This is so good. I love my in-laws but what they don't realize is that if they would have respected our small boundaries in the beginning, then they would have a much bigger part in our lives today.
We didnt have boundaries, extended family came and went unannounced and there were always two christmas, huge birthday parties and common vacations. In one way it was great and I do have wonderful memories but then I hit the wall and couldnt cope with the unannounced visits, multiple holydays etc anymore. Looking back it was a huge mistake not to set boundaries from start. Our boundaries are now; no unannounced visits (we almost never say no but we need the mental preparation before arrival from extended family). We celebrate Christmas and Eastern ourselves - its awesome we are 100% relaxed. We stopped the birthdayparties. No extended family when we go for vacation if both me and my husband go. But if exemple my husband goes to vacation with the kids he can bring extended family with him. But when we both go together its only our family. We do what we can to avoid mixing my and my husbands family. We were guilttripped after setting these boundaries, especially about Christmas and not allowiing unannounced visits. We wouldnt have been guilttripped if we had set the boundaries from start. I want my children to be happy and will encourage my children to have boundaries to me and my husband and not to do the same mistake.
My in-laws use money to control my marriage. My husband keeps receiving money from them as a “gift” and then expects us to just say yes to everything they want. My husband is 36 years old and she won’t let him go
Yes. If you are a healthy minded individual, you definitely want them to have a blessed and joyful marriage. The pastor made some really good points when he stated the couple is starting their own life and family. This is absolutely the way that it is supposed to be. Unfortunately, there are MANY people with the Jezebel spirit and religion spirit who will NOT hear, accept, or see any of this from that way. We plead the blood of Jesus over them from the crown of their head to the sole of their head to the crown of their feet in the mighty and matchless name of Jesus Christ of NAZARETH. The name above ALL names. AMEN. Yeah. Men tend to have a harder time with that to me than women at times. It is like the family can have a strong hold on them, and they feel guilty for breaking free.
Please pray for me and my family. I have battled against enmeshment from my in laws since the beginning of my marriage. With my children now getting older each day, I’m continuing to fight to keep boundaries against the generational curses my in laws have cultivated from entering my household. But they consistently try to manipulate my wife against me. I need God’s providence and protection.
I’m new here but I really love and appreciate you’re ministry and everything you’re willing to share with the world. Thanks for all you do! I’m learning a lot from you lately! Glory to God 🙏🏼
I ended up needing harder boundaries until eventually i had to do what Jacob did and cut off. It became dangerous, and for years i protected my parents image with my kids, but then it got so bad that they actually began to see them for themselves.
What if you have toxic family members and you and your wife have tried to talk to them about boundaries and all they do is get insulting and degrading and demeaning? My wife and I have both tried talking to my parents about boundaries and they just don't deal with it well at all and they get very aggressive and they have explosive tempers and they get very toxic and they say very insulting degrading and demeaning things. They even go as far as making derogatory comments about our marriage.
Exactly what the others have said. You’re not helpless here. You are the one in control of these things. You are the protector of your family. And if you don’t want them to have access, don’t give it to them, regardless of what they think about it.
I'm relatively new to this channel, but something about this (the general take of it) seems wrong. Family is everything. I have a nephew who's doing it right, better than the older gens did. He does not care. His wife might bring her sister's kids (a lot of them) over to spend ALL of Saturday at his house, playing with his kids. FINE. His wife is also fine if they attend multiple holiday (e.g. Thanksgiving) meals. They just GO. They love each other, they love their kids, they just soak up any/all family time and it seems SO HEALTHY and so rare. Their children (elem. school age) are the happiest kiddos ever, with so much family and ...not a lot of talk about 'boundaries'. Pick up your cross and carry it (and all). Just ease up and live, stop talking about your selfish 'boundaries'.
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This is so good. I love my in-laws but what they don't realize is that if they would have respected our small boundaries in the beginning, then they would have a much bigger part in our lives today.
100%!!!
Same here!
What kind of boundaries?
We didnt have boundaries, extended family came and went unannounced and there were always two christmas, huge birthday parties and common vacations. In one way it was great and I do have wonderful memories but then I hit the wall and couldnt cope with the unannounced visits, multiple holydays etc anymore. Looking back it was a huge mistake not to set boundaries from start. Our boundaries are now; no unannounced visits (we almost never say no but we need the mental preparation before arrival from extended family). We celebrate Christmas and Eastern ourselves - its awesome we are 100% relaxed. We stopped the birthdayparties. No extended family when we go for vacation if both me and my husband go. But if exemple my husband goes to vacation with the kids he can bring extended family with him. But when we both go together its only our family. We do what we can to avoid mixing my and my husbands family. We were guilttripped after setting these boundaries, especially about Christmas and not allowiing unannounced visits. We wouldnt have been guilttripped if we had set the boundaries from start. I want my children to be happy and will encourage my children to have boundaries to me and my husband and not to do the same mistake.
I like how she said," It's easier to pull back on boundaries that are already there."
I wish i would have seen this before i got married!!!
True
My in-laws use money to control my marriage. My husband keeps receiving money from them as a “gift” and then expects us to just say yes to everything they want. My husband is 36 years old and she won’t let him go
My husband is this!!!!! He’s also 37 . We’ve been married 16 years !!! We had to move away 800 mi away bc my husband is spineless.
Boundaries and learning how to communicate them in a loving way is one of the few keys to a successful family system.
Boundaries are crucial
Yes. If you are a healthy minded individual, you definitely want them to have a blessed and joyful marriage. The pastor made some really good points when he stated the couple is starting their own life and family. This is absolutely the way that it is supposed to be. Unfortunately, there are MANY people with the Jezebel spirit and religion spirit who will NOT hear, accept, or see any of this from that way. We plead the blood of Jesus over them from the crown of their head to the sole of their head to the crown of their feet in the mighty and matchless name of Jesus Christ of NAZARETH. The name above ALL names. AMEN. Yeah. Men tend to have a harder time with that to me than women at times. It is like the family can have a strong hold on them, and they feel guilty for breaking free.
Please pray for me and my family. I have battled against enmeshment from my in laws since the beginning of my marriage. With my children now getting older each day, I’m continuing to fight to keep boundaries against the generational curses my in laws have cultivated from entering my household. But they consistently try to manipulate my wife against me.
I need God’s providence and protection.
I’m new here but I really love and appreciate you’re ministry and everything you’re willing to share with the world. Thanks for all you do! I’m learning a lot from you lately! Glory to God 🙏🏼
I ended up needing harder boundaries until eventually i had to do what Jacob did and cut off. It became dangerous, and for years i protected my parents image with my kids, but then it got so bad that they actually began to see them for themselves.
New to Marks online church...thank you Jesus for this man of God...
What if you have toxic family members and you and your wife have tried to talk to them about boundaries and all they do is get insulting and degrading and demeaning? My wife and I have both tried talking to my parents about boundaries and they just don't deal with it well at all and they get very aggressive and they have explosive tempers and they get very toxic and they say very insulting degrading and demeaning things. They even go as far as making derogatory comments about our marriage.
Look up dr henry cloud. He has tons of advice on the topic of boundaries
Then your boundary is, they don’t have any access to you at all. What you described is abuse and you don’t need that anywhere near your marriage!
Then they see you less and less until they clean up their behavior and start respecting your wishes.
Exactly what the others have said. You’re not helpless here. You are the one in control of these things. You are the protector of your family. And if you don’t want them to have access, don’t give it to them, regardless of what they think about it.
I love this!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My prayer for my husband/I is to do this well when our children get married...I want honor and respect.
Thank you.
What about the opposite? Absent parents that only come around when it’s good for them with the expectation you will stop whenever that is…
Wisdom
How do you pray, when their intentions are to sabotage your marriage?
Need this in Spanish, please? Eleven Labs or similar for AI dubbing :)
😅😅😅no he didn’t say Kwanza!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I'm relatively new to this channel, but something about this (the general take of it) seems wrong. Family is everything. I have a nephew who's doing it right, better than the older gens did. He does not care. His wife might bring her sister's kids (a lot of them) over to spend ALL of Saturday at his house, playing with his kids. FINE. His wife is also fine if they attend multiple holiday (e.g. Thanksgiving) meals. They just GO. They love each other, they love their kids, they just soak up any/all family time and it seems SO HEALTHY and so rare. Their children (elem. school age) are the happiest kiddos ever, with so much family and ...not a lot of talk about 'boundaries'. Pick up your cross and carry it (and all). Just ease up and live, stop talking about your selfish 'boundaries'.
Couldn’t disagree with you more. Maybe that works for you. It doesn’t work for a majority of us.
I'm suggesting it might should "work for" us@@TravelT970 , if we'd be less selfish.
Boundaries aren’t selfish. Get a clue
Peace of Christ you have there,@@LP-tu8li . 🙄.
No boundaries killed my mental health giving my anxiety attacks and depression.