You blame the victim. The honest truth is, the family is despicable. My advice to western men looking for a country to retire is give Phil a miss, or soon we will be seeing your horror retirement video next.
Not only in Phil. Thailand the same story. I would say find a partner whom is a bit disconnected to the family. Buy and build somewhere far from the Family. Know that it is not your responsibility to pay any family member. Your responsibility is your own family regardless of which culture you’ll be into. Stick to that and find someone who will fit to that principle. You will find one somehow.
It does not matter what poor country you move to anywhere in the world this can happen if you did the same things this guy did not just the Philippines and by the way not everyone has this problem even living here in the Philippines
Same thing happens in first-world countries. Be careful to whom you lend, borrow from, or rent. Family members are likely to value the money over the relationship; It's not worth it.
You shouldn't be a 62 year old man trying to flex your brokie social security check to get a 19 year old so you can provide her an iphone or internet either sir, just honest feedback.
A guy in the Philippines in the 1990''s told me, "if you want a girlfriend stand outside the orphanage". A woman's family is much more important to them than any foreigner and that is natural. We are a "nothing" compared to their family, when the funds slow down. Invest your money in your own country and rent in the Philippines.
I watched a video of this one poor guy - He and his Girlfriend had their own place - Well - Here comes the Brother - He moves in - No intention of leaving - Said he had to pay all of her begging family members all the time - He said he'd had it - He was bailing out . . .
I loaned money to 3 members of the family for business and all 3 blew the money instead of using it for the expressed purpose. Not huge amounts of money and I didn't expect it returned, but I am out of the business of helping people who won't help themselves. It is as if they have an alternative sense of honesty.
But also you should have went though the process with them You knew deep down they were going to blow it. If you want to help someone tell them have the guy who you owe money to after he’s down the work. Have him shows the bill and recipients and photos of work….
@@Dwayne_Kelley Told my GF when I got here, I’m not a business man nor a bank. So no investments nor loans. They still ask. I ended up lending money to her aunt (she’s a very nice person yes, sure, of course) … but she stopped paying the loan after the 1st payment. Now daddy wants to borrow for a scooter. I said no, she tampo for 2 days and I moved on with my life. I don’t wanna makes loans at all, but will certainly not make another one until the outstanding loan is paid in full. In a way, it’s an easy way to decline future request - which I’m sure will be forthcoming … stay strong my brothers.
It’s a smart idea to loan a small amount, like $80 bucks. They won’t pay it back of course but when they ask again, say their credit not good and you won’t loan again until you get your money back. Then you solve your problem entirely.
I live in US enjoy viewing Philippine Xpats video. Every story I view says how Pilipino are loving people. Which is true but Mike I’m glad ur showing other side. Well done. By the way it’s that way all over world.
People who get charity often resent the person giving it to them. I've seen this play out over and over. One time the local police dept. raised money for donations to a needy family for Christmas. The officers brought literally a truckload of toys, food and clothes to the home of the family a week before Christmas. When I went by the house a month later, rather than clean the clothes when they got dirty, they threw them out a window along with the garbage. There was a mountain of nice clothes mixed in with the garbage, all left out in the rain to get ruined. They had no respect for all of the really nice things they were given. This is a true story. I never donated to any "good cause" again.
Beggars with a baseball bat! That's the expression that came to me when I heard this story. An emportant element that's missing is Mary's stand in all of this. Does she back Jeff up or is she siding with her family? Does she want to move to Duma or is she just following her husband? The "two island away rule" was good in the days when money was only handed over in cash. If the family needs money, they will message their daughter wherever she lives (even if he takes her to the US) and she can transfer the money. Don't build up expectations! Don't start sending money to the family when you are not living there yet! As you put it: "Don't lead with your wallet". The family doesn't have to know your exact income and certainly don't brag about your savings! And don't make the mistake of living on the same plot or even in the same barangay as the family. Been there, done that! It sucks!
I agree with you Mike. My wife keeps distance from her family, because they used her good business sense and forced her to support them. She left them and moved to Angeles City where I met her. Now for 2 plus years she will not let them near me and always tells them no when they look for hand outs. Great video to help new guys coming to Philippines.
Jeff needs to announce to the family that he will resume contributing $500 per month to them to be paid directly by the brother from the money he owes Jeff. Monthly payments shall be made for six years based on the money owed. Let the family fight it out amongst themselves.
Another great message Mike! I think Mary had a role in this. If she supposedly loves him she would protect him, inform him and protect him from her family. She would also NOT allow her husband to be disrespected by her family. Knowing her family she wouldn’t allow him to build a room so close to her family. She had a big role in this. I’ve met Filipinas who would not allow this to happen because they truly love their husbands and would put their foot down with their family. He should but his losses and leave
I totally agree with you. I loaned my nephew-in-law $4200. He is a "Police Officer," so I figured that, for sure he was going to pay us back. We even had a "contract" that he was going to pay us back in installment, so much money per month. He did start to pay us back per month, but then he would skip a month, and then the next month, he would pay ½ of what the agreement was. Well, he stop the payment at $2100. I told my (Filipina) wife that we are not going to lend out money to anyone, no more. I don't care if they own their own business, and they are making 100% profit. We are not in the "banking business." She totally agree with me.
When you visit family buy what they would buy. Chicken, rice, meal done! Buy 1 kilo pork, rice, meal done! The one thing I do buy during a visit is Gumbo, one large gumbo mix, $1.99 at the commissary, okra, one package sausage, onion, tomato sauce, meal done, need more gumbo add water. Filipinos love gumbo.
Let me tell you my story. I treated my lady nicely. Her family asked for money. I said , ok. Send each person to me separately for pay. The mom showed up first barely speaking English. I nodded my head at the stories. Once done, i walked her around the house and explained the cleaning terms. I flashed about $10 (~580 pesos) and gestured that once the job is done, then it's yours. She got to work and i had to point out corrections needed as she kept trying to leave the job incomplete. About an hour later the father and brother came after the mom left. We walked around the yard listening to their story as i pointed out yard issues. I flashed a bit of money and explained what yardwork needs to be done. Basically, I love seeing my extended family weekly/bi-weekly, but it costs me about $5-15 per visit. But the house gets cleaned, yard and garden is taken care of, luandry, grocery pick up, and dinner prepared. Seem like a good trade.
Nothing but an ATM for the family. Strangers will treat you better until you don’t give to them as well. Skin taxed for 😢every service you require and almost everything you buy. They love the Aircon in your home and don’t think twice about leaving the doors and windows open and all the lights on, you’re paying the bill. When eating out you pay and they order 3 entrees each, 1 to eat, 2 takeaway. Either ditch them all or get use to it, when you’re in need they won’t be there for you.
NOT WITH ME THEY DONT. THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED TO VISIT PAST THE PORCH INSIDE OUR COMPOUND AND RARELY VISIT ANYWAY. NO EATING OUT FOR THEM ON MY DIME. DON'T BE A SIMP. WE ARE ALL FRIENDLY TO EACH OTHER AND THEY HAVE THIER LIFE BE IT AS IT IS.
Back in the early 80's, when I was 20 or so years old, I met a Pilipino man that worked at the same hotel that I worked (Palmer House in Chicago). We became friends over the years and a few times he invited me over for dinner to meet his family. Seemed like a lovely family as they all treated me very kindly, until about the 4th visit. During this visit my friends mother introduced me to a cousin that was undocumented from the Philippines. The mother asked me if I would be interested in marrying the cousin in order for the cousin to get her green card. They promised to pay me a certain amount of money but stressed that perhaps her and I might "stay married". I politely said no, and just like night and day, they all became aggressively rude to me, ordered me out of their apartment, yelling at me all the way to the door. Thank GOD I was smart enough to steer clear of being involved in something like that.
VERY DAMN PARK HAS A SIGN: "DON'T FEED THE ANIMALS!" WHY? JUST LIKE THE DEM0C"R/\T" PARTY USA >>> YOU CREATE DEPENDENT WELFARE LAZY WEAK CITIZENS >>> PESTS, NUISANCE, CRITTERS. BEARS HOUNDING YOU; & PAWING AT YOUR TENT. SMELLY SKUNKS, DESTROYING RATS, SH!TTING PIGEONS, RACOONS, ETC HUMAN BEING ARE SO DAMN FHOOOOKKKING DUMB ! ONE CATH0LIC CHURCH THEY FED THE PIGEONS >>>> NOW PIGEONS EVERYWHERE .... SH!T FALLING FROM THE OUTSIDE WALL STEEPLES, RAFTERS; WHITE NASTY, SMELLY, SH!T ALL OVER THE STEPS GOING INTO THE CHURCH. THINK OF THE DISEASE. MY SHOES FULL OF IT.
By outsmarting them, you created an element of 'losing face', which hits S.E Asians like a truck. Congratulations on your forward thinking and a get out of jail free card.
In the U.S. we don't feed the wildlife at the national parks because it discourages the wildlife from foraging for themselves. So if we keep feeding them they become dependent on hand outs, then when they suddenly don't get a hand out they become aggressive and belligerent. It's the same concept with lending (giving) money to your girlfriends family.
I had to terminate my 5 yr relationship with a filipina. During my last visit in May of this year I came to the realization that she was going to become a financial drain when I retire and move there in 2025. The 3 grown kids, one just having her 2nd child and the presumed pressure from her family to share her "blessings". I think that coming there as a single man and establishing myself first is the only way to go.
Well. If you cannot afford some spare cash for a woman’s parents in PH pesos. I can’t imagine life is going to be easy with inflation going rampant there over the next few decades. Over 20 years inflation will cut the wealth in half!
Gee..i don't know. I lived there twice for 8 months each... Second time I lived alone after I got rid of my gf of 3 weeks. I was looking over my shoulder for a couple of months after that. The danger is real. It's a gun toting society too, btw. and everyone knows everything about you.
@@KitiwakeMaybe it’s just me but I think it’s better to find a Filipina. That works some kind of job. Even if it’s at 7/11. Maybe less of a chance of getting scammed. Since she is making her own money.
I lived there for a year and helped my girlfriend's parents out the whole time. Now that I got her and her two children in the United States, I send over $200 every month, and I do it with a smile. How could I live with myself when you see how they live over there, the $200 a month is not hurting me at all and it is actually helping them tremendously, as you know there is no retirement really in the Philippines, for Filipino. Her father is 82 years old, and the mother is 60. Now we do get other relatives hitting her up all the time, but my wife says no, I don't have money it's all my husband's, so you do not get anything. That's what you need is a woman who puts her foot down with the family, a woman who puts her new family first.
Seeing you bought their daughter why not. She is with your old wrinkled ass because of poverty. So you bought her. So why not pay the parents for that young poon. 200 is a good deal.
What happens when its not $200 but $2000 a month that they want from you? Will you do it with a smile? How could you live with yourself if you don't send them $2000 a month?
MOVED INTO A NEW HOUSE I BUILT WITH MY LADY, BUILT A HOUSE ON LAND WE BOUGHT FROM HER MOM (USING AN ATTORNEY). SURROUNDED BY RELATIVES. COULD'NT FEEL SAFER. THEY NEVER ASK FOR ANYTHING AND WE HIRE THEM IF WE NEED ANYTHING DONE. NEVER HAD A PROBLEM, JUST SET BOUNDARIES FROM THE BEGINNING. IN OTHER WORDS BE A MAN. HELP OUT IF AND WHEN YOU WANT. SUPPORTED TOTALLY BY MY WIFE IN THIS OPINION. SHE IS BETTER AT SAVING MY MONEY THAN I AM. JUST BE SMART. AND WHAT IS HE DOING SHOPPING WITH THE FAMILY? HE HAS NO CLUE. HE DESERVED WHAT HE GOT. WHO GIVES 40.000$ U.S. TO ANYONE? HE IS AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT NOT TO EVER DO. IF HE IS THAT MUCH OF A SIMP AND STILL WANTS TO LIVE IN THE PHILIPPINES GET LAND WITH HIS WIFE (IN HER NAME) AND BUILD HIS OWN LIFE. HE IS DESTINED TO FAIL.
Never move in with the family for Gods sake. Get your own place and have nothing to do with your wife’s family if she wants to visit them let her go but by staying away they soon get the message you don’t care or want anything to do with them.
Jeff, “I can’t afford $500 a month support to the family”. Jeff, a few days later, “ok, here is 2 million pesos”. Mixed messages are worse than no messages at all.
I was told not to build next to family, We live in same Barangay I would say try to stay some distance, Wow 500 good lord, For the most part love my Family here, Only one bad apple, But as you know one bad apple will sour the basket which it has, I have a small circle, That’s my advice, Keep circle small, Even with family. Budget, Budget, Budget, yes for sure, very important, We have two farms, There is no way I would ever start any business but we will grow our land corporation, Rice does pretty well, I’m surprised, I’m here 4 years, Yes he lead with his wallet, Bad,Bad,Bad God Bless
Never ever loan money in the Philippines. Can I repeat myself again never ever loan money under any circumstances. Did I make myself clear? If you really want to give it. Be smart with your money if you don’t you’ll have no money left. 99% of time you’ll never get the money back you loan.
The story of a generous, albeit somewhat foolish and naive, as well, man who couldn't/wouldn't say, "No," and an ungrateful, entitled family who, like a bunch of piranhas, is savagely circling about ready to strip every bit of "meat" from that guy's bones. No amount he could possibly give, would ever be enough for them ...
He is the one that trained them, he bought in to the family, maybe he is an old oogly Shrek. And the only way he is going to get it, is to pay for it. It happens all the time. I am an old Shrek too, I send money too😂
Yes, help out a little. But I would tell my extended family, because of my budget, I can not give you money out of my budget. I have a friend who says I will pay the electricity bill of P1500 each month. But that is all I can do. You have to limit what you give. If not, they will continue to ask for more and more. I brought a Filipina to America and our budget in America, even though she was almost her entire check to support her family in the Philippines. I was helping out as we'll from my check. What my ex told me was that my family and friends think we are rich. I told her we are not rich. After that, she continues to ask me for extra money. Then I said no more extra money. She got mad so much it led to our divorce. I say, give a limited amount. Don't sacrifice your economic future to finance their future. Lesson learned.
Great video Mike. Enjoyable and a fascinating insight into human psychology. Your advice , as usual was spot on. This is another classic example of emotions totally obliterating common sense. Jeff lost control of the situation as soon as he started spending money on the parents house and then moved in. What sensible adult male wants to be living in the house belonging to his wife's parents? Zero independence. Zero control. Leading with his wallet is another big mistake. Giving people money might make you popular initially but just see how quickly you become the bad guy once you turn that tap off. He is right to fear for his safety and needs to get out ASAP. Waiting for Xmas would be a big mistake. Santa Claus isn't going to sort this one out !
I made clear to my Filipino wife that I married her and not her family but nevertheless expectation from her siblings still subsist. Her parents passed away a long while ago yet I still helped a couple of nieces through higher education and the occasional lump sum such as to help paying for a motorcycle. We (both retired with a pension) now only focus on helping one of her brothers and dropped the rest…they are barely speaking to us which is ok for me as they would have otherwise told me all about their dramas with a hand stretched out. Last semester then graduation will signify no more financial support from us and financial freedom. We own our home, job done!
There are so many Vloggers like mike giving great advise on how to handle money with your GF, wife and their family and still there are guys like him keep making those obvious mistakes. I have learned so much from these guys because the stories I hear are almost about the same. You don't live with GF's family in province, if you do they will expect you to pay all the bills and buy them lunch and dinner everyday. Second, the only person I think the girl is obligated to help is her parents and all the other kids need to do the same and take care of their parents. I say give 200-300 a month to the GF and she decide to help the parents if they need it. Third you can never go backward on money, once you have given someone 500, they will expect that from you for the rest of your life, they would expect more but never less. If a brother came to me and asked for money, I wouldn't try to act rich and show off, he asks for a Million Pesos, I would say sorry I don't have that much, I have 5000 Pesos I can give you, would that help? I have learned all this from Mike and other vloggers and I haven't even moved to PH yet.
yep stupid start don't lend money,don't live with them in fact my advice to anybody is stay away from the family as much as possible 500 dollars a month what did he think they would be pleased when he stopped giving it.
@garytibo Unfortunately, at times, the heart wants what the heart wants. It takes a strong person to come to a new place alone. Some people don't have the patience to wait and see if they'll like the place first, probably meet a few expats, and know the lay of the land before venturing out and meeting women.
From the moment I met my Iloilo girlfriend's family they had their hands out. Thinking they were going to be family, I gladly gave. I even put her two sisters through college, paid their rent, bills, food, etc. After we got married and I finally got her to North America the payments increased. She worked and sent almost all her money to her family in the Philippines while I was responsible for paying the bills at home. After a couple of years of this she decided it would be more fun without me. I sacrificed for years while her family lived great. Now they have a new house, we're divorced and her entire family has forgotten that I supported them for over 13 years.
I’m so glad that happened to you. You’re an idiot, who taught you about life. How do a MAN allows his wife to send all her money to her family in the Philippines and Leave you paying all the bills at home. What type of man would send her sisters to college while she’s working, let her send them to college. I hate hearing stories like yours because I know you heard them before doing the exact same thing. Mike is a fool, because he honestly believes that young thing he has loves his old droop eyes, belly .Sorry I regressed, you bro are a simp and got exactly what you deserved. Mikes a fool but not an old fool. He ain’t taking care of his wife family, I think he’s sending her mother money, because if he didn’t his wife wouldn’t be with him. They have daughters and when their daughter catch a foreigner that daughter better wrangle his ass in lol. Old men with young women equals money. Now if the old man is nice she might just fall in love with him but her love is still money contingent because if he goes broke she is out of there.
My wife's half-sister and two brothers never gave up the pressure on my wife. She has abandoned them now after her mother died from a strike but it cost her a P70,000 small house but her half-sister pawned the deed to her employer to pay (bribe) the police when her son got caught with methamphetamine. My wife eventually left me when I still had three children at home. The whores who have made it to the States will poison all Fil-Am relationships that they can find.
A wise old man who at met at the VFW in 1982 gave me the best advice ever about living in the PI. He said, find a gal at an orphanage as soon as she leaves which is around 18 years of age. And just in case she ever runs into or finds any distant relatives, make sure to rent a one bedroom place so they can never stay over or try to move in.
Meet them, enjoy your times together, don’t expect more and leave it If you try to be a cash cow there won’t be any end of it You will run out of money before they run out of ideas to spend money
Speaking to the choir on this topic. Guys continue to meet Filipinas upon arriving at the airport. Throwing money around to impress the Filipina, then ends up marrying the entire family. Years later, they vlog about their terrible experience. A new sucker is born every minute.
I’m what you call a soft touch. I would never survive in the Philippines, Thanks for sharing. I think the worst part is that everything he gave was taken for granted, no appreciation and now that the gravy train is coming to a stop, he really is in danger of losing his life.
Biggest mistake of all? Moving in with the family. Second? Giving a large loan to the brother right along with giving them an ‘allowance’? Who does that? I suppose we all have to start somewhere but man, he really did it the wrong way. Jeff needed to watch way more videos about this - it’s all been addressed before, any number of times. And yes, 2 or 3 islands is safer. I’m 2 islands away and still get hit on a regular basis for money for businesses, large purchases and many other “Great Ideas” … jussayin’
He created a monster himself…..many families in the Philippines don’t say thank you when you help out and after the fact don’t care! Speaking from experiences….nit nearly as bad as Jeff though. Learn to say ( NO) it’s ok.😊
I have been in the process of meeting someone there. With those that I have talked with so far, whenever money came up, the "connection made" become immediately sour and did not last. Yes, I tossed a fifty or so, over the wires...but beyond that, it was over for me. Even though it is small, it just keeps growing. The 'connection' I have now made has not yet asked me for anything and everything is going good. Thanks for the good videos.
Without set boundaries, you are health insurance, funeral expenses, emergency fund. You will pay for every meal, all the clothes, school tuitions, etc. You will buy the lechon at holiday celebration, buy the Christmas presents, be the kickstart funding for soon-to-be failed businesses. The transition from working to retired will not work-- you can't put the genie back into the bottle. From now on, he will forever be the kuripot foreigner that is insensitive despite solving so many problems for so long before. They found a way to survive before this guy, they will figure it out, but sadly it's too late for this guy because he didn't set boundaries to start and he wanted to solve all of the problems from the start. He, in short, is an enabler that led with the wallet.
You have to question the guys intelligence. Who would ever loan money to someone thats in the construction business ? Theres a better chance you will end up supporting a building than there is of you getting your money back
Filipinas don't need your love, they need your money, they already have love from their families! Never forget you are the wallet and you won't be disappointed
If you are an idiot I guess. Poor people will try and get money how ever they can. Mexico, Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, etc. My Filipina has an income and if she wants to give money to her family she can.
You promote what you permit. You get less of what you tax and more of what you subsidize. Most people are volunteers, not victims. His mistakes: A man needs to control his own environment. No family home, he needs his own space that he controls. In the Philippines this means renting. Never give loans to family; only gifts. Never invest something you can’t afford to lose (don’t go into business with family). Never invest in something you don’t own or don’t control. That means no building on family land or house extensions; going into business with family; I’ll even extend that to marriage. He made it acceptable for the family to even approach or talk to him about money. He should have given the wife a fixed allowance for her and her family combined and she could dole out what she wanted to them. You make it very clear that no one talks to you about money, that they need to talk to the wife, and that if they do talk to you not only will they not get it but you will reduce the allowance that you give to the wife. You also let the wife know that the allowance is the amount to take care of everything, including her saving for family emergencies. And if they or she argues or protests you reduce it again. You have to train people how to treat you. …… You have to maintain the ability to walk away from anything that isn’t on your program. Why I personally don’t believe in legal marriage anymore. Everything I deal with now that I don’t 100% own or control is strictly pay as I go. If people start violating boundaries I simply stop paying and walk away. Only accept the best from people and you have to move and operate and structure your life in such a way that makes that a reality. Basically, do the opposite of what this guy did 😂.
@ Yep, if you reduced it for a month and if they blew up and reduced it even more and only reinstated it after good behavior you would likely never have that issue again. Too often we reward negative behavior/emotions and we train people to give us more of that in order to get what they want. It’s a viscous cycle.
This video is the PERFECT example of what I have seen over the the past 17 years. My wife, (Filipina), we was married in 07. My very 1st time in the Philippines, meeting my future wife was very interesting. I seen just about everything mentioned in this video at my door step. I knew then, the word NO, was in my future many times. Now today, I get along with in~laws very well, however, they ALL know me, I never give money away. They ALL know not to ask me for money, b/c they ALL know the answer already. Just like Mike here said......LEARN TO SAY NO!! It does get easier everything time you have say it too!
Totally different values and outlook between Americans and families in Philippines. Not to say that that family values in the Philippines are bad because I think in so many ways they are amazing. But the way they look at money and especially the way they perceive Americans are radically different.
Don't be scared take them first I've been here 1 1/2 yrs I'm not giving nothing away they can cry all the way back to there shack they lived in for 30yrs 😊😂
True Mike it will never end well loaning money or living with the family,if you give and give and suddenly stop giving,you become the enemy.Living with your wife's family even on a vacation is just stupid,go to a hotel I'm with my wife for 22 years,we own our home near her family,the same town in Pangasinan, near La Union.We both worked abroad together,my wife is still working remotely with Cigna Insurance, I have a fixed income and our only son is married and loves in Seattle WA.I set boundaries,our gate is locked and we have a high wall.I don't loan money,and my wife gives a little to her mom.On Christmas for example, everyone is welcome,we provide plenty of lechon and other food,ice cream etc.Its only me,my wife and our cat at our house.There is no reason for anyone to drop in unannounced.Be strict and firm,who will help you God forbid?
I'm in a relationship with a 24 Y.O Filipina right now. She is my live-in GF in Cebu city. I start slow with her family, I didn't give the allowance to the father in law like this Jeff guy did, but I gave my GF an allowance of just 14K Pesos a month, so she can give to her family of what she wants, but I told them my limited retirement income. So far everything is going good, this is a learning lesson for me. This is 1 reason not to live with my GF family.
@@jonross8925 What you’re doing makes a lot of sense Jon. I’m in Cebu also in a similar situation, I help her family with rent, electric and WiFi but I also expect them to fend for themselves. They constantly ask for more and I help when I can but at my own discretion. I don’t say anything about my income to anyone.
Bro I was with her less then 2 months ago, she wouldn’t leave me alone, she was in my bed the first night after TGIF dinner 😂. She is a nice girl, I hope you treat her right
Hey bros, we should all get together, it’s strength in numbers, that’s one thing , we have to make the right decisions while we’re there. I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I am a retired 64 years old, I have a pretty good healthy mindset. I would say have unofficial meet ups at Starbucks at Ayala mall across the street from Quest Hotel, let’s say Tuesdays at 8 PM.
Very interesting story. First, doing business with the partner’s family is a bad move. Clearly, this guy led with his wallet and it has cost him dearly. Secondly, never and I mean never loan money that you can’t afford to lose! And if you lose it consider it the price you paid for discovering the borrower is a piece of crap!
My wife and will retire to the Philippines in due course and we do a little to support her family but that will decrease when we are there. Due to less income. The extended family is aware of that and they will have to help themselves more….
The more you give the more you are resented. Do not know why but this is universal. I had this same problem with my wife's relatives in the US ( Canadians), same with some of my family ( Hillbillies ). I bought Lobster and steaks for a big cookout for my wife's family, when we sit down to eat the lobster was missing and when I asked about it, her mother said, I gave it to the cats ( 11 of them ) since you didn't buy enough for them. Never gave anyone another dime after that. I was actually treated better when they knew not to expect anything. I sort of think it is an issue with unfilled expectations. They expect something and when it doesn't materialize they are upset. No expectation, no problem.
We have a family in the philippines. My wife's side of the family period we are currently putting two kids through college. I put my little sister through nursing school as well as the wife. I have absolutely no problem helping them or funding them as long as it is an Endeavor to improve their earning potential and leverage their future. But I will not just simply send them money. The ultimate goal is to get to a point where they do not require assistance.
Can't fault a man for trying to be a nice guy or for trusting the brother who was so trustworthy before. Perhaps Jeff thought paying the family an allowance was a way of securing his relationship with Mary? I think the worst thing he did was move in with the family. I won't even live in the same State as my family, much less move in with someone elses. That never works for us westerners. The two Island rule is really starting to make a lot of sense. Live and learn.
So many variables here Mike I'm so glad I stayed against all advice even tho it was good advice. I only have about 1k a month because I haven't sold my house in the US and payed off some old debt, so I have 9 months experience on how to survive here thats with a girlfriend 3 kids and meeting 30-40 members of her family so when I get finiacially better off I hope to be in good shape.(The old saying experience is the best teacher).I could talk for hours of how well that applies here .I'm also glad I watched videos for 2 years before coming too. Good video
My approach was to constantly ask the family for money. I told them I didn't have two pennies to scratch my ass with. They couldn't see the back of us quickly enough. Thought my wife was an idiot for being with me. Everytime they call or text, I put the bite on them for a loan. We never see them anymore and calls are very short
As you said Mike he led with his wallet. A very first bad mistake to make anywhere, especially in a developing country. He should have done a more clear eyed look at the degree of neediness within the family. It sounds like his wife is very young and impressionable bending easily to the will and needs of her family. She should have known what was going to happen, but because she was looking out for her Kuya and other family members not so much for her husband it will damage her relationship with her husband. It all circles back to not have an understanding of the lay of the land and the cultural pressures being levied on the daughter to raise their standard of living, albeit on the back of the ill informed unknowing foreigner. All foreigners are out of their element and understanding when we go to another country. When we get entangled in any relationship it comes with a myriad of challenges and if English is not the first and spoken language then you are at a very significant disadvantage. If you don't understand and and can't speak the language it's even more challenging.
Here's what I would say. Jeff married into a low class poor family. It wouldn't happen if he married into a middle class family with good jobs or an established family business who do not need money. Most likely case if the family is middle class or upper class then like in the US, when he visits he will stay in a guest room, not pay anything, and be treated out like celebrities. Filipinos are gracious and hospitable by tradition and a matter of pride. How did Scotty call it..I love slum girls... Philippine culture runs under a godfather system. Jeff became the default godfather or go to guy for that clan on the basis he makes the most money. Generosity became entitlement. Godfather Jeff should have set limits and assert authority like a tribal chief. Instead, he showed vulnerability and the brother in law exploited it. Godfather/tribal chief Jeff was unseated. In the middle class, Jeff is no saviour of the family, but the foreigner guest in the family who is married to a sister. He won't be treated like a wallet. The godfather in the middle class family would still be the father in law or a grandmother. Marry a slum girl, you fall under slum culture. Honestly, I think Jeff's wife should have made a move and protected him bec she knows it. The new godfather is the brother in law. Jeff will need to accept the loan is gifted to the family like a dowry and cut off direct contact with them and live happily away. They can try to use his wife to squeeze their entitlements from him, but at least that contains it as her family problems are hers not his.
I love all the comments coming from people here in the states that has a 60+% divorce rate. There is good and bad every where. Know the customs and rules before marrying someone in another country. In the Philippines it is the law as well as custom for the bread winner to help the family. They are wonderful people in the PI some are more needy than others. You have to have ground rules when it comes to money. It's ok to help but set a limit and be firm about it. If trouble brews like in this case it is best to move on and away!:)
My father, who toured Italy with a rifle in 1943-45, told me that a man can go anywhere safely if he minds his own business. I'm 72, and I've tested that belief many times. It has held up.
I may be one of the Lucky ones as my Wife is the Boss of the Family. Yes we did live 24 Years in my Country, but I never had to give money except in absolute emergency and that was only to prevent my wife from asking Friends for some money.now as we are living in the Family house until our new house is finished (away from the Fam.) I decided to pay the Electrical Bill as I am using it with my Laptop and mobile A/C. So as soon our new house is finished we move away from the Family and will have our peace again. Lending is always a risk, I did learn as a Teenager, if you lend someone cash, do it only if it does not affect your life at all. So if you don't get it back, it will not hurt you.
Great video. I guess I lucked out. I meet my girl friend at Mall of Asia after a couple chats on line. She invited me to the province and I stayed at a house her sister owned. At the "Meet the Foreigner night" they all brought their own beer. She is 51, unemployed and the oldest child. I think that my supporting her helps them because they don't have to support her. I have only been ask for money when her shoes were falling apart in the middle of a 6 week exploration of the Philippines. She has told me a couple of times of what she did with her allowance. Since there hasn't been any requests for money yet, I went ahead and gave her your "no loan, rare gifts" speech, without any objects from her.
We know how it works with most families. If you don't set limits, the requests for money keep multiplying. The more you give, the more they ask. Sometimes they never even say 'thank you' for what you give, but will resent you when you stop giving. There may be exceptions, but this is the general rule.
This story has been going on a long time. There are countless videos about this. Having lived in the PH with a GF. You have to set boundaries at the beginning.
To start, I have lived in the Philippines over 8 year. So I've heard a lot of stories. The truth is that he never would have paid any attention to anything you would have said to try to warn him about. How many times have you heard "my wife and family are different" just like when guys get used by the bar girls "she's different " He made so many mistakes, but this is the only way a lot of expats learn. I hope his wife will follow him to Duma. Better to cut his losses. Once he is away from the family maybe he can get a lawyer to go after the brother. One of the first things I was told here is that Every Filipino wants a business,,,,but with your money
Hello Mike, I tell my own family no when they ask for money, so it will be no problem to tell Filipinos the same thing. My wife will be the one dealing with her family.
Greetings Mike . This video is an educational tool for men to learn from. It’s so sad to see how greedy people are, They don’t care how hard you work for what you have . I’ve learned how to deal with these fools, when they ask to borrow for example $1000 dollars I’ll give them $25/$50. dollars and tell them take that and don’t pay me back. . And the next time they ask I’ll tell them i don’t have it. Sometimes you just have to say no.Thanks for sharing this story ,God Blessed you and your family,
when I been to Ph for my wife, I've learned two things that are the cornerstone of the Filipino culture- no appreciation and consideration of what you are doing for them. Since then, all my decisions related to "help" family, or any Filipino are based on those two important traits of their existence. Start small if you feel the western guilt, then experience those two and cut everything without getting it out of control. Family will appreciate you more when you don;t give them a cent, even in emergencies/ I also do not tip them at the restaurant
We don't give cash to my wife's family. We do, however, support my daughter and niece at university - long-term planning - and pay for some of the younger kids' secondary education. There is no stipend. We employ some of her family in our businesses so they earn their cash. No loans, no handouts.
When you said Jeff wanted to build a room for himself in the family house, I just shook my head and knew this was just the beginning of many problems to come. Jeff unfortunately is very naive and gullible. I'll wager his marriage won't last.
We gave 1000php to my wife's sister for the bus to attend our wedding. The day after our wedding her sister has been calling everyday asking for more money.
You blame the victim. The honest truth is, the family is despicable. My advice to western men looking for a country to retire is give Phil a miss, or soon we will be seeing your horror retirement video next.
Not only in Phil. Thailand the same story. I would say find a partner whom is a bit disconnected to the family. Buy and build somewhere far from the Family. Know that it is not your responsibility to pay any family member. Your responsibility is your own family regardless of which culture you’ll be into. Stick to that and find someone who will fit to that principle. You will find one somehow.
It does not matter what poor country you move to anywhere in the world this can happen if you did the same things this guy did not just the Philippines and by the way not everyone has this problem even living here in the Philippines
There way to many man thinking with there penis {small brain} in the Philippine.
PHillpines is a train wreck for the truly lost man.
Same thing happens in first-world countries.
Be careful to whom you lend, borrow from, or rent. Family members are likely to value the money over the relationship; It's not worth it.
This video should be required viewing on all flights to the Philippines.
hahaha thanks I wish that everyone would listen to Jeff's story
You shouldn't be a 62 year old man trying to flex your brokie social security check to get a 19 year old so you can provide her an iphone or internet either sir, just honest feedback.
Live one island away. My girlfriend is from Davoa, but she's a teacher in Manila 😊 They got to fly or boat, bus route.
Don't make it seem like this a Philippine problem exclusively. The problem in the US is just as notorious, if not, worse! :(
Your wife’s family will be perfectly happy dragging you into their level of poverty.
A guy in the Philippines in the 1990''s told me, "if you want a girlfriend stand outside the orphanage".
A woman's family is much more important to them than any foreigner and that is natural. We are a "nothing" compared to their family, when the funds slow down.
Invest your money in your own country and rent in the Philippines.
I have one rule #1 Don't feed the bird.
@@wayneparkes1350 And that my friend, as they say in a court of law, it’s nothing but true!
💯
yes, why you never own the land. and why blow it on a house. live first. and the headache.
I watched a video of this one poor guy - He and his Girlfriend had their own place - Well - Here comes the Brother - He moves in - No intention of leaving - Said he had to pay all of her begging family members all the time - He said he'd had it - He was bailing out . . .
DO NOT CREATE DEPENDENCY...THE MORE YOU GIVE,THE MORE THEY WANT...HEARTBREAKING!!
It can be at times
Welfare destroys…
I loaned money to 3 members of the family for business and all 3 blew the money instead of using it for the expressed purpose. Not huge amounts of money and I didn't expect it returned, but I am out of the business of helping people who won't help themselves.
It is as if they have an alternative sense of honesty.
thanks for sharing Dwayne
But also you should have went though the process with them
You knew deep down they were going to blow it. If you want to help someone tell them have the guy who you owe money to after he’s down the work. Have him shows the bill and recipients and photos of work….
@@Dwayne_Kelley Told my GF when I got here, I’m not a business man nor a bank. So no investments nor loans. They still ask. I ended up lending money to her aunt (she’s a very nice person yes, sure, of course) … but she stopped paying the loan after the 1st payment. Now daddy wants to borrow for a scooter. I said no, she tampo for 2 days and I moved on with my life. I don’t wanna makes loans at all, but will certainly not make another one until the outstanding loan is paid in full. In a way, it’s an easy way to decline future request - which I’m sure will be forthcoming … stay strong my brothers.
It’s a smart idea to loan a small amount, like $80 bucks. They won’t pay it back of course but when they ask again, say their credit not good and you won’t loan again until you get your money back. Then you solve your problem entirely.
I like that.. They live in an alternative universe of reality .. Where money is concerned.
I live in US enjoy viewing Philippine Xpats video.
Every story I view says how Pilipino are loving people. Which is true but Mike I’m glad ur showing other side. Well done.
By the way it’s that way all over world.
very true Anthony
Yep, women want resources. Security. Full stop.
lessons are 1. never lend what u can't afford to lose 2. don't lend, just gift it. if u can't afford to gift it, then don't lend it
I agree
That's a good rule no mater what country you live in...
I have one rule #1 Don't feed the bird.
No, all three are lies. Make others work for what they want, never give money.
People who get charity often resent the person giving it to them. I've seen this play out over and over. One time the local police dept. raised money for donations to a needy family for Christmas. The officers brought literally a truckload of toys, food and clothes to the home of the family a week before Christmas. When I went by the house a month later, rather than clean the clothes when they got dirty, they threw them out a window along with the garbage. There was a mountain of nice clothes mixed in with the garbage, all left out in the rain to get ruined. They had no respect for all of the really nice things they were given. This is a true story. I never donated to any "good cause" again.
Beggars with a baseball bat! That's the expression that came to me when I heard this story. An emportant element that's missing is Mary's stand in all of this. Does she back Jeff up or is she siding with her family? Does she want to move to Duma or is she just following her husband? The "two island away rule" was good in the days when money was only handed over in cash. If the family needs money, they will message their daughter wherever she lives (even if he takes her to the US) and she can transfer the money. Don't build up expectations! Don't start sending money to the family when you are not living there yet! As you put it: "Don't lead with your wallet". The family doesn't have to know your exact income and certainly don't brag about your savings! And don't make the mistake of living on the same plot or even in the same barangay as the family. Been there, done that! It sucks!
Mary could have helped protect Jeff
I agree with you Mike. My wife keeps distance from her family, because they used her good business sense and forced her to support them. She left them and moved to Angeles City where I met her. Now for 2 plus years she will not let them near me and always tells them no when they look for hand outs. Great video to help new guys coming to Philippines.
Jeff needs to announce to the family that he will resume contributing $500 per month to them to be paid directly by the brother from the money he owes Jeff. Monthly payments shall be made for six years based on the money owed. Let the family fight it out amongst themselves.
Another great message Mike! I think Mary had a role in this. If she supposedly loves him she would protect him, inform him and protect him from her family. She would also NOT allow her husband to be disrespected by her family. Knowing her family she wouldn’t allow him to build a room so close to her family. She had a big role in this. I’ve met Filipinas who would not allow this to happen because they truly love their husbands and would put their foot down with their family. He should but his losses and leave
1000000% Mary is pure evil 😮 he needs to dump her now. She is not for his best interests.
thanks Koufax yes Mary played a big role
Family first not him
Yep! You right , his wife did not protect and supported him Asians are married to each other, not to you!
@@dennisdragomir7572 Most of the time but not always
I totally agree with you. I loaned my nephew-in-law $4200. He is a "Police Officer," so I figured that, for sure he was going to pay us back. We even had a "contract" that he was going to pay us back in installment, so much money per month. He did start to pay us back per month, but then he would skip a month, and then the next month, he would pay ½ of what the agreement was. Well, he stop the payment at $2100. I told my (Filipina) wife that we are not going to lend out money to anyone, no more. I don't care if they own their own business, and they are making 100% profit. We are not in the "banking business." She totally agree with me.
When you visit family buy what they would buy. Chicken, rice, meal done! Buy 1 kilo pork, rice, meal done! The one thing I do buy during a visit is Gumbo, one large gumbo mix, $1.99 at the commissary, okra, one package sausage, onion, tomato sauce, meal done, need more gumbo add water. Filipinos love gumbo.
thanks for sharing
Let me tell you my story.
I treated my lady nicely. Her family asked for money. I said , ok. Send each person to me separately for pay. The mom showed up first barely speaking English. I nodded my head at the stories. Once done, i walked her around the house and explained the cleaning terms. I flashed about $10 (~580 pesos) and gestured that once the job is done, then it's yours. She got to work and i had to point out corrections needed as she kept trying to leave the job incomplete.
About an hour later the father and brother came after the mom left. We walked around the yard listening to their story as i pointed out yard issues. I flashed a bit of money and explained what yardwork needs to be done.
Basically, I love seeing my extended family weekly/bi-weekly, but it costs me about $5-15 per visit. But the house gets cleaned, yard and garden is taken care of, luandry, grocery pick up, and dinner prepared.
Seem like a good trade.
Nothing but an ATM for the family. Strangers will treat you better until you don’t give to them as well. Skin taxed for 😢every service you require and almost everything you buy. They love the Aircon in your home and don’t think twice about leaving the doors and windows open and all the lights on, you’re paying the bill. When eating out you pay and they order 3 entrees each, 1 to eat, 2 takeaway. Either ditch them all or get use to it, when you’re in need they won’t be there for you.
NOT WITH ME THEY DONT. THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED TO VISIT PAST THE PORCH INSIDE OUR COMPOUND AND RARELY VISIT ANYWAY. NO EATING OUT FOR THEM ON MY DIME. DON'T BE A SIMP. WE ARE ALL FRIENDLY TO EACH OTHER AND THEY HAVE THIER LIFE BE IT AS IT IS.
Back in the early 80's, when I was 20 or so years old, I met a Pilipino man that worked at the same hotel that I worked (Palmer House in Chicago). We became friends over the years and a few times he invited me over for dinner to meet his family. Seemed like a lovely family as they all treated me very kindly, until about the 4th visit. During this visit my friends mother introduced me to a cousin that was undocumented from the Philippines. The mother asked me if I would be interested in marrying the cousin in order for the cousin to get her green card. They promised to pay me a certain amount of money but stressed that perhaps her and I might "stay married". I politely said no, and just like night and day, they all became aggressively rude to me, ordered me out of their apartment, yelling at me all the way to the door. Thank GOD I was smart enough to steer clear of being involved in something like that.
VERY DAMN PARK HAS A SIGN: "DON'T FEED THE ANIMALS!" WHY? JUST LIKE THE DEM0C"R/\T" PARTY USA >>> YOU CREATE DEPENDENT WELFARE LAZY WEAK CITIZENS >>> PESTS, NUISANCE, CRITTERS. BEARS HOUNDING YOU; & PAWING AT YOUR TENT. SMELLY SKUNKS, DESTROYING RATS, SH!TTING PIGEONS, RACOONS, ETC HUMAN BEING ARE SO DAMN FHOOOOKKKING DUMB ! ONE CATH0LIC CHURCH THEY FED THE PIGEONS >>>> NOW PIGEONS EVERYWHERE .... SH!T FALLING FROM THE OUTSIDE WALL STEEPLES, RAFTERS; WHITE NASTY, SMELLY, SH!T ALL OVER THE STEPS GOING INTO THE CHURCH. THINK OF THE DISEASE. MY SHOES FULL OF IT.
Yes but was she pretty?
By outsmarting them, you created an element of 'losing face', which hits S.E Asians like a truck. Congratulations on your forward thinking and a get out of jail free card.
In the U.S. we don't feed the wildlife at the national parks because it discourages the wildlife from foraging for themselves. So if we keep feeding them they become dependent on hand outs, then when they suddenly don't get a hand out they become aggressive and belligerent. It's the same concept with lending (giving) money to your girlfriends family.
I had to terminate my 5 yr relationship with a filipina. During my last visit in May of this year I came to the realization that she was going to become a financial drain when I retire and move there in 2025. The 3 grown kids, one just having her 2nd child and the presumed pressure from her family to share her "blessings".
I think that coming there as a single man and establishing myself first is the only way to go.
I ain’t marrying a woman with 3 kids. Period.
Well. If you cannot afford some spare cash for a woman’s parents in PH pesos. I can’t imagine life is going to be easy with inflation going rampant there over the next few decades. Over 20 years inflation will cut the wealth in half!
Correct 👍🏼 plus , don’t think 💭 with your little head , think with your head on your shoulders first too!
Gee..i don't know.
I lived there twice for 8 months each...
Second time I lived alone after I got rid of my gf of 3 weeks.
I was looking over my shoulder for a couple of months after that. The danger is real. It's a gun toting society too, btw. and everyone knows everything about you.
@@KitiwakeMaybe it’s just me but I think it’s better to find a Filipina. That works some kind of job. Even if it’s at 7/11. Maybe less of a chance of getting scammed. Since she is making her own money.
I lived there for a year and helped my girlfriend's parents out the whole time. Now that I got her and her two children in the United States, I send over $200 every month, and I do it with a smile. How could I live with myself when you see how they live over there, the $200 a month is not hurting me at all and it is actually helping them tremendously, as you know there is no retirement really in the Philippines, for Filipino. Her father is 82 years old, and the mother is 60. Now we do get other relatives hitting her up all the time, but my wife says no, I don't have money it's all my husband's, so you do not get anything. That's what you need is a woman who puts her foot down with the family, a woman who puts her new family first.
When it comes to money there is always trouble
Seeing you bought their daughter why not. She is with your old wrinkled ass because of poverty. So you bought her. So why not pay the parents for that young poon. 200 is a good deal.
You married someone with 2 kids that are not yours😂? SIMP
Helping people is always nice but supporting adults isn't a good thing.
What happens when its not $200 but $2000 a month that they want from you? Will you do it with a smile? How could you live with yourself if you don't send them $2000 a month?
MOVED INTO A NEW HOUSE I BUILT WITH MY LADY, BUILT A HOUSE ON LAND WE BOUGHT FROM HER MOM (USING AN ATTORNEY). SURROUNDED BY RELATIVES. COULD'NT FEEL SAFER. THEY NEVER ASK FOR ANYTHING AND WE HIRE THEM IF WE NEED ANYTHING DONE. NEVER HAD A PROBLEM, JUST SET BOUNDARIES FROM THE BEGINNING. IN OTHER WORDS BE A MAN. HELP OUT IF AND WHEN YOU WANT. SUPPORTED TOTALLY BY MY WIFE IN THIS OPINION. SHE IS BETTER AT SAVING MY MONEY THAN I AM. JUST BE SMART. AND WHAT IS HE DOING SHOPPING WITH THE FAMILY? HE HAS NO CLUE. HE DESERVED WHAT HE GOT. WHO GIVES 40.000$ U.S. TO ANYONE? HE IS AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT NOT TO EVER DO. IF HE IS THAT MUCH OF A SIMP AND STILL WANTS TO LIVE IN THE PHILIPPINES GET LAND WITH HIS WIFE (IN HER NAME) AND BUILD HIS OWN LIFE. HE IS DESTINED TO FAIL.
Never move in with the family for Gods sake. Get your own place and have nothing to do with your wife’s family if she wants to visit them let her go but by staying away they soon get the message you don’t care or want anything to do with them.
Thank you smart one...
Jeff, “I can’t afford $500 a month support to the family”. Jeff, a few days later, “ok, here is 2 million pesos”. Mixed messages are worse than no messages at all.
always bad showing you have a lot of money
Another great video. These tales apply universally, not just in the Philippines.
Yes they do
It never ends!
I have one rule #1 Don't feed the bird.
I was told not to build next to family, We live in same Barangay I would say try to stay some distance, Wow 500 good lord, For the most part love my Family here, Only one bad apple, But as you know one bad apple will sour the basket which it has, I have a small circle, That’s my advice, Keep circle small, Even with family. Budget, Budget, Budget, yes for sure, very important,
We have two farms, There is no way I would ever start any business but we will grow our land corporation, Rice does pretty well, I’m surprised, I’m here 4 years, Yes he lead with his wallet, Bad,Bad,Bad God Bless
thanks for your comment. I'm a few miles away from Janet's family
Never ever loan money in the Philippines. Can I repeat myself again never ever loan money under any circumstances. Did I make myself clear? If you really want to give it. Be smart with your money if you don’t you’ll have no money left. 99% of time you’ll never get the money back you loan.
Thank you smart one...
That goes for Peruvian families also!
The story of a generous, albeit somewhat foolish and naive, as well, man who couldn't/wouldn't say, "No," and an ungrateful, entitled family who, like a bunch of piranhas, is savagely circling about ready to strip every bit of "meat" from that guy's bones. No amount he could possibly give, would ever be enough for them ...
He needs to dump Merry and start over or be single for sure 😮
He is the one that trained them, he bought in to the family, maybe he is an old oogly Shrek. And the only way he is going to get it, is to pay for it. It happens all the time. I am an old Shrek too, I send money too😂
@@humungushumungus213 At least keep it at a minimum! Don't lose your ass and be broke.
Yes, help out a little. But I would tell my extended family, because of my budget, I can not give you money out of my budget. I have a friend who says I will pay the electricity bill of P1500 each month. But that is all I can do. You have to limit what you give. If not, they will continue to ask for more and more. I brought a Filipina to America and our budget in America, even though she was almost her entire check to support her family in the Philippines. I was helping out as we'll from my check. What my ex told me was that my family and friends think we are rich. I told her we are not rich. After that, she continues to ask me for extra money. Then I said no more extra money. She got mad so much it led to our divorce. I say, give a limited amount. Don't sacrifice your economic future to finance their future. Lesson learned.
Thanks for sharing.
Great video Mike. Enjoyable and a fascinating insight into human psychology. Your advice , as usual was spot on. This is another classic example of emotions totally obliterating common sense. Jeff lost control of the situation as soon as he started spending money on the parents house and then moved in. What sensible adult male wants to be living in the house belonging to his wife's parents? Zero independence. Zero control. Leading with his wallet is another big mistake. Giving people money might make you popular initially but just see how quickly you become the bad guy once you turn that tap off. He is right to fear for his safety and needs to get out ASAP. Waiting for Xmas would be a big mistake. Santa Claus isn't going to sort this one out !
Start over and dump Mary for sure 😊
he IS Santa!
I made clear to my Filipino wife that I married her and not her family but nevertheless expectation from her siblings still subsist. Her parents passed away a long while ago yet I still helped a couple of nieces through higher education and the occasional lump sum such as to help paying for a motorcycle. We (both retired with a pension) now only focus on helping one of her brothers and dropped the rest…they are barely speaking to us which is ok for me as they would have otherwise told me all about their dramas with a hand stretched out. Last semester then graduation will signify no more financial support from us and financial freedom. We own our home, job done!
There are so many Vloggers like mike giving great advise on how to handle money with your GF, wife and their family and still there are guys like him keep making those obvious mistakes. I have learned so much from these guys because the stories I hear are almost about the same. You don't live with GF's family in province, if you do they will expect you to pay all the bills and buy them lunch and dinner everyday. Second, the only person I think the girl is obligated to help is her parents and all the other kids need to do the same and take care of their parents. I say give 200-300 a month to the GF and she decide to help the parents if they need it. Third you can never go backward on money, once you have given someone 500, they will expect that from you for the rest of your life, they would expect more but never less. If a brother came to me and asked for money, I wouldn't try to act rich and show off, he asks for a Million Pesos, I would say sorry I don't have that much, I have 5000 Pesos I can give you, would that help? I have learned all this from Mike and other vloggers and I haven't even moved to PH yet.
thanks for sharing Franky
$300 is a lot just give your gf a month. How about no money? They're family is not your problem.
yep stupid start don't lend money,don't live with them in fact my advice to anybody is stay away from the family as much as possible 500 dollars a month what did he think they would be pleased when he stopped giving it.
Lesson learn don't give too much stay away from relatives
Thank you smart one...
We all live and learn Mike
Anyone with half a brain would know this at age 25...NOT when they retire...
I have one rule #1 Don't feed the bird.
@@garytiboright you don’t need to live and learn. This was something he should know in elementary school 😮😅😮😅
@garytibo Unfortunately, at times, the heart wants what the heart wants. It takes a strong person to come to a new place alone. Some people don't have the patience to wait and see if they'll like the place first, probably meet a few expats, and know the lay of the land before venturing out and meeting women.
From the moment I met my Iloilo girlfriend's family they had their hands out. Thinking they were going to be family, I gladly gave. I even put her two sisters through college, paid their rent, bills, food, etc. After we got married and I finally got her to North America the payments increased. She worked and sent almost all her money to her family in the Philippines while I was responsible for paying the bills at home. After a couple of years of this she decided it would be more fun without me. I sacrificed for years while her family lived great. Now they have a new house, we're divorced and her entire family has forgotten that I supported them for over 13 years.
thanks for sharing Daniel
I’m so glad that happened to you. You’re an idiot, who taught you about life. How do a MAN allows his wife to send all her money to her family in the Philippines and Leave you paying all the bills at home. What type of man would send her sisters to college while she’s working, let her send them to college. I hate hearing stories like yours because I know you heard them before doing the exact same thing. Mike is a fool, because he honestly believes that young thing he has loves his old droop eyes, belly .Sorry I regressed, you bro are a simp and got exactly what you deserved. Mikes a fool but not an old fool. He ain’t taking care of his wife family, I think he’s sending her mother money, because if he didn’t his wife wouldn’t be with him. They have daughters and when their daughter catch a foreigner that daughter better wrangle his ass in lol. Old men with young women equals money. Now if the old man is nice she might just fall in love with him but her love is still money contingent because if he goes broke she is out of there.
@@danielroydrawe typical story unfortunately
My wife's half-sister and two brothers never gave up the pressure on my wife. She has abandoned them now after her mother died from a strike but it cost her a P70,000 small house but her half-sister pawned the deed to her employer to pay (bribe) the police when her son got caught with methamphetamine. My wife eventually left me when I still had three children at home. The whores who have made it to the States will poison all Fil-Am relationships that they can find.
Geez!! I'm so happy for you that nightmare is over!!
As Ace says, "single and free is the way to be"..
Carry on...
Hopefully viewers are learning from this story because this is reality in the Philippines
it obviously ends when you have no money left
No money No honey
@@danhilarious1395 No honey, no money, too, so ...
Seen a few vlogs from who started out as expats who are now about homeless in the Philippines 😢
A wise old man who at met at the VFW in 1982 gave me the best advice ever about living in the PI. He said, find a gal at an orphanage as soon as she leaves which is around 18 years of age. And just in case she ever runs into or finds any distant relatives, make sure to rent a one bedroom place so they can never stay over or try to move in.
Orphanage? The people who put her there will. Come for your wallet
Meet them, enjoy your times together, don’t expect more and leave it
If you try to be a cash cow there won’t be any end of it
You will run out of money before they run out of ideas to spend money
thanks for sharing
If I meet a Filipina. The moment she asks for money. I will just walk away.
very eye opening thanks mike!
My pleasure!
Speaking to the choir on this topic. Guys continue to meet Filipinas upon arriving at the airport. Throwing money around to impress the Filipina, then ends up marrying the entire family. Years later, they vlog about their terrible experience. A new sucker is born every minute.
thanks for sharing
I’m what you call a soft touch. I would never survive in the Philippines, Thanks for sharing. I think the worst part is that
everything he gave was taken for granted, no appreciation and now that the gravy train is coming to a stop, he really is in danger of losing his life.
Biggest mistake of all? Moving in with the family. Second? Giving a large loan to the brother right along with giving them an ‘allowance’? Who does that? I suppose we all have to start somewhere but man, he really did it the wrong way. Jeff needed to watch way more videos about this - it’s all been addressed before, any number of times. And yes, 2 or 3 islands is safer. I’m 2 islands away and still get hit on a regular basis for money for businesses, large purchases and many other “Great Ideas” … jussayin’
thanks for sharing
Hi Mike, another good video , sad but true, ask jeff to be strong .Regards Gerry.
Thank you, I will
Dude, this guy is real cool. thanks for those advice. You are a good man.
I totally agree with what you are saying Mike, this guy really dropped the ball.
He created a monster himself…..many families in the Philippines don’t say thank you when you help out and after the fact don’t care! Speaking from experiences….nit nearly as bad as Jeff though. Learn to say ( NO) it’s ok.😊
you right! Must learn the No word
I wouldn't want the family that close. And you're definitely correct; he led with his wallet.
thanks Burton
Stop being an ATM and a simp guys ffs..
Took word's 😂out my mouth
@@dha-captain8706 They are Simps !!!!!
.
I have been in the process of meeting someone there. With those that I have talked with so far, whenever money came up, the "connection made" become immediately sour and did not last. Yes, I tossed a fifty or so, over the wires...but beyond that, it was over for me. Even though it is small, it just keeps growing. The 'connection' I have now made has not yet asked me for anything and everything is going good. Thanks for the good videos.
Without set boundaries, you are health insurance, funeral expenses, emergency fund. You will pay for every meal, all the clothes, school tuitions, etc. You will buy the lechon at holiday celebration, buy the Christmas presents, be the kickstart funding for soon-to-be failed businesses. The transition from working to retired will not work-- you can't put the genie back into the bottle. From now on, he will forever be the kuripot foreigner that is insensitive despite solving so many problems for so long before. They found a way to survive before this guy, they will figure it out, but sadly it's too late for this guy because he didn't set boundaries to start and he wanted to solve all of the problems from the start. He, in short, is an enabler that led with the wallet.
thanks for sharing
Spot on
The Philippines is all about giving. You give , they take
Good advice, "dont be worth more dead than alive to anybody", especially in this part of the world. Great presentation.
You have to question the guys intelligence. Who would ever loan money to someone thats in the construction business ? Theres a better chance you will end up supporting a building than there is of you getting your money back
thanks for sharing Joe
Filipinas don't need your love, they need your money, they already have love from their families!
Never forget you are the wallet and you won't be disappointed
If you are an idiot I guess. Poor people will try and get money how ever they can. Mexico, Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, etc. My Filipina has an income and if she wants to give money to her family she can.
thanks for sharing Roger
After 32 years being married to one, my experience says you simply are wrong.
@@TitoJames68 yes but we're talking today not history, so I guess we're both right, this ain't an history channel
You promote what you permit.
You get less of what you tax and more of what you subsidize.
Most people are volunteers, not victims.
His mistakes:
A man needs to control his own environment. No family home, he needs his own space that he controls. In the Philippines this means renting.
Never give loans to family; only gifts.
Never invest something you can’t afford to lose (don’t go into business with family).
Never invest in something you don’t own or don’t control. That means no building on family land or house extensions; going into business with family; I’ll even extend that to marriage.
He made it acceptable for the family to even approach or talk to him about money. He should have given the wife a fixed allowance for her and her family combined and she could dole out what she wanted to them. You make it very clear that no one talks to you about money, that they need to talk to the wife, and that if they do talk to you not only will they not get it but you will reduce the allowance that you give to the wife. You also let the wife know that the allowance is the amount to take care of everything, including her saving for family emergencies. And if they or she argues or protests you reduce it again. You have to train people how to treat you.
……
You have to maintain the ability to walk away from anything that isn’t on your program. Why I personally don’t believe in legal marriage anymore.
Everything I deal with now that I don’t 100% own or control is strictly pay as I go.
If people start violating boundaries I simply stop paying and walk away.
Only accept the best from people and you have to move and operate and structure your life in such a way that makes that a reality.
Basically, do the opposite of what this guy did 😂.
Good advice and it is true. Reducing allowance would be hard but needs to be done if you feel disrespected 😊
@ Yep, if you reduced it for a month and if they blew up and reduced it even more and only reinstated it after good behavior you would likely never have that issue again.
Too often we reward negative behavior/emotions and we train people to give us more of that in order to get what they want.
It’s a viscous cycle.
good story. these tales of woe are good learning opportunities
Thanks John
This video is the PERFECT example of what I have seen over the the past 17 years.
My wife, (Filipina), we was married in 07. My very 1st time in the Philippines, meeting my future wife
was very interesting. I seen just about everything mentioned in this video at my door step.
I knew then, the word NO, was in my future many times. Now today, I get along with in~laws very well,
however, they ALL know me, I never give money away. They ALL know not to ask me for money, b/c
they ALL know the answer already.
Just like Mike here said......LEARN TO SAY NO!! It does get easier everything time you have say it too!
Totally different values and outlook between Americans and families in Philippines. Not to say that that family values in the Philippines are bad because I think in so many ways they are amazing. But the way they look at money and especially the way they perceive Americans are radically different.
Now that's a good video my man 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
thank you
Don't be scared take them first I've been here 1 1/2 yrs I'm not giving nothing away they can cry all the way back to there shack they lived in for 30yrs 😊😂
hahaha a shack.
True Mike it will never end well loaning money or living with the family,if you give and give and suddenly stop giving,you become the enemy.Living with your wife's family even on a vacation is just stupid,go to a hotel I'm with my wife for 22 years,we own our home near her family,the same town in Pangasinan, near La Union.We both worked abroad together,my wife is still working remotely with Cigna Insurance, I have a fixed income and our only son is married and loves in Seattle WA.I set boundaries,our gate is locked and we have a high wall.I don't loan money,and my wife gives a little to her mom.On Christmas for example, everyone is welcome,we provide plenty of lechon and other food,ice cream etc.Its only me,my wife and our cat at our house.There is no reason for anyone to drop in unannounced.Be strict and firm,who will help you God forbid?
Many hands, one wallet.
hahaha so true
I'm in a relationship with a 24 Y.O Filipina right now. She is my live-in GF in Cebu city. I start slow with her family, I didn't give the allowance to the father in law like this Jeff guy did, but I gave my GF an allowance of just 14K Pesos a month, so she can give to her family of what she wants, but I told them my limited retirement income. So far everything is going good, this is a learning lesson for me. This is 1 reason not to live with my GF family.
@@jonross8925 What you’re doing makes a lot of sense Jon. I’m in Cebu also in a similar situation, I help her family with rent, electric and
WiFi but I also expect them to fend for themselves. They constantly ask for more and I help when I can but at my own discretion. I don’t say anything about my income to anyone.
Bro I was with her less then 2 months ago, she wouldn’t leave me alone, she was in my bed the first night after TGIF dinner 😂. She is a nice girl, I hope you treat her right
Hey bros, we should all get together, it’s strength in numbers, that’s one thing , we have to make the right decisions while we’re there. I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I am a retired 64 years old, I have a pretty good healthy mindset. I would say have unofficial meet ups at Starbucks at Ayala mall across the street from Quest Hotel, let’s say Tuesdays at 8 PM.
We have tons of experiences at Cebu City, we need to share and learn from it
At first I thought it would be a good idea to stay away from other expats , in a long run it’s the worst thing you can do over in Pi.
Very interesting story. First, doing business with the partner’s family is a bad move. Clearly, this guy led with his wallet and it has cost him dearly. Secondly, never and I mean never loan money that you can’t afford to lose! And if you lose it consider it the price you paid for discovering the borrower is a piece of crap!
thanks for sharing
The more that you give , the more that they want.
good point
1.)Never live with the family EVER
2.) Never loan, remember any money is a gift
3.)Dont ever give regular amounts of money
thanks for sharing
My wife and will retire to the Philippines in due course and we do a little to support her family but that will decrease when we are there. Due to less income. The extended family is aware of that and they will have to help themselves more….
being honest with the family helps.
The more you give the more you are resented. Do not know why but this is universal. I had this same problem with my wife's relatives in the US ( Canadians), same with some of my family ( Hillbillies ). I bought Lobster and steaks for a big cookout for my wife's family, when we sit down to eat the lobster was missing and when I asked about it, her mother said, I gave it to the cats ( 11 of them ) since you didn't buy enough for them. Never gave anyone another dime after that. I was actually treated better when they knew not to expect anything. I sort of think it is an issue with unfilled expectations. They expect something and when it doesn't materialize they are upset. No expectation, no problem.
A favor twice repeated becomes an obligation
well said
Hard to believe with all the available information out there that someone could be this nieve about the philippines in this day and time.
This sounds crazy from the onset.
Mary knows what she is doing 😅😮😅
We have a family in the philippines. My wife's side of the family period we are currently putting two kids through college. I put my little sister through nursing school as well as the wife. I have absolutely no problem helping them or funding them as long as it is an Endeavor to improve their earning potential and leverage their future. But I will not just simply send them money. The ultimate goal is to get to a point where they do not require assistance.
Do never start to give them . They doing fine before you come in to there lifes
I wouldn't necessarily say doing fine, but definitely surviving on their own, so, yes, keep your money in _your_ pockets.
It truly never ends.
Be prepared to help financially the Philipina's family if they are at lower financial level then you. Never lead with your wallet.
well said Todd
Can't fault a man for trying to be a nice guy or for trusting the brother who was so trustworthy before. Perhaps Jeff thought paying the family an allowance was a way of securing his relationship with Mary? I think the worst thing he did was move in with the family. I won't even live in the same State as my family, much less move in with someone elses. That never works for us westerners. The two Island rule is really starting to make a lot of sense. Live and learn.
So many variables here Mike I'm so glad I stayed against all advice even tho it was good advice. I only have about 1k a month because I haven't sold my house in the US and payed off some old debt, so I have 9 months experience on how to survive here thats with a girlfriend 3 kids and meeting 30-40 members of her family so when I get finiacially better off I hope to be in good shape.(The old saying experience is the best teacher).I could talk for hours of how well that applies here .I'm also glad I watched videos for 2 years before coming too. Good video
thanks for sharing Jerry
My approach was to constantly ask the family for money. I told them I didn't have two pennies to scratch my ass with. They couldn't see the back of us quickly enough. Thought my wife was an idiot for being with me. Everytime they call or text, I put the bite on them for a loan. We never see them anymore and calls are very short
😂
As you said Mike he led with his wallet. A very first bad mistake to make anywhere, especially in a developing country. He should have done a more clear eyed look at the degree of neediness within the family. It sounds like his wife is very young and impressionable bending easily to the will and needs of her family. She should have known what was going to happen, but because she was looking out for her Kuya and other family members not so much for her husband it will damage her relationship with her husband. It all circles back to not have an understanding of the lay of the land and the cultural pressures being levied on the daughter to raise their standard of living, albeit on the back of the ill informed unknowing foreigner. All foreigners are out of their element and understanding when we go to another country. When we get entangled in any relationship it comes with a myriad of challenges and if English is not the first and spoken language then you are at a very significant disadvantage. If you don't understand and and can't speak the language it's even more challenging.
Here's what I would say. Jeff married into a low class poor family. It wouldn't happen if he married into a middle class family with good jobs or an established family business who do not need money. Most likely case if the family is middle class or upper class then like in the US, when he visits he will stay in a guest room, not pay anything, and be treated out like celebrities. Filipinos are gracious and hospitable by tradition and a matter of pride. How did Scotty call it..I love slum girls... Philippine culture runs under a godfather system. Jeff became the default godfather or go to guy for that clan on the basis he makes the most money. Generosity became entitlement. Godfather Jeff should have set limits and assert authority like a tribal chief. Instead, he showed vulnerability and the brother in law exploited it. Godfather/tribal chief Jeff was unseated. In the middle class, Jeff is no saviour of the family, but the foreigner guest in the family who is married to a sister. He won't be treated like a wallet. The godfather in the middle class family would still be the father in law or a grandmother. Marry a slum girl, you fall under slum culture. Honestly, I think Jeff's wife should have made a move and protected him bec she knows it. The new godfather is the brother in law. Jeff will need to accept the loan is gifted to the family like a dowry and cut off direct contact with them and live happily away. They can try to use his wife to squeeze their entitlements from him, but at least that contains it as her family problems are hers not his.
I love all the comments coming from people here in the states that has a 60+% divorce rate. There is good and bad every where. Know the customs and rules before marrying someone in another country. In the Philippines it is the law as well as custom for the bread winner to help the family. They are wonderful people in the PI some are more needy than others. You have to have ground rules when it comes to money. It's ok to help but set a limit and be firm about it. If trouble brews like in this case it is best to move on and away!:)
My father, who toured Italy with a rifle in 1943-45, told me that a man can go anywhere safely if he minds his own business. I'm 72, and I've tested that belief many times. It has held up.
good point
A man can go anywhere safely if he has a rifle, from what I've read. You cannot own firearms in the Philippines, so I would not feel safe there. 😂
I may be one of the Lucky ones as my Wife is the Boss of the Family. Yes we did live 24 Years in my Country, but I never had to give money except in absolute emergency and that was only to prevent my wife from asking Friends for some money.now as we are living in the Family house until our new house is finished (away from the Fam.) I decided to pay the Electrical Bill as I am using it with my Laptop and mobile A/C. So as soon our new house is finished we move away from the Family and will have our peace again. Lending is always a risk, I did learn as a Teenager, if you lend someone cash, do it only if it does not affect your life at all. So if you don't get it back, it will not hurt you.
Never start and you’ll never have to worry about it!!!!!
Great video. I guess I lucked out. I meet my girl friend at Mall of Asia after a couple chats on line. She invited me to the province and I stayed at a house her sister owned. At the "Meet the Foreigner night" they all brought their own beer. She is 51, unemployed and the oldest child. I think that my supporting her helps them because they don't have to support her. I have only been ask for money when her shoes were falling apart in the middle of a 6 week exploration of the Philippines. She has told me a couple of times of what she did with her allowance. Since there hasn't been any requests for money yet, I went ahead and gave her your "no loan, rare gifts" speech, without any objects from her.
Mike thanx for your videos education bro👊💙
No problem 👍
Yes, great video.As always.When it comes to money, it never works out.
And to select they're offended if you want your money back
We know how it works with most families. If you don't set limits, the requests for money keep multiplying. The more you give, the more they ask. Sometimes they never even say 'thank you' for what you give, but will resent you when you stop giving. There may be exceptions, but this is the general rule.
This story has been going on a long time. There are countless videos about this. Having lived in the PH with a GF. You have to set boundaries at the beginning.
Clearly the guy didnt set boundaries
i think your right
Sounds like the brother set him up. He paid him back once so now ask for more and start with excuses.
To start, I have lived in the Philippines over 8 year. So I've heard a lot of stories. The truth is that he never would have paid any attention to anything you would have said to try to warn him about. How many times have you heard "my wife and family are different" just like when guys get used by the bar girls "she's different "
He made so many mistakes, but this is the only way a lot of expats learn.
I hope his wife will follow him to Duma. Better to cut his losses. Once he is away from the family maybe he can get a lawyer to go after the brother. One of the first things I was told here is that Every Filipino wants a business,,,,but with your money
Hello Mike, I tell my own family no when they ask for money, so it will be no problem to tell Filipinos the same thing. My wife will be the one dealing with her family.
Greetings Mike . This video is an educational tool for men to learn from. It’s so sad to see how greedy people are, They don’t care how hard you work for what you have . I’ve learned how to deal with these fools, when they ask to borrow for example $1000 dollars I’ll give them $25/$50. dollars and tell them take that and don’t pay me back. . And the next time they ask I’ll tell them i don’t have it. Sometimes you just have to say no.Thanks for sharing this story ,God Blessed you and your family,
when I been to Ph for my wife, I've learned two things that are the cornerstone of the Filipino culture- no appreciation and consideration of what you are doing for them. Since then, all my decisions related to "help" family, or any Filipino are based on those two important traits of their existence. Start small if you feel the western guilt, then experience those two and cut everything without getting it out of control. Family will appreciate you more when you don;t give them a cent, even in emergencies/
I also do not tip them at the restaurant
We don't give cash to my wife's family. We do, however, support my daughter and niece at university - long-term planning - and pay for some of the younger kids' secondary education. There is no stipend. We employ some of her family in our businesses so they earn their cash. No loans, no handouts.
Your best video!
From watching Phil vloggers for 2 1/2 years now - Regarding finances - They are pretty much like Ants at a Picnic . . .
really hahaha
The things we do for love !
When you said Jeff wanted to build a room for himself in the family house, I just shook my head and knew this was just the beginning of many problems to come. Jeff unfortunately is very naive and gullible. I'll wager his marriage won't last.
HE IS A FOOL
We gave 1000php to my wife's sister for the bus to attend our wedding. The day after our wedding her sister has been calling everyday asking for more money.