Struggling to Face What’s Really Going On? (Watch This!)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 19 ต.ค. 2024
- In this week’s episode, we hear about:
A husband wondering if his wife’s behavior has crossed the line
What defines an “appropriate” relationship between a therapist and client
A woman crippled by her past mistakes
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The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
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The role of the therapist is to make a person strong enough to function well in this world, but that lady therapist made her client fully dependent on her. The exact opposite of what she should do.
Great point! Learned helplessness 😢
The fact that she didn't catch herself clinging to this woman which proves Dr's point is mind blowing. She is so dependent that she can't even connect the dots of the ethical dilemma.
Terrible therapist ! Blurring boundaries! Therapist could lose their license !
Liked the example of the fitness therapist!
It sounds like Jodi Hildebrandt!!
"have her call the show, I'd love to talk to her" John is calling her outttt
I'd LOOOOVE to hear that call!!!!
Oh my God I can't wait for him to get on the show and he destroyed her and get her license rewarded and she'll be honest
I feel so bad for the lady from Vegas! Her therapist is so wrong. I hope she can find an ethical therapist. This therapist has broken this girl’s heart. Praying 🙏 she finds a good group of friends too.
I learn something from every show i listen to. Honestly
Me too!!! I have SO MANY questions and scenarios and issues I need answered from this man!!! I wish I could ask him all of them!!
Same !!🙂👋🏻 😼
41:46 I once was so excited to show my mom an A on a school assignment and she said “that’s good but it could be an A+”. I bet she doesn’t remember that moment but it’s one of my earliest memories
That's so terribly sad!!!!!! I'm so sorry!!! 😢
I ran away from school in the 2nd grade because I got a C on a math test on telling time . I still can’t tell time on a clock or watch and I’m 46. I was so scared of my mom’s disappointment; I ran by my sisters 4th grade class sobbing and whaling in fear. I made it to the bus ramp but I couldn’t see from snot and tears and I ran into a metal pole and knocked myself out instantly blacking both my eyes. My mom wasn’t even upset about the grade. We just got through it. I’d made all of that up in my head. Unfortunately I still react like that.
Yes my mother did that constantly. I had highest marks constantly of all the siblings, but their low marks were accepted, I got the same comment as you, " why not A+"? Didn't make me popular with siblings either.
Oh my God peacemaker means they suffer childhood abuse I must peacemaker so where can I find my child abuse
"I've got to get super the hell out of here" is going to be a new catchphrase for me lol
Love his wording in general
The” personal trainer” analogy is Spot On!!!👍👍👍
I preferred it to the sex worker comparison. It more has to do with accountability versus the paying issue.
Yes!!😮😼👏🏼👏🏼
I always feel like when something bad happens to me, that I deserve it, because of the wrong decisions I've made.
🥲🙏🏼❤️🩹 I hear you, and you're not that person anymore. Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Enjoy every moment forward of this temporary journey...seasons will change when you're able to let go and reach ahead instead of looking back 🤗
@@heartofhope ❤️❤️
I had a therapist that kept trying to compare her personal stories with mine. I told her I have never been able to trust anyone to have my back and she promised me she would be there for me forever. I called her a liar because she is being paid to be there. She assured me she will always be there. That was our last session because she got mad that I didn't share her religious beliefs. Talk about unethical. She abandoned me and was a liar.
You’re crazy. She’s not your slave. And nobody will be with you forever.
Charles stanley helped me meet and feel and understand God which kept me from dying for real I went to therapy for years as a kid and teenager I promise God is the best answer he heals everything I even think of went threw so much so I could help other people get better God bless everyone Charles stanley look him up
When a therapist overshares I have a red flag!!! 🚩
listen to the caller, she's DRUNK, it's prob her thinking things that aren't real.
I agree with @@rungeon83
He never clarified what kind of therapist this was. Life coach vs a licensed therapist?
@@joywebster2678 it shouldn’t matter
@nikstar1313 life coaches aren't licensed. Many do in public e circuses with clients, say going to a Starbucks together looking like friends to have the client try the ordering, and sit in the Cafe with support etc. I'd hever go to one, but they exist and don't have licenses to " report" that's my point, what's yours?
My therapist made that very clear. We are not friends!
Same here. I signed a form that stated the relationship clearly, that she would not speak to or acknowledge me at all in public and then she verbally made that clear me to as well before we started sessions. Can't beleive anyone would think anything otherwise could be ok...
@@strangeaslife 💯
When I first started therapy, I ran into my therapist. She didn't acknowledge me and I was hurt. When I talked to her about it at the next appointment, she explained to me why. It should be talked about on the first appointment.
My therapist doesn’t even talk to me when I’ve seen them in public unless I approach them and say hi. Professional/ confidential PERIOD!!!!
I had a few thoughts swirling around while John was engaged with Amy regarding the therapist. What is the therapist getting out of it, that is, what need is it filling for the therapist? Whatever it is, I doubt the friendship with Amy is the priority. If Amy decided to find another therapist but kept the old one as a friend, it wouldn't surprise me to hear that the therapist cut the friendship.
Yes-and still, the therapist needs to be reported to her licensing board!
I’ve had two therapists do this. One was a psychiatrist who came to my show with his wife and the other one also made friends with another one of her clients and she introduced us and also sly tried to set me up with her son. She also became one of my supervisors at school.
Took me a while to realize why I was so uncomfortable. And why I don’t go to therapy anymore.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. They both need to be reported to their respective board of ethics like yesterday.
I didn’t know if I should like or dislike your comment. That is so wrong!
My sister made “friends” with every therapist she ever had. She never made any progress in her sessions
Long ago I had a lovely therapist who held tight to ger privacy boundaries. At the time I was confused as she was evasive. We did great work together. I physically moved so had to leave. 20 yrs later I came across her Obituary. OMG! Only then did I understand her rigid privacy. Prior to my meeting her, her 10 yr old son died from cancer. Then a year after that her wonderful husband was murdered. Had I known her tragedies I could not have shared my divorce trauma, and struggles which as a empathetic person paled in comparison to her losses. She did it right.
In my experience, people who look for their therapists to be friends and partners and otherwise generally do so because those people tell them what they want to hear, make them “feel happy”, and not what they need to hear.
Likewise, they tend to avoid therapists that keep rigid boundaries and tell them what they need to hear, and don’t make any progress.
Change and growth is scary.
Yikes!!! That female therapist is a predator, and should be reported ASAP IMHO
Men, dont let your wife abuse you. Driving dangrously with you in the car is abuse. Abusive people rarely just realize they are doing harm and stop. Rarely do they listen to the victim and change. Get out. You deserve way better! Let your absense be what can teach them they messed up if they are even capable of making that connection.
If she's unethical as a therapist she's unethical as a person she's unethical as a friend.
The amount of tears that came to my eyes after hearing the last speaker ...
I needed to hear this. Thank you so much for giving her this wisdom because I needed it too.
EVERY episode I've listened to of John's has resonated with me on some level. The more I listen, the greater understanding I have of myself. John, you're deeply appreciated! Keep doing what you're doing!
My girlfriend therapist, she was going to many years ago I was talking to her and she mentioned how he is getting married to one of his ex client. I told her to leave too, because he’s very unethical. He actually started romantic relationship with one of his client.
I was afraid of doing trauma counciling. I finally decided I could no longer live in that pain and I took the leap. I was 21 and I spent 5 years 3 days a week. It was the best trip I took once I got through it. It was a hard road and I am so glad I did it.
If the first guy is so passive and avoids conflict, how are they having explosive arguments?
Well they will stone wall, walk away and the wife feels ignored(rightfully so), so she pushes and pushes and then he explodes. And then she feels reactive and explodes back.
He has two settings: ignore or explode. He's gotta split the difference.
@@blueseptember2174thank you so much for this explanation/description. You helped me recognize what’s going on with my own partner. I could never understand why he can’t simply sit down and discuss topics rationally like an adult.
@@blueseptember2174The explode one is so frustrating. People hurling playground & personal insults rather than address the issue is one of the few things that infuriates me. Communicate, negotiate compromise. Like adults.
He wants to have adult conversations to solve the problem. She will escalate, accuse and derail any possible productive talk. This results in hurt pain and more yelling
@@andrewjackson9948 Exactly. I find that so frustrating. I get that it's their poor communication strategy , but God, its hard to be around.
Oh my gosh the second caller i felt as if i was telling the story..wow. what great advice. I have the same issue and the history with my mom is the same... My life today is different cuz i still don't have a relationship cuz of trust issues but what she said about the not being able to forgive her past self , that is so me. ❤ Thank you for this. I really needed it.
Amazing communication, clarity and composure on this series. Way to go Dr. John.
My exact thought
Love the show, but John NEEDS to work on not interrupting his guests as it happens quite often.
Addressing the unethical therapist could've been done after the caller laid out her situation and asked her question, but constant interruptions are really frustrating to listen to much less to have happen to you.
The challenge is this isn’t therapy. This is a radio show with a time limit-so John has to help them get to the point asap. It’s really hard to do that.
He definitely got his point across…she’ll hear his…NOOOOO…when she starts rationalizing her therapist behavior and breach of the code of ethics as a therapist!
NOOOOOO….she’ll never forget it!!!
@@millie24tcchahahaha yeah, that works like an anchor
Dr. John, I also second on wanting people to be at peace. How lovely to live in a world where all coexist peacefully. I see that day in my mind ❤️ Sending love to all those who need it. We are all very much in this together.
Maybe Dr. D can look into the connection with many narcissistic people, who become therapists etc., to aways have that "supply" while also benefiting financially 😳🤔🥴 THEY ARE OUT THERE! 🤷♀️
I’ve experienced severe childhood trauma and been seeing my therapist for years. Although I could imagine her being my friend, she most definitely is not my friend. I am most fortunate with this situation.
I had to “break up” with my daughter’s therapist. There was no real care plan. It was over a year. All of her “issues” were resolved and had been for quite sometime. I told him we didn’t think there was a need for him anymore and he did a great job helping her. He told me it’s not good to take a kid out of their routine. I said therapy shouldn’t be part of a “routine. “ That’s not the goal. That was never our goal. His job is to help her learn coping skills to deal with life and then she moves on. I was flabbergasted by his attitude and response and felt it was completely unethical. I wondered why he was hanging on so much and it made me very uncomfortable. The worst thoughts about him crossed my mind. So I asked my daughter a lot of questions. Luckily he never did anything creepy. My husband thinks it was just consistent money and he didn’t want to lose that.
Maybe She should be her friend .... AND NOT her therapist... The bad part is if this therapist is being unethical with all her patients or did she just want to be friends with this one person????
It's just weird it's like dating your gynecologist... 😮😮😮
I had a male PhD therapist that became so obsessed with me that he figured out where I went jogging and would drive around in circles following me. I noticed someone was following me so I stopped jogging. Weeks later he demanded to know why I stopped jogging, eventually it was discovered that he was in that car at the park. I had another PhD male therapist tell me he had sex dreams about me, when I ignored the comments he became offended. He wanted us to discuss his clearly made up story about dreams just to talk about having sex with me. I thn got a female masters degree therapist who casually offered to write me a letter of recommendation, told me we can be good friends and how she can see us being friends outside of therapy sessions. Sometimes she would talk about her own problems with me. She slowly started acting like me as well, a total personality change in just a few months. I don't do therapy anymore. I rather study healing on my own or just quietly suffer. Not sure how these people made it past the grad school interviews tbh. Seems like anyone willing to give a local state college their money is allowed to be a counselor.
😳
Some people the more they are around their clients, the more they adopt their clients problems. They're influenced. Maybe not the profession for them. Kind of like a dirty cop type scenario. Access and influence.
Therapists need their own therapists!
Really?? You must be very attractive..
Lol
Objective, informed and friendly! Everything you need to help you navigate tough situations and choices
Good job on the last call. Lots of love to this woman ❤
Exercise together! Get as healthy as possible with and for each other. Exercise vs anything else …like food…addresses Past, Present & future.
Brilliant analogy with the personal trainer. Needs to be reported, yes!!!
Great show today! Praying for Kelly and her family. This has been such a hard year for you guys and I’m praying the Daniel Family is done with the tragedy this year! ❤️
Just listened to your books and sent them to family and friends. These books need to be in Spanish, and every other language! Thank you!
Much love and respect doctor. 🎉
So sad…😢 and ang😮…
the therapist is so so wrong and needs to be reported…
So wrong!
Great show John!
I am so disgusted by that therapist who put that woman into such a terrible position. It is beyond unfair. I’m afraid she isn’t going to sever the ties and that therapist is going to hurt her terribly.
I totally thought that second call was going to go another way, but the caller was interrupted. Yes, the issue they talked about was serious, but I'm left wondering what she was really calling about.
I do hope we get to hear the therapist call into the show though.
He did talk over her a lot. But she did say at one point “that answers my question” and the question she did ask towards the end was if they can still be friends if she stops seeing her professionally.
@@Amiga247
The talking over is ridiculous.
She wanted him to say they could still be friends if she stops being her therapist is the vibe I got. But he was never gonna sign off on that.
What do you think she was calling about, if not whether it’s appropriate for a therapist to be “friends” with a client?
Just to make sure everyone knows, there are different categories of therapists. I did not know until I looked into it. Life coaches are not psychologists. I had two sessions with a life coach and immediately sensed something was off. She charged me to listen to her tell her story for 45 minutes and then I told mine for 45 minutes. I was quoted a price for 90 minutes weekly but the second week she was only available for an hour. She was late and started the video call in her car as she was driving home. Her story was worse than mine, frankly, which might have made her more empathetic but I decided to stop contact.
I had a friend who became a Life Coach. She was a malignant narcissist and borderline personality. I was horrified that she would be directing others thru difficulties because her need to be the Alpha and control people would drive them to lower self-esteem. Her business tanked, thank God, and I finally ended our long-time friendship.
First caller sounds like my fiancé and our relationship. He has a personality disorder and lied to therapists and me for so long. Went to several therapists and they all thought I was the bad guy until he finally told the truth.
Brilliant show, thanks so much! The penny dropped for me about one or two things in my own life. Much appreciated..
Have a dear friend who went to an unlicensed counselor who rejected her, took her years to recover. Such pain.
Another awesome episode brother- heartfelt reply from h town
I’m a therapist and would love to know if this terrible therapist lost her license. I certainly hope so because this certainly isn’t the first or only dual relationship she has formed. This angers me!
Wonderful quote from Robert D. Hales that was helpful for me when I had spent a lifetime with a mom and dad exactly like this first caller and his wife, and I, like my dad, was a fleer rather than a fighter all the way: "The Spirit will help us know whether to fight, flee, or go with the flow of our unfolding circumstances." I believe that when the caller says it doesn't feel right to him to become a fighter, he is correct--fighting in many cases isn't any less of a nervous or trauma response than fleeing, so it is helpful to give yourself permission to choose either of those at any time they seem appropriate, but also to know that there is a smorgasbord of options and we can always choose one of the many options...and anytime our choice isn't serving us, we can choose something else, different.
Fight, flight, fawn, fright these are trauma responses. When we are stuck in one mode sometimes trying to use another mode to break old patterns was Dr Js point. Healing can't begin, if one is welded in one response. Trying the fight, or if always the fighter, trying the flight, can start feelings and patterns shifting. It's a beginning.
Therapist Befriended Client:
So I have to comment on this!!
When my daughter's dad got in trouble for abusing me and I was appointed a victim advocate, after battling in court for almost 2 years we became friends.
She said at the time she was giving me her cell phone number how she said it's technically not legal and she's never done this before but she just really liked me a lot she was in her fifties I was in my late twenties and she was married for you know 25 years and she lived 10 minutes from my house.
I would go over to her house and she'd pay me to clean (cause I had been cleaning professionally since I was 16) and we had coffee and talked and laughed.
We stayed in touch for almost 5 years and we slowly started to lose contact.
That was in 2008. We're still Facebook friends to this day, but haven't talked in a few years.
So just my opinion.... Not everyone should be fired for that.
Note: John..... Honey..... Don't yell over people when they first start talking lol😂
At least let her say what she had thought out. 😅😊💙
Love your show!
But you do understand why we have to have the rules in place, right? Because SO MANY people have been harmed by therapists crossing the lines of ethics. We can’t justify a harmful practice because sometimes it doesn’t end in trauma. That’s the same argument people have against seatbelts and car seats and drunk driving and all the other dangerous behaviors the rest of the world tries to prevent. The few “good” outcomes aren’t worth the harm when we allow the behavior to continue unchecked.
Wow… this could be my husband and I, just switching genders. I was extensively sexually, emotionally, and physically abused as a very young child through preteen years. My husband was raised by a dominating feminist manipulator and pansy father. We love each other fiercely and always have, however even now 28 years in, we still battle this push and pull.❤
Your not alone. Me to.
36:51 never seen Dr. John so pissed 😤
Great analogies John 👍
Spot on, this makes so much sense thank you
Something felt off to me about the second caller and the therapist.. i had the impression she wasn't telling the whole truth.. perhaps she didnt need to..
Let her talk!
The therapist call was giving Jodi Hilderbrant vibes!
I love your show.
I would love to know what made this women call in the first place to ask about the therapist/friendship issue. She must have felt like this was weird in some way or something specific happened to make her feel off about this relationship in the 1st place.
She knew deep down but just had a slight hope maybe it could work. Kind of like when someone cheated on calls in wanting to hear it will workout somehow.
No harm in getting another view when emotionally involved.
Wow hanging out with your therapist oh man
There is a power imbalance and the therapist has all the power to manipulate and control this seemingly codependent client. I hurt for this client. She now has to go do additional work to undo any aversive control this therapist now holds over her....
Yes!!! You da best John!!
He has spent his whole life defending other people …I can relate.
I had my psychiatrist come up to me at my daughter softball game. That was hard to explain.
I just started some nachos when I put this on ... Haha... He said let's have some nachos.
That female therapist is so out of bounds! She created a dependency with a client. This girl is in a vulnerable position as she has shared her weakest and most tender circumstances. Once this girl decides to take charge of her own life the therapist will resent it! Nonononono. Get out now girl. Run and don’t look back!
2nd call Maybe she isnt a therapist, and the caller is confused. Maybe she is a community support worker or something similar. Basically, a paid friend.
Kelley you are in my thoughts and prayers
Have you seen "The Shrink Next Door"? With Will Ferrell and Paul Rudd. That's what this situation sounds like to me
Poor Vegas lady she’s going to need therapy about this unethical therapist experience.
Leave or have the toxic person gone because if the demon remains it infects the whole household. Take your heart back to save your own life.
This was me on top of massive child abuse and sexual abuse as well as alcoholic parents. I wish jade lived by me and we could hangout and get coffee
" you can't handle the truth!! Lol....great movie
great analogies!!!
But what’s the site for the test the first dude was told to take? I don’t see it listed in the episode info
I feel that a person who was sexual abuse. It takes time to try get help. Some you never get it over.
That therapist needs to see a therapist (AND lose her license et all). SO unethical. Awful, awful therapist.
My husband had a therapist come onto him 😢
On the side…Dr J got a nice haircut!
Gosh. This hits home. 😅😢
Also so weird and unprofessional when a therapist asks you to write them a review- like they are sure it’s going to be a good review first of all- and also what are you supposed to say - so unprofessional
Love the Dare!!
35:24 BOOM! 👏👏👏👏
AND with the first caller …Her and your parents are dealing with their own trauma.
35:07 She's going to need a therapist for her therapist. That's a pretty rare situation!
Get the therapist on the phone!!
4:09 I scored a 7. Damn
Yes, it is a new kids on the block song 😃👌
Here's how seperate these things should be- I found out through my sister that she and I see the same person, only because she dropped the name one time. We've both been seeing this psychologist for several years. Had no clue the other knew who she was. More recently my sister learned one of her new friends sees this psychologist. (Yeah, my sister just names her doctors and therapists and if people know them they know them.)
We never, ever ever would have known this through the psychologist and since I've never mentioned my sister I don't know if she even knows if we both know we're seeing the same person. (It's obvious we're sisters.)
I thought THAT was weird. The idea of going to a therapist's house is so fundamentally unprofessional it makes me skin crawl. And the therapist knows it so it concerns me because she's using her patient.
Another commenter mentioned as an example of inappropriate behavior by a therapist, the recent criminal case of Jodi Hildebrand and Ruby Franke. This was a situation in which the therapist (Jodi) starting using her client (Ruby), who was a famous mommy blogger, to boost her own online life coaching business. (Sadly these women turned out to be a psychopath and a narcissist, respectively, and it all ended in a nearly deadly child abuse case that was all over the media earlier this year.
There are certain jobs where life and work don't mix and this is 1,000% one of them.
I picture this therapist thinking, "who better to meet my needs than this woman who needs me!" 😬😩💩
I NEED this
My mentally challenged daughter’s therapist & I went out. Is that wrong?
Do they sit down regularly and CREATE/Say what they want for their life.
I tried finding the adverse childhood experiences survey questions but couldn’t find them on the CDC website about ACES🤔. 11:27
I just Google ACEs and up popped the survey.
Epic personal trainer analagy !! 😮😮
Vile!!!
36:51 ooooooo snaaapppp 😂
Stop calling it the fundamental attribution error! That is not the phenomena you are referring to! The fundamental attribution error is when we assume other people's behavior is due to fundamental qualities about themselves, while we consider our own context and scenario when thinking about our own behavior and experiences.
The fundamental attribution error refers to an individual's tendency to attribute another's actions to their character or personality, while attributing their behavior to external situational factors outside of their control. Has nothing to do with comparing it to your own context necessarily.
@@John-du2mq the error is in assuming context is the biggest factor in our own behaviors but other people's behaviors are intrinsic to them. Regardless, "getting into other people's heads" as John describes it is not the fundamental attribution error and he has said it on 2 calls now.
This is my trying is such a good Tswift song
Ugh. The therapist invited a patient to her house.
How can she get respect from her parents?
Yes