will be hounding them for it.
Coming to her parents' house without her husband and debating and explaining herself against the whole family is a hard core way of keeping her in her place. Sometimes, it takes a long time to recognize gaslighting and go a different way. But when asking to be treated kind and be spoken to with honesty is a treat, as the parents said, then I would ask each and everyone of my brothers to see if they want bad treatment and lies or maybe they are getting that from the oarents and dont know it. DON'T. GO. BACK. It's a world of hurt waiting with your parents and their warped view of you.
My husband succumbed to one of these meetings and left our marriage at his mother’s request. 26 years. We even had grandkids. He could never take a stand
Nedra, deep inside every adult woman is still the little girl who wants approval. Have you considered that her parents may well have been mean-spirited people and she found it difficult to trust? Even a good guy like what sounds like her husband? She may have sounded little-girlish when she called (I thought she was maybe 13 from her tone of voice) but she's been through some sh** and I think John nailed it. Her parents are still children themselves and I agree she should not let them separate her from him even for a visit.
@@leahb.1393 We may hear it but it may not be true. I know several people personally who were unofficially adopted by neighbor "moms" who gave kids more love and wisdom than their bio-moms.
In the end you have to accept that some people won’t be satisfied unless you do what they want you to do. And if you’re going to be an adult then you have to be clear that your choices are your own. And if they’re going to be upset about things without full control the you might as well set the boundary and rip the band aid as difficult as that will be. Ideally they’ll learn to accept it like mine did despite being upset initially. But in the end you have to live the life that makes you happy whether they’re happy or not.
You don't even have to set boundaries with people who are polite and have good manners. Respectful, polite people automatically know what is appropriate social behavior and what is not. Having to "set boundaries" with grown people who should know better is so stressful and exhausting. Nobody should ever be put through these horrible, stressful conversations. Parents who love their children should never require the "boundary" conversations. Jesus, just have respect for everyone. Their homes, their opinions, their children, their life choices, their spouses, their house keeping styles, their cooking abilities, their fashion choices, etc. Give people their "space". Respect their space and privacy. Is this so hard? Shouldn't good manners just come naturally, especially when you reach adulthood? It's just part of having good character and being a decent human being. Don't torture your adult children by forcing them to explain how to treat them with respect and decency. Don't play "stupid". You know better. Hold back your negative opinions and unsolicited advice. Is your need to look smarter and more experienced worth alienating your offspring? Is your need for control so important to you that you risk the resentment that will occur? Is your need to rearrange your married child's furniture and cupboards SO important? When they stop returning your phone calls, these are the very things that you will be contemplating.
Wow! So we'll put. It is exhausting especially with parents who play "dumb" with you. It's especially destabilizing when you see them treating your siblings with the respect you have been asking for so you know they are fully capable of it, they just don't want to do it because it would mean acknowledging that they put you in a family role of the scapegoat and they can't use it anymore to dump the family trauma on. I set boundaries to protect my marriage and family and it's been war ever since. The current battle is why our family didn't join the family get together. My mother checked with both my siblings, picked the dates, bought tickets and I only found out about it when I called to check in my parents to make sure they were doing okay. I told my mother that all she had to do was including me in the planning and she would have known that I wasn't available the week that she selected. When I told her that hurt me because I would have wanted to attend, her response was that I could be there or not be there and that it really wasn't about me. I informed everyone that unfortunately due to a prior commitment and also the fact that I was left out, I couldn't come. My mother then proceeded to throw herself a party and invited me to come. Then she got super mad when I didn't come the whole week and wrote me a letter saying that she sees our relationship slipping away and that she is going to quote, "rise up and fight against the demons that have come between us." She also said quote, "I'm not longer going to be a silent punching bag". It's so incredibly immature and power grabby. My husband and I in our mid fourties are just over it. I'm learning to accept that I have to let go of the fantasy that my mother will change into a decent person. I think that's the hardest part is accepting the reality of what is rather than what you want it to be. Best to all others going thru similar family Dynamics, we are not alone.
SHAME ON HER PARENTS. Seriously? How can parents be so hateful????????? Anna...distance yourselves from them. Focus on your hubby and new family. It's gonna hurt, but what will they teach any children you may have? YOUR NEW FAMILY IS what's MOST important.
Love the Deftones shirt! I'm out of the loop, are they having some kind of resurgence or something? Keep seeing people rocking their shirts more and more these days, makes me happy!
My mom acts like a victim when i told her i wont meet her if she keeps behaving disrespectful to me...now she acts like i abandoned her and not allowing her to visit my children...how do you handle this situation
This sounds like my family. Except I didn't do drugs or alcohol. I just dated someone for 2 years. I'm 29 and have been single since I was 22 and they won't stop bringing it up.
This was so helpful and a good reminder for me. I’ve been no contact with my mom for almost a year now. I wish I didn’t have to be. I want to talk to her, but I’m not emotionally ready yet. Her husband isn’t good for me. This poor girls parents sound the same as mine. I wish her all the best.
When leaving your toxic parents is hard I Was 16 when that happened quit school got a job at young age renting a small bedroom it was hard because when I got sick needed my parents as a minor now I am 33 own my home with a husband and four children and still working hard it’s been 2 years since my father passed away do to kidney failure but I still have bad memories that will never go away you just learn to love with it
Her parents have problems, but did she think sending a letter with a list of rules to her parents right after getting married to a guy they don’t know that well would go over well?
Sometimes, it's the only safe way. If parents are bullies (as these CERTAINLY seem to be), this seems a reasonable way to, at least introduce such content.
@@tupelohoney622 sure is! They're only trying to do what's BEST for their little girl. Right? Even IF her fiancé is a butthole, even IF they've had disagreements and argued, a commitment is a commitment. Their reneging is part of a larger pattern.
I would tell ALLL of those people just where they could go; married woman with a psycho family has a wonderful husband, forget boundaries block all those fools and move on with your life
Ok - this needs to be said. John - you are being obnoxious and annoying. You kept interrupting the caller. Let her speak, for goodness' sake! You're annoying. One or 2 side comments is fine but you kept it up even while the woman is trying to tell her story. Good grief.
I’m in a situation where my husband and I got a house 3 years ago, and we got married shortly after moving in, and his parents immediately hopped on and pushed asking to move into the downstairs section. Like an idiot I said for the first year it’s ok to get them on their feet and to be nice. But it was a horrible mistake, my husband, though a great man, can’t seem to pick sides he doesn’t want to kick his parents out which I understand to a degree but he and his brother were raised to basically take care of his parents. They are financially very irresponsible, they can’t ever save money, they are both addicts to drinking and smoking. And they won’t get jobs or can’t hold down the jobs they have gotten over the past 3 years. I’m at my wits end and don’t know what to do. They have their own area which helps our privacy but they smoke in that area which they are aware I disapprove of. I hate smoking indoors. I love my husband but therapy may be the only way I can make him see that the in laws have got to go. They don’t pay enough in rent and ask us for money all the time. It’s so frustrating and stressful
The time for the couple to discuss setting boundaries with parents is when you are engaged, not after you get married. If you as a couple are not in agreement that boundaries are going to be necessary for your new marriage to last don't get married.
Honor your parents regardless can't always be done. When parents prove they are not worthy of honor, you are not under obligation to honor them. Many a couple has been doomed to the divorce court because they decided to "honor" parents, meaning that untold damage and craziness was wrought on the couple as a result.
I understand but way too many children cut their parents out for nonsense. If it's extreme I still believe in at least sending a letter or text once a month is good. To honor and still pray for change. Unless it's sexual abuse then definitely cut all ties.
@@yesorno1768So keeping in contact (aka giving them the attention that they want) no matter what they do? But no regards for how you feel. Just do it bc they birthed you…?
I get a feeling the caller presented the situation in a limited and specific way. Otherwise, the situation makes no sense as described. I wonder what the husband is like…
Naturally she did. And? Did her parents break their promise(s)? Did they pit their kids against one another? She may well have under-stated the depth of their depravity. See, as parents, we have to have faith in how well we raised our own kids. If they choose badly, that would be a reflection of our parenting, I'd suggest. And if there are issues, we'd darned well best be willing to talk about them, rather than further sabotaging the lives of our own offspring!
I would be interested to know more about her husband. But as a parent I’d have some pause if my daughter showed up with a guy she hadn’t known for long and said they were ready to get married because they just knew they were the one for each other. The way she speaks about him and their relationship is so glossy eyed in love that any parent who’s been married for a long time would push back on it to an extent. She’s upset that they say they don’t know her husband but if we’re honest about it she doesn’t know her husband. From how she makes it sound they didn’t really date at all before they just knew it was meant to be and as fun as that is on Disney that isn’t the real world and I’d be concerned as a parent. That said I hope it works for everybody.
That’s the problem. It doesn’t matter. She’s an adult. Parents need to learn to trust their adult kids with their decisions. Parents don’t always know best. She’s not 10 anymore.
Parents are supposed to raise children the best that they can and prepare them for the real world. Once their children are adults their choices are their own business. It's really not that important whether or not someone's parents like their spouse. Children become adults and then they leave their parents and they become joined with their spouse as one flesh. At that point if their family of origin tries to mess with their marriage, their family is not just against the new spouse, they are against their own adult children. Genesis 2:24 - Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Mark 10:9 - What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
This sounds like it's much deeper than she's talking about. She said she was drinking, partying for 8 years.. I'm sure her parents were worried about her NON STOP. Then she meets some guy and gets married. Maybe they are worried she doesn't know him well enough and from her past behavior of flying by the seat of her pants with less than good decisions I don't blame them. The whole we're paying for the wedding and then backing out is pretty lame. There could easily be a bigger story behind that too. Either way, it sounds like the caller is trying, but it seems like a bit of a role reversal. Someone who's been making horrible decisions for the better part of her years all of a sudden becomes the one trying to call all the shots. I would normally lean in her direction because in-law situations can be really difficult.. but I'm just not sure on this one.
For seven years she has been straight, getting her master's degree and working as a counselor. Must she atone until the end of her days for what will end up being a very short time in her life? And what is wrong with writing out her boundaries since apparently verbalizing them has not worked? Sounds to me like she broke free of her parents' restrictions at eighteen and after a while realized she didn't need to rebel against anything anymore and could actually act like an adult and make her own decisions.
It's so hard for people to hear. The truth is however there are many families that need to be abandoned. This lady is in one of them. There's no amount of explaining that's going to get across to these people you just need to go on with your life.
Unfortunately you are older than all of them. You will parent your siblings and parents for the rest of your life. It sucks. I’m there. Hugs. Work on your family. We are called to leave and cleave for a reason. They are secondary.
Anna, listen to STOIC PHILOSOPHY. It helped my friend whose mother undermined her decisions. When she didn't explain or confided in her anymore and limited contact, her life was more peaceful. I don't know why parents do that but it hurts your heart deep.
If you want to cut out all the rambling waffle go straight to 06:30 - Dr John summarises her call in seconds and gives advice. Why can’t Americans just get to the sodding point???
Funny how boundries come out of no when parents cut off the the cash flow to their middle aged adult children. At her age I had three children, times could be tough but I would rather scrub pots in school cafeteria than ask my modest income hard working parents for money. Why? Because I respected the fact I was an adult, and my parents were not my personal cash cow!
😅🤣😂LOL! At that age my mother was always trying to push money on me because of her need for control. I would have rather lived in the back seat of my car than ask for any kind of help, but I was a surgeon by then so I didn't have to. Didn't make any difference though. She thought I was still a teenager living at home though I had lived all over the world by then. And she NEVER respected my expertise in my specialty although she loved to brag to her friends about her daughter the doctor.
This girl needs to tell her parents where to get off at! I hope her and her husband can find some peace of mind from this controlling dynamic!! RUN!!!!!!!
I listen to My Own Summer at least once a month nowadays, one good thing about the pandemic is I had time to go through my old CD collection and rediscover some amazing music
So sounds like this comes down to mom and pop wont pay for a wedding based on some new info or there was miscommunication from the get go. Maybe a list of dos and donts sent to the parents expected to pay for HER wedding cinched the deal for her parents. People, stop asking parents to pay for weddings when you have been shacking up for years prior and are 33 years old, that is unreal! Cherry on the top, parents get a list of dos and donts? Talk about NPD, on the daughters part. Parents fund her but the daughter expects to calls the shots and treat her parents like children. If you dont or have any courtesy respect for your parents except the money you can guilt them out of, stop asking them to pay for your life, that is just using and abusing them.
She is just learning that everything is transactional for her parents, and they get PISSED when she gets transactional right back at them. THEY said they would pay for the wedding. I believe her when she said they said that. She did NOT misconstrue them saying they were only paying for the cake. That was them "teaching her a lesson". Her only mistake was in thinking her parents were normal adults with respect for their adult daughter who is self-supporting. You can just feel the disrespect oozing from them, demanding she come before them without her husband. Y'all ain't the Royal Family and I am not a wayward Princess Margaret.
Demanding that the caller meet with her family of origin WITHOUT HER HUSBAND is all you need to know. They do not respect her, her husband or their marriage. Any respect or deference went out the window with that request.
Regardless of her history with her parents sending them a boundary letter with bullet points is ridiculous. Did you really think they’d react well to this?. Also, calling her parents children was a bit extreme for only getting one side of the story, John.
Her parents could of called her and asked her why she needed to send them the letter in the first place. Like grown adults. But the parents didn't. They acted like a bunch of high school kids who love drama.
Look up NPD. Fits her parents perfectly, and establishing firm boundaries is exactly how you handle something like that. A letter may well have been the only way to communicate with them.
I have to write letters to my mother because TALKING to her doesn't work. If it's not in writing, she will twist and manipulate every word that comes out of my mouth and tell other people a different story. If it's in writing, I can refer her to exactly what I wrote in the letter and everyone else that she tries to convince of the things I've said.
Seriously?? Some parents or even people need a bullet point list regarding their behavior. Some adults act like children and need it broken down to them in a child-like, easy to understand way. If she doesn't set the boundaries _clearly,_ then they will continue to treat her disrespectfully. Setting boundaries is an adult thing to do, especially when anyone is being abusive. And this crap they've pulled _is abusive._ Unless you've been through it, you don't know or understand.
Most definitely. I hate it when John assumes what the caller is saying is gospel without asking more probing questions. Like “Well WAS the letter a threat??”
This adult woman doesnt owe anyone justification for getting married. She can make whatever choices she likes. However I felt the feedback and advice given was inappropriate. There are simply way too many unknown variables here. We dont know anything about this woman or her husband other than her narrating of things. I felt there was enough there to be skeptical. We have no idea what sort of "boundaries" were being requested in the letter and her description sounded quite vague. Host commented briefly as well that substance users may be more succeptible to certain relationship partners however he completely dropped that part. Its very possible the family, her husband and her own behavior are all harmful. Maybe the complete opposite is happening even. How many calls has the host taken from worried parents lamenting about their 'lost' adult children who are making poor choices and distancing themselves? Maybe things were just exactly like she reported. Just too many unknowns. There was just simply not enough clear info for the feedback given.
My dad pulled this on my sister. We weren't allowed to date in high school, but she met a guy (Andy) and wanted to anyways. Parents finally agreed, but seemed to hope he'd eventually just go away. Well they kept dating, made long distance work through college, then were planning to get engaged the summer after she graduated. But when Andy went to my dad to ask for his blessing, my dad said NO. He said he didn't know Andy well enough to approve. The whole family was like "WHAT??" They'd been dating for 6 years. They'd been openly planning to get engaged. It was 100% a last minute power trip, and everyone knew it. My dad is the only one who refused to recognize it. He held out for months and made Andy come and do bible studies with him and jump through hoops. Meanwhile, the wedding planning that was supposed to happen that summer was halted and they had to rush and book things after he finally did approve. My dad still has never admitted that he was wrong. When it was my turn a few years later, I told my guy not to ask my dad's permission. He'd proven that he didn't deserve that position of power.
I’m 29 I’ve only introduced 1 boyfriend to the family and my father quickly let me know that I was not allowed to bring anyone around unless I was engaged or he was there to ask for my hand in marriage. I can totally see him act like your dad not wanting to give his blessing because he doesn’t know him lol. But yeah I’ve also grown out of that mentality of wanted his blessing
The beauty of being an adult is that you make the decisions, not the parents. Little child parents need to be controlled not the other way around. When the adult child tries to take control the little child parents will push back because they are immature and narcissistic. Expect them to start a smear campaign against you and to bring in flying monkeys like the brother to spew the shame and guilt all over you. That is when solid concrete boundaries are essential. If you are vulnerable and let those boundaries by smashed then you need to find a good therapist to put a rocket up your ass and re erect the effing boundary.
My father pulled this kind of thing. I decided he would not walk me down the aisle, I walked myself down the aisle alone. This was more difficult than predicted, I almost lost my balance with the dress. By the way, I'm GenX so it's not just the younger generation. My family was disfunctional and my father was most certainly narcissistic. Oh yes, my parents decided they wouldn't pay last minute also. So we had both the wedding AND reception in the church. I had a clearance off season dress. My mother in law was spectacular and helped make decorations. We got it done.
I'm 29 and I just set boundaries with my parents. It took a while because being raised in a church..."Honor thy mother and father" was big in my house. Their house to be honest. But now being married almost a year and moving plans underway....I finally decided to man up and sit down with them. Explained that it's okay to speak honestly but it's not okay to fight every decision me and my wife make multiple times
Honoring one's parents isn't about what your parents want. It's about what G-d is telling us to do in real time. Not the parent's wants/desires. Often, that includes boundaries. I've had to learn this as a 34 year old.
Okay this sounds really wild but there is a kid's movie called Turning Red that I just watched and it covers that very idea of honoring your parents and being your own person
..you should give it a try
Honor = Respect. It doesn’t mean obey.
I am in this right now. I'm very close with my family and they butt heads with my wife. 3 years into my marriage I finally learned how to stand up for my wife to my parents. However, my wife is claiming that it is too late and she has cut them out of her life. It's been a rough week.
@@bballprostar16 As rough as it is for you, it’s devastating to be treated like trash by your “new family” and even MORE devastating for your husband to take 3 YEARS to finally DEFEND you and do something about it.
I’m NOT trying to bash you, I’m trying to help you really understand how she feels and why she’s so hurt. I hope that she can forgive them and possibly have some sort of relationship.
God bless you for finally stepping up!
I'm 39 and have been 'no contact' for 7 years with my mother. She would roll her eyes, huff and puff and gaslight me about things she'd say and do. It was enough to make me explode on occasion. My husband said, 'enough'. I am so thankful my husband's wonderful family gave me the 'point of reference' needed to see the toxicity. Anna, if you need to write:
-Be Kind
... something ain't healthy.
Whenever a parents or relative says don’t bring your spouse or don’t tell your spouse. RUN! That is so not healthy or safe. You and your spouse are a unit! A team! And no one can separate the two of you.
It's easier said than done when you've been manipulated your whole life.
At 33 she doesn't owe her parents an explanation for who she marries. It doesn't sound like Mom and Dad ever cut the umbilical cord even though she took an ax to it 15 years ago. LOL!
😂😂😂😂
Right and they clearly see her husband as a threat. Who tries to encourage their adult daughter to “date around” when she’s made it clear that she has settled down and wants to turn her life around?
This video helped so much! It's HARD to break through the gaslighting and conditioning when you're born into an emotionally immature/emotionally abusive family who train you (or, at least TRY to train you lol) that they have the RIGHT to refuse you basic human dignity, boundaries, connection, etc.
Good on this caller for being brave and for not staying stuck in her emotionally abusive family of origin 👌
The parents arent going to change
OMG I feel sick that this is my story. Except my partner thinks it's OK to have his feet in both camps. Thank you so much for confirming for me that I am right to demand boundaries and respectful interactions.
Having your feet in both camps will accomplish one thing: the complete destruction of your relationship.
This is more about seeking parental approval, rather than setting boundaries. Hard and disappointing lesson to learn.
Narcs don't see boundaries like normal people do. Just the fact that you had to express a boundary means that they've won on some level. Once you've expressed a boundary, a narc now knows exactly what they need to do as a means of control and invalidation, and that is violate that boundary. You see a boundary as a barrier, narcs see a boundary as a goal to achieve.
Exactly!
Her parents aren’t narcs 😂
@@jpondarun They are absolutely narcissists. Maybe you were thinking I meant something else by narc.
@@om617yota8 They are 100% Narcissists and flying monkeys. If Steph is thinking Christian Bale American Pycho Narc, I agree they are not that way. But there are stealthy, covert Narcs who do way more damage to their victims via Gaslighting, shaming, guilting, smearing, and Emotional & financial abuse. This girl should RUN from her family. No contact whatsoever and never let her family sabotage & destroy her marriage to a good man who actually loves and supports her!
@@om617yota8 Nah, you don't know them and cannot diagnose them as narcissists based on this call. Plus she's clearly holding back details on her behavior in this scenario. She's very immature.
Her family sounds like mine. It's the, "We don't approve of this and you need to do what pleases us. Don't worry about your wife as much as us."
"Give me what I want, or I'll suffer, and it will be all your fault."
@@hiddenhand6973 exactly
Yes, mine was similar. If you love your father and me, you’ll break up with your boyfriend. A wonderful man who is so good and “kind” to me… It was about control.
My husband’s mother had great difficulty with not trying to run our home. At the time of our marriage, two of his brothers were already divorced, their ex wives complaints were that the mother in law was interfering with marital decisions. I wouldn’t allow it which made her not care for me. A third brother got married and his marriage failed in under a year. Another brother is in a healthy marriage, but he lives five hours away from his wife. My husband and I distanced ourselves from the family because of the non stop interference from the mom and brothers. They were upset that we weren’t conforming to her bullying. After several years she finally relented and we started having a relationship with his parents again. Three brothers are no longer welcome around us, two other brothers are. I want my husband to have a relationship with his parents. I’m glad everything worked out.
Just a teeny correction- "two of his brothers were already divorced, their ex wives complaints of the mother in law interfering with marital decisions. I wouldn’t allow it which made her not care for me." It should be- "two of his brothers were already divorced, their ex wives complaints of the mother in law interfering with marital decisions. MY HUSBAND wouldn’t allow it which made her not care for me."
When my sister was pregnant with her 1st child my mother got keys cut without her permission and would do “helpful 😂” stuff like let herself in when she was at work and redo her washing to mother dearests standards , surprise them with new better matching colour themes in the marital bedroom , paint the spare room without consulting them ready for the new baby. Needless to say I set up firm boundaries when I had my child didn’t go down well and who knows what was said behind my back to extended family but I couldn’t put up with that interference and Shannanigings
Having similar issues with my family too, unfortunately. Getting married very soon and my family has turned against me. They feel betrayed and they feel like I no longer care about them at all. My siblings have been turned against me and both of my parents are overbearing
The best revenge is to do better (be happier, more loving and wealthier) than them.
Hey. This is exactly what has happened to me. All I can tell you is it is so much better cutting them off, letting them go and move on. I couldn’t be happier with my life, wife and baby on the way now! Trust me, it’s worth your inner piece.
Oh my. I'm so sorry 😞
Cut them out and love your spouse!!! leave and cleave baby
I can almost guarantee your mother is the key person turning everyone against you to punish you. The best thing you can do is move far away before the wedding, change your phone numbers and don't give anyone in the family or friends your new location because your mother will be hounding them for it.
My boundaries for my toxic in laws are don’t come near me, leave me alone.. works out well
Coming to her parents' house without her husband and debating and explaining herself against the whole family is a hard core way of keeping her in her place. Sometimes, it takes a long time to recognize gaslighting and go a different way. But when asking to be treated kind and be spoken to with honesty is a treat, as the parents said, then I would ask each and everyone of my brothers to see if they want bad treatment and lies or maybe they are getting that from the oarents and dont know it. DON'T. GO. BACK. It's a world of hurt waiting with your parents and their warped view of you.
My husband succumbed to one of these meetings and left our marriage at his mother’s request. 26 years. We even had grandkids. He could never take a stand
@@LisaLisaCJhe was a coward then.
She needs to stop acting like a little girl. Her husband comes before all those other people.
Nedra, deep inside every adult woman is still the little girl who wants approval. Have you considered that her parents may well have been mean-spirited people and she found it difficult to trust? Even a good guy like what sounds like her husband? She may have sounded little-girlish when she called (I thought she was maybe 13 from her tone of voice) but she's been through some sh** and I think John nailed it. Her parents are still children themselves and I agree she should not let them separate her from him even for a visit.
Easier said than done. Especially when you keep hearing “you only have one mother”
@@leahb.1393 We may hear it but it may not be true. I know several people personally who were unofficially adopted by neighbor "moms" who gave kids more love and wisdom than their bio-moms.
That's classic narcissistic personality disorder triangulating.
EXACTLY!!
I was just going to say that!
In the end you have to accept that some people won’t be satisfied unless you do what they want you to do. And if you’re going to be an adult then you have to be clear that your choices are your own. And if they’re going to be upset about things without full control the you might as well set the boundary and rip the band aid as difficult as that will be. Ideally they’ll learn to accept it like mine did despite being upset initially. But in the end you have to live the life that makes you happy whether they’re happy or not.
You don't even have to set boundaries with people who are polite and have good manners. Respectful, polite people automatically know what is appropriate social behavior and what is not. Having to "set boundaries" with grown people who should know better is so stressful and exhausting. Nobody should ever be put through these horrible, stressful conversations. Parents who love their children should never require the "boundary" conversations. Jesus, just have respect for everyone. Their homes, their opinions, their children, their life choices, their spouses, their house keeping styles, their cooking abilities, their fashion choices, etc. Give people their "space". Respect their space and privacy. Is this so hard? Shouldn't good manners just come naturally, especially when you reach adulthood? It's just part of having good character and being a decent human being. Don't torture your adult children by forcing them to explain how to treat them with respect and decency. Don't play "stupid". You know better. Hold back your negative opinions and unsolicited advice. Is your need to look smarter and more experienced worth alienating your offspring? Is your need for control so important to you that you risk the resentment that will occur? Is your need to rearrange your married child's furniture and cupboards SO important? When they stop returning your phone calls, these are the very things that you will be contemplating.
Omg, this was a mouthful. You don’t have to set boundaries with polite people with good manners
This is the hate religion spreads😢
it was actually very good. @@thecramptons
Wow! So we'll put. It is exhausting especially with parents who play "dumb" with you. It's especially destabilizing when you see them treating your siblings with the respect you have been asking for so you know they are fully capable of it, they just don't want to do it because it would mean acknowledging that they put you in a family role of the scapegoat and they can't use it anymore to dump the family trauma on. I set boundaries to protect my marriage and family and it's been war ever since. The current battle is why our family didn't join the family get together. My mother checked with both my siblings, picked the dates, bought tickets and I only found out about it when I called to check in my parents to make sure they were doing okay. I told my mother that all she had to do was including me in the planning and she would have known that I wasn't available the week that she selected. When I told her that hurt me because I would have wanted to attend, her response was that I could be there or not be there and that it really wasn't about me. I informed everyone that unfortunately due to a prior commitment and also the fact that I was left out, I couldn't come. My mother then proceeded to throw herself a party and invited me to come. Then she got super mad when I didn't come the whole week and wrote me a letter saying that she sees our relationship slipping away and that she is going to quote, "rise up and fight against the demons that have come between us." She also said quote, "I'm not longer going to be a silent punching bag". It's so incredibly immature and power grabby. My husband and I in our mid fourties are just over it. I'm learning to accept that I have to let go of the fantasy that my mother will change into a decent person. I think that's the hardest part is accepting the reality of what is rather than what you want it to be. Best to all others going thru similar family Dynamics, we are not alone.
Well said!
Dr. John repping the Deftones! 🤘😝
Lol o was hoping someone else noticed and commented!
Deftones fan here wooooo🤘🤘🤘
The first thing I said!
This call really hits home
SHAME ON HER PARENTS. Seriously? How can parents be so hateful????????? Anna...distance yourselves from them. Focus on your hubby and new family. It's gonna hurt, but what will they teach any children you may have? YOUR NEW FAMILY IS what's MOST important.
Christians
Only your new family really matters - focus hard on that all the time.
Thank you!❤
Love the Deftones shirt! I'm out of the loop, are they having some kind of resurgence or something? Keep seeing people rocking their shirts more and more these days, makes me happy!
My mom acts like a victim when i told her i wont meet her if she keeps behaving disrespectful to me...now she acts like i abandoned her and not allowing her to visit my children...how do you handle this situation
This sounds like my family. Except I didn't do drugs or alcohol. I just dated someone for 2 years. I'm 29 and have been single since I was 22 and they won't stop bringing it up.
Tell them to stop bringing it up or you will not be talking to them.
Let it go. Stop seeking approval. Mourn that family life you don’t need because of their ways. Make your own path and live your life with your husband
Love the shirt!
This was so helpful and a good reminder for me. I’ve been no contact with my mom for almost a year now. I wish I didn’t have to be. I want to talk to her, but I’m not emotionally ready yet. Her husband isn’t good for me. This poor girls parents sound the same as mine. I wish her all the best.
When leaving your toxic parents is hard I Was 16 when that happened quit school got a job at young age renting a small bedroom it was hard because when I got sick needed my parents as a minor now I am 33 own my home with a husband and four children and still working hard it’s been 2 years since my father passed away do to kidney failure but I still have bad memories that will never go away you just learn to love with it
Thanks for your advice, John!
Her parents have problems, but did she think sending a letter with a list of rules to her parents right after getting married to a guy they don’t know that well would go over well?
Right! Be kind! Lol
she was being clear, giving black-and-white instructions. They definitely would have scoffed similarly at any another attempt at delivery.
There is way more to this situation than the version we heard. Something isn't adding up.
Sometimes, it's the only safe way. If parents are bullies (as these CERTAINLY seem to be), this seems a reasonable way to, at least introduce such content.
@@tupelohoney622 sure is! They're only trying to do what's BEST for their little girl. Right?
Even IF her fiancé is a butthole, even IF they've had disagreements and argued, a commitment is a commitment.
Their reneging is part of a larger pattern.
As a Mexican, that cake better have been a tres leches cake!!! Not some tasteless one.
Really mom and dad?!
Won't accept that cake anymore.
Just wanted to say nice shirt John 🤘🏽
🤘🏽
🤘🤘🤘
Big flag to me that her bio family insists she drive hours to see them without her husband.
My granddad and my step grandmother dated for less than a month and they're married for over 10 years and going!
How many kids do they have now? Don't get me wrong; we're so proud of them!!
I cut my crazy family out of my life. It brought me so much peace.
Good for you !!
They sound toxic! Give them one more chance with an in person chat, if that doesn't work, time to part ways with the parents and/or the family!
Liers too
Too much joking and bro-ing around. The caller has a serious question, let her ask it!
I agree. Dr John can give some good advice but his constant self-deprication and joking around diminish his position.
I would tell ALLL of those people just where they could go; married woman with a psycho family has a wonderful husband, forget boundaries block all those fools and move on with your life
Ok - this needs to be said. John - you are being obnoxious and annoying. You kept interrupting the caller. Let her speak, for goodness' sake! You're annoying. One or 2 side comments is fine but you kept it up even while the woman is trying to tell her story. Good grief.
Say it louder for the people in the back.
😂😂😂
The t-shirt though 👌
She listened to 30 minutes of being cussed out by brother = click. Boundaries on him too.
I read Adult children of alcoholics. It made me feel less alone and explained some of my behaviors.
Change
Dr John with that 💧💧
hey John is a Deftones fan!
That makes me question everything he says
Deftones 🤘🤘🤘
Love the thumbnail expressions 😂
Leave and cleave, Anna. Leave. And. Cleave.
Exactly. I tell my husband that all the time.
Her family is trying to drive a wedge between their daughter and her husband. She needs to keep her distance.
I’m in a situation where my husband and I got a house 3 years ago, and we got married shortly after moving in, and his parents immediately hopped on and pushed asking to move into the downstairs section. Like an idiot I said for the first year it’s ok to get them on their feet and to be nice. But it was a horrible mistake, my husband, though a great man, can’t seem to pick sides he doesn’t want to kick his parents out which I understand to a degree but he and his brother were raised to basically take care of his parents. They are financially very irresponsible, they can’t ever save money, they are both addicts to drinking and smoking. And they won’t get jobs or can’t hold down the jobs they have gotten over the past 3 years. I’m at my wits end and don’t know what to do. They have their own area which helps our privacy but they smoke in that area which they are aware I disapprove of. I hate smoking indoors. I love my husband but therapy may be the only way I can make him see that the in laws have got to go. They don’t pay enough in rent and ask us for money all the time. It’s so frustrating and stressful
Awesome shirt John
I wonder how many new marriages are cursed by annoying parents.
The time for the couple to discuss setting boundaries with parents is when you are engaged, not after you get married. If you as a couple are not in agreement that boundaries are going to be necessary for your new marriage to last don't get married.
Honor your parents regardless.
Keep it courteous.
But keep your guard up.
As Ronald Reagan used to say, "Trust but verify."
Honor your parents regardless can't always be done. When parents prove they are not worthy of honor, you are not under obligation to honor them. Many a couple has been doomed to the divorce court because they decided to "honor" parents, meaning that untold damage and craziness was wrought on the couple as a result.
I understand but way too many children cut their parents out for nonsense. If it's extreme I still believe in at least sending a letter or text once a month is good. To honor and still pray for change.
Unless it's sexual abuse then definitely cut all ties.
Her parents need to start living by the commandment to do to others, very much including their own children, as you'd have others do to you.
@@yesorno1768So keeping in contact (aka giving them the attention that they want) no matter what they do? But no regards for how you feel. Just do it bc they birthed you…?
Its awesome to see the deftones
My first question.. did she meet this guy at rehab??? That would explain the family's reaction
Speaking to my soul right now
The root of the problem is she is operating in a totally different system, God's. Her parents are in the world's system.
I get a feeling the caller presented the situation in a limited and specific way. Otherwise, the situation makes no sense as described. I wonder what the husband is like…
Naturally she did. And? Did her parents break their promise(s)? Did they pit their kids against one another? She may well have under-stated the depth of their depravity.
See, as parents, we have to have faith in how well we raised our own kids. If they choose badly, that would be a reflection of our parenting, I'd suggest. And if there are issues, we'd darned well best be willing to talk about them, rather than further sabotaging the lives of our own offspring!
Her parents fit NPD to a tee. Textbook example of a narc. It makes perfect sense.
It makes sense if you have narcissist parents. This is par for the course.
I would be interested to know more about her husband. But as a parent I’d have some pause if my daughter showed up with a guy she hadn’t known for long and said they were ready to get married because they just knew they were the one for each other. The way she speaks about him and their relationship is so glossy eyed in love that any parent who’s been married for a long time would push back on it to an extent. She’s upset that they say they don’t know her husband but if we’re honest about it she doesn’t know her husband. From how she makes it sound they didn’t really date at all before they just knew it was meant to be and as fun as that is on Disney that isn’t the real world and I’d be concerned as a parent. That said I hope it works for everybody.
As someone who has a mother who behaves like the caller’s parents, it’s 99% likely she’s telling the truth.
I LOVE YOUR SHIIIIIIIIIRT!!
Was it a beautiful cake?
John had a little too much coffee this morning
I would be interested to hear the parents side, it sounds like they don’t like who she’s married and don’t trust her judgment.
That’s the problem. It doesn’t matter. She’s an adult. Parents need to learn to trust their adult kids with their decisions. Parents don’t always know best. She’s not 10 anymore.
It doesn't matter. She's an adult and they should show their daughter respect for her *ADULT* decisions. ♥️
@@starlingswallow Why are they obligated to respect her decisions or pay for her wedding? If they don't approve, they don't have to foot the bill.
It's none of their business
Parents are supposed to raise children the best that they can and prepare them for the real world. Once their children are adults their choices are their own business. It's really not that important whether or not someone's parents like their spouse. Children become adults and then they leave their parents and they become joined with their spouse as one flesh. At that point if their family of origin tries to mess with their marriage, their family is not just against the new spouse, they are against their own adult children.
Genesis 2:24 - Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Mark 10:9 - What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
This sounds like it's much deeper than she's talking about. She said she was drinking, partying for 8 years.. I'm sure her parents were worried about her NON STOP. Then she meets some guy and gets married. Maybe they are worried she doesn't know him well enough and from her past behavior of flying by the seat of her pants with less than good decisions I don't blame them. The whole we're paying for the wedding and then backing out is pretty lame. There could easily be a bigger story behind that too. Either way, it sounds like the caller is trying, but it seems like a bit of a role reversal. Someone who's been making horrible decisions for the better part of her years all of a sudden becomes the one trying to call all the shots. I would normally lean in her direction because in-law situations can be really difficult.. but I'm just not sure on this one.
Don't forget, after her 10 year bender, she is writing letters to her parents with a special set of rules they must abide by. Total joke
For seven years she has been straight, getting her master's degree and working as a counselor. Must she atone until the end of her days for what will end up being a very short time in her life? And what is wrong with writing out her boundaries since apparently verbalizing them has not worked?
Sounds to me like she broke free of her parents' restrictions at eighteen and after a while realized she didn't need to rebel against anything anymore and could actually act like an adult and make her own decisions.
Delony listens to Deftones? Nice
This is so good
It's so hard for people to hear. The truth is however there are many families that need to be abandoned. This lady is in one of them. There's no amount of explaining that's going to get across to these people you just need to go on with your life.
Unfortunately you are older than all of them. You will parent your siblings and parents for the rest of your life. It sucks. I’m there. Hugs. Work on your family. We are called to leave and cleave for a reason. They are secondary.
I can’t follow her, she’s not giving any info🤷♀️
Anna, listen to STOIC PHILOSOPHY. It helped my friend whose mother undermined her decisions. When she didn't explain or confided in her anymore and limited contact, her life was more peaceful. I don't know why parents do that but it hurts your heart deep.
If you want to cut out all the rambling waffle go straight to 06:30 - Dr John summarises her call in seconds and gives advice. Why can’t Americans just get to the sodding point???
Funny how boundries come out of no when parents cut off the the cash flow to their middle aged adult children. At her age I had three children, times could be tough but I would rather scrub pots in school cafeteria than ask my modest income hard working parents for money. Why? Because I respected the fact I was an adult, and my parents were not my personal cash cow!
😅🤣😂LOL! At that age my mother was always trying to push money on me because of her need for control. I would have rather lived in the back seat of my car than ask for any kind of help, but I was a surgeon by then so I didn't have to. Didn't make any difference though. She thought I was still a teenager living at home though I had lived all over the world by then.
And she NEVER respected my expertise in my specialty although she loved to brag to her friends about her daughter the doctor.
I know this video is a year old but I need some help my drug addicted parents!!
This girl needs to tell her parents where to get off at! I hope her and her husband can find some peace of mind from this controlling dynamic!! RUN!!!!!!!
Girlll we have the same mom lmao
Droppin’ a beat while she told her story was a bit distasteful I think.
I like your humour usually, but not there.
Deftones represent. 😊
Name some of y'all's Deftones favorites.
I listen to My Own Summer at least once a month nowadays, one good thing about the pandemic is I had time to go through my old CD collection and rediscover some amazing music
@@CaptPicard81 Same here with Kimdracula
I bet Dr D can grow an amazing mustache
Deftones 🤘🏽🤘🏽
🤘🤘🤘
Oklahoma, The Sadness State
So sounds like this comes down to mom and pop wont pay for a wedding based on some new info or there was miscommunication from the get go. Maybe a list of dos and donts sent to the parents expected to pay for HER wedding cinched the deal for her parents. People, stop asking parents to pay for weddings when you have been shacking up for years prior and are 33 years old, that is unreal! Cherry on the top, parents get a list of dos and donts? Talk about NPD, on the daughters part. Parents fund her but the daughter expects to calls the shots and treat her parents like children. If you dont or have any courtesy respect for your parents except the money you can guilt them out of, stop asking them to pay for your life, that is just using and abusing them.
She is just learning that everything is transactional for her parents, and they get PISSED when she gets transactional right back at them. THEY said they would pay for the wedding. I believe her when she said they said that. She did NOT misconstrue them saying they were only paying for the cake. That was them "teaching her a lesson". Her only mistake was in thinking her parents were normal adults with respect for their adult daughter who is self-supporting. You can just feel the disrespect oozing from them, demanding she come before them without her husband. Y'all ain't the Royal Family and I am not a wayward Princess Margaret.
Wow. That mom is classic narcissist with her flying monkeys. Good luck hon, go gray rock and go live your life.
No matter how
Delony must have been having a bad day on this one. Geez…
He bagged on everyone and everything. Usually he says “they’re not here”…..
Deftones!!!!!!!
It is none of her parents nor families business
Ha! Finally got the first comment on a John Delony video 🙂
Too bad John never reads his comments and doesn’t care
I would bet the wives of her brothers have been sabatoged by these parents too.
Sorry, no matter how flat the pancake, there are always 2 sides! We haven't got the full story and unfair to not hear the parents' perspective.
Demanding that the caller meet with her family of origin WITHOUT HER HUSBAND is all you need to know. They do not respect her, her husband or their marriage. Any respect or deference went out the window with that request.
Regardless of her history with her parents sending them a boundary letter with bullet points is ridiculous. Did you really think they’d react well to this?. Also, calling her parents children was a bit extreme for only getting one side of the story, John.
Nah sharing private messages with the whole family is childish, as is undermining ones marriage.
Her parents could of called her and asked her why she needed to send them the letter in the first place. Like grown adults. But the parents didn't. They acted like a bunch of high school kids who love drama.
Look up NPD. Fits her parents perfectly, and establishing firm boundaries is exactly how you handle something like that. A letter may well have been the only way to communicate with them.
I have to write letters to my mother because TALKING to her doesn't work. If it's not in writing, she will twist and manipulate every word that comes out of my mouth and tell other people a different story. If it's in writing, I can refer her to exactly what I wrote in the letter and everyone else that she tries to convince of the things I've said.
Seriously?? Some parents or even people need a bullet point list regarding their behavior. Some adults act like children and need it broken down to them in a child-like, easy to understand way. If she doesn't set the boundaries _clearly,_ then they will continue to treat her disrespectfully.
Setting boundaries is an adult thing to do, especially when anyone is being abusive. And this crap they've pulled _is abusive._
Unless you've been through it, you don't know or understand.
DEFTONES😃😃😃😃😃😃😃
🤘🤘🤘🤘
Biblical counseling…..
Watch dr cloud channel re bounderies
DEFTONES!!!!!! 🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘
More to story
Most definitely. I hate it when John assumes what the caller is saying is gospel without asking more probing questions. Like “Well WAS the letter a threat??”
@@deniseneuendorf3577 he asked what was in it
Grow up, cut them off, move on. Done. You're an adult.
Her parents are narcissist
This adult woman doesnt owe anyone justification for getting married. She can make whatever choices she likes.
However I felt the feedback and advice given was inappropriate. There are simply way too many unknown variables here. We dont know anything about this woman or her husband other than her narrating of things. I felt there was enough there to be skeptical.
We have no idea what sort of "boundaries" were being requested in the letter and her description sounded quite vague. Host commented briefly as well that substance users may be more succeptible to certain relationship partners however he completely dropped that part.
Its very possible the family, her husband and her own behavior are all harmful.
Maybe the complete opposite is happening even. How many calls has the host taken from worried parents lamenting about their 'lost' adult children who are making poor choices and distancing themselves?
Maybe things were just exactly like she reported. Just too many unknowns.
There was just simply not enough clear info for the feedback given.
I wonder if John knows the Lord Jesus?
I'm a daughter and a parent. I would like to hear the parent's side. This 33 yo sounds immature and manipulative. Just saying.