URINALYSIS IN THE ARMY!
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 ต.ค. 2024
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"this is my private time.."
"Well... you're a Private and it's time"
🤣🤣
i choked
Read as soon as they said it lol
Come on piss on this cup
Like potty training all over again! 😂
"The Sergeant Major talks to much"...i love how monotone that line was delivered but gut busting funny.
They all do.
This is accurate.
Tell me you served without telling me you served 🤣
“There’s definitely a delay, but it has nothing to do with you peeing”.
OMFG! Brings back memories! Lol 😂
The talk with your NCO about his family issues is too relatable
Sgt Graber - it's so relateable. Unfortunately what he is talking about is part of the reason why so many service members go through so many divorces. Sad, funny, and true. All at once.
This is 100% accurate...right down to the awkward poster of sexual assault prevention with a guy on it staring into your soul.
Accurate asf.
Too many privates are scared to death of the results, and not understanding that alcohol isn't illegal in the military.
I felt it when he said "The Sergeant Major talks too much" 🤣🤣
They low key start to forget what they’re talking about mid lecture and start winging it until they remember what they’re talking about. Yet nobody got the ball or pussy to tell them that.
Lol never had a problem, always walked to the urinal and dropped my trousers to my ankles and gave a show, cause mama ain't raise no cheater.
Same! I dropped a bare ass fart too!
Same and my piss was so dirty it should have been glowing.
My dad was an E8, when I hit my teens, I was pissing on command
I need advice
@@wtf1231122felt 😅
And damn you...18 years out and I have the Army song stuck in my head now!!!
March along sing our song, with the Army of the FREE
@@RaiderOverBoss count the brave, count the true, who have fought to victory
I hated urinalysis. I would rather them take blood because I would drink so much damn water that I would piss every 15 minutes during the duty day.
“ My urethra is a canyon,….there’s nothing I can’t fit “,…..🤣🤣🤣🤣
Love the talk about his wife… I felt that
stay home spouse has the nerve to talk about household chores
“You’re a private and it’s time.” That’s hilarious!!!!😂🤣😂🤣
"This is really hard"
And the observer looks down
Followed by "Don't look like it from here." ROTFLMAO
Legit had a UA and had to drop a deuce bad. You’ve never understood pressure like trying to relax and pee with some dude scoping your parts while trying to keep it clenched so you can give up your 30ml and then go use the stall.
Fun tip (no pun) just start belting out row row row your boat, bonus if everyone else starts singing it too. Suddenly no one has stage fright.
You weren’t at Ft. Lewis, were you? 😜
Had the same scenario except I couldn’t hold my poop in and so I had to have the UA watch me drop a load and pee at the same time. Very uncomfortable lol
the "NOT IN MY ARMY" poster was perfect
Get the doc with a catheter you be surprised how fast production comes
Can verify as an RN, that men INSTANTLY become able to pee if they hear the word "catheter". 😏
@@dgeneeknapp3168 A lot of military personnel call their attached combat medics to the unit “doc” which is what I am referring to.
@@jessiehorne yes, I know. I was a n enlisted medic back in the 80s and then became an RN.
"the sergeant major talks too much" lol can relate
"I had to pee Sgt, Sgt Maj talks too much........sorry Sgt" xD fuckin dead
bro this is by FAR THE FUNNIEST ONE YOU GUYS HAVE PUT OUT. I have been called in to a test right after pissing and I felt this.
Dear God, all of this is accurate. I usually never showed up for PT overly hydrated, so when I'd get tagged for UA it took forever to be good to go (literally). After a couple of times, I'd keep some Mountain dew in my office just for these mornings. Every now and then, I'd be the one doing the random numbers (one die to determine which position within the SSN to choose and a ten sided die for the specific number. So then, if it was mine, at least i could be ready to fill the cup. MAN, these are the things I don't miss about the military at all...
"This is hard. Doesn't look it." 🤣🤣🤣
🤣😂😅. I LOVE IT!!!!!!! 😅😂🤣
“ sergeant, don’t look at me!’ 🤣😂😅
They always got us on PT day first thing. Like everyone didn't just piss before they had PT. It could take hours.
Accurate. This is very relatable on so many levels
Ahh, the random piss test. A good way to get at least the morning off.
I could always finally be able to pee about 20 min before lunch. This is pure liquid gold!
And that is how it is done. Work the system.
To be fair, i give them as much trouble as possible when i get drug tested at work. Six years I've been drug tested every round of random drug tests. Six years I've come back clean. Now it's gonna take three to four hours every time.
"There's definitely a delay, but it has nothing to do with you peeing."
"Yes Sargeant."
Lmfao underrated lines of the week
*Sergeant
@@theentirecountryofflorida I think loedrag would really not know the difference lol
I feel attacked...and then when I finally did feel I had to go I end up with stage fright when being watched
It be like that. Never gets easy 😂
This is pure gold 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Love the outtakes, they always crack me up!
I'm not holding it for you private.... well I can try to arch it.... LOL
I was a piss tester during my last year in (lil over a year ago now) and as funny as this skit is, it's freaking accurate 😅 what really sucked was when people didn't show up, and we had to wait till the sun went down before we could just write them up as no show and leave
My dad was an E8 when I was teenager and living on the base and he would have to test his guys, then come home late with extra cup and test strip followed by "oh... You think youre getting out of it?!?" Drug tests never went to waste at my dad's house lol
@@stilawesome3586 just know that he deffinately went out of his way to take that test home. Those things are serialized and tracked. He for sure pulled some strings to be able to that 😂
I'm fucking crying ... so fucking accurate... all of it lmfao excuses from privates lmfao
Trying to piss with Meat Gazers eyeballing you is a task...second only .. to actually having to be the NCO eyeballing.
Ohhhh so much memory's I remember getting yelled at for pissin hot and getting yelled at for laughing because I was on meds and I showed them before hand. Then I got yelled at some more and was dismissed.
This is literally every urinalysis in the reserves lmao 🤣
Every month - here comes the UA!!
100% accurate 😂
Big facts
So fucking true hahaha 🤣
God I've heard some of the funniest shit in the bathroom during urinalysis.
You can tell they've been out awhile, they are way too nice
Our CLS guys would use expiring IV bags on the guys who had trouble. No wasted IV, CLS guy gets his quarterly practice, and everyone gets home on time.
I always make it weird. I ask them to take me to dinner first or buy me a drink. I also make eye contact with them if able to. Anything to make them weirded out.
“I thought it was his wrist earlier, I told him to put a watch on it” 😂
Ahhh, urinalysis... the one day I am guaranteed to be hydrated in Texas. And constantly in the bathroom afterward.
Those family talks ,hilarious. Lol
DUDE, that happened to me once. I couldn't pee unless I had to poop, everytime I tried to piss a turtle kept pokin out. So the Meat Gazer had to watch me poop
Omg it's soooo true. Especially considering I was always last one to pee. To the point my leadership eventually start telling me something like "hey we may or may not have pee test coming up, and your name may or may not be on it, so if I was you I would start drinking."
bro you're the GOAT, always some good ass content :)
The perks of being an NCO!
Oscar Mike golf It's truly one of the funniest videos thank you brothers I needed it I was having a shitty day but you made the rest of my night,🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
This is spot on. This happened when I joined in the 90s. Glad to see it hasn't changed. Lol
I use to tell my Joe's on a Friday " don't smoke weed ,weed stays in to long .......do coke or ecstasy tonight....because by Monday it'll be out of your system provided you don't do it on Saturday or Sunday "
Back when I was in school our senior chief would tell us that if we did drugs to do those 2 if we had a 4 day, he was tired of going to DRB'S and Captain's masts every week
We had zero notice. Never a warning. Aim High :)
We had a guy do coke in the parking lot before coming into the armory for PT formation, found out there was a urinalysis and told the 1SG that they might as well just start his paperwork. lol
Omg, talk about bringing back memories...always two and so many with stage fright.
My last unit we had a guy who just happened to have to shit every time there was a UA. The meat gazers, I mean NCOs argued who was the one to go be an observer because they knew what he was going to do lmao. Felt bad for the poor soul to had to sit there and watch the dude shit every time lmao!!
After 26 years I could pee anytime and anywhere. People ask what I did in the military, pee on demand is my answer. Always gets the best looks
I’m waiting in line rn for the whole company
LOL! Oh! You're not supposed to use that, you're suppose to pee in this container. You can't even transfer it due to the plastic.
This was one the funniest videos you guys have done. Freaking hilarious
This is my struggle every single time I do a UA .
He said, Guy! It is 1830, we have been waiting for u! LOL
I love your content man
Oh I laughed just the right amount at this... a ton... I laughed a ton.
I remember having to conduct these stupid things. We were told to intimidate the FNG's which really just made it worse, but funny as hell.
Give a sample, or I'll get a catheter and take a sample.
"THAT'S IT!!! THATS FUCKIN LEMONADE!!" loool
This is pretty accurate dude
Never fails, my first reaction to being woke up early was take a piss... Go to formation and get call for piss test.
lmao .... Wow, this was hilarious. I have seen some crazy Piss tests, but this would have gotten you smoked for sure, some Water + PT = urine hahaha
Had a guy I’d worked with for a decade and a half get 1SG of the FSC and he made two giant changes in the company; all urinalysis would take place after final formation Sunday, all NCOs who pee become watchers. His entire time as 1SG no urinalysis took more than 45 minutes. 30 to 45 minutes later the urinalysis NCO would have the packages prepped and ready to go into the mail box and done!
Omg...thar belly on him....lol. What happen bro
Damn I haven't laughed that hard in a long long time. So many memories from too many UAs.
The plastic document protector on the door, 10:40 slapped on top of another... document... EPICCCCCCCCC
Why does this feel like flashbacks of the national guard
when I was in oakland for my physical in 1986, we were all standing ,in our skivvies, lined up with our cups full. the idiot behind me dropped his. and I got splashed from ankles to ass.... things you never forget.
Wait, what were you at Ft. Ord in the Summer of '86?
@@BluntSouthernBelle ft dix new jersey.
Bro how do yall keep straight faces 😂
NIGHTMARES!
Lmao…..sent this to some of my army buddies. This is awesome
Jumping jacks are entering the room
Good skit. I have dozens of piss day stories after 24 years.
Also, Sgt. Graber needs to remove his Airforce gloves (hands in pocket).
Air Force now allows hands in our pockets.
@@fireman19841 Hence the name partner.
You're either this or you learn to pee on command. I also can't wait for the IG complaint video
I'm in fucking stitches yall so funny
I always pissed on the cup and immediately handed back to button up my trousers. Need 2 hands for the old button fly clammiest and our belt buckle always wanted to fall off.
Lol this reminds me the first time I did a urinalysis with my company. I was 8 months pregnant and they didn't tell me until I got to the comp at 6 that I had to do an urinalysis. I had already gone. I didn't end going until 1030. 😂😂😂 I had drank so much water in those 4hrs I ended up over hydrated with a severe headache and my vision went all blurry. I thankfully threw up so I didn't have to go to the hospital and my baby is okay.
Simple Drew could talk the wheels off a cop car XD HAPPY THANKSGIVING !!
I remember this well. Just got to my company during basic. Waited 4 hours standing in formation since 0330 waiting on a god damn piss test.
Bahahaha….oh the memories😂. I was transitioning to a special access program, NEVER identified for a random test, as soon as I was selected to the SAP, I was hit with three random test within 3 months, wouldn’t call it random, but the poor monitors must have thought we were crazy - just had fun with it.
The amount of relatable content in this video is intense. I never had trouble giving a sample. But I was stuck with a few POGs who could not give anything if their life depended on it. Ugh.
It was like I was there.
“Oh I thought I was doing a tasting, thank god”
I've unfortunately have had to deal with soldiers like this during UA. Some soldiers just take Stupid to a WHOLE New Level.
Best one yet!!
...and the Army goes rolling along. PISS!
This is off the chain!
Accurate 🎯
I never was able to pee quickly. And this really do be what it's like.
I just got my UPL cert. It's funny that one of the PVTs actually had a lot of true facts about pissing. Also, no you do not have to pee standing. It just has to be observed. But this is making me look even more forward to my first UA(insert sarcastic tone).
Jesus the memories of being called at 4 am telling me I'm going to be administrator and LT needs you here 10 minutes ago.
I have seen these kind of faces before - after TDY to Amsterdam, lol! So of the best comedians are in the military - Hollywood hire these crazies!
The MEDDAC at Ft Sill would have Staff Duty call the Soldiers on the UA list the night BEFORE and tell them they had a UA and instructed them to report to the company area the next morning. You were then authorized to walk around the entire bottom floor and we’re not contained at all, while waiting to pee. Another unit I was in would have people get called in for a UA and they could leave and go back to work. When they felt ready to pee, they had to report back. The ONLY stipulation was that they had to provide a sample NLT 1600. 🤣
Lol, just watching this made me want to pee
I had one guy piss an interesting blue green hue. Told him to go see the doc, but he shrugged it off. Needless to say, he got pulled for a “random” blood draw.
He took of his boots lol