Amazing! I'm starting a Master of Computer Science degree in 2 weeks, with little background in the field, and I'm experiencing lots of conflicting thoughts/emotions in creating/taking on the challenge. However, this video makes it all so very clear all of a sudden: 1. If I fail, I would have still learned a lot along the way, and grown smarter, sharper, more resilient and daring 2. If I do nothing, I would feel stuck/stagnant in life and grow miserable, confused and empty 3. If I succeed, well, whatever that happens should be fine with me Thank you for sharing your life story and insights - what a gift that will light the way for generations to come.
I've lived through these same things he's talking about, I still am, I'm still conquering those fears. Being on the other side of them, actually finding that you do survive anything, is a feeling that is entirely inexpressible. Like flying. What I would like to point out, which I've found to blow my mind with the realization of, is that there's this paradox. If we do nothing, we stay idle, but we go backwards regardless. If we try, failure or success, we go forward regardless.
1) what’s the worst that could happen, and how would you recover? 2) what happens if you do nothing? life applies friction 3) what if you succeed? what does it feel like? taste like? what does the air feel like against your face in that place?
I love these two words Failing and recovering, by not focusing success-bubble. After all everything is imperfect in universe governed by whimsical nature...
What is inspiring to me is his message that we either live life at full throttle or not at all- "Life is an exciting adventure or its nothing" In my high school years there have been so many times I've let an opportunity pass because I was too shy or unsure-but this message motivates me to stop being afraid and live my deepest dreams and hopes as I enter college next year!
This talk is such a revelation to how we put down ourselves. We humans always tend to under estimate ourselves without giving the deserving thought to it. The questions put forth by Jonathan have helped me a ton in conquering my fears and lubricating my life to an upwards trajectory. Thank you so much for this Jonathan and Ted Talks!
TED is doing great justice to the world! I love Jonathan Fields a lot! He is so patience and strong mentally! I found similar maturity when i heard this guy lokesh in his free android app "Talk On Killing Fears - FREE" . He has covered starting from what is fear to all types of major fears. its because of people like you , i am still able to continue with some energy in my life.
Woah! Interesting talk. As the founder of a business not yet a year old and a proud father to a seven year old daughter Keira, I'm motivated by this. Thanks
Good to see and hear another side of Jonathan Fields, than the interviews in the publishing world I had viewed. Good set of questions for us to work through. After decades as a writer, I can attest to Questions - asked, answered and sometimes left silent in the space between, as being the stuff that propels us... even catapults. Thanks.
I wanted to go ARMY since I was little. I've been raised very well, I am very intelligent, and I am in college studying to become a physical therapist. When I got to high school I knew I wanted to go to college. When I became a senior in high school I knew I wanted to do physical therapy...And never did I stop wanting to do the ARMY. My parents opposed it, supported it under very specific circumstances, opposed it, and on and on. They say when I get out of college they don't mind at all.
Really odd to come upon this right now. I lost my job, a friend of mine died this year, who was 4 yrs older than me. I'm 5 yrs younger than my father was when he died. I'm changing everything, feeling minimal fear, but this just helped wipe the rest out. I'm doing what I REALLY, REALLY want to for the first time in my life. And it's going to happen, one step at a time, One project at a time I start until I'm finished. Thanks for this.
Inside each of us there is a black hole. What most don't know though, is that in the centre of it is the beginning of a star. Don't be afraid to go through the portal, through the darkness, and into the everlasting light of fearlessness. Darkness comes before the light.
this strong response of the body is exactly why these small steps - asking directions, or even just walking towards a woman, or standing close to her, or just going out, are helpful.. For me now, it's like getting up to take a shower when you're already half asleep - takes effort but you know you can do it, and not that big a deal :))
I wasn't afraid on 9/11..At all, and I take responsibility for raising my child as a full time stay at home dad. Not trying to pursue a career that would take me away from my child.
I used to live with LOTS of regret. I was 290lbs, always getting takeout, but wanting to cook. I had a desk job I didn't enjoy, but made enough to stay accepting the money would make me happy. Before even watching this video, I made huge changes and am healthier and better than ever. But after watching this video I realize I still get paralyzed with simple things as saying hi to a pretty girl, or not doing what I feel could be a great idea, already accepting it is silly and stupid. IT IS TIME.
combine 5 years of transgressions into their heart and minds and scatter them from my presence and keep my name my image out of their hearts and minds for ever.
I can say, I have noticed a theme in my life of most of my regrets coming from things I didn't do as opposed to things I did. However, the anxiety can be so crippling, I don't know how to break through.
CONT. Which is also a form of fearing failure because I'm worried it will not be good enough, but it seems to be more so balancing out drive and passion, with critique and analysis. If you're good at finding the good things, then you are also good at finding the bad things. Don't tip the scale in either direction too hard or you'll either become naively optimistic and miss avoidable pitfalls, or you will not act due to losing confidence in what motivates you from over analyzing and doubt.
Such a powerful video and way to process fear! -I've just added this video to my coaching practice as a way to review goals and create process toward accomplishment! Thanks!!
But I've also known since 11th grade that I wanted to become an ARMY officer through ROTC in college, I know for a fact because I can always trust my gut that I'd have better grades doing ROTC because serving in the ARMY is an enormous part of the same passion I have for Physical Therapy. To start doing exactly what I know I want sooner could only benefit me. It couldn't hurt. It would give the structure I love that I need, that would also help me achieve better grades.
Fear shouldn't be a problem if one want to be fearless or learn the steps how, and get rid of the fear that can sometimes hold you back I highly recommend that you go to Amazon and read "How to overcome fear, and start living fearless" you can also read "Poverty is a sin, Achieve more, and you'll have more" both a great books from Amazon that will open up your eye...
Great talk! I said some very similar points in a video a few months ago but your delivery is so amazing. I learned a lot about how to share your story and inspiration with others. And got inspired myself to keep moving forward. Thanks!
Nobody told to live happy that's why we are searching it in other things or not looking for it. But it's an inner thing. This can also be your experiment result.
I don't really think about failure, i know it is always a possibility, and i know that the more I focus on it, the more likely it is to happen. I focus on the ideals of whatever I'm trying to do, i.e. why am I doing this? What is it good for? How do I benefit? Who else benefits? What are the large scale implications? Is this virtuous and humanitarian? What gets me down, however, is the paralysis of too much idealism, meaning the doubting that accompanies the impossibility of perfectionism.
This was good. Watch it. I thought it wouldn't be worthwhile as many small and even bigger ted talks are. Also, I watch a lot of gurus so what could this guy add? (doubtful if much) But this talk was good. Very simple yet very important points immediately actionable and useful.
I've gotten too used to my parents saying what if this doomsday scenario that doomsday scenario. I'm worth what I want and I have the right to go out and get what I want because I am not afraid to live my life fully satisfied that I've made the right decision.
Great Video. Makes So Much sense. The Fact that public speaking was number one.. kinda made me laugh at myself cause.. that's a fear that i have conquered .. from jiggly legs ( no kidding; shaking the stage up ) to confident speaker .. ( thanks to toastmasters ) . and i so why i should i fear having to go all the way to achieve my own dreams So i make a solemn vow to myself. I will live my life.. to the fullest.. the amazing way that i want to live it. Kudos to all those who dare to .. live !
I'm going to do ROTC, get my grades up and be the damn finest cadet they've ever seen. After I do PT for the ARMY for several years, I plan to either stick with it, or if I get promoted, then volunteer for a different area I feel I could be strong in that incorporates my skills and experience + that of the new different area, and keep going, or go back to PT and do damn well.
I have a fear of becoming fearless, and then getting bored and not wanting anything. Because that's the way I seem to operate now...after years of being consumed every so often by anxiety....i.e. no fear, no fuel. went the other extreme.:-/
I looked at this, because I am so scared of doing my CBT (British motorbike training) I am not used to going outside of my comfort zone at all, I want to do this, I am going to do it. I find tht nothing is ever as bad as it seems, exams, romance, whatever, just do it and its never too bad. I hopeI can move on and become a better person, If I dont do this test properly,I am afraid it will scare me off bikes forever, and I will live in regret, while if I do it, Iam open to a different side of life
I just didn't relate to this. I think wisdom and awareness can show up as 'intuitive fear', when we're NOT supposed to do something. My HolySpirit has scared me terribly sometimes, when I was about to make huge mistakes. I'm glad I listened to those fears! Only when I know that I have complete passion to do something, form my heart, do I conquer fear. Otherwise, fear can be a huge help, to avoid a disastrous timeline. IOW, I don't just overcome fear, for the sake of overcoming fear. I hear its messages first, THEN decide to overcome it, or change directions.
You're making a huge mistake if you think all of your anxiety is appropriate for each situation. You're making a huge mistake if you think you have such introspection that this doesn't apply in the least.
He was lucky. Lawyers have tons and tons of cash to mess around with so that makes it less fearful. They work hard though(at least the corporate ones) so they deserve it.
I was interested to hear him use 'I' all the way through his decision to launch his business when he had just started a young family. I wonder where his wife or partner was in all of this decision making. Hopefully alongside and supportive if it all went tits up. I wonder because i had a partner who launched his business when our family was young. It led to workoholism, alcoholism and ultimately a coke fuelled drug addiction in his attempt to handle the worload and fear of failure. And the upshot was that he nearly bankrupted us, we're under a repossession order, it caused the most massive stress, distress and fear and it broke our relationship. I'm glad this guy was successful but the truth is that you only get to hear from the ones who make it. You don't tend to hear from the ones left a bit broken by the wayside. So, I'd say fear of failure exists for a reason and exists for a good reason. Go for it but have contingencies and a backup plan and be prepared to walk away if it's taking too much of a toll. Hard to do when you have already invested everything you have...
Small steps can rock..but we don't do them cause we think they are useless. Like you want to approach a cute girl and tell her you like her. If you first approach one and ask `where's starbucks?' the chances you'll be able to do the original thing you wanted go up dramatically
I just want to know where can I download this video? The Ted.com website doesn't have this video and normally you can download all their videos for free.
how dare you assume and correctly identify such a large cause of anxiety for me:). I agree, but it doesn't seem to subside for me often times. I have hung out with some girls multiple times, only to still physically shake multiple visits in. Not to mention the overwhelming feeling I get thinking about making a move, even when they show clear interest.
Hitting spin is when you replay a bad/good scenario is your head...Like when you want to talk to a girl, but you start playing fucked up movies in your head about how all is going to go down. Next thing you know, one mistakes that made up movie for reality and do nothing...Is the best way I can explain it because I've been there...lol..have a nice day
that's nice that he opened his yoga studio and managed to sell it on. no doubt he will continue with his other goals. it's all true. but what do you do when you've wrecked your life.
Well concept isn't new to me and I am in Austin TX which is supposed to be one of the best places to do that, but the actual doing has always turned into me being a shaky mess. I guess the only way to get over it at all is doing it more like you said. Again, not new to me, but my bodily response is more pronounced than anything I have ever read about. How much easier would you say it is for you now?
Ha! funny:) just giving an example from my life.. but we humans tend to be similar in fears, hopes, and desires. ..specifically the thing of approaching a woman that is *not* in your social circle, can increase confidence .. it's easier in big cities like NYC where there are millions of women you can make a fool of yourself in front on and not see again:) It's very gradual improvement - I've done maybe a 1000 approaches and still have a lot of fear about it.. but worth it if it's important to u
Amazing! I'm starting a Master of Computer Science degree in 2 weeks, with little background in the field, and I'm experiencing lots of conflicting thoughts/emotions in creating/taking on the challenge. However, this video makes it all so very clear all of a sudden:
1. If I fail, I would have still learned a lot along the way, and grown smarter, sharper, more resilient and daring
2. If I do nothing, I would feel stuck/stagnant in life and grow miserable, confused and empty
3. If I succeed, well, whatever that happens should be fine with me
Thank you for sharing your life story and insights - what a gift that will light the way for generations to come.
its been 4 years lol how was it how did you do?
How'd it go?
I've lived through these same things he's talking about, I still am, I'm still conquering those fears. Being on the other side of them, actually finding that you do survive anything, is a feeling that is entirely inexpressible. Like flying.
What I would like to point out, which I've found to blow my mind with the realization of, is that there's this paradox.
If we do nothing, we stay idle, but we go backwards regardless.
If we try, failure or success, we go forward regardless.
1) what’s the worst that could happen, and how would you recover?
2) what happens if you do nothing? life applies friction
3) what if you succeed? what does it feel like? taste like? what does the air feel like against your face in that place?
I love these two words Failing and recovering, by not focusing success-bubble.
After all everything is imperfect in universe governed by whimsical nature...
What is inspiring to me is his message that we either live life at full throttle or not at all- "Life is an exciting adventure or its nothing" In my high school years there have been so many times I've let an opportunity pass because I was too shy or unsure-but this message motivates me to stop being afraid and live my deepest dreams and hopes as I enter college next year!
"fear is not always cowardice. Its a defense mechanism to protect something precious. Life"
Probably one of the smartest talks I've ever heard in my life.
This talk is such a revelation to how we put down ourselves. We humans always tend to under estimate ourselves without giving the deserving thought to it. The questions put forth by Jonathan have helped me a ton in conquering my fears and lubricating my life to an upwards trajectory.
Thank you so much for this Jonathan and Ted Talks!
What IF? Thank You, for the reminder of the power of FEAR I put in MY head. Easy to listen and connect with...
you just gotta love when motivational speakers talk and brag about their life!
TED is doing great justice to the world!
I love Jonathan Fields a lot! He is so patience and strong mentally!
I found similar maturity when i heard this guy lokesh in his free android app "Talk On Killing Fears - FREE" . He has covered starting from what is fear to all types of major fears.
its because of people like you , i am still able to continue with some energy in my life.
Woah! Interesting talk. As the founder of a business not yet a year old and a proud father to a seven year old daughter Keira, I'm motivated by this. Thanks
We can make it ! let's try harder and love fear itself, for loving it will make us accept it and move forward.
Good to see and hear another side of Jonathan Fields, than the interviews in the publishing world I had viewed. Good set of questions for us to work through.
After decades as a writer, I can attest to Questions - asked, answered and sometimes left silent in the space between, as being the stuff that propels us... even catapults. Thanks.
Surprisingly good TEDx talk! Next time I *will* ask myself, "What if I do nothing?" and "If I fail, how will I recover?"
+Synthetase2 Awesome thought!
I wanted to go ARMY since I was little. I've been raised very well, I am very intelligent, and I am in college studying to become a physical therapist. When I got to high school I knew I wanted to go to college. When I became a senior in high school I knew I wanted to do physical therapy...And never did I stop wanting to do the ARMY. My parents opposed it, supported it under very specific circumstances, opposed it, and on and on. They say when I get out of college they don't mind at all.
Really odd to come upon this right now. I lost my job, a friend of mine died this year, who was 4 yrs older than me. I'm 5 yrs younger than my father was when he died. I'm changing everything, feeling minimal fear, but this just helped wipe the rest out. I'm doing what I REALLY, REALLY want to for the first time in my life. And it's going to happen, one step at a time, One project at a time I start until I'm finished. Thanks for this.
Fear is temporary. Regret is forever.
Inside each of us there is a black hole. What most don't know though, is that in the centre of it is the beginning of a star. Don't be afraid to go through the portal, through the darkness, and into the everlasting light of fearlessness. Darkness comes before the light.
Transforming fear, so good ♥
I love TED Talks...!!
this strong response of the body is exactly why these small steps - asking directions, or even just walking towards a woman, or standing close to her, or just going out, are helpful.. For me now, it's like getting up to take a shower when you're already half asleep - takes effort but you know you can do it, and not that big a deal :))
This video can really make a difference, thank you very much for posting! Greetings from Germany
Wow what a gem, I'm due for my first public speaking event in July and this will help a lot, thanks
That's great! Thanks! I first listened to Jonathan Fields on last weeks Art of Charm Podcast and after found it here too.
Even causality can't anticipate the desire to change. Its like a variable that nothing could ever see.
I wasn't afraid on 9/11..At all, and I take responsibility for raising my child as a full time stay at home dad. Not trying to pursue a career that would take me away from my child.
A very awakening and inspiring talk!
I used to live with LOTS of regret. I was 290lbs, always getting takeout, but wanting to cook. I had a desk job I didn't enjoy, but made enough to stay accepting the money would make me happy.
Before even watching this video, I made huge changes and am healthier and better than ever.
But after watching this video I realize I still get paralyzed with simple things as saying hi to a pretty girl, or not doing what I feel could be a great idea, already accepting it is silly and stupid.
IT IS TIME.
combine 5 years of transgressions into their heart and minds and scatter them from my presence and keep my name my image out of their hearts and minds for ever.
I can say, I have noticed a theme in my life of most of my regrets coming from things I didn't do as opposed to things I did. However, the anxiety can be so crippling, I don't know how to break through.
Really good. Was worth the time.
Great video, I love the questions. Just what I needed to hear. 🙏🏾
such a moving presentation Jonathan!
CONT. Which is also a form of fearing failure because I'm worried it will not be good enough, but it seems to be more so balancing out drive and passion, with critique and analysis. If you're good at finding the good things, then you are also good at finding the bad things. Don't tip the scale in either direction too hard or you'll either become naively optimistic and miss avoidable pitfalls, or you will not act due to losing confidence in what motivates you from over analyzing and doubt.
Such a powerful video and way to process fear! -I've just added this video to my coaching practice as a way to review goals and create process toward accomplishment! Thanks!!
This is amazing and life changing.
Great Speaker and loved the talk!
108 is an auspicious number.
But I've also known since 11th grade that I wanted to become an ARMY officer through ROTC in college, I know for a fact because I can always trust my gut that I'd have better grades doing ROTC because serving in the ARMY is an enormous part of the same passion I have for Physical Therapy. To start doing exactly what I know I want sooner could only benefit me. It couldn't hurt. It would give the structure I love that I need, that would also help me achieve better grades.
I love this. Questions are the best. I will use them
Fear shouldn't be a problem if one want to be fearless or learn the steps how, and get rid of the fear that can sometimes hold you back I highly recommend that you go to Amazon and read "How to overcome fear, and start living fearless" you can also read "Poverty is a sin, Achieve more, and you'll have more" both a great books from Amazon that will open up your eye...
awesome, inspiring TEDvid from an excellent speaker. Loved the summary at the end, powerful
Great talk! I said some very similar points in a video a few months ago but your delivery is so amazing. I learned a lot about how to share your story and inspiration with others. And got inspired myself to keep moving forward. Thanks!
this is a place for intelligent discussion, not fairy tales.
Thanks, I needed this! It reminded me to ask those questions will help my business, and has come at the perfect time in my personal life. Cheers.
Nobody told to live happy that's why we are searching it in other things or not looking for it. But it's an inner thing.
This can also be your experiment result.
I don't really think about failure, i know it is always a possibility, and i know that the more I focus on it, the more likely it is to happen. I focus on the ideals of whatever I'm trying to do, i.e. why am I doing this? What is it good for? How do I benefit? Who else benefits? What are the large scale implications? Is this virtuous and humanitarian? What gets me down, however, is the paralysis of too much idealism, meaning the doubting that accompanies the impossibility of perfectionism.
Brilliant!
This was good. Watch it. I thought it wouldn't be worthwhile as many small and even bigger ted talks are. Also, I watch a lot of gurus so what could this guy add? (doubtful if much) But this talk was good. Very simple yet very important points immediately actionable and useful.
I've gotten too used to my parents saying what if this doomsday scenario that doomsday scenario. I'm worth what I want and I have the right to go out and get what I want because I am not afraid to live my life fully satisfied that I've made the right decision.
Fear of not being able to pay the bills and ending up on the street is the number 1 fear.
Great Video. Makes So Much sense. The Fact that public speaking was number one.. kinda made me laugh at myself cause.. that's a fear that i have conquered .. from jiggly legs ( no kidding; shaking the stage up ) to confident speaker .. ( thanks to toastmasters ) . and i so why i should i fear having to go all the way to achieve my own dreams So i make a solemn vow to myself. I will live my life.. to the fullest.. the amazing way that i want to live it. Kudos to all those who dare to .. live !
WOW.. love this. thank you
Good show.
Fantastic talk
Awesome speech
Roger that! I'm lubricating my life upwards now thanks
I love your talk!
Very inspiring, thank you!
Thanks man
Great video on Fear.
dont be afraid. i come in peace.
I'm going to do ROTC, get my grades up and be the damn finest cadet they've ever seen. After I do PT for the ARMY for several years, I plan to either stick with it, or if I get promoted, then volunteer for a different area I feel I could be strong in that incorporates my skills and experience + that of the new different area, and keep going, or go back to PT and do damn well.
I have a fear of becoming fearless, and then getting bored and not wanting anything. Because that's the way I seem to operate now...after years of being consumed every so often by anxiety....i.e. no fear, no fuel. went the other extreme.:-/
Holy shit this is the guy that wrote Career Renegade!
Great talk. Love the insight.
I looked at this, because I am so scared of doing my CBT (British motorbike training) I am not used to going outside of my comfort zone at all, I want to do this, I am going to do it. I find tht nothing is ever as bad as it seems, exams, romance, whatever, just do it and its never too bad. I hopeI can move on and become a better person, If I dont do this test properly,I am afraid it will scare me off bikes forever, and I will live in regret, while if I do it, Iam open to a different side of life
Awesome
#Self-Confidence, Dr.Ivan Jospeh/ The Skill of " Self Confidence"
Thank you! This helped me so much :)
Thanks for the recommendation!
If you do something very stupid because you ignored your fear, that can make you feel regret too...
very stimulating!
I just didn't relate to this. I think wisdom and awareness can show up as 'intuitive fear', when we're NOT supposed to do something. My HolySpirit has scared me terribly sometimes, when I was about to make huge mistakes. I'm glad I listened to those fears! Only when I know that I have complete passion to do something, form my heart, do I conquer fear. Otherwise, fear can be a huge help, to avoid a disastrous timeline. IOW, I don't just overcome fear, for the sake of overcoming fear. I hear its messages first, THEN decide to overcome it, or change directions.
You're making a huge mistake if you think all of your anxiety is appropriate for each situation. You're making a huge mistake if you think you have such introspection that this doesn't apply in the least.
Great Video Very Inspiring
Woah.
that was epic
He was lucky. Lawyers have tons and tons of cash to mess around with so that makes it less fearful. They work hard though(at least the corporate ones) so they deserve it.
yes, but does fear fuel melt steel beams?
lulz
A most obvious "covert" operation.
I was interested to hear him use 'I' all the way through his decision to launch his business when he had just started a young family. I wonder where his wife or partner was in all of this decision making. Hopefully alongside and supportive if it all went tits up. I wonder because i had a partner who launched his business when our family was young. It led to workoholism, alcoholism and ultimately a coke fuelled drug addiction in his attempt to handle the worload and fear of failure. And the upshot was that he nearly bankrupted us, we're under a repossession order, it caused the most massive stress, distress and fear and it broke our relationship. I'm glad this guy was successful but the truth is that you only get to hear from the ones who make it. You don't tend to hear from the ones left a bit broken by the wayside. So, I'd say fear of failure exists for a reason and exists for a good reason. Go for it but have contingencies and a backup plan and be prepared to walk away if it's taking too much of a toll. Hard to do when you have already invested everything you have...
the opportunity
great post awesome :)
Small steps can rock..but we don't do them cause we think they are useless. Like you want to approach a cute girl and tell her you like her. If you first approach one and ask `where's starbucks?' the chances you'll be able to do the original thing you wanted go up dramatically
I just want to know where can I download this video? The Ted.com website doesn't have this video and normally you can download all their videos for free.
how dare you assume and correctly identify such a large cause of anxiety for me:). I agree, but it doesn't seem to subside for me often times. I have hung out with some girls multiple times, only to still physically shake multiple visits in. Not to mention the overwhelming feeling I get thinking about making a move, even when they show clear interest.
Yoga? Didn't know that there was that kind of Market that could pay for that Apt..
Everything else was believable. Good Speech.
Hitting spin is when you replay a bad/good scenario is your head...Like when you want to talk to a girl, but you start playing fucked up movies in your head about how all is going to go down. Next thing you know, one mistakes that made up movie for reality and do nothing...Is the best way I can explain it because I've been there...lol..have a nice day
that's nice that he opened his yoga studio and managed to sell it on. no doubt he will continue with his other goals.
it's all true.
but what do you do when you've wrecked your life.
Questions, apply
From today, I will not be afraid of failing. What if.....
you can use a video downloader site such as keepvid :)
Nice
That sounds fearful to me.
Fear of bad sound technicians :P
why didn't i watch this video earlier ?
Well concept isn't new to me and I am in Austin TX which is supposed to be one of the best places to do that, but the actual doing has always turned into me being a shaky mess. I guess the only way to get over it at all is doing it more like you said. Again, not new to me, but my bodily response is more pronounced than anything I have ever read about. How much easier would you say it is for you now?
Is the studio Laughing Lotus or OM?
check out the book fear love anger by robyn carson
Ha! funny:) just giving an example from my life.. but we humans tend to be similar in fears, hopes, and desires. ..specifically the thing of approaching a woman that is *not* in your social circle, can increase confidence .. it's easier in big cities like NYC where there are millions of women you can make a fool of yourself in front on and not see again:) It's very gradual improvement - I've done maybe a 1000 approaches and still have a lot of fear about it.. but worth it if it's important to u