Absolutely! There needs to be a HUGE hug Willow button! I love hugging and always have! When someone gives me a half ass hug I stop them and say “ what kind of hug was that?” Then I get a real HUG! And we all smile and enjoy our time together! My Dad was a Preacher and got used to sideways half hugs so that’s what I got from him too! IM HIS DAUGHTER! I don’t deserve half hugs! So I told him that and from then on I never got a half hug from him! So, Willow! Get hugs but never half hugs! Become your own advocate in life! Take charge girl! Fight is in you and always has been! Fight for your own happiness and be happy! Love and BIG HUG from me!
I felt this call. 39. No friends. No close family. No partner. Just me and my dog. It sucks. It's hard. I am terribly depressed and at my age it's hard to make friends.
12 years here and the 5 before it were full of abuse, neglect and SA. Been so sick from anxiety ever since that my nervous system basically broke. Doctors haven't been any help. Feels like I'm dying at 40 and don't even know why. Just constant extreme pain, terrifying anxiety and nausea for over a decade. I'm disappearing before my eyes. I don't know what to do anymore. I didn't even realize how long those numbers were until I wrote this.
Yep. I, finally went no contact with my mom, sis, and bro. My dad died when I was 19. It is tough out here when you're not brought up to love yourself. The inner critic can be crippling. You will heal and rise, love. You can learn to love yourself and then others will love you.
My immediate family was wonderful and loving but my extended family was terrible! The bullying was never ending. I can't imagine having my parents do the same to me! Praying for you Willow!!!❤❤❤❤❤
@@jessiejoseph1093 you can grow and understand that it wasn't you but it will always change who you are and how your brain is wired. Can't just go... Well I'm over it so I'll just trust everyone and set myself up again.
Shes so brave for reaching out to someone instead of thinking she has to keep it all to herself. I wish i could find that bravery. Good job Willow and i wish you the best
Reaching out and asking for help is the hardest and most brave thing you can do. I managed to do it about 10 years ago, and I was a mess when I did it. Now I'm so grateful that I did, because I would not be alive if I hadn't.
@@steelearmstrong9616 It’s a certainly bigger accomplishment than writing a derisive comment on the internet. I’m sorry you didn’t get more praise and positive affirmation as a child, my guy.
Please please please if anyone is struggling with what she’s struggling with, and it isn’t absolutely necessary DO NOT WORK FROM HOME. Working in person forces you to at least see real people on a regular basis. Please trust me❤❤
This is so true, only after the healing. You can't help it, if you go to work feeling unworthy, eventually the staff will come at you too. You attract super jerks. Your behaviors will be misinterpreted. You will misinterpret people, too. It's more so if you get into the wrong field like Finance or other competitive places where they eat their young. If you go to a non-profit, you will see the few staff who are suspicious of your super niceness they smell desperation and despair and are cliquey you will be smear campaigned. Maybe work from a library. It's safer.
depends on the job... working in person at my old job would get me out of my funk a lot of times. I hate my new job's office and I have crazy high social anxiety the whole day.
Interestingly I am a 33 yo Asian male, different gender, different race, different language, different part of the world, and I feel exactly the same as you. Human is amazing isn't it? Let's face our fear together
What's wrong with saying her dogs are her best friends?? They are better friends than any human can be. Unconditional love. Dogs are the best creatures on Earth
Because that basically validates her own notions she’s built up about herself which is that only dogs can be her close friends because people don’t like her as a person her actually personality the dogs are great but she needs people to give her that validation she deserves which is that she deserves friends
This is heartbreaking. Willow if you see this, I pray you find healing and remember that you are so worthy and loved! You sound like someone people would love to befriend. I just hope you can start believing that, soon 💛
Right, so then what's the issue? I don't know for certain, of course, but narcissists blow up every relationship of any value over time, yet they sound lovely when you first hear them. Even this kind of call is a source of supply [if she is one].. We don't know for sure here
Willow, I wish I could give you a hug! You are not alone! There are so many of us who grew up with emotional and psychological abuse and are made to be the scapegoat wherever we go. We often feel like we're the problem when we are in fact survivors of having everyones issues placed on us! We often shut ourselves in because we've been made to feel like we cause problems wherever we go when in fact we have actually volunteered and been elected to take everyone else's issues onto ourselves. Its actually a super power to be able to do so because those who are weak will just put their issues on us as we trudge on and lighten their load for them. There's a book called the Science of Stuck that I'm reading right now. Its about recognizing the fact that we're incredibly strong and what we're dealing with is in fact an unharnessed super power. It takes so much strength to be able to look at yourself, take accountability and ask for the help we need in order to get better. Kudos to Willow and anyone else who is going through this and finds the will to reach out for help! To be vulnerable in this cruel world takes true strength.
Wow! You people are more broken than Willow. Who hurt you? Willow these comments and replies are all about THEIR pathology NOT YOURS! Shame on these people! I commend you so much for the courage it took you to call John! I’m alone too. I had a devastating childhood too. Your call with John made me cry. You have no idea how many people were helped by your bravery. F the cowards who want to hurt. Have you heard about crabs in a bucket? When one tries to climb out some others keep pulling her back down! I want to hug you for 10 minutes too! 🌷🌟💛
I'm sitting at a garage eating my lunch a retired nurse just doing a shift to day. My heart is heavy, I'm 67 single , few friends no close family, I isolate in my flat and it's bin 19 years since I got a hug. A lot of people are horrible loneliness just sucks.
Mother Teresa of Calcutta said “In Calcutta, people are starving for a piece of bread. In America, people are starving for love.” when she was speaking about the epidemic of loneliness in the western world. Willow’s call helped millions of lonely people today. Humans are not islands unto themselves. We need one another. We are social beings. Reach out to one another and give someone a hug who needs it.
Well, Teresa of Calcutta is not a good reference. She let thousands of people who could easily be cured suffer cruelly, because she said that pain and suffering made them seem more like Jesus. She also rubbed shoulders with terrible tyrants and gangsters from all over the world. She lived the life of a tycoon, while the people in her asylums, sometimes perished cruelly without food or water.
@Pheonix1111. That was a good quote from mother Theresa, however, l totally agree with what Edith said. Mother Theresa was in fact a total phoney and very few people are aware of this. Christopher Hitchens, was a brilliant orator and debater. He went to see her. If you look up Christopher Hitchen’s views on mother Theresa, you will find out what she was really like. She had some of the world but not all.
Willow , I’m 59 years old,, I’ve been alone for years , I ended toxic friendships, quit drinking alcohol, quit a job of 40 years,, and raised my 20 year old son alone ,,I struggle emotionally every day,, the rumination I experience is debilitating,, but I pray to God daily , and I trust in him !
@@Antidemonn I know if a stranger came up to me & said they needed a hug, I would bear hug 🐻 them. I’m not the only one. Do you remember those videos of ppl with “Free Hugs” sign? if you did that, you would def get a hug, annnd could give opportunity to someone else who might be in your position. my heart goes out to ppl in these comments, I am in the same boat no skin to skin contact in 5+ years besides effing handshakes
The sad part is, people like this often attract those type of people who would take advantage of them. The User doesn't want to be around people with self confidence and self worth because they will deny them, but the desperate lonely tortured soul will let them in and allow them to do whatever they want with little to no consequence. Good luck Lady, and I hope you can find some decent people, and avoid the users and abusers
You are absolutely right. I was overweight for a huge part of my life, felt worthless. Met a very fit guy and wondered why he'd be with me...took me a few years to learn, but thanks to God I got the strength to leave him alone. He was awful but I felt like I wouldn't find better.
This is incredibly disheartening but so true. I hope she is able to break that cyclical self-destructive doubt. She sounds like a really nice person, unfortunately after severe trauma kindness to self is the last thing we do.
I will say that being alone doesn't always mean you are desperate enough to be in anyone's company. I'm alone but I wouldn't choose just anyone to be my friend. I hope she finds the people that make her happy and fulfilled in some way.
Im 60 and have been alone and unwanted for my entire life, so if she can change anything, I am cheering for her. Getting to 60 alone is an early death sentence, as I just learned in a way I wish I hadn't.
34 and lonely. @@suzanne296 never had a relationship or close friends even in childhood I know i will always be alone because i dont know how to feel safe with people
I'm 60 and alone. I wasn't always alone. My husband died Christmas Eve 2017, kids are grown and have their own lives. I live way out in the country and don't have money to drive into town other than my work. I will be your friend. I'm Melissa
Hey mat niper 33 alpha male non crude just was gifted a special body I was 5 7 in 8th grade so I'm built for all types of stuff first and foremost protecting anyone whether weaker equal or stronger I will be there
I absolutely adore the way that Dr. John comforts her right out of the gate on this call… It made me almost tear up to hear how defeated her voice sounded ❤
Heartbreaking. This must be, psychologically, the most painful thing in the world. Let’s all pray for this lovely woman to find some worthy people to surround herself with.
I can relate with this girl so much. I'm wondering if she was the target of narcissistic abuse. It sounds like it. A lot of us pull away from other people because as you said, people equate to pain.. it took me awhile to realize this, but I was not the problem in my family. I was surrounded by problematic people. I pulled away from them and isolated because I wanted peace peace. I hope this girl learns to love herself. She was the scapegoat in her family it sounds like, and it's a horrible position to be in. It's not fair.
Dr. D getting to the real heart of the matter: "that story you tell keeps you safe." Way too many orifices immediately jump to listing off ways to meet people or act more sociable without figuring out why a person doesn't feel safe being close to people.
I'm 34, single and feel exactly the same way. I keep calling myself a loser, dismiss my accomplishments and I distance myself from people because I'm too afraid strangers will call me a loser too. I've only recently started realising this is a pattern and an extension of my mom's voice. 😢
You need to be the love you seek. If you learn to love yourself, you will teach others how to love you also, you are worth love. You were created to give and receive love.
This lady is extremely courageous. This is the first step, calling. Next step is going out in the world. Try even alone any activity. Any. You’ll be fine, Willow. You are strong.
Sometimes the first step is loving yourself, take care of your body, health,home ,pets…..once you have control over that part, you will attract the right people into your life
I'm taking classes learning self worth , and being confident in my own skin , and struggling with keeping long lasting friends. I made a friend in South Carolina but had to move because safety reasons with a partner, so I feel like I'm back to square one with making another friend where I am now which I'm not having luck meeting someone my age an likes similar things 🤦🏼♀️
@@EstherStiegler you can't learn without pain. Workout at home or a gym. Push your body and your mind will follow. A gym membership is better than therapy most of the time. Tough self-love works.
@@1Icyman I didn't think working out would help that ! I'd probably need a home routine because I'm working with being a full time mama to a toddler and I've got the financial situation, and being single at the moment and what I mean by that my relationship I'm trying to navigate through doing things by myself till I see changes in my son's daddy . We're separated because things got unhealthy for our baby at the time to be around.
Willow I grew up in a home like yours. But, I ran away from home at 15 and NEVER went back! I took my power back. I stood up to my abusers. I made sure to excel and be strong. I’m now 49 and my father is 74 and he’s growing old alone. My evil stepmother is old and miserable. She lives in a shack in W. Virginia. And even a shack is too good for that evil bxxxx!. My father is missing out on every milestone for me and my 2 grown children. I’m financially stable and he’s not. He’s literally dying a lonely old man. I KNOW IM WORTH MORE! AND SO ARE YOU❤❤❤ YOUR’RE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE!
Willow…this has been me. Get a good therapist. It takes a while and you will have to do things that you don’t want to in order to make friends(like leave the house when you don’t wanna), but it will happen. One day at a time. Keep at it. First step is becoming your own best advocate. Virtual hugs!
I think a big part of loneliness these days is we dont do enough for others. We are so self absorbed. But doing things for others..selfless things, volunteering, brings us self esteem, connection etc. but instead we just sit at home feeling sorry for ourselves.. I have done this when I was lonely and regret not doing more for others
@@ngwatomosadi1531 If you look at every situation in which you are helping someone as being "used" then that is how you will feel. Doing something for someone without expecting anything in return is the whole point of the OP's comment. I am sure people have done nice things for you in the past or present, so are you using them?
When it comes from within, it's a spirit. Loneliness is not just a feeling. It also comes in the form of a demonic spirit and when you have feelings of loneliness that come from within or won't go away even when you're with others- that is a spirit, not a feeling!
I am 34 I do have a job but a highly dysfunctional family , no friends, find it hard to trust anyone, a series of failing relationships .. years of abuse criticism ... I just want to live for me
Scapegoating is hell on earth for the scapegoat. It usually starts early in your family of origin and I can attest that it is your role in your adult life until you recognize the abuse as not your fault. Willow sounds lovely and I hope she gets the help she needs. I hope she is aware that narcissists like those who have experienced scapegoating. Never give up Willow because you are so worth it. ❤️🇨🇦🙏
I wish I could hug her for hours. I want to be her friend. The pain in her voice is so sad. She sounds so sweet. She's worthy of love. I hope she gets the help she needs to heal.
I’m 68 years old, no friends, only 1 family member might talk to but haven’t. I cry everyday, I get really bad headaches almost everyday. I don’t go outside, go to store every other week that’s only time I see people. I watch TV and TH-cam. My health keeps we from going anywhere. I never had friends, I never trusted anyone. My marriage turned after 2 years my son was 6 weeks old when I found out my husband was going to strip clubs then porn then girlfriends I stayed for 28 years because of kids. Now single 20 years, I dated no one I wanted. It hurts that I have never felt like anyone would love me.
I completely understand. I’m 68 also, and am in the same boat. I sometimes feel a lot better when I find myself helping someone in my family who is less fortunate. For example, I have a sister who has been abandoned by my family because of her schizophrenia. I’m the only one who visits her and laughs with her at the craziness of the world. Those visits with her really help my days of loneliness.
I’m diagnosed with SAD and I’ve never related to someone so much. I can’t make friends, initiate conversations, and can’t speak up for myself or others. I just started to reach out for help recently, and hearing your story made me feel less lonely in doing so🫶🏻 Thank you so much for sharing what you’ve been going through. I want to give you a huuuge hug!
Then I challenge you: Call someone and make a get-together date. Make the effort. Do not wait for someone else to make the effort. Introverts need to push past and extend themselves. You got this! Sending you a loving hug and smile and encouragement.
@@jessiejoseph1093 Thank you! I tried to do so a year ago and had multiple panic attacks which led me to feel hopeless and unable to keep going. But recently, I got lots of support (counsellors, doctors, etc) so I’m going to try again 💪🪳
Then I challenge you: Call someone and make a get-together date. Make the effort. Do not wait for someone else to make the effort. Introverts need to push past and extend themselves.
@@jessiejoseph1093 oh, I was just saying it for the sake of the video. In fact me and a person from my club were supposed to meet yesterday to play some Badminton but she forgot to pick up her car for a ceremony that she had
@@jessiejoseph1093Asking an introvert, who has probably been scarred in some manner or has shame, to push past anything, is like asking them to drink poison. Some form of therapy may help, but they will have to push past that wall, just to seek help. 4/28/24 @ 12:02P.
I’m sorry Willow. My little voice said that no one would ever love me. I was mid 30s before I recognized it was my stepfathers voice and when I did I told that voice to go to hell. I am loved. I went into therapy for a decade, and that voice is gone. I pray for Peace for you Sister. ❤️
Its just me and my dog, And I know its the best choice for me. Trusting people with my heart always ends in disaster. But my puppy gives me all the love I'll ever need.
I hope you will consider volunteering. You will meet so many wonderful people and you can start to rebuild build yourself worth. You’ll make friends as a by product of helping .
Yeah volunteering at a nursing home teaches you how lonely people really can be. When you can’t get outta a chair by yourself and your day is completely dependent on who’s taking care of you that day. Some people don’t get visitors period.
I am so blessed to be an introvert/ loner! If I could share my contentment in solitude with anyone, it would be Willow! I wish she could find comfort deep within because she seems like a kind soul, and she could give so much to those in nursing homes who have no one to visit them. Those who truly cannot escape their loneliness. She can, but she needs to find the WILL to escape loneliness and not wallow in it. She is able-bodied and young with the freedom to go places, where those in nursing homes are trapped! I retired from Respiratory Therapy after 30 years, and drove bus for special needs kids for a year and a half before I discovered the best job I ever had; taking care of the elderly in their home so they don't have to go to a nursing home! I don't need the social contact but they do! And they need what I can provide! If Willow could do that, she would not only no longer be lonely but be needed and loved by greatful individuals! Nothing beats caring for the helpless and serving others, instead of wanting others to serve you! 🤗
same! i'm also a huge introvert and loner (have been my whole life) and i enjoy my own company over anyone else's! I realize i'm probably in the minority..but too much socializing and small talk (people in general) utterly exhaust me. I do feel badly for people who do feel lonely though.. I'm just very very grateful alone has never meant "lonely" for me.
@@salonsavy6476 yes, i think that is a great idea! I worked in long term care for many years and cannot tell you the number of residents (yes even the ones with lots of kids) never receive any visitors.
I'm glad you have found happiness in doing your own thing and not deriving happiness from social activity. (My life would be easier if I could do the same ha) I still want to say that "contentment in solitude" is absolutely not an introvert trait. Introversion is a personality type where people are drained by social contact. That's it. Whatever people do to cope with that, like being solitary, is their individual choice. I aim to speak out in these instances to challenge stigma and misinformation of what introversion is. And we introverts are often guilty of that.
Yep- been looking in the comment section for 20 min. trying to see who else caught it too. I doubt if she misspoke and probably was 9, and considering the way her family treated her, they probably had no idea or didn't care bc they weren't involved anyway. I don't think Dr John caught that either though bc if he had he likely would have made mention of it and unpacked that part of the story for her
Yes I picked up on that as well. Yeah I was looking thru the comments for somebody else who picked it up. I feel this is a big part of her problem yet Dr John never picked it up.
This call brought tears to my eyes. I don't know exactly what took place in Willow's family, but I can relate to being a black sheep/outcast. That experience nakes is feel near impossible to trust and connect with people. The stakes can feel very high, and staying "safe" can eventually become a trap. Praying that the caller finds a way to find connections that can assist her in getting the mesage that she belongs with people that care about her.
This was me. im not being flippant i mean this. please touch yourself, hug yourself, squeeze your arms legs , place hands on tummy, hold your face gently. spa days, breathe, GET A DOG, Try gentle conversation with strangers whilst walking , when feeling like you can look whats going on in your city go watch. take part. try new interests. Most importantly dont make the end goal friendship just breath in the experiences. Try things you've never done before , pace yourself with it. it will happen , it gradually feels awful less and less i promise. Talking in therapy only takes us so far eventually we gently must start creating our own lives. We learn to love our own company and to be able to recognise cues for when we need connection and when we dont .Theres more i could share but i'll stop here. All the best to you all.
Thank you Dr. John, I’ve been waiting for someone to call that has my current story. I’m very proud of the caller, to make a call that I wasn’t brave enough to make. Bless both of you.
I feel her “reserve”. I used to not speak up if something was uncomfortable or hurt. I did not want to inconvenience anyone. If getting a massage & they were too firm, I’d “suck it up”. I learned it was an old safety reflex . It takes a while to “break” “through” these old deeply rooted patterns; but it’s so liberating. To be able to ask for what you need. As we speak with confidence and an assertiveness that is not demanding, we are likely to get what we ask for - and if we don’t the world won’t stop spinning. God loves you! ❤ We are His beloved creation. What freedom in knowing how vastly we are loved. 🙏
I’m similar. Except at least I have close family but not many. I’m a 28 year old man and have never told anybody about the abuse my grandpa did to me and I feel alone and it has affected how I interact with anybody. I never let people close. I wish I could change
So sorry Please go to therapy Don’t let shame torture you There is a big life out there You can live a full happy life Trauma doesn’t get to have the last laugh Don’t allow it
You are worthy of love and acceptance, my friend. As a man, I understand how difficult it is to share these inner battles, but the fact you have shows you are brave. Call upon the name of Jesus Christ and He will answer. He's the best friend you could ever ask for. Praying for you
You can change. You are too young to have this abuse freeze your life. Please go to a therapist to let these feelings be heard & understood.They will trap you & paralyze you. I am sorry for whatever happened with your grandfather. A kind therapist will help you unload this burden. You have been carrying it a long time. PLEASE go see someone. If it doesnfeel like a right fit, find another therapist. You need guidance to get past this. My heart breaks for you. Grandfathers should be cherishing their grandchildren, not the opposite. My heart breaks for you. Please promise you will go.🙏
Additional Ideas to the church one: take dogs to a dog park - see other people with their dogs - "your dog is so cute, what kind is it / what its name?!" Boom, convo started. Go volunteer some time at an animal shelter - impossible to not converse with others doing the same thing. Sign up for a yoga/workout class to do something healthy around other people. Download bumble and use the BFF mode - look for someone to meet for lunch, or go to a baseball game, or to go to the dog park with. I haven't had enough coffee yet to think of more. I think she needs some friends before getting back into the romantic space. Fellow youtube consumers, add more!
I don’t know if my story will be of much use to you, but I’m a beaten down 31 year old who cut off contact with a lot of so called “friends” and acquaintances. Having lived 32 years, I found that it’s most important to learn to love yourself and make the most out of your life while you’re on this earth. We all only have one shot at life and you want to prioritize yourself and not other people. Never live for others because ultimately, people are not grateful for what you’ve done and will often take you for granted or turn on you or throw you under the bus as they please. Deep Friendships only really work for people with tough skin because people are inherently lacking of understanding and faith and don’t have accountability. It’s the hard truth but sending you much love to overcome this and to appreciate yourself :-)
As someone who spent several years totally isolated, then tried doing what he’s suggesting by inviting someone into my space and taking a risk after spending 4 months being too scared to go into my back yard in case anyone saw me. So I tried having a relationship when my neighbour got kicked out. He sexually coerced me, I forgave him and let him live in with me. I supported him financially for 3 years when he was supposed to be my carer but didn’t want anything to do with my hospital appointments. He would game 12 hours a day. I spent thousands on a dog he wanted. All I expected him to do was walk the dog every morning, pick-up it’s poop and not leave food and old dishwater in the sink. He didn’t have to deal with any of my friends or family and my entire attention and energy was focused on him the entire time. And he upped and left 2 weeks ago. I feel used and abandoned as I haven’t got anyone else. I’ve tried reconciling with my parents as an adult but when I confronted them about the violence in the house or defending a pedophile in the family they just doubled down and insisted I was the problem.
❤ 33. While losing everyone was hard and made me really sad for a long time, I’ve realize I made room for better opportunities. We just have to get out there and “date” ourselves for a while. Impress ourselves, y’know? I know you what I mean-! Because you can! You’ve done it before! ❤❤❤❤
Im sorry for you@@SobrietyandSolace I can kinda relate to that, so I understand completely your feeling. Let's stay strong and have compassion for ourselves. Sending you a big hug 🫂
Willow, you were so very brave to call and ask for help. VERY BRAVE‼️ You’ve earned respect from everyone and I know you’ll stay in our hearts and prayers. God bless 💟
You are not alone. I'm 27 and don't have anyone that I can put my shoulder on to talk to. Always putting everyone else above myself to please them in the hope they would be my friend.
Sad reality is no one cares bro, you make your own future. The only things that are loved unconditionally are women, children and dogs. Rise up and succeed!
Willow, the abuse you endured was never your fault. You always were worthy of being loved and you always will be worthy of being loved. Your abusers were blind to that truth. They failed you. Give that gift to your inner child. You both deserve to be loved. Take care of yourself in a loving manner. Take care of all your needs. People will then see you have self-respect and want to reach out and befriend you. Hugs and much love throughout your healing journey. ❤🙏
Willow. 39 Ireland here. Reach out! You don’t need to be doing this alone, these thoughts and feelings. They come from somewhere and I’ve been there, done that, still sometimes wear the teeshirt. But it’s not who I am. Reach out to me or others. We can help. I promise you.
I’m glad I found the Dr. Delony show. this man is so down to earth, uplifting & most importantly he’s REAL no sugarcoating but still super nice & cool. I hope more ppl find this podcast
I used to have a therapist named Gilbert. I will never forget. I found a way to explain to him what I needed without really explaining it. He used to yell at me “just do it”. In a comforting, Dad, type of way. This was when I was 11. I’m 22 now. We know exactly what we need to do. The issue is self doubt. God bless you guys I believe in your healing.
I used to be in this place. Feeling intense amount of loneliness and depression and I have a husband and 2 sons. I’m a stay at home, home school mom. I’m living my dream. But I have come to learn that most people can’t be trusted. And now I prefer being a total introvert. Glad I have my little family because idk what I’d do without them. I have felt so used by nosy people. They don’t really care for me, they just want to see how much of my life and stories I’ll share with them and then some of those people will spread it around. It’s much easier for me not to deal with people on a deep level because most are not deep . It’s like they see what they can benefit from me but they won’t actually prove themselves to be servants of Christ like they claim to be.
My heart goes out to her, I hope she finds the love within herself that she deserves. I hope she finds people to continue and encourage her and comfort her that way you did. Love your content very much, may give you a jingle sometime.
I'm 38 and I find it impossible to make friends. Friends that will come over, friends that will be there. I have a preschooler. I'm afraid to bring pain into my life is my excuse. I think a friend is going to take off with my fiance or they are going to use me for whatever reason. Or hurt my son. Yes I suffered every kind of abuse since the age of 4. I stay away from people to spare them the pity.
Dear Miniskillet, You are keeping yourself safe. You are keeping your son safe. You are keeping your family, what you treasure , the people you love ..safe. The world can be such a shitty place. I get everything you wrote. Friendship & trust are slowly won. You never need to accommodate anyone else's convenience. when you are addressing your needs for safety. If you can find a helpline to call, talk to someone. It helps....to get all your feelings inside of you, outside of you. If you want to talk to someone face to face, some public health services offer free counselling if cost is an issue. Counselling does really help. If you want to be more social, join an interest group that meets in a public space. Meet playdates at a park, public place or indoor play centre. I don't know anything about your situation & you probably know all this. I just wanted to affirm that you feel empowered to do what you need to do for yourself. You are worthy & precious,.🩷🩷🩷 Blessings, healing & peace to you
@@munkyjammin I'm a veteran so I do have somewhat mental health treatment. Mostly medications. I been waiting a year and some change only to be told the in person therapy referral was never made. I found this out in December. I'm waiting to just establish care until June. It's devastating and I'm trying my best to keep my episodes or "splitting" in check. It's hard but I have to do it. The generational trauma stops with me. ❤
@@miniskillet0587 fight for the therapy. Medication is just a minor help on the way. Realizing our problems and pattern does help. Feeling understood help.
We constantly hear about how we set boundaries and do whats best for us .....but it can be very lonely!! I deal with chronic ptsd and have family but not close to them and no friends .i truly understand this caller ❤❤❤❤ TO THE CALLER : YOU ARE NOT ALONE To john Thank you for reminding the caller that taking risks can be very rewarding ❤
In the most "connected" society we've supposedly ever had, there is a massive epidemic of invisible people. I can feel what it is that she longs for. I've struggled with it too. I can see you Willow. You are not alone. 🙏🤗🕊
My heart goes out to Willlow. Her life sounds exactly like mine only I have 5 dogs that I consider my best friends. This made me cry so hard. It’s awful to spend your entire like feeling unloved/ unwanted/unchosen. I hope everyone that feels like this is able to find the strength to overcome and heal
I think the reason it's so hard to find friends, is because for so long we took whatever friends we could get, scared nobody would accept us. And even those people rejected us. We never found people who we really resonated with, because you are so busy putting on masks for the people we had in our lives to accept us. To the point we never even got to know ourselves. I believe the first step in finding friends is finding yourself and things you enjoy the rest will follow 🙏💞💫 I hope this helps someone put them selves out there you're amazing an light that deserves to shine
I understand Willow...when the people who are supposed to love and protect you didn't... it's hard to trust anyone else. I understand that when someone hugs you or gives you a gift you get really, really uncomfortable... there's a wounded inner child that tells you that you don't deserve it. I'd hug you and tell you that you do deserve it!!! I'm 64...and have struggled with this my whole life...but I'm learning to talk to my inner child and give her the parents I didn't have. Be kind, gentle and supportive to that little girl inside of you.
I am in the same age range and I had a very similar experience. It is so hard to make friends at our age. I wish you the best of luck. A hug from Canada 🇨🇦
If I lived near Tampa, I'd come give you a hug. So sad and ironic there are so many adults desperate for companionship with all the social media we have.
wel, mostly cause social media genuine interpersonal interaction. i spend time online. but i also spend time w/ fam, friends, coworkers, etc. & that makes the difference. [!]
So relatable. People can be so lonely surrounded by people. At least she is not trying to fit in. Also, a reminder for mr. Note to self - when you are getting better, things will surface. Its a good sign. Panick attacks and anxiety are a sign that my body is working well.
I cried through this whole episode. Willow there are so many of us in your shoes. Rejected by “family”, so hurt by loved ones that we can’t let others in. Don’t give up Willow and I won’t either!
I am two minutes in and she's making my heart break for her. Maybe I will have some advice for her by the time I get to the end of her call. It sounds like she has imposter syndrome. Those of us who were emotionally abused and not given unconditional love can struggle with this for decades.
I pray for doctor John and his kindness and wisdom to stay with us and keep his family and him safe! He’s a jewel and for Willow and Al the people who are precious enough to say kind words to Willow the ones that are suffering loneliness like her and the ones who are sending her love and good vibes .. God bless you all! I’m so happy that in this sometimes crazy and sometime cruel world there still good and beautiful people! ❤
Hi I'm a coach and what I see is that you have to go somewhere and do some activity on the regular and on similar hours for you to meet and conect with people. A bunch of people from my gym came as loners and met other people there through months of training and now have a friend circle.
I literally started to cry because I felt her pain being in similar situation. I just hope she knows that she is vey brave and strong. And she isn't alone. Many of us are in similar situation, but very few actually take a step to improve and grow.
This was such a down-to-earth, empathic and profound conversation. Willow, is so incredibly brave to make the call and speak the words. Breaks my heart but I hope she felt lighter after this call, such amazing tips.
Embrace it and realize that human interaction isn't as enjoyable as hobbies; which it isn't. I've lived in the same neighborhood for 12 years and I know 3 neighbor's names. Never had any of them in my house and never had any interest in them speaking to me. I really enjoy my life now.
You just have to get out there and hug someone! If you go to church, you will get hugged! I would hug you if you were here! I'm sorry you feel lonely. You are probably a great person. Don't give up! I feel lonely too. Been single for a few years, and my last 5 year relationship, he never touched me after the first year.
I can feel her. I was abused verbally by my sister and brother telling me that am useless and dumb. Because they excel in academic from elementary to high school while me I only got an average grade just enough to go to college. But, I used my talents in arts, music, sports, cooking, sewing and above all I prayed a lot that God would help me go to college because I want to show to them that I am not dumb. Miraculously, I got my degree. Got my job and now they call me if they need something. You are still young. Believe in yourself, welcome people who want to be friended with you with caution of course. Try to learn skills like arts or cooking. You will find your half in the future. Hmm. I got married at the age of 38 because I work so hard. Now, during my off day, I sew, paint flowers and etc. that I forgot the time thank God my husband is kind to understand me. I want to keep busy to forget my childhood bad experience. Don’t. Forget to pray God will give you what you need. God bless you.
I felt insanely alone a few years ago. I started thinking thoughts that I never thought would creep into my head. I finally got the courage to go to a local church…..alone. It was scary at first but God came back into my life and the blessings that have flowed have been abundant ever since. You are truly never alone when you have a relationship with God…and now I have many friends and a beautiful girlfriend to go along with that. Saying yes to God was the first step. God bless you all, especially those that feel alone and isolated.
Willow, you sound like a beautiful human being. Please keep your head up. I visit my family in Tampa, Florida, often. I will be there in two weeks. If you want to be friends or just need someone to talk, let me know. I don't want you to feel alone. You deserve so much more than what you have been through. I'm praying for you. YOU ARE WORTH BEING LOVED. GOD LOVES YOU.
I wish that everyone that feels lonely or has no friends and stuff (like me) can all just meet up and be each others friends!
Wouldn’t that be wonderful
Hmm I’m wondering if there’s any apps for that, but not social media, for like meet in person without knowing tinder but for friends
Yeah it’s called meetup
Crap, I thought I had a revolutionary idea, pretty hard these days
Aww that’s beautiful 🥰
The hug willow button 👍❤️
❤ Willow ❤ We love you
Absolutely! There needs to be a HUGE hug Willow button! I love hugging and always have! When someone gives me a half ass hug I stop them and say “ what kind of hug was that?” Then I get a real HUG! And we all smile and enjoy our time together! My Dad was a Preacher and got used to sideways half hugs so that’s what I got from him too! IM HIS DAUGHTER! I don’t deserve half hugs! So I told him that and from then on I never got a half hug from him! So, Willow! Get hugs but never half hugs! Become your own advocate in life! Take charge girl! Fight is in you and always has been! Fight for your own happiness and be happy! Love and BIG HUG from me!
☑️
❤❤❤❤❤
Start by looking in the mirror and saying I love you❤. Because I love you. God loves you. And you deserve love!!. Willow I will be lifting you up
I felt this call. 39. No friends. No close family. No partner. Just me and my dog. It sucks. It's hard. I am terribly depressed and at my age it's hard to make friends.
Dogs are better than most humans
Same age. I’ll be your friend. I too have a dog, and a cat. ❤
I'll be your friend tooo
@@nowaynottoday Wow. Such kind comments in here. You are awesome. Blessings.
@@rosielele You are awesome. Such a nice comment. Wow. Blessings.
When she said 9 years, I burst into tears. I can’t even fathom her pain. I’m so sorry Willow.
Same over here, my heart breaks for this poor girl
Many men go longer than that
@@Coneman3many men are being destroyed in family courts and no longer trust women.
I don’t think she did that intentionally….she probably hasn’t had anyone try to even touch her…
12 years here and the 5 before it were full of abuse, neglect and SA. Been so sick from anxiety ever since that my nervous system basically broke. Doctors haven't been any help. Feels like I'm dying at 40 and don't even know why. Just constant extreme pain, terrifying anxiety and nausea for over a decade. I'm disappearing before my eyes. I don't know what to do anymore. I didn't even realize how long those numbers were until I wrote this.
It hurts when family rejects you.
To me, that’s not even family.
@@zarazen8110Agreed!!! That's why I let all of them go. 👍
Yep. I, finally went no contact with my mom, sis, and bro. My dad died when I was 19. It is tough out here when you're not brought up to love yourself. The inner critic can be crippling.
You will heal and rise, love.
You can learn to love yourself and then others will love you.
Yes it does. But guess what you are better than them. I've been in a situation similar. If you are living at home...get out as soon as possible
Hurts the most ! way more than a stranger
She was a scapegoat in a big family of non accountability. It’s hard to be that, very hard.
And now it is time for her to develop the skills to grow past the pain. Growing pains at any age push us beyond our self-imposed limits.
Totally 💯
Stretch the comfort zone and remind ourselves of our true worth
My immediate family was wonderful and loving but my extended family was terrible! The bullying was never ending. I can't imagine having my parents do the same to me! Praying for you Willow!!!❤❤❤❤❤
@@jessiejoseph1093 you can grow and understand that it wasn't you but it will always change who you are and how your brain is wired. Can't just go... Well I'm over it so I'll just trust everyone and set myself up again.
Shes so brave for reaching out to someone instead of thinking she has to keep it all to herself. I wish i could find that bravery. Good job Willow and i wish you the best
Reaching out and asking for help is the hardest and most brave thing you can do. I managed to do it about 10 years ago, and I was a mess when I did it. Now I'm so grateful that I did, because I would not be alive if I hadn't.
YOU GOT THIS! I hear you! You have everything you need inside you now, no need to wait.
Sometimes a person just getting out of bed is an act of bravery…even when that person is you.
She’s not running into a burning house to save a cat
@@steelearmstrong9616 It’s a certainly bigger accomplishment than writing a derisive comment on the internet. I’m sorry you didn’t get more praise and positive affirmation as a child, my guy.
Please please please if anyone is struggling with what she’s struggling with, and it isn’t absolutely necessary DO NOT WORK FROM HOME.
Working in person forces you to at least see real people on a regular basis. Please trust me❤❤
Such good advice
I agree 💯. I’m 40, no family, no kids and going into the office at the very least gives me human interaction. That keeps me going.
This is so true, only after the healing. You can't help it, if you go to work feeling unworthy, eventually the staff will come at you too. You attract super jerks. Your behaviors will be misinterpreted. You will misinterpret people, too. It's more so if you get into the wrong field like Finance or other competitive places where they eat their young. If you go to a non-profit, you will see the few staff who are suspicious of your super niceness they smell desperation and despair and are cliquey you will be smear campaigned. Maybe work from a library. It's safer.
Absolutely 100%
depends on the job... working in person at my old job would get me out of my funk a lot of times. I hate my new job's office and I have crazy high social anxiety the whole day.
Interestingly I am a 33 yo Asian male, different gender, different race, different language, different part of the world, and I feel exactly the same as you.
Human is amazing isn't it? Let's face our fear together
Hello new friend! How are you doing?
Hi guys
Hello
What's wrong with saying her dogs are her best friends?? They are better friends than any human can be. Unconditional love. Dogs are the best creatures on Earth
100 percent wayyyy more loyal than humans
Dogs are great but connecting with humans is important. People should feel like part of a community.
I had the same thought
Because that basically validates her own notions she’s built up about herself which is that only dogs can be her close friends because people don’t like her as a person her actually personality the dogs are great but she needs people to give her that validation she deserves which is that she deserves friends
Dogs are an ADDITION to life, not a REPLACEMENT for human connection.
Willow; you ARE NOT alone! I'm 30 years old and can relate to this DEEPLY; EXACTLY!
Me too. I hope you're finding healing too ❤
33 here! Group hug!!! 🥹❤️
Me too at 61
same here! it’s a weird age lol
34... ❤❤❤
This is heartbreaking. Willow if you see this, I pray you find healing and remember that you are so worthy and loved! You sound like someone people would love to befriend. I just hope you can start believing that, soon 💛
Right, so then what's the issue? I don't know for certain, of course, but narcissists blow up every relationship of any value over time, yet they sound lovely when you first hear them. Even this kind of call is a source of supply [if she is one].. We don't know for sure here
@@AlexKaehler-qc8kd what an awful accusation to make on a comment that was directed at the woman in the call, SHAME ON YOU!!!
Willow, I wish I could give you a hug! You are not alone! There are so many of us who grew up with emotional and psychological abuse and are made to be the scapegoat wherever we go. We often feel like we're the problem when we are in fact survivors of having everyones issues placed on us! We often shut ourselves in because we've been made to feel like we cause problems wherever we go when in fact we have actually volunteered and been elected to take everyone else's issues onto ourselves. Its actually a super power to be able to do so because those who are weak will just put their issues on us as we trudge on and lighten their load for them.
There's a book called the Science of Stuck that I'm reading right now. Its about recognizing the fact that we're incredibly strong and what we're dealing with is in fact an unharnessed super power. It takes so much strength to be able to look at yourself, take accountability and ask for the help we need in order to get better. Kudos to Willow and anyone else who is going through this and finds the will to reach out for help! To be vulnerable in this cruel world takes true strength.
True enough, as we don't know for sure, but 36 with siblings and others all abandoning usually is a sign the person is the problem.
Wow! You people are more broken than Willow. Who hurt you?
Willow these comments and replies are all about THEIR pathology NOT YOURS! Shame on these people!
I commend you so much for the courage it took you to call John!
I’m alone too. I had a devastating childhood too.
Your call with John made me cry. You have no idea how many people were helped by your bravery.
F the cowards who want to hurt. Have you heard about crabs in a bucket? When one tries to climb out some others keep pulling her back down!
I want to hug you for 10 minutes too! 🌷🌟💛
I'm sitting at a garage eating my lunch a retired nurse just doing a shift to day.
My heart is heavy, I'm 67 single , few friends no close family, I isolate in my flat and it's bin 19 years since I got a hug. A lot of people are horrible loneliness just sucks.
I felt your message. I hope the rest of your shift was okay and you felt that appreciation. I'm in the UK and would be happy to hear from you.
I'm sending you a hug you are an amazing person who gave your life to care for others. I pray you have more and physical hugs ❤
If I could give you a hug, I would ❤
I’m sending you a virtual hug. I’ll be family to you.
🫂
Mother Teresa of Calcutta said “In Calcutta, people are starving for a piece of bread. In America, people are starving for love.” when she was speaking about the epidemic of loneliness in the western world. Willow’s call helped millions of lonely people today. Humans are not islands unto themselves. We need one another. We are social beings. Reach out to one another and give someone a hug who needs it.
Well, Teresa of Calcutta is not a good reference. She let thousands of people who could easily be cured suffer cruelly, because she said that pain and suffering made them seem more like Jesus. She also rubbed shoulders with terrible tyrants and gangsters from all over the world. She lived the life of a tycoon, while the people in her asylums, sometimes perished cruelly without food or water.
Humans were designed for personal physical contact. The digital world has taken it away.
The eastern world is lonely too. Dont kid yourself.
@@wheatstonebridge I agree. I was merely quoting her during a speech she gave when she was visiting the U.S.A. Loneliness is a worldwide issue.
@Pheonix1111. That was a good quote from mother Theresa, however, l totally agree with what Edith said. Mother Theresa was in fact a total phoney and very few people are aware of this. Christopher Hitchens, was a brilliant orator and debater. He went to see her. If you look up Christopher Hitchen’s views on mother Theresa, you will find out what she was really like. She had some of the world but not all.
Willow , I’m 59 years old,, I’ve been alone for years , I ended toxic friendships, quit drinking alcohol, quit a job of 40 years,, and raised my 20 year old son alone ,,I struggle emotionally every day,, the rumination I experience is debilitating,, but I pray to God daily , and I trust in him !
You are an inspiration to the rest of us. Thank you for being such a wonderful person. You make this world a better place. My hero
I haven't had a hug since my parents died in 2015 😔
Sending you love❤@@suzanne296
@@suzanne296 If I could hug you, I would. My heart goes out to you. I lost my parents years ago. Jesus loves you. ❤
Very similar here.....
I went two years without a hug or contact and it was torturous, my heart goes out to this young lady.
..mine was 10 years 🥹😢😭
@@old-soul🙏🏿❤️
I havent had a hug for my whole life. I'm 21
@@Antidemonn I know if a stranger came up to me & said they needed a hug, I would bear hug 🐻 them. I’m not the only one. Do you remember those videos of ppl with “Free Hugs” sign? if you did that, you would def get a hug, annnd could give opportunity to someone else who might be in your position. my heart goes out to ppl in these comments, I am in the same boat no skin to skin contact in 5+ years besides effing handshakes
I'm crying...sitting here sobbing wishing i could be willows friend and show her she's worthy
Me as well. I very much know how she feels. Her story is mine.
He’s literally the sweetest man alive
This is the first caller on your show that made me cry, and she has no idea. Like you, Dr. John, I’m sending her a hug.
9 years without a hug, that is brutal.
The sad thing is that loneliness and self-isolation is a snowball effect until the self-talk becomes a self fulfilling prophecy
This comment needs to be on a plaque.
I really need to nail this quote in my head.
I love how Dr. Delony was so gentle, kind, and hopeful with Willow. I feel hopeful for Willow's future.
The sad part is, people like this often attract those type of people who would take advantage of them. The User doesn't want to be around people with self confidence and self worth because they will deny them, but the desperate lonely tortured soul will let them in and allow them to do whatever they want with little to no consequence. Good luck Lady, and I hope you can find some decent people, and avoid the users and abusers
She needs extensive trauma therapy and learn how to have a safe relationship through that first.
You are absolutely right. I was overweight for a huge part of my life, felt worthless. Met a very fit guy and wondered why he'd be with me...took me a few years to learn, but thanks to God I got the strength to leave him alone. He was awful but I felt like I wouldn't find better.
This is incredibly disheartening but so true. I hope she is able to break that cyclical self-destructive doubt. She sounds like a really nice person, unfortunately after severe trauma kindness to self is the last thing we do.
It’s called narcissism
I will say that being alone doesn't always mean you are desperate enough to be in anyone's company. I'm alone but I wouldn't choose just anyone to be my friend. I hope she finds the people that make her happy and fulfilled in some way.
Im 60 and have been alone and unwanted for my entire life, so if she can change anything, I am cheering for her. Getting to 60 alone is an early death sentence, as I just learned in a way I wish I hadn't.
61 and lonely
34 and lonely. @@suzanne296 never had a relationship or close friends even in childhood
I know i will always be alone because i dont know how to feel safe with people
I met my man at 60 / winerful soul mate man . Never gi eve up n we all hav lot of soul mates . ❤
I hope and pray you all find a friend in Jesus. He loves you all very much
I'm 60 and alone. I wasn't always alone. My husband died Christmas Eve 2017, kids are grown and have their own lives. I live way out in the country and don't have money to drive into town other than my work. I will be your friend. I'm Melissa
who feels really lonely right now?
I do. And my husband is sitting right next to me. How pathetic is that?
@@MaureenMeuse
Just like me
Hey mat niper 33 alpha male non crude just was gifted a special body I was 5 7 in 8th grade so I'm built for all types of stuff first and foremost protecting anyone whether weaker equal or stronger I will be there
@@MaureenMeusenot pathetic at all… it’s the same with me and mine too..🤷🏽♀️
Want to be friends?! 😊
@@MaureenMeuse I felt this. 🫂
I feel bad for her. I hope she finds the healing, love, and comfort that she deserves.
I want to just crawl through the screen and give her a hug!😭
Me too❤❤❤❤❤
I absolutely adore the way that Dr. John comforts her right out of the gate on this call… It made me almost tear up to hear how defeated her voice sounded ❤
Heartbreaking. This must be, psychologically, the most painful thing in the world. Let’s all pray for this lovely woman to find some worthy people to surround herself with.
I can relate with this girl so much. I'm wondering if she was the target of narcissistic abuse. It sounds like it. A lot of us pull away from other people because as you said, people equate to pain.. it took me awhile to realize this, but I was not the problem in my family. I was surrounded by problematic people. I pulled away from them and isolated because I wanted peace peace. I hope this girl learns to love herself. She was the scapegoat in her family it sounds like, and it's a horrible position to be in. It's not fair.
My thoughts too
Only the people who have known this would understand. Peace and love to all who are walking this path.
Dr. D getting to the real heart of the matter: "that story you tell keeps you safe." Way too many orifices immediately jump to listing off ways to meet people or act more sociable without figuring out why a person doesn't feel safe being close to people.
"orifices" xD
Yes!! When a person is abused in family of origin from infancy, the child learns viscerally that people arent safe.
Thank you.
I'm 34, single and feel exactly the same way. I keep calling myself a loser, dismiss my accomplishments and I distance myself from people because I'm too afraid strangers will call me a loser too. I've only recently started realising this is a pattern and an extension of my mom's voice. 😢
You are worthy
You are loveable
You are valuable
You are desirable
You bring joy to others
You inspire others
You are whole!
What an awful thing for your mother to say. She must have had tremendous insecurities to say that. I’m sorry 😢
You need to be the love you seek. If you learn to love yourself, you will teach others how to love you also, you are worth love. You were created to give and receive love.
Yep, it's relateble as a single woman in mid 30s I often think that people laugh behind my back and call me a loser
No looser at all
This lady is extremely courageous. This is the first step, calling. Next step is going out in the world. Try even alone any activity. Any. You’ll be fine, Willow. You are strong.
Sometimes the first step is loving yourself, take care of your body, health,home ,pets…..once you have control over that part, you will attract the right people into your life
Definitely the most important first step
Great advice ♥️
I'm taking classes learning self worth , and being confident in my own skin , and struggling with keeping long lasting friends. I made a friend in South Carolina but had to move because safety reasons with a partner, so I feel like I'm back to square one with making another friend where I am now which I'm not having luck meeting someone my age an likes similar things 🤦🏼♀️
@@EstherStiegler you can't learn without pain.
Workout at home or a gym. Push your body and your mind will follow.
A gym membership is better than therapy most of the time. Tough self-love works.
@@1Icyman I didn't think working out would help that ! I'd probably need a home routine because I'm working with being a full time mama to a toddler and I've got the financial situation, and being single at the moment and what I mean by that my relationship I'm trying to navigate through doing things by myself till I see changes in my son's daddy . We're separated because things got unhealthy for our baby at the time to be around.
Willow I grew up in a home like yours. But, I ran away from home at 15 and NEVER went back! I took my power back. I stood up to my abusers. I made sure to excel and be strong. I’m now 49 and my father is 74 and he’s growing old alone. My evil stepmother is old and miserable. She lives in a shack in W. Virginia. And even a shack is too good for that evil bxxxx!. My father is missing out on every milestone for me and my 2 grown children. I’m financially stable and he’s not. He’s literally dying a lonely old man. I KNOW IM WORTH MORE! AND SO ARE YOU❤❤❤ YOUR’RE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE!
Willow…this has been me. Get a good therapist. It takes a while and you will have to do things that you don’t want to in order to make friends(like leave the house when you don’t wanna), but it will happen. One day at a time. Keep at it. First step is becoming your own best advocate. Virtual hugs!
I think a big part of loneliness these days is we dont do enough for others. We are so self absorbed. But doing things for others..selfless things, volunteering, brings us self esteem, connection etc. but instead we just sit at home feeling sorry for ourselves.. I have done this when I was lonely and regret not doing more for others
Yes I completely agree. Doing thoughtful and kind things for others takes your mind off yourself.
It takes extra effort...
That’s not true. Even if we do things, for people, we might feel it. But it helps a little.
Opening yourself to be used and end up feeling even worse and reclusive e
@@ngwatomosadi1531 If you look at every situation in which you are helping someone as being "used" then that is how you will feel. Doing something for someone without expecting anything in return is the whole point of the OP's comment. I am sure people have done nice things for you in the past or present, so are you using them?
Loneliness is hard bc it comes from within.
When it comes from within, it's a spirit. Loneliness is not just a feeling. It also comes in the form of a demonic spirit and when you have feelings of loneliness that come from within or won't go away even when you're with others- that is a spirit, not a feeling!
I am 34 I do have a job but a highly dysfunctional family , no friends, find it hard to trust anyone, a series of failing relationships .. years of abuse criticism ... I just want to live for me
you are not alone
im 35 and in the same boat ❤
Those old stories about you doesn't define who you are. You're worth being loved.
Scapegoating is hell on earth for the scapegoat. It usually starts early in your family of origin and I can attest that it is your role in your adult life until you recognize the abuse as not your fault. Willow sounds lovely and I hope she gets the help she needs. I hope she is aware that narcissists like those who have experienced scapegoating. Never give up Willow because you are so worth it. ❤️🇨🇦🙏
Brothers and sisters don’t have to say anything. Just repeatedly not letting the child play in a game tells the sister “you are not good enough.”
Exactly just being ignored like you’re nothing
I wish I could hug her for hours. I want to be her friend. The pain in her voice is so sad. She sounds so sweet. She's worthy of love. I hope she gets the help she needs to heal.
I’m 68 years old, no friends, only 1 family member might talk to but haven’t. I cry everyday, I get really bad headaches almost everyday. I don’t go outside, go to store every other week that’s only time I see people. I watch TV and TH-cam. My health keeps we from going anywhere. I never had friends, I never trusted anyone. My marriage turned after 2 years my son was 6 weeks old when I found out my husband was going to strip clubs then porn then girlfriends I stayed for 28 years because of kids. Now single 20 years, I dated no one I wanted. It hurts that I have never felt like anyone would love me.
Please try Jesus.
Pray and find God he will always be there for you.
I completely understand. I’m 68 also, and am in the same boat. I sometimes feel a lot better when I find myself helping someone in my family who is less fortunate. For example, I have a sister who has been abandoned by my family because of her schizophrenia. I’m the only one who visits her and laughs with her at the craziness of the world. Those visits with her really help my days of loneliness.
Look for online groups/classes - could be for anything - online therapy groups, online language classes, online women's circles ❤️
you are not alone 🤗
I’m diagnosed with SAD and I’ve never related to someone so much. I can’t make friends, initiate conversations, and can’t speak up for myself or others. I just started to reach out for help recently, and hearing your story made me feel less lonely in doing so🫶🏻 Thank you so much for sharing what you’ve been going through. I want to give you a huuuge hug!
Then I challenge you: Call someone and make a get-together date. Make the effort. Do not wait for someone else to make the effort. Introverts need to push past and extend themselves. You got this! Sending you a loving hug and smile and encouragement.
@@jessiejoseph1093 Thank you! I tried to do so a year ago and had multiple panic attacks which led me to feel hopeless and unable to keep going. But recently, I got lots of support (counsellors, doctors, etc) so I’m going to try again 💪🪳
Oh, I should’ve clarified SAD as in social anxiety disorder and not seasonal affective disorder
DANG I’m a 37 year old man and this got me in my feelings my heart hurts for her because I’ve experienced just a portion of this and it hurts
Turning 37 next month and i feel this as well
Loneliness just sucks man, technology has made social connection so hard
Then I challenge you: Call someone and make a get-together date. Make the effort. Do not wait for someone else to make the effort. Introverts need to push past and extend themselves.
@@jessiejoseph1093 oh, I was just saying it for the sake of the video. In fact me and a person from my club were supposed to meet yesterday to play some Badminton but she forgot to pick up her car for a ceremony that she had
@@jessiejoseph1093Asking an introvert, who has probably been scarred in some manner or has shame, to push past anything, is like asking them to drink poison. Some form of therapy may help, but they will have to push past that wall, just to seek help. 4/28/24 @ 12:02P.
I think there’s some hope with VR. As corny as it sounds. 🥺
@@alwaysyouramanda vr is kinda similar depends in the platform, vrchat can be pretty toxic
I’m sorry Willow.
My little voice said that no one would ever love me. I was mid 30s before I recognized it was my stepfathers voice and when I did I told that voice to go to hell. I am loved. I went into therapy for a decade, and that voice is gone.
I pray for Peace for you Sister.
❤️
When I learned to talk with myself, I didn't feel lonely anymore. Now it's very precious moment for me.
Its just me and my dog,
And I know its the best choice for me.
Trusting people with my heart always ends in disaster. But my puppy gives me all the love I'll ever need.
We don't deserve dogs.
@@randysmith7231
I agree we don't,
But I'm glad God saw fit to create such amazing canine companions.
Agree. I'll take my dog over any human. And it's not that big a deal that she hasn't had a relationship for 9 years, lots of people enjoy being alone
Heart goes out to her. 💔. Huge hug. Huge hug sweetheart.💔Seriously.
I hope you will consider volunteering. You will meet so many wonderful people and you can start to rebuild build yourself worth. You’ll make friends as a by product of helping .
good advice
Yeah volunteering at a nursing home teaches you how lonely people really can be. When you can’t get outta a chair by yourself and your day is completely dependent on who’s taking care of you that day. Some people don’t get visitors period.
That's a great idea. Helping others can be so rewarding and it can take your mind off your own struggles for a while.
Yes, the best (and maybe only) way to have a friend...is to Be a friend.
I am so blessed to be an introvert/ loner! If I could share my contentment in solitude with anyone, it would be Willow! I wish she could find comfort deep within because she seems like a kind soul, and she could give so much to those in nursing homes who have no one to visit them. Those who truly cannot escape their loneliness. She can, but she needs to find the WILL to escape loneliness and not wallow in it. She is able-bodied and young with the freedom to go places, where those in nursing homes are trapped! I retired from Respiratory Therapy after 30 years, and drove bus for special needs kids for a year and a half before I discovered the best job I ever had; taking care of the elderly in their home so they don't have to go to a nursing home! I don't need the social contact but they do! And they need what I can provide! If Willow could do that, she would not only no longer be lonely but be needed and loved by greatful individuals! Nothing beats caring for the helpless and serving others, instead of wanting others to serve you! 🤗
Thank you for this comment,, I’ve always wanted to help seniors, I’m very Empathic and it’s something I feel I need to do,,
same! i'm also a huge introvert and loner (have been my whole life) and i enjoy my own company over anyone else's! I realize i'm probably in the minority..but too much socializing and small talk (people in general) utterly exhaust me. I do feel badly for people who do feel lonely though.. I'm just very very grateful alone has never meant "lonely" for me.
@@salonsavy6476 yes, i think that is a great idea! I worked in long term care for many years and cannot tell you the number of residents (yes even the ones with lots of kids) never receive any visitors.
Funny, I was socially active in florida. Now in New Hampshire, more isolated. But ok with it. I find myself more sensitive about words. (Exhaustive) 😊
I'm glad you have found happiness in doing your own thing and not deriving happiness from social activity. (My life would be easier if I could do the same ha) I still want to say that "contentment in solitude" is absolutely not an introvert trait. Introversion is a personality type where people are drained by social contact. That's it. Whatever people do to cope with that, like being solitary, is their individual choice. I aim to speak out in these instances to challenge stigma and misinformation of what introversion is. And we introverts are often guilty of that.
With him for 18 years??? So she is 36 now, minus 9 years, makes her 27 when the relationship ended and 9 when it started???????? 9???? Huh?
I noticed this too! I was quite confused.
She was nervous…. Maybe she just mis stated the time line
Yep- been looking in the comment section for 20 min. trying to see who else caught it too. I doubt if she misspoke and probably was 9, and considering the way her family treated her, they probably had no idea or didn't care bc they weren't involved anyway. I don't think Dr John caught that either though bc if he had he likely would have made mention of it and unpacked that part of the story for her
Yes I picked up on that as well. Yeah I was looking thru the comments for somebody else who picked it up. I feel this is a big part of her problem yet Dr John never picked it up.
Me, too.
This call brought tears to my eyes. I don't know exactly what took place in Willow's family, but I can relate to being a black sheep/outcast. That experience nakes is feel near impossible to trust and connect with people. The stakes can feel very high, and staying "safe" can eventually become a trap. Praying that the caller finds a way to find connections that can assist her in getting the mesage that she belongs with people that care about her.
This was me. im not being flippant i mean this. please touch yourself, hug yourself, squeeze your arms legs , place hands on tummy, hold your face gently. spa days, breathe, GET A DOG, Try gentle conversation with strangers whilst walking , when feeling like you can look whats going on in your city go watch. take part. try new interests. Most importantly dont make the end goal friendship just breath in the experiences. Try things you've never done before , pace yourself with it. it will happen , it gradually feels awful less and less i promise. Talking in therapy only takes us so far eventually we gently must start creating our own lives. We learn to love our own company and to be able to recognise cues for when we need connection and when we dont .Theres more i could share but i'll stop here. All the best to you all.
Hugs to you girl, YOU ARE WORTHY. YOU ARE VALUED.
I share this similar story. Family is so distant from me and often rejects me. I find peace in God
This episode broke my heart. Please hang in there, Willow. You are worth it ❤
Thank you Dr. John, I’ve been waiting for someone to call that has my current story.
I’m very proud of the caller, to make a call that I wasn’t brave enough to make. Bless both of you.
This one hit me in the gut 😢 you're not alone Willow❤ bless her heart Lord.
I feel her “reserve”. I used to not speak up if something was uncomfortable or hurt. I did not want to inconvenience anyone. If getting a massage & they were too firm, I’d “suck it up”. I learned it was an old safety reflex . It takes a while to “break” “through” these old deeply rooted patterns; but it’s so liberating. To be able to ask for what you need. As we speak with confidence and an assertiveness that is not demanding, we are likely to get what we ask for - and if we don’t the world won’t stop spinning. God loves you! ❤ We are His beloved creation. What freedom in knowing how vastly we are loved. 🙏
I needed to read this. Thank you for sharing it.
I’m similar. Except at least I have close family but not many. I’m a 28 year old man and have never told anybody about the abuse my grandpa did to me and I feel alone and it has affected how I interact with anybody. I never let people close. I wish I could change
So sorry
Please go to therapy
Don’t let shame torture you
There is a big life out there
You can live a full happy life
Trauma doesn’t get to have the last laugh
Don’t allow it
You are worthy of love and acceptance, my friend. As a man, I understand how difficult it is to share these inner battles, but the fact you have shows you are brave.
Call upon the name of Jesus Christ and He will answer. He's the best friend you could ever ask for.
Praying for you
Don’t go for therapy know that you are Gods design and abuse was to your body , don’t give them your soul !❤
You can change. You are too young to have this abuse freeze your life. Please go to a therapist to let these feelings be heard & understood.They will trap you & paralyze you. I am sorry for whatever happened with your grandfather. A kind therapist will help you unload this burden. You have been carrying it a long time. PLEASE go see someone. If it doesnfeel like a right fit, find another therapist. You need guidance to get past this. My heart breaks for you. Grandfathers should be cherishing their grandchildren, not the opposite. My heart breaks for you. Please promise you will go.🙏
Additional Ideas to the church one: take dogs to a dog park - see other people with their dogs - "your dog is so cute, what kind is it / what its name?!" Boom, convo started. Go volunteer some time at an animal shelter - impossible to not converse with others doing the same thing. Sign up for a yoga/workout class to do something healthy around other people. Download bumble and use the BFF mode - look for someone to meet for lunch, or go to a baseball game, or to go to the dog park with. I haven't had enough coffee yet to think of more. I think she needs some friends before getting back into the romantic space. Fellow youtube consumers, add more!
I love this.
I don’t know if my story will be of much use to you, but I’m a beaten down 31 year old who cut off contact with a lot of so called “friends” and acquaintances. Having lived 32 years, I found that it’s most important to learn to love yourself and make the most out of your life while you’re on this earth. We all only have one shot at life and you want to prioritize yourself and not other people. Never live for others because ultimately, people are not grateful for what you’ve done and will often take you for granted or turn on you or throw you under the bus as they please. Deep Friendships only really work for people with tough skin because people are inherently lacking of understanding and faith and don’t have accountability. It’s the hard truth but sending you much love to overcome this and to appreciate yourself :-)
Well said
💯
As someone who spent several years totally isolated, then tried doing what he’s suggesting by inviting someone into my space and taking a risk after spending 4 months being too scared to go into my back yard in case anyone saw me. So I tried having a relationship when my neighbour got kicked out. He sexually coerced me, I forgave him and let him live in with me. I supported him financially for 3 years when he was supposed to be my carer but didn’t want anything to do with my hospital appointments. He would game 12 hours a day. I spent thousands on a dog he wanted. All I expected him to do was walk the dog every morning, pick-up it’s poop and not leave food and old dishwater in the sink. He didn’t have to deal with any of my friends or family and my entire attention and energy was focused on him the entire time. And he upped and left 2 weeks ago. I feel used and abandoned as I haven’t got anyone else. I’ve tried reconciling with my parents as an adult but when I confronted them about the violence in the house or defending a pedophile in the family they just doubled down and insisted I was the problem.
❤ 33. While losing everyone was hard and made me really sad for a long time, I’ve realize I made room for better opportunities. We just have to get out there and “date” ourselves for a while. Impress ourselves, y’know? I know you what I mean-! Because you can! You’ve done it before! ❤❤❤❤
Im sorry for you@@SobrietyandSolace
I can kinda relate to that, so I understand completely your feeling. Let's stay strong and have compassion for ourselves. Sending you a big hug 🫂
Willow, you were so very brave to call and ask for help. VERY BRAVE‼️ You’ve earned respect from everyone and I know you’ll stay in our hearts and prayers. God bless 💟
You are not alone. I'm 27 and don't have anyone that I can put my shoulder on to talk to. Always putting everyone else above myself to please them in the hope they would be my friend.
Sad reality is no one cares bro, you make your own future. The only things that are loved unconditionally are women, children and dogs. Rise up and succeed!
Willow, the abuse you endured was never your fault. You always were worthy of being loved and you always will be worthy of being loved. Your abusers were blind to that truth. They failed you. Give that gift to your inner child. You both deserve to be loved. Take care of yourself in a loving manner. Take care of all your needs. People will then see you have self-respect and want to reach out and befriend you. Hugs and much love throughout your healing journey. ❤🙏
Willow. 39 Ireland here. Reach out! You don’t need to be doing this alone, these thoughts and feelings. They come from somewhere and I’ve been there, done that, still sometimes wear the teeshirt. But it’s not who I am. Reach out to me or others. We can help. I promise you.
me too
I am also 36-year-old female, without anyone, who do I reach out to?
tbo2120 ...I agree we need to stick together...its so sad.
nobody should feel that alone
I absolutely love how gently you spoke with her!!! ❤❤❤
I’m glad I found the Dr. Delony show. this man is so down to earth, uplifting & most importantly he’s REAL no sugarcoating but still super nice & cool. I hope more ppl find this podcast
I used to have a therapist named Gilbert. I will never forget. I found a way to explain to him what I needed without really explaining it. He used to yell at me “just do it”. In a comforting, Dad, type of way.
This was when I was 11. I’m 22 now. We know exactly what we need to do. The issue is self doubt. God bless you guys I believe in your healing.
I used to be in this place. Feeling intense amount of loneliness and depression and I have a husband and 2 sons. I’m a stay at home, home school mom. I’m living my dream. But I have come to learn that most people can’t be trusted. And now I prefer being a total introvert. Glad I have my little family because idk what I’d do without them. I have felt so used by nosy people. They don’t really care for me, they just want to see how much of my life and stories I’ll share with them and then some of those people will spread it around. It’s much easier for me not to deal with people on a deep level because most are not deep . It’s like they see what they can benefit from me but they won’t actually prove themselves to be servants of Christ like they claim to be.
You are so right. Most people are nosy & out for themselves minding everyone else's business - especially women.
My heart goes out to her, I hope she finds the love within herself that she deserves. I hope she finds people to continue and encourage her and comfort her that way you did. Love your content very much, may give you a jingle sometime.
This one broke my heart 😢 I'd be her friend in a heartbeat, and she IS worth love and friendship. ❤
Go be authentic! There are great friends out there who will accept you for you!
I'm 38 and I find it impossible to make friends. Friends that will come over, friends that will be there. I have a preschooler. I'm afraid to bring pain into my life is my excuse. I think a friend is going to take off with my fiance or they are going to use me for whatever reason. Or hurt my son. Yes I suffered every kind of abuse since the age of 4. I stay away from people to spare them the pity.
Praying for you and your family and for a supportive community to thrive in.
Force yourself to talk to people that helps
Dear Miniskillet,
You are keeping yourself safe.
You are keeping your son safe.
You are keeping your family, what you treasure , the people you love ..safe.
The world can be such a shitty place.
I get everything you wrote.
Friendship & trust are slowly won.
You never need to accommodate anyone else's convenience. when you are addressing your needs for safety.
If you can find a helpline to call, talk to someone. It helps....to get all your feelings inside of you, outside of you.
If you want to talk to someone face to face, some public health services offer free counselling if cost is an issue.
Counselling does really help.
If you want to be more social, join an interest group that meets in a public space. Meet playdates at a park, public place or indoor play centre.
I don't know anything about your situation & you probably know all this.
I just wanted to affirm that you feel empowered to do what you need to do for yourself.
You are worthy & precious,.🩷🩷🩷
Blessings, healing & peace to you
@@munkyjammin I'm a veteran so I do have somewhat mental health treatment. Mostly medications. I been waiting a year and some change only to be told the in person therapy referral was never made. I found this out in December. I'm waiting to just establish care until June. It's devastating and I'm trying my best to keep my episodes or "splitting" in check. It's hard but I have to do it. The generational trauma stops with me. ❤
@@miniskillet0587 fight for the therapy. Medication is just a minor help on the way. Realizing our problems and pattern does help. Feeling understood help.
We constantly hear about how we set boundaries and do whats best for us .....but it can be very lonely!! I deal with chronic ptsd and have family but not close to them and no friends .i truly understand this caller ❤❤❤❤ TO THE CALLER : YOU ARE NOT ALONE
To john Thank you for reminding the caller that taking risks can be very rewarding ❤
In the most "connected" society we've supposedly ever had, there is a massive epidemic of invisible people.
I can feel what it is that she longs for. I've struggled with it too.
I can see you Willow. You are not alone. 🙏🤗🕊
My heart goes out to Willlow. Her life sounds exactly like mine only I have 5 dogs that I consider my best friends. This made me cry so hard. It’s awful to spend your entire like feeling unloved/ unwanted/unchosen. I hope everyone that feels like this is able to find the strength to overcome and heal
I think the reason it's so hard to find friends, is because for so long we took whatever friends we could get, scared nobody would accept us. And even those people rejected us. We never found people who we really resonated with, because you are so busy putting on masks for the people we had in our lives to accept us. To the point we never even got to know ourselves. I believe the first step in finding friends is finding yourself and things you enjoy the rest will follow 🙏💞💫 I hope this helps someone put them selves out there you're amazing an light that deserves to shine
I understand Willow...when the people who are supposed to love and protect you didn't... it's hard to trust anyone else. I understand that when someone hugs you or gives you a gift you get really, really uncomfortable... there's a wounded inner child that tells you that you don't deserve it. I'd hug you and tell you that you do deserve it!!! I'm 64...and have struggled with this my whole life...but I'm learning to talk to my inner child and give her the parents I didn't have. Be kind, gentle and supportive to that little girl inside of you.
I am in the same age range and I had a very similar experience. It is so hard to make friends at our age. I wish you the best of luck. A hug from Canada 🇨🇦
@@Alfiedoo12 from one Canadian to another 🇨🇦
If I lived near Tampa, I'd come give you a hug.
So sad and ironic there are so many adults desperate for companionship with all the social media we have.
wel, mostly cause social media genuine interpersonal interaction. i spend time online. but i also spend time w/ fam, friends, coworkers, etc. & that makes the difference. [!]
So relatable. People can be so lonely surrounded by people. At least she is not trying to fit in. Also, a reminder for mr. Note to self - when you are getting better, things will surface. Its a good sign. Panick attacks and anxiety are a sign that my body is working well.
I relate to this so much. It’s hard to let anyone in because we don’t trust others to love us kindly
My heart breaks for Willow. But she called the right person...
Thank you Dr. John for being so genuine and kind to her.
I absolutely love that today whenever I have thoughts that I'm not good enough or whatever I can hear John saying, "that's not true."
I cried through this whole episode. Willow there are so many of us in your shoes. Rejected by “family”, so hurt by loved ones that we can’t let others in. Don’t give up Willow and I won’t either!
I turn 36 in a few weeks and feel your pain. You're not alone! I'm rooting for you, Willow!
I am two minutes in and she's making my heart break for her. Maybe I will have some advice for her by the time I get to the end of her call. It sounds like she has imposter syndrome. Those of us who were emotionally abused and not given unconditional love can struggle with this for decades.
I pray for doctor John and his kindness and wisdom to stay with us and keep his family and him safe! He’s a jewel and for Willow and Al the people who are precious enough to say kind words to Willow the ones that are suffering loneliness like her and the ones who are sending her love and good vibes .. God bless you all! I’m so happy that in this sometimes crazy and sometime cruel world there still good and beautiful people! ❤
It’s so rare to see a true honest kind compassionate person like this one here 🥰 it’s so refreshing to watch real empathy and care 💖👏🤌🏆
Hi I'm a coach and what I see is that you have to go somewhere and do some activity on the regular and on similar hours for you to meet and conect with people. A bunch of people from my gym came as loners and met other people there through months of training and now have a friend circle.
Yes gym Is certainly a good place
This is both simple and great advice it’s so true. You meet other people with the same interests which is an advantage when making friends
It’s unreal how much pain you can feel in this video. Praying for her.
I literally started to cry because I felt her pain being in similar situation. I just hope she knows that she is vey brave and strong. And she isn't alone. Many of us are in similar situation, but very few actually take a step to improve and grow.
This was such a down-to-earth, empathic and profound conversation. Willow, is so incredibly brave to make the call and speak the words. Breaks my heart but I hope she felt lighter after this call, such amazing tips.
Embrace it and realize that human interaction isn't as enjoyable as hobbies; which it isn't. I've lived in the same neighborhood for 12 years and I know 3 neighbor's names. Never had any of them in my house and never had any interest in them speaking to me. I really enjoy my life now.
Dreadfully hard being the family scapegoat, the repercussions are a lifelong battle to overcome
Im a 53 yr old virgin and the last time i (at least) hugged a woman was the early 1990s. Its hell out there.
Call girls and strip clubs are a thing
You just have to get out there and hug someone! If you go to church, you will get hugged! I would hug you if you were here! I'm sorry you feel lonely. You are probably a great person. Don't give up! I feel lonely too. Been single for a few years, and my last 5 year relationship, he never touched me after the first year.
I was in the same position as this woman not long ago. Thank you for addressing these issues and helping people overcome this!!
I can feel her. I was abused verbally by my sister and brother telling me that am useless and dumb. Because they excel in academic from elementary to high school while me I only got an average grade just enough to go to college. But, I used my talents in arts, music, sports, cooking, sewing and above all I prayed a lot that God would help me go to college because I want to show to them that I am not dumb. Miraculously, I got my degree. Got my job and now they call me if they need something. You are still young. Believe in yourself, welcome people who want to be friended with you with caution of course. Try to learn skills like arts or cooking. You will find your half in the future. Hmm. I got married at the age of 38 because I work so hard. Now, during my off day, I sew, paint flowers and etc. that I forgot the time thank God my husband is kind to understand me. I want to keep busy to forget my childhood bad experience. Don’t. Forget to pray God will give you what you need. God bless you.
I felt insanely alone a few years ago. I started thinking thoughts that I never thought would creep into my head. I finally got the courage to go to a local church…..alone. It was scary at first but God came back into my life and the blessings that have flowed have been abundant ever since. You are truly never alone when you have a relationship with God…and now I have many friends and a beautiful girlfriend to go along with that. Saying yes to God was the first step. God bless you all, especially those that feel alone and isolated.
AMEN
Willow, you sound like a beautiful human being. Please keep your head up. I visit my family in Tampa, Florida, often. I will be there in two weeks. If you want to be friends or just need someone to talk, let me know. I don't want you to feel alone. You deserve so much more than what you have been through. I'm praying for you. YOU ARE WORTH BEING LOVED. GOD LOVES YOU.
That’s so sweet of you Eleni!