Sometimes I feel that as a woman of color, my rage isn’t feminine rage, it’s just rage. And not only are you deemed more hysterical and animalistic if you express it, but suppressing it also falls in line with tropes like “the strong black woman” and we’re just expected to take it. As a result, while there is a sense of delicate brokenness and vulnerability that can be given to the rage and frustration of white women, the same cannot always be said for women of color
Idk you sound south asian like me? we are expected to be demure and silent victims of mens rage, incapable of reasserting ourselves. I understand some asians women's experiences are different but this is what I have heard from other women. I had never seen my mothers rage until I was a teenager, I have yet to see my own.. This is a bit different from the portrayal of black woman who are dehumanised and often depicted as "animalistic" even where they're merely existing, or when their anger is justified.
@@tcrijwanachoudhury I am south Asian lol. And I do have a little bit of that experience as well. Idk, I was writing the comment too fast and the first thing that came to mind was the strong black woman trope and how it contrasts with notions of white femininity
Your ideas of white women really only apply to white american women. I'm racially white but women from my place (and people in general) are nowhere near Americans. Yall need to stop using race as some box you put all ppl in, just like black ppl's experience widely differs if they were born in USA vs in some African country, it's waaaay different if you are a white person from Europe (especially eastern Europe) and America.
@@jazmynbell9025 yes, and I agree. It never comes from nowhere, but some sources of anger are so unreasonable that they should just be laughed out of the room. He's probably a man, and therefore doesn't have a "dog in this fight", and he has a "rare pepe" as a pfp, and is therefore likely to be autistic, and hang out in autistic places, like Mongolian basket weaving forums or social media like 9gag. In other words, with people like him, don't talk as if they're evil, just talk to them like they're stupid, even if they're autistic (because being patronized is always preferable to autists than dealing with someone who's "aggressively wrong") (I am a woman, the first word being "yes" was unclear.)
"Almost every woman I have ever met has a secret belief that she is just on the edge of madness, that there is some deep, crazy part within her, that she must be on guard constantly against 'losing control - of her temper, of her appetite, of her sexuality, of her feelings, of her ambition, of her secret fantasies, of her mind." - Elana Dykewomon
One of my fav stories of female rage is the legend of Kali Ma killing demons who were ravaging the land. She killed so many demons she went into such rage and bloodlust and no one could stop her. Her husband Shiva had to literally throw himself under her feet to snap her out of it.
I have an academic degree, I've read lots of feminist fiction and prose, and I still have a hard time articulating my anger and my hurt from sexism-based trauma. I still turn my anger towards myself. I still have a hard time teasing out what are my views on things and what are trauma reactions, and even if all that needs to be teased out in the first place. But I think you and other feminist youtubers do an incredibly important job, making these ideas more accessible. To me, watching videos like this is therapy. It helps me understand myself, my feelings, and my trauma, and see that I'm not an overreacting drama queen.
thank you for sharing ✨ ngl it's still work in progress for me as well and it's totally legitimate to feel angry and to struggle to communicate that trauma other than through anger... your feelings are totally valid
“Drinking coffee from a pot none of you wanna touch!” Is probably my favorite line from any movie. I drop don’t even know where this line is from but I love it.
Yup, I have a problem with women not being allowed to be angry/express rage. It's no coincidence that depression is far more common in women vs. men-because the number one cause of depression is repressed anger, and women traditionally were not allowed to display anger. Or would get nice labels like "hysterical, crazy, overly emotional" - and in the past, risked getting locked up in insane asylums, despite the fact that their anger was many times very well justified.
Honestly most of my anxiety is from fear of displaying anger and the repercussions that you get from it. Women arent even allowed to walk around with a neutral expression without being monitored by being told to smile or cheer up. In my experience when you lose your temper you dont get half of the same empathy or respect as a man would. I am saying this as someone who hasnt displayed anger outwardly in a long time but supressing it is pretty much destroying my life atm :/
Not sure about it being more common in women when Society doesn’t even allow men to be depressed in the first place . i understand historical context but I feel like we have come a long long way , The situation for women has changed a lot in that regard , while for men not much really, it’s not coincidence men commit more Suicide
@The_Numidium That happens because men and women choose different methods to commit suicide. Men's most used methods are jumping off high buildings or bridges and usage of guns which are much more lethal and usually result in death with little failures, while women's most used methods are overdose and slitting their wrists so if they're found in time they have lots of chances to survive their attempts.
I love ✨female rage✨ But in all seriousness it’s funny to think of we as women are seen as controversial or stepping out of our nature for having any other feeling that is not sweet, caring/nurturing, submissive, or quiet. When we step of out that we are seen as untamable wild beast. yet when man have this same emotion "its just a normal tuesday for bob" like how?? but im glad we are seeing a wilder depiction of women's emotions :)))
@@TryingtoTellYou It's not hipocrasy because no one said men don't get judge for crying. While women are opressed to not have angry reactions, man are opressed to not demonstrate vulnerability, and both of this cases happens for the same cause: sexism. None of this is ok, everyone should be able to express their feelings.
They're not though? If a man started screaming and having a breakdown like some of the women in this video, people would think he was crazy, they'd run away, call security, or at the very least just stand there gobsmacked and worried at what they were witnessing. Nobody says its a "normal Tuesday for Bob" when a man starts having a screaming breakdown lol. Where do you get this notion? I don't think its particularly healthy for anyone regardless of gender to have outbursts like this in a public/social place (unless something justifies it like, I dunno, you just witnessed someone getting hit by a car next to you or whatnot). Emotions can wreck you if you just let them run rampant and unchecked on the basis of "living your truth". Self-restraint is a thing for a reason.
@@harrypike731 that's not always the case, in my country at least men throw public temper tantrums all the time and it's considered "normal" but when women do it they're considered "hysterical", it's much more acceptable for a man to be angry and aggressive than for a woman
It strongly reminds me of the "crazy ex-girlfriend" trope in some aspects, especially when it's failed to acknowledge that the feelings are caused by something or someone.
I had a few drinks with some friends and acquaintances the other night and - after discussing the damaging aspects of religion and mentioning a past of SA and not being believed - decided to cheers to angry women. After which a man said I'm definitely one of them, 'he can just tell', in a way that got under my skin. If being vocal about problems and unapologetically enraged by the actions of wrongdoers makes us angry women, good. So I reiterate again, cheers to angry women.
As a teenager and an adult I became more connected with the history of indigenous woman here in Chile. I'm 4th gen Huilliche, part of the mapuche culture. Women here were free to do anything with their bodies until marriage. And still many women were Lonko, warfare leaders and generals often in revenge of their husbands, brothers and fathers, but they were able to unite people who followed them to burn down Spaniard's towns. That gave me relief, with these examples I felt more entitled to raise my voice and express my anger through speech. We need more stories about angry women who cry and scream but after that, build a better world, one with more justice and equity.
Thank you for this information. I'm also Chilena but I left the country when I was very young, so I'm not very in touch with the history; my history. I love this
@@jellyguts6797 try to read about Francisca Javiera Carrera from the independence years. She was a complete badass and largely respected as a strategist of the independence of Chile. Not a very happy ending tho. That's why Javiera it's such a popular name here. I'm Javiera too.
This would explain why few inventions are attributable to women, if I understand your argument To me it sounds like you're saying chicks NEED to see other women do something so they may realize it's possible for them to do it too It would also concord with the much higher aversion to risk and confrontation observed in the ladies I'm trying to deepen my understanding of this phenomena hence why I'm here, appreciate any input
yep, my anger definitely does not come from anywhere. Just thinking how in the past they would remove a womb from a woman because she was "hysterical" and it would "calm her down". at the same time treating women as a child-making machines. Just thinking about it makes my blood boil
Telling people to calm down or avoiding people who express anger rather than listening and discussing it. It's about controlling and avoiding criticism. For me it's been a cycle of doing what I can to forgive for the sake of forgiving which goes nowhere and I end up right back where I started. Because when we're angry, we're unmarriageable...
You have anger issues if a practice from the past makes your "blood boil". It doesn't matter if you are male or female. Neighbouring people gouged the eyes of our children 80 years ago and sent us to ext*rmin*tion camps. Imagine if I had your temper - I'd probably go and try to avenge that on innocent people. You should take a look at yourself, and see if you are unsatisfied with what you see, instead of projecting. Angry about anger is like top tier meaningless meta anger.
@@nirad8026 who says anything about avenging? Where did I say I will hurt someone because of what others did in the past? I was merely expressing my feelings about the topic - which is female rage btw
@@HaHaHaLMFAOtv So female rage is just... Bitching? Blowing up at someone? Anger is not healthy, no matter how and in which colors you paint it. Anger is explicitly related to resentment, and too much resentment kills. Either brain cells, or humans. Aka, the victim of your "✨female anger✨" is either you, or someone else. And more often than not, anger is undeserved. I find it funny how privileged and rich Western women are so "angry" at everything. Literally that 👿👿 emoji sums it up perfectly.
Last year I was diagnosed with autism (asperger's syndrome), and something that I've realized since then is that when some people find out I'm on the spectrum they expect me to be and act a certain way, for example: I feel like I can't be too emotional anymore or even speak up for myself or be stressed out when I'm upset because there are people who are going to say that this is not only female rage but it's also 'autism rage', and I've always been the introverted shy girl who was always quiet in a corner, I don't even like to raise my voice or yell. But now I'm in my 20s and I have learned how to stand up for myself and for what is right and to stop trying to please everyone and letting people take advantage of me. Yet it's like I'm not allowed to express myself or get angry. I have to be happy or quiet all the time, otherwise I'm being labeled as the stereotype of the aggressive autistic girl and no one will take me seriously, and as a woman living in a patriarchal society this has happened before, but now it happens all the time and not only when I'm talking to men. (while watching this video I had the song Nightmare by Halsey stuck in my head. The MV screams female rage and I live for it) *english is not my first language so I'm sorry if I said anything wrong ♡*
As another autistic woman: Yeah same. They mistreat you so often but you can't get angry because that will prove them that you are insane and irrational and hysterical
From one neurodivergent person to another- this really resonates with me. When we are diagnosed we are told that it is good for us and that it will help us manage our lives better than before, but all my diagnosis has brought me is more stigma, racism, and misogyny. Since I have been diagnosed I am no longer allowed to yell, cry, or even furrow my brow without being shamed and labelled as a stereotype- and it is ironically making me much angrier than before! PS I do not have autism, I have a personality disorder.
Thank you. I’ve felt shame for years at the way rage “leaked out” during a short-lived relationship where I was treated horribly and had every right to be angry. There was no room at all for my anger in the relationship. He called the relationship “volatile” but I know he was talking about me and the few times I angrily called him out which was unacceptable to him. I’m disgusted by this in men. And I’m proud now for not bottling up my anger. But of course there are healthier ways than others to express this. As someone without much of an academic background, nor well read, I strongly agree about the language point. It’s so important to have accessible words to understand and express these feelings.
Thanks for your work! It helps me to understand many topics from a "not male" perspective. It's crazy to me that as a young man in his early twenties, I have not heard about most female experiences until I had my first girlfriend besides the typical "sexism" that everyone disagrees with in some sense. And these videos and essays are very helpful to fill the gaps in addition to the stories and experiences of my girlfriend, and further they add another level of interpretation.
yeah same as someone who was had just been fillling my time watchin videos on male self help i really wanted to understand the female perspective on struggle and stuff, well if anything i do want to just gain more information in these scenarios and try to understand the modern society dilemmas.
Gret that there are guys like you, education is the best thing every person can do for themselves in order for everyone to live in a better world. Kudos.
Buddy, no. Stop. This is not healthy talk, this is not all women. This is ideolised speech. Try understanding your gf more from talking with her, not from listening to biased, angry bozos on the internet.
My rage came from realizing I was a people pleaser... I was playing a role and when I woke up to that fact, I realized I had been betraying myself for the "benefit" of a role and maybe others for too long.
The sincronicity! I was just thinking today how there is so much talk these days with feminine rage in books, movies, series.. And it reminded ne of the same topic but under a different title, like "hot girl" or "sad girl" portrayals. Idk it makes me kinda uncomfortable that women are being categorized like that. Nothing bad with the representation of all the emotions we feel (as most humans) but weirded out by the fact that is becoming a "thing" that people talk about. Like, its literally just being angry/sad/whatever and showing it more. Why do we feel the need to categorize it as if it was a trope or phase?
I do agree, but I think that it's a step-by-step process, if you get it? I think its best if I use an example of post-racialism. The idea goes that because race is a colonial construct, we can dismantle racism when we admit that it is just that: a construct, something we can overthrow just as we once overthrew the divine right of kings. If we apply post-racial ideas uncritically though, it's going to be a disservice to people who experience racism currently. It's akin to dismissing their justified rage and anger and desire for change as irrational, with the words 'why are you so angry? Race is made up!'. Yes race is made up but the effects of that categorization puts one people (white people) superior to and free to belittle others. So we need these categories/tropes to expand our vocabulary and name and dissect our experiences as a community/society. Someday we won't need them, I'd love that too personally, but for today we need tools to name what was once unnamed so we can unravel it and let it make us realise things we never knew.
So its a stepping stone. Its alright to feel iffy over putting people in boxes. We shouldn't do that anyhow. But this phenomenon of stereotyping is more a social media phenomenon than a real-life, face to face aspect of interraction. Tropes are a condensation, a parody. Letting a singular trope engulf you or reducing a complex person down to what they express online is bad. But using these tropes as a) a tool to expand the self and help with self-discovery and b) as tools to dissect social relations with others or why it exists or how it impacts the world is good.
Shooting up places? no. Harassing others? I'm sorry have you never heard of the concept of a "Karen"? The left is chock-full of women harassing others due to rage.
@@kaankanca4634 what does political leaning have anything to do with it? Most of the karens are maga lovers anyway who were spitting on strangers during covid & having tantrums over masks, harassing retail & hospital staff. Not to include calling cops on kids who were minding their own business.
@@user-qg5jw1kb3r You are right. Men are generally more aggressive. I wasn't trying to say that we aren't. I was only saying that harassing other due to rage is a universal problem. Shootings? eh I give you that one, those incels have been a problem for a while. And you are right about the Karens. My bad for insinuating it was a political thing. I still believe that the left has become a place for women "scorned" (by societal norms) to legitimize their attacks on who they perceive to be unjust whether or not it is clear that the person is unjust.
Rage is poisonous to me, I think people treat me poorly and if I try claim my rage they take this as a justification to do worse. So often just sits on my stomach making me sicker and sicker.
I like to distinguish between rage, hate, and anger. As a male, I find that anger is a healthy expression of my emotions, in small amounts. I experience it, express it, address it, talk about it, and come to peace with it. Finding a healthy expression for these emotions helped me turn this poison into a medicine
I hate that as a black woman, I can't just feel negatively without it causing issues in relationships (like being called irrational or an "angry black woman" when I'm rightfully angry). It makes it really hard to feel safe being vulnerable, and worse, it feels so isolating because I have to question if I'm wrong for having anything to say about being mistreated
@@cameronelliott9709 Wtf? Why are you telling that to a random person? You don't even know if they're in the same country as you, let alone their life situation.
Tbh if someone calls you "angry *black* woman" for any reason it sounds like they don't deserve to be in a relationship with you (or any other black woman). It sounds not only racist and sexist (because what's the point of pointing out your skin color or gender in that discussion?), but also the only goal it can achieve is making you even more angry. I would hate it so much if someone was treating me that way. It would need *at least* a lesson in non-violent communication.
B, you think anger is a good thing in a relationship? You think there is something as "justified anger"? Justified DISPLAYED anger? Damn, and here I was, thinking "honey, I love you, but Im so f-ing mad at you right now" was the peak of healthy anger management, but apparently full on yelling and aggression was the appropriate response to "justified anger" all along.
I am so glad you mentioned Tamil story of kanagi .it is one of the first female rage stories I heard since I was kid. But often it was said inorder to establish the fact that a women must be so devoted to her husband and she still loved her husband no matter what he did to her rather than her fighting for injustice. Anyway she is a icon of female rage in Tamil culture.
I realised while watching this video how often I dismiss my anger as being irrational, even if it isn't. As a white woman from a European country where women have it very good compared to many places, I sometimes feel like my anger at sexism is not warranted. But I too have been socialised to stay quiet and not show anger in the face of injustice. Precisely because in my country the sexes are equal by law, any criticism of sexism is often shut down, while sexist stereotypes are still deeply rooted in society. This video made me think about how often I belittle my own anger because I've been taught to do so.
Please keep speaking up about misogyny! You are doing the right thing even if people say that you are not. Most of women's oppression is interpersonal and can only be witnessed inside of the home and the workplace. Sexist laws are NOT the only cause of patriarchy and men know this! Western men especially use this as a gaslighting tactic- saying "oye wench you already have abortion access and no-fault divorce. what more can you want?" to make you feel guilty and shut you up about patriarchy. Most misogyny and male-on-female violence is found in partner abuse, rape, femicide, free female domestic labor, and the exploitation of women as a reproductive resource. All of those things stem from societal attitudes and can not be fixed with law alone!
You sound like somebody with low impulse control that cannot discuss disagreements in a civil manner. Which then also explains why you have multiple short term relationships. Maybe the problem is with you. Just as you feel you have the right to express anger, the other party can walk away from it.
Love your intro Alice! Honestly, I love the recent discussion surrounding feminine rage. It reminds me of Anya Taylor Joy explaining a direction she chose for a character in one of her films, stating that she has "a thing about feminine rage" and that most depictions are women crying silently and exhibiting that oft-romanticized sadness you talked about, and it is so important to me. Being a woman and having to deal with the foot of oppression CONSTANTLY, especially as a woman of color and/or a queer woman, it feels like you are anger itself. It feels like you're so angry all the time and you can't do anything about it. This might be a stretch of a connection to make, but it's kind of like how gossip is stigmatized but has roots in being something that creates community in the repressed class that is "woman." Not only does it serve as a vehicle to create social contracts with one another (e.g., mutually agreeing that x person cheating was wrong and nasty means that this is behavior neither of you condone), but it is a form of protection within the patriarchy. Knowing which man is abusive, knowing who has enough internalized misogyny to do truly evil acts--this recent discussion of feminine rage and this acceptance on the widest scale ever seen in patriarchal society is revolutionary in its own right. I hope we can keep showing this kind of content. I hope feminine rage becomes more universal, in a myriad of intersectional forms, as opposed to Jade West on Victorious or Megan Fox in Jennifer's Body. I think this is one of the VERY few recent pop cultural "trends" that shows that we ARE moving in the right direction.
@@treacherousjslither6920 half of me is like... if im being honest they r just phrased annoyingly like im getting vibes that you think other people are lab rats or something. like. bro you aint a scientist and you surveying women in the comments like they are test subjects is retarded. we are half of the population ffs just speak to women irl. the other half of me doesnt care tho and im not genuinely bothered just high.
White European women don't deal with systemic oppression but what you said regarding non-white women is on point. Oftentimes the real marginalization gets glossed over 😕
I feel like Medea also makes the cut. The play about the woman who kills her sons out of rage towards her husband for leaving her for another princess despite her having abandoned her life as a princess and to live in exile as his wife.
@@treacherousjslither6920 Yeah you def should look it up! It's an ancient tragedy from Greek mythology. Funny thing is: the "choas sequence" started when Amor fired a love arrow at her and she fell in love with Jason. Like, it was not even in her power 😭
is that a figure for women to want to emulate or idolise? Someone who literally kills their own kids because they cannot control their anger? That's just called a psychopath. What a QWEEEEEN she is.
As I was watching, something I remembered is what everyone says when I get angry, or even excited, is "Chill". This word makes me even more angry. And I remember no one told guys around me to chill. Also shout out from a tamil person for bringing out Kannagi. She a queen
Oh, no one told guys around you to chill? That's pretty selective. How about those scenarios when men get angry: - they can get beaten up - they can have cops called on them - they can scare women, and women in power can use their anger to manipulate them in social scenarios - they can be called an animal and have all conversation stop Your point of view is very biased, limited and sexist indeed. Work on yourself more. Or is that also bad, because you just want to lose all control over yourself?
@@Halo_Legend Pal, a man in India won't experience these, especially if he were angry towards a woman. If a young woman so much as raises her voice at a man, she is "a bitch" and "a man-hater". If a man raises his voice against a woman, again, she must have been the 'bitch' for angering such a 'nice man'. They will say she "had it coming". Misogyny is steeped into the taproots of India, which was only accentuated by colonialism. Their point of view is very much the reality here. What you say can only happen in a Western country.
I, as a black woman, agree with everything you just said. Sometimes I feel like showing my anger in public might make others see me as just "that hysterical black girl" trope that we often see portrayed in movies. I'm well aware that I have some internalized anger, and I need to work through it for the sake of my own well-being. However, people still often say I'm hard to deal with because I'm too opinionated or feel wronged and have no other way to show this (without that being just brushed under the carpet). It just gets tiring after some time... If I have a short temper, I have my own reasons to act like this.
Let’s all given in to anger, why hold it in? Why just women? I wish all people given to their anger. I wonder how long you’ll last in a world like that?
Not sure if anyone mentioned it but there is this old Greek or Roman tragedy of Madea where the transliterated line, "hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn" came. I'd imagine it counts as a female rage story
I have been waiting for this for a very long time! Just, something about rage as a woman never seems to sit right anywhere, there's always someone who says anger isn't good and to just deal with it. But I cannot help but be furious at all the injustices and violence women face every day and have faced for centuries. I cannot help but be furious at every 'little' thing that seems harmless but shows a much wider social phenomenon, or the things I'm supposed to accept like the purpose of my body and my biological role. All this anger has nowhere to go currently, so its a burden I'll have to carry for a while. At the opposite end of the spectrum we have women who have dealt with oppression but have lost all energy to challenge it and find it easier to give in, and let it be. Another thing is, I think that many angry women find it easier to hate men, something they can see and hear about than ingrained social structures in society. I don't know, its cathartic sure, but I've always felt its taking the easy way out. The problem is that there aren't many other options, most women don't have time to organize themselves to make change, not to mention the social repercussions. Its like your parents restricting you for your safety, and you know they have a point but are still fucking furious about it cuz either way you'll get fucked somehow. That anger just roils inside you. Its a wonder women have not gone completely mad. Just my rambles ty for reading
Not always true. Some people always give empathy and compassion without getting anything in return and sometimes are even backstabbed and humiliated because of it.
Not always true. Some people always give empathy and compassion without getting any in return and sometimes are even betrayed and humiliated because of it.
It's funny how each gender and/or race has something they're not "allowed" to show. One problem I personally have with female rage is how more than often times, alot of women, instead of objectively voicing their general anger towards the root cause, they direct the anger ONTO a person. Which I just cannot justify. I do not care what you think of patriarchy, I do not care that you had a bad day, I do not care about all that. There is a way to voice anger in a way without having to direct a 3rd person to it. Weirdly enough, I never had any female rage. Atleast not in the same way as depicted in the video. I don't really see myself as a victim of patriarchy, even though I'm a woman. Instead, I see a huge societal/political problem that affects every gender and race at any age. There's imbalance on both sides, and I personally believe that we can only get better by balancing both sides. Being a women per se doesn't make you a victim , I personally never felt like that. And the injustice towards women has never made me feel female rage. It's just normal anger, that I'd have expressed the same, no matter who the victim is..
I just had a situation literally the last 2 days with a male friend who straight up raged at me, yelled at me, was hateful to me and belittled me... why? you may ask... because every single one we've talked on the phone lately he cuts me off and tells me he can't here me and the phones cutting out and he is the one who called me to ask serious questions (he doesn't have take care of his phone drops it a lot cracks the screens and just overall extremely rough with it and has to replace it every couple of months no lie) and the very last time it happened I stopped speaking and took maybe... 10 seconds to deal with my frustration. I had started my period for the 2nd time (this actually happened at the end of last month but he continued to berate me up until the last couple of days because I cut him off). He literally told me I was letting my emotions run my life I have no control of myself. I shouldn't even have felt anything about an accident it's crazy to feel frustrated over something that stupid. and each conversation I was calm and normal trying to explain I had started my period for a 2nd time probably because I'm very stressed out and that everytime he calls me it's minimum 10:30pm but usually later and I literally felt frustrated for a split second had a long day and it sucks when I'm being asked serious questions and I can't get an answer out because you can't ever hear me then you get off the phone and ask me to text you instead when I don't want to do I don't and then we rinse and repeat. honestly, typing this out for you all to read, I don't even know why I bothered to explain myself. I didn't do anything. I even asked him to tell me what I did wrong and how a moment of quiet frustration over a frustrating thing is a problem. I didn't yell, belittle, get violent, be rude, idk I didn't DO anything. I was extremely quiet and let the emotion pass. all the while he snaps at me when he randomly gets and over random stuff and honestly this is true for all of the men I've ever had a conversation with. sorry, maybe there are better men in the world, I juut haven't met them. I am still open to meeting one one day, I'm not going to take this out on someone else just because this is what I've always known. I'm actually getting teary eyed typing all of this so I'm going to stop now so I don't have more reason to be told I'm trippin. anyway. thank you to whoever reads this.
I hope you never deal with that emotionally mature dumbass again cause he is a lost cause unless he takes time to get his shit straight go to therapy or regulate his damn emotions like an adult.. it's always manipulative that men are allowed to show anger and all of their emotions and feel like they should be able to hit walls get into fights and show their anger but women always feel gaslit for showing their anger, it's bullshit and I decide not to live with that you just have to move on and continue to be you and fuck what other men think or feel lol, feel and show your emotions cause your human you deserve to, don't waste your energy or take shit from anyone politely decline to have a conversation with them an leave, never be afraid to be perceived as rude.
Why are you friends with this guy? No one gets to treat you like that. From what you’ve written here, I think it would be good to take a break from the friendship.
crying after watching this video is something i truly did not expect to happen :')). it's probably because i have never heard anyone talk about the validity of my emotions - rage and anger to be exact, not even my mother would have told me to use my anger in a way that can ignite change, but i don't blame her for that. thank you for the wonderful video alice :)) it really has shifted my perspective from simply liking the female rage trend to actually understanding what and why so many of us women are fond of it.
Mana kali, the divine feminine anger, voracious and fearless, almost unstoppable. Most of all, well respected and feared by all the other Indian gods and goddesses. I as a Brazilian transgender woman have had my moments of wrath, it didn’t work at the end… the only option, as well said by Alice, is to organize, to write, to express it in healthy ways so it can be productive and actually help Others
Very intreresting video (as always)! When I went to my first demonstration as a more "active member" (as in I'm not just walking to show support, which is already great) I realised that I couldn't shout the slogans. I knew I should but something stopped me. When in chuch I would not sing unless my voice was covered by other people's even though I can sing. When upset, frustrated and angry I don't raise my voice, I leave the situation and cry. Female rage is not new but for some of us who have been socialised and embraced the good-girl scheme the recent trend is eye-opening. This system of oppression and silence is so ingrained in me that the day I finally rose my voice in an argument most people shut up in disbelief and a few replied with the infamous "you've changed, we don't recognise you". I now go to demonstrations and find shouting slogans exhilarating but daring to raise our own voices is as much of a learning curve as getting them heard.
I don't know what to make of this. As a man, I had some pent up feelings due to ptsd as a result of physical assault by a group of people (men, as usual). My jaw was slightly dislocated and I had to just consume liquids for the next one month. I lost my cool and wrote a complaint. I even expressed that I couldn't handle the fact that those guys got away and I was contemplating 's'. I was promptly suspended. Then, I had an instance where I was SA'd by a person I was having drinks with. Although this person was arrested (I don't know what happened after that), I was told to leave my rented apartment by the landlord because I had 'attracted unwanted attention'. My childhood was pretty crap (plenty of DA, both against me and my mum) and looked to adulthood as a way to escape such an environment. Unfortunately, things weren't too great then either. Now I am at point where my only outlet is SH and alcohol, and the worst part is it has become a sort of addiction to relieve myself of my trauma and guilt since therapy doesn't really help. In fact, it makes me feel more powerless.
One of my favourite songs about female rage is Seether by Veruca Salt. Not only is it a great song you could jam out and scream to, but the lyrics are so intersting and telling to me, speaking from the general woman's perspective in my opinion. My particular favourites are "Seether is neither big nor small//Seether is the center of it all//I try to rock her in my cradle//I try to knock her out//I try to cram her back in my mouth... Oh she is not born like other girls but I know how to conceive her... can't fight the seether"
I got my first taste of releasing my feminine rage after realizing that what happen to me wasn’t my fault and I have a right to be mad. I went outside, grabbed my empty glass bottles and soda cans, went to the woods near my home, and went loose. I screamed, cried, threw those bottles, smashed and crushed those cans, just went crazy.
Thank you so much for this video as I showed it in class today to my students. One young woman came up to me afterwards & told me how she recently broke up with her boyfriend for cheating & how doubly cheated she felt because she couldn’t just be angry & had to cry instead. So thank you, thank you for this wonderful segment.
as a trans woman, I’ve thought about this a lot bc I feel like we’re often expected to be hyperfeminine to be accepted in our womanhood, and anything we do that is remotely seen as “masculine” can be used against us. I feel anxious a lot of times if I feel rage or anger bc I’m not sure how someone might react
Oh yeah, it's so frustrating when there's any "masculine hostility" from a trans woman (raising their voice or embodying anger physically in any way) and it's seen as "proof" that they're aren't a "real woman", but when a cis(white)woman does the same, they're a "boss-lady" (or crazy, it depends on their social status a lot wether their anger is validated or ridiculed). Everyone gets angry regardless of sex or gender, but the expression of any emotion is culturally regulated. I've wondered is that part of where the "sassy" queer culture comes from? Minorities in general are not allowed to express anger, so within lgbtqa-community it feels like anger has taken a more "feminine" form of expression with being contained and controlled, expressed in witty, snarky and hostile remarks and lingo, and yelling or physical-altercations are seen as "losing" the battle. To my understanding in many queer circles this specific lingo and way of talking at each other is also seen as safe (like defamatory terms used for endearment), and you can usually tell from tone if the person means to insult or compliment, but I personally still feel it's counterintuitive and harmful, as it directs the anger we have against each other. It's exhausting and the main reason why I don't really partake in my own community, because it often feels hostile towards itself.
If you're a trans woman, you've already chosen to do what you want with you body, how you dress, etc. and the least of your worries is how feminine you come off. You feel anxiety over your own emotions fearing how you'll be perceived? Why are you so conscious and insecure? If someone hates you for how you react or behave, so what? What's the problem? You've already taken the huge leap of expressing yourself as a woman. Now deal with what comes with it. You're wasting your energy victimizing yourself, when the truth is no one really cares that much about how feminine or whatever you are. Get over yourself. If you're angry and you're not strong enough to validate that, and constantly worry about what others think- that's just useless stress and completely on you.
@@VVVY777 I understand that we cannot feel empathy if we aren't willing to look at a situation from another persons perspective, but I wonder where does your anger come from? What in her experience triggers you so much that you felt the need to write a snarky comment? Her fear as a transwoman is not baseless. It is hard to not be concerned about how you're perceived if you live in a world where the difference between "passing" and "not passing" often is the thin line between life and death. Acknowledging the reality and safeguarding against a hostile society is not the same as victimizing oneself. She shouldn't need to be concerned with what others think, that we agree on, but saying she doesn't need to for her own safety is denying the reality of the current social climate in our world. Whilst it is always good to encourage and lift people up, to help them feel more confident and secure, belittling their lived experience has the opposite effect.
@@VVVY777 Lol transwomen are literally EVERYWHERE treated as agressive predators and you literally wrote bullshit like "it's not serious, you just made it up, stfu and don't bother me bla bla bla". How you can "waste your energy victimizing yourself" when you WERE a victim and the abuser was not punished but you instead? You have a huge L dude
Thank you so much for emphasizing the importance of organizing! As an organizer myself, I do enjoy culture commentary channels but I wish more content creators highlighted this need and encouraged their audiences to get involved in organizing! talking and philosophizing about this stuff can be very helpful but at the end of the day, we should be trying to actively change the world for the better. Plus, if you are organizing with other feminists, it can be incredibly helpful in having a community that understands these concepts and supports you.
Hi Alice. Thank you for another amazing(-ly researched) video. I think you might like Prof. Dr Kate Manne's work. Particularly "Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny" and "Entitled: How Male Privilege Hurts Women". I found them highly enlightening. Enjoy Barcelona and continue to keep old men mansplaining gym exercises to you in check!
Your comment on expressing rage through your body rather than your words is so true. On the other hand, when a woman is yelling and not calmly explaining herself with precisely picked words, she seems less intelligent. Usually, it's the patriarchy and all the institutions that stand on it stating that or are the best judges of female emotions. Like the education level can actually make your feelings more valid. And this is sad.
Really brilliant work Alice! Your videos help me so much as a guy; I'm so glad I discovered your channel. Concepts like 'Affective Injustice' are really powerful to learn, cause they help you label stuff that's right in front of you. You're great at explaining these really nuanced issues, in a very entertaining way. I always end up sharing your videos with my friends cause I love how you describe things. Thanks for all these and please keep making more! :)))
the truth is that we women have always been taught to be delicate, calm and understanding but throughout our lives we accumulate anger and indignation for everything we have to endure in silence, then we see women full of psychological problems and they still wonder "why?"
@@pointmade1547simple Rape Abused Being told to be always slim while our brothers and father is a size of a monster truck Forced to be the mother of man and child Forced to be a mother of their little brother Always told to be weak Never have a chance to fight Forced to be a mother to little boys Forced to grow up faster Ridiculed for using skin care products Ridiculed for also not using skin care products Ridiculed for being ugly while their male counterpart gets sympathy Ridiculed and killed for rejecting a man If you don't read this your a pussy
@@pointmade1547similar problems that men face (in severity, the issues specifically are quite different), it really depends on the person rather than the gender, however, with women specifically, any attempt to show distain to social issues and gender specific struggles is usually met with prejudicial treatment, with them falling out of the positive “quiet agreeable woman” stereotype into the negative “angry, outspoken woman” stereotype who are perceived by society in a similar way that male incels are, the ones complaining about how women won’t date them and how it’s their fault, however, while both are viewed by society with equal distain, one has actual valid reasons for their anger
@@pointmade1547But if you want examples, I’d go with: •Perception as a lesser being •Societal expectation to protect “pure virginity” •Periods •Childbirth •higher risk of sexual assault •lower capacity to defend themselves in such cases
@@_Ho7line Men in the West are viewed as lesser beings: Women receive less jail time for the same crime. In war, men are drafted while woman are not Family court are deeply biased against men in both domestic disputes and divorce legal proceedings. Period- It was a man that invented the tampon to help woman against mother nature. Birth- are you blaming men? Sexual assualt- Men are much more likely on average to be murdered or assualted. Think about it this way. If a woman slaps a man in public, nobody cares, the other way around , you will have stangers interfere in o time. You are not a victim in the West, in fact very privileged.
Thank you! Anger focused and articulated as Boredom with the status quo means I have no use for the system or the payoffs for doing my part. Also, the rage of boredom is less likely to be undermined with gendered slurs. And organizing b/c we are bored with the status quo is almost impossible to stop. Unfocused anger might be satiated by having concrete demands met. But boredom with the patriarchal, white supremacist, colonial, capitalist status quo in an organized format is the death knell for things just going back to how it was. Much love!
yes, I'm so happy to have stumbled upon your video! also I think that's that, we think anger is a masculine emotion, that's why women are not allowed to have it and that's why we can only begin to imagine that feminine rage if everything else is perfectly "female" that is cis, straight and white there is this heartbreaking passage in 'detransition, baby' (spoiler alert) where one of the main characters experiences rage and that sort of "takes away" their femininity to the point they decide to detransition (it triggers their dysphoria because of the reaction people around them have to their rage)
i just recently discovered your videos and i fell inlove immediately. So so well spoken, informative, and i feel like you connect information and theory in such an eloquent yet digestible way, with a depth i sometimes still desire in other essay videos. And all in such a short format! It's so amazing to hear you speak, thank you for your icnredible time and dedication, it is truly a blessing and it inspires the art that I make so much. Also so lovely to find such nurturing conversations going on in the comments - signs of a platform being used incredibly.
In older years a person can be angry about something but do not have the energy or the commitment to stay angry knowing that there is nothing they can do with that anger. I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm remorseful and then I need to take a nap. Another wasted afternoon. I tend to be more productive without having to do the emotional angry drain which takes a lot of energy. When I was younger, however, getting angry at the right times helped me find more self respect and self worth. It can help a person become more independent who is otherwise being repressed or bullied. "It's in the way that you use it" as Mr. Clapton says, although I don't believe that he was singing about rage in that particular song.
I love female rage!!! Especially in history, also with the witches getting burned says a lot :( and it’s interesting with female hysteria too because that makes our rage more sad that no one can take our rage seriously
I got my med's last night and this morning, so I am in a better frame of mind. There was a movement back in the 1970's that blamed mothers for most mental illness. It was pretty strident. There was a theory about the "schizogenic mother" that explained how schizophrenia was caused by behavior patterns in the mother. There was a movie called "One Flew Over the Cukoo's Nest" that portrayed a nurse in charge of a psyche ward called "Nurse Rached". She is a horrible, passive aggressive person, and I think the movie blamed most powerful women for messing up men. Nurse Rached was the embodiment of the schizogenic mother. The end of the movie is pretty violent. The relationship between a mother and her children is complicated. Both parties have the ability to hurt each other badly. When I was eighteen I surprised my family by joining the army wanting to be an airborne ranger, and my mom told me, "There was no way I could hurt her any worse than to be a professional killer." I wish she had told me that before I signed a four year contract with the army. I didn't become an airborne ranger, which was probably for the best. There is quite a bit of anger just in being alive. I think Freud said that the psyche commits an act of aggression in creating the self.
I really can’t see Flowers as feminist rage, it’s just the individual- and particularly self-centred toxic positivity I don’t need nobody independence nonsense that we’ve been hearing for years with a side helping of celebs flexing their wealth. It’s why I find Fleabag to be so revolutionary- it shows how much we DO need each other, and how much we need love. Not “a man” but deep, genuine love and solidarity of all kinds; romantic, interpersonal, familiar, community. Someone who will hear us make a sound if we fall in the woods. We aren’t meant to be single creatures, we need each other!
Every time I show my anger, when I let the rage out, I feel like am just on the line of madness. I think it's because of all of history about angry women being sent to the madhouse where they can bother their husbands. But still, anger is not an emotion I feel I get to show, sometimes I wish I could just scream.
I don't think rage needs to be productive. If it's destructive, great! Do boxing or a martial art, go to a rage room, buy scraps and destroy them, scream at home at the top of your lungs. That's good enough. The release of emotions is good enough reason to openly rage, it doesn't need to be turned into something creative or positive.
Channeling your anger into working out is productive, not destructive, provided you are working out in a safe and healthy way. As a metalhead the way I channel my anger is through the moshpit. I've never felt more at peace, than after a night out at a metal event/concert.
What makes me so enraged is seeing all the women in my life wronged and yet feeling like I can’t do anything about it most of the time except offer them support while the people who hurt them go on to live happily ever after. I’m not sure if it makes any sense, but it’s also a feeling of being powerless and disappointed.
Great video. I just found you and im gonna subscribe. I used to be angry all the time, like all the time. Before i was diagnosed with bpd, or rather the reason, was my anger.. after i came home from 3 months at a mental health hospital i felt okay with being angry. Okay that I'll always be angry and not know why but i wouldnt try to unalive myself again. Id get mad and even. Id be a balanced angry person. Then i did MBT and i regressed and remembered a lot of childhood trauma and my constant anger and depression made sense. So i did 2 years of DBT for my BPD and i learned how to cope and i also learned that anger is my secondary emotion. Im not really angry. Im sad but anger is a close emotion that my mind can process. Since then ive just been sad. All the fucking time. I restarted therapy today. Anger is so important to me. It protected and shielded me for so long. It protected me and kept me going until i got help. The day i came out of hospital i got a hulk tattooed on my leg. He hulks out, but hes still just Bruce. Brilliant, kind, curious, smart, generous Bruce. And then i felt like that was me. Angry on the outside but my insides are not constructed by beams of anger.
They only rage on men who are discipline, responsible, loyal, wise, rich and handsome. Because this man made his biggest mistake in his life which is getting married
Hopefully not to take away from anything here but to add: Where women have to suppress, among other things, rage and are seen as "bad women" for expressing it outside of *very* specific circumstances; its counterpart is men having to suppress (among other things) grief and affection (especially with other men) and it has to be condoned by *very* specific circumstances (e.g. war). But each of these respective emotions are borderline expected in the other gender💭. Society needs to chill😪
It’s so funny how oppressors tell people oh just calm down, let’s just discuss it. Don’t you think there has been lots and lots of discussions already and for decades. It’s basically putting more responsibility on the people who are victims and have the right to be extremely angry and just done with the system to try and calm down or find the PERFECT way to speak out. People who are angry with this world, who are victims, who are not safe or not respected and valued in this world deserve and is valid in every way to yell and say “ CHANGE”. Why is it so hard for oppressors and abusers to try to change and take accountability for their actions(which is apparently not as bad as a person literally saying, this is not ok). Great video! I really loved the way you explained it, it’s comforting when people can relate to such huge systematic oppression lol.
In my ever oh so humble opinion the oppressors and abusers know what they're doing and fully intend on continuing to oppress and abuse. But they're dependent upon the masses to either be ignorant of the oppression and abuse or to be accepting of it. Whatever discussions they want to have with dissidents are intended to discredit them and maintain the status quo.
This video strikes deep within me because I have always felt like I am asking too much if I ask for boundaries. And when I finally get angry that those nonexistent boundaries keep getting trespassed, people say "Well you are losing now because you have gotten angry". It is so depressing to live like that. Can't we be angry? What is so wrong about female anger? This is why movies like Midsummer, Hereditary, the remake of Suspiria and The Babadook are all so fascinating to me. They show the anger and frustration and raw energy of women. On the topic of movies, 6:50 the trope of the Last Girl has also been used to explore female rage. I think it is a whole video on its own because the trope has evolved (a great example is how one of the most famous Final Girl, Jamie Lee Curtis, is developed in the last installments of Halloween, or Sidney from Scream). It is interesting to talk about female anger in real life, female anger translated or churned by the media based on real life statements, and female anger in media, in films. It happens that sometimes movies directed by women actually exploit female anger or just use it as a means to justify a certain view of womanhood, like Sarah Polley's Women Talking or Emerald Fennell's Promising Young Woman, where the woman's liberation of their anger is carefully scripted around vengeance in a controlled script that would not work in real life. With female anger in movies, just as with war movies, I think it only works if you go the documentary, realistic style or you go full metaphor, fantasy genre, but not in between. If you do so, in film at least it looks scripted and set up to not be argued or analyzed at all, just to be consumed as dogma. This is all up for debate, but that is why I loved the video so much, because it evoked all these discussions in my mind. Thank you and I will continue watching :)
I love your channel and appreciate everything you have to say. I agree on all points. To further the discussion, I’d like to bring up the point about subjective reality and one’s personal life experience as it relates to anger. Much, if not all, the anger one feels is rooted in childhood and then becomes compounded based on every personal experience after that. Even the social issues we choose to advocate are macro versions of a personal experience; meaning, we gravitate towards the issues we can hook into, that reflect some element of our personal experience. Put simply, a person who is unaware they have abandonment issues from their relationship with their father, let’s say; whose father was absent and didn’t defend the person against the abuse of their mother, might very well have internalized rage and then upon learning of larger social issues such as feminism, racism and the like, might pour all of that rage into one of those arenas. The person may be super-charged on the matter, without understanding that it is the dissociation from their own feelings of abandonment, grief, anger, and such, that is really at the core of their activism, seeing as though the activism on a larger-scale, collective issue is invigorating and is effective at mobilizing at least some of unconscious feelings. In other words, wouldn’t it be worthwhile to consider the responsibility we have to our own experiences and the resolving of such, before attempting to go out and ‘fix’ the problems of humanity? This is not to disregard the importance of taking a critical look at these larger issues, but from a psychological perspective, projection is a very real thing and it is actually quite dangerous to put too much emphasis on social issues as an escape from personal pain.
Love love love this video. It has popped into my life at the exact time I needed it. I’m usually a very calm bubbly person but for the past year I’ve felt anger like never before, as many other women. I think this is a sign of good things coming but also bad ones. I’m scared for us because as much as we are victims of the system, and as much as anger can be powerful and change-provoking, it can also be dangerous. I’ve noticed myself being snappier in my daily life, even hostile, aggressive. And while it might be justified it’s not productive and it’s kinda scary to “see red”. Cause that’s really not my true self. Wow, I can feel myself getting angry about being angry as I write this. It’s an extremely complicated set of feelings and I recommend everyone struggling with this to speak to a therapist about it. If the world was fair all oppressed groups would have access to mental health services so if you’re reading this and you can relate: I love you sister, I hope you can see the light at the end of the tunnel soon. We have a long way to go in society, so don’t rush through your process of pain and let’s comfort ourselves in sorority through this journey. A big bear hug to all.
@@TryingtoTellYou someone getting an abortion has never been called a "hero", it's different when an outsider chooses to kill someone and their unborn child to if someone wants to stop their pregnancy (majority of abortions happen when the cell hasn't even developed into a baby), someone could lose their life when giving birth, may be unpreprared for a kid and so on and so forth, there are valid reasons for abortion (it's literally a human right) and there are no valid reasons to commit homicide
@@elyly It's awfully feminist of you to consider your child's father as "an outsider". But I suppose its the necessary mental gymnastics you need to do to justify stripping them of their parental rights. Secondly, you are a clump of cells. More specifically human cells. If we were to actually apply human rights as intended, all humans would have their lives defended, not just those at an arbitrary point in their development. Thirdly, abortions are equally as dangerous as child birth; their methods including injecting yourself with poison, tearing limbs from your vagina with tongs, vacuuming it up with their latest machine, none of these methods are safe.
Once I was in charge of distributing people to audience seats and was asked to put people closer to the stage. Long story short, two men just would not go to the front because of some lazy reason and after asking multiple times I snapped and was immediately approached and told to let it be. I was so angry that all the people who took front seats were now idiots apparently because of those two. Can't with these spoiled brats.
@@appa609 She does because they did NOT RESPECT HER JOB and her authority to do that job. They thought they had more privilege than she did. And her superiors went along with it.
You touched on one thing I like to reiterate with both men and women in my life: When the topic of interest seeks to litigate a reduction of bodily autonomy (or other human rights) of a particular demographic, we can't & shouldn't expect cool/calm/collected dialogue from people of that demographic within the conversation. The rage is warranted and should be taken more seriously than it often is.
This is interesting because in Asia, it's basically a mom's job to be tough and domineering. Although we have patriarchal society too, but it's not just accepted but non questionable that mothers and women have angers big sonorous voices, and rightfully so since they need to educate the children 😅
Asian dads are outside of the picture when it comes to the child from what I hear from others. It's so strange to hear that since my dad(Asian) was very involved, can't imagine how hard it must be to have q non father and a controlling mother.
Camille Paglia once said that "There is no female Mozart because there is no female Jack the Ripper." Female rage, like most things females exhibit, is largely performative. Male rage, on the other hand...just is. There is no performance. Male rage is what happened in California yesterday.
That's not why she said that quote. She said it because men in data are represented at the extreme ends of any spectrum, while women tend to fall relatively in the middle parts of the same spectrums. This later turned out to be a faulty way of looking at data, since more often than not there's not a normal distribution for any given dataset. You also have women serial killers like Aileen Wuornos which contradicts your interpretation of the quote.
I just want to note that there basically was a female Mozart. He had a sister who actually outperformed him and one time. She played for royalty until she basically became of marrying age
@@Nikki_the_G that is not what she was saying. Even tho I disagree with her perspective. She was saying there aren't many non nuerotypical women or even many psychopathic women. ( psychopath can technically be considered non nuerotypical , as well) The true reason is often oppression
@@Nikki_the_G Well women often are moderate and boring, very rarely something is absolute and done with absolute conviction which makes all movements uninteresting, dull and not serious even this one here you need men to push it
physical violence is not ok, IDC what your gender is. Person and property are respected before opinions and feelings, unless it's your person or property. WT actual F? Feminism is about defending female abusers, sorry violence, wait let's abstract it one more time, rage?
@@jjoohhhnn no you are right I would never support violence, I was referring more on using your own body to hurt yourself, like for example I was thinking about eating disorders that I feel like are basically a way to express an anguish that we can not articulate in words.
@@jjoohhhnn my comment is decontextualized but I think that the phrase sum up all society's incapability to even make an effort to understand female point of view, so the rage that it talks about is not a anger toward some entity but a general frustration against the status-quo
@@valentinamodaffari-pp4ps Society doesn't take the time to understand anyone's perspective. You project assumptions onto (white) men, you didn't ask them about their experience. We assume a lot about Bezos, but we haven't spoken to him. We assume a lot about elon, we haven't spoken to him. Not to say I'm against crapping on billionaires; I'm all for it. It's just we're making bad-faith assumptions, which is OK in that situation, but its utility decidedly has limits.
@@valentinamodaffari-pp4ps Yes, anger and frustration would definitely manifest, beceuse we are in the constant run-fight-flight more, and some even have BPD and other disorders indeed. To some extent even reminds the quote "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society". Some self-love saves us
Thank you for this. It's hard to combat an enemy you don't know, even harder to know how. What can sometimes be just as hard is how to be a better ally and feel like you're making a difference.
I grew up with three brothers, my cousins and their friends, all males. I dunno if it's because of that but I if I was treated badly I would easily become physical. I would try to beat the other kids or kick things. I would just go crazy and express it all. Little by little I became the opposite in the sense that I started to hide and try to control my anger so much that it just end up being worse when I can't no longer take it. My mom doesn't have this side of personality as if she was never allowed to show anger in this kind of way. The result is that once we grew up no one was ever scared to make her angry and she couldn't defend herself. That's also why I always felt like I had to protect her and be strong like a man for that. It's bad when it's too much, but it's also sane in a sense. I realize there are many things that make me angry and I'm allowed to feel this emotion. Eventually it goes away if I either make peace with or remove myself from the situation.
i think female rage isn't taken seriously because most of the time women look snappy rather than angry. they don't confront what they oppose directly, 'face to face', instead they boycot, they try to reason, they get passive aggressive, or they scream in a high pitched voice that's proven to not be percieved as threatening by most people. angry men are threatening because they're confident and actually CAN hurt someone, and female rage often lacks both of these elements. don't be angry and snappy, be angry and assertive. don't stomp your feet waiting for them to get scared of you - push them. don't scream - roar. don't appeal to reason - laugh at their ignorance. don't show them their wrongs - insult them. if you're a woman and you're angry, you're right.
I’m not a woman, I’m a trans man. But people still perceive me as a woman and treat me that way regardless of if they are conscious of it. I have never been able to express my rage and have not been labeled BPD or Schizophrenic or hysterical. And I’m white. I still have a certain amount of privilege when it comes to expressing those strong emotions, I can’t imagine the added pressure of race along with it. It is a prison to have your personhood decided on its worth depending on your ability to be manipulated and of service to others. Added on top of this the fact that I do have a disability and struggle with mental illness (none of the ones people have accused me of having, not that those who are diagnosed deserve to be called crazy when they express emotions like that) I am not allowed to express any amount of anger or frusteration without people asking me if I took my meds or telling me I’m not on the right ones. This is how abuse is perpetuated and this is why people stay in those environments, if you leave they call you crazy and they break you down until you believe it.
alice, i hope you know how amazing of a human you are 🥺 i've started looking up to you, the way you articulate your ideas calmly...i hope i can do that too as i grow older
haven't watched the video yet, but I love that you're putting out content so regularly this year!! It's always nice when I see your videos pop up on my feed
Recently I wrote an essay at uni where the topic was how Frantz Fanon supports violence (and therefore anger) as the ultimate political praxis of the black body. A productive dialogue could only be achieved after the oppressed body has abolished the suppressor through the use of violence, otherwise, the conversation would still be founded on the oppressive discourse that the dominating class has established. While reading his work "The wretched of the earth" I was thinking about how this could easily be read from a feminist point of view and low and behold here you are!
So, this will probably be lost in the comments, but I still wanted to write it down. I have a history with rage and violence and as feminism became more mainstream, I have found it frustrating that female rage (rage embodied by women) was now monopolized by feminist analysis. It's gone from girls and women not being able to be mad at all, to only being able to be angry at the patriarchy, when in my personal experience, men have been a small part of what has made angry over the years. Guys get to be angry at so many things! Often I've felt that my issues cannot be possibly redirected through political means, and whenever I was near demonstrations or activists, I have always had the feeling that I couldn't connect to the people around me, and that I was not feeling anything like what they were feeling. I wish the outcome of this "trend" (ugh) was something like "yeah, your anger is valid and you can express it (healthily or not) and still perceive yourself as a woman, having anger issues does not make you a boy or an enby", apart from the feminist aspect. I know my english is not the best but it's not my first language, it was imposed on me, and I have decided to give up ✌
I feel the same way. Men get to be angry at so many thimgs but when women are angry, it's only at the patriarchy? It's funny how modern feminism shoots itself in the foot.
I have a lot of rage inside me against patriarchy, and also equal amount of rage against those who act as if climate catastrophe doesn't exist. I'm so shocked, hopeless, in disbelief, that so many people still don't see how our planet is dying (or they see it, but proceed with their lives as if everything's peachy and profits are the most important).
the end of your video, has made me cry from relief. Ive been feeling insanely angry, and knowing that other people want to move those mountains is all I have, I feel sometimes.
From my experience and understanding, female rage is not respected nearly as much as male rage. I’ve been laughed at when I’m mad, I’ve been excused. Often by other women but always by men. And then men get angry and it’s inspiring or threatening. It’s almost always respected though. And I think that’s why our rage is never productive on its own.
@@Jdb63 I personally disagree, I understand what you mean though! Think about it, we were all definitely scared of our moms at moments as a kid. That was because we respected her (hopefully) and her authority. We accepted that she could enact consequences and stuff like that. However most women don’t have that respect from people other than children unfortunately. Their voice and stature may aid to this, but I think it’s women being stereotyped as over emotional. You can dismiss any emotional reaction from a woman as over emotional very easily because any emotional reaction is categorized as such.
Anger is important. And I'm sad that I barely feel it. I get frustrated and feel hurt, wronged, helpless, hopeless, but never really angry. One of my therapists told me that it might be harmful for me to not feel and properly express my anger, since, when thinking of the five stages of grief, you have to go through the stage of anger to get to acceptance. If I'm stuck in the depression state I won't be able to change anything. I was wondering if I'm the only one not feeling proper anger. Maybe it's because I didn't grow up with angry female role models so subconsciously I internalised the belief that it's not an accessible emotion for me to feel? Of course I've seen angry men, my father has a short temper. My mother can talk back but not without shedding tears. When people around me get angry, not even necessarily at me, I get scared and cry. I'd love to have a quick witted, eloquent anger, where I can confidently talk back and justify my arguments.
Sometimes I feel that as a woman of color, my rage isn’t feminine rage, it’s just rage. And not only are you deemed more hysterical and animalistic if you express it, but suppressing it also falls in line with tropes like “the strong black woman” and we’re just expected to take it. As a result, while there is a sense of delicate brokenness and vulnerability that can be given to the rage and frustration of white women, the same cannot always be said for women of color
Or, heaven forbid, the "(south) asian women are supposed to be submissive and reserved and feminine!" trope.
All of this!!!
Idk you sound south asian like me? we are expected to be demure and silent victims of mens rage, incapable of reasserting ourselves. I understand some asians women's experiences are different but this is what I have heard from other women.
I had never seen my mothers rage until I was a teenager, I have yet to see my own..
This is a bit different from the portrayal of black woman who are dehumanised and often depicted as "animalistic" even where they're merely existing, or when their anger is justified.
@@tcrijwanachoudhury I am south Asian lol. And I do have a little bit of that experience as well. Idk, I was writing the comment too fast and the first thing that came to mind was the strong black woman trope and how it contrasts with notions of white femininity
Your ideas of white women really only apply to white american women. I'm racially white but women from my place (and people in general) are nowhere near Americans. Yall need to stop using race as some box you put all ppl in, just like black ppl's experience widely differs if they were born in USA vs in some African country, it's waaaay different if you are a white person from Europe (especially eastern Europe) and America.
“Your anger doesn’t come from nowhere.”
*floodgates of tears burst open*
Bruh
The lack of context is ridiculous here
@@felixw8004 hey Felix, are you a woman?
@@jazmynbell9025 yes, and I agree. It never comes from nowhere, but some sources of anger are so unreasonable that they should just be laughed out of the room.
He's probably a man, and therefore doesn't have a "dog in this fight", and he has a "rare pepe" as a pfp, and is therefore likely to be autistic, and hang out in autistic places, like Mongolian basket weaving forums or social media like 9gag.
In other words, with people like him, don't talk as if they're evil, just talk to them like they're stupid, even if they're autistic (because being patronized is always preferable to autists than dealing with someone who's "aggressively wrong")
(I am a woman, the first word being "yes" was unclear.)
@@jazmynbell9025 Ikr those 8 people who liked as well
"Almost every woman I have ever met has a secret belief that she is just on the edge of madness, that there is some deep, crazy part within her, that she must be on guard constantly against 'losing control - of her temper, of her appetite, of her sexuality, of her feelings, of her ambition, of her secret fantasies, of her mind."
- Elana Dykewomon
As a man, I too have this secret belief….that y’all are two skips away from a total meltdown ❤😎
@@Macheako patriarchy does that to a mf
So deep u wanna cookie
I'm pretty sure this is how every working class person on the planet feels.
@@logicandemma8474 I'd like a cookie
One of my fav stories of female rage is the legend of Kali Ma killing demons who were ravaging the land. She killed so many demons she went into such rage and bloodlust and no one could stop her. Her husband Shiva had to literally throw himself under her feet to snap her out of it.
oh my gosh yes!! kali's literally my favorite goddess ever
Based on Hindu (Sanatan) Mythology.
Kali represents all the suppression that Indian woman feel and are put under by their society at large.
@@molivia. Not mythology. Nobody says Islamic or Christian mythology, show some respect.
@@uweil918 People call ancient greek beliefs mythology despite the fact that people genuinely did (and still do) believe in the greek gods.
I have an academic degree, I've read lots of feminist fiction and prose, and I still have a hard time articulating my anger and my hurt from sexism-based trauma. I still turn my anger towards myself. I still have a hard time teasing out what are my views on things and what are trauma reactions, and even if all that needs to be teased out in the first place. But I think you and other feminist youtubers do an incredibly important job, making these ideas more accessible. To me, watching videos like this is therapy. It helps me understand myself, my feelings, and my trauma, and see that I'm not an overreacting drama queen.
thank you for sharing ✨ ngl it's still work in progress for me as well and it's totally legitimate to feel angry and to struggle to communicate that trauma other than through anger... your feelings are totally valid
Hi, do you think you could recommend some other youtubers you follow who discuss these issues?
What is sexism-based trauma?
@@qwr742 Sure! I like Khadija Mbowe, For Harriet, Mexie and Bryony Claire, to name a few. Jordan Theresa talks about feminism in some videos too. :)
@@channelentertainment6710 I mean abuse/violence that someone does because of their sexist beliefs.
“Drinking coffee from a pot none of you wanna touch!” Is probably my favorite line from any movie. I drop don’t even know where this line is from but I love it.
It’s from Hidden Figures- amazing film.
I literally had to do a 1000 page analysis on that scene for my drama class on realism acting techniques
Sorry I meant 1000 words
@@dancingbread6073 I was just about to ask, 1000 page analysis!? That's a helluva drama class! :D
@@lonestarr1490 yah lol, but i realized that was a mistake i meant 1000 words
Yup, I have a problem with women not being allowed to be angry/express rage. It's no coincidence that depression is far more common in women vs. men-because the number one cause of depression is repressed anger, and women traditionally were not allowed to display anger. Or would get nice labels like "hysterical, crazy, overly emotional" - and in the past, risked getting locked up in insane asylums, despite the fact that their anger was many times very well justified.
Dont say crazy am starting to laugh 😅
And yet, most suicides are commited by males, which is such a paradox when we think about the fact that women are more subject to being depressed
Honestly most of my anxiety is from fear of displaying anger and the repercussions that you get from it. Women arent even allowed to walk around with a neutral expression without being monitored by being told to smile or cheer up. In my experience when you lose your temper you dont get half of the same empathy or respect as a man would. I am saying this as someone who hasnt displayed anger outwardly in a long time but supressing it is pretty much destroying my life atm :/
Not sure about it being more common in women when Society doesn’t even allow men to be depressed in the first place . i understand historical context but I feel like we have come a long long way , The situation for women has changed a lot in that regard , while for men not much really, it’s not coincidence men commit more Suicide
@The_Numidium That happens because men and women choose different methods to commit suicide. Men's most used methods are jumping off high buildings or bridges and usage of guns which are much more lethal and usually result in death with little failures, while women's most used methods are overdose and slitting their wrists so if they're found in time they have lots of chances to survive their attempts.
I love ✨female rage✨
But in all seriousness it’s funny to think of we as women are seen as controversial or stepping out of our nature for having any other feeling that is not sweet, caring/nurturing, submissive, or quiet. When we step of out that we are seen as untamable wild beast. yet when man have this same emotion "its just a normal tuesday for bob" like how?? but im glad we are seeing a wilder depiction of women's emotions :)))
This is hypocritical. A woman may not be attractive screaming, but a man is not appealing crying.
@@TryingtoTellYou It's not hipocrasy because no one said men don't get judge for crying. While women are opressed to not have angry reactions, man are opressed to not demonstrate vulnerability, and both of this cases happens for the same cause: sexism. None of this is ok, everyone should be able to express their feelings.
@@TryingtoTellYou attractiveness shouldn't be the priority is the point
They're not though? If a man started screaming and having a breakdown like some of the women in this video, people would think he was crazy, they'd run away, call security, or at the very least just stand there gobsmacked and worried at what they were witnessing. Nobody says its a "normal Tuesday for Bob" when a man starts having a screaming breakdown lol. Where do you get this notion?
I don't think its particularly healthy for anyone regardless of gender to have outbursts like this in a public/social place (unless something justifies it like, I dunno, you just witnessed someone getting hit by a car next to you or whatnot). Emotions can wreck you if you just let them run rampant and unchecked on the basis of "living your truth". Self-restraint is a thing for a reason.
@@harrypike731 that's not always the case, in my country at least men throw public temper tantrums all the time and it's considered "normal" but when women do it they're considered "hysterical", it's much more acceptable for a man to be angry and aggressive than for a woman
It strongly reminds me of the "crazy ex-girlfriend" trope in some aspects, especially when it's failed to acknowledge that the feelings are caused by something or someone.
Alot of it is narc rage. Feminism ecourages and enables female narcissism,
So it's justified when the crazy ex is the girl but not when it's the boy?
@@trevtall1094stop acting like a man didn't killed a woman because she rejected him
@@magallanesagustin4952No but you can't deny the ex gf is created by pure misogyny
@@imaminyourwalls168 how is the ex girlfriend created by pure misogyny? Please, explain.
I had a few drinks with some friends and acquaintances the other night and - after discussing the damaging aspects of religion and mentioning a past of SA and not being believed - decided to cheers to angry women. After which a man said I'm definitely one of them, 'he can just tell', in a way that got under my skin.
If being vocal about problems and unapologetically enraged by the actions of wrongdoers makes us angry women, good. So I reiterate again, cheers to angry women.
Cheers
Lol, what a detective 😂
Cheers for being on of the real ones!
Cheers to short lifespans and loneliness!
@@Halo_Legend unmarried women lived longer than married women.
@@gratiaseiaSo true because a married woman is given more responsibilities while a man is relieved of those responsibilities in marriage.
As a teenager and an adult I became more connected with the history of indigenous woman here in Chile. I'm 4th gen Huilliche, part of the mapuche culture.
Women here were free to do anything with their bodies until marriage. And still many women were Lonko, warfare leaders and generals often in revenge of their husbands, brothers and fathers, but they were able to unite people who followed them to burn down Spaniard's towns. That gave me relief, with these examples I felt more entitled to raise my voice and express my anger through speech. We need more stories about angry women who cry and scream but after that, build a better world, one with more justice and equity.
Love this
Thank you for this information. I'm also Chilena but I left the country when I was very young, so I'm not very in touch with the history; my history. I love this
@@jellyguts6797 try to read about Francisca Javiera Carrera from the independence years. She was a complete badass and largely respected as a strategist of the independence of Chile. Not a very happy ending tho. That's why Javiera it's such a popular name here. I'm Javiera too.
Estaba pensando en lo mismo en la rani que viene desde los pueblos indigenas de Chile la rabia de seguir luchando aún más de 500 años
This would explain why few inventions are attributable to women, if I understand your argument
To me it sounds like you're saying chicks NEED to see other women do something so they may realize it's possible for them to do it too
It would also concord with the much higher aversion to risk and confrontation observed in the ladies
I'm trying to deepen my understanding of this phenomena hence why I'm here, appreciate any input
yep, my anger definitely does not come from anywhere. Just thinking how in the past they would remove a womb from a woman because she was "hysterical" and it would "calm her down". at the same time treating women as a child-making machines. Just thinking about it makes my blood boil
Telling people to calm down or avoiding people who express anger rather than listening and discussing it. It's about controlling and avoiding criticism. For me it's been a cycle of doing what I can to forgive for the sake of forgiving which goes nowhere and I end up right back where I started. Because when we're angry, we're unmarriageable...
You have anger issues if a practice from the past makes your "blood boil". It doesn't matter if you are male or female.
Neighbouring people gouged the eyes of our children 80 years ago and sent us to ext*rmin*tion camps. Imagine if I had your temper - I'd probably go and try to avenge that on innocent people.
You should take a look at yourself, and see if you are unsatisfied with what you see, instead of projecting. Angry about anger is like top tier meaningless meta anger.
@@nirad8026 who says anything about avenging? Where did I say I will hurt someone because of what others did in the past? I was merely expressing my feelings about the topic - which is female rage btw
@@HaHaHaLMFAOtv So female rage is just... Bitching? Blowing up at someone?
Anger is not healthy, no matter how and in which colors you paint it. Anger is explicitly related to resentment, and too much resentment kills. Either brain cells, or humans. Aka, the victim of your "✨female anger✨" is either you, or someone else. And more often than not, anger is undeserved. I find it funny how privileged and rich Western women are so "angry" at everything. Literally that 👿👿 emoji sums it up perfectly.
Legit pisses me off. Women are much more than just their body
Last year I was diagnosed with autism (asperger's syndrome), and something that I've realized since then is that when some people find out I'm on the spectrum they expect me to be and act a certain way, for example: I feel like I can't be too emotional anymore or even speak up for myself or be stressed out when I'm upset because there are people who are going to say that this is not only female rage but it's also 'autism rage', and I've always been the introverted shy girl who was always quiet in a corner, I don't even like to raise my voice or yell. But now I'm in my 20s and I have learned how to stand up for myself and for what is right and to stop trying to please everyone and letting people take advantage of me. Yet it's like I'm not allowed to express myself or get angry. I have to be happy or quiet all the time, otherwise I'm being labeled as the stereotype of the aggressive autistic girl and no one will take me seriously, and as a woman living in a patriarchal society this has happened before, but now it happens all the time and not only when I'm talking to men. (while watching this video I had the song Nightmare by Halsey stuck in my head. The MV screams female rage and I live for it) *english is not my first language so I'm sorry if I said anything wrong ♡*
As another autistic woman: Yeah same. They mistreat you so often but you can't get angry because that will prove them that you are insane and irrational and hysterical
From one neurodivergent person to another- this really resonates with me. When we are diagnosed we are told that it is good for us and that it will help us manage our lives better than before, but all my diagnosis has brought me is more stigma, racism, and misogyny. Since I have been diagnosed I am no longer allowed to yell, cry, or even furrow my brow without being shamed and labelled as a stereotype- and it is ironically making me much angrier than before!
PS I do not have autism, I have a personality disorder.
Thank you. I’ve felt shame for years at the way rage “leaked out” during a short-lived relationship where I was treated horribly and had every right to be angry. There was no room at all for my anger in the relationship. He called the relationship “volatile” but I know he was talking about me and the few times I angrily called him out which was unacceptable to him. I’m disgusted by this in men. And I’m proud now for not bottling up my anger. But of course there are healthier ways than others to express this. As someone without much of an academic background, nor well read, I strongly agree about the language point. It’s so important to have accessible words to understand and express these feelings.
preach, let's not keep bottled up for awful men
Cheers to that
Sounds like you were abusing him, no one as to take your anger you arnt a child lol
Thanks for your work! It helps me to understand many topics from a "not male" perspective. It's crazy to me that as a young man in his early twenties, I have not heard about most female experiences until I had my first girlfriend besides the typical "sexism" that everyone disagrees with in some sense. And these videos and essays are very helpful to fill the gaps in addition to the stories and experiences of my girlfriend, and further they add another level of interpretation.
yeah same as someone who was had just been fillling my time watchin videos on male self help i really wanted to understand the female perspective on struggle and stuff, well if anything i do want to just gain more information in these scenarios and try to understand the modern society dilemmas.
Gret that there are guys like you, education is the best thing every person can do for themselves in order for everyone to live in a better world. Kudos.
That is why friendships between the sexes are important
Buddy, no. Stop.
This is not healthy talk, this is not all women.
This is ideolised speech.
Try understanding your gf more from talking with her, not from listening to biased, angry bozos on the internet.
@@lena.lk9817 Yes. That is why feminism is a threat to men and women.
My rage came from realizing I was a people pleaser... I was playing a role and when I woke up to that fact, I realized I had been betraying myself for the "benefit" of a role and maybe others for too long.
YEP HELLO
but just as curiosity, why rage? we all realize we have personality quirk, that doesn't justify being angry at other does it?
The sincronicity! I was just thinking today how there is so much talk these days with feminine rage in books, movies, series.. And it reminded ne of the same topic but under a different title, like "hot girl" or "sad girl" portrayals. Idk it makes me kinda uncomfortable that women are being categorized like that. Nothing bad with the representation of all the emotions we feel (as most humans) but weirded out by the fact that is becoming a "thing" that people talk about. Like, its literally just being angry/sad/whatever and showing it more. Why do we feel the need to categorize it as if it was a trope or phase?
I do agree, but I think that it's a step-by-step process, if you get it? I think its best if I use an example of post-racialism. The idea goes that because race is a colonial construct, we can dismantle racism when we admit that it is just that: a construct, something we can overthrow just as we once overthrew the divine right of kings. If we apply post-racial ideas uncritically though, it's going to be a disservice to people who experience racism currently. It's akin to dismissing their justified rage and anger and desire for change as irrational, with the words 'why are you so angry? Race is made up!'. Yes race is made up but the effects of that categorization puts one people (white people) superior to and free to belittle others. So we need these categories/tropes to expand our vocabulary and name and dissect our experiences as a community/society. Someday we won't need them, I'd love that too personally, but for today we need tools to name what was once unnamed so we can unravel it and let it make us realise things we never knew.
So its a stepping stone. Its alright to feel iffy over putting people in boxes. We shouldn't do that anyhow. But this phenomenon of stereotyping is more a social media phenomenon than a real-life, face to face aspect of interraction. Tropes are a condensation, a parody. Letting a singular trope engulf you or reducing a complex person down to what they express online is bad. But using these tropes as a) a tool to expand the self and help with self-discovery and b) as tools to dissect social relations with others or why it exists or how it impacts the world is good.
Thank you so much, it's seems like women cannot be without becoming hot gossip, a thesis or an aesthetic
At least women aren't shooting up places & harassing others due to rage.
Shooting up places? no. Harassing others? I'm sorry have you never heard of the concept of a "Karen"? The left is chock-full of women harassing others due to rage.
They tend to hurt themselves. That's not good either.
@@kaankanca4634 Well yeah Karens will always be there, but never to the extent of men & male rage.
@@kaankanca4634 what does political leaning have anything to do with it? Most of the karens are maga lovers anyway who were spitting on strangers during covid & having tantrums over masks, harassing retail & hospital staff. Not to include calling cops on kids who were minding their own business.
@@user-qg5jw1kb3r You are right. Men are generally more aggressive. I wasn't trying to say that we aren't. I was only saying that harassing other due to rage is a universal problem.
Shootings? eh I give you that one, those incels have been a problem for a while.
And you are right about the Karens. My bad for insinuating it was a political thing. I still believe that the left has become a place for women "scorned" (by societal norms) to legitimize their attacks on who they perceive to be unjust whether or not it is clear that the person is unjust.
Rage is poisonous to me, I think people treat me poorly and if I try claim my rage they take this as a justification to do worse. So often just sits on my stomach making me sicker and sicker.
I like to distinguish between rage, hate, and anger. As a male, I find that anger is a healthy expression of my emotions, in small amounts. I experience it, express it, address it, talk about it, and come to peace with it.
Finding a healthy expression for these emotions helped me turn this poison into a medicine
Like lead, a metal that the body cannot dispose, so it ends up accumulating and causing trouble.
@@moonchild2190too many need this message 😔
I hate that as a black woman, I can't just feel negatively without it causing issues in relationships (like being called irrational or an "angry black woman" when I'm rightfully angry). It makes it really hard to feel safe being vulnerable, and worse, it feels so isolating because I have to question if I'm wrong for having anything to say about being mistreated
@@cameronelliott9709 why tf would you say smt like this?
@@cameronelliott9709 Wtf? Why are you telling that to a random person? You don't even know if they're in the same country as you, let alone their life situation.
Tbh if someone calls you "angry *black* woman" for any reason it sounds like they don't deserve to be in a relationship with you (or any other black woman). It sounds not only racist and sexist (because what's the point of pointing out your skin color or gender in that discussion?), but also the only goal it can achieve is making you even more angry. I would hate it so much if someone was treating me that way. It would need *at least* a lesson in non-violent communication.
B, you think anger is a good thing in a relationship? You think there is something as "justified anger"? Justified DISPLAYED anger?
Damn, and here I was, thinking "honey, I love you, but Im so f-ing mad at you right now" was the peak of healthy anger management, but apparently full on yelling and aggression was the appropriate response to "justified anger" all along.
@@Halo_Legend No, but she is a black woman, therefore it's justified. You need to check your hierarchies of justified anger.
I am so glad you mentioned Tamil story of kanagi .it is one of the first female rage stories I heard since I was kid. But often it was said inorder to establish the fact that a women must be so devoted to her husband and she still loved her husband no matter what he did to her rather than her fighting for injustice. Anyway she is a icon of female rage in Tamil culture.
I realised while watching this video how often I dismiss my anger as being irrational, even if it isn't. As a white woman from a European country where women have it very good compared to many places, I sometimes feel like my anger at sexism is not warranted. But I too have been socialised to stay quiet and not show anger in the face of injustice. Precisely because in my country the sexes are equal by law, any criticism of sexism is often shut down, while sexist stereotypes are still deeply rooted in society. This video made me think about how often I belittle my own anger because I've been taught to do so.
Please keep speaking up about misogyny! You are doing the right thing even if people say that you are not. Most of women's oppression is interpersonal and can only be witnessed inside of the home and the workplace. Sexist laws are NOT the only cause of patriarchy and men know this! Western men especially use this as a gaslighting tactic- saying "oye wench you already have abortion access and no-fault divorce. what more can you want?" to make you feel guilty and shut you up about patriarchy. Most misogyny and male-on-female violence is found in partner abuse, rape, femicide, free female domestic labor, and the exploitation of women as a reproductive resource. All of those things stem from societal attitudes and can not be fixed with law alone!
You sound like somebody with low impulse control that cannot discuss disagreements in a civil manner. Which then also explains why you have multiple short term relationships. Maybe the problem is with you. Just as you feel you have the right to express anger, the other party can walk away from it.
Let it out, how would love a world full of people giving to their anger! Would you be truly be at peace in a world with no self control?
Love your intro Alice! Honestly, I love the recent discussion surrounding feminine rage. It reminds me of Anya Taylor Joy explaining a direction she chose for a character in one of her films, stating that she has "a thing about feminine rage" and that most depictions are women crying silently and exhibiting that oft-romanticized sadness you talked about, and it is so important to me. Being a woman and having to deal with the foot of oppression CONSTANTLY, especially as a woman of color and/or a queer woman, it feels like you are anger itself. It feels like you're so angry all the time and you can't do anything about it. This might be a stretch of a connection to make, but it's kind of like how gossip is stigmatized but has roots in being something that creates community in the repressed class that is "woman." Not only does it serve as a vehicle to create social contracts with one another (e.g., mutually agreeing that x person cheating was wrong and nasty means that this is behavior neither of you condone), but it is a form of protection within the patriarchy. Knowing which man is abusive, knowing who has enough internalized misogyny to do truly evil acts--this recent discussion of feminine rage and this acceptance on the widest scale ever seen in patriarchal society is revolutionary in its own right. I hope we can keep showing this kind of content. I hope feminine rage becomes more universal, in a myriad of intersectional forms, as opposed to Jade West on Victorious or Megan Fox in Jennifer's Body. I think this is one of the VERY few recent pop cultural "trends" that shows that we ARE moving in the right direction.
What are some of the things that upset you?
@@treacherousjslither6920 your comments
@@massivel What's upsetting about my comments?
@@treacherousjslither6920 half of me is like... if im being honest they r just phrased annoyingly like im getting vibes that you think other people are lab rats or something. like. bro you aint a scientist and you surveying women in the comments like they are test subjects is retarded. we are half of the population ffs just speak to women irl.
the other half of me doesnt care tho and im not genuinely bothered just high.
White European women don't deal with systemic oppression but what you said regarding non-white women is on point. Oftentimes the real marginalization gets glossed over 😕
I feel like Medea also makes the cut. The play about the woman who kills her sons out of rage towards her husband for leaving her for another princess despite her having abandoned her life as a princess and to live in exile as his wife.
She killed her own kids because she was mad at her husband? Wooow she's a monster
@@treacherousjslither6920 Yeah you def should look it up! It's an ancient tragedy from Greek mythology. Funny thing is: the "choas sequence" started when Amor fired a love arrow at her and she fell in love with Jason. Like, it was not even in her power 😭
@@swansong_ Jason The Argonaut? Did I get that right? I haven't read Greek mythology in ages but I'll mos def check it out
@@treacherousjslither6920 Yes!
is that a figure for women to want to emulate or idolise? Someone who literally kills their own kids because they cannot control their anger? That's just called a psychopath. What a QWEEEEEN she is.
As I was watching, something I remembered is what everyone says when I get angry, or even excited, is "Chill". This word makes me even more angry. And I remember no one told guys around me to chill. Also shout out from a tamil person for bringing out Kannagi. She a queen
I got soo happy when she brought Kannagi thx Alice
Oh, no one told guys around you to chill? That's pretty selective.
How about those scenarios when men get angry:
- they can get beaten up
- they can have cops called on them
- they can scare women, and women in power can use their anger to manipulate them in social scenarios
- they can be called an animal and have all conversation stop
Your point of view is very biased, limited and sexist indeed. Work on yourself more. Or is that also bad, because you just want to lose all control over yourself?
@@Halo_Legend Pal, a man in India won't experience these, especially if he were angry towards a woman. If a young woman so much as raises her voice at a man, she is "a bitch" and "a man-hater". If a man raises his voice against a woman, again, she must have been the 'bitch' for angering such a 'nice man'. They will say she "had it coming". Misogyny is steeped into the taproots of India, which was only accentuated by colonialism. Their point of view is very much the reality here. What you say can only happen in a Western country.
There needs to be a part two with even more anger.
I, as a black woman, agree with everything you just said. Sometimes I feel like showing my anger in public might make others see me as just "that hysterical black girl" trope that we often see portrayed in movies. I'm well aware that I have some internalized anger, and I need to work through it for the sake of my own well-being. However, people still often say I'm hard to deal with because I'm too opinionated or feel wronged and have no other way to show this (without that being just brushed under the carpet). It just gets tiring after some time... If I have a short temper, I have my own reasons to act like this.
Let’s all given in to anger, why hold it in? Why just women? I wish all people given to their anger. I wonder how long you’ll last in a world like that?
i love how you explained female rage, wow. i feel so seen, “your anger doesn’t come from nowhere”.
Not sure if anyone mentioned it but there is this old Greek or Roman tragedy of Madea where the transliterated line, "hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn" came. I'd imagine it counts as a female rage story
I have been waiting for this for a very long time!
Just, something about rage as a woman never seems to sit right anywhere, there's always someone who says anger isn't good and to just deal with it. But I cannot help but be furious at all the injustices and violence women face every day and have faced for centuries. I cannot help but be furious at every 'little' thing that seems harmless but shows a much wider social phenomenon, or the things I'm supposed to accept like the purpose of my body and my biological role. All this anger has nowhere to go currently, so its a burden I'll have to carry for a while. At the opposite end of the spectrum we have women who have dealt with oppression but have lost all energy to challenge it and find it easier to give in, and let it be.
Another thing is, I think that many angry women find it easier to hate men, something they can see and hear about than ingrained social structures in society. I don't know, its cathartic sure, but I've always felt its taking the easy way out. The problem is that there aren't many other options, most women don't have time to organize themselves to make change, not to mention the social repercussions.
Its like your parents restricting you for your safety, and you know they have a point but are still fucking furious about it cuz either way you'll get fucked somehow. That anger just roils inside you. Its a wonder women have not gone completely mad. Just my rambles ty for reading
What changes would you like to see?
The angriest people in the world are people who feel entitled to the empathy, compassion, and respect that they themselves never give other people
Not always true. Some people always give empathy and compassion without getting anything in return and sometimes are even backstabbed and humiliated because of it.
Not always true. Some people always give empathy and compassion without getting any in return and sometimes are even betrayed and humiliated because of it.
It's funny how each gender and/or race has something they're not "allowed" to show.
One problem I personally have with female rage is how more than often times, alot of women, instead of objectively voicing their general anger towards the root cause, they direct the anger ONTO a person.
Which I just cannot justify. I do not care what you think of patriarchy, I do not care that you had a bad day, I do not care about all that. There is a way to voice anger in a way without having to direct a 3rd person to it.
Weirdly enough, I never had any female rage. Atleast not in the same way as depicted in the video. I don't really see myself as a victim of patriarchy, even though I'm a woman. Instead, I see a huge societal/political problem that affects every gender and race at any age. There's imbalance on both sides, and I personally believe that we can only get better by balancing both sides. Being a women per se doesn't make you a victim , I personally never felt like that. And the injustice towards women has never made me feel female rage. It's just normal anger, that I'd have expressed the same, no matter who the victim is..
I just had a situation literally the last 2 days with a male friend who straight up raged at me, yelled at me, was hateful to me and belittled me... why? you may ask... because every single one we've talked on the phone lately he cuts me off and tells me he can't here me and the phones cutting out and he is the one who called me to ask serious questions (he doesn't have take care of his phone drops it a lot cracks the screens and just overall extremely rough with it and has to replace it every couple of months no lie) and the very last time it happened I stopped speaking and took maybe... 10 seconds to deal with my frustration. I had started my period for the 2nd time (this actually happened at the end of last month but he continued to berate me up until the last couple of days because I cut him off). He literally told me I was letting my emotions run my life I have no control of myself. I shouldn't even have felt anything about an accident it's crazy to feel frustrated over something that stupid. and each conversation I was calm and normal trying to explain I had started my period for a 2nd time probably because I'm very stressed out and that everytime he calls me it's minimum 10:30pm but usually later and I literally felt frustrated for a split second had a long day and it sucks when I'm being asked serious questions and I can't get an answer out because you can't ever hear me then you get off the phone and ask me to text you instead when I don't want to do I don't and then we rinse and repeat. honestly, typing this out for you all to read, I don't even know why I bothered to explain myself. I didn't do anything. I even asked him to tell me what I did wrong and how a moment of quiet frustration over a frustrating thing is a problem. I didn't yell, belittle, get violent, be rude, idk I didn't DO anything. I was extremely quiet and let the emotion pass. all the while he snaps at me when he randomly gets and over random stuff and honestly this is true for all of the men I've ever had a conversation with. sorry, maybe there are better men in the world, I juut haven't met them. I am still open to meeting one one day, I'm not going to take this out on someone else just because this is what I've always known. I'm actually getting teary eyed typing all of this so I'm going to stop now so I don't have more reason to be told I'm trippin. anyway. thank you to whoever reads this.
I hope you never deal with that emotionally mature dumbass again cause he is a lost cause unless he takes time to get his shit straight go to therapy or regulate his damn emotions like an adult.. it's always manipulative that men are allowed to show anger and all of their emotions and feel like they should be able to hit walls get into fights and show their anger but women always feel gaslit for showing their anger, it's bullshit and I decide not to live with that you just have to move on and continue to be you and fuck what other men think or feel lol, feel and show your emotions cause your human you deserve to, don't waste your energy or take shit from anyone politely decline to have a conversation with them an leave, never be afraid to be perceived as rude.
Why are you friends with this guy? No one gets to treat you like that. From what you’ve written here, I think it would be good to take a break from the friendship.
crying after watching this video is something i truly did not expect to happen :')). it's probably because i have never heard anyone talk about the validity of my emotions - rage and anger to be exact, not even my mother would have told me to use my anger in a way that can ignite change, but i don't blame her for that. thank you for the wonderful video alice :)) it really has shifted my perspective from simply liking the female rage trend to actually understanding what and why so many of us women are fond of it.
Mana kali, the divine feminine anger, voracious and fearless, almost unstoppable. Most of all, well respected and feared by all the other Indian gods and goddesses. I as a Brazilian transgender woman have had my moments of wrath, it didn’t work at the end… the only option, as well said by Alice, is to organize, to write, to express it in healthy ways so it can be productive and actually help
Others
Why do non-Hindus so often reference characters within Hindu folklore? 🤔
You mean like protesting during pride month? Yes, because any sane person would take you seriously.
Very intreresting video (as always)!
When I went to my first demonstration as a more "active member" (as in I'm not just walking to show support, which is already great) I realised that I couldn't shout the slogans. I knew I should but something stopped me. When in chuch I would not sing unless my voice was covered by other people's even though I can sing. When upset, frustrated and angry I don't raise my voice, I leave the situation and cry. Female rage is not new but for some of us who have been socialised and embraced the good-girl scheme the recent trend is eye-opening. This system of oppression and silence is so ingrained in me that the day I finally rose my voice in an argument most people shut up in disbelief and a few replied with the infamous "you've changed, we don't recognise you". I now go to demonstrations and find shouting slogans exhilarating but daring to raise our own voices is as much of a learning curve as getting them heard.
I don't know what to make of this. As a man, I had some pent up feelings due to ptsd as a result of physical assault by a group of people (men, as usual). My jaw was slightly dislocated and I had to just consume liquids for the next one month. I lost my cool and wrote a complaint. I even expressed that I couldn't handle the fact that those guys got away and I was contemplating 's'. I was promptly suspended. Then, I had an instance where I was SA'd by a person I was having drinks with. Although this person was arrested (I don't know what happened after that), I was told to leave my rented apartment by the landlord because I had 'attracted unwanted attention'. My childhood was pretty crap (plenty of DA, both against me and my mum) and looked to adulthood as a way to escape such an environment. Unfortunately, things weren't too great then either. Now I am at point where my only outlet is SH and alcohol, and the worst part is it has become a sort of addiction to relieve myself of my trauma and guilt since therapy doesn't really help. In fact, it makes me feel more powerless.
No, shh, men can't be belittled, because "patriarchy".
Your complain is only valid if you are a woman. Sorry, male human, no empathy for you here.
It's invalidating to have expressions gendered, it's not female rage, it's just human rage and it's not abnormal. I'm passed most of the time, lol
@@jjoohhhnn True
Quite you, men don’t get to complain about their problems, unless you want to invoke the female rage lol
One of my favourite songs about female rage is Seether by Veruca Salt. Not only is it a great song you could jam out and scream to, but the lyrics are so intersting and telling to me, speaking from the general woman's perspective in my opinion. My particular favourites are "Seether is neither big nor small//Seether is the center of it all//I try to rock her in my cradle//I try to knock her out//I try to cram her back in my mouth... Oh she is not born like other girls but I know how to conceive her... can't fight the seether"
I got my first taste of releasing my feminine rage after realizing that what happen to me wasn’t my fault and I have a right to be mad. I went outside, grabbed my empty glass bottles and soda cans, went to the woods near my home, and went loose. I screamed, cried, threw those bottles, smashed and crushed those cans, just went crazy.
Thank you so much for this video as I showed it in class today to my students. One young woman came up to me afterwards & told me how she recently broke up with her boyfriend for cheating & how doubly cheated she felt because she couldn’t just be angry & had to cry instead. So thank you, thank you for this wonderful segment.
I definitely recommend Rowan Ellis's video about the "Good for Her" trope in film! 💙
oh i didn't know she made a video on it! thank you for the recommendation ✨
as a trans woman, I’ve thought about this a lot bc I feel like we’re often expected to be hyperfeminine to be accepted in our womanhood, and anything we do that is remotely seen as “masculine” can be used against us. I feel anxious a lot of times if I feel rage or anger bc I’m not sure how someone might react
Oh yeah, it's so frustrating when there's any "masculine hostility" from a trans woman (raising their voice or embodying anger physically in any way) and it's seen as "proof" that they're aren't a "real woman", but when a cis(white)woman does the same, they're a "boss-lady" (or crazy, it depends on their social status a lot wether their anger is validated or ridiculed). Everyone gets angry regardless of sex or gender, but the expression of any emotion is culturally regulated.
I've wondered is that part of where the "sassy" queer culture comes from? Minorities in general are not allowed to express anger, so within lgbtqa-community it feels like anger has taken a more "feminine" form of expression with being contained and controlled, expressed in witty, snarky and hostile remarks and lingo, and yelling or physical-altercations are seen as "losing" the battle. To my understanding in many queer circles this specific lingo and way of talking at each other is also seen as safe (like defamatory terms used for endearment), and you can usually tell from tone if the person means to insult or compliment, but I personally still feel it's counterintuitive and harmful, as it directs the anger we have against each other. It's exhausting and the main reason why I don't really partake in my own community, because it often feels hostile towards itself.
If you're a trans woman, you've already chosen to do what you want with you body, how you dress, etc. and the least of your worries is how feminine you come off.
You feel anxiety over your own emotions fearing how you'll be perceived? Why are you so conscious and insecure? If someone hates you for how you react or behave, so what? What's the problem? You've already taken the huge leap of expressing yourself as a woman. Now deal with what comes with it.
You're wasting your energy victimizing yourself, when the truth is no one really cares that much about how feminine or whatever you are. Get over yourself.
If you're angry and you're not strong enough to validate that, and constantly worry about what others think- that's just useless stress and completely on you.
@@VVVY777 I understand that we cannot feel empathy if we aren't willing to look at a situation from another persons perspective, but I wonder where does your anger come from? What in her experience triggers you so much that you felt the need to write a snarky comment?
Her fear as a transwoman is not baseless. It is hard to not be concerned about how you're perceived if you live in a world where the difference between "passing" and "not passing" often is the thin line between life and death. Acknowledging the reality and safeguarding against a hostile society is not the same as victimizing oneself. She shouldn't need to be concerned with what others think, that we agree on, but saying she doesn't need to for her own safety is denying the reality of the current social climate in our world.
Whilst it is always good to encourage and lift people up, to help them feel more confident and secure, belittling their lived experience has the opposite effect.
@@VVVY777 Lol transwomen are literally EVERYWHERE treated as agressive predators and you literally wrote bullshit like "it's not serious, you just made it up, stfu and don't bother me bla bla bla". How you can "waste your energy victimizing yourself" when you WERE a victim and the abuser was not punished but you instead? You have a huge L dude
...man you choose to be a woman, obviously both gender have problems
Thank you so much for emphasizing the importance of organizing! As an organizer myself, I do enjoy culture commentary channels but I wish more content creators highlighted this need and encouraged their audiences to get involved in organizing! talking and philosophizing about this stuff can be very helpful but at the end of the day, we should be trying to actively change the world for the better. Plus, if you are organizing with other feminists, it can be incredibly helpful in having a community that understands these concepts and supports you.
Hi Alice. Thank you for another amazing(-ly researched) video. I think you might like Prof. Dr Kate Manne's work. Particularly "Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny" and "Entitled: How Male Privilege Hurts Women". I found them highly enlightening. Enjoy Barcelona and continue to keep old men mansplaining gym exercises to you in check!
Your comment on expressing rage through your body rather than your words is so true. On the other hand, when a woman is yelling and not calmly explaining herself with precisely picked words, she seems less intelligent. Usually, it's the patriarchy and all the institutions that stand on it stating that or are the best judges of female emotions. Like the education level can actually make your feelings more valid. And this is sad.
Really brilliant work Alice! Your videos help me so much as a guy; I'm so glad I discovered your channel. Concepts like 'Affective Injustice' are really powerful to learn, cause they help you label stuff that's right in front of you. You're great at explaining these really nuanced issues, in a very entertaining way. I always end up sharing your videos with my friends cause I love how you describe things. Thanks for all these and please keep making more! :)))
when you have no words to articulate the anger you shout goddamit is such a true statement
the truth is that we women have always been taught to be delicate, calm and understanding but throughout our lives we accumulate anger and indignation for everything we have to endure in silence, then we see women full of psychological problems and they still wonder "why?"
What exactly do you have to endure as a women that is worse than a man?
@@pointmade1547simple
Rape
Abused
Being told to be always slim while our brothers and father is a size of a monster truck
Forced to be the mother of man and child
Forced to be a mother of their little brother
Always told to be weak
Never have a chance to fight
Forced to be a mother to little boys
Forced to grow up faster
Ridiculed for using skin care products
Ridiculed for also not using skin care products
Ridiculed for being ugly while their male counterpart gets sympathy
Ridiculed and killed for rejecting a man
If you don't read this your a pussy
@@pointmade1547similar problems that men face (in severity, the issues specifically are quite different), it really depends on the person rather than the gender, however, with women specifically, any attempt to show distain to social issues and gender specific struggles is usually met with prejudicial treatment, with them falling out of the positive “quiet agreeable woman” stereotype into the negative “angry, outspoken woman” stereotype who are perceived by society in a similar way that male incels are, the ones complaining about how women won’t date them and how it’s their fault, however, while both are viewed by society with equal distain, one has actual valid reasons for their anger
@@pointmade1547But if you want examples, I’d go with:
•Perception as a lesser being
•Societal expectation to protect “pure virginity”
•Periods
•Childbirth
•higher risk of sexual assault
•lower capacity to defend themselves in such cases
@@_Ho7line
Men in the West are viewed as lesser beings:
Women receive less jail time for the same crime.
In war, men are drafted while woman are not
Family court are deeply biased against men in both domestic disputes and divorce legal proceedings.
Period- It was a man that invented the tampon to help woman against mother nature.
Birth- are you blaming men?
Sexual assualt- Men are much more likely on average to be murdered or assualted.
Think about it this way. If a woman slaps a man in public, nobody cares, the other way around , you will have stangers interfere in o time.
You are not a victim in the West, in fact very privileged.
fiona apple turns female rage into art
Women complain a lot about men and at the same time display little respect for masculinity itself. 2 way street.
Discovering I'm literally named after an angry character... No one can ever tell me to calm down from now on!
Thank you! Anger focused and articulated as Boredom with the status quo means I have no use for the system or the payoffs for doing my part. Also, the rage of boredom is less likely to be undermined with gendered slurs. And organizing b/c we are bored with the status quo is almost impossible to stop. Unfocused anger might be satiated by having concrete demands met. But boredom with the patriarchal, white supremacist, colonial, capitalist status quo in an organized format is the death knell for things just going back to how it was. Much love!
yes, I'm so happy to have stumbled upon your video! also I think that's that, we think anger is a masculine emotion, that's why women are not allowed to have it and that's why we can only begin to imagine that feminine rage if everything else is perfectly "female" that is cis, straight and white
there is this heartbreaking passage in 'detransition, baby' (spoiler alert) where one of the main characters experiences rage and that sort of "takes away" their femininity to the point they decide to detransition (it triggers their dysphoria because of the reaction people around them have to their rage)
i just recently discovered your videos and i fell inlove immediately. So so well spoken, informative, and i feel like you connect information and theory in such an eloquent yet digestible way, with a depth i sometimes still desire in other essay videos. And all in such a short format! It's so amazing to hear you speak, thank you for your icnredible time and dedication, it is truly a blessing and it inspires the art that I make so much. Also so lovely to find such nurturing conversations going on in the comments - signs of a platform being used incredibly.
Everytime you post I feel like I'm experiencing something and you just appear with a video explaining it lol
In older years a person can be angry about something but do not have the energy or the commitment to stay angry knowing that there is nothing they can do with that anger. I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm remorseful and then I need to take a nap. Another wasted afternoon.
I tend to be more productive without having to do the emotional angry drain which takes a lot of energy.
When I was younger, however, getting angry at the right times helped me find more self respect and self worth. It can help a person become more independent who is otherwise being repressed or bullied.
"It's in the way that you use it" as Mr. Clapton says, although I don't believe that he was singing about rage in that particular song.
I love female rage!!! Especially in history, also with the witches getting burned says a lot :( and it’s interesting with female hysteria too because that makes our rage more sad that no one can take our rage seriously
I am so grateful that you made this video. It's like there's atleast somebody out there who is feeling the same frustration.
Everyone should have gotten up and walked out when Polanski won.
True, fucking pedophiles, man
I got my med's last night and this morning, so I am in a better frame of mind. There was a movement back in the 1970's that blamed mothers for most mental illness. It was pretty strident. There was a theory about the "schizogenic mother" that explained how schizophrenia was caused by behavior patterns in the mother. There was a movie called "One Flew Over the Cukoo's Nest" that portrayed a nurse in charge of a psyche ward called "Nurse Rached". She is a horrible, passive aggressive person, and I think the movie blamed most powerful women for messing up men. Nurse Rached was the embodiment of the schizogenic mother. The end of the movie is pretty violent. The relationship between a mother and her children is complicated. Both parties have the ability to hurt each other badly. When I was eighteen I surprised my family by joining the army wanting to be an airborne ranger, and my mom told me, "There was no way I could hurt her any worse than to be a professional killer." I wish she had told me that before I signed a four year contract with the army. I didn't become an airborne ranger, which was probably for the best. There is quite a bit of anger just in being alive. I think Freud said that the psyche commits an act of aggression in creating the self.
just watched the Anya Taylor Joy interview and here is Alice being on top of the buzz!
Highly relevant video, don't know how I missed it. Your channel is very important, thank you for your work💜
I really can’t see Flowers as feminist rage, it’s just the individual- and particularly self-centred toxic positivity I don’t need nobody independence nonsense that we’ve been hearing for years with a side helping of celebs flexing their wealth. It’s why I find Fleabag to be so revolutionary- it shows how much we DO need each other, and how much we need love. Not “a man” but deep, genuine love and solidarity of all kinds; romantic, interpersonal, familiar, community. Someone who will hear us make a sound if we fall in the woods. We aren’t meant to be single creatures, we need each other!
So true
Every time I show my anger, when I let the rage out, I feel like am just on the line of madness. I think it's because of all of history about angry women being sent to the madhouse where they can bother their husbands. But still, anger is not an emotion I feel I get to show, sometimes I wish I could just scream.
I don't think rage needs to be productive. If it's destructive, great! Do boxing or a martial art, go to a rage room, buy scraps and destroy them, scream at home at the top of your lungs. That's good enough. The release of emotions is good enough reason to openly rage, it doesn't need to be turned into something creative or positive.
Channeling your anger into working out is productive, not destructive, provided you are working out in a safe and healthy way.
As a metalhead the way I channel my anger is through the moshpit. I've never felt more at peace, than after a night out at a metal event/concert.
What makes me so enraged is seeing all the women in my life wronged and yet feeling like I can’t do anything about it most of the time except offer them support while the people who hurt them go on to live happily ever after. I’m not sure if it makes any sense, but it’s also a feeling of being powerless and disappointed.
We need a Fight Club.
bikini kill is touring again. girls to the front?
Go for it. Build one.
Great video. I just found you and im gonna subscribe.
I used to be angry all the time, like all the time. Before i was diagnosed with bpd, or rather the reason, was my anger.. after i came home from 3 months at a mental health hospital i felt okay with being angry. Okay that I'll always be angry and not know why but i wouldnt try to unalive myself again. Id get mad and even. Id be a balanced angry person. Then i did MBT and i regressed and remembered a lot of childhood trauma and my constant anger and depression made sense. So i did 2 years of DBT for my BPD and i learned how to cope and i also learned that anger is my secondary emotion. Im not really angry. Im sad but anger is a close emotion that my mind can process. Since then ive just been sad. All the fucking time.
I restarted therapy today.
Anger is so important to me. It protected and shielded me for so long. It protected me and kept me going until i got help.
The day i came out of hospital i got a hulk tattooed on my leg. He hulks out, but hes still just Bruce. Brilliant, kind, curious, smart, generous Bruce. And then i felt like that was me. Angry on the outside but my insides are not constructed by beams of anger.
I feel like the "good for her" stories is kind of related to the "villain era" trend we can see on tiktok.
They only rage on men who are discipline, responsible, loyal, wise, rich and handsome. Because this man made his biggest mistake in his life which is getting married
Hopefully not to take away from anything here but to add:
Where women have to suppress, among other things, rage and are seen as "bad women" for expressing it outside of *very* specific circumstances; its counterpart is men having to suppress (among other things) grief and affection (especially with other men) and it has to be condoned by *very* specific circumstances (e.g. war).
But each of these respective emotions are borderline expected in the other gender💭.
Society needs to chill😪
What's described is precisely how I feel whenever anyone asserts justification for assuming via morphology. Examine everything with care.
It’s so funny how oppressors tell people oh just calm down, let’s just discuss it. Don’t you think there has been lots and lots of discussions already and for decades. It’s basically putting more responsibility on the people who are victims and have the right to be extremely angry and just done with the system to try and calm down or find the PERFECT way to speak out. People who are angry with this world, who are victims, who are not safe or not respected and valued in this world deserve and is valid in every way to yell and say “ CHANGE”. Why is it so hard for oppressors and abusers to try to change and take accountability for their actions(which is apparently not as bad as a person literally saying, this is not ok). Great video! I really loved the way you explained it, it’s comforting when people can relate to such huge systematic oppression lol.
In my ever oh so humble opinion the oppressors and abusers know what they're doing and fully intend on continuing to oppress and abuse. But they're dependent upon the masses to either be ignorant of the oppression and abuse or to be accepting of it. Whatever discussions they want to have with dissidents are intended to discredit them and maintain the status quo.
This video strikes deep within me because I have always felt like I am asking too much if I ask for boundaries. And when I finally get angry that those nonexistent boundaries keep getting trespassed, people say "Well you are losing now because you have gotten angry". It is so depressing to live like that. Can't we be angry? What is so wrong about female anger? This is why movies like Midsummer, Hereditary, the remake of Suspiria and The Babadook are all so fascinating to me. They show the anger and frustration and raw energy of women.
On the topic of movies, 6:50 the trope of the Last Girl has also been used to explore female rage. I think it is a whole video on its own because the trope has evolved (a great example is how one of the most famous Final Girl, Jamie Lee Curtis, is developed in the last installments of Halloween, or Sidney from Scream).
It is interesting to talk about female anger in real life, female anger translated or churned by the media based on real life statements, and female anger in media, in films. It happens that sometimes movies directed by women actually exploit female anger or just use it as a means to justify a certain view of womanhood, like Sarah Polley's Women Talking or Emerald Fennell's Promising Young Woman, where the woman's liberation of their anger is carefully scripted around vengeance in a controlled script that would not work in real life. With female anger in movies, just as with war movies, I think it only works if you go the documentary, realistic style or you go full metaphor, fantasy genre, but not in between. If you do so, in film at least it looks scripted and set up to not be argued or analyzed at all, just to be consumed as dogma.
This is all up for debate, but that is why I loved the video so much, because it evoked all these discussions in my mind. Thank you and I will continue watching :)
I love your channel and appreciate everything you have to say. I agree on all points. To further the discussion, I’d like to bring up the point about subjective reality and one’s personal life experience as it relates to anger. Much, if not all, the anger one feels is rooted in childhood and then becomes compounded based on every personal experience after that. Even the social issues we choose to advocate are macro versions of a personal experience; meaning, we gravitate towards the issues we can hook into, that reflect some element of our personal experience. Put simply, a person who is unaware they have abandonment issues from their relationship with their father, let’s say; whose father was absent and didn’t defend the person against the abuse of their mother, might very well have internalized rage and then upon learning of larger social issues such as feminism, racism and the like, might pour all of that rage into one of those arenas. The person may be super-charged on the matter, without understanding that it is the dissociation from their own feelings of abandonment, grief, anger, and such, that is really at the core of their activism, seeing as though the activism on a larger-scale, collective issue is invigorating and is effective at mobilizing at least some of unconscious feelings. In other words, wouldn’t it be worthwhile to consider the responsibility we have to our own experiences and the resolving of such, before attempting to go out and ‘fix’ the problems of humanity? This is not to disregard the importance of taking a critical look at these larger issues, but from a psychological perspective, projection is a very real thing and it is actually quite dangerous to put too much emphasis on social issues as an escape from personal pain.
You made a great point ❤
The best channel is come back again. I missed you so much Alice ✨️✨️✨️
Love love love this video. It has popped into my life at the exact time I needed it. I’m usually a very calm bubbly person but for the past year I’ve felt anger like never before, as many other women. I think this is a sign of good things coming but also bad ones. I’m scared for us because as much as we are victims of the system, and as much as anger can be powerful and change-provoking, it can also be dangerous. I’ve noticed myself being snappier in my daily life, even hostile, aggressive. And while it might be justified it’s not productive and it’s kinda scary to “see red”. Cause that’s really not my true self. Wow, I can feel myself getting angry about being angry as I write this. It’s an extremely complicated set of feelings and I recommend everyone struggling with this to speak to a therapist about it. If the world was fair all oppressed groups would have access to mental health services so if you’re reading this and you can relate: I love you sister, I hope you can see the light at the end of the tunnel soon. We have a long way to go in society, so don’t rush through your process of pain and let’s comfort ourselves in sorority through this journey. A big bear hug to all.
Name one law holding you back simply because you are a woman.
@@TryingtoTellYou roe v wade
@@elyly If a man were to kill a pregnant woman, he would be charged with double homicide.
If a woman kills her own child, she's a hero?
@@TryingtoTellYou someone getting an abortion has never been called a "hero", it's different when an outsider chooses to kill someone and their unborn child to if someone wants to stop their pregnancy (majority of abortions happen when the cell hasn't even developed into a baby), someone could lose their life when giving birth, may be unpreprared for a kid and so on and so forth, there are valid reasons for abortion (it's literally a human right) and there are no valid reasons to commit homicide
@@elyly It's awfully feminist of you to consider your child's father as "an outsider". But I suppose its the necessary mental gymnastics you need to do to justify stripping them of their parental rights. Secondly, you are a clump of cells. More specifically human cells. If we were to actually apply human rights as intended, all humans would have their lives defended, not just those at an arbitrary point in their development. Thirdly, abortions are equally as dangerous as child birth; their methods including injecting yourself with poison, tearing limbs from your vagina with tongs, vacuuming it up with their latest machine, none of these methods are safe.
Once I was in charge of distributing people to audience seats and was asked to put people closer to the stage. Long story short, two men just would not go to the front because of some lazy reason and after asking multiple times I snapped and was immediately approached and told to let it be. I was so angry that all the people who took front seats were now idiots apparently because of those two. Can't with these spoiled brats.
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If your superior told you to leave them be then it's not an issue. You don't have any reason to be personally offended by those guys.
@@appa609 She does because they did NOT RESPECT HER JOB and her authority to do that job. They thought they had more privilege than she did. And her superiors went along with it.
@@hypatia4754 It's a privilege to have those kind of problems in life and even call them problems.
such great video! thank you for being such an inspirational content creator. i always learn something in your videos.
Female anger rises slower but deescalates alot slower. You stay angry for longer where as men get angry quicker and calmer quicker.
6:50 Book Recommendation: ‘The Final Girl Support Group’ and ‘Women Make Horror’.
You touched on one thing I like to reiterate with both men and women in my life:
When the topic of interest seeks to litigate a reduction of bodily autonomy (or other human rights) of a particular demographic, we can't & shouldn't expect cool/calm/collected dialogue from people of that demographic within the conversation. The rage is warranted and should be taken more seriously than it often is.
This is interesting because in Asia, it's basically a mom's job to be tough and domineering. Although we have patriarchal society too, but it's not just accepted but non questionable that mothers and women have angers big sonorous voices, and rightfully so since they need to educate the children 😅
Asian dads are outside of the picture when it comes to the child from what I hear from others.
It's so strange to hear that since my dad(Asian) was very involved, can't imagine how hard it must be to have q non father and a controlling mother.
Camille Paglia once said that "There is no female Mozart because there is no female Jack the Ripper." Female rage, like most things females exhibit, is largely performative. Male rage, on the other hand...just is. There is no performance. Male rage is what happened in California yesterday.
That's not why she said that quote. She said it because men in data are represented at the extreme ends of any spectrum, while women tend to fall relatively in the middle parts of the same spectrums. This later turned out to be a faulty way of looking at data, since more often than not there's not a normal distribution for any given dataset. You also have women serial killers like Aileen Wuornos which contradicts your interpretation of the quote.
That isn't what she meant and she is the ultimate self-hating woman. She was saying women are too dull to do anything interesting, basically.
I just want to note that there basically was a female Mozart. He had a sister who actually outperformed him and one time. She played for royalty until she basically became of marrying age
@@Nikki_the_G that is not what she was saying. Even tho I disagree with her perspective. She was saying there aren't many non nuerotypical women or even many psychopathic women. ( psychopath can technically be considered non nuerotypical , as well)
The true reason is often oppression
@@Nikki_the_G Well women often are moderate and boring, very rarely something is absolute and done with absolute conviction which makes all movements uninteresting, dull and not serious even this one here you need men to push it
When you have no words to articulate your anger you use your body to manifest it!!!
physical violence is not ok, IDC what your gender is. Person and property are respected before opinions and feelings, unless it's your person or property. WT actual F? Feminism is about defending female abusers, sorry violence, wait let's abstract it one more time, rage?
@@jjoohhhnn no you are right I would never support violence, I was referring more on using your own body to hurt yourself, like for example I was thinking about eating disorders that I feel like are basically a way to express an anguish that we can not articulate in words.
@@jjoohhhnn my comment is decontextualized but I think that the phrase sum up all society's incapability to even make an effort to understand female point of view, so the rage that it talks about is not a anger toward some entity but a general frustration against the status-quo
@@valentinamodaffari-pp4ps Society doesn't take the time to understand anyone's perspective. You project assumptions onto (white) men, you didn't ask them about their experience. We assume a lot about Bezos, but we haven't spoken to him. We assume a lot about elon, we haven't spoken to him. Not to say I'm against crapping on billionaires; I'm all for it. It's just we're making bad-faith assumptions, which is OK in that situation, but its utility decidedly has limits.
@@valentinamodaffari-pp4ps Yes, anger and frustration would definitely manifest, beceuse we are in the constant run-fight-flight more, and some even have BPD and other disorders indeed. To some extent even reminds the quote "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society". Some self-love saves us
Thank you for this. It's hard to combat an enemy you don't know, even harder to know how. What can sometimes be just as hard is how to be a better ally and feel like you're making a difference.
Rage is an emotion I don’t connect well with. I don’t want to feel rage but I also would love to scream out loud one day. That would be exceptional.
Do you drive? I often take the opportunity of driving alone to scream as loud as possible. No one else in their moving cars ever seem to notice.
I grew up with three brothers, my cousins and their friends, all males. I dunno if it's because of that but I if I was treated badly I would easily become physical. I would try to beat the other kids or kick things. I would just go crazy and express it all. Little by little I became the opposite in the sense that I started to hide and try to control my anger so much that it just end up being worse when I can't no longer take it. My mom doesn't have this side of personality as if she was never allowed to show anger in this kind of way. The result is that once we grew up no one was ever scared to make her angry and she couldn't defend herself. That's also why I always felt like I had to protect her and be strong like a man for that. It's bad when it's too much, but it's also sane in a sense. I realize there are many things that make me angry and I'm allowed to feel this emotion. Eventually it goes away if I either make peace with or remove myself from the situation.
Love Quinn from “You” really reminded me of female rage. I loved her so much.
i think female rage isn't taken seriously because most of the time women look snappy rather than angry. they don't confront what they oppose directly, 'face to face', instead they boycot, they try to reason, they get passive aggressive, or they scream in a high pitched voice that's proven to not be percieved as threatening by most people. angry men are threatening because they're confident and actually CAN hurt someone, and female rage often lacks both of these elements. don't be angry and snappy, be angry and assertive. don't stomp your feet waiting for them to get scared of you - push them. don't scream - roar. don't appeal to reason - laugh at their ignorance. don't show them their wrongs - insult them. if you're a woman and you're angry, you're right.
I’m not a woman, I’m a trans man. But people still perceive me as a woman and treat me that way regardless of if they are conscious of it. I have never been able to express my rage and have not been labeled BPD or Schizophrenic or hysterical. And I’m white. I still have a certain amount of privilege when it comes to expressing those strong emotions, I can’t imagine the added pressure of race along with it.
It is a prison to have your personhood decided on its worth depending on your ability to be manipulated and of service to others.
Added on top of this the fact that I do have a disability and struggle with mental illness (none of the ones people have accused me of having, not that those who are diagnosed deserve to be called crazy when they express emotions like that) I am not allowed to express any amount of anger or frusteration without people asking me if I took my meds or telling me I’m not on the right ones. This is how abuse is perpetuated and this is why people stay in those environments, if you leave they call you crazy and they break you down until you believe it.
alice, i hope you know how amazing of a human you are 🥺
i've started looking up to you, the way you articulate your ideas calmly...i hope i can do that too as i grow older
haven't watched the video yet, but I love that you're putting out content so regularly this year!! It's always nice when I see your videos pop up on my feed
Recently I wrote an essay at uni where the topic was how Frantz Fanon supports violence (and therefore anger) as the ultimate political praxis of the black body. A productive dialogue could only be achieved after the oppressed body has abolished the suppressor through the use of violence, otherwise, the conversation would still be founded on the oppressive discourse that the dominating class has established. While reading his work "The wretched of the earth" I was thinking about how this could easily be read from a feminist point of view and low and behold here you are!
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So, this will probably be lost in the comments, but I still wanted to write it down. I have a history with rage and violence and as feminism became more mainstream, I have found it frustrating that female rage (rage embodied by women) was now monopolized by feminist analysis. It's gone from girls and women not being able to be mad at all, to only being able to be angry at the patriarchy, when in my personal experience, men have been a small part of what has made angry over the years. Guys get to be angry at so many things! Often I've felt that my issues cannot be possibly redirected through political means, and whenever I was near demonstrations or activists, I have always had the feeling that I couldn't connect to the people around me, and that I was not feeling anything like what they were feeling. I wish the outcome of this "trend" (ugh) was something like "yeah, your anger is valid and you can express it (healthily or not) and still perceive yourself as a woman, having anger issues does not make you a boy or an enby", apart from the feminist aspect.
I know my english is not the best but it's not my first language, it was imposed on me, and I have decided to give up ✌
this many ppl care 👉🏽 0
I feel the same way. Men get to be angry at so many thimgs but when women are angry, it's only at the patriarchy? It's funny how modern feminism shoots itself in the foot.
I have a lot of rage inside me against patriarchy, and also equal amount of rage against those who act as if climate catastrophe doesn't exist. I'm so shocked, hopeless, in disbelief, that so many people still don't see how our planet is dying (or they see it, but proceed with their lives as if everything's peachy and profits are the most important).
the end of your video, has made me cry from relief. Ive been feeling insanely angry, and knowing that other people want to move those mountains is all I have, I feel sometimes.
Seek therapy.
I used to be a people pleaser, now I have menopause rage, it’s been very liberating.
From my experience and understanding, female rage is not respected nearly as much as male rage. I’ve been laughed at when I’m mad, I’ve been excused. Often by other women but always by men. And then men get angry and it’s inspiring or threatening. It’s almost always respected though. And I think that’s why our rage is never productive on its own.
‘You’re so cute when you get angry’ can relate 😤
@@cameronelliott9709 please get some bitches. Touch grass and talk to a woman, maybe it will change your perspective 🙏
It's biological. Women very rarely have the size presence or boom in their voice to command respect. At least the kind of respect you're referring to
@@Jdb63 I personally disagree, I understand what you mean though! Think about it, we were all definitely scared of our moms at moments as a kid. That was because we respected her (hopefully) and her authority. We accepted that she could enact consequences and stuff like that. However most women don’t have that respect from people other than children unfortunately. Their voice and stature may aid to this, but I think it’s women being stereotyped as over emotional. You can dismiss any emotional reaction from a woman as over emotional very easily because any emotional reaction is categorized as such.
@@Jdb63it's also biological that man are more stupid than women
(I'm being sarcastic no one is stupid except for jdb63)
Anger is important. And I'm sad that I barely feel it. I get frustrated and feel hurt, wronged, helpless, hopeless, but never really angry. One of my therapists told me that it might be harmful for me to not feel and properly express my anger, since, when thinking of the five stages of grief, you have to go through the stage of anger to get to acceptance. If I'm stuck in the depression state I won't be able to change anything.
I was wondering if I'm the only one not feeling proper anger. Maybe it's because I didn't grow up with angry female role models so subconsciously I internalised the belief that it's not an accessible emotion for me to feel? Of course I've seen angry men, my father has a short temper. My mother can talk back but not without shedding tears. When people around me get angry, not even necessarily at me, I get scared and cry.
I'd love to have a quick witted, eloquent anger, where I can confidently talk back and justify my arguments.