How Do I Make Friends as an Adult?

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 ต.ค. 2023
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ความคิดเห็น • 199

  • @whatintheheck4692
    @whatintheheck4692 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +110

    There are a lot of people who struggle with this, but she was brave enough to ask.

  • @kelliconlan8133
    @kelliconlan8133 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +67

    Feeling in middle school all over again in your 40's is a great way to state these feelings you feel at this time in life.

  • @melissab3217
    @melissab3217 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +41

    I also feel like no one wants to make connections . Or even accept simple acts of kindness. Yesterday the donut shop at my university had a buy 1 get 1 free sale, and I turned to ask the people after me in line if anyone wanted my free one. They all just avoided eye contact or shrugged, and then the next guy in line bought a donut. I felt like a leper or something.

    • @ForAncientKingAndElvishLord
      @ForAncientKingAndElvishLord 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

      I can totally understand your feeling. I'm 29 and I'm back to college to finish my degree. Last week I entered the classroom and said Hi to the few people that were sitting there, and they looked st me like I had two heads. It was fucking awkward. I can't even ask people to take pictures of their notes because I feel too old to talk to them 😭

    • @melissab3217
      @melissab3217 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      @@ForAncientKingAndElvishLord for real! It's so awkward.

    • @nt3833
      @nt3833 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      @@ForAncientKingAndElvishLordthat is so sad. If the current generation has no social skills we are all in for a world of hurt.

    • @amylenoir345
      @amylenoir345 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      People are nuts

    • @nathangunnels8624
      @nathangunnels8624 7 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      Same people act like they are scared of talking to people

  • @KrisG66
    @KrisG66 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +33

    I've lived in Colorado Springs for 5 years and at 57 years old and have made no REAL friends since I've been here. It is hard in your 40's and 50's when other women are still raising kids and have their core group set. I feel you!

    • @kimF499
      @kimF499 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I agree. I'm in Colorado Springs as well, in my 30s though, and even while attempting to make other mom friends it is challenging. I have 1 child, and most women I meet have multiple, so different schedules to manage makes it challenging to actually build lasting friendships

    • @adri8901
      @adri8901 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      ​@@kimF499I'm 36 and I'm in Denver. Want to be friends (seeing this show 6 months late)

    • @saintejeannedarc9460
      @saintejeannedarc9460 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@adri8901 I'll give this thread another bump and maybe these ladies will see it.

  • @catbravo994
    @catbravo994 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +20

    I just turned 50 and have two adult kids. All the friends I had are no longer in my life. I have tried to make friends and talk to people in the community but I can't seem to connect to anyone with more than a passing conversation. I gave up and didn't feel it was a huge issue until my husband had a heart attack and I had no girlfriends to come over and sit with me. I felt it then.

    • @saintejeannedarc9460
      @saintejeannedarc9460 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Ah sweetie. That hit hard. I'm similar, sort of, but it's hard to make connections and I need more too.

    • @scarba
      @scarba 13 วันที่ผ่านมา

      @@saintejeannedarc9460same here

  • @rebeccaoprea9917
    @rebeccaoprea9917 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +19

    My friend and I were just talking about this. We’re 40+. We realized it was easy to make friends when our kids were young cause they were sort of a buffer, rather a teddy bear. Now we have to put ourselves out there.

  • @laneyluneva
    @laneyluneva 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +33

    I'm in my 30's, I have connected with those in their 40s, 50s and 60s through work and we have remained friends as we all moved on to different jobs. Age and focusing on age as to why or why you aren't making friends isn't always the issue. Sure you might not enjoy the same cultural references, but that doesn't have to define a friendship.

    • @Kristen-ek9rz
      @Kristen-ek9rz 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Yes! I'm 52 and my best friend is 78!

    • @SirenaSpades
      @SirenaSpades 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      This sounds like Facebook. That's not 'friends'.

  • @jello4323
    @jello4323 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +82

    This is such a relevant topic in todays society I struggle with this a lot and I’m 22. A lot of people I know struggle with this too thank you for speaking on it. Sometimes it feels like I’m the only one

    • @AAB-mo2ur
      @AAB-mo2ur 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      It’s very sad to see these kinds of things happening around the Greatest Country in the world. I see poor countries and their communities are very happy and striving. I think we need to evaluate how things are going.

    • @AAB-mo2ur
      @AAB-mo2ur 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Anyway I’m here to help with anything you need if I’m able to. Just trying to do my part.

    • @jello4323
      @jello4323 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      @@AAB-mo2ur you do make a great point I’m Canadian but I see people of different cultures have groups of friends and they laugh and talk and I sometimes envy it I don’t know what’s going on in North America where so many of us struggle to make a single friend and feel incredibly lonely. Thank you btw I appreciate it

    • @jistelle3797
      @jistelle3797 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      Same. entered college in 2020 when everything was online and zero opportunities to socialize and meet people. Fast forward and I haven’t made a single university friend and I’m in my last year now. A lot of things, esp the pandemic, contributed to this lonely phenomenon

  • @Hamyhamster24
    @Hamyhamster24 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

    As an introvert who’s scared to make new friends, your best option is to have one extroverted friend and they’ll do the rest.
    Ever since being with my husband, I’ve gained like 30 friends without pulling a muscle and a lot of times against my own will.
    Go get urself an extroverted partner/friend y’all

  • @LadyMarigoldWithers
    @LadyMarigoldWithers 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +26

    I’m 41f, single and have no friends in an area I moved to 5 years ago with my parents. Lots of people I say hi to when I’m walking my dogs but that’s it. I’ve tried to reach out and either been looked at weirdly (why is this stranger talking to me for longer than pleasantries?) or I’m kept at arm’s length from a group that if I’m being honest don’t share my values but are the only circle I’ve met. It’s kind of exhausting and sad doing absolutely everything alone. I’m trying to reach out on different Facebook groups with offers to hang out to women who’ve said they want the same but no luck so far. A couple of decent friendships would be so lovely to have.

    • @07ikkin
      @07ikkin 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Definitely exhausting doing everything alone. I went skating alone today. Wasn't fun watching everyone else holding hands skating and with friends dancing and skating

    • @LadyMarigoldWithers
      @LadyMarigoldWithers 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@07ikkin no, sometimes you feel very isolated and it isn’t a good feeling. I have recently joined a really nice women’s group in my area and have been going out regularly which has been fun but no solid connections formed just yet as obvs that takes a while. I’m in no rush as am used to being on my own so going out once a week or fortnight is suiting me nicely atm but it’s going in the right direction now ☺️. I hope you can find something similar!

  • @nt3833
    @nt3833 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +20

    Every time John asks a caller if they have 2 or 3 girlfriends they can call up to [fill in the blank] I think to myself “no”. I have acquaintances that I could maybe make lunch dates with if I wanted to. But I don’t do that. I feel like they all have their own friends already. Even if we did meet up for lunch or a play date of some sort I feel like we would never move to a deeper friendship.

  • @jahineverybody
    @jahineverybody 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +19

    I feel like John is a little out of reality when it comes to this topic. He mentioned it once or twice, (16:20) but so briefly. Life is expensive, we work a lot, and don’t always have time to “join this group, and that group, and just keep inviting people over for cookouts”.. I end up staying busy all day, and into the evenings, and really only do fun social activity’s for a few hours, every other weekend or so. I think my lifestyle is pretty normal these days, and that’s the main reason why we’re in the friendship crisis right now. I heard it takes 80 hours to build a friendship. Most of us don’t have the time these days…. I liked this caller. I’m 43, and in the mtns of Colorado too.

    • @KarlDag
      @KarlDag 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      You missed the point. He said, and knows, people don't have that much time. What he says is, if you don't make the time, you won't make the friends.

    • @nt3833
      @nt3833 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @jahineverybody we choose what we are busy with. If you literally don’t have time for friendships then you should probably reevaluate how and what you’re spending your time on. That’s my thought. If you don’t have time because you’re busy raising your family I can understand that. But you didn’t mention that. 🤷🏻‍♀️

    • @ivankrushensky
      @ivankrushensky หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@nt3833 Bingo. If you're that busy that you can't spend any time with anyone, you really can't complain that you have no close friends. How are people ever supposed to spend time with you if you don't have any spare time anyways? You are right- people choose what they are busy with. If you choose to be busy with things that don't involve anyone else, that's a personal choice. My take is- most of these people complaining about lack of friendships is really more a lack of hobbies. They got so busy raising babies (which is fine, we've all been there) and didn't make time to keep in touch with people- so those people moved on. Now that their kids are older and they have more free time, they don't know what to do or where to start to get in touch with people. I'd suggest finding some hobbies- and if you're decent to people, you will make friends no problem.

  • @TheEquiss
    @TheEquiss 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +19

    I gave up on people. I’m 55. I’ve realized if I’m not the one that constantly reaches out or if others can’t get something material out of me then they aren’t interested.

    • @07ikkin
      @07ikkin 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      I have felt the same way. It's always me setting things up. Even with my immediate family. Tired of it

    • @TheEquiss
      @TheEquiss 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @@07ikkinyep agree. I’ve given up. I purposely did not set up or organize anything for 3 months. No one seemed to notice.
      Then one person messaged me to ask if I was going to do one of the group activities cuz she wanted to do it. That’s the only reason she messaged me. I’m over it. I no longer keep contact with most people. I just do things that interest me now.

    • @amylenoir345
      @amylenoir345 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Same😭😭

    • @girlwithnotalent8214
      @girlwithnotalent8214 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I’m 32, the same way here

    • @elizmon8526
      @elizmon8526 27 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      Feel the very same way. If I don't initiate plans, nothing occurs. AND with a specific person, I have invited them and they have consistently declined. So I gave up on that person. Will just do what I need to do on my own I guess. People are just so disconnected.

  • @rosx3245
    @rosx3245 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +20

    I am 30 with two young children and my best friend is a 50 year old with an adult child. I always gain so much knowledge and love from our conversations i am so glad i didnt say no to our friendship

    • @SirenaSpades
      @SirenaSpades 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I'm not sure why you are bringing up the age difference with your friend as though it's a thing, and then saying it's not a thing. At least you have a friend.

    • @nt3833
      @nt3833 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @@SirenaSpades you tend to have more things in common with someone close to your own age. And when you have kids you tend to find friends with kids the same age. It makes sense to me!

    • @karenschulz6733
      @karenschulz6733 28 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Definitely! Friends don’t have to fit into other people’s boxes!

  • @ihateallyall
    @ihateallyall 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

    I am 23, and have a hard time finding people that are even like me. maybe it’s my area? I just feel so.. alien compared to everyone else. it’s hard finding other people like that.

    • @karenschulz6733
      @karenschulz6733 28 วันที่ผ่านมา

      So many people feel like aliens! You are not alone! Keep seeking answers that are right for you, don’t be afraid to find a professional to help you navigate this cold confusing world 🙏🙌

  • @noodledoo1234
    @noodledoo1234 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +18

    As a 31 year old I value my friends that are different ages so highly... the 23-25 year olds keep my spirit young and my late 30s-40s friends give me wisdom and solid big sister energy. I need both so so much.

    • @SirenaSpades
      @SirenaSpades 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Good for you, but at this point I can't be choosy. Any friend is good, because I'm completely isolated.

    • @rparrott62
      @rparrott62 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      That’s a good way to say it-I feel the same about my younger/older friends. I feel like I can relate well to my younger friends, but my big sister friends are the best 💯

  • @uscitizen3252
    @uscitizen3252 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

    I think a lot of the times, people feel weird asking new people to hang out. You have to get over that. If you meet someone that you like and want to meet again, exchange socials or numbers and let them know you'd like to grab a coffee; something low stakes. The hard part is that people lack consistency. They'll do it once and forget that it takes repetition at the beginning. Make a plan to hang out with that person 1-2 times a month if there's a connection. Keep your expectations low and don't put all of your eggs in one basket. As a 36 year old in LA, I have friends for different things. I have movie friends, beach/activity friends, writing friends, etc. I don't depend on one person as we're all spread thin. Some friendships will be deeper than others and that's okay. If you only want "deep" friendships--it'll be harder to make those. Every relationship doesn't have to be "deep." Some are just fun hangs. I have friends that know me in and out while others know me more on a surface level. Don't discount those relationships.

    • @thecramptons
      @thecramptons 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Perfect explanation

    • @uscitizen3252
      @uscitizen3252 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@thecramptons thank you!

    • @schokococoa575
      @schokococoa575 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Yup and often times, the people who you don’t know that deeply can offer the best advice and help when needed and vice versa.

    • @uscitizen3252
      @uscitizen3252 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@schokococoa575 agreed. A less biased POV since you don' know them that well.

  • @BassBwoy3
    @BassBwoy3 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

    I'm nearly in my mid-30s and have been struggling with this too. I work remotely, so haven't even met people on my work team and that's not likely gonna change. Just moved to a new city, started going to a new church and have been doing a bunch of meetups lately, so I hope this changes.

  • @jennifershray4962
    @jennifershray4962 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    I feel her 100%. My husband and I are older mid-forties/fifties with a 8 year old. Yes, it is so hard to make connects with your kids friends' parent, when they are 10-15 younger. People my age have kids who are in college and you are just in a different phase of life. It's hard to relate.

    • @ludwigvonsowell5347
      @ludwigvonsowell5347 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Put it this way, you get to be “the cool mom” at an age appropriate level.
      You get to speak freely to full blown adults that you can’t be with your kids, it would be inappropriate to have drinks and watch trash tv with your 8 year old for at least another decade. Or tell your more risqué stories with them. Or talk to about spousal struggles (even little things I’m sure every spouse has).
      But with 30 year old’s it’s totally normal.

  • @SoulfulVeg
    @SoulfulVeg 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    I lost my best friend 6 years ago, and I still have her number on my favorites list on my phone. And my best living friend has stage 4 cancer. This is the tough part of getting older.
    This lady sounds super cool, and I would be her friend in a minute. I hope she finds her tribe.

    • @JozelleRenia
      @JozelleRenia 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      😢 broke my heart

  • @ryand7713
    @ryand7713 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    You have to be a friend. And even with that, it's quite difficult.

  • @Yolduranduran
    @Yolduranduran 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    I am a recently retired 55 y/o who needs friends. My socialization took place at work. I joined a woman's group and an exercise group so that I socialize through them. They are older but I'm OK with that. ❤❤ 5:06

  • @sidneybristow815
    @sidneybristow815 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    Seems like everyone wants good loyal friends, but no one knows how. Politics have divided so many people and media lies perpetuate hatred and make it emotional. I hate having to be guarded or defend myself against crazy people.

  • @stevieray7203
    @stevieray7203 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Oh Julie, I feel for you 💛🙏🏻! I lost one of my best friends in Jan 2020 and I’m still missing her! I’m also struggling with middle age loss and trying to make friends! Sending hugs🤗

  • @katavidhikerwoman
    @katavidhikerwoman 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    WOW! Great Question!

  • @nt3833
    @nt3833 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I relate so much. I have a handful of so called “friends,” but really they are just acquaintances. If we see each other at functions or in daily life we will have a conversation, but that’s it. No one that I actually get together with or can talk to. But I also feel like I am picky about friendships. I always come up with some excuse of how we are different. I’m also very much an introvert. I have no problem staying at home 99% of the time.

  • @Itsme-ig9iz
    @Itsme-ig9iz 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Great question, I can relate

  • @heatherbrenner8275
    @heatherbrenner8275 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    I'm glad I'm not the only one who goes to a concert and stands by themselves lol. I've been trying to make new friends and it's not easy as an adult. The best thing I've found is a hobby. For me it's kayaking and hiking. Those things have got me into places where other people who like that stuff are too. But it's hard when everyone has such busy lives that just meeting up requires an appointment.

  • @Kristen-ek9rz
    @Kristen-ek9rz 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I appreciate this video! I had a lot of friends in my teenage years and early twenties.....I thought that it was supposed to be that way as I grew older, however, life changes for all of us. As a 52-year-old, I am grateful for my husband, mother, aunt, brother, 2 children, and a couple of friends that I see here and there......I've learned that having expectations for things to be a certain way causes pain.

    • @semosancus5506
      @semosancus5506 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Good point. I've dropped all expectations and come to realize that everything in life is speculative. I do my best to achieve the desired outcomes but sometimes it just isn't in the cards.

  • @k.mcdonald1960
    @k.mcdonald1960 หลายเดือนก่อน

    She has the most soothing voice. I could listen to her all day.

  • @S42069
    @S42069 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Find your passion, and go to events that support that passion. I struggled with this for many years, especially moving to a new city. I then built a car and started going to car shows and events. I now have a solid group of friends and I owe it all to the car.

  • @hoops8534
    @hoops8534 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    I think we can thank the internet for our loneliness and disconnection. I listen to Dr D have real conversations with people and that some what satisfies my lack of connection with others. A bit sad, but true!

  • @jimv77
    @jimv77 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

    As a 46 year old guy now married, never had a close friend. There was folks at school and work that I would associate with, but we wouldn't hang out outside of school and work. And I thought it was me not being normal or friend worthy. I find them in Facebook but it's been 20+ years since I said "Hi". I always wish I had 2-3 folks who I could treat as a close friend.

    • @actuallyterry
      @actuallyterry 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I'm 41 and in the same boat.

    • @SirenaSpades
      @SirenaSpades 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I avoid Facebook as I find it to be a waste of time and it's false relationships anyway, but if you are single and work at home, you are in complete isolation.

    • @nt3833
      @nt3833 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I definitely relate to this.

  • @breeeque
    @breeeque 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Yup. I feel that

  • @karenschulz6733
    @karenschulz6733 28 วันที่ผ่านมา

    I think it’s all about your state of mind: are you lonely, or are you enjoying the luxury of quiet solitude where you can do just as you wish? Your time is your own to be who you are, and learn who that is… it’s peaceful. Fulfilling. I’m a serious introvert and my hobbies are walking, reading, movies, writing, petting my pooch, spirituality seeking… people kind of can’t compete with all that.
    I feel for people who need other people more than I do; I hope you make the connections that will nurture you.
    Yes, I get lonely sometimes: when I forget that I’m doing exactly what I’ve chosen for myself. Just a little connection is JUST right!
    Meetup groups are nice for that. It’s genius really :) thankful for whoever thought that one up!

  • @bepositive4494
    @bepositive4494 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

    Harder to make friends now since certain members of society INSIst on putting us all into SEPARATE categories. Those same people have mental illness DEPRESSION really bad and get offended and rage a the drop of a hat.

  • @feliciaortega8062
    @feliciaortega8062 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    I can relate in so many ways

  • @lusciouslivingtoday
    @lusciouslivingtoday 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +15

    Glad I came across this topic for sure. I'm 46 almost 47 and I have almost 7 year old twins. I'm a single mom, and I'm an introvert. I have taken my kids to classmates of theirs birthday parties. And I feel so uncomfortable and awkward. I've had to force myself to try to get over being an introvert. But it just doesn't go well like I just can't seem to make friends with any of the other parents. Because I am one of the oldest parents so it's really uncomfortable.

    • @noodledoo1234
      @noodledoo1234 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Be proud to be able to show them how much they have to look forward to at your age! And hold your head high knowing you have such valuable wisdom that they will deeply appreciate

    • @hannahvivi7042
      @hannahvivi7042 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I know it feels uncomfortable, but think of it as setting an example for your twins. It does wonders for them to see their mom being confident (even if you have to take it) interacting with others in social settings. Trust me, I'm an introvert and I tend to just to stick to people I already know but I've had to learn to get out of my comfort zone for my kids.

    • @jimv77
      @jimv77 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I am the same age with two older teens. As an introvert I see how both my teens are constantly busy outside of school hanging out with friends. Son has his gym friends and daughter has her club friends. However, they are so busy and away from home, go-Go-GO....I also cherish my alone time at home....for 2 hours....then the wife says we need to go somewhere to kill the boredom.....hahaha.

    • @nt3833
      @nt3833 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @lusciouslylivingtoday it’s crazy I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum. The first time around I was a young mom. Now I’m starting over as an older mom. It makes me a little sad to feel like I won’t fit in with other moms.

    • @semosancus5506
      @semosancus5506 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Smile... bring donuts... remember their names and one thing about them. Then ask a question with that knowledge and let them talk.

  • @ithinkigottalent4047
    @ithinkigottalent4047 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    There's platonic friend apps out there. I joined one years ago and we still keep in touch with each other 😊

    • @thecramptons
      @thecramptons 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Which one (Platonic)?

  • @pjpaavam007
    @pjpaavam007 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    The lack of community in U.S is saddening. Before it was church that brought community together but now we don't go do that anymore. I don't see my neighbors in suburban neighborhood. We all pull our cars in our garage and close it behind us.

  • @user-xk6ed6so2z
    @user-xk6ed6so2z 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

    JULIE!!!!! I am you in VA. I am 10 years older than the parents in my kid's class. It is so hard! I have some friends that we have kept despite all of us moving around....but connecting locally is brutal.

  • @zo_471
    @zo_471 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    I struggle with this, I feel like I don’t have a “best” friend and like a handful of friends through work, some of who I see very occasionally outside of work

  • @1restingwitchface
    @1restingwitchface 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Making new friends as an adult is a challenge. A colleague wanted to leave her new employment because of this (she moved 150 miles away). I am lucky enough to have the same circle of close friends for decades and some at work. I am comfortable and enjoy spending time alone a lot of time. Just cannot imagine having to make new friends (not just acquaintances) at this age.

  • @garfieldGG
    @garfieldGG 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Hell I’m 30 and it’s hard. It was really rough right out of college. To make friends past then takes serious effort. And it’s effort that it feels like no one wants to put in, but since I did actually make a new really good friend at 28, I donknow it’s possible and worth it.

  • @trey1208
    @trey1208 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Didn’t have much friends so I went to a sand Vollyball warehouse for 6 straight months before anyone talked to me. 6 straight months of going and leaving feeling pretty alone. Then talked to one person, then inevitably the friends multiplied

  • @anata.g.4966
    @anata.g.4966 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Wow Julie you sound so much fun!
    We are the same age an I have a 7 yo daughter as well and I relate to your feelings 100%
    No doubt we could be friends ❤ The only thing is that ocean between our continents 😂
    Thank you for your question. Made me feel less alone.

  • @peggyortiz4056
    @peggyortiz4056 2 วันที่ผ่านมา

    Well..59 and living in Colorado. This is the 2nd show on loneliness I’ve heard. Folks already have their set of friends and trying to get in is a challenge. I left the church I was attending after the leader went sideways and many left. The friends I had were told not to speak to me. So you knew me before the leader and stopped talking to me??? High school all over again. So no one to connect with. I’ve been divorced for 24 yrs and no one in myself life since then. I had a stylist who imported her husband from Chicago and both left for Texas. Colorado was not for them. They need more connections. Not sure what is it about Colorado. You need to be a part of a group. Looking around to see what I can join..it’s a challenge for sure. Praying for everyone. Wish we can all meet somewhere and become friends!😊

  • @anthonys5568
    @anthonys5568 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I"m in the same situation. I have dozens of casual buddies and acquaintances, but few to call if I had an emergency at 2am.

  • @loriurias110
    @loriurias110 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Sometimes other people feel awkward too, specially if they did not call back and overtime it just gets more awkward. Keep on trying and trying and keep your chin up...

  • @justusbryce3392
    @justusbryce3392 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    I’m 36 and have exactly one friend from when I was a kid. Life changes and our circle changes too.

  • @kelsea16
    @kelsea16 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    I’m 42, but this is something I have struggled with my entire life. To the point that I have actually wondered if I have ASD. I just cannot seem to connect with people the same way others can, and form friendships with others. At the same time though, I kind of like not having the busyness of a lot of friendships. I have a husband and 3 VERY active kids to keep track of, and work full time. I just wish I had closer connections with people. Like what Dr. D said, when I’m gone, I want people to say that I maybe made a positive mark on their lives. My fear is, is that no one other than my family, will say that. My 40th birthday was quiet, because there was no one to invite to have a big party, like every other person on social media does. It’s lonely for sure.

    • @Kristen-ek9rz
      @Kristen-ek9rz 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      The milestone party is BS....some, have that, but most have quiet parties, and some have none.....you're busy being you and taking care of a family and working...that's a lot!!

    • @megalou6567
      @megalou6567 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Same here . I am 44 and just the last few years , for many reasons , I have wondered if I have ASD. I cannot connect or relate to anyone it seems . I am past the intense loneliness of being lonely . I quite enjoy being alone now . I think I have given up and just accepted that I will forever be alone . Most days I’m ok with that

  • @user-tv3dg8yg3h
    @user-tv3dg8yg3h 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    I am middle aged and can relate. But I did make one close friend by joining a hobby group.

  • @therealad4342
    @therealad4342 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I’m in my mid 20s and I’m feeling this so badly right now. I started a new job where I spend 80% of my days alone and lately my core group of friends are always busy so I just feel left out and it’s become pretty lonely.

  • @thecramptons
    @thecramptons 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Don’t over do it at this school stuff. I was PTO PRESIDENT and started not knowing any one. Just ease in. Don’t be so aggressive. Just show up at volunteer events and slowly get to know people over time. Don’t start offering out business cards. It’s off putting People already have their groups. … just ease in bc you will be seeing these people all the time

  • @sarabonniya3931
    @sarabonniya3931 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

    martial art senters is a great place too find frends, be in diffrents senters!! :) I only went to do it to get frends and I did!

  • @ThriftingSquirrelUK
    @ThriftingSquirrelUK 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I’m 39, and can make acquaintances easily, and “work friends” but I really struggle to make real friends who I can meaningfully connect with, and who share my values (values have become more more important to me recently), and hang out with away from work. I live in a large capital city, which makes it that much harder to navigate making friends.
    I’m also awkward - I’ll chat to pretty much anyone, and assume we could be friends, whereas not everyone is looking for friendships, and it could have nothing to do with me.

  • @zachalejandro
    @zachalejandro 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I'm almost 30. Some of my friends were already married and have kids and such. And here I am, single, with Paraplegic Cerebral Palsy with Autism, I'm starting to think I'm never going to succeed in life with making friends and hanging out with them, not much hanging out with new friends, a lot of which are online. And this brings up to a previous topic about dating.
    I'm very social when it comes to talking to people and getting to know them, I have trouble when it comes down to when they ask where do you live? Or what do you do for work? I don't ever get that, are you single regarding a relationship, I get these types of flirts a lot. I think in regards to online friends and not a lot of physical intimacy, they look at me or think of me as sexual tensions. I believe there is something other than that in there somewhere.

  • @ShikokuFoodForest
    @ShikokuFoodForest หลายเดือนก่อน

    I’m Canadian living in the Japan countryside for going on 14 years now and do not have a single friend. I don’t necessarily feel lonely. I have hobbies I enjoy, although I don’t want to continue living a life of social isolation.

  • @biba350
    @biba350 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Struggling with this myself

  • @creditczar6979
    @creditczar6979 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Try being a divorced single guy over 60. Really difficult to make new friends!

    • @SirenaSpades
      @SirenaSpades 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Divorced single woman who works at home.

  • @rollingacresfarmstead206
    @rollingacresfarmstead206 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    its never really bothered me spent my 20s and early 30s working 70 hour weeks and raising a family at the end of the day there isnt enough time, energy or care. Last week moved to a 55 hour week job in the same company, now its putting in time with the family and still dont care about making friends ( have a few from work where we all started at the same time) but outside of that i dont need it.

  • @alluringbliss4165
    @alluringbliss4165 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Ive decided to find events on meet up to attend not to make friends but to socialize again. I ve been a hermit for too long.

    • @x-mess
      @x-mess 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      That’s smart… it takes the pressure off.. it will eventually happen

  • @maddywadsworth4312
    @maddywadsworth4312 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

    My current struggle.
    I’m 29 and honestly don’t have any of my own friends. My husband is a social butterfly and his friends have become mine + their wives are really friendly with me, but I don’t have a best friend or a friend of my own that I can talk to about personal things. 🤷🏼‍♀️

    • @jimv77
      @jimv77 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I think if I tried to start making friends my wife would question my motive after 20 years of marriage and accepting this. Even if it was a new male friendship.... she'd be like "why now". We do have a trusting relationship, but when we just met, she did ask me why I am still emailing a girl from college that lives in a different city 6 hours away...hahaha. Not sure if she is a needy person, but she does drag me shopping with her and does not want to go alone unless she has to.

  • @bellamichelle6248
    @bellamichelle6248 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    I’ll be anyone’s friend. It’s so hard. Most married women don’t want to be my friend. 😂 I’m going to get my tire changed in a few. 14:23

    • @DramaScenes1
      @DramaScenes1 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Hey, by chance would you like to be friends? Im actually 24 and from the Caribbean and just thought it would be cool to get to know someone else from another culture, to get another perspective on things and just to vibe out.

  • @Hollywoodloves2run
    @Hollywoodloves2run 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Julie seems awesome. If I were in Colorado I'd love to be her friend. Julie, if you're reading this, I hope you've found some good friends.

  • @ikeacha4153
    @ikeacha4153 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

    She should listen to "Visiting Hours" by Ed Sheeran. That song is SOMETHING ELSE when it comes to dealing with grief

  • @skateata1
    @skateata1 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

    This is so valid. I moved to a new state in 2020 when everything shut down. Thankfully I had some friends from high school but I haven't made any new ones. I'm not super social but idk where to even start at this age.

    • @ivankrushensky
      @ivankrushensky หลายเดือนก่อน

      A hobby that interests you...that's where I would suggest. What do you like doing or what would you like to learn to do? Start doing that, and you will meet people along the way.

  • @hehasrisen1990
    @hehasrisen1990 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I feel the same way. I’m single 37 year old and have found it’s really hard to make close friends, u less I have a boyfriend 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’d rather have some great female friendships

    • @SirenaSpades
      @SirenaSpades 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Agree. Single people, depending on if you work at home, can be completely isolated!

  • @CloudslnMyCoffee
    @CloudslnMyCoffee 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Yup. Middle school and middle aged feel eerily similar

  • @cur244
    @cur244 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I've found a part time job or volunteering is the easiest way to make some friends. I've specifically got a part time job for this purpose. Just get something you're somewhat interested in. No doubt it's harder in 30's and 40s.

  • @reginaldphillips7615
    @reginaldphillips7615 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Keep trying. That’s all you can do.

  • @thelmaerasmus7232
    @thelmaerasmus7232 26 วันที่ผ่านมา

    Join interest groups. Works for me

    • @projectfear22
      @projectfear22 24 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Works if ur city is big enough to have em. Some cities got nothing on offer.

  • @supermodelatlanta1354
    @supermodelatlanta1354 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I went out last night. 2 people noticed i was alone and invited me to a table. I went in on a hooka. When i left no one talked to me. I dont have any friends.

  • @michaeljohnson8347
    @michaeljohnson8347 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I would love to have more friends. its so much more difficult than should be 😢

  • @JustinCase780
    @JustinCase780 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

    People pick up on something subconsciously...being, that it's not all about you.

  • @rebelwithacause2229
    @rebelwithacause2229 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    I just moved to a new area. I met two ladies early this year. Went out to lunch with the first one and met up with the second one for a drink. Right off the bat, they both dominated the conversations with all of their VERY heavy, personal business and drama happening in their lives. Just wanted to hang out and have fun and SLOWLY get to know each other. Not start off with heavy therapy sessions. 🤦🏼‍♀️ It’s really difficult to find people on the same wavelength. It takes time, but I keep myself occupied working and exploring my new area.

    • @thecramptons
      @thecramptons 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Exactly

  • @robbynswiscoski3964
    @robbynswiscoski3964 27 วันที่ผ่านมา

    I am in the situation with no friends. I cannot go to a group because of my finances I cannot afford to go for coffee either to buy the coffee ot the gas or bus to get there. I also have my own business

  • @jacquelinelewis5627
    @jacquelinelewis5627 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    I must be the odd one out LOL my husband and I are 39 and after having to work at just be totally drained from that and irritated from having to be nice and tolerate people that you can't stand lol you don't have any time left in the day for friends you're too busy catching up by your house word yard work setting time with your spouse or kids or pets or going to the gym and other activities that you have to try to squeeze in between your stupid job my husband has a friendship sets high school and he only sees the guy maybe like once every two or three months because it just hit the back burner because your priority is your spouse and your kids not your buddies I guess if she probably doesn't have a job and has a lot of time and is just bored

    • @SirenaSpades
      @SirenaSpades 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      You are married, you aren't isolated.

  • @Searchin4keys
    @Searchin4keys 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Im 34 & i have no friends. I have a beautiful husband & amazing children but i wish i had a couple girl friends just to hang out with & idk paint nails with or just chill & laugh with. I manage a grocery store & i bartend so i talk to people all day but it's so just baseline & half the time fake. I just want some friends lol i am lonely in the friend zone. That's for sure.

  • @andrealange3581
    @andrealange3581 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Omg, this sounds like me. I made up playdate cards and I swear everyone looks at me like I have 2 heads.

    • @andrealange3581
      @andrealange3581 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Playdate cards for my kids. Lol. Not for me, but I hope it turns into something for me.

    • @ForAncientKingAndElvishLord
      @ForAncientKingAndElvishLord 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Lol I just wrote a comment about how everyone looked at me like I had two heads

  • @chrisproctor1411
    @chrisproctor1411 4 วันที่ผ่านมา

    The local church is a great community to find a friend

  • @CathyHautz04
    @CathyHautz04 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Try being 64 and all your siblings have passed along with all your friends. 😢 life is lonely when you're the only one still alive. 😢

    • @lilycat1694
      @lilycat1694 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Yep, I relate.

  • @Raegoul
    @Raegoul 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    I'm 46 and my wife is 42 and have been married for 10 years.... We decided we didn't want children and we like video games, technology, and twitch streaming. You should see the weird looks when we talk about our interests to people our age.

  • @Buchanann_outdoors1012
    @Buchanann_outdoors1012 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I live in a small town. I have lived here for 16 years. I moved here when my oldest was 5, he's now 23. In the mean time I've gotten married and had two additional kiddos. They are 9 and 11. I'm 44 now and still have 0 friends. I have acquaintances. But no real friends. I feel like I can't be myself around ppl in this town because I feel like Im funny and they stand there and stare at me. Lol if we are not on the same level personality wise I don't want to be your friend cause I'm not changing into someone I'm not. I'm Goofy and like to joke around . I find ppl just don't have personalitys anymore.

  • @amyismail8604
    @amyismail8604 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Become friends with an extrovert, we will adopt you as our friend and introduce you to more people. 😂

  • @sidneybristow815
    @sidneybristow815 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Those new people sound rude. They’re the ones who don’t wave to you in town.

  • @steelcity4581
    @steelcity4581 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

    This is also a problem for people in their 20s

  • @JozelleRenia
    @JozelleRenia 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I’ve definitely been struggling with this, I just posted a video on not having friends! YOU ARE NOT ALONE 🙌🏽. If anyone needs a friend in me in here💕

  • @amylenoir345
    @amylenoir345 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I am born in the 90s born and raised in Paris so I cannot comprehend people that do not want to socialise. I am extrovert it’s very annoying that people are acting cold all the time for god knows reason. Is it difficult to go for a coffee? 😂 in France every body talks to each other

  • @bufficliff8978
    @bufficliff8978 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Common cause! Take a class; join a club; volunteer. If there's no regularly scheduled event it won't work. If there's no common reason to be there it won't work.

  • @pbny212
    @pbny212 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Julie sounds like a crap ton of fun, tbh.

  • @sherrypeveto1868
    @sherrypeveto1868 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Dinner parties. At my house. Only the amount of people I have chairs for around the table. People of all ages. That’s how I do it

    • @ivankrushensky
      @ivankrushensky หลายเดือนก่อน

      Bust out the grill and magically we sometimes need to get out the folding chairs, because all the chairs at the table are full. Next thing you know, you're up way later than you should be.

  • @sw6155
    @sw6155 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Noooo! DO CLEAN UP before you get folks over! At least move the laundry from dining table to the bedroom! 😅😅😅

    • @CJ2023Incognito
      @CJ2023Incognito 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Such a guy thing to not even bother to clean up. Lol Women totally judge that 😆. Just don’t have an immaculate house and say, “Sorry, everything is so messy”. Lol It’s a fine line.

  • @kevindavis4709
    @kevindavis4709 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Seems like in school it was easier to make friends vs tryna make friends as an adult

  • @SirenaSpades
    @SirenaSpades 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    This is all of us now. Isolated. Edit: I don't know if she is married and has kids, but a lot of the commenters do. I'm single and do not have kids. I work at home. I have zero interaction with humans. It is TERRIBLE. My life was not like this 10 years ago, I had a vibrant life. I do not like it at all. I have tried to fix this situation. I have talked to neighbors, I joined a bookclub (the ladies are very unpleasant but I try). I took an art class. In the past I have taken a slew of other activities, these activities do not lead to friendships. My experience with karate was no talking, being in the very back, and having to clean the dojo after with the other new person (for almost 1.5 years) being the newest person - no interaction. Choose your activities carefully. My area is extremely rural so having to drive 45 minutes doesn't help, I don't think.

    • @DramaScenes1
      @DramaScenes1 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Hey, by chance would you like to be friends? Im actually 24 and from the Caribbean and just thought it would be cool to get to know someone else from another culture, to get another perspective on things and just to vibe out.

  • @lilycat1694
    @lilycat1694 หลายเดือนก่อน

    62 and have never had friends. I am very boring. Love animals, especially cats.

    • @ShikokuFoodForest
      @ShikokuFoodForest หลายเดือนก่อน

      We’re about the same age. I’m a single Canadian living in Japan and have 4 cats living in a big house with a mountain view. But, not a dingle friend. There is no expat community here and the Japanese never let anyone new into their in group.

  • @Darksky600
    @Darksky600 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    What do people talk about most of the time? Surface conversations are so boring.
    I rather be alone to read and learn new things, or get someone to do some activity with (people have no interest now)

  • @Kinksgalore
    @Kinksgalore 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Last week a 22 yo woman got her friends called toxic because they wanted to hangout with her.🤨

    • @Alvin-xs7db
      @Alvin-xs7db 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I cant remember the full story but I know it was not as simple as what you're saying

    • @Kinksgalore
      @Kinksgalore 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      ​​@@Alvin-xs7dbshe gave no details about her friends other then they are female and wanted her time. She only wants to spend time with her boyfriend. The female friends got the toxic label.🙄

    • @user-he6rs8xi7u
      @user-he6rs8xi7u 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      ​@@Kinksgalorenah, they felt entitled to have more time than the bf.

    • @Kinksgalore
      @Kinksgalore 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@user-he6rs8xi7u incel

    • @ginnyfromdablock7551
      @ginnyfromdablock7551 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Her female friends got the toxic label because they were acting terrible. Not only were they not respectful of her new relationship, they wanted all of her time not just some of it. They were acting unhealthy and selfish. They were not content with having some of her time. They wanted the same amount as before.

  • @DeRocco21
    @DeRocco21 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    i really people just put the phones down and hang out

  • @rebekahyospe1651
    @rebekahyospe1651 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I leave my friend who passed snapchats all the time