Stop Your Spouse From Leaving You
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 ม.ค. 2020
- If you’ve followed Marriage Helper for any amount of time, you’ve most likely heard about the concept of “PUSH” Behaviors. (If you’re new to Marriage Helper, then you probably have no idea what we’re talking about. Don’t worry- we’ll explain!)
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Here at Marriage Helper, we’ve worked with thousands of couples in many different marriage situations. From control issues, to affairs, to communication issues… whatever the situation may be, we’ve discovered that there are some foundational things that are happening in the majority of marriages we work with.
Most of the time, there are behaviors that one spouse is doing that are working against the marriage.
One of the BIGGEST things people are doing in their marriage (that they don’t even realize that they’re doing) that is hurting their marriage is this: PUSH Behaviors.
When one spouse seems to be backing away in the relationship, the other spouse ends up doing things to try to “get” them to stay. Often, this looks like pleading, begging, whining, or doing something to get their attention.
For example, if your spouse is leaving, you feel such pain inside. You want them to stay. You want them to see how this is absolutely breaking your heart. However, the way you’re showing them how you feel is through: crying, pleading, begging… or… telling them all the reasons they should stay, or all the things they’ve done wrong, or even all the ways you want the marriage to be saved. These actions don’t pull your spouse back. Instead, these “push” your spouse away.
“Pushing” your spouse away is what led us to create the term: PUSH Behaviors. Below, we’ll summarize what each letter in PUSH stands for.
P- Pleading, Begging, Whining, or trying to Manipulate your spouse. Instead of feeling guilty, this causes your spouse to see you as overly emotional or trying to get them to do what they don’t want to- it pushes them out the door more quickly.
U- Unnecessary Crying. When your spouse is wanting to leave you… has disengaged with you… has stopped talking to you… it HURTS! A lot of the time, it comes out through tears and pain. (Note: we are NOT saying you should not cry. Rather, we are saying there’s a fine line where you cry in order to try to elicit emotions in your spouse to keep them from leaving.)
S- Starting Fights. When our spouse is leaving or disengaged, you are most likely still wanting them to engage with you, and when they don’t, you may want to start fights to get them to talk. Maybe you’re thinking, “Even if it’s a fight, at least they’re talking- right?” Actually, we don’t suggest this.
Attacking your spouse, reminding them they hurt you, or even trying to get them to see the wrong things they’re doing won’t work. This is because people don’t like being around conflicts and arguments where they feel like they can’t do anything right.
H- Hovering, Tracking, or Trying to Control your spouse. If you’re suspicious, or if you know your spouse is doing something they shouldn’t be doing, you may want to figure out what’s going on by snooping. (We’ve even had people put trackers on their spouse’s car!) This never leads to good things.
Exposing your spouse doesn’t lead them to open up, admitting what they’ve done wrong. Rather, it will make your spouse angry and “pushes” them away. They will feel betrayed, that you’ve gone behind their back, and invaded their privacy.
Now that we’ve covered the PUSH Behaviors, we want you to consider this question: “Have I been doing PUSH Behaviors?” If so, these behaviors have likely “pushed” your spouse away rather than your desire to pull them closer. We recommend that you stop using PUSH behaviors.
But hear this: there is hope! We can teach you the things you need to do in order to pull your spouse closer. We have Coaches, Online Courses and Workshops for all types of marriage situations. We would love to help you understand how you can attract your spouse back, bring your marriage back together, and fix your relationship. Here’s to hope!
- Workshops: marriagehelper.com/workshops/
- Coaching: marriagehelper.com/coaching/
- Online Courses: marriagehelper.com/programs/
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Find a partner who doesn’t want to run. You shouldn’t have to do these things.
I simplified behaviors thanks for sharing P= pleading for them to stay
U= unesasy crying: crying to be see or heard
S= starting fights: selecting wrongs they did
H=hovering, hunting for hidden motives.
We have individual differences.. if you always allow them to leave because they say they want some air or whatsoever excuses for me is not true.. especially when they are cheating.. I stop my husband leaving when when we fight i beg him for us to resolve the fight in a calm way.. You’ll never resolve problems if you always let them leave you.. it will continue over and over again.. every time you want to talk they will find excuse to leave again.. its easy to say.. but when youre in the situation its really far different from what you are saying..
Of they allready decided to go, they go. There is nothing you can do about
Although you cannot control your spouse, there are things you can do to attract them back without manipulating or controlling them. We would recommend you watch this video: th-cam.com/video/ggb8C1rHQQs/w-d-xo.html
Call in and speak with one of our Client Representatives by calling 1 (866) 903 0990!
What boundaries should be put in place for the children
Ok I've been guilty of all this...my spouse some too i need to stop how can i let go of my offence of them trying to control me....
Being too needy is gross. Your goobery, grabby, sticky behavior is gross and that is why they want to leave. Improve yourself, that is interesting. Do that! Leave your poor spouse alone and up your game!
Last 25th December 2019,She said," i cannot .." and both the party (her side and mine side) decided to end it(our 6 years of togetherness)and decision letter was signed by both parties as meeting was made to discuss regarding our relationship. I am still in shock. Coz, there was no big enough reason for doing this. Even though she cheated on me . I did not really wanted to leave this relationship. Its causing me so much of pain alone and and i m in trauma ..:(...i dont know what to do now..!? Decision is already made..:(
We are so sorry to hear your pain. However, divorce does not neccesarily mean that the marriage cannot be saved anymore. We recommend you watch this video that Dr. Joe Beam created: th-cam.com/video/oXbbqSzutHk/w-d-xo.html
I would also consider calling into our office to speak with one of our Client Representatives by calling 1 (866) 903 0990!
i need help my fiance went out to lunch with a male friend shes female who has sent her innapropriate texts before and i asked her not to talk to him anymore years ago when we first got together she daid no cuz he was a longtime friend then she took our kids to see him while on vacation in cakifornia and i wasnt there she never tokd me i snooped thru her phone i called her out and we have been fighting for a month she acts like she did othing wrong and claims she didnt cheat but idk and now shes pregnsnt what do i do????
So what can you do to try to get her to open up talk to you and come closer to you
I have a different type of separation. My wife moved out and moved in with a friend of ours. Sometimes I try to do no contact but due to kids and pets witch she abandoned and our hers I’m taking care of so I’m forced to contact her. When we talk she still says I love you acting say it first. Should I go back to absolute no contact? I’m very confused.
Sorry she never abandon the kids, its her pets she abandon
We do NOT recommend NO CONTACT. No Contact is a form of manipulation and it does not work in the long run.
Please watch these videos about SMART Contact to gain a better understanding of how to communicate with your spouse while separated:
Video 1: th-cam.com/video/5Rb1CIgt37I/w-d-xo.html
Video 2: th-cam.com/video/8cwDUMyvHU0/w-d-xo.html
Also, consider purchasing our SMART Contact Toolkit for only $27!
marriagehelper.com/smart-contact-toolkit/
Hi
Great video as usual. What if I've committed some of these PUSH behaviors, and my wife has said that's it no chance anymore? I know she's struggling with the decision but my behaviors have definetly pushed her away, maybe for good. What would you recommend my next course of action be, especially if money is an issue. I'd love to invest in a product of yours just not sure if I can afford much.
Jason we are sorry to hear that. We would strongly encourage you to STOP the push behaviors immediately, begin working on your PIES, and work on becoming a safe place for your spouse! We would love to tell you more about some resources that we have that can help! Call in and speak with one of our Client Representatives by calling 1 (866) 903 0990!
Ok what to Do can y’all stop repeating the same things in every video
I could agree with you but I actually think they know the main problems that marriage is facing
But some people spell the same problem with different letters so they are repeating it to reach those who spelled it differently I think and I think they need people to know that they have the help there so they dont release solutions only identify the problem and tell you where the solution can be found
🅰️💯
Your years too late.
Bye Falecia
Je trouve ça comme dont comme je le devez je fais tout ce que je pourrai pour pouvoir maintenir entre humain humaine que Dieu soient toujours loué pour vous et nous aider toujours la force de bien vouloir faire notres chemin