One of my female friends straight up told me "You're wearing so much makeup". I simply responded "Ok". And she said "I mean, reaally a LOT of makeup. TOO much makeup. I don't like it". And I responded "Then don't wear it."
I feel like I've reached this point in my life, too. Where if guys or girls or coworkers or literally anyone comments on my makeup, I kind of laugh at them for thinking they have a right to comment at all.
I have another shame-point to add. Let me know if anyone else thought of this. The shame of actually being good at doing makeup, and spending time doing it. I always see "it girls" (whom I love by the way) Alexa chung, Jeanne damas ect. Being sort of casual about not knowing how to do makeup, even though they've spend a good portion of their lives in a makeup chair. It's like being a woman who knows about beauty is shameful. Like beauty should only come to us naturally. My Bf is always wondering why I do my skincare every morning and night, and says I don't need it, but honestly I would look a whole lot worse if I didn't, he just haven't seen me like that XD There is a stereotype about liking seemingly superficial things like makeup and beauty. Let me know if anyone else feels this way?
I agree. I am the only one in my friend group who wears a full face on a regular basis. I get comments on how much time it must take me, how much money I have “wasted” how they could never be bothered 😕 but I also get comments on how smart I look and how put together I am and how they wish they could do make up properly. I can’t win!
Yeah that's the fallacy of patriarchy. Women are not the owners of beauty...we're only the stewards. Women are expected to perform feminine beauty for the entertainment of the male gaze. And because of capitalism, women are expected to be in constant competition to be "the best"
that's why I prefer the word glamour. Like Dita von Teese says, glamour is entirely manufactured and made, you are not born glamourous, you can turn yourself into a glamourous person if you want that. The whole idea of innate natural beauty is so weird... I read a study a while ago. the make-up men preferred on women in that study was a "natural look". Turned out they didn't realize these women were wearing make-up at all. They didn't rate the same women attractive in heavy make-up nor in zero make-up. It kinda blew my mind.
I hate to add the envy card but sometimes i feel this oh i couldn t be bothered as a defensive thing. In a way the society puts a premium on polish and those who for some reason or another don t go the full polish look feel the need to defend themselves. Like how i say well i can t be bothered to have a personal traininer and a nutritionist .
I’m premed in college and work as a nursing assistant . In both settings, I’m shamed for wearing makeup as it makes me seem “high maintenance” and the process of applying makeup is “a time waster”. When I don’t wear makeup, people comment on my bad skin and tell me how tired I look. Which one is it Deborah ? 🙄
It upsets me even more when a man says it... I know i shouldnt judge myself based upon male's standards but it's a mindset that i can't break free from.
It's your time, and you can "waste" it however you want. That argument can also be used for a lot of things, gardening, reading a book, cooking... you can always compare "little" things like that to important things like saving a live or whatever. But what's the point in that? You like it and it's no ones business to tell you what you can or can't do in your free time.
I once said to a colleague “I love make up, I think I’ll wear it every day forever” and he replied “well that’s a confidence thing isn’t it?” I was embarrassed by his comment. That he thinks I’m not confident in myself. I am. I just love makeup!
It's interesting that you positioned the shame of not knowing how to use makeup and the shame of having too much makeup as opposites, because I find that I'm constantly struggling with both. It's the double whammy of "oh god look at how much stuff I own...I don't even know how to use it properly, skillfully, artistically." The shame over how much I own is compounded by shame of not being as skilled as the most creative or talented or artistic folks on YT and Instagram because "how dare I even own this much makeup if I'm not going be incredibly good at it 😠" - does that make sense? Also, what you said about the pressure of minimalism - BIG YES! I used to be in a vicious Buying-Severely Decluttering Things I Actually Like to Achieve the Minimalist Aesthetic™️-Rebuying cycle. Lastly, Sadie 🥺🥺🥺 Hope you're doing well in Northern California! 💛💛
Strangely, I even feel shame about knowing how to use it well sometimes 🤯 I’ve done makeup on my friends and talked about it with them when they ask for tips, and they’re like, “how do you know all this?” And I feel embarrassed to admit that makeup related content has been the main type of entertainment I’ve consumed for about 10 years now
I've definitely felt both of these shames but I feel shame of my knowledge more. The day before one of my sister's wedding I was heeling my other sister get ready because she doesn't wear makeup and when I pulled out 5 red lipsticks and asked her I'd she wanted a bright red, a warm red or more of a pink red she looked at all of them and had no idea what I meant. I suddenly felt like some sort of Mirada Presly imposter talking about cerulean blue.
@@meepmoopmeep1 I strongly identify with this. I feel self conscious around my friends who don't really wear makeup or wear for utilitarian reasons. I think my friends and acquaintances view me as bookish, intellectual, feminist etc, so it's surprising to them that I engage in a hobby that is seen as frivolous, vain, and a tool of the patriarchy. I feel ashamed to admit that I spend so much time watching beauty content instead of...i don't know...reading poetry which is what my friend think I do in my spare time.
This video is very very interesting and so are the comments. Being a feminist, working in a scientific field, I often feel ashamed of my obsession with make up, I feel like it makes me superficial and frivolous. I fear that if I wear too much make up in professionnal settings I wont be taken seriously. I also feel ashamed of my makeup collection and my desire to buy more because it's very bad for the environment.
This hits hard. I find I must wear enough makeup to look presentable but not so much that my femininity dare undermine my intelligence. I'm grateful to now be around male coworkers and advisors that dont seem to care, but it's not the norm
I used to feel that way, but honestly I've found it less problematic to just stick with neutral tones at work and not care if anybody wants to say or think anything. The people that work with me regularly know I'm good at what I do, and the people that only work with me once or twice learn very quickly that if they underestimate me on the basis of having my nails painted or having a perfect cateye, they're going to be proven wrong by a small girl wearing lipgloss and a hardhat. I had a long time where I felt like I had to prove that I was too serious for makeup, but I've found (like Hannah mentions here) that people take me and the medium- to high-level women in my field much less seriously if we aren't wearing ANY makeup at all.
Hard agree. This reminds me of what has jokingly been referred to ‘Schrödinger’s Attractiveness’ where a woman should be beautiful but she should neither be aware of how beautiful she is, nor have put effort into it. If she does either she is no longer considered beautiful. See One Direction’s ‘What makes you beautiful’ for this bizarre concept in action
The makeup collection shame hit me hard. I once took a box of makeup I was decluttering to a girls night with my closest friends, and one of them asked the question I had been dreading: “Wow, if this is what you’re getting rid of, how much do you have at home?” I have a very large makeup collection for someone who is not employed in the beauty industry or community in any way. I love my collection. I am not one who impulse buys items often. I have done Boxycharm for years and it’s a subscription I truly enjoy. I am good at finding high end products at Marshall’s and TJMaxX (or I was before the pandemic). Your videos have given me great tools to consider my purchases, making sure I’m buying because I want an item, not because I want to want something. I don’t feel personal shame about my collection. But I don’t know how to explain it to others. Or rather, I don’t want to have to explain it. No one asks my friends who love running why they run so much. I also love to cook, and no one asks me why I own so many cookbooks. Makeup incurs a particular kind of judgment, and it can be hard not to internalize that judgment. It can be hard not to feel like I should have less, like it is some sort of moral failing that I am not more of a minimalist. But I’m not. I never have been. I budget, I consider my purchases thoughtfully, and makeup has been a passion since I was a child. I just constantly have to remind myself of this in a society that wants me to feel shame for enjoying makeup, rather than wearing it only out of a sense of obligation to look pleasing to others.
I love how you're pointing out that shame so often has to do only with the eyes of others. It's tough when you don't feel ashamed of yourself on your own terms, but you know that you can be made to feel that shame by seeing your valid choices characterized as bad choices through someone else's eyes.
So true with how makeup gets such a specific kind of judgement. Like you said, no one asks me why I have so many cooking supplies. No one asks me why I have so many art supplies, which to me is funny because makeup is just another type of art supply. And none even asks me why I have so many sewing supplies, which I find interesting since it feels like sewing is culturally seen as another hobby which is just as deeply intertwined with "femininity" and "woman/girl hood", that you might think would get similar reactions.
I think it’s partially judgey for your friends to balk at your collection, but also partially the inability to relate. Makeup seems like it’s everywhere but it is a lot more of an obscure thing than you’d think. Where I live I’d even guess that more people have tattoos than wear makeup. I hardly know anyone who wears makeup, and everything I’ve seen on Hannah’s channel is 100% foreign to me. I’ve never owned an eyeshadow palette and didn’t even know what it was ;) In comparison, almost everyone has ran, if you went to a school you probably had to run in gym class at the very least. We had art classes but we didn’t have makeup classes. Most every kitchen has a spatula and cutting board, but not every house has someone who wears makeup. I just looked it up and only 18% of women wear make up almost everyday, with 28% wearing make up half of the time. Which is 9% and 14% of the population. For comparison 15% of the population runs regularly and 32% of adults walk with an occasional run. Not to be a know it all 😬 I can just relate to not getting make up at all.
i am reading a book by Anuschka Rees on body neutrality right now. It is written from a cultural and psychological standpoint and really enlightening, totally recommend reading it. I am learning a lot, but the big lesson right now is to recognize when I make fear-based decisions (buying things labelled as anti-aging, anti-blemish, anti-pore-visibility in my case) vs. when I make joy/pleasure/curiosity-based decisions (in my case: I wonder what glitter in my eyebrows will look like? or lipstick as cream blush? How will i feel wearing smokey eyes to the park?). The fear-based decisions are almost always rooted in some kind of shame or anxiety for me. thank you for mentioning the weird shame/shaming that comes from the whole minimalist curation hype online... I have learned that I love variety and I don't need my bathroom/make-up "collecton"(ugh) to look good/curated/zen on the 'gram. But that took me years!
Wow what a good point! I have experienced the fear based spending with certain limited edition products that I wasn't sure about, and then bought it in case it sells out. I usually get some buyers remorse for those products as opposed to the ones I genuinely bought out of wanting to try or knowing that its up my alley
Thanks for the book recommendation! I’m intrigued. Yes, completely agree. I especially am gripped by the FOMO when I visit other countries, and want to get my hands on products I can’t find back home. The novelty of it and not being able to access them otherwise, causes me to descent into a grab it all. Which quite frankly has no rationality, I often end up gifting them away or not using them at all. The joy of discovering a new technique, etc I’ve found to last considerably longer.
@@priyankamohantyms3870 I'm the same when I am in a different country. I am actually happy that we now have Sephora in Germany - it takes the mistery away, and there is no rush. And the dirty testers really help to kill the magic. But Spanish drugstores and pharmacies... oh man.
I have been a silent follower of you but I have to say that the way in which you articulate your thoughts (and ours) in such a unique way is my favorite to watch. Thank you for the thought-provoking insights on these topics.
One Im slightly suprised to not see referenced more in the comments is weight and makeup. When I was super uncomfortable in my skin, makeup fit me regardless of my size. I didnt want to buy clothes that were bigger again, but giltter will distract people from my hips. I think Whitney Hendrics said 'makeup fits me regardless of size' along the lines of it doesnt judge me. I totally bought into the latest and greatest was somehow going to make my body better. Negate actually eating right and walking. I have a much better relationship with my own body now. I love makeup playtime at home and tend to wear my grandest looks for just myself!
Whenever I am at university, and decide to play with makeup, I have friends or group members say "wow, you are so overdressed for uni" or "wow that's a lot of makeup". It makes me feel so insecure, so I usually make up some story that "I'm going out for drinks after" or something like that. I'm not sure whether it is because I'm studying engineering? Has anyone else dealt with this? Thank you Hannah for this video, I have never really vocalized my own shame relating to makeup, and this has definitely started an internal monologue!
In university I feel same about make up eventough nobody say anything about it. Sometimes I feel like I dont fit in because of my " overdone" makeup. Because some people assume that successful women engineers dont care about their looks and I can't really overlook about people thinking that I am not good at what I am doing because of my makeup.
@@fatmacalik6037 your English is amazing! Thank you so much for your reply, it is comforting to know I am not alone :) I totally agree with your point that people assume that because I am studying engineering, I can't also like fashion or makeup. That me liking makeup and doing my makeup, makes me less smart or less able to complete math or analysis. Which is ridiculous! Thank you again for your lovely reply
as a women in STEM at my university, I completely agree with your sentiment and have had very similar experiences! I think a lot of it has to do with the masculinization of our culture. being a women in STEM is often viewed as "being able to do what a man traditionally does," and with that often comes expectation of behaving in a traditionally "masculine" way in order to fit that role. having a "tough" attitude, not wearing making, etc... are seen as being part of that field. it's as though we are required to "be one of the guys" rather than embracing what is more traditionally "feminine" about ourselves, which is especially ridiculous given that these gender-based constructs are simply made up and shouldn't be defining anyone's position or understanding of themselves
@@cristinab5615 Thank you so much for your insightful reply. I think you are absolutely correct in your thinking, and I have always wondered why I've had these unconscious feelings/misgivings about wearing makeup and nice clothes to uni. After reading your comment, it has become clear to me that I had been ignoring the huge gender issue in our field. I think I ignored the fact that I was one of the only girls in my class/company/team, and how it had affected my behavior in those situations, as a coping mechanism. I just want you to know that your comment has really helped me to, 1. feel not alone, 2. feel not as crazy for feeling this way and 3. have a deeper understanding of the greater issues at hand :) Thank you!
Overdressed on my face is exactly what I've felt more than once but then I realized that at the next party/event many girls tried to imitate my look. It makes me happy
The thing with makeup spending is that you don't go to the store and buy one of each toothpaste they carry or one pair of every underwear available. Yet with makeup, constantly buying more than you can use up in your lifetime is normalized. It's perishable goods that doesn't retain it's value, but there's a specific kind of hyper consumerism to it.
The other one I can think of is shame of consuming makeup oriented media or spending a lot of time on TH-cam which is seen as a superficial past time alongside a live of makeup.. the shame that comes with the question why aren’t I consuming other more “intellectually stimulating” forms of media.
I think this is very true, within my academic feminist cycle of friends my consumption of beauty tube is always something that I feel the need to justify with "oh, but it's so interesting from an capitalism criticism point of view " (or something similar.) As if all beauty related things are superficial and even if, something similarly superficial would not be as shameridden if it belonged into the perceived "wold of men".
I feel this, and I also suspect that literally everyone consumes some kind of "light" media. Like, do these judgy friends not watch any reality television? Or half-hour comedies? I personally like makeup youtube because it often feels MORE enriching and "real" than a lot of highly produced TV.
@@HannahLouisePoston i spoke about this with my boyfriend and he feels the same shame about video games-related content. So sad that we are made to feel this way about what we love.
This captured my feelings into such eloquent thoughts - related to all of this! I grew up in a family where makeup wasn't a focus and also work in a STEM field which means my expression of creativity through makeup often feels shameful. However also not wearing it feels "not professional". It tugs in so many ways - I want to be able to like makeup and be creative with it, but also enjoy not wearing it! I think it all comes down to that dichotomy of damned if we do, damned if we don't - you have to be both things at once. Love the way you express things and just enjoyed this video so much :)
Possibly interesting side note on the question of defining shame: the Ancient Greek word most often translated as shame is aidos. It's more positive than the English word though, so it sometimes has to be translated as "modesty" or something. Basically it means an internal understanding of society's expectations for you, with the assumption that everyone should be living up to society's expectations (people will probably be happy to know that this assumption is embedded in the word, but the idea itself is questioned from the get-go, Hector in the Iliad dies because of following his aidos, which is part of the Iliad's overall questioning of the concepts of honor and morality). The word "shame" is not the same as aidos, but its meaning was impacted by people's awareness of the idea of aidos, and I think it carries that same concept of measuring yourself up against social expectations. We're ashamed of things not because they're wrong, per se, but because they do not match what we believe the social expectation is for them. Which has unfortunate implications for the thing you talked about where we often feel ashamed of our faces both with and without makeup; I'd say it's not to do with the makeup, then, it's that women's faces inherently do not match up to the social expectation for faces. Notionally there's a perfect female face that people could be born with, but part of the problem is also that the default, socially expected face is a male one.
yes to everything! especially the last bit about the industry. "they" want you to feel bad about yourself. it's advertising 101 and goes all the way back to the beginning of industry (i think soap was one of the first products to be advertised and it often made people aware that they might smell bad). and sure, now we also have advertising with different motivators, but the shaming one has not disappeared, obviously. as a naturally angry person, my defense against this tactic is to get mad. like, i see what they're doing and i am not, out of pure spite, going to fall for that trap. also, the damned if you do, damned if you don't conundrum is closely tied to just being a girl/woman in general. we can't do anything right because of society's expectations in many realms, not just makeup. the "no makeup makeup" look is made precisely for those environments in which women feel expected to be made up, but to not look made up. but! if someone, a man specifically, finds out she was faking this natural look, he might become angry and accuse her of trying to deceive people.
I work in tech so the shame of wearing makeup is common for me. My coworkers rarely say anything , it’s me who judges myself, because I’m often the only one wearing eyeshadow (and lots of blush) in the room... I’m working on that ;)
BEAUTIFUL ANALYSIS, THANK YOU 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 It brought up some memories 😇 When I was studying in Paris (Law at the Sorbonne) I started organizing Parties (as side hustle for the money, a way to continue to dance and listen to music I’d like to hear and make new friends in a city I was foreign to). Up until that point I was CONSTANTLY feeling the shame of being over or underdone... The day that you are the host you just go as far or few as you wish (sometimes more makeup and hair to dress up an else wise middle range outfit / sometimes less to leave space for your outfit to shine / ...). On top you don’t really have the time to get self conscious anyways 😁 As an Attorney in Law I also had to comply to wear a certain type of makeup which I find pretty boring and even got pulled aside for a dark green eyeliner. I was shook, I chose a color that I was sure that nobody would notice not being brown or black... I even made my line extra thin 🤣😂 Now that I have my own office I do as I please 😇 But the good old party days makeup is something I miss dearly 🥰 I could wear bright neon eyeshadow to Court if I wanted to, but I know it could have negative effects on the outcome of the case depending on the judge... And I don’t risk it for my client’s sake... BUT ITS STUPID ✊🏻 Long story short: we need to throw a party and set the theme according to our makeup desires and then sweat it off while dancing.... like the native Americans once did 💓💓💓 LOTS OF LOVE FROM ISTANBUL ❤️❤️❤️
@@HannahLouisePoston I don't know anyone else who got it until today!!! Whenever I told that story my friends and family considered me to be 'to obsessed with makeup'.... THANK YOU SO MUCH
This is a discussion that we NEED SO MUCH. Of course it is not going to change our attitude towards ourselves right away, but recognizing these sometimes toxic behaviours is a step in the right direction. I am a really self-conscious person, I doubt almost everything I do daily, and I am so much more strict with and hard on myself when it comes to appearances than with other people. I mean, at times I realize I find other people who have more objective flaws beautiful, and then I find myself ugly for now looking magazine perfect. I have to be more lenient with myself. When it comes to shame, I certainly felt shame for spending and owning - which I am kind of okay with right now, as I made some changes in my consuming habits and I have more of a healthy relationship with beauty spending than I had 2-3 years ago (even though I still feel that society looks down on people spending on make-up, because that's supposedly superficial or pointless... but they give a pass to spending on other hobbies like buying video games or books that are just as pointless, if we think about it, especially when those hobbies could be done without spending, unlike beauty... or buying unique motorcycle or computer parts). I also have this ambivalent shame of 1) "overdoing" myself when it comes to makeup, 2) feeling that I look so ugly compared to some gorgeous ladies I work with if I do the same amount / style of makeup than they do (which is probably just in my head, but I still feel that way). It is a vicious cycle. But at the same time, I also ENJOY doing my makeup, putting on colors (more tertiary / murky, so we have something in common when it comes to the vibes)... but I sometimes question myself when I'm the only one at work or on the underground sporting, for example, a smokier eye, I question if it is appropriate. Which I believe should not be an issue, but with some people, it still is, like an unwritten etiquette rule. And I agree that, of course, when feeling shame or any other negative feeling, a really easy way out is shopping for nice things (but we could also mention other potentially disruptive habits like rhapsodic eating, drinking alcohol, stimulants, sex... or even overdoing healthy habits, like over-exercising, over-dieting). Another thing like this for me was over-eating, and also, putting too much pressure on myself to be and appear educated, artistic, well-read... it takes a lot of willpower to turn all this around, and I hope I am on the right track.
I feel shame being the only women at work who wears makeup, like people think I am shallow, or believe I lack confidence. But really it is just therepuetic for me to put it on and spend time taking care of myself in a way that I enjoy and that brings me pleasure. Then I feel shame that I care what they think! It is a constant grapple!
Gosh. This video makes me so wish we could be friends in real life - there would be so many fascinating and learning-facilitating conversations I feel we could have. Thanks for bringing these convos to TH-cam!
I soooo relate to your second point. In basically every circle I'm in, I'm the only one who really wears/enjoys/plays with makeup. I have a few friends who enjoy makeup but really not that many, and they are friends who aren't often physically close (we text/chat about it, send pics, or share stuff when we do see each other which is really fun). I've found that what helped me get over it (not that I have completely) is to lean into it more. Yes, I am the one who will show up to an event in sparkly neon blue eyeshadow because I love it and that is what people expect of me now/like about me. I am lucky though to have circles who, though they don't wear makeup, don't judge me for it (or don't seem to at least). They applaud my extraness and see it as a fun aspect of my personality. I'll often get compliments or friends saying they wish they were brave enough to wear stuff like that. Last time I went to a coffee shop party wearing blue eyeshadow and three different strangers came up to me to tell me how awesome my look was even though they weren't wearing particularly makeup-y looks. I think seeing it that way myself helps others see it that way too. Im not trying to excuse myself for it anymore, and I think that affects how people perceive it. I also think society has improved and is often less judgemental with these things. I notice it especially when I hang out with groups that are younger than me, they really don't seem to care which is amazing.
Damned if we do, damned if we don't. As a woman who opted entirely out of makeup while still in high school, I thought it was just a personal decision on how I feel best and most confident. I didn't expect so much shame, especially professionally and from family members and friends, from simply NOT doing anything with it, especially when it was an active choice I made that helped me feel great about myself. We really can't win!
This kind of thoughtful & insightful content is my absolute favorite! I read every comment because they were fascinating, vulnerable, & relatable. I've been thinking about this issue for days since I watched your video. I have used & been intrigued by cosmetics (makeup & skincare) since I was around 12 years old--the power of transformation, the aesthetics of beauty, an obsession with color, the perfection and promise of a new lipstick. Cosmetics have added such a fun and enriching layer to my life. As others have noted, since this has resonated with so many, a series would be fantastic--cosmetics & blank (joy, community, whatever topic appeals to you...). Thank you for starting this conversation!
This was such a great discussion! I’ve recently started to reevaluate why I wear make up. I’ve never worn a full face day to day but “enough” to hide the shame of my skin having the audacity to look like it has a few stories to tell after four decades of life. I’m tired of having to check my face to make sure things are staying put, tired of feeling like I’m “damned if I do, damned if I don’t “, and tired of trying to force my face into submission so it looks like some ideal I don’t even agree with. I don’t think anything of it when I see others without make up but when it comes to myself my inner perfectionist takes over and starts the shaming of everything “wrong” with me.
As always, nail on the head, Hannah. I am in clinical psychology, and the dictionary definition is much closer to guilt than shame. In mental health, the two are distinguished between feeling one’s whole being is wrong (i.e., shame) and feeling someone has done something wrong (I.e., guilt). Shame is so problematic because it feels inextricable from oneself, so you look for external things to undo the feeling but you are always running from the idea that underneath is wholly bad. Guilt is usually a bit more productive because there is a sense that you can do something about it. You’re not bad; you just did something bad.
YYYAAAAASSSSS!! More videos like this, it's so interesting. I'm just a few minutes in, but wanted to make a comment cause I LOVE this topic, and most people don't really talk about the deeper aspects of makeup etc. Totally agree with your interpretation of shame. At least from a psychological perspective, shame is exactly dealing with the aspect of existence, whereas guilt has to do with behavior.
I think the idea of ‘shamed if you do, shamed if you don’t’ is so very tired up in many, many aspects of marginalized identities. As you said, it’s a way to keep marginalized people exhausted from having to constantly think about and analyze their actions and feelings about the world around them. It keeps people quiet and it also keeps them buying to self-soothe.
Your way of thinking through topics is so fascinating. As always, great video! I have felt these kinds of shame many times. Being an introvert I often use being" overdressed on my face" as a kind of shield: it sometimes becomes my way of feeling like a different person, one that can easily come into a room and be as flamboyant and fun as my make up is. In academic settings it is really hard for me to look "face appropriate" for this reason: I want that confidence of feeling like I expressed my inner self, but, at the same time, I know for a fact that people are not going to respect my intelligence in the same way if I dont take it down like twenty notches from my normal glitter smokey eye. Also, I come from my family where absolutely noone wears make up , my mom doesnt even know what each thing is, but with time I found they have come to admire it as a skill, not just a frivolous thing I waste my precious time doing. What I am trying to say is that I think there are many evolutions and convolutions of these cycles of shame around beauty, self expression, acceptance and self-definition. At the end of the day it's all messy and sometimetimes difficult to navigate, but it's also a very rich beautiful jungle once you accept there are many facets to it: you see the shame, acknoledge it's there and can then move on to the rest of you explorations ;)
I love your comment Silvia! Especially the “rich, beautiful jungle” 😍 I’ve always done the same, being an introvert, I loving both creating the “mask” & wearing it. But yes, along with that comes all the “problems” of being full glam in inappropriate settings 🤣🤣 Oh well!! 💗💗💗
Love your explanation! I often would do intricate or heavier makeup in my younger years and would think of it as a shield, or sometimes as a character I was portraying. It helped with confidence. Nowadays its just for me and its nice to have gotten to the place where I don’t necessarily care what other people think of my makeup.
@@rebeccamercado6254 it's a process, and I hope I'm getting closer and closer to getting there! In most scenarios I am able to do what I feel is best for me, but academia in particular is a hard one because so much is at stake in other people's perception of me, so, while I am used to battling with the confidence/not caring thing in normal life, academic circles are places where I do struggle more to disentangle myself for now. But these kinds of reflections and seeing other people have gone through the same things certainly helps! ;)
this is a nice video, it's nice to hear a beauty youtuber who talks honestly about makeup buying being related to insecurity. while i also love the artistry of it, i also wear makeup out of "shame" about my own looks (you put it well -- makeup is both "enhancement" and "concealment") and the joy i get in buying new makeup is a mixture of liking the beautiful object + feeling like it's a temporary bandaid over the rest of the things in my life that i *can't* control; doing my makeup is one of the easiest/quickest ways to transform myself. a lot of beauty gurus talk about how makeup is just pure expression or whatever and not related to beauty standards, which i find to be a blatant lie since no one draws fake acne or unibrows on or contours their noses to look bigger, for example. i'm not "naturally" pretty enough to go makeup free at work, yet I still feel ashamed of how i wear it every day, like feeling guilty that i'm being vain...
Hannah, I think guilt and shame go hand in hand for these reasons too. I've been told to stop feeling guilty about things because who am I trying to impress? As long as I'm happy and healthy and I'm not hurting anyone then surely I shouldn't have guilt about my collection, my spending habits or how I present myself at work and socially. I love wearing makeup because it's my only source of creativity and skill when I'm sat in an office all day. It makes my day 100% better by experimenting with colours and textures first thing in the morning. I also feel guilty about how I dont dress as 'formal' as others in the office - but I work best when I'm comfortable. I still feel like I'm professional regardless and my manager is happy with how I present myself and my work. It's just who I am and I'm fed up of other people commenting and judging me. Thanks for your thoughts Hannah x
I find myself being ashamed of owning too much makeup and having the skills but not wearing it ever. In my culture it's not common to wear an eyeshadow look for example. So I see this pile of makeup that I love, I know how to do beautiful things with but never use. I feel ashamed and then promise to use it more but when I do I feel overdress and ashamed again
I can totally relate to this. There's a lot of shame in wearing makeup in my profession since it makes you look high maintenance. Also because most people in the field are men, as a woman you're better off trying to blend in. Also, I'm convinced that wearing heavier makeup makes these men think about you as a non-professional. I've even had people ask me out at work when I've had heavier makeup on... It's so frustrating that we have to limit ourselves because of this stuff.
@@tiiaplays9087 I feel the same way! Like if because of the way you look people underestimates you and the things you've accomplished (hope you can understand what I say, English it's not my first lenguage so I struggle a little)
I know this sounds odd but start wearing whatever crazy your feeling to the salon. I really learned to feel fine wearing "too much" makeup wearing a bright red lip or a multichrome smokey eye getting my hair cut/bleached/dyed. It is worth saying though that I have a pixie cut and am in a salon every 4 or 5 weeks, if you have long hair and only her it cut every 6 months this might be less helpful.
Hannah is like the angel that sits on your shoulder telling you to make better decisions in the most supportive way lol, she is the antidote to other beauty influencers PS As a young pharmacist I have suchhh makeup struggles with the need to appear "professional" with the "right" amount and types of makeup. Then looking in the mirror at the end of the day seeing the foundation break down/separate on oily skin is horrifying! the shame of having bad skin, the shame of getting laser resurfacing to fix my bad skin, the shame of having pigmentation issues due to laser resurfacing, the never ending cycle of shame....
I started getting into beauty youtube tutorials around the time I was prepping for my wedding. I went to various places to have my “makeup done” as a trial before the day... and I hated all of it. 2 weeks before my wedding, I sat down and watched at least a dozen Lisa Eldridge videos and finally came up with a look that to THIS DAY, I still love in photos. A year later, my baby brother died of cancer in his mid twenties. 2 weeks after he died, I wandered into Credo and swatched everything on my arm. I kept going back, watching reviews of products and then growing my makeup collection with products I loved. For years since I have bought and used makeup to cope with that great loss. I’ve felt all of the types of shame that you have described here, Hannah. I felt shame for spending money on something I couldn’t use before it expired. I felt shame for needing makeup to feel good. Now I judge myself less, but I question more. Why do I need that thing? Why do I care if I stand out with or without makeup? Why is “this” or “that” part of my face a “problem” area? What other things can I do to de-stress when having a bad grief day? Thank you for this video! So, so, so needed.
I LOVE your essay style videos, I have re watched your “what I learned from my no buy year” series multiple times. I learn something new everytime and I also feel understood and less alone. Love your channel
I feel very fortunate that I never really felt a lot of shame or self-consciousness that many women deal with on a daily basis. Sometimes I'm shocked how much people in my own life or online overthink certain aspects of their appearance. Not to say I've never felt self-concious about my face/body/clothes, but it's not something that I think about very often. Wearing makeup to be "professional" or to be "taking seriously" was a very foreign concept me, until just a few years ago, when I joined a few makeup facebook groups with a majority of members coming from the US. In Germany there aren't a ton of people that wear makeup on a daily basis, or if they do it's so subtle, that I wouldn't even be able to tell they're wearing makeup. I've definitely met people who try to make me feel bad for the effort I put into my apperance, usually not related to makeup tho'. I was really into nailart as a teen and I had a teacher telling me it's a waste of my time and that I could have used that time for my school work instead. I also experimented with fashion a lot and had teachers tell me I shouldn't "dress up" as much, "this is school not a runway". All of those statements weren't hurtful to me, just annoying, but thinking back at it I'm horrified how these comments could have affected someone who's struggling with their confidence, especially at that age. I also had family and friends comment on the amount of makeup I own, because most of them rarely wear makeup and barely own any. Someone told me they were shocked that I own more than two makeup brushes.
For the trial and error, I look at it differently. I work in a school and when they are learning to write their name we ask them to try. Every day we celebrate what they can do, and we encourage them. Why don't we offer the same kindness about a new skill to ourselves that we would to a small child? Anytime I get discouraged I ask myself what would I tell a student.
This is one of your best videos yet! I found myself saying “yes! Exactly” to everything you said. At some point in my life I have experienced all the shame you mentioned. As I’m getting older, it’s easier to move past.
I SO hope that joyful, casual colorful makeup for men will become more and more common! I think if makeup becomes even somewhat normalized across genders, it will help a lot with the central issues of this video.
Most makeup artist who shaped trends of makeup were men since the 60s. Be proud of your artistic creativity and talent, society will catch up one day but until then be your beautiful self with and without makeup.
Hi, Hannah! I’ve been following you for about a year or two, but I hadn’t watched these series of older videos. I’ve been watching them, and they’ve been very interesting and helpful. However, this video has been the most compelling one to me. Shame for us women either being feminine o rejecting femininity is such an interesting topic, and I appreciate that you made this space to discuss and reflect on it.
Given your writing background, I think it is interesting for you to talk about makeup through a word or phrase or even a piece of litterature. It's like makeup philosophy. I love it!
Every woman that has ever even thought about makeup should watch this and take part in or just follow this discussion. This is the best "beauty video" EVER. You shared ideas that so many of us grapple with at every age. Thank you for taking the time to put your insightful ideas here for us.💕
Something I began to do was ask myself how I'd feel about myself if I didn't own a mirror. Surprisingly EVERY TIME the answer is... fabulous! This has helped me to age more gracefully and see my beautiful self within. 🤗
Another shame instance I have experienced or felt a lot is loving makeup and being a feminist. I worked as a teacher in Taiwan and in Nicaragua for a while and would wear bright colors and fun eyeshadow but when I spoke to my colleagues about doing feminist, empowering activities with my classes that happened to be all girls, I always felt like they were judging me for wanting to do that but still coming in everyday with a full face of makeup. Whether they actually were or not, or if it was my own internal conflict about possibly normalizing the standards that girls had to wear makeup (especially in more traditional patriarchal cultures) is another aspect that could be considered.
I sometimes feel shame for being so involved in the beauty community when I see all the drama around it but then when I watch someone so well spoken that touches more in depth subjects it makes me feel less ashamed for being part of this community and consuming so much beauty related content 😊 thank you Hannah for making this community a better and more beautiful space 🥰
This video is a master class of shadow work. Thank you for such a skilled demonstration. Whenever I am pondering “what is shadow work”, I will remember the clear example of that displayed in this video.
The shame over makeup skills/application is so real. Many times when I was getting adjusted to colorful, out-there makeup I left the house feeling like I'd overdone it, that I looked like a fool. Especially for work. My greatest fear was being told my makeup looked ridiculous, unprofessional, and I must wash it off before starting my shift. That never happened. Instead I get positive feedback, which reminded me that the world is chill and my makeup is welcomed in it. My skills and confidence have improved greatly to the point that I virtually never worry about it looking bad, but instead of my shame going away, it shifted. I still feel SHAME that having my makeup accepted is SO IMPORTANT to me. I know it's my artform, my soul on my sleeve, but it's just makeup... no one else at work wears makeup like that, it's not important to them, why does it matter so much to me? Why is it in my top 3 reasons of why I love my job that they allow me to wear whatever makeup I want? Why do I feel like a lesser version of myself when I don't have time to put colors and glitter all over my face? Why do I feel such a compulsive NEED to stand out through makeup? Why haven't I learned to channel my creativity in other, 'more productive' ways? I guess my biggest 'shame' now is my overall attachment to makeup as a mode of expression. It's literally causing me to question my choice to go to Nursing school - considering a future of just brow gel and mascara and scrubs all day, no opportunity to really express my soul through color; so on class days I overcompensate with my attire and makeup, sit in class and look around, and I can tell that makeup is the last thing on my peer's minds. Which makes me feel weird, and ashamed. Then a classmate or instructor compliments my makeup, and I'm reminded that the world is chill, and I don't have to fear unacceptance. I still question my future though, and how I'm going to keep making makeup fit into it.
I've thought about all of these aspects of makeup shame over the year trying to unpack my weird relationship to it. I love your point of mistrusting shame as a way to mitigate the unwanted feelings. Thanks for so beautifully articulating it! These points are more important than they initially seem. Hope you're keeping well during these strange times. xx
I can’t agree more with everything you’ve said. It’s all happened to me and I have felt all of it. But right now, at 39 years old, all I can say is just live your best life. You do you, life’s too short. Love to all!
Thank you for helping me understand, change and accept my relationship with makeup and beauty on so many levels 🙏😘. Being 50 years old and never being taught how to apply it properly (because my academic background and family used to tell me that only the cheap, not classy, not profound people wore makeup) for most of my life I didn't wear any even though it intrigued me. There were no TH-cam tutorials back in the days. Dressing up, wearing beautiful clothes and/or makeup could not be combined with feminism. Over the past maybe four years I now have developed some decent skills. But having discovered your channel some six months ago has given me so much more peace with and acceptance of my personality and love of beautiful things. I feel at ease with the fact that I can love a red lipstick and still discuss deep sociological issues. I can wear a bold eyelook when I "only" go grocerie shopping. All these things and inclinations are part of who I am and I don't want to be ashamed of them any more! So thank you again for doing your work in the world in such a beautiful and inspiring way.
Wow yes this is so true. My mother collects clothes, purses and jewelry always buying them but will also judge why I buy nail polish , lipsticks or makeup. Yeah well we all have are collections and we should try to be understanding and not judge mental about others collections...
This shame of owning too much makeup is so true. I have a little dressing room where my makeup is stored and whenever someone comes to the house as a visitor, I feel very embarrassed that they will see my extensive collection. I need to work on this. I have always loved makeup and I no longer feel ashamed about that thanks to discovering so many fellow makeup lovers online. But this last hurdle I think I will need to face. Thank you so much for this video. X
"Shame may carry the connotation of a response to something that is morally wrong whereas embarrassment is the response to something that is morally neutral but socially unacceptable." This makes sense to me. Shame has to do with behavior, embarrassment has to do with appearance or anything else that is morally neutral.
Bravo, Hannah! I love that you are talking about subjects that have always been taboo in the beaty community. The feeling of shame about my make up collection has been with me for over 20 years. I feel ashamed that I want to keep collecting make up, and for spending so much money on it. I have been shamed by my family. I was also using make up as a bandaid to make myselft feel better when I was in a funk. And, a while back, I was ashamed to be seen using "cheap drugstore" make up. I am very glad that over the past 7 years beauty community has removed the stigma of inexpensive make up being inferior. When I started thinking about makeup and shame, I realized that project pan videos are an exellent example of hidden shame. Money was spent on a perisheable product, it's not being used, so project panners "punish" themselves by using it until the last drop, often even if they don't want to.
Ooh, thats very insightful about project panners. I have often thought it seemed a waste of time when some would try and pan something they didn’t like; I mean, its a sunk cost at that point, whether you use it or not. I think you articulated something thats been in my head for awhile about that :)
@@rebeccamercado6254, I am so glad I am not the only one who feels that way. And it's weird how people post their panning process like it's a achievement.
I read once that guilt comes from what you do, but shame comes from who you are. It’s based in feeling like your fundamental self is not acceptable or worthy. So if we look at some actions on your list, how does the shame inform the guilt? While I feel guilt for buying too much makeup, the shame I experience simultaneously is actually the shame of not having financial self-control. While I feel guilt for not knowing how to use certain types of makeup, the shame I feel is actually for not being smart/cultured/feminine enough.
My husband comments about my makeup collection being “too much” but doesn’t want to listen about the differences between the products nor my enjoyment around experimentation. I’ve tried to remind him that it’s no different to his collection of gadgets I just get no joy out of gadgets.
I love LOVE this video. As someone who used to not really leave the house without makeup and who would not let partners see her bare face for months, I have been trying my best this last 6 months or so to wear makeup only when I am in the mood to play and enjoy the process of it. I'm not always successful, but I do notice that overall, I have a happier relationship with my makeup ❤️
Great video! Really loved hearing your insight on this topic. One thing that came to mind when considering my own feelings of shame as it relates to the online beauty community is inspiration vs. influence. Personally, I feel the most shame when I’m influenced to buy something because someone else said it was “perfect,” even though it might not be the right thing for me, but don’t feel any shame when I’m inspired to buy something because it sparked something in my own creativity and appealed to my own desires. I know you’ve spoken about “shopping to want” and watching beauty content has a similar effect on me. I’ve let go a lot of these feelings by coming to terms with my own taste/preferences/style, and filtering out the sales pitches from both major corporations and beauty influencers. Thanks for making this video!!
I feel makeup shame over how much I own. I come from a family of girls and no matter how "heavy" my relatives wear their makeup, I own more makeup than they do and an extra layer of shock is added by the fact that my style is very much "no makeup makeup". Colour cosmetics are also my fave so sometimes they look at me as if, "Where are you putting all this? You're certainly not wearing it!" They always joke that my collection is worth thousands like up to £10k (maybe I've spent thousands in the decade I've been interested in makeup, but as a drugstore junkie my current collection definitely isn't worth more than £2k). Even though relatives use this to come to me for advice etc, I find myself downplaying my interest (even though my collection makes it clear how into it I am) by sometimes pretending not to have heard of certain products and casually mentioning a new release as if it's nothing special. Even though I have loads of interests both intellectual and fanciful, I feel embarrassed to reveal just how into makeup I am.
So much of this video resonates with me and my experiences with makeup. When I first started wearing eyeliner (just standard black pencil eyeliner), my mom would tell me I was wearing too much (and it wasn't even the "raccoon eyes" of the early 2000's), but would, then, tell me I look dowdy when I had no eyeliner on...
great video~! i am always struck by your uncanny ability to articulate exactly how i've been thinking and feeling about makeup and beauty for years. i feel wrong for wearing too much makeup, i feel wrong for wearing not enough. i very closely identify with what you said about feeling 'overdressed' with your makeup; i feel that way constantly, especially when i'm the only person at the function with noticeable makeup on. when i wear minimal makeup, it feels like i can't get my life together enough to even do my makeup properly before work, and also like i'm squandering the makeup i own but didn't use that day. i very rarely get through to the end of a day and feel confident about the makeup i put on that morning. thanks for all that you do hannah! nice to feel camaraderie here
To your point about the shame of owning it and enjoying it. I consistently felt this, until the last year when I came down with terrible health. And my family realised, oddly that playing with makeup is what was helping me cope with bad days. It brought me so much joy and makeup play time - literally helped take my mind off my chronic pain, and took it down a notch. Similar in a way, that research has shown the impact of comedy on chronic pain. I truly love and appreciate my collection. It’s going to be extensive, and that’s fine.
This discussion has made me think more deeply about why I wear makeup. While I have always enjoyed the artistry of cosmetics, it was not until I became sick with Fibromyalgia that makeup became very important to my identity. I don’t enjoy the discomfort of other people’s pity...so I used makeup to hide dark circles, etc...and to make me look “healthy.” It was a way to hide my “othered” status as a disabled person, both to others, and to some degree, myself. I have begun to let go of that impulse to “hide” in makeup, and I enjoy it a lot more. It does make me think about all the “health” that makeup tries to emphasize...being youthful, flushed, and free of blemish...as if there is something shameful about being physically fallible. And now I wonder if the impulse that drove me to makeup in the first place was indeed, shame.
I’ve actually been dealing with shame a lot lately. I grew up in a very frugal, poor family as basically a foster child. Now that I’ve gotten to a place where I have money to spare and Can buy things for myself that I enjoy like make up, I keep feeling bad about it. You can’t imagine how nice it was to hear someone talking openly about connections others have with makeup and shame rn.
I definitely get shamed for wearing makeup by other moms and my area. Back where I grew up, makeup was commonly worn but not as much here with people maybe wearing one item or two. And in the mom groups, a common complaint is not having time for yourself, so if you wear makeup it comes off to people that you are neglecting your children or are flaunting your superiority. Why can’t it just be that I make time for it because I like it? I don’t care if other people wear makeup. Most of my friends wear very little makeup.
Sorry you experience that. Good job on being able to make extra time for something you enjoy. Most of the women in my life wear no makeup and I struggle with thinking they perceive me as vain, even though mine is minimal and mostly to hide skin issues to have more confidence.
I feel this too. Its hard going to pick up my kids from school and walking thru the other moms that are in workout clothes and always talking about being exhausted and me wearing a bright red lipstick. But I do see other momns wear makeup too, so its this wierd mix of those who never do to thhose that make a point to wear it. It feels more freeing now that we are all staying home ;)
wow. stunned by this. It's such a good example of another double-standard. We're expected to look unnaturally good, but also expected to sacrifice all of our time to other people.
Rebecca Mercado Yeah, I went all out for my eyeshadow on Halloween last year and at the bus stop the other moms were startled even though I wear full eye looks every day for fun. The one mom said “oh, I guess it is the day for it” and I just wanted to say, oh, you mean a Thursday? 😅
I really relate to what you briefly said about feeling embarrassed about wearing too much makeup in academic settings. I just completed my bachelors at Oxford and was surrounded by inspiring, intelligent women who I deeply admire, but almost all of whom wore no makeup at all. I think that it's great that academia (at least in the setting in which I found myself) is not an industry in which women are pressured to look glamorous to prove their competence. However, I also think that it's really important for academic settings to be a place in which women (and people of all genders) can choose to love 'frivolous' things like makeup and fashion as well as being intellectual powerhouses. Just as we shouldn't be expected to fit into a mould of wearing makeup and looking perfectly groomed, we also shouldn't be expected to tone down our self-expression to look 'natural' and prove that we are serious. We should be able to turn up to a departmental dinner wearing lipstick and still have our ideas taken seriously! Loved this video - a really interesting discussion of a complicated topic ♥️
so well said! It's a good quality of academia that women aren't pressured to look made up, but as in many settings, this good quality comes hand-in-hand with a very bad quality: suspicion of women who choose to wear statement makeup because they enjoy it. It's almost always either-or.
I loved listening to your point about having too much, especially spending too much on it. I'm with my family right now and I bought myself some "fewer nicer things", and when they began arriving, I got really worried about how my dad was going to react, because he's roasted me for my large collection and spending in the past. This time I kind of confronted it head on and told him these are birthday gifts and I haven't bought makeup in months, but when he sort of casually said "I'm just tossing the same jokes at you that you do with me, I'm not worried about you spending too much cause you're smart enough to keep yourself in check". And that really struck me because I was so worried about how he was going to react not because of his actual reaction, but because I was worried he was going to tell me what I already knew; that I was spending too much on things I don't really want/need in order to chase trends or make myself feel better. And while I've begun to curb this behavior (my birthday purchases are the 3rd makeup purchase I've made this year), it was a stark reminder that a lot of my behaviors around purchasing are still shame based and falling into old habits. But it's reminded me of how much further I am today in terms of spending and consumption, so that was nice.
You’re very intuitive and explain things thoroughly so they’re easily understood. I really appreciate that and it makes watching you/your channel that much better. Thanks a bunch, chickadee🍃🌸
Thank you for initiating a conversation around this subject ❤️ I'm just going to share two incredibly strong memories of being shamed for wearing makeup by my family: I recall walking through Strasbourg with my parents and brother in my 20s, feeling pretty good about us and myself and the chic dark red lip I was rocking, but then overheard my father muttering to my mother, "Isn't her lipstick a bit too strong?" and it crushed me. My mother's signature look while I was growing up was dark red lipstick. A few years later, I was doing my makeup whilst on the train to London with my mum and brother. I was putting on my subtlest, everyday face - the one I used to wear to feel presentable and so as not to have my appearance criticised by my mum and brother. But they weren't used to seeing me apply it. My mother expressed dismay at the number of steps. My brother plainly said, "That's too much makeup" (why?) But if I hadn't worn any, they would have asked me why not. I've become an expert in the way I need to look for my mother to be pleased with me. ABH Sultry, always mascara, never red lipstick nor red nails. All these rules. When I'm at home or at work, I wear whatever makeup I want or nothing at all. I'm super lucky that I don't client face and no one at work gives a fluff what anyone else is wearing. Every now and then, one of my usually oblivious colleagues will compliment me on the "stuff" on my eyes and it's delightful.
I work in higher ed in the US and know that as a Black woman with natural hair that I have to balance trying to look like I’m not wearing too much makeup because I feel I will be judged for looking “unprofessional”. Not only for my hair but what kind of makeup I have on. Most days I don’t wear it. But I would love to be able to wear unconventional lipstick colors without fear of being labeled as unprofessional. I push the envelope sometimes, but I know how much I wear can make an impact on what people think about me or my perceived competence/ability. I also feel shame based on how much makeup I have and how much I spent on it. I haven’t really bought anything recently. But I have so much that I could never use it all before it is technically expired based on how infrequently I wear it. I remember when I hit platinum at Ulta a year ago. I was wearing no make up that day and I remember feeling like I needed to stop. How could I keep spending that much on makeup and I don’t even wear it?
I've also noticed a lot of the "shame around buying too much (or any) makeup" in this beauty community, including myself. I don't make much money, and when I do have any extra cash I immediately spend it on something that's been on my wishlist. Which fills me with shame! But as you said, building a clear vision of what we want our financial life to look like is a bold and worthy task. And the shame dissipates as I use and appreciate the makeup and make cool looks. Mistrust! Re: always buying the newest thing, to test or just to have, I think of what Angie Di Battista here on YT says to the young pro MUAs who visit her channel: "get away from this notion of having 'the best' of everything". Sound advice. I was so glad you went in on shame-based marketing. Surprised you didn't mention Brené Brown's excellent talks on shame! She seems to share the same definition as you do. 😊
A lot of this hit hard. So much truth. Thank you for making this and the series of sephora videos. Somehow makes me feel better that other do this stuff too!
This is amazing !! You literally said everything I've ever thought or experienced!! Keep up the awesome work Hannah, the beauty community needs more people like you ❤❤
Really fascinating convo. I just watched another video about double standards with men and women in the beauty community and how people who are naturally beautiful get ahead in this industry. Wear what you want, when you want and take note of the comments or reactions and ask others what they think. That’s what I do now with my family and friends, I’ve even done this with my guy friends and it helps to normalize discussion about makeup and self-care. Oftentimes they end up asking me advice about what to try and techniques for application, and it’s helped to diminish the shame because it feels/is normal
This is so interesting, Hannah! I took an evolutionary psych class in undergrad, and did my final project on the evolution of the moral emotions (such as shame, disgust, altruism, etc). Shame, when it’s working properly, is an incredibly important and useful part of living as a social creature. I am talking about the kind of shame one might feel after stealing from the sweet old lady that lives next door. It keeps our behavior in check so we can live harmoniously in a community. You did an amazing job of unpacking how shame can run amok in our current culture, and also how it can both be helpful and harmful to us depending on how it manifests.
This is exactly you are such a valuable person in the beauty community. I agree with you that we just have to no allow ourselves to feel shame in those situations. For me this will take practice. Thanks Hanna xoxo
This resonates with me- I love makeup and brushes and sometimes I worry I have too much of it- people get horrified when they see how much I have and make comments like “omg you have half a Sephora! You don’t need makeup!” But I love it and it’s a genuine hobby as well as a calming activity for me. My family as well is extremely frugal and find it ridiculous. I completely understand wanting the minimalist lifestyle and aesthetic, but what I have is not minimalist. In the professional workplace I always wear makeup and if I don’t, I get comments (from my male colleagues mostly) that I look “tired” or they are worried I’m sick. But if I do wear a beautiful eye look etc., I get passive aggressive comments from my female colleagues about how “great I am at makeup” and sometimes am considered too “made up” for the office if I use a shimmer eyeshadow.
Also I agree with your astute analysis about buying small (yet expensive) makeup items as “retail therapy” to fix the stress of everyday life. It’s a recipe for financial disaster. Thank you for your channel.
Need to pause early on because you are touching on so many great points. As a woman in academia, science specifically, there are so many confusing feelings around loving makeup. When I’ve worked for and alongside mostly men, there is a weird shame that I might be judged for wasting time on makeup rather than research (not than anyone ever said it, most guys I’ve worked with didn’t care or thought it was cool). And then with women, there’s a similar shame in not feeling like you shouldn’t take time for it but also sometimes this weird gate keeping of what women in science should be. I assume it’s because of the decades of having to prove ourselves to men in science, which meant assimilation. Then there’s the general worry of not being taken seriously because I also seriously love glitter. Overall things aren’t terrible and people are generally chill but there’s definitely extra mental energy spent on unnecessary shame.
Fascinating discussion in the video and comments! I grew up with little exposure to makeup. In some ways I think it was good because I learned to accept my imperfect features and complexion. Lately, as an adult, I’ve developed a desire to wear fun colors, but I feel self-conscious, especially as an engineer.
This is a little bit different, but for me, sometimes I am ashamed to go buy makeup, if I'm not looking my best that day. Like in eastern europe the shop assistants at sephora are so judgy. Or maybe I'm just imagining them being judgy. But I feel like the moment I walk in, they are watching me and making an assessment.
Totally! I have my brows done at Ulta so I go in with no makeup. No one there is judgy; actually they are lovely. But. I still have this urge to go back later with makeup as if to say "look! I'm not that person you saw before!" even though I am and they really don't care.
You're not alone...I would shop for groceries without makeup but I wear a full face if I walk into a Sephora. I definitely feel you are treated differently in a shop by how you look. (Like in the movie Pretty Woman).
Once again, thank you for sharing your thoughts so eloquently. I do feel shame for most of the things you said : wearing (too much) makeup, not really loving the way I look without it, owning too much of it... I feel like I just can't win. I will certainly rewatch your video several times. 💛
I really appreciate this conversation. Sometimes I feel shame/bad that I'm NOT buying more makeup. I see content creators or posts on Instagram for new products and think, should I want that? I don't and then feel like, is there something wrong with me that I DON'T want it? I'm pretty happy with what I have and just buy new items once in a while, but sometimes feel "left out". Weird 🤔
The comments section here is just so wonderful. I feel I’ve found kindred spirits. I’ve always worked in serious industries and surrounded by “serious” folk. I’ve felt like I’ve had to hide my love for skincare & makeup - it’s consistently viewed as frivolous. And yes I do find that if I wear too much eyeliner/bright shade of lipstick I’m taken less seriously especially in male dominated workplaces (though I’ve had plenty of women come up and criticise my foundation too). On the contrary, when I wear no makeup, I’m asked if I’m tired or whether I want to go “freshen up”. Damned if you, damned if you don’t.
I. Love. This. Video. THANK YOU for summing up so much of the stigma with makeup relating to societal perceptions, our own perceptions, and its relation to overspending. You bring up so many good points that really got me analyzing my problems relationship in the past with makeup (re, spending too much on it or acquiring things that don't necessarily serve me in the best way). Great video and very eloquently put!
I've often felt there is no way to win the to wear or not to wear dichotomy. I've been shamed for wearing "too much" makeup, and I've been shamed for wearing no makeup. Even my husband who means well and loves my face tells me I don't need all the makeup because I'm already beautiful. I don't want to justify my makeup.
I only got into makeup a few years ago, and it sounds so stupid, but i used to hide my „Collection“ because none of my friends were interested in makeup, some used some, but not a lot and nobody really talked about it. i dont know, but for some reason i felt really ashamed for liking ist; i used to put on elaborate eyeshadow but only for myself at Home. I somehow felt frivolous and stupid for liking it so much. It literally took years for me to „confess“ and It was such a relief and so many friends were so cool with it and now ask me to do their makeup when we go out because they know i enjoy it. i honestly dont know why i felt that way (i still do sometime). Maybe its some internalized misogynism or something, but it is do great to hear from you and other people in the comments who understand!
My two very strong female supervisors when I did my doctoral degree mostly didn't wear makeup. Preparing for my viva (oral defence) they told me, 'put on a bold red lipstick and walk in there confidently for all the professional women!' which really stuck with me, and I did!
Thank you for this video and I appreciate you shedding light and this not so often discussed topic in the beauty community! Would you consider sharing your thoughts on embracing your 'bare face'/ the face you wake up with as a makeup enthusiast as I have struggled with this a lot myself and I have often heard my girlfriends having the same insecurity.
Always love a video that starts with a definition and a needed clarification of the definition. Such a insightful connection between makeup and shame. Now I shall ponder this for hours. Thanks for always doing this Hannah!! ❤️
One of my female friends straight up told me "You're wearing so much makeup". I simply responded "Ok". And she said "I mean, reaally a LOT of makeup. TOO much makeup. I don't like it". And I responded "Then don't wear it."
I feel like I've reached this point in my life, too. Where if guys or girls or coworkers or literally anyone comments on my makeup, I kind of laugh at them for thinking they have a right to comment at all.
I love how confident this response is :)
👏👏👏👏
Yess this is the unique and introspective content that makes you such a wonderful addition to the beauty community!
I have another shame-point to add. Let me know if anyone else thought of this. The shame of actually being good at doing makeup, and spending time doing it. I always see "it girls" (whom I love by the way) Alexa chung, Jeanne damas ect. Being sort of casual about not knowing how to do makeup, even though they've spend a good portion of their lives in a makeup chair. It's like being a woman who knows about beauty is shameful. Like beauty should only come to us naturally. My Bf is always wondering why I do my skincare every morning and night, and says I don't need it, but honestly I would look a whole lot worse if I didn't, he just haven't seen me like that XD There is a stereotype about liking seemingly superficial things like makeup and beauty. Let me know if anyone else feels this way?
I agree. I am the only one in my friend group who wears a full face on a regular basis. I get comments on how much time it must take me, how much money I have “wasted” how they could never be bothered 😕 but I also get comments on how smart I look and how put together I am and how they wish they could do make up properly. I can’t win!
Yeah that's the fallacy of patriarchy. Women are not the owners of beauty...we're only the stewards. Women are expected to perform feminine beauty for the entertainment of the male gaze. And because of capitalism, women are expected to be in constant competition to be "the best"
that's why I prefer the word glamour. Like Dita von Teese says, glamour is entirely manufactured and made, you are not born glamourous, you can turn yourself into a glamourous person if you want that. The whole idea of innate natural beauty is so weird... I read a study a while ago. the make-up men preferred on women in that study was a "natural look". Turned out they didn't realize these women were wearing make-up at all. They didn't rate the same women attractive in heavy make-up nor in zero make-up. It kinda blew my mind.
@@sophieserendipity4164 agree!!!
I hate to add the envy card but sometimes i feel this oh i couldn t be bothered as a defensive thing. In a way the society puts a premium on polish and those who for some reason or another don t go the full polish look feel the need to defend themselves. Like how i say well i can t be bothered to have a personal traininer and a nutritionist .
I’m premed in college and work as a nursing assistant . In both settings, I’m shamed for wearing makeup as it makes me seem “high maintenance” and the process of applying makeup is “a time waster”. When I don’t wear makeup, people comment on my bad skin and tell me how tired I look. Which one is it Deborah ? 🙄
It upsets me even more when a man says it... I know i shouldnt judge myself based upon male's standards but it's a mindset that i can't break free from.
I can relate to this in my profession too, constant battle! Do what makes you feel good at the end of the day!
And as i age i find it impacts me more...freaking breakouts with wrinkles, dark circles etc
It's your time, and you can "waste" it however you want. That argument can also be used for a lot of things, gardening, reading a book, cooking... you can always compare "little" things like that to important things like saving a live or whatever. But what's the point in that? You like it and it's no ones business to tell you what you can or can't do in your free time.
hahah, which one is it Deborah, indeed!!! So frustrating.
The day I learnt that: 'To feel guilt is to feel that you have made a mistake. To feel shame is to feel that you are a mistake.' my life changed.
I once said to a colleague “I love make up, I think I’ll wear it every day forever” and he replied “well that’s a confidence thing isn’t it?” I was embarrassed by his comment. That he thinks I’m not confident in myself. I am. I just love makeup!
Narin well said. I’m off to google the birds 😀
Maybe they meant you know yourself so well you are confident you want to do this forever?
Robin Mcclain I wish he did but he’s not that nice!
Shady and wrong how he responded with a question. What a manipulative response. Shame on him. You do you and wear what you want, whenever you want 🙌
he revealed his total ignorance about what makeup actually is
It's interesting that you positioned the shame of not knowing how to use makeup and the shame of having too much makeup as opposites, because I find that I'm constantly struggling with both. It's the double whammy of "oh god look at how much stuff I own...I don't even know how to use it properly, skillfully, artistically." The shame over how much I own is compounded by shame of not being as skilled as the most creative or talented or artistic folks on YT and Instagram because "how dare I even own this much makeup if I'm not going be incredibly good at it 😠" - does that make sense?
Also, what you said about the pressure of minimalism - BIG YES! I used to be in a vicious Buying-Severely Decluttering Things I Actually Like to Achieve the Minimalist Aesthetic™️-Rebuying cycle.
Lastly, Sadie 🥺🥺🥺
Hope you're doing well in Northern California! 💛💛
Strangely, I even feel shame about knowing how to use it well sometimes 🤯 I’ve done makeup on my friends and talked about it with them when they ask for tips, and they’re like, “how do you know all this?” And I feel embarrassed to admit that makeup related content has been the main type of entertainment I’ve consumed for about 10 years now
I've definitely felt both of these shames but I feel shame of my knowledge more. The day before one of my sister's wedding I was heeling my other sister get ready because she doesn't wear makeup and when I pulled out 5 red lipsticks and asked her I'd she wanted a bright red, a warm red or more of a pink red she looked at all of them and had no idea what I meant. I suddenly felt like some sort of Mirada Presly imposter talking about cerulean blue.
PRACHI thank you for adding your perspective!!! Sending a big hug to you
@@meepmoopmeep1 I strongly identify with this. I feel self conscious around my friends who don't really wear makeup or wear for utilitarian reasons. I think my friends and acquaintances view me as bookish, intellectual, feminist etc, so it's surprising to them that I engage in a hobby that is seen as frivolous, vain, and a tool of the patriarchy. I feel ashamed to admit that I spend so much time watching beauty content instead of...i don't know...reading poetry which is what my friend think I do in my spare time.
@@meepmoopmeep1 this is so accurate. Every time someone asks me how I'm good I always feel awkward telling them it took years of watching TH-cam
This video is very very interesting and so are the comments. Being a feminist, working in a scientific field, I often feel ashamed of my obsession with make up, I feel like it makes me superficial and frivolous. I fear that if I wear too much make up in professionnal settings I wont be taken seriously.
I also feel ashamed of my makeup collection and my desire to buy more because it's very bad for the environment.
Yes! I identify with that shame, too. The idea that interest in and wearing of makeup signals that you have no brain behind the face.
Im studying biology and i feel the same way. Sometimes i feel like i have to explain my makeup hobby.
Former scientist here, i am now in a non hard science profession and i am the minimal makeup person..can’t win
This hits hard. I find I must wear enough makeup to look presentable but not so much that my femininity dare undermine my intelligence. I'm grateful to now be around male coworkers and advisors that dont seem to care, but it's not the norm
I used to feel that way, but honestly I've found it less problematic to just stick with neutral tones at work and not care if anybody wants to say or think anything. The people that work with me regularly know I'm good at what I do, and the people that only work with me once or twice learn very quickly that if they underestimate me on the basis of having my nails painted or having a perfect cateye, they're going to be proven wrong by a small girl wearing lipgloss and a hardhat.
I had a long time where I felt like I had to prove that I was too serious for makeup, but I've found (like Hannah mentions here) that people take me and the medium- to high-level women in my field much less seriously if we aren't wearing ANY makeup at all.
Hard agree. This reminds me of what has jokingly been referred to ‘Schrödinger’s Attractiveness’ where a woman should be beautiful but she should neither be aware of how beautiful she is, nor have put effort into it. If she does either she is no longer considered beautiful.
See One Direction’s ‘What makes you beautiful’ for this bizarre concept in action
Girl, yes! It is bananas!
Yeeeees!
Although, in all fairness, we sort of want men to be the same.
My sister hates that song for this exact reason lol
The makeup collection shame hit me hard. I once took a box of makeup I was decluttering to a girls night with my closest friends, and one of them asked the question I had been dreading: “Wow, if this is what you’re getting rid of, how much do you have at home?” I have a very large makeup collection for someone who is not employed in the beauty industry or community in any way. I love my collection. I am not one who impulse buys items often. I have done Boxycharm for years and it’s a subscription I truly enjoy. I am good at finding high end products at Marshall’s and TJMaxX (or I was before the pandemic). Your videos have given me great tools to consider my purchases, making sure I’m buying because I want an item, not because I want to want something. I don’t feel personal shame about my collection. But I don’t know how to explain it to others. Or rather, I don’t want to have to explain it. No one asks my friends who love running why they run so much. I also love to cook, and no one asks me why I own so many cookbooks. Makeup incurs a particular kind of judgment, and it can be hard not to internalize that judgment. It can be hard not to feel like I should have less, like it is some sort of moral failing that I am not more of a minimalist. But I’m not. I never have been. I budget, I consider my purchases thoughtfully, and makeup has been a passion since I was a child. I just constantly have to remind myself of this in a society that wants me to feel shame for enjoying makeup, rather than wearing it only out of a sense of obligation to look pleasing to others.
I love how you're pointing out that shame so often has to do only with the eyes of others. It's tough when you don't feel ashamed of yourself on your own terms, but you know that you can be made to feel that shame by seeing your valid choices characterized as bad choices through someone else's eyes.
So true with how makeup gets such a specific kind of judgement. Like you said, no one asks me why I have so many cooking supplies. No one asks me why I have so many art supplies, which to me is funny because makeup is just another type of art supply. And none even asks me why I have so many sewing supplies, which I find interesting since it feels like sewing is culturally seen as another hobby which is just as deeply intertwined with "femininity" and "woman/girl hood", that you might think would get similar reactions.
I think it’s partially judgey for your friends to balk at your collection, but also partially the inability to relate. Makeup seems like it’s everywhere but it is a lot more of an obscure thing than you’d think. Where I live I’d even guess that more people have tattoos than wear makeup. I hardly know anyone who wears makeup, and everything I’ve seen on Hannah’s channel is 100% foreign to me. I’ve never owned an eyeshadow palette and didn’t even know what it was ;) In comparison, almost everyone has ran, if you went to a school you probably had to run in gym class at the very least. We had art classes but we didn’t have makeup classes. Most every kitchen has a spatula and cutting board, but not every house has someone who wears makeup. I just looked it up and only 18% of women wear make up almost everyday, with 28% wearing make up half of the time. Which is 9% and 14% of the population. For comparison 15% of the population runs regularly and 32% of adults walk with an occasional run. Not to be a know it all 😬 I can just relate to not getting make up at all.
i am reading a book by Anuschka Rees on body neutrality right now. It is written from a cultural and psychological standpoint and really enlightening, totally recommend reading it. I am learning a lot, but the big lesson right now is to recognize when I make fear-based decisions (buying things labelled as anti-aging, anti-blemish, anti-pore-visibility in my case) vs. when I make joy/pleasure/curiosity-based decisions (in my case: I wonder what glitter in my eyebrows will look like? or lipstick as cream blush? How will i feel wearing smokey eyes to the park?). The fear-based decisions are almost always rooted in some kind of shame or anxiety for me.
thank you for mentioning the weird shame/shaming that comes from the whole minimalist curation hype online... I have learned that I love variety and I don't need my bathroom/make-up "collecton"(ugh) to look good/curated/zen on the 'gram. But that took me years!
Wow what a good point! I have experienced the fear based spending with certain limited edition products that I wasn't sure about, and then bought it in case it sells out. I usually get some buyers remorse for those products as opposed to the ones I genuinely bought out of wanting to try or knowing that its up my alley
@@amberwings17 yeah, the FOMO is real!
Thanks for the book recommendation! I’m intrigued. Yes, completely agree. I especially am gripped by the FOMO when I visit other countries, and want to get my hands on products I can’t find back home. The novelty of it and not being able to access them otherwise, causes me to descent into a grab it all. Which quite frankly has no rationality, I often end up gifting them away or not using them at all. The joy of discovering a new technique, etc I’ve found to last considerably longer.
@@priyankamohantyms3870 I'm the same when I am in a different country. I am actually happy that we now have Sephora in Germany - it takes the mistery away, and there is no rush. And the dirty testers really help to kill the magic. But Spanish drugstores and pharmacies... oh man.
I have been a silent follower of you but I have to say that the way in which you articulate your thoughts (and ours) in such a unique way is my favorite to watch. Thank you for the thought-provoking insights on these topics.
thank you!
One Im slightly suprised to not see referenced more in the comments is weight and makeup. When I was super uncomfortable in my skin, makeup fit me regardless of my size. I didnt want to buy clothes that were bigger again, but giltter will distract people from my hips. I think Whitney Hendrics said 'makeup fits me regardless of size' along the lines of it doesnt judge me. I totally bought into the latest and greatest was somehow going to make my body better. Negate actually eating right and walking. I have a much better relationship with my own body now. I love makeup playtime at home and tend to wear my grandest looks for just myself!
Whenever I am at university, and decide to play with makeup, I have friends or group members say "wow, you are so overdressed for uni" or "wow that's a lot of makeup". It makes me feel so insecure, so I usually make up some story that "I'm going out for drinks after" or something like that. I'm not sure whether it is because I'm studying engineering? Has anyone else dealt with this?
Thank you Hannah for this video, I have never really vocalized my own shame relating to makeup, and this has definitely started an internal monologue!
In university I feel same about make up eventough nobody say anything about it. Sometimes I feel like I dont fit in because of my " overdone" makeup. Because some people assume that successful women engineers dont care about their looks and I can't really overlook about people thinking that I am not good at what I am doing because of my makeup.
I hope I write correctly what I want to say because English is not my first language
@@fatmacalik6037 your English is amazing! Thank you so much for your reply, it is comforting to know I am not alone :) I totally agree with your point that people assume that because I am studying engineering, I can't also like fashion or makeup. That me liking makeup and doing my makeup, makes me less smart or less able to complete math or analysis. Which is ridiculous! Thank you again for your lovely reply
as a women in STEM at my university, I completely agree with your sentiment and have had very similar experiences! I think a lot of it has to do with the masculinization of our culture. being a women in STEM is often viewed as "being able to do what a man traditionally does," and with that often comes expectation of behaving in a traditionally "masculine" way in order to fit that role. having a "tough" attitude, not wearing making, etc... are seen as being part of that field. it's as though we are required to "be one of the guys" rather than embracing what is more traditionally "feminine" about ourselves, which is especially ridiculous given that these gender-based constructs are simply made up and shouldn't be defining anyone's position or understanding of themselves
@@cristinab5615 Thank you so much for your insightful reply. I think you are absolutely correct in your thinking, and I have always wondered why I've had these unconscious feelings/misgivings about wearing makeup and nice clothes to uni. After reading your comment, it has become clear to me that I had been ignoring the huge gender issue in our field. I think I ignored the fact that I was one of the only girls in my class/company/team, and how it had affected my behavior in those situations, as a coping mechanism. I just want you to know that your comment has really helped me to, 1. feel not alone, 2. feel not as crazy for feeling this way and 3. have a deeper understanding of the greater issues at hand :) Thank you!
Overdressed on my face is exactly what I've felt more than once but then I realized that at the next party/event many girls tried to imitate my look. It makes me happy
YAS QUEEN!
The thing with makeup spending is that you don't go to the store and buy one of each toothpaste they carry or one pair of every underwear available. Yet with makeup, constantly buying more than you can use up in your lifetime is normalized. It's perishable goods that doesn't retain it's value, but there's a specific kind of hyper consumerism to it.
The other one I can think of is shame of consuming makeup oriented media or spending a lot of time on TH-cam which is seen as a superficial past time alongside a live of makeup.. the shame that comes with the question why aren’t I consuming other more “intellectually stimulating” forms of media.
I think this is very true, within my academic feminist cycle of friends my consumption of beauty tube is always something that I feel the need to justify with "oh, but it's so interesting from an capitalism criticism point of view " (or something similar.) As if all beauty related things are superficial and even if, something similarly superficial would not be as shameridden if it belonged into the perceived "wold of men".
I completely feel this way too
Thanks for saying this because I felt so alone about it.
I feel this, and I also suspect that literally everyone consumes some kind of "light" media. Like, do these judgy friends not watch any reality television? Or half-hour comedies? I personally like makeup youtube because it often feels MORE enriching and "real" than a lot of highly produced TV.
@@HannahLouisePoston i spoke about this with my boyfriend and he feels the same shame about video games-related content. So sad that we are made to feel this way about what we love.
This captured my feelings into such eloquent thoughts - related to all of this! I grew up in a family where makeup wasn't a focus and also work in a STEM field which means my expression of creativity through makeup often feels shameful. However also not wearing it feels "not professional". It tugs in so many ways - I want to be able to like makeup and be creative with it, but also enjoy not wearing it! I think it all comes down to that dichotomy of damned if we do, damned if we don't - you have to be both things at once. Love the way you express things and just enjoyed this video so much :)
Possibly interesting side note on the question of defining shame: the Ancient Greek word most often translated as shame is aidos. It's more positive than the English word though, so it sometimes has to be translated as "modesty" or something. Basically it means an internal understanding of society's expectations for you, with the assumption that everyone should be living up to society's expectations (people will probably be happy to know that this assumption is embedded in the word, but the idea itself is questioned from the get-go, Hector in the Iliad dies because of following his aidos, which is part of the Iliad's overall questioning of the concepts of honor and morality).
The word "shame" is not the same as aidos, but its meaning was impacted by people's awareness of the idea of aidos, and I think it carries that same concept of measuring yourself up against social expectations. We're ashamed of things not because they're wrong, per se, but because they do not match what we believe the social expectation is for them. Which has unfortunate implications for the thing you talked about where we often feel ashamed of our faces both with and without makeup; I'd say it's not to do with the makeup, then, it's that women's faces inherently do not match up to the social expectation for faces. Notionally there's a perfect female face that people could be born with, but part of the problem is also that the default, socially expected face is a male one.
yes to everything! especially the last bit about the industry. "they" want you to feel bad about yourself. it's advertising 101 and goes all the way back to the beginning of industry (i think soap was one of the first products to be advertised and it often made people aware that they might smell bad). and sure, now we also have advertising with different motivators, but the shaming one has not disappeared, obviously. as a naturally angry person, my defense against this tactic is to get mad. like, i see what they're doing and i am not, out of pure spite, going to fall for that trap.
also, the damned if you do, damned if you don't conundrum is closely tied to just being a girl/woman in general. we can't do anything right because of society's expectations in many realms, not just makeup. the "no makeup makeup" look is made precisely for those environments in which women feel expected to be made up, but to not look made up. but! if someone, a man specifically, finds out she was faking this natural look, he might become angry and accuse her of trying to deceive people.
Yep, and on that last part of "deceit", women of all types have been marginalized, harassed, or even killed for this. v_v
I work in tech so the shame of wearing makeup is common for me. My coworkers rarely say anything , it’s me who judges myself, because I’m often the only one wearing eyeshadow (and lots of blush) in the room... I’m working on that ;)
BEAUTIFUL ANALYSIS, THANK YOU 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
It brought up some memories 😇
When I was studying in Paris (Law at the Sorbonne) I started organizing Parties (as side hustle for the money, a way to continue to dance and listen to music I’d like to hear and make new friends in a city I was foreign to). Up until that point I was CONSTANTLY feeling the shame of being over or underdone... The day that you are the host you just go as far or few as you wish (sometimes more makeup and hair to dress up an else wise middle range outfit / sometimes less to leave space for your outfit to shine / ...). On top you don’t really have the time to get self conscious anyways 😁
As an Attorney in Law I also had to comply to wear a certain type of makeup which I find pretty boring and even got pulled aside for a dark green eyeliner. I was shook, I chose a color that I was sure that nobody would notice not being brown or black... I even made my line extra thin 🤣😂
Now that I have my own office I do as I please 😇 But the good old party days makeup is something I miss dearly 🥰 I could wear bright neon eyeshadow to Court if I wanted to, but I know it could have negative effects on the outcome of the case depending on the judge... And I don’t risk it for my client’s sake... BUT ITS STUPID ✊🏻
Long story short: we need to throw a party and set the theme according to our makeup desires and then sweat it off while dancing.... like the native Americans once did 💓💓💓
LOTS OF LOVE FROM ISTANBUL ❤️❤️❤️
love this! Not enough for a party, too much for the office...and "pulled aside" for dark green liner!! Ahhhh!
@@HannahLouisePoston I don't know anyone else who got it until today!!! Whenever I told that story my friends and family considered me to be 'to obsessed with makeup'.... THANK YOU SO MUCH
This is a discussion that we NEED SO MUCH. Of course it is not going to change our attitude towards ourselves right away, but recognizing these sometimes toxic behaviours is a step in the right direction. I am a really self-conscious person, I doubt almost everything I do daily, and I am so much more strict with and hard on myself when it comes to appearances than with other people. I mean, at times I realize I find other people who have more objective flaws beautiful, and then I find myself ugly for now looking magazine perfect. I have to be more lenient with myself.
When it comes to shame, I certainly felt shame for spending and owning - which I am kind of okay with right now, as I made some changes in my consuming habits and I have more of a healthy relationship with beauty spending than I had 2-3 years ago (even though I still feel that society looks down on people spending on make-up, because that's supposedly superficial or pointless... but they give a pass to spending on other hobbies like buying video games or books that are just as pointless, if we think about it, especially when those hobbies could be done without spending, unlike beauty... or buying unique motorcycle or computer parts). I also have this ambivalent shame of 1) "overdoing" myself when it comes to makeup, 2) feeling that I look so ugly compared to some gorgeous ladies I work with if I do the same amount / style of makeup than they do (which is probably just in my head, but I still feel that way). It is a vicious cycle. But at the same time, I also ENJOY doing my makeup, putting on colors (more tertiary / murky, so we have something in common when it comes to the vibes)... but I sometimes question myself when I'm the only one at work or on the underground sporting, for example, a smokier eye, I question if it is appropriate. Which I believe should not be an issue, but with some people, it still is, like an unwritten etiquette rule.
And I agree that, of course, when feeling shame or any other negative feeling, a really easy way out is shopping for nice things (but we could also mention other potentially disruptive habits like rhapsodic eating, drinking alcohol, stimulants, sex... or even overdoing healthy habits, like over-exercising, over-dieting). Another thing like this for me was over-eating, and also, putting too much pressure on myself to be and appear educated, artistic, well-read... it takes a lot of willpower to turn all this around, and I hope I am on the right track.
so true!
I feel shame being the only women at work who wears makeup, like people think I am shallow, or believe I lack confidence. But really it is just therepuetic for me to put it on and spend time taking care of myself in a way that I enjoy and that brings me pleasure. Then I feel shame that I care what they think! It is a constant grapple!
Gosh. This video makes me so wish we could be friends in real life - there would be so many fascinating and learning-facilitating conversations I feel we could have. Thanks for bringing these convos to TH-cam!
I soooo relate to your second point. In basically every circle I'm in, I'm the only one who really wears/enjoys/plays with makeup. I have a few friends who enjoy makeup but really not that many, and they are friends who aren't often physically close (we text/chat about it, send pics, or share stuff when we do see each other which is really fun). I've found that what helped me get over it (not that I have completely) is to lean into it more. Yes, I am the one who will show up to an event in sparkly neon blue eyeshadow because I love it and that is what people expect of me now/like about me. I am lucky though to have circles who, though they don't wear makeup, don't judge me for it (or don't seem to at least). They applaud my extraness and see it as a fun aspect of my personality. I'll often get compliments or friends saying they wish they were brave enough to wear stuff like that. Last time I went to a coffee shop party wearing blue eyeshadow and three different strangers came up to me to tell me how awesome my look was even though they weren't wearing particularly makeup-y looks. I think seeing it that way myself helps others see it that way too. Im not trying to excuse myself for it anymore, and I think that affects how people perceive it. I also think society has improved and is often less judgemental with these things. I notice it especially when I hang out with groups that are younger than me, they really don't seem to care which is amazing.
Damned if we do, damned if we don't. As a woman who opted entirely out of makeup while still in high school, I thought it was just a personal decision on how I feel best and most confident. I didn't expect so much shame, especially professionally and from family members and friends, from simply NOT doing anything with it, especially when it was an active choice I made that helped me feel great about myself. We really can't win!
This kind of thoughtful & insightful content is my absolute favorite! I read every comment because they were fascinating, vulnerable, & relatable. I've been thinking about this issue for days since I watched your video. I have used & been intrigued by cosmetics (makeup & skincare) since I was around 12 years old--the power of transformation, the aesthetics of beauty, an obsession with color, the perfection and promise of a new lipstick. Cosmetics have added such a fun and enriching layer to my life. As others have noted, since this has resonated with so many, a series would be fantastic--cosmetics & blank (joy, community, whatever topic appeals to you...). Thank you for starting this conversation!
This was such a great discussion! I’ve recently started to reevaluate why I wear make up. I’ve never worn a full face day to day but “enough” to hide the shame of my skin having the audacity to look like it has a few stories to tell after four decades of life. I’m tired of having to check my face to make sure things are staying put, tired of feeling like I’m “damned if I do, damned if I don’t “, and tired of trying to force my face into submission so it looks like some ideal I don’t even agree with. I don’t think anything of it when I see others without make up but when it comes to myself my inner perfectionist takes over and starts the shaming of everything “wrong” with me.
As always, nail on the head, Hannah. I am in clinical psychology, and the dictionary definition is much closer to guilt than shame. In mental health, the two are distinguished between feeling one’s whole being is wrong (i.e., shame) and feeling someone has done something wrong (I.e., guilt). Shame is so problematic because it feels inextricable from oneself, so you look for external things to undo the feeling but you are always running from the idea that underneath is wholly bad. Guilt is usually a bit more productive because there is a sense that you can do something about it. You’re not bad; you just did something bad.
And I also have to say that your recommendations for how we handle our shame are excellent.
YYYAAAAASSSSS!! More videos like this, it's so interesting. I'm just a few minutes in, but wanted to make a comment cause I LOVE this topic, and most people don't really talk about the deeper aspects of makeup etc. Totally agree with your interpretation of shame. At least from a psychological perspective, shame is exactly dealing with the aspect of existence, whereas guilt has to do with behavior.
I think the idea of ‘shamed if you do, shamed if you don’t’ is so very tired up in many, many aspects of marginalized identities. As you said, it’s a way to keep marginalized people exhausted from having to constantly think about and analyze their actions and feelings about the world around them. It keeps people quiet and it also keeps them buying to self-soothe.
This.
Your way of thinking through topics is so fascinating. As always, great video! I have felt these kinds of shame many times. Being an introvert I often use being" overdressed on my face" as a kind of shield: it sometimes becomes my way of feeling like a different person, one that can easily come into a room and be as flamboyant and fun as my make up is. In academic settings it is really hard for me to look "face appropriate" for this reason: I want that confidence of feeling like I expressed my inner self, but, at the same time, I know for a fact that people are not going to respect my intelligence in the same way if I dont take it down like twenty notches from my normal glitter smokey eye. Also, I come from my family where absolutely noone wears make up , my mom doesnt even know what each thing is, but with time I found they have come to admire it as a skill, not just a frivolous thing I waste my precious time doing. What I am trying to say is that I think there are many evolutions and convolutions of these cycles of shame around beauty, self expression, acceptance and self-definition. At the end of the day it's all messy and sometimetimes difficult to navigate, but it's also a very rich beautiful jungle once you accept there are many facets to it: you see the shame, acknoledge it's there and can then move on to the rest of you explorations ;)
I love your comment Silvia! Especially the “rich, beautiful jungle” 😍
I’ve always done the same, being an introvert, I loving both creating the “mask” & wearing it. But yes, along with that comes all the “problems” of being full glam in inappropriate settings 🤣🤣 Oh well!! 💗💗💗
Very well said.
Love your explanation! I often would do intricate or heavier makeup in my younger years and would think of it as a shield, or sometimes as a character I was portraying. It helped with confidence. Nowadays its just for me and its nice to have gotten to the place where I don’t necessarily care what other people think of my makeup.
YES to all of this!!!!
@@rebeccamercado6254 it's a process, and I hope I'm getting closer and closer to getting there! In most scenarios I am able to do what I feel is best for me, but academia in particular is a hard one because so much is at stake in other people's perception of me, so, while I am used to battling with the confidence/not caring thing in normal life, academic circles are places where I do struggle more to disentangle myself for now. But these kinds of reflections and seeing other people have gone through the same things certainly helps! ;)
this is a nice video, it's nice to hear a beauty youtuber who talks honestly about makeup buying being related to insecurity. while i also love the artistry of it, i also wear makeup out of "shame" about my own looks (you put it well -- makeup is both "enhancement" and "concealment") and the joy i get in buying new makeup is a mixture of liking the beautiful object + feeling like it's a temporary bandaid over the rest of the things in my life that i *can't* control; doing my makeup is one of the easiest/quickest ways to transform myself. a lot of beauty gurus talk about how makeup is just pure expression or whatever and not related to beauty standards, which i find to be a blatant lie since no one draws fake acne or unibrows on or contours their noses to look bigger, for example. i'm not "naturally" pretty enough to go makeup free at work, yet I still feel ashamed of how i wear it every day, like feeling guilty that i'm being vain...
Hannah, I think guilt and shame go hand in hand for these reasons too. I've been told to stop feeling guilty about things because who am I trying to impress? As long as I'm happy and healthy and I'm not hurting anyone then surely I shouldn't have guilt about my collection, my spending habits or how I present myself at work and socially. I love wearing makeup because it's my only source of creativity and skill when I'm sat in an office all day. It makes my day 100% better by experimenting with colours and textures first thing in the morning. I also feel guilty about how I dont dress as 'formal' as others in the office - but I work best when I'm comfortable. I still feel like I'm professional regardless and my manager is happy with how I present myself and my work. It's just who I am and I'm fed up of other people commenting and judging me. Thanks for your thoughts Hannah x
I find myself being ashamed of owning too much makeup and having the skills but not wearing it ever. In my culture it's not common to wear an eyeshadow look for example. So I see this pile of makeup that I love, I know how to do beautiful things with but never use. I feel ashamed and then promise to use it more but when I do I feel overdress and ashamed again
I can totally relate to this. There's a lot of shame in wearing makeup in my profession since it makes you look high maintenance. Also because most people in the field are men, as a woman you're better off trying to blend in. Also, I'm convinced that wearing heavier makeup makes these men think about you as a non-professional. I've even had people ask me out at work when I've had heavier makeup on... It's so frustrating that we have to limit ourselves because of this stuff.
I love loud colorful gitter filled looks. I often reserve my wildest looks to when I know Im going to be home because Im doing it for me!
@@tiiaplays9087 I feel the same way! Like if because of the way you look people underestimates you and the things you've accomplished (hope you can understand what I say, English it's not my first lenguage so I struggle a little)
@@agustinahernandez42 exactly!
I know this sounds odd but start wearing whatever crazy your feeling to the salon. I really learned to feel fine wearing "too much" makeup wearing a bright red lip or a multichrome smokey eye getting my hair cut/bleached/dyed. It is worth saying though that I have a pixie cut and am in a salon every 4 or 5 weeks, if you have long hair and only her it cut every 6 months this might be less helpful.
This was a great discussion, Hannah! Sometimes it feels like you just can't win when it comes to makeup shaming.
thanks for watching, Kelly! xoxo!
Hannah is like the angel that sits on your shoulder telling you to make better decisions in the most supportive way lol, she is the antidote to other beauty influencers
PS As a young pharmacist I have suchhh makeup struggles with the need to appear "professional" with the "right" amount and types of makeup. Then looking in the mirror at the end of the day seeing the foundation break down/separate on oily skin is horrifying! the shame of having bad skin, the shame of getting laser resurfacing to fix my bad skin, the shame of having pigmentation issues due to laser resurfacing, the never ending cycle of shame....
I started getting into beauty youtube tutorials around the time I was prepping for my wedding. I went to various places to have my “makeup done” as a trial before the day... and I hated all of it. 2 weeks before my wedding, I sat down and watched at least a dozen Lisa Eldridge videos and finally came up with a look that to THIS DAY, I still love in photos.
A year later, my baby brother died of cancer in his mid twenties. 2 weeks after he died, I wandered into Credo and swatched everything on my arm. I kept going back, watching reviews of products and then growing my makeup collection with products I loved. For years since I have bought and used makeup to cope with that great loss. I’ve felt all of the types of shame that you have described here, Hannah. I felt shame for spending money on something I couldn’t use before it expired. I felt shame for needing makeup to feel good. Now I judge myself less, but I question more. Why do I need that thing? Why do I care if I stand out with or without makeup? Why is “this” or “that” part of my face a “problem” area? What other things can I do to de-stress when having a bad grief day?
Thank you for this video! So, so, so needed.
I LOVE your essay style videos, I have re watched your “what I learned from my no buy year” series multiple times. I learn something new everytime and I also feel understood and less alone. Love your channel
I feel very fortunate that I never really felt a lot of shame or self-consciousness that many women deal with on a daily basis. Sometimes I'm shocked how much people in my own life or online overthink certain aspects of their appearance. Not to say I've never felt self-concious about my face/body/clothes, but it's not something that I think about very often.
Wearing makeup to be "professional" or to be "taking seriously" was a very foreign concept me, until just a few years ago, when I joined a few makeup facebook groups with a majority of members coming from the US. In Germany there aren't a ton of people that wear makeup on a daily basis, or if they do it's so subtle, that I wouldn't even be able to tell they're wearing makeup.
I've definitely met people who try to make me feel bad for the effort I put into my apperance, usually not related to makeup tho'. I was really into nailart as a teen and I had a teacher telling me it's a waste of my time and that I could have used that time for my school work instead. I also experimented with fashion a lot and had teachers tell me I shouldn't "dress up" as much, "this is school not a runway". All of those statements weren't hurtful to me, just annoying, but thinking back at it I'm horrified how these comments could have affected someone who's struggling with their confidence, especially at that age.
I also had family and friends comment on the amount of makeup I own, because most of them rarely wear makeup and barely own any. Someone told me they were shocked that I own more than two makeup brushes.
For the trial and error, I look at it differently. I work in a school and when they are learning to write their name we ask them to try. Every day we celebrate what they can do, and we encourage them. Why don't we offer the same kindness about a new skill to ourselves that we would to a small child? Anytime I get discouraged I ask myself what would I tell a student.
This is one of your best videos yet! I found myself saying “yes! Exactly” to everything you said. At some point in my life I have experienced all the shame you mentioned. As I’m getting older, it’s easier to move past.
As a guy i certainly feel some externally forced shame over wearing makeup, especially since i love wearing colorful eyeshadow casually.
I SO hope that joyful, casual colorful makeup for men will become more and more common! I think if makeup becomes even somewhat normalized across genders, it will help a lot with the central issues of this video.
Most makeup artist who shaped trends of makeup were men since the 60s. Be proud of your artistic creativity and talent, society will catch up one day but until then be your beautiful self with and without makeup.
Hi, Hannah! I’ve been following you for about a year or two, but I hadn’t watched these series of older videos. I’ve been watching them, and they’ve been very interesting and helpful. However, this video has been the most compelling one to me. Shame for us women either being feminine o rejecting femininity is such an interesting topic, and I appreciate that you made this space to discuss and reflect on it.
Given your writing background, I think it is interesting for you to talk about makeup through a word or phrase or even a piece of litterature. It's like makeup philosophy. I love it!
Every woman that has ever even thought about makeup should watch this and take part in or just follow this discussion. This is the best "beauty video" EVER.
You shared ideas that so many of us grapple with at every age.
Thank you for taking the time to put your insightful ideas here for us.💕
Something I began to do was ask myself how I'd feel about myself if I didn't own a mirror. Surprisingly EVERY TIME the answer is... fabulous! This has helped me to age more gracefully and see my beautiful self within. 🤗
Another shame instance I have experienced or felt a lot is loving makeup and being a feminist. I worked as a teacher in Taiwan and in Nicaragua for a while and would wear bright colors and fun eyeshadow but when I spoke to my colleagues about doing feminist, empowering activities with my classes that happened to be all girls, I always felt like they were judging me for wanting to do that but still coming in everyday with a full face of makeup. Whether they actually were or not, or if it was my own internal conflict about possibly normalizing the standards that girls had to wear makeup (especially in more traditional patriarchal cultures) is another aspect that could be considered.
This is the content I'm subscribed for.
I sometimes feel shame for being so involved in the beauty community when I see all the drama around it but then when I watch someone so well spoken that touches more in depth subjects it makes me feel less ashamed for being part of this community and consuming so much beauty related content 😊 thank you Hannah for making this community a better and more beautiful space 🥰
This video is a master class of shadow work. Thank you for such a skilled demonstration. Whenever I am pondering “what is shadow work”, I will remember the clear example of that displayed in this video.
The shame over makeup skills/application is so real. Many times when I was getting adjusted to colorful, out-there makeup I left the house feeling like I'd overdone it, that I looked like a fool. Especially for work. My greatest fear was being told my makeup looked ridiculous, unprofessional, and I must wash it off before starting my shift. That never happened. Instead I get positive feedback, which reminded me that the world is chill and my makeup is welcomed in it.
My skills and confidence have improved greatly to the point that I virtually never worry about it looking bad, but instead of my shame going away, it shifted. I still feel SHAME that having my makeup accepted is SO IMPORTANT to me. I know it's my artform, my soul on my sleeve, but it's just makeup... no one else at work wears makeup like that, it's not important to them, why does it matter so much to me? Why is it in my top 3 reasons of why I love my job that they allow me to wear whatever makeup I want? Why do I feel like a lesser version of myself when I don't have time to put colors and glitter all over my face? Why do I feel such a compulsive NEED to stand out through makeup? Why haven't I learned to channel my creativity in other, 'more productive' ways?
I guess my biggest 'shame' now is my overall attachment to makeup as a mode of expression. It's literally causing me to question my choice to go to Nursing school - considering a future of just brow gel and mascara and scrubs all day, no opportunity to really express my soul through color; so on class days I overcompensate with my attire and makeup, sit in class and look around, and I can tell that makeup is the last thing on my peer's minds. Which makes me feel weird, and ashamed. Then a classmate or instructor compliments my makeup, and I'm reminded that the world is chill, and I don't have to fear unacceptance. I still question my future though, and how I'm going to keep making makeup fit into it.
I've thought about all of these aspects of makeup shame over the year trying to unpack my weird relationship to it. I love your point of mistrusting shame as a way to mitigate the unwanted feelings. Thanks for so beautifully articulating it! These points are more important than they initially seem. Hope you're keeping well during these strange times. xx
thank you, dear one!
I can’t agree more with everything you’ve said. It’s all happened to me and I have felt all of it. But right now, at 39 years old, all I can say is just live your best life. You do you, life’s too short. Love to all!
love this :)
Thank you for helping me understand, change and accept my relationship with makeup and beauty on so many levels 🙏😘. Being 50 years old and never being taught how to apply it properly (because my academic background and family used to tell me that only the cheap, not classy, not profound people wore makeup) for most of my life I didn't wear any even though it intrigued me. There were no TH-cam tutorials back in the days. Dressing up, wearing beautiful clothes and/or makeup could not be combined with feminism. Over the past maybe four years I now have developed some decent skills. But having discovered your channel some six months ago has given me so much more peace with and acceptance of my personality and love of beautiful things. I feel at ease with the fact that I can love a red lipstick and still discuss deep sociological issues. I can wear a bold eyelook when I "only" go grocerie shopping. All these things and inclinations are part of who I am and I don't want to be ashamed of them any more!
So thank you again for doing your work in the world in such a beautiful and inspiring way.
Wow yes this is so true. My mother collects clothes, purses and jewelry always buying them but will also judge why I buy nail polish , lipsticks or makeup. Yeah well we all have are collections and we should try to be understanding and not judge mental about others collections...
This shame of owning too much makeup is so true. I have a little dressing room where my makeup is stored and whenever someone comes to the house as a visitor, I feel very embarrassed that they will see my extensive collection. I need to work on this. I have always loved makeup and I no longer feel ashamed about that thanks to discovering so many fellow makeup lovers online. But this last hurdle I think I will need to face. Thank you so much for this video. X
"Shame may carry the connotation of a response to something that is morally wrong whereas embarrassment is the response to something that is morally neutral but socially unacceptable."
This makes sense to me. Shame has to do with behavior, embarrassment has to do with appearance or anything else that is morally neutral.
Bravo, Hannah! I love that you are talking about subjects that have always been taboo in the beaty community. The feeling of shame about my make up collection has been with me for over 20 years. I feel ashamed that I want to keep collecting make up, and for spending so much money on it. I have been shamed by my family. I was also using make up as a bandaid to make myselft feel better when I was in a funk. And, a while back, I was ashamed to be seen using "cheap drugstore" make up. I am very glad that over the past 7 years beauty community has removed the stigma of inexpensive make up being inferior. When I started thinking about makeup and shame, I realized that project pan videos are an exellent example of hidden shame. Money was spent on a perisheable product, it's not being used, so project panners "punish" themselves by using it until the last drop, often even if they don't want to.
Ooh, thats very insightful about project panners. I have often thought it seemed a waste of time when some would try and pan something they didn’t like; I mean, its a sunk cost at that point, whether you use it or not. I think you articulated something thats been in my head for awhile about that :)
@@rebeccamercado6254, I am so glad I am not the only one who feels that way. And it's weird how people post their panning process like it's a achievement.
I read once that guilt comes from what you do, but shame comes from who you are. It’s based in feeling like your fundamental self is not acceptable or worthy. So if we look at some actions on your list, how does the shame inform the guilt? While I feel guilt for buying too much makeup, the shame I experience simultaneously is actually the shame of not having financial self-control. While I feel guilt for not knowing how to use certain types of makeup, the shame I feel is actually for not being smart/cultured/feminine enough.
My husband comments about my makeup collection being “too much” but doesn’t want to listen about the differences between the products nor my enjoyment around experimentation. I’ve tried to remind him that it’s no different to his collection of gadgets I just get no joy out of gadgets.
I love LOVE this video. As someone who used to not really leave the house without makeup and who would not let partners see her bare face for months, I have been trying my best this last 6 months or so to wear makeup only when I am in the mood to play and enjoy the process of it. I'm not always successful, but I do notice that overall, I have a happier relationship with my makeup ❤️
Great video! Really loved hearing your insight on this topic. One thing that came to mind when considering my own feelings of shame as it relates to the online beauty community is inspiration vs. influence. Personally, I feel the most shame when I’m influenced to buy something because someone else said it was “perfect,” even though it might not be the right thing for me, but don’t feel any shame when I’m inspired to buy something because it sparked something in my own creativity and appealed to my own desires. I know you’ve spoken about “shopping to want” and watching beauty content has a similar effect on me. I’ve let go a lot of these feelings by coming to terms with my own taste/preferences/style, and filtering out the sales pitches from both major corporations and beauty influencers. Thanks for making this video!!
oooh, good one! Thanks for sharing this!
this is a rarely talked about and I appreciate your honesty and bravery in being open about it.
I feel makeup shame over how much I own. I come from a family of girls and no matter how "heavy" my relatives wear their makeup, I own more makeup than they do and an extra layer of shock is added by the fact that my style is very much "no makeup makeup". Colour cosmetics are also my fave so sometimes they look at me as if, "Where are you putting all this? You're certainly not wearing it!"
They always joke that my collection is worth thousands like up to £10k (maybe I've spent thousands in the decade I've been interested in makeup, but as a drugstore junkie my current collection definitely isn't worth more than £2k).
Even though relatives use this to come to me for advice etc, I find myself downplaying my interest (even though my collection makes it clear how into it I am) by sometimes pretending not to have heard of certain products and casually mentioning a new release as if it's nothing special. Even though I have loads of interests both intellectual and fanciful, I feel embarrassed to reveal just how into makeup I am.
So much of this video resonates with me and my experiences with makeup. When I first started wearing eyeliner (just standard black pencil eyeliner), my mom would tell me I was wearing too much (and it wasn't even the "raccoon eyes" of the early 2000's), but would, then, tell me I look dowdy when I had no eyeliner on...
great video~! i am always struck by your uncanny ability to articulate exactly how i've been thinking and feeling about makeup and beauty for years. i feel wrong for wearing too much makeup, i feel wrong for wearing not enough. i very closely identify with what you said about feeling 'overdressed' with your makeup; i feel that way constantly, especially when i'm the only person at the function with noticeable makeup on. when i wear minimal makeup, it feels like i can't get my life together enough to even do my makeup properly before work, and also like i'm squandering the makeup i own but didn't use that day. i very rarely get through to the end of a day and feel confident about the makeup i put on that morning. thanks for all that you do hannah! nice to feel camaraderie here
To your point about the shame of owning it and enjoying it. I consistently felt this, until the last year when I came down with terrible health. And my family realised, oddly that playing with makeup is what was helping me cope with bad days. It brought me so much joy and makeup play time - literally helped take my mind off my chronic pain, and took it down a notch. Similar in a way, that research has shown the impact of comedy on chronic pain. I truly love and appreciate my collection. It’s going to be extensive, and that’s fine.
This discussion has made me think more deeply about why I wear makeup. While I have always enjoyed the artistry of cosmetics, it was not until I became sick with Fibromyalgia that makeup became very important to my identity. I don’t enjoy the discomfort of other people’s pity...so I used makeup to hide dark circles, etc...and to make me look “healthy.” It was a way to hide my “othered” status as a disabled person, both to others, and to some degree, myself. I have begun to let go of that impulse to “hide” in makeup, and I enjoy it a lot more. It does make me think about all the “health” that makeup tries to emphasize...being youthful, flushed, and free of blemish...as if there is something shameful about being physically fallible. And now I wonder if the impulse that drove me to makeup in the first place was indeed, shame.
I’ve actually been dealing with shame a lot lately. I grew up in a very frugal, poor family as basically a foster child. Now that I’ve gotten to a place where I have money to spare and Can buy things for myself that I enjoy like make up, I keep feeling bad about it. You can’t imagine how nice it was to hear someone talking openly about connections others have with makeup and shame rn.
I definitely get shamed for wearing makeup by other moms and my area. Back where I grew up, makeup was commonly worn but not as much here with people maybe wearing one item or two. And in the mom groups, a common complaint is not having time for yourself, so if you wear makeup it comes off to people that you are neglecting your children or are flaunting your superiority. Why can’t it just be that I make time for it because I like it? I don’t care if other people wear makeup. Most of my friends wear very little makeup.
Sorry you experience that. Good job on being able to make extra time for something you enjoy. Most of the women in my life wear no makeup and I struggle with thinking they perceive me as vain, even though mine is minimal and mostly to hide skin issues to have more confidence.
I feel this too. Its hard going to pick up my kids from school and walking thru the other moms that are in workout clothes and always talking about being exhausted and me wearing a bright red lipstick. But I do see other momns wear makeup too, so its this wierd mix of those who never do to thhose that make a point to wear it. It feels more freeing now that we are all staying home ;)
wow. stunned by this. It's such a good example of another double-standard. We're expected to look unnaturally good, but also expected to sacrifice all of our time to other people.
Smith Smith I definitely don’t take time for some things like doing my hair 😆
Rebecca Mercado Yeah, I went all out for my eyeshadow on Halloween last year and at the bus stop the other moms were startled even though I wear full eye looks every day for fun. The one mom said “oh, I guess it is the day for it” and I just wanted to say, oh, you mean a Thursday? 😅
I really relate to what you briefly said about feeling embarrassed about wearing too much makeup in academic settings. I just completed my bachelors at Oxford and was surrounded by inspiring, intelligent women who I deeply admire, but almost all of whom wore no makeup at all. I think that it's great that academia (at least in the setting in which I found myself) is not an industry in which women are pressured to look glamorous to prove their competence. However, I also think that it's really important for academic settings to be a place in which women (and people of all genders) can choose to love 'frivolous' things like makeup and fashion as well as being intellectual powerhouses. Just as we shouldn't be expected to fit into a mould of wearing makeup and looking perfectly groomed, we also shouldn't be expected to tone down our self-expression to look 'natural' and prove that we are serious. We should be able to turn up to a departmental dinner wearing lipstick and still have our ideas taken seriously!
Loved this video - a really interesting discussion of a complicated topic ♥️
so well said! It's a good quality of academia that women aren't pressured to look made up, but as in many settings, this good quality comes hand-in-hand with a very bad quality: suspicion of women who choose to wear statement makeup because they enjoy it. It's almost always either-or.
I loved listening to your point about having too much, especially spending too much on it. I'm with my family right now and I bought myself some "fewer nicer things", and when they began arriving, I got really worried about how my dad was going to react, because he's roasted me for my large collection and spending in the past. This time I kind of confronted it head on and told him these are birthday gifts and I haven't bought makeup in months, but when he sort of casually said "I'm just tossing the same jokes at you that you do with me, I'm not worried about you spending too much cause you're smart enough to keep yourself in check". And that really struck me because I was so worried about how he was going to react not because of his actual reaction, but because I was worried he was going to tell me what I already knew; that I was spending too much on things I don't really want/need in order to chase trends or make myself feel better. And while I've begun to curb this behavior (my birthday purchases are the 3rd makeup purchase I've made this year), it was a stark reminder that a lot of my behaviors around purchasing are still shame based and falling into old habits. But it's reminded me of how much further I am today in terms of spending and consumption, so that was nice.
it sounds like you are doing amazing
Thank you, Hannah, for so clearly communicating. You are an absolute joy 💜
You’re very intuitive and explain things thoroughly so they’re easily understood. I really appreciate that and it makes watching you/your channel that much better.
Thanks a bunch, chickadee🍃🌸
Thank you for initiating a conversation around this subject ❤️
I'm just going to share two incredibly strong memories of being shamed for wearing makeup by my family:
I recall walking through Strasbourg with my parents and brother in my 20s, feeling pretty good about us and myself and the chic dark red lip I was rocking, but then overheard my father muttering to my mother, "Isn't her lipstick a bit too strong?" and it crushed me. My mother's signature look while I was growing up was dark red lipstick.
A few years later, I was doing my makeup whilst on the train to London with my mum and brother. I was putting on my subtlest, everyday face - the one I used to wear to feel presentable and so as not to have my appearance criticised by my mum and brother. But they weren't used to seeing me apply it. My mother expressed dismay at the number of steps. My brother plainly said, "That's too much makeup" (why?) But if I hadn't worn any, they would have asked me why not. I've become an expert in the way I need to look for my mother to be pleased with me. ABH Sultry, always mascara, never red lipstick nor red nails. All these rules.
When I'm at home or at work, I wear whatever makeup I want or nothing at all. I'm super lucky that I don't client face and no one at work gives a fluff what anyone else is wearing. Every now and then, one of my usually oblivious colleagues will compliment me on the "stuff" on my eyes and it's delightful.
I work in higher ed in the US and know that as a Black woman with natural hair that I have to balance trying to look like I’m not wearing too much makeup because I feel I will be judged for looking “unprofessional”. Not only for my hair but what kind of makeup I have on. Most days I don’t wear it. But I would love to be able to wear unconventional lipstick colors without fear of being labeled as unprofessional. I push the envelope sometimes, but I know how much I wear can make an impact on what people think about me or my perceived competence/ability.
I also feel shame based on how much makeup I have and how much I spent on it. I haven’t really bought anything recently. But I have so much that I could never use it all before it is technically expired based on how infrequently I wear it. I remember when I hit platinum at Ulta a year ago. I was wearing no make up that day and I remember feeling like I needed to stop. How could I keep spending that much on makeup and I don’t even wear it?
I've also noticed a lot of the "shame around buying too much (or any) makeup" in this beauty community, including myself. I don't make much money, and when I do have any extra cash I immediately spend it on something that's been on my wishlist. Which fills me with shame! But as you said, building a clear vision of what we want our financial life to look like is a bold and worthy task. And the shame dissipates as I use and appreciate the makeup and make cool looks. Mistrust!
Re: always buying the newest thing, to test or just to have, I think of what Angie Di Battista here on YT says to the young pro MUAs who visit her channel: "get away from this notion of having 'the best' of everything". Sound advice.
I was so glad you went in on shame-based marketing. Surprised you didn't mention Brené Brown's excellent talks on shame! She seems to share the same definition as you do. 😊
Also also: Nisi Pisa's video on a similar topic from a year ago is... 🎶 SO Goooood 🎵 th-cam.com/video/1PwhVZo1baE/w-d-xo.html
A lot of this hit hard. So much truth. Thank you for making this and the series of sephora videos. Somehow makes me feel better that other do this stuff too!
This is amazing !! You literally said everything I've ever thought or experienced!!
Keep up the awesome work Hannah, the beauty community needs more people like you ❤❤
Thank you so much!!
Really fascinating convo. I just watched another video about double standards with men and women in the beauty community and how people who are naturally beautiful get ahead in this industry. Wear what you want, when you want and take note of the comments or reactions and ask others what they think. That’s what I do now with my family and friends, I’ve even done this with my guy friends and it helps to normalize discussion about makeup and self-care. Oftentimes they end up asking me advice about what to try and techniques for application, and it’s helped to diminish the shame because it feels/is normal
This is so interesting, Hannah! I took an evolutionary psych class in undergrad, and did my final project on the evolution of the moral emotions (such as shame, disgust, altruism, etc). Shame, when it’s working properly, is an incredibly important and useful part of living as a social creature. I am talking about the kind of shame one might feel after stealing from the sweet old lady that lives next door. It keeps our behavior in check so we can live harmoniously in a community. You did an amazing job of unpacking how shame can run amok in our current culture, and also how it can both be helpful and harmful to us depending on how it manifests.
This is exactly you are such a valuable person in the beauty community. I agree with you that we just have to no allow ourselves to feel shame in those situations. For me this will take practice. Thanks Hanna xoxo
This resonates with me- I love makeup and brushes and sometimes I worry I have too much of it- people get horrified when they see how much I have and make comments like “omg you have half a Sephora! You don’t need makeup!” But I love it and it’s a genuine hobby as well as a calming activity for me. My family as well is extremely frugal and find it ridiculous.
I completely understand wanting the minimalist lifestyle and aesthetic, but what I have is not minimalist.
In the professional workplace I always wear makeup and if I don’t, I get comments (from my male colleagues mostly) that I look “tired” or they are worried I’m sick. But if I do wear a beautiful eye look etc., I get passive aggressive comments from my female colleagues about how “great I am at makeup” and sometimes am considered too “made up” for the office if I use a shimmer eyeshadow.
Also I agree with your astute analysis about buying small (yet expensive) makeup items as “retail therapy” to fix the stress of everyday life. It’s a recipe for financial disaster. Thank you for your channel.
Need to pause early on because you are touching on so many great points. As a woman in academia, science specifically, there are so many confusing feelings around loving makeup. When I’ve worked for and alongside mostly men, there is a weird shame that I might be judged for wasting time on makeup rather than research (not than anyone ever said it, most guys I’ve worked with didn’t care or thought it was cool). And then with women, there’s a similar shame in not feeling like you shouldn’t take time for it but also sometimes this weird gate keeping of what women in science should be. I assume it’s because of the decades of having to prove ourselves to men in science, which meant assimilation. Then there’s the general worry of not being taken seriously because I also seriously love glitter. Overall things aren’t terrible and people are generally chill but there’s definitely extra mental energy spent on unnecessary shame.
I think the point about assimilation is a very good one. Working in computer science I too feel the exact same judgements you wrote about
Fascinating discussion in the video and comments! I grew up with little exposure to makeup. In some ways I think it was good because I learned to accept my imperfect features and complexion. Lately, as an adult, I’ve developed a desire to wear fun colors, but I feel self-conscious, especially as an engineer.
This is a little bit different, but for me, sometimes I am ashamed to go buy makeup, if I'm not looking my best that day. Like in eastern europe the shop assistants at sephora are so judgy. Or maybe I'm just imagining them being judgy. But I feel like the moment I walk in, they are watching me and making an assessment.
I will agree with your comment x
Totally! I have my brows done at Ulta so I go in with no makeup. No one there is judgy; actually they are lovely. But. I still have this urge to go back later with makeup as if to say "look! I'm not that person you saw before!" even though I am and they really don't care.
You're not alone...I would shop for groceries without makeup but I wear a full face if I walk into a Sephora. I definitely feel you are treated differently in a shop by how you look. (Like in the movie Pretty Woman).
I think Sephora assistants worldwide make us feel that way!
oh this is so real!
Once again, thank you for sharing your thoughts so eloquently. I do feel shame for most of the things you said : wearing (too much) makeup, not really loving the way I look without it, owning too much of it... I feel like I just can't win. I will certainly rewatch your video several times. 💛
I really appreciate this conversation. Sometimes I feel shame/bad that I'm NOT buying more makeup. I see content creators or posts on Instagram for new products and think, should I want that? I don't and then feel like, is there something wrong with me that I DON'T want it? I'm pretty happy with what I have and just buy new items once in a while, but sometimes feel "left out". Weird 🤔
The comments section here is just so wonderful. I feel I’ve found kindred spirits. I’ve always worked in serious industries and surrounded by “serious” folk. I’ve felt like I’ve had to hide my love for skincare & makeup - it’s consistently viewed as frivolous. And yes I do find that if I wear too much eyeliner/bright shade of lipstick I’m taken less seriously especially in male dominated workplaces (though I’ve had plenty of women come up and criticise my foundation too). On the contrary, when I wear no makeup, I’m asked if I’m tired or whether I want to go “freshen up”. Damned if you, damned if you don’t.
I. Love. This. Video. THANK YOU for summing up so much of the stigma with makeup relating to societal perceptions, our own perceptions, and its relation to overspending. You bring up so many good points that really got me analyzing my problems relationship in the past with makeup (re, spending too much on it or acquiring things that don't necessarily serve me in the best way). Great video and very eloquently put!
I've often felt there is no way to win the to wear or not to wear dichotomy. I've been shamed for wearing "too much" makeup, and I've been shamed for wearing no makeup. Even my husband who means well and loves my face tells me I don't need all the makeup because I'm already beautiful. I don't want to justify my makeup.
That headband is everything! Also you make some excellent points that will have me thinking about these dualities for awhile
I only got into makeup a few years ago, and it sounds so stupid, but i used to hide my „Collection“ because none of my friends were interested in makeup, some used some, but not a lot and nobody really talked about it. i dont know, but for some reason i felt really ashamed for liking ist; i used to put on elaborate eyeshadow but only for myself at Home. I somehow felt frivolous and stupid for liking it so much. It literally took years for me to „confess“ and It was such a relief and so many friends were so cool with it and now ask me to do their makeup when we go out because they know i enjoy it. i honestly dont know why i felt that way (i still do sometime). Maybe its some internalized misogynism or something, but it is do great to hear from you and other people in the comments who understand!
My two very strong female supervisors when I did my doctoral degree mostly didn't wear makeup. Preparing for my viva (oral defence) they told me, 'put on a bold red lipstick and walk in there confidently for all the professional women!' which really stuck with me, and I did!
This is so badass! Love it
LOVE
Thank you for this video and I appreciate you shedding light and this not so often discussed topic in the beauty community! Would you consider sharing your thoughts on embracing your 'bare face'/ the face you wake up with as a makeup enthusiast as I have struggled with this a lot myself and I have often heard my girlfriends having the same insecurity.
Always love a video that starts with a definition and a needed clarification of the definition. Such a insightful connection between makeup and shame. Now I shall ponder this for hours. Thanks for always doing this Hannah!! ❤️
And once again.. YES
This is all SO. GOOD. Classic Hannah video, where I feel like you crawled around in my brain and emerged with my exact thoughts and feelings!!!
:)