Q&A! Going Backwards, Fairytale Fantasies, & Too Many Friendships With Exes? - Ep 71 - Dear Shandy
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 ก.ค. 2024
- It's Q&A time! We're back, answering YOUR burning questions! How much should you hold out for your fairytale? How many friendships with exes is TOO many? And is it worth it to re-pursue a former high-paying career, even if it's at the cost of your partner's? This episode also features Andy's kissing tips (you do NOT want to miss these). Come join us in our living room for the Shandy take!
00:00 - All I Want Is My Fairytale Story-Am I Sabotaging Myself?
12:46 - My Boyfriend Is Friends With A Lot Of Exes and Former Hookups-Is This Normal?
30:35 - I'm An Almost-30 Year Old Male And Have No Relationship Experience-How Do I Handle My Dating Insecurity?
44:46 - My Longterm Boyfriend Broke Up With Me And I Feel Blindsided-Should We Remain Friends?
1:00:57 - Should I Re-Pursue My Former High-Paying Career At The Cost Of My Husband's?
If you have a relationship question, write us at: dearshandy@gmail.com
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Ooohhh I like the idea of a SHANDY matchmaking network. I would love to see that. The fairy godmother and father bringing "soulmates" together.
To the male caller who is worried about his lack of relationship experience, if you are reading the comments here, I just wanted to tell you that my partner had had only one relationship when we met (he was 32) and very little dating experience, and that didn't stop me from being drawn to him. Like Sharleen said, your history or lack thereof won't deter the right woman for you.
Thank you for sharing your story! The right woman will LOVE this about him!
@@dearshandy My pleasure; I hope it helps! Loved this whole episode and agreed with everything you said - great advice.
A Shandy app? I think you guys should bring back old school speed-dating events in real life once covid's passed. I think it'd better fit the soul of dear shandy. Maybe you can sign up for it online though :p
I just realized Andy is wearing a white tee in every episode.
ANDY'S KISSING COACHING!!! I'm ded!!!! 🐼
Oh Dear Shandy, you always make me belly laugh.
The ‘touch their face like you’re holding a bird - an injured sparrow’ LMAO
“Is she doing a survey of the land across America?” Andy 💚. So funny
Ugh I also once went on a date with someone who snapped at our waitress & was humiliated to be with him! I personally apologized to her before leaving & never went out with him again ✌🏼
Great advice to Emmy on just getting her feet wet & learning as she goes… Relationships, friendships, jobs, LIFE is not supposed to be lived from the sidelines and there’s so much to say for figuring out what you don’t want!!
This episode was SUCH a delight. I enjoy all of your podcasts and look forward to them throughout the week. They always bring a smile to my face. This one especially had me laughing out loud several times. I absolutely lost it at Andy's baby sparrow metaphor!
OMG I was dying during the kissing conversation! 😂😂😂
The injured sparrow comment HAHA IM DONE
Can relate so hard to the "need to make mistakes first to realize what you really need" conversation. That is 100% true for me. I feel bad for the woman who wrote in there, because she is setting herself up to be disappointed by every relationship, even when it's good. The longer she waits, the harder it will get. 😢
Chainsaw Andy has me dying 😂
It seems that Emmy, Tara, and Anonymous Asian may all suffer from similar problem: an unwillingness to work for something that could be less than perfect/ideal. Tara's own verbiage about "putting in the work" indicates that intimidates her. It represents risk. Perhaps her relationship and successes in life have thus far come too easily for her. As for Emmy and Anon A, take Shandy's advice that relationships are all imperfect and laden with risk and mistakes. But that's not a bad thing!! That is being human!
All three of you need to remember that another hallmark of being human is resilience, and you have to believe in your own ability to take your lumps and survive and grow. I know I can get my heart broken over and over again, because it hasn't killed me yet and I've learned so much. Please embrace your resilience, as it may be the key to taking those seemingly risky leaps.
I had the exact issue that Noelle had except I was the one breaking up with my ex. We did long distance in college for 3 of the 4 years. He originally wanted to move where I was living but then changed his mind. His mother also passed away in the last year that we were dating and he told me at one point that we had no future. We had a 5 year break, dated other people but kept in contact and got back together after a big breakup for both of us. We have been back together for almost 8 years, and are married with 2 young kids. Great advice as always!
Great podcast as always. My uncle specializes in helping people find their career paths. He worked for the labor department in DC for decades and when he retired he became a therapist/counselor with this specialty. There are people out there who can help with that next step.
This is my fourth comment on this video lol....this one is for Noelle, if you're reading. THEY ARE RIGHT. Everything they said was spot on. I went through a bad break-up five years ago with the person I thought was really the one; he broke up with me because he had a lot to work on in himself. For an entire year after, he still came over to hang out and talk and even waffled back and forth about getting back together. I clung to that for a whole year. Then finally he pulled the plug for good and made it clear we weren't going to get back together. We did not talk after that at all. It took me a year and a half total (from the initial break-up) to build myself back up, finding things to do that I loved that fulfilled me, that I didn't necessarily have time to do when we were together. One of those was travel. I met the love of my life in Paris on one of those trips. Three years later, we've just bought an apartment together in France in his hometown. I would have had none of this if I hadn't forced myself to just work through the pain of the heartbreak and not talk to him. It will get better and it will be the right decision, just like they said. Good luck! ❤️❤️
AMEN!!
Yeah I got blindsided by a woman and it took me probably 2 years to get over it and I cut her off completely and that was the right move. Now I'm happy it happened.
Dear Shandy, you are always on point and highly entertaining. Love all the analogies and laugh along with you Sharleen at Andy's quick mind and hilarious observations. I admit though, I enjoy more the Q&A podcasts than the call in ones. Nonetheless, I am a huge fan!
Re: the fairytale case, I do suspect for some people they do not have a strong need for partnership and therefore they feel like the opportunity costs of dating around someone they don't feel all in is quite high, solely because they don't need it, they feel fine being single, being with someone annoying is honestly invasive and uncomfortable. But of course for others they do not have this sort of phobia of being intimate with people they don't like as much it is easy to date around to get information. For others dating someone they are not into may feel disgusting.
Agree. What is the point of dating someone where I know from the very beginning, that it's going to end and I don't really 100% want to be with him?
If I want to, we try and we fail, that's a whole different story. But being with someone just for the sake of being with anyone? Nah.
I guess it's a phobia thing, too, but it would feel so dishonest to pretend that it could be going anywhere when it's just for "practise ".
For the guy that doesn't have kissing experience......Please don't open your mouth and stick your tongue down a girls mouth and start slobbering!! If you don't have experience kissing don't try french kissing right away.......My best experience with Great Kissing is someone that has soft, warm, full lips, and kisses like a lip sandwich and starts off slowly and then just goes with the flow, feel how things are going with the other person and if they are still getting close and wanting more, or if they seem to be pulling away quickly ? Maybe ask the person your with before hand in conversation about the best kisser they were ever with and see what they say!
When it pertains to a production the phrase is "Another one in the can".
Loved this episode! Q&As are my favourites. Yay for having no trolls too!
love to see you get your Anonymous Asian in touch with Emmy.-.. Imagine that as a Dear Shandy love story.-..?
What a *fresh* episode!
Yall I have a partner but if for some reason I find myself single in the future I'd be on that app so fast 😂
I recently found your channel, and I love it. Great content and you two seem like really nice, positive people. Sharleen, where is your sweatshirt from? It’s so cute.
those thumbnails are getting better and better !!!! 🔥🔥🔥
Anonymous #2 needs to meet your first inquirer. 😃 Just a thought.
Fairy tale love exists, but everyone version of it is different. In order to find your version you need to date a lot, you don’t usually find it in the 20”s, to be honest, you are also way to young to be someone else’s forever fairytale too. She may have an issue with failure.
I love Andy’s socks! 🙌🏼🙌🏼
Another *fresh* Q&A episode.
the guy with the woman who wants to stay for two weeks. it’s obvious to me that the woman thinks she’s his girlfriend OR at least friend with benefits and the road trip is specifically to see him.
LOVE your yin yang shirt I must have one 😍
Sharleen- Must know where I can get that yin yang sweatshirt!!!!!!!!!!
Yes!!! APP!!! I’m in!
Please have a Shandy app! Or at least a Facebook group lol. I loved the kissing lesson!!! Please do an episode on how to kiss 😅
Novocaine 🤣
I volunteer for your social experiment/matchmaking! 😆😆
Prince Charming isn't going to come knocking on your door and carry you away like a fairy tail......you need to make a lot of mistakes first and kiss a lot of frogs! Then down the road you will find what you really need and want!
Excellent, excellent, excellent. Emmy needs to have the awakening that humans can't be perfect, no matter how hard they try. The guy with exes wants a threesome. People who close up due to fear of rejection are, in fact, rejecting themselves ahead of any potential outside rejection. I think if you assume that rejection is the typical default of dating, then you won't feel so empty when it happens. Noelle, turn the page. Even if he moves to Key West, he'll soon discover that you can't go back, but that's HIS conclusion to reach, not yours. Grieve your loss and move on. It'll be all right. Tera, WTF? Ego is a two-sided coin, and if prestige and a paycheck are waving in front of you, your self-esteem is tied to them. Think more about being comfortable in your own skin. No outside stamp of approval will make up for what you really think of yourself. Andy, I love your socks. Lovely that you include yellow as a trim. Love you guys.
Where can I purchase music from Sharleen's? I need a Christmas album!!
Andy, is there a Los Angeles version of you and if so, can you please procure him for me? There's a finder's fee!
andy's socks!!!
Blunt Advice for the last caller.....What are you thinking!!!!! Step away from your Ego and Pride, you know those are some of the deadly sins! Anyways you don't need to work if you don't want to, you have a privileged life, why not just be happy?! If you want to work and bring in some more money, even though it doesn't sound like you need to....take some courses in things that are really Interesting to you, maybe try something Creative, or that can be of Service to Others, or Charity!.... You have the chance that I would only wish and pray for, and that is to maybe work 1/2 the time or a few hrs a week, doing something new and interesting, that will fill you with Joy and Happiness, something you could Love and be Proud of, something Creative, or be helping others in some way......Don't throw this Opportunity Away!
I waist I heard this podcast in my early 20s.
Where can I watch old MTV?!?! 🤯🤯🤯 Someone Please tell me!!!
Another one bites the dust???
🚩 red flags run…. You have to give up your exes if you are in a serious relationship
Fresh Prince of Bel-air.