You are saying be a friend.. but in my experience most of my Ex’s don’t really want to connect deeply like you are saying. They want freedom, at least for awhile. Thats why giving soace is better than a friend zone. No contact isnt a game, its giving them what they asked for. I think any contact initiated by you after they left you will comes off as needy, even if it isnt romantic. They will feel validated which is connection enough for them. If they contact you then sure, talk to them.
I tried no contact and she ended up reaching out to a childhood crush within the first month that had been messaging her during our relationship. They hooked up for 2 months and he started treating her badly. She reached out after 3 months and started seeing me again while still seeing him. A month later she stopped talking to him all together and now he has been texting her non stop apologizing for everything. She still gives him the time of day and it infuriates me that she still talks to him. I really like her but her actions are almost unforgivable to me. I tried so hard to make myself better, i am at the point where i don't even want her anymore.
If you got dumped, your ex has been thinking about dumping you for a while. In their head they already waited long enough for you to change and take the hints so by the time they pull that trigger, they've been pulling back emotionally until they're completely disinterested in you. What they're seeking is space and distance away from you which is why no contact works. Maintaining contact is only going to come across as overpursuing because they're about as attracted to you as someone who doesn't even want to go out with you. We all know that ends up with disinterested replies, looong periods between those replies, and ghosting. So how on earth are you supposed to maintain contact and rebuild emotional connections when they want to be away from you?
I met a girl on gta we knew each other for a year then dated for 3 almost 4 years online then we broke up because we were arguing all the time then we were done for a year we got back together then we were in a honeymoon phase for around 9 to 10 months then stuff was happening between both of our lives so the arguments started up again we got the honey moon phase with another a month of that petty arguing then i started being very distant cuz i didn't wanna ruin our relationship before we finally got to meet and we were only a few months away but then the arguments started again becaau i kept bringing the same stuff then she lost her spark and couldnt stop thinking about the problems and said she doesn't know if we will be able to fix these arguements but i know that im not actually like that and i wont argue anymore i just been going through alot and i know i can get better but the long distance makes it hard and she wants to still see ne this summer but doesn't know if she wants to give us another chance but i wanna get back in a honeymoon phase before we see each other for the first time and we have only 30 days until summer
Trick question or you need advice? The answer is obviously to give them what they asked for. The space away from you. At least until a fixed amount of time and if you didn’t do anything abusive, they will eventually remember and ruminate about you and them. But it will take some time. Maybe a few months before they get there. And in the meantime, you should not be thinking about getting back to them. You should be focusing on yourself and healing yourself. Your energy and time should be focused on forgetting the relationship and looking at a future that is more meaningful for yourself. Move on and it attracts your ex back.
If they dont want to talk to you or see you this is not a good strategy. Every tine yiu reach iut in this manner you get rehected or yiu get no response.
Your approach makes most sense of all dating coaches online and i truly believe that, whenever you make them feel how you made them feel they will come back.. But how do you go from complete radiosilent to a connection..
You just reach out. If they dumped you, then they "should" reach out, but most times dumpers don't do this. So, instead you can try and reach out first. Make the conversation friendly and casual. As simple as, "Hey, long time no talk! How have you been? What have you been up to?"
My ex was reaching out and hovering me on social media quite a lot. Tons of hot and cold. I miss yous and I love yous (from her). She then expressed concern that I’ve been communicating with her as if I have an assumption that we’re getting back together. I actually checked her on this for being so confusing and set a clear boundary to protect myself from the rollercoaster we’ve been on. Day 2 without touching base but I think that’s probably the best for now. I know it is for me. Really need to bring this anxiety and confusion down.
This wont work if they're not emotionally attracted to you being their friend will only give them the safety of the relationship but without actually being with you. Plus regardless of how to you try to play it off, you still want to be with them, so they will see you being their 'friend' as a ploy and at worst as manipulative.. go no contact so you give them what they want. The breakup.
relationship and connection are 2 way street. if they dun wanna connect with u right now by being cold, give u the silent treatment or even ghost u, what other choices do u have except leave them alone
I just came across your channel, wow you really speak to me, thank you 😊 I’m 58 yr old women who’s 1 yr breakup is today and I’m spending my day day with my ex. We literally bumped into each other on the street 3 weeks ago… he’s in a breakup rebound relationship, he have been “hanging out” since few times a week and staying in contact, we both have mutual side job projects we are working on so this has been our connection with a little bit about talking about our feelings and the wrongs from the past. I have say it’s a bit rollercoaster of a ride, I get mixed feelings, but I’m trying focus on being friends 😊… Thant you again for your great insight
When my biyfriend said i still love you and want to marry you just give me some time. He asked me to continue uodating him on some things and everyrime i did no response . Why in earth would i continue to persue. Im going no contact. I still feel its the best strategy.
If she doesnt wanna talk and shes angry cause i took her for granted i have no choice to nc but how long...been 3 months i only 2 short hello text i didnt beg and i worked on myself...so what next
So Clay, how do you connect with them when they don't even want to meet up with you? Ah! no contact, give them time to feel the break up, let them process the reality of the situation and only then maybe they will want to meet up. Thats your moment to be your best because you have been working on yourself. if they still don't want to meet up then you are a better person anyway and maybe a better person will appreciate you.
How often should you be reaching out? My ex and i text pretty regularly and have met 3 times since the breakup. Also things went well in our last meeting, but got push back when i told him i wanted to come up again the next week?
Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.
It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.
What about when you reach out to your ex two weeks after breakup she says she will get back a response but was too “tired and busy” at the moment.. and a week later nothing. But tons of social media posts so not too “tired and busy” for that. When you are trying and trying but still no
If the ex reaches out every 4 days, don't reach out more often, is my experience. Their pace. Even if I was the dumper, respecting their pace when reconnecting.
Thank you! I guess I can have an open talk with him again, asked him 3 weeks ago, he said "No, it's not that I need space, I just have a lot of arrangements with my friends, you may ask us to meet, Cat, I like having coffee with you, but I can often not say yes" But he gets back to my msgs/calls every 4 days. I just respected that pace. Maybe I could address the issue with him. (Might have been a positive pullback, he was really open, having fun when we met just before that talk)
@@anothercat9600 why does he not involve you in his time with his friends? Only responding to you every four days is disrespectful towards you. I've had a relationship like what you describe, and now that I'm out of it, I can see how brutal it was emotionally speaking and psychologically too. It's traumatising. You deserve someone who prioritises time with you.
@@yellowtheresunshine But it worked so far, going his speed, he just asked me out again (an hour ago). He is an Ex, so we are not in a relationship. Last time we met was 5 weeks ago, we had fun but he pulled back hard, "I don't see my other friends this often!" and as Clay advises I replied that I'm cool being his friend, I like it. Asked him of his stress at work, told him of mine, told him I understand. Then we only texted geeky stuff to eachother, every 3 or 4 days, for 3 weeks, before he asked me for coffee again. He is a dismissive avoidant and gets worried if there is no geekytalk during a date.
My ex and I have the same friend group and have had them since college. recently I had a meeting with most of them except for her over zoom. Well I found out that she had snuck into that meeting through being in close proximity to another friend. So she wanted to hear what I had to say without wanting to have to face me? I don’t even know what to make of it. I really want to talk to her but I don’t know how to start and I don’t know how she’d react to me reaching out.
I did this for months, we got closer and closer, even sharing a bed again and being affectionate, but still saying they aren’t ready for a relationship and then found they were chatting to and pursuing others guys on line. So I ended the friendship
I'm really sorry. Being completely blocked must hurt so much after being so close to your partner. And if that's what's going on, then there really isn't much that anyone can do. After all, if you are completely blocked... nothing... not even No Contact is going to get through to your ex. The only thing that will change things is if they choose to unblock you. I'd recommend you start healing emotionally from what you've experienced and work on detaching from outcome. I know it's hard... but if the person you love is closed off completely... all you can really do is work on being the most loving version of yourself you can be... and trust that there is someone out there who will love you 100%
Last night, my ex girlfriend has agreed to meet for coffee. We have been broken up for 15 months, and she has been dating her current boyfriend for a year. I've been dating my girlfriend for three months. I don't know if my ex girlfriend still has romantic feelings. However I'm still deeply in love with her. By the way, my ex and I haven't been face to face since 10/21, and I know that is a long time to be apart. I hope everything goes well when we meet for coffee.
I hope so too. Just remember, keep the romantic pressure low... and have that same team conversation... then just focus on connecting emotionally. You've got this!
@@ClayAndrews Thank you. I must admit, I was shocked that she accepted my invitation for coffee. Mutual friends have informed me that she is so in love with her new boyfriend. I was wondering does she still have romantic feelings for me?
Man, I would not date the other girl. You could cause a lot of harm and heartbreak. Does she know you met up with your ex and still have feelings for her? You're not out of the woods yet. It's difficult I get that but be honest, caring and kind to others. Broken people create broken people, remember that.
BRUH... Did you go out of your way to ask an ex (who you said is in a happy relationship) that you haven't talked to in over a year for coffee? And you have a girlfriend? You're just BEGGING to get your heart broken again and potentially your butt kicked (by her man). In her mind, that little meeting means NOTHING. And she can always fall back on that if you confess your feelings. On top of that, you don't value the relationship you're in. And if you break your current girl's heart, you're repeating the cycle. I'm willing to bet she flaked. But let's say she DID decide to entertain getting back together. You still lose. Because what girl in love with her BF would cheat on him for the ex of over a year ago? That would make her a CHEATER. And you'd be in for a rude awakening because she would do the same to you. My unsolicited advice is to break up with your GF. Because what you did was wrong, and she deserves better.
I met a girl on gta we knew each other for a year then dated for 3 almost 4 years online then we broke up because we were arguing all the time then we were done for a year we got back together then we were in a honeymoon phase for around 9 to 10 months then stuff was happening between both of our lives so the arguments started up again we got the honey moon phase with another a month of that petty arguing then i started being very distant cuz i didn't wanna ruin our relationship before we finally got to meet and we were only a few months away but then the arguments started again becaau i kept bringing the same stuff then she lost her spark and couldnt stop thinking about the problems and said she doesn't know if we will be able to fix these arguements but i know that im not actually like that and i wont argue anymore i just been going through alot and i know i can get better but the long distance makes it hard and she wants to still see ne this summer but doesn't know if she wants to give us another chance but i wanna get back in a honeymoon phase before we see each other for the first time and we have only 30 days until summer
Next up cheack out the 5 stages your ex goes through in getting back together: th-cam.com/video/H2rJzZxpoHI/w-d-xo.html
You are saying be a friend.. but in my experience most of my Ex’s don’t really want to connect deeply like you are saying. They want freedom, at least for awhile. Thats why giving soace is better than a friend zone. No contact isnt a game, its giving them what they asked for. I think any contact initiated by you after they left you will comes off as needy, even if it isnt romantic. They will feel validated which is connection enough for them. If they contact you then sure, talk to them.
I tried no contact and she ended up reaching out to a childhood crush within the first month that had been messaging her during our relationship. They hooked up for 2 months and he started treating her badly. She reached out after 3 months and started seeing me again while still seeing him. A month later she stopped talking to him all together and now he has been texting her non stop apologizing for everything. She still gives him the time of day and it infuriates me that she still talks to him. I really like her but her actions are almost unforgivable to me. I tried so hard to make myself better, i am at the point where i don't even want her anymore.
@@navi2830update bro ?
8 years ago, I came across your videos and tried your advices. I successfully got back with my ex. ❤ appreciate you.
I'm so glad you had a happy ending, at least. 😞 Mine, well..
If you got dumped, your ex has been thinking about dumping you for a while. In their head they already waited long enough for you to change and take the hints so by the time they pull that trigger, they've been pulling back emotionally until they're completely disinterested in you. What they're seeking is space and distance away from you which is why no contact works. Maintaining contact is only going to come across as overpursuing because they're about as attracted to you as someone who doesn't even want to go out with you. We all know that ends up with disinterested replies, looong periods between those replies, and ghosting.
So how on earth are you supposed to maintain contact and rebuild emotional connections when they want to be away from you?
Give them space
Give them the galaxy
Walk away
I met a girl on gta we knew each other for a year then dated for 3 almost 4 years online then we broke up because we were arguing all the time then we were done for a year we got back together then we were in a honeymoon phase for around 9 to 10 months then stuff was happening between both of our lives so the arguments started up again we got the honey moon phase with another a month of that petty arguing then i started being very distant cuz i didn't wanna ruin our relationship before we finally got to meet and we were only a few months away but then the arguments started again becaau i kept bringing the same stuff then she lost her spark and couldnt stop thinking about the problems and said she doesn't know if we will be able to fix these arguements but i know that im not actually like that and i wont argue anymore i just been going through alot and i know i can get better but the long distance makes it hard and she wants to still see ne this summer but doesn't know if she wants to give us another chance but i wanna get back in a honeymoon phase before we see each other for the first time and we have only 30 days until summer
Trick question or you need advice?
The answer is obviously to give them what they asked for. The space away from you.
At least until a fixed amount of time and if you didn’t do anything abusive, they will eventually remember and ruminate about you and them.
But it will take some time. Maybe a few months before they get there. And in the meantime, you should not be thinking about getting back to them. You should be focusing on yourself and healing yourself. Your energy and time should be focused on forgetting the relationship and looking at a future that is more meaningful for yourself.
Move on and it attracts your ex back.
@@kiddytube3915How controlling and I didn't even do anything that bad. 😞
If they dont want to talk to you or see you this is not a good strategy. Every tine yiu reach iut in this manner you get rehected or yiu get no response.
Your approach makes most sense of all dating coaches online and i truly believe that, whenever you make them feel how you made them feel they will come back.. But how do you go from complete radiosilent to a connection..
You just reach out. If they dumped you, then they "should" reach out, but most times dumpers don't do this. So, instead you can try and reach out first. Make the conversation friendly and casual.
As simple as, "Hey, long time no talk! How have you been? What have you been up to?"
essentially be mature and operate on a higher level of consciousness, worked for me.
My ex was reaching out and hovering me on social media quite a lot. Tons of hot and cold. I miss yous and I love yous (from her). She then expressed concern that I’ve been communicating with her as if I have an assumption that we’re getting back together. I actually checked her on this for being so confusing and set a clear boundary to protect myself from the rollercoaster we’ve been on. Day 2 without touching base but I think that’s probably the best for now. I know it is for me. Really need to bring this anxiety and confusion down.
How’d it work out?
@@ryanchaney94 we are happily back together for over 2 months now
This wont work if they're not emotionally attracted to you being their friend will only give them the safety of the relationship but without actually being with you. Plus regardless of how to you try to play it off, you still want to be with them, so they will see you being their 'friend' as a ploy and at worst as manipulative.. go no contact so you give them what they want. The breakup.
relationship and connection are 2 way street. if they dun wanna connect with u right now by being cold, give u the silent treatment or even ghost u, what other choices do u have except leave them alone
I just came across your channel, wow you really speak to me, thank you 😊 I’m 58 yr old women who’s 1 yr breakup is today and I’m spending my day day with my ex. We literally bumped into each other on the street 3 weeks ago… he’s in a breakup rebound relationship, he have been “hanging out” since few times a week and staying in contact, we both have mutual side job projects we are working on so this has been our connection with a little bit about talking about our feelings and the wrongs from the past. I have say it’s a bit rollercoaster of a ride, I get mixed feelings, but I’m trying focus on being friends 😊… Thant you again for your great insight
Thats great! Any update?
When my biyfriend said i still love you and want to marry you just give me some time. He asked me to continue uodating him on some things and everyrime i did no response . Why in earth would i continue to persue. Im going no contact. I still feel its the best strategy.
If she doesnt wanna talk and shes angry cause i took her for granted i have no choice to nc but how long...been 3 months i only 2 short hello text i didnt beg and i worked on myself...so what next
So Clay, how do you connect with them when they don't even want to meet up with you? Ah! no contact, give them time to feel the break up, let them process the reality of the situation and only then maybe they will want to meet up. Thats your moment to be your best because you have been working on yourself. if they still don't want to meet up then you are a better person anyway and maybe a better person will appreciate you.
This makes so much sense! It’s a mature approach- absolutely hate games. Thank you !!!
Yea all my exes I got back from this method…it’s a hard route to go though, not for the feint of heart.
No contact rule didn't work for her. She told me that her feelings are still not as they were
Typical avoidant excuse 😢
You are fearful or secure, he/she is dismissive. If you don't have the patience you're either not quite there yet or it's not for you.
How often should you be reaching out? My ex and i text pretty regularly and have met 3 times since the breakup. Also things went well in our last meeting, but got push back when i told him i wanted to come up again the next week?
Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.
It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Akunna, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father akunna, he has great powers, he can help you.
I appreciate you providing this important information; I've just checked Father Akunna online, and wow, he's really genuine. Thank you so much again ❤
What about when you reach out to your ex two weeks after breakup she says she will get back a response but was too “tired and busy” at the moment.. and a week later nothing. But tons of social media posts so not too “tired and busy” for that.
When you are trying and trying but still no
If the ex reaches out every 4 days, don't reach out more often, is my experience. Their pace. Even if I was the dumper, respecting their pace when reconnecting.
Sounds okay but seems like you’re trying to guess what they want. Why not get on the same team and not guess?
Thank you! I guess I can have an open talk with him again, asked him 3 weeks ago, he said "No, it's not that I need space, I just have a lot of arrangements with my friends, you may ask us to meet, Cat, I like having coffee with you, but I can often not say yes"
But he gets back to my msgs/calls every 4 days. I just respected that pace. Maybe I could address the issue with him.
(Might have been a positive pullback, he was really open, having fun when we met just before that talk)
@@anothercat9600 why does he not involve you in his time with his friends? Only responding to you every four days is disrespectful towards you. I've had a relationship like what you describe, and now that I'm out of it, I can see how brutal it was emotionally speaking and psychologically too. It's traumatising. You deserve someone who prioritises time with you.
@@yellowtheresunshine But it worked so far, going his speed, he just asked me out again (an hour ago). He is an Ex, so we are not in a relationship. Last time we met was 5 weeks ago, we had fun but he pulled back hard, "I don't see my other friends this often!" and as Clay advises I replied that I'm cool being his friend, I like it. Asked him of his stress at work, told him of mine, told him I understand. Then we only texted geeky stuff to eachother, every 3 or 4 days, for 3 weeks, before he asked me for coffee again.
He is a dismissive avoidant and gets worried if there is no geekytalk during a date.
Loved it. Finally something Genuine and makes sense
My ex and I have the same friend group and have had them since college. recently I had a meeting with most of them except for her over zoom. Well I found out that she had snuck into that meeting through being in close proximity to another friend. So she wanted to hear what I had to say without wanting to have to face me? I don’t even know what to make of it. I really want to talk to her but I don’t know how to start and I don’t know how she’d react to me reaching out.
I did this for months, we got closer and closer, even sharing a bed again and being affectionate, but still saying they aren’t ready for a relationship and then found they were chatting to and pursuing others guys on line. So I ended the friendship
Ur wrong lol. Im doing no contact. She went on a rebound/monkey branched. This doesn't work
How is this gonna help if your blocked in all ways of communication
I'm really sorry. Being completely blocked must hurt so much after being so close to your partner. And if that's what's going on, then there really isn't much that anyone can do. After all, if you are completely blocked... nothing... not even No Contact is going to get through to your ex. The only thing that will change things is if they choose to unblock you. I'd recommend you start healing emotionally from what you've experienced and work on detaching from outcome. I know it's hard... but if the person you love is closed off completely... all you can really do is work on being the most loving version of yourself you can be... and trust that there is someone out there who will love you 100%
This is horrible advice. Jeez Clay, get it together.
What about if we work together 💔
Last night, my ex girlfriend has agreed to meet for coffee. We have been broken up for 15 months, and she has been dating her current boyfriend for a year.
I've been dating my girlfriend for three months.
I don't know if my ex girlfriend still has romantic feelings. However I'm still deeply in love with her.
By the way, my ex and I haven't been face to face since 10/21, and I know that is a long time to be apart.
I hope everything goes well when we meet for coffee.
I hope so too. Just remember, keep the romantic pressure low... and have that same team conversation... then just focus on connecting emotionally. You've got this!
@@ClayAndrews Thank you. I must admit, I was shocked that she accepted my invitation for coffee.
Mutual friends have informed me that she is so in love with her new boyfriend. I was wondering does she still have romantic feelings for me?
Man, I would not date the other girl. You could cause a lot of harm and heartbreak. Does she know you met up with your ex and still have feelings for her? You're not out of the woods yet. It's difficult I get that but be honest, caring and kind to others. Broken people create broken people, remember that.
BRUH...
Did you go out of your way to ask an ex (who you said is in a happy relationship) that you haven't talked to in over a year for coffee? And you have a girlfriend?
You're just BEGGING to get your heart broken again and potentially your butt kicked (by her man). In her mind, that little meeting means NOTHING. And she can always fall back on that if you confess your feelings.
On top of that, you don't value the relationship you're in. And if you break your current girl's heart, you're repeating the cycle.
I'm willing to bet she flaked. But let's say she DID decide to entertain getting back together. You still lose. Because what girl in love with her BF would cheat on him for the ex of over a year ago? That would make her a CHEATER. And you'd be in for a rude awakening because she would do the same to you.
My unsolicited advice is to break up with your GF. Because what you did was wrong, and she deserves better.
How’d it go buddy?
What if you live in different cities?
Why you wanna chase someone who dumped you and doesn’t have ur value at first place common man
You should use no contact! Bad advice!
What makes you believe no contact is bad advice? What benefit does no contact provide?
No contact will only empower you to move on
Why would you want your ex back, move on.
This guys a joke lol
I met a girl on gta we knew each other for a year then dated for 3 almost 4 years online then we broke up because we were arguing all the time then we were done for a year we got back together then we were in a honeymoon phase for around 9 to 10 months then stuff was happening between both of our lives so the arguments started up again we got the honey moon phase with another a month of that petty arguing then i started being very distant cuz i didn't wanna ruin our relationship before we finally got to meet and we were only a few months away but then the arguments started again becaau i kept bringing the same stuff then she lost her spark and couldnt stop thinking about the problems and said she doesn't know if we will be able to fix these arguements but i know that im not actually like that and i wont argue anymore i just been going through alot and i know i can get better but the long distance makes it hard and she wants to still see ne this summer but doesn't know if she wants to give us another chance but i wanna get back in a honeymoon phase before we see each other for the first time and we have only 30 days until summer
@justice John ?
Excellent point of view! Finally the first advice about not applying no contact; thank you!!!