What to Say When a Guy Asks "Why Are You Still Single?" | Dating Advice for Women by Mat Boggs
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In this video I reveal how to respond to that dreaded question "Why are you still single?" that leaves you feeling empowered, creates attraction in him, and sets you up as the high-value woman that you are!
Please post a comment on this video... I'd love to hear your thoughts about this topic!
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As a sought-after dating and relationship coach for women and international speaker, Mat Boggs has helped thousands of women understand men, improve their relationships, and attract the relationship they want.
As the best-selling author of Project Everlasting, and creator of Cracking The Man Code, Mat Boggs dating and relationship advice has been featured on national media including The Today Show, CNN, Headline News, Oprah and Friends, and many more.
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I'm single because I've made a mature choice to not settle anything less than what I know I deserve. And I have been spending time with me
Thanks sis writing that one down
I think it's a terribly rude question to ask someone. I get asked, you're so pretty, why are you still single? Like looks are the only reason why you have a partner.
Princess Hillary and as if every person in a relationship is hot
Lol
Most men mean it as a compliment or a shit test to find what you’re hiding that makes you a bad catch despite your looks. Has to being hot, it’s because man are wired to be attracted to a certain look (one that indicates health and fertility). Personality comes into play when we decide to make it long term, looks are what sparks attraction. The reason you see guys with less attractive women is that they are too shy to try approach the hot ones. Or they prefer to focus on career and rather have an average girl and not worry about getting cheated on, then to have a high maintenance doll that sucks all their time away.
Or as if we should always want to be in a relationship
Well it does reveal something about their inconscience when they say stuff like that.
I'm single because no one thinks I'm single lol
Quinn are you sure you shouldn't be a love coach I love your responses
BEST REPLY EVER! and so true
I find that men seem to think I am married too.
Lol
Debak! I was looking for a response like that. Thanks
I'm single by choice because I'm not willing to settle. I know what I want 😉
Mathew Boggs thanks Matt. I've been asked this question way too many times. 🙄
Janet Tan I love your answer !!!
That's a terrible answer. You're coming off as someone who is difficult to date. A better answer would be "I've enjoyed my single life, I have a full time job that I really love, I spend a lot of time with friends and family, therefore I haven't put much effort into dating. But now I'm ready to share my life with a special person." This answer lets the guy know that you're busy with work, and that you like spending time with your friends and family, so if he wants to date you he has to accept that. It also lets him know that you're not desperate, that even though you want to date someone, you're fine without it.
I was sure you weren't going to say you're single because you hate sex.
No one is single by choice. Boloney. Just be honest and just say because you have not met the right person and it's okay.
I'm Single because it's my choice, because people should fall in love when they're ready not when they're single. and I'm not ready yet, not because there's something wrong with me, just because I'm designing my life in a way and I am satisfied with it.
Just like me it is a choice to be single, divorced and enjoying my single life to the full, but don't mind if i have a good relationship.
So true!
Option D: get up and walk out, my immediate shutdown response 😂😂 women HATE being asked that question because it insinuates that we are not complete without a man by our side. It's like saying 'you're amazing! There must be definitely something wrong with you and I need to know.' It's like a great woman can't be single without something bad/wrong about her.
I respond as, that's because we never met before. haha Guys do blush to this 😉
Rabail Aslam omg thats genius!! ☺️
Rabail Aslam awesome response I have to steal that one
Rabail Aslam me too
woowww!! cool !! Im definatly gonna steal that one!!
Angel cris me too!!!
i am single because i haven't found yet that someone who can add sparkle to my already sparkling life! 😄
👍
I love this reply ! You go gracious grace!!keep that sparkle ❣️
If someone asks such a rude question, there's no reason to continue dating them. It shows low social intelligence on their part to ask a question like that. They're basically asking "What's wrong with you? Tell me up front." Why date someone with such low social skill/intelligence?
I mention that I´m selective and not going to settle for less just to have A relationship. Not looking for A man but for *the* right man for me. Love love love your videos, Matt! Thank you, keep them coming :)
After 10 years being a single mom, I decided to try dating again. For years, I was too busy graduating from school, having too much fun hanging out with my kids and friends. Most of the guys I've met lately only want to hookup, but I like to say that I've met some great guys but just haven't clicked with anyone. I try and show my generally positive attitude.
And here I thought I was the only on that has been single for 10 years. I haven't really clicked with anyone I dated to actually have a relationship with.
I'm single because I enjoyed being single to draw a closer relationship with God. I want to be COMPLETE before entering into a relationship
Twyla Ashmore the best answer to me by far!!! I totally agree with you!!!
Twyla Ashmore hey
Twyla Ashmore hey
Well, I believe the quality of a spiritual life can be influenced in both ways, either positively or negatively by a romantic partners, it depends on the situations.
It could also be completely uncorrelated, so I understand and respect your point of view but this principle certainly does not apply to everyone.
TIMING. I've met some great men, but the time wasn't right for one or both of us and I'm not going to settle for less than great.
My favorite on this thread so far.
I would say:"You mean why I'm dating? To give THE ONE and myself a chance to find each other."
I'm single because I don't like to waste my time on temporary relationships and because I still haven't find the right one, the guy who I will finish my life with.
Time and also money !
Like the response too.. writing it down thanks girl x
A Man should never ask a woman this question it is rude and makes him seem insecure. It also implies that if your not in a relationship than something is wrong with you. well being single and strong Is a blessing in fact a majority of people that jump into relationship quickly have something wrong with them because they can't be single and need a man and so they settle for any man that right there is insecurity. Cheryl Cole is a good example of a woman that needs to be in a relationship to feel accepted!!
Suzie Marie Actually, it is a compliment. In my experience, when guys asks this question, they say it within the context of: "How has somebody not snatched you up? The guys you know must be idiots." If he's interested in you and asks this question, then he is not asking it with rude or insulting intentions.
Well I bet he meant it in a positive way. Along the lines of "how come you are this awesome, but noone seems to be interested in you? Clearly they must be either dumb or blind or both for not realising how great you are"
Suzie Marie This is an annoying question too - not everyone feels the need to be in a relationship. Their priorities are different, their values are different, their career may be more important, they may prefer just to have their pets as companions and people should stop putting everyone in a one size fits all life and something we all need to do. If it's meant for you, you'll meet each other eventually but if it's not that's ok. Secure women don't feel the need to get into a relationship just because society expects them to.
If a man ask this question you probably gave him a reason. If you think it's because he's insecure think again . Just going through these comments a lot of you frumps are the insecure ones if you let a simple thing like a question decide your outcome.
@@KeeKo432 you just validated what a man recently said to me, " I don't know what kind of guys you have been dating, but they must have been crazy." I took that as a compliment. The reality is that the previous men were allowed to use me because i wanted them so badly....not something you want to respond to a potential mate. I finally got a clue.
Thanks Matt for this video! I met someone from speed dating and they asked me, why am I still single. My answer was smooth and elegant. I modified your response, so it's authentic and not scripted. So I said, I am single because I want to work on me to be emotionally, financially, mentally and healthy person. So when the time is right, I am a Whole person going into a relationship. I worked on my blue print for the vision I want for my life and now I am ready to find that person whose values and dreams align with my blueprint. Lol. Elegant right? lol.
Being single is a blessing, knowing that life is so precious and by learning to accept ourselves and growing.
On the other hand, being with our soulmate is also an amazing one.
Every moment of our life is a story to telll...so live each day by enjoying everything, be grateful for whatever our situation are, either single or married.
Set our minds to life at the fullest...No turning back, no regret :)
I've been single as I've been focused on doing some inner work on myself whilst enjoying some much valued space. I now know exactly what I want and I'm ready to let someone in 😊
I am single because I won't settle for less than what I deserve...
Love Fishing same here
I said that I didn't value myself and so I attracted men who didn't value me. It's a deep response but that's how I roll.
The first time I was asked this, it flawed me. Then I responded, "It is my choice to be single. I am enjoying my life and love the new experiences and friends I meet. When I am ready to settle, I will know and so will the person." It was a male friend that asked me this question. It made him laugh, but he agreed.
Over qualified for the job
Brilliant. I just understood it All.
Loveeee it
😂
Wonderful, i'll use it !
I'll be 30 this fall, and very single. My friends and coworkers ask me this question. My response is that I'm working on me and the things I love doing. I'm looking for the right guy to share that with.. He just hasn't crossed my path yet.
Thank you for making this video! I appreciate all of the advice. Keep up the good work!
I think I would give him my biggest smile and tell him something along the line of option C - and then start thinking of how to end the date, because the one who have to ask that question isn't mature enough for me. To me that is a question of insecurity and I want and need someone that have inner strength. This doesn't mean he couldn't and shouldn't be vulnerable, because hard things happen to everyone (and it makes us strong if we deal with it), but to me there is a great difference between vulnerable and insecure. Love and Light to you all!
This!!
I can't help but turn the question back on him. Why is it that there is something wrong with women if they're not married at such a young age? Why do guys think they're privileged to take their time to find someone but something must be wrong if she's single at age 27? 🙄Just a question to think about. The video was cute btw.
Preach!!!!
Most guys that ask that question is because they are in awe when they meet someone attractive to them and wondering wow.... where have you been all my life.
Not because there is something wrong with them but because they are so perfect in his eyes and can't believe they could be available.
That's just how I would feel.
Pino Missalino I get it, and maybe that would be a question for the perfect girl. But you got to admit, it sounds a bit like a narc question. Like there's something wrong with you if your not married at this time. I had an ex say something like that to me a while back and he gave me this look like: something is wrong with you which now I realize he's actually a disturbed guy himself. He's not even married. And I can see why! He was trying to put me down and I wasn't going to take it. This question should be avoided by all men even if he has good intentions behind it. Many women want to get married and when a question arises like that, it just hits the problem that's lingering in the mind wondering why they aren't married yet. Just stay away from a question like this. If you're really wondering why she isn't married yet, you can find that out through the relationship once you've invested valuable time in the relationship. If you think she's so wonderful, then you can mention how happy you are to have such a wonderful woman love you back. Her stories are bound to pop up sometime and you'll realize she's dated men that have other interests, cheaters, narcs, going other directions in life, etc. which is why she's single still to this day. She's probably wondering the same question for a guy too but she knows better not to ask this question because the charge it holds and it seems like a rude question to begin with. Just don't ask this question please.
I never saw that from a womans perspective, but wow, I can definitely appreciate that.
I just thought to myself, what is wrong with these men but your right, that could be a sensitive question if it is not brought up with the right motive off the bat.
I do agree if you are dating someone in time you will see if that person is all thoughs things you mentioned if they have good desernment.
We are all broken. No one is perfect but if you can handle that person's flaws and they can deal with yours in a loving matter then great. With all the brokenness something great can happen. Broken crayons still colour regardless of what the circumstances are.
Thankyou for sharing Your a great communicator.
Bless you! ☺
Pino Missalino I am grateful that your knowledge and I'm glad we can see eye to eye on it. I am aware that men tend to be very direct and I do appreciate that. I wish more women can be like that but for some strange reason God didn't make us that way. If you use decrement, obviously, time will tell :) I love your crayon analogy. Broken crayons still color.
I'm single because I haven't met the right person yet
As a woman in her late 40s, here is how I respond when a guy asks why I am still single (most annoying question ever): I laugh and say, "well, there are many layers to that answer.....and while I've had some wonderful offers and opportunities, I knew it wasn't the right fit. Rather than rack up divorces, I chose to remain independent, travel the world, live in different countries and have adventures and experiences i otherwise would never have had. Even though that sounds unconventional, that was MY path and it has been epic. Funny enough, it seems more socially acceptable to have had multiple divorces than to have said, 'no...this doesn't feel right. I think I'll wait.' Strange, right? So how about you?" (Smile) It's honest, forthright and positive. 🙂
I hear ya!
I'm not still single. I was married for 17 years and I've had two other major relationships in my life. I'm single now because I am taking some time for myself. But it would be nice to find a companion worthy of spending my time with.
Here is my response because it is my actual observation: “People who ask this question are often in unhappy relationships themselves. I mean people who are happy are too busy being happy than concerned with other peoples love lives.” Then watch as their mind implode!
Already grateful that you posted this.
I'm in an amazing relationship now, having incorporated many of Mat's techniques. And yes, this question, when posed by a man, is a flirting modality.
I usually said, "Because marriage would have interfered with my student loan eligibility," in a mock-serious tone, eyes twinkling. Then, "How 'bout you? How is it that a catch like you is still available?"
That's cute, I like that one!
I should use that or make my own variant on that.
I typically say "same reason why YOU are single :) "
Rossana Motta haha. I really like this one. I’m using it :)
But what if the person asking you the question is NOT single ? Then ask them why they're not. Good advice.
I value myself and know myself, and not just anyone will do.
As I was thinking more and more about this question, I've come to the conclusion why this question is not something anyone should ask: 1 both parties are wondering the same thing and it's just common knowledge to realize how rude this question is because of what it's implying. 2 Many women today have been told to get a job and focus on a career that getting married would just interrupt the goals of a career. And as she's getting older, she sees her sisters, cousins, friends, etc. getting married and she wonders why she hasn't found that guy herself. Whats wrong with me that I can't find this man or that no one has asked me for marriage? That's why this question strikes women badly. 3 This question can really be answered on its own while investing in a relationship. Just to ask a question like this within a few dates tells me that a this guy is impatient and wants the burning question answer now so he can decide if he wants to move forward or on to another relationship. (Which is why I find this question a bit narc like) But it just doesn't work like that. And just like that, I got MY burning question answered without asking: I now know why HE'S still single...
Great comment.
Violet thank you
***** thank you very much 😊
ariana girl analyze not annalise
Thank you Matt, this question got me thinking as to why I have been single for so many long years. And my response is "Because I have been raising my youngest son and growing Me. And I am now at a place where I am open to sharing my life with a man". Well it not quite right yet, but I am getting there. Lolz
I got so addicted to my previous job which made me forgot the beauty of being in a relationship but now I have realized life is not all about work and will love to have good memories which would involve a great person like you.
Lol I'm single because I'm not emotionally available and I'm selfish. I wanna do what i wanna do and not have to worry about pleasing another, or worrying about what that other is doing. And I'm just fine being single.. for now!
Great video. Actually it put things in perspective.
I here it so much it actually drives me crazy. Like i think it's a compliment but at the same time part of me wants to get mad and ask them lol but I'm so grateful you made this video because it made me realize that I've really hated my single life and I really should make use of it. That I really should embrace and take hold of my youth and my single life :)
yay! I am in love with your videos!
I really hate that question. It sounds like 1) there's something wrong with being single 2) there must be something wrong with me. If you want to give a compliment, please try something else. If you want to push her button and see how she reacts, you can go ahead and ask that dumb question, but she may think you're too rude and dumb to be a potential partner.
I'm single because the people I'm interested in are not interested in me and vice versa. But single is all I've ever known and I'm am independent person who loves her own company, so I don't see it as a problem.
Oh my God you are so good and amazing, I get hate when someone asked me that question, because sometimes it's not one wish to be single but people or society don't see that way with you!!!!
A and B are hilarious I have so gone out with Mr. A absolutely lol
i'm single because i made the decision to be alone and to get to know myself so i can be ready to trust, love and share my life again with someone who's worth it.
ronnie rush the same here ! I want to be able to make the best choice for myself
excellent explanation!
I love this. thanks Matt!
Matt , I love how how you give examples of life senerios
C of course. It's positive and non-defensive.
that was smart .. thank u dear
Thanks Matt. However I feel kind of upset when a man asks this question on a first date. This is kind of being "way too much curious in a negative way". It sounds suspicious, first it is kind of a compliment, saying, "such a nice woman cannot be single" but on the other hand it says "something wrong with you lady being still single...?"
Maybe we just should reply "if I'd be in a relationship we would never have met ...!"
I'm not in love currently but love to watch ur videos 😊😊
I always respond with I love my life and when I find the right guy who I have a strong connection with I will consider a relationship
I like this. Single by choice!
wow Mr. Boggs, I really like every advice you gave.. its just amazing 😁😁😁😍😍😍
I think for people who don't choose to be single, the only honest answer is "I don't know." If someone tells me that, I think it's a valid answer, because you can't control everything that happens to you in life, you don't just choose to meet the right person before you find them.
Love your videos mat ,i'm following you from algeria .
Great response 😎😎
im single bec. god still busy writing my love story😂🤣😅
I am single but I can't pretend to answer "C" as I don't really LOVE being single.
1. Why can't we just be honest and say "Because every person that I really like don't like me back".
2. Or if you were not single before you can say. "Because every person that I like now don't like me back. But I was not single before and I got tired with my previous partner(s) easily then decided to end relationship. But it's ok, while being single life is easier. But it doesn't mean I don't like a relationship either."
But really, some people are not really.. they are judging you because they are Unhappy with their current relationship and assume they are happier than you being single.
which is pathetic.. I was not single before and there were time I wish I was single.. LOL.
Telling people that past people treated you wrong will cause them to treat you the same
"I've chosen to pursue my passions and calling in life."
Lol.. CUTE! And THANKS!!!! We are blessed AREN'T WE!!! 😂😂😂😂 and u said that soooooooooooo GEE!!!!! 😂😂😂😂💜💜💜💜💜💜
I've loved my life and I'm at the point now where I am looking to meet someone special to share my life with
I just say it's because I'm super picky. works.
I hate this question because i don't know the exact answer but i can say because i haven't me the right person yet .
I usually say, "Well, I haven't met the right person yet." Is that ok to say?
Brilliant video :)
Him: Why I m still single?
Me: cause I m overqualified 😋
Hey Mat thanks for sharing...some things i have said in response to that question is that im taking some time for myself, to make sure i know what i want &need from a relationship...also im working on improving my relationship with God... Another one was i just got out of a bad relationship so im doing some inner healing/ self-reflecting, discovering new passions like painting i never knew i was good at😉❤
Sometimes I say "Are you meaning to imply that its only awesome, flawless people who get married? Are the singles more defficient somehow?" It seems to me that being awesome and being married are not synonymous, even though we misconstrue that in our minds. It takes a few awesome single people to keep the world running smoothly! LOL
My answer was 'Because I haven't found the right man for me yet. One who shares similar goals, values, and aspirations.'
Nice video. But I don't know why people at times question a woman's singlehood as something wrong. I've had the best time in my life being single, I've done lots of traveling, Latin dancing, my favorite sport etc. I haven't invested the time to really search for a partner, although I am open to the posibility of meeting that special one to join my lively ride. Is ok to be happy single everything happens at it's own time. No rush
I'm single (6 years) because I want to have a real connection with someone. I'm a cosmetologist, I know I'm attractive and men will flirt with me, open up to me. The problem I'm having is that they all turn out to be married! It's frustrating. It's like the single men assume I'm taken and the married one's see me as a side piece. I've been watching you for a week, you have helped me not give up on the one person who's out there for me.
My response when I get asked that question is "Why are you single?" I mean when both people are single that's a terribly hypocritical question.
Thank you for this another great video!
I respond, 'I'm still single because it took you a while to get yourself out of that heavy traffic you got yourself stuck into' 😉
I answer, because I haven’t found what I am really looking for. And I am taking my time to find that person
You are so cute Matt😂 a and b was funny !!!
Thank u so much
Great response!! I have worried about this sort of question, and how I would answer it if I were to ever be asked on a date. Now I know what to say! 😊 Men I work with ask me that. They have told me they don't understand how such a lovely, beautiful (their words, not mine!) woman has not been swept off her feet and wed. I always replied that I can not get anyone to date me let alone want a relationship with me.
Something like this? "Haha, Thank You! But good question, I've actually loved my time being single, I'm blessed, I have an amazing life, I spend a lot of time just focusing on myself, because what's better than loving yourself first? I spend a lot of time to myself, friends, and school and personal things that I haven't put much effort into dating. But when the time comes it will happen."
But honestly I think it's a rude question and why that question even exists?!!!
My response to why am I still single? “I’m just lucky i guess!”
thank youuuuuu . I love you. you are great
Because i wanted a man not a boy . That answer will make him feel like a man to me .
I get that question very often to quick I respond;
- Why wouldn't I be single? I enjoy very much being single. I am my own self and I want someone to see me as I am.
I'm single because when my ex-husband left with someone else. I decided that I was going to work on my self not easy but is the best decision in my life right this moment. I don't regret it because I found out that I'm more valuable than what my ex-husband made me feel like. I started exercising, reading informative articles started going out with my boys trips, movies, walk in the parks in other words spending family and friends quality time. I feel great healthier more beautiful spiritually, mentally physically. I would like to start dating but I'm not rushing anything. Best and healthiest way to learn more about your self and what you're worth😚😉😄
My response will be would be great question you're right I've enjoyed my singleness and I am now at a place in my life where it's important to to meet someone who notice the bright woman that I am and needs me to share that in their life.
Matt you are so funny!
I am still single because I love to live as a single and enjoy my time but I am finding the guy who understand me and love me ,finding honest guy not the cheater .😃
I love being single but are ready for the right man to come along and share my life and until that happens I love my single life.
You are the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I usually say I don't want to settle for second best. I want the real deal!
Once I answered on ‘why are you still single?!!?’…
‘ I dont answer stupid questions.’ Dont know of its the best way…but made the questioner quite😂
What I don't like is relatives who understand how I've come to this point in life (no fault of my own) but still pose this question. What's the point unless they're asking is to watch me squirm (which I try my best not to). I'd love to just say, "Look it's really none of your business", but there's no nice way to do that.
thanks Matt, always get asked this question,I think I've been both a/b for responding, will use c
Why get into a relationship if in your heart you know it's not the right one?
That could lead to a disaster.
I don't think anyone should rush when it comes to commitment. You should be compatible and sometimes that takes awhile to figure out.
I completely fall off the wagon and answer like - have not met the right one or just being carefull, so no more of that, I will use this response. It is actually closest to the truth of any of the other answers I think I should give, awesome thanks!!!
C is what I am becoming now Hahaha :) and your video is cute by the way... Your daughter must be proud of her dad. Hope you have a wonderful wife by your side and a harmonious relationship 👍
This!!!!! Been asked this by EACH guy I met at a club lol I answered, “I just happen to be single at this moment!” It was funny because one of the guys followed up by asking “So TODAY you’re single...” lol! But I felt insecure. Another guy tried to ask why I had broken up with a guy, then he cancelled his question. Good move dude... but... my friend told me that it might have been just a compliment because I look amazing and beautiful. I appreciate my friend for giving me another perspective but I still feel uneasy answering that question.
Because I've been enjoying my very fun life. Now I feel ready for more.
I had a friend who was asking this question as a compliment (which is unusual, usually it is family members saying "I don't understand it, your cousins have found men, why can't you... maybe you are too picky"), where she asked "I hope you don't mind my asking, I don't mean to be rude, but how on earth are you still single? You're gorgeous!" She is the loveliest girl and so I told her "because I need someone who is an equally good fish, otherwise he's not the fish for me and I'm cool with that". My usual response to family/friends trying to say I'm too 'picky' is a deflector: "I know right: I'm pretty, funny and smart... that's it! I'm overqualified", they laugh and leave it alone. But for a guy, I haven't had one ask this on a date yet, I have a 'statement' prepared "I haven't found the one whom both my head AND my heart say yes". Because that's the truth, I have met men I have chemistry with, only to discover they are nothing how they represented themselves and are totally unsuitable. And then there have been lovely guys that my heart just couldn't say yes to (and interestingly enough, most of them met and married their Miss Right a few months after I turned them down for dating. And when I checked the girls out I thought "she makes total sense for him!".) You have to listen to both your head and your heart
Love the “ I’m overqualified “ response 😅😂