@@phillyfan-182 just some advice, if thats the case, your relationship if its good w your brother doesnt have to change, but walk away from one w your dad. Thats usually a sign of a narc dad w a golden child.
Daughters with no dad/absent dad/deadbeat dad missed out greatly too. I’d give anything to know what I would’ve become had I had a dad who loved and cared for and respected me.
Anytime. If you ever want to dig into that and do work with other men who have gone through the same thing, feel free to check out my work. We have a solid group of 600+ men in the ManTalks Alliance who are all exploring these types of questions.
@@ManTalksI’ll be using the aspects of masculinity outlined by you here in leading a service in my church next month that has 1Corin 16 13&14 as its basis. This has been really valuable. Thank you.
Thank you for this. My dad was present in my life and he did the best he could (his father died when he was very young) but I always felt I was missing some things that a father should teach his son. Videos like this help me fill in the gaps.
Dude thats a crazy coincidence. Ive watched a few of your videos now and then you mentioned your book 'mens work'... I relazied i actually have your audio book already I just havent finished it. Awesome.
I definitely been through the fatherless factor and even at 59 years old, it still has power over me and has definitely effected my sons but that’s another totally different story as my wife alienated the kids against me for decades
My so called dad (or Robert as we call him) walked away from us three and my mom when we were very young boys (2 to 4 years old). Did not send money so we were living in poverty. He disappeared with another woman. Then he came back...but took an interest only in my younger brother, taking just him on holidays, expensive gifts and bikes etc, and later tried to only take custody of him. My younger brother declined, and Robert left for good. So i experienced a second rejection when i was 13. Imagine being rejected by your own father twice! Later it also emerged that he gave up a daughter for adoption with his new wife. Have not seen or heard from Robert in 30 years. The impact this has had on me emotionally and socially has been significant. When he was around, he was mentally and physically abusive. I only have one memory when i was very young...."Dont hit my mom" I shouted at Robert in the kitchen, in his red with blue striped dressing gown. That is all i remember.
Hey Connor, Your content has been pretty formative for the journey I'm on right now. This one together with your interview of Mastin Kipp (and his new book) have really helped me put some things together. But still a lot of work for me to do. Maybe this is a life-long journey and there is no end. Hope you keep up the great content. I appreciate it !
thanks mate, also theres a lot of people that have a weak father that marries a strong independent woman, this is also a big deal because a strong woman can provide food and take care, but they dont have the masculinity lessons you have to learn if you want to become a real men
I have a father but he's very greedy , narcissistic, loves gaslighting my reality, he's been absent most of my life he's double standard on everything he loves taking advantage of me he basically usely uses me for his personal gain .
All great points. I grew up with an only vaguely present father. (Every other weekend visits in which he just spoiled us and to this day he’s never had a healthy relationship with a woman.) Today I have two teenage sons I’m trying to raise (with my wife) and I often feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. Our 17 year old fights us on absolutely everything despite his obvious lack of real world experience to back it up. When I was that age I was more worried about not upsetting my emotional mother. But I’ve heard enough stories about boys this age getting into these kinds of power struggles (sometimes turned wrestling matches) with their fathers. Is this a normal phase that most boys need to go through?
Normal between the ages of 13-25. The power struggle (adolescent) is nature's way of explaining to you as a way of letting him find his way and identity (with your oversight). Without the power struggle, you will continue to treat him like a child.
@@googleman8074 I think I’ve instinctually known this for a long time. I’ve often told my wife that we should just let him flounder until he learns a lesson the hard way. But she has a really hard time allowing that to actually happen. And that’s another struggle with having divorced parents. Learning how to navigate a marriage (especially the child rearing part) has been a whole other minefield. But that’s life I suppose. Nobody has it all figured out.
I never had a men figure in my life,my father was a really bad person I Just had no body to show me how to be a men.I struggle during all my life in everything,girls,jobs,money and now that im 28 and have a kid know how big of a impact that was for me.I know if I had somebody I was going to be much better that im today,my Mother was to soft with me to that doesnt help either.
i dont know how to deal with myself anymore, i dont know who i can ask for help, i grow up without father., he left us when i was 1year old.. im 30 now, i was in a relationship for 7 years and i have 2 kids, we divorced 2 years ago.. i barely can pay for aliments.. its so hard for me to see a good future for me.. i want a happy life, big family, but its so hard when u work all the time just to pay for bills and your kids, i dont have time for myself anymore and i dont know what to do
Because my father and I don’t get along. He disengaged emotionally from my family, he was never there for me emotionally. I don’t want a child to have the same sense of emotional inadequacies that I experienced such as being bullied, marginalized, ostracized, being picked last in gym class, etc…
i haf no father nor grand fathers (from neither side). just going through a seperation after 15 years of relationship (we have two wonderful boys❤). At 20 if you‘d have askes me if i missed something growing up my response would have been „no, maybe a little. but it‘s ok“. if you‘d ask me now I would habe a conpletely different answer.
Mankind Project integration groups are strange places. A guy came in and hijacked an entire meeting. He stole all oxygen from the meeting. At the end he apologized and said he was only there to rehearse for an acting role. That his entire presentation that evening was an act I called him out for the bullshit he put us through. That he stole from the entire group that evening. I was shouted down in the meeting. I never went back
I didn't understand the first point, that a man needs to grieve the absence of his father and that this must be witnessed by other men. This sounds a lot like this modern phenomenon of people sitting in groups and talking about their feelings, which - in my view - ultimately is promoted by feminism as a strategy to effeminize men. Men usually don't really need to talk about their feelings, and shouldn't talk too much about them, especially not with strangers or other men outside of their closest circle of friends. We are usually good at processing our emotions on our own (through reasoning, work, creativity and action) and don't need all the sort of psychological and emotional support that women like, and I am not sure it's a good idea to promote emotionality behaviors among men.
How about the boys that had a great mom …. My son grew up with an absent dad but I know ( because he tells me all the time) I was mom and dad to him. He is a great man today. Great personality love of God and confident. There is a moment that a good caring present mother can be provide all that is needed. Better than stay in a toxic relationship just your child can have a father. Everything is possible if one wants and cares 100 percent.
@@irenegarcia3418 A mother cannot be a father and a father cannot be a mother. They are absolutely different…a for good reasons. Both are equal in importance but don’t kid yourself, it is not the same at all. Not even close.
Single mothers who courageously raise their sons and daughters, with possibly little outside assistance, deserve respect and admiration. A loving parent who struggles, strives and sacrifices for the very best for their child goes a long way in helping them down the road to happiness and success. I take my hat off to you.
A mother alone or a father alone can not provide all that is needed, unfortunately. It takes both, if not biological, than role models of that sex. Also, a child having a father should not be contingent on whether or not the mother and father have a good relationship. The father’s relationship with their child is separate. If the father chooses to opt out of their child’s life when the marriage/relationship ends, he is 100% wrong. If said father attempts to keep his relationship with their child despite the bad relationship with the mother, and the mother attempts to keep distance, she is wrong. Albeit, no real father can be “kept away”.
My father had an aneurysm when i was 3 months old and im 25 now. My whole life has been a rollercoaster of just bad relationships, dropping out of school and i got mad into drugs in my early 20s. I stopped caring about myself and it got to a point where i didnt care what happened to me. I wanted to just waste away until i was absolutely nothing. I wanted to die but i couldnt kill myself so i slowly starvd and drugged myself until i almost died. I have quit drugs and i am doing better physically but mentally im roughly the same. If anyone has any help theyd like to give id appreciate it. Whatever it is
My father exists physically, but not emotionally. Thanks for the video.
That’s a rough one man. I get it. Seen a lot of men with fathers like this
Mine too.
My dad emotionally disengaged from my family years ago and acts more interested in my younger brother than me
@@phillyfan-182 just some advice, if thats the case, your relationship if its good w your brother doesnt have to change, but walk away from one w your dad. Thats usually a sign of a narc dad w a golden child.
@@t.c.l1625relationship with younger brother used to be good when we were younger but then he became a douchebag
Dude, you f* made me cry. Where were you when I was 15? Thank you for this video.
This video is life changing for me. For the first time I understand why I've lived like I have. I'm 29. I'm so thankful to have found your channel.
Incredible. Glad you tuned in and hope you find value in my work.
Daughters with no dad/absent dad/deadbeat dad missed out greatly too. I’d give anything to know what I would’ve become had I had a dad who loved and cared for and respected me.
Same girl
True. Boys and girls need fathers. Especially girls are directly affected by this and men are indirectly affected due to the lacl of father role.
We need to do the job our parents failed to do for us.
The real tragedy is there are many men out there, young and old, that need this
Completely agree
Thank you very much for sharing this because as a man who lost his father early in his life it really is very helpful thank you
You’re very welcome. Appreciate you tuning in
@@ManTalks thank you very much for your work, I share it with other young men!
My dad passed away when I was 9 .
Just recently i begun to think what are the consequences. Thanks for the video
Anytime. If you ever want to dig into that and do work with other men who have gone through the same thing, feel free to check out my work. We have a solid group of 600+ men in the ManTalks Alliance who are all exploring these types of questions.
Super good video: Space to grieve, Fathers should be someone you aspire towards... and ultimately no woman can define your masculinity.
Appreciate your support and glad the video hit home for you. Let me know if there are ever other topics / questions you want me to cover
Such good advice … one of the best videos about fatherhood and masculinity that I have seen in a long time … thank you Connor …
Glad it hit home and you're very welcome. Thanks for tuning in!
@@ManTalksI’ll be using the aspects of masculinity outlined by you here in leading a service in my church next month that has 1Corin 16 13&14 as its basis. This has been really valuable. Thank you.
Thanks for the levelheaded healthy advice.
Thank you. I needed this today.
This is pretty spot on.
Thank you for this. My dad was present in my life and he did the best he could (his father died when he was very young) but I always felt I was missing some things that a father should teach his son. Videos like this help me fill in the gaps.
Thanks for this content brother . ❤
Thank you brother for putting this content out there, this changed my perspective on everything
You're doing a great job, thank you.
Its also if you cannot respect your father or he is someone who you don't want to become.
Dude thats a crazy coincidence. Ive watched a few of your videos now and then you mentioned your book 'mens work'... I relazied i actually have your audio book already I just havent finished it. Awesome.
That’s wild, man! When you finish it, I’d love to hear what parts stand out for you.
@@ManTalks Working on it now... Still getting over the feeling that I feel like I have an unbelievable amount of work to do on my personality.
I definitely been through the fatherless factor and even at 59 years old, it still has power over me and has definitely effected my sons but that’s another totally different story as my wife alienated the kids against me for decades
My so called dad (or Robert as we call him) walked away from us three and my mom when we were very young boys (2 to 4 years old). Did not send money so we were living in poverty. He disappeared with another woman. Then he came back...but took an interest only in my younger brother, taking just him on holidays, expensive gifts and bikes etc, and later tried to only take custody of him. My younger brother declined, and Robert left for good. So i experienced a second rejection when i was 13. Imagine being rejected by your own father twice! Later it also emerged that he gave up a daughter for adoption with his new wife. Have not seen or heard from Robert in 30 years. The impact this has had on me emotionally and socially has been significant. When he was around, he was mentally and physically abusive. I only have one memory when i was very young...."Dont hit my mom" I shouted at Robert in the kitchen, in his red with blue striped dressing gown. That is all i remember.
Im sad for all boys without father ! Keep it up
Thank you.
Thanks!
Anytime! Appreciate the support and glad this one hit home for you
Cannot stress enough the importance of connecting with other men in men's groups.
Hey Connor, Your content has been pretty formative for the journey I'm on right now. This one together with your interview of Mastin Kipp (and his new book) have really helped me put some things together. But still a lot of work for me to do. Maybe this is a life-long journey and there is no end. Hope you keep up the great content. I appreciate it !
thanks mate, also theres a lot of people that have a weak father that marries a strong independent woman, this is also a big deal because a strong woman can provide food and take care, but they dont have the masculinity lessons you have to learn if you want to become a real men
For me, Im desperate for validation and praise.
Fire.
Very triggering yet very informative.
Solidt one Sir ;)
Read the book “to own a dragon, growing up without a father” by Donald Miller.
Make a video on fixing anxious-fearful avoidant relationship
You have the best men’s channel by far. None of that toxic red pill stuff that’s destroying men
Appreciate that brother
I'm 55 and whenever anyone asks me about my Dad I tell them I was raised by a childless father.
What did I miss? Been asking this a long time...
Tough but good question to ask. What have you come up with so far?
I have a father but he's very greedy , narcissistic, loves gaslighting my reality, he's been absent most of my life he's double standard on everything he loves taking advantage of me he basically usely uses me for his personal gain .
All great points. I grew up with an only vaguely present father. (Every other weekend visits in which he just spoiled us and to this day he’s never had a healthy relationship with a woman.) Today I have two teenage sons I’m trying to raise (with my wife) and I often feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. Our 17 year old fights us on absolutely everything despite his obvious lack of real world experience to back it up. When I was that age I was more worried about not upsetting my emotional mother.
But I’ve heard enough stories about boys this age getting into these kinds of power struggles (sometimes turned wrestling matches) with their fathers.
Is this a normal phase that most boys need to go through?
Normal between the ages of 13-25. The power struggle (adolescent) is nature's way of explaining to you as a way of letting him find his way and identity (with your oversight). Without the power struggle, you will continue to treat him like a child.
@@googleman8074 I think I’ve instinctually known this for a long time. I’ve often told my wife that we should just let him flounder until he learns a lesson the hard way. But she has a really hard time allowing that to actually happen.
And that’s another struggle with having divorced parents. Learning how to navigate a marriage (especially the child rearing part) has been a whole other minefield.
But that’s life I suppose. Nobody has it all figured out.
I never had a men figure in my life,my father was a really bad person I Just had no body to show me how to be a men.I struggle during all my life in everything,girls,jobs,money and now that im 28 and have a kid know how big of a impact that was for me.I know if I had somebody I was going to be much better that im today,my Mother was to soft with me to that doesnt help either.
❤❤❤❤❤ thanks
"What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets."
4:44 I don't have a space for that nor do I have the means to create that space for myself... how do I fix this...? Please.
Guess this is for me
And me
@@andrewgarfield9898and me
I'm genuinely curious why you say "passed away", rather than "died"?
i dont know how to deal with myself anymore, i dont know who i can ask for help, i grow up without father., he left us when i was 1year old.. im 30 now, i was in a relationship for 7 years and i have 2 kids, we divorced 2 years ago.. i barely can pay for aliments.. its so hard for me to see a good future for me.. i want a happy life, big family, but its so hard when u work all the time just to pay for bills and your kids, i dont have time for myself anymore and i dont know what to do
i just want someone to say, get up, don't give up, dont be lazy etc
I could never be a father. I think I can be a good husband but not a father.
How come?
Because my father and I don’t get along. He disengaged emotionally from my family, he was never there for me emotionally. I don’t want a child to have the same sense of emotional inadequacies that I experienced such as being bullied, marginalized, ostracized, being picked last in gym class, etc…
@@ManTalksI’m more of a career minded person anyway. I’m 31 and more focused on making money and building a career
You’re not my internet dad
😂
Haha, ok. Not trying to be.
@@ManTalks just joking 🙃 around
@@TV-oc4mlI know. Playing along. Should have made a dad joke 😂
i haf no father nor grand fathers (from neither side). just going through a seperation after 15 years of relationship (we have two wonderful boys❤).
At 20 if you‘d have askes me if i missed something growing up my response would have been „no, maybe a little. but it‘s ok“.
if you‘d ask me now I would habe a conpletely different answer.
nice video, please stop with the zooming its not necessary and it kind of takes off the seriousness
Not having dad might turn boys gay and only love men old enough to be dad in adulthood. Most moms without spouse are somewhat toxic to their boys.
Mankind Project integration groups are strange places.
A guy came in and hijacked an entire meeting. He stole all oxygen from the meeting. At the end he apologized and said he was only there to rehearse for an acting role. That his entire presentation that evening was an act I called him out for the bullshit he put us through. That he stole from the entire group that evening. I was shouted down in the meeting. I never went back
I didn't understand the first point, that a man needs to grieve the absence of his father and that this must be witnessed by other men. This sounds a lot like this modern phenomenon of people sitting in groups and talking about their feelings, which - in my view - ultimately is promoted by feminism as a strategy to effeminize men. Men usually don't really need to talk about their feelings, and shouldn't talk too much about them, especially not with strangers or other men outside of their closest circle of friends. We are usually good at processing our emotions on our own (through reasoning, work, creativity and action) and don't need all the sort of psychological and emotional support that women like, and I am not sure it's a good idea to promote emotionality behaviors among men.
i feel like this channel is getting too personal (jk). A lot of things on this channel i can find myself relate to it as a young 17 year old man
How about the boys that had a great mom …. My son grew up with an absent dad but I know ( because he tells me all the time) I was mom and dad to him. He is a great man today. Great personality love of God and confident. There is a moment that a good caring present mother can be provide all that is needed. Better than stay in a toxic relationship just your child can have a father. Everything is possible if one wants and cares 100 percent.
@@irenegarcia3418 A mother cannot be a father and a father cannot be a mother. They are absolutely different…a for good reasons. Both are equal in importance but don’t kid yourself, it is not the same at all. Not even close.
Single mothers who courageously raise their sons and daughters, with possibly little outside assistance, deserve respect and admiration. A loving parent who struggles, strives and sacrifices for the very best for their child goes a long way in helping them down the road to happiness and success. I take my hat off to you.
A mother alone or a father alone can not provide all that is needed, unfortunately. It takes both, if not biological, than role models of that sex. Also, a child having a father should not be contingent on whether or not the mother and father have a good relationship. The father’s relationship with their child is separate. If the father chooses to opt out of their child’s life when the marriage/relationship ends, he is 100% wrong. If said father attempts to keep his relationship with their child despite the bad relationship with the mother, and the mother attempts to keep distance, she is wrong. Albeit, no real father can be “kept away”.
My father had an aneurysm when i was 3 months old and im 25 now. My whole life has been a rollercoaster of just bad relationships, dropping out of school and i got mad into drugs in my early 20s. I stopped caring about myself and it got to a point where i didnt care what happened to me. I wanted to just waste away until i was absolutely nothing. I wanted to die but i couldnt kill myself so i slowly starvd and drugged myself until i almost died. I have quit drugs and i am doing better physically but mentally im roughly the same. If anyone has any help theyd like to give id appreciate it. Whatever it is
Thank you.
I'm genuinely curious why you say "passed away", rather than "died"?