I live alone and sometimes feel a little lonely. Then I listen to a few minutes of Dr. Ramani, and I don't feel lonely anymore. I feel grateful, free and blessed.
Dr. Phil helped me feel like I wasn't going insane and when I found out what a narcissist was, suddenly found a community that understood the hell I was going through, when my family was trying to make it seem like I was the problem.
I hear you, I feel like I gaslight myself and think I'm making it up or I'm confused. Then I watch videos that match behavior so perfectly it makes me sad but validated. No one seems to react the way I think they should or tells me we are fighting etc I cant stand it. I love the videos x
My ex's favourite game, triangulating me with other women. Never again will I allow someone to make me feel worthless and "less than", it's humiliating and destroys your self esteem.
Eliza T It was the morning after I slept with my ex for the very first time, we were sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast and I was paging through a magazine. He pointed out one of the models and said, “My ex’s body is ten times better than that model.” I went from glowing with love from our first time together to feeling small and confused.
He made lots of odd comments like that throughout our relationship, and cheated on me with at least two other people I know of. Another interesting moment was when I drew a pencil drawing of a cheetah for him. (I’m not professional but I’m not a terrible artist.) When I gave it to him he said, “Oh that’s good, but my friend Serena, she’s a REALLY good artist.” I couldn’t understand why he would say that right then... that girl is a very good artist, but the way he said it somehow felt like he was negating my ability. I never drew anything for him again.
@@barbara3911 wow! That feeling of feeling small and confused - that became so familiar and that's the feeling we must pay huge attention to in the future. I never found evidence of my ex physically cheating but dumped him when I found he was using a dating app, unfortunately he hoovered me back after a few months only to continue messaging other women. I realise now that it's due to huge insecurity on their part - deep down they know we are far better than they deserve.
Me ex- triangulated my income and professional status with that of other men. Meanwhile, she couldn't be bothered to get a job as she bled me dry over the course of years. Can't tell you how exhausted I got trying to please her, only for her to shift the goalposts whenever I did or was getting close to doing whatever it was that she thought that I was supposed to do.
Eliza T yes. I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s the worst part for me to grieve the loss of my self worth. I was already messed up in this area and he sealed the deal.
I am amazed that narcissists personalities have such similar traits and tactics. As people we are all so different but narcissists are so similar in so many ways. Do they all go to the narc convention and share stories?
Very true. They stir up situations, then come off as the "voice of reason" which could not be further from the truth. They must always be the good guy, in their mind.
Of course when you fall into the competition game with the narcissist then they and their flying monkeys often accuse you of spending too much money.Too much money on an education, too much money on clothng later whenever networking to look for work, too much money for working past a certain age and too much money for shelter you are not paying rent for in a cramped one bedroom apartment or bacheolor's sutie. None of the rules for conduct which applies to everyone applies to the narcissist according to them. Somehow the truth has been lost on the narcissist on how illogical it is to accuse someone of spending too much money without asking them permission first after leaving them whenever trying to buy the same things they already have bought for themselves. If you are fortunate to have a post secondary diploma before those purchases according to the narcissist well your achievment is obsolete anyway.
Narcs turn family members against each other, and whomever they are in a relationship with, they do the same in their family. Hell, narcs, even cause triangulation in their community, pitting neighbors against each other. Narcs throw rocks and hide their hand, and no one knows they are complicit until everything is said and done. They are very cunning and manipulative
This sounds like what the puppet masters are doing now, seperation of sexes, races, countries, workers dubbed essential, students being graded. WHO is going to stick the needle in your back if you want big brother covering your back.
I once dated a narcissist. I literally used to accuse her of manufacturing chaos. Now I know I wasn’t crazy! Thanks so much for sharing your knowledge of these awful people.
Yeas I hear you, making mountains out of mole hills, seeing the worst in people rather than the good or giving them the benefit of the doubt. Or letting them live their lives, as they see fit , not as you (Narc) wish they would…. No one really knows what is best for another except themselves. Basically no one asked for your opinion… so don’t give it, and start stirring up trouble. Stay in your lane.
My histrionic alcoholic narcissist middle sister is doing this still and getting worse. I was just discharged from the hospital for "exhaustion" last Wednesday and not only did she create an unbearable situation to test me, when I snapped she has caused it to be that no one has called since to check on me because no one cares😔 They're setting me up to fail.
My mother was an absolute genius at triangulation. She very definitely pitted her children against each other, and I was horrified when I realized she did the same thing with her grandchildren. The consequence? Nobody really trusted anyone and no one is close. In fact, the family is pretty much finished. I personally don’t miss it! Contact was always very stressful for me, as the main scapegoat.
Diane Merrell - We are kindred spirits! Both of my parents have passed away and now I have peace. Thank goodness for channels like this one. Back in the day, we didn’t really understand what was happening to us.
Sometimes they don't even compare...they just bring the different people in your conversation again and again , and you start feeling like may he/ she misses the other people and aren't happy with you.
Right. My exe would bring up a woman at church that was so loving. They are close in age, but he said she was a mom figure. BS. I heard him inevitably say [to her] I love you. When I had a problem with that and cussed him out in text, after trying to talk to him, he showed her my texts. He refused to speak with me about it and said he showed her to get advice. Um, advice, “Don’t tell her you love her! Don’t share our relationship with her!” I dumped him.
One of the worst things my ex Narc said to me to triangulate was “you will never be enough for me”. When he was cheating. Now I refuse to be triangulated by removing myself with no contact and breaking soul ties.
I just hope u know how beautiful and amazing you are regardless of what he said to you and the lies r tried to make u believe. God bless you, I hope u find happiness and true love one day
Thats messed up!!! But he was being honest. Not that you’re not enough, but NO ONE will be enough for that sicko!!! They’re trying to fill a bottomless hole!! Trying to run away from who they really are!! They’re demons!!! Run!!! And don’t look back
In my experience the triangulation and comparisons start during the lovebombing phase of a romantic relationship. People don't notice there's a problem when they are being favourably compared to others.
Exactly. It’s not right to pit people against each other. And yes the narcissist will spin it like they’re the “savior” whole time they’re in the middle of it all gathering their amusement.
@@Multiverse82 I can relate. I'm very sorry it's such a painful experience, when my mother realised that relied on animals for emotional support she started getting rid of them sometimes in horrible ways. I hope you're doing ok now, it's taken a very long time but I'm free and happy. 💕
chokinonashes61 yes thank you I’ve finally gone no contact! First with my mother and her husband over a year ago and finally all of the family just as this pandemic broke! They are all narcs or flying monkeys. Plus half of them jehovahs witnesses that is a narc cult in itself. But I’m free and I’m happy they can’t influence my life anymore 👊🌺
Omg thank god someone else feels like this. I feel this will prevent my self gaslighting. My mom pretends to be someone who treats everyone equally. My sis and I called her out for treating my bro better. Later we were both gaslighted and manipulated into believing that she's equal and we're guilty and we both actually did believe it. Now I finally understand.
Frankly, I don't see how you can treat everyone the same because everyone is different. I have a different relationship with each child. But, I think you can be fair. That may be a better word.
@@sanskrutibarot9796 they favor sons because they have so much self hatred, their daughters remind them of themselves. Or of the idealized self that they never achieved.
I grew up with a mother who is an expert at triangulation. As children, my brother and I played her game because we didn't know better. As adults, without knowing what to call the game, we recognized that we had been played for years, and we made a pact - we do not believe anything our mother tells us about the other sibling.
I just let out the most awful sound and my dog freaked out. I just cried so freaking hard. I have been searching for this. I thought I was the problem and that I was just crazy and jealous but... omg, I feel sooooo much better knowing that this is a real thing. This is exactly the thing that we’re happening. When you started describing the woman at work, women on tv, etc I just felt release. I thought I was alone in this. He called his ex wife a Barbie and he told me that he really liked heart shaped faces but that he liked my shape too for some reason... and things like that which started to make me feel so insecure about myself. I feel so robbed. He’s not the first to do these things. I feel like my confidence, my sanity, my innocence even... (because of sadistic things in the bedroom) the list goes on. I need to talk to someone and get some help. Some days I’m ok. But most days I feel hopeless and like the world is just a dark and scary place. Thank you so much for this. Please know that you are making such a difference.
That recognition and attention is a hell of a drug, which is why some people go to very frightening lows to vie for the favor of the narcissist, even when it means abusing or mentally destroying another person. It’s scary because in some ways they believe they’re being valiant. They think they’re vanquishing the enemy... Whole time the enemy is the one setting them up to do their dirty work. It’s a sad sad occasion.
They also make it look like you have the problem by making you react to the passive aggressive attacks. if you go on the defence it makes it look like they are right. And they are always so charming and have lots of resources and give a lot. They dont like to loose. Its almost like they have no real life of thier own , they live to use people look like the hero and the victim while abusing and walking all over their victims
@@HeartPiece4u Yep!!! They ALWAYS have to be the hero who made you who you are or the victim who was abused by you. Once you decide to make them neither...they go into a rage and then the retaliation begins.
Literally what happened to my brother. My mom lost her grip on me when I became distant. She had to have asked my brother why and he spilled everything I confided in him about regarding my mom. All of it. Thought I could trust him but my mom manipulated the hell out of him and my brother went along with it. Now the family is ruined yet I’m treated as the devil because I called it out.
My mother used this one too.OMG, she has used every method Dr. Ramani talked about. She never praised me, instead, from time to time she bragged to me about how great my brother was. I bet she did this gimmick to my brother. I once truly loved my brother and cared about him, but he never get in touch with me forwardly once. Now I just take radical acceptance, yeah, my brother is just a person who treated me better than a stranger.
It’s crazy how I went through this triangulation process for years and didn’t see it until the end! I was hospitalized twice because of everything they were putting me though. Thank the Lord for getting me out of that toxic family!!!
Thank you for your share ..I too have suffered mental heakth crisis because of my family of origin . I hope your life is full of blessings and healing.
I thought I met my soul mate, but it turns out I was just love bombed by a narcissist 😂 we were together for just 3 short months. Thank goodness I have been doing a lot of internal work over the last 3 years otherwise these tactics of triangulation, gaslighting, blame shifting, etc. would have done some serious damage. It’s crazy just how skilled at manipulating that these people are. I didn’t see that he was doing these things to me until I caught him cheating on me with another girlfriend!!! And I got over him fairly quickly once I realized that the person he portrayed himself to be wasn’t real. He doesn’t even know who he is. It’s tragic, and I truly wish him healing.
That’s the one thing that I think makes my recovery easier. Knowing that he doesn’t know or love himself at all. I think him seeing me be kind, social, loving, empathetic, and happy for many people upset him a lot because that’s something he was just not capable of. So he had to do something with that bitterness so he took it out on me. Thankfully I left. Even now, I hope he’s able to find peace within himself because that’s a sad and tiring life otherwise.
It’s a dirty game to play games with children. They didn’t ask to be born. I remember in my own childhood how my grandmother put so much more value on the boys and treated us girls like we were just inherently bad... when that was seriously not the case. That’s damaging.
I wanted to be a boy, always, because my mother, father, and aunt valued my brother and manhood in general more. Mother even dressed me as I were a boy. It is gone now. Nice spring to you!
These same grandmas and mothers expect the daughters to sacrifice and take care of them in old age and often - many known cases - leave the total inheritance to the son . Their 'rationale' - girls don't need money .
My paternal grandmother did just the opposite: favored the girls over the boys. She groomed her favorite granddaughter (my older sister) quite well I must say.
My mother in law favors my daughters more than my son. Thankfully she only speaks spanish and my kids know english, so she can't plant seeds in their heads. They are older now and unfortunately have noticed the favoritism, so I just explain to them that it is important to have each others backs no matter what. And I just started teaching them Spanish, and now unfortunately my narcissistic mother in law wants to move to the state we are currently leaving in.im so stressed out about having her here. 😓
My mother was a narcissist. The problem was that she turned my brother into one, too, during his early developmental years (that is another story). As she aged her tactic was to tell each of us a different story, so that we would be pitted against each other. After I figured this out I tried to explain to my brother what was going on. He refused to see the light, because he was also playing both of us like a fiddle for financial gain. Mom would tell other people, like neighbors and members of church, whopping lies. They all believed her, because she looked so sweet and innocent This dynamic caused irreparable damage to our family even after our mother passed away many years ago.
Textbook. It's reslly creepy isnt it.. I described it as having a mother who was a Disney character who went Dark and never went back. But only some of us wake up within the nightmare.
May she will burn in hell forever! Same my mum, we need to stop feeling pity for these demons in flesh, they like to destroy and hurt with no mercy or remorse....may they will be in flames! In God's name.
Same thing my adoptive mother did between me and my siblings. Now that she's in her 90s and my siblings and I are much older, they still hate me and I have no contact with any of them.
This is the story of my Golden Child younger Brother but it reached a breaking point when when she made the daughter from his previous marriage her Golden GrandChild and talks smack about his new kids. Now he is very low conctact.
Will straight up have groups of people hating me that I don’t even know... and that definitely don’t know me. And sometimes it’s people I’ve been cool with (or at least I thought we were cool) that all of a sudden want to come for me.
Classic! Be careful of "flying monkeys", anyone who believes a narcissist's lies are potentially naive, easily manipulated, and might have other motives themselves. If someone outright believes gossip about someone instead of asking the source being attacked what actually happened, that is someone you need to limit contact with or even watch carefully. I always trust those that tell me I have food on my face over someone who keeps that to themselves. The honest folks that seek the truths are the ones to keep in your life and hold on tight to.
The moment I began to have self-respecting boundaries, just like that, 80% of the people in my life showed their true narcissustic motivations. Their entitlement makes them act out to severed supply, and I am learning to break the programming by setting limits on what I will and will not accept from other people. I'm learning to recognize people who are motivated by Love and to celebrate their presence in my life
oh i have dealt with this too.. one time some people were talking rude to me and i was sweet to them, they got on my side 😎 Then they started talking and behaving good to me. And then i saw some perplexed faces then i understood.
This strikes me as the most potent weapon of the narc. It ultimately ended my relationship and I had no clue about narcissism at that time. I couldn’t stand the continuous competition any longer and realized I would never win.
My mother has done that to me and my 3 older sisters for as far back as i can remember but since I went no contact with them all im the bad guy ,and this time im O.K. with that
This video was SO eye opening!!! I realized I was not only being devalued but also triangulated as I was constantly being compared to someone I don’t even know.
And they do it all the time too its like brainwashing. What's even more absurd they also cant resist to make fun of that person as well. Like "he has the most weird eating habits". Its so weird dealing with narcs you actually feel like you are going nuts.
One month after her failed hoover, she shows up for child exchange with her boyfriend. Our custody agreement has numerous stipulations about this. Most notably that introductions of new partners would be limited to those without drug /alcohol issues criminal history etc. All of which her new partner has. She even has our child calling him "my other daddy". All of the terms Dr. Ramani had covered in her series are playing out in my life, in real time. Hovering, Triangulation, Boundary issues. Without this series I would have literally gone insane. Thank you, Dr. Ramani.
If you don't already have your children in Therapy with a therapist who understands narcissism, please make that happen soon. If she did it to you, you absolutely know she's doing it to them.
chipanndale 1 thanks for that. What's really funny about this is that we both spent a huge amount of time and money in mediation for the custody agreement that we both ultimately signed. And in the end she simply used it as a roadmap to violate every single element we agreed on. Because that's just how she rolls, I guess.
@@reiniernosson1049 Your children are lucky you are so mature. Please ignore the provocations of your narcisisstic ex-wife. She is imature and not worth of upsetting you. Just be there for your children, love them and support them, because they need that. I could never understand why parents would turn their children against the other parent after divorce. We never have a deal with God to know if we will be healthy and alive as long as our children need us. So what if one day we can't take care of our children as we would like, or worse, we die? That's the most horrible thing for a parent with young children. Who would take care of the children if your actions enstranged the children from the other parent? This is the reason why I have always encouraged very good relationships between my children and their dad, even at times when the relationship between me and their dad was bad. I wish you and your children all the best and I wish your ex could receive the thing she needs most: wisdom.
A narcissistic mother can also use triangulation between the scapegoat and other siblings and even the other parent to make herself appear to be the victim of the scapegoat so the others abuse the scapegoat for her. Even physically. True story. I should know because it happened ro me.
Compared all my life with a more perfect child of a neighbor, reminded constantly that I am not good enough. Now when I am older, I am understanding what a shitty mom I had..
My Mom was raving about my girlfriend's blonde hair. I was puzzled and asked, Why don't you like mine? Mine is a pretty blonde color, too (I asked because she always disapproved of it). My Mom's answer was that because I had to bleach my tresses, to achieve the same light shade, it was automatically inferior. Who does that to a young woman?
u sould tell her.....u was born as blank piece of paper....what u r and became is part of who she is and what she tought u or did not....be strong...hug!
Finally the whole "comparing you to all the other people I'm seeing making you believe they are admirable and beyond human and you are just a naive hopeless if you do the same things" has a name! Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani!
Jesus, my family did this; sadder yet, my parents really tried to break thru it for me, and their own naivete and drive for approval was used against them. Damn.
@@KingRandor82 oh, dear! You have all my empathy. Hope you managed to cope with the situation and used it as training. I don't know about you, but now I can see the red flags kinda clearly and I do my best to avoid traps! Must be more difficulut when it comes from family but I wish you the best!!
@@odddraft it did help me understand though why I was so willing to take it when I received it from the narcs that *did* come into my life. I actually went into it on my blog quite thoroughly in fact, and concluded my latest entry with asking my family "you say you're proud of me...why? You don't even understand why I do what I do. I believe others when they tell me, but not you"
I didn’t realize the mere act of treating 2 kids very differently in a family is triangulation. My family only communicated through gossip behind the back of whomever wasn’t there 💔
The narcissist’s parents are oblivious to their child’s actions and always defends them. You always look like the bad guy for calling them out. It’s like you have to parent the narcissist, but they only feel attacked by what you have to say and can’t see where you are coming from.
The one I had was controlled by his parents! They are problematic but oblivious... Calling them out makes you look crazy and not them. Leaving is the best way!!
That was exactly my experience. His mom thinks he's a perfect specimen of man. And she basically said if he physically abused me, I must be at fault. Years ago it was his dad who said "we're narcissists" referring to my ex and himself. At the time I didn't know what it meant or how right he was.
The mentioning of ex was one of the bizarre thing in my last relationship with my narc ex. He constantly brought up his ex, even though I told him many times “ the less I know about your ex, the happier I am”. Of course he didn’t listen and kept mentioning his ex time to time. Here is the crazy part, the minute I said anything about his ex story, which he brought up, he would turn around and say”this is why I don’t like to talk about ex, you think too much.” I was like😳you brought it up, every time! Then he would start gaslight me ”No YOU brought things up”, “why you have to ask me things in the past?” He just desperately wanted to project me as a jealous gf, I didn’t get it until I caught him cheated with another ex. He gaslighted me to think”it is over react to suspect him and the exs ”, so I subconsciously avoid the topic of his ex as bring this thing up =makes me a jealous gf. By then he could cheat under the radar.
I think that is in the handbook they give to narcs. I used to get so mad at the disrespect I would tell him remove the L from lover it's over. He didn't get it.
This exactly I was experienced with my ex. He always ended up saying I was a psycho and jealous. OMG I'm so happy for you that guy got out of your life.
My ex used to bring up the fact the that is ex was a “professional dancer” and another was “an ice starter” who like me didn’t have much experience and therefore became “too clingy” lol ... even though I was too busy with work at the time to see him much and he was the clingy one. .. also he wasn’t successful himself
I wish I knew about narcissism before I wasted 16 yrs of my life. I see now (14 months away now) the triangulation that began immediately. It continued with different people.
Me too hun. Since day 1. 12 years later and it’s still the same just different players. Biggest red flag I missed. My ego was like “who does this guy think he is?” Maybe if I try harder...😒 Congrats on your escape.❤️
Finally see the light and I have made the difficult choice to take back my life. I was raised in this dynamic, experienced it in the workplace, endured countless friendships and intimate relationships and also with my grown children . I was hospitalized for a mental breakdown. Homeless and taken advantage of financially. There is no end to this kind of abuse, please recognize this and save yourself before it's too late. I have no contact at all with anyone associated with my family including my baby grandson. which is heartbreaking 💔 for me. But the peace of mind is priceless.
Here's the problem for me... By the time I realized what was really going on, I had already invested time, money and 10 years of my life. They in turn got so many people involved in our relationship I didn't know which way was up or down. By then one is so depleted of life force that it's a struggle to get up and face the day. We need to figure a way out before it gets to the point that I'm currently at. This is such great information. It's helping me to decipher what the hell is really going on in that sick mind of theirs. Thank you Doc. You're awesome. The way you explain things, a person living in this "shit storm" they create gets it right away.
Love the term "puppet master" that Dr. Ramani used. I always used to use "matriarch." I have seen it in action and became "the scapegoat" for calling it out. I have seen strings being pulled and how everyone was pitted against each other in the triangulation. Everyone having to go through the puppet master first. Even on jobs, I see the dynamic of how everyone gossips and pits teams against the scapegoat they alienate and make the enemy. Its done because the "puppet master" wants to be served by ALL. I call it the what have you done for me lately syndrome while you become narcissistic supply. Its the evil of domination, maniipulation and control. When you become the direct beneficiary of the chaos as Dr. states is to recognize the patterns and block it.
I went from being the golden child to the scapegoat, because I got more mature and saw through the charade. However, she easily dominated my brother, thus he became an emotion cripple. The whole situation is really sad.
Oh my god. The narcissist I was married to would like inappropriate pictures of women on instagram and blame me for being insecure. I'm so thankful for the validation and understanding this video provides.
These videos are amazing, it's like Dr. Ramani was a fly on the wall in my family home!! We had the golden child ( 2 brothers), scape goat (sisters), invisible one(sister), there were 6 of us! My mother was awesome at triangulation, I'm just upset it took me my whole life to figure all this out!!!! The abuse was (is) horrific, demonic even...........at this point, no one in the family believes me when I tell them what I have figured out! She was good at being a narcissist, that's for sure! So, because my mother was so selfish needing her supply, I am left with a torn apart family that used to be SO CLOSE! I didn't realize that so many people have gone through narc. abuse of some sort, until reading comments. It breaks my heart, for my own family and for other families. It didn't need to be this way!!! Ok, damage has been done. I will never be able to convince the others that I am not the BAD guy, but in the end the NARC will get what they deserve! I am a Christian, born-again late in life (40) and thank God everyday I had my awakening, otherwise I could not have dealt with this reality. The peace I get knowing Jesus -makes me not want revenge, not feel I have to set the record straight with my family! I know narcissists will be dealt with on judgment day..................I do pray for them, but as we all know they don't change!!! God bless everyone going through this now and have a healthy healing process
Thank you! That explains so much about my mother. People never believed the abuse she put me through, because "she was so good for my brother that I must simply be ungrateful"
I know how you feel I've been through the whole you need to be grateful thing... even though you're going through unspeakable abuse. I want you to know that maybe our parents don't love us. But I know who does his name is Jesus Christ and he died on the Cross for our sins so we wouldn't go to Hell. Accept Jesus Christ love today if you already haven't. His love is like no other
Just hearing your voice giving sense to it all is so calming. I thought that saturday and sunday we were not gonna get these glossary videos and it was a blessing to get prompted with their notifications both days. Thanks Dr. Ramani.
So real. My son in law is the one who communicates what my narcissist daugter feelings, tantrums, etc. She is vocal, clever and makes him believe we have abused her over her whole life. To make things worse, she sees my other daughter as the golden child. Its a nightmare
My narc sister would thrive from other family members having little issues and trying to pin us against each other to make the problem bigger or coldness between us. She gossiped, twisted information and get information out of us to control us, now I don't have contact with her, and after trying to divide my family, she has not succeeded, my mother, father and oldest sister and I (and our children) can finally have a normal family relationship without drama.
I knew I was working in a toxic place along time ago. I just thank the Lord he gave me a better push to a better job. I no longer have to put up with a toxic work place
My favourite coach on Narcissism, thank you for your insights, joy and taking the time to bless us with your wisdom. I send you blessings and good vibes :)
Great insight. The trouble is......it takes many years for the people around them to figure it out. The physical toll.......on my siblings is that they are gone (dead) ......drinking, smoking, overeating, etc.......the toll on families is much greater than anyone thinks. Even among my 2 brothers......one lied to the other one up close......can you imagine lying to someone you have known over 50 years? Can anyone believe it?
I saw this with some people I knew a long time ago. Even with my own family and didn't know what was happening. I have little to no contact with them now. It does make for being in an uncomfortable situation. Crazy making. Dr. Ramani's videos help you put things in perspective.
You just described my boss, most of my coworkers, my grandmother, and my ex-girlfriend. And thanks again for saying before that narcissism is the new norm. People just don't understand how much of an epidemic it is.
After an afternoon, spent with a friend couple I was told “ I was impressed how submissive your friend was. She would give up her opinion and all her needs to make her husband to feel superior. She must love him a lot. It must be the greatest love I’ve seen”. And that was out of nowhere, after talking about the great day we had. Then (after the trigger and the following argument) he said “I don’t understand why are you bringing this up if it bothers you so much, we were just talking about the nice day we had”. I feel so thankful I found you, doctor Ramadi! Thank you!
I didn't know much about triangulation. When I was younger, it used to make me feel upset and insecure, especially with my family. I also wished I knew about this topic then. Now that I'm older and I have been working on myself for years, it doesn't affect my self-esteem and I'm able to identify it more when it happens. However, I don't want the same pattern to be repeated in my life. I have never agreed to any "threesome", and I was not aware of it in the past. I only wanted to have a healthy relationship with a good man, the right one for me. But healing from our childhood and from our past it is so important. I'm an introvert and empath, I avoid being the center of attention, or being in the spotlight; posting about my personal life is out of my comfort zone. But watching your videos, reading other people's experiences and sharing my own, it feels therapeutic. Also makes me realize that I'm not alone nor the only one who has gone through narcissistic abuse. Thank you so much!💗
Only now at 54 I realise my mother and two elder siblings all used triangulation..my siblings and mother have been at war with each other for decades..I got totally fed up with it and have cut them all out of my life..before I left I wished them all good luck tearing each other apart!
My two siblings and I are in our fifties now. The covert narcissist mother is still alive. I do not recall a time in our lives when we children were ever not divided. We are to this day. I haven't see my sisters in years.
Wow he did this to me from the beginning of our relationship. I used to feel ashamed for being upset about it. Thank you Dr Ramani for putting the information together in such a clear way 👑🙏❤
As the child of a narcissistic father I can vouch for the fact that it's possible to come together with your victimized family and validate your own and everyone else's experiences. We all still need a lot of therapy and aren't out of the woods yet but we're all recovering slowly ❤️
Doctor please talk about their image and their expensive cars that they use to show off subtly and create good impression of them selves, and also about their vanity by having pictures in every corner of the house
M A, As a woman who really loves cars, I can tell you the behavior of people changed drastically after I bought a BMW. This was in 1985, when they were all the rage. Very few people understood my knowledge of the history of the BMW company, the passion I had at car shows, etc. (My father had a full service garage, and as a child, I was taught all about engines.) I would have made a perfect male child for my father. Anyway, I had to endure so many insults about my new BMW: "These cars are really shit wrapped up in a pretty exterior. They're way overpriced for what they are." "Showing off, eh?" "Wait till you see your first repair bill." These came from four different people. (None of them knew me well.) It was really eye opening. By the way, I have only two family pictures on the wall.
I didn't realize until watching this video that my narcissistic ex was CONSTANTLY triangulating me against her exes and old friends (all of whom no longer were in contact with her). Truly eye-opening!
My best friend used to use triangulation on me all the time. I always felt bad when she would do it and would wonder why, not knowing what she was doing but thinking it was odd I would be upset about it. I tried to tell myself it was just her saying nice things about her other friends and that is a good thing but somehow it always felt either weird or made me feel bad. It reinforced my low self esteem and made me feel even worse, like I was a bad person for not wanting her to say nice things about her friends. It only bothered me when she would say nice things about her other friends because when she did it, it somehow felt like a put down to me. I now know what she was doing. The last time I talked to her, she triangulated me with my older, very successful brother. The way she said it was so nasty, her tone of voice changed as if she was trying to hurt me, right then and there I knew I was done with her. She also told me she had no empathy for people like me (I had just told her I realized my mother was a narcissist and psychologically abused me my whole life). Since I had an issue with being abused, she had no empathy for me because I couldn’t just immediately get over it! It was an unbelievably horrific, painful, and heartbreaking conversation. Losing my oldest friendship. She was not like this in first grade when I met her and I do not know when exactly she became this person but I’m glad I went no contact. I went no contact with my mother and best friend in the same week. Beware of the frenemy!
When you told her that your mother was a narc, she reacted like any narc would react if you call them out. On some deep level [since narcs never admit to themselves that they are narcs] she probably felt that what you were saying about your mother applied to her as well, thus her reaction.
She was never your friend I'm afraid..when she seemed nice she was lovebombing and reflecting your own desirable qualities back to you. When she is nasty she is showing her true diabolical self.
@@tatummoyo8448 IMO, learning, so you can avoid future relationships with people like that. If he/she is someone that you can´t stop seeing, that learning would allow you to set healthy boundaries and do not expect from them what they can´t offer. Other kind of "winning" I don´t think is possible, they put a lot, really a lot of energy, in their view of winning.
@@nachovinssac8848 kinda sad...I'm the only sibling out of 4 that's aware of narcissistic disorder.I could educate my family but after years of abuse,this seems normal to them and I sense a feeling of helplessness. I can only protect myself now.you are also right about them putting in so much energy,it seems impossible to win.sickening actually!!
Oh how I can relate! My older sister loves playing victim when people start standing up to her... she's devastated... heartbroken...guilt trip. I hate to have to admit it but I am coming to realize how much I dislike my sister.
Defining the different types of Narcissists would be great. And maybe a "red flag" checklist to make sure we do not fall for a narcissist again. Your videos have given me so much strength and clarity. Thank you!!!
THANK YOU sooo much xx I thought I was gaslighted but I needed a validation from someone qualified and I started watching your videos, I watched many, you gave me the power over the confusion that I was right !! I got out so fast and for good. :)
my mother successfully estranged me from my entire family through lies, manipulation and what I now understand is triangulation. She made sure I was isolated from everyone else so she can be the only one there for me, creating this false narrative where she's actually helping me with stuff but is actually only taking credit for anything ive ever accomplished. I can now see how my mother has done this with everyone who ever got close to her and it explains why at 63, she's alone, barely any friends and single for the past 10 years. Nobody can bear to stick around her because of her narcissism. I feel bad for her because she's had a traumatic life but that doesnt excuse all the harm she has done to me so Im also very angry with her. At least, now, im seeing things more clearly than ever. Thank you so much Dr Ramani for these videos. I know they dont replace therapy but for the time being, they help me a lot.
As the scapegoat of a narcissist I’m so glad to know what strength and integrity I have. It wasn’t always easy and I had to quit alcohol to see more clearly. Fast forward to my spouse trying the ole triangulation with one of her pawns ♟ and I had the wherewithal to say “guess someone is missing their chaos” and left within 24 hours. How did I know to say that through devastating pain? I’d like to thank my spirit guides, good friends and intuition! I feel like I’m receiving an Oscar. Go Dr R 💐💪🏼
If this not at every business? Business is not in business for workers. She narrates a wonderful story. And sits home..Create content. Are you listening to her? The kingdom lord have mercy. How much money do you make and what Are you truly doing to help others. Everyone is a narcissist. The wizard of oz storytelling relabeled. Just damn.she is a rich internet rocket scientist
My narcissistic sister bonded to our narcissistic mother and they became a team, with me on the outside. Yikes! Took me DECADES to figure out what was going on. I was pretty trusting, and believed my family members had my best interests at heart. I think my mom actually did care about me, I'm just now coming to terms with the fact that my sister never did.
if you are told you are being paranoid, pay attention. That sort of gaslighting have a big effect. it's like an exponential effect. because if you are already in a bad place, hearing that can multiply the whole thing and by making you feel like you are also just going crazy and your suspicions are not real. Discuss with friends or write down the facts and realize what is true
This seems the most common tactic that guys try to pull on me - the classic praising other girls' looks or flirting right in front of me to make me feel competitive and insecure so that I'll go out of my way to grovel at their feet. Luckily, I caught on to this manipulation as a young woman and learned to cut the guy out as soon as he does it. I'm happy to discover that there's an actual word for it.
I’m finally saying no more to this abuse by family. I’ve had it. They don’t like it but too bad. I’d rather get through this new situation on my own than take any more mistreatment. They use the carrot and stick method to keep me asking for help that never comes. The price of their help is just too high. Thank you for this series, every episode is exactly what I need to hear each day.
Kari Foto Yes keep no contact! You will be liberated and free to be you without judgement or attack! As you will be an expert at spotting them and avoiding them once you see the truth of it all!
I've been on the end of the triangulation stick several times, and it always felt bad in a way that I didn't know how to articulate. I even felt shameful at times for feeling off-balance or upset, thinking the problem was me. Thank you so much for clearing this up, Dr. Ramani.
Love this series, Doctor Ramani! These terms are so commonly used but we never hear someone explain them with such depth. Thanks for creating this for us. I appreciate the time and detail you put into your work.
Every word of this rings true, the series is soooooo helpful for victims to reclaim their sense of reality and self, which has been undermined by toxic individuals and relationships no matter if chosen or by being born into the dynamic
Thank you Dr. Ramani!!! Your videos have provided me so much helpful healing information and tips to move on from my narc mom...dad and sister. Pretty sure my mom is more of a sociopath tho. Bless you all in the comments who’ve gone through this. I sadly drew a few narc ex bfs into my life over the years. Many therapists completely miss when you’ve been a victim of narcs both covert and overt. As someone sober who goes no contact and has for years...I’m so grateful. I spent along time in the dark these people exist and are a thing spent years people pleasing feeling insecure internalizing abuse. No more. These videos are a big part of my self love/healing. I no longer let in exes, family who gaslight or worse I only have friends who are balanced. Folks still in these dynamics...it’s possible to move on. I am proof.
I feel like you have just 3xplained away almost 10 years of growing stress and depression because upto now I knew nothing of these types of "people" however, I was sitting listening and every example she you gave was another 'tick' on the list of what has been happening in my life and creating massive unhappiness for me along with what now I believed was a mental health issue. But suddenly, understanding this video, the nature and purpose as to why and how it happens. Im beginning to get it. And suddenly for the first time in a long time I feel like I'm starting to get my mind back. Perhaps the whole 90s generation and those that come since have these techniques/disorders as it's almost become social common practice amongst groups all over. Thank you Dr for making these videos.
So I’m just learning about narcissism and just hearing these talks by Dr. Ramani brings me to tears and raises my anxiety. I never had a word or understanding of why my ex wife was having emotional affairs and trying to force these affairs down my throat. From the lovebombing when we met 19 years ago to the horrific email she sent me moments before our final tie was cut (the closing on the sale of our home) blaming me for everything and anything, things I didn’t even know existed. It was brutal, just brutal. She reached out to my longtime friends and some family members long before I had a chance to tell them we were divorcing, She told some I was crazy, she told others I was just a dreadful human being. And some she just told I was sadly just a jealous person but “didn’t want to talk badly about me”. She played the room depending on my relationship to my friends and family. She actually had an ex who I didn’t know personally come after me on social media to tell me I needed to stop playing the “victim”. I hope these videos will lead me to find some healing. I
Dr. Ramani, you are very correct and true. I was related to a narcissist. She was horrible. She triangulated and gas lighted me. I am facing worst time trying to overcome my trauma. Thank you.
Thank you Dr. Ramani for all the work you do. You are empowering women and narc victims by giving a name to the root causes of situations that they've had to deal with or suffer through sometimes for many years without realizing what it was initially. Getting informed arms us with the ability to make informed decisions. Thanks again. And be blessed.
I was raised in a triangulated situation. I was a nightmare that I couldn't wake from. To this day my bother is a golden child flying monkey for my mother and it is such a shame. I went NC on my mother and GR on my brother. Only option that works.
This was my life with the narcissist... He used my daughter for his triangulation as the golden child, and I was the scapegoat. To make a very long and sad story short, my daughter and I are estranged.
You are amazing! It is therapeutic to realize that one’s assumptions of a narcissistic situation was part of the syndrome. It is so important to be able to recognize these factors and know how to react. “Getting off” the narcissist train is the way to go!
I like the way you give real world examples of the behaviors. This makes it easier to understand terms that can sometimes be vague and widely misused. Thank you for supporting our community.
Dr Ramani you have a way of articulating yourself like none other. All your content lands so well on the ear. You are loved and appreciation, thanks again for changing my life.
I always wondered about triangulation since I started learning about borderline personality disorder and studying it reading about it. I like the way you cut to the chase. You don't drag us out and make us watch and listen. You're willing to tell us what it means and then go into the explanation. That style holds my attention longer than anything
Every time I see one of these videos it hits the nail on the head on what I went through. It helps me understand how evil these people can be and I'm not the crazy one. I was told all through my childhood by my mother that I was crazy along with all the torture she put me through.
Dr Ramani helped me learn to save myself from my narcissistic parent, and I got away as fast as I could. The woman who gave birth to me turned the house into an extended game of Survivor where no one wins. I was voted off “the island” and was hoovered (sucked like a vacuum) back in many times over her reign as my sole guardian for the better part of two decades. The last time I was “voted off” I treated it like me winning the grand prize because I could finally know peace. No more trying to figure out why I was never good enough nor why Christmas presents for my siblings were based on “rank” in the narcissistic family hierarchy (aka whichever child appeased her best). Now I can make my own family and break this cycle of unexplained contempt from the most vicious type of birth mother life can give you
Thank God for this channel omg! Thank you. I feel so liberated and validated. I literally thought I was the crazy one for wanting to be in a relationship with 1 person and not an entire group of people. When I spoke to her about this issue in our relationship she said "why are you letting such small little things get to you?" 🤷♂️.
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I live alone and sometimes feel a little lonely. Then I listen to a few minutes of Dr. Ramani, and I don't feel lonely anymore. I feel grateful, free and blessed.
Dr. Phil helped me feel like I wasn't going insane and when I found out what a narcissist was, suddenly found a community that understood the hell I was going through, when my family was trying to make it seem like I was the problem.
I hear you, I feel like I gaslight myself and think I'm making it up or I'm confused. Then I watch videos that match behavior so perfectly it makes me sad but validated. No one seems to react the way I think they should or tells me we are fighting etc I cant stand it. I love the videos x
Same here 🤗🤗
@@bekind5939 Yeah, they act like there’s nothing wrong right? Like they have no idea what they’re doing.
Amen.
My ex's favourite game, triangulating me with other women. Never again will I allow someone to make me feel worthless and "less than", it's humiliating and destroys your self esteem.
Eliza T It was the morning after I slept with my ex for the very first time, we were sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast and I was paging through a magazine. He pointed out one of the models and said, “My ex’s body is ten times better than that model.” I went from glowing with love from our first time together to feeling small and confused.
He made lots of odd comments like that throughout our relationship, and cheated on me with at least two other people I know of. Another interesting moment was when I drew a pencil drawing of a cheetah for him. (I’m not professional but I’m not a terrible artist.) When I gave it to him he said, “Oh that’s good, but my friend Serena, she’s a REALLY good artist.” I couldn’t understand why he would say that right then... that girl is a very good artist, but the way he said it somehow felt like he was negating my ability. I never drew anything for him again.
@@barbara3911 wow! That feeling of feeling small and confused - that became so familiar and that's the feeling we must pay huge attention to in the future. I never found evidence of my ex physically cheating but dumped him when I found he was using a dating app, unfortunately he hoovered me back after a few months only to continue messaging other women. I realise now that it's due to huge insecurity on their part - deep down they know we are far better than they deserve.
Me ex- triangulated my income and professional status with that of other men. Meanwhile, she couldn't be bothered to get a job as she bled me dry over the course of years. Can't tell you how exhausted I got trying to please her, only for her to shift the goalposts whenever I did or was getting close to doing whatever it was that she thought that I was supposed to do.
Eliza T yes. I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s the worst part for me to grieve the loss of my self worth. I was already messed up in this area and he sealed the deal.
Feels more like strangulation.
Very well said
Lol! Nice.
😂😂😂 yes!
Well played sir.
Suffocation.
Sister is the golden child, I got all the blame shame and pain. Thank God I escape-goated
I am amazed that narcissists personalities have such similar traits and tactics. As people we are all so different but narcissists are so similar in so many ways. Do they all go to the narc convention and share stories?
Hahaha Drew, that's funny! Dunno about the narc convention, but we empaths sure do love to share our stories here and heal:) Peace and light to you🌟
Let's have an empathy convention! It would be filled with LOVE! ❤️ to get in people would have to go through a test
Drew, yes, it looks like they are born with a text book to follow, but no, they just act like that because they can't do better. Empty people....
🤣🤣🤣🤣for real.
@@gioovannabpSign me up!!!
Very true. They stir up situations, then come off as the "voice of reason" which could not be further from the truth. They must always be the good guy, in their mind.
Exactly! Putting me in a competition or a game that I never wanted to play in the first place.
Of course when you fall into the competition game with the narcissist then they and their flying monkeys often accuse you of spending too much money.Too much money on an education, too much money on clothng later whenever networking to look for work, too much money for working past a certain age and too much money for shelter you are not paying rent for in a cramped one bedroom apartment or bacheolor's sutie. None of the rules for conduct which applies to everyone applies to the narcissist according to them. Somehow the truth has been lost on the narcissist on how illogical it is to accuse someone of spending too much money without asking them permission first after leaving them whenever trying to buy the same things they already have bought for themselves. If you are fortunate to have a post secondary diploma before those purchases according to the narcissist well your achievment is obsolete anyway.
Yes....tells me I'm his rock but also throws in that he has other people that could do soo much more LMAO.... Ok so go to them.
Narcs turn family members against each other, and whomever they are in a relationship with, they do the same in their family. Hell, narcs, even cause triangulation in their community, pitting neighbors against each other. Narcs throw rocks and hide their hand, and no one knows they are complicit until everything is said and done. They are very cunning and manipulative
@@dontbelongherefromanother very very true!
This sounds like what the puppet masters are doing now, seperation of sexes, races, countries, workers dubbed essential, students being graded. WHO is going to stick the needle in your back if you want big brother covering your back.
I once dated a narcissist. I literally used to accuse her of manufacturing chaos. Now I know I wasn’t crazy! Thanks so much for sharing your knowledge of these awful people.
Yeas I hear you, making mountains out of mole hills, seeing the worst in people rather than the good or giving them the benefit of the doubt.
Or letting them live their lives, as they see fit , not as you (Narc) wish they would…. No one really knows what is best for another except themselves.
Basically no one asked for your opinion… so don’t give it, and start stirring up trouble. Stay in your lane.
My histrionic alcoholic narcissist middle sister is doing this still and getting worse. I was just discharged from the hospital for "exhaustion" last Wednesday and not only did she create an unbearable situation to test me, when I snapped she has caused it to be that no one has called since to check on me because no one cares😔 They're setting me up to fail.
my ex of 36 years of marriage did the same thing! Created conflict and then expected me to help clean up the mess…time and again.
@@ingrid_inthesky Your comment was a year ago...I hope you're feeling much better now.
All women to a degree are narcs. Countless cases of narcs. I've met one male narc for ten female narcs.
My mother was an absolute genius at triangulation. She very definitely pitted her children against each other, and I was horrified when I realized she did the same thing with her grandchildren. The consequence? Nobody really trusted anyone and no one is close. In fact, the family is pretty much finished. I personally don’t miss it! Contact was always very stressful for me, as the main scapegoat.
Robin Lundstrum I can definitely relate to your experience. No one in my family trusts anyone else. Including me. I am also the scapegoat.
Diane Merrell me too
Totally relate.
Diane Merrell - We are kindred spirits! Both of my parents have passed away and now I have peace. Thank goodness for channels like this one. Back in the day, we didn’t really understand what was happening to us.
*POW* PunkOnWhiskey - 😎
Sometimes they don't even compare...they just bring the different people in your conversation again and again , and you start feeling like may he/ she misses the other people and aren't happy with you.
I was wondering about this!
Right. My exe would bring up a woman at church that was so loving. They are close in age, but he said she was a mom figure. BS. I heard him inevitably say [to her] I love you. When I had a problem with that and cussed him out in text, after trying to talk to him, he showed her my texts. He refused to speak with me about it and said he showed her to get advice. Um, advice, “Don’t tell her you love her! Don’t share our relationship with her!” I dumped him.
One of the worst things my ex Narc said to me to triangulate was “you will never be enough for me”. When he was cheating. Now I refuse to be triangulated by removing myself with no contact and breaking soul ties.
Same here
You will enough.... Ha ha! Who needs to be hit with a cast iron skillet?
I just hope u know how beautiful and amazing you are regardless of what he said to you and the lies r tried to make u believe. God bless you, I hope u find happiness and true love one day
Mary Claudia Thank you ☺️
Thats messed up!!! But he was being honest. Not that you’re not enough, but NO ONE will be enough for that sicko!!! They’re trying to fill a bottomless hole!! Trying to run away from who they really are!! They’re demons!!! Run!!! And don’t look back
In my experience the triangulation and comparisons start during the lovebombing phase of a romantic relationship. People don't notice there's a problem when they are being favourably compared to others.
This is so true! A revelation honestly! I always felt weird when he was bashing exes to give me compliments. Like that’s not necessary!
Yes! Bingo! It shows up our own vanity. But truly none of us should want to look taller by standing on someone else's back.
Yes, it happened to me with his ex.🙄
Exactly. It’s not right to pit people against each other. And yes the narcissist will spin it like they’re the “savior” whole time they’re in the middle of it all gathering their amusement.
Queana Ivory Music absolutely! My narc mother did this between me and the rest of my family 🙄
@@Multiverse82
I can relate. I'm very sorry it's such a painful experience, when my mother realised that relied on animals for emotional support she started getting rid of them sometimes in horrible ways. I hope you're doing ok now, it's taken a very long time but I'm free and happy. 💕
chokinonashes61 yes thank you I’ve finally gone no contact! First with my mother and her husband over a year ago and finally all of the family just as this pandemic broke! They are all narcs or flying monkeys. Plus half of them jehovahs witnesses that is a narc cult in itself. But I’m free and I’m happy they can’t influence my life anymore 👊🌺
chokinonashes61 I’m sorry that happened to your animals. They always get you where they know it will hurt the most. It’s great your are free at last!
So TRUE!
They treat their children differently while frequently announcing in mantra-like fashion, "I treat ALL my children the same!".
Omg thank god someone else feels like this. I feel this will prevent my self gaslighting. My mom pretends to be someone who treats everyone equally. My sis and I called her out for treating my bro better. Later we were both gaslighted and manipulated into believing that she's equal and we're guilty and we both actually did believe it. Now I finally understand.
Frankly, I don't see how you can treat everyone the same because everyone is different. I have a different relationship with each child. But, I think you can be fair. That may be a better word.
@@sanskrutibarot9796 they favor sons because they have so much self hatred, their daughters remind them of themselves. Or of the idealized self that they never achieved.
I grew up with a mother who is an expert at triangulation. As children, my brother and I played her game because we didn't know better. As adults, without knowing what to call the game, we recognized that we had been played for years, and we made a pact - we do not believe anything our mother tells us about the other sibling.
Geneva Lawrence So happy for you! I wish all my sibs would stop triangulating. Its so ridiculous.
💗
I wish my sister was able to see it. I suspect she is narc though.
Yay! The two of you won!
Atleast your other sibling is not a narcissist
I just let out the most awful sound and my dog freaked out. I just cried so freaking hard. I have been searching for this. I thought I was the problem and that I was just crazy and jealous but... omg, I feel sooooo much better knowing that this is a real thing. This is exactly the thing that we’re happening. When you started describing the woman at work, women on tv, etc I just felt release. I thought I was alone in this. He called his ex wife a Barbie and he told me that he really liked heart shaped faces but that he liked my shape too for some reason... and things like that which started to make me feel so insecure about myself.
I feel so robbed. He’s not the first to do these things. I feel like my confidence, my sanity, my innocence even... (because of sadistic things in the bedroom) the list goes on. I need to talk to someone and get some help. Some days I’m ok. But most days I feel hopeless and like the world is just a dark and scary place.
Thank you so much for this. Please know that you are making such a difference.
❤
♥️
Hi run to arms of Jesus God is a man who cannot lie.
My ex covert Narc also liked sadistic twisted things in the bedroom. Ugh. I hope you are doing better!!❤
You're so beautiful! Thought I would let you know 😉
That recognition and attention is a hell of a drug, which is why some people go to very frightening lows to vie for the favor of the narcissist, even when it means abusing or mentally destroying another person. It’s scary because in some ways they believe they’re being valiant. They think they’re vanquishing the enemy... Whole time the enemy is the one setting them up to do their dirty work. It’s a sad sad occasion.
Yes. Exactly.
They also make it look like you have the problem by making you react to the passive aggressive attacks.
if you go on the defence it makes it look like they are right. And they are always so charming and have lots of resources and give a lot. They dont like to loose.
Its almost like they have no real life of thier own , they live to use people look like the hero and the victim while abusing and walking all over their victims
@@HeartPiece4u Yep!!! They ALWAYS have to be the hero who made you who you are or the victim who was abused by you. Once you decide to make them neither...they go into a rage and then the retaliation begins.
Very well put. I'm in this situation at the moment with housemates. It's a living nightmare
Literally what happened to my brother. My mom lost her grip on me when I became distant. She had to have asked my brother why and he spilled everything I confided in him about regarding my mom. All of it. Thought I could trust him but my mom manipulated the hell out of him and my brother went along with it. Now the family is ruined yet I’m treated as the devil because I called it out.
My mother used this one too.OMG, she has used every method Dr. Ramani talked about. She never praised me, instead, from time to time she bragged to me about how great my brother was. I bet she did this gimmick to my brother. I once truly loved my brother and cared about him, but he never get in touch with me forwardly once. Now I just take radical acceptance, yeah, my brother is just a person who treated me better than a stranger.
It’s crazy how I went through this triangulation process for years and didn’t see it until the end! I was hospitalized twice because of everything they were putting me though. Thank the Lord for getting me out of that toxic family!!!
Thank you for your share ..I too have suffered mental heakth crisis because of my family of origin . I hope your life is full of blessings and healing.
💯
I thought I met my soul mate, but it turns out I was just love bombed by a narcissist 😂 we were together for just 3 short months. Thank goodness I have been doing a lot of internal work over the last 3 years otherwise these tactics of triangulation, gaslighting, blame shifting, etc. would have done some serious damage. It’s crazy just how skilled at manipulating that these people are. I didn’t see that he was doing these things to me until I caught him cheating on me with another girlfriend!!! And I got over him fairly quickly once I realized that the person he portrayed himself to be wasn’t real. He doesn’t even know who he is. It’s tragic, and I truly wish him healing.
That’s the one thing that I think makes my recovery easier. Knowing that he doesn’t know or love himself at all. I think him seeing me be kind, social, loving, empathetic, and happy for many people upset him a lot because that’s something he was just not capable of. So he had to do something with that bitterness so he took it out on me. Thankfully I left. Even now, I hope he’s able to find peace within himself because that’s a sad and tiring life otherwise.
It’s a dirty game to play games with children. They didn’t ask to be born. I remember in my own childhood how my grandmother put so much more value on the boys and treated us girls like we were just inherently bad... when that was seriously not the case. That’s damaging.
I wanted to be a boy, always, because my mother, father, and aunt valued my brother and manhood in general more. Mother even dressed me as I were a boy. It is gone now. Nice spring to you!
These same grandmas and mothers expect the daughters to sacrifice and take care of them in old age and often - many known cases - leave the total inheritance to the son . Their 'rationale' - girls don't need money .
It's heartbreaking, deliberately cruel and sadustic.
My paternal grandmother did just the opposite: favored the girls over the boys. She groomed her favorite granddaughter (my older sister) quite well I must say.
My mother in law favors my daughters more than my son. Thankfully she only speaks spanish and my kids know english, so she can't plant seeds in their heads. They are older now and unfortunately have noticed the favoritism, so I just explain to them that it is important to have each others backs no matter what. And I just started teaching them Spanish, and now unfortunately my narcissistic mother in law wants to move to the state we are currently leaving in.im so stressed out about having her here. 😓
My mother was a narcissist. The problem was that she turned my brother into one, too, during his early developmental years (that is another story). As she aged her tactic was to tell each of us a different story, so that we would be pitted against each other. After I figured this out I tried to explain to my brother what was going on. He refused to see the light, because he was also playing both of us like a fiddle for financial gain. Mom would tell other people, like neighbors and members of church, whopping lies. They all believed her, because she looked so sweet and innocent This dynamic caused irreparable damage to our family even after our mother passed away many years ago.
Trauma it’s “subtle” trauma .
Textbook. It's reslly creepy isnt it.. I described it as having a mother who was a Disney character who went Dark and never went back. But only some of us wake up within the nightmare.
May she will burn in hell forever! Same my mum, we need to stop feeling pity for these demons in flesh, they like to destroy and hurt with no mercy or remorse....may they will be in flames! In God's name.
Same thing my adoptive mother did between me and my siblings. Now that she's in her 90s and my siblings and I are much older, they still hate me and I have no contact with any of them.
This is the story of my Golden Child younger Brother but it reached a breaking point when when she made the daughter from his previous marriage her Golden GrandChild and talks smack about his new kids. Now he is very low conctact.
Will straight up have groups of people hating me that I don’t even know... and that definitely don’t know me. And sometimes it’s people I’ve been cool with (or at least I thought we were cool) that all of a sudden want to come for me.
Classic! Be careful of "flying monkeys", anyone who believes a narcissist's lies are potentially naive, easily manipulated, and might have other motives themselves. If someone outright believes gossip about someone instead of asking the source being attacked what actually happened, that is someone you need to limit contact with or even watch carefully. I always trust those that tell me I have food on my face over someone who keeps that to themselves. The honest folks that seek the truths are the ones to keep in your life and hold on tight to.
I had to learn the different between predation and love. The predator loves the way my fear tastes while Love sees and knows the love that I am.
The moment I began to have self-respecting boundaries, just like that, 80% of the people in my life showed their true narcissustic motivations. Their entitlement makes them act out to severed supply, and I am learning to break the programming by setting limits on what I will and will not accept from other people. I'm learning to recognize people who are motivated by Love and to celebrate their presence in my life
truth...I totally relate to this.
oh i have dealt with this too.. one time some people were talking rude to me and i was sweet to them, they got on my side 😎 Then they started talking and behaving good to me. And then i saw some perplexed faces then i understood.
This strikes me as the most potent weapon of the narc. It ultimately ended my relationship and I had no clue about narcissism at that time. I couldn’t stand the continuous competition any longer and realized I would never win.
My mother has done that to me and my 3 older sisters for as far back as i can remember but since I went no contact with them all im the bad guy ,and this time im O.K. with that
Good for you
This is awesome for you!
yes, this happens when the guilt-trap does not work anymore. Then you are free.
This video was SO eye opening!!! I realized I was not only being devalued but also triangulated as I was constantly being compared to someone I don’t even know.
And they do it all the time too its like brainwashing. What's even more absurd they also cant resist to make fun of that person as well. Like "he has the most weird eating habits". Its so weird dealing with narcs you actually feel like you are going nuts.
One month after her failed hoover, she shows up for child exchange with her boyfriend. Our custody agreement has numerous stipulations about this. Most notably that introductions of new partners would be limited to those without drug /alcohol issues criminal history etc. All of which her new partner has. She even has our child calling him "my other daddy".
All of the terms Dr. Ramani had covered in her series are playing out in my life, in real time. Hovering, Triangulation, Boundary issues.
Without this series I would have literally gone insane.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani.
She so nasty!!! Selfish, not concerned for your children. Hang in there, karma will come.
If you don't already have your children in Therapy with a therapist who understands narcissism, please make that happen soon. If she did it to you, you absolutely know she's doing it to them.
I'm so sorry for this situation!!
chipanndale 1 thanks for that. What's really funny about this is that we both spent a huge amount of time and money in mediation for the custody agreement that we both ultimately signed. And in the end she simply used it as a roadmap to violate every single element we agreed on. Because that's just how she rolls, I guess.
@@reiniernosson1049 Your children are lucky you are so mature. Please ignore the provocations of your narcisisstic ex-wife. She is imature and not worth of upsetting you. Just be there for your children, love them and support them, because they need that.
I could never understand why parents would turn their children against the other parent after divorce. We never have a deal with God to know if we will be healthy and alive as long as our children need us. So what if one day we can't take care of our children as we would like, or worse, we die? That's the most horrible thing for a parent with young children. Who would take care of the children if your actions enstranged the children from the other parent? This is the reason why I have always encouraged very good relationships between my children and their dad, even at times when the relationship between me and their dad was bad.
I wish you and your children all the best and I wish your ex could receive the thing she needs most: wisdom.
A narcissistic mother can also use triangulation between the scapegoat and other siblings and even the other parent to make herself appear to be the victim of the scapegoat so the others abuse the scapegoat for her. Even physically. True story. I should know because it happened ro me.
Yes they use what's called flying monkeys to do their dirty work for them.
Yep this is what my mother does. Not physical but emotional torture.
Compared all my life with a more perfect child of a neighbor, reminded constantly that I am not good enough. Now when I am older, I am understanding what a shitty mom I had..
My Mom was raving about my girlfriend's blonde hair. I was puzzled and asked, Why don't you like mine? Mine is a pretty blonde color, too (I asked because she always disapproved of it). My Mom's answer was that because I had to bleach my tresses, to achieve the same light shade, it was automatically inferior. Who does that to a young woman?
u sould tell her.....u was born as blank piece of paper....what u r and became is part of who she is and what she tought u or did not....be strong...hug!
Doctor Ramani is an angel sent to earth. Thank you so much for doing this, you have no idea how much of a positive impact you have. Thank you.
Finally the whole "comparing you to all the other people I'm seeing making you believe they are admirable and beyond human and you are just a naive hopeless if you do the same things" has a name! Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani!
Yeah
Jesus, my family did this; sadder yet, my parents really tried to break thru it for me, and their own naivete and drive for approval was used against them. Damn.
@@KingRandor82 oh, dear! You have all my empathy. Hope you managed to cope with the situation and used it as training. I don't know about you, but now I can see the red flags kinda clearly and I do my best to avoid traps! Must be more difficulut when it comes from family but I wish you the best!!
@@odddraft it did help me understand though why I was so willing to take it when I received it from the narcs that *did* come into my life. I actually went into it on my blog quite thoroughly in fact, and concluded my latest entry with asking my family "you say you're proud of me...why? You don't even understand why I do what I do. I believe others when they tell me, but not you"
I didn’t realize the mere act of treating 2 kids very differently in a family is triangulation. My family only communicated through gossip behind the back of whomever wasn’t there 💔
The narcissist’s parents are oblivious to their child’s actions and always defends them. You always look like the bad guy for calling them out. It’s like you have to parent the narcissist, but they only feel attacked by what you have to say and can’t see where you are coming from.
I guess I have one and trust me there's no defending of any sort.. you're pretty much on your own
The one I had was controlled by his parents! They are problematic but oblivious... Calling them out makes you look crazy and not them. Leaving is the best way!!
That's because one or more parents are narcissists themselves.
That was exactly my experience. His mom thinks he's a perfect specimen of man. And she basically said if he physically abused me, I must be at fault. Years ago it was his dad who said "we're narcissists" referring to my ex and himself. At the time I didn't know what it meant or how right he was.
Sophia Sebring 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼exactly
The mentioning of ex was one of the bizarre thing in my last relationship with my narc ex.
He constantly brought up his ex, even though I told him many times “ the less I know about your ex, the happier I am”.
Of course he didn’t listen and kept mentioning his ex time to time.
Here is the crazy part, the minute I said anything about his ex story, which he brought up, he would turn around and say”this is why I don’t like to talk about ex, you think too much.”
I was like😳you brought it up, every time!
Then he would start gaslight me ”No YOU brought things up”, “why you have to ask me things in the past?”
He just desperately wanted to project me as a jealous gf, I didn’t get it until I caught him cheated with another ex.
He gaslighted me to think”it is over react to suspect him and the exs ”, so I subconsciously avoid the topic of his ex as bring this thing up =makes me a jealous gf. By then he could cheat under the radar.
My ex did the same ! Constantly rambling about how perfect his ex was. She was indeed, clever enough to dump and block this asshole.
Same here!
I think that is in the handbook they give to narcs. I used to get so mad at the disrespect I would tell him remove the L from lover it's over. He didn't get it.
This exactly I was experienced with my ex. He always ended up saying I was a psycho and jealous. OMG I'm so happy for you that guy got out of your life.
My ex used to bring up the fact the that is ex was a “professional dancer” and another was “an ice starter” who like me didn’t have much experience and therefore became “too clingy” lol ... even though I was too busy with work at the time to see him much and he was the clingy one. .. also he wasn’t successful himself
I wish I knew about narcissism before I wasted 16 yrs of my life. I see now (14 months away now) the triangulation that began immediately. It continued with different people.
Me too hun. Since day 1. 12 years later and it’s still the same just different players. Biggest red flag I missed. My ego was like “who does this guy think he is?” Maybe if I try harder...😒 Congrats on your escape.❤️
@@afree6339 Dangggggg I hope you're doing better!!!!!
Finally see the light and I have made the difficult choice to take back my life. I was raised in this dynamic, experienced it in the workplace, endured countless friendships and intimate relationships and also with my grown children . I was hospitalized for a mental breakdown. Homeless and taken advantage of financially. There is no end to this kind of abuse, please recognize this and save yourself before it's too late. I have no contact at all with anyone associated with my family including my baby grandson. which is heartbreaking 💔 for me. But the peace of mind is priceless.
Triangulation and drama: my former relationship's two keywords.
Love you for eternity, Dr. Ramani. You are my encyclopedia to toxic patterns of toxic people. 🙏☺
Wow I never knew there was an actual term for this... he constantly did this to me. So glad I don’t have to deal with him anymore 👋
Here's the problem for me... By the time I realized what was really going on, I had already invested time, money and 10 years of my life. They in turn got so many people involved in our relationship I didn't know which way was up or down. By then one is so depleted of life force that it's a struggle to get up and face the day. We need to figure a way out before it gets to the point that I'm currently at. This is such great information. It's helping me to decipher what the hell is really going on in that sick mind of theirs. Thank you Doc. You're awesome. The way you explain things, a person living in this "shit storm" they create gets it right away.
Love the term "puppet master" that Dr. Ramani used. I always used to use "matriarch." I have seen it in action and became "the scapegoat" for calling it out. I have seen strings being pulled and how everyone was pitted against each other in the triangulation. Everyone having to go through the puppet master first. Even on jobs, I see the dynamic of how everyone gossips and pits teams against the scapegoat they alienate and make the enemy. Its done because the "puppet master" wants to be served by ALL. I call it the what have you done for me lately syndrome while you become narcissistic supply. Its the evil of domination, maniipulation and control. When you become the direct beneficiary of the chaos as Dr. states is to recognize the patterns and block it.
I went from being the golden child to the scapegoat, because I got more mature and saw through the charade. However, she easily dominated my brother, thus he became an emotion cripple. The whole situation is really sad.
The emotional damage done is sad. Its time to take charge and block and protect ourselves from further damage.
Oh my god. The narcissist I was married to would like inappropriate pictures of women on instagram and blame me for being insecure. I'm so thankful for the validation and understanding this video provides.
These videos are amazing, it's like Dr. Ramani was a fly on the wall in my family home!! We had the golden child ( 2 brothers), scape goat (sisters), invisible one(sister), there were 6 of us! My mother was awesome at triangulation, I'm just upset it took me my whole life to figure all this out!!!! The abuse was (is) horrific, demonic even...........at this point, no one in the family believes me when I tell them what I have figured out! She was good at being a narcissist, that's for sure! So, because my mother was so selfish needing her supply, I am left with a torn apart family that used to be SO CLOSE! I didn't realize that so many people have gone through narc. abuse of some sort, until reading comments. It breaks my heart, for my own family and for other families. It didn't need to be this way!!! Ok, damage has been done. I will never be able to convince the others that I am not the BAD guy, but in the end the NARC will get what they deserve! I am a Christian, born-again late in life (40) and thank God everyday I had my awakening, otherwise I could not have dealt with this reality. The peace I get knowing Jesus -makes me not want revenge, not feel I have to set the record straight with my family! I know narcissists will be dealt with on judgment day..................I do pray for them, but as we all know they don't change!!! God bless everyone going through this now and have a healthy healing process
Thank you! That explains so much about my mother. People never believed the abuse she put me through, because "she was so good for my brother that I must simply be ungrateful"
I know how you feel I've been through the whole you need to be grateful thing... even though you're going through unspeakable abuse. I want you to know that maybe our parents don't love us. But I know who does his name is Jesus Christ and he died on the Cross for our sins so we wouldn't go to Hell. Accept Jesus Christ love today if you already haven't. His love is like no other
@@christiangamer3669 agreed..maybe my earthly father doesnt really love me, my heavenly one does though.
Just hearing your voice giving sense to it all is so calming. I thought that saturday and sunday we were not gonna get these glossary videos and it was a blessing to get prompted with their notifications both days. Thanks Dr. Ramani.
So real. My son in law is the one who communicates what my narcissist daugter feelings, tantrums, etc. She is vocal, clever and makes him believe we have abused her over her whole life. To make things worse, she sees my other daughter as the golden child. Its a nightmare
My narc sister would thrive from other family members having little issues and trying to pin us against each other to make the problem bigger or coldness between us. She gossiped, twisted information and get information out of us to control us, now I don't have contact with her, and after trying to divide my family, she has not succeeded, my mother, father and oldest sister and I (and our children) can finally have a normal family relationship without drama.
I knew I was working in a toxic place along time ago. I just thank the Lord he gave me a better push to a better job. I no longer have to put up with a toxic work place
My favourite coach on Narcissism, thank you for your insights, joy and taking the time to bless us with your wisdom. I send you blessings and good vibes :)
Great insight. The trouble is......it takes many years for the people around them to figure it out. The physical toll.......on my siblings is that they are gone (dead) ......drinking, smoking, overeating, etc.......the toll on families is much greater than anyone thinks. Even among my 2 brothers......one lied to the other one up close......can you imagine lying to someone you have known over 50 years? Can anyone believe it?
I saw this with some people I knew a long time ago. Even with my own family and didn't know what was happening. I have little to no contact with them now. It does make for being in an uncomfortable situation. Crazy making. Dr. Ramani's videos help you put things in perspective.
You just described my boss, most of my coworkers, my grandmother, and my ex-girlfriend.
And thanks again for saying before that narcissism is the new norm. People just don't understand how much of an epidemic it is.
After an afternoon, spent with a friend couple I was told “ I was impressed how submissive your friend was. She would give up her opinion and all her needs to make her husband to feel superior. She must love him a lot. It must be the greatest love I’ve seen”. And that was out of nowhere, after talking about the great day we had. Then (after the trigger and the following argument) he said “I don’t understand why are you bringing this up if it bothers you so much, we were just talking about the nice day we had”. I feel so thankful I found you, doctor Ramadi! Thank you!
I didn't know much about triangulation. When I was younger, it used to make me feel upset and insecure, especially with my family. I also wished I knew about this topic then. Now that I'm older and I have been working on myself for years, it doesn't affect my self-esteem and I'm able to identify it more when it happens. However, I don't want the same pattern to be repeated in my life. I have never agreed to any "threesome", and I was not aware of it in the past. I only wanted to have a healthy relationship with a good man, the right one for me. But healing from our childhood and from our past it is so important.
I'm an introvert and empath, I avoid being the center of attention, or being in the spotlight; posting about my personal life is out of my comfort zone. But watching your videos, reading other people's experiences and sharing my own, it feels therapeutic. Also makes me realize that I'm not alone nor the only one who has gone through narcissistic abuse. Thank you so much!💗
Any threesome….I’m gonna use that line
Only now at 54 I realise my mother and two elder siblings all used triangulation..my siblings and mother have been at war with each other for decades..I got totally fed up with it and have cut them all out of my life..before I left I wished them all good luck tearing each other apart!
My two siblings and I are in our fifties now. The covert narcissist mother is still alive. I do not recall a time in our lives when we children were ever not divided. We are to this day. I haven't see my sisters in years.
Wow he did this to me from the beginning of our relationship. I used to feel ashamed for being upset about it. Thank you Dr Ramani for putting the information together in such a clear way 👑🙏❤
As the child of a narcissistic father I can vouch for the fact that it's possible to come together with your victimized family and validate your own and everyone else's experiences. We all still need a lot of therapy and aren't out of the woods yet but we're all recovering slowly ❤️
Doctor please talk about their image and their expensive cars that they use to show off subtly and create good impression of them selves, and also about their vanity by having pictures in every corner of the house
M A, As a woman who really loves cars, I can tell you the behavior of people changed drastically after I bought a BMW. This was in 1985, when they were all the rage. Very few people understood my knowledge of the history of the BMW company, the passion I had at car shows, etc. (My father had a full service garage, and as a child, I was taught all about engines.) I would have made a perfect male child for my father. Anyway, I had to endure so many insults about my new BMW: "These cars are really shit wrapped up in a pretty exterior. They're way overpriced for what they are." "Showing off, eh?" "Wait till you see your first repair bill."
These came from four different people. (None of them knew me well.) It was really eye opening. By the way, I have only two family pictures on the wall.
I didn't realize until watching this video that my narcissistic ex was CONSTANTLY triangulating me against her exes and old friends (all of whom no longer were in contact with her). Truly eye-opening!
My best friend used to use triangulation on me all the time. I always felt bad when she would do it and would wonder why, not knowing what she was doing but thinking it was odd I would be upset about it. I tried to tell myself it was just her saying nice things about her other friends and that is a good thing but somehow it always felt either weird or made me feel bad. It reinforced my low self esteem and made me feel even worse, like I was a bad person for not wanting her to say nice things about her friends. It only bothered me when she would say nice things about her other friends because when she did it, it somehow felt like a put down to me. I now know what she was doing. The last time I talked to her, she triangulated me with my older, very successful brother. The way she said it was so nasty, her tone of voice changed as if she was trying to hurt me, right then and there I knew I was done with her. She also told me she had no empathy for people like me (I had just told her I realized my mother was a narcissist and psychologically abused me my whole life). Since I had an issue with being abused, she had no empathy for me because I couldn’t just immediately get over it! It was an unbelievably horrific, painful, and heartbreaking conversation. Losing my oldest friendship. She was not like this in first grade when I met her and I do not know when exactly she became this person but I’m glad I went no contact. I went no contact with my mother and best friend in the same week. Beware of the frenemy!
When you told her that your mother was a narc, she reacted like any narc would react if you call them out. On some deep level [since narcs never admit to themselves that they are narcs] she probably felt that what you were saying about your mother applied to her as well, thus her reaction.
She was never your friend I'm afraid..when she seemed nice she was lovebombing and reflecting your own desirable qualities back to you. When she is nasty she is showing her true diabolical self.
It is truly delightful to listen to you. Thank you.
Seems the narcissist would have a nervous breakdown if siblings or others banded together to stand against him/her.
In my experience, he´ll play the card of being THE victim. I know better covert narcissist, BTW.
@@nachovinssac8848 how do we win then?
@@tatummoyo8448 IMO, learning, so you can avoid future relationships with people like that. If he/she is someone that you can´t stop seeing, that learning would allow you to set healthy boundaries and do not expect from them what they can´t offer. Other kind of "winning" I don´t think is possible, they put a lot, really a lot of energy, in their view of winning.
@@nachovinssac8848 kinda sad...I'm the only sibling out of 4 that's aware of narcissistic disorder.I could educate my family but after years of abuse,this seems normal to them and I sense a feeling of helplessness. I can only protect myself now.you are also right about them putting in so much energy,it seems impossible to win.sickening actually!!
Oh how I can relate! My older sister loves playing victim when people start standing up to her... she's devastated... heartbroken...guilt trip. I hate to have to admit it but I am coming to realize how much I dislike my sister.
Defining the different types of Narcissists would be great. And maybe a "red flag" checklist to make sure we do not fall for a narcissist again. Your videos have given me so much strength and clarity. Thank you!!!
THANK YOU sooo much xx I thought I was gaslighted but I needed a validation from someone qualified and I started watching your videos, I watched many, you gave me the power over the confusion that I was right !! I got out so fast and for good. :)
my mother successfully estranged me from my entire family through lies, manipulation and what I now understand is triangulation. She made sure I was isolated from everyone else so she can be the only one there for me, creating this false narrative where she's actually helping me with stuff but is actually only taking credit for anything ive ever accomplished. I can now see how my mother has done this with everyone who ever got close to her and it explains why at 63, she's alone, barely any friends and single for the past 10 years. Nobody can bear to stick around her because of her narcissism. I feel bad for her because she's had a traumatic life but that doesnt excuse all the harm she has done to me so Im also very angry with her. At least, now, im seeing things more clearly than ever. Thank you so much Dr Ramani for these videos. I know they dont replace therapy but for the time being, they help me a lot.
As the scapegoat of a narcissist I’m so glad to know what strength and integrity I have. It wasn’t always easy and I had to quit alcohol to see more clearly. Fast forward to my spouse trying the ole triangulation with one of her pawns ♟ and I had the wherewithal to say “guess someone is missing their chaos” and left within 24 hours. How did I know to say that through devastating pain? I’d like to thank my spirit guides, good friends and intuition! I feel like I’m receiving an Oscar. Go Dr R 💐💪🏼
If this not at every business? Business is not in business for workers. She narrates a wonderful story. And sits home..Create content. Are you listening to her? The kingdom lord have mercy. How much money do you make and what Are you truly doing to help others. Everyone is a narcissist. The wizard of oz storytelling relabeled. Just damn.she is a rich internet rocket scientist
This is exactly my extended family and even my own child. They enjoy using each one for their own personal entertainment. It is pure mind control.
I just realized I was also drawn to a work situation with triangulation also which I extricated myself from
My narcissistic sister bonded to our narcissistic mother and they became a team, with me on the outside. Yikes! Took me DECADES to figure out what was going on. I was pretty trusting, and believed my family members had my best interests at heart. I think my mom actually did care about me, I'm just now coming to terms with the fact that my sister never did.
if you are told you are being paranoid, pay attention. That sort of gaslighting have a big effect. it's like an exponential effect. because if you are already in a bad place, hearing that can multiply the whole thing and by making you feel like you are also just going crazy and your suspicions are not real. Discuss with friends or write down the facts and realize what is true
Just experienced this at work and came home to watch this video. Otherwise I’d be gaslighting myself right now! ❤️❤️ Thank you!
This seems the most common tactic that guys try to pull on me - the classic praising other girls' looks or flirting right in front of me to make me feel competitive and insecure so that I'll go out of my way to grovel at their feet. Luckily, I caught on to this manipulation as a young woman and learned to cut the guy out as soon as he does it. I'm happy to discover that there's an actual word for it.
I’m finally saying no more to this abuse by family. I’ve had it. They don’t like it but too bad. I’d rather get through this new situation on my own than take any more mistreatment. They use the carrot and stick method to keep me asking for help that never comes. The price of their help is just too high. Thank you for this series, every episode is exactly what I need to hear each day.
Kari Foto Yes keep no contact! You will be liberated and free to be you without judgement or attack! As you will be an expert at spotting them and avoiding them once you see the truth of it all!
I had no idea that there was so much to Narcissism. And your idea of producing a series of Glossary videos about it was sheer genius.
Great explanation. Stay honest to yourself and connect with your feelings.
I've been on the end of the triangulation stick several times, and it always felt bad in a way that I didn't know how to articulate. I even felt shameful at times for feeling off-balance or upset, thinking the problem was me. Thank you so much for clearing this up, Dr. Ramani.
Love this series, Doctor Ramani! These terms are so commonly used but we never hear someone explain them with such depth. Thanks for creating this for us. I appreciate the time and detail you put into your work.
Every word of this rings true, the series is soooooo helpful for victims to reclaim their sense of reality and self, which has been undermined by toxic individuals and relationships no matter if chosen or by being born into the dynamic
Thank you Dr. Ramani!!! Your videos have provided me so much helpful healing information and tips to move on from my narc mom...dad and sister. Pretty sure my mom is more of a sociopath tho. Bless you all in the comments who’ve gone through this. I sadly drew a few narc ex bfs into my life over the years. Many therapists completely miss when you’ve been a victim of narcs both covert and overt. As someone sober who goes no contact and has for years...I’m so grateful. I spent along time in the dark these people exist and are a thing spent years people pleasing feeling insecure internalizing abuse. No more. These videos are a big part of my self love/healing. I no longer let in exes, family who gaslight or worse I only have friends who are balanced. Folks still in these dynamics...it’s possible to move on. I am proof.
Omg, this is hitting home for me, Thank you!
Thank you everything makes so much sense ❤️
I feel like you have just 3xplained away almost 10 years of growing stress and depression because upto now I knew nothing of these types of "people" however, I was sitting listening and every example she you gave was another 'tick' on the list of what has been happening in my life and creating massive unhappiness for me along with what now I believed was a mental health issue. But suddenly, understanding this video, the nature and purpose as to why and how it happens. Im beginning to get it. And suddenly for the first time in a long time I feel like I'm starting to get my mind back. Perhaps the whole 90s generation and those that come since have these techniques/disorders as it's almost become social common practice amongst groups all over. Thank you Dr for making these videos.
So I’m just learning about narcissism and just hearing these talks by Dr. Ramani brings me to tears and raises my anxiety. I never had a word or understanding of why my ex wife was having emotional affairs and trying to force these affairs down my throat. From the lovebombing when we met 19 years ago to the horrific email she sent me moments before our final tie was cut (the closing on the sale of our home) blaming me for everything and anything, things I didn’t even know existed. It was brutal, just brutal. She reached out to my longtime friends and some family members long before I had a chance to tell them we were divorcing, She told some I was crazy, she told others I was just a dreadful human being. And some she just told I was sadly just a jealous person but “didn’t want to talk badly about me”. She played the room depending on my relationship to my friends and family. She actually had an ex who I didn’t know personally come after me on social media to tell me I needed to stop playing the “victim”. I hope these videos will lead me to find some healing. I
Dr. Ramani, you are very correct and true. I was related to a narcissist. She was horrible. She triangulated and gas lighted me. I am facing worst time trying to overcome my trauma. Thank you.
Thank you Dr. Ramani for all the work you do. You are empowering women and narc victims by giving a name to the root causes of situations that they've had to deal with or suffer through sometimes for many years without realizing what it was initially. Getting informed arms us with the ability to make informed decisions. Thanks again. And be blessed.
You are doing such incredible work. Youre like an anchor and a lighthouse all in one.🌟🙏🌟
I was raised in a triangulated situation. I was a nightmare that I couldn't wake from. To this day my bother is a golden child flying monkey for my mother and it is such a shame. I went NC on my mother and GR on my brother. Only option that works.
Speak on it! No wonder we are exhausted
This was my life with the narcissist... He used my daughter for his triangulation as the golden child, and I was the scapegoat. To make a very long and sad story short, my daughter and I are estranged.
So sad :(
You are amazing! It is therapeutic to realize that one’s assumptions of a narcissistic situation was part of the syndrome. It is so important to be able to recognize these factors and know how to react. “Getting off” the narcissist train is the way to go!
I like the way you give real world examples of the behaviors. This makes it easier to understand terms that can sometimes be vague and widely misused. Thank you for supporting our community.
Dr Ramani you have a way of articulating yourself like none other. All your content lands so well on the ear. You are loved and appreciation, thanks again for changing my life.
I always wondered about triangulation since I started learning about borderline personality disorder and studying it reading about it. I like the way you cut to the chase. You don't drag us out and make us watch and listen. You're willing to tell us what it means and then go into the explanation. That style holds my attention longer than anything
Every time I see one of these videos it hits the nail on the head on what I went through. It helps me understand how evil these people can be and I'm not the crazy one. I was told all through my childhood by my mother that I was crazy along with all the torture she put me through.
I use to always fall for this BS. Never feeling adequate. Now I don't care and I think the narc senses that and it drives him crazy. I am enough
M J You ARE enough. I feel you there.
They cannot stand it when you are a whole person.
@@heatherstacy2976 yup, like " how dare you think you're a person without me " . They need our energy so badly and resent us for it. Stay strong❤️
Dr Ramani helped me learn to save myself from my narcissistic parent, and I got away as fast as I could.
The woman who gave birth to me turned the house into an extended game of Survivor where no one wins. I was voted off “the island” and was hoovered (sucked like a vacuum) back in many times over her reign as my sole guardian for the better part of two decades.
The last time I was “voted off” I treated it like me winning the grand prize because I could finally know peace. No more trying to figure out why I was never good enough nor why Christmas presents for my siblings were based on “rank” in the narcissistic family hierarchy (aka whichever child appeased her best).
Now I can make my own family and break this cycle of unexplained contempt from the most vicious type of birth mother life can give you
Thank you so much Dr. Ramani for sharing your wisdom, these videos are so helpful! ❤️
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Thank God for this channel omg! Thank you. I feel so liberated and validated. I literally thought I was the crazy one for wanting to be in a relationship with 1 person and not an entire group of people. When I spoke to her about this issue in our relationship she said "why are you letting such small little things get to you?" 🤷♂️.