60 Characteristics of Complex Trauma - Part 32/33 - Sabotage
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 ก.ย. 2024
- GET STARTED With a FREE Preview to our 12 Basic Needs Course: bit.ly/3UQcWeq
Website: bit.ly/3ybk8Jf
Do You Have Complex Trauma? Take the QUIZ: bit.ly/3QGbzMV
*****
Why do we self-sabotage our relationships?
Try a FREE Preview of One of Our Online Courses: bit.ly/3UQcWeq
*****
Become a Member!
Access ALL our Courses, Webinars, 1:1 Coaching, Group Coaching & Online Communities: bit.ly/3QIpDWf
Understand the Development of Complex Trauma in Your Life
Online Course: 12 Basic Needs
bit.ly/3UQcWeq
Discover how Addictions are Formed and Find Healthy Ways to Cope
Online Course: Addictions + Complex Trauma
bit.ly/4bbUYsL
Learn How to Parent Yourself and a Child with Complex Trauma
Online Course: Parent Bootcamp
bit.ly/44RpLJ7
Are You Ready to Begin YOUR Healing Journey? Inquire TODAY: bit.ly/3wE68at
Ready to Dig Deep and Learn Tools to Recover From the Negative Effects of Complex Trauma?
Online Course: LIFT Online Learning
bit.ly/4bwZ26I
Even if I work hard for my recovery, I noticed that a part of me don't want a good life with less suffering. It's like I feel that I don't deserve it. I wondering if this is something that came out of shame...
It could be shame or it could be guilt, remembering your own past transgressive errors, in the second case you should forgive yourself and not repeat that mistake.
This man is God sent
He is not he is a person just like you who has been passed this I formation down through therapists plus his own experiences. Just like myself it’s just a person healing this feels like trauma pedestalling them above yourself objectifying them he is just like you . This information is really helpful though it really is
This wisdom is from above he is led by the Holy Spirit he is absolutely On Target everything that he just said is me. It's really made me sad cuz that's what I've done to myself and I guess it is self-hatred but I thank God that God has given me the truth this man speaks truth.
Yep
I really appreciate your your information and your caring in how you teach... Thank you..
This is what I figured as a young woman to have pain is to be loved. So I would provoke my man until he looses his temper. It's so sick I know.
Sorry to everyone who I have hurted. Please forgive me.
I am still skeart when things are good and working. I catch myself waiting for the next catastrophy.
Living with emotional pain inside. But thanks to Yeshua I learned to cope without drugs, intimacy or alcohol.
But I do miss having a man on my side.
Thankful for all these teaching. I really want to heal.
Great video
I have sabotaged two healthy relationships where I could have ended up married with children. I left both with thought but mostly impulsive… i didn’t stick around to try I just gave up. It haunts me both times…
I ruined chances of a life I thought I wanted. Unless i didn’t want them and I was secretly protecting myself? See I even have self trust issues…. I hate my upbringing and my addiction. :( sober 12 years but still.
Sending you a viral hug
Anything that prevents marriage and children is good luck
Same, sorry that's happened to u, it feels aweful jx
Great video. I used to self sabotage a lot early in my recovery journey. "Until you make the unconscious conscious it will direct your life and you will call it fate".
The nature of trauma is usually unpleasant and unplanned and unprepared so what happens if the trauma and it's aftermath felt like fate and what if the sabotage is like staying loyal to the narrative of the trauma
@@leahflower9924- I blame mom
Famous quote by Jung I believe
WOW YOU DESCRIBED My Ex Fiancee; World's biggest ENEMY OF HIS Self
i guess it falls away as love comes in
This completely is my life. To the letter...
Same
Can you please add FAWN to your fight, flight, freeze.
My perpetual pet peeve in any recent discussion on the defense cascade ! Fawn is MAJOR
Just read an article on the subject and I relate to it. It should definitely be included, Nadine. Thanks for sharing.
isn't falling freezing? like what a fawn does in the forest when it's mother isn't around it remains perfectly still as if frozen..?
Fear of failure, so i self sabotage.
Won the lottery in a way and the money doesn't take care of the CPTSD it just prolonged the way I self medicated by having money to do more addictive things. And in the end you end up with nothing because that was the goal in the instant place
You explain things so well. I have watched all the episodes in this series. You truly have a gift for this and definitely help many people. Thank you!
I thought I might be bipolar, adhd, autistic even. Nope… just shitty parents. Christ. Takes me fifty years to come to the realisation. Probably take another fifty to heal… ffs…
That's why i don't want to have kids.I dont want my poor kid to suffer as i do.The cycle ends here.
Shitty parents can give you ADHD. They believe childhood trauma can be a cause of ADHD. It does seem to run in families however, which makes me wonder two things: Does trauma shape our genetics? (And/or )Do people that have been gifted which childhood trauma unknowingly create the same familial patterns that gift their children with ADHD and/ or CPTSD? How do we finally break the cycle on trauma shape if it can shape our genetics?
I cannot express my deep hearted gratefulness…I pray I can be a part of others receiving healing with the same impact you’ve had on me.❤
This is such a beautiful thank you, I feel genuine appreciation from you to Tim
Thank you for vindicating me. I've been re-traumatized and abused by therapists and the mental health system. I will never "return.
With complex PTSD it’s easy to have that have them and have therapist who are unethical as my ex was screwing our sister-in-law‘s little sister or his brother-in-law‘s or sister and she was in a mental health clinic and a therapist friend with the other girl that was possibly getting information on me it’s a mess. Screwed up.
I’m actually working with a life coach that’s actually been through it and studied at a PhD level in narcissism abuse and P complex PTSD and she knows more than a therapist.
Hold me Lord 🙏 Give me mindfulness so I can see all the blind spots on the journey .. it’s a lot.
Amen
I constantly test partners, to see if they will abandon me... Unfortunately i always choose narcissistic men.... As abuse is love... Due to my abusive childhood. Went through all types of abuse from mental, physical, emotional, sexual, my needing to save and peooke please to the detriment of my mental and emotional health. I always sabotage so i know when the shit hits the fan. Not waiting for it.
fantastic! the decades of mud is now absolutely crystal clear. gratitude and awe. truly.
The way you broke down Joseph’s story and made the lesson go full circle was AMAZING! Just wow! Thank you!
Yes
Exactly like Jacob( my EX)! He is nice for 1 week-- Explodes& he Always BLAMES ME. Nutso.
Thank you, Pastor Tim. I'm learning so much about myself listening to your videos. All the different counselors I've had over the years never talked about any of what you talk about. You are becoming my hero!!!! 🙏🙏
I headed off a woman who had the intention of destroying me. A mutual friend warned me about her stated plan. I listened to the per[atrator talk for two hours. It cemented everything the mutual friend had told me. I wrote a scathing email about how her plan had failed her. 3 months later she was engaged to be married. The poor fool she trapped has no idea
I'm blown away. Everything he says is spot on. This taught me more than 20+ years of therapy.
THANK YOU!!
It hurts to hear this but it is the truth about all my life. But it gives me hope that it’s not too late to heal
I have a friend who self-sabotages. I have empathy for how he defeats himself at every corner, but I’m also insanely frustrated that he deliberately self-sabotages with every helpful intervention. It’s his default response to anything that might even be remotely positive or helpful.
As his friend, I don’t want him to walk this road alone, but I can see how his patterns are infuriating enough to drive others away because he won’t change.
Open to suggestions.
It is a tough cycle.
Just started this video my bet is I will cry at some point during this lol
Buddy, you ain't kidding.
These videos need disclaimers...
Hope you're healing 🙏🏼
Ok ,the video si too personal .😭 Thank you for the videos ,some of them i can't watch cause they are triggering and make me cry .
What is if I don't want to "achive", "be good enough" or "proof" anything to anyone especially including "the loved ones". I tried a lot, the result is always the same everywhere except my career which again is "not good enough" because I didn't get to 6-figures annually.
I don't like the concept of recovery which sucess is measured by the comfort of everyone around, in relations etc.
No one cared about my comfort at all, so why should I.
The so called sabotage always was just an excuse for them to blame for being "not good enough" relative to a fresh new sweet lover.
Your work is so valuable to me. God bless you.
I've been judged so much.....God knows my true heart. I am a Christian sometimes they are the worst judgemental people.
Thank you 🙏
This is a big big problem for me all my life
Perfect
Thank you Mr. Fletscher. Can you maybe say something about personality shares in complex trauma. Because I think it's sabotage a lot in growing and thriving.
Excellent content and sadly relatable. Thank you for this and everything else, Tim.
I’m so glad for the thing he said at the end! Throughout my life “you’re not forgiving” and “you’re not walking in forgiveness” have been used to manipulate me into continuing to put myself into places where I would be used as a punching bag. I’m so glad there’s at least one person who’s saying that it’s not because I’m lacking forgiveness. I’m doing everything in my power to forgive, I just want to be protected.
So,,, your unconscious destroys your conscious? FTW
Edit: I have been aware if this since I was 14(?) it has always been frustrating. It has ruined my life. Discovering it was trauma in childhood has been a revelation. I guess Dysphoria isn’t just a river in Egypt.
Thank you so much Tim ❤
Support. What big people lies monopolized pushing buttons for pleasure. Mind you I'm stranger in apts . Stocked minimized bad health before 10:00am plagued by bad behaviour my mouth for defense . I literally incognito eggshell leave to store real basic. Come back to shamed till I respond. I just went store?? Um fumigated with stopped eating. Harpooned going to store.
I feel like how oesche in jfk there everywhere I'll I ever wanted was to be a he says. Me my ministry . Stopped 10 yrs ago cause hudge people imposing minimize control take by force. That's why I live alone yrs no social in apts no . Just church till clothes things I was in denial About no way. Um house air by force. Now you have no shower people bad music lying seeing things. Drama community crap like Jesse talked about
He comfortable with it he sold himself out
Thank you very much Timothy I so appreciate you're giving us this knowledge thank you again.
It feels that you are talking about me and my life. In every video. With crazy amount of tiniest details I never even realized.
Wow,, your videos are giving me hope🙏🥲🥰
I feel I used to do this. In my last relationship I tried hard to communicate what I needed and wanted my partner to see me.
Yup. X was so worried I family was gonna disappeared, she went an had an affair.
Brown Barbara White Michael Lopez Daniel
Thank u for feeding my soul therapy
I have been sabotaging things i have always wanted for years I burst out laughing at some of the things he said, because i can perfectly relate.
Thank you Tim Fletcher!
Powerful
Exactly what happened in my last relationship. Things weren't perfect but they were pretty great, then my ex was retraumatized by an event outside our control and completly sabotaged the relationship and became what felt like a completely different person and I became emotionally abused for months. It's sad because they were on the path to recovery when we met and just completely threw it out the window
Thank you so much Tim.
It feels normal to me when l go back two chaos
That's me. Waiting for the shoe to drop even with God.
I don't try so I can't fail. 😊
Don't like to compete because I know I will fail. 😢
Great talk. Learning a great deal.
Wow, this got real personal 😬
Love the part where he spent so much time figuring it out so he would never get into a bad relationship again! And this could mean with ourselves or with other people in my case it’s definitely with other people so it’s important to see that
Thank you Tim🎉
Great take on Joseph
Have I ever not?
Why has a liver problem made all the nessasary health providers treat me so cruely? What was once routine has become an opportunity for ALL of them to use and abuse me mercilessly now that i have a life threatening condition? The pressure stress fear so intense that there is no way i can go for help with i think pssd induced sharp breast pain ( possibly cancer)The health system i have been in for a very long time has driven a terror in my heart which did not subside for a month ? Pains all over inside and out and considering another state . I have struggled all my life with cpssd and am a magnet for vultures in this condition . Where do i get sound advice and much needed support through this crisis without further damage? I am on the east coast and willing to commute. Any suggestions?
After my brother suicided 12yrs ago, I tend to without helping it to expect to get a phone call about something horrible again, I hate it!
I had my mom n dad both, but in their ways.
One thing common in them is ANGER , and I am the same.
All the hurt they gave me in my childhood is now I put it on ppl around me when they love me.
The hurt i had, now I m giving back to ppl who I see they love me or they I can abuse them.
I have self sabotage not one thing but every thing in my life now.
Each and every single word you use is really make me understand why I turned into a people pleaser and self sabotage became a regular habit in me.....everytime I think if there is a high there will be a low n whenever good things happens my mind starts to say something terrible painful is coming on the way.....wait for it😢
I am so used to be neglected and undervalued that I expect it from people now. When they do the opposite I assume there's a hidden agenda or an alterior motive and I'm right 90% of the time. I am simply a waste of life and should have died a long time ago.
You were definitely not a waste of time or space it’s just many people out there are pretty sick and it’s hard to find good people in today’s society he tells us to trust people but it takes time and you need to be careful who you trust with your vulnerabilities you got the shoes on the wrong foot honey the bad guys are the ones are out there hurting us there’s nothing wrong with you
Maybe the reason you're still around is because you have unfinished business.
This really describes me to a T. I am never able to let myself be seen in a positive light as I am very anxious and nervous that I cannot access Love and Aproval or Appreciation from others if I don’t show myself as a failure or a joke or humble myself in a humiliating way that show me as a f up. Unfortunately that was entrained into me by my mother who needed to see her children in that way. Mainly because we couldnt be seen to be happy, successful or fruitful without subscribing to the totalitarian religion she was a part of. Personally it was worse for me as I was the black sheep of my family, but nonetheless I was able to escape. Ironically it affected her golden or favourite children the most and they suffered major breakdowns after having some wins and progress in their lives. Sad.
God bless.
Thank you so much!
Just hire an attorney get out of the abusive relationship get abused by the attorney mentally not good for that. Then move on to something healthy
I simply don't believe that people sabotage on purpose.
They can do it unconsciously
This man exemplary in his understanding, great!!
I would truly appreciate it if there were less use of the word “you” and more “a person” in his speaking.!
Dear sir if you could,, I want to learn from you. But do struggle the you word all the time.
Every blessing.
> I would truly appreciate it if there were less use of the word “you” and more “a person” in his speaking.!
I believe the only appropriate speech starts from the first-person-perspective.
He is talking in front of the audience, living people looking at him so he addresses them as you
you literally saved my life 🩷