The rise of emotional manipulation as "dark femininity"
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 ส.ค. 2023
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Tik Tok has a huge issue with fetishizing unhealthy behavior. It takes so much courage to be vulnerable and love someone authentically. It's a beautiful thing, and it breaks my heart how often people seek to undermine that beauty.
That's what made me fall in love with my husband. He grew up in a small town in Europe and when I first met him, he was just very open and I had a gut feeling that he is a guy that is capable of genuine, honest love. No games or manipulation. He was very direct. That made me want to be open, loving and direct as well. We get what we give.
At an instinctual level, people can always tell when they're being manipulated or if someone else is being dishonest and they subconsciously react to that in a way that perpetuates and cycles mistrust. I understand that people want to protect their own feelings but maybe they aren't meant to always be protected. As you and Anna said, actual love takes courage and honesty. Taking a hit sometimes, learning from it, getting up and dusting yourself off. Anything truly amazing in life is birthed from the courage to be open and vulnerable.
Hard agree. It feels so freeing and GOOD to live authentically. Even more so when it (imo, inevitably) allows other authentic, good people to enter your life, as well. It's so sad that some people only know how to go down a toxic and manipulative route.
I'm in Internal Family Systems therapy, and one of the core foundations of it is to learn to value and accept every part of yourself. Even the parts that might be undermining you or are disregulated from your authentic self. (I.e. learning to love the part of you that breaks down crying at a grocery store due to overstimulation. Even if you're initially embarrassed about it, you can learn to empathize that you were overstimulated.) By being kind, gentle, and patient with all your good and "bad" traits, it becomes possible to learn to love and thus INTEGRATE with those traits and adopt a healthier version of them. Whenever I see people stuck on using power dynamics or manipulation tactics, it feels heartbreaking since it seems like they're heavily disregulated internally. They're probably just as harsh on themselves as they are to those they pull "tactics" on. Again, it's really unfortunate and sad.
Why are people surprised by this? It’s literally owned by our nation’s enemies. China is perfectly willing to play the long game and destroy us through cultural rot. Trump was right to ban it but you wouldn’t listen.
Sadly TikTok and other social media platforms (including TH-cam) are more interested in engagement and retaining their audience. Same principle as the news... if watching someone jump of a building or set themselves on fire fascinates and makes an audience click on content faster than THE FLASH as opposed to showing people helping other people and so on then thats what they focus on.
Tiktok? I would say people
Never was a fan of manipulating someone to "love" me. Or chase me. People go out of their way to use dark psychology on someone rather than learning to honestly communicate their needs, so they don´t openly get rejected. The trick is to become resilient, not to avoid pain.
We are all trying to out asshole each other and it's getting so fn annoying
Like WHY would you want a person who doesn't like you to change their mind and chase you??? Go to people who don't need tricks to want you!!! This is not only disgusting but the total opposite of attractive. And it's so pointless, playing all these games to be liked instead of being authentic and attracting people who are a match to your true personality. Rejection is redirection, it's not personal, these people are showing on themselves. You think you need psychological tools to be liked? Someone needs to log off Tiktok and go to therapy to work on their self esteem.
What if you honestly communicate, face the pain head on, and after you get rejected, you then move on to plan b? Manipulation?
@@serenityssolace What is plan B? Another person or your own life?
@@vanillerygarden Plan be is to start being manipulative. Plan A was to be honest. If honesty fails, plan b is manipulation
My partner told me that one of the things that first attracted him to me was that I actually replied to messages fairly quickly. And that when I did leave it a bit, I almost always said "sorry I was busy" so he always knew that even if he sometimes had to wait a a bit, I'd never intentionally leave him on read because I genuinely looked forward to talking to him ❤️
Responding quickly would get my attention
Damn, you're one of the rare ones. Your partner is truly lucky to have you.
Yo know da way.
I'd forget my phone. No biggie.
A lil later, the phone was increasingly the "come over here" device, so then we could talk: Tell it to my face.
What attracted one to the was the lack of fake behaviours. No more acting.
@@the1stmetalheadstop idolizing. that is a normal behaviour outside the US culture.
It's so amazing that people spend so much time on how to be manipulative and toxic instead improving themselves.
It’s easier to break something than to create something. That’s why most people would rather be toxic “victims” who make their own problems to drown in instead of realizing they have the power to change and can work on being better.
IKR
I’ve heard about toxic masculinity, but this dark femininity is news to me, thanks for informing us so perfectly and entertainingly
It's not new, it's been going on for a really long time but more heavily for the past 5-6 years. This is just the first time I've seen this get brought up from someone who doesn't also want to roll the clock back 70 years as if that is the answer. And because those idiots where the ones with the microphones it was easy for many people to blow it off as being something fake created by angry incels as revenge.
Holding bad behavior accountable for what they do, rather than pigmentation and gender somehow making one party automatically bad and the other good should be the norm. Welcome to the club.
How can dark/toxic femininity be news to anyone lol, stop buying into the media narrative against men and realise that all people are capable of being great or shitty regardless of gender, race or whatever separates us.
How is it news? It’s common sense.
Should be called toxic femininity not "dark" femininity.
It's not new at all. It's been a thing for a long while now.
"How to make him fall in love with you 🥵" Girl what happened to friendships developing into romantic ones and why do I have to be a dark empath? Kindness is beauty tbh.
Thank You for introducing basic common sense here.
~TD, Boston
Also the "dark" branding is so weird, they used to do the same thing with the " dark masculinity, the obsurity depths of psychological tricks that only men can understand". But a lot of girls are falling for this 🙃
@@purrrrrrrple I'm a Man, and I can't for the life of me understand how anyone ... male or female ... could see this brand of behavior yielding any kind of positive results. I've kinda had to learn a lot about this unwritten guide to "modern" social nteraction during the past few years. And it's just been one WTF!!! moment after another. The overall message appears to be: "Lowdown, Dirty & Downright Depraved is the New Cool." Seriously. It's like a mass psychosis. People actually do think this way. It took me a while to accept that reality. And this reality is like a work of fiction ... a dystopian nightmare ... a la Orwell, Huxley or Burgess.
Anyway I appreciate Your note here. But, for the Record, I do object to what appears to be a bit of gratuitous male bashing.
This behaviour is not about sex/gender. It's about maturity ... or, lack thereof.
Have a Good Day!
~TD, Boston
@@purrrrrrrple dark masculinity . . . dark femininity . . . it sounds like dark romance, dark courting, dark dating, dark flirting, whatever other word fits.
Well, they're told that guy friends who fall in love with you aren't really your friends. They were just lying to eventually sleep with you.
Growing up, my mother taught me to respect women. She didn’t do it in a good way, it was kind of a “woman good, men bad” philosophy. Then I married a narcissistic woman and it was Hell. Now I hear about “dark femininity.” I think I’ll just stay single forever. It’s all such a mindfuck.
She didn't teach you to respect women, she taught you misandry.
The fact that you recognize it is the first step. Don't worry man, call them out on their game and then go like "I don't want to play games, I want to keep it simple and truthful. I don't know if you're playing games or if this is you, but either way, I don't want anything to do with the behavior"
Therapy has been extremely helpful. I now know warning signs when I see them.
@@cartwrightworm1317 It's truthfully mind boggling. I can't understand how a person could have children while hating the opposite gender/sex so much. You love your children unconditionally, and as such you should want them to love themselves and every part of who/what they are. I can't understand a misandrist raising a boy any more than a misogynist raising a girl. These people .... I just don't understand the line of thinking.
Its so ironic to me how people are asking for more empathy towards everyone, but trends on social media are lacking said empathy the most.
Also, love the new longformat videos Anna! Keep it up!!
Idk, dude. What you experience on the internet is what YOU created. My feed/social situations on the internet is VERY different than yours. Just saying.
@@frannydent9044Not necessarily in my TH-cam recommended yesterday I had an antique restoration vid pop up. I don’t watch things about antique restoration though I didn’t know people made content doing that. My point is there are a lot of inconsistencies with the algorithm
To be fair the trends on social media lack empathy because narcissists and other insecure types flock to social media for validation like a moth to a flame. They are the first ones posting their toxicity for the world to see.
Yeaaaa❤
@frannydent9044 if your an exception it dosent invalidate what he said.
Geez, this woman has single handedly shaped my adult life.
Anna inspires me.. My parents said if i get 40K followers They'd buy me a professional camera for recording..begging u guys , literally
Begging...
Same I am a boy she is my role model ♥️
@@namantherockstaryou got 35k subscribers. Better get monitized
Same ❤
Deadass
I texted my now fiancé less than an hr after our first date (best first date of my life, hadn't smiled or laughed like that in literal years), and asked him for a second date the next day. I am so glad that we never wasted a minute on games or manipulation or any of that. My unsolicited dating advice: be honest and vocal about your feelings and wants/needs, listen when the other person does the same, and never settle. If it's not a Hell Yes! it's a Hell No!
Glad both of you seem to BE aware and mature. ☺️ If IT comes to some social anxiety ppl, Introverts, ptsd, bpd, icd ppl...all WE can learn IS more Compassion and Awareness via understanding?
@@boligenic8118sometimes you actually know but you are afraid to admit it. Other times it's not the one!
@@boligenic8118Flakiness is a waste of time
You got lucky - most men would be scared off by a woman being that forward and think “what’s wrong with her for her to actually be eager and this into me? Cause usually women don’t make the first move. She probably does this with every guy then, so I’m not attracted to her anymore.”
The number of guys I see with this mindset who then complain about women not making the first move but then are turned off when a woman does is astounding.
You’re lucky you came across a rare gem that didn’t have that mindset - I don’t think your experience is the norm.
Men REALLY started chasing me once I became jaded and uninterested in men and dating and showed no interest in them. Most of them only want what they perceive as unattainable - women who show little to no interest in them.
@BehindTheBush96 Why would you want to be with someone like that though? I'd hate to have to filter out my excitement just to get the other person to put in effort. I give 100% and if that freaks people out then they aren't the right person for me. (I've dated men and women, and this method has led to a lot of rejection from both, don't get me wrong) Luckily I finally found someone who appreciates everything I do/bring to the table and also gives me 100% back.
Honesty is the best filter. Show up as your authentic self and let things pan out as they should.
Yeah... I married a narcissist who, in hindsight used some of these tactics... it did not end well, and it died a slow torturous death as I tried to coparent our daughter with her. Years of therapy later, and having learned how to watch out for these manipulative red flags during the hell that is middle-aged dating, I met my second wife, and we moved slowly and cautiously, each of us opening up slowly, knowing the other had been hurt. We've been together for over a decade, and neither of us has raised our voice to the other (which is different than agreeing on everything, we don't.).
Therapy also prepared me help my daughter through her first divorce narcissistic now-ex-wife.
Between toxic masculinity and dark feminity, a lot of people are gonna end up absolutely miserable and exhausted. The effort put in to follow these tips/rules isn't worth the relationship wanted because the relationship will be unhealthy and you touched on that brilliantly. It's also scary to think about how many kids and teens on TikTok are seeing these types of videos and thinking the behavior is normal. It's not normal at all. It's dangerous.
Men have been manipulating, killing, and controlling women for thousands of years. The world still has real misogynistic problems as apparent in the middle east and africa, and wasting your breath on going after fed-up Western women on TikTok is not advocacy. It's just laziness. Snooze.
A lot of people (women especially) are already miserable and lonely.
The toxic masculinity and the thousands of years that men have been mocking, abusing, not appreciating, taking advantage of and oppressing women and Andrew Tate inspiring more and more men and boys to manage to be even more trash to women than even their great-grandfathers were have single-handed my been enough to ensure that happened.
It shows how desperate people are for genuine connection but won't bond with anyone that isn't a celeb / model level fantasy thinking manipulation tactics will work to seduce them.
Magazines (both "men's" and "women's") have been doing similar for decades and decades.
Although I also acknowledge that this new form of toxic romance advice is concerning and bad and *will* lead to unnecessary emotional pain and suffering.
The woman at 4:44 is possibly the most disgusting human being this world has ever witnessed. Is there a human under there?
I feel very sorry for those men and women who have been deceived or disappointed by bad experiences with the opposite sex and end up in these toxic rabbit holes, manipulated by grifters who prey on their insecurities.
Do you have any advice for getting through the pain?
I truly loved her and we had a real connection, but she couldn't respect it.
@@BREAKOUT444 Well, it was not a question for me, but I feel obligated to respond.
The very first thing you need to hear is: don't run away from pain. Let it sink, let it be with you for a while. Don't try to tame it with alcohol or some void-filling relationships. Don't try to make it more tolerable. Let it be. You are strong enough, I believe you are. If you won't give that pain opportunity to be with you for a while, it will never go away.
Another thing - she probalby will always be in your mind, and that's okay. You can't just forget someone who had impact on you, but I promise you, after time, you'll remember her, but the impact it has on you will go lower and lower. She might leave a scar on your soul, but that's okay. We're all made of those little scars. Social media made us think it's bad to experience such emotions as sadness, when it's actually inevitable part of our lives, and not suffering itself makes us miserable, but rather not accepting it and trying to run away from it. Wish you all the best :)
@@BREAKOUT444I think working on yourself can help. I’ve been in similar situations and just spending time with myself instead of in a relationship does go a long way.
@@BREAKOUT4441.) Be alone for a while and develop a single life you can be proud of. This is because your vibe attracts your tribe. How you present yourself when you are single determines what kind of people you attract.
2.) Remember, all prospective romantic partners take your solitude. Is the companionship they offer worth it? Compare it to your single life. If it worth it, try your level best to make it worth them for as well - no cheating, no disrespect, be caring for them. If it isn't worth it, just break up - your single life is better.
3.) Best relationship comes when you aren't out on Quixotic quest to attain it.
I don't follow Jordon Peterson i've seen the odd teaching by him, Not sure what he has done for the hate, probably missing something, however he does have some good teaching that help, in short work on your self, and try to be happy single.
So true. I am a woman, and I dont buy BS from woman nor man. The time they start to acting like child, prideful and mind game, I am out. I called out one female coworker as petty cause she wanted to appeared to be "wanted". I called out man coworker who witholding communication and jeopardize a project just bcs he thought he is good looking and popular and I was the one who must communicate first. F them!
I got a similar story. Still trying to figure it out ... a few years after the fact. Still can't wrap my head around it. It's not just a matter of being disrespectful and inconsiderate. It's insane. Kinda like: "Hey, Dude: I just shot your Dog. Now, I'm laughing in your face. Oh, by the way, can your write me another character reference?"
And he apparently thought he had all primed to do his bidding. I kid you not. You can't make this sh*t up. Well, actually, I did just make that up. The real story is even more depraved ... in my opinion. But, that was a pretty helpful analogy.
Never seen anything like it in my life. How many people in the world could possibly reason like that? WTF!!!!!!
This is why the whole “gaslight gatekeep girl boss” thing is the worst thing ever. Why do people take pride in being cruel and tearing people down? The fact it’s a rarity to experience empathy and kindness is sending us down the darkest future.
"How to become a narcissis for Dummies" should be name of these people's handbook. It's just ridiculous. I have been called boring by women, and "too nice" because I hate playing games. One said it's no mystery like her toxic ex would give her.
Being mysterious just comes down to not being too open immediately with someone... I think...
@@dominator9833 Yes, I agree. But these were her particular words. Some people are addicted to toxic people.
Those people aren't for us then. It can be thrilling... But I don't want to spend my WHOLE life on an emotional Rollercoaster
Eww, I don't get people that want games played yet will be the first angry when it doesn't go their way
Not the type you want to be with, they have some serious issues if they find emotional abuse exciting
Sounds a lot like narcissism to me. I know a few of people like this. They make people feel like they did something wrong and always apologizing. Its overwhelming and exhausting.
It is narcissism to a T, and places like Tiktok are a huge promotion for narcissism.
Hell, there's even a group out there that supports and justifies narcissism/abusive behaviors because they're apparently "disordered." -- Narcissistic, toxic behavior is a choice.
Especially if they can choose to be something else in public versus behind closed doors.
Remove: Shame, Accountability, and Consequences. Replace them with: Pride, Attention, and Praise. You will have Narcissistic, Sociopathic, Histrionic Personality Disorder riddled people.
no, is not a choice, it's a personality disorder, usually untreated trauma.
@@knoopx it's ALWAYS an excuse when it involves women. Look up "women are wonderful effect". Your mind is primed to refuse to accept women as bad actors.
@knoopx You can have a narcissistic personality but you don't have to be abusive or nasty to others.
Personalities don't stay stagnant, but you know, you do you. XD
I’m 35 this year. Big trend I’ve noticed is it used to just be a “story” of someone saying that know someone who gaslight or was negative in relationship 15 years ago from another school or work, then it became you know someone and heard something bad from an associated social circle, then it became you would become shocked from some one in your direct social circle in terms of how they have acted and now it’s 51% plus of the dating marker playing games and causing grief for a myriad of different reasons, it’s actually insane what the youth are doing today and how messed up dating and social interactions have become.
Social media imo has done far more damage than good in its creation and use and the effects will be seen in decades to come of how badly it has damaged society.
I love how transparent they are thinking they really did sth when women have been emotionally blackmailing and manipulating for years. Thank you for the confirmation as advice. Now more than ever we need love. Congregate don't segregate. These people are actually taking themselves out of interpersonal relationships, especially for longevity and the encouragement of others doing the same will reduce the amount of successful relationships, families and children effectively being population control while they profit.
The quote "an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind" comes to mind when toxic behavior like what is mentioned happens. I hope more people heed both of these lessons!!
Especially that is not like people get payback on the actuall person that hurt them. They unleashing this toxicity on somebody else and maybe later this person will take their pain on the next person in their life too - there is some sick version of paying it forward going on here and is all in the name of finding love.
@@kasia2750 100% agree. "Hurt people hurt people".
@@kasia2750 Yepp. This sick behaviour of unloading your trauma on "all men" or "all women" is making the social fabric sick and perpetuates the endless cycle of trauma.
They've never considered that maybe the toxic behavior they encountered before was because that man had the misfortune of dating somebody like them who twisted him. It's a two-way street. It's never been men only doing these behaviors. Women have been plenty manipulative for a long time. Men don't own bad behavior. It's circular.
Wow. Honestly social media is really doing so much damage to our social fabric. We don't need women copying toxic masculinity and flipping it round to "get what they want". The masters tools will not dismantle the master's house. Revenge may be sweet for a while, but it's not going to make your life better. Playing men in the dating game is just a short cut to being a bitter angry person on a merry go round of abusive relationships.
Makes you shake your head to watch people swing from one end of the pendulum to the other. No balance, just revenge.
Toxix femininity doesn't copy from toxic masculinity, it's its own thing, but both are rooted in chronic entitlement.
It's weird because even outside of a romantic space you'll look me in the eye and tell me you have never interacted with toxic "catty" women/girls. Or that they only start emotional manipulation after they learn from men during dating? It's just odd.
Cut the crap, this is not copied from men. It's the same empowered feminine behavior from the past just bigger.
I'm getting upset just hearing woman pretend like they haven't seen it, it's literally the only thing we see, feel, interact with everyday. We have been getting it IRL. You have been watching the Tik toks of it everyday. Next time you a Creator laughs at running their man over in a car, don't swipe, unsubscribe or u are all hypocrite.
I think this existed pre social media too (see the book “the game” or the recent “if books could kill” podcast episode about this). It’s just that social media has repackaged it and make the toxicity look glamorous.
This happened in my psychology class once where we were learning about. Caldinis six principles of persuasion and someone in the back basically said so you're teaching us how to manipulate people and I turned around and I said sort of the thing is if you know how manipulation works, you know how to avoid it. And that's what's most important about lessons like this. Not to propagate the manipulation but to identify and prevent it from getting out of hand.
THANK YOU. This bs has been all over my fyp no matter how many times I hit "not interested." I love the idea of reclaiming the divine feminine, but I want to do that in a healthy, empowering way that welcomes people into my life without making them feel addicted and then in withdrawal from me. I lost an entire group of friends last year because they all subscribed to this dark feminine / dark empath / dark psychology bs and I didn't want that in my life.
Divine feminine? No no. You women wanted feminism, now you will be forced to be masculine.
What even is “the divine feminine” and “divine masculine”? I’ve read a lot about both and it seems like BS to be quite honest. Just societal gender expectations piled on top of each other
"I love the idea of reclaiming the divine feminine" so you alredy fall for it.
@@manumaster1990 okie dokie
"Love requires bravery; it demands that we show up, that we show our soft underbelly and hope that we don't get stabbed. And if we do, it requires us to dust ourselves off and go back onto the battlefield." Perfectly succint description of love, although not an easy thing to do.
As a guy who's been in a manipulative relationship, I'm able to identify those traits in others now that it's over and avoid those people. I also had the benefit of being raised in a way that taught me how to say enough is enough. But there are a lot of men out there who are starved for affection who just take what they can get and are really vulnerable to these types of manipulation tactics. All I'll say is, men AND women, meet them halfway. If they don't put in the same effort then LET EM GO. If it doesn't feel good but rather like a deep LONGING feeling when in their presence then that's a big red flag to heed.
@homosexualeffeminatebiomale3 What? Humans are pack animals. We need community and affection. There's a difference between being starved of affection and dependent on someone to function and fostering healthy and loving relationships to create happy humans. Dependency is not an illness if it's secure and healthy.
@homosexualeffeminatebiomale3
Seek therapy
@@rebornvenusI think its a bot im sorry but the profile andrw trolling
@@rebornvenus We do not need community and affection. We can live our whole lives as asocial hermits without dying.
yes you do stop denying it this is why you mentally ill HAHAHAHAHA@@AbandonedVoid
Regardless of gender, the secret to beating this "red pill" stuff is self respect. This stuff only work on people who aren't in a place to casually walk away from someone behaving in a way they aren't comfortable with. It's true what they say: you gotta love yourself before you're ready to love anyone else.
As a guy who got heavily manipulated in a relationship it was by far the most traumatic experience id ever gone through and ive been through some nasty stuff, i felt like I could never voice my opinion in fear of being yelled at in closed doors, there were many times where i always felt like i was the cause of the problem so id constantly apologize over the smallest things whether me wanting to hang out with friends or simply talking over her by accident and sometimes my apologies weren’t good enough for her and she’d tell me i needed to make it up to her but would never tell me how i could do that. I remember how easy argument could be started at the drop of a hat and how she’d say stuff like “i never really loved you” or “I should’ve stayed with my ex” then one day she just sends me a break up text and blocks me on everything thankfully i got with my new girlfriend and she’s probably the best thing to ever happen to me, but sometimes i still get scared she may yell and throw insults at me but she always reassures me she won’t it took awhile but i think im finally doing better i was in a really bad spot and i feel like i didn’t have much respect for myself so it makes me feel good to know im getting better.
Imagine looking at the beautiful, awe-inspiring world and the complexity of human relationships through the totalizing lens of power. It’s wild how people who view the world through that lens don’t recognize it’s a manifestation of their own trauma and insecurity.
It’s part of the trauma I assume. Well said
Ding ding!! Right on the money.
See "definition of Donald Trump"
Often the seeds to looking at the world through the lens of power comes from parents saying things like, "because I said so", which translates, "I don't have to explain myself, I'm in the position of power".
It's always blown my mind that a parent might spank a child as punishment for the child hitting one of their siblings in response to the sibling doing something the child didn't like. So you're going to teach them not to hit someone as punishment for doing something wrong, but hitting them for doing it, because that was wrong of them to do? You're not teaching that violence isn't the answer to a conflict, you're just teaching that might makes right. You can do it because you're bigger and are in a position of self appointed authority. Don't be shocked when they echo that same sense of mortality into the whole as they grow up.
Brilliant comment. You are so right.
I've been noticing this trend for a while now. It's basically the Prisoner's Dilemma applied to love lives. Hurt, scared, lonely people (men and women) who are not getting their emotional needs met see the tactics used by others and start employing those same tactics or worse themselves as a way to protect their own self worth and avoid the pain associated with being abused. It's an arms race of sorts where everyone loses eventually.
It really is incredible how frequently one can see the Prisoner's Dilemma in American society. It's almost as if the people of this country just have an aversion to cooperation, collective solutions to common problems, and to win-win scenarios.
We've been raised in a capitalist hellscape where we've been taught it's not possible for everyone to win
Really well said
sounds like capitalism
We don’t have a natural aversion to all of that. We’ve been brainwashed in to NOT valuing those things. Big difference
My guess is many of them were already toxic. They didn't need somebody else to make them that way.
Just when you realize they have been manipulating you all this time …
This is by far one of my favorite videos you’ve made. Thank you for all your work on this!
I'm on a break from dating that might last forever. I'm working on allowing myself to feel safe when I don't have anyone interested in me and don't have any of the drama of "are they right for me?"! I'm bored, a little lonely, and admittedly a little uncomfortable in this unfamiliar peace. But, since the thought of getting back into the sick and twisted dating game makes me want to throw up, I'm gonna chill here in my solo era for a while. I don't want to give up on love but here I am
It's a jungle, but there are good people. The best thing we can do is to grow in self awareness, and work on healthy boundaries. I hope you find someone who is likewise focused on growth and kindness
I feel you, I don't plan on dating anyone for a very long time because it seems most people are superficial and don't want any kind of "meaningful" relationship
Yeah, same. I don't feel like I will ever be able to trust people of opposite sex and tbh I feel exhausted by forcing myself into that trust. Dating nowadays is like swimming in the pool with sharks and I can't even swim 😄
BS. Men are simple, psycho manipulatives behaviour mostly come from women...
I love Anna's insightful advice. Female friendships can be mutually rewarding, but they can also be very manipulative and one sided.
Anna inspires me.. My parents said if i get 40K followers They'd buy me a professional camera for recording..begging u guys , literally
Begging...
This goes for any friendship, male or female. It depends on the person you're friends with.
Just female friendship? Are women the only gender who are manipulative?.
@@frannydent9044no BS in bros friendship
@@frannydent9044the opposite is true
Thanks for calling this out Anna!
Anna!! This is really one of the best videos you’ve made so far! So mature and honest. Thank you!
I was best friends with a girl who did this to me for years, and then when I did not make her my “number one priority” she would accuse me of not caring about her and being a terrible friend. Eventually I’d had enough and I told her I didn’t want to be friends with her anymore, but ever since, I have had intense anxiety in romantic and platonic relationships, waiting for the explosion of what I’ve done wrong when things have been going well for too long. In my current relationship, it actually caused problems because I would start expecting my partner to ghost me or get angry with me for something I couldn’t foresee, and when that didn’t happen, I felt this constant anxiety that I was waiting for it to happen because it was inevitable. But I didn’t know how to express this to my partner, so it usually just ended in me crying daily and them not being able to understand what was upsetting me. Luckily my partner is wonderful and stuck through with me and I recently explained all this to them and they understood, but being in any kind of relationship with a manipulative person leaves lasting scars and can affect the way you view yourself in relationships for years to come, even if you’re no longer in contact with that person.
💙
What's your advice for getting over someone who manipulated and abused you?
@@BREAKOUT444 In all honesty? Therapy. Being abused and manipulated is something really bad and takes a deep toll on you and you deserve specialized attention and guidance of someone that can help you heal those wounds. I'm sorry you had to something like that but there's hope for you
Right on the money
@@AngelMonic Thank you so much! That really means a lot. I feel so lost right now... Topsy turvy.
Glad some people out there care ❤️
Thank you for speaking up on this. If anybody wants to call you a pick me for being a compassionate human, I will fight them. The internet is fueling really unhealthy trends.
Girls dont even talk to me, none of this will ever work on me
thank you daddy squarespace!!
I am of the belief that if somebody truly likes you, there’s no need for manipulation tactics. Those tactics can lead to a relationship built on a foundation of lies making said foundation unstable
Thank you Anna, I've been heartbroken really bad lately and all these TikTok tactics were hurting me even more, I really needed this and I didn't even know. Thank you.
Pretending to be someone you’re not has never helped anyone get into a healthy and long lasting relationship. If you’re using manipulation to get him to like you- are you going to continue this into your relationship? If he doesn’t like you for who you are HE IS NOT FOR YOU. I will admit I got sucked into this trap for years starting 2014 ish and it ended up doing more harm than good. Once I became honest and vulnerable I got into my first ever happy relationship. It’s awful to see it all over tik tol now
my algorithm finally brought you back! aaah yaaay Anna Akana!
"[Love] demands that we show our soft underbelly and hope that we don't get stabbed." That is SO spot on! You always have the best content Anna 👏🏻👏🏻
By playing these games, you push away the person that is meant for you. The people who give advice on how to be manipulative are looking through the lense of short term relationships. Quick dopamine hits at the expense of others. They are usually the big losers in the end.
No, you push away the people who were going to hurt you in the first place. If you think about it, being aggressive towards the type of people who tell women to smile is a good way to filter those kinds of people out. Better to be alone and seem like you have impossibly high standards than let people endlessly take advantage of you. Decent people won't take the fact that I am in a low mood and struggling because life is hard personally. Decent people will understand that I'm struggling. And the reality is that women are struggling.
@@user-ex8ki3sz6i someone who is confident and true to themselves know they have the choice to discontinue a relationship at any time if the other person is being a jerk. Manipulation isn't needed to do that.
By being fake and manipulative, you keep away everyone, including genuinely good people. The ones who are still around can sense you're playing around with them and will cycle that manipulative energy back to you.
@@user-ex8ki3sz6i The world does not owe you anything!
im so glad someone is talking about this, its been bothering me for quite a while
Thank you for your intellectual honesty/consistency. Too many people lack that.
I’m currently in a relationship where me and my partner are very open with each other. We’ve both been in unhealthy relationships in the past and one of the big things when we first met was no games. Don’t play games with each other and just be honest. Whenever I see videos about manipulation, it just makes me sad. Why would you wanna play mind games with someone you love? Or someone you’re starting a relationship with?
Because if you don't play mind games they will cheat and disrespect you. Female hypergamy have to be tricked because women can't behave nowadays.
SHE IS HEALING US. i am so sick of this dark psychology feminine mystique- it’s so cringe and unhelpful ❤
I've been watching you for years and you're still helping me be a functioning human being. Love you Anna
You’re the only person I enjoy watching ads from Anna. The reason is because it’s always SquareSpace and I love that about your channel. I’ve had fun watching your content over the years as you think of creative ways to re-market that brand. I just think it’s super cool that it’s kind of like your thing now 😊🙌
This also happens in groups of people who want to pretend they have some form of status and that you have to be "after them", as they are trying to create constant FOMO, so that you "earn" your place among them. The thing is that idk what exactly they can offer but a constant need to prove to them that you're "worthy"
I think the common theme in these toxic relationship tactic is that, they think "if they're ever serious in a relationship, they will lose"
Yes, but love is stronger than hate. Love will always win. It just takes courage.
Man watchinh Anna is so nostalgic for me. Love this
Anna, you're being a real angel showing truth and wisdom to the crowds of confused and deceived people. You're a lightworker when you do stuff like this. I'm so glad you're here.
Anna is big sister energy
And you know about her own, right? :(
@@michaelrmurphy2734 :(
@@luxceleste Very sad. But she seems to have come through that. Anna seems so chill now.
It's good that you're talking about this, I really hope society doesn't trend toward manipulative and cold but rather honest and connected. I think a large part of what shapes ideologies is in what content people are exposed to, so I'm glad you're putting a drop in the positivity bucket.
Here we go Anna 🎉❤
thank you for addressing this
As a guy I struggle with our own version of this problem in the "red pill" and "manoshpere" community.
On the one hand there are a lot of good messages that some guys need to hear like having self respect, never putting a women on a pedestal, work on your own self improvement, ect or having a place for men to talk about male issues. I also like Robert Green books for self defense and guiding your way threw the world of business and politics.
Where I start breaking away from that stuff is that there are some male "gurus" types out there who you can tell have a lot of resentment against the opposite sex and have a lot bad messages like using gaslighting techniques.
So its interesting for me seeing women struggle with their own version of this.
When people are vulnerable and in need of genuine help there is always a con artist around the corner ready to exploit them.
Yes!!! Same people, different font. Both red pill and feminists give a perplexing blend of terrible and good advice.
I think the biggest difference between a man's and a woman's aspects to dating is that men don't need to like, feel comfortable or trust a woman to want to have sex with her.
Men start from physical attraction, and liking the other person or trusting them are way down the line, while women have to start from feeling safe and appriciated. Ofc if you are ugly she won't want you, but if you are unattractive as a woman, you are literally invisible to men. We men don't want to hang out with unattractive women one-on-one.
Later on, physical attraction, trust, safety and actually liking the other person are all needed, so the differences even out, but it's really the begining part that's tricky.
I guess that's why men get so frustrated about the whole friendzone thing; attraction is step zero for us, but it's not for women, so we get all confused about why she keeps you around if she is not attracted to you.
@@greyrock9747 what it has to do with feminism??? You all throw word "feminism" left and right nowadays without any knowledge of its meaning.
@@B1gLupu not all men are frustrated by friendzone and not all men even use this word. Many men use normal word "friendship" and don't expect sex in return. And many men also require longer time and emotional connection to feel attraction or to develop romantic feelings. I noticed that the main difference between those two groups is high standards and actual human decency.
Me and my friends always steer clear of these clips and tiktok bs but now seeing the compiled up like this (as an example for the vid) makes me wrench in horror that humans are already so manipulative and digusting - and now they're spreading them through the internet like wildfire
Thank you for providing information and guidance to a generation that's so exposed to misleading "advice" day by day❤
I'm so glad you are talking about this. It's becoming extremely worrying and pervasive on tiktok and it will make some people very very miserable
I've experienced these at different points in my life. The first time, it wrecked me badly, and to be honest, I tried to reproduce it but to do it, you have to disregard feelings (yours and others) ultimately, and I couldn't allow myself to be that. Since then, I have had zero tolerance towards these kinds of behavior because it shows a shallow level of empathy and an abusive mentality, which cannot be part of a healthy relationship.
Mannnn this is sooooo cool!!! Well articulated and addressed. “Genuinely showing up” is so attractive!
Great stuff Anna. Thanks for raising this.
This is the best, most honest and open episode so far.
Thank you, Anna. 😊
Count on Anna Akana to always call out toxic trends. I remember getting a lot of this kind of content on my page when I was exactly where you said, desperately searching for real love. And when I found it, it wasn't through mind games. Though I think we can all acknowledge that to a degree, someone who is superrrrr easily available isn't as attractive, placing arbitrary rules around when to reply and when to commit etc will have you only ever thinking about the game, and missing out on love in the process!
Thanks for tackling this topic Anna, brilliant as usual !
Thank you for raising awareness of this.
Right there with you! Here for this message 👏👏👏
Only issue I have is the notion that this is “new” or “on the rise”. It’s been a thing for hundreds of years. Even my great grandma told me how HER grandma used to do this. That’s 200 years right there.
@@boligenic8118 yeah romantic love only existed in the past 200 ish years. At least the notion of marrying for love. Shocking as it is. It’s a construct of modern fiction writers.
As always: thank you for spreading awareness ♥♥
You're my new favorite channel.
That monologue about love and vulnerability at the end was great and really resonated with me.
Thanks.
One of the best creators on TH-cam hands down! Everything she says makes me want to listen more.
i love you for this, you deserve the best in life
Doing gods work on this one
Thank you for someone finally speaking up on this
I'm really happy that you're talking about this problem of rebranding manipulation as personal empowerment. It's definitely one that I've noticed and personally really hate for the reasons that you mentioned as well as the ways that it feeds into the patriarchy
I feel like your videos get better and better 🥰
The *really* messed up part is this "advice" has been in women's magazines for decades, it's just tiktok has revealed this toxic behaviour to both men and women, not a select group of women
Anna is so informing. Even in my old age I have learned things from her.
Thank you, Anna, for brightening the day of many.
Ooooooooh, THAT'S WHY I didn't like all these dark-fem-manipulation videos😮 I felt, like there is something wrong with them, but I couldn't word it properly, thank you for helping me with that 👍👍
Thank you for this Anna ❤ my previous relationship with an avoidant has made me very wary and protective of myself to the point I wasn't showing up in my true, authentic self 😢
Wow! Heavy stuff!!
Guys if any of you here have read the book "Attached" by Amir Levin and his colleague (i don't remember her name), they actually said something very interesting about popular dating advice . They believe that if you play games (especially if you're someone with anxious attachment style) you are betraying yourself cause this sort of behaviours make you more accessible to Narsissistic, avoidant and manipulative partners. Be truthful both to yourself and your date and stop playing games in order to heal your ego wounds and instead go to therapy. Some trends are really toxic. You don't need to act crappy to prove your worth to an avoidant partner.
I've learned more from this channel than from multiple psychology courses.
Thanks Anna, I really needed to hear this!
Mature and insightful Anna. Good talk.
Individualism is the highest ideal in modern society, which leaves little room for relationships. What can I get out of you? That is the base question most people dating ask themselves. We've deconstructed relationship norms without replacing them with anything, leading to a vacuum, that's being filled by emotional manipulation, so the individual can extract what they want from the other. Relationships have become a competition, rather than a cooperation.
Write a book please. You have a way with words.
@@LA-cm9uo Nobody ever told me that before, thank you! I'll consider it 😀
As someone in her 60’s I see this as such a big step backwards for feminism. I think some of these Tik Tokers confuse empowerment w/entitlement.
Feminism is what got us in this mess. Enjoy the decline.
Thank you Anna. You may not understand this but your channel and your videos, this one specifically, are resonating deeply with me and I feel heard with you. Thank you for your words, i love the way you articulate your ideas. Plus your face is very pleasant to look at, and the home decord is symply gorgeous! Thank you again.
Thank you Anna. You are a light in todays world
Love demands courage, honesty, patience, and compassion. It’s about not letting your emotional wounds hardening into scar tissues, but to keep softening again and again, with the trust that someone is out there who can hold your heart with the same gentleness as you hold theirs 6:31
Who wrote this? Isn’t the writer strike is on? 🤣🤣🤣
Could be chat gpt 😂
Don't underestimate Ana's eloquence
Preach 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
You’re forever my comfort TH-camr
It’s good that you are exposing this. How do these people expect to suddenly make the jump from desire to actual boots on the ground love.
I feel like the dating world is just getting more and more toxic. Read a story about how this guys wife survived cervical cancer when they caught it early. After that she the wanted to get a “hall pass” and immediately started the conversation with gaslighting the guy by saying if he didn’t agree he was insecure and was a toxic male. Using the cancer as a excuse to do whatever she wanted regardless of her partners wishes. When then husband said he would think about it she told him she was just going to do it anyway and not tell him anything. It’s stuff like this that just turn me off from dating and wanting to deal with people in general.
That was recent and it was legit tragic. Like how you gonna gaslight him and say he's toxic he isn't like "I'm sick let me sleep with your bestie real quick". It's goofy they say the very thing they wouldn't approve of their partner going.