I had to put my Dad in a 3 star facility because the only other choice was a 1 star. Once his insurance doesn't cover it anymore they want 10K per month for him to stay there. I wouldn't pay $10K a year for him to stay there.
We are in the process of determining if it is time for our 86 yr old dad to start the memory care transition. My brother and I recently toured a facility. I want a place like Mary Jo’s! So glad she took the time to help educate us. I am so nervous placing my dad in a facility due to the scary stories of neglect I have read. Her place has a sensory room.I can sense it’s more than just a business to her.She cares❤ Thanks to the Doctor for setting up this video chat.
So much great information and inspiration to this sensitive issue of care giving. One subject that was not touched on is the $4000 to $12,000 or more per month income stream required for long term care expense. It is not that families do not want to transition their loved ones into higher care facilities but that there has not been adequate income set aside to be able to afford this. Another issue is when siblings have had a poor and hurtful upbringing themselves by a parent and when siblings cannot agree on this transition and the money that it will take that could end up being hundreds of thousands of dollars if the care lasts 4 to 10 years as in early onset dementia. This is particularly hard for families that have started in their late 30's to early 40's having children and are in the midst of caring for their young children and now falls the care of one or two elderly parents that are having serious health circumstances. Long term care insurance should be talked about with everyone by the time people are in their 40's.
Im caregiver for my mom. I'm told I'm in a very unique situation, as my dad just passed away in January. So, I'm discovering all that dad has been covering. They were true loves, so she is dealing with grief, as well. She also has a social disorder and does not like to be around people, especially crowds or large groups. I'm all she has. She recently told me, in presence of our sweet, precious housekeeper, that I would have to kill her first, before she would go to a nursing home. This has added to my guilt, and won't leave my mind. My dad and I had a serious conversation a few years ago, and he told me I would have a real fight on my hands, when the time comes. THANK YOU for these videos!! I am learning techniques that are VERY successful when dealing with difficult situations and conversations. Thank you for reminding me that it's NOT my loved one, it's their disease.
I'm in the same position. I'm the only sibling left .my mom also grieving. Lost my brother and sister they died 7 months apart. My mom won't move ,she's aggressive, wants to be alone and I'm looking after my sister's daughter. On dialysis 3 times a week not even speaking about all her other issues daily. My mom makes life so difficult that I had days that I can't anymore.
My Mom use to always say that if you prepare for it you wont need it, its when your not prepared you will always need it. Putting my MIL in care has been the hardest thing we have ever done.
My mom is afraid to be alone. Tonight is her 2nd night there. She's so healthy and she's really sharp, but dad died a year ago and they were married for 55 years and she really changed when he died. And now, with all this! She can't leave her room for 2 weeks. I can't be next to her. Facetime and talking through the window frustrates her. And every time she hears about this pandemic, its the first time she's hearing about it. She has 24 hour staff, but I really worry about the staff. She calls me 30 times a day and she begs me to let her leave. Its not up to me. I love her so much. I'm so scared for her. I'm not ready for this yet. And for god's sake, not now! Of all times! I'm absolutely lost.
We put my husband/Dad into a nursing home. He has Lewy body dementia with severe confusion which makes conversation difficult but is mobile, calm and not at the stage where the rest of people in the high dependency unit are . They have advanced Alzheimer’s . The problem with my husband is he wanders and and needs locked doors , a safe environment. I don’t think he is in the right place, It is a lovely, clean, safe room large, and the staff are nice. He shares a room but his end has no window. After breakfast they are brought out and stay in the large room with comfy armchairs until bedtime. My heart is broken that this is where he ends his life. I was his carer for almost a year at home with the help of a carer from an agency and he was the best ever. They had a great bond but he was only with us 4 hours a day and then I took over . My husband is 72 and for sure the youngest in the unit. It breaks our heart to see him sitting on an armchair fiddling with his jumper.
The day I had to take my Mama to the memory Care center from the hospital was the worst day of my life. It took 5 hours to get her to walk in the door. She was so sad and upset and did not want to go in there. I had no choice and she had no choice it had to be done.
Perfect timing for me to watch this video. Moving my mom next week into a memory care facility. You answered so many questions about my feelings. Thank you for everything you do!!!
Coronavirus pandemic is making the decision to put your parents into a home extremely difficult for me. I know the nursing homes are cautious even after we have the vaccine, but it breaks my heart to think I cannot go visit them when I want to.
Thank you for your insight and information on such a complex subject. I also appreciate your kind and loving heart and compassion. My sister and I are caring for our parents who both have dementia. Thank you for helping to support and educate us in our roles and lives as caregivers so we can better care for our parents and ourselves. Much love to you Dr. Natali.
Dear Dr. Natali. God bless you for your wonderful advice on dealing with a loved one with dementia. (I think your advice is the best out there, out of all of the dementia bloggers). My 93-year-old father has very obvious signs of dementia, but he is trying to hide them; he plays his incontinence off as "the doctor says this is normal at my age!" (also won't wear Depends -- says they are too hard to put on.) Interestingly, as far as I know, only one of his medical providers has noted a dementia diagnosis as of this writing, and it was not his primary care provider - it was a referral to an infectious disease specialist. For the record, about a year ago, Dad executed a power of attorney, naming me as his attorney-in-fact, and my Good Sister and me as his Successor Co-Trustees if he becomes incapacitated or dies. My "good" sister and I have, sadly, come to the realization that we have no other choice but to file a petition for guardianship, because (1) Dad is so ostreperous, bullying, and demanding and absolutely will not even entertain any discussion of "assisted living" -hoards his checkbook, hides his car keys and other keys, etc; and (2) we have a "bad sister" who refuses to communicate with my good sister and me, and who calls and emails Dad frequently, to plant uncertainty in his mind about his grand-daughter and now my sister (his caregivers), that they are not honorable and are treating him badly and cannot be trusted. Bad sister has even been overheard telling our father to write my good sister and me out of his will; to get a restraining order against me going to visit him; and other outrageous statements! Dad's mistrust and animosity toward his family members (except for the Bad Sister) seems to fluctuate based on what the Bad Sister feeds into his head on her phone calls to him. My question is: Dad lives in the state of Florida, where I am bringing the guardianship action. I live in New Mexico. I would like to prepare a little letter to Dad, trying to explain why I am requesting the Court to be appointed his Guardian, but (1) I don't know how, exactly, to frame my explanation; and (2) is it even advisable to try to communicate with him about this? As he will surely "hit the roof" when the pleadings are mailed to or served on him. Help? Thank you so very much. And God Bless. Signed: a fellow dog-lover. Thank you!
Fabulous interview! Definitely a gifted innovator Mary Jo!! So many encouraging and helpful suggestions on WHAT TO LOOK FOR! And getting prepared for that “what if” moment when (even though determination to keep them home is no longer safe) they need MORE THAN WE CAN SAFELY provide! Thank you Dr Natalie for mentioning that concept of the EARLY PROMISES that we would NEVER put them in a nursing home! I’ve never been asked to make that promise. I put that on myself. And now my LO is determined to oppose all the options.. even day respite for my sanity. (My sanity nor health is definitely is not on her “radar” which is absolutely not how she used to be!) Thank you THANK YOU BOTH! ☀️♥️☀️
I wish I followed you 3 years ago when caring for my mother. Had no help and had to learn going along. Was very hard. She stopped eating in the end. Very sad to wait for her death.
Me and my siblings are fearful that mom will be harmed, mistreated... we hear daily about the abuse that happens in nursing home.. especially for a dementia because is what she tells us true !?! When she already has things she believes to true. The best place is not financially positive.
Im wondering what Mary Jo would recommend for people with limited vision as far as activities. I also think that cost delays many families from seeking long term care. Having to private pay is overwhelming, and filing for Medicaid puts everything a family owns at risk. There has to be a better way for families to afford care.
Please tell your watchers about VA aid and assistance for both veterans and their spouses. I think very few people know about it. If a veteran or spouse requires home care or assisted living etc, the VA will pay a monthly amount to help with care. In 2022 it was 1318 per month. I was told to hire someone that does all the paperwork (or most of it) for you because if you do it your self, the application will be rejected many times. I used Patriot Angles and it was a fast process. My Moms took 3 months. The lawyer knows how to word everything and they’ve been doing it for years. I did get a page from the VA that needed info that had already been given once and it was page 64 so I can’t imagine how many pages the application actually is. There was a one time fee to PA but it was less than the first monthly income. That income is tax free also. Plus the VA pays back amounts from the time the intent to file was actually filed. I wish more families knew of this assistance. There is an asset limit for the assistance but a home doesn’t count.
I'm almost finished with my graphic memoir of how I used my health and fitness knowledge to stop my mother with mild dementia from forgetting me, and it worked. I tricked her off caffeine, then no prescription meds, forced her/tricked her/incentivized her to drink water, kept her away from high fructose corn syrup and other poison, because they made her mean and delusional, and kept her away from gluten. Funny thing is decades ago Dr. Oz said Zocor was causing memory loss and then my mother parroted that to everyone, but later on when she said it to a nurse practitioner during his assessment of a MMSE, he said she was delusional for saying that and a nursing home that I had to fight in probate court for 2 months to get my mother out, used it as a way to imprison her in a lockdown unit. Big Pharma is the matrix and we’ve got to break out.
@@love4everjc Her doctor knew I wanted to get her off all meds, and when her BP became normal after no caffeine, she took her off them. You know there are no studies showing that high cholesterol causes heart issues. Watch Aseem Mulhotra on Tucker C a r l son. I'm not a republican, but that episode was good. Water was a trick all day long. I would give her a 4-ounce glass many times with the promise of going out if she drank it. I refused to take her anywhere until she drank some water and she was a screaming child for a while, but it worked. Several times when she was delusional or had a bellyache, getting the water in her solved the issue. She also tricked me and poured it out every chance she got as well. I show all of this in my book Mom Remembers Me. it was a comedy routine like Lucille Ball.
I've heard but did not look into statins for women cause memory loss, also menopause, Uti's and brain fog and memory issues, get a full panel plus thyroid and nutrient panel. Good fats like extra virgin olive oil for brain, plus so much more. Ty for your comment.
My mother always says I don't want to go in a care home so I would really struggle if it became necessary for her to go in one we coping ok just now but down the line this will be very relevant thank you for information 🌺
Ideally I would do what I could to care for my mom But I have been reminded I am only human 1 astroke2a heart attack while taking care of my mil so depending on how difficult her care is I have to be balanced
We had to put my mil in an assisted living facility after her 4th stroke. The week before she nearly burned the house down the dr said she would not release her to go home and stay alone, nor have her kids give up their lives to sit on a couch and hold her hand. Mom fought it, but it had to happen. The first year was horrendous, she still wants to come home, but seems to be settling down some. The cost is so high,but cheaper than anywhere else. After medicare and secondary insurance pays, we still have to pay $2000 a month in addition to the junk she charges all month.
The problem with my family is that my papa knows that he’s going to end up in a nursing home and accepts it, but they’re so expensive. The cheapest one we could find so far was $5,000 a month!!!! My grandma is looking so hard she’s tired of dealing with him when he’s out in his own world. He’s been getting worse and it’s probably time to put him in a home he can hardly walk without assistance which scares me and his bad days are becoming more frequent. I’m sure if money wasn’t an issue we put him in one now.
I wish good nursing home care wasn't so expensive! It is a real challenge for families. Have you checked with your local area agency on aging to see if there are any programs or resources you may qualify for to help with the cost? There are also nontraditional care facilities like group homes for dementia that may be able to provide the the care needed at a lower price. It may be worth looking into. Sending all my best to you and your family!
Have you tried finding out if your father is able to go on Medicaid. This can help a great deal. There are medicaid specialists to help expedite the process. Call AARP or local elder care programs.
I don't know..I fear my mom will have panic attacks and want to leave..and she will end up being drugged up into a zombie....most folks I see in homes are lost in space..
My brother, he is 32 and he has been diagnosed with young onset Dementia. I have seen all your videos. Please explain all his siblings has to do genetic test to avoid this?
hi I don't know if you will get this. I have just found your program. my mom has Dementia and it's been a nightmare. I just can't come to terms with placing her in a care centre. I think it's terrible. But I'm going to try watch more of your programs. thank you Bev From Cape Town in South Africe
I own a long term policy. Thankfully at 73 I’m healthy. Something you really need and think about when your 50 years old. Premium is cheaper. I work as a caregiver in an indecent living. They keep raising the rent. People have to move or move in with family or find a place cheaper and god luck with that.Some die from the stress.
Help. Mom has Alzhimers. I have to work. She has ALWAYS TAKEN THINGS AWAY FROM ME. As a child she was mean enough to dump my dog off and lied for years about it. I cant handle taking care of her. All agencies I speak with passes me off to other agencies. $1000 to get a babysitter for 2 weeks for her. She was allowed to get into my room and get ahold of her medication. She cant handle managing her meds. How can I get her in a faculity?
I understand where you are coming from. Lots of families are dysfunctional or were abusive. My parents are both going into a nursing home next week and they qualify for Medicaid. Ask about medicaid in the state where your parents live -it will likely be possible for you.
I'm 80 my friend I am a caregiver for is also 80. She fights us when we ask her to wash up or wash he hair. She is wearing us out.. We think we either end someone else to come in and do that for us.or nursing home. She and her husband want her to stay home,
Thank You for this informative video . All vids I have watched are very helpful. Can't believe the rude woman who made this comment "What's with the blue eye shadow" Honestly always a bad apple .
I am a full-time caregiver for my mother, over 7 years, she is 94, I am tried, I have no help and my siblings don't want anything to do with us. I now cry a lot and feel weak allover ( burnout), trying to not feel guilty but maybe it is time for advanced care. I do have a master's degree in human relations , a retired counselor however I think that I am getting sick.
Hugs to you Debra and kudos for stepping up when what should be your and your mothers’ support team w/care taking isn’t involved. Be kind to yourself and know you have done your best. Shame on others who chose not to step up and help your mother ( which is also not helping you)!
May I suggest you try Bluetooth Microphones? They can be small and clipped onto the neck or collar of your outfit and you won't have the fades and drop outs.
Would you deny relatives from communication with your residents? Example: the POA in charge of monthly payment decides who declines communication with family members? What legal authority does the assisted living community hold to refuse relatives from calling, visiting??
What if my husband doesn’t know he has the illness or it’s progressing? I have been able to handle his care but now my health is in jeopardy from the stress. I would love to move him but I know he would be devastated, and hurt. 52:0352:16
Very Informational video except the talk leans more to "caregiver" being a son, daughter ,grandchild and the persons needing care is a parent ,grandparent to the caregiver . What about when its a spouse being the one in the situation the video discussion ?
I take care of my friend, five hours a for four days a week and ten hours on Saturday. She doesn't want to wash her body or wash her hair. She says she can do it, she will do it when she wants to. Of course it never happens. She used to brush her teeth three times a day, We think she isn't sure anymore how . We ask her to wash her bottom and she will sometime wash her face. My daughter also helps. My daughter does mornings I do afternoon. She has a husband, but he isn't much evolved. He has a.d.d. They were married in their forties. So they didn't have children. He has plenty of money, so he wants her at home. My daughter taks care of their medication, and her to doctor appointments. We have a nurse that comes once a week. Sorry she gets very frustrating.. We watch your show, and have gotten a lot of advice from you. I know it is a lot of approaching her. She watches a lot of TV. I try to approach her during commercials. That doesn't always help. You have said about suggesting about this mornings g or afternoon. We have tried a few of your suggestions. Sometimes they work but mostly not. We are willing to try everything!
I am 80 and caring for my 83 yr old Alzheimer’s husband. He is past the middle stage I think. He switches from being normal into big Al. He has become violent 5-6 times. Just recently hitting me with his fists with glancing blows, and he knocked me into a door jam. He has his fists up many times in anger. I am scared of him often. Should he be put in a nursing him or what would you suggest. He is i content and has messed thru out the home. I am tired! I have health issues, RA mostly.
So sorry to hear this is happening to you by your husband at home. This is clearly abuse, and it is not acceptable , it is the disease too.. Yes, it is time to protect yourself, and he needs more care than you can provide at home. I have been a Geriatric nurse for 30 years plus. When someone gets to this stage, it takes a team to manage them. Please, take the necessary steps to get the care you and he both need.
He does need care outside the home. You are important! I suggest the Adult and Aging Services at your county level or Elder Options or Eldercare. You have an advantage joining Careblazers. Just eat it up.Bless you and your husband with ALZ. I am 78 caring for my wife of 40 yrs. Who is 74 in March.This is starting yr 5 of diagnosis. Her situation may have been 3-4 yrs before. So you are in my prayers.❤
People need to become a DNR after the age of 50. Why survive a stroke a major heart attack or live with advancing dementia ? The only people that profit are the facilities. People are living longer but not better.
There's no "decision" here 😢 No shopping around either. No money. However do people ever afford it y MIL only had enough because she was able to sell her home, even then the money didn't last. I 'm just hoping it all works out somehow.
Hi my story is I dont know what to do about placing my mom, she has dementia it started when my dad passed in 2013. I am all she has so I had to step up and move in with her and my husband my daugther and my grands kids to. So I have been taking care of her but I cant do it any more mentaily or financialy. The only assets she has is her house. Its not a very good environment for her anymore. Its so sad her short term memory is gone Im luck she remebers me or my daugther but everything else is gone. I just dont know how to start I think it would be best for her. I need help please. Thanks for what u do carolyn from kansas
First off get that gun either out of the house or get all the ammunition out of the house. Is he Medicaid eligible? If so get him enrolled and they will pay for a nursing home.
I just recently had the police remove the gun after a violent incident. Sadly that’s all they were willing to do. I am looking into whether or not my husband is eligible for Medicaid and if he is I can’t place him fast enough.
I have zero problems with paying for elder care but what I have a problem with is it should NOT be nearly as expensive as it is
I had to put my Dad in a 3 star facility because the only other choice was a 1 star. Once his insurance doesn't cover it anymore they want 10K per month for him to stay there. I wouldn't pay $10K a year for him to stay there.
That’s so sad how expensive it is! It’s like a jail sentence too! So messed up
Yep. Agree 👍
I’m not sure my grandmother would like living in one let alone be able to afford it…it’s such a sad situation honestly my heart breaks for her
We are in the process of determining if it is time for our 86 yr old dad to start the memory care transition. My brother and I recently toured a facility. I want a place like Mary Jo’s! So glad she took the time to help educate us. I am so nervous placing my dad in a facility due to the scary stories of neglect I have read. Her place has a sensory room.I can sense it’s more than just a business to her.She cares❤ Thanks to the Doctor for setting up this video chat.
So much great information and inspiration to this sensitive issue of care giving.
One subject that was not touched on is the $4000 to $12,000 or more per month income stream required for long term care expense. It is not that families do not want to transition their loved ones into higher care facilities but that there has not been adequate income set aside to be able to afford this.
Another issue is when siblings have had a poor and hurtful upbringing themselves by a parent and when siblings cannot agree on this transition and the money that it will take that could end up being hundreds of thousands of dollars if the care lasts 4 to 10 years as in early onset dementia.
This is particularly hard for families that have started in their late 30's to early 40's having children and are in the midst of caring for their young children and now falls the care of one or two elderly parents that are having serious health circumstances.
Long term care insurance should be talked about with everyone by the time people are in their 40's.
Im caregiver for my mom. I'm told I'm in a very unique situation, as my dad just passed away in January. So, I'm discovering all that dad has been covering. They were true loves, so she is dealing with grief, as well. She also has a social disorder and does not like to be around people, especially crowds or large groups. I'm all she has. She recently told me, in presence of our sweet, precious housekeeper, that I would have to kill her first, before she would go to a nursing home. This has added to my guilt, and won't leave my mind. My dad and I had a serious conversation a few years ago, and he told me I would have a real fight on my hands, when the time comes. THANK YOU for these videos!! I am learning techniques that are VERY successful when dealing with difficult situations and conversations. Thank you for reminding me that it's NOT my loved one, it's their disease.
I'm in the same position. I'm the only sibling left .my mom also grieving. Lost my brother and sister they died 7 months apart. My mom won't move ,she's aggressive, wants to be alone and I'm looking after my sister's daughter. On dialysis 3 times a week not even speaking about all her other issues daily. My mom makes life so difficult that I had days that I can't anymore.
Still not easy. Takes a toll on the whole family
CT by@@amandasteynsteyn6832
My Mom use to always say that if you prepare for it you wont need it, its when your not prepared you will always need it. Putting my MIL in care has been the hardest thing we have ever done.
My mom is afraid to be alone. Tonight is her 2nd night there. She's so healthy and she's really sharp, but dad died a year ago and they were married for 55 years and she really changed when he died. And now, with all this! She can't leave her room for 2 weeks. I can't be next to her. Facetime and talking through the window frustrates her. And every time she hears about this pandemic, its the first time she's hearing about it. She has 24 hour staff, but I really worry about the staff. She calls me 30 times a day and she begs me to let her leave. Its not up to me. I love her so much. I'm so scared for her. I'm not ready for this yet. And for god's sake, not now! Of all times! I'm absolutely lost.
We put my husband/Dad into a nursing home.
He has Lewy body dementia with severe confusion which makes conversation difficult but is mobile, calm and not at the stage where the rest of people in the high dependency unit are .
They have advanced Alzheimer’s .
The problem with my husband is he wanders and and needs locked doors
, a safe environment.
I don’t think he is in the right place,
It is a lovely, clean, safe room large, and the staff are nice.
He shares a room but his end has no window.
After breakfast they are brought out and stay in the large room with comfy armchairs until bedtime.
My heart is broken that this is where he ends his life.
I was his carer for almost a year at home with the help of a carer from an agency and he was the best ever.
They had a great bond but he was only with us 4 hours a day and then I took over .
My husband is 72 and for sure the youngest in the unit.
It breaks our heart to see him sitting on an armchair fiddling with his jumper.
The day I had to take my Mama to the memory Care center from the hospital was the worst day of my life. It took 5 hours to get her to walk in the door. She was so sad and upset and did not want to go in there. I had no choice and she had no choice it had to be done.
I hope she is doing better now. It is so sad and difficult.
Perfect timing for me to watch this video. Moving my mom next week into a memory care facility. You answered so many questions about my feelings. Thank you for everything you do!!!
Me too my spouse it so stressful isn’t it, best to you and your family.
I wish every care home/facility had a Mary Jo!
Coronavirus pandemic is making the decision to put your parents into a home extremely difficult for me. I know the nursing homes are cautious even after we have the vaccine, but it breaks my heart to think I cannot go visit them when I want to.
Thank you for your insight and information on such a complex subject. I also appreciate your kind and loving heart and compassion. My sister and I are caring for our parents who both have dementia. Thank you for helping to support and educate us in our roles and lives as caregivers so we can better care for our parents and ourselves. Much love to you Dr. Natali.
Thank God I found this channel! I'm a single mom, only child and my mom's primary care giver. Thank you ❤️
Dear Dr. Natali. God bless you for your wonderful advice on dealing with a loved one with dementia. (I think your advice is the best out there, out of all of the dementia bloggers). My 93-year-old father has very obvious signs of dementia, but he is trying to hide them; he plays his incontinence off as "the doctor says this is normal at my age!" (also won't wear Depends -- says they are too hard to put on.) Interestingly, as far as I know, only one of his medical providers has noted a dementia diagnosis as of this writing, and it was not his primary care provider - it was a referral to an infectious disease specialist. For the record, about a year ago, Dad executed a power of attorney, naming me as his attorney-in-fact, and my Good Sister and me as his Successor Co-Trustees if he becomes incapacitated or dies.
My "good" sister and I have, sadly, come to the realization that we have no other choice but to file a petition for guardianship, because (1) Dad is so ostreperous, bullying, and demanding and absolutely will not even entertain any discussion of "assisted living" -hoards his checkbook, hides his car keys and other keys, etc; and (2) we have a "bad sister" who refuses to communicate with my good sister and me, and who calls and emails Dad frequently, to plant uncertainty in his mind about his grand-daughter and now my sister (his caregivers), that they are not honorable and are treating him badly and cannot be trusted. Bad sister has even been overheard telling our father to write my good sister and me out of his will; to get a restraining order against me going to visit him; and other outrageous statements! Dad's mistrust and animosity toward his family members (except for the Bad Sister) seems to fluctuate based on what the Bad Sister feeds into his head on her phone calls to him.
My question is: Dad lives in the state of Florida, where I am bringing the guardianship action. I live in New Mexico. I would like to prepare a little letter to Dad, trying to explain why I am requesting the Court to be appointed his Guardian, but (1) I don't know how, exactly, to frame my explanation; and (2) is it even advisable to try to communicate with him about this? As he will surely "hit the roof" when the pleadings are mailed to or served on him. Help? Thank you so very much. And God Bless.
Signed: a fellow dog-lover. Thank you!
Fabulous interview! Definitely a gifted innovator Mary Jo!! So many encouraging and helpful suggestions on WHAT TO LOOK FOR! And getting prepared for that “what if” moment when (even though determination to keep them home is no longer safe) they need MORE THAN WE CAN SAFELY provide! Thank you Dr Natalie for mentioning that concept of the EARLY PROMISES that we would NEVER put them in a nursing home!
I’ve never been asked to make that promise. I put that on myself. And now my LO is determined to oppose all the options.. even day respite for my sanity. (My sanity nor health is definitely is not on her “radar” which is absolutely not how she used to be!)
Thank you THANK YOU BOTH! ☀️♥️☀️
I wish I followed you 3 years ago when caring for my mother. Had no help and had to learn going along. Was very hard. She stopped eating in the end. Very sad to wait for her death.
It sure is
Me and my siblings are fearful that mom will be harmed, mistreated... we hear daily about the abuse that happens in nursing home.. especially for a dementia because is what she tells us true !?! When she already has things she believes to true. The best place is not financially positive.
My mother was in a care home for 2 weeks then was assaulted, huge bruise on her wrist. We removed her and brought her home and now back to square one
Im wondering what Mary Jo would recommend for people with limited vision as far as activities. I also think that cost delays many families from seeking long term care. Having to private pay is overwhelming, and filing for Medicaid puts everything a family owns at risk. There has to be a better way for families to afford care.
Please tell your watchers about VA aid and assistance for both veterans and their spouses. I think very few people know about it. If a veteran or spouse requires home care or assisted living etc, the VA will pay a monthly amount to help with care. In 2022 it was 1318 per month. I was told to hire someone that does all the paperwork (or most of it) for you because if you do it your self, the application will be rejected many times. I used Patriot Angles and it was a fast process. My Moms took 3 months. The lawyer knows how to word everything and they’ve been doing it for years. I did get a page from the VA that needed info that had already been given once and it was page 64 so I can’t imagine how many pages the application actually is. There was a one time fee to PA but it was less than the first monthly income. That income is tax free also. Plus the VA pays back amounts from the time the intent to file was actually filed. I wish more families knew of this assistance. There is an asset limit for the assistance but a home doesn’t count.
I'm almost finished with my graphic memoir of how I used my health and fitness knowledge to stop my mother with mild dementia from forgetting me, and it worked. I tricked her off caffeine, then no prescription meds, forced her/tricked her/incentivized her to drink water, kept her away from high fructose corn syrup and other poison, because they made her mean and delusional, and kept her away from gluten. Funny thing is decades ago Dr. Oz said Zocor was causing memory loss and then my mother parroted that to everyone, but later on when she said it to a nurse practitioner during his assessment of a MMSE, he said she was delusional for saying that and a nursing home that I had to fight in probate court for 2 months to get my mother out, used it as a way to imprison her in a lockdown unit. Big Pharma is the matrix and we’ve got to break out.
I agree totally ,,, how did you get her off the insane meds and how on earth did you get her to drink water ?! Thanks
@@love4everjc Her doctor knew I wanted to get her off all meds, and when her BP became normal after no caffeine, she took her off them. You know there are no studies showing that high cholesterol causes heart issues. Watch Aseem Mulhotra on Tucker C a r l son. I'm not a republican, but that episode was good.
Water was a trick all day long. I would give her a 4-ounce glass many times with the promise of going out if she drank it. I refused to take her anywhere until she drank some water and she was a screaming child for a while, but it worked. Several times when she was delusional or had a bellyache, getting the water in her solved the issue. She also tricked me and poured it out every chance she got as well. I show all of this in my book Mom Remembers Me. it was a comedy routine like Lucille Ball.
I've heard but did not look into statins for women cause memory loss, also menopause, Uti's and brain fog and memory issues, get a full panel plus thyroid and nutrient panel. Good fats like extra virgin olive oil for brain, plus so much more. Ty for your comment.
@@love4everjc I bribed, forced, and tricked her every chance I got.
My mother always says I don't want to go in a care home so I would really struggle if it became necessary for her to go in one we coping ok just now but down the line this will be very relevant thank you for information 🌺
I'm glad your mother is doing well enough not to need a care home. This video will be here for you if you ever need it in the future.
Ideally I would do what I could to care for my mom But I have been reminded I am only human 1 astroke2a heart attack while taking care of my mil so depending on how difficult her care is I have to be balanced
We had to put my mil in an assisted living facility after her 4th stroke. The week before she nearly burned the house down the dr said she would not release her to go home and stay alone, nor have her kids give up their lives to sit on a couch and hold her hand. Mom fought it, but it had to happen. The first year was horrendous, she still wants to come home, but seems to be settling down some. The cost is so high,but cheaper than anywhere else. After medicare and secondary insurance pays, we still have to pay $2000 a month in addition to the junk she charges all month.
When Mom went walkabout without telling me or taking her husband and then broke her hip a second time ... that was my signal.
Thank you!
You are welcome!
Any possibility of getting a copy of the checklist Mary Jo provides to prospective resident families
Great question, I can ask and see what she says! :)
Yes, I would love to get the form
The problem with my family is that my papa knows that he’s going to end up in a nursing home and accepts it, but they’re so expensive. The cheapest one we could find so far was $5,000 a month!!!! My grandma is looking so hard she’s tired of dealing with him when he’s out in his own world. He’s been getting worse and it’s probably time to put him in a home he can hardly walk without assistance which scares me and his bad days are becoming more frequent. I’m sure if money wasn’t an issue we put him in one now.
I wish good nursing home care wasn't so expensive! It is a real challenge for families. Have you checked with your local area agency on aging to see if there are any programs or resources you may qualify for to help with the cost? There are also nontraditional care facilities like group homes for dementia that may be able to provide the the care needed at a lower price. It may be worth looking into. Sending all my best to you and your family!
Have you tried finding out if your father is able to go on Medicaid. This can help a great deal. There are medicaid specialists to help expedite the process.
Call AARP or local elder care programs.
$8000 a month here in florida and going up each year,This is for a shared room.
I don't know..I fear my mom will have panic attacks and want to leave..and she will end up being drugged up into a zombie....most folks I see in homes are lost in space..
Thank you! I want to move my dad there. 💗👍
My brother, he is 32 and he has been diagnosed with young onset Dementia. I have seen all your videos. Please explain all his siblings has to do genetic test to avoid this?
Amazing info! So thankful for have found this video! ♥️🙏🏼
Is there an actual physical checklist of questions and considerations in this regard that we could have access to? Something downloadable , perhaps?
hi I don't know if you will get this.
I have just found your program.
my mom has Dementia and it's been a nightmare. I just can't come to terms with placing her in a care centre. I think it's terrible.
But I'm going to try watch more of your programs.
thank you
Bev
From Cape Town in South Africe
I own a long term policy. Thankfully at 73 I’m healthy. Something you really need and think about when your 50 years old. Premium is cheaper. I work as a caregiver in an indecent living. They keep raising the rent. People have to move or move in with family or find a place cheaper and god luck with that.Some die from the stress.
15:42 Tansitioning to the aged care facility.
Help. Mom has Alzhimers. I have to work. She has ALWAYS TAKEN THINGS AWAY FROM ME. As a child she was mean enough to dump my dog off and lied for years about it.
I cant handle taking care of her. All agencies I speak with passes me off to other agencies.
$1000 to get a babysitter for 2 weeks for her. She was allowed to get into my room and get ahold of her medication. She cant handle managing her meds.
How can I get her in a faculity?
It's so difficult when narcissistic parents develop dementia (closely related). If we treat them the way they treated us we would be arrested.
I understand where you are coming from. Lots of families are dysfunctional or were abusive. My parents are both going into a nursing home next week and they qualify for Medicaid. Ask about medicaid in the state where your parents live -it will likely be possible for you.
is there an updated version of this? The audio is so bad and get everything being said.
I'm 80 my friend I am a caregiver for is also 80. She fights us when we ask her to wash up or wash he hair. She is wearing us out.. We think we either end someone else to come in and do that for us.or nursing home. She and her husband want her to stay home,
Thank You for this informative video . All vids I have watched are very helpful.
Can't believe the rude woman who made this comment "What's with the blue eye
shadow" Honestly always a bad apple .
Have you considered building a facility like the Village in Denmark?
Thank you this is good, however I need a little more, I am sure it is here or coming.
Debra Williams hi Debra, what specifics would you like to know? I can link to videos if I have them, or make some to answer your questions. :)
I am a full-time caregiver for my mother, over 7 years, she is 94, I am tried, I have no help and my siblings don't want anything to do with us. I now cry a lot and feel weak allover ( burnout), trying to not feel guilty but maybe it is time for advanced care. I do have a master's degree in human relations , a retired counselor however I think that I am getting sick.
Hugs to you Debra and kudos for stepping up when what should be your and your mothers’ support team w/care taking isn’t involved. Be kind to yourself and know you have done your best. Shame on others who chose not to step up and help your mother ( which is also not helping you)!
May I suggest you try Bluetooth Microphones? They can be small and clipped onto the neck or collar of your outfit and you won't have the fades and drop outs.
Would you deny relatives from communication with your residents? Example: the POA in charge of monthly payment decides who declines communication with family members?
What legal authority does the assisted living community hold to refuse relatives from calling, visiting??
th-cam.com/video/U1JxjCIfvcY/w-d-xo.html
What if my husband doesn’t know he has the illness or it’s progressing? I have been able to handle his care but now my health is in jeopardy from the stress. I would love to move him but I know he would be devastated, and hurt. 52:03 52:16
Very Informational video except the talk leans more to "caregiver" being a son, daughter ,grandchild and the persons needing care is a parent ,grandparent to the caregiver . What about when its a spouse being the one in the situation the video discussion ?
I take care of my friend, five hours a for four days a week and ten hours on Saturday. She doesn't want to wash her body or wash her hair. She says she can do it, she will do it when she wants to. Of course it never happens. She used to brush her teeth three times a day, We think she isn't sure anymore how . We ask her to wash her bottom and she will sometime wash her face. My daughter also helps. My daughter does mornings I do afternoon. She has a husband, but he isn't much evolved. He has a.d.d. They were married in their forties. So they didn't have children. He has plenty of money, so he wants her at home. My daughter taks care of their medication, and her to doctor appointments. We have a nurse that comes once a week. Sorry she gets very frustrating.. We watch your show, and have gotten a lot of advice from you. I know it is a lot of approaching her. She watches a lot of TV. I try to approach her during commercials. That doesn't always help. You have said about suggesting about this mornings g or afternoon. We have tried a few of your suggestions. Sometimes they work but mostly not. We are willing to try everything!
I am 80 and caring for my 83 yr old Alzheimer’s husband. He is past the middle stage I think. He switches from being normal into big Al. He has become violent 5-6 times. Just recently hitting me with his fists with glancing blows, and he knocked me into a door jam. He has his fists up many times in anger. I am scared of him often. Should he be put in a nursing him or what would you suggest. He is i content and has messed thru out the home. I am tired! I have health issues, RA mostly.
So sorry to hear this is happening to you by your husband at home. This is clearly abuse, and it is not acceptable , it is the disease too.. Yes, it is time to protect yourself, and he needs more care than you can provide at home. I have been a Geriatric nurse for 30 years plus. When someone gets to this stage, it takes a team to manage them. Please, take the necessary steps to get the care you and he both need.
He does need care outside the home. You are important! I suggest the Adult and Aging Services at your county level or Elder Options or Eldercare. You have an advantage joining Careblazers. Just eat it up.Bless you and your husband with ALZ. I am 78 caring for my wife of 40 yrs. Who is 74 in March.This is starting yr 5 of diagnosis. Her situation may have been 3-4 yrs before. So you are in my prayers.❤
People need to become a DNR after the age of 50. Why survive a stroke a major heart attack or live with advancing dementia ?
The only people that profit are the facilities.
People are living longer but not better.
There's no "decision" here 😢 No shopping around either. No money. However do people ever afford it y MIL only had enough because she was able to sell her home, even then the money didn't last. I 'm just hoping it all works out somehow.
It’s 90,000 a year. Who can afford it?
Hi my story is I dont know what to do about placing my mom, she has dementia it started when my dad passed in 2013. I am all she has so I had to step up and move in with her and my husband my daugther and my grands kids to. So I have been taking care of her but I cant do it any more mentaily or financialy. The only assets she has is her house. Its not a very good environment for her anymore. Its so sad her short term memory is gone Im luck she remebers me or my daugther but everything else is gone. I just dont know how to start I think it would be best for her. I need help please. Thanks for what u do carolyn from kansas
Talk to an elder care lawyer and her doctor.
The place looks beautiful but unfortunately you need a lot of money. It's hard when your loved one only lives on their social security check
Say hi to my nana rose
Where is Mary Jo's place located?
First off get that gun either out of the house or get all the ammunition out of the house. Is he Medicaid eligible? If so get him enrolled and they will pay for a nursing home.
I just recently had the police remove the gun after a violent incident. Sadly that’s all they were willing to do. I am looking into whether or not my husband is eligible for Medicaid and if he is I can’t place him fast enough.
❤❤
I had to turn the interview off. The sound breaking like it did was too annoying for me to pay attention.
What's with the blue eye shadow???
Really Becky, That is all you got out of this video???🤐
@@indigoblue8677 Yep!
@@indigoblue8677 You must wear Indigo BLUE eyeshadow too!!
@@beckyburns1981 No I don't. Have you taken your meds today Alice?
@@indigoblue8677 After you KAREN!
short answer is never
You tell me. Why is it worth 10k/month to pay for at most, an hour or two of less than quality “care” a day? What a joke.
Your voices is breaking up
So Expensive
We should refer Joe Biden to this video.
LOL yep. :D
That was a very cruel statement. Such a statement must come from a mental challenge person.
Audio ruins everything.
Terrible.
You need a voice coach!!!!
I cannot listen to the information when it comes at me through such an annoying voice,
so basically 1 hour of no info on how to put a old basterd into long term,tks
Wow!
Aren’t you a hero