Did I Forgive My Spouse Too Soon?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 มิ.ย. 2024
- The other day, I was doing an “ask me anything” on the Marriage Helper Instagram and came across a question that really caused me to pause: “My husband and I are reconciling, and I'm wondering if I forgave him too soon?”
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Now there's a reason that this is really important. And there's something very critical about forgiveness that you need to understand. If we look at the research and the psychology behind forgiveness, we see that forgiveness isn't a feeling. It’s something called decision based forgiveness.
So often we think that we need to feel like we're ready to forgive before we actually make the move to forgive. Before we actually say the words, “I forgive you”, we think there must be a feeling that precedes that. But in actuality, it's very rare that you're going to feel like you are ready to forgive or that you need to forgive. Why? Because we are blinded and biased by our hurt, the betrayal, and all the feelings that go before us, so it’s rare that we feel ready to forgive.
Forgiveness is a decision. It's a decision you make to release your hurt, my pain. Now, that doesn't mean I forget it. “Forgive and forget” isn't a thing. You will always remember it, but the question becomes: are you going to let it keep you stuck in the past, tied down to the hurt, or are you going to remember it in a way that allows you to choose to move forward?
I think that maybe what this woman meant when she asked this question was that she was reconciling with her spouse and perhaps she feels like she did it too soon... maybe they started to move forward and never dealt with some of the hurt and the betrayal and the pain from the past. And now, they’re in the forgiveness process
When you're rebuilding your marriage, you don't just want to go back to where you were. You want to make it better than it ever was before! And that’s why we at Marriage Helper are dedicated to teaching reconciliation in a way that provides hope and a framework of exactly what you and your spouse need to do in order to move towards the actual reconciliation of your marriage.
That's why we created the new exploring reconciliation course for you and your spouse to go through together. Whether you’re saying, “We're interested. I'm willing to consider what reconciliation might look like. Even though I'm not committed to this marriage right now.” Or, it could be that your spouse has been out of the marriage, but now you’ve experienced a softening in your relationship to where your spouse is saying, “I'm not committing yet, but I would be interested in seeing if we could make it work.” Or, maybe both of you are saying you’re in, but we need help in navigating how this works. Both of those groups. This is for you: marriagehelper.com/product/ex...
Now, if you're in the spot right now where you're saying my spouse has moved back in, but they're really still angry and negative, and don't want anything to do with the marriage. Then this isn't for you yet. We have other courses for you, the save my marriage course, or if you can get your spouse to agree, to go with you to one of our turnaround weekend workshops that are online or in person, when that is available, then that is a great option for you.
Learn more about the Save My Marriage Course: marriagehelper.com/product/sa...
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I like the reference to the Bible as "my favourite book"
Talking through the pain and issues is soo freeing and healing even if you don't reconcile. It's not only the Godly thing to do, it's the mature thing to do.
Definitely feeling like the pain I went through needs to be heard and acknowledged. That's were my resentment come from.
very well explained and said.❤️
If we choose to forgive our offender, it is more for our own benefit.. we become free from pain and anger, and we will have peace of mind. Forgive and forget doesn' t really mean we have to forget, but it means we forgive without dwelling on the past. It is God's command that we must always forgive😊
I Wish my wife would watch these.
She gets angry at me whenever i mention anything regarding reconciliation...
Same
good luck brother. hope you see some positive change.
Been working on my P.I.E.S., re-establishing my relationship with God. I've been studying a sermon series on forgiveness (Forgiveness University through Transformation Church). I was nervous to watch this video because I am easily distracted by worry and insecurity and have been trying REALLY hard to exercise wisdom in what I do/don't listen to... my favorite book also says 70x7. Thank you for creating this video and re-presenting this important topic in a way that is easy to understand!
Forgiveness definitely is a process. I tried to quickly forgive my wife after exposing her affair 5-plus years ago. Her lack of remorse and desire to reconcile has really set me back and hindered that process.
Yes, like you said I can't control my wife's choice to betray me or hurt me again and I need to just push through with forgiveness. We both have hurt each other and I really would like to find a way to heal and move forward - together if possible but possibly as divorced individuals. Getting to the point now that her lack of wanting to reconnect has killed my heart and hope that we have a future together.
I wish my husband understand my reconciliation 😭
Your concepts & ways of saving relationship gave me hope. I was practicing some of it already before I saw your channel and it is really effective. As some parts of SMART & PIES really work. And finding this channel confirms it. There are contents that I like to share with my husband but I'm afraid he is going to see them as I am staging things. May I ask, is it safe to share this channel with him?
Why is the feeling of shame and guilt bad? I would think that them feeling that would help them to truly understand just how bad and impactful their decisions were
True
Yes I forgive my husband we both said sorry to each other. Want our marriage work
My husband had an affair with what I thought was a close friend. I told her straight away that I forgave her when I didn't know enough of the extent. What resulted was intense anger when I realised the truth. Now, I would say I have gotten to a place that I feel forgiveness for the actions of both. And don't feel as much anger now.
thank you so much for the encouragement but if may ask please help
does it really mean when you forgive you have to go back into that marriage,there still a lot of fears that might get hurt again.
I’ve been trying to fix my marriage since January I was fine up until September when I new she was cheating the hardest part is trying to tell her how it felt but she is one of those people who once a fight happens she will forget about the fight after an hour. She acts like nothing never happened
I totally understand how you feel. I know that it isn’t healthy to wallow too long nevertheless I need some type of communication about big issues rather than a simple apology and that’s it.
My husband isn't even ashamed about his major infidelities.
@@deborahrouse5644 he probably never will be ashamed
@@imperialservices9892 😢
We want to make it marriage. 😮 azaming ❤ and will watch more videos…
Amen. Holding onto unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting your spouse to die.
What if you forgive, but you know your spouse is still lying to you and acting out? How do you treat them? How do you act around them? How can you be normal with them?
Read the book love must be touch by dr Dobson. Make him grovel or move on unless you want to live the rest of you life feeling like a doormat.
@@karikari7336 🎯 Exactly