Thank you so much for this information it definitely applies to my social situation. I had to watch this video over 12 times and what you said about people are not evaluating you they way you’re evaluating yourself was so spot on you saved me so much money in therapy just on that one statement!
We all carry our crosses. Not a week ago, I was telling myself that I'm done with humans. Betrayed by parents, betrayed for life is my case. But at almost 60, I know that "This too shall pass." Like the good things that are gone, so are the bad ones. And we shake off the dust, get back on our feet and try again. Until we learn whatever lesson we're supposed to learn from those situations. Be well and stay strong. 🤞💖
Now when you stepped out of your comfort zone you said you had the courage but what was your energy? If you had a negative mindset going into it you’re not giving yourself a proper chance to grow. Try again but go in knowing down to your soul it’ll be a great experience
Pple just dont understand. For the most part it is not us that dont want to meet and create links with people. People just dont want to have anything to do with bpds. If not your family( if you are lucky), or a spouse( mega lucky). I cant even afford to see a therapist😅 Around me, people are gone, I am a burden for them, its true. And I my inability to be an efficient grown up, with a job, a sex life, some money, is absolutely repulsive for normal sane person. Dont give up! 😅 Well, sometimes it is just not a choice.
Thank you for this informative video! It caused me to reflect on how I interact with people and what I can do to improve. I loved your analogy of trust being a dimmer switch too
I wish I had found your videos when I lived in The Woodlands/ Spring, I lost 15 years of my life agoraphobic, avoiding people down the road off Rayford.
Meaby it saved your life? I was also lost with bpd in big cities...People hurted me in so many manners. Like a punching ball or worst. I wish I could have hide far away.
@@renacleerican7824 it was a very maladaptive strategy as my BPD evolved from self destructive/ impulsive to a more discouraged/ quiet type that was afraid to form social connections. Fear came down to protecting myself and not wanting to hurt others, by the point of isolation I felt incapable of having healthy relationships.
@@avosquirrel231 I am here too. I guess its the evolution of bpd: resignation and reclusion. I wish you find good human around you! And I wish you can go through this!
Not everyone lies with the intent to hurt you, everyone lies with the intent to have their needs met in any and every way, it gets tiring for me i see things in a 180 degree fashion than most others i feel, i'm still amazed daily at the things people do to each other for personal gain when we all die at 80/90 years old, my interaction style is raw, honest and can be explosive but apparently that's not the right way, i'm not very concerned anymore about humans in my life, if i'm brutally honest i've been alone for so long now that i don't find much value in human relationships,they are very complex and require a lot of energy and thought... i do like hanging out with people now and then when i'm in the mood but anything deeper no, i do love deep philosophical conversations tho, my goal is to learn more social skills, not to have more relationship, but so as to have better interactions and less negative outcomes... that's it... i love nature and my own company and interacting with strangers it's a very peaceful life.
Thank you. It gives me hope to know that we can be ok by ourselves. I am.done with "humanity", left me too many scars. I am sure nature, dogs, books and music will help me finally to find some kind of peace, at least. And you are right, having great conversation is so satisfying, but it is probably enough, and no need to go further in a relationship. I am waiting for the day Ill be able to escape this city..
Question; Is it common for those with BPD to be kind of "backwards"? I find the dating part super easy. Once committed, my brain trips over so much! It's like I am afraid to drive deeper... Because, stakes. Going through this currently. And I'm communicating about what's happening, but I don't know if it diminishes any of the silent damage I suspect I'm seeing.
I was actually working on this very topic for my BPD relationship book today. This is about setting up and understanding you barriers to closeness. You need to explore those issues that seem to keep you safe but actually work against you. This is common and can be managed. Be well
I hate this. I’ve tried so hard to change the dynamic of my relationship only to have my significant other tell me I’ve put her through so much it’s my turn to take it. I’ve tried talking to her and when I reach my boiling point and can’t take the disrespect and snap I’m labeled as the problem not the disrespect that took place before while I was calm. Maybe it is me. Maybe I’ve always been the issue. I know I have tons of baggage that comes with me but I also know I love with no boundaries and no limits. I love this woman but maybe I need to fix myself to fix us. The scary part is honestly I don’t think I’m worthy of love or healing. I truly feel like I deserve destruction, chaos and loneliness for my life. I don’t think I’m supposed to be happy I’m a monster I ruin everything and anything I touch
@@DrDanielFox how do I properly communicate that I understand all of us have bad days but I need the acknowledgment of the mistake to move past it not you being mad or blaming me that I wasn’t as patient as you needed me to be.
Female here. I have been diagnosed with BPD, but I have almost no feelings. Only anger moving quickly into rage when triggered ... less than a second. Could you do a TH-cam video on BPD that no longer feel normal emotions ( I would truly like to feel love for my six grandchildren.)
@@DrDanielFox Thank you. Eventually I was able to reframe it all in my mind to: This is a “nacho” moment and OTHER times are family blending moments. “Nacho” is a step parenting method for remembering they are “nacho kid”. It helped me to not take it personally and stop catastrophizing… I did some self care and was able to be in a better place when they came home from school. They even chose to go with me to take the dogs to the river. 🙂 Also… that part about control really resonated with me. Thank you.
@@DrDanielFoxtime and effort? Really? Never thought of that before. Well, I have tried, all my life, more than you can imagine. All borderlines dont have the same access to sociabilization, a family, a job, a spouse.. some have been severely affected socially, like me. It is not only chronic isolation, it is also chronic exclusion. It goes both ways. Your videos are very useful and your work is important, obviously for many of us, especially the untreated for financial reasons. But I feel sometimes excluded of the solutions; I am sorry to speak about money, but unfortunately in our society, it is what gives value to an individual, when you dont have money: the whole world is closed for you: help, friends, love, everything. When you add a debilitating disorder like bpd on top of that, people are done with you: you are a case of charity, a liability, but not friends material anymore. Poverty and mental health issues are comorbidities, it leads to severe social exclusion. Once you are at this point, where I am now, time and effort are needed to survive, to not sink deeper. And no one wants to engage in a friendship with a burden. But still, I ll try again😅
I’m at this point, too. However, I feel that isolation/loneliness is more painful and harmful to our well being than putting ourselves out there, trying to have relationships.
@@DrDanielFox thank you! 💜 I do find a lot of your content to be very helpful, but some of us are trying to heal from highly abusive relationships where we were gaslit to believe our “expectations were too high” and this can entice self doubt…. Making me feel like I should lower my standards when I’ve given folks ample opportunity to show up.
I am 55 year old male I was molested by my older half brother from ages 8-10 I was also physically abused by my father where he would beat me up all the time my mother was an absentee alcoholic mother who spent all her spare time gambling My father also was addicted to gambling 🎰 Both Parents never went to my games as a youth . the never looked at my report card Sheer and Utter Neglect and Hell I was able to overcome . From outside my life looks perfect . White picket dense / family of 4 / homeowner / Top paid professional HOWEVER😡:-( I think I developed borderline personality disorder I TRUST NOBODY especially males
Dont trust female either. Trust dogs. In my long experience of abuse, both gender were awful. Some more physically violent, some psychologically cruel. Protect yourself at all cost.
![“อ.เบียร์ คนตื่นธรรม” มาตามคำเรียกร้อง แหกศาสตร์ฮวงจุ้ย เตือนสติอย่างมงาย | แฉ 7 พ.ย. 67 [1/3]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/5fc4S3xBNfc/mqdefault.jpg)
Thank you so much for sharing, Doctor!
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you so much for this information it definitely applies to my social situation. I had to watch this video over 12 times and what you said about people are not evaluating you they way you’re evaluating yourself was so spot on you saved me so much money in therapy just on that one statement!
great video...needed to hear this
Every time I had courage and step out of my comfort zone I had a horrible humiliation experience. I have no energy to try anymore.
We all carry our crosses. Not a week ago, I was telling myself that I'm done with humans. Betrayed by parents, betrayed for life is my case. But at almost 60, I know that "This too shall pass." Like the good things that are gone, so are the bad ones. And we shake off the dust, get back on our feet and try again. Until we learn whatever lesson we're supposed to learn from those situations. Be well and stay strong. 🤞💖
Now when you stepped out of your comfort zone you said you had the courage but what was your energy? If you had a negative mindset going into it you’re not giving yourself a proper chance to grow. Try again but go in knowing down to your soul it’ll be a great experience
Name doesn't check out.
Don’t give up. Anything worth while is not easy and worth fighting for.
Pple just dont understand.
For the most part it is not us that dont want to meet and create links with people.
People just dont want to have anything to do with bpds.
If not your family( if you are lucky), or a spouse( mega lucky). I cant even afford to see a therapist😅
Around me, people are gone, I am a burden for them, its true.
And I my inability to be an efficient grown up, with a job, a sex life, some money, is absolutely repulsive for normal sane person.
Dont give up! 😅
Well, sometimes it is just not a choice.
Thank you for this informative video! It caused me to reflect on how I interact with people and what I can do to improve. I loved your analogy of trust being a dimmer switch too
You're so welcome!
Thank you for this video, great insights and ways to overcome difficulties!
You’re welcome
Great topic Dr
Glad you think so! Enjoy the video
I’m so glad I came across your page ❤️💖
Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish you well.
Thank you 🥹 I ordered your workbook today and am really looking forward to getting started on it.
I wish I had found your videos when I lived in The Woodlands/ Spring, I lost 15 years of my life agoraphobic, avoiding people down the road off Rayford.
Meaby it saved your life?
I was also lost with bpd in big cities...People hurted me in so many manners. Like a punching ball or worst.
I wish I could have hide far away.
@@renacleerican7824 it was a very maladaptive strategy as my BPD evolved from self destructive/ impulsive to a more discouraged/ quiet type that was afraid to form social connections. Fear came down to protecting myself and not wanting to hurt others, by the point of isolation I felt incapable of having healthy relationships.
@@avosquirrel231 I am here too.
I guess its the evolution of bpd: resignation and reclusion.
I wish you find good human around you! And I wish you can go through this!
Omg I loved your trust sounds!!! "Ooooh" ❤️ 😂 and your dimmer sounds! 💡
Glad you enjoyed! Be well
Not everyone lies with the intent to hurt you, everyone lies with the intent to have their needs met in any and every way, it gets tiring for me i see things in a 180 degree fashion than most others i feel, i'm still amazed daily at the things people do to each other for personal gain when we all die at 80/90 years old, my interaction style is raw, honest and can be explosive but apparently that's not the right way, i'm not very concerned anymore about humans in my life, if i'm brutally honest i've been alone for so long now that i don't find much value in human relationships,they are very complex and require a lot of energy and thought... i do like hanging out with people now and then when i'm in the mood but anything deeper no, i do love deep philosophical conversations tho, my goal is to learn more social skills, not to have more relationship, but so as to have better interactions and less negative outcomes... that's it... i love nature and my own company and interacting with strangers it's a very peaceful life.
Thanks for sharing. Be well.
Thank you. It gives me hope to know that we can be ok by ourselves. I am.done with "humanity", left me too many scars.
I am sure nature, dogs, books and music will help me finally to find some kind of peace, at least.
And you are right, having great conversation is so satisfying, but it is probably enough, and no need to go further in a relationship.
I am waiting for the day Ill be able to escape this city..
Question;
Is it common for those with BPD to be kind of "backwards"? I find the dating part super easy. Once committed, my brain trips over so much! It's like I am afraid to drive deeper... Because, stakes.
Going through this currently. And I'm communicating about what's happening, but I don't know if it diminishes any of the silent damage I suspect I'm seeing.
I was actually working on this very topic for my BPD relationship book today. This is about setting up and understanding you barriers to closeness. You need to explore those issues that seem to keep you safe but actually work against you. This is common and can be managed. Be well
Thanks❣️
You’re welcome.
I hate this. I’ve tried so hard to change the dynamic of my relationship only to have my significant other tell me I’ve put her through so much it’s my turn to take it. I’ve tried talking to her and when I reach my boiling point and can’t take the disrespect and snap I’m labeled as the problem not the disrespect that took place before while I was calm. Maybe it is me. Maybe I’ve always been the issue. I know I have tons of baggage that comes with me but I also know I love with no boundaries and no limits. I love this woman but maybe I need to fix myself to fix us. The scary part is honestly I don’t think I’m worthy of love or healing. I truly feel like I deserve destruction, chaos and loneliness for my life. I don’t think I’m supposed to be happy I’m a monster I ruin everything and anything I touch
It sounds like you're going through a really tough time. Remember, self-love and self-improvement are essential steps towards a healthy relationship.
@@DrDanielFox how do I properly communicate that I understand all of us have bad days but I need the acknowledgment of the mistake to move past it not you being mad or blaming me that I wasn’t as patient as you needed me to be.
Female here. I have been diagnosed with BPD, but I have almost no feelings. Only anger moving quickly into rage when triggered ... less than a second. Could you do a TH-cam video on BPD that no longer feel normal emotions ( I would truly like to feel love for my six grandchildren.)
I appreciate you sharing your experience. It's important to seek help and support in dealing with BPD.
Do you take psy-meds? No feelings usually is a side effect...
Update:
How do I push back on everything? Update:
Thanks for sharing. Be well.
@@DrDanielFox Thank you. Eventually I was able to reframe it all in my mind to:
This is a “nacho” moment and OTHER times are family blending moments. “Nacho” is a step parenting method for remembering they are “nacho kid”. It helped me to not take it personally and stop catastrophizing… I did some self care and was able to be in a better place when they came home from school. They even chose to go with me to take the dogs to the river. 🙂
Also… that part about control really resonated with me. Thank you.
This world is getting worse each day. How is it even possible to have healthy relationships these days?
Never give in to the negative and define your relationship by you and your partner not what’s outside of it. Be well
@@DrDanielFoxwell that is wise.
Strategies to develop healthier relationships: don't develop relationships.
Clearly I give up😅
Life is hard and lonely, but humans are even worst.
Don't give up! Building healthier relationships takes time and effort, but it's worth it in the end.
@@DrDanielFoxtime and effort?
Really?
Never thought of that before.
Well, I have tried, all my life, more than you can imagine. All borderlines dont have the same access to sociabilization, a family, a job, a spouse.. some have been severely affected socially, like me. It is not only chronic isolation, it is also chronic exclusion. It goes both ways.
Your videos are very useful and your work is important, obviously for many of us, especially the untreated for financial reasons.
But I feel sometimes excluded of the solutions; I am sorry to speak about money, but unfortunately in our society, it is what gives value to an individual, when you dont have money: the whole world is closed for you: help, friends, love, everything. When you add a debilitating disorder like bpd on top of that, people are done with you: you are a case of charity, a liability, but not friends material anymore.
Poverty and mental health issues are comorbidities, it leads to severe social exclusion.
Once you are at this point, where I am now, time and effort are needed to survive, to not sink deeper. And no one wants to engage in a friendship with a burden.
But still, I ll try again😅
@@DrDanielFox why do you delete all my answers?
I’m at this point, too. However, I feel that isolation/loneliness is more painful and harmful to our well being than putting ourselves out there, trying to have relationships.
I find this to be self blaming…
Absolutely not my intent. Sorry you feel that way.
@@DrDanielFox thank you! 💜
I do find a lot of your content to be very helpful, but some of us are trying to heal from highly abusive relationships where we were gaslit to believe our “expectations were too high” and this can entice self doubt…. Making me feel like I should lower my standards when I’ve given folks ample opportunity to show up.
I am 55 year old male
I was molested by my older half brother from ages 8-10
I was also physically abused by my father where he would beat me up all the time
my mother was an absentee alcoholic mother who spent all her spare time gambling
My father also was addicted to gambling 🎰
Both Parents never went to my games as a youth . the never looked at my report card
Sheer and Utter Neglect and Hell
I was able to overcome . From outside my life looks perfect . White picket dense / family of 4 / homeowner / Top paid professional
HOWEVER😡:-(
I think I developed borderline personality disorder
I TRUST NOBODY especially males
Sorry that happened to you
first of all I'm sorry that happened to you, I think therapy would be helpful for you
@@latisewilson4561 TY will do
Dont trust female either. Trust dogs.
In my long experience of abuse, both gender were awful.
Some more physically violent, some psychologically cruel.
Protect yourself at all cost.
Jesus Christ can heal you