body standards confusion as a nonbinary person
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 ก.ย. 2024
- tbh i'm burned out on youtube and being in school for 18 years of my life...how do y'all feel about seasons?
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Sometimes I have to remind myself that it's okay to just like stand and talk for a video lmao.
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ABOUT ME:
Age: 21
I'm queer!! hehe
tags bc why not: #nonbinary, #lgbtq, #enby, advice, coming out, body standards, beauty standards, gender, gender dysphoria, pride, pride month
7.2.2022-40364
I’m intrigued to see the video. I have to say as a woman, I don’t think that women want the “ ideal female body” either. I feel like a lot of that comes for the patriarchy and what men find desirable vs what women actually want is to just like their natural body as it is.
I totally agree, I only recently figured out i was non binary and before that i would do everything to look like the beauty standard because i thought "that is what is gonna make me attractive", i am feeling wayy better now that ive given up trying to look attractive and just started being comfortable
@@kaitlinburton3211 there is a definitely a pressure to look a certain way or to “ perform” a certain way. I feel that once women in particular stop trying to be that standard and just be “ free” or gnc, the patriarchy will deem us ugly or somehow not a woman. It’s a messed up system that we live in.
@@lb7151 what patriarchy. There is also an ideal male body.
@@yashghetia6386 it also comes from the patriarchy. feminism recognizes men’s issues as well
I am a mid-size afab nonbinary person who likes to dress/present androgynous to masculine. I have fairly big boobs but they do compress okay in a GC2B binder. I have NEVER related to the "ideal female body type" and knew I didn't want boobs since before they started to develop. My fashion and gender icons are like Timothee Chalamet and Troye Sivan...
Timothee is amazing!
I'm embarassed to admit, but for the longest time I confused gender dysphoria with wanting the ideal body type. I didn't feel comfortable in my body and how others perceive me and I thought it's because I'm flat and built like a rectangle, so I started to wear push up bras and did tons of butt excersises but it just made me feel even more uncomfortable. Finally I realized I'm nonbinary but it took sooo long lol
As a amab nonbinary person, what Iris is taking about around the five minute mark. It is true that someone who’s born male and dresses more feminine does stick out more, i’ve always looked it it the other way, that its easier for afab people to pass as androgynous or even as a guy. Because it more normalised. So it’s really interesting to hear a different side on the subject.
Finally another amab, I'm not nonbinary though and still not sure if I'm transgender. And I relate to your thoughts a lot!
I think it is definitely socially easier for afab people to dress in all types of clothing. Thx for sharing ur thoughts ❤️
i grew up the exact same way and didn't realize i was nonbinary until last december (i'm currently 20). i was confused why my mom was disappointed that i ended up being flat chested and the idea of having wide hips made me uncomfortable (thank god i'm shaped like a rectangle lol). since i'm black i feel like i'm more expected to have that curvy figure and it's just never been an aspiration in my mind. for the longest time i thought i was just body neutral, turns out it was a gender thing.
I feel the same way.
Same
felt.
I feel this. I'm not sure if I'm non binary, but I am afab and bi, and there is also an added layer of confusion when it comes to sexuality. For a long time I thought I was a lesbian, but then I realized that most of my problem with men comes from the way they see me (as a women). Not from the particular way that they look or whatever. anyways I wish... i were not perceived at all. peace and love!
dude i relate to this too, i'm nonbinary afab and bi, and i like when men are attracted to me when i dress more masculine
i really relate to this! the andro beauty standard really sucks tbh and it plays a big role in my eating disorder to be honest like knowing that i feel less dysphoria the thinner i am makes recovery really really difficult. its definitely something i hope can change in society and within myself to view androgyny in a wider way instead of just ‘skinny white guy in a skirt’
I relate to this so much :(
Thank goodness I'm hispanic and not white then😅 (I don't wears skirts or dresses though)
Personally I see androgyny as, "I can't tell if this is a woman or a man!!?!"
Not important but people sometimes think my sister is a man.
Also, hopefully you can make that change in society and yourself. Despite not knowing who you are, I still believe in you!✨🍀
I’m also non binary but have a “perfect hourglass” body. I’m 5’5 and my female friends would constantly tease me for being short. I’m honestly so jealous of your body type and height. I know gender identity has nothing to do with what my body looks like but I just wish I was more androgynous :(
exact same thing here- its a pain. ive had people compliment me for having a 'really nice figure' meanwhile im just here hating having hips and breasts, not even gonna mention being 5'4
i do have slightly broader shoulders for a woman which i do like but its definitely nowhere near enough to make up for the rest.
its sucks knowing ill never be able to pass well just because even if i bind or get top surgery ill just be more of a pear than an hourglass. i have very soft feminine features too and it drives me mad.
i dont want to pass as a dude, im not a man, but i do wish i could present andro a bit easier. i have to be very intentional with my choices just to seem a bit andro and thats just exhausting to keep up 24/7 sigh
I have the "right" body shape (very straight up and down and wide shoulders compared to my hips) but I am so small (5'1) and my frame is so narrow that I basically never ever pass and it makes me sad because I can't do anything about it : (
im 5'1 😭
@@lukiruffles fuckkk it’s the same for me. And the comments I get range from ‘your figure is wasted on you’ *great!*
to when I’m wearing something feminine and they go ‘wow you should dress like that more! We like you a lot better like this’ and *boom* dysphoria.
I'm 5,1 be thankful lol
thank you for this!! I'm nonbinary/transmasc and have always had curves and like hips and thighs and hated it as a kid and didn't really get it and just wanted to be "skinny" even though it was really just the curves and the androgynous ideal (tldr: this video was super interesting and relatable and beauty standards are confusing) anyway, thanks
❤️ glad it resonated
this is exactly me, except i am fortunate that i have a smaller chest, thin build , and little to no curves. however i have thicker thighs and i remember when I was younger i have always wanted to get rid of them/ do anything to de-feminize any other feminine parts of my body, feeling alienated from the feminine body standards my peers wanted to fit into
same, i have a natural hourglass shape and ugghhhh i hate it. at least you can bind your chest, but there's no physical way in existence to get rid of my wide ass hips, not even losing weight helps because it's bone structure
@@nerdemojireal I'm a guy and same here! But personally I like my thighs since I'm still not sure if I'm transgender or not. I'm 16.
@@overgrownkudzu same :( do you have any tips on how to deal with having an hourglass figure and hating it? I struggle with an ED because of it and it sucks, I really want to accept my body the way it naturally is
tbh i'm burned out on youtube and being in school for 18 years of my life...how do y'all feel about youtube seasons?
this comment means a lot to me ❤️ thanks for watching
Hey, also a silent viewer here. Your videos are amazing and really help me. I definitely think mental health is the most important thing so if taking a break will help you take care of yourself then I think it's a great idea. I look forward to when you decide to post again! :)
I'm an amab non binary that naturally looks very masculine. It's very interesting to hear you speak on what the ideal androgynous body type is. Skinny and white for sure, but I've always felt afab people have a more clear lane to presenting non binary. If I want to look androgynous I HAVE to wear a dress or something hyper feminine because I just look like a man if I wear a shirt or pants, which sucks because shirts and pants are about as androgynous as it gets.
All of this to say that being non binary in a binary world will always feel out of place or imperfect, but knowing there are other people out there like me is enough for today. I love you, I'm now a subscriber. And to all other non B's, I love you too.
This reminded me that when my boobs started to grow I hated it. I didn't want them, and I didn't want men to look at them either. Interesting, the things you find when you open some doors.
Thank you for this, this video appeared in a very specific time when I truly needed it
i'm agender and i've felt...weird at best about my body for as long as i can remember, but it def got worse when i started developing curves. i have an hourglass figure, and i've gotten comments and "compliments" about it from other people since i was probably 11 (i'm 23 now). i feel a weird sense of guilt because of it--i know that my body is considered "ideal" to so many people, but i've *never* wanted to look like this. i remember a kid in middle school told me i had "birthing hips" and i wanted to vomit.
i'm currently trying to get a breast reduction bc my chest is so large that i can't find a binder that actually works (plus i've dealt with neck/shoulder/back pain for over a decade but yeah). i think i feel similarly to you in that i don't aspire to certain body standards because they don't feel attainable/applicable; for example, i know i have curves regardless of how thin i am (and my weight fluctuates a lot anyway), so i don't really want to be thinner. hell, i'm scared i'll still be dysphoric even if/when i get a breast reduction because it's not like i can bind my hips.
on one hand i wish i were taller, less curvy, more androgynous, etc. but on the other hand, i hate that the standard of "androgyny" for afab people is seemingly restricted to looking/presenting masc, or being "perfectly in between" masc and femme (whatever that means); even if that's generally what i want for myself, i don't want to perpetuate the idea that nb ppl have to be masc, y'know? plus i still wanna wear skirts and dresses sometimes--i just don't want to be perceived as a woman for doing so😭
Coming from a 5’1 black non-binary (trans masc) person with an hourglass figure and big ass I feel u on what you’re saying. I get compliments all the time about how woman get surgeries to have a body shape like mine. It’s crazy cus I don’t like it lol especially because I want to appear more masculine and androgynous. I always wanted a neutral body shape not too feminine and not too masculine. So to me you’re lucky af u got the height and the shape lol I discovered I was non-binary well at least I was able to put a name to it about a year and a half ago. As long as I can remember I have always struggled with my gender. Before I knew what non-binary was I would say I don’t feel like a guy or a girl but something in between . I’ve always had a love hate for my body so I’m just glad now that there r people out there who are sharing their experiences I feel less alone now.
Huh. Funny, usually I hear that people think girls are more androgynous for the exact same reason you said the opposite. They can just be boyish on purpose without making a statement, and any guy who’s girly on purpose gets insulted and some people are even disgusted. It’s even more than clothes, it’s everything
I think they’re talking about when an Amab person does it, it’s seen as evocative and people take care to notice (albeit sometimes in toxic ways), but when afab person does it, it can go unacknowledged which some people actually really want to be seen as they feel. It’s kind of double edged sword. The gender binary affects us all differently
it's kind of a double edged sword i think.
if your goal is to fly under the radar and be accepted, being afab is a lot easier, because it's more accepted, but people just see you as a tomboy or as a young boy and not necessarily a queer person or if that, usually just butch lesbian but not any flavour of trans. that makes life easier.
but if you do want to look queer and subvert gender norms, that's kind of hard to do if everyone just takes it like that, whereas an amab person can do the most banal feminine coded thing to their appearance and immediately be seen as queer and/or trans. with that comes discrimination as well and that's what makes it shitty.
Hey :) im a cis queer and totally related to this! Not stating that nb's relating to it more or more intensely is not valid.
But i think this also comes from queerness creating their own different beauty standards. In the sense that were not considering the mainstream cis het beauty standard or really having it as an example to strive for.
Its also a pity what you said about afab having more trouble being seen as gender non conforming. For example painting nails is an act of defiance for amabs but considered the basic package for afab. And i can totally be read as a normie femme even if im in cargo pants and huge ass sweatshirt, just because i have long ish hair
thank you for acknowledging that hips are a huge gender marker too!! As a transmasc non-binary person, my hips are the part of my body that give me the most dysphoria, they have always been wide (especially compared to my waist, mostly in the past), and in the transmasc spaces that I am in, it's almost never talked about. We have binder, top surgery and such but nothing for the hips and it really really is bad for my relationship with my body :( and also thank you for acknowledging how fatphobic the androgynous ideal can be (and racist x), like the skinny and white ideal is really almost toxic to I guess a lot of people :/ (like I guess all beauty ideals x)
I’m transmasculine and queer and have a VERY curvy body which sucks cause it means I’ve not only been sexualized constantly by men but also that both cis men and women have been telling me for the longest time that I should be grateful for having the “ideal body” that men are attracted to. I honestly think that’s one of the reasons I stayed in the closet as a trans person for so long cause I never felt comfortable in a body I’m “supposed to be grateful for” and it took me even longer to admit to myself that I AM attracted to men, but can’t stand being seen as a woman by them. I think confidence can be hard for me because I still have parts of myself that I love even before top surgery and hrt but it’s hard not to feel guilty afterwards since everyone around me seems to have an opinion (whether negative or positive) on my body and what I look like, so why can’t I??
Yes!! I am totally aware of my privilege with the andro beauty standard. I am nonbinary afab and have a small chest and skinny body and I've definitely found it easier to feel more connected to my identity as a nonbinary person. But it's also kinda fucked up cuz no nonbinary person has to be androgynous, white, skinny and flat chested in order to be nonbinary. Life is just one big pile of unlearning shit 😀
there's a lot of societal fatphobia at play here too, i'm straight sized and like Not Very Well read abt this stuff so idk if i can elaborate eloquently but something something fat people are gendered by society in a really bizarre way and have more intense societal expectations ascribed to them abt everything but specifically gender presentation
I've been looking for this comment and yes, it truly is bizarre.
It's weird for me. I'm attracted to men so I've struggled with wanting to look more "feminine" for the sake of attracting men.. but I'm not sure if that's what I really want for myself. I've never wanted bigger boobs or anything but have wanted the big hips/butt because I thought that's what men liked. I'm also attracted to other people besides men so idk.. I'm still struggling with how I want to look.
I have a very similar experience. I’m agender (afab) but I’m attracted to men (for the most part) and around friends/family/general public I like to present very masculine and any type of attention drown to my feminine traits or even being grouped in with women makes me uncomfortable however I enjoy being conventionally attractive in a feminine way around my boyfriend in private because I know he likes that. Also I have a bit of a desire to live vicariously through the men I meet so I want them to have the best experience but I do detach from my body a lot which is a much deeper issue. I don’t know if you can relate but that’s where I’m at right now
I'm always so confused by how to feel about my body. I was "blessed" with the iconic hourglass shape and tall, the "ideal female figure". But I'm not a woman. So it's a constant battle of trying to cover and minimize this very dramatic gendered shape 90% of the time in order to be perceived at all like myself, but then on the days I do rarely feel more feminine presenting it's like "oh, I guess this is ok?". I just really wish we could stop perceiving bodies as gendered things and just treat people as people, but here we are.
Growing up, everyone would always point out the fact that I was flat chested and it never really bothered me much, then all of a sudden puberty hit and I found that certain clothes brought attention to my chest in a way I never felt comfortable in. With being Hispanic, everyone often told me that I would "fill in" my body, and when I was younger it was one of my main insecurities, but as I grew up I started liking it less and less
Me and my sister have felt the same way, my mom jokes that I was born as a female in a male body and that my sister was a male born in a female body.
ok iris, i think that you are one of the only people that understand how i feel. and that's really important for me. i hope you're alright
becitos
❤️❤️❤️
Great video! As a cis queer woman I totally agree with your thoughts. I love the more androgynous “style” and hope to get more into some day.
❤️
i'm a nonbinary person (questioning being trans) and i've never ever had trouble with how my body looks because i was able to hide it under baggy clothing or at least i thought i was but one of my parents told that i would never be able to pass as a "gender less" person because of my body shape. as i said i never cared that my body wasn't "masculine" i've always had big hips but i've never been insecure about having them untill now
wow i’m so sorry that your parent said that, that sucks so much and it probably isn’t even true. I hope you’ll be able to feel more comfortable again!
@@jujuuu1 tysm
sending love ❤️
@@irisolympia thank you!
I'm so sorry. Don't let that mean comment get to you. It's really not worth it
I can really relate to this video. I never really wanted the hourglass body. Like for me I have big boobs and I remember thinking that doesn’t make me valid as non binary till I learned that it okay to have them. Even tho I’m black and I have very broad shoulders and no hips it like my insecurities but not because like I feel more andro/masc? Thank you do much for your videos cause they have rlly helped me on my gender realization journey as a younger person!!💕💕
I'm female assigned at birth and been questioning my gender for a long time now.
Recently I was thinking to start going to the gym for health reasons and cause I'm really weak lol, but I'm scared to accentuate my waist and grow my butt and stuffs.
I relate to the thoughts you are sharing and I get why I don't want those traits now.
Ummm...try avoiding feminizing workouts? I'm not a professional but maybe someone out there could help you gain strength without increasing your size?
just do it! i started going to the gym a few months ago and usually don't do the workouts or use the machines that seem to be really popular among woman (especially the one for the butt)
however i got a big confidence boost by increasing my arm and shoulder muscles and it helps me to embrace my androgynous features
@@lytopia Wow, that sounds great, I'm going to tell my sister that I was right and there is a way to gain strength without messing up her rectangular body
@@lytopia omg its so nice to hear your experience! I think I'm going to be upfront with a professional about my goals and things I wanna avoid so they can guide me
Agender AMAB.
I usually describe how I look at myself this way: Put on a single color jumpsuit and that's how I see myself. I have no special colors upstairs or downstairs.
Last year I tried a bra for the first time and it felt so great. So for me being impotent and accepting autogynephilia has help me alot.
lmao i'm also tall (same as you 5'9") and i HEAVILY relate to the "i am not... short girl.........." and that fucks w my brain a little in terms of gender identity
Comment for the algorithm ❤❤
❤️
I really feel this. As an afab person who is still in the questioning faze of my gender (but pretty sure I’m non binary) I’ve realized the main reason for this is because I don’t want to meet the body standards of women and when everyone was going through puberty people embraced having a chest while I tried to hide mine and make myself more androgynous. I’m glad it isn’t only me that feels this
beep boop yt algorithm go brrrrrrr
As an agender person, I relate a lot
I am prepped to wholeheartedly agree with what is said in the vid :3
i was distracted thinking why your outfit looked familiar and realised it was dwayne the rock johnson
wtf so relatable I have also always viewed the epitome of androgyny as a masculine presenting cis man (basically, a man). As an NB it makes me feel as if I am a transguy, even though that isn't what I am. It's just so freaking weird and I really wish this wasn't the case.
So it is a good thing I always ask people I meet for their gender before I jump to conclusions about their gender?
Your voice is fried and croaky... Are you okay? If so, I'm sorry for pointing that out.
that's just my voice hahaha i get so many comments about vocal fry
sorry for the rant dont read this
can i be androgynous without being nb or trans i just can’t separate things like pronouns from gender expression in my head recently and i keep thinking “putting she/her in your instagram bio isn’t difficult just do it” but a part of me cannot. in this society where labels mean everything i would ideally like to not have to use them and just identify as a queer person but at the same time i have thoughts of “would she/her or they/them etc really change how i am/feel” and i know that people will see me as a girl automatically no matter what, even if i came out as nonbinary, so i think what’s the point? i might as well go by what they will call me anyway just to save everyone the trouble. but it just feels wrong to and i’ve already had cis straight girls at my school question my identity and i told them i was queer and they wouldn’t really drop it. it’s like they can’t understand the concept of not conforming to a specific label and yeah gender is stupid i hate it so much
Yes you absolutely can and no you don't need a label even if it feels like everyone is demanding one from you. We are obsessed with putting people into boxes but it can be dehumanizing & confusing. Sending love ❤️
this is so relatable. i tried losing weight but even when i did, i still didn't feel right, despite being unhealthily underweight at the time (ed yay). at some point i realised that my problem wasn't really that i wasn't skinny enough because i clearly was, but because bone structure just doesn't care and i still had wide hips etc.
the realisation was healthy for stopping the ed side of it, but it was also really difficult because that's one of those things you can never change. not even binding does anything about it.
I get what you mean. growing up I always wished I looked more feminine (thigh gap etc) but since realizing I'm nonbinary I've also realized it was such a blessing in disguise for me that I don't look extremely feminine and that I can quite easily hide gender markers if I want to.
Genderfluid person here and I found this video really relatable! I have never found curves appealing and I even resented my own curves. Even when I feel fem, I dont really like my chest or hips. Mainly because of the fact that I like feeling fem without showing my curves. This was my personal experience. I also am built like a box, I have very broad shoulders so my chest tends to be more... out of place??? Its weird
feminist consciousness? noo must be gendered soul. I swear GI is a psyop.
as a genderfluid person with small b00bs and some what visable hips I feel soo weird every day... on masc my hips annoy the heck out of me and on fem days my b00bs are too small.. so there aren't that many days where I feel comfortable in my body cuz my body markers are always in the "way"
no bc i’m going thru the same exact thing, being genderfluid is a crazy experience lmfao
Can I ask where you got those earrings?
I love your videos so much thank you soo much for your videos
🥺❤️
Just to kind of. add on to what you were saying. I definitely agree that it's easier for transfem people to be seen as like. challenging gender norms than it is for transmasc people. Unfortunately I feel like a lot of the time that will get you just clocked as “a man acting out,” rather than being like they/them’ed or really seen as being genderqueer. It also makes it really hard to be out in some spaces and not in others, like there’s no way to wear a dress and say “oh this is just my style” to people who are going to be weird about it. That’s not like. to disagree with you. i'm just having trouble learning how to present in a way i’m happy with.
Anyway!! Please don’t feel bad about taking time away youtube if you want! Taking care of yourself is more important than making content, and people will be here when you get back!
I can totally relate to this. Lots of people made fun of me for having small bo0bs growing up... but I never wanted bigger ones. Turns out it was because I like looking like a boy sometimes :P I did have a stint where I wanted a big ass because that's how I got attention. Thank god that season is over... I'm glad I have a pencil like figure and can be very androgynous, but some people see that and use it to sexualize you.. (one experience I had..)
I deal with gender dysphoria constantly- there's so many outfits I wanna wear- but can't because it makes me pay attention to my feminine body.
Bro I feel so understood and seen on your channel
My body shape and image are a pretty big deal to me tbh
I'm fat and have a giant butt and thighs, so no matter what I do, I'll always bepercieved as a woman
It weighs pretty heavily on me and actually a big source of dysphoria for me
I have actually been trying to loose weight, but that hasn't been successful so far...
great vid
ty ❤️
well made video btw i feel like i never see non scripted stuff anymore
❤️🙏
As a curvy afab I can totally get this. I had a friend who had pretty much your body shape and we both often talked about how much we wanted to swap bodies! I hated being curvy and still do!
Hey any advice for gender disphoria, I. Really struggling and don’t know if I should talk to people about it it’s so confusing
I've been following you a long time since I was still struggling with my horrible diet and having no taste in fashion. Back to that time and until now, I praise myself for starving to have an ideal androgynous figure: lean face with visible jawline, short charming hair with a wide shoulder and thin lower part. But I felt like tired, I missed so many events in that year due to calories deficit requirement to maintain all body measurements. Recently I live a healthy life and my dressing up level become independent. The image of beautiful andro figure still stay in my head, but thankfully it isn't as haunting as before. Maybe all we need is time to accept, andro or not is just a way to enjoy our life.
I think its hard because from what I see online it seems as if men could be androgynous and masc but "only woman can be fem
Honestly screw fashion trends altogether.
🤣 not to sound creepy but I like women that are not ashamed of wearing a size medium..I am a similar person 🤣👍
Thank you for this. I needed to hear this.
i totally get this. when i think of my ideal body type it leans more toward a little bit of everything. like i would want to have abs and muscles like tom holland or Karen smith but i think "girly" characteristics are desirable too. youth might also have a lot to do with it for me
I agree, but I'm non-binary, asigned female at birth and I like my/aim for building both feminine and masculine gender markers (if that makes any sense). basically androgeny doesn't equal non-binary if that makes any sense. everyone's valid 💕
(also sorry about the screwed up grammar)
huh, i actually kinda think that androgyny has been defined as a masc presenting skinny, often white afab person, like you might see idolized as an 'androgynous icon' on tiktok or pinterest. but yeah, i do think being adjacent to masculinity is often baked into the cultural idea of androgyny; like masculinity is seen as a default and femininity is 'extra'. technically, androgyny, is just a mix of masculine and feminine characteristics and fashion (hence the root words for masculine and feminine; andro and gyno) but i digress.
Im 50 seconds in and i already relate
I wanna change my bones 😭😭
I've been confused about my gender for the last 2 years, like, i want my body to be flat with no curve at all yet i don't see my self as a boy. Watchin' ur video make me ensure the fact that i'm a nonbinary. TYSM. I guess I gotta follow a new youtuber🤭😄
I'm glad this video helped!
Babe, wake up, Iris just uploaded.
i will never miss a premiere from this day forward.
Good video lots of interesting ideas
thx for ur chat contributions ❤️❤️❤️
i’m 5’9 too :)
Yeah, as a person with big breasts and chronic pain therefore I wasn't really fond of exercising... I feel so much body dysmorphia. I'm not big and I'm not slim but gods, those hips are killing me. So I guess now I'm desperate enough to push through pain and exercise so I might feel better with my body. Hopefully my joints won't kill me for this. I really hope it'll work cause dysmorphia is really bad for me for quite some time.
It's so interesting hearing your experience, as well as the stories in the comments.
I'm afab and nonbinary; I've always been short (4'10) and small for my age (though I'm in my twenties now). For years before I realised myself as anything other than a cis girl my minimal boobs were an insecurity constantly in the back of my head. How the tables turned, because now I wish my chest were even flatter so as to pass as more androgynous/amab-looking. Most of my weight is carried in my butt and thighs, while my waist is a smaller proportionately; even though I know factually that that isn't inherently feminine, dysphoria often says otherwise.
And then the dilemma between wanting to look masc because of visible muscles and the skinniness often associated with androgyny is a whole other thing too.
as a afab person, the thing at 5.17 is SO annOYINg to me omg, thanks for talking about that
My biggest gender defining feature is my hair. It's very long and I love it, it's beautiful but I'm genderfluid and I can't figure out whether to cut it and get bangs. Thankfully I've been blessed with low levels of dysphoria so I'm gonna sleep on this one.
I thought I would feel like a woman when I developed breasts, when I got my period, when I shaved my legs. None. Never did. And it stressed me out. I ignored my disconnect until I was 20 when my younger sibling came out to me as trans. Then it all exploded. And I keep learning new dysphorias. I'm not in therapy or at a place in my life to deal with it. But I support other people who can and do. I hope to come out some day. And everytime I see someone say it/do it/live as themselves I relax a little. I know it can get better.
omg i relate to everything you said!!
i would like to add my own experience with b00bs as an afab nonbinary person. usually i love having them, but sometimes I'm just afraid, that because i don't have a flat chest, ppl aren't gonna acknowledge me as nonbinary, and i feel like it's kind of a "gender norm" for enbies to have a flat chest :// it really shouldn't be, b00bs are for everyone!!
hey iris, i’ve been out as non binary for about two years now, im afab but recently i think i’ve been questioning my gender ? i’m not really sure though and i was wondering if i’d be able to talk to u about it? i’ve talked to my trans friends but i don’t really have any non binary friends to consult with
I've never wanted the ideal female body however I did feel like I had to have it
Like especially with boobs, I thought I had to have big boobs and felt self conscious about them being small
But I actually felt like I didn't want them at all lol
It's so confusing
great video, thank you for talking about it! it is definitely difficult to talk about standards, because well… no trait defines male or female. I’m a few days into realizing I’m trans, and want to add that I’m someone who has a “standard” female body and I have been experiencing the same feelings my whole life. I also thought I’m just being misogynistic (like internalized at some point that feminine things are worse, though at the same time I’ve never thought that way) so it was really hard and confusing. I really like your quote “not like other girls but make it gender”, so accurate.
I’m non-binary and have that hourglass figure. I have a lot of dysphoria about it and wish I was able to dress androgynous more but feel like a lot of things don’t work for me like a lot of menswear doesn’t fit.
I am a cis women and have always wanted an athletic body type, I wouldn't say my body is really curvy just have like c sized boobs and wish I had like as or bs. I can make my boobs look smaller as I wear sports bras and my shoulders are more on the broad side, not mega broad, just broad enough to make clothing fall in a certain way like if I wear loose clothing, I don't look like I have many curves. When I had short hair, I could easily pass as a guy.
I didn't know I was nb as a kid bc when I looked at myself, my neck down was separate from the neck up. but then one day I flattened my boobs with my hands and it finally fit.
your hair is so cute, the white coming out of the pigtails makes them look like bunny ears
i'm afab and never had the moment where i sit and think about my gender, but everything you said is exactly how i feel. I've never wanted the hourglass figure and the only body standard i think i ever wanted was skinny- have muscle, im not very curvy but have a nice waist and it has never been a complex to me, but i'm really short and that makes me feel sooo uncomfortable because it feels too femenine, and also i feel that i never really look androgynus because of that. Also the trend cycle has never been a thing to me because i have very clear what i want to use since very young, but yeah its frustrating that the clothing i use isn't precived as androgynus but more of a "i don't care" kind of person
I so relate, i’m the same 5’9 and enby, I want top surgery and am pretty androgynous. I just feel like i’ve always been after trying to have androgyny or a more masculine/thin body :/
And here I am being a guy that looks androgynous and wanting a more feminine body, not even I am happy with what I got :/
Though good luck to you and that masculine/thin body🍀
@@Ervangelical It’s wild isn’t it, I do love really feminine features i’ve just always been confused about how I want to look😭aw I completely understand and im sure you look amazing
@@parkersluck I've also been confused
@@Ervangelical I completely understand!! I hope you can find what makes you happy:)
@@parkersluck Same to you✨
I can relate to this video tho idk why
i have never related to a video more.
As a plus sized afab person who’s trying to understand their gender queerness and androgyny, I can say that the ideal for androgyny stems mostly from fatphobia, misogyny, and racism. Which sucks because we as a community, seek breaking these norms that society has placed on us but it’s something sooo ingrained in fashion and beauty that’s it feels almost inescapable. The whole “skinny white guy who wears a skirt” ideal matches my point exactly. I’d really like to know other peoples opinions/views on this! /gen
where can we access your audio library? i love the song at the end of the vid
the outro song is one of my unreleased songs!
Hi there, I'm a women in my 30s. I just paused where you said you "feel like you aren't invested in beauty standards," but your whole video has led me to believe quite the opposite. The fact that you feel "not wanting an hourglass body" is a signifier of you not actually being a women (being nonbinary) is extremely alarming to me. I've tried so hard to understand nonbinary identities, but with each youtuber or redditor I see, I only get deeper and deeper confirmation that nonbinary identification is, in most cases, a socially acceptable form of internalized misogyny. I hope that your generation can eventually turn this around, because it truly worries me that after years and years of successful feminism, we somehow have a younger generation that essentially views male as default. We have a younger generation that thinks their best chance of "feeling like a person and not just a gender" is to look as male as possible.
As a Nonbinary person who goes by They/Them, I REALLY HATE my chest, they're either average sized or big and I always feel so insecure about them and not like myself...
Why do I hate my chest? Wish I could explain well. It just never felt right, I feel weird and insecure, very uncomfortable, especially with my own body. Sometimes I wonder what I am even am at this rate, I couldn't explain to my Mom well when she asked me why I hated my chest.
I wish Top Surgery wasn't so expensive, because if it wasn't I'd be having my chest removed by now.
I don't really like the curves or hips on me. I am not very thick or anything, I'm actually thin, yet I still feel insecure...
Heck I get annoyed when people refer to me as a girl because that's not what I am. Sure, my sex is female because..female body parts and appear to look very much like a girl...but my Gender and Pronouns are different from Sex.
I hate being a girl and I am ashamed of it. Once again, never felt right, never felt okay or secure.
I want to be referred to as Nonbinary with They/Them pronouns. I don't want anyone referring to me as a girl or boy. It sucks how there are people who can't respect that.
you are so special and not like other girls fr
😌 i'm just different i guess
*JOKE JOKE IRONY IRONY*
Personally I wanted the female body standard growing up but simply because I was taught that having an hourglass figure would make you more valuable and acceptable as a woman. After years of feeling like my body wasn’t “right” I figured out I was non-binary and it just all made perfect sense. I started wearing a chest binder and realized that I only wanted boobs because I thought no one would love me if I didn’t have them (I was wrong thank god). But yea I’m now happily out to my boyfriend and he loves me exactly the way that I am, it really healed my inner child because I always thought this reality could never happen as a kid. 🥹