As a baby boomer, consumption was a way of life. Why have 5 pairs of shoes when you could have 50? It has only been the last few years, with the help of your videos, that I have realized how much I was wasting in term of money and resources. A no spend year and an ongoing pan project has really helped me reduce my over consumption. Great video.
Our stories are similar. I suspect there are a lot of us. Growing up we did not have a lot of anything. The onslaught of cheap imports made inhumanely was where it all began. Our goods and services came from our own country where people did not work for pennies a day. A lot of the import trade has led to massive amounts of goods so cheap we can afford to buy many multiples of things. It has also destroyed our manufacturing industry and made us a nation of consumers rather than producers. Happy we are both focusing on recovery. I subscribe to Grace Nevitt and I think that has helped me and is probably the reason this creator crossed my feed.
Things did last longer back then though and you could get real longevity out of things you purchased. Things had a relatively long lifespan and you could feel reassured that you’d eventually get your money’s worth. Today it’s a bit different and even items that are “big ticket” or “higher end” don’t last nearly as long. Makes it easier to trick your brain into justifying continuous consumption, I believe. I think it’s a method or move companies or sellers use to get people to consume or purchase. The oldest thing I have in my house, isn’t in my house- it’s my house! And anything I do have that has lasted is thrifted or decades old. When I am forced to buy something newer I dread it because newer doesn’t mean better unfortunately. 😢
i think one of the main reasons i fall victim to “retail therapy” is because of the lack of affordable things to do where i live. there’s really nothing to do besides go shopping or go to the movies. i think most people who live in rural or even suburban areas can relate to that. there’s no affordable, safe, easily accessible third spaces to hang out in or fun and affordable activities to do. i find if i’m just wanting to get out the house and go do something, i end up shopping because there’s nowhere else to go. and yeah i have hobbies that i do at home, but i can only do that for so long before i get bored and want to go do something outside of the house. and whenever i hang out with anyone, the same dilemma arises. we always end up going to thrift stores or target because there’s nothing else to do
This is definitely a thing. I live in the suburbs and it can be challenging to find things to do that aren’t shopping or eating!! I’ve also noticed this when I travel: it seems like it’s become way more common for shopping centers or downtown corridors that are mostly just a collection of shops to be listed as “attractions.”
Yessss I live in a rural area with two small kids. We do tons at home but you need to be able to get out of the house and do something. No museums or kids classes here.
This was something I had to come to terms with too! I moved from an amazing city with lots of parks and pretty great weather…to a city with terrible weather and basically no parks. The last few years I have noticed my obsession with beauty and fashion growing (along with my spending) My entire wardrobe has changed from really comfy and durable “outdoorsy” clothes, to delicate and essentially less-comfortable “going out” clothes. I never used to wear makeup, but now I have a ton of it. Reading my old diary entries it hit me. I don’t have anything to do, so I shop. I don’t have anywhere else to go but “out”. Not outside, but “out shopping”, “out to bars”, “out for brunch” etc. All of it designed to get me to spend more money and consume more and more.
Actual self care: building good habits that allow you to 1) get enough sleep 2) eat healthy 3) cultivate in person friendships. Good habits help regulate serotonin. I'm contrast, little hits of dopamine (like shopping) will not lead to long term happiness. Dr. Robert Lustig has books on the difference between dopamine and serotonin if you're interested in learning more.
Where are people supposed to cultivate in person friendships and how do we have enough time and money to do that while also getting enough sleep and eating healthy? All three of those things take a lot of resources that people don't have.
Absolutely, I think time devoted to sleep, nutritious food, physical activity, experiencing Nature, and nurturing supportive social relationships is self-care. These are the things humans really need to feel healthy and happy. For me, sleep is the most important factor. If I don't get enough sleep, I'm a wreck.
also seeing the language around overconsumption changing for the worse, everyone is instead saying “restock my skincare” and it’s like 20 products in one go going into an already full cupboard! Why do we need to restock? We are not stores! Back in the 90s people would have like 1 or 2 lipsticks not a whole array😭
I know right! It is crazy! for me my “restock” is getting my new mouth wash that is already empty or new floss pick pack . Or toilet paper…. Lol😂 but that word is crazy now that I see that hype around it
My MIL has a shopping addiction and it’s not a joke. She makes over 200k a year but still has hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt on credit card & car loans, and tens of thousands of dollars that she owes friends/family members. She constantly is borrowing money but in her closet is floor to ceiling stacks of luxury clothes, shoes, and makeup none of which has even been worn. Shopping addiction and hoarding go hand in hand but for some reason people try to pass it off as “collections”. Except buying all the new trendy items isn’t a collection it’s just overconsumption.
You’re right about the fact that just because something is an essential doesn’t mean it’s an “essential”. Clothing is an essential but overconsumption of clothing is not. In fact clothing is probably better as it doesn’t expire. 😂
Clothing doesn’t necessarily expire, but it gets worn out, and trends can change so dramatically that one essentially becomes at risk of ostracization by others if one continues to wear it. (And with micro-trends, even moreso!) Since most people would rather donate and rotate to a new wardrobe for the new decade, and I dare say most don’t know how to mend their clothing (and may not want to risk others being able to notice a mended hole or three), there is still a definite obsolescence that clothing runs into… I think that’s why getting good quality, long lasting staples that can stand through a lot of trend cycles is super important if you’re looking to buck the consumerism trend itself. (Or even acquiring more skills towards tailoring and re-inventing existing clothes would be amazing to help extend the life of clothing!)
I fell into this trap when I was watching TikTok constantly all the time and was depressed. I was looking for something to do (I was unemployed at the time after moving) and I thought I could self care shop my way out of feeling sad and lonely. It obviously didn’t work, and looking back I feel bad about the unnecessary spending of money. I’m now working on using all of my lotions, body washes, body oils, etc and I won’t buy a new one of any of those things until I use all of the ones I have up! Also, when people just show themselves putting things into their carts and not them having the items at home I always assume they’re not buying that stuff. They’re just showing themselves putting it in the cart and then they either leave the cart or put it back. Which is also manipulative!!
I'm so sorry to hear you went through that. I agree that when they just show the cart you never know. I saw a shop with me at target recently and the person put bloom supplements into their cart along with some other products and it was an ad for bloom. They also didn't check out with the product because it was an ad. I've seen more videos with the haul at the end. While they did buy the product, which is nice, it's even more incentive to buy. I don't know which one I prefer
Relatable. I do kind of like the after effect of using up a bunch of stuff, especially once you’ve decided which one is your favorite, now I get to feel better by using up something I was sick of using! And then I get to use my favorite one more often!
i want to see a trend of women going through a store, looking at all the stuff saying, "nope!... no, thanks!... nope! not for me!" cut to them walking out without buying anything, and then showing them making a bank transfer to a savings/market account with an accompanying graph of the value going up over time. if that was hashtagged "selfcare" it would be way more accurate.
@@ellerchu lol ah I see the parenthetical now... still, I think you've lost the plot!! 😫 $98 on makeup is not what I was envisioning here at all lol but you got my view I guess maybe your next vid could be an actual fake-out no buy, like just shop from your hoard. on the screen put the dollar amounts you already spent on each item and how much use you've actually gotten out of it since buying it, or something.
@@katzenfrau I think you might have watched the wrong video, it was posted in February and I spent exactly $0. But no need to watch if it’s not for you! My channel doesn’t follow a no buy plot because I still like to talk about and review makeup. But I understand your perspective and I still get your idea. 🫶
I recently started knitting again. I was afraid right away that I would buy way too much yarn. I actually started watching videos of people trying to downsize their “yarn stash”. This will help me realize that yarn is just like makeup or scrapbooking supplies or books or perfumes. These are all categories that I already purchased too much of. Expressing oneself is important, but does not rely on thousands of purchases. Just a few things will do. BTW They have a sign at my craft store that says “Yarn is cheaper than therapy.”
True self care is doing things, some of which might be unpleasant, to make your experience of life better long term. Shopping, unless you are going and only buying what you need that is in your budget, isn't that. True self care looks like exercise, house cleaning, basic hygiene, budgeting, paying bills, doing talk therapy or working on therapeutic concepts, cultivating and participating in hobbies and socializing. A lot of self care is boring, mundane, and not aesthetic. But a lot of the #selfcare stuff is really self soothing, which can be a maladaptive coping technique. We are encouraged to do self care, but I don't see many people saying that self care isn't always aesthetic or fun. And so a bunch of people are growing up with their only definition of self care being something more along the lines of going shopping, canceling plans, taking a bubble bath (with a million products), drinking alcohol, doing a face mask. And don't get me wrong, I enjoy taking the time to do my skin care or makeup, to use a nicely scented scrub when I am bathing, to be extra in how I care for my hair, but I try to use what I have for the most part. But even being hyperaware of how long it might take to use things up, and how much we consume that we don't need, I struggle to not get backups of my favorite items when they are available at a lower price, or to want to try different kinds of products. It is so much harder to just consume what you need these days. And as aware of this as I am, I still feel the pull to just buy this thing, maybe it will allow me to relax, maybe it will be what I need to finally care for myself. Because it is so much easier to tell yourself you have time to shop for the perfect thing, but not the time to use it. And no one thing will change your life, so just using that thing is ultimately disappointing, which leads you to look for something else to change your life. The only thing that will change your life is changing your habits, and it is slow, and boring, and hard, and won't lead to people being excited and clicking on your video. This is why I loved your contentment content, because it was slowly incorporating more true self care habits. Millenials are absolutely also a problem. We were young when our parents were told that shopping, even beyond their means, was important to stimulate the economy. We grew up watching people treat themselves, telling themselves that using credit was a virtuous thing that will help our country and our economy. We grew up with Friends and Sex and the City where the paycheck didn't match the lifestyle. Where did we hang out with friends? At the mall. I think it has gotten a lot worse because of the pandemic. A lot of us were stuck in the monotony of being at home, stuck with ourselves and our loved ones without break. Sometimes the only thing I had to look forward to was when I ordered something online and was waiting for it to arrive. And trying to break those habits and get back to living my life in ways that support my goals and mine and my family's needs has been so difficult. And now that I have written this novel, most of which points you already mentioned in the video, I'm going to go vacuum my carpet, then go grocery shopping, and perhaps even go for a run. Because I deserve a clean house, healthy groceries, and the loose, happy feeling only a workout brings. Wish me luck!
I LOVE this comment. True self care is not always fun and exciting, exactly! I personally like to make it fun as much as I can because that makes me more likely to stick to it in the long run. Eg, when I have to vacuum, I like to put my headphones on and listen to music while I do it. Same goes for grocery shopping. When I exercise I do it with growwithjo because I love her positivity and I find her to be very relatable. I‘ve also been going to therapy for 4 months now which is helping me to finally deal with my emotions and stop with the self sabotage. My shopping habits also changed immensely now. Partly because the therapy is so expensive and I can’t afford much of anything else. And partly because my mindset about money in general and shopping and overconsumption finally shifted in healthier direction. So I’m being much more mindful of what I actually need and what my true priorities are. And the funny thing is that in the past I used to think that people like that (mindful and smart with their money) were so boring and must have felt so deprived because they didn’t allow themselves to buy everything they wanted… But the truth is - I am now slowly becoming one of those „boring“ people and I’ve never felt happier in my entire life. ❤
This exactly! Self care is usually difficult and doesn't give you the dopamine hit of shopping. It's no fun to stop scrolling and watching TV in bed, or to eat meals at regular intervals even though I'm not hungry, and I don't see immediate results. Those things promote my health though.
Early baby boomer here, recovering shopaholic and daughter of a shopaholic. I have experienced financial trouble as a result of an addiction to home shopping tv channels back when they were new. I would even forego sleep to watch until 3:00 am to buy a particular item. It was crazy! One day I looked around, came to my senses and realized that I was a total of $6,000 in debt! A wash of shame came over me along with the resolve that it would never happen again. I quit watching cold turkey. I did not realize that I was still a shopaholic at heart and maybe always will be. But with the desire to go to a simpler lifestyle came more self control. I have watched so many of this type of video and admit to having been influenced several times. Shoppers like me get an extreme hit of dopamine from these videos. I even got excited watching the clips you showed. They are like setting off dynamite to your financial success as well as being wasteful. If you are weak in that area stop watching completely and really care for yourself. I now have only one person I like to watch as she shops and that’s because she shops at TJ Maxx, Marshall’s and Ross - my favorite places to shop. It have ever watched, nor will I ever watch a Temu haul. They are reprehensible to me. I also want to include, which you did not, thrifting hauls. Marketed as saving the environment because the products already exist. I love those videos but am no longer foo,ed as to what they are, shopping dopamine. Those are the two kinds of marketing deception that’s Seem the most dangerous. You are still getting your dopamine hit from shopping. That is what has to change. It has been suggested that shopaholics came about as a couple of generations of people failed took an easy fix to getting that rush. That is because they no longer sought out their purpose in good places. Some people still find joy in volunteering or giving back to their community in some positive way. I found the best hit of dopamine in volunteering. Until the modern age the majority of a person’s time was spent working to survive without any modern conveniences. With the advent of household technology came the novel idea of leisure time. People who were programmed in their dna just to survive life (cave people, for example) never had a week-end off or a 3 day week-end. Now the brain is basically thrown for a loop over how to spend these leisure hours, while the hunter/gatherer part of the brain is still very strong. The deception is self-care or store up for your family for the proverbial winter. Your brain deceives you into thinking you are doing good, hence, the dopamine rush. The possible solution is to find your hit in a healthy place that is also beneficial to others. Know,edge is power, they say, so the younger generations need to be challenged to find satisfaction in new and better ways. Shopping is always going to be a wagon I am tempted to fall off of. I know, terrible grammar. It requires self discipline. Somewhere along the line that became a dirty word and it has led to all manner of trouble. I started a low buy year the past two years in a row and those videos keep me in a better head space and make me feel accountable. p.s. I love your headband.
Thank you for flat out saying this! The term "retail therapy" used to be a self-deprecating joke, but these days I see people use the term in a serious way. That it's somehow "self-care" to spend money you were not planning on spending on something that you weren't even thinking of buying. I find these kinds of videos to be quite bizarre, to be honest. I don't understand what the appeal is to watching someone walk around a store just looking for something to buy for the sake of buying something. I'm not sure how that's interesting or entertaining in any way, but it does reinforce the idea of mindless shopping in the name of "self-care", and that's very problematic.
I'm Gen-X. "Retail Therapy" to my peers was definitely associated with at least a little bit of guilt. Not that we were really ashamed of ourselves, but in a context of "I know better than this, but I'm doing it anyway because I want the quick feel-good that comes with it, and I'll probably regret it later, but whatever".
For me self care is loving the items I have. I am very materialistic but not in a sense that I want to have a lot, I want stuff that I enjoy every day. I mean that they bring such joy that I can't wait to wear them or use them. Like I feel sad when I use them up and have to replace them. Like I almost cry when they broke beyond repair. I do enjoy shopping when it is for an item I have carefully researched for and I know that it adds to my life. Last time I bought a bag it was because I didn't have one that could hold my laptop and everything else. I was excited to finally found one and now I use it in my daily life because it serves so many purposes.
I love this attitude! I think it might be easier to adopt as we own less, as the things we do have hold more of a presence in our lives. We notice them more, as there is less to distract us from them, we use them more, and thus we appreciate them more as well! I feel I’m slowly inching towards more of this lifestyle mindset as I downsize after a move, and become more consciously invested in low-buy. It’s much more of a “curated” existence. ❤
Do you watch the YT creator 'simple happy zen'? She once said, "don't go looking for things to want" and I think about it all the time. Such a powerful concept. I'm a new subscriber, and I love your videos! I am going a no-buy summer, inspired by your ideas. This is all such a great counterpoint to the hyper-consumerism that has taken over (especially post-pandemic). Thank you!
@@mariharrik5987 it’s not about judging others, it’s about trying to to be more mindful of your own purchases. Of course you can ultimately spend money how you want, but it’s important to think about WHY you want to buy something and if it really is in your best interest to spend money on it
A remember an "aha moment" when Hannah Louise Poston did a no buy year in 2016.. 2017 and that was really eye opening to how I leaned into retail therapy. It was such a dopamine catch.. no megan stop! more spending means more time at work
I shop by utility as I use things up unless there is a deal that would make buying in bulk make sense. My home doesn’t need to look like a store, and I’m easily overwhelmed by the products I see thrown in carts I don’t need more than one sunscreen, cologne, face wash, etc. at once.
There are a lot of things which I'm loyal to and don't really switch products and I'm more overwhelmed by having to shop more often and spend more time thinking about shopping. I'd rather just have to buy more things occasionally, all at once, so that I can spend my time on other things. Things like toilet paper, rice, and lotion aren't things I find fun to shop for, so I just get as much as my little apartment can reasonably store. Then I save time, money, and gas.
After learning more about the downsides to consumerism and knowing that fixing my mental health involves real therapy and not “retail therapy” it’s so insane to see these hauls. I’ve been going to empty to transfer more to zero waste and it’s taking me FOREEVEEEERR just to go through the things I have
I agree 100%. All actions have consequences. I don't think we all have the "right" to buy, it's such a bizar take. I've seen content creators calling out for example "stock up" videos....but only holding the people watching accountable and not the one making the content. I think it's both sides, I appreciate your self reflection & thoughts🌺.
i was born in 2000, and i definitely do remember the time before influencers. we didn't really start talking about influencers or youtubers or social media content creators until the mid 2010's. before that, we only had random people posting random shit online for the fun of it. it was when vine rolled around that social media became a somewhat viable source of income.
Thank you so much for saying boldly “people dont have the right to overconsume.” So many topics that speak about current societal issues in general dont want to make such bold statements so as not to upset their audience. But in reality, if something is resulting in a net negative on the world, it should not be normalized just because someone wants to do it and “arent hurting anyone.” In reality they are indirectly hurting the society as part of a collective. For example I see this a lot in the cosmetic surgery industry. I genuinely think most of the cosmetic enhancements people are doing (especially major ones lik bbls and face enhancements) are hurting our wallets, our self image, our expectations of how a real person is supposed to look, etc. Its doing MAJOR damage PLUS actual health damage through botched surgeries and literal de*ths. But everyone ends up saying “if this will make you happy then go ahead.” I disagree it should be more nuanced as to whats acceptable. Obviously some surgeries are fine like skin grafts or breast reductions or breast augmentation due to cancer (and so many more examples). But this idea that anyone should be able to do whatever they want is not helpful in certain scenarios
i understand what you’re saying, but if you’ve never experienced being called ugly by everyone around you your whole life, i don’t think it’s fair to judge. i’m getting plastic surgery because i’m tired of being treated like dirt for the way i look. ever since i was a child, i’ve been the ugly duckling. i’ve been insulted for being an ugly girl/woman for as long as i can remember, and i’m fed up with it. the reality is that looks do matter, it’s a well-researched and documented phenomenon. i’m tired of having next to no dating prospects, i’m tired of people ignoring me and avoiding me, i’m tired of being the ugly friend, i’m tired of being randomly insulted and being too embarrassed to show my face in public. i hate the “you’re beautiful on the inside” crap because it doesn’t stop people from making snap judgments about me and treating me like scum. anytime i see someone criticizing others for getting plastic surgery, it’s someone who is average at worst and conventionally attractive at best. being genuinely ugly is a hell i wouldn’t wish upon anyone.
@@coolchameleon21 Im really sorry youve gone through that and I understand how it can affect you deeply. I think what bothers me the most is people not taking it seriously. People who look perfectly fine or even beautiful do it just because. The trend is big lips so even someone with medium lips gets filler. Influencers have made it so normalized that an average woman seems ugly in comparison. Im not saying this is you, but I can understand how people in the 95th+ or 5th- percentile of any trait can feel very ostracized and want to change it to a “normal” level. But what’s upsetting is botching up perfectly normal faces and bodies just to “enhance” and because the person feels like it. It makes people with normal features feel like theyre hideous. I cant imagine how current teenagers feel when seeing the same face over and over and comparing their different traits. Its no longer the extremes getting plastic surgery, its everyone and their mom which is unhealthy in many ways on a personal and societal level. I hope you dont take what I say as rude to your struggles, Im not trying to say youre truly unattractive or anything. But if certain traits are on extreme ends/proportions I totally get your desire. It just sucks to see normal features be demonized and wiped out for no reason. We keep narrowing the scope of what’s deemed as attractive and the idea of accepting different looks is decreasing more and more. Just a note, I feel like if people were less used to these attractive features from media, there’d be less ridicule in day to day life and more acceptance of a variety of features. I doubt youre ugly but people have made it that way through perception. Im moreso upset at those with influence rather than everyday people who are in a major rut due to what they see in expectations. But even with everyday people, constant surgeries should not be normalized for every little thing. It affects everybody
I get your point but at the same time I don’t think it’s something fair to ask of people. Your insecurities are your problem and it’s not everyone else's job to step on eggshells around your or to make themselves less “attractive” so you can feel better about yourself by comparison. If someone wants plastic surgery then that’s their decision and it has nothing to do with you. In fact, it shouldn’t even affect you that much. True self esteem comes from within, not from external validation and definitely not from a sense of superiority over the people around you. If your feelings of self-worth are so tied to other people that you only feel good when people around you are, by your standards, either as ”attractive” or less “attractive” then you and whenever you see someone with a body more conventionally attractive than yours it makes you spiral into self-hate, than you didn’t have a good self-esteem to begin with. Everyone deserves to feel good about themselves and while I completely understand why the way others look often impacts our own self-image, it’s still on us, not other people, to work on that. I know it’s hard, I know you can never be truly unaffected by it and that’ it’s impossible to never compare yourself to others. And I know that the internet makes it even harder but what we all need to understand is that people only show their best sides online. People can pick and chose what to post, they can edit their photos to enhance their appearance, they can get lip fillers and botox and pretend it’s all natural… But even then, I don’t think the solution is putting a ban on cosmetic surgery and photoshop. Because, at the end of the day, that doesn’t solve the true problem. And even if you do, there’s always going to be people out there who won the genetic lottery and are the literal personification of society’s beauty standards without needing to try all that much. The solution is working on your self-esteem so you don’t waste your time worked up over a beauty standard that will change in 3 or 4 years anyway and so that when you inevitably end up comparing yourself to someone else you are able to snap out of it and continue to love yourself.
Self care =spending money on stuff you don't actually need at the moment. Accompanied by "girl math" =definitely not math, shit doesn't add up at all. What's behind all that?? Girl math for making dumb financial decisions... Or the idea that whatever issues we have can somehow be cured by buying meaningless stuff...guess our problems are equally mundane? How did we get here as a species? Asking for a friend.
my "girl math" is saving and investing money so it grows over time. I wish these people would stop perpetuating this awful stereotype of women. it isn't funny.
The term "girl math" annoys me so much! I hadn't heard it until recently when I was shopping at Bath And Body Works. I had come to the store to grab a few things on sale when I realized that I had nearly been suckered into buying twice as much online to get free shipping. I was chatting to the associate about how I was glad I caught myself before spending twice what I planned. She told me I was just using "girl math", and I should have just gone with it. Without even thinking I said "I'm just too smart for that". Sounds a bit egotistical, but I won't let anyone convince me I should be fooled into overbuying things and wasting money...especially in a sexist way.
@@maddie8415 not egotistical, you ARE too smart for that. good for you!! sales people/companies will do that though lol, they love any kind of math that supports their bottom line. one time I fell for BBW's 75% off sale, and I still spent SO much money on SO much stuff. I was horrified about it afterwards, so I spent the next FIVE years either completely using up or gifting every single thing I bought that day. after it was all gone and to this day, I haven't bought anything else there. now I just use basic bar soap. clean doesn't smell like anything 🙌
Posting again to say that positive reenforcement always wins over anything punitive. Videos like yours are influencing thousands as well as bringing awareness to a generation.
This ripped at my center as I was self care shopping before it was a thing. As you share it makes me happy that you’re doing videos to explain our “insanity” with owing soooo much stuff and bottom line it doesn’t make me feel better! When I became aware of my shopping addiction was watching channels like your addressing consumerism. Thanks and I hope my remarks are positive because your channel doesn’t need negative ! Thanks ❤
I completely agree with everything said in this video -- excessive shopping and consumption is in no way "self-care" -- but I always assumed that the creators making the videos were titling them "self-care shopping" because they are shopping for self-care products? Like skincare, haircare, body care etc. I don't think they are calling the physical shopping itself being a self-care activity, just the products themselves
I am GenX and we always did retail therapy! We being my friends. I have way more clothes, shoes, coats, makeup, skincare,etc. it took me decades to help myself out with all this shopping! Refreshing to learn from a younger woman! Your doing good here on TH-cam!
Over the past couple years I've fallen into several different categories of shopping addictions. It was haircare, then skincare, lately fragrances. I grew up in a house where I truly was given the absolute bare minimum & it so badly affected my self esteem that when I got my own money, I got hooked on getting all the things I wanted when I was a teenager. I realize all this & still struggle with it although I've come a long way in being more aware of it
Correct. Shopping addiction is common in people who had for the most part the bare essentials as children. Then, when coming into a little more $$ they spend inordinately. Please consider the thin volume book by Caesar Lincoln “Shopping Addiction - The Ultimate Guide To Overcome Compulsive Buying and Spending.” It’s more a type of workbook, but it’s thought provoking. It started me on my journey.
Thank you for making this. My birthday is coming up and I'm in the mindset of spending money and buying a bunch of crap because "it's my birthday and I deserve it" I usually have waiting periods for bigger purchases (like, if I still really want this decor/bedding/clothing or whatever in X weeks, then I'm allowed to get it) which works well for me, but my usual rules and regulations go right out the window this time every year. This reminder was definitely helpful!
Unfortunately sometimes it's just easier to shop or buy stuff than to make the time or energy for a real self care activity... and I agree with you that it's probably worse because we see it so much online!! Thanks for talking about this. Not to go all doom and gloom, and it might be because of my own "no buy" this year ...but I can't watch that content anymore without thinking about how possibly wasteful it is, how much single use plastic is involved, how long it would take to use all the products featured, or in cases of Shein/Temu how much the humans working on those products are devalued in their jobs or even possibly suffering from violations of their rights etc. and I'm starting to get more turned off by consumerism content. Which is obviously helping me stick to the no buy 😅
right! I'm very high maintenance just cus i love taking showers and baths but its so ridiculous to me when people have more than one of the same thing 😭. people who have like a closet full of different perfumes baffle me because how do you even need all that 😭
I thinks there's also something to be said about actually enjoying what you buy. I personally enjoy using self care products quite a bit but I genuinely see no point in buying more until I'm out of what I have. On top of that, I don't need a million different skin or body products. It's really just lotion, moisturizer, a leave in conditioner, maybe a serum here and there. Even if someone wants to participate in the whole self care product thing does not mean they need ALL of it all at once
We definitely over-consume, however I will say that if you’re out of your self-care products, shopping to re-stock them is perfectly normal. What’s not normal is hoarding products or buying stuff you don’t really need at the moment.
I think we are missing from this conversation that these full carts do not mean these women are actually completing the purchase. They go to stores to do this to create content, most of them will put almost *everything* back. We saw that with the bloom influencers. They would put the bloom in the cart but not even buy it.
Thought exercise: Ever been on the phone with your best friend, talking about real, emotional life circumstances (good or bad), while doing a grocery or convenience store run? How easy was it to select what you needed to buy? You probably stopped and talked, looked at many aisles, then said goodbye to your friend to focus on shopping without distraction. This perfectly illustrates why you can’t face your emotions while shopping, aka why it’s not therapy.
Every Gen has had this discussion. Please look up the documentaries "Affluenza" and "Escape from Affluenza". You'll enjoy them so much. They are documentaries from the 1990s that discusses the dangers of overconsumerism and over-commercialization. It goes into having tips and ideas to spend less or focus mainly on things most important to you. It also goes into topics of how shopping is detrimental towards the environment, societal, mental health, and other areas of life. They go into that cycle you are talking about. Incredible that after 30 years after the production of these documentaries people are still talking about the dangers of Affluenza without using the term itself. Anyways I hope you make a commentary video of those documentaries. 😎👍
This is why I read up on views to narrow stuff down and only buy stuff I actually will use in my routine. Self Care should mean treating yourself but also recognize stuff expires and to only buy what you need.
I found out that I can kick the consumerism wants by going to the library and checking out books or scrolling on Netflix and adding a bunch of stuff to my ‘watch later! It gives me the same excitement the receiving packages used to before my items/consumerism made me stressed out. If anyone struggles with shopping try going to the library! Or looking for shoes to add to your watch list. Something about it gives me the same feeling as a new item used to
I needed this SO much! This video was medicine to my consumerist soul. I am actively trying to buy less, spend less, need less, and this is such a kick up the arse to keep me on track. Thank you! X
Ahhh thank you I needed this! I was thinking about rewarding myself with shopping but I didn’t even know what I wanted to buy. I was just getting caught up in consumerism 😢
I used to head the beauty department at a chain drugstore and fell victim to crazy impulse shopping of "essential" personal care items. It ended up as clutter 85% of the time. I would push the barely used stuff to family and I would toss so much makeup. As I've gotten older and more routine in what products I've found that works for me, and from being away from working in such a space, it's astounding how much money was wasted looking back. This goes ESPECIALLY for skincare! I'm 32 and still deal with adult acne but I know now what works and I can't be swayed by new products with buzzword claims. The only "new" skincare products I've picked up are pimple patches which are kinder to me for whiteheads than highly medicated serums and spot treatments which can trigger breakouts. And I say "new" in quotation marks because I was buying pimple patches on the cheap from Walmart for nearly a decade now, years before it became trendy with new brands and stricker-like designs.
I used to do this, until I had to move cross country and deal with all the clutter. As I threw out each barely used item, my mind played the memories of me swiping my card and/or hitting “submit order”. All the money wasted, all the expired products…sigh…now I only repurchase whenever I run out of something in particular. What a life lesson; clutter is clutter guys 🤷♀️
Thank you for your video that made me understand that my morning cup of tea is in itself a self care, because of the way I feel about it. I intended to go buy some skin care products today and I didn't changed my mind because of my empty cupboards but you made me see it with new eyes and I'll think about your advices while purchasing the needed stuffs. Keep going. You're smart and the way you share your point of view is gorgeous.
It's been getting more difficult to not fall into the trap of overconsumption recently, but taking photos of what I want and making a wish list instead of buying it definitely helped.
I actually watch these to satisfy my want to shop without actually buying anything. I like to see what's new also, but will absolutely never ever watch a PR UNBOXING, EVER
This video made me realize a lot. I can't go doing hauls (I've tried) because I end up more stressed five minutes later due to the lack of money to pay my basic needs (has happened too many times now), but on a day-to-day basis there's always the small treat- sweets, more caffeine, food, the clothes a friend is selling. Most of my spending is social and I end up just going back home with a bunch of things I don't need and not enough money for what I do need. In the end I'm just going with the flow instead of taking care of myself, because that's just it. I got a bunch of plushies I'll never use again but I haven't gotten the shoes I do need to run. I go out to eat with friends but I never have anything at home. What is that even for? To keep them around. But what sort of friendship is this, if we need to just go buy things in order to see each other?
My friend invited me to get coffee next week, but since we got coffee together recently I suggested she come to my apt and we make coffee together instead, to save money. She offered to bake cookies and bring them to have together, and I’m a lot more excited now for our coffee date because we’re going to get to share things we’ve made ourselves. What if you suggest cooking together with your friends or doing a potluck instead of eating out? I think you’ll make more precious memories sharing your lives in a more intimate way with each other, it’ll improve a skill, save money, and you get to avoid the noise and chaos of restaurants! Wishing the best for you! ❤
shopping is self-care when u can do it once or twice a year. It's an evennnnt. Wish it could be without worries like that, but its a tiny version. I feel like I'm being able to love myself properly. Doesn't matter the brand etc.
I'm liking the video because you were brave enough to be honest and heck, even swear! 😂 In a twisted way I'm sort of glad I work retail because these videos don't work on me quite the same way they would maybe in my early 20s. Seeing all these products being plopped into a cart or basket just looks like work to me.😅
Watching this reminded me of a girl I knew in college. She had about 15 or 20 body sprays at one time from bath and body works and continued to buy more if one ran out, and also would get the shower gells and lotions. Her room always smelled like the BBW store, it gave me a headach. The kicker was she was always asking people for money to buy food because her parents stopped giving her money as she would just buy more BBW products instead of essential items.
Maybe I'm reaching but I think this rebranding of consumption started when people started to call shopping "retail therapy". Going so far as calling it self-care is IMO, a way to distance yourself from the fact that, more often than not, you're giving into your wants rather than your needs. It's also a way of dissociating the guilt you might feel when you realize that you bought stuff to fit a certain aesthetic/ lifestyle you can't afford. Self-care is so much more than treating yourself by consuming. Slow down, make yourself time to unwind, get into activities you enjoy that don't involve additional spending, and implement "unpleasant" habits that will serve you in the long run... This is also self-care. I wonder how brands will capitalize on this phenomenon to incite us to buy even more 😶🤭
this is really insightful and definitely agree. I was trying to get to this point of giving into your needs and dissociating from the guilt but you said better than I could have, so thanks
Well, I realize you came to the same conclusion after I posted that comment (what you said sparked a lot of ideas and I had to write them down before I forgot 😂) I'm still editing my reply because I have so much more to say about this. Thank you again for taking the time to create content that opens the discussion about consumerism and what we have to think about to help us navigate everything that happens online. Also, congrats for the 10k 😊
I'm in my mid 40s, and all I've ever used is Neutrogena face wash and spf50 sunblock. As for makeup, I only wear mascara. People think I'm 30 years old. Please, if you're a young lady, don't fall for it. Age naturally, it will keep you looking younger for longer. Also, pro tip, I've bought all my shampoo, razors, toothpaste, toothbrushes, floss and deodorants from the Dollar Tree, and they work just as well as the expensive stuff. Be simple, save money, be happier.
This video is the one thing I need to listen to whenever I even fathom shopping. THIS is self-care: knowing you make your choices, not mindlessly but with reason and being honest with yourself. Acknowledging whatever product you like won't fix your life if you just buy it "because why not". Recognizing toxic patterns so that you regain some agency and become more conscious about what you consume. This video is self care. Just earned a new subscriber, excellent job ❤
I struggle with very mild agoraphobia. For me, going into a store and purchasing something is self care. It's making myself be present with my discomfort and trying not to give into my anxiety. Granted, I'm going into Dollar Tree and buying one single thing but even so. I know that my experience is not the same as what the tiktok videos are representative of, but sometimes shopping really is self care. During the shutdowns it became very easy to have everything delivered and I've found that that gives me less incentive to leave my home. Just a thought.
A mindset I’ve been trying to implement more is “finish before you buy new”. Unless a product is giving me a bad reaction or has gone bad, I will not buy it. I won’t buy a new shampoo till I’m done with the one I have. Or I wont buy new of something that works perfectly fine just cause it’s cuter either. It’s not easy but it makes a difference.
I actually watched one of these hauls (I think the video appeared briefly as a thumbnail) and spotted comments like “late stage capitalism final boss” with replies like “it’s her money! no one is being harmed” or “don’t watch it then 😡” so yeah it’s being brought up jokingly, but never really being discussed because it becomes more like a you vs them situation.
I remember how TH-cam used to promote overconsumption with all those Alex drawers filled with so many products and their backup. I had so much stuff from skincare, hair care, body care and nails and finally decided to do a no buy year which turned into several years to finish all the products I had.
I’m trying to use what I have that I’ve bought as self care because in truth it stresses me out having to do all these extra unnecessary things. It can become a vicious cycle. Currently crawling my way out of debt.
oh my gosh im all for pimple patches but the PRICE of mighty patches is INSANE! i buy mine at family dollar for one dollar a box with 24 on a sheet in each. they do the same thing its so crazy how much money people waste
It is scary how many folks are keeping themselves broke with overconsumption. I have been a lot more insistent about putting a chunk of money into a savings account each month after learning more about how bad many folks' financial situation is.
Retail therapy and shopping addiction isn’t a new concept, however it’s definitely gotten exponentially worse since the inception of the internet and the rise of social media and the accessibility to do so, and how much we’re being sold to through the internet on a regular basis
I know right! Seeing other creators spaces like that gets me so overwhelmed like how can one person possibly use all those products in their lifetime?😂
I honestly find it relaxing to go through a store and look at all those products. I've finally realised that the "window shopping" I do (without buying anything) is making me just as happy as when I used to always buy a few items alongside it. Sometimes I just want to look at pretty things and pretend I own everything (as a collector at heart), but I feel like the important distinction I've learned for myself to make is that it is a "look, but don't buy" situation, unless I actively need something because I ran out
1. I strongly dislike the word/trend aesthetics applied to anything. 2. I wonder if the reason they “need to buy skin care” when there is a wall full of them is because those are for show and they dont like them hence, they need to buy one they actually like (it is a stretch here cuz at this point they like anything aesthetic lol)
this is something I’m really trying to reframe in my mind. sometimes if I’m stressed at work and wanting to buy something I have to regulate myself of actually I just need a snack and an early night and that’s much better self care than spending
Never knew people got excited when they got out of something. It's so sad, everything gets empty at once and you have to spend money little by little if u dont have enough for all of it.
What helped me to buy a bit less is that I regularly put all skin care related stuff and make up on the floor and see how much it is. Also what helped me is to have for now a few categories where I stay with one product. I still have a lot, but I wanna use that. I just hope that I find more product categories where I find exactly what I look for and can stay with.
My shampoo, soap and moisturiser all needed replaced at the same time so I took myself to the shops and got... shampoo, soap and moisturiser! I've definitely fallen into the trap of cute skin/bodycare stuff before when rebuying my essentials but I love window shopping now and if something catches my eye, I usually take a photo of it and never end up thinking about it again! I think appreciating cute, fun things while also acknowledging that I don't need it is a skill! Things can be cute and we can admire them in shops/on other people without needing to own them ourselves
I’m a new subscriber and I’m absolutely loving your commentaries on overconsumption! I’m learning so much about overconsumption and learning so much about myself from watching your videos! I’ll be watching your decluttering video next. ❤
A person can both over-spend and under-spend at the same time. Both can be a trauma response or coping mechanism. Shopping in the right way can be self-care. Buying things just for the sake of buying things isn't self care, but when we are so limited in sense of connection to our community, it makes sense why we want to go somewhere familiar and a space that doesn't necessarily have an expectation for us to have to be overly engaged either.
Shawna, if you haven’t already can you make a video talking about the positives of reusing? For example, how many gallons of water are saved when you thrift a shirt or repair the one you already own? What’s the impact on the environment of buying new vs renting/borrowing. The clothing Desert in Chilie, etc. I know it’s in a lot of environmental books but I think I would love to hear your thoughts/experiences and have a podcast like video to listen to :)❤
This video is so eye opening for me. I’ve been on a “don’t buy x till i run out of what i already have” mindset for a while which i thought was an improvement from my previous “i need all versions and possibilities of x” but i still have this mindset of “i cant wait till i run out of x so i can buy it again” which is like hello what?? But it’s bc my brain enjoys the shopping part omfgmgkdkf 😭😭 ok realization 🫣 i have to work on this
I feel you on this. I do occasionally still get excited when something runs out so I can select something new. I'm almost out of body wash and was having a fun time looking at the selection online 😅 I
First of all, every video keeps me on track to use up my stuff. Oh! The Dior came in the most beautiful packaging! The product i bought was not what I thought it would be. It's advertised as a lip product, but it's a cream moisturizer for face and hands. It's a pretty scent. The samples they sent will be perfect for travel. Will I buy from dior again? No. I can see that I would be a hoarder of the packaging. I will tell you that I found a use for every piece of packaging. 🎉
Omg!! all of the #SelfCare is just #ShoppingAddiction 😂🍵. Actual Self Care is your Mental health,Your eating habits, And real health!! Always love you💜！
I sometimes put together a special 'self care' basket. If I know I'm gonna have a rough day I'll get a basket and put in my comfiest pajamas, grab a face mask I already have, some candy, sometimes even my favorite wine glass just for the symbolism 😂 I do sometimes buy something special for it if I truly don't have anything I need or something similar, like if I'm truly out of candy or skincare but in recovering from problematic shopping I'm working on finishing the stuff I already own. I've never been THIS bad, nor do I think these creators are. It sucks the way they promote this stuff because it's so profitable. I really appreciate more people speaking about these just to remind everyone this isn't real life. It's fun to watch those organizing videos but seeing them from this lens is so important.
Wow this made me think differently. I never thought of the shopping part being the “self care”, I’m just excited to go home and take a nice relaxing bath w my eucalyptus body wash & use the shampoo that smells good and feels like it really cleans my scalp, then after put on a mask that leaves my face glowy and hydrated. Thats the part that feels very self care and that I’m taking care of my body and mind ? But now looking at those videos, I see them differently. Thanks for the good video!
Hello. I don't usually comment on TH-cam videos, but I just wanted to say I'm so glad I met your channel. At first, I clicked on one of your videos because I thought you look like a very smart woman who knows your stuff, and I was right! On top of your voice being so calm and relaxing to listen to, your videos are lengthy and you make social commentary on topics that I'm interested in, so I like playing your videos on the background while I do my errands to keep my understimulated brain concentrated. Thanks a lot!
Watching this as I organize my bath and bodywork’s cabinet. I do have too much. Annoying medical bills I thought insurance was going to cover, but is kicking back have put a pause to my spending. 😢 Before January I had one moisturize and body wash and bought 12 candles on candle day to last a year. I have almost 50 now! Watching BBW you tube folks and Reddit pulled me in and I need to get out before these things own me!
My self care is washing my face and applying a moisturizer. It’s small but as a mom of 3 young kids it’s pretty much the only thing I do for just myself.
I feel like there's a difference between self care and self coddling and retail therapy and self care shopping definitely swing way into self coddling and avoidance. For a lot of people real self care is cleaning your room and writing up a solid budget
for me, shopping CAN be therapy kind of. as someone who is less fortunate and not very well off, i rarely have the funds to go shopping JUST for me- not including necessities. therefore, when i do get the chance to shop, it makes me so happy
I really enjoy your videos because it gives me perspective on what to do better as a creator! Although I’m not a “no buy” or “low buy” channel, I’ve been trying to find the balance between sharing valuable content without promoting overspending and helping viewers think more critically. Truthfully, this is a difficult balance to find and a challenge I’m facing. I wish I would have seen this perspective before I posted a self care shopping video because I would have done it differently. 😅 I also think age and target demographics have A LOT to do with the views certain videos get. And not all generations are on the same page, which impacts the content that is being pushed.
GIRL! thank you so much for saying that. I respect you so much as a creator for thinking about these topics and trying to strike a balance that feels right for you and your audience.
Really loving all of your video's lately! Thanks of opening up of struggling with the "self care shopping' addiction. It's really a thing I am know also on a journey of minimizing shopping and doing other things with that money like traveling and enjoying nature more!
It’s interesting to think about how shopping hauls perpetuate shopping hauls… not just from algorithms promoting and rewarding them, but if you start by showing how you shop, you might land more and more sponsorships to keep shopping, and then to keep earning money doing something you’d do anyway, you keep making them. Years ago I remember answering an ad for some kind of gift card in return for an honest review. I’d never do it nowadays, but when I was in that age range of the young influencers under discussion, that’s something I did and which I felt was not just nice for me to do for myself, but that in making money from it, that it was also RESPONSIBLE for me to “be making money.” But yeah, it just creates a self-perpetuating cycle of consumption. I definitely fall under the umbrella of people who can watch a haul and generally feel “okay that was fun,” but I have a general aversion to the feeling of checking out of a shop unless I know I got a GREAT deal on something I would likely have bought regardless! Do I like and want and kind of crave the stuff in those girls’ shopping carts? Yeah. Do I use face masks and bubble bath and thermos mugs? Not at all. Watching little toy figure blind box unboxings? I’ll watch them, but I went through that phase in 2008, and ultimately didn’t find it rewarding at the time, and I’m finally parting with all these useless knickknacks now, realising they never offered any real “fulfillment.” Ultimately it’s so much about seeing someone else on the screen living out your fantasy self’s life, and seeking that out… but that’s more like the life you’d imagine having if you felt fulfilled… not the elements that lend fulfillment to begin with. That comes from within, but I think most of us have lost track of how to find it. So we look outward. (Or maybe it’s just me, but I’m sure someone out there can relate!)
That’s me. I vicariously live through the shopping by watching the videos and that is enough for me. Once in a blue moon I am inspired to buy something based off recommendations but it is carefully thought trough, slept on, and 9/10 I forget about it or lose interest. I’m also a 44 year old women. As I have gotten older I just don’t find the need to frivolously spend and I have even gone as far as getting rid of a bunch of my stuff and downsizing. If these videos had been a thing when I was young I’m not so sure it would have been good.
Shopping tends to be a coping mechanism for me, when I decide to buy some things I feel like I'm in control the most. I'm trying to limit this and also downsizing my collections at the same time. My goal is to have smaller collections with items I care more about, be it books or manga or anime figures. Selling can be addictive too, I like packing things nicely and letting buyers know their package is on their way. 🥳
Watched this video while getting ready yesterday and man you hit all the points, also I really hope your channel gets bigger in the future because more people really need to adopt these mindsets to realize this overconsumption is unhealthy and draining
An excellent video, thank you. As well as the dopamine hit, they get from shopping, I'm sure they also get dopamine from the attention of likes and comments they get from their video. I know that it's been shown that someone watching art being created is almost a relaxing, if not the same as, the person who is actually creating the art as a form of therapy. So, it isn't a far reach to assume that it's the same for those watching people doing hauls. ETA: i also just wanted to add that somewhere along the line self- care has to be doing 'nice' things for yourself, Bubble bath, face pack, etc. Sometimes, it can be paying a bill or having a bit of a tidy up, making a healthy meal.
I’m working on the opposite issues. For years I felt that if I even spent $5 I would end up homeless or really bad things would happen. I couldn’t look at other people’s spending either without having a panic attack. But in college I had a roommate who was the opposite of me so we helped each other. I now look at spending as hours worked. If I am earning $18 an hour how much does something cost in hours. Would I be happy working that amount of time for the item? And how fast (with my schedule) could I earn the money back. I spend the most on food as I am a sushi lover. But thinking has allowed me to spend money in a healthy way
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As a baby boomer, consumption was a way of life. Why have 5 pairs of shoes when you could have 50? It has only been the last few years, with the help of your videos, that I have realized how much I was wasting in term of money and resources. A no spend year and an ongoing pan project has really helped me reduce my over consumption. Great video.
Our stories are similar. I suspect there are a lot of us. Growing up we did not have a lot of anything. The onslaught of cheap imports made inhumanely was where it all began. Our goods and services came from our own country where people did not work for pennies a day. A lot of the import trade has led to massive amounts of goods so cheap we can afford to buy many multiples of things. It has also destroyed our manufacturing industry and made us a nation of consumers rather than producers. Happy we are both focusing on recovery. I subscribe to Grace Nevitt and I think that has helped me and is probably the reason this creator crossed my feed.
I have the rule of maybe equals no when I'm shopping and it has saved me so much.
@@ThePhantomPanda99 smart!
Things did last longer back then though and you could get real longevity out of things you purchased. Things had a relatively long lifespan and you could feel reassured that you’d eventually get your money’s worth. Today it’s a bit different and even items that are “big ticket” or “higher end” don’t last nearly as long. Makes it easier to trick your brain into justifying continuous consumption, I believe. I think it’s a method or move companies or sellers use to get people to consume or purchase. The oldest thing I have in my house, isn’t in my house- it’s my house! And anything I do have that has lasted is thrifted or decades old. When I am forced to buy something newer I dread it because newer doesn’t mean better unfortunately. 😢
seeing shopping as "self care" and using it as a source of dopamine literally caused my shopping addiction !!
same!!!
Happened to me too! 😢
Same here
i think one of the main reasons i fall victim to “retail therapy” is because of the lack of affordable things to do where i live. there’s really nothing to do besides go shopping or go to the movies. i think most people who live in rural or even suburban areas can relate to that. there’s no affordable, safe, easily accessible third spaces to hang out in or fun and affordable activities to do. i find if i’m just wanting to get out the house and go do something, i end up shopping because there’s nowhere else to go. and yeah i have hobbies that i do at home, but i can only do that for so long before i get bored and want to go do something outside of the house. and whenever i hang out with anyone, the same dilemma arises. we always end up going to thrift stores or target because there’s nothing else to do
this is a really great point
This is definitely a thing. I live in the suburbs and it can be challenging to find things to do that aren’t shopping or eating!! I’ve also noticed this when I travel: it seems like it’s become way more common for shopping centers or downtown corridors that are mostly just a collection of shops to be listed as “attractions.”
This is so true what a great point you just made
Yessss I live in a rural area with two small kids. We do tons at home but you need to be able to get out of the house and do something. No museums or kids classes here.
This was something I had to come to terms with too! I moved from an amazing city with lots of parks and pretty great weather…to a city with terrible weather and basically no parks. The last few years I have noticed my obsession with beauty and fashion growing (along with my spending) My entire wardrobe has changed from really comfy and durable “outdoorsy” clothes, to delicate and essentially less-comfortable “going out” clothes. I never used to wear makeup, but now I have a ton of it. Reading my old diary entries it hit me. I don’t have anything to do, so I shop. I don’t have anywhere else to go but “out”. Not outside, but “out shopping”, “out to bars”, “out for brunch” etc. All of it designed to get me to spend more money and consume more and more.
Actual self care: building good habits that allow you to 1) get enough sleep 2) eat healthy 3) cultivate in person friendships. Good habits help regulate serotonin. I'm contrast, little hits of dopamine (like shopping) will not lead to long term happiness. Dr. Robert Lustig has books on the difference between dopamine and serotonin if you're interested in learning more.
Where are people supposed to cultivate in person friendships and how do we have enough time and money to do that while also getting enough sleep and eating healthy? All three of those things take a lot of resources that people don't have.
Absolutely, I think time devoted to sleep, nutritious food, physical activity, experiencing Nature, and nurturing supportive social relationships is self-care. These are the things humans really need to feel healthy and happy. For me, sleep is the most important factor. If I don't get enough sleep, I'm a wreck.
also seeing the language around overconsumption changing for the worse, everyone is instead saying “restock my skincare” and it’s like 20 products in one go going into an already full cupboard! Why do we need to restock? We are not stores! Back in the 90s people would have like 1 or 2 lipsticks not a whole array😭
I had the same question! What exactly are we restocking? What are we out of?
I know right! It is crazy! for me my “restock” is getting my new mouth wash that is already empty or new floss pick pack . Or toilet paper…. Lol😂 but that word is crazy now that I see that hype around it
My MIL has a shopping addiction and it’s not a joke. She makes over 200k a year but still has hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt on credit card & car loans, and tens of thousands of dollars that she owes friends/family members. She constantly is borrowing money but in her closet is floor to ceiling stacks of luxury clothes, shoes, and makeup none of which has even been worn. Shopping addiction and hoarding go hand in hand but for some reason people try to pass it off as “collections”. Except buying all the new trendy items isn’t a collection it’s just overconsumption.
You’re right about the fact that just because something is an essential doesn’t mean it’s an “essential”. Clothing is an essential but overconsumption of clothing is not. In fact clothing is probably better as it doesn’t expire. 😂
Clothing doesn’t necessarily expire, but it gets worn out, and trends can change so dramatically that one essentially becomes at risk of ostracization by others if one continues to wear it. (And with micro-trends, even moreso!) Since most people would rather donate and rotate to a new wardrobe for the new decade, and I dare say most don’t know how to mend their clothing (and may not want to risk others being able to notice a mended hole or three), there is still a definite obsolescence that clothing runs into… I think that’s why getting good quality, long lasting staples that can stand through a lot of trend cycles is super important if you’re looking to buck the consumerism trend itself. (Or even acquiring more skills towards tailoring and re-inventing existing clothes would be amazing to help extend the life of clothing!)
I fell into this trap when I was watching TikTok constantly all the time and was depressed. I was looking for something to do (I was unemployed at the time after moving) and I thought I could self care shop my way out of feeling sad and lonely. It obviously didn’t work, and looking back I feel bad about the unnecessary spending of money. I’m now working on using all of my lotions, body washes, body oils, etc and I won’t buy a new one of any of those things until I use all of the ones I have up!
Also, when people just show themselves putting things into their carts and not them having the items at home I always assume they’re not buying that stuff. They’re just showing themselves putting it in the cart and then they either leave the cart or put it back. Which is also manipulative!!
I'm so sorry to hear you went through that. I agree that when they just show the cart you never know. I saw a shop with me at target recently and the person put bloom supplements into their cart along with some other products and it was an ad for bloom. They also didn't check out with the product because it was an ad. I've seen more videos with the haul at the end. While they did buy the product, which is nice, it's even more incentive to buy. I don't know which one I prefer
Relatable. I do kind of like the after effect of using up a bunch of stuff, especially once you’ve decided which one is your favorite, now I get to feel better by using up something I was sick of using! And then I get to use my favorite one more often!
i want to see a trend of women going through a store, looking at all the stuff saying, "nope!... no, thanks!... nope! not for me!" cut to them walking out without buying anything, and then showing them making a bank transfer to a savings/market account with an accompanying graph of the value going up over time. if that was hashtagged "selfcare" it would be way more accurate.
Omg yes! Let's make it happen
What about self-care for your future self? 😊😅
Ive actually posted a similar video on my channel! 🫣 It’s titled “Shop with me at Sephora *no budget* (literally)”
(warning, I’m not a no buy channel)
@@ellerchu lol ah I see the parenthetical now... still, I think you've lost the plot!! 😫 $98 on makeup is not what I was envisioning here at all lol but you got my view I guess
maybe your next vid could be an actual fake-out no buy, like just shop from your hoard. on the screen put the dollar amounts you already spent on each item and how much use you've actually gotten out of it since buying it, or something.
@@katzenfrau I think you might have watched the wrong video, it was posted in February and I spent exactly $0. But no need to watch if it’s not for you! My channel doesn’t follow a no buy plot because I still like to talk about and review makeup. But I understand your perspective and I still get your idea. 🫶
I recently started knitting again. I was afraid right away that I would buy way too much yarn. I actually started watching videos of people trying to downsize their “yarn stash”. This will help me realize that yarn is just like makeup or scrapbooking supplies or books or perfumes. These are all categories that I already purchased too much of. Expressing oneself is important, but does not rely on thousands of purchases. Just a few things will do. BTW They have a sign at my craft store that says “Yarn is cheaper than therapy.”
True self care is doing things, some of which might be unpleasant, to make your experience of life better long term. Shopping, unless you are going and only buying what you need that is in your budget, isn't that. True self care looks like exercise, house cleaning, basic hygiene, budgeting, paying bills, doing talk therapy or working on therapeutic concepts, cultivating and participating in hobbies and socializing. A lot of self care is boring, mundane, and not aesthetic. But a lot of the #selfcare stuff is really self soothing, which can be a maladaptive coping technique. We are encouraged to do self care, but I don't see many people saying that self care isn't always aesthetic or fun. And so a bunch of people are growing up with their only definition of self care being something more along the lines of going shopping, canceling plans, taking a bubble bath (with a million products), drinking alcohol, doing a face mask.
And don't get me wrong, I enjoy taking the time to do my skin care or makeup, to use a nicely scented scrub when I am bathing, to be extra in how I care for my hair, but I try to use what I have for the most part. But even being hyperaware of how long it might take to use things up, and how much we consume that we don't need, I struggle to not get backups of my favorite items when they are available at a lower price, or to want to try different kinds of products. It is so much harder to just consume what you need these days.
And as aware of this as I am, I still feel the pull to just buy this thing, maybe it will allow me to relax, maybe it will be what I need to finally care for myself. Because it is so much easier to tell yourself you have time to shop for the perfect thing, but not the time to use it. And no one thing will change your life, so just using that thing is ultimately disappointing, which leads you to look for something else to change your life. The only thing that will change your life is changing your habits, and it is slow, and boring, and hard, and won't lead to people being excited and clicking on your video. This is why I loved your contentment content, because it was slowly incorporating more true self care habits.
Millenials are absolutely also a problem. We were young when our parents were told that shopping, even beyond their means, was important to stimulate the economy. We grew up watching people treat themselves, telling themselves that using credit was a virtuous thing that will help our country and our economy. We grew up with Friends and Sex and the City where the paycheck didn't match the lifestyle. Where did we hang out with friends? At the mall.
I think it has gotten a lot worse because of the pandemic. A lot of us were stuck in the monotony of being at home, stuck with ourselves and our loved ones without break. Sometimes the only thing I had to look forward to was when I ordered something online and was waiting for it to arrive. And trying to break those habits and get back to living my life in ways that support my goals and mine and my family's needs has been so difficult.
And now that I have written this novel, most of which points you already mentioned in the video, I'm going to go vacuum my carpet, then go grocery shopping, and perhaps even go for a run. Because I deserve a clean house, healthy groceries, and the loose, happy feeling only a workout brings. Wish me luck!
That was a lot, but you did say ALL our thoughts, so...
That was actually so insightful and well put! ❤
I LOVE this comment. True self care is not always fun and exciting, exactly! I personally like to make it fun as much as I can because that makes me more likely to stick to it in the long run. Eg, when I have to vacuum, I like to put my headphones on and listen to music while I do it. Same goes for grocery shopping. When I exercise I do it with growwithjo because I love her positivity and I find her to be very relatable. I‘ve also been going to therapy for 4 months now which is helping me to finally deal with my emotions and stop with the self sabotage. My shopping habits also changed immensely now. Partly because the therapy is so expensive and I can’t afford much of anything else. And partly because my mindset about money in general and shopping and overconsumption finally shifted in healthier direction. So I’m being much more mindful of what I actually need and what my true priorities are.
And the funny thing is that in the past I used to think that people like that (mindful and smart with their money) were so boring and must have felt so deprived because they didn’t allow themselves to buy everything they wanted… But the truth is - I am now slowly becoming one of those „boring“ people and I’ve never felt happier in my entire life. ❤
This exactly! Self care is usually difficult and doesn't give you the dopamine hit of shopping. It's no fun to stop scrolling and watching TV in bed, or to eat meals at regular intervals even though I'm not hungry, and I don't see immediate results. Those things promote my health though.
Early baby boomer here, recovering shopaholic and daughter of a shopaholic. I have experienced financial trouble as a result of an addiction to home shopping tv channels back when they were new. I would even forego sleep to watch until 3:00 am to buy a particular item. It was crazy! One day I looked around, came to my senses and realized that I was a total of $6,000 in debt! A wash of shame came over me along with the resolve that it would never happen again. I quit watching cold turkey. I did not realize that I was still a shopaholic at heart and maybe always will be. But with the desire to go to a simpler lifestyle came more self control. I have watched so many of this type of video and admit to having been influenced several times. Shoppers like me get an extreme hit of dopamine from these videos. I even got excited watching the clips you showed. They are like setting off dynamite to your financial success as well as being wasteful. If you are weak in that area stop watching completely and really care for yourself. I now have only one person I like to watch as she shops and that’s because she shops at TJ Maxx, Marshall’s and Ross - my favorite places to shop. It have ever watched, nor will I ever watch a Temu haul. They are reprehensible to me. I also want to include, which you did not, thrifting hauls. Marketed as saving the environment because the products already exist. I love those videos but am no longer foo,ed as to what they are, shopping dopamine. Those are the two kinds of marketing deception that’s
Seem the most dangerous. You are still getting your dopamine hit from shopping. That is what has to change. It has been suggested that shopaholics came about as a couple of generations of people failed took an easy fix to getting that rush. That is because they no longer sought out their purpose in good places. Some people still find joy in volunteering or giving back to their community in some positive way. I found the best hit of dopamine in volunteering. Until the modern age the majority of a person’s time was spent working to survive without any modern conveniences. With the advent of household technology came the novel idea of leisure time. People who were programmed in their dna just to survive life (cave people, for example) never had a week-end off or a 3 day week-end. Now the brain is basically thrown for a loop over how to spend these leisure hours, while the hunter/gatherer part of the brain is still very strong. The deception is self-care or store up for your family for the proverbial winter. Your brain deceives you into thinking you are doing good, hence, the dopamine rush. The possible solution is to find your hit in a healthy place that is also beneficial to others. Know,edge is power, they say, so the younger generations need to be challenged to find satisfaction in new and better ways. Shopping is always going to be a wagon I am tempted to fall off of. I know, terrible grammar. It requires self discipline. Somewhere along the line that became a dirty word and it has led to all manner of trouble. I started a low buy year the past two years in a row and those videos keep me in a better head space and make me feel accountable. p.s. I love your headband.
Thank you for flat out saying this! The term "retail therapy" used to be a self-deprecating joke, but these days I see people use the term in a serious way. That it's somehow "self-care" to spend money you were not planning on spending on something that you weren't even thinking of buying. I find these kinds of videos to be quite bizarre, to be honest. I don't understand what the appeal is to watching someone walk around a store just looking for something to buy for the sake of buying something. I'm not sure how that's interesting or entertaining in any way, but it does reinforce the idea of mindless shopping in the name of "self-care", and that's very problematic.
I'm Gen-X. "Retail Therapy" to my peers was definitely associated with at least a little bit of guilt. Not that we were really ashamed of ourselves, but in a context of "I know better than this, but I'm doing it anyway because I want the quick feel-good that comes with it, and I'll probably regret it later, but whatever".
For me self care is loving the items I have. I am very materialistic but not in a sense that I want to have a lot, I want stuff that I enjoy every day. I mean that they bring such joy that I can't wait to wear them or use them. Like I feel sad when I use them up and have to replace them. Like I almost cry when they broke beyond repair.
I do enjoy shopping when it is for an item I have carefully researched for and I know that it adds to my life. Last time I bought a bag it was because I didn't have one that could hold my laptop and everything else. I was excited to finally found one and now I use it in my daily life because it serves so many purposes.
I love this attitude! I think it might be easier to adopt as we own less, as the things we do have hold more of a presence in our lives. We notice them more, as there is less to distract us from them, we use them more, and thus we appreciate them more as well!
I feel I’m slowly inching towards more of this lifestyle mindset as I downsize after a move, and become more consciously invested in low-buy. It’s much more of a “curated” existence. ❤
You’re so fortunate to have this healthy, balanced outlook on your needs/wants/desired material goods. Very inspiring ❤
Do you watch the YT creator 'simple happy zen'? She once said, "don't go looking for things to want" and I think about it all the time. Such a powerful concept. I'm a new subscriber, and I love your videos! I am going a no-buy summer, inspired by your ideas. This is all such a great counterpoint to the hyper-consumerism that has taken over (especially post-pandemic). Thank you!
I love Simple Happy Zen!
and why are you all judging people for buying things whit their own money it sad
@@mariharrik5987 it’s not about judging others, it’s about trying to to be more mindful of your own purchases. Of course you can ultimately spend money how you want, but it’s important to think about WHY you want to buy something and if it really is in your best interest to spend money on it
A remember an "aha moment" when Hannah Louise Poston did a no buy year in 2016.. 2017 and that was really eye opening to how I leaned into retail therapy. It was such a dopamine catch.. no megan stop! more spending means more time at work
I shop by utility as I use things up unless there is a deal that would make buying in bulk make sense.
My home doesn’t need to look like a store, and I’m easily overwhelmed by the products I see thrown in carts
I don’t need more than one sunscreen, cologne, face wash, etc. at once.
There are a lot of things which I'm loyal to and don't really switch products and I'm more overwhelmed by having to shop more often and spend more time thinking about shopping. I'd rather just have to buy more things occasionally, all at once, so that I can spend my time on other things. Things like toilet paper, rice, and lotion aren't things I find fun to shop for, so I just get as much as my little apartment can reasonably store. Then I save time, money, and gas.
After learning more about the downsides to consumerism and knowing that fixing my mental health involves real therapy and not “retail therapy” it’s so insane to see these hauls. I’ve been going to empty to transfer more to zero waste and it’s taking me FOREEVEEEERR just to go through the things I have
I agree 100%. All actions have consequences. I don't think we all have the "right" to buy, it's such a bizar take. I've seen content creators calling out for example "stock up" videos....but only holding the people watching accountable and not the one making the content. I think it's both sides, I appreciate your self reflection & thoughts🌺.
I agree, thanks for sharing
It’s crazy how some ppl turn shopping and obsessing over new products a whole personality trait 😭😂
This was me 10-15ish years ago, during my teen years 😅 I cringe whenever I think about that 😭
i was born in 2000, and i definitely do remember the time before influencers. we didn't really start talking about influencers or youtubers or social media content creators until the mid 2010's. before that, we only had random people posting random shit online for the fun of it. it was when vine rolled around that social media became a somewhat viable source of income.
Thank you so much for saying boldly “people dont have the right to overconsume.” So many topics that speak about current societal issues in general dont want to make such bold statements so as not to upset their audience. But in reality, if something is resulting in a net negative on the world, it should not be normalized just because someone wants to do it and “arent hurting anyone.” In reality they are indirectly hurting the society as part of a collective.
For example I see this a lot in the cosmetic surgery industry. I genuinely think most of the cosmetic enhancements people are doing (especially major ones lik bbls and face enhancements) are hurting our wallets, our self image, our expectations of how a real person is supposed to look, etc. Its doing MAJOR damage PLUS actual health damage through botched surgeries and literal de*ths. But everyone ends up saying “if this will make you happy then go ahead.” I disagree it should be more nuanced as to whats acceptable. Obviously some surgeries are fine like skin grafts or breast reductions or breast augmentation due to cancer (and so many more examples). But this idea that anyone should be able to do whatever they want is not helpful in certain scenarios
i understand what you’re saying, but if you’ve never experienced being called ugly by everyone around you your whole life, i don’t think it’s fair to judge. i’m getting plastic surgery because i’m tired of being treated like dirt for the way i look. ever since i was a child, i’ve been the ugly duckling. i’ve been insulted for being an ugly girl/woman for as long as i can remember, and i’m fed up with it. the reality is that looks do matter, it’s a well-researched and documented phenomenon. i’m tired of having next to no dating prospects, i’m tired of people ignoring me and avoiding me, i’m tired of being the ugly friend, i’m tired of being randomly insulted and being too embarrassed to show my face in public. i hate the “you’re beautiful on the inside” crap because it doesn’t stop people from making snap judgments about me and treating me like scum. anytime i see someone criticizing others for getting plastic surgery, it’s someone who is average at worst and conventionally attractive at best. being genuinely ugly is a hell i wouldn’t wish upon anyone.
@@coolchameleon21 Im really sorry youve gone through that and I understand how it can affect you deeply. I think what bothers me the most is people not taking it seriously. People who look perfectly fine or even beautiful do it just because. The trend is big lips so even someone with medium lips gets filler. Influencers have made it so normalized that an average woman seems ugly in comparison. Im not saying this is you, but I can understand how people in the 95th+ or 5th- percentile of any trait can feel very ostracized and want to change it to a “normal” level. But what’s upsetting is botching up perfectly normal faces and bodies just to “enhance” and because the person feels like it. It makes people with normal features feel like theyre hideous. I cant imagine how current teenagers feel when seeing the same face over and over and comparing their different traits. Its no longer the extremes getting plastic surgery, its everyone and their mom which is unhealthy in many ways on a personal and societal level. I hope you dont take what I say as rude to your struggles, Im not trying to say youre truly unattractive or anything. But if certain traits are on extreme ends/proportions I totally get your desire. It just sucks to see normal features be demonized and wiped out for no reason. We keep narrowing the scope of what’s deemed as attractive and the idea of accepting different looks is decreasing more and more.
Just a note, I feel like if people were less used to these attractive features from media, there’d be less ridicule in day to day life and more acceptance of a variety of features. I doubt youre ugly but people have made it that way through perception. Im moreso upset at those with influence rather than everyday people who are in a major rut due to what they see in expectations. But even with everyday people, constant surgeries should not be normalized for every little thing. It affects everybody
I get your point but at the same time I don’t think it’s something fair to ask of people. Your insecurities are your problem and it’s not everyone else's job to step on eggshells around your or to make themselves less “attractive” so you can feel better about yourself by comparison. If someone wants plastic surgery then that’s their decision and it has nothing to do with you. In fact, it shouldn’t even affect you that much. True self esteem comes from within, not from external validation and definitely not from a sense of superiority over the people around you. If your feelings of self-worth are so tied to other people that you only feel good when people around you are, by your standards, either as ”attractive” or less “attractive” then you and whenever you see someone with a body more conventionally attractive than yours it makes you spiral into self-hate, than you didn’t have a good self-esteem to begin with.
Everyone deserves to feel good about themselves and while I completely understand why the way others look often impacts our own self-image, it’s still on us, not other people, to work on that. I know it’s hard, I know you can never be truly unaffected by it and that’ it’s impossible to never compare yourself to others. And I know that the internet makes it even harder but what we all need to understand is that people only show their best sides online. People can pick and chose what to post, they can edit their photos to enhance their appearance, they can get lip fillers and botox and pretend it’s all natural… But even then, I don’t think the solution is putting a ban on cosmetic surgery and photoshop. Because, at the end of the day, that doesn’t solve the true problem. And even if you do, there’s always going to be people out there who won the genetic lottery and are the literal personification of society’s beauty standards without needing to try all that much. The solution is working on your self-esteem so you don’t waste your time worked up over a beauty standard that will change in 3 or 4 years anyway and so that when you inevitably end up comparing yourself to someone else you are able to snap out of it and continue to love yourself.
Self care =spending money on stuff you don't actually need at the moment. Accompanied by "girl math" =definitely not math, shit doesn't add up at all. What's behind all that?? Girl math for making dumb financial decisions... Or the idea that whatever issues we have can somehow be cured by buying meaningless stuff...guess our problems are equally mundane? How did we get here as a species? Asking for a friend.
my "girl math" is saving and investing money so it grows over time. I wish these people would stop perpetuating this awful stereotype of women. it isn't funny.
The term "girl math" annoys me so much! I hadn't heard it until recently when I was shopping at Bath And Body Works. I had come to the store to grab a few things on sale when I realized that I had nearly been suckered into buying twice as much online to get free shipping. I was chatting to the associate about how I was glad I caught myself before spending twice what I planned. She told me I was just using "girl math", and I should have just gone with it. Without even thinking I said "I'm just too smart for that". Sounds a bit egotistical, but I won't let anyone convince me I should be fooled into overbuying things and wasting money...especially in a sexist way.
@@maddie8415 not egotistical, you ARE too smart for that. good for you!! sales people/companies will do that though lol, they love any kind of math that supports their bottom line.
one time I fell for BBW's 75% off sale, and I still spent SO much money on SO much stuff. I was horrified about it afterwards, so I spent the next FIVE years either completely using up or gifting every single thing I bought that day. after it was all gone and to this day, I haven't bought anything else there. now I just use basic bar soap. clean doesn't smell like anything 🙌
Posting again to say that positive reenforcement always wins over anything punitive. Videos like yours are influencing thousands as well as bringing awareness to a generation.
thanks for the kind comment Belinda!
This ripped at my center as I was self care shopping before it was a thing. As you share it makes me happy that you’re doing videos to explain our “insanity” with owing soooo much stuff and bottom line it doesn’t make me feel better! When I became aware of my shopping addiction was watching channels like your addressing consumerism. Thanks and I hope my remarks are positive because your channel doesn’t need negative ! Thanks ❤
thanks so much for sharing!
I completely agree with everything said in this video -- excessive shopping and consumption is in no way "self-care" -- but I always assumed that the creators making the videos were titling them "self-care shopping" because they are shopping for self-care products? Like skincare, haircare, body care etc. I don't think they are calling the physical shopping itself being a self-care activity, just the products themselves
I am GenX and we always did retail therapy! We being my friends. I have way more clothes, shoes, coats, makeup, skincare,etc. it took me decades to help myself out with all this shopping! Refreshing to learn from a younger woman! Your doing good here on TH-cam!
Over the past couple years I've fallen into several different categories of shopping addictions. It was haircare, then skincare, lately fragrances. I grew up in a house where I truly was given the absolute bare minimum & it so badly affected my self esteem that when I got my own money, I got hooked on getting all the things I wanted when I was a teenager. I realize all this & still struggle with it although I've come a long way in being more aware of it
Correct. Shopping addiction is common in people who had for the most part the bare essentials as children. Then, when coming into a little more $$ they spend inordinately. Please consider the thin volume book by Caesar Lincoln “Shopping Addiction - The Ultimate Guide To Overcome Compulsive Buying and Spending.” It’s more a type of workbook, but it’s thought provoking. It started me on my journey.
Thank you for making this. My birthday is coming up and I'm in the mindset of spending money and buying a bunch of crap because "it's my birthday and I deserve it" I usually have waiting periods for bigger purchases (like, if I still really want this decor/bedding/clothing or whatever in X weeks, then I'm allowed to get it) which works well for me, but my usual rules and regulations go right out the window this time every year. This reminder was definitely helpful!
I have an entire video on treat and birthday spending if you're so inclined
Unfortunately sometimes it's just easier to shop or buy stuff than to make the time or energy for a real self care activity... and I agree with you that it's probably worse because we see it so much online!! Thanks for talking about this.
Not to go all doom and gloom, and it might be because of my own "no buy" this year ...but I can't watch that content anymore without thinking about how possibly wasteful it is, how much single use plastic is involved, how long it would take to use all the products featured, or in cases of Shein/Temu how much the humans working on those products are devalued in their jobs or even possibly suffering from violations of their rights etc. and I'm starting to get more turned off by consumerism content. Which is obviously helping me stick to the no buy 😅
I love body scrubs and pimple patches but I can’t stand the people who buy 20 scrubs to use all at once.
right! I'm very high maintenance just cus i love taking showers and baths but its so ridiculous to me when people have more than one of the same thing 😭. people who have like a closet full of different perfumes baffle me because how do you even need all that 😭
I thinks there's also something to be said about actually enjoying what you buy. I personally enjoy using self care products quite a bit but I genuinely see no point in buying more until I'm out of what I have. On top of that, I don't need a million different skin or body products. It's really just lotion, moisturizer, a leave in conditioner, maybe a serum here and there. Even if someone wants to participate in the whole self care product thing does not mean they need ALL of it all at once
We definitely over-consume, however I will say that if you’re out of your self-care products, shopping to re-stock them is perfectly normal. What’s not normal is hoarding products or buying stuff you don’t really need at the moment.
I think we are missing from this conversation that these full carts do not mean these women are actually completing the purchase. They go to stores to do this to create content, most of them will put almost *everything* back. We saw that with the bloom influencers. They would put the bloom in the cart but not even buy it.
Thought exercise: Ever been on the phone with your best friend, talking about real, emotional life circumstances (good or bad), while doing a grocery or convenience store run? How easy was it to select what you needed to buy? You probably stopped and talked, looked at many aisles, then said goodbye to your friend to focus on shopping without distraction.
This perfectly illustrates why you can’t face your emotions while shopping, aka why it’s not therapy.
Every Gen has had this discussion. Please look up the documentaries "Affluenza" and "Escape from Affluenza". You'll enjoy them so much. They are documentaries from the 1990s that discusses the dangers of overconsumerism and over-commercialization. It goes into having tips and ideas to spend less or focus mainly on things most important to you. It also goes into topics of how shopping is detrimental towards the environment, societal, mental health, and other areas of life. They go into that cycle you are talking about. Incredible that after 30 years after the production of these documentaries people are still talking about the dangers of Affluenza without using the term itself. Anyways I hope you make a commentary video of those documentaries. 😎👍
This is why I read up on views to narrow stuff down and only buy stuff I actually will use in my routine. Self Care should mean treating yourself but also recognize stuff expires and to only buy what you need.
I found out that I can kick the consumerism wants by going to the library and checking out books or scrolling on Netflix and adding a bunch of stuff to my ‘watch later! It gives me the same excitement the receiving packages used to before my items/consumerism made me stressed out.
If anyone struggles with shopping try going to the library! Or looking for shoes to add to your watch list. Something about it gives me the same feeling as a new item used to
I needed this SO much! This video was medicine to my consumerist soul. I am actively trying to buy less, spend less, need less, and this is such a kick up the arse to keep me on track. Thank you! X
Ahhh thank you I needed this! I was thinking about rewarding myself with shopping but I didn’t even know what I wanted to buy. I was just getting caught up in consumerism 😢
In therapy for shopping addiction as well as mental health. Thank you for calling this out.
I used to head the beauty department at a chain drugstore and fell victim to crazy impulse shopping of "essential" personal care items. It ended up as clutter 85% of the time. I would push the barely used stuff to family and I would toss so much makeup. As I've gotten older and more routine in what products I've found that works for me, and from being away from working in such a space, it's astounding how much money was wasted looking back.
This goes ESPECIALLY for skincare! I'm 32 and still deal with adult acne but I know now what works and I can't be swayed by new products with buzzword claims. The only "new" skincare products I've picked up are pimple patches which are kinder to me for whiteheads than highly medicated serums and spot treatments which can trigger breakouts. And I say "new" in quotation marks because I was buying pimple patches on the cheap from Walmart for nearly a decade now, years before it became trendy with new brands and stricker-like designs.
I used to do this, until I had to move cross country and deal with all the clutter. As I threw out each barely used item, my mind played the memories of me swiping my card and/or hitting “submit order”. All the money wasted, all the expired products…sigh…now I only repurchase whenever I run out of something in particular. What a life lesson; clutter is clutter guys 🤷♀️
Thank you for your video that made me understand that my morning cup of tea is in itself a self care, because of the way I feel about it.
I intended to go buy some skin care products today and I didn't changed my mind because of my empty cupboards but you made me see it with new eyes and I'll think about your advices while purchasing the needed stuffs.
Keep going. You're smart and the way you share your point of view is gorgeous.
It's been getting more difficult to not fall into the trap of overconsumption recently, but taking photos of what I want and making a wish list instead of buying it definitely helped.
I actually watch these to satisfy my want to shop without actually buying anything. I like to see what's new also, but will absolutely never ever watch a PR UNBOXING, EVER
This video made me realize a lot.
I can't go doing hauls (I've tried) because I end up more stressed five minutes later due to the lack of money to pay my basic needs (has happened too many times now), but on a day-to-day basis there's always the small treat- sweets, more caffeine, food, the clothes a friend is selling. Most of my spending is social and I end up just going back home with a bunch of things I don't need and not enough money for what I do need.
In the end I'm just going with the flow instead of taking care of myself, because that's just it. I got a bunch of plushies I'll never use again but I haven't gotten the shoes I do need to run. I go out to eat with friends but I never have anything at home. What is that even for? To keep them around. But what sort of friendship is this, if we need to just go buy things in order to see each other?
My friend invited me to get coffee next week, but since we got coffee together recently I suggested she come to my apt and we make coffee together instead, to save money. She offered to bake cookies and bring them to have together, and I’m a lot more excited now for our coffee date because we’re going to get to share things we’ve made ourselves.
What if you suggest cooking together with your friends or doing a potluck instead of eating out? I think you’ll make more precious memories sharing your lives in a more intimate way with each other, it’ll improve a skill, save money, and you get to avoid the noise and chaos of restaurants! Wishing the best for you! ❤
@@rokinjaguar That's a lovely idea, thank you
shopping is self-care when u can do it once or twice a year. It's an evennnnt. Wish it could be without worries like that, but its a tiny version. I feel like I'm being able to love myself properly. Doesn't matter the brand etc.
I'm liking the video because you were brave enough to be honest and heck, even swear! 😂 In a twisted way I'm sort of glad I work retail because these videos don't work on me quite the same way they would maybe in my early 20s. Seeing all these products being plopped into a cart or basket just looks like work to me.😅
glad to hear you enjoyed it!
Watching this reminded me of a girl I knew in college. She had about 15 or 20 body sprays at one time from bath and body works and continued to buy more if one ran out, and also would get the shower gells and lotions. Her room always smelled like the BBW store, it gave me a headach. The kicker was she was always asking people for money to buy food because her parents stopped giving her money as she would just buy more BBW products instead of essential items.
Maybe I'm reaching but I think this rebranding of consumption started when people started to call shopping "retail therapy". Going so far as calling it self-care is IMO, a way to distance yourself from the fact that, more often than not, you're giving into your wants rather than your needs. It's also a way of dissociating the guilt you might feel when you realize that you bought stuff to fit a certain aesthetic/ lifestyle you can't afford.
Self-care is so much more than treating yourself by consuming.
Slow down, make yourself time to unwind, get into activities you enjoy that don't involve additional spending, and implement "unpleasant" habits that will serve you in the long run... This is also self-care.
I wonder how brands will capitalize on this phenomenon to incite us to buy even more 😶🤭
this is really insightful and definitely agree. I was trying to get to this point of giving into your needs and dissociating from the guilt but you said better than I could have, so thanks
Well, I realize you came to the same conclusion after I posted that comment (what you said sparked a lot of ideas and I had to write them down before I forgot 😂)
I'm still editing my reply because I have so much more to say about this. Thank you again for taking the time to create content that opens the discussion about consumerism and what we have to think about to help us navigate everything that happens online.
Also, congrats for the 10k 😊
I'm in my mid 40s, and all I've ever used is Neutrogena face wash and spf50 sunblock.
As for makeup, I only wear mascara.
People think I'm 30 years old.
Please, if you're a young lady, don't fall for it. Age naturally, it will keep you looking younger for longer.
Also, pro tip, I've bought all my shampoo, razors, toothpaste, toothbrushes, floss and deodorants from the Dollar Tree, and they work just as well as the expensive stuff.
Be simple, save money, be happier.
Eh, I don’t think they don’t work just ask well in most cases but will technically get the job done.
I sometimes wonder if they're putting things in their carts for the video and how many items they put back on the shelf...
This video is the one thing I need to listen to whenever I even fathom shopping. THIS is self-care: knowing you make your choices, not mindlessly but with reason and being honest with yourself. Acknowledging whatever product you like won't fix your life if you just buy it "because why not". Recognizing toxic patterns so that you regain some agency and become more conscious about what you consume. This video is self care. Just earned a new subscriber, excellent job ❤
I struggle with very mild agoraphobia. For me, going into a store and purchasing something is self care. It's making myself be present with my discomfort and trying not to give into my anxiety. Granted, I'm going into Dollar Tree and buying one single thing but even so. I know that my experience is not the same as what the tiktok videos are representative of, but sometimes shopping really is self care. During the shutdowns it became very easy to have everything delivered and I've found that that gives me less incentive to leave my home. Just a thought.
A mindset I’ve been trying to implement more is “finish before you buy new”. Unless a product is giving me a bad reaction or has gone bad, I will not buy it. I won’t buy a new shampoo till I’m done with the one I have. Or I wont buy new of something that works perfectly fine just cause it’s cuter either. It’s not easy but it makes a difference.
I actually watched one of these hauls (I think the video appeared briefly as a thumbnail) and spotted comments like “late stage capitalism final boss” with replies like “it’s her money! no one is being harmed” or “don’t watch it then 😡” so yeah it’s being brought up jokingly, but never really being discussed because it becomes more like a you vs them situation.
I remember how TH-cam used to promote overconsumption with all those Alex drawers filled with so many products and their backup. I had so much stuff from skincare, hair care, body care and nails and finally decided to do a no buy year which turned into several years to finish all the products I had.
I’m trying to use what I have that I’ve bought as self care because in truth it stresses me out having to do all these extra unnecessary things. It can become a vicious cycle. Currently crawling my way out of debt.
thank you for sharing and i'm wishing you luck on your debt-repayment journey
oh my gosh im all for pimple patches but the PRICE of mighty patches is INSANE! i buy mine at family dollar for one dollar a box with 24 on a sheet in each. they do the same thing its so crazy how much money people waste
It is scary how many folks are keeping themselves broke with overconsumption. I have been a lot more insistent about putting a chunk of money into a savings account each month after learning more about how bad many folks' financial situation is.
Retail therapy and shopping addiction isn’t a new concept, however it’s definitely gotten exponentially worse since the inception of the internet and the rise of social media and the accessibility to do so, and how much we’re being sold to through the internet on a regular basis
My home doesn't need to look like a store!
second that!
I know right! Seeing other creators spaces like that gets me so overwhelmed like how can one person possibly use all those products in their lifetime?😂
I honestly find it relaxing to go through a store and look at all those products. I've finally realised that the "window shopping" I do (without buying anything) is making me just as happy as when I used to always buy a few items alongside it. Sometimes I just want to look at pretty things and pretend I own everything (as a collector at heart), but I feel like the important distinction I've learned for myself to make is that it is a "look, but don't buy" situation, unless I actively need something because I ran out
1. I strongly dislike the word/trend aesthetics applied to anything.
2. I wonder if the reason they “need to buy skin care” when there is a wall full of them is because those are for show and they dont like them hence, they need to buy one they actually like (it is a stretch here cuz at this point they like anything aesthetic lol)
this is something I’m really trying to reframe in my mind. sometimes if I’m stressed at work and wanting to buy something I have to regulate myself of actually I just need a snack and an early night and that’s much better self care than spending
Never knew people got excited when they got out of something. It's so sad, everything gets empty at once and you have to spend money little by little if u dont have enough for all of it.
What helped me to buy a bit less is that I regularly put all skin care related stuff and make up on the floor and see how much it is. Also what helped me is to have for now a few categories where I stay with one product. I still have a lot, but I wanna use that. I just hope that I find more product categories where I find exactly what I look for and can stay with.
i think you should also make a video about the “glowup” videos where girls spend $1000+ on procedures and hair nails ect.
My shampoo, soap and moisturiser all needed replaced at the same time so I took myself to the shops and got... shampoo, soap and moisturiser! I've definitely fallen into the trap of cute skin/bodycare stuff before when rebuying my essentials but I love window shopping now and if something catches my eye, I usually take a photo of it and never end up thinking about it again! I think appreciating cute, fun things while also acknowledging that I don't need it is a skill! Things can be cute and we can admire them in shops/on other people without needing to own them ourselves
I’m a new subscriber and I’m absolutely loving your commentaries on overconsumption! I’m learning so much about overconsumption and learning so much about myself from watching your videos! I’ll be watching your decluttering video next. ❤
A person can both over-spend and under-spend at the same time. Both can be a trauma response or coping mechanism. Shopping in the right way can be self-care. Buying things just for the sake of buying things isn't self care, but when we are so limited in sense of connection to our community, it makes sense why we want to go somewhere familiar and a space that doesn't necessarily have an expectation for us to have to be overly engaged either.
I totally get the dopamine hit from watching those videos. I watch cleaning, decluttering and organizing videos
Shawna, if you haven’t already can you make a video talking about the positives of reusing? For example, how many gallons of water are saved when you thrift a shirt or repair the one you already own? What’s the impact on the environment of buying new vs renting/borrowing. The clothing Desert in Chilie, etc. I know it’s in a lot of environmental books but I think I would love to hear your thoughts/experiences and have a podcast like video to listen to :)❤
This video is so eye opening for me. I’ve been on a “don’t buy x till i run out of what i already have” mindset for a while which i thought was an improvement from my previous “i need all versions and possibilities of x” but i still have this mindset of “i cant wait till i run out of x so i can buy it again” which is like hello what?? But it’s bc my brain enjoys the shopping part omfgmgkdkf 😭😭 ok realization 🫣 i have to work on this
I feel you on this. I do occasionally still get excited when something runs out so I can select something new. I'm almost out of body wash and was having a fun time looking at the selection online 😅 I
First of all, every video keeps me on track to use up my stuff. Oh! The Dior came in the most beautiful packaging! The product i bought was not what I thought it would be. It's advertised as a lip product, but it's a cream moisturizer for face and hands. It's a pretty scent. The samples they sent will be perfect for travel. Will I buy from dior again? No. I can see that I would be a hoarder of the packaging. I will tell you that I found a use for every piece of packaging. 🎉
Omg!! all of the #SelfCare is just #ShoppingAddiction 😂🍵.
Actual Self Care is your Mental health,Your eating habits, And real health!!
Always love you💜！
I sometimes put together a special 'self care' basket. If I know I'm gonna have a rough day I'll get a basket and put in my comfiest pajamas, grab a face mask I already have, some candy, sometimes even my favorite wine glass just for the symbolism 😂 I do sometimes buy something special for it if I truly don't have anything I need or something similar, like if I'm truly out of candy or skincare but in recovering from problematic shopping I'm working on finishing the stuff I already own. I've never been THIS bad, nor do I think these creators are. It sucks the way they promote this stuff because it's so profitable. I really appreciate more people speaking about these just to remind everyone this isn't real life. It's fun to watch those organizing videos but seeing them from this lens is so important.
Wow this made me think differently. I never thought of the shopping part being the “self care”, I’m just excited to go home and take a nice relaxing bath w my eucalyptus body wash & use the shampoo that smells good and feels like it really cleans my scalp, then after put on a mask that leaves my face glowy and hydrated. Thats the part that feels very self care and that I’m taking care of my body and mind ? But now looking at those videos, I see them differently. Thanks for the good video!
Hello. I don't usually comment on TH-cam videos, but I just wanted to say I'm so glad I met your channel. At first, I clicked on one of your videos because I thought you look like a very smart woman who knows your stuff, and I was right!
On top of your voice being so calm and relaxing to listen to, your videos are lengthy and you make social commentary on topics that I'm interested in, so I like playing your videos on the background while I do my errands to keep my understimulated brain concentrated.
Thanks a lot!
Watching this as I organize my bath and bodywork’s cabinet. I do have too much. Annoying medical bills I thought insurance was going to cover, but is kicking back have put a pause to my spending. 😢 Before January I had one moisturize and body wash and bought 12 candles on candle day to last a year. I have almost 50 now! Watching BBW you tube folks and Reddit pulled me in and I need to get out before these things own me!
I just appreciate you so much. Thank you for being a voice of sanity in our culture. 🙏
thank you for being here 💕
Minimalism was life changing for me! ✨
I definitely enjoy watching shopping hauls because of the vicarious shopping experience for items that I normally would not buy.
The fact that they spend almost as much per one self care haul as some families spend on monthly GROCERIES 😭
I wish I found your content years earlier but so grateful I did!! Thank you for all your advice ❤
My self care is washing my face and applying a moisturizer. It’s small but as a mom of 3 young kids it’s pretty much the only thing I do for just myself.
I feel like there's a difference between self care and self coddling and retail therapy and self care shopping definitely swing way into self coddling and avoidance. For a lot of people real self care is cleaning your room and writing up a solid budget
I am just stopping by to say the videos you have been making are giving me life! These topics are amazing. ❤
Thank you Meray!!!
Self care is setting a budget and sticking to it. I have to keep reminding myself of this.
for me, shopping CAN be therapy kind of. as someone who is less fortunate and not very well off, i rarely have the funds to go shopping JUST for me- not including necessities. therefore, when i do get the chance to shop, it makes me so happy
That's what they're saying is the problem. It's not ok that shopping is making you happy. You should mostly shop for things you need. 😅
I really enjoy your videos because it gives me perspective on what to do better as a creator! Although I’m not a “no buy” or “low buy” channel, I’ve been trying to find the balance between sharing valuable content without promoting overspending and helping viewers think more critically. Truthfully, this is a difficult balance to find and a challenge I’m facing. I wish I would have seen this perspective before I posted a self care shopping video because I would have done it differently. 😅
I also think age and target demographics have A LOT to do with the views certain videos get. And not all generations are on the same page, which impacts the content that is being pushed.
GIRL! thank you so much for saying that. I respect you so much as a creator for thinking about these topics and trying to strike a balance that feels right for you and your audience.
Really loving all of your video's lately! Thanks of opening up of struggling with the "self care shopping' addiction. It's really a thing I am know also on a journey of minimizing shopping and doing other things with that money like traveling and enjoying nature more!
It’s interesting to think about how shopping hauls perpetuate shopping hauls… not just from algorithms promoting and rewarding them, but if you start by showing how you shop, you might land more and more sponsorships to keep shopping, and then to keep earning money doing something you’d do anyway, you keep making them. Years ago I remember answering an ad for some kind of gift card in return for an honest review. I’d never do it nowadays, but when I was in that age range of the young influencers under discussion, that’s something I did and which I felt was not just nice for me to do for myself, but that in making money from it, that it was also RESPONSIBLE for me to “be making money.” But yeah, it just creates a self-perpetuating cycle of consumption.
I definitely fall under the umbrella of people who can watch a haul and generally feel “okay that was fun,” but I have a general aversion to the feeling of checking out of a shop unless I know I got a GREAT deal on something I would likely have bought regardless! Do I like and want and kind of crave the stuff in those girls’ shopping carts? Yeah. Do I use face masks and bubble bath and thermos mugs? Not at all. Watching little toy figure blind box unboxings? I’ll watch them, but I went through that phase in 2008, and ultimately didn’t find it rewarding at the time, and I’m finally parting with all these useless knickknacks now, realising they never offered any real “fulfillment.”
Ultimately it’s so much about seeing someone else on the screen living out your fantasy self’s life, and seeking that out… but that’s more like the life you’d imagine having if you felt fulfilled… not the elements that lend fulfillment to begin with. That comes from within, but I think most of us have lost track of how to find it. So we look outward. (Or maybe it’s just me, but I’m sure someone out there can relate!)
That’s me. I vicariously live through the shopping by watching the videos and that is enough for me. Once in a blue moon I am inspired to buy something based off recommendations but it is carefully thought trough, slept on, and 9/10 I forget about it or lose interest. I’m also a 44 year old women. As I have gotten older I just don’t find the need to frivolously spend and I have even gone as far as getting rid of a bunch of my stuff and downsizing. If these videos had been a thing when I was young I’m not so sure it would have been good.
I CANNOT make this up: the second you started mentioning Temu an ad played for it
THEY WERE SUMMONED THEY'RE FIGHTING BACK
Shopping tends to be a coping mechanism for me, when I decide to buy some things I feel like I'm in control the most. I'm trying to limit this and also downsizing my collections at the same time. My goal is to have smaller collections with items I care more about, be it books or manga or anime figures. Selling can be addictive too, I like packing things nicely and letting buyers know their package is on their way. 🥳
Watched this video while getting ready yesterday and man you hit all the points, also I really hope your channel gets bigger in the future because more people really need to adopt these mindsets to realize this overconsumption is unhealthy and draining
thank you!
An excellent video, thank you. As well as the dopamine hit, they get from shopping, I'm sure they also get dopamine from the attention of likes and comments they get from their video.
I know that it's been shown that someone watching art being created is almost a relaxing, if not the same as, the person who is actually creating the art as a form of therapy. So, it isn't a far reach to assume that it's the same for those watching people doing hauls.
ETA: i also just wanted to add that somewhere along the line self- care has to be doing 'nice' things for yourself, Bubble bath, face pack, etc. Sometimes, it can be paying a bill or having a bit of a tidy up, making a healthy meal.
Ha ha, I finished writing that just as you then went on to say what self care can look like.
I’m working on the opposite issues. For years I felt that if I even spent $5 I would end up homeless or really bad things would happen. I couldn’t look at other people’s spending either without having a panic attack. But in college I had a roommate who was the opposite of me so we helped each other. I now look at spending as hours worked. If I am earning $18 an hour how much does something cost in hours. Would I be happy working that amount of time for the item? And how fast (with my schedule) could I earn the money back. I spend the most on food as I am a sushi lover. But thinking has allowed me to spend money in a healthy way