that is the best thing about being retired, family or not, anyone I am not comfortable around I do not go around. if you have bad vibes and drama stay the hell away from me and like I said before no skin of my butt I am happy alone in peace and quiet. when you get up in your 60s time is not on your side don't waste one minuet of it on people that bring you down and make you unhappy they could give a crap about you anyway.
My great aunt, who really raised me, taught me to “prune branches”. We just have to know going in that it’s painful and the branches are ugly freshly pruned. But it makes space for new, healthy growth!💕
Isn't that the truth ! ..👍..Sometimes I think, "Now wait a minute." Have I been caught in a matrix,.😵💫. in a coma or a strange nightmare ?.🥴. Where did all the years between 1980 until today at 67 go to..🤷.. If anybody happens to find them, could you send em back this way ?...😅
Estranged from family since 2010. I have complex post traumatic stress disorder from being abused by her and my family. They are a basket of deplorables. Constant hateful meanness, gaslighting, scapegoating. I don't regret it. I regret they are what they are, but I can't change them. All I can do is set parameters to keep myself safe. I now have cancer, and I know they would not lift a finger to help me if they were in my life.
I only recognized this as I got older but I am so glad I did. It's really simple. Healthy good people in your life bring you up, toxic people bring you down. That's my litmus test. Keep your energy for the good people.
Phil, I realized some years ago (I'm 70) that those of us who have never had kids really don't have a clue; it's a blessing in many ways. I just have a brother and sister, both younger, both grandparents. My brother has one daughter and one grandson. Lots of cousins I haven't seen in years. I have an elderly aunt by marriage still living, whom I called yesterday; she's not doing so well health wise, and there are definitely problems in her own family, jealousies, etc., that she detailed to me yesterday on the phone that I had no clue about; she's never said much before. I'm not sure who I'm gonna be able to count on should I outlive my sister or brother (I'm healthier than both of them). I haven't seen the one niece in years; she's miles away. I don't fully trust the other niece (my sister's daughter) but hoping I can count on her brother to manage some of my affairs; he's single, near 40 and a decent guy. My sister and I were never very close but keep things halfway friendly when we do talk.
I'm the traveler of my family and set in my ways and also very private. I don't even like family members in my business so I keep my distance. Been around 14 years now since I decided to break away and enjoy my private life. I'm just more comfortable alone.
Totally agree done it too..Many are like us so don't fret.Be true to yourself and not be in the company of toxic people.God bless you.Read your past replies.You have many friends on here now..❤
Hi Phil iam a 57 year old male fell out with most of my family I was living with my parents up till the end Rip I can relate to you and total respect for you iam not perfect life is tough God bless happy Christmas to you and all greetings from Ireland 🙏👶
So difficult when all you try to do is be peaceful, loving, thoughtful and caring. Yet, the toxic ones continually blame you for all their problems and malfunctions. Sometimes you have to throw in the "towel" and just live whatever is left of our lives as we wish. Not much time left so let's do it our way. Can't say we didn't try! 🎄
One thing that always frustrated me was the nicer I was, the more I gave, the more I did, the angrier they became. I later learned that is a classic personality trait of a person with a narcissistic borderline personality disorder. It took 14 years of counseling for me to figure out it was not me. I am what my counselor defines as a people pleasing problem solver. Ripe picking for a family of narcissistic nutjobs.
I escaped from England and its hang ups seven years ago. Now I live in a small town with folk who don't have much including me. The local folk value family ,friends and neighbors and a smile and a laugh are never far away. Wishing a peaceful life to all. at this time of year. Love to everyone from Gran Canaria.
I can't cut people off completely but I will stay away from them. My brother (48 yrs old) for example, has been aggressive towards me and completely horrendous to one of our sisters but if he or his family were ever in dire straits I would be there to help. Day-to-day though he can go lump it and I won't put up with him. Happy Sunday Phil and all on this frigid morning -6 F / -12 F with windchill - but the sun is out.
Hi Christine, It's emoji talk (weird I know) about the -6F you mentioned. It's 😯- Oh my...🥶- BRRR !, 🧤🧥-You need lot of warm clothes, 🚫.🩱Certainly NOT a bathing suit, 🔥-Just warm up by a fire, ☕️- With a hot drink, ☺️- and enjoy !...All that, WOW! I need a new hobby !...😂 🎄🎁🎄🎁🎄🎁🎄🎁 MERRY CHRISTMAS CHRISTINE ☺️ 🎄🎁🎄🎁🎄🎁🎄🎁
This is very true. Sometimes this is easier said than done. Mine were very close family members and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Now I pay dearly for this every day.
Hi Phil. I'm new here. My take on maintaining relationships is.... If you don't respect/value me, you're a hard pass. No need to tolerate toxic people in your life. Period. Why are they hanging around anyway? My response to these people is, Naw, I'm good, you can just move along if you have issues with me.
Yes I'm no longer available to them any more than I absolutely have to be. No they lose access to me as much as I can make it happen They don't care about me other than if they can find ways to use contact to abuse me to lift themselves up.. I don't need it We all need to be careful as we age because we're more vulnerable to being used and no we aren't really friends we only know each other and maybe they don't know me at all .. they don't know me at all . I'm done it's not a friend ❤
In high school, being a Senior was exciting. That doesn't seem to apply to aging. People can become insufferable as they age, so either set boundaries with them, or get rid for the sake of your own mental health and well-being. Toxic people have a problem for every solution. - Einstein. 😂🌲
Well I’m just turning 68 and widowed, lost 3 daughters. Don’t see my grandchildren now, so add to the list of hurts you telling me I have become insufferable. Glad I don’t know you.
Phil it's best to get out of relationships that don't support you, whether they are family or supposed friends. Some of your worst people are in your family. Just look at all the legal fights over estate's . Phil it's great when you have a great friend who you can speak to from your heart!
I've had to do this with only 2 family members very unhealthy as well a few I thought were very close friends, you'll come to realize some individuals you thought were there for you are really not it's time to cut them out of your life for good. It's not easy to do but just observe what they do more than what is said, you'll be given answers. I enjoy your videos very much.Yyou give great insight on different matters. Keep up your good work. Hope you have a great Christmas. Greetings from the beautiful East Coast of Canada.
You are right on all points. People that have a neg affect on you, no point in going through the negative. And the good old days of our youth, having friends and good times, before we grew up and went our ways...those were good times. I lost touch with every single friend of my youth, and some have died. Yeah kind of sucks, but i try not to foucus on that, i mean why focus on stuff beyond your control?
Don't think about the Dilemma when you do things in life from your heart and not think about it first ,that is a true human being but when you have to think about things before you say them that's all just fake. Meaning be your authentic self I'm not worried what anybody will say about anything you say
Phil I think it is harder for men to develop friendships ,then women I remember in my dad's day men would belong to a fraternal organization, example at Christmas time when the women would take over the kitchen, to bake cookies or whatever dad could go to the club have a beer and a sandwich shoot the breeze with other guys,be out of the way.Now those organizations are in decline,which is really sad,it is nice to have conversation nowadays people are so alone.I honestly don't know what's happening with people
Your buddy may be going through some bad things in his life that are occupying his mind and time and that is why the closeness is not the same. If you want to reach out just thread lightly. It's Christmas week, call him and get together and if so he may tell you himself what has been going on his his life. New years week, start the new year reviving your friendship if he is open to that. If you don't want to take the chance of a phone call to reach out send him a holiday card and see if he responds. hope he does because I can see you miss him.
Just blood and you have better people in your life to focus on that treat you better Phil. Sorry you are hurting how your family is totally in the wrong. Unfortunately you are stuck with family which become your worst enemies which they don't realize the consequences of their actions it causes. Lick your wounds and be a trooper and give them a fake smile.
I’ve got this going in the background as I’m cooking thinking 💭… isn’t this a sad state of affairs, seriously. Here we are , you looking and talking into a camera and we sub’s listening to creators talking. This is the new normal, it’s kinda creepy and weird. Absolutely no disrespect, I enjoy your channel. I’m just saying society has lost that human touch and face to face social skills. It’s slightly disturbing in my opinion. Anyone else agree??
I tried a men's group that I found on meetup, it helped to just get things off my chest. I don't know about putting things up on TH-cam as the people you are talking about can watch it too, and what good does that do? Probably estranges you even more I'd think. Maybe just buy some gifts and drop them off outside the houses of the people that you think don't appreciate you... I'd think that's more in the Christmas spirit than cutting people off as many seem to do nowadays.
You will never be younger than you are right now. “People did me wrong “. Quit focusing on that Phil. Get out of that dark dank house enjoy the sunshine and what you have left. Where’s your buddy now?
It is better to stand alone, than to stand with people who do not value you
100%! 😊
Absolutely true 👍
Totally agree!
Agreed.
Finally got the guts to stay away a very toxic family member over a year ago. My life is so peaceful now.
Happy for you! 💕
That's great !
Same here...peace is so much better than hurt, headaches and heartbreak.
that is the best thing about being retired, family or not, anyone I am not comfortable around I do not go around. if you have bad vibes and drama stay the hell away from me and like I said before no skin of my butt I am happy alone in peace and quiet. when you get up in your 60s time is not on your side don't waste one minuet of it on people that bring you down and make you unhappy they could give a crap about you anyway.
Thank you
My great aunt, who really raised me, taught me to “prune branches”. We just have to know going in that it’s painful and the branches are ugly freshly pruned. But it makes space for new, healthy growth!💕
We realize how precious our time is since we have so little of it left…. Can’t waste it. ✨
Isn't that the truth ! ..👍..Sometimes I think, "Now wait a minute." Have I been caught in a matrix,.😵💫. in a coma or a strange nightmare ?.🥴. Where did all the years between 1980 until today at 67 go to..🤷.. If anybody happens to find them, could you send em back this way ?...😅
Estranged from family since 2010. I have complex post traumatic stress disorder from being abused by her and my family. They are a basket of deplorables. Constant hateful meanness, gaslighting, scapegoating. I don't regret it. I regret they are what they are, but I can't change them. All I can do is set parameters to keep myself safe. I now have cancer, and I know they would not lift a finger to help me if they were in my life.
I only recognized this as I got older but I am so glad I did. It's really simple. Healthy good people in your life bring you up, toxic people bring you down. That's my litmus test. Keep your energy for the good people.
It's true. It's especially difficult when the person that brings you heartache is someone you love.💔. Learning when to say "Enough" is a tough one...🤔
@@SharonJacobs-r2h It really is the worst, I'm sorry. ❤
Thanks, Phil. Your videos teach valuable life lessons. Merry Christmas.
@@suebel100 you too
My side of the family has gotten to the point of only necessary contact. It’s better that way
Phil, I realized some years ago (I'm 70) that those of us who have never had kids really don't have a clue; it's a blessing in many ways. I just have a brother and sister, both younger, both grandparents. My brother has one daughter and one grandson. Lots of cousins I haven't seen in years. I have an elderly aunt by marriage still living, whom I called yesterday; she's not doing so well health wise, and there are definitely problems in her own family, jealousies, etc., that she detailed to me yesterday on the phone that I had no clue about; she's never said much before. I'm not sure who I'm gonna be able to count on should I outlive my sister or brother (I'm healthier than both of them). I haven't seen the one niece in years; she's miles away. I don't fully trust the other niece (my sister's daughter) but hoping I can count on her brother to manage some of my affairs; he's single, near 40 and a decent guy. My sister and I were never very close but keep things halfway friendly when we do talk.
Thanks, Phil... Have a restful Sunday...🎄😌🎄
I'm the traveler of my family and set in my ways and also very private. I don't even like family members in my business so I keep my distance. Been around 14 years now since I decided to break away and enjoy my private life. I'm just more comfortable alone.
Totally agree done it too..Many are like us so don't fret.Be true to yourself and not be in the company of toxic people.God bless you.Read your past replies.You have many friends on here now..❤
May you enjoy the holiday season and the best in 25
Hi Phil iam a 57 year old male fell out with most of my family I was living with my parents up till the end Rip I can relate to you and total respect for you iam not perfect life is tough God bless happy Christmas to you and all greetings from Ireland 🙏👶
So difficult when all you try to do is be peaceful, loving, thoughtful and caring. Yet, the toxic ones continually blame you for all their problems and malfunctions. Sometimes you have to throw in the "towel" and just live whatever is left of our lives as we wish. Not much time left so let's do it our way. Can't say we didn't try! 🎄
One thing that always frustrated me was the nicer I was, the more I gave, the more I did, the angrier they became. I later learned that is a classic personality trait of a person with a narcissistic borderline personality disorder. It took 14 years of counseling for me to figure out it was not me. I am what my counselor defines as a people pleasing problem solver. Ripe picking for a family of narcissistic nutjobs.
Move on, move on and just start your life with YOU....
Yes move on
I escaped from England and its hang ups seven years ago. Now I live in a small town with folk who don't have much including me. The local folk value family ,friends and neighbors and a smile and a laugh are never far away. Wishing a peaceful life to all. at this time of year. Love to everyone from Gran Canaria.
That's great. I hadn't heard of Gran Canaria before, is it Spain ? glad u got out of UK, I lived there back in the 1980's.
Your fruit analogy..Perfect
Yep some people can drag you down, you have to clean house now and then.
Exactly
I can't cut people off completely but I will stay away from them. My brother (48 yrs old) for example, has been aggressive towards me and completely horrendous to one of our sisters but if he or his family were ever in dire straits I would be there to help. Day-to-day though he can go lump it and I won't put up with him.
Happy Sunday Phil and all on this frigid morning -6 F / -12 F with windchill - but the sun is out.
😲...😵💫...🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶.....🧤🧥🧣.....🚫🩱.....🔥🧤🔥....☺️☕️
@@SharonJacobs-r2h Yeah, I'm older and even with my glasses on I don't know what that means. But thank you for the thought. 😀
Hi Christine, It's emoji talk (weird I know) about the -6F you mentioned. It's 😯- Oh my...🥶- BRRR !, 🧤🧥-You need lot of warm clothes, 🚫.🩱Certainly NOT a bathing suit, 🔥-Just warm up by a fire, ☕️- With a hot drink, ☺️- and enjoy !...All that, WOW! I need a new hobby !...😂
🎄🎁🎄🎁🎄🎁🎄🎁
MERRY CHRISTMAS
CHRISTINE ☺️
🎄🎁🎄🎁🎄🎁🎄🎁
I'm in your situation also phill.
you comfort me in you speaking to me directly. i can relate. god bless you and greetings from europe.
Happy Holidays to you .🎄.from across the pond !...🇺🇸
This is very true. Sometimes this is easier said than done. Mine were very close family members and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Now I pay dearly for this every day.
Hi Phil. I'm new here. My take on maintaining relationships is.... If you don't respect/value me, you're a hard pass. No need to tolerate toxic people in your life. Period. Why are they hanging around anyway? My response to these people is, Naw, I'm good, you can just move along if you have issues with me.
Yes I'm no longer available to them any more than I absolutely have to be.
No they lose access to me as much as I can make it happen They don't care about me other than if they can find ways to use contact to abuse me to lift themselves up.. I don't need it
We all need to be careful as we age because we're more vulnerable to being used and no we aren't really friends we only know each other and maybe they don't know me at all .. they don't know me at all . I'm done it's not a friend ❤
Good Job🥰🥰🥰
In high school, being a Senior was exciting. That doesn't seem to apply to aging. People can become insufferable as they age, so either set boundaries with them, or get rid for the sake of your own mental health and well-being. Toxic people have a problem for every solution. - Einstein. 😂🌲
Well I’m just turning 68 and widowed, lost 3 daughters. Don’t see my grandchildren now, so add to the list of hurts you telling me I have become insufferable. Glad I don’t know you.
Phil it's best to get out of relationships that don't support you, whether they are family or supposed friends. Some of your worst people are in your family. Just look at all the legal fights over estate's . Phil it's great when you have a great friend who you can speak to from your heart!
I've had to do this with only 2 family members very unhealthy as well a few I thought were very close friends, you'll come to realize some individuals you thought were there for you are really not it's time to cut them out of your life for good. It's not easy to do but just observe what they do more than what is said, you'll be given answers. I enjoy your videos very much.Yyou give great insight on different matters. Keep up your good work. Hope you have a great Christmas. Greetings from the beautiful East Coast of Canada.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONTENT PHIL! YOU'VE SAID YOU'RE NOT GONNA HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS, SO I'LL WISH YOU A PLEASANT ONE INSTEAD.
@@happilyretiredfrommerrill9357 merry Christmas
You are right on all points. People that have a neg affect on you, no point in going through the negative.
And the good old days of our youth, having friends and good times, before we grew up and went our ways...those were good times.
I lost touch with every single friend of my youth, and some have died.
Yeah kind of sucks, but i try not to foucus on that, i mean why focus on stuff beyond your control?
My relatives are very bad lying, try to cause me trouble.
Don't think about the Dilemma when you do things in life from your heart and not think about it first ,that is a true human being but when you have to think about things before you say them that's all just fake. Meaning be your authentic self I'm not worried what anybody will say about anything you say
I don’t have any dreams other than the nightmares I have at night 😂
Phil I think it is harder for men to develop friendships ,then women I remember in my dad's day men would belong to a fraternal organization, example at Christmas time when the women would take over the kitchen, to bake cookies or whatever dad could go to the club have a beer and a sandwich shoot the breeze with other guys,be out of the way.Now those organizations are in decline,which is really sad,it is nice to have conversation nowadays people are so alone.I honestly don't know what's happening with people
Sometimes, you not only need to "clean the toilet" but also "scrub all the 💩 out of it"!
The best part is the "toilet" is all YOURS! 🤣😂
Just "LET THEM"
Your buddy may be going through some bad things in his life that are occupying his mind and time and that is why the closeness is not the same. If you want to reach out just thread lightly. It's Christmas week, call him and get together and if so he may tell you himself what has been going on his his life. New years week, start the new year reviving your friendship if he is open to that. If you don't want to take the chance of a phone call to reach out send him a holiday card and see if he responds. hope he does because I can see you miss him.
Just blood and you have better people in your life to focus on that treat you better Phil. Sorry you are hurting how your family is totally in the wrong. Unfortunately you are stuck with family which become your worst enemies which they don't realize the consequences of their actions it causes. Lick your wounds and be a trooper and give them a fake smile.
It's crazy how adults act immature and never grow up like you experienced
I’ve got this going in the background as I’m cooking thinking 💭… isn’t this a sad state of affairs, seriously. Here we are , you looking and talking into a camera and we sub’s listening to creators talking. This is the new normal, it’s kinda creepy and weird.
Absolutely no disrespect, I enjoy your channel. I’m just saying society has lost that human touch and face to face social skills. It’s slightly disturbing in my opinion.
Anyone else agree??
I tried a men's group that I found on meetup, it helped to just get things off my chest. I don't know about putting things up on TH-cam as the people you are talking about can watch it too, and what good does that do? Probably estranges you even more I'd think. Maybe just buy some gifts and drop them off outside the houses of the people that you think don't appreciate you... I'd think that's more in the Christmas spirit than cutting people off as many seem to do nowadays.
You will never be younger than you are right now. “People did me wrong “. Quit focusing on that Phil. Get out of that dark dank house enjoy the sunshine and what you have left. Where’s your buddy now?
Being alone is better than being in bad company.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONTENT PHIL! YOU'VE SAID YOU'RE NOT GONNA HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS, SO I'LL WISH YOU A PLEASANT ONE INSTEAD.