i do not wish to be perceived?
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 พ.ค. 2024
- Welcome to our Weekly Porch Coffee. Not much happening with me this week, other than feeling like i want to be alone and yet also like I should be around others more. Not sure how to fix this feeling other than just to wait through it. How was your week?
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Hi! I’m Claire, and this is my channel, Woodshed Theory. Here you will find the awkward ramblings of an adult autist. I love being creative and sharing my experiences with you. Subscribe to see more DIYs and Autism Discussions on your feed!
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"I do not wish to be perceived" sounds like a good idea for a T-shirt.
I might be wrong but I think she has one on Etsy
i do :)
The Crows are confirming everything you say...
they were!
Hi fellow earthlings! I finally managed to make a coffee and enjoy porch coffee on my balcony! My crows don't have much to say around here, but the other birds are pretty loud. So I'm fully "in style" this time 😊.
I always want to comment after watching the video, but I don't want to bring you all down with the bad news my life provides at the moment.
But I do read your comments. Greetings from Germany 👋
I'm learning that when I feel overwhelmed and want to isolate that it's ok.. I remove the guilt and go sit outside and stare at the world. You are doing really well, you help folks like me. You're a natural at what you're doing here and it this will only grow for you. Thank you Claire ♥
I couldn't agree more😊 removing the guilt is hard, not picking it back up later is a struggle for me too.
and THEN, someone follows me outside and starts asking me questions.... LOL
@@lizzieb7373😂
@@lizzieb7373 of course they do🤣
Those portentous crows are hilarious!! Appropriate for me because winter is coming....Well, I have been isolating on and off for 58 years 😊Not much from me this week. Hanging in there, by a thread. Hope everyone has an awesome week!! And thank you for the coffee 💖
Hope it’s a strong thread! And that you have a good week!
Crows used to be an interest of mine for a time. They are soooo freaking smart, it's amazing. :) they can remember a human face for up to 5 years, and tell their buddies and family members if you are a nice person or not. It's crazy! :)
@@T.T.M.60 thanks! hope your week is good too!!
@@ladyphoenix_111 That is amazing about their memory! We have ravens where I live, and they have my respect. I love the birds. My favourites include the Australian magpie, and the black cockatoos. 🪶
@@lindaT82 Ohhhhh I have a new bird to learn about now!! :D ❤️ thank you, LindaT82!! :)
Magpies are actually related to crows and ravens, I believe. I think they are corvids too. They are also very smart! These birds have been found to be as smart as people. Like up to a child or adolescent person! I will find a great documentary for you if you are interested in crows and corvids. It's called, "A Murder of Crows". It's a National Geographic special I found on TH-cam. Thank you for sharing this with me, I was having a shutdown yesterday. And I was depressed trying to figure out how to get back on track today. And just you mentioning this about other birds cheered me up! (Hugs to you, if you hug) :D ❤️ 🦅💃🏻🤸🏻♀️
I will find the link and add it here in a min... Brb. :)
th-cam.com/video/i4Sc0zIAHtI/w-d-xo.htmlsi=7VaRZq_ewuEMIj9f
I don't know if this link will work in comments. But if not, just type "A Murder of Crows" in the TH-cam search bar. There are a few things that pop up, but it's the National Geographic one. The cool thing is that if you have a smart TV, you can play it on your TV from your phone! Very cool. 🤓😎 (Think I am gonna watch it now! Lol)
Winter is coming for you, did you say? What country or continent do you live? It's turning into summer here. ⛱️🌞🌅 Do you live in Australia?
(Sorry this is long) Oh! There is an experiment they do with local crows in this doc. They wear these weird face masks, and the crows could identify them, and tell their chicks which ones were nice or not. And then the chicks were later able to identify them! So crazy. Enjoy if you and interested! :)
I guess we're all in those introspective moments wanting outward but just keeping to ourselves inertia like... Sometimes alone time is good. I'm just coming out of about 2 weeks of that lol. Summer is when I build for winter.
Haha, I like that "Summer is when I build up for winter".
Hi Claire, how about "melancholy" as your descriptive word for this week. In terms of your desire to do "more", how about you practice showing yourself some grace. "More" has been an ongoing problem for me because I (we?) set very high expectations, often that can't be met. "More" seems to lead to burnout which ends up with "No More".
Hey friends, I don't wanna talk about my week really. I'm grumpy. I hope u guys r doing good. I did watch the collab, late but still it counts. It was so great to see you all together
no pressure to talk about your week :)
Morning! This was a great episode. I relate to not wanting to be perceived and self-isolating. I look forward to each of your Autistic People Talking podcasts.
thanks friend
May went so fast. As a parent I plan vacations in the summer for myself and hubby, and the kids get a vacay by staying with the grandparents! As for how my week went, oh my! It was filled with love and support and shout outs, the yarn and crochet community can be so loving and supportive to new creators!
welcome to the community
Ugh indeed LOL 😂 I can’t believe those disrespectful crows don’t they know your taping Porch Coffee. First welcome new #mugclub members. For those in Europe mugs are shipped out of Spain so no long wait when you get your mug.
I’ve been struggling with balance. I’ve noticed hyper fixation kicks in more often lately and when it does nothing else matters. I don’t notice anything and before I know it it’s 1am and I haven’t eaten or gone to the bathroom given attention to my cats responded to messages etcetera. I’m starting up my leather work again this week and I worry that I won’t be able to find the off switch.
This week was another quite week more gardening and such. Garden work really never stops I have harvesting to do this week.
Membership notifications are the only notifications I do get and they make a noise as they come in. So that live I definitely won’t miss. I slept through your group live unfortunately but he it’s okay to miss some 😂.
I’m doing a couple of day trips this year I’m going to Düsseldorf soon. For cigars but there is also a botanical garden there which I’ll visit depending on energy levels. I live in a really nice area of the Netherlands so I don’t really feel the need to go on vacation but day trips are fun.
Have a great week Claire and friends.
Nice, Berlin here, nice to see another "neighbour" 🙂 My oldest best friend from childhood lives in Düsseldorf, she has finished her art-studies there at Thomas-Ruff-class (fotography) at the famous modern academy and lives since then there as an artist (we are around 50 years now) that can live on that, but often is on "artist on residence" or things like that all over the world.
Düsseldorf is very well known for art in Germany (and I guess worldwide or at least in europe?).
So maybe You plan in some times for galleries or things like that.
@@katzenbekloppt_mf If energy allows I definitely plan on seeing some art.
Sometimes, not having much to say can mean it was a pretty good week. I'm excited. I thrifted a perfect chest of drawers with loads of space for all my craft supplies. Now I get to spend time going through my stash and organising it all. 😀
That’s wonderful!
Yes, pretty much every day. Try to think of something else.
Cheers to the "worst" porch coffee, and the crows.
Otherwise, the struggle is definitely real with being perceived by others. On that note, I can only speak for what has helped me when I go into a public setting like a store: I try to be mindful/introspective of my brain/limits, having some routine, wearing comfortable clothes, using earbuds/headphones to listen to podcasts/music, try to go to stores during slower hours, allow for recharge/alone time, etc.
I like the sound of crows.
me too!
Thanks Clare !!!!!
hello
Good Morning
Morning
So my week started out the same. Feeling like an imposter. Not living up to my expectations academically. Ive graduated but dealing with the aftermath. Pretty sure im in butnout and scared. I have no concept of my limits yet. I hope its a short one. Im trying to heal. Getting rest is making me feel unproductive. I just know people in school and work environments takes are the cause. Moving towards the end of the week. My graduation present to myself was to go to a concert. It was so much fun. I really needed it. Hoping to carry this energy into this new week. Im paying more close attention to myself to learn what signs I need to be wary of as far as preventative care.
“I don't want to be alone, I want to be left alone.”
Audrey Hepburn
I think this quote sums it up in some ways. We don’t want to be lonely, but it is utterly exhausting trying to navigate society.
good quote
I feel this way often and am a total recluse. I just can't socialize anymore, it's like I've lost the skill and the will to put myself in the discomfort that is socializing. I think that is why my relationships struggle because typical people need to get together and chat and I don't because I'd rather stay in my controlled and comfortable environment.
I can relate to the feeling of not wanting to be perceived. It's hard as an elementary school teacher when those feelings happen to me. At the end of the day (during those times) I just go home and exist in my solitary space. It passes eventually, I usually need some time (more than just like a weekend). I hope to be able to reset over the summer and get some needed extra medical care and assistance for my chronic fatigue and my untreated ADD.
I do have a summer trip planned. My mom planned it for me (bless her). It is centered around my special interests (baseball, museums and food).
No summer plans. Little to no funds for it. I would like to travel but that's also hard with my child, even when there's money. Someday I will.
I also am afraid of being perceived. I recently moved to a more affordable home with a nice porch, but have neighbors right next to us and part of me doesnt want to sit out there for long periods of time because then people can see me.
Good morning Claire!
I understand the feeling of not living up to my own expectations. Something I really struggle with, it’s insidious like a negative rainbow, even if I have a “good” week the expectations just push out further so I still can’t ever meet them.
April and May went so fast, we are really getting into warm weather already.
As for planning, we plan camps for our daughter so she has things to do on her summer break. The trips we plan for all of us.
Morning Claire ☕️. Love hearing nature during your PCs. Not the worst. Identify w what you share. Be Well. Have a wonderful week 💞🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💞👊
Thank you! You too!
Terrible porch coffee! Nah, I liked it, as always. The crows cracked me up. Sometimes we want to hide away. I think if any community would understand, it would be an autistic community.
My partner’s estranged parents caused some drama last week and I’ve been dealing with the fallout from that ever since. I certainly wish we could hide away. We all just want peace and quiet. Crochet update: my giant Spyro amigurumi is coming together. I just need to sew on the front claws and the wings, and figure out how to make giant eyes without felting roving wool, per the pattern, because of allergies. I’m sure I’ll figure something out.
worst porch coffee ever
I just realised it was Monday, because we have half term and it's a bank holiday as well. Love that the Crows are singing to you in the background 😂. I often feel like I'm failing at life in most areas, and I just work on in one area for a while then I swap again. And what was organised and up to date then gets neglected while I catch up with something else. 🤔 I loved the joint live stream. No trips planned here, I plan on gardening more and keeping up with the house, our ASD and ADHD kids tend to prefer days out rather than trips away and having lots of pets we would only plan maybe a long weekend away or an over nightcdtah somewhere which is long enough for us all. April and May has zipped past this year I agree. Enjoy your week Claire. 😊
May has shot by! I'm a parent and our summer plans would be going to the river on sunny days with a picnic and swimsuits, or the beach. We never have any money as a single mum so 'holidays' were not a thing for us! I'm still waiting diagnosis -sigh- it could be years on the NHS in the UK. Good to see you. My social circle has certainly shrunk since my kids grew up, I don't have to go out to so many things anymore, what a relief! Happy week Claire :D
I opened the window at my work room and suddenly heard a lot of bird sounding. Didn't know which birds chiroing and singing. So I opened the app Merlin. A tip. Three new species on my list of encountered birds. Joy.
oh wow i need to get that app
Summer plans. Going to Söderköping in Sweden this summer. Week 30. Exploring the surroundings. Historical places, nature reserves, the sea and islands in St Anna area.
oh wow that sounds amazing
Identifying my autism started as this great epiphany, but, over time, I’ve realized the things I struggled with weren’t because I wasn’t identified as autistic but rather because I AM autistic. And that comes with the realization that those struggles aren’t going to go away, and that’s been kind of difficult to understand what it means and what I should do.
I really resonate with you on this.
Hello Claire ❤. I think the answer is not very satisfying. Sounds like this is a short bout that will pass like a wave. When you said your growing into yourself was deep. It's a great way to look at it. Growth may not always feel comfortable. Just take the time to feel what you feel. None of us perceive you as harshly as your inner critic. I am one who can just sit there in silence with someone when they don't want to talk.
same, and I really like that, feels often much more connected then talking
@katzenbekloppt2412 It really does. I feel that I would make it worse saying it's ok. I have no idea if it is. Sometimes it's just too early to talk about what's bothering you.
I feel the exact same way Claire, every thing you’ve said makes perfect sense to me. I do not wish to be perceived!
I think the mixed feelings on wanting to be perceived is due to wanting people to care about you and to know that they do, but from a distance. At least to me that's how it feels.
I've been struggling lately with trying to find my normal. I feel very aimless lately where if I don't have some chore to work on then I don't know what to do or who I am. The song I Don't Wanna Be by Gavin DeGraw perfectly explains it.
Happy Memorial Day for those in the U.S.!
I just got through a difficult month of running/lifting and have eased up some to get ready for a race June 1. Unlike last year, I'm feeling good about this one.
good luck with your prep for the race
👍👍👍👍👍
morning!
Planning trips and vacations is a special interest for me! I don't have kids. I just love traveling, learning about other cultures, geography/maps, and, yes, even trains, lol.
It's a pretty broad special interest that helps me with small talk in general. When meeting someone new I can usually bring the conversation around to it by asking people where they're from or whether they're looking forward to a vacation or something. I moved to a new state within the last few years, and there's a lot of transplants who live here. When I ride in an Uber or otherwise have to talk to someone new, that's kind of a standard script for me. "How long have you lived here? Where before that? Favorite things here or where you were?" People who are native to the area are going to be able to recommend something I didn't know about, too. It seems like I'm interested in the person (and I am!), but I'm also always planning trips in the back of my head and making notes for if/when I get to go somewhere. This helps me stay engaged in the conversation, too.
Gee, I should've prepared you for the info dump, but I guess saying it's a special interest should've done the job! Once I get rolling...
Anyway, I first realized late-identified autistic adults were even a thing because of Taylor's Disney DAS video (yes, I watch all the ones you live streamed with the other day-and y'all did great!-because learning about myself is also a spin). I had torn my ACL a month or two before a big family trip to Disneyland for my niece's first visit (I planned that trip for 7 people, because I'm one of those weird adults who loves to go). Disney said I'd need to rent a scooter and take it through the regular queues. At that point I was considering skipping the trip, because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle doing that. Less than a year prior to the trip I had (finally!) gotten an ADHD diagnosis and was able to use Taylor's tips to get the DAS pass based on that. It was a couple of months after the trip that I started to realize I might be autistic, too, because she had planted a seed. I'm confidently self-identified now, because ever since then I've researched the crap out of neurodivergence.
Let's get real, I research the crap out of anything that interests me. Earlier this week I was looking into Alaskan cruises, though I had sworn off cruises after I went on one over 20 years ago. Now that I went through visual therapy and don't get motion sickness like I used to, I'm reconsidering. However, I'm not sure how well the crowds and all will be for me now that I know about the autism, so I'm thinking I'll need to book that one for maybe the next year and save up for a balcony to have my own space away from all the people when I need a break.
Well, I should've been writing for my book instead, but you got me spinning and rambling. 😹 Hope you have a good week! And know it's OK to not do as much. I'm trying to tell myself the same. We just don't have the capacity most folks do.
Thanks Claire ❣I love monday morning porch coffees
Morning!
Claire - your 4-person live stream over at Orion’s channel was AWESOME. One of the most poignant, grown-up, insightful conversations by and for AuDHD+ people I have seen so far. Love, Darby (Just diagnosed, Age 58).
i'm so glad you enjoyed it
Each summer, I have been fortunate enough to be able to go on a trip to MT. This year it will be smaller in the sense that I won't be driving to see people. A rental car was too expensive, so instead I'll be staying with my cousin and her boyfriend in a rural part of MT. It will be in August and I'm looking forward to that! Little nervous too as leaving my kids for a week is hard. Really looking forward to the podcast! Hope you have a great week, Claire and friends!
A trip to MT sounds great, and a free place to stay sounds even better! I understand being nervous about leaving your kids behind; it’s always a struggle as a mom. 💙
Good morning Claire, I’m joining you for porch coffee from my terraza in central Mexico where I’m overlooking a beautiful colonial city with many 400+ year old churches. First time commenter here. Interesting that you don’t have a lot to say this morning. That’s ok because I do! It’s been a rough week for me with so many missed social cues and miscommunications that have left me feeling misunderstood and hopeless. I just need to vent.
I am a 53 yo self diagnosed AuDHD woman. I’ll be 54 in June. I had to take an early retirement (moved from the US to Mexico) at 51 due to perimenopause exacerbating my AuDHD and being unable to mask or work any longer. I thought I was losing my mind but over the past 2 years I have begun to unravel the very clear and obvious signs of my lifelong struggle with AuDHD. It explains everything. Perimenopause has definitely made everything I have always struggled with 10x worse. Social interactions, sensory issues, it’s amazing the role that estrogen plays in the brain of ADHD women and the fallout that occurs when it declines.
On taking trips: I recently went on a solo trip around my special interest (history and architecture) and had a very interesting experience. I booked 2 days in Mexico City and 3 days in Taxco, a quaint “Pueblo Mágico”. I assumed Mexico City would be too overwhelming which is why I planned to spend less time there. As it turns out, in Mexico City, the “personal space bubble” is very well respected and I have heard this is true in places like New York City as well. People are friendly and helpful when needed, but aside from that, no one smiles or makes eye contact with you on the streets. You really feel like you are NOT being perceived. It’s wonderful. Lots of opportunities for parallel play. I felt great there. But, from the moment I arrived in Taxco, a much smaller town, things took a turn for the worse. There was no concept of personal space and as I was taking in the sights, I was constantly interrupted, approached, pestered, perceived… it was relentless. By 2 pm the first day, I was having an anxiety attack in my hotel room, unable to force myself to go back out for food. I just wanted the cloak of invisibility.
I find this to be an interesting paradox because as you will find out soon enough, middle aged women are basically invisible in society. This is great for not being perceived, but I do get lonely and actually do want to connect sometimes. The problem is, when I do actually meet people, I just don’t feel like we really connect due to the neurodivergent/neurotypical communication barrier. I miss most of the social cues and hidden meanings in conversations which can make being around people feel more lonely than simply being alone.
Thanks for listening!
I’m a first to me commenter as well and I am also late (self) diagnosed at 57 and I believe that menopause made that happen too. So, thanks for bringing that issue up because I hadn’t heard of it before. I had a big burn out period at the end of last year which was when I started to be drawn to autistic creators on TH-cam and everything fell into place in my mind. I love the idea of porch coffee. Claire, you are one of my favorite autistic people on here. I really love your down to earth manner. I used to like holidays when I was younger going overseas to Europe to visit family. Now I like holidays at home here in Melbourne, Australia. ❤
@@eternalloveliness yes, there is a pretty huge connection between estrogen decline in perimenopause and women suddenly figuring out they are neurodivergent because they cannot keep up the masking any longer. You should check out the videos of Dr. Prof. Sandra Kooij in the Netherlands. She has done a lot of research on this topic.
Thanks for the tip. I will check her out ❤
"Worst Porch Coffee ever" and the crows voicing their opinion. Heh, now this feels like a real Porch Coffee. The chat with Niece was fun and the 4 pillars live stream was cool, but the message ticker was too much to follow. I think you guys should do it again sometime.
Anywho, I am feeling the need to withdraw from society for a while too. Have been picking up extra hours and working short handed a lot this past month and really getting burned out. But this is the last week of school, so we are almost there. Then it's just me and the kiddos (and occasionally their mother) for a couple months. And I will finally get to spend some time with my best friend again! I hate summer with the heat and light and people, but this is the time of year I get to do some stuff for myself.
Hi Claire, I definitely understand the whole not wanting to be perceived thing as I've been experiencing that to one degree or another my whole life. I even have to push back against it to enter a comment like this one in response to all of the very relatable and helpful videos uploaded by autistic content creators who are so brave that they talk to a video camera. I've been known to flee from people who are making a video. Self isolating goes right along with that and I do that too. I even have an agoraphobia diagnoses. In reality, my interaction with other autistic people over the internet has been a great help to me over the last couple of years and my therapist has encouraged me in my online interaction with other people who are like myself. Thank you for your video Claire. Crows are very smart birds.
I think that's the journey of life - contantly figuring it out, figuring something out, working on things. As long as we are busy, learning, progressing; we are living. If we've done everything and achieved everything, then what's left to live for? I like to think this is the meaning of life for everyone, but alas I can only speak for myself.* (*At least this is what I tell myself)
it is a journey for sure
Summer for me is just avoiding the intense Sun and heat (sensory issues) and eating lots of zucchini. My garden always produces an abundance of zucchini.
I’m stay-cationing this week and working home & garden projects and resting. Hoping 10 days out of the office will help mitigate my persistent burnout.
I’ve really been enjoying your podcasts. I got back from vacay a few days ago, so I’m trying to get caught up on your content. I really enjoyed your interview with Thomas Henley. So in depth! Thanks for going there with the OCD insight.
I do love to go on summer holidays, especially to the mountains, doing a full-on nature dip. I do visit places linked to my special interest.
Thanks for sharing!! I like to visit places that are quiet, peaceful, green, and have coffee.
I think the 4-way livestream went great. And as it progressed it got better as everyone found their place and settled in. My Summer plans are... to finally get some things done as I come out of Burnout. The members only livestream sounds like a great idea, especially since you won't have to worry about the trolls, and you know that everyone will be supporting you. I'd love to join in but I'm on a different timezone, so maybe I'll catch the replays. Porch Coffee's are always great - they are chill, no stress, no expectations. Just a chance to hang out - internet friends.
Hi there! Yes the 4 way livestream was new for all of us but it worked out alright! The next members only livestream is this coming thursday!
Good morning Claire! I am also strongly relating to not wishing to be perceived right now. I want to hermit but can't stand staying in the house all day. I have no idea what that's about lol.
I also do not make summer plans....actually I just don't really make plans. I'm not a plans person....more of a spontaneous trip kind of person.
if only there was a place were all hermits could be but also leave each other alone lol
This thing with unmasking. I'm so used to masking I'm afraid of unmasking. I'm afraid of loosing the ones I love if showing myself as I am. Not even my wife have seen me 100% without mask. I'm so tired of masking. As I grow older the less energy left to keep it up.
i understand, it's a process for sure.
This was so great. Not wishing to be perceived has been a big one for me throughout my life and it'll be interesting to see how this plays out post-diagnosis. 🧡 (LOVE those crows!)
Thank you for putting words to feelings and experiences that I relate to. I have come into a new awareness of myself this week regarding new interests and that’s been cool. ❤
Wonderful! hope you have a great week
Embarrassment ✔️
Standards too high✔️
Craving a feeling of success ✔️
I'm right there with ya. I feel like I've learned so much and grown alot and put in a lot of personal work, but im still falling further and further behind.
glad i am not alone.
Hey Claire and crows 🐦⬛
I’m definitely struggling with feeling like I’m behind on tasks.
I also feel I go back and forth with imposter syndrome and my abilities.
All four of you did great on the livestream, could definitely notice differences in how ASD affects women vs men.
The year is flying by, Summer doesn’t officially start until June 21 😉
Have a good week
thanks for letting me know i have a few weeks until summer
I really resonate with the “I don’t want to be perceived.” I’ve been shutting myself away since I hit burnout. I thought it was all about avoiding the sensory overload of going out.
And it is that, but it’s also an aversion to interacting. I think subconsciously I realize that my mask is slipping and I don’t know how to interact correctly without it. I’m putting my foot in my mouth more, or it feels like I do. I don’t know how to stop it, so I just avoid contact.
By the way, the crows are disagreeing with you. You can’t bullshit a crow; they have a beak for the truth. Your talks are great and they like listening to you. No self deprecating in their presence or they’ll have to defend you from yourself.
The crows were calling me out for sure!
silent parallel play porch coffee, yessss!
awesome!
Hi Claire, I enjoyed hearing the crows chiming in . 😊 I get that about not wanting to be perceived. I get that feeling a lot off and on. And actually I didn't know how to describe it until I heard the phrase, "being perceived ". That is helpful for me to be able to describe it.
For vacations. I pretty much enjoy vacations,I think especially, if I'm going somewhere when no one knows us. No expectations of ever seeing these random people again. Just surface conversations at best. Time away just with my safe people. I do enjoy it.
This week was busy but pretty good.
happy to hear from you
Oh, and I love❤ the crows❤
me too!
It's been a pretty rough couple of days, unfortunately. Hoping for a positive week.
Sending good vibes your way! 💞
@@whitneymason406 💜 thank you, Whitney
hoping things get better soon
I think , at least for me, if I need alone time, I take it because it not only benefits me but those I’m usually around. If I don’t take that alone time, eventually It will show itself as a meltdown or shutdown. We all need some alone, restorative time…I don’t think it’s selfish, Claire, it’s necessary.
In AZ, I hibernate during the summer 🥵 unless I can get away to a cooler climate sometimes. Thanks for another worst porch coffee ;-) Looking forward to Gemma interview. And yes, it's a journey and we can only do what we can each do. No pressure on yourself needed.
Gemma's interview is up now!
I enjoy nature related trips. Beauty for the senses...
More nature, less people 😊
You want to be doing more and are doing so much. I have to keep telling myself that with a positive spin. Give yourself grace! I get that it’s not easy but it really does help for me.
Good morning Claire. As usual, I can't think of what I want to say, but anyway thanks for the videos.
i can never think of anything to say either! thanks for hanging out with me
Hello! Life is complicated. I am buying a house for the first time as a single person, and bringing my 83 year old mother up to live with me... as an autistic person, divorced, with grown children who have their own lives... in other words, all by myself. It is feeling like a continuous shut down/melt down/demand avoidance experience from heck. Last week went ok with the "things to get done to close on the house", but a complete disaster with the "packing, cleaning, organizing my apartment". Meanwhile, work has been busy and there's office drama...
Way to go! Sounds like you've accomplished an amazing amount to me🏆
Does anyone else have days where they feel more autistic than other days. Like it's in overdrive. The more you try to mask the worse it gets. Meaning in terms of awkwardness and annoying those around you. It's like a train on fire going down the tracks and you can do NOTHING... (insert scream here). That was my last two weeks. Also sleep dep. may have been a factor...(insert awkward grin).
I grew up in Saudi Arabia (my dad was with an oil company) from 1980-1995, and summers were spent traveling the world. Then when I became an adult with my own family, we spent summers camping in the wilderness of New Mexico. Now that I'm sick, I'm in bed in a dark room 24/7, so i don't pay attention to the seasons.
I am from New Mexico. I am sorry that you are stuck in a dark room.
Hi Claire, I'm late to the party. I'm having my first coffee of the day at 18.15, 😂. I hope that counts.
there is no late to porch coffee
My week was pretty good. I watched some of my favorite Autistic youtubers doing a group collab live stream. I am ASD2 so I enjoy all of your Autistic related stuff. That livestream had be laughing out loud a few times. One time in particular was when Taylor was typing like a crazy person and you (Claire) said that it was like you were in the room with her.
I am ASD2 so I like to watch interesting Autistic content. I also enjoy others special interests. :)
you know what i find interesting is i said that as a little joke but i didn't think everyone would find it so funny but they did lol
I very rarely go on trips or vacations and tried very very hard to do so earlier this year to go meet a longtime internet friend and I was supposed to bring a puppy home (dogs are our special interest). Even the ultimate motivators couldn't help and I had to cancel a full week ahead because the anxiety had me in such a state of distress I couldn't eat for days before having to cancel😩
i'm sorry i understand how anxiety can really take things from you
Your thought were in front of you...instead of inside you...
We're going into winter in Australia. Where I live, Perth, has been super hot until the last few days and I'm breaking out my slippers and cosy blankets to drink tea and cuddle my puppy even more than usual
So interesting that different parts of the world are in opposite seasons - i mean i get how it works but it is still cool
@@WoodshedTheory yeah, it's magical!
If what you're doing isn't feeling like it's enough, sounds something like internalised ableism to me. The wanting to withdraw because you can't do 'enough' also sounds like your body taking action to protect you from burnout / doing too much. These sort of things are, for me, what makes autism a disability. literally you're not able to do what 'normies' manage to do but that background narrative there making you feel inadequate. What I can do varies on a daily basis. I'm learning that doing my best is good enough and that self care is included in doing my best. Self care my look like what we are told is doing nothing or being lazy. It's not. It's making sure we can do something latter on without crashing and burning.
I've not been doing much myself this week because my guts have been playing up & I've not been up to it. Unfortunately that makes things worse but If I can't I can't. Plenty of stuff I want to do but that's just not going to happen atm. I try & find something I can do.
Def the worst porch coffee I've seen ;)
The crows want internet friends too! I was actually copying my digital calendar to my paper planner for the summer months as i watched this. Seems a little silly perhaps but it helps me review and visualize the time better on paper for some reason, and helps me make sure I balance plans with the rest time. Also I'm just an analog girlie and like the tactile experience of nice paper :)
Shout out to the analog girls! 🤩 Somehow the digital schedule feels fake😂
yes analog is my preferred as well
0:49 to 1:00 is giving me silly and funny autism brain goof, thank you! ☺️
I thought it was interesting that you said that May's gone by fast. For me, it's been terribly slow, mainly because of financial issues. When you don't have money and you're just waiting for a paycheck, it seems to make time go by slower as you wait. That was a funny crow interruption, by the way!
interesting how perspectives can be so different. the crows were out in force today
Gemma is amazing!
Ah, okay, that was a really short one, so now I play again at 1,5 and answer all topics as You asked for:
1) yeah, felt failing this week too unfortunatly, wasn´t able to do what I should have done. Again...
2) How is it possible to "live in the moment" if there is alway so much to worry about what happended and what might happen? Didn´t figured that out yet ;-)
3) Really wanted to join the livestream, but actually I can´t stay up that long (timezones). Still didn´t made it to watch later.
4) Yes, this april and may definitly had been very fast
5) Holiday-trips: Yes, definitly I just made (very small low budget) trips when my son was small. Later I worked and sent him on big trips through europe with the boyscouts and made no myself (money). Last time I made a trip after more then ten years was during Covid with a friend and her dog I used to care for at his 10th birthday to the near baltic-sea-coast for a weekend.
Make it through the summer is a very good plan, Claire, I join that :-)))
-------- awwww, unfriendly unusual packet man from DHL just knocked heavily on my door and wanted to tell me that I am not allowed to use the no-contact function in the app that he gets my two small packets and puts the new in front of my flat-door after I automatically opened him the house-door. Which is absolutly bullshit. Showed him the app on my phone, heart pumping quickly and sweating. He said " Yeahhh....but not in new buildings!" Agh. Whyyy??? That was a very unpleasant interruption. And on worse days that would be able to cause a severe meltdown or more likely shutdown. What the heck??? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! People.... --------------------------------------
Okay, back then with still running heart-beat:
6) The crows again! How lovely! Feels I know them now quiet well as if our lovely parasocial relationship has opened for them as well (I can´t use the emojis today, sometimes my laptop and YT decide this, but if there would be a big heavy laughing one now).
7) Ah, interesting, saw the short right before porch-coffee and don´t know her.
Have a wonderful week, Claire and everybody else reading this too!
P.S.: The "biig thing" I was waiting for happened this week and I hope I can make it to be "porch coffee No-183" this week. It has a reason I want to be the 183. Will order three to get a better chance ;-)
2) How is it possible to "live in the moment" ...meditate on past, present...and future...
@@gothboschincarnate3931 Sounds good in theory, but in my reality that doesn´t work a lot.
Some time is set aside for reviewing the past to see what needs to be learned. Some time is set aside to plan for the future. The rest of the time you try to stay in the present. If you notice yourself going to the past or the future you gently bring your mind back to the present.
That is how you stay more present (in theory). It takes a lot of work to get good at it. I am not good at it but I do it sometimes.
@@Catlily5 Yeah, the theory. I know this theory. And I think it absolutly makes sense. As a lot of things. Which doesn´t mean I can do it. But as I said, I am working on that.
@@katzenbekloppt_mf It helps me some but I often forget to do it.
Me week was god :). Here in northern scandinavia most people go on summer holiday and trips, so I like to stay home because it is so quiet and peaceful. I to self isolate myself more now after I got my diagnosis and starter unmasking and embracing my authentic self. I think that is nothing to be ashamed of Claire. You have do do you because the standards of the neurotypical society is jus bonkers anyway🙃.
thank you for sharing - i love a quiet week
Trying to live up to our own standards may be the toughest thing we ever do to do ourselves. It can be harder to give grace to ourselves rather than to others 😶
yes we are the hardest on ourselves. i would never be so critical of someone else
The livestream was fun! You did a good job!
great porch coffee!😁
I prefer taking trips during off season. Better rates and less crowded.
that is such a good point
Lmao that's always my plan too. Just get through this...
Meanwhile, at work in this crappy economy, all the "poor" people work 24/7 and rich boomers vacation to FL at least once a year...lol. I'm not jealous. I just need a break from reality.
I feel like that everyday! Lol. Sometimes that is the best because you are listening to your body and needs and that's what is important. 💕 Honor your needs. 🤗🥰👍🏻 Even if it's to isolate and just be. Or be in your head. I did that yesterday. :)
My week, I am actually thinking of starting to create content. I am terrified. 😂 But I have ADHD, and I might also have autism but overwhelmed learning about that.
Been thinking about it for 6 months to a year? I love your personal porch talks. I isolate too so this is very nice. I was thinking there are so many content creators in this space, wouldn't it be redundant? But my counselor mentioned I could do it for me. :) funny how I never thought about that.
One of my days of work I actually got to work early, and I had no rude customers. That's a win! And I met a customer who is a "Santa Claus". I had the deepest conversations with him about life and death, photography, and the different interactions he has had with children and their families. I would have never expected that interaction! :) that was very nice.
My sensitivities were making me want to walk out or escape as always, but the unexpected interactions with kind customers can make it worth it. 💕. ... I still want to hide for 5 days after that. Lol. Anyway thank you for sharing a personal part of yourself here on TH-cam! I am grateful for it. :) Have a wonderful week. Do something special for yourself this week! 💕💕💕 Maybe if you give yourself permission to have a week to do less than you wanted to, you can indulge in something that helps to renew you for your next week? Extra time for sleep or doing what brings you joy and happiness?
Sorry, apparently I can't write short responses! 😮🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😂💕 You never have to write back. :)
Oh my goodness, how I miss my days as a cashier in a grocery store. A connection with a random customer like that was like a kiss from God to me. It really gave me what I needed to continue on and to give myself to others.🩷 Thanks so much for sharing friend
@@courtney9212 Thank you so much!! :D hug! 🤗 (if you do hugs. 😂) Have a beautiful day! 💕 I appreciate the feedback. :)
@@ladyphoenix_111 definitely hugs!🤗
@@courtney9212 You know what was cool? I asked him, if children ever asked him for anything besides toys or objects/ stuff. And he told me some stories.
He told me that instead of asking little boys and girls what they wanted for Christmas, he would ask them, "What would make you happy?" And he said they would almost never say a thing or gift. It was almost always something like, "I wish my family could reconcile". Or, "I wish my family could have some peace from all the stress they are having".
One boy was acting particularly rambunctious. He was actually probably too old (teenager) to sit on Santa's lap. 😂 But he was with his little sister, who was next in line. When Santa asked what would make him happy this year, he said the whole mood in the place changed. And this boy went from acting over the top, to a very different mood. He said that his mother and grandmother had been under so much stress, doing so much for all of them. He just wanted them to have the best and Happiest Christmas ever. For them to have whatever would bring them the most joy. He wanted them to have a present that was so amazing it would bring tears to their eyes. They were supporting the family on their own (the mother and grandmother). The little girl came up next and wanted the same. They just wanted to be there to bring their mom and grandmother happiness and do anything they could to help them this year. This gentleman said that it brought the room to tears but it made everyone happy. He called over the mother and grandmother later on, and told them what the kids said their wishes were. And he said it actually brought them to tears. I was like, "Wowww... That was the present, right there! 😄 💕🥰 That story made my heart so happy, I thanked him for sharing that with me. It cheered up my whole day, and I said that he was restoring my faith in people. It really gives you hope and shows the good in people. 💖 How random to bump into him, and how precious is that? This story.
What a great idea! 💡He showed me pictures of them. 💖
He then showed me a picture of a little girl who was very scared of him one year. He quietly told her that she didn't have to sit in his lap, she could just stand near him and he wouldn't touch or or anything. Basically she was safe. She quietly whispered what she wanted. And each year for the next 2-3 years she gradually stood closer to him. And I think on the 3rd year she was comfortable to sit on his lap! She ran up to him and gave him a huge hug! That was definitely worth going into work, on a day I was really wanting to call out.
... After you commented how that would make you feel to have these interactions with some customers, I thought I would share with you what he told me. It gave me goosebumps and made my heart so happy to hear. Whatever you have going on this week, I hope this cheers you up if you are down, or just brings you joy if you are doing well. 💖🕊️🦋🥰
@@ladyphoenix_111 thank you friend 🩷 I loved reading the story of the children. They are not all greedy little monsters!🤣 I think that's more evidence that hard times really do good works on a person's character. They probably wouldn't have valued their families peace and happiness if they were more comfortable financially.
I have a magnet that says "My train of thought derailed, there were no survivors." Train metaphors have special Autistic significance and I'm making them part of my lexicon. That's not relevant, just a fun fact about me. 😊
love it
9:55 my plan is to just get through the day
i get it
100%. I do not wish to be perceived most of the time these days. Friendships just aren't priority for me, actually. My recent research indicates there is a link to oxytocin (the bonding hormone), and possibly melanin and eye color. There is an oxytocin nasal spray that has show crazy effects in NDs, where they become very NT for a few hours after. The results are not really supportive, however. The account i read was really wild.
LOL do we plan?? I live in the moment and planning is really not a thought. My poor kids.
I lOVE crows and ravens. I really want one to claim me. One day i will walk outside and hold my fingers out like i do, and a crow or raven will fly in and land on my finger and claim me as their pet. (I would never try to have a bird otherwise.)
Hey Claire, this is Tiffany in Houston. Another weird lady on the spectrum.
Mug # 100 survived a small tornado. It was outside. I accidentally forgot it there.
Wow, that's impressive! Glad you and the mug survived!
Thanks! Trying! If you see stuff about Houston having bad weather… that’s what we are dealing with…weather with BPD lol she’s a cranky B. Lol
I don't mind being perceived. I just don't want to be perceived negatively.
No summer plans for me.
I am feeling better mentally but worse physically due to med changes. So hopefully that can be worked out.
I would like to vacation with my kids. Would be a dream. ❤
I hope it happens for you!
💕💕💕💕
I've looked away in respect, though I am still perceiving you I my mind. Hope that's OK?
Would it be ok if I share a video I made on my phone? I have no idea if sharing it on my channel would be the most horrendous idea I could ever have. Or if it could help other people. People around me would probably just not want me to share anything online at all, because we are private. But if it could help someone else feel less alone, maybe? Not sure if I should reach out to TH-cam content creators who discuss these issues like yourself, or fellow readers/watchers here? I really don't have neurodivergent people around me to give me feedback.
Let me know if this is not appropriate to ask. I've stayed away from social media for many years, so I don't know the etiquette yet, sorry.
Either way, thank you for sharing a personal part of you online to help others feel less alone. Thank you. 💖
My newest beanie to add to the collection arrived!! Fabulous start to the week! My middle son loves my other hats and really wanted one of his own. He is super excited and had me make sure i got one with a pom! He loves rainbows just as much as me so neon rainbow was a winner! 🌈🦄🥔
I am so happy you love the hats!