@@llynnmarks3382 there used to be a lot of gross comments about her breasts in her videos. she has big boobs and men never let her forget it. i think that's probably what tara was referring to. it kinda puts in perspective why she would shy away from showing her body and etc.
Why does she imply that any woman working full-time is a "girlboss"? Ma'am, people are working minimum wage jobs. It's not about career ambition, it's about survival.
Omg This I hate how thats so frequently ignored by those trad people. Like if I dont get rich in the next 1-2 years I will be forced too have a side Job atleast just too afford food and shelter lamo
I am sure in her opinion they should quit and have kids anyway, that god will provide for you. Then she would shame them for having children while poor. You can't win with people like this unless you magically get rich and live the same lifestyle as her.
I am reminded of that old video by Karolina Zebrowska (I really hope I spelled that right), called something like"real women through history", where she had a fairly typical montage of high fashion and glamour through the ages, alongside lower class working women from the same era. Like, a Gibson girl (a sort of, it girl style from around the edwardian era) alongside a maid, a victorian fancy lady alongside a female industry worker, that sort of stuff. The moral was basically that we often forget the vast majority of real people that lived in that time and just remember the immortalized silent movie actresses, the high fashion models and portraits of the rich.
Poor and working class. Only truly middle-class women could afford not to work--and even that wasn't always true. Avon, Amway, etc existed because A) One income wasn't always enough and B) Adults have a real need to participate in the community and earn their way. This need doesn't go away when a woman gives birth.
r/selfawarewolves Yes, Abby, it does suck that you are made to feel less valid and VALUABLE if you aren't making money or producing marketable goods. 💯 agree. But feminism didn't do that to you! I would agree that the aspects of feminism most concerned with equal opportunity in the workplace have been co-opted to make sure every person under capitalism feels at least a little worthless if they aren't 'productive' but again...feminism didn't create that ideology.
@@Hollyberrystreats well, it was parts of feminism that capitalism co-opted in order to exploit us all more in the 70s and 80s. It's depressing really. Gloria Steinem and her CIA crowd did so much damage to american working-class feminism it makes me angry whenever I remember that she exists. There really was a truly working-class intersectional movement back then and she destroyed it. Of course that's not what Abby is referring to. But it's still infuriating that capitalist scum can take a movement's labels and aesthetic willy nilly and fuck up everything, and years later they will be remembered as part of the movement.
This! And one could say that in her case it’s even more hypocritical, since her wealthy household doesn’t require her to bring in money at all. Her kids are clearly not with her during the production of her videos, so she has nannies and caretakers for them while she pursues her online career. By her own standards she is “not prioritizing motherhood” and being straight up neglectful.
She has no brain, like everyone else who "thinks" like her. (Men and women) These out of touch with reality women are hurting themselves and brainwashing others. I am HAPPY, VERY HAPPY without kids, and I always wanted that and will still want it beyond 37yrs. I have all my hobbies, I hone my skills, I have lots of responsibilities still and I am a clever, strong human still. I dont have to be a slave to the F system who does everything to keep me a slave as baby machine/wife. NEVER!!!! N e v e r!! Too many women already suffers this fate in BS countries!! I. Am. Free. Very much enjoying myself and THINKING for myself. It's not as if the species is lacking babies either, we are way too many on this earth. All of this makes me sick. Sick people spreading their BS so easily due to social media.
And I get the feeling she's ambitious enough to still get FOMO by watching other mothers get office jobs. That's why she's so dogmatic about stay at home moms being superior
I think she’s just miserable. She was told that babies are all she needs for happiness, and now she has them and it’s not 100% fulfilling. But instead of reflecting on why it’s so hard for her and taking steps towards more personal growth, she has to double down and shame anyone who isn’t as martyred as she forced herself to be.
Its a bit of the same as when Kirsten, from Girl Defined, made a video about how only God can really fulfill you, not your husband. It was a year after she had married, and she was clearly dissapointed about marriage. These women are bound to be miserable, as their self defined roles are so narrow its impossible to be happy. They are extremely shallow.
These women are told to sacrifice everything about themselves and that it will pay off, but the payoff never comes. The sex isn't good, having children just makes their lives more stressful, their husbands don't worship them for being a doormat, society doesn't bow to them for being dutiful housewives, life never gets better, the payoff never comes. In the end they are left clinging to the hope that they will be rewarded in a heave that (in my opinion) doesn't exist. I'd be miserable too.
That's the exact read I got on her too. She seems frustrated and tired, clearly feels unappreciated in the amount of work she's doing for her kids, and is taking it out on other women who have a different lifestyle than her. Ironically, women are usually the ones applauding other women for how hard it is being a mother. Sounds like her husband and others in her personal circle aren't appreciating her efforts.
Better than that, some of them think we have s**x all the time 🤣 That's so weird because in order to have babies you have to have s**x eventually😅 and for not having them it helps when you are single and s**xless
I think it's because she sees parenthood as the only real and true responsibility. Like, the thing that will square you, make you adhere to the straight and narrow? I think, to her, if you are not a parent or on the path to become one, you are a degenerate.
Every time she (or someone like her) goes off about child free people, all I can think of is the person who lost their shit over childless women going to Disneyland.
true, I'm childfree and literally have never partied, drank, or travelled. I hardly leave my home. I really wonder if she's aware that that's even possible
Not having a child is sometimes the most selfless choice. I am stopping the cycle of abuse. I am not giving a child a parent who doesn't want them. My refusal to have children is an act of mercy.
This. I’m so wary of being a parent because of what I went through as a kid, I didn’t have a parent to look up to and wouldn’t know how to be one. I’m also terrified that being a parent will cause me to have more PTSD epsiodes, which wouldn’t be safe for me or the child. Then there’s the asinine amount of chronic illness and disorders that I’d feel like shit for passing on. I wouldn’t want anyone to deal with it all, let alone a kid.
This .. some people shouldn't be parents, they don't have the maternal or paternal gene, so to speak. There's nothing wrong with that. We're all uniquely us, and that's what makes humans so special. If someone doesn't like children and doesn't have the patience for them, it's better they don't have children because they're probably going to end up traumatizing them or abusing them because they're not able to handle them because they don't like kids . 🤷 Just like someone who doesn't like dogs or cats shouldn't go around adopting them either.. some parents can't be stay at home parents because they need to have a break from being with their kids 24/7, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that either. Knowing what we can and can't handle mentally and acting on it, is what's freaking healthy for us and anyone in our family. Even if our family consists of doggy or kitty children..😂❤
Exactly! I _know_ I would be a bad parent, and I refuse to have a child to "test" out how good of a parent I could be. Children deserve better than to be used as experiments for someone's self-actualization.
I'm an eldest child. I already raised 3 younger siblings and I'm exhausted. I'm spending adulthood trying to raise myself and I'm frankly too immature and selfish to inflict this on a child.
Feminism shook up the social expectations around impression management, at least, such that June Cleaver at least doesn't *necessarily* feel like she has to always be impeccably coiffed and her house spotlessly clean while sneaking pills and wine in secret.
@ville__ Oh look, you again, supporting Tara's channel by commenting all these times for the algorithm! I mean, yeah, it's a bit weird that you leave the exact same comment on all these female creators' channels, but hey, it's the thought that counts! Thanks for supporting all these channels!
It's bizarre to hear Abby pretend like she was raised in a post-feminism dystopia of girl-bosses, while peddling the most patriarchal, regressive shit imaginable
And while living in a bubble and being threatened by literally none of the things she complains about. Feminists don't want to take away her choice to be a mother, or to stay home to raise kids. If another woman chooses to work instead of having children (or has children later than Abby would "approve of"), it doesn't affect her at all.
Literallyyy as if her brother also isn't the most conservative alt right own the libs dude imaginable. They obviously weren't raised to be feminists so what's she talking about? It's sad on some level to see how plainly unhappy Abby is. She's stuck in a life she feels unsatisfied in and can't do anything to change it bc that's what she's been selling all along. She's lying in the horrible bed she made and is trying to convince us to have a sleepover by any means necessary. Girl, get up!
She participates in the thing she claims to hate. (Yes, right wing logic applies to them too.) Where as unlike capitalism, she doesn't need to be a girlboss under the table.
@@pande1461 She knows she doesn't have any real problems, like a lot of fear-mongers, she just postures them as her problems in order to shill "wealthy tradwife" conservative optics and superficial political aesthetics. She is just one of the fakest people on the internet pushing her ideology, and not hard to understand why nobody takes her classically privileged ego-driven, societal vanity, seriously.
@@DaniHGirl She IS regressive. She literally just talked down on a successful and happy woman because she isn't married with children at 34. 😂 EDIT: She also thinks most women work full-time jobs to be "girlbosses" when in reality, most women need to work.
The claim that women don't want to have children because they'll lose their "hot and fit bodies" actual hides the real health consequences that women face after having a child. Most women die after child birth not during, and may have permanent health issues such as diabetes or auto immune disease as a consequence of having children. Personally I was able to lose the weight after having a child, but I still have a medical condition that I will have to manage for the rest of my life. I love my son and don't regret it, but I wish we were more honest about the physical toll pregnancy takes on you instead of making it a vanity thing.
yeahh and it’s actually dangerous in many other ways too. it’s really scary how the leading cause of death isn’t even related to pregnancy complications but is actually *murder* -and domestic abuse is horribly common as well. not to mention several aspects of pregnancy and/or childbirth can be genuinely traumatic…there’s an endless list of things that can happen or go wrong and cause debilitating ptsd or even worsen previously existing symptoms and conditions
It’s ludicrous to say women don’t want kids because of the stretch marks. However, I will say that as soon as I had stretch marks, my significant other ignorantly did not appreciate me as much. This is a man problem, not a woman problem. Men need to be taught by their mothers to be more empathetic.
Yep! Diastasis recti affected my Grandmother in law after her pregnancies. My Mother in law suffered from Post partum depression. My grandmother had uterine prolapse. My mother had lots of infections and problems breastfeeding to the point she stopped after 3 months with me and 1 months for my sister. I had some severe tears that have left painful scar tissue that is easily irritated by normal activities.
I know people who lost their teeth after just 2 back to back pregnancies. And I've seen how they're also sort of stunted... Like perpetual teens or pre-teens even. I'm not saying this happens to everyone, but it's a real risk.
I don't think saying "some people are not good parents" is controversial. Like, kids are being neglected and abused in some homes and no one denies that. Talk to anyone about their childhood traumas. "my mom had a job" is not the reason most people need therapy.
I laughed out loud when she said that's what was controversial. And also her senseless argument that spending more time with ur child *ipso facto* makes you a better parent.
@@BeautifulEarthJa truth. I remember a few years ago, my dad sat me and my brother down and apologized for not being there more when we were kids. I said "it's fine", but my brother was more honest and said "honestly dad, that wasn't the problem. When you were gone, it was kinda disappointing, but at least it was peaceful. The problem was that when you WERE around, you were a complete monster". He was definitely right, fwiw. (not exactly what you were talking about, but whatever lol)
“Everyone can do motherhood, but not everyone does it well,” yeah Abby it’s almost like some people SHOULD NOT HAVE CHILDREN. Goes completely against the points she’s made about how everyone needs to have kids.
She seems to think that as soon as you devote your entire life to children, you automatically become a good mother. I could devote my entire life to singing, but that doesn't mean I'm good at it.
@@trashpanda3544 This was exactly my thought when hearing her talk about dedicating your all to parenthood....it doesn't mean you're good at something just because you're passionate about it
As someone who recently lost their fertility due to a rare form ovarian cancer this is so infuriating. I actually really wanted children, but I do not have that option. So according to Abby I am basically not worth anything anymore and I cannot do anything meaningful. Well I guess I should have let the cancer take care of me. I cannot believe some people are so narrowminded.
I'm childless after infertility and same response. I didn't get a choice about motherhood and even then I get shamed and called selfish for not having kids. Imagine thinking this choice is simple and easy for everyone. :/
@@maggietiong6153 I am sorry you have to go through this. It really isn't simple and people who don't struggle with infertility simply don't understand. There is a dream that you need time to grieve before you figure out what your new dream is. I really wish you the best.
It's just one of many reasons to despise Abby and anyone who thinks as she does....She is devoid of empathy or even basic humanity. It must be draining being a joy vacuum like her. You have a future that's yours to live as and when you're ready.
Does Abby realise that she is "prioritizing girlbossing over motherhood" by being an influencer? She is a working Mom. Sure, a privileged one, but she still chose to have a career
@@Inquisdrknss Umm, no. I get that you don't like her and you want to take a shot at her, but taking cheap shots like that hurts other parents. If you work from home then that means you are staying at home. If you work around your child's schedule, you can still be present to take care of your child. She cannot pretend like she is not a working mother because what she's doing is work (regardless of how much money she is or is not making). But she can still call herself a stay-at-home mom. Just like I'm a stay-at-home parent even though I write children's books. Being a stay-at-home parent doesn't mean that you hold your kids' hand all day. There are times when they're sleeping or playing and you have time to yourself.
I'm currently reading Margaret Atwood's 'The Handmaid's Tale' and it honestly puts an even more menacing light on how her content is evolving - her statement about women's bodies being "used for what they're supposed to be used for" in particular sounds like it's ripped straight out of a dystopian novel
@BeGlamourlicious the handmaid's tale was made with things that already happened or are still happening so those were already ideas people like Abby had
Or she shouldn’t be posting content at all because when she’s doing that she’s not prioritizing her child… which according to her if you prioritize anything over your child then you’re not a good mom.
God, I only wonder how horrific their parents are. I wouldn't be surprised if the parents heavily coerced their kids into agreeing with their misogynistic, ultra-patriarchal worldview because that is how all these conservative Jewish families are. I've met so many of these kids raised like this that all turned out to be horrible narcissists and bullies.
I guess you don't have to be a Christian to buy into the "to live is to suffer" ethic. And once you accept that idea, the horrible takes basically write themselves.
@@MarianneExJohnsonI promise that we aren’t all like that 😭. Anyone who is a collection of the worst possible takes under the guise of God is not a true Christian 🫶
Abby: *lists problems with hustle culture, corporatism, and making lots of money* Also Abby: *blames Marxism, the literal antithesis of everything she just described*
I spit out my milk when she said MARXISM…. I wasn’t told that Marxism is about women abusing workers for maximum profit and neglecting their kids…. This must be between the line.
No see, but she's doing it right, somehow. She's basically Serena Joy from the handmaid's tale. Who finds out what life is like when the things she preaches are put into law, and hates every second of it.
That’s the problem with women like Abby. They preach female subservience and prioritizing only motherhood and all that while they themselves claim a platform to speak and earn money (sometimes a lot) from their work. It’s every other woman who should shut up and be a dependent and live with less and such.
the best response I heard to abby’s assertion that “at 50, I would rather be remembered as a wife and a mother, rather than how good my body looks” was courtreezy responding “if my body is banging at 50, please talk about it every day.” lol.
it's so strange how conservative influencers have this idea that women were all housewives where the hell did they get that idea when only very wealthy women did not need to work in like all of history?? vast majority of women have always worked in every way they were able to if not outside the home they did so by crafting and selling things
Very skewed perceptions of history and maybe their families have been affluent for a long time, most women in the history of the world have worked, in farms, as artisans, in factories, as maids for richer women, and being a housewife was incredibly hard work, cooking, preserving food, sewing, fixing, washing clothing, sometimes in water that was far away, among so many other tasks. My grandmother was born in the 1940s and she worked her whole life, so did my mom who was born in the 60s, and probably every single female ancestors I have.
I would argue that the unspoken assumption of conservatism is that hierarchy is good, and so they only craft their ideology to be appealing to the upper classes. On some level, they _know_ that middle and lower class women have always worked, but they don't _really_ care about them. The lower classes are people who "did not work hard enough to live like us", which is why they have such a negative opinion of poor people.
Guess they totally forgot about that big ass war where every woman in America went to work in the factories too. Or you know, how women in lower classes were always wrorking the fields or in richer people's homes, cleaning their crap and raising their children. Guess they forget about typically female dominated fields like teaching or nursing or child care.
It's almost like we need to prioritize health, food, and shelter. Pair that with living during unprecedented inflation and global warming. Gee I wonder why women are not tripping over themselves to get married and have as many babies as they can?
Right? it's not like -human- babies are notoriously expensive, or anything! edit: calling them _"human_ babies" sorta makes it sound like I might not be a human. I am... probably a human.
See thats my biggest problem with people like her; they want the whole world to fit to their ideals but only on the surface. They hate on and seek to destroy anyone who doesn't fit in but dont actually want to create the circumstances that would make that easier for people. They say that its wrong for women to not stay at home and take care of kids but dont want to fix the economy and allow people who actually want that to not work themselves to the bone just to survive. They think abortions are murder but as soon as those kids are born they couldn't care less if theyre healthy or safe or provided for. They don't care if a housewife's husband might become abusive or pass away or become disabled, leaving her unable to care for herself or her childeren they demanded she have and completely destitute bc she has no income no experience no way to support her family. They want to dictate how people live and punish them for not living like that but also not provide the social support to make it actually attainable. Its only about aperences and hating what's different, not about making real social change to keep people safe and cared for. They want to feel justified in hating and bullying others, they want to feel righteous and superior. That's where their ideology comes from, I think.
Shes right that IF someone has a kid, then their child should be their #1 priority, however, sometimes going to work IS prioritizing your child, if you dont have the financial stability to be stay-at-home-parent. But tbf there are ppl who prioritize their career (past what is financially needed to live) over their children and that is fucked. Edit: She said that shes not talking about ppl who need double incomes, so I think maybe she IS talking about ppl who already have their needs met, prioritizing career over their kids, but Tara is right about how she's framing that more as the rule when its rlly the exception.
Not everyone does parenting well…and yet she thinks everyone should have children? The lack of logical consistency is what gets me. And the whole idea that childless by choice people are partying and living it up is hilarious. I’m a 35 year old neurodivergent who has chronic illness living with my parents-I barely have the energy to work and take care of myself, never mind dating or partying.
It’s also the fact that her whole channel is about convincing women to be mothers, all the while she’s calling motherhood a “burden.” Wow, really selling the idea of motherhood to me lol
it's so absurd how many things that aren't feminist, Abby blames on feminism; such as, "wine mum culture". (which is a symptom of mothers not being supported and other social problems) Her lack of critical thinking.....
Because in the 50s when her version of feminine roles was the norm, doctors weren’t handing out barbiturates and other sedatives to housewives like candy Oh wait
"abby traveled to colleges to talk about why women should stay home" that's what I don't get about abby and girldefined or anyone who defends them. They are building a business, a brand, a career, writing books, going on tours, preaching that women should not do any of the things they are doing... like they are businessmen, they are girlbosses, and unfortunately to many churches and conservative groups they are leaders yet all they talk about is how women should let men lead and be quiet in a 30 minute video of them talking
it's literally like that wife in the handmaid's tale I don't remember the characters name but she's married to one of the politicians that are responsible for the coup and her job beforehand was exactly doing that until the new government is instaured and now she's miserable because she lost all her agency 🧍♂️
@@phosphenevision Yeah, Serena Joy, the woman who argued for women to stop working and only have babies, while working in a boss babe pant suit, writing books, having speaking engagements, and being politically active, and got what she preached, a society where women aren't allowed to do anything except homemake and raise babies, not even read, and then hated every single second of it.
She's really not. In the words of Upton Sinclair "It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends on his not understanding it," or in this case her salary.
It is very depressing that Abby thinks it is feminism's fault that no one tells her that her hard work as a mother is appreciated, and not her husbands fault lmfao. Also what is with conservatives and forcing their marriage problems down everyone's throat? I don't care if you hate your husband, just don't do it in front of my kids.
If it makes you feel any better it's very likely she doesn't actually think that and is just saying it because as a wealthy conservative attacking feminism is in her self interest.
I don't think Abby knows what a "girlboss" means. Girlboss is someone who bosses around people in her life without having any authority on them that's why it's "Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss" and Abby is literally all of those things.
"being a nurse does far more for society than being a weird little conservative creator does" being a nurse does far more for society than what i do and im an engineer
Ikr? I'm an engineer as well and I'm constantly explaining to people that janitors, teachers, caregivers, waiters, etc do more to benefit society than what I do 😂 i mostly just sit around all day thinking about databases and ignoring emails.
lmfao real! some people just can’t accept that they aren’t superior for their career. like every job is important in its own way but our world is struggling a lot more in healthcare than we are in tech advancement, our focuses should be on protecting people and protecting the planet/trying to undo the industrial revolution pollution that never stopped
@@mo.ka.9661 not necessarily regardless nurses have a more valuable daily impact on society and the people in it, signed the engineers in this comment thread
You must really despise children to wish onto them parents who did not actually want them, but had them anyway because "that is your entire purpose". Nice work Abby.
Being a parent should definitely be a choice, it takes a lot of dedication. People who do not want to take on the responsibility should not be forced to, it will only create sad childhoods and depressed adults.
I really wonder where adoption and foster children end up in her world view. And I think the fact that she doesn't mention them is really telling, because that is where they end up right now: forgotten. She wants every woman possible to have children (I assume married because most religious folk have that engrained) but that that also leaves women that already have children out, excluding yet more people from her view. She thinks that her views are so niche and they need to be said yet she is just another person that is saying what people have been told for lifetimes that the problems and holes in her worldview are the same holes and problems that already exist now.
I'm latinoamerican, and the majority of mothers I see, well, I can just say it's very clear they didn't plan them, and possibly never wanted them. Those kids grow up in poor and dysfunctional households, abuse is common over here, and mental health is not acknolewdged. I can see so many children and I know what future they have by the lifes they're having. Idk, I just wanted to add that to the conversation.
Abby brings up the need to feel respected so many times that it becomes a very obvious tell about the interpersonal dynamics she experiences. People aren't disrespecting you in your day-to-day because you're a mom, Abby. You decided to surround yourself with people who fundamentally don't respect women, and you can't 'pick-me girl' yourself into any form of ideal femininity that will ever make up for that.
Jesus christ i wasnt expecting a youtube comment to just explain my entire teenagerhood and most of my adult baggage like that. I already knew that about myself but seeing it written out like that about someone else is a bit eye opening.
YES. The pick me vibes are strong with this one. She’s basically saying why doesn’t everyone around me tell me I’m the best woman and mother every day?? While probably criticizing millennials’ “need for attention” and expectation of participation trophies for just being a human… while wanting all the attention for just choosing to be a mom.
@@alexishaynie6008Abby: being a mother isn’t a choice it’s literally a part of being human. Also Abby: why aren’t mothers who give up all agency for the sake of motherhood treated like the ethereal goddesses we are? I think *healthy* mothers are phenomenal and their occupations outside motherhood (or lack thereof) don’t negate that. But boy does she want ALL the flowers. I’m not even quite sure who she’s comparing herself to or expecting respect *from.* if she’s doing everything right for a conservative woman in conservative circles and not feeling respected, WHO IS?!
You need more verbiage beyond pick me. It’s getting reductive and the meanings keep changing because you all refuse to just read and learn scholars terminology
Something what bugs me about Abby, my parents, and other conservative folks is how much they insist their opinions are fact, or their preferred way of life is the only right way to live, just because it's the only one they're happy in. Feminism doesn't take away their choice to do anything they want to do, so why is it so important to them to take choices away from others? Why play oppressed so you can oppress others? The lack of consideration for people not being the same as them is so wild..
That's something I noticed as well, it almost feels as if they don't even know that what they have is ultimately just an opinion, like would some of them change their mind if you just pointed out that what they think doesn't _LITERALLY_ have to apply to everyone on the planet? Do they just not realize it and didn't consider it as an option? Of course I don't really believe they'd change this easily overnight but I feel like there is a non-zero chance some of them literally just don't know.
Ultimately, many of them are deeply dissatisfied with their lives, and they are completely incapable of reconciling that with an oppressive society. They NEED to feel like they made the right decision. That they didn’t have a choice, you shouldn’t either, and everyone should be grateful for it…happiness not needed.
Everyone with a political opinion thinks they are right. My dad is a Democrat and he believes he’s always right. He’s so deep into politics to the point my mother switched to independent 😂
@@tiredoftheworld4834 yeah, I suppose among people who are already won over by the idea that the american political parties represent the full spectrum of reasonable political ideology, it'd be difficult in general to not try to apply their side to every human on earth. I just think not everyone is like that, the people I keep around tend to see politics as a discussion rather than a team if that makes sense.
I think that Abby's got a point about butter dishes tho. I'm coming round to her point of view. Its a really convenient place to keep my vegan butter. Maybe I do just want to be a traditional wife? A Man In His Late Thirties
Dude, butter dishes are so nice. We have this weird thing in America where we've culturally forgotten that butter can be kept at room temp, so we just invented a fake butter filled with trans fats that is spreadable at fridge temp to make up for it. Getting a butter dish and putting some nice Kerrygold in it has changed my life for the better.
I love having some nice soft kerrygold or similar quality butter out on my counter for spreading on toast. The cheap store brand on the other hand stays in the fridge unless I want to bake something. That’s the cooking butter.
Abby is STRUGGLING with her life. You can tell that her need for someone else to confirm that she is worth while and a person is because the people around her treat her like a lesser human. She's trying desperately to convince herself that she isn't full of regret and miserable
Completely agree, she even admitted that she feels guilty sometimes. Maybe she did want to do something else with her life, her being a content creator really proves it... But her struggle with picking a job or being a mother is exactly what feminism is about, since we believe that we shouldn't have to just pick one or have every responsibility fall on us. This video actually depressed me
Thats why i like listening to her talk about her tabletop gaming. Deep down there seems to be an enthusiastic and passionate person. Sucks she'd rather participate in her own marginalization and put other women down
There's this phenomenon where as soon as a woman becomes a mother, she is no longer an individual. She's treated and talked to, like she doesn't have her own identity anymore. Her identity is her kids. She is no longer thought about. Her feelings don't matter. All that matters is that she's a mother. So many women lose their sense of self-worth and identity when they become a mother. Her life is not her own anymore. You see this well during Christmas. The mother is the one who makes Christmas happen, and nobody even bothers to think she deserves a break, recognition for her work, or even a present. People forget about her and her feelings.
The resentment bubbling inside Abby is palpable here, and I’ve never seen it this intense before. She seems desperate to be validated for the struggle and sacrifice she’s making for her children. She seems to cope by asserting that she is better than everyone else and that she is entitled to praise for being the “best possible woman.” The fact that she goes so far as to say that “women who don’t make the choices I do are fundamentally wrong and undeserving of respect” is shocking. How can you say that “motherhood is a woman’s only purpose” when so many women are unable to conceive? When so many women are unable to handle motherhood? These women are not worthless, and they are stronger than Abby could ever understand. How dare she dehumanize people in order to prop up her own fragile self-worth. This is not okay.
I think that Abby's views on modesty are still worth criticizing because she is telling other people what to wear, and blaming women for men's actions. It would be one thing if she just said "I feel more comfortable dressing modestly." That is completely valid, and everyone has the right to dress however they choose. But she doesn't, she spreads the idea that it is somehow inappropriate for women to dress in a more revealing way because it is "provocative" to men, and that is worth criticizing, regardless of what she has gone through with men objectifying her. Her view on modesty just enables objectification, and it is a huge part of rape culture.
This is such a great point! Everyone should have the right to dress in the style that they feel comfortable in or prefer (unless it infringes on other people’s rights or something). It’s ironic that the more prevalent her ideology becomes, the less comfortable I am becoming in dressing the way that I prefer, because I’m worried that people might think I’m dressing modestly because I have a viewpoint similar to hers 😅
honestly a part of me wonders if this attitude is a way of feeling more in control. If you concede that how you dress cannot protect you from sexual harassment that can make you feel very helpless. And in a world that blames women for being harassed you can put yourself on the "right" side by propagating and adhering to these norms about how to dress and also feel more in control of whether you will be blamed for your harassment. After all, you did everything "right"
imagine being a working femenist mother (during a time where it was less accepted), who tries to raise a confident, independent daughter, just to have to hear this shit 20/30 years later at christmas dinner and be told that you are less than because you worked. i am really sorry for abby's mother.
Especially since the only reason people like Abby can even have the kind of platform they do is because women in older generations fought so hard and made so much cumulative progress to make being an outspoken woman somewhat socially acceptable in the first place
Has Abby's mom called her out on what she's doing? I don't know anything their family before her and Ben. Actually I basically don't know anything about the two of them, which is a great thing to help preserve my sanity.
The fact that she gets so worked up, angry but like she’s going to cry about motherhood and it not being a choice, makes me feel like it’s coming from a place of resentment towards her own choices. Maybe she feels like that choice was taken away from her… because she certainly doesn’t look happy to be a stay at home mom. It feels like she might be overcompensating for a choice she regrets and can’t take back now.
The humor of this woman decrying being a girl boss and advocating for stay at home parenting when she is indeed a working mother, she runs multiple social media accounts, has a podcast(?), runs some sort of subscription based news letter/coaching scheme, does speaking engagements, and I'm assuming more. She's a work from home mom not a stay at home mom and is preaching about how mothers need to prioritize their children while she is prioritizing demonizing women not living up to her standards that she herself does not meet.
No, no, she's actually right. I witnessed some of my fellow Airmen in the military literally sign up for deployment to get away from their families, and people in my corporate job take on extra work and hours to the detriment of their family life. Some people do put their careers ahead of their families, and that's actually rather sad.
I'm kinda sleepy and I misread something like "profiting om her life and being a mom" and it also made sense to me. But then i realized i was misreading lol
The fact that Abby says to just “live with a little less” shows her privilege lol. “A little less” can vary depending on where your household income falls - it could mean one less vacation or literally less food for your kids lol.
It seems like she thinks if you are able to just scrape by above the poverty line on a single income household that should be enough for you, like it isn't important for your whole family to have savings to fall back on if something goes wrong or your kids won't benefit from having two parents who are able to be equally engaged with their upbringing because one of them isn't completely consumed with work.
Yeah, almost like she has deep insecurities with her pp body and rather than being kind to herself about a very normal experience, she's hiding behind a wall of seething resentment and condescension at childfree hotties, the REAL issue with the world today 🤷♀
She clearly has never had to struggle with the real reasons women chose to be child free: childhood trauma, mental illness in the family, mental illness in oneself, physical health issues, financial struggle, etc. Abby had every opportunity and privilege to be set up to be a good mother, and she still failed because of her awful takes on motherhood and womanhood.
In the past she has insisted that she doesn't believe she's better than people who don't have the same values as her, yet goes on to bash women who won't have kids.
It honestly feels to me like women such as Abby force themselves to sacrifice so much of their lives that they begin to resent women who don't, and the only way to feel good about their choices is to look down on women who don't make the same choices. Otherwise she might have to admit she wishes she had a life a bit more like them.
Like a lot of conservatives she simply lists the things that serve her, that she likes and agrees with, and highlights them as “right” and “good”. How fortunate that the things she already likes doing are the right things. Phew!
She says not everyone does motherhood well, but every woman should be a mother wether they want to or not. Those are some impressive mental gymnastics.
I think it’s just a misery loves company scenario for Abby. I think she finds motherhood deeply unfulfilling and unstimulating and therefore believes she is sacrificing more that most. She needs HER accolades to be louder than most. She needs to be acknowledged as the best. And if possible she needs to earn money off the endeavor bc the spiritual rewards of motherhood actually aren’t enough for her.
I absolutely hate how she equates prioritizing your kid to being a stay-at-home mom. You can absolutely have a full-time job and be emotionally present for your child (if you decide to have one at all). She just refuses to understand it's not a either-or situation. And of course, it's exhausting to do both, but it's not the wrong choice either. Because there is NO wrong choice to begin with!
as someone who was raised in an abusive household the idea that motherhood is "not a choice" makes me unbelievably angry. my parents should never have had children. they made that choice and caused their children great suffering. framing parenthood as the only natural next step for everyone's life opens the door for more harm to be caused.
Yeah. My partner and I constantly talk about how the people who are the most emotionally and financially equipped to have children are always the ones who opt out.
I'm not sure if my words matter, but I'm glad you're here anyway because you make a lot of people happy just by being here. Stay strong, my dear. Your life is important. ❤
@@oedalis actually yeah true !! she's all "you have to be a parent, it's not a choice" and then if you're not good at it she's like "hm sucks to suck bestie." wtf is up with that
But if they did that they wouldn't be supporting capitalism, which they love, because they benefit from it and attacking feminism, which they hate, because it's a threat to capitalism.
A lot of us childfree folk are here helping be a village to the people we care about 🤗 I've spoiled my nieces and cousins and my friend's kids and changed diapers, wiped tears, kissed booboos, taken them to movies and concerts, clapped at their shows, taken them to the beach and shoe shopping, helped them learn how to park a car, got their ears pierced and raced go karts, made bracelets and put on temporary tattoos, played and cheered at sporting events, showed up with pizza and ice cream, and drawn them unicorns and dinosaurs, etc. Every parent deserves a villiage.
Yeah I don’t want my own children because I spend more time caring for my combined 7 nieces and nephews. I love them all and care for them all sometimes more than their own parents.
I think people forget that, like, "spinsters", Maiden Aunts, older women, and extended family were all a part of it. Now, people are getting married *and* filling that role, which is the actual "new" thing. People are doing it on purpose rather than it being a sad thing.
The most annoying part of this whole “working vs mother” thing is that most working mothers would rather work less. Abbey wants to divide feminists and mothers when really our goals are the same.
The most annoying thing is that women for the majority of history were both and neither was optional (for the majority, as not a lot of women had the wealth to become nuns). Women for the last 5000 years did have childern and worked. It wasn't up for debate. And yes even the majority of the women in the romen empire worked even without equal rights. Just as now the majority of women in Iran are working. They are teachers, nurses and farmers. Women who claim that working is a privilige for women have never had to work and they are also the ones that really struggle as single mothers when their partner leaves them, get's injured or dies. If you want childern and have nothing to fall back on economically, then your risking the survival of your childern.
Textbook example of conservatives complaining about Marxism and feminism while their complaints are very specifically describing capitalism. Chuds always blame feminism when they should blame capitalism.
@ville__ Nobody knows who Colleen so-and-so is, nobody knows the lore on these conspiracy theories that obsess your sick mind. It is nonsense that isolates you. I'm not gonna Google it and nobody else is either, you live in a bubble of conspiracy theory nonsense that NOBODY is going to follow you into. Seek meds for schizo disorders is my advice.
It blows my mind how people like Abby can revere motherhood to the extent they do and yet will die defending capitalistic, conservative governance that does everything in its power to make motherhood as expensive and difficult as possible.
Abby pushing the "Prioritizing motherhood makes you a good mother" thing makes me laugh so hard because I was WAY better off when my mom was neglecting me. She spent much of my childhood drunk/unconscious/at work or a bar. It was very difficult for me, but nothing compared to when she got sober and was home screaming at me.
I'm a preschool teacher, and it drives me insane when people imply that utilizing childcare is shameful. First of all, there is nothing shameful about spending small amounts of time away from your kids, especially when the time you're separated is used to provide for your family (working, shopping, even taking mental health breaks to rest). Second, your kids are LEARNING when they are in childcare. Every day they spend playing, interacting with other children, and engaging with adults outside the comfort of their family is a day they've spent expanding their skills.
Agreed. If I just stayed home with my mom and sister I’d of missed out on so much socializing and yes, added education. I think it’s a good idea for even stay at home parents to put their kids in twice a week. And they can get things done much quicker and yes, just taking a break. It’s a 24 hour job that leaves so many parents sleep deprived. It really is so sad that the USA can provide social support but most of everyone’s tax money goes to wars for oil or keeping the IMC churning. Seems like weapons are the only things still made in America. People worried if they pay into Universal Healthcare they’ll pay for other people but not take advantage themselves. Hey, you really don’t want to have long term hospital stays! But it’ll help family members, friends and yes most of us end up in the hospital at the end. My country has year long pregnancy leave and even though I never had children I’ve got no problem paying for it or school taxes. Taxes are supposed to go to things to make your lives better. It’s sad how the propaganda works, but so many would never believe their faced with it every day. They don’t actually learn by design about what is normal in other countries and where they actually stand on lists regarding education, health, etc. And don’t get me wrong, I’ve spent a lot of time there. Have friends and family there. So many good people getting paid next to nothing because shareholders are what counts and billionaires being worshipped. People actually thinking if they just work hard enough. They were already wealthy and had luck. You hear them speak and it’s embarrassing. Ok, off the soapbox the whole world is paying too much for right now.
I know. This is one of these weird cultural differences between the USA and many European countries. I live in Germany and no one here thinks, that sending your kid to preschool is in any way bad for them. Some preschools are better equipped and staffed than others and lack of personal is a general problem atm, but the idea, that children don't benefit from the company of other kids their age and supervision by qualified adults is totally foreign to us. Children aren't meant to be only or even mainly around adults. It's a very new thing for humans, to live with just the core family and often without much contact to neighbors or a small, tight knit community. The parents job is to be parents, not playmates. That's what other kids are for and it's incredibly important for young ones, to play and socialize with other kids. And all the kids I know, love preschool. They did not like having to stay at home all the time during lockdown, for example. Especially once they realized, that that didn't actually mean, that mommy or daddy would play with them all day long.
my mom was a stay at home mom but sent all us kids to preschool, why shouldn’t she have gotten a slight break from multiple kids hanging off her all day. and it was great for us kids because we got to learn, play and socialize with other kids and spend time experiencing new things.
"I don't like that motherhood is a choice." When Abby said that, I felt my eyebrows migrate into my hairline. I'm a 'selfish' child-free woman who doesn't want to pass on generational trauma, wants to travel, and wants to eat chocolate whilst watching YT video essays with my cat 🐈. Sorry, Abby!
We also need to recognize that becoming a mother doesn’t mean you *can’t* have those things. I’m a mom, and I travel, I’m breaking my generational cycle, I’m currently drinking tea while watching this video essay. Motherhood should not be the sacrifice of yourself and the things you love. It doesn’t have to be, and we should stop telling mothers that things are dull, drab, and doom and gloom once you have children.
@@PastelOddityI think it's just overcorrection, for a long time people only talked about motherhood as a incredibly fulfilling beautiful thing, then people were finally able to criticise it. Also, most people in the world aren't able to travel, I dont have children and I don't have money to go anywhere, so mostly life is pretty dull, drab and doom, with or without children, because most people aren't wealthy enough to do what they want.
@@PastelOddity TBF, statistically it really is one of the other for most people. Not because of anything inherent to motherhood, but because having kids basically means no disposable income for the average working-class American in the current economy. Wages just aren't high enough to do both for most people (well, for the vacation and free time bit anyway. Getting over generational trauma isn't necessarily financial). Things are full, drab, doom, and gloom when you're poor, which a sizable chunk of working mothers are likely to be. Of course, this is a capitalism problem, not a motherhood problem.
As soon as her kids are old enough to hate her and/or move out, and its only her and her husband left in the house, she's gonna feel like a hollow person because she placed all her self worth into other people (her kids). And you KNOW shes gonna be a nightmare of a mother in law.
I ALWAYS think about this!!! Like you guys are going to be SO broken when you put your whole life on marriage and kids and desperately not wanting to be alone. So when the kids are gone and husband passes they can't do anything. Those are the type of people that end up in a nursing home, because the stress will really take a toll on your body
Right? Like 'watches are classic' - most people who work need a watch, because always fishing for your phone is annoying. Or the thimble she showed in the same video which clearly wasn't meant to be used - it's a collector's item. Don't get me wrong, if you're collecting painted porcelain thimbles, that's completely fine. There's a lot of really beautiful ones out there. But I do sew sometimes and I'd never use one of them, they're too heavy. You use a simple tin or plastic (more likely) one for that. If Abby did sew, she'd know she needs something different.
THIS!! It's mind boggling to me that she doesn't realise this. Bringing 7-Layer Dip to a party is classic. Not crossing you legs while sitting down? I don't know so much...
My biggest question? The butter dish. Why is having a butter dish "classic"? And doesn't everyone have a butter dish? What does she think other people are doing with butter? Did she grow up in a cult where people put butter in little buckets? I am so confused.
@@Revelwoodie Well, I don't have a butter dish actually. We keep our butter in the fridge, lol. But I'm pretty sure it's just all about aesthetics with her. All about how you can look and seem "classic".
@@Revelwoodie This is kind of funny to me actually. I'm the only person my age that has a 'butter dish' (it's actually a small piece of antique CorningWare with a glass lid, but about the same size) I've always done this ever since I've lived in my own place people have thought I was a *freak.* You know what *they* do? They keep it in the refrigerator all of the time and then they either try to use the butter cold (just scraping apart the toast into shreds while the butter just spins around the knife and finally escapes) *OR* they microwave it. *The entire stick.* Every single time. (Yes, I've watched people attempt this process unsuccessfully to the point where they melted an entire pound - one stick at a time.) In case you haven't guessed obviously I live in the U.S.
Housewife here! I've been a stay-at-home wife/mother for more than 20 years. And Abby is right about one thing -- I struggle to find value. It's an enormous workload, with no days off. But so much of it is invisible, background stuff that people who live in that environment take for granted. The food. The home. The garden. The errands, appointments, phone calls, school stuff, bath times. It's all just the fabric of reality that happens around you. "Mom" just makes things happen. "Mom" will take care of it. Domestic labor absolutely does NOT get the respect it deserves. It never occurred to me, though, that the way to get that respect is to shame other women. I feel sorry for women who are drawn in to "tradwife" content because they think that's how to feel significant. And I hate the con artists who are profiting off their emotional vulnerability. There needs to be more feminist housewives in the public sphere, lol. There are many women in that position who need a narrative, and people like Abby are the only ones offering a narrative right now.
Isn't that something that feminism, that she hates, has been fighting for for years? Like they legit tried to legislate it as a paid job just to show how much work goes into keeping home running. The ones not recognizing that is *not* feminism though, it's capitalism and conservatives that still thinks only paid work is "real work" and "women were made for it anyway so why should they get paid".
I'm a secondary Maths teacher and after 2 years of caring for my dad I was fighting to get back into the classroom cos holy shit that's the hardest thing I ever did.
Imagine the complete lack of self awareness to be a conservative and state, "I really started to question why we put work ahead of motherhood" while living under and bootlicking for a capitalist, for profit system. How delicious do the taste of boots have to be to either have the inability to put two and two together on that one, (due to bigotry having dumbed you down) or be unbelievably too dishonest to put it together.
She doesn't lick boots. She has a silver spoon in her mouth so she has no idea what a boot tastes like to be honest. But everyone else should be happy to eat them.
@@susannehuber3996 lol clearly you dont know how cheap food works. Its cheap and packed with calories as opposed to having the money to buy a good diet
"You cannot replace me as your mother" I have never heard a single sentence that has made me pity someone else' kids as much as that sentence just did.
Abby essentially complaining that it's not socially acceptable for her to put herself on a pedestal is so funny. She's frustrated that motherhood isn't a club of superiority she can beat people over the head with in real life. They won't invite you to tea anymore, Abby.
...I'm going to add a comment here just so all your replies aren't bizarre bots, but yes. This could just be the editing or framing of the video, but Abby is not giving of "happy fulfilled mother" vibes to me. I mean, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the reason she complains and puts others down isn't that she herself is unfulfilled as a mother, but maybe she's just got that conservative brainrot that makes it so that if someone who they disapprove of has peace, then they consider that as peace being taken AWAY from them... meaning that she is TECHNICALLY satisfied with her homelife but for the existence of people she deems wrong.
She seems to get fixated on what traits and/or choices can make one person better than another, and seems to really value those things. Listening to her speak about it across multiple videos and clips gives me the feeling that she's constantly looking for ways to put herself above others and reassure herself of her superiority, whether that be motherhood or anything else. Talk about a lack of satisfaction, and identity.@@goranisacson2502
@@goranisacson2502 Sounds like that to me, too. This is a woman who looks like she's drowning, so she has to gas herself up to convince herself that she's happy and she's made a right decision, and that there is an universal 'right' she can cling to. She did put herself on the pedestal. Now she has to balance herself on that little 1sq/ft plinth. Boo hoo.
"I grew up in the shadow of Feminism" Nah Honey, you grew up in the shadow of your much more famous cousin, Mara Wilson (aka Matilda to us 90s kids). And I have no doubt you and Ben were bitterly jealous of her.
She’s so out of touch with reality and the socioeconomic climate we live in. It’s amazing, she’s also a hypocrite too since she is essentially “girlbossing” with her TH-cam ad revenue money. As the saying goes, “rules for thee, but not for me”.
That ‘motherhood is not a choice’ bit is actually SO depressing and terrifying. Feeling like you want to travel, do fun stuff, have control over your body yet you are forcing yourself to have kids anyway? Not even thinking that there’s an alternative in life? Like Abby is kinda admitting here that she’d like to do things other than parenting, that there’s lots of upsides to not being a parent, and yet people HAVE to do it as if it were the law? Like not even ‘choosing to have an abortion’ but now getting pregnant at all shouldn’t be a choice either?
When she specifically said between a 50 year old who never had kids and a 50 year old who had 3-4, “who’s body was used for the right thing” my jaw was on the floor. Abby believes women’s bodies are ONLY to be “used” no matter what lifestyle they lead. How insanely fuckin bleak
It's super F'd up. These out of touch with reality women are hurting themselves and brainwashing others. I am HAPPY, VERY HAPPY without kids, and I always wanted that and will still want it beyond 37yrs. I have all my hobbies, I hone my skills, I have lots of responsibilities still and I am a clever, strong human still. I dont have to be a slave to the F system who does everything to keep me a slave as baby machine/wife. NEVER!!!! N e v e r!! Too many women already suffers this fate in BS countries!! I. Am. Free. Very much enjoying myself and THINKING for myself. It's not as if the species is lacking babies either, we are way too many on this earth. All of this makes me sick. Sick people spreading their BS so easily due to social media.
I mean - i'm waiting for my country to mąkę being single and childless illegal. And also - it is not a choice for some people - i wish i were "normal" with husband and kids but i'm just too dumb and ugly 😢
i couldn't imagine being an infertile woman and watching abby say motherhood is an inherent "part and parcel of life and of being a person, a woman" ...that would devastate me. that's honestly messed up.
Personally, it doesn't devastate me, but it is certainly irritating. She comes across as selfish and extremly igmorant. I just avoid her content in general because I am not mazochistic.
@@JustChillingOnTattoine she is one of the worst kind of people: doesn't know how much she doesn't know, yet speaking like she's got everything all figured out lol. i avoid it too. it's completely morphed into unabashed "this is why i'm better than you" content 💀
I'm a transman with fertility issues (possible endo, still looking to get a diagnosis) & I want my own kids. Abby's views on 'womanhood' & 'motherhood' absolutely disgust me
I'm never having kids. It is unlikely I will ever get pregnant, but in the 1% chance I do, it would probably kill me. I have an autoimmune disease that targets the intake of vitamin b12 and makes me unable to produce folic acid. These are extremely important for pregnancy, which is why healthy women are told to take folic acid supplements when they're pregnant. If I were to get pregnant, the folic acid medication I take wouldn't be enough since I wasn't making enough to begin with. Luckily for me I don't want kids, but I can imagine how hard it would be for someone who has the same disorder as me being told they're less of a woman because of it.
I've said it once and I will say it ad nauseam: "All children deserve parents, but not all parents deserve children." Should I have children for my mother who keeps nagging bc i'm turning 26? Fuck, no. I cannot sustain myself let alone a mini-human and then there's the simple fact that I DON'T WANT THEM. CALL ME SELFISH IF YOU WANT! I'm not built to be a parent! I applaud those that are!!!! Damn, I sure couldn't.
the 'childless people selfish' rhetoric always makes me chuckle bc their go to defense is "who will take care of you when your old?" why do you see your kids as CHILD SERVANTS? weirdos.
I also hate the “Forster the next generation” argument because that’s really only applicable to your nuclear family and no other youth. I’ve been in and out of youth support programs and there are folks who are REALLY fostering the next generation, raising kids whose own parents neglect them, kick them out, abuse them, etc. There are more ways to “foster the youth” than just overpopulating the earth with more mouths to feed!
Also if she wanted children and had children, she simply did what she wanted in life, so a selfish thing. Especially if it's a biological child. Giving home to an orphan would be the non-selfish option for people who want kids.
@@bobdolesrevengeno...my children. Because I didn’t raise them in a culture centered on family to be stuck with strangers when I need them. I’m not doing that to my own parents. They will not receive a dime from me if that’s how they operate and it will be a clause for them to receive their inheritance. I would hope it’s not something that needs mentioning but y’all scare me in this generation. Hope it’s just a white thing....your parents die first at nursing homes conversed in welts and bruises and going early because somebody didn’t check on them when they were struggling to breathe. Them folks don’t want to be up there with them...who are you kidding?
As a single dad working full time and being a parent while still living in absolute poverty, I hear this kind of ignorance all the time. People just assume Im not doing enough, instead of understanding the cost of living with even just 1 child is insane. I dont need a hand out, Id just like to have the bare minimum for the absolute exhaustion I feel every day.
Even single people without kids are barely making it, the economy sucks, it's a housing crisis and food cost is insane. Have all those things then add a whole person or two who need clothes, want to have things that other kids at school have, field trips, class parties, after school activities and we have to miss out on so much because we are working so much just trying to make sure they have food. You're exhausted and sometimes have nothing for dinner. Classically abbey is purposely blind, she comes so close to the point but turns on her heels. To all the single parents, you're doing great and your kids will understand one day. Fingers crossed for a great tax season or a spurt of good luck so maybe you can get ahead for a moment. That's what I keep telling myself to keep me going to work everyday, besides my kids needing to live decently.
It really confuses and worries me that she seems to think the main reason people are choosing not to have kids is because they want to stay hot and fit as though the main consequence of pregnancy is that it changes your body. Like no, to me the major thing to consider is whether or not you feel comfortable taking on the responsibility of a real and developing human for the rest of your life. And, to be honest, if someone really does care more about the immediate changes to their body caused by pregnancy than they like the idea of raising a baby, then they probably won't be a great parent if you coerce them into taking on motherhood as a sacrifice or whatever.
Thanks Abby. Unironically blaming Marx for capitalist American dream culture is the funniest thing I have heard this Christmas Unironically, that was comedy gold!
Works cause her audience doesn't know, and doesn't *want* to know what anything actually means. They don't read, they're not gonna fact check her, facts and truth don't matter.
"They cannot replace me as their mother." As someone who was disowned by their mum, this sounds toxic af. "I dont need to prove myself to other people because I'm not important enough to them, or rather, they're not important enough to me. My kids on the other hand, MY kids, they wouldn't even exist without me. I need to prove to my kids why I'm important otherwise i wont get the self-righteous validation that i crave. I cant have potential with any other human beings other than the ones that i make because other humans can see through my BS." Children do not exist to inflate your ego and validate your self-important narcissism. More importantly, your children will continue to exist without you. When youre gone, or if you kick them out or abandon your parental responsibilities, they will continue to exist as their own people. You might be their mum but that doesnt make you irreplaceable, especially if you continue to treat them like possessions or commodities to glamorise your own character and boost your self worth.
I had my jaw dropped for most of this . Abby repeatedly saying that motherhood is what a woman's body is " made for" just kept hitting me on the " infertile" button . For the record I am not infertile but what does that kind of emotional manipulation do to women that want children but can not have them? Also , i think people that think all women should be mothers should be FORCED to work with abused kids or adults that were raised in toxic homes. If you can look at a child that was SA'd or emotionally stunted by a narc parent , and still say this , you are a monster.
My beau and I are the type of couple that can't get pregnant - I'm turning 36, he is turning 38, we didn't think we'd be here.... and we're not married because we had some stuff happen and we had to make choices on our funds. Abby would hate us haha
Abby has said such incredibly baffling and nonsensical things on her videos, that I if she published one tomorrow revealing that it was all satire, I could totally believe it.
I think, it hurts several people s well. I don't want children, I feel already overwhelmed with my nieces and nephews and my half siblings. It's downright disgusting when puerile say, my "body" is made for raising children, when my mind is certainly mit. She is privileged beyond her understanding. And she is missing a very (supposed) feminine trait here: empathy and actual, true compassion. I'm not saying that those are only feminine traits in reality. But I think she thinks so. So she should act like it.
I hate this rhetoric so much. I _do_ want kids but we've held off due to current situation where it would be irresponsible to do so. I'm 39 so soon I won't have a choice anyway since I can't afford to freeze eggs. I get very depressed about it, as I know many others do in similar situations. It makes me feel like I've failed in the most basic thing that literally is the definition of life, the ability to reproduce. I can't do the thing my own skin cells can.
She talks about how fulfilling and worthy being a mother is, low-key shames those unable to have children, talks about 'ushering in the new generation,' and has absolutely zero to say about adoption??? Thousands of children displaced from/without parents and that's just...whatever???
Yes!! It again truly reveals that this conservative agenda of „a woman’s purpose being a mother“ is not about the well-being of children or the fulfilment of women, but about keeping certain people in power and others in dependency and poverty
The awkward truth is that there are almost no infants who need adopting who don't have some biological family who *want* to raise them, though they can't always afford to do so. If your whole lifestyle is about being able to raise children into perfect obedient conservatives, it's awkward if those children arrive in your life as something other than infants. They may actually resist the process, or have non-supportive bio family they're expecting to stay in touch with--grandparents, siblings. You'll see evangelicals push this more, but they also tend to be more onboard with forced religious conversion, and the outcomes are Not Great. *Not* pushing adoption as valid for the lifestyle she's pushing is actually Abby being unusually sensible. (So we'll see how long it lasts.)
@@Nassifehyes. People paying 6 figures for a baby when that money could be used to prevent the baby from needing to be adopted in the first place 🤦. It makes me so angry to think in of it. Of there will be children who need families but the number is a fraction of the children who's families just need economic support! 😊
She sounds like she's trying to convince herself that she *wants* to be a mother. If she weren't so cruel and mean to women who don't choose motherhood, I might actually feel bad for her.
She is actually jealous of woman who dont have children. I also.cannot have kids but it doesnt affect me as bad cause i am a man. But even my male friends, now that were nearing 40, are jealous of my life with no kids and no responsabilities except to care for myself and do whatever whenever with whoever. They are tiree, bitter, and angry, casue they did as they were told by society and it didnt result in happiness, while I didnt follow society's guides and have all the freedom they secretly dream of. My sister hates her life with 5 kids...she is miserable.
This is a really good point. It's just such a shaming, judgmental attitude that manages to hurt pretty much most people. But how gross it is to shame and dismiss people who want children but face infertility issues.
For real. Think about how a fascist society views citizens who have lost a limb, or a sense, or have permanent/indefinite fatigue from illness. That same society will apply the same attitude towards infertile women: patronizing sympathy at best, but often, treating you like a leech. For work, I would sometimes look at posts in an infertility community, which was painfully relatable to my trans self. It was profound, seeing these cis women struggling with their bodies and internalized feelings of failure as women, and the deep painful longing, who often knew they were being unfair to themselves but couldn't stop the feelings. I could only read so many stories in a sitting. Once upon a time we raised kids as a village, and pregnancy was allowed to be a different thing than parentage, and we worked together to support each other. The nuclear "classic" family is a wearying way to organize our world.
That's exactly how I felt when I was trying to conceive. I was a young 20 something married woman in the midst of deconstruction, feeling like my body had failed me and I was unable to do "the one thing that my body was made to do."
Yes I don't think I'll get to have kids (just due to where I am in life) and I did want to have them. Rather than letting people like me roll with the punches, we're cursed to have miserable lives? It also endangers women who end up thinking any relationship is better than being alone (because if you're single how can you have kids if you don't already have them?). Which leads to toxic and abusive situations. The pressure to have a "family" is dangerous.
I grew up in a household where my dads disabilities prevented him from working a job so my step mother was the only one who brought in any income. On top of working full time to support ALL FIVE of us she was the one expected to do all the cooking and cleaning because my dad is a man child. He’s too disabled to work sure but he’s more than capable of cooking and cleaning he just thinks women should do it. Once us kids were old enough to help we did but I never really understood the amount of labour this poor woman was putting out DAILY like holy shit. Thankfully she and my dad split years ago, I have a great relationship with her, less of a great one with him. He’s an ass
This might be a weird thing to say but it’s so satisfying knowing that they split up and she doesn’t have to be in servitude to this man child for the rest of her life.
@@ih2439 Nope not weird I actually agree! She’s the best parental figure I’ve ever had, and it’s even better to have been able to see her making healthy choices like leaving an unhappy relationship for her own sake because it set a good example for me
I'm just in awe of how he managed to get into a relationship with her in the first place. Not cause of his disabilities, I know disabled content creators who do rely on their partner here and there round the house but it's rarely ever a caretaker situation, but rather, wouldn't there have been red flags present when they were just casually dating? and it's just, if he's such a manly man, how come he's okay with letting ur step mom support the whole fam and not reciprocate that in some way? He definitely seems like quite an arse. I'm glad she got out and that u still have a great relationship with her
You make an extremely good point about the selfishness of "testing out your character development on a human being". Bloody hell, that was very well put. I once was sitting opposite a man on the tube (metro/underground trains) while he talked to a colleague about how his son "made him a better person". He was so proud about it and i'm happy for him sure, but i always felt it was weird that he required a baby to sort himself out. Like, the opposite of that is he "dies single" and a "terrible person" (he actually call himself that about who he was before his son) it was such an uncomfortable thing to listen to and i didn't know why until i got you your video. So thanks!
Didn't this kind of happen with his cousin mara Wilson (the girl who played Matilda)? I vaguely remember her being progressive and going no contact with Ben lol.
@@writerchick94YES SHE IS one of the most wild things I've heard, also yeah she has said publicly she doesn't claim that side of the family, but there were no call-out posts that I remember
I genuinely think that she is such a type A personality and was raised by parents who equated worth with measurable productivity. In that arena she thrived tremendously and derived all of her self worth by her actions being seen and applauded by others. Now she is finding it difficult to find self worth bc no one applauds her when she changes her babies’ diapers. You don’t get extra praise if you attended to all of your child’s needs that day. Whether she works harder or is a lazy mom she is put on the same pedestal as all other moms. since there is no competitive momming, she is literally attempting to create the sport.
The thing is I think she actually is a good mom because if she was really looking to make her parenting look like the best parenting, she would put her kids on camera, and from what I’ve heard she hasn’t done that
That doesn’t mean she’s a good mum. She might be but that’s just one aspect and everything she’s said suggests she’s trying to suck whatever status she can out of this role.
I think you’re very right here. The vibe Abby gives off is that she doesn’t find motherhood all that stimulating and fulfilling and giving all mothers the same respect/accolades regardless of their personal level of self-sacrifice offends her go-getter competitive personality. I think she feels she is sacrificing more than most do bc she finds it so very unfulfilling.
Anti-feminism isn’t being a stay-at-home mom, it’s deciding that there is only one valid way to be a woman. Women like Abby could go a long way in the world if they realized feminism actually helps stay-at-home moms by advocating for systems that give families choices like affordable housing and universal healthcare or conversely affordable childcare for those who choose to/have to work.
Indeed. As cynical as it is of me, I feel like Abby Shapiro's family feels like a tell-all book where the kids spill all the beans about their dysfunctional family in the making at this point. It makes me feel like a bad person for straight up expecting that when I haven't even seen her videos, but the vibes she gives here and in the articles wherever she pops up... I'm like a tracker in an action movie, sweeping the ground for foot prints and staring off into the horizon as I put on my grittiest voice and go "... Something happened here. Something REAL bad", even if just touching a foot print shouldn't tell me anywhere NEAR that much. Sometimes... you can just tell.
The fact that being classic doesn’t have a proper definition from Abby and is just bunch of stuff she basically likes and yet some people are sold on that ideology is really funny
I wish I could tell her in person, that she is worthy no matter what, and motherhood is hard, and that it doesn’t have to be our whole identity, and that she’s doing a great job as a mom. The tone of her videos is just so sad and hurt underneath it all. I feel like nobody is caring for Abbey and that’s why she is reacting by tearing other women down for not having the care and support she (and all!) parents need. I know that’s not the whole story of course but it definitely reads this way especially while she sits and folds her kids clothes and tries to convince us that this is her ultimate goal/responsibility :(
you know whats wild about this is that people like Abby will force people to have kids but i bet these people will call CPS if the parents are poor or LGBT+.
Also the quiet part out loud is when they say “have a bunch of kids” they are not talking about poc. Bc of course it’s ghetto when poc have large families 🙄
@@JKnight1316 Yes that too I've also notice that some conservatives specifically the ones who are pro-natalist believe in white replacement theory (Like Matt Walsh for example) which is the main reason why some conservatives are encouraging their fellow white man to have more babies.
Dang Abby is just sooooo incredibly bitter about the fact that she's suffering due to having a child while simultaneously trying to make herself feel better about all the things she's missing out on But what's messed up is how she wants EVERYONE to share in her misery and make herself seem better than those who are free
She did marry incredibly young, just like her brother. It amazes me how these trustfund kids don’t pursue better education (I know she probably went to college, but geez… just listen to her talk….) and life experience to mature a bit before bringing other children into this world. Abby clearly jumped into it thinking it was something else, likely why she is pushing so hard on her TH-cam career which is what brings her actual fulfillment.
@@DoritoBot9000 Yes exactly... I hear it a lot with these conservative women, they don't see motherhood as a choice but something they HAVE to do so they don't even know why the heck they're doing it sometimes, and then when they become mothers and realize that it's hard they just envy childless women and want everyone to suffer like them. Otherwise they wouldn't care so much what other women are doing... they'd just be happy with their own lives, but that's the problem, they're not happy at all! I mean listen to how she's trying to convince everyone that she's more respectable than childless women... she is pissed off! Ans it's messed up that she wanrs everyone else to be in the same boat as her
Well yeah, if other people are able to choose to get married and have kids later in life, or even opt out of those things entirely, it means that she technically had that same choice back then. Apparently it's just too painful of a truth to face, so she has to delude herself into believing that everyone else doesn't (or shouldn't) have that choice either.
@@DoritoBot9000conservatives still call a college degree a "MRS degree," aka a Mrs. degree, basically saying women shoukd only go to college to meet a husband and get some accomplishments to look more impressive
I remember babysitting my infant nephew as a treat to his parent's to go out on a date. They told me when they got back they felt like their heart was sinking the moment they left the door because they were too far away from their baby boy. Imagine going through that, every time you have to leave for work, so that you can provide for your precious baby. So, it makes me a special kind of angry when people like Abbey frame it like it's purely a choice, or that one parenting lifestyle is superior to the other.
Yeah, I remember those days. I really felt horrible leaving my kid behind. My husband didn’t understand it though. It was much better when the kids got over two years old.
It does. I think she’s really miserable. She never addresses the fact that some women work because they need to leave their house and have some other purpose and it makes them BETTER mothers not worse. That the depression of being at home daily too much to bear for some people. She needs to go back to work…..
"I believe woman should be at the house and take care of the children and to prove that I will make a tour miles out of my house and give speaches as the true, against rustle culture, not political grinder as I am" So inspirational!....Thanks Abby!!!
Id really love to see these women speak to the chronically homeless population of women about motherhood like this. Had pregnant women from rape missing legs from medical conditions or from violence and chronically homeless that do not want a baby and cannot care for it and desperately need assistance. I see these people almost daily. Please go ahead and tell that woman she doesnt have a choice and that she is responsible for all thats happened and she needs to fufill her purpose. I couldnt even imagine her and this pious attitude speaking to women in the most horrific of conditions. Like truly saying that with your chest to these women.
Oh believe me, there are women and people who will definitely do that. Because they've never used one brain cell in their life to imagine not being handed everything you could wish for
Well your major mistake is assuming that empathy is a factor for these people. It's not about the reality, it's about the propaganda and the agenda. Desperately upholding imperialism and patriarchy to secure their safety at the bottom of the "natural order".
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Lmao gotta pay the bills somehow
Love Travel Town
Could you attach a video of instances of her being objectified? I don't know what you mean. 35:53
@@llynnmarks3382 there used to be a lot of gross comments about her breasts in her videos. she has big boobs and men never let her forget it. i think that's probably what tara was referring to. it kinda puts in perspective why she would shy away from showing her body and etc.
cant im playing balders gape 3
Why does she imply that any woman working full-time is a "girlboss"? Ma'am, people are working minimum wage jobs. It's not about career ambition, it's about survival.
lady's probably lived her entire life in enough privilege to blind her from this fact
Omg This I hate how thats so frequently ignored by those trad people. Like if I dont get rich in the next 1-2 years I will be forced too have a side Job atleast just too afford food and shelter lamo
Conservatives would rather die than critique capitalism. They'd much rather blame women than turn against capitalism.
Right? As if millions of women wouldn’t LOVE to be able to stay at home with their kids instead of working.
I am sure in her opinion they should quit and have kids anyway, that god will provide for you. Then she would shame them for having children while poor. You can't win with people like this unless you magically get rich and live the same lifestyle as her.
“I don’t like the idea that motherhood is a choice.” is one of the most chilling sentences I’ve ever heard.
For real, It grossed me out when I heard her say that. Terrifying.
Does she want us held down and inseminated?
Handmaids Tale vibes
God I hate to think about the women she (knowingly or not) said this to who have had the choice taken from them through infertility or miscarriage.
I was thinking the something.@@sparklyunicorn5431
Abby likes to forget that poor women have always worked
They always forget
I am reminded of that old video by Karolina Zebrowska (I really hope I spelled that right), called something like"real women through history", where she had a fairly typical montage of high fashion and glamour through the ages, alongside lower class working women from the same era. Like, a Gibson girl (a sort of, it girl style from around the edwardian era) alongside a maid, a victorian fancy lady alongside a female industry worker, that sort of stuff. The moral was basically that we often forget the vast majority of real people that lived in that time and just remember the immortalized silent movie actresses, the high fashion models and portraits of the rich.
@@guggelguggel7491 Karolina never misses.
Abby likes to forget that poor women EXIST tbh
Poor and working class. Only truly middle-class women could afford not to work--and even that wasn't always true. Avon, Amway, etc existed because A) One income wasn't always enough and B) Adults have a real need to participate in the community and earn their way. This need doesn't go away when a woman gives birth.
abby cries about the pains of growing up "under the shadow of feminism" and then describes the reality of growing up under capitalism
She was THIS 🤏 close to getting it....
r/selfawarewolves Yes, Abby, it does suck that you are made to feel less valid and VALUABLE if you aren't making money or producing marketable goods. 💯 agree. But feminism didn't do that to you! I would agree that the aspects of feminism most concerned with equal opportunity in the workplace have been co-opted to make sure every person under capitalism feels at least a little worthless if they aren't 'productive' but again...feminism didn't create that ideology.
@@Hollyberrystreats well, it was parts of feminism that capitalism co-opted in order to exploit us all more in the 70s and 80s. It's depressing really.
Gloria Steinem and her CIA crowd did so much damage to american working-class feminism it makes me angry whenever I remember that she exists. There really was a truly working-class intersectional movement back then and she destroyed it.
Of course that's not what Abby is referring to. But it's still infuriating that capitalist scum can take a movement's labels and aesthetic willy nilly and fuck up everything, and years later they will be remembered as part of the movement.
speak 👏👏 @@Hollyberrystreats
If there's one thing capitalists are good at, it's shifting the blame.
That fact that she is a content creator means that she’s not a stay at home mum she’s a work from home mum
This! And one could say that in her case it’s even more hypocritical, since her wealthy household doesn’t require her to bring in money at all. Her kids are clearly not with her during the production of her videos, so she has nannies and caretakers for them while she pursues her online career. By her own standards she is “not prioritizing motherhood” and being straight up neglectful.
This 100%! My friend’s husband works from home, so is he a stay at home dad?
She has no brain, like everyone else who "thinks" like her. (Men and women)
These out of touch with reality women are hurting themselves and brainwashing others.
I am HAPPY, VERY HAPPY without kids, and I always wanted that and will still want it beyond 37yrs.
I have all my hobbies, I hone my skills, I have lots of responsibilities still and I am a clever, strong human still.
I dont have to be a slave to the F system who does everything to keep me a slave as baby machine/wife.
NEVER!!!!
N e v e r!!
Too many women already suffers this fate in BS countries!!
I. Am. Free.
Very much enjoying myself and THINKING for myself.
It's not as if the species is lacking babies either, we are way too many on this earth.
All of this makes me sick.
Sick people spreading their BS so easily due to social media.
Sorry but housewives can actually have side “jobs” or business
And I get the feeling she's ambitious enough to still get FOMO by watching other mothers get office jobs. That's why she's so dogmatic about stay at home moms being superior
I’m a disabled autistic person, watch them drop all their beliefs about how important to have kids when I turn up in the conversation ✨
Same lmao
Omg I just commented the same thing 😂
Let's just be like... "yes, I want to pass down my autism genes!!" Whenever we have to interact these people 😂
@@michelleh.5225 yeh they change their tune pretty quickly haha
@@SaplingTarotit’s giving… eugenics 💀💀
I think she’s just miserable. She was told that babies are all she needs for happiness, and now she has them and it’s not 100% fulfilling. But instead of reflecting on why it’s so hard for her and taking steps towards more personal growth, she has to double down and shame anyone who isn’t as martyred as she forced herself to be.
Its a bit of the same as when Kirsten, from Girl Defined, made a video about how only God can really fulfill you, not your husband. It was a year after she had married, and she was clearly dissapointed about marriage. These women are bound to be miserable, as their self defined roles are so narrow its impossible to be happy. They are extremely shallow.
These women are told to sacrifice everything about themselves and that it will pay off, but the payoff never comes. The sex isn't good, having children just makes their lives more stressful, their husbands don't worship them for being a doormat, society doesn't bow to them for being dutiful housewives, life never gets better, the payoff never comes. In the end they are left clinging to the hope that they will be rewarded in a heave that (in my opinion) doesn't exist. I'd be miserable too.
That's the exact read I got on her too. She seems frustrated and tired, clearly feels unappreciated in the amount of work she's doing for her kids, and is taking it out on other women who have a different lifestyle than her. Ironically, women are usually the ones applauding other women for how hard it is being a mother. Sounds like her husband and others in her personal circle aren't appreciating her efforts.
@@moirasoma2863this applies to Bethany too
god shes going to be a nightmare to grow up with can you even imagine . most abnormal mother of all time
Why do people like Abby always assume that child free people are partying all the time? As if we don’t have responsibilities. It’s maddening
Better than that, some of them think we have s**x all the time 🤣
That's so weird because in order to have babies you have to have s**x eventually😅 and for not having them it helps when you are single and s**xless
I think it's because she sees parenthood as the only real and true responsibility. Like, the thing that will square you, make you adhere to the straight and narrow? I think, to her, if you are not a parent or on the path to become one, you are a degenerate.
Every time she (or someone like her) goes off about child free people, all I can think of is the person who lost their shit over childless women going to Disneyland.
true, I'm childfree and literally have never partied, drank, or travelled. I hardly leave my home. I really wonder if she's aware that that's even possible
I guess it must have been the only thing *she* was ever doing before she got children?
Not having a child is sometimes the most selfless choice. I am stopping the cycle of abuse. I am not giving a child a parent who doesn't want them. My refusal to have children is an act of mercy.
This. I’m so wary of being a parent because of what I went through as a kid, I didn’t have a parent to look up to and wouldn’t know how to be one. I’m also terrified that being a parent will cause me to have more PTSD epsiodes, which wouldn’t be safe for me or the child. Then there’s the asinine amount of chronic illness and disorders that I’d feel like shit for passing on. I wouldn’t want anyone to deal with it all, let alone a kid.
This .. some people shouldn't be parents, they don't have the maternal or paternal gene, so to speak. There's nothing wrong with that. We're all uniquely us, and that's what makes humans so special. If someone doesn't like children and doesn't have the patience for them, it's better they don't have children because they're probably going to end up traumatizing them or abusing them because they're not able to handle them because they don't like kids . 🤷 Just like someone who doesn't like dogs or cats shouldn't go around adopting them either.. some parents can't be stay at home parents because they need to have a break from being with their kids 24/7, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that either. Knowing what we can and can't handle mentally and acting on it, is what's freaking healthy for us and anyone in our family. Even if our family consists of doggy or kitty children..😂❤
THIS, but I also I don’t want to have a child that will have to deal with global warming.
Exactly! I _know_ I would be a bad parent, and I refuse to have a child to "test" out how good of a parent I could be. Children deserve better than to be used as experiments for someone's self-actualization.
I'm an eldest child. I already raised 3 younger siblings and I'm exhausted. I'm spending adulthood trying to raise myself and I'm frankly too immature and selfish to inflict this on a child.
I didn't realize dressing slovenly and drinking wine at eleven AM was doing feminism. I guess I'm an activist after all.
The little things go a long way :D
Feminism shook up the social expectations around impression management, at least, such that June Cleaver at least doesn't *necessarily* feel like she has to always be impeccably coiffed and her house spotlessly clean while sneaking pills and wine in secret.
Thanks this comment gave me a good giggle
@ville__ Oh look, you again, supporting Tara's channel by commenting all these times for the algorithm! I mean, yeah, it's a bit weird that you leave the exact same comment on all these female creators' channels, but hey, it's the thought that counts! Thanks for supporting all these channels!
The power of praxis
It's bizarre to hear Abby pretend like she was raised in a post-feminism dystopia of girl-bosses, while peddling the most patriarchal, regressive shit imaginable
And while living in a bubble and being threatened by literally none of the things she complains about. Feminists don't want to take away her choice to be a mother, or to stay home to raise kids. If another woman chooses to work instead of having children (or has children later than Abby would "approve of"), it doesn't affect her at all.
Literallyyy as if her brother also isn't the most conservative alt right own the libs dude imaginable. They obviously weren't raised to be feminists so what's she talking about?
It's sad on some level to see how plainly unhappy Abby is. She's stuck in a life she feels unsatisfied in and can't do anything to change it bc that's what she's been selling all along.
She's lying in the horrible bed she made and is trying to convince us to have a sleepover by any means necessary. Girl, get up!
She participates in the thing she claims to hate. (Yes, right wing logic applies to them too.) Where as unlike capitalism, she doesn't need to be a girlboss under the table.
@@pande1461 She knows she doesn't have any real problems, like a lot of fear-mongers, she just postures them as her problems in order to shill "wealthy tradwife" conservative optics and superficial political aesthetics. She is just one of the fakest people on the internet pushing her ideology, and not hard to understand why nobody takes her classically privileged ego-driven, societal vanity, seriously.
@@DaniHGirl She IS regressive. She literally just talked down on a successful and happy woman because she isn't married with children at 34. 😂
EDIT: She also thinks most women work full-time jobs to be "girlbosses" when in reality, most women need to work.
The claim that women don't want to have children because they'll lose their "hot and fit bodies" actual hides the real health consequences that women face after having a child. Most women die after child birth not during, and may have permanent health issues such as diabetes or auto immune disease as a consequence of having children. Personally I was able to lose the weight after having a child, but I still have a medical condition that I will have to manage for the rest of my life. I love my son and don't regret it, but I wish we were more honest about the physical toll pregnancy takes on you instead of making it a vanity thing.
yeahh and it’s actually dangerous in many other ways too. it’s really scary how the leading cause of death isn’t even related to pregnancy complications but is actually *murder* -and domestic abuse is horribly common as well. not to mention several aspects of pregnancy and/or childbirth can be genuinely traumatic…there’s an endless list of things that can happen or go wrong and cause debilitating ptsd or even worsen previously existing symptoms and conditions
It’s ludicrous to say women don’t want kids because of the stretch marks. However, I will say that as soon as I had stretch marks, my significant other ignorantly did not appreciate me as much. This is a man problem, not a woman problem.
Men need to be taught by their mothers to be more empathetic.
Yep! Diastasis recti affected my Grandmother in law after her pregnancies. My Mother in law suffered from Post partum depression. My grandmother had uterine prolapse. My mother had lots of infections and problems breastfeeding to the point she stopped after 3 months with me and 1 months for my sister. I had some severe tears that have left painful scar tissue that is easily irritated by normal activities.
I know people who lost their teeth after just 2 back to back pregnancies. And I've seen how they're also sort of stunted... Like perpetual teens or pre-teens even. I'm not saying this happens to everyone, but it's a real risk.
What is the medical condition?
I don't think saying "some people are not good parents" is controversial. Like, kids are being neglected and abused in some homes and no one denies that. Talk to anyone about their childhood traumas. "my mom had a job" is not the reason most people need therapy.
SO true.
I laughed out loud when she said that's what was controversial. And also her senseless argument that spending more time with ur child *ipso facto* makes you a better parent.
100% right
@@BeautifulEarthJa truth. I remember a few years ago, my dad sat me and my brother down and apologized for not being there more when we were kids. I said "it's fine", but my brother was more honest and said "honestly dad, that wasn't the problem. When you were gone, it was kinda disappointing, but at least it was peaceful. The problem was that when you WERE around, you were a complete monster". He was definitely right, fwiw.
(not exactly what you were talking about, but whatever lol)
More people are in therapy because their parents felt obligated to have children and didn't want them or because they were an "accident."
“Everyone can do motherhood, but not everyone does it well,” yeah Abby it’s almost like some people SHOULD NOT HAVE CHILDREN. Goes completely against the points she’s made about how everyone needs to have kids.
She seems to think that as soon as you devote your entire life to children, you automatically become a good mother. I could devote my entire life to singing, but that doesn't mean I'm good at it.
She talks like everyone has the same background lives the same life. 🤡
@@leg245 Privileged as fuck
@@trashpanda3544 This was exactly my thought when hearing her talk about dedicating your all to parenthood....it doesn't mean you're good at something just because you're passionate about it
THIS 🎉
As someone who recently lost their fertility due to a rare form ovarian cancer this is so infuriating. I actually really wanted children, but I do not have that option. So according to Abby I am basically not worth anything anymore and I cannot do anything meaningful. Well I guess I should have let the cancer take care of me. I cannot believe some people are so narrowminded.
I'm childless after infertility and same response. I didn't get a choice about motherhood and even then I get shamed and called selfish for not having kids. Imagine thinking this choice is simple and easy for everyone. :/
@@maggietiong6153 I am sorry you have to go through this. It really isn't simple and people who don't struggle with infertility simply don't understand. There is a dream that you need time to grieve before you figure out what your new dream is. I really wish you the best.
@@livblochsrensen673 Thank you! Same to you. :)
It's just one of many reasons to despise Abby and anyone who thinks as she does....She is devoid of empathy or even basic humanity. It must be draining being a joy vacuum like her.
You have a future that's yours to live as and when you're ready.
Does Abby realise that she is "prioritizing girlbossing over motherhood" by being an influencer? She is a working Mom. Sure, a privileged one, but she still chose to have a career
The level of audacity to act like she ain’t working too lol
Truly a Serena from the Handmaids Tale moment
Those rules are for poor people.
That's what I was thinking, like she's not a Stay at Home mom if she's working from home and traveling for speeches
@@Inquisdrknss
Umm, no. I get that you don't like her and you want to take a shot at her, but taking cheap shots like that hurts other parents. If you work from home then that means you are staying at home. If you work around your child's schedule, you can still be present to take care of your child. She cannot pretend like she is not a working mother because what she's doing is work (regardless of how much money she is or is not making). But she can still call herself a stay-at-home mom. Just like I'm a stay-at-home parent even though I write children's books. Being a stay-at-home parent doesn't mean that you hold your kids' hand all day. There are times when they're sleeping or playing and you have time to yourself.
Damn, Abby sounds deeply unsatisfied and bitter, and it seems she's projecting her problems in feminism.
While not realizing it is feminism that gives her the choice of living out some deluded cosplay of traditional womanhood.
learning from men ☠️
she really made a career out of saying her husband doesn't care about her and it's bc of woke
Right on!
I was just about to say the same
I'm currently reading Margaret Atwood's 'The Handmaid's Tale' and it honestly puts an even more menacing light on how her content is evolving - her statement about women's bodies being "used for what they're supposed to be used for" in particular sounds like it's ripped straight out of a dystopian novel
Yeah that made my stomach turn
"I don't like the idea that motherhood is a choice."
Girl thinks Handmaid's Tale was an instruction manual.
Don’t give these people ideas 💡
@BeGlamourlicious the handmaid's tale was made with things that already happened or are still happening so those were already ideas people like Abby had
if classically abby really glorifies stay at home moms, she should make all her content for free. take her youtube paycheck away.
She’ll really shift the goal posts then.
You’re so right.
@ville__what fuckin vids dawg 😭😭😭 you have nothing on ur channel 💀 also she does not support Colleen??
@@claritycalls4852 No need to feed the bot, just report them and be on you merry way
Or she shouldn’t be posting content at all because when she’s doing that she’s not prioritizing her child… which according to her if you prioritize anything over your child then you’re not a good mom.
I'm honestly flabbergasted at how much this woman, like her brother, is a walking collection of the worst possible takes.
Guess it runs in the family
God, I only wonder how horrific their parents are. I wouldn't be surprised if the parents heavily coerced their kids into agreeing with their misogynistic, ultra-patriarchal worldview because that is how all these conservative Jewish families are. I've met so many of these kids raised like this that all turned out to be horrible narcissists and bullies.
it really makes me wonder what their childhood was like 😵💫😵💫
I guess you don't have to be a Christian to buy into the "to live is to suffer" ethic. And once you accept that idea, the horrible takes basically write themselves.
@@MarianneExJohnsonI promise that we aren’t all like that 😭. Anyone who is a collection of the worst possible takes under the guise of God is not a true Christian 🫶
Abby: *lists problems with hustle culture, corporatism, and making lots of money*
Also Abby: *blames Marxism, the literal antithesis of everything she just described*
well she's a lot like her brother. a weird liar who doesn't know things.
Marxism just means laboring for slave labor pay.
I've heard of people being shot for escaping East Germany, but I've never heard of the reverse.
Oh, c'mon - you can't expect arguments to make logical sense?
I spit out my milk when she said MARXISM…. I wasn’t told that Marxism is about women abusing workers for maximum profit and neglecting their kids…. This must be between the line.
@@DarkPuppy9I've never heard a more apt description of Shapiro and all the little online conservative freaks
Is Abby not a working mom? I'm confused how she can denigrate working moms while actively being one.
No see, but she's doing it right, somehow.
She's basically Serena Joy from the handmaid's tale. Who finds out what life is like when the things she preaches are put into law, and hates every second of it.
That’s the problem with women like Abby. They preach female subservience and prioritizing only motherhood and all that while they themselves claim a platform to speak and earn money (sometimes a lot) from their work. It’s every other woman who should shut up and be a dependent and live with less and such.
I guess she's implying that doing TH-cam and influencer stuff is actually not a job
@@klisterklister2367she should give away the money to charity. If she’s profiting she’s working.
You have to embrace the cognitive dissonance!
the best response I heard to abby’s assertion that “at 50, I would rather be remembered as a wife and a mother, rather than how good my body looks” was courtreezy responding “if my body is banging at 50, please talk about it every day.” lol.
Yooo a reezy in the wild hey girl heeyyy
it's so strange how conservative influencers have this idea that women were all housewives where the hell did they get that idea when only very wealthy women did not need to work in like all of history?? vast majority of women have always worked in every way they were able to if not outside the home they did so by crafting and selling things
Ignoring reality is key into how they think about anything
Very skewed perceptions of history and maybe their families have been affluent for a long time, most women in the history of the world have worked, in farms, as artisans, in factories, as maids for richer women, and being a housewife was incredibly hard work, cooking, preserving food, sewing, fixing, washing clothing, sometimes in water that was far away, among so many other tasks.
My grandmother was born in the 1940s and she worked her whole life, so did my mom who was born in the 60s, and probably every single female ancestors I have.
I would argue that the unspoken assumption of conservatism is that hierarchy is good, and so they only craft their ideology to be appealing to the upper classes.
On some level, they _know_ that middle and lower class women have always worked, but they don't _really_ care about them. The lower classes are people who "did not work hard enough to live like us", which is why they have such a negative opinion of poor people.
Guess they totally forgot about that big ass war where every woman in America went to work in the factories too.
Or you know, how women in lower classes were always wrorking the fields or in richer people's homes, cleaning their crap and raising their children.
Guess they forget about typically female dominated fields like teaching or nursing or child care.
Honestly even wealthy women worked since they were often ambassadors and event planners for their husbands. It just wasn't meant to look like work.
"I really started to question why we put work ahead of motherhood..." Yeah, Abbey, it's almost as if capitalism is less than ideal or something.
It's almost like we need to prioritize health, food, and shelter. Pair that with living during unprecedented inflation and global warming. Gee I wonder why women are not tripping over themselves to get married and have as many babies as they can?
Right? it's not like -human- babies are notoriously expensive, or anything!
edit: calling them _"human_ babies" sorta makes it sound like I might not be a human. I am... probably a human.
See thats my biggest problem with people like her; they want the whole world to fit to their ideals but only on the surface. They hate on and seek to destroy anyone who doesn't fit in but dont actually want to create the circumstances that would make that easier for people. They say that its wrong for women to not stay at home and take care of kids but dont want to fix the economy and allow people who actually want that to not work themselves to the bone just to survive. They think abortions are murder but as soon as those kids are born they couldn't care less if theyre healthy or safe or provided for. They don't care if a housewife's husband might become abusive or pass away or become disabled, leaving her unable to care for herself or her childeren they demanded she have and completely destitute bc she has no income no experience no way to support her family. They want to dictate how people live and punish them for not living like that but also not provide the social support to make it actually attainable. Its only about aperences and hating what's different, not about making real social change to keep people safe and cared for. They want to feel justified in hating and bullying others, they want to feel righteous and superior. That's where their ideology comes from, I think.
Shes right that IF someone has a kid, then their child should be their #1 priority, however, sometimes going to work IS prioritizing your child, if you dont have the financial stability to be stay-at-home-parent. But tbf there are ppl who prioritize their career (past what is financially needed to live) over their children and that is fucked.
Edit: She said that shes not talking about ppl who need double incomes, so I think maybe she IS talking about ppl who already have their needs met, prioritizing career over their kids, but Tara is right about how she's framing that more as the rule when its rlly the exception.
Now if she would just think a little.
Not everyone does parenting well…and yet she thinks everyone should have children? The lack of logical consistency is what gets me. And the whole idea that childless by choice people are partying and living it up is hilarious. I’m a 35 year old neurodivergent who has chronic illness living with my parents-I barely have the energy to work and take care of myself, never mind dating or partying.
It’s also the fact that her whole channel is about convincing women to be mothers, all the while she’s calling motherhood a “burden.” Wow, really selling the idea of motherhood to me lol
it's so absurd how many things that aren't feminist, Abby blames on feminism; such as, "wine mum culture". (which is a symptom of mothers not being supported and other social problems) Her lack of critical thinking.....
"feminism is when women do things i don't like" - abby, pretty much
Because in the 50s when her version of feminine roles was the norm, doctors weren’t handing out barbiturates and other sedatives to housewives like candy
Oh wait
@ville__you're everywhere, get a life
@ville__wdym Tara supports Colleen Ballinger? Source?
@murderyourlawn
It's a lazy bot obsessed with progressive leaning channels. Don't feed it
"abby traveled to colleges to talk about why women should stay home" that's what I don't get about abby and girldefined or anyone who defends them. They are building a business, a brand, a career, writing books, going on tours, preaching that women should not do any of the things they are doing... like they are businessmen, they are girlbosses, and unfortunately to many churches and conservative groups they are leaders yet all they talk about is how women should let men lead and be quiet in a 30 minute video of them talking
it's literally like that wife in the handmaid's tale I don't remember the characters name but she's married to one of the politicians that are responsible for the coup and her job beforehand was exactly doing that until the new government is instaured and now she's miserable because she lost all her agency 🧍♂️
They are literally influencers and not even the good type. All they are doing is gifting.
@@phosphenevision Yeah, Serena Joy, the woman who argued for women to stop working and only have babies, while working in a boss babe pant suit, writing books, having speaking engagements, and being politically active, and got what she preached, a society where women aren't allowed to do anything except homemake and raise babies, not even read, and then hated every single second of it.
Phyllis schlafly was the first example of that type of woman, back in the 70s. It's a very old conservative grift.
And they rail against feminism, which helped give them the societal ability to speak, be heard, and accumulate income
"Having a child reminds you what you are for" what I'm for is eating tea and biscuits
And chocolate❤❤❤❤
I eat tea, too
@@aschenbechermann quite delicious isn't it
I'm for laying in bed and making art
Abby is like two books, 12 memes, and four podcasts from realizing that “feminism” is actually capitalism. You’re so close, girlie!
Bahaha I agree with that estimate
She's really not.
In the words of Upton Sinclair "It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends on his not understanding it," or in this case her salary.
@ItsNikhit ville is a troll, dont respond to them
@@cerbera_22 Oh! Understood! Thanks for the heads-up, fellow trans person! ✌🏼
I fear that her husband reels her back in every time she gets close
It is very depressing that Abby thinks it is feminism's fault that no one tells her that her hard work as a mother is appreciated, and not her husbands fault lmfao. Also what is with conservatives and forcing their marriage problems down everyone's throat? I don't care if you hate your husband, just don't do it in front of my kids.
Such a good point lol
If it makes you feel any better it's very likely she doesn't actually think that and is just saying it because as a wealthy conservative attacking feminism is in her self interest.
I don't think Abby knows what a "girlboss" means. Girlboss is someone who bosses around people in her life without having any authority on them that's why it's "Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss" and Abby is literally all of those things.
Projecting ones emotions and insecurities onto others.
🤣🤣🤣 so true
"being a nurse does far more for society than being a weird little conservative creator does"
being a nurse does far more for society than what i do and im an engineer
Ikr? I'm an engineer as well and I'm constantly explaining to people that janitors, teachers, caregivers, waiters, etc do more to benefit society than what I do 😂 i mostly just sit around all day thinking about databases and ignoring emails.
lmfao real! some people just can’t accept that they aren’t superior for their career. like every job is important in its own way but our world is struggling a lot more in healthcare than we are in tech advancement, our focuses should be on protecting people and protecting the planet/trying to undo the industrial revolution pollution that never stopped
A good nurse is a gift. They make doctors look good, and save lives in more ways than one.
Don't engineers make the tools for nurses to use?
@@mo.ka.9661 not necessarily
regardless nurses have a more valuable daily impact on society and the people in it, signed the engineers in this comment thread
You must really despise children to wish onto them parents who did not actually want them, but had them anyway because "that is your entire purpose". Nice work Abby.
I had a very similar thought! Surely not being a parent at all is better than being an awful parent. This woman is insane.
Being a parent should definitely be a choice, it takes a lot of dedication. People who do not want to take on the responsibility should not be forced to, it will only create sad childhoods and depressed adults.
I really wonder where adoption and foster children end up in her world view. And I think the fact that she doesn't mention them is really telling, because that is where they end up right now: forgotten. She wants every woman possible to have children (I assume married because most religious folk have that engrained) but that that also leaves women that already have children out, excluding yet more people from her view.
She thinks that her views are so niche and they need to be said yet she is just another person that is saying what people have been told for lifetimes that the problems and holes in her worldview are the same holes and problems that already exist now.
She says it as if everyone has to play by her rules. There is no choice? Oh ok let me just pop some children into this world 🤡
I'm latinoamerican, and the majority of mothers I see, well, I can just say it's very clear they didn't plan them, and possibly never wanted them. Those kids grow up in poor and dysfunctional households, abuse is common over here, and mental health is not acknolewdged. I can see so many children and I know what future they have by the lifes they're having. Idk, I just wanted to add that to the conversation.
Abby brings up the need to feel respected so many times that it becomes a very obvious tell about the interpersonal dynamics she experiences. People aren't disrespecting you in your day-to-day because you're a mom, Abby. You decided to surround yourself with people who fundamentally don't respect women, and you can't 'pick-me girl' yourself into any form of ideal femininity that will ever make up for that.
Jesus christ i wasnt expecting a youtube comment to just explain my entire teenagerhood and most of my adult baggage like that.
I already knew that about myself but seeing it written out like that about someone else is a bit eye opening.
this!
YES. The pick me vibes are strong with this one. She’s basically saying why doesn’t everyone around me tell me I’m the best woman and mother every day?? While probably criticizing millennials’ “need for attention” and expectation of participation trophies for just being a human… while wanting all the attention for just choosing to be a mom.
@@alexishaynie6008Abby: being a mother isn’t a choice it’s literally a part of being human.
Also Abby: why aren’t mothers who give up all agency for the sake of motherhood treated like the ethereal goddesses we are?
I think *healthy* mothers are phenomenal and their occupations outside motherhood (or lack thereof) don’t negate that. But boy does she want ALL the flowers. I’m not even quite sure who she’s comparing herself to or expecting respect *from.* if she’s doing everything right for a conservative woman in conservative circles and not feeling respected, WHO IS?!
You need more verbiage beyond pick me. It’s getting reductive and the meanings keep changing because you all refuse to just read and learn scholars terminology
Something what bugs me about Abby, my parents, and other conservative folks is how much they insist their opinions are fact, or their preferred way of life is the only right way to live, just because it's the only one they're happy in. Feminism doesn't take away their choice to do anything they want to do, so why is it so important to them to take choices away from others? Why play oppressed so you can oppress others? The lack of consideration for people not being the same as them is so wild..
That's something I noticed as well, it almost feels as if they don't even know that what they have is ultimately just an opinion, like would some of them change their mind if you just pointed out that what they think doesn't _LITERALLY_ have to apply to everyone on the planet? Do they just not realize it and didn't consider it as an option? Of course I don't really believe they'd change this easily overnight but I feel like there is a non-zero chance some of them literally just don't know.
They are narcissists. Everything needs to be about them. They are starved for constant validation and external affirmation.
Ultimately, many of them are deeply dissatisfied with their lives, and they are completely incapable of reconciling that with an oppressive society. They NEED to feel like they made the right decision. That they didn’t have a choice, you shouldn’t either, and everyone should be grateful for it…happiness not needed.
Everyone with a political opinion thinks they are right. My dad is a Democrat and he believes he’s always right. He’s so deep into politics to the point my mother switched to independent 😂
@@tiredoftheworld4834 yeah, I suppose among people who are already won over by the idea that the american political parties represent the full spectrum of reasonable political ideology, it'd be difficult in general to not try to apply their side to every human on earth.
I just think not everyone is like that, the people I keep around tend to see politics as a discussion rather than a team if that makes sense.
I think that Abby's got a point about butter dishes tho. I'm coming round to her point of view. Its a really convenient place to keep my vegan butter.
Maybe I do just want to be a traditional wife?
A Man In His Late Thirties
Chase your dreams, friend ❤
The butter dish is the only relatable thing in this video, so well done Abby you broken clock .
Dude, butter dishes are so nice. We have this weird thing in America where we've culturally forgotten that butter can be kept at room temp, so we just invented a fake butter filled with trans fats that is spreadable at fridge temp to make up for it. Getting a butter dish and putting some nice Kerrygold in it has changed my life for the better.
thinking about my old apartment where the butter dish was right next to my roommate’s drug paraphernalia. classic girl lifestyle 🤪
I love having some nice soft kerrygold or similar quality butter out on my counter for spreading on toast. The cheap store brand on the other hand stays in the fridge unless I want to bake something. That’s the cooking butter.
Abby is STRUGGLING with her life. You can tell that her need for someone else to confirm that she is worth while and a person is because the people around her treat her like a lesser human. She's trying desperately to convince herself that she isn't full of regret and miserable
Completely agree, she even admitted that she feels guilty sometimes. Maybe she did want to do something else with her life, her being a content creator really proves it... But her struggle with picking a job or being a mother is exactly what feminism is about, since we believe that we shouldn't have to just pick one or have every responsibility fall on us. This video actually depressed me
Thats why i like listening to her talk about her tabletop gaming. Deep down there seems to be an enthusiastic and passionate person. Sucks she'd rather participate in her own marginalization and put other women down
This is probably the case. It’s either this, or she and her husband talk about this topic so obsessively that it consumes her.
There's this phenomenon where as soon as a woman becomes a mother, she is no longer an individual. She's treated and talked to, like she doesn't have her own identity anymore. Her identity is her kids. She is no longer thought about. Her feelings don't matter. All that matters is that she's a mother. So many women lose their sense of self-worth and identity when they become a mother. Her life is not her own anymore. You see this well during Christmas. The mother is the one who makes Christmas happen, and nobody even bothers to think she deserves a break, recognition for her work, or even a present. People forget about her and her feelings.
@@trashpanda3544 I think the people that comes from traditionally-minded folks moreso than feminists and progressives.
The resentment bubbling inside Abby is palpable here, and I’ve never seen it this intense before. She seems desperate to be validated for the struggle and sacrifice she’s making for her children. She seems to cope by asserting that she is better than everyone else and that she is entitled to praise for being the “best possible woman.”
The fact that she goes so far as to say that “women who don’t make the choices I do are fundamentally wrong and undeserving of respect” is shocking. How can you say that “motherhood is a woman’s only purpose” when so many women are unable to conceive? When so many women are unable to handle motherhood? These women are not worthless, and they are stronger than Abby could ever understand.
How dare she dehumanize people in order to prop up her own fragile self-worth. This is not okay.
I think that Abby's views on modesty are still worth criticizing because she is telling other people what to wear, and blaming women for men's actions. It would be one thing if she just said "I feel more comfortable dressing modestly." That is completely valid, and everyone has the right to dress however they choose. But she doesn't, she spreads the idea that it is somehow inappropriate for women to dress in a more revealing way because it is "provocative" to men, and that is worth criticizing, regardless of what she has gone through with men objectifying her. Her view on modesty just enables objectification, and it is a huge part of rape culture.
She really IS insane.
Sadly lots of followers are as unstable but preacg this BS highly.
This is such a great point! Everyone should have the right to dress in the style that they feel comfortable in or prefer (unless it infringes on other people’s rights or something). It’s ironic that the more prevalent her ideology becomes, the less comfortable I am becoming in dressing the way that I prefer, because I’m worried that people might think I’m dressing modestly because I have a viewpoint similar to hers 😅
Meanwhile men can wear whatever they want and she does not care. On top of everything she like most conservatives is a hypocrite.
I bet she dresses sexy when she has to go to the dinner parties and compete with all the pretty young things that catch her husband’s eye.
honestly a part of me wonders if this attitude is a way of feeling more in control. If you concede that how you dress cannot protect you from sexual harassment that can make you feel very helpless. And in a world that blames women for being harassed you can put yourself on the "right" side by propagating and adhering to these norms about how to dress and also feel more in control of whether you will be blamed for your harassment. After all, you did everything "right"
imagine being a working femenist mother (during a time where it was less accepted), who tries to raise a confident, independent daughter, just to have to hear this shit 20/30 years later at christmas dinner and be told that you are less than because you worked. i am really sorry for abby's mother.
Especially since the only reason people like Abby can even have the kind of platform they do is because women in older generations fought so hard and made so much cumulative progress to make being an outspoken woman somewhat socially acceptable in the first place
At a certain point you have to wonder if it’s genuine or just a profitable grift.
Has Abby's mom called her out on what she's doing? I don't know anything their family before her and Ben. Actually I basically don't know anything about the two of them, which is a great thing to help preserve my sanity.
It's so weird since Ben is married to a doctor who, as far as I am aware is not a stay at home mom. I wonder how her and Abby get along 🤔
@@SailorAnthyOh I don't wonder. It is a grift.
The fact that she gets so worked up, angry but like she’s going to cry about motherhood and it not being a choice, makes me feel like it’s coming from a place of resentment towards her own choices. Maybe she feels like that choice was taken away from her… because she certainly doesn’t look happy to be a stay at home mom. It feels like she might be overcompensating for a choice she regrets and can’t take back now.
The humor of this woman decrying being a girl boss and advocating for stay at home parenting when she is indeed a working mother, she runs multiple social media accounts, has a podcast(?), runs some sort of subscription based news letter/coaching scheme, does speaking engagements, and I'm assuming more. She's a work from home mom not a stay at home mom and is preaching about how mothers need to prioritize their children while she is prioritizing demonizing women not living up to her standards that she herself does not meet.
No, no, she's actually right. I witnessed some of my fellow Airmen in the military literally sign up for deployment to get away from their families, and people in my corporate job take on extra work and hours to the detriment of their family life. Some people do put their careers ahead of their families, and that's actually rather sad.
@@voodooprincess11 a broken clock is still correct twice a day.
I'm kinda sleepy and I misread something like "profiting om her life and being a mom" and it also made sense to me. But then i realized i was misreading lol
@@voodooprincess11 Ah yes, your little anecdote trumps real data
Well maybe we need to put less pressure on people to start families if it doesn’t suit them.
The opposite of what Abby is doing.
The fact that Abby says to just “live with a little less” shows her privilege lol. “A little less” can vary depending on where your household income falls - it could mean one less vacation or literally less food for your kids lol.
It seems like she thinks if you are able to just scrape by above the poverty line on a single income household that should be enough for you, like it isn't important for your whole family to have savings to fall back on if something goes wrong or your kids won't benefit from having two parents who are able to be equally engaged with their upbringing because one of them isn't completely consumed with work.
@@rampion1228I don’t think she even thinks about what poverty is.
@@jujupiter6775I’m not giving up vacations now for an imaginary kid though which is what she wants
Not to mention the ability to even have those kids!
@ville__ source???
I find it interesting Abby seems to assume the primary reason a woman would choose to be child free is to stay hot.
Yeah, almost like she has deep insecurities with her pp body and rather than being kind to herself about a very normal experience, she's hiding behind a wall of seething resentment and condescension at childfree hotties, the REAL issue with the world today 🤷♀
She clearly has never had to struggle with the real reasons women chose to be child free: childhood trauma, mental illness in the family, mental illness in oneself, physical health issues, financial struggle, etc. Abby had every opportunity and privilege to be set up to be a good mother, and she still failed because of her awful takes on motherhood and womanhood.
In the past she has insisted that she doesn't believe she's better than people who don't have the same values as her, yet goes on to bash women who won't have kids.
It honestly feels to me like women such as Abby force themselves to sacrifice so much of their lives that they begin to resent women who don't, and the only way to feel good about their choices is to look down on women who don't make the same choices. Otherwise she might have to admit she wishes she had a life a bit more like them.
Nah, she totally believes that. It just isn't safe to say it straight out loud.
@@ubernerrdpeople have been saying this type of stuff my whole life, people still say this stuff all the time
Goes on to say she “definitely is superior to women who are not mothers”. The double standard of it all!
Like a lot of conservatives she simply lists the things that serve her, that she likes and agrees with, and highlights them as “right” and “good”. How fortunate that the things she already likes doing are the right things. Phew!
She says not everyone does motherhood well, but every woman should be a mother wether they want to or not. Those are some impressive mental gymnastics.
I think it’s just a misery loves company scenario for Abby. I think she finds motherhood deeply unfulfilling and unstimulating and therefore believes she is sacrificing more that most. She needs HER accolades to be louder than most. She needs to be acknowledged as the best. And if possible she needs to earn money off the endeavor bc the spiritual rewards of motherhood actually aren’t enough for her.
I absolutely hate how she equates prioritizing your kid to being a stay-at-home mom. You can absolutely have a full-time job and be emotionally present for your child (if you decide to have one at all). She just refuses to understand it's not a either-or situation.
And of course, it's exhausting to do both, but it's not the wrong choice either. Because there is NO wrong choice to begin with!
as someone who was raised in an abusive household the idea that motherhood is "not a choice" makes me unbelievably angry. my parents should never have had children. they made that choice and caused their children great suffering. framing parenthood as the only natural next step for everyone's life opens the door for more harm to be caused.
Yeah. My partner and I constantly talk about how the people who are the most emotionally and financially equipped to have children are always the ones who opt out.
I'm not sure if my words matter, but I'm glad you're here anyway because you make a lot of people happy just by being here. Stay strong, my dear. Your life is important. ❤
This is strange to me because she openly states that not everyone makes a good parent.
@@oedalis actually yeah true !! she's all "you have to be a parent, it's not a choice" and then if you're not good at it she's like "hm sucks to suck bestie." wtf is up with that
Still praying for the day that conservatives stop blaming problems caused by capitalism on feminism 🙏
And blaming it on "Government," whatever that means
But if they did that they wouldn't be supporting capitalism, which they love, because they benefit from it and attacking feminism, which they hate, because it's a threat to capitalism.
Based on how things look now, you might be praying for a long time.
If only we had access to the mental gymnastics, we'd have an enthralling new Olympic sport!
Or immigration
She sounds happier about the butter dish than having kids tbf
💀💀💀
A lot of us childfree folk are here helping be a village to the people we care about 🤗
I've spoiled my nieces and cousins and my friend's kids and changed diapers, wiped tears, kissed booboos, taken them to movies and concerts, clapped at their shows, taken them to the beach and shoe shopping, helped them learn how to park a car, got their ears pierced and raced go karts, made bracelets and put on temporary tattoos, played and cheered at sporting events, showed up with pizza and ice cream, and drawn them unicorns and dinosaurs, etc.
Every parent deserves a villiage.
I love this!
You are really out here doing the good work!! Keep it up 🫡
Yeah I don’t want my own children because I spend more time caring for my combined 7 nieces and nephews. I love them all and care for them all sometimes more than their own parents.
I think people forget that, like, "spinsters", Maiden Aunts, older women, and extended family were all a part of it. Now, people are getting married *and* filling that role, which is the actual "new" thing. People are doing it on purpose rather than it being a sad thing.
aww that’s so sweet!
The most annoying part of this whole “working vs mother” thing is that most working mothers would rather work less. Abbey wants to divide feminists and mothers when really our goals are the same.
And plenty of feminists are mothers (like me)
Like even many good working dads,wanna stay more with their children, especially those couples who do coparenting right
Wow the tome I wrote in the comment section was summed up beautifully in two sentences. ✨🪱🌱❤️🔥
@ville__ ???
The most annoying thing is that women for the majority of history were both and neither was optional (for the majority, as not a lot of women had the wealth to become nuns). Women for the last 5000 years did have childern and worked. It wasn't up for debate. And yes even the majority of the women in the romen empire worked even without equal rights. Just as now the majority of women in Iran are working. They are teachers, nurses and farmers. Women who claim that working is a privilige for women have never had to work and they are also the ones that really struggle as single mothers when their partner leaves them, get's injured or dies. If you want childern and have nothing to fall back on economically, then your risking the survival of your childern.
"Whose body was used for what it was supposed to be used for" Is one the most disgusting and objectifying things I have ever heard in my life
Textbook example of conservatives complaining about Marxism and feminism while their complaints are very specifically describing capitalism. Chuds always blame feminism when they should blame capitalism.
Every time 😮💨
@ville__ Nobody knows who Colleen so-and-so is, nobody knows the lore on these conspiracy theories that obsess your sick mind. It is nonsense that isolates you. I'm not gonna Google it and nobody else is either, you live in a bubble of conspiracy theory nonsense that NOBODY is going to follow you into. Seek meds for schizo disorders is my advice.
It blows my mind how people like Abby can revere motherhood to the extent they do and yet will die defending capitalistic, conservative governance that does everything in its power to make motherhood as expensive and difficult as possible.
If everyone can do it, they're not special anymore
She revers her motherhood and the lifestyle she can afford thanks to taking conservative money. It’s not about anyone else.
@@cassinipaniniI have literally never considered this before, but that is so true
@ville__ why is this relevant?
Abby pushing the "Prioritizing motherhood makes you a good mother" thing makes me laugh so hard because I was WAY better off when my mom was neglecting me. She spent much of my childhood drunk/unconscious/at work or a bar. It was very difficult for me, but nothing compared to when she got sober and was home screaming at me.
I'm a preschool teacher, and it drives me insane when people imply that utilizing childcare is shameful. First of all, there is nothing shameful about spending small amounts of time away from your kids, especially when the time you're separated is used to provide for your family (working, shopping, even taking mental health breaks to rest). Second, your kids are LEARNING when they are in childcare. Every day they spend playing, interacting with other children, and engaging with adults outside the comfort of their family is a day they've spent expanding their skills.
Agreed. If I just stayed home with my mom and sister I’d of missed out on so much socializing and yes, added education. I think it’s a good idea for even stay at home parents to put their kids in twice a week. And they can get things done much quicker and yes, just taking a break. It’s a 24 hour job that leaves so many parents sleep deprived. It really is so sad that the USA can provide social support but most of everyone’s tax money goes to wars for oil or keeping the IMC churning. Seems like weapons are the only things still made in America. People worried if they pay into Universal Healthcare they’ll pay for other people but not take advantage themselves. Hey, you really don’t want to have long term hospital stays! But it’ll help family members, friends and yes most of us end up in the hospital at the end. My country has year long pregnancy leave and even though I never had children I’ve got no problem paying for it or school taxes. Taxes are supposed to go to things to make your lives better. It’s sad how the propaganda works, but so many would never believe their faced with it every day. They don’t actually learn by design about what is normal in other countries and where they actually stand on lists regarding education, health, etc. And don’t get me wrong, I’ve spent a lot of time there. Have friends and family there. So many good people getting paid next to nothing because shareholders are what counts and billionaires being worshipped. People actually thinking if they just work hard enough. They were already wealthy and had luck. You hear them speak and it’s embarrassing. Ok, off the soapbox the whole world is paying too much for right now.
So true
I know. This is one of these weird cultural differences between the USA and many European countries. I live in Germany and no one here thinks, that sending your kid to preschool is in any way bad for them. Some preschools are better equipped and staffed than others and lack of personal is a general problem atm, but the idea, that children don't benefit from the company of other kids their age and supervision by qualified adults is totally foreign to us.
Children aren't meant to be only or even mainly around adults. It's a very new thing for humans, to live with just the core family and often without much contact to neighbors or a small, tight knit community.
The parents job is to be parents, not playmates. That's what other kids are for and it's incredibly important for young ones, to play and socialize with other kids.
And all the kids I know, love preschool. They did not like having to stay at home all the time during lockdown, for example. Especially once they realized, that that didn't actually mean, that mommy or daddy would play with them all day long.
my mom was a stay at home mom but sent all us kids to preschool, why shouldn’t she have gotten a slight break from multiple kids hanging off her all day. and it was great for us kids because we got to learn, play and socialize with other kids and spend time experiencing new things.
"I don't like that motherhood is a choice." When Abby said that, I felt my eyebrows migrate into my hairline.
I'm a 'selfish' child-free woman who doesn't want to pass on generational trauma, wants to travel, and wants to eat chocolate whilst watching YT video essays with my cat 🐈.
Sorry, Abby!
Me too & feel like we'll both be happier than she'll ever be
We also need to recognize that becoming a mother doesn’t mean you *can’t* have those things. I’m a mom, and I travel, I’m breaking my generational cycle, I’m currently drinking tea while watching this video essay. Motherhood should not be the sacrifice of yourself and the things you love. It doesn’t have to be, and we should stop telling mothers that things are dull, drab, and doom and gloom once you have children.
@@PastelOddityI think it's just overcorrection, for a long time people only talked about motherhood as a incredibly fulfilling beautiful thing, then people were finally able to criticise it.
Also, most people in the world aren't able to travel, I dont have children and I don't have money to go anywhere, so mostly life is pretty dull, drab and doom, with or without children, because most people aren't wealthy enough to do what they want.
Hell I am married but that sounds nice, too! ❤
@@PastelOddity TBF, statistically it really is one of the other for most people.
Not because of anything inherent to motherhood, but because having kids basically means no disposable income for the average working-class American in the current economy. Wages just aren't high enough to do both for most people (well, for the vacation and free time bit anyway. Getting over generational trauma isn't necessarily financial).
Things are full, drab, doom, and gloom when you're poor, which a sizable chunk of working mothers are likely to be. Of course, this is a capitalism problem, not a motherhood problem.
As soon as her kids are old enough to hate her and/or move out, and its only her and her husband left in the house, she's gonna feel like a hollow person because she placed all her self worth into other people (her kids). And you KNOW shes gonna be a nightmare of a mother in law.
I ALWAYS think about this!!! Like you guys are going to be SO broken when you put your whole life on marriage and kids and desperately not wanting to be alone. So when the kids are gone and husband passes they can't do anything. Those are the type of people that end up in a nursing home, because the stress will really take a toll on your body
Everything she calls "classic" are actually just things she thinks are "classy". She's using words wrong.
Right? Like 'watches are classic' - most people who work need a watch, because always fishing for your phone is annoying. Or the thimble she showed in the same video which clearly wasn't meant to be used - it's a collector's item. Don't get me wrong, if you're collecting painted porcelain thimbles, that's completely fine. There's a lot of really beautiful ones out there. But I do sew sometimes and I'd never use one of them, they're too heavy. You use a simple tin or plastic (more likely) one for that. If Abby did sew, she'd know she needs something different.
THIS!! It's mind boggling to me that she doesn't realise this. Bringing 7-Layer Dip to a party is classic. Not crossing you legs while sitting down? I don't know so much...
My biggest question? The butter dish. Why is having a butter dish "classic"? And doesn't everyone have a butter dish? What does she think other people are doing with butter? Did she grow up in a cult where people put butter in little buckets? I am so confused.
@@Revelwoodie Well, I don't have a butter dish actually. We keep our butter in the fridge, lol. But I'm pretty sure it's just all about aesthetics with her. All about how you can look and seem "classic".
@@Revelwoodie This is kind of funny to me actually. I'm the only person my age that has a 'butter dish' (it's actually a small piece of antique CorningWare with a glass lid, but about the same size) I've always done this ever since I've lived in my own place people have thought I was a *freak.*
You know what *they* do? They keep it in the refrigerator all of the time and then they either try to use the butter cold (just scraping apart the toast into shreds while the butter just spins around the knife and finally escapes) *OR* they microwave it. *The entire stick.* Every single time. (Yes, I've watched people attempt this process unsuccessfully to the point where they melted an entire pound - one stick at a time.)
In case you haven't guessed obviously I live in the U.S.
Housewife here! I've been a stay-at-home wife/mother for more than 20 years. And Abby is right about one thing -- I struggle to find value. It's an enormous workload, with no days off. But so much of it is invisible, background stuff that people who live in that environment take for granted. The food. The home. The garden. The errands, appointments, phone calls, school stuff, bath times. It's all just the fabric of reality that happens around you. "Mom" just makes things happen. "Mom" will take care of it. Domestic labor absolutely does NOT get the respect it deserves.
It never occurred to me, though, that the way to get that respect is to shame other women. I feel sorry for women who are drawn in to "tradwife" content because they think that's how to feel significant. And I hate the con artists who are profiting off their emotional vulnerability. There needs to be more feminist housewives in the public sphere, lol. There are many women in that position who need a narrative, and people like Abby are the only ones offering a narrative right now.
Love your comment, and I do hope that your hard work at home gets properly recognised and appreciated, and not taken for granted!
Isn't that something that feminism, that she hates, has been fighting for for years? Like they legit tried to legislate it as a paid job just to show how much work goes into keeping home running. The ones not recognizing that is *not* feminism though, it's capitalism and conservatives that still thinks only paid work is "real work" and "women were made for it anyway so why should they get paid".
Mad respect for you.
I'm a secondary Maths teacher and after 2 years of caring for my dad I was fighting to get back into the classroom cos holy shit that's the hardest thing I ever did.
I work in childcare and if there is one thing that I have learnt, it is that no, not everyone should be having kids!!!!!
Imagine the complete lack of self awareness to be a conservative and state, "I really started to question why we put work ahead of motherhood" while living under and bootlicking for a capitalist, for profit system. How delicious do the taste of boots have to be to either have the inability to put two and two together on that one, (due to bigotry having dumbed you down) or be unbelievably too dishonest to put it together.
Bear in mind these are also the people constantly decrying how the elites are out to get you and don't care about the common man.
She doesn't lick boots. She has a silver spoon in her mouth so she has no idea what a boot tastes like to be honest. But everyone else should be happy to eat them.
Literally. “If boots are all you have, you should be happy to lick them. This generation is so entitled harhar”
Abby Shapiro be like "How much can one banana cost? Ten dollars?"
@ville__ Why are you spamming the comments with this?
I love how Abbey frames it as "choosing to be a working mother" but if I dont work, I'll starve and die, what kind of a choice do I have?
At least you and your family will be skinny. And being skinny is totally classy.
@@susannehuber3996 lol clearly you dont know how cheap food works. Its cheap and packed with calories as opposed to having the money to buy a good diet
@@meganvincent5381 She's joking lol.
@@cutienerdgirl oh my bad lol
@ville__ what?
"You cannot replace me as your mother"
I have never heard a single sentence that has made me pity someone else' kids as much as that sentence just did.
Don't worry, it's not true.
Abby essentially complaining that it's not socially acceptable for her to put herself on a pedestal is so funny. She's frustrated that motherhood isn't a club of superiority she can beat people over the head with in real life. They won't invite you to tea anymore, Abby.
...I'm going to add a comment here just so all your replies aren't bizarre bots, but yes. This could just be the editing or framing of the video, but Abby is not giving of "happy fulfilled mother" vibes to me. I mean, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the reason she complains and puts others down isn't that she herself is unfulfilled as a mother, but maybe she's just got that conservative brainrot that makes it so that if someone who they disapprove of has peace, then they consider that as peace being taken AWAY from them... meaning that she is TECHNICALLY satisfied with her homelife but for the existence of people she deems wrong.
She seems to get fixated on what traits and/or choices can make one person better than another, and seems to really value those things. Listening to her speak about it across multiple videos and clips gives me the feeling that she's constantly looking for ways to put herself above others and reassure herself of her superiority, whether that be motherhood or anything else. Talk about a lack of satisfaction, and identity.@@goranisacson2502
it’s almost as if the joy of motherhood isn’t worth it to her and she wants it to have more benefits 😂
@@goranisacson2502 Sounds like that to me, too. This is a woman who looks like she's drowning, so she has to gas herself up to convince herself that she's happy and she's made a right decision, and that there is an universal 'right' she can cling to. She did put herself on the pedestal. Now she has to balance herself on that little 1sq/ft plinth. Boo hoo.
"I grew up in the shadow of Feminism"
Nah Honey, you grew up in the shadow of your much more famous cousin, Mara Wilson (aka Matilda to us 90s kids).
And I have no doubt you and Ben were bitterly jealous of her.
lol what? Their cousin? Haha
Wait, as a Gen Z kid, I adored Mathilda with everything in me. Sad to know those to idiots are related to such an icon
@@stormwright8300 as you can guess, they're not on speaking terms.
yooooooooooooooo what thje heck. I need to double check this
It is true!! WTF the Sahbiro Ice berg. someone please do their lineage 😂
She’s so out of touch with reality and the socioeconomic climate we live in. It’s amazing, she’s also a hypocrite too since she is essentially “girlbossing” with her TH-cam ad revenue money. As the saying goes, “rules for thee, but not for me”.
That ‘motherhood is not a choice’ bit is actually SO depressing and terrifying. Feeling like you want to travel, do fun stuff, have control over your body yet you are forcing yourself to have kids anyway? Not even thinking that there’s an alternative in life? Like Abby is kinda admitting here that she’d like to do things other than parenting, that there’s lots of upsides to not being a parent, and yet people HAVE to do it as if it were the law? Like not even ‘choosing to have an abortion’ but now getting pregnant at all shouldn’t be a choice either?
When she specifically said between a 50 year old who never had kids and a 50 year old who had 3-4, “who’s body was used for the right thing” my jaw was on the floor. Abby believes women’s bodies are ONLY to be “used” no matter what lifestyle they lead. How insanely fuckin bleak
Abby is just so bitter about apparently not having any choices that she wants everyone else to be as miserable as herself.
It's super F'd up.
These out of touch with reality women are hurting themselves and brainwashing others.
I am HAPPY, VERY HAPPY without kids, and I always wanted that and will still want it beyond 37yrs.
I have all my hobbies, I hone my skills, I have lots of responsibilities still and I am a clever, strong human still.
I dont have to be a slave to the F system who does everything to keep me a slave as baby machine/wife.
NEVER!!!!
N e v e r!!
Too many women already suffers this fate in BS countries!!
I. Am. Free.
Very much enjoying myself and THINKING for myself.
It's not as if the species is lacking babies either, we are way too many on this earth.
All of this makes me sick.
Sick people spreading their BS so easily due to social media.
The Shapiros are sick people and they process their own issues by imposing arbitrary rules on others.
I mean - i'm waiting for my country to mąkę being single and childless illegal. And also - it is not a choice for some people - i wish i were "normal" with husband and kids but i'm just too dumb and ugly 😢
i couldn't imagine being an infertile woman and watching abby say motherhood is an inherent "part and parcel of life and of being a person, a woman" ...that would devastate me. that's honestly messed up.
Personally, it doesn't devastate me, but it is certainly irritating. She comes across as selfish and extremly igmorant. I just avoid her content in general because I am not mazochistic.
@@JustChillingOnTattoine she is one of the worst kind of people: doesn't know how much she doesn't know, yet speaking like she's got everything all figured out lol. i avoid it too. it's completely morphed into unabashed "this is why i'm better than you" content 💀
I'm a transman with fertility issues (possible endo, still looking to get a diagnosis) & I want my own kids. Abby's views on 'womanhood' & 'motherhood' absolutely disgust me
it sucks. it feels like failing at the thing that defines life. I can't do the thing my own skin cells can.
I'm never having kids. It is unlikely I will ever get pregnant, but in the 1% chance I do, it would probably kill me. I have an autoimmune disease that targets the intake of vitamin b12 and makes me unable to produce folic acid. These are extremely important for pregnancy, which is why healthy women are told to take folic acid supplements when they're pregnant. If I were to get pregnant, the folic acid medication I take wouldn't be enough since I wasn't making enough to begin with. Luckily for me I don't want kids, but I can imagine how hard it would be for someone who has the same disorder as me being told they're less of a woman because of it.
I've said it once and I will say it ad nauseam: "All children deserve parents, but not all parents deserve children."
Should I have children for my mother who keeps nagging bc i'm turning 26? Fuck, no. I cannot sustain myself let alone a mini-human and then there's the simple fact that I DON'T WANT THEM. CALL ME SELFISH IF YOU WANT! I'm not built to be a parent! I applaud those that are!!!! Damn, I sure couldn't.
the 'childless people selfish' rhetoric always makes me chuckle bc their go to defense is "who will take care of you when your old?" why do you see your kids as CHILD SERVANTS? weirdos.
I also hate the “Forster the next generation” argument because that’s really only applicable to your nuclear family and no other youth. I’ve been in and out of youth support programs and there are folks who are REALLY fostering the next generation, raising kids whose own parents neglect them, kick them out, abuse them, etc. There are more ways to “foster the youth” than just overpopulating the earth with more mouths to feed!
Who will take care of me when I'm old? The staff at my retirement home who are both *paid* and *trained* to take care of me.
Also if she wanted children and had children, she simply did what she wanted in life, so a selfish thing. Especially if it's a biological child. Giving home to an orphan would be the non-selfish option for people who want kids.
@@bobdolesrevengeno...my children. Because I didn’t raise them in a culture centered on family to be stuck with strangers when I need them. I’m not doing that to my own parents. They will not receive a dime from me if that’s how they operate and it will be a clause for them to receive their inheritance. I would hope it’s not something that needs mentioning but y’all scare me in this generation. Hope it’s just a white thing....your parents die first at nursing homes conversed in welts and bruises and going early because somebody didn’t check on them when they were struggling to breathe. Them folks don’t want to be up there with them...who are you kidding?
@@dickottelI’m okay with being selfish. It’s not bad in every case
As a single dad working full time and being a parent while still living in absolute poverty, I hear this kind of ignorance all the time. People just assume Im not doing enough, instead of understanding the cost of living with even just 1 child is insane. I dont need a hand out, Id just like to have the bare minimum for the absolute exhaustion I feel every day.
💯 The cost is astounding.
Even single people without kids are barely making it, the economy sucks, it's a housing crisis and food cost is insane. Have all those things then add a whole person or two who need clothes, want to have things that other kids at school have, field trips, class parties, after school activities and we have to miss out on so much because we are working so much just trying to make sure they have food. You're exhausted and sometimes have nothing for dinner. Classically abbey is purposely blind, she comes so close to the point but turns on her heels. To all the single parents, you're doing great and your kids will understand one day. Fingers crossed for a great tax season or a spurt of good luck so maybe you can get ahead for a moment. That's what I keep telling myself to keep me going to work everyday, besides my kids needing to live decently.
But that's the thing, these people think you have to "deserve" to have more money. It becomes a moral thing for them, which in insane.
It really confuses and worries me that she seems to think the main reason people are choosing not to have kids is because they want to stay hot and fit as though the main consequence of pregnancy is that it changes your body. Like no, to me the major thing to consider is whether or not you feel comfortable taking on the responsibility of a real and developing human for the rest of your life. And, to be honest, if someone really does care more about the immediate changes to their body caused by pregnancy than they like the idea of raising a baby, then they probably won't be a great parent if you coerce them into taking on motherhood as a sacrifice or whatever.
Thanks Abby. Unironically blaming Marx for capitalist American dream culture is the funniest thing I have heard this Christmas
Unironically, that was comedy gold!
Works cause her audience doesn't know, and doesn't *want* to know what anything actually means.
They don't read, they're not gonna fact check her, facts and truth don't matter.
"You know that Marx guy that famously rejected capitalism? Turns out capitalism is entirely his fault.. who knew?!"
False consciousness is a harsh mistress
People like her conflate "facing push back for what you say" with "not allowed to say".
"They cannot replace me as their mother."
As someone who was disowned by their mum, this sounds toxic af. "I dont need to prove myself to other people because I'm not important enough to them, or rather, they're not important enough to me. My kids on the other hand, MY kids, they wouldn't even exist without me. I need to prove to my kids why I'm important otherwise i wont get the self-righteous validation that i crave. I cant have potential with any other human beings other than the ones that i make because other humans can see through my BS."
Children do not exist to inflate your ego and validate your self-important narcissism. More importantly, your children will continue to exist without you. When youre gone, or if you kick them out or abandon your parental responsibilities, they will continue to exist as their own people. You might be their mum but that doesnt make you irreplaceable, especially if you continue to treat them like possessions or commodities to glamorise your own character and boost your self worth.
I had my jaw dropped for most of this . Abby repeatedly saying that motherhood is what a woman's body is " made for" just kept hitting me on the " infertile" button . For the record I am not infertile but what does that kind of emotional manipulation do to women that want children but can not have them? Also , i think people that think all women should be mothers should be FORCED to work with abused kids or adults that were raised in toxic homes. If you can look at a child that was SA'd or emotionally stunted by a narc parent , and still say this , you are a monster.
My beau and I are the type of couple that can't get pregnant - I'm turning 36, he is turning 38, we didn't think we'd be here.... and we're not married because we had some stuff happen and we had to make choices on our funds. Abby would hate us haha
no. the abused kids have gone through enough. let them heal, safely, away from people like her.
Abby has said such incredibly baffling and nonsensical things on her videos, that I if she published one tomorrow revealing that it was all satire, I could totally believe it.
I think, it hurts several people s well.
I don't want children, I feel already overwhelmed with my nieces and nephews and my half siblings.
It's downright disgusting when puerile say, my "body" is made for raising children, when my mind is certainly mit.
She is privileged beyond her understanding. And she is missing a very (supposed) feminine trait here: empathy and actual, true compassion.
I'm not saying that those are only feminine traits in reality.
But I think she thinks so. So she should act like it.
I hate this rhetoric so much. I _do_ want kids but we've held off due to current situation where it would be irresponsible to do so. I'm 39 so soon I won't have a choice anyway since I can't afford to freeze eggs.
I get very depressed about it, as I know many others do in similar situations. It makes me feel like I've failed in the most basic thing that literally is the definition of life, the ability to reproduce. I can't do the thing my own skin cells can.
She talks about how fulfilling and worthy being a mother is, low-key shames those unable to have children, talks about 'ushering in the new generation,' and has absolutely zero to say about adoption??? Thousands of children displaced from/without parents and that's just...whatever???
Yes!! It again truly reveals that this conservative agenda of „a woman’s purpose being a mother“ is not about the well-being of children or the fulfilment of women, but about keeping certain people in power and others in dependency and poverty
The awkward truth is that there are almost no infants who need adopting who don't have some biological family who *want* to raise them, though they can't always afford to do so. If your whole lifestyle is about being able to raise children into perfect obedient conservatives, it's awkward if those children arrive in your life as something other than infants. They may actually resist the process, or have non-supportive bio family they're expecting to stay in touch with--grandparents, siblings. You'll see evangelicals push this more, but they also tend to be more onboard with forced religious conversion, and the outcomes are Not Great.
*Not* pushing adoption as valid for the lifestyle she's pushing is actually Abby being unusually sensible. (So we'll see how long it lasts.)
@@Nassifehyes. People paying 6 figures for a baby when that money could be used to prevent the baby from needing to be adopted in the first place 🤦. It makes me so angry to think in of it.
Of there will be children who need families but the number is a fraction of the children who's families just need economic support! 😊
Her ideology accounts for things that don't support it by ignoring them until they can no longer be ignored, and then villifying and destroying them.
We're just starting to look at adoption (in Canada) and oh lordy, it's going to take awhile
She sounds like she's trying to convince herself that she *wants* to be a mother. If she weren't so cruel and mean to women who don't choose motherhood, I might actually feel bad for her.
Its really sad because this type of rhetoric hurts infertile women. shes basically saying they will never have a fulfilling life
She is actually jealous of woman who dont have children. I also.cannot have kids but it doesnt affect me as bad cause i am a man. But even my male friends, now that were nearing 40, are jealous of my life with no kids and no responsabilities except to care for myself and do whatever whenever with whoever. They are tiree, bitter, and angry, casue they did as they were told by society and it didnt result in happiness, while I didnt follow society's guides and have all the freedom they secretly dream of. My sister hates her life with 5 kids...she is miserable.
This is a really good point. It's just such a shaming, judgmental attitude that manages to hurt pretty much most people. But how gross it is to shame and dismiss people who want children but face infertility issues.
For real. Think about how a fascist society views citizens who have lost a limb, or a sense, or have permanent/indefinite fatigue from illness. That same society will apply the same attitude towards infertile women: patronizing sympathy at best, but often, treating you like a leech.
For work, I would sometimes look at posts in an infertility community, which was painfully relatable to my trans self. It was profound, seeing these cis women struggling with their bodies and internalized feelings of failure as women, and the deep painful longing, who often knew they were being unfair to themselves but couldn't stop the feelings. I could only read so many stories in a sitting.
Once upon a time we raised kids as a village, and pregnancy was allowed to be a different thing than parentage, and we worked together to support each other. The nuclear "classic" family is a wearying way to organize our world.
That's exactly how I felt when I was trying to conceive. I was a young 20 something married woman in the midst of deconstruction, feeling like my body had failed me and I was unable to do "the one thing that my body was made to do."
Yes I don't think I'll get to have kids (just due to where I am in life) and I did want to have them. Rather than letting people like me roll with the punches, we're cursed to have miserable lives?
It also endangers women who end up thinking any relationship is better than being alone (because if you're single how can you have kids if you don't already have them?). Which leads to toxic and abusive situations. The pressure to have a "family" is dangerous.
I grew up in a household where my dads disabilities prevented him from working a job so my step mother was the only one who brought in any income. On top of working full time to support ALL FIVE of us she was the one expected to do all the cooking and cleaning because my dad is a man child. He’s too disabled to work sure but he’s more than capable of cooking and cleaning he just thinks women should do it. Once us kids were old enough to help we did but I never really understood the amount of labour this poor woman was putting out DAILY like holy shit. Thankfully she and my dad split years ago, I have a great relationship with her, less of a great one with him. He’s an ass
This might be a weird thing to say but it’s so satisfying knowing that they split up and she doesn’t have to be in servitude to this man child for the rest of her life.
@@ih2439 Nope not weird I actually agree! She’s the best parental figure I’ve ever had, and it’s even better to have been able to see her making healthy choices like leaving an unhappy relationship for her own sake because it set a good example for me
I'm just in awe of how he managed to get into a relationship with her in the first place. Not cause of his disabilities, I know disabled content creators who do rely on their partner here and there round the house but it's rarely ever a caretaker situation, but rather, wouldn't there have been red flags present when they were just casually dating? and it's just, if he's such a manly man, how come he's okay with letting ur step mom support the whole fam and not reciprocate that in some way? He definitely seems like quite an arse. I'm glad she got out and that u still have a great relationship with her
You make an extremely good point about the selfishness of "testing out your character development on a human being". Bloody hell, that was very well put. I once was sitting opposite a man on the tube (metro/underground trains) while he talked to a colleague about how his son "made him a better person". He was so proud about it and i'm happy for him sure, but i always felt it was weird that he required a baby to sort himself out. Like, the opposite of that is he "dies single" and a "terrible person" (he actually call himself that about who he was before his son) it was such an uncomfortable thing to listen to and i didn't know why until i got you your video. So thanks!
Imagine if she got better though, and then her and Ben had a feud and a series of annoying callout posts on each other
The good ending
Didn't this kind of happen with his cousin mara Wilson (the girl who played Matilda)? I vaguely remember her being progressive and going no contact with Ben lol.
@@pennyforyourthotsMARA WILSON IS HIS COUSIN??
yes! @@writerchick94
@@writerchick94YES SHE IS one of the most wild things I've heard, also yeah she has said publicly she doesn't claim that side of the family, but there were no call-out posts that I remember
I genuinely think that she is such a type A personality and was raised by parents who equated worth with measurable productivity. In that arena she thrived tremendously and derived all of her self worth by her actions being seen and applauded by others. Now she is finding it difficult to find self worth bc no one applauds her when she changes her babies’ diapers. You don’t get extra praise if you attended to all of your child’s needs that day. Whether she works harder or is a lazy mom she is put on the same pedestal as all other moms. since there is no competitive momming, she is literally attempting to create the sport.
The thing is I think she actually is a good mom because if she was really looking to make her parenting look like the best parenting, she would put her kids on camera, and from what I’ve heard she hasn’t done that
That doesn’t mean she’s a good mum. She might be but that’s just one aspect and everything she’s said suggests she’s trying to suck whatever status she can out of this role.
@@llcdrdndgrbdnot doing one bad thing doesn’t mean you’re doing good in general though
I think you’re very right here. The vibe Abby gives off is that she doesn’t find motherhood all that stimulating and fulfilling and giving all mothers the same respect/accolades regardless of their personal level of self-sacrifice offends her go-getter competitive personality. I think she feels she is sacrificing more than most do bc she finds it so very unfulfilling.
Anti-feminism isn’t being a stay-at-home mom, it’s deciding that there is only one valid way to be a woman. Women like Abby could go a long way in the world if they realized feminism actually helps stay-at-home moms by advocating for systems that give families choices like affordable housing and universal healthcare or conversely affordable childcare for those who choose to/have to work.
I pity Abbey's children. It's clear that their mother harbours so much resentment against them and it's going to explode all over them.
Indeed. As cynical as it is of me, I feel like Abby Shapiro's family feels like a tell-all book where the kids spill all the beans about their dysfunctional family in the making at this point. It makes me feel like a bad person for straight up expecting that when I haven't even seen her videos, but the vibes she gives here and in the articles wherever she pops up... I'm like a tracker in an action movie, sweeping the ground for foot prints and staring off into the horizon as I put on my grittiest voice and go "... Something happened here. Something REAL bad", even if just touching a foot print shouldn't tell me anywhere NEAR that much. Sometimes... you can just tell.
At some point they're not going to show "enough" appreciation for her and she will not take it well.
The fact that being classic doesn’t have a proper definition from Abby and is just bunch of stuff she basically likes and yet some people are sold on that ideology is really funny
It's 100% 'here is my vision board, you need to like everything on it!'
This is the thing that irritates me so much. SHES JUST NAMING THINGS IN HER HOME.
I wish I could tell her in person, that she is worthy no matter what, and motherhood is hard, and that it doesn’t have to be our whole identity, and that she’s doing a great job as a mom. The tone of her videos is just so sad and hurt underneath it all.
I feel like nobody is caring for Abbey and that’s why she is reacting by tearing other women down for not having the care and support she (and all!) parents need. I know that’s not the whole story of course but it definitely reads this way especially while she sits and folds her kids clothes and tries to convince us that this is her ultimate goal/responsibility :(
you know whats wild about this is that people like Abby will force people to have kids but i bet these people will call CPS if the parents are poor or LGBT+.
Also the quiet part out loud is when they say “have a bunch of kids” they are not talking about poc. Bc of course it’s ghetto when poc have large families 🙄
@@JKnight1316 Yes that too I've also notice that some conservatives specifically the ones who are pro-natalist believe in white replacement theory (Like Matt Walsh for example) which is the main reason why some conservatives are encouraging their fellow white man to have more babies.
Dang Abby is just sooooo incredibly bitter about the fact that she's suffering due to having a child while simultaneously trying to make herself feel better about all the things she's missing out on
But what's messed up is how she wants EVERYONE to share in her misery and make herself seem better than those who are free
She did marry incredibly young, just like her brother. It amazes me how these trustfund kids don’t pursue better education (I know she probably went to college, but geez… just listen to her talk….) and life experience to mature a bit before bringing other children into this world. Abby clearly jumped into it thinking it was something else, likely why she is pushing so hard on her TH-cam career which is what brings her actual fulfillment.
@@DoritoBot9000 Yes exactly... I hear it a lot with these conservative women, they don't see motherhood as a choice but something they HAVE to do so they don't even know why the heck they're doing it sometimes, and then when they become mothers and realize that it's hard they just envy childless women and want everyone to suffer like them. Otherwise they wouldn't care so much what other women are doing... they'd just be happy with their own lives, but that's the problem, they're not happy at all! I mean listen to how she's trying to convince everyone that she's more respectable than childless women... she is pissed off! Ans it's messed up that she wanrs everyone else to be in the same boat as her
Well yeah, if other people are able to choose to get married and have kids later in life, or even opt out of those things entirely, it means that she technically had that same choice back then. Apparently it's just too painful of a truth to face, so she has to delude herself into believing that everyone else doesn't (or shouldn't) have that choice either.
The way her voice cracks when she talks about women partying and traveling that make her go crazy . .. it's very telling.
@@DoritoBot9000conservatives still call a college degree a "MRS degree," aka a Mrs. degree, basically saying women shoukd only go to college to meet a husband and get some accomplishments to look more impressive
I don't know why, but the "cow writer" bit still cracks me up. I'm a sucker for characters you never see, like Maris on Fraiser.
I remember babysitting my infant nephew as a treat to his parent's to go out on a date. They told me when they got back they felt like their heart was sinking the moment they left the door because they were too far away from their baby boy.
Imagine going through that, every time you have to leave for work, so that you can provide for your precious baby.
So, it makes me a special kind of angry when people like Abbey frame it like it's purely a choice, or that one parenting lifestyle is superior to the other.
The US needs parental leave so badly.
Yeah, I remember those days. I really felt horrible leaving my kid behind. My husband didn’t understand it though. It was much better when the kids got over two years old.
At 25:07 it almost sounds like she's saying "Motherhood can't be a choice because if it was why would anyone choose it"
It does. I think she’s really miserable. She never addresses the fact that some women work because they need to leave their house and have some other purpose and it makes them BETTER mothers not worse. That the depression of being at home daily too much to bear for some people. She needs to go back to work…..
"I believe woman should be at the house and take care of the children and to prove that I will make a tour miles out of my house and give speaches as the true, against rustle culture, not political grinder as I am"
So inspirational!....Thanks Abby!!!
If she donated her add money to single working mothers that wish to spend more time with their kids, ppl might take her more seriously.
Id really love to see these women speak to the chronically homeless population of women about motherhood like this.
Had pregnant women from rape missing legs from medical conditions or from violence and chronically homeless that do not want a baby and cannot care for it and desperately need assistance. I see these people almost daily.
Please go ahead and tell that woman she doesnt have a choice and that she is responsible for all thats happened and she needs to fufill her purpose.
I couldnt even imagine her and this pious attitude speaking to women in the most horrific of conditions. Like truly saying that with your chest to these women.
Oh believe me, there are women and people who will definitely do that. Because they've never used one brain cell in their life to imagine not being handed everything you could wish for
Well your major mistake is assuming that empathy is a factor for these people. It's not about the reality, it's about the propaganda and the agenda. Desperately upholding imperialism and patriarchy to secure their safety at the bottom of the "natural order".
fabulous video, just had to state that emerald green looks FANTASTIC on you