I don't do things impulsively without thinking. I do things compulsively after a lengthy period and build up of an internal sense of chronic injustice that I no longer have the energy left to contain. Then it looks like I do something rash and impulsive and out of character from everyone else's perspective when in reality I've been pushed over my limit by one too many a$$holes and am done putting up with their sh*t just to save face.
With me, I do think briefly before I act impulsively. I say to myself, "Don't do it, Olga!" "You know you shouldn't!" But my impulsivity is so strong and overwhelming, I do it anyway, and then, "Stupid!" "Stupid!" "Stupid!" "Why?!" It's such a relief to know that's it's due to complex trauma and not because I'm a piece of shit with total lack of self-control. Thank you, Tim, for these videos. Words cannot express my gratitude.
I appreciate your lecture because it has made me aware of my poor internal boundaries. Not wanting to follow a set schedule was an eye-opener. I am puzzled about another aspect of myself and that is my dread of addressing my personal business/responsibilities until it reaches almost crisis mode. This procrastination includes following up on medical labs, shopping for food, etc. If it can be delayed, I will delay it. And if I know that anything is going to entail telephone calls to get the job done, for sure I "can't" do it. Is it the other side of the same coin? I can begin taking steps to set up a routine much easier than squashing this procrastination thing.
@@shellyvester1737 What shall we do? Do you feel a kind of resentfulness at being forced to do something you don't WANT to do because you really could care less about it? (and...thank you for responding)..
I can so relate to this. I ignore things until it becomes a crisis. Then I run around panicking making stupid decisions when it could have been easily sorted have I not ignored it.
Oh the impulsiveness. I do it out of just wanting to escape the constant pain. I actually think through the consequences of using and say "nope. Cant stand this feeling any longer and x is the only way I can escape it."
I have the "too much thinking without acting" aka analysis paralysis. I also have trouble making decisions. Do you have any videos on these subjects? (And thank you for all these excellent videos! Very helpful to this CPTSD-haver)
Mindfulness is the key. I wish, so much that I had known this when I was raising my son. I was so angry and hurt and scared when he was so young. We were both so young.
This man's teachings are slowly changing my life. Thank you, God, for him. Thank you, God, for giving me the strength and desire to not let my childhood define me. Amen.
One thing I hate about cbt and conventional psychology is it keeps talking about the problem but doesn’t provide a solid solution or a fix. You just keep paying and keep visiting your trauma over and over. Its fuckin horrible.
I often feel guilty for buying something. I dont get it! This has been since childhood, at about 10 I bought a huge teddybear at a yard sale with my own money, after getting home I felt guilty and worried that I didnt have my 5$ ! It really makes sense about the cortisol
I have been impulsive throughout all my life...grateful for this vid! Thank you so much! It just feels like healing from trauma is actually a life long process for some 😢
Omg every video I watch of yours I'm learning more and more about myself. It's so mad to hear someone explain in great detail how it is with someone with CPSTD and discovery what I've had to live with for years not really knowing what was wrong with me. I'm very grateful for your insights and healing wisdom. I'm terrible with this one. Always think excessively after a compulsive act!🙏 ❤
What I would also add to this brilliant video though, is that, while I am less impulsive now, for the hilariously put reasons in Roger Zalensky statement...still...when we act impulsively out of our limbic brain pain, its sometimes actually a good thing. I could not make myself go to school. I tried. Really did. But the place was so oppressive some kind of impulse made me leave soon as I would get there in a morning. The beneficial result of that was I never got indoctrinated. Something I could only appreciate much later in life. I also, around the same time, began in a similarly out of my conscious control way, raging at my mother. Which, while I carried a lot of shame about that for the rest of my life, I see that it was a survival mechanism. It was a beyond my conscious control reaction to a deeply toxic and controlling narcissistic mother. Had I not reacted that way, I might still be stuck in her total control and toxic domination...as my sister and father still are to this day. And when I think of situations in adult life that were also toxic but I had no ability at the stage I was stuck in those situations to understand how toxic they were...impulsively reacting and leaving, also got me out of those situations. So, why not say...the ideal way...is to learn these skills and how to parent oneself healthily so that we can act less impulsively and destructively of relationships and situations we do want to stay in and nurture. But sometimes, our impulsive behaviour, usually out of pain the situation or person is causing us...gets us out of those toxic situations in the only way we can at that time. I'd say that anyway.
There's nothing worse than learning about our brains being compulsive.. Thank you Tim Fletcher. Now I fully understand and I wish you never said anything relevant.
I don't do things impulsively without thinking. I do things compulsively after a lengthy period and build up of an internal sense of chronic injustice that I no longer have the energy left to contain. Then it looks like I do something rash and impulsive and out of character from everyone else's perspective when in reality I've been pushed over my limit by one too many a$$holes and am done putting up with their sh*t just to save face.
Exactly! I am always told that i make everything into one thing
Right on Roxy.
It is good to question why are you surrounded by assholes, because that is also something you migh control and could be a pattern in your life.
Yeah, that's just acting without thought. You can justify it all you want, but behaviour is behaviour.
With me, I do think briefly before I act impulsively. I say to myself, "Don't do it, Olga!" "You know you shouldn't!" But my impulsivity is so strong and overwhelming, I do it anyway, and then, "Stupid!" "Stupid!" "Stupid!" "Why?!"
It's such a relief to know that's it's due to complex trauma and not because I'm a piece of shit with total lack of self-control. Thank you, Tim, for these videos. Words cannot express my gratitude.
Lol, I know that exact conversation. Have it with myself often. Gotten past berating myself these days, mostly. Hope you have to ❤️
I appreciate your lecture because it has made me aware of my poor internal boundaries. Not wanting to follow a set schedule was an eye-opener. I am puzzled about another aspect of myself and that is my dread of addressing my personal business/responsibilities until it reaches almost crisis mode. This procrastination includes following up on medical labs, shopping for food, etc. If it can be delayed, I will delay it. And if I know that anything is going to entail telephone calls to get the job done, for sure I "can't" do it. Is it the other side of the same coin? I can begin taking steps to set up a routine much easier than squashing this procrastination thing.
Well said, you just described me also.
@@shellyvester1737 What shall we do? Do you feel a kind of resentfulness at being forced to do something you don't WANT to do because you really could care less about it? (and...thank you for responding)..
It just gets worse by waiting, plus it’s torturing you that whole time. It’s miserable isn’t it?!
I can so relate to this. I ignore things until it becomes a crisis. Then I run around panicking making stupid decisions when it could have been easily sorted have I not ignored it.
Nike 'just do it's lol
Vincent van Gogh suffered from unrequited love and so chopped off his ear..(his quote was, "Great things are not done by impulse...") Oops.
Gauguin cut off Van Gough’s ear.
Thank you so much for these lectures, they have helped me tremendously, you are a wonderfull teacher.
Oh the impulsiveness. I do it out of just wanting to escape the constant pain. I actually think through the consequences of using and say "nope. Cant stand this feeling any longer and x is the only way I can escape it."
This video series is a God - send.
I have the "too much thinking without acting" aka analysis paralysis. I also have trouble making decisions. Do you have any videos on these subjects? (And thank you for all these excellent videos! Very helpful to this CPTSD-haver)
Mindfulness is the key. I wish, so much that I had known this when I was raising my son. I was so angry and hurt and scared when he was so young. We were both so young.
I feel the same. Keep warm!
🙏 some times its just to hard to hear why im so impulsive 😳😭
But thanks for thies good talks and lectures, so helpfull ❤🇩🇰
I am so glad that I find this video. It explains so many things
Wonderful analysis as always. Love your talks. So good to get a hold on what is going on.
praise the Lord for this man!! thank you so much!!
Thanks for taking the time to make this, so insightful.
This man's teachings are slowly changing my life. Thank you, God, for him. Thank you, God, for giving me the strength and desire to not let my childhood define me. Amen.
Great content thank you so much!
One thing I hate about cbt and conventional psychology is it keeps talking about the problem but doesn’t provide a solid solution or a fix. You just keep paying and keep visiting your trauma over and over. Its fuckin horrible.
That's how you expose yourself to the issue and rewire your brain. It's beneficial long-term.
God bless you
You are doing great work
Thank you for making these videos.
Incredibly insightful.
I put blocks on my credit cards. This is very helpful. Have had two brain infections both catastrophic.
Thank you. This helps so much!!!
I often feel guilty for buying something. I dont get it! This has been since childhood, at about 10 I bought a huge teddybear at a yard sale with my own money, after getting home I felt guilty and worried that I didnt have my 5$ ! It really makes sense about the cortisol
Thank you again for bringing to the light such important topic. God bless you🙌🏻❤️
I have been impulsive throughout all my life...grateful for this vid! Thank you so much! It just feels like healing from trauma is actually a life long process for some 😢
55 years in fight and flight. I'm now 61 and I feel like a 🐌
Might? I'm a loaded mousetrap.
Omg every video I watch of yours I'm learning more and more about myself. It's so mad to hear someone explain in great detail how it is with someone with CPSTD and discovery what I've had to live with for years not really knowing what was wrong with me. I'm very grateful for your insights and healing wisdom. I'm terrible with this one. Always think excessively after a compulsive act!🙏 ❤
Read untethered soul by micheal singer
What I would also add to this brilliant video though, is that, while I am less impulsive now, for the hilariously put reasons in Roger Zalensky statement...still...when we act impulsively out of our limbic brain pain, its sometimes actually a good thing. I could not make myself go to school. I tried. Really did. But the place was so oppressive some kind of impulse made me leave soon as I would get there in a morning. The beneficial result of that was I never got indoctrinated. Something I could only appreciate much later in life. I also, around the same time, began in a similarly out of my conscious control way, raging at my mother. Which, while I carried a lot of shame about that for the rest of my life, I see that it was a survival mechanism. It was a beyond my conscious control reaction to a deeply toxic and controlling narcissistic mother. Had I not reacted that way, I might still be stuck in her total control and toxic domination...as my sister and father still are to this day. And when I think of situations in adult life that were also toxic but I had no ability at the stage I was stuck in those situations to understand how toxic they were...impulsively reacting and leaving, also got me out of those situations.
So, why not say...the ideal way...is to learn these skills and how to parent oneself healthily so that we can act less impulsively and destructively of relationships and situations we do want to stay in and nurture. But sometimes, our impulsive behaviour, usually out of pain the situation or person is causing us...gets us out of those toxic situations in the only way we can at that time. I'd say that anyway.
...no, it's never a good thing.
I think this helps explains many of my addicted daughters 'choices'
Codependency addiction to a person
Wish I had known this 12 years ago
Van Gogh would know all about that.
There's nothing worse than learning about our brains being compulsive.. Thank you Tim Fletcher. Now I fully understand and I wish you never said anything relevant.
What if you have several of these
Step by step