For what it's worth, I'm on baby step 7, and I'm a LEGO animator. I'm sure my wife's parents were skeptical of me at first, but I proved I was a hustler, not just a goofball. You can have a good life with a nonconventional/silly skill set. And as for immature humor, once you have a child, finding poop, farts, and vomit to be hilarious is a HUGE asset. Cause you're gonna get covered in all three. Best to be able to laugh when it happens.
50k first year self employed is impressive, regardless of the industry. Corporate, churches, schools, fairs/festivals, there's definitely a market for it. Not much competition either, like there is for musicians and actors. Given his first year, it seems reasonable that he could make at least 100k in a couple years. Go for it Lily, you are an eloquent and mature young lady. I have confidence in you both!
One of the benefits of having had parents who failed at literally dozens of relationships between the two of them is that their opinions on my relationships were totally irrelevant.
My parents are still together but can’t stand each other. They’ve never actually gave me relationship advice. I didn’t understand why but now I realize, they probably don’t know themselves how to guide me because of their own relationship. I am actually thankful that they are humble enough to do that.
Yep. Never take someone’s advice, unless you want their results. Exception: when that person is willing to acknowledge their mistakes/shortcomings…and has seemed to have learned from them. Few people seem to do so.
Yes, but he is not a Jesus Juggler? Magician is fine, particularly if he can earn a living from it. But as a deadbeat that claims "ministry" made him do it? Just NO.
@@StrawberryFieldsNIR That's just a path to monetize his act. There aren't many options for a magician outside of large cities. Plus he's probably a Christian himself. When did she say "ministry made him do it" or "Jesus called him to magicianhood?"
@@StrawberryFieldsNIR If you listen to the whole thing, he's really doing really well at it and makes more working than she does. Sounds like they are just fine financially speaking. I bet he's also a lot of fun to be around. It's her life, she should live it as she wants.
Go based on morals and values. Jobs come and go. My husband was NOT good on paper and I had to fight off friends and family to stay with him. Been together now 21 years, married 17. He’s my best friend. He makes enough now for me to be a SAHM. Don’t listen to other ppl, listen to your gut. It’s your life. You don’t want to live someone else’s decisions.
I’m a Balloon Artist and I know plenty of magicians, there’s more than enough money to be made in that space. My advice if you choose to marry him, don’t ever ever ever make him think you’re ashamed of his career. Be his biggest cheerleader. I can’t tell you how devastating it is to be with a spouse who thinks what you do is silly. Take him seriously and he will rise to meet your expectations
1000% As a wife I see how much my husband is encouraged when he knows how much I respect and admire him. Magicians and jugglers are seldom, if ever, unintelligent. It takes finesse, charisma, dedication, and wit. He can also transfer those skills, as well as his ability to build a business, into other ventures if that particular field dries up or grows old. P.S. I have a friend who paid for college as a balloon artist.
You can have standards you want for your kids without telling them their choices are all or nothing in return for their love and acceptance. That's just nuts to me.
Maybe it was a situation where they didn't mind him at first, but the immaturity and skill set are finally wearing on them. If this were my daughter, I'd be nervous for her too. I would probably have a long talk with the two of them together- nothing mean. Just asking about their life goals. Where do they see themselves in 5 years and such.
He's only been full-time in the last year. When it was a side job, they were okay. He probably had a dependable 9-5. He apparently quit that job. My guess is that's what changed the parents' thinking.
I am glad that John brought up "a business plan" Couples who are madly in love with each other still get hungry and need a place to live. So do their kids. Parents tend to focus on this aspect more than the "madly in love" part.
@Michael Jones-rn2pq: Thank you for saying this. Being led by passions is great when it’s life sustaining. I didn’t view it as the parents being too controlling they sound like big picture thinkers. Does the magic industry have seasonal times of highs and lows? If so that means their daughter may have to carry the load and that’s without having kids. Plus she ultimately may have to rely on them financially when this happens and no parent wants their child marrying a liability when it can ultimately cost them as well. It’s more than just “it’s her life” it can affect them too. We can’t be so passion filled that we lose sight of practicality.
If he makes 50k a year then I don't think he's lazy just because he has an unconventional job Oftentimes parents project their own insecurities onto their children Just because he's not a doctor/lawyer/architect doesn't mean he's lazy Doing something you love and getting paid for it takes courage He's a keeper
@@abigailloar956that it does! My husband took about 10 years to advance and makes over $100,000 now. She cannot expect at their age to have the high paying jobs, you earn it
Hey Lily, I know you’re probably reading these comments… I was on the show too and read all the comments lol. Don’t let the comments sway you… focus on the advice you get from those that know you and him and your parents. I know it’s probably been about a month since you called and you’ve probably already had this whole thing play out a bit. I hope it’s going well for you. My in-laws didn’t want me to marry my wife, and I still asked her a week later. While that stirred the pot even more, I understand why they didn’t want me to… I was in music production full-time for 5 years… well, 8 years later I make a solid $90k/yr after a career change. Careers change, friends come and go, you’ll probably move out of state at some point, you may have a baby at some point, but what matters is that you two dream up (with a plan) a life together and work together. You sound level and like you have a good head on your shoulders! Hope it’s working out in a way that will be a blessing in your life.
@@MrJimmy3459 yea but those guys are 1 of probably 100,000’s who failed. He should still keep doing it as s hobby, and if it gets big then he can make it his career, but he needs to get a real job in the meantime so he can take care of his family
Yep. My bet is that this guy was okay in their book as long as he had a “respectable” job. But once he turned his side hustle into his main business? He was no longer “good enough” for their daughter…and their fragile egos. Her parents sound pretty toxic.
@@Katie-sf7jt Not everyone wants to join corporate America, or take the safe route through life. The point is this guy has a strong work ethic and will likely be able to support a family no matter what he chooses to do…and everyone but her parents seem to understand that about him. The parents are just mad because he doesn’t have a “high status” job (anymore).
The partner may not be a Jesus Juggler forever, but hey, to make $50K and hustle it out and grind it out and sell it all is laudable. $50K isn't exactly anything to sneeze at at all, so making that in basically the entertainment industry is not easy. I say stay with him, he seems like a good guy. Professional juggler isn't normal exactly, but what the heck is normal on modern times? John is a TH-camr, others are DJs, some are CPAs, etc. If you can make a living and what you do is legal or not working in adult films or whatever who cares really?
My parents were hypercritical of my passion for music - they were Great Depression children and they would yell at me that I had to be practical practical practical! I loved violin, art, I was never supported and the school programs were not funded. I ended up in the Army, then with a business degree, now I am a new social worker with a dust covered violin under the bed that I still drag around all these decades. Never any time to play it.
My in-laws are so so critical and it’s so hard to get used to. It never stops and they have now 3 healthy happy grandchildren and it’s constant, can’t do anything right and I just give up. It’s exhausting and it’s sometimes so disrespectful and manipulative. You can’t let that in.
I can almost see both sides. She's questioning her own wisdom now... I think postponing the wedding to seek more clarity (from herself) would be a good start...
Even if my child chose someone inappropriate I would never cut them out of my life I would remain to support them when things go wrong parents are selfish and controlling thats not love😢
I didn’t hear them say they were going to cut their daughter out of their lives. They said they are revoking their approval of her choice in husband…They have serious concerns about her choice and this is their way of expressing it…Granted, John seems to be interpreting this way, too. He did not address their concern about him “using her for money.” That should have been explored.
Bingo! I called it when I said it’s a image thing. They don’t want to say his job out loud and that’s what’s sooooo sad about this world. People judge and compare based on what they do for a living rather than a persons character. Your job is not who a person is. It’s wild !!!
While the people in your life can have very valid perspectives, I also know parents in particular can experience a lot of fear in letting go of their babies, in wanting a "worthy" mate for their kids. Every person is flawed, there isn't a single person where you can't find something wrong with them. My husband didn't get my parents' stamp of approval, and I definitely stressed hard for a while, even had a bit of anxiety in marriage that he was going to prove them right. And yet after 7 years, he has proven to be the coolest dad and a supportive husband, and we're still crazy about each other. If anything I've largely learned to allow him to just be and realized I have my own problem behaviors to address. Take note of what's true, think through what's appropriate from your end if he is, for example, immature in some ways. You may find that there are a select number of things that are worthy of setting a boundary, plenty will need communication of your desires/expectations. But a huge amount of stuff will just require you to let go and have grace.
I am all for a family intervention when the parents have their kid's best interest at heart. An ultimatum however is way out of line. Also, can we please start trusting our (especially) daughters to be able to make informed and qualified decisions? You RAISED me! If you raised me right, I am able to think critically and assess a situation objectively.
My parents are the exact same way, why do they do this? I had a similar situation, except I ended the relationship. My mom complains that she doesn’t have grandkids. You can’t have your cake and eat it too…
My parents intervened some on my behalf as well, but they had good reasons and I don't regret listening to them either. I might not have had the family I'd always dreamed of, but I've met lots of different people, made friends and have had various jobs so my life has certainly been interesting.
My family doesn’t approve the guy I’m now with. They made all sort of judgments without wanting to get to know him personally. My dad tried to talk me out of being with him I told him straight up that I’m a mature woman so let me make my own decisions on who I choose to date. In the end if it doesn’t work out, oh well, let me learn from my mistakes. I choose to live my own life due to that I have not talked to my parents. It’s a sad situation that I have to choose one over the other but sometimes you have to do what best for you.
What these parents don't like is that juggling is probably not a permanent career choice and they can't see what comes next. They are looking to mitigate risk on behalf of their daughter, but marriage is an adventure and a growth opportunity for everyone involved. That's the point. It's nearly impossible to see where it will take you next! This guy's next business venture may end up putting her dad's career to shame for all they know.
So sad. I have met so many early thirties women who think they need the parental vacation and downpayment and assume it goes away. Not imagining it can last until 50.
To me, once he gets a client list, that is half the battle. Churches have reoccurring events yearly.. vbs's, trunk or treats.. etc. He could have the Jesus Juggler as an awesome side gig, but get a regular 9-5 for the benefits. He could make bank before they have kids. He does sound a little lazy. He's doing a night and weekend gig as a full time job. But of course maybe he's going to nursing homes and schools during the day? Idk. It's not a great long-term plan with no upward mobility.
The upward mobility comes when he opens his own entertainment agency.... entrepreneurs think differently than people who think working for someone else makes them secure.
@@RepentImmediatelyyou have to have the money to start your own business, otherwise it will fail. No one is trying to squash his dreams, but yeah if a daughter of mine came home with an actual clown for a potential spouse, I would seriously question how much of an adult he truly is.
Her parents certainly do have skin in the game. That's their daughter that they love. Who else would be better to speak honestly to her about their concerns?
If the parents would have just sat her down and expressed their concerns and asked her to think about it, is one thing, after all, she is of age, and is working. It's completely different thing to withdraw your blessing and present an ultimatum. That'hs all about controlling, like threatening to cut off your allowance if you don't clean your room.
Parents' opinions are important, but ultimately, what matters most is the relationship between you two and the trust you have in each other. Bringing joy to others is also a wonderful thing, and even if his career is a bit unconventional, it's more important how much he means to you. The way you are overcoming your emotions and anxiety to maintain the relationship is truly impressive. Applauding your courage and love!
I’d be interested to see what a couples therapist would say, should the couple undergo treatment. It’s always good to listen to other input, but to also discern your own needs and intuition at the end of the day. I would encourage this couple to seek therapy, so as to get an objective view of the dynamics and concerns, as well as their strengths.
I feel her parents. They just want the best for their child. She’s happy now because she’s in love and excited. She may not be seeing the red flags that they are seeing.
I don't even pretend to know what is right for someone else's life. I have a 30 year old and I let them make their own choices. This man isn't hurting anyone, and he's bringing in okay money (not mooching). It is none of their business.
@@debbielockhart7762 i think her parents have the right to tell her what they think about him. Ultimately it is her decision. But won’t you rather someone brings up red flags before marriage than after? When i got married first, all my friends and family were so happy for me. Said the guy was wonderful for me blah blah blah. When i got divorced, they all said they knew it wouldn’t last because of the red flags they saw. I told them that they should have mentioned before I married him. They said I wouldn’t have listened because I was in love and blinded. Her parents probably want to save her the heartache.
My family didn’t say anything about the man I chose to marry thinking I would rebel and marry him anyway. At the 1 year mark we had some problems and that’s when I heard about their concerns. We’ve been married 45 years!
@@theinspiredgardener6434 that is so rare now! 45 years is amazing! But the marriages now are so fragile unfortunately. I can see why parents are worried. It is her decision ultimately.
Her parents sound like a couple of ultra stiffs. She sounds so mature, self aware and very happy in the relationship. John is so right...those skill sets will set him up for a very bright future and he's obviously not a slacker.
Went through this with my husband. They hayed him because he wasnt making money, he was taking care of his paralyzed mom (24/7) job. My parents met him once and said hes not a man and a loser. I escaped my house (i was being abused) after knowing him for 8 months 😂 we just celebrated 8 years together and i cut my parents off 3 years ago.
@@freezingmoon5415 my mom made me get naked for my brother and dad to look at me, they texted me every day and called me trash and my mom laughed hysterically when i totaled my car and could have died because *i deserve it* told my husband to sleep with 1 eye open because im a murderer, then defended they guy who threatened to kill me at my dads business he ran. There was video evidence with the knife too and i was forced to keep working there afraid for my life. As well as my mom putting her hands down my pants under the underwear touching my genetalia and making comments about my vagina. My mom forcing me to take my shirt off and forcing my dad to look at mt body because i was gaining weight. Calling me a slut when i was 12 after being brainwashed by a 31 year old man. After all that i still tried having them in my life for 6 more years but after the last time i cried i realized they never loved me so i cut them off. They havent even tried to contact me or even come over, they live 10 minutes away. Just because someone raised you doesnt mean you need to put up with abuse or even forgive what they have done to you. Youre jus5 lucky to have good parents. Hope you wake up to the real world soon, hope you see this comment
@@RubyLine Bruh, they are your parents who brought you in this world & raised you from birth. You should go away from your parents if u feel bad but not cut ties permanently.
@@freezingmoon5415 So let me summarise it, parents CHOOSE to give birth to children, a lot do the bare minimum of parenting, then hold it against their children's as an argument when the children later tries to ask them about the physical/mental/emotional abuse and neglect they put their children through. And even without mentioning it, most still treat their adult children the same way they treated them as children, which can include triangulation, manipulation, belittling, gaslighting, dismissing, constant blaming, shaming, criticising, scapegoating them, devaluing them, disrespecting their opinions/choices, expecting them to cater to their (parents) needs and make them the priority when they never did for their children, using private informations about their children as an exchange money for other informations, etc. Going away from narcissistic, entitled, covert narc, selfish, abusive and/or immature parents won't make them change. Seems like you didn't have to deal with any of it, but when you have gone through it, cutting ties is the last solution. I don't have to suffer to make them happy, I'm not responsible of them.
I get that her parents are just looking out for her, but to want to cut her off is too far. Not only that, from what she described he sounds like a decent person. She should just go with what her heart tells her.
Oh, I have a good story to share here. I knew of a someone whos daughter got engaged many years ago. The fella went to propose to the girl at her momma's house. Sweet and lovely, but the mother said to the future son-in-law "only 1 carat, you could have done better." So the next day he flew back to wherever he was from and broke the engagement. The young lady married many years later when she was in her early 40s, did not have kids and later divorced. I know parents mean well, but if it is me I would not want to make a decision for my grown child, and when things turn bad to have my child to come back and tell me it is all my fault that I ruined their life. However the parents have their right to express their concerns and they should be taken seriously, but ultimately the caller has to make her own decision because she will live with the consequences. If the eccentric job is concern, I think being straight with the fella and ask him if he can do something part-time that is more conventional and would make the parents at peace would show how serious he is about being married.
My father (mother deceased) didn't approve of my marriage. I wish I had listened. I went through 25 years of beatings, being put in insane asylums and being lied about. Forty four years later I'm still suffering from ptsd and wishing I'd been smart enough to tell someone so my children and I could have gotten help.
The first mistake you made was him asking permission to marry you. I understand the gesture but what that did in essence was invite them into your relationship. They feel they have the right to tell you what to do when they really don't.
Both of my boys sought permission from their wive's parents. It is respectful and starts the relationship off on the right foot. It did not create any entitlement in the girls' parents but rather a mutual love and respect, which continues on into the years. That's why this tradition has passed the test of time and is still practiced.
My husband did not and I would have been insulted if he did , but I was shocked to know that my father did not ask my grandfather. That would have been in 1950 !
What you want in a person at 20 or 25 is not what you want in your 30's or 40's. I think when you are young, you can't see around the corner. You realize that health insurance and a home, and a bank account for emergencies are a must. If you have kids, it gets even more important. So I have to ask, does a juggler have the capacity with his income to achieve any of this? Love is great, until you need more, then you start to see the red flags.
Thats ridiculous. Who you want to marry is your best friend. Then no matter what happens you’re there for each other. Marriage is a partnership not a wishlist.
I make less than him and have a home, emergency fund, and health insurance. I honestly have some envy towards someone who gets to go work on their passion. This is awesome and isn’t something to frown upon.
A friend of mine from college is a "Jesus Juggler" and he actually does really well. Got on Penn and Teller's "Fool Us" and makes a great living for his wife and three kids. May not be the rule, but the exception, but, it's not an in-valid career.
No one knows you better than your parents. They know your personality, character and want whats best. Often people on the outside can see what you can't on the inside. Its definitely your choice, but seek your parents blessing and value their opinion and perspective. I wished my parents would have voiced their concerns and opinions prior to my marriage. Im divorced now, but they always knew he wasnt best for me.
Actually I think parents tend to be pretty ignorant of their children's true nature and biased in their favor as well, despite them wanting to believe that they know their kids.
If they had said something, would you have listened? I told my daughter’s best friend that I think she’s too young (my daughter),to marry her boyfriend, she’s 22 and he’s 31 and been together three years. He asked for our blessing. I said she makes her own decisions. Her best friend told her what I said and now she’s boiling mad with me. She said I will never think anyone is good enough. But it’s not just about him, I think she’s not mature enough. She sulks and is very defensive towards everyone and doesn’t want to hear any opinions although of course she’s got opinions on all of us which is normal. I wish I had said nothing to her friend now and kept my mouth shut, even though her friends think the same way as I do. Young people are convinced they know better. She says I am not treating her as an adult for having my opinion.
In the age of social media... Being a magician really isnt thay bad if he is really talented. I mean, there are some very well off magicians with popular channels and even netflix specials. Its about as laughable as being a podcaster so ..
The main focus was on his employment, and there were several “stories” told surrounding him being a magician, which were not confirmed to be true. It feels like he has been hustling, for a guy in his early 20’s, making 50K/year. But there were several other concerns. John asked if anything rang true, and she said no. Yet she acknowledged that he was immature. How about him pushing her to make decisions she didn’t want to make? Did the parents make this up? I wish the parents’ other concerns were parsed out! I would love to have heard the parents examples they gave her, proving their points. It makes me feel that there were legit concerns. Plus both parents are on the same page about this guy. I absolutely disagree with cutting her off if she marries him. She gets to choose, be it right or wrong. If these parents are loving, prudent, decent ppl, then I 100% trust their opinion.
After years of paying the bills and realizing that this man is not going to be able to provide for her and their family in the future, she's gonna wish she had listened to her parents, but it'll be too late. What a mess.
Growing up there was a magician with a message who'd come to our church periodically. Here's the key, I asked my grandfather as I got older, how would that pay? This man was a bookkeeper for the then existing 🎪 that traveled, so he had a stable salaried job, and did the Jesus juggling on the side, and in retirement fulltime. So meeting a young man like Lily is, I'd want to know what his back up skills are and how he will be supporting the family when this gig slumps.
Until they need a place to stay and end up living in the basement...which sounds like their primary concern. And it is valid. I would rather be honest with my kids up front and have a serious conversation. One of the two of them should have some sort of stable career, and they don't. He's a magician and she "does lots of little things...." One of these days she's going to need health insurance and a retirement plan- and she's not going to get from either of those paths more than likely. Not saying they couldn't make it something bigger, they could, but it's going to take a lot of work. That's the conversation they need to have. But at the end of the day, it is her choice. And I would support my kids. But I wouldn't be an ostrich and pretend like this all sounds like a great idea.
This girl sounds awesome. Lucky guy to have found her. Sorry that her parents are so focused on their own anxiety that they cannot see her happiness, and cannot be objective for her future.
I was with the Renaissance Festival crowd and people had very bad views about the people in those non-traditional talents. You have to be very smart and savvy business oriented to be successful, and people don't realize it. I lasted only four years because I didn't have the business savvy/background. I couldn't maintain my stock nor the funds to farm out production. The entertainers have to be crowd/general public savvy...and business savvy to negotiate their contracts to even get into the various festivals and other gigs. It's NOT a slackers life.
One of my questions is, how much has he earned in the last two years? Has he been able to support himself or do parents or others need to support him? Is he willing to get a job and hold a job? Is he able to be helpful doing chores, laundry and cooking? Is he respectful and kind to her? The person has to hold up their end of the relationship including his share of the finances. It can't fall on her to provide that.
I disagree with this. If they were just worried about their reputation they never would have given their blessing in the first place. If your family says that somebody is freeloading off you, it is time to listen.
@@gbear34you can absolutely be lazy and irresponsible making $50K a year. Maybe he only works 3 days week. Maybe he sits on the couch all weekend while the weeds are overgrown in the lawn. Or maybe none of those things - we don’t know
@@TonyCox1351if he's making $50K working three days a week that means he can stay home with the kids if they decide to have them. If she's only making $45K working five days a week, maybe she's working hard instead of working smart, or in other words, maybe she's mentally lazy
@@RepentImmediately no, if he is only working 3 days a week then he needs to get off his ass and find a full time job. We’d all love to stay home with ours kids but a man’s job is to have a career and support their family. Women take time off to raise the children so they have to work harder not smarter, she probably doesnt have the same level of job tenure and experience to warrant more than $45K. What do you suggest she do to make more money? Your daddy should have taught you this it’s basic stuff
Some of Dr. Deloney's comments seemed off. Why did he assume caller's parents are part of country club crowd with social standing to protect? More likely, they are concerned that 50% of marriages end in divorce especially due to financial problems. Both caller & her fiancé have precarious careers; is it a crime that her parents would like for one of them to have a stable job/career? Maybe parents have their own financial and/or medical situations that will preclude them from being able to help a divorced daughter with child in tow. Suggestion: have both parents spend a full weekend with juggler to see all the PREPARATION he must do to get ready for a show, then they can't claim he is lazy.
I have a friend in a different culture. She said before they could marry she had to spend one full week living with his parents and at the same time he had to spend the week at her parents house. She asked if we had this custom here. !! I said no, but it would be a good one.
Life is for living and we learn from our mistakes and successes. She needs to take a moment (like everyone should when considering marriage) and weigh all the comments and ultimately make her own decision. If it turns out well, enjoy the success. If it turns out not so good, you will learn from it and move on. I love men who make me laugh and always have. They were all immature and they brought out the child in me and were loads of fun. But now that I'm 66 and looking back, I would not recommend marrying men who are immature. It can be very disappointing. But it's fun! Fun doesn't pay the bills. Fun isn't stable ground to build a life upon.
I think he sounds very enterprising and fun! She needs to make her own decisions and live her own life. sounds like they are both able to support themselves. Caller is an adult and fully capable of marrying the man she loves. These days no job is guaranteed for life.
So…… It would be VERY important for her to pay attention to ANYTHING that bothers her NOW before getting married. I had similar parent reaction from parents on my first marriage. There were red flags I wasn’t objective enough to see. I had a very loving, forgiving heart to flaws. Now, my parents did the cutting off business, and it backfired. I married the guy. It ended up being a nightmare for me down the road with him. Just be cautious and sort through ALL of it before deciding to marry. Think about all the pros and cons. Decide what you can put up with. Things that irritate or bother you get magnified in marriage. Stay engaged for awhile and just keep your eyes and ears open.
Yes, you and I are two of the few people commenting that maybe the parents are right. I would not want my daughter marrying someone without a clear, stable, career track and livable wage. I see trouble ahead. She talks like she is madly in love and cannot see his flaws.
Agree with you both. Hope she takes her time and doesn't rush kids, especially since he's mooching off her (her words). She's still maturing, but in wedding mode and oh he's sweet to me, i love him.. I've seen it before.. I'm with the parents.
Same..... she needs to have a realistic conversation about where she sees herself in 5-10 years. It's all hehe and haha now, but eventually she will need a steady means of putting food on the table. Especially if they have kids. If I were Dad, I would sit them both down and tell them exactly that.
Being a juggler/magician is his MINISTRY!!! Would the parents still object is he were behind a pulpit delivering a sermon??? Or would they be proud of his career???
My Dad told me 6 months before my wedding that I could back out if I changed my mind. I asked if he had concerns and he said, “ well, he doesn’t seem very ambitious.” I didn’t even stop to think about what he said. He was so right. My ex was often unemployed and didn’t work very hard at all at finding a new job. My Dad was so right. After I divorced him 25 years later - it took me too long to throw in the towel. After the divorce he shared concerns about how my ex treated me. He was right again. Once I married him my parents never interfered or criticized our marriage. They treated him very well despite how upset they were when they saw the dynamics. They were right.
I really doubt her parents are going to happy no matter who she marries. I don't think I'd want my hypothetical daughter to marry a Jesus Juggler but if she found a Nobel Laureate they'd find some reason to hate him.
Yep. My former in-laws found everything wrong with me. No matter what I did. We made it 26 years before their disapproval wore my husband down. Well.. he remarried and is still not up to their standards. Guess who they like now? Guess who they wish he was married to now? It doesn’t matter. His parents hated every spouse that came into the family because it’s about control.
This guy is making $50k in his first year. He sounds like a hard worker. Together, they are making close to $100k. Her parents don’t know the whole picture since they are calling him lazy. She is part of the problem with her lack of communication with her parents with respect to how hard this guy is working. He should be one that runs for the hills because he will have to deal with difficult in-laws for the rest of his life.
Could not agree more... could you imagine working extremely hard, possibly have no time to yourself and then in some holidays like Christmas you might have to spend time with people that disrespect you... no thanks
He likely does what we all do at night and on weekends. Sleep, clean his house, run errands, etc. Also if he has his own small business he likely has a lot of the business end to do during those hours.
Those are horrible parents. There is nothing my kid would do that would make me throw them out of my life. I might set boundaries but I would never tell that kid they weren’t part of my life.
I would have suggested the guy continue his magic gig as a side hustle while maintaining a more mainstream job. At such time as the magic biz balance sheet significantly outweighs, he could go full time. I agree with the parents on this one. I have a part time biz as a musician btw. Keeps that passion alive, but I pay the bills from my day job.
Can he pay the rent?! What if you wanted to have a baby? Who is going to provide benefits and plan for retirement? Let’s be practical… Don’t marry a clown…
Dr. Deloney sometimes gets so fired up against parents when it comes to engagements and marriage questions. This honestly sounded like parents werent anticipating that their relationship was that serious, they were happy for them initially, but then they had time to really think about it. Once they did point out their concerns, now she says even she cant stop noticing it. She was in the everything is so great phase, and now her eyes were opened to the fact she may have been looking past some major flaws. I also feel like their income amounts were more guesswork than fact...meanwhile, Dr. Deloney is talking about how selfish they must be...hopefully their discussion helped her figure things out.
For every Jeff Dunham there are 10,000 starving comedians. We have heard that her guy is "lazy"; I bet Jeff Dunham busted his but to get where he is now.
Your partner is doing an awesome job Lily!!! If your parents are still not for the marriage even afterwards... Courthouse wedding!!! A simple dress, and him wear slacks. A few friends for witnesses. Everything will be just great in the end!! Good luck!!!
This sounds like my parents around my wedding.. my husband and I consulted our best friends (who are also the pastors of our church) and decided to go on with our wedding. We are now happily married, but I am living with resentment towards my parents because, frankly, they made my wedding day hell.. how do I deal with that?
Really seems like it'd be more about the magician thing and the sense of financial insecurity that would come with that role. The irony is that he's actually doing even better than her in terms of $$$, so I hope the parents would relent and accept him, since it sounds like he has a plan
11:20 she knew immediately about his numbers (he will make 50k per year, first year full time). He has costs he needs to deduct (more wear for the car, staying overnight, financing his own health plan - unless SHE can provide that once they are married). EDIT: she is an event manager, and has other small gigs and makes 45k per year, so they will not have employer provided healthcare Also: Both are used to hustling - however, once they have children it will become more problematic. On the plus side: they are used having to carve out their niche and to CREATE their job.
I really do feel for this young lady because my parents did the same thing, only they waited until we had been married for two years and had a baby together to say “it’s either him or us.” They should not have been at all shocked when I chose my partner…..but they were 🫣
She needs to know for herself. Parents won't be living with him. Don't make a decision as crucial as this based on other people's opinions. Next thing your 60 with regrets of not marrying a good man.
Does he have a back up plan? What happens when children come along and he doesn't have a job? I know about this, my hubby was a full-time pro musician in a band that was at the NY contract level. The contract fell through so he became a construction guy. We both worked until I retired and he is still doing construction with weekend gigs.
I'm 36 and trying to eek it out. But my girlfriend is still supportive - we both have been though a lot - we care more about each others company than we do each others assets. I love her to death for that reason and so many others. She's 8 years younger. And I wouldn't trade it for the world - I wouldn't trade her for the world
My advice, as a lesbian with homophobic parents I've had to come to terms with the fact that they'll never approve of who I choose to marry no matter how amazing of a woman they are. So since I've been a teenager, I've mentally established that I will marry who I love regardless of their approval because that's just the way it has to be. This is YOUR life. They got to marry who they choose and so do you. You deserve the dream love you want. You only have one life, so don't waste it. Edit: John's advice on this actually helped me a lot too since our situations are so similar (I'm not a magician but my parents definitely want to protect their reputation as well and dont want to tell others their daughter is gay). Which is great because I've wanted to call in but since they have a Christian angle I don't think I'd get through to John for help once I tell them my issue. If you read this, thank you caller for calling in!
I'm sorry to read this. I grew up/live in New Zealand. In the early 2000s, our parliament debated allowing civil unions for homosexual couples. I was a teenager then & it hurt to hear that society "hated" such an integral part of me. I can't imagine what that feels like when it's your own parents. In the last almost 20 years, the societal view is that anyone speaking against gay marriage etc. is negatively judged instead. I hope your parents critically review their thinking & come around to it.
Can he also provide insurance and retirement with this career to take care of her and fututre kids??? That matters as much as salary. I feel like shes not being fully honest if they were ok with him and now pulled out so dramatically. Hes been inappropriate? Bet its more than a joke or something.
For what it's worth, I'm on baby step 7, and I'm a LEGO animator. I'm sure my wife's parents were skeptical of me at first, but I proved I was a hustler, not just a goofball. You can have a good life with a nonconventional/silly skill set.
And as for immature humor, once you have a child, finding poop, farts, and vomit to be hilarious is a HUGE asset. Cause you're gonna get covered in all three. Best to be able to laugh when it happens.
That's the coolest job ever...😎☺️
@@aprilfox9205 Slightly cooler than Jesus Juggler
What an awesome job! 😊
50k first year self employed is impressive, regardless of the industry. Corporate, churches, schools, fairs/festivals, there's definitely a market for it. Not much competition either, like there is for musicians and actors. Given his first year, it seems reasonable that he could make at least 100k in a couple years. Go for it Lily, you are an eloquent and mature young lady. I have confidence in you both!
One of the benefits of having had parents who failed at literally dozens of relationships between the two of them is that their opinions on my relationships were totally irrelevant.
Same
Well put
My parents are still together but can’t stand each other. They’ve never actually gave me relationship advice. I didn’t understand why but now I realize, they probably don’t know themselves how to guide me because of their own relationship. I am actually thankful that they are humble enough to do that.
Yep. Never take someone’s advice, unless you want their results. Exception: when that person is willing to acknowledge their mistakes/shortcomings…and has seemed to have learned from them.
Few people seem to do so.
@@eatnplaytoday I imagine each blames the other for it the state of the relationship?
I am sorry , but you made me laugh . I love your attitude , well done .
As a happily married professional magician, laughing my head off and hoping for the very best for Lily!
Yes, but he is not a Jesus Juggler? Magician is fine, particularly if he can earn a living from it. But as a deadbeat that claims "ministry" made him do it? Just NO.
@@StrawberryFieldsNIR
That's just a path to monetize his act. There aren't many options for a magician outside of large cities. Plus he's probably a Christian himself. When did she say "ministry made him do it" or "Jesus called him to magicianhood?"
@@StrawberryFieldsNIR If you listen to the whole thing, he's really doing really well at it and makes more working than she does. Sounds like they are just fine financially speaking. I bet he's also a lot of fun to be around. It's her life, she should live it as she wants.
Go based on morals and values. Jobs come and go. My husband was NOT good on paper and I had to fight off friends and family to stay with him. Been together now 21 years, married 17. He’s my best friend. He makes enough now for me to be a SAHM. Don’t listen to other ppl, listen to your gut. It’s your life. You don’t want to live someone else’s decisions.
Partners come and go too
@@lilithowl Everything can come and go.
All the more reason to follow one's discernment.
❤ you just described my life, if you say you have three children that's it 😂
Sorry this guy sounds precious. Hes doing what he loves which is making kids happy and its working.
I’m a Balloon Artist and I know plenty of magicians, there’s more than enough money to be made in that space. My advice if you choose to marry him, don’t ever ever ever make him think you’re ashamed of his career. Be his biggest cheerleader. I can’t tell you how devastating it is to be with a spouse who thinks what you do is silly. Take him seriously and he will rise to meet your expectations
1000% As a wife I see how much my husband is encouraged when he knows how much I respect and admire him. Magicians and jugglers are seldom, if ever, unintelligent. It takes finesse, charisma, dedication, and wit. He can also transfer those skills, as well as his ability to build a business, into other ventures if that particular field dries up or grows old.
P.S. I have a friend who paid for college as a balloon artist.
Exactly. He is skilled enough to be an entertainer. He probably worked hard ti become good enough to do what he does.
If he is making a living and not relying on her work and money , then go for it especially if they have discussed future finances and children .
You can have standards you want for your kids without telling them their choices are all or nothing in return for their love and acceptance. That's just nuts to me.
Because it is nuts. It’s about control (and image/status) rather than love or concern for her.
I'd be furious at my parents to tell me how they "Really" feel about my boyfriend 2 years & now 2 months after our engagement ..
oh i'd pop off. fr fr .
@PHlophe at your parents? Not very honorable nor mature.
Maybe it was a situation where they didn't mind him at first, but the immaturity and skill set are finally wearing on them. If this were my daughter, I'd be nervous for her too. I would probably have a long talk with the two of them together- nothing mean. Just asking about their life goals. Where do they see themselves in 5 years and such.
He's only been full-time in the last year. When it was a side job, they were okay. He probably had a dependable 9-5. He apparently quit that job. My guess is that's what changed the parents' thinking.
"Is he a magician?"
"HE IS. How fid you know?"
🤣 Oh, boy....
I am glad that John brought up "a business plan" Couples who are madly in love with each other still get hungry and need a place to live. So do their kids. Parents tend to focus on this aspect more than the "madly in love" part.
@Michael Jones-rn2pq: Thank you for saying this. Being led by passions is great when it’s life sustaining. I didn’t view it as the parents being too controlling they sound like big picture thinkers. Does the magic industry have seasonal times of highs and lows? If so that means their daughter may have to carry the load and that’s without having kids. Plus she ultimately may have to rely on them financially when this happens and no parent wants their child marrying a liability when it can ultimately cost them as well. It’s more than just “it’s her life” it can affect them too. We can’t be so passion filled that we lose sight of practicality.
If he makes 50k a year then I don't think he's lazy just because he has an unconventional job Oftentimes parents project their own insecurities onto their children Just because he's not a doctor/lawyer/architect doesn't mean he's lazy Doing something you love and getting paid for it takes courage He's a keeper
That and everyone starts somewhere. It takes time to get a career going
@@abigailloar956facts
@@abigailloar956that it does! My husband took about 10 years to advance and makes over $100,000 now. She cannot expect at their age to have the high paying jobs, you earn it
The rents better be careful. As he further masters his craft he can make them vanish.
nice! hahaha
Hey Lily, I know you’re probably reading these comments… I was on the show too and read all the comments lol. Don’t let the comments sway you… focus on the advice you get from those that know you and him and your parents. I know it’s probably been about a month since you called and you’ve probably already had this whole thing play out a bit. I hope it’s going well for you. My in-laws didn’t want me to marry my wife, and I still asked her a week later. While that stirred the pot even more, I understand why they didn’t want me to… I was in music production full-time for 5 years… well, 8 years later I make a solid $90k/yr after a career change. Careers change, friends come and go, you’ll probably move out of state at some point, you may have a baby at some point, but what matters is that you two dream up (with a plan) a life together and work together. You sound level and like you have a good head on your shoulders! Hope it’s working out in a way that will be a blessing in your life.
Main thing is what is his moral character like
But he needs to be able to support a family when the wife is home pregnant and raising toddlers. That is just a probable scenario
@PS_00700explain?
Listen to the comments. Getting divorced for a real man will be messy. Throw it at a guy who works an actual job.
@@joeriveracomedyyou think you're secure because you work for someone else instead of working for yourself?
Unless the relationship is abusive marriage your love. People have their opinions but don’t get a vote. Stay strong
Dr. Delony being right on about the magician thing 🤯
Nothing wrong being a magician, look at Lance Burton and David Copperfield
😂
@@MrJimmy3459 yea but those guys are 1 of probably 100,000’s who failed. He should still keep doing it as s hobby, and if it gets big then he can make it his career, but he needs to get a real job in the meantime so he can take care of his family
Yep. My bet is that this guy was okay in their book as long as he had a “respectable” job.
But once he turned his side hustle into his main business? He was no longer “good enough” for their daughter…and their fragile egos.
Her parents sound pretty toxic.
@@Katie-sf7jt Not everyone wants to join corporate America, or take the safe route through life. The point is this guy has a strong work ethic and will likely be able to support a family no matter what he chooses to do…and everyone but her parents seem to understand that about him.
The parents are just mad because he doesn’t have a “high status” job (anymore).
12:00 Jon Deloney hit the nail on the head. Too many parents prioritize their own image over their kid’s happiness.
The partner may not be a Jesus Juggler forever, but hey, to make $50K and hustle it out and grind it out and sell it all is laudable. $50K isn't exactly anything to sneeze at at all, so making that in basically the entertainment industry is not easy. I say stay with him, he seems like a good guy. Professional juggler isn't normal exactly, but what the heck is normal on modern times? John is a TH-camr, others are DJs, some are CPAs, etc. If you can make a living and what you do is legal or not working in adult films or whatever who cares really?
My parents were hypercritical of my passion for music - they were Great Depression children and they would yell at me that I had to be practical practical practical! I loved violin, art, I was never supported and the school programs were not funded. I ended up in the Army, then with a business degree, now I am a new social worker with a dust covered violin under the bed that I still drag around all these decades. Never any time to play it.
My in-laws are so so critical and it’s so hard to get used to. It never stops and they have now 3 healthy happy grandchildren and it’s constant, can’t do anything right and I just give up. It’s exhausting and it’s sometimes so disrespectful and manipulative. You can’t let that in.
I can almost see both sides. She's questioning her own wisdom now... I think postponing the wedding to seek more clarity (from herself) would be a good start...
Even if my child chose someone inappropriate I would never cut them out of my life I would remain to support them when things go wrong parents are selfish and controlling thats not love😢
Seriously! I have 4 kids and would never disown them especially about their choice of a partner. It’s so manipulative to be honest.
Ikr. They acting like she’s marrying a guy that sells drugs or something. These parents these days are so toxic and ungrateful beings.
I didn’t hear them say they were going to cut their daughter out of their lives. They said they are revoking their approval of her choice in husband…They have serious concerns about her choice and this is their way of expressing it…Granted, John seems to be interpreting this way, too. He did not address their concern about him “using her for money.” That should have been explored.
😔very hard all around. Parents should have spoken up if they were really concerned instead of taking back their blessing.
I think they are brave to express second thoughts.
They are protecting their daughter, right thing to do.
Bingo! I called it when I said it’s a image thing. They don’t want to say his job out loud and that’s what’s sooooo sad about this world. People judge and compare based on what they do for a living rather than a persons character. Your job is not who a person is. It’s wild !!!
While the people in your life can have very valid perspectives, I also know parents in particular can experience a lot of fear in letting go of their babies, in wanting a "worthy" mate for their kids. Every person is flawed, there isn't a single person where you can't find something wrong with them.
My husband didn't get my parents' stamp of approval, and I definitely stressed hard for a while, even had a bit of anxiety in marriage that he was going to prove them right. And yet after 7 years, he has proven to be the coolest dad and a supportive husband, and we're still crazy about each other. If anything I've largely learned to allow him to just be and realized I have my own problem behaviors to address.
Take note of what's true, think through what's appropriate from your end if he is, for example, immature in some ways. You may find that there are a select number of things that are worthy of setting a boundary, plenty will need communication of your desires/expectations. But a huge amount of stuff will just require you to let go and have grace.
I am all for a family intervention when the parents have their kid's best interest at heart. An ultimatum however is way out of line. Also, can we please start trusting our (especially) daughters to be able to make informed and qualified decisions? You RAISED me! If you raised me right, I am able to think critically and assess a situation objectively.
My parents are the exact same way, why do they do this? I had a similar situation, except I ended the relationship. My mom complains that she doesn’t have grandkids. You can’t have your cake and eat it too…
My parents intervened some on my behalf as well, but they had good reasons and I don't regret listening to them either. I might not have had the family I'd always dreamed of, but I've met lots of different people, made friends and have had various jobs so my life has certainly been interesting.
My family doesn’t approve the guy I’m now with. They made all sort of judgments without wanting to get to know him personally. My dad tried to talk me out of being with him I told him straight up that I’m a mature woman so let me make my own decisions on who I choose to date. In the end if it doesn’t work out, oh well, let me learn from my mistakes. I choose to live my own life due to that I have not talked to my parents. It’s a sad situation that I have to choose one over the other but sometimes you have to do what best for you.
You choose to be with the person you suddenly met rather than the people who fed you, took care of u since childhood??
@@freezingmoon5415Leave and cleave, as the Bible says.
What these parents don't like is that juggling is probably not a permanent career choice and they can't see what comes next. They are looking to mitigate risk on behalf of their daughter, but marriage is an adventure and a growth opportunity for everyone involved. That's the point. It's nearly impossible to see where it will take you next! This guy's next business venture may end up putting her dad's career to shame for all they know.
As someone who has been under her parents thumb her WHOLE 50 YEAR LIFE. I say marry the guy and have the time of your life!
So sad. I have met so many early thirties women who think they need the parental vacation and downpayment and assume it goes away. Not imagining it can last until 50.
To me, once he gets a client list, that is half the battle. Churches have reoccurring events yearly.. vbs's, trunk or treats.. etc.
He could have the Jesus Juggler as an awesome side gig, but get a regular 9-5 for the benefits. He could make bank before they have kids.
He does sound a little lazy. He's doing a night and weekend gig as a full time job.
But of course maybe he's going to nursing homes and schools during the day?
Idk. It's not a great long-term plan with no upward mobility.
He's doing what he enjoys
The upward mobility comes when he opens his own entertainment agency.... entrepreneurs think differently than people who think working for someone else makes them secure.
@@RepentImmediatelyyou have to have the money to start your own business, otherwise it will fail. No one is trying to squash his dreams, but yeah if a daughter of mine came home with an actual clown for a potential spouse, I would seriously question how much of an adult he truly is.
@@RepentImmediatelyyup. Same old tired mindset. I'm a musician making 70k a year. It's possible
Where do you get that he is lazy?
Her parents certainly do have skin in the game. That's their daughter that they love. Who else would be better to speak honestly to her about their concerns?
I agree with you.
She could be blinded by her 'love' for the guy.
But why did they stay quiet about things until two months after the engagement? It should’ve been right when they got engaged if not before
Then they'd have a better reason than, "he's a magician." They just don't want to have to tell people that their son in law is a magician. F em.
They can offer an opinion, but it’s her life, not theirs.
If the parents would have just sat her down and expressed their concerns and asked her to think about it, is one thing, after all, she is of age, and is working. It's completely different thing to withdraw your blessing and present an ultimatum. That'hs all about controlling, like threatening to cut off your allowance if you don't clean your room.
Parents' opinions are important, but ultimately, what matters most is the relationship between you two and the trust you have in each other. Bringing joy to others is also a wonderful thing, and even if his career is a bit unconventional, it's more important how much he means to you. The way you are overcoming your emotions and anxiety to maintain the relationship is truly impressive. Applauding your courage and love!
50k on a 1099 with no benefits. I’ve been there and it’s tough.
I’d be interested to see what a couples therapist would say, should the couple undergo treatment. It’s always good to listen to other input, but to also discern your own needs and intuition at the end of the day. I would encourage this couple to seek therapy, so as to get an objective view of the dynamics and concerns, as well as their strengths.
I feel her parents. They just want the best for their child. She’s happy now because she’s in love and excited. She may not be seeing the red flags that they are seeing.
I don't even pretend to know what is right for someone else's life. I have a 30 year old and I let them make their own choices. This man isn't hurting anyone, and he's bringing in okay money (not mooching). It is none of their business.
@@debbielockhart7762exactly!
@@debbielockhart7762 i think her parents have the right to tell her what they think about him. Ultimately it is her decision. But won’t you rather someone brings up red flags before marriage than after? When i got married first, all my friends and family were so happy for me. Said the guy was wonderful for me blah blah blah. When i got divorced, they all said they knew it wouldn’t last because of the red flags they saw. I told them that they should have mentioned before I married him. They said I wouldn’t have listened because I was in love and blinded. Her parents probably want to save her the heartache.
My family didn’t say anything about the man I chose to marry thinking I would rebel and marry him anyway. At the 1 year mark we had some problems and that’s when I heard about their concerns. We’ve been married 45 years!
@@theinspiredgardener6434 that is so rare now! 45 years is amazing! But the marriages now are so fragile unfortunately. I can see why parents are worried. It is her decision ultimately.
Her parents sound like a couple of ultra stiffs. She sounds so mature, self aware and very happy in the relationship. John is so right...those skill sets will set him up for a very bright future and he's obviously not a slacker.
Went through this with my husband. They hayed him because he wasnt making money, he was taking care of his paralyzed mom (24/7) job. My parents met him once and said hes not a man and a loser. I escaped my house (i was being abused) after knowing him for 8 months 😂 we just celebrated 8 years together and i cut my parents off 3 years ago.
That's totally wrong to cut off ties with your parents. I know they're not right but cutting off with your parents?? They raised you from childhood.
@@freezingmoon5415 my mom made me get naked for my brother and dad to look at me, they texted me every day and called me trash and my mom laughed hysterically when i totaled my car and could have died because *i deserve it* told my husband to sleep with 1 eye open because im a murderer, then defended they guy who threatened to kill me at my dads business he ran. There was video evidence with the knife too and i was forced to keep working there afraid for my life. As well as my mom putting her hands down my pants under the underwear touching my genetalia and making comments about my vagina. My mom forcing me to take my shirt off and forcing my dad to look at mt body because i was gaining weight. Calling me a slut when i was 12 after being brainwashed by a 31 year old man. After all that i still tried having them in my life for 6 more years but after the last time i cried i realized they never loved me so i cut them off. They havent even tried to contact me or even come over, they live 10 minutes away. Just because someone raised you doesnt mean you need to put up with abuse or even forgive what they have done to you. Youre jus5 lucky to have good parents. Hope you wake up to the real world soon, hope you see this comment
@@freezingmoon5415 Cutting ties with abusive toxic people is bad ? Someone needs to wake up ....
@@RubyLine Bruh, they are your parents who brought you in this world & raised you from birth. You should go away from your parents if u feel bad but not cut ties permanently.
@@freezingmoon5415 So let me summarise it, parents CHOOSE to give birth to children, a lot do the bare minimum of parenting, then hold it against their children's as an argument when the children later tries to ask them about the physical/mental/emotional abuse and neglect they put their children through.
And even without mentioning it, most still treat their adult children the same way they treated them as children, which can include triangulation, manipulation, belittling, gaslighting, dismissing, constant blaming, shaming, criticising, scapegoating them, devaluing them, disrespecting their opinions/choices, expecting them to cater to their (parents) needs and make them the priority when they never did for their children, using private informations about their children as an exchange money for other informations, etc.
Going away from narcissistic, entitled, covert narc, selfish, abusive and/or immature parents won't make them change. Seems like you didn't have to deal with any of it, but when you have gone through it, cutting ties is the last solution. I don't have to suffer to make them happy, I'm not responsible of them.
Im 69 year old woman and I can make crass jokes sometimes that my sons think are over the top. 😂. But it depends on audience of course.
I get that her parents are just looking out for her, but to want to cut her off is too far. Not only that, from what she described he sounds like a decent person. She should just go with what her heart tells her.
Oh, I have a good story to share here. I knew of a someone whos daughter got engaged many years ago. The fella went to propose to the girl at her momma's house. Sweet and lovely, but the mother said to the future son-in-law "only 1 carat, you could have done better." So the next day he flew back to wherever he was from and broke the engagement. The young lady married many years later when she was in her early 40s, did not have kids and later divorced. I know parents mean well, but if it is me I would not want to make a decision for my grown child, and when things turn bad to have my child to come back and tell me it is all my fault that I ruined their life. However the parents have their right to express their concerns and they should be taken seriously, but ultimately the caller has to make her own decision because she will live with the consequences. If the eccentric job is concern, I think being straight with the fella and ask him if he can do something part-time that is more conventional and would make the parents at peace would show how serious he is about being married.
My father (mother deceased) didn't approve of my marriage. I wish I had listened. I went through 25 years of beatings, being put in insane asylums and being lied about. Forty four years later I'm still suffering from ptsd and wishing I'd been smart enough to tell someone so my children and I could have gotten help.
The first mistake you made was him asking permission to marry you. I understand the gesture but what that did in essence was invite them into your relationship. They feel they have the right to tell you what to do when they really don't.
That part. The gesture is dated and silly.
Both of my boys sought permission from their wive's parents. It is respectful and starts the relationship off on the right foot. It did not create any entitlement in the girls' parents but rather a mutual love and respect, which continues on into the years. That's why this tradition has passed the test of time and is still practiced.
It’s also one sided. I’ve never heard of a woman asking her boyfriend’s parents for permission to marry him.
My husband did not and I would have been insulted if he did , but I was shocked to know that my father did not ask my grandfather. That would have been in 1950 !
What you want in a person at 20 or 25 is not what you want in your 30's or 40's. I think when you are young, you can't see around the corner. You realize that health insurance and a home, and a bank account for emergencies are a must. If you have kids, it gets even more important. So I have to ask, does a juggler have the capacity with his income to achieve any of this? Love is great, until you need more, then you start to see the red flags.
Ok but careers can change and she may also supply a good income.
Most event entertainers like this make well over $100/hr. The money is there if he’s willing to work
Thats ridiculous. Who you want to marry is your best friend. Then no matter what happens you’re there for each other. Marriage is a partnership not a wishlist.
I make less than him and have a home, emergency fund, and health insurance. I honestly have some envy towards someone who gets to go work on their passion. This is awesome and isn’t something to frown upon.
She makes less than he does....does SHE have a home and an emergency fund?
A friend of mine from college is a "Jesus Juggler" and he actually does really well. Got on Penn and Teller's "Fool Us" and makes a great living for his wife and three kids. May not be the rule, but the exception, but, it's not an in-valid career.
No one knows you better than your parents. They know your personality, character and want whats best. Often people on the outside can see what you can't on the inside. Its definitely your choice, but seek your parents blessing and value their opinion and perspective. I wished my parents would have voiced their concerns and opinions prior to my marriage. Im divorced now, but they always knew he wasnt best for me.
yup , THIS. There are too many men out there looking for a woman to help them up financially.
Actually I think parents tend to be pretty ignorant of their children's true nature and biased in their favor as well, despite them wanting to believe that they know their kids.
No parent knows their child 100%. I make sure my parents knew nothing about me
If they had said something, would you have listened? I told my daughter’s best friend that I think she’s too young (my daughter),to marry her boyfriend, she’s 22 and he’s 31 and been together three years. He asked for our blessing. I said she makes her own decisions. Her best friend told her what I said and now she’s boiling mad with me. She said I will never think anyone is good enough. But it’s not just about him, I think she’s not mature enough. She sulks and is very defensive towards everyone and doesn’t want to hear any opinions although of course she’s got opinions on all of us which is normal. I wish I had said nothing to her friend now and kept my mouth shut, even though her friends think the same way as I do. Young people are convinced they know better. She says I am not treating her as an adult for having my opinion.
Mighty bold of them to make enemies with a wizard.
In the age of social media... Being a magician really isnt thay bad if he is really talented. I mean, there are some very well off magicians with popular channels and even netflix specials. Its about as laughable as being a podcaster so ..
That and if that is the ministry he has been called to by the Lord then nits gonna be fine...not always easy BUT in the Lord's hands
This poor finance. She needs to stand on her own two feet without her parents.
The main focus was on his employment, and there were several “stories” told surrounding him being a magician, which were not confirmed to be true. It feels like he has been hustling, for a guy in his early 20’s, making 50K/year. But there were several other concerns. John asked if anything rang true, and she said no. Yet she acknowledged that he was immature. How about him pushing her to make decisions she didn’t want to make? Did the parents make this up? I wish the parents’ other concerns were parsed out! I would love to have heard the parents examples they gave her, proving their points. It makes me feel that there were legit concerns. Plus both parents are on the same page about this guy. I absolutely disagree with cutting her off if she marries him. She gets to choose, be it right or wrong. If these parents are loving, prudent, decent ppl, then I 100% trust their opinion.
After years of paying the bills and realizing that this man is not going to be able to provide for her and their family in the future, she's gonna wish she had listened to her parents, but it'll be too late. What a mess.
Really? Choosing based on income in middle of nowhere Pennsylvania is the key to happiness?
@@JudePi-jx7yo The number one reason for most divorces are due to financial issues so use your brain and you decide
Growing up there was a magician with a message who'd come to our church periodically. Here's the key, I asked my grandfather as I got older, how would that pay? This man was a bookkeeper for the then existing 🎪 that traveled, so he had a stable salaried job, and did the Jesus juggling on the side, and in retirement fulltime. So meeting a young man like Lily is, I'd want to know what his back up skills are and how he will be supporting the family when this gig slumps.
You are soooo right.
@@JudePi-jx7yo
Income matters.
Do what you want. Your parents will fall in line.. or they wont. Its on them.
Until they need a place to stay and end up living in the basement...which sounds like their primary concern. And it is valid. I would rather be honest with my kids up front and have a serious conversation. One of the two of them should have some sort of stable career, and they don't. He's a magician and she "does lots of little things...." One of these days she's going to need health insurance and a retirement plan- and she's not going to get from either of those paths more than likely. Not saying they couldn't make it something bigger, they could, but it's going to take a lot of work. That's the conversation they need to have. But at the end of the day, it is her choice. And I would support my kids. But I wouldn't be an ostrich and pretend like this all sounds like a great idea.
This girl sounds awesome. Lucky guy to have found her. Sorry that her parents are so focused on their own anxiety that they cannot see her happiness, and cannot be objective for her future.
LEARN from my mother: When in doubt, don't.
That's a great, short, rule, and can be applied to many situations.
I was with the Renaissance Festival crowd and people had very bad views about the people in those non-traditional talents. You have to be very smart and savvy business oriented to be successful, and people don't realize it. I lasted only four years because I didn't have the business savvy/background. I couldn't maintain my stock nor the funds to farm out production. The entertainers have to be crowd/general public savvy...and business savvy to negotiate their contracts to even get into the various festivals and other gigs. It's NOT a slackers life.
One of my questions is, how much has he earned in the last two years? Has he been able to support himself or do parents or others need to support him? Is he willing to get a job and hold a job? Is he able to be helpful doing chores, laundry and cooking? Is he respectful and kind to her? The person has to hold up their end of the relationship including his share of the finances. It can't fall on her to provide that.
We heard very little about what you mention and I am skeptical about this marriage being a success.
I disagree with this. If they were just worried about their reputation they never would have given their blessing in the first place. If your family says that somebody is freeloading off you, it is time to listen.
100%
Is he lazy and irresponsible? I’m not sure she gave enough information. 😅
She said he makes $50k a yr as a self-employed person. He's not lazy or irresponsible.
@@gbear34you can absolutely be lazy and irresponsible making $50K a year. Maybe he only works 3 days week. Maybe he sits on the couch all weekend while the weeds are overgrown in the lawn. Or maybe none of those things - we don’t know
@@TonyCox1351if he's making $50K working three days a week that means he can stay home with the kids if they decide to have them. If she's only making $45K working five days a week, maybe she's working hard instead of working smart, or in other words, maybe she's mentally lazy
@@RepentImmediately no, if he is only working 3 days a week then he needs to get off his ass and find a full time job. We’d all love to stay home with ours kids but a man’s job is to have a career and support their family. Women take time off to raise the children so they have to work harder not smarter, she probably doesnt have the same level of job tenure and experience to warrant more than $45K. What do you suggest she do to make more money? Your daddy should have taught you this it’s basic stuff
Correct. And we did not hear the parents' concerns directly from them. It is only her interpretation of their concerns that we heard on the call.
Some of Dr. Deloney's comments seemed off. Why did he assume caller's parents are part of country club crowd with social standing to protect? More likely, they are concerned that 50% of marriages end in divorce especially due to financial problems. Both caller & her fiancé have precarious careers; is it a crime that her parents would like for one of them to have a stable job/career? Maybe parents have their own financial and/or medical situations that will preclude them from being able to help a divorced daughter with child in tow. Suggestion: have both parents spend a full weekend with juggler to see all the PREPARATION he must do to get ready for a show, then they can't claim he is lazy.
I have a friend in a different culture. She said before they could marry she had to spend one full week living with his parents and at the same time he had to spend the week at her parents house. She asked if we had this custom here. !! I said no, but it would be a good one.
Life is for living and we learn from our mistakes and successes. She needs to take a moment (like everyone should when considering marriage) and weigh all the comments and ultimately make her own decision. If it turns out well, enjoy the success. If it turns out not so good, you will learn from it and move on. I love men who make me laugh and always have. They were all immature and they brought out the child in me and were loads of fun. But now that I'm 66 and looking back, I would not recommend marrying men who are immature. It can be very disappointing. But it's fun! Fun doesn't pay the bills. Fun isn't stable ground to build a life upon.
I think he sounds very enterprising and fun! She needs to make her own decisions and live her own life. sounds like they are both able to support themselves. Caller is an adult and fully capable of marrying the man she loves. These days no job is guaranteed for life.
I know an airline pilot that is the children’s minister at his church, he is a puppeteer. He’s been doing it for many years.
When he's not flying, which is the big difference.
@@elizabethblane201 😜
That's the missing piece, he has a fulltime benefitted job.
AIRLINE PILOT ........ I doubt Mom and Dad would have an issue with his career choice if he was and AIRLINE PILOT
“What is his career choice?” “Mafioso.” That’s what I was expecting to hear.
How her parents don't have skin in the game?? If she get pregnant.. things go south.. where u think she going to go?? Rent food ..not free...
Exactly!!
This!!!
Yea!!!!
Is she broke?
And she's their daughter, to begin with: they don't want her to get hurt.
So……
It would be VERY important for her to pay attention to ANYTHING that bothers her NOW before getting married.
I had similar parent reaction from parents on my first marriage. There were red flags I wasn’t objective enough to see. I had a very loving, forgiving heart to flaws. Now, my parents did the cutting off business, and it backfired. I married the guy. It ended up being a nightmare for me down the road with him. Just be cautious and sort through ALL of it before deciding to marry. Think about all the pros and cons. Decide what you can put up with. Things that irritate or bother you get magnified in marriage. Stay engaged for awhile and just keep your eyes and ears open.
This caller’s parents seem controlling. This young lady needs to stand up to them and do what’s best for her.
2 minutes in and i was like , “The parents is right. If she’s smart she would see it.”
Yes, you and I are two of the few people commenting that maybe the parents are right. I would not want my daughter marrying someone without a clear, stable, career track and livable wage. I see trouble ahead. She talks like she is madly in love and cannot see his flaws.
Agree with you both. Hope she takes her time and doesn't rush kids, especially since he's mooching off her (her words). She's still maturing, but in wedding mode and oh he's sweet to me, i love him..
I've seen it before.. I'm with the parents.
Same..... she needs to have a realistic conversation about where she sees herself in 5-10 years. It's all hehe and haha now, but eventually she will need a steady means of putting food on the table. Especially if they have kids. If I were Dad, I would sit them both down and tell them exactly that.
Idk you may want to consider what your parents are saying. It’s her choice but sometimes we don’t always see things clear when we are in it.
Being a juggler/magician is his MINISTRY!!! Would the parents still object is he were behind a pulpit delivering a sermon??? Or would they be proud of his career???
They're not comparable. Entertainment has nothing to do with the gospel.
My Dad told me 6 months before my wedding that I could back out if I changed my mind. I asked if he had concerns and he said, “ well, he doesn’t seem very ambitious.” I didn’t even stop to think about what he said. He was so right. My ex was often unemployed and didn’t work very hard at all at finding a new job. My Dad was so right. After I divorced him 25 years later - it took me too long to throw in the towel.
After the divorce he shared concerns about how my ex treated me. He was right again. Once I married him my parents never interfered or criticized our marriage. They treated him very well despite how upset they were when they saw the dynamics. They were right.
I really doubt her parents are going to happy no matter who she marries. I don't think I'd want my hypothetical daughter to marry a Jesus Juggler but if she found a Nobel Laureate they'd find some reason to hate him.
Yep. My former in-laws found everything wrong with me. No matter what I did. We made it 26 years before their disapproval wore my husband down. Well.. he remarried and is still not up to their standards. Guess who they like now? Guess who they wish he was married to now? It doesn’t matter. His parents hated every spouse that came into the family because it’s about control.
This guy is making $50k in his first year. He sounds like a hard worker. Together, they are making close to $100k. Her parents don’t know the whole picture since they are calling him lazy. She is part of the problem with her lack of communication with her parents with respect to how hard this guy is working. He should be one that runs for the hills because he will have to deal with difficult in-laws for the rest of his life.
Could not agree more... could you imagine working extremely hard, possibly have no time to yourself and then in some holidays like Christmas you might have to spend time with people that disrespect you... no thanks
Usually a magician/clown/juggler gigs are on weekends and they don’t get gigs every week, so what does her fiancé do during the week?
He likely does what we all do at night and on weekends. Sleep, clean his house, run errands, etc. Also if he has his own small business he likely has a lot of the business end to do during those hours.
Those are horrible parents. There is nothing my kid would do that would make me throw them out of my life. I might set boundaries but I would never tell that kid they weren’t part of my life.
I would have suggested the guy continue his magic gig as a side hustle while maintaining a more mainstream job. At such time as the magic biz balance sheet significantly outweighs, he could go full time. I agree with the parents on this one. I have a part time biz as a musician btw. Keeps that passion alive, but I pay the bills from my day job.
You can't triple stamp a double stamp!! LoL😂😂😂
Can he pay the rent?! What if you wanted to have a baby? Who is going to provide benefits and plan for retirement?
Let’s be practical…
Don’t marry a clown…
You don't think self-employed people plan for retirement? I'm self-employed, have excellent health insurance, and an IRA.
Dr. Deloney sometimes gets so fired up against parents when it comes to engagements and marriage questions. This honestly sounded like parents werent anticipating that their relationship was that serious, they were happy for them initially, but then they had time to really think about it. Once they did point out their concerns, now she says even she cant stop noticing it. She was in the everything is so great phase, and now her eyes were opened to the fact she may have been looking past some major flaws. I also feel like their income amounts were more guesswork than fact...meanwhile, Dr. Deloney is talking about how selfish they must be...hopefully their discussion helped her figure things out.
It's ok to express concerns, but the ultimatum is where it goes wrong. The only way I see that being OK is if the fiance is a criminal or addict.
Jeff Dunham spent years as a struggling entertainer. You never know where life can take you.
For every Jeff Dunham there are 10,000 starving comedians. We have heard that her guy is "lazy"; I bet Jeff Dunham busted his but to get where he is now.
Your partner is doing an awesome job Lily!!! If your parents are still not for the marriage even afterwards... Courthouse wedding!!! A simple dress, and him wear slacks. A few friends for witnesses. Everything will be just great in the end!! Good luck!!!
This sounds like my parents around my wedding.. my husband and I consulted our best friends (who are also the pastors of our church) and decided to go on with our wedding. We are now happily married, but I am living with resentment towards my parents because, frankly, they made my wedding day hell.. how do I deal with that?
Really seems like it'd be more about the magician thing and the sense of financial insecurity that would come with that role. The irony is that he's actually doing even better than her in terms of $$$, so I hope the parents would relent and accept him, since it sounds like he has a plan
It sounds like neither one of them have healthcare through their jobs which puts them at a disadvantage.
Delony forgot to ask why her parents changed their minds. What happened in those two months to make them retract their blessing?
He moved into their basement
Different but related: As a Christian, what if I am expected to give away my daughter to an atheist?
Don't allow it. He will destroy her. I'm in a similar situation. My father and I are always watching out for my sister.
You should check divorce rates among Evangelicals. Among the highest.
My mother was usually right because of her life experiences
11:20 she knew immediately about his numbers (he will make 50k per year, first year full time). He has costs he needs to deduct (more wear for the car, staying overnight, financing his own health plan - unless SHE can provide that once they are married). EDIT: she is an event manager, and has other small gigs and makes 45k per year, so they will not have employer provided healthcare
Also: Both are used to hustling - however, once they have children it will become more problematic. On the plus side: they are used having to carve out their niche and to CREATE their job.
I really do feel for this young lady because my parents did the same thing, only they waited until we had been married for two years and had a baby together to say “it’s either him or us.” They should not have been at all shocked when I chose my partner…..but they were 🫣
She needs to know for herself. Parents won't be living with him. Don't make a decision as crucial as this based on other people's opinions. Next thing your 60 with regrets of not marrying a good man.
Does he have a back up plan? What happens when children come along and he doesn't have a job? I know about this, my hubby was a full-time pro musician in a band that was at the NY contract level. The contract fell through so he became a construction guy. We both worked until I retired and he is still doing construction with weekend gigs.
Reminds me of Sk8ter Boi by Avril Lavigne. I have a feeling that man is gonna go far.
“is he a magician” 😭😭💀💀
I'm 36 and trying to eek it out. But my girlfriend is still supportive - we both have been though a lot - we care more about each others company than we do each others assets. I love her to death for that reason and so many others. She's 8 years younger. And I wouldn't trade it for the world - I wouldn't trade her for the world
John didn’t “make that up”, he thought of the biggest loser occupation possible and it just happened to be right… ouch.
Not loser if he can make a living.
I know a pastor of a large church who is a ventriloquist. Great skill for children's sermon.
My advice, as a lesbian with homophobic parents I've had to come to terms with the fact that they'll never approve of who I choose to marry no matter how amazing of a woman they are. So since I've been a teenager, I've mentally established that I will marry who I love regardless of their approval because that's just the way it has to be. This is YOUR life. They got to marry who they choose and so do you. You deserve the dream love you want. You only have one life, so don't waste it.
Edit: John's advice on this actually helped me a lot too since our situations are so similar (I'm not a magician but my parents definitely want to protect their reputation as well and dont want to tell others their daughter is gay). Which is great because I've wanted to call in but since they have a Christian angle I don't think I'd get through to John for help once I tell them my issue. If you read this, thank you caller for calling in!
Why do we need to know you're a lesbian?
I'm sorry to read this. I grew up/live in New Zealand. In the early 2000s, our parliament debated allowing civil unions for homosexual couples. I was a teenager then & it hurt to hear that society "hated" such an integral part of me. I can't imagine what that feels like when it's your own parents. In the last almost 20 years, the societal view is that anyone speaking against gay marriage etc. is negatively judged instead. I hope your parents critically review their thinking & come around to it.
Can he also provide insurance and retirement with this career to take care of her and fututre kids??? That matters as much as salary.
I feel like shes not being fully honest if they were ok with him and now pulled out so dramatically. Hes been inappropriate? Bet its more than a joke or something.
idc what Dr. D says he is great at his job
He definitely thought of the craziest unconventional career he could think of, and then he really is a magician I LOLed