SISTERS - Are you too good to be a co-wife? *RANT*
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ส.ค. 2024
- We need to talk about this.
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Allah permit polygamy but there is nothing in Islam that states we need to be in a polygamy married. Its is an option not obligation.
Well if every wife put on refusal on polygamy on their marriage contract then this is not an option either.
Sister Rasheedah... I believe it has become a misunderstanding in the ummah that 1 wife is the norm. الله has stated in the quraan.. ( marry who pleases you from the women, 2, 3, or 4) Note the command was 2, 3, or 4 and the exception.... ( and If you fear that you may be unjust, then 1 or what your right hand possesses.)
@@saied695 Yes the quran starts with 2. Also it is the right of a man, we sisters forget. We think only in monogemy. What this sister is saying, by the start of there mariage they take the note, No never i will accept. This is so wrong. We people change,conditios change...
@saied695 It is the not a command to marry more than one wife. The Prophet SAW had a monogamous marriage with Khadija RA even after this verse came down. Secondly, you conveniently forget this verse does not start at the word "marry" . Rather it is a an if-then statement: "If you fear that you might not treat the orphans justly, then marry the women that seem good to you: two, or three, or four.
@@sorayahsluis4579 @saied695 whattt, you’re both incorrect. The ayah starts with “if you fear you won’t deal justly with the orphan girls then marry 2…” and so on. It doesn’t say marry 2 initially but if you’re married to someone and you fear you won’t deal justly then marry another.
This is a really great video and a lot of sisters need to hear this. I also think it’s worth pointing out that there is a huge social stigma among women that look down on other women who’re okay with polygamy and are branded as “pick me’s” which deters them from it just to avoid the insults and gossip from the community
That's sad because thats so far from the truth. Allah doesn't give us any that will harm us . It is we who harm ourselves. Subnaallah
Its how these men go on about it. If he's cheating with the women, while married, gets caught and then quickly marries in secret before being called out for his haram relationship .
Not to mention the secrecy and rushing into it. Not giving his wife time to come round. Or at least just be aware so she doesn't feel humiliated.
If he can't respect the first wife by telling her, no one is saying seeking her permission. Just basic respect by informing her of his plans.
Some women go as far ad to putting it in marriage contracts, as a condition in their nikkah and these brothers still break their wive's trust.
@hafsa
But those who accuse cool girls of being "pick me" people are simply jealous and insecure. I wouldn't "pick" the jealous haters either. And while I'm at it "Karens" aren't always white! To say they are would be racist (whether reverse or otherwise) in the extreme.
@ThePickMeThatYouWantToBe Yes. I've always been told to "be strong," it seems. Sometimes I struggle.
A man once told me that he does not have to treat his wives equally and that was only between him and Allah. He had no regard for their feelings and needs. He also said that why should he support them financially. So basically he wants more than one wife so that he can fulfill his own needs without any regard for the women.
🤮
He is not a real muslim men then😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Co-wives is a great sisterhood if you really understand
Yes!! This is my dream in shaa Allah.
@@fatimazorah let's hook up
I agree my sister wives rock.
Agreed
It’s beautiful and so beneficial for some but not for everyone. I’ve seen beautiful families ripped apart by it as well 😢
Actually, I tried that, and it is traumatic not knowing whether he will come today, tonight, eat with me or not fancy to share anything with me today, jump up and go right after sex, etc. Then when he stops flirting hard as he did while chasing you to marry him, you wonder whether it's because he and the first wife made up big time and she might take all his love and time away from you eventually, etc. He can be a wonderful man as men go, but you can't really feel settled or rely on his time at a certain time as a team or like one life together.
I hear you, sis!
I assume you were a secret wife sis?
With all due respect, you sound like you are working hard to convince YOURSELF of what you are saying.
Myself I'm a product of polygamy..and it wasn't all good and it wasn't all bad.
We've been through traumatic experiences but Alhamdulilaah in the end Jannah is the ultimate goal in shaa Allah.
Alhamdulilaah
Speaking from a men’s perspective. Polygamous marriages i’ve seen are men who live in two countries and travel back and fourth. Uncle did it and sort of ruined his first marriage, so i’ll probably never do it
Also, why would we ask men if they want to be in a polygamous marriage? Which Quran did you read? The ONLY place polygamy was mentioned is in a single verse of a Surrah about women’s rights… Drop that attitude, because you are wrong for belittling women that are exercising their rights and I’ll say it again, the criteria for a polygamous marriage doesn’t exist today. And who are you to be telling men that if they fulfill rights to their wives, then their decision to marry more wives would be accepted? Did you forget that those men’s wives also have rights? Also, correction… adultery doesn’t benefit men, it’s one of the major sins in Islam. Please properly educate yourself before coming on your platform all huffin and puffin over some cultural beliefs you hold.
Asalam ou alaikoum,
You triggered so many emotions in me, I'm not against polygamy in the first place. But coming from an abusive marriage, where he knew i wasn't against it, he chose to cheat and commit zinaa.
yet a lot of the things you said were for me so much, to much.
I'm now devorced and signle mom of 3, yet I would never marry a men that forces his 1st wife to enter polygamy if she s not ok with it!
I do not understand why a man would want to hurt his woman, life is not just marriage.
I will never promote being a single mom, but never would i want to go back to my marriage (the situation) .
:)
How can u compare a low haram thing to a halal? It's like ure comparing poop with diamond n saying them same.
Asalam ou alaikoum,
I'm not comparing both, I was just pointing out that some things she said triggered me. It was my opinion, which I can have! She asks for feedback, and I gave her mine. Be kind please a lot of us are holding on. and my comment wasn't meant to offend anyone.@@salwamoustafa9284
Zina is not synonymous with polygamy 🥴
In my opinion a lot of sisters are resistant to polygamous marriages because few men actually qualify to be husbands to more than one woman
What about most women are not on the level to handle it because of their wrong ideologies and hold beliefs?
Polygamy is not for all women.
That’s why we must discuss such before marriage.
Exactly… they can’t even take care of one wife, let alone two
سلام عليكم..
Yes it's maybe true
But it's out there.
Sometimes abused so it's obviously something need to be addressed.
And support those who are choosing polygamous life style
No-one should be judgemental here neither arrogance..
So many sisters are not feeling safe yet working on establishing Deen .
@@Zazezoo The issue is a man may enter the marriage not thinking about marrying again. But later on in life he may decide to.
How does polygamy work under a legal system where it is illegal? It’s unjust to the woman/women that is not legally married to the husband. It’s straight up messed up. It’s a no for me and that’s ok.
I don’t understand what message was sent to single mums that ; “a man will go above and beyond for the mother of his children than the woman who doesn’t have his kids”.
Just doesn’t sit right with me.
No woman in their right mind wants to be a single mum. So why should a single mum enter polygamy with a mentality that since she doesn’t have the man’s kids, she will be second best? No woman wants to be explicitly second best, not good for our mental health. This is not from Islam anyway.
My advise to single mums out there, there’s good men who’ll accept you and your kids and treat you like royalty, as well as your kids. My stepdad is a perfect example, even when our mum passed away he continued to raise us like his own. Never seen a man like this, but I’m sure they exist.
We must value ourselves enough that we attract the right men and not just settle out of fear of raising our kids alone. Better to be a lone parent and protect your mental health and that of your kids, than with a good for nothing man. Let people talk, when suffering alone, nobody will
Speak on your behalf.
Also, Never underestimate the power of duah.
No woman on earth is entitled to a man to herself
Divorcees/non-virgins/older women/women with kids should definitely lower their expectations of being a man's only wife - A man can choose to have these women as their only wife but such women do not compare to a young virgin woman with no baggage or relationship history - that's just how life is
Ma sha Allah sis wallahi it's very true
I just got divorced by my husband from a one week married because his wife ask him for divorce so he had to let me go
Thank you so much 💓
Many Shiekh’s in the United States do not participate in marriages of polygamy. Some believe that the Law of the land must be followed. Therefore they do not condone such marriages.
SubhanAllah, I was having this conversation with some sisters last weekend "Do we think we are better than the sahabiyat who were in a polygamous marriage" SubhanAllah.
were Khadija, radiAllahu anha, worse than sahabiyat ? obviosly not
@@Natalka78finland sis, not sure I understand what you meant. But from what I understand, Alhamdulilah Khadijah RA wasn't in a polygamous marriage when she was married to the prophet SAW and from what we know about her she's won't object or behave like we do now if the prophet SAW brought it up to her.
@@Wifey-Mummy what I mean is that from Sunna (and I believe there is God's wisdow for believers to draw conclusions when analysing Sunna) we can see there are happy marriages where there is one wife (like prophet SAS had with Khadija RA) and polygamy marridges when a man takes responsibilty for other wife(s). Would polygamy be enforced upon all muslims as a rule, that would be visible during Khadija's marridge..and written clearly in Quran ..don't you think? in other words, as polygamy was not practised by prophet SAS during his marriage with Khadija RA, there is a sign for believers it is not a fard or wajib or even sunna
act of worship. In case man wants and able to be equal and justice with more than one wife, it is his right to do so according to Quran.
It’s Sunnah, be careful commenting without daleel and being opinionated.
@@Zazezoo what daleel do i need to make conclusions based on his sunna=first part of his life?
There is a lesson here bt not wht the sister is preaching. If u r in the WEst, ensure u get married legally if it is his first. If he wants to married again (dont matter wht is in the Nikah) divorce him for bigamy - u will get a 50/50 split (in the house if its his) and/ or maintainance plus childcare. The govt will help pay ur legal bills. If he is hitting you, get him arrested. Don't let him see your children if he is difficult. These are all your real rights. You can marry again. Or not. You can work on your career. But why wld u stay w someone who wants to marry 4 women? You are just a number to him.
Respectfully Naimah, my husband actually only wants me and loves me. He’s told me so and in such a way that I have no doubt in the veracity of his statement. Along with that, he values our relationship and appreciates that I’m here caring for him and the household and he wouldnt want to do anything to disrupt that. Alhamdulillah
I had the same husband. When he got to 40+ with 5 children. He changed his mind. Make dua it is hard
@@chaching7364may Allah make it easy for u. Im a second wife n we just want to have family n a good husband to support us just like any other women. Most of us dont want anything bad for the first wives.
@@salwamoustafa9284I know everyone wants a good husband. When we got those husbands, they were not so good. We were patient with them till they grow and become stronger. And then after those many years we are being overshadowed? Qadr Allah, I’ll leave it at that as I don’t want to say much.
@@salwamoustafa9284I’m not trying to make you feel bad. Your choice. It’s halal. Just speaking from a first wife point of view. He was a decent man. Took all the bullets whether is financial, his immaturity, and so on. And when that bullet stopped, started seeing the fruits. Before enjoying that fruit, he decided I had to be deprived and share it. I hope you see our view. I’m talking about a great first wife not the ones that are bad to their husbands. Anyway again qadr Allah I have to accept though it’s painful.
@@chaching7364 but uve been thinking the wrong way sis. No matter the struggle, the truth is all the rizq comes from Allah. Who r we to decide that this rizq that's coming belongs to the first wife only n by someone else coming that means u have to share what was supposed to be urs. Because the truth is ur rizq will never go to someone else period. Why dont u see that maybe that fruit ure talking abt was given by Allah also belongs to the second. Because remember, just like He decided him to marry u, He also decided him to marry her in that particular time. It's never a coincidence.
Great topic Maashaa Allah. Just one point if we review the data for divorce, at least in USA finances are the leading cause and usually 80% of women initiate theses divorces. There are many positive examples of polygynous marriages. However the ones that fail often are those where the sister gives up her rights to financial provisions initially only to begin to resent it later or welcoming more children that the husband can’t afford or does not give the way he does his first family. We have to be realistic with the usual outcomes and honest. ❤
100%
@@NaimaBRobertTV, sister, thinking of marrying a second wife, first wife does not want anymore children but I do, I have 2 girls and want more. If you know any sister who is practicing and willing to be a co wife and wants to have children ( a must), please let me know. Niqabi is a preference. I am financially secure, Alhamdulilah. Any advice is also welcome.
No, no we're not better AND we're also not better than sahaba RA plural wives in patience when they experienced jealousy, animosity and feuds among themsleves and exhibited their displeasure of polygyny often. it was not an easy pill to swallow for them despite them being stronger in taqwa and it is the same for us. Polygyny remains the option for high status men exclusively with exceptional character, patience, kindness and great wealth.
It is NOT for the majority of the society, and that is more than 70-80 percent of men. It is statistically not possible for even most men to be married to even 2 wives , this conversation is devoid of statistics,social sciences ,proper religious context and reality.
Thank you for sharing your perspective! 🙏🏾
Having said that, One is to not look down upon plogyny or disrespect people who are able to practice it as per islamic principles. It has utility in the society to support divorced widowed or older women, hence it's right only when done with proper eligibility and for the right reasons. Men can't pretend that the only reason polygyny was practiced in islam was with the intent for them to marry all wives who are 16 -18 yr old all at the same time, thats rubbish and has never been the islamic way to practice it. Polygny isn't about having multiple sexual partners its about supporting families.
Great wonderful Analysis sister Na’ima.right on point “Are you better than the sahabias for you not to consider polygyny “?Any sister with reasoning should reflect on this.
No, and we're also not better than sahaba in patience when they experienced jealousy, animosity and feuds among themsleves and exhibited their displeasure of it often. it was not an easy pill to swallow for them despite being at a stronger in taqwa and it is neither for us.
Polygamy is not for everyone.
So we mustn’t impose this on others. We are all on different paths. Some may nkt Want to practise polygamy but never miss their salah and constantly striving to please Allah Azawajaal. The ones who accept polygamy may not have good akhlaq and disobey their husband.
So best to focus on what you want and marry however you wish instead of expect others to reason like you. Polygamy hasn’t been made mandatory.
People have so much problem in monogamy and they are trying to put down polygyny. Let’s be marriage material (both men & women) and enjoy
Salaam sister Naima I believe these matters are private and every situation is different so maybe just leave everyone to make there own decisions and let them work it out with all the Islamic rules in mind . Too many cooks spoil the broth .
She's trying to promote it because of her own personal situation having to share her husband with another wife. All women have their own right to decide what is best for them, including the right to a divorce.
Subhanallah!!!! When you directly challenged women asking do they think they are better, my love for you increased so much! We need more of these raw, blunt, and honest conversations!!!!!
Yes couple goals is what we all essentially would like! BUT...... If I think about it, there is so much more pros than cons in a polygamy marriage!!!
Replay gang!!!!!🥰💖👏
#replaygang in da house! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
I love this poll I wish there was an opinion for multiple answers. I would have chosen 1,2 and 4. As a Muslim revert of 3 years living in a predominantly Muslim country I face the issue of most men my age already being married. With that being said I would love to be a part of a family where my co wife and I can truly and sincerely be sisters therefore she would definitely have to feel comfortable (not happy that will take time) with it and lastly he would have to be able to provide for my son and I without her feeling the effects of it in any way. It basically comes down to how well HE can manage two households physically, emotionally and mentally
Assalamu Alaikum Sister Naimah, I’ve enjoyed many of your videos and May Allah reward your good intentions. I have to say that for the topic of polygyny a lot of women think they will be okay with it who have actually not experienced it. Unfortunately these days and times “good” polygyny situations are few in number due to the way sisters and brothers conduct themselves. One of the most important things I feel this Ummah needs to understand is that Allah created all women differently even down to our fingertips. To say as some do, that all women should be able to accept polygyny or if you followed your religion (deen) you wouldn’t have a problem. This hinges on spiritual abuse when Muslim men and women (not saying you have said this) in the community use Islam to make a Muslim woman feel guilty about her desire for a CHOICE of what type of marriage she wants. Allah did not create cookie cutter human beings. He (SWT) gave us choices in how we live our lives even when it comes to matters of practicing the deen. I really want Muslims to understand we should not look down upon those who choose or choose not to practice polygyny. They are all our Muslim brethren. It is not an us against them, education about polygyny for men and women is so important. Many men lose their families and Allah’s caution of practicing it should not be looked at lightly. May Allah forgive anything I’ve said if not 100% correct. Allah knows best.
3:45
Salaams yes I agree! Women are often shamed into so many things in Islam by well meaning or not so well meaning Muslims. I also don’t care for the term 1st wife being “on board”. I went through an awful situation where the 2nd sister wanting to come in was supposedly told I was “on board”. So I SUPPOT my husband and don’t wish at all to control his decisions, but my “on board” definitely didn’t match what she had in mind. This is a very sensitive subject. I could only manage my own feelings, and was definitely under resourced and not able to welcome or communicate with her in a healthy way. Sadly she was a friend. We’re no longer friends. Women should know that NO 1st wife is happy or even comfortable with her husband marry subsequent wives. She accepts it only because she may feel she doesn’t have many options or because it is an allowed Islamic practice. If you are coming into some else’s marriage my advice, BE HUMBLE, AND KIND! The sister owes you nothing but Salaams. ❤
Polygamy was the custom of Arabia, so pre Islam, Arabians were used to polygamy. Our Prophet was married to one woman, and one woman alone for 25 years, during a time where there was no limit on the number of wives a man could have. Once Islam was revealed, the Prophet still remained in a monogamous marriage. After the death of our mother Khadija, the Prophet continued to honour her by respecting her sister and her friends. And Aisha was never jealous of any wife except for Khadija.
Good talk ❤
Accepting polygamy when faced with the situation is difficult. My advice for sisters that are struggling to get out of the shackles of pains because their husbands are taking another woman should pls console themselves
Understand that the man loves you irrespective but then he just wants to enjoy his halal privilege
Understand that if you die today he will get another one
Don’t leave your queen 1 space for another sister lol yes, she’s a sister 😅
Keep rocking the chair by telling yourself I deserve to enjoy the love of a spouse… I can’t be miserable because he is doing what I don’t like
Sisters, love yourself over and over again and you will find it easy to love your husband purely and just for Allah’s sake
It’s really a painful event I must say but let’s remember marriage is half of our deen and we shall be tested in half of your deen. If some of us have been faced with this test, let’s embrace the moment and look forward to the grand reward attached to enduring this heart piecing event
May Allah make us love Him truly and free us from the shackles of unhealthy love for our husbands.
Stay strong !❤
Aameen
Sisters make sure you tune in to our live Candid Conversations Show, which will be on Friday this week at 8pm. I’ll share a modality and tools that can help you with acceptance and tolerance.
The question that you posed that if we are better than the sahabiyat or generations of muslim women who were into polygamous marriages, as for me, I am not better than them. I don't have a problem with polygyny in general but at a personal level. If I could only digest the fact that my husband sleeps with multiple women, I could In Sha Allah take the pill of polygyny. The intimacy part is my only obstacle.
Whether I like it or not, my husband is polygynous and despite disliking this fact I have signed a permission letter that is required officially in his country to take another wife. In the end, it all comes down to compromising for marriages to sustain/survive.
I don't like my marriage, but my husband does everything right from an Islamic perspective. He is the perfect qawwam. I can't dare to leave and stand before Allah on the Day for seeking divorce because 'I don't like it'.
I am a revert and come from a broken family. In all honesty my husband cares for me and provides for me more than parents ever did. Alhamdulillah I am very blessed. But it hurts at the same time.
Kool!
I am not taking another wife , she give me headaches but she Is enough!😮
I come from a polygamous family, I hated to see my mother just shallowing the others wives presence!
It is kind of hypocritical even among the wives and kids!
I choose to take juste one! Even though we are allowed to have 4, I will never, if my wife divorce me I will take another wife but not me !
i’m glad u said this because i’m 21 and was approached in halal way by a guy and 2 months of after getting to know each other he said he wants 3 more wives in future to have many kids and i was upset, since i have options i’ll go for another but it still upset me
What of those sisters that come into the marriage and begins cause problems by always lying about the first family and creates unnecessary fights? This is a major turn off as to why some first wives won't agree to polygamy.
@@sarahuda4 Women can be their own enemies sometimes. But I think it's the mans job to make sure such disputes don't exist. Giving both women 100% of his time. I also think that the only sunnah that most brothers follow is the one to have 4 wives. But they never follow the teachings surrounding polygamy
Exactly the reason why i would not accept a co wife. Life is hard as it is ,don't need more drama and problems.
Assalaam aleykum sister Naima. You are clear and I love your message always. I love you because of Allah replay gang here from Kenya. Fatma
#replaygang
@@NaimaBRobertTV , Salaam sister Naima, I am looking for a second wife, who is a good practising sister, ethnicity is not an issue. She can be divorced, widow or single mother, no problem. Please let me know if you know any sisters in UK, preferably, London, who are willing to consider polygyny. Jazakallah khair.
Ma sha Allah sister ,being a revert you could change many peoples life I really appreciate your hardwork ..your videos are so beneficial.. May Allah reward you and all his ummah the highest level of Jannah..Ameen
Assalaamualaikum wa rahmatuAllahi wa barakaatuh sis,
Interesting poll - I think something left out of the poll are sisters who are actually in poly marriages. There are those who are in poly marriages who prefer monogamy and vice versa there are those who are in monogamy and prefer and/or looking for a poly marriage. And those who are satisfied with the marriage Allah gave/will give them regardless.
Or perhaps it was left out because the poll was for single/unmarried sisters, wasn't sure.
So, there's only an imbalance between the numbers of men and women after age 60. Doesn't this mean Muslim men should be marrying widows over 60, not virgins??? Otherwise its obviously unfair to women, but also to other men who are left without wives. Apart from the top 0.1pc, why would anyone be a second?
SalamAlaykum,May Allah make it easy, I feel polygamy might be difficult for some ppl to practice.. Yes its allowed even if the ist wife is not happy with it but I don't think it's right to shame any woman that's not okay with it because Allah didn't say you have to like it as a woman, yes you have to accept it If your husband suggest it but it's not compulsory...It's a jihad, it's not everything that a woman will like about Islam especially the ones that are not wajib, but this life is a test and struggle but I feel any sister that can't manage polygamy should be care for and counselled and if no positivity she should decide if she wants to continue with the marriage or leave instead of causing more harm to her self,cowife or husband...Allah knows it's a struggle, there are millions of people who love polygamy and many who accept it for the sake of Allah but If one can't manage it, It's okay...I know the sahabiyat practiced it but since Allah did not make it compulsory, and it's a sunnah Act... But saying do u feel you are better than them sounds somehow to me because it's sounding like an obligation or like the woman is committing a sin for not liking polygamy... It's not Salah it's not a pillar of Islam, it's a sunnah Act and a jihad which Allah will reward the one who does it... Im not against polygamy cos I know many women are finding it hard to get married but let's just face it if one doesn't work out you can try another not insisting on marrying a man that the wife is not happy with doing polygamy... jazakAllahu khairan..Allah created us in different ways and may he make it easy, Allah knows best
SubhanAllah Sis you spoke exactly what many women know and have experienced. No, we should never feel like we are “too good” for polygyny but a woman who knows herself and feels it is a situation that would be harmful for her is much wiser abstaining from such a situation, therefore InshaAllah keeping herself safe from harming others or herself. Allah is always just and kind and has not created one type of woman.
Polygyny benefits both men & women (not men only).
DEEP!!! JAZAKHALLAH KHAIR
option for 'never' would have given a lot more meaning to the vote.
As Salamu Alaykum rahmatulaahe wa barakatuhu im a muslimah who has been married to my husband for 21 yrs and im in polygny right now and my cowife been with my husband for a year Alhamdulillah im definitely accepting it im being cordial and kind asking Allah for comfort im happy humble in my marriage Alhamdulillah not going to say at the beginning it was easy cause i had my up and downs but the days are getting easier with Allah help
I didn't mean my husband I meant our husband 😉💓😘 Alhamdulillah
Thanks for this video
Are u friends?
For someone who's considering being a second wife , this talk put me off big time .
Unfortunately am extremely disappointed 😞 but inshaAllha may Allha make it easy for the entire islamic ummah ameen
if i may ask why this talk put you off?
Is sister Naima in polygamous marriage or has ever been? Just curious. I have never been and it doesn’t sound pleasant to me. It’s a compromise, something you do to avoid even more harm, lesser of two evils in my opinion. So it’s up to the individual woman whether she accepts or not. No judgment either way from me. Important topic to discuss. Thank you sis, love you for the sake of Allah❤
Do women have any choice at all in becoming part of this for surely she has to be part of it if her husband chooses a second, and dont think 'it wont effect the children' is the father just a sperm donor? It creates rivalry in children and a distant father, when they need a father figure. Nothing wrong with it if the woman agrees with her husband to marry again but it has consequences for the kids. And lastly wasnt polygamy allowed only in certain circumstances with requirements that had to be fulfilled. Everyone seems to argue man cheats blah blah so the reason for multiple wives is s*x how religious of you to marry for that reason 🙄 polygamy in these cases is used to satisfy nothing more than worldly urges. And no not every man cheats get your facts right ppl. how come most muslim men have 1 wife are they all secretly sleeping around Fear Allah and dnt make up stories to proof a point.
Why are you only talking to the sisters? I my opinion it’s the men and how they carry themselves. Allah is talking to the men in the Quran when he says that you can take up to four wives but only if you treat them equally. Unfortunately, most men today are not able to be a proper wali for one women then how do you bring more women into a marriage and ruin their lives as well. We need to be educating men on this topic more, rather than women. Because polygamy comes with a lot of abuse, neglect, unfair treatment, etc.
It goes both ways, in fact us men are told this all the time by others and by our own wives all the time.. so the sister talking to sisters is a good thing because when 'good brothers' want to practise it they emotionally blackmailed or worse. So both men and women have to take responsibility
Can we still look into finding actual data on Muslim marriages in the UK? I recognise it can be difficult because nikah-only marriages (multiple or monogamous) are not officially recorded, likewise talaq-only divorces or khul'ah. There is an organisation called Muslim Census that have done surveys amongst Muslims in the UK. I make an initial pledge of £100 if there is crowdfunding to collect data, otherwise I fear we are making conclusions merely on anecdotal evidence.
Great work in any case for these reminders from a older sister to her peers and her younger ones.
@@etherealrosegold The estimate given by the documentary is 20,000 Muslim men may be in polygamous marriage. There are an estimated 3 million Muslims in the UK. We can assume half are men. My understanding is that the Muslim population on average is younger than the wider British population.
I want to see an actual study commissioned from Muslim Census, or perhaps a university department, to collate accurate data on Muslim marriages. I'll have a dig around JSTOR to see what I can find.
Prophet Muhammad SAS was happily married to Khadija RA till she died. Therefore from Sunna we can determine some men can be happy with one woman and some needs & can be justice with more than one. Quran is not assuming that polygamy is solution for everyone.
And THEN the Quran came beginning with 2,3 4 wives 😜
@@shahrahman904 Quran started to descend to our propfet SAS while Khadija RA was still with him. Would polygamy be set as fard or wajib, prophet SAS would be having more than 1 wife at that time...right?
@@Natalka78finland The Prophet (ﷺ) used to pass by/ go round (have sexual relation with) all his wives in one night, and at that time he had nine wives.
Hadeeth is hadeeth either accept or reject it.
@@shahrahman904 did Quran give men permission to marry 9, according to hadith yoh mention?
I said our prophet SAS used to be married to one lady at a time Khadija RA, end of story. Quran came meanwhile he was married to him.
Agree,sister
Interesting discussion and thanks for shedding light on the topic.. Btw which brand is your air-conditioner ?
Now, this is the type of mindset that we desperately need in the Muslim community! This is REAL talk in these troubling times! Allāhumma bārik!
Salam mualikum, as a brother, I always find your topic very interesting especially this one. Thanks for addressing topics which women don’t want to talk about. Islam is the solution for our problems. The moment we turn away from Islamic solutions that’s when we end up with more problems.
I think polygyny is great if it works out for you. But no woman should be forced into a marriage she doesn’t feel comfortable with. Personally I will not stay with a man if he would get a second wife, but to each their own! 🫶🏻
A man's marriage life does not revolve around the wife's feelings on polygyny and every wife should be aware that a man can change his plans at any time so it isn't a "shock"
No woman on earth is entitled to a man all to herself - that's the man's choice
If a woman can't accept all aspects of a man including the dormant or active polygynous nature of every man on earth then she shouldn't bother with marriage at all - you can't pick and choose what aspects of a man are active or inactive. A husband isn't a accessory to show off.
A woman who is married isn't better than a woman who struggles to get married and divorcees/non-virgins/older women should definitely lower their expectations of being a man's only wife
The man is the head of the household not the woman and whether he wants or pursues co-wives or not is at his discretion and a supposedly loving wife should accept her husband decision-making
👍
For me to quickly stop a romours in a relationship is to directly hear from both parties weather they are kids or adults
Sis, Naima. What you are doing is treating the symptom (lonely women who need protection for themselves and their children) without looking at the cause. Where are the he fathers of the children single mothers are raising and looking protection for? A lot of Muslim men abandon their children after divorce. If Men were held financially and otherwise responsible for the children they bring in to this world, women would not be saddled with all these awful choices.
Disappointments in Dunyā deepens dependency upon Dīn...
Jazaki-Allah khairan sister Naima. We, the Muslims need to think and act differently as true Muslims. We need to hear this conversation and be very serious about the issue of polygamy for the best interest of our communities as Muslims.
Thank you for posting this topic. My husband is 57 and I am 56. We have decided not to have a second wife added to our family.
Good it's toxic alot of men wan't them multiple wives because they can't control themselves one wife is good less stress less drama
Replay gang...
Omg....'r u better than the sahabiyaat.?u r elevating yourself',SUBHAANALAAH
This hit me hard
Jazaaki Laah khairan katheeran
We need more of this
No hun this rule were not put because men lack self control this life is a test and it’s not supposed to be easy ….this rule was put there when there’s need like wars women loosing their husbands ending up on the streets with the kids verse clearly states if you can love equally you can marry up to 4 but if you can’t be just just marry one than verse further down below says you can’t love all equally. Usually when I man wants to marry 4 it’s for his own perverted fantasy not something good
A lot of Muslim men and women are single today because they are committing zina and doing all the things they shouldn’t ppl are starting to see marriage as a bigger commitment than having children …
Salaam Sis Naima. Masha Allah, may Allah bless you immensely for all you do. Thanks for this video, I have been struggling with this decision of polygamy as most of my suitors are already married. Please 🙏 keep me in your prayers so that Allah will guide me with a righteous spouse 🤲🤲🤲.
Amin. ALLAH HAS GOT YOUR BACK
Aameen Sis. May Allah grant you the best.
Yes. But think it all the way through. It's actually much more difficult after you are already married, and then if you see him coming to your door, you are momentarily happy until you begin to think about how maybe he will not even be able to stay for dinner because it's "not your day." So you are not sure whether to offer him dinner or whether it will only hurt you when he responds that he does not fancy your dinner tonight but will eat out. There will not be a feeling of a solid routine, continued connectivity, even when apart, except on special occasions. You will always think of him when he's with the other woman, and why did she even make him forget to send you a quick good night text, even with a wonderful man. There will always be a level of pain and loneliness after the initial happiness, but if you like not knowing what to expect when and always being ready, then maybe it's your thing.
"I would have freed thousands more if only they knew they were slaves"
- Harriet Tubman
As salamu alai kum wa rahmatula wa barkatuhu. Polygamy in Guyana over the years has been bad. Many women who became second wife had to run for their lives. In some cases there were beaten curse over and over and the husbands can't do anything.
Wow!
Plural marriage is Sunnah for the one who can afford it, and is not obligatory, according to scholarly consensus. As for the one who cannot afford that and fears that he will not be able to treat co-wives justly, he should settle for just one wife.
What if you’re married and don’t have children with your husband? When you spoke on the man will go over and beyond for the mother of his children…is he less committed to you because you don’t or can’t have children?
She really is making the sisters feel bad, isn’t she?
Am not here to pull you down but try be open to my comments. What if this is just a feeling and not the reality? What if he is indeed needed by the kids (raising kids is loads of work to be fair)? What if he doesn't "know" you feel he less committed? What if you are able to be part of their lives so there won't be much gap for "them vs me" feeling. Allah knows what you are going through do please remain positive, communicate with your spouse on how you feel and keep your prayers levels high. Salam.
I think she means in away that he’ll do anything or take anything. For instance, if she’s acting all crazy he’ll be more understanding because she’s mother of his kids. But he will try to be equal in treatment. Financially you won’t be equal because she has his children. I hope you understand it.
So you accept and defend the 'variety' of sahaba and are actually typifying and collecting women into one narrow description of 'you should accept 2, 3, 4 the wife when even those women had problems with that. This conversation also lacks clarity and balanced perspective.
Asalamu’alaykum! Great reminder sis. Subhan’Allah!
Allahumma baarik I love these new series sis ❤️
Also as a middle aged woman with 2 boys I don’t want a full time husband. I have my career, life, passions, mothering, etc. And I am established in. My DEEN. Freedom of Chice sisters, freedom of choice. InshaAllah
Wow... I thought I was alone not wanting a full tjne husband 🤣
Oke, you dont want to full time husband, but do you want he take 100% care of you? A lot of man who want like that but can't support a second wife...
Great Session today Na'ima! Jazakallahu Khairan ❤😊💛 "THE TRUTH WAS REVEALED HERE TODAY"
Love to have your support, sis!
@@NaimaBRobertTV Alhamdulillah! No problem 😊
My wife give me silent Treatment, I don’t know how to overcome and it last days and weeks
@@shafiq154 LOL - tell her you will send her back to her parents until she behaves :)
@@NaimaBRobertTV
I have we argued too much but no result I have two teenage daughters, I feel sorry for them , my wife is narcissistic she doesn’t love children and doesn’t care how children are raising, all she thinks is about her happiness and being self-centred.
Thank you very much dear true talk
Alhamdullilah polygamy is a choice. It is not Fard. Allah (swt) is the most Merciful of those who show mercy. This fake mercy being extended to the second wife while willfully neglecting the first wife and her children is destructive. This is exactly opposite of what you are preaching. We are supposed to consider the needs of our sister in Islam while they neglect our needs. Polygamy should be practiced by will full participants, not forced down on someone.
I think we find it difficult to think beyond our individual needs rather than that of our Muhammadan nation. There is a special virtue to be from the nation of the final Prophet of God and we are encouraged to increase his ranks and the worshippers of God on earth.
If a Muslim man has achieved or has the unfair advantages to be capable of caring for multiple families in a major city in the west, then he is an extraordinary man that requires to multiply for the greater good of our nation.
I'd marry him in a heartbeat. May Allah grant us a righteous spouse. I don't mind meeting a co wife or wives as long as they are good people.
Your stronger then me 💪
No woman alive is greater than Aisha (ra)…she was a “co-wife.”
The issue isn’t the man. The issue is feminism and a woman’s ego. We have all been impacted by feminism and all have feminist ideals to some extent.
1. This is OPTION, not mandatory, nor is it recommended by scholars because most men cannot actually handle this situation without ruining their Akirah. WOMEN HAVE A RIGHT BY ALLAH TO SELECT THEIR SPOUSE, their marital conditions (staying monogamous be accepting polygamy), or even staying single!! Women are NEVER obligated to accept polygamy and Islam did not force women to engage in this. Many cultures don’t accept it and IT IS NOT WRONG.
2. Most men do NOT have the financial means to afford more than 1 family; people are struggling with even 1 family and rights of 1 wife and even raising 1 or 2 kids. On top of that, many men are relying on the wife’s income to make ends meet, so how can they consider something they are Islamically not qualified for??
3. Currently in the world, on the global scale, there are more MEN than women. Usually slightly more boys are born than girls, and usually there is no imbalance outside of war and extreme situations
4. Some men actually do NOT want more than 1 wife and are actually super happy with 1 partner. And many scholars actually stick to no marriage or monogamy because polygamy eats up too much time and too many obligations. You don’t have any time left to worship Allah or learn the deen.
5. Marriage is not the only purpose of life, so when will we MOVE ON from this constant polygamy debate, and *gasp* is it allowed, when, etc. It is just a **personal choice,** like if someone like or dislikes certain foods. It doesn’t make it haram to not like some foods.
6. Gaslighting with “are you better than wives of the Prophet PBUH” or Sahabah is really pathetic. They lived in a different culture 1400 years ago, and even many Arabs today don’t practise this. And the wives of the Prophet PBUH had jealousy; it’s clear that their Preference** would be monogamy, if given the choice, but Allah divinely decreed that the first wife of the Prophet PBUH would be his only wife (monogamy) and the wives that followed would be co-wives. This is not about being *better.* Making a personal choice is not about better than anyone else. It’s just that we are human and humans are different culturally, personality wise, and situation wise.
Jazakillah khair. Only listened to first 20min but loving it. Im one of the women not in the privileged category, also I am busy with work, study and teenager. So polygyny is best for me but Allah knows best.
I've been in a situation where a brother asked for my hand in marriage but he already has a wife.
His wife was completely against it and sabotaged the entire situation.
She would call me 50 times at 3 in the morning to harass me about it, telling me that women don't actually want their husband to marry again, and I'm ruining her family. She said she would take his kid and leave him forever if he remarried...
Really sad Subhan'Allah.
Well, is he emotionally intelligent enough to practise polygyny?
That’s why you should loot communicate with him and leave it to him to sort his issues out. Tbh he’s the problem here. He can’t even control his wife. Imagine the kid of hubby he’ll make. She’ll show you he’ll and he’ll sit there enjoying the soap opera
@@Zazezoo Lol, these were my thoughts exactly which is why I did not marry him. But my comment was made to highlight the mindset of sisters and how they view polygamy. Her response is not unique.
@@fatimazorahThe fact she was gonna take his kid smh this is too normalised nowadays 🤦♂️
@@zuhasbekillin3461yeah these women have no right to take the kids from their father only because he's doing wat's halal
Why would even communicate with him after you found out his first wife was totally against to the degree of being willing to leave him if he proceeded?? That shows that he has bad character and likely was not transparent with his first wife about his intentions for polygamy before marriage, and then just sprung this on her after kids. If he is treating her badly, he would have treated you badly also after a few kids. Honestly, you’re the one that looks bad. She was trying to protect her kids and family (although with such a heartless man she’s probably better off without him). You should have backed down the FIRST time she called you. Not after 50+ times. If you respect other women’s marriages then Allah will help you if you have the right intentions.
A decent guy is not unfaithful. someone who wants another wife is not committed to you - especially if they lie about it.
I agree to say that those who marry in secret are selfish cowards, plus they have to lie to their wives about where they are spending the night
Let her divorce you if she is not happy
In today's marriage there's lot betrayal mostly those who try to defend others are blind by the enemies to hear one side of the story and end of judging wrong
Until we men be at least 10 percent of Sahabah’s quality, then we could be qualified for second marriage
cant hv a poll without no ffs
Assalamu alaikum sister..Ma sha Allah very good uploads ,..❤ from kerala , India ..
I’m not too good, I just believe in equality. I definitely don’t want to share my man with other women. However if I was to ever stay in that marriage then I would want to take another husband as well to fulfill all my needs while my first husband is with his other wife!
you are not a believer 😢
@@reyuyenu340 you can’t judge, only Allah (swt) can. Also, there is nothing wrong with being equal and both sides having all needs met. FYI, don’t judge others beliefs or iman, that is solely up to Allah alone!
@@dezz238If you get a husband you’ll be commuting zina. You don’t reason like a Muslim 🥴
Sister Naima may Allah bless you and your family, Aamiin 🤲. I strongly believe that you are benefiting the sisters and we should be grateful to you for your bravery. How blessed are we to have a sister in this day and age of ‘me, myself and I’ who would speak the naked Truth. My family would frown upon the mention of me potentially having a co wife if my husband is happy and can take on that responsibility although he believes he’s a one woman man but I’ll be fine should he change his mind. The whole you were talking I was like ‘yes sis’. It’s about time a sister speaks up about this matter. The bulk of sisters believe we’re degrading ourselves by making with polygamy even if done right but I say and hold the belief that we’re progressing, accepting reality and promoting family values. Long story short, thank you sister and please do forgive my rambling 🙏
Polygamy depends on the husband ability to be just. In many case, the husband only provides financial support but not the time. The husband stays in only one house.
Are you pimping out women? Because any woman with proper knowledge of Islam knows that Allah only allowed polygamy under specific circumstances and those circumstances were that women at that time were being exploited. Men were having unlimited amount of concubines and were intimate with slaves without giving them rights. It is clear in the Quran that Allah limited that number to four wives with rights because there was a shortage of men and widows and orphans needed support; but even then Allah put pretty hefty conditions to fulfill in order for men to marry multiple wives otherwise Allah said only marry one. Also, in the Quran it is mentioned that a man only needs to marry one to complete his Deen. Not to mention, our Prophet PBUH was monogamous for most of his life and also forbade Fatima RA’s husband for taking more wives. Everything points to our religion encourages monogamy. So how exactly are you justifying polygamy in this day and age? There are plenty of single men to choose from. Allah gave women rights and saved us from exploitation, so why would you encourage women to still be exploited? Oh and the answer to your question is that, YES I do feel I’m too good to be a co wife because my Allah gives me this right.
I do consider it cause garam is everywhere. We can go anywhere to socialize with the opposite gender but this is not pleasing to Allah. So it's best to be a second wife under the protection of a Muslim man. If only our jealous sister can show some compassion for the widows , single and divorced ladies. Allah has given us away to halal. Do not oppose what Allah has decreed. Ameen. Allah make it easy for us all. Ameen
Surah nisa. Forgot the ayat number. Marry 1, 2 3 or 4. But if you fear that you may be unjust then marry only ONE.
And in another verse Allah says to men no matter what you do you cannot be just with your 2 ,3 or 4 wives.
Islam is the only religion that explicitly says to marry one. But if otherwise due to any circumstance polygamy has to be done then it is allowed. It is NOT mandatory.
I don't know why now these days youtubers have caught on this topic of polygamy and keep on telling sisters about how accepting we should be about it. ALLAH has created females and He very well knows the mental health issues of women in a polygamous marriage. Hence it is NOT fard. And men pls go in a polygamous marriage only if there is no other way out. And pls be responsible and just . If not on the day of qiyamah you will be raised with your neck cut on one side cause you did not fulfill responsibilities and were unjust in your polygamous marriage
Ma shaa' Allaah, great answer....
23:35 TRUTH BOMB DROPPED
He is not like Prophet SA, why should we consider him.
If a man with the credentials like Prophet SA came to you today with multiple wives, older and doesn't have financial capability, you would not marry him.
Watch from southern germany
And we need to stop this high quality stuff. Are we better than the righteous sabah
10 minute mark is fire sister!!!! Jazakallahu kairan for putting this issue into perspective!!!!
Our Lord created men to like women. It's in our fitra. That doesn't mean we don't like our wife, we can marry for many reasons, reasons a woman would never marry a man for. And yes, getting married again is so much responsibility that the dramas that come with it can be long.
But many men are also designed to deal with the headache that's comes in life.
Great that we are having more conversations about polygyny
Yes, kids usually don’t pick up on mums happiness. However, we ought to be careful with the advises as some women will feel obliged to stay in abusive marriages just to maintain her house hold. Any Abdul, Mo and Daud will also assume they should exercise polygyny, when they are clearly not fit and need to work on themselves, first and foremost.
Nonetheless, your points make perfect sense.
As a single mum, I’m striving to raise my kids to be upright, however the struggle is real. Even when a good for nothing man is in your home, it affects the kids immensely. Kids are usually just happy to see parents together. From my experience, even if one is a step parent. They need and crave that male presence. Not just boys, even girls.
I don’t see how a man who is not emotionally intelligent and an alpha male can maintain a polygamous household. An alpha male doesn’t have to be physically strong but emotionally strong and very dominant, that he knows his role as a husband and can control his wives, without fear they may walk away. He must also be confident in himself and at times make it clear the door is open for whoever wishes to walk away, as his aim is to build a strong family and not wreck it.
When cry babies actually exercise polygyny, they usually enjoy the attention from their immature wives and would sit down with popcorn as they enjoy their drama. Some even want single mums just because they are already well established and only want to visit for intimacy and they will have no responsibilities. So we must also understand sisters who say no polygamy, as some have clearly had their share of good for nothing men. Those who want a woman that is financially stable and use polygamy as an excuse to use her.
I believe a man can either make or break a family, so an emotionally intelligent and alpha man will do just fine. Let’s not forget Rizq is from Allah Azawajaal. Even in monogamous marriages spouses can struggle to make ends meet.
I agree with you sister,may Allah make it easy for you and make you have a righteous,loving,compatible and responsible husband(if you wish to have one).
Not all men are kind,some just want to use women for fun/status and money(esp. the older single ladies that have good financial stability and professional job).
This also happened in a monogamous marriage.
Stay safe sister and may Allah protect you from bad husband and may all your children become righteous persons and successful.Amin.
Great points, sis! I will share these on tonight’s livestream iA
@@knisayusuf "some just want to use women for fun/status and money"
Aren't those what happened to a man like a lot😂
Are you in a polygamous marriage?
Jazakallah kheiran sister Nai'ma.
As salamu alai kum wa rahmatula wa barkatuhu. Polygamy is from Allah. I'm alone for 11 years now I have not been in polygamy. Because of many deception and ill treatment. I have been dedicated to my house children and husbands yet I got the opposite in return.
I will answer your question Sis honestly, I will accept it ❤, but
I'm sure that my parents will not accept it especially my mother. U see the contradictory😢 even if u it's okay for u but ur parents will not accept it so what ur going to do here 🤔🤔🤲
Salaams sweet sister and thank you for bringing this up. It’s a Sunnah, You don’t own anyone, you should wish for your sister what you have, Alhumdullilah. As a revert with 2 kids who are teenagers, I am exhausted by the allure of the revert, intention to marry, but never showing up and doing what is right. My previous marriage to a non believer was perfect, except Allah had a different path for me and my boys. Most marriages, Muslim or not involve cheating. Get real sisters…InshaAllah
Stats say that 20% of marriages do. In America. Not most.
46:04 and you know the ignorance of saying that somebody else’s opinion or real life account is cap is so disrespectful it’s so it’s just rude so there is a podcast of either four or five sisters they share the same father but different mothers and yes they do state that having their dad hardly ever around is a problem so if you remember most men are out working during the daytime by the time the man comes home in the evening it’s basically bedtime for the children and then divide the time that is already a shambles into half these children are not really left with much it’s not the man’s fault that he can’t add extra hours to the day nor can he divide his body in half and make sure that he is in two houses at the same time so yes when a man comes home after six 7 o’clock and the children are already ready to be settled to go to bed and he’s only doing that for three nights they just about get to say good night to him know it is not enough of an investment for your children.
And if he works also on weekends it means that there is no time where the children are either not at school or not present that is there 24 seven it’s a low quality dad that your children will be receiving a father who is missing more than he is present.
And common sense and most people know this even people who haven’t studied children’s behaviour when adults do something sometimes the kids internalise it it’s their fault for example dad not coming home every night anymore they make question have they done something wrong are they bad 47:13