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Hey I started a petition to change a law that would have saved my nephews life. Its to remove all kids out of a house if even one child is removed for abuse until a full investigation and decisions are made. If you could check this out and help me spread awarness for the petition and gofundme for his baby sister who he stayed behind to protect. #JusticeForWade #WadestersLaw Also if this is inappropriate i appolgize you can delete this message if it is.
This is LITERALLY no different that all the new age and revamp of the law of attraction and spiritual shit going around. Omg. More and more I’m NEEDING to figure out how to make YT content. I can’t handle all this BS going around. Idc if I get nothing but dislikes, I do very much don’t like the ridiculous extremes of society, as of late.
Yeah Bethie Boo Boo, idk about you, but having a fat bank account has always makes me feel REEEEAL satisfied deep down. Bc I know I’m cozy and my family is taken care of (but that’s only happened like twice in my life sooooo). 😂😂😂 I know those $75 acrylic nails surely aren’t necessary. Did Jesus have French tips? 😭 what’s about Botox and a big diamond ring? Dayum. J-Dawg got jipped!!!
"The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself .’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:31 As yourself? So you should love people how you love yourself? Doesn't this imply you should love yourself...... Right?
That’s saying “I’m not happy”, does she even know what’s she’s saying? That’s so sad. Life does not mean suffering and sacrifice in order to reach heaven. How can you be suffering and miserable and expect pure bliss in return? You have to become happiness you wish to seek, because it’s in you already, not something to achieve. Life is joyous and exciting
Exactly what I thought! Also war is a more extreme situation, so knowing you have to temper expectations in that situation is reasonable. But we’re not talking extremes here.
I remembered my very Christian mom encouraging me to leave my abusive ex baby daddy she told me I deserve to be happy and that God hates abuse. I left and my son and I are better for it because I chose my happiness.
This gives me hope. ❤️🥺 My younger sister is being pushed into a polygamous marriage to an old churchman who is older than our dad (because he wouldn't take her "no" as an answer until she finally gave in to it) which makes me sick. And sick that my parents wanted him to have her because she's autistic and "unattractive so nobody else would want her" (my mom said). Ugh, it feels so wrong and disgusting, but we can't talk her out of it because their religion demands women to "submit ourselves to our fathers and then our husband in marriage". 😫 So I just told her, "Hey, all we care about is that YOU are happy and safe wherever that path leads you in life. And if at any point you're not happy there with those people or if you're being mistreated in any way, just give me or our brother a call and we'll come get you. Okay, we love you sis and want you to feel safe and happy wherever you are." That's the only advice I could give her when I got the news. I just feel so freaking bad for her and how she's being treated because she's on the autism spectrum and basically being "sold" to this creep and she's been given no other choice by her parents. I just hope it sticks with her. ❤️😞
@@vanissaberg5824check on her as much as possible and really drill it in her head that you are her support. It's so easy to hear things and not believe them when your 'masters' are telling you otherwise.
@@vanissaberg5824Does your sister, a person who grew up in such a fundamentalist religion, even know what her husband might DEMAND from her once they're "married" (which isn't even legal, as it's polygamy)? The creep might sexually assault her, do you realize that? That's very much a possibility. Have you spoken to her about it? Do you realize you could call the cops or social services on your parents? Pls, don't let your sister be abused. Disabled ppl are more likely to be sexually assaulted, plus men in this type of religion tend to believe they can demand sex from their wives or even rape them (which they don't even see as rape, given that they believe they're owed sex from their wives, no matter what). Pls, do anything in your power to help her, even if it's taking her in with you, whatever. I'm autistic too and your story is terrifying!
@@JulianaLimeMoon legally there's nothing that can be done to help since she's over 18 unless she comes out and says she wants out or he's hurt her in some way. I got trapped in a similar situation with the assault by an older relative because of the same things you mentioned. Thankfully I got help and got out. All I can do for my sister is try to keep in contact with her and educate her on consent if she even understands she has rights or what those are. Her mom (my dad's 2nd wife) is very mean to her making her do all the work around the house, so she really wanted to move out of her mom's house and that's why she agreed to the marriage. Another problem is she's very deep into the religious brainwashing so if anyone tries to intervene it would only escalate things much much worse. And being I'm also an apostate, trying to help would be very difficult due to the lack of trust in "outsiders" in their cult. For now, it feels like walking on thin ice trying not to scare her from thinking the government isn't trying to "cage" them when I mention helping get their SSNs or birth certificates, etc. Talking to my sisters about getting their IDs or legal docs so they can have some freedom to them is like offering the "mark of the beast" to be damned to hell (again religious brainwashing) and it terrifies them. So it's very tricky and I don't want to scare them. 😟
@@vanissaberg5824 Oh, my, what a terribly difficult situation! 😟 I'm so sorry these cults exist and you and your family have been/are trapped in one. I wish you all the best. Good thing you're there to help her.
oh my goddd bethany really said "if women deserved happiness, then why would i stay in my unhappy marriage huh? checkmate atheists" and thought that that was not the saddest thing to say EVER, holy shit. she really said with all her chest that her marriage to her husband does not make her happy. ouch.
My thoughts exactly. And I was expecting her to say this as soon as I heard the topic of the argument. The extremists have now brainwashed women and girls like Bethany into conscious self-destruction in order to get and keep them trapped in the unnatural, perverted relationships they call marriages.
"I didn't marry to be happpy, I married because I love my husband." ???? Does loving your husband not bring you happiness????? I don't think you should be married to someone if loving them doesn't feel good lmao.
The thing I have noticed is that people like Bethy tend to confuse "marriage for love and happiness" as "marriage for ME ME ME!" They seem to sort of just assume that if you're not getting married for some "greater purpose" like god or society or whatever that you're being selfish and won't want to work to make a marriage happy or get through tough times. The concept that marriage can both be for your happiness and worth working for doesn't seem to cross their minds. To them, everything in life has to be some kind of sacrifice for "god's will" even your marriage.
They’re told that their only worth is in reproduction of humans and being at the service of men. I will never, ever understand men who are drawn to this dynamic because …..what the fuck? First of all, if that’s appealing to you, you sound like a fucking psychopath and narcissist that is incapable of forming genuine relationships with their partner. Second of all, if this is appealing to you as a guy, please do humanity a favor and die alone lol your life will be just as fulfilling if you think your wife is below you and is a servant to you and just an incubator for your shitty dna. Which is another thing. These people don’t see children as fully separate autonomous human beings with their own thoughts and desires, they see them as literal property. Human capital whose existence is meant to expand the capital of the “family name.” It’s so self aggrandizing and pathetic tbh.
my mother actually told me as a child that I didn't deserve anything, that I didn't even deserve to live...because everything is a gift from god. It didn't sit right with me then and now as an adult I can see how messed up that is to say to anyone, let alone a child. Thank you for this video :)
That's absolutely terrible. I also received some wonderful advice from my mother. She told me to never deprive my husband on more than one occasion.......yeah.......
My mom didn't go as far as to say I don't deserve anything, but she made me feel incredibly guilty about doing things for myself and made me feel like if I'm not doing something to contribute to others it's selfish, she lives her life for others a lot, and I just can't do that, it's made me incredibly depressed and anxious, even though I no longer believe it's sinful and that being selfish will make me go to hell
the brief period where i was brought up christian, i believed that 'some people are chosen to suffer'. i believed that about myself. and guess how suicidal that made me! ugh
“We don’t deserve God, we deserve to die” is exactly the reason why so many Christians (or former Christians) have such horrible anxiety. This kind of rhetoric that we don’t deserve happiness and that we’re worthless without God, that we are just awful people without his love being taught to you from a young age absolutely has bearing on how you grow to view yourself. It’s one of the reasons I left the Church and started to reevaluate my religion (one reason among many reasons tbh).
Yeah they’ll always find a way to make your struggles in life your fault, or the devil’s fault, and never give real worthwhile advice. Just making you feel like a fuck up for not thinking and “thriving” like the other members (even though they are all literally struggling with the same thing behind closed doors)
The guilt, the everlasting guilt while you don't really know what to do about it. It drove me crazy, couldn't really cope with it. Especially not with the commandment I had to love him above everyone else. I was really fine with fellow christians and still am, I'm still a christian in a social way. But god drives me crazy and I'm glad I'm convinced he doesn't really exist.
THIS, 1000%. I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian household and it set me up for a life of feeling unworthy, and CONSTANTLY bracing myself for the fire and brimstone I “deserved” as a sinner. 25 years later I am still trying to rebuild. This dogma is disgusting and intentionally disempowering.
oh but she's absolutely of this word... the bitch ain't amish lmao. and she knows a decent amount about kim's life; was married, got divorced, dated pete... that "idk how to even say their name" is just nonsense lots of people do for people they don't like. if you just slightly mispronounce a syllable of someone's name, everyone still knows who you mean. to point it out like that, when its something so small, you're just trying to create distance from that person like "I am sooooo uninterested in this person I can't even say their basic ass name correctly! ...even though i know it well enough that i know i'm mispronouncing it" its such a peeve of mine. i watch h3 and some idiot tried to pretend they didn't know how to say "ethan" correctly. "efan, ethan... whatever it is, idk, i don't actually watch him" this is giving that same energy. not ranting at you, just bethany's stupid bs lol
I saw something yesterday that said something like “resilience is unsustainable, you should be living your life, not enduring it.” That seems like a good way to describe the “you deserve to be happy” sentiment.
What does 'resilience is unsustainable' supposed to mean? Isn't resilience what helps us to *recover* from difficulties, aka bouncing back from enduring to instead 'living'? I feel like the second half of that phrase supports living with resilience while stating that's the negative.
Qwandary i understood resilience as what it takes to get through a tough time. I guess it also depends on whether you consider recovery part of the tough time. I had a single head injury four years ago, and I’ve been suffering from a concussion for four years. I’ve been in recovery all that time, but it’s also been very tough because of the chronic pain and cognitive issues. Resilience is getting me through the recovery, but I’m definitely enduring life and not living it.
@@qwandary well, here is the thing. Sometimes you cannot actually bounce back quickly after a difficult time. Putting this expectation of being resilient on yourself everytime you experience a bad event is actually counterproductive. It sounds like toxic positivity repackaged
I really wonder what these people define as "love." "I'm not happy in my marriage but I love my husband" "God loves you but you deserve nothing" "Hate the sin love the sinner" I do not think that word means what you think it means. Especially "don't divorce your husband! 'Love' him more." Grows like mold on toxic relationships.
I really don't see the attraction of a psychopathic diabolical god who demands that you suffer and worship his psychopathic diabolical self, an infinitely powerful mean girl. Doesn't it ever occur to them that they are Devil worshippers?
🎯🤣 Exactly! They really are devil-worshippers. One day, they'll realize they were right about Christianity...only they were on the wrong side all along...☠👹
fundamentalists flat out saying that people don't deserve happiness is like parody levels of ridiculous. I can't believe I genuinely thought that made sense at one point. A god of love doesn't want you to be happy? doesn't want you to be fulfilled on the planet he created?? sounds like he sucks then!
The thing is - they imply that getting married will bring you to a new level of happiness and then when you get married they tell you that (paraphrased) f* happiness, you made a promise. I experienced that myself. If this is there believe they should be upfront with everything before marriage -ok if you want a mate you maybe miserable but you are going to stick together anyway.
An unlikely source of an excellent quote about marriage is Sex and the City when Carrie asks how often Charlotte is happy in her marriage and she says every day. Not all day everyday, but every day. And I 100% live by this quote and that’s how I knew my husband was the one bc I was happy and content being with him every single day. I feel like women like Bethany have been so brainwashed by their religion to just accept being treated like shit by their husbands that they truly believe that being genuinely happy in a marriage (not all day everyday but every day) is unattainable and unrealistic. I just feed sad for them.
One thing that's wild is there's a chance that her husband doesn't treat her like crap. He might be a perfectly sweet guy. But that doesn't mean she's happy with him. Could be she just isn't attracted to him, he's bad at sex, he's uninteresting in conversation, they don't actually have anything in common, he never helps around the house...any one or combination of a ton of things that might make them incompatible as partners. In that case she'd likely feel more of just a general, ever-present sense of disappointment or dissatisfaction. In some ways that's just as bad, because not only will it last longer but she then has her own brain telling her it's a sin to even consider any of those things as reasons for leaving.
I mean, lets not just assume her husband is treating her like shit... I wouldn't be surprised if Bethany was the one/also treats her husband like shit. She sure does like to get up on her high horse and preach her bs... imagine living with that. Imagine making life decisions with that.
In a completely secular way, my depression sounds exactly like Bethy. Dont bother trying to be happy, because there will always be the next thing that will make you miserable.
"why would I bother trying to be happy, that'll make it hurt more when something bad inevitably happens" is a true gd chant of my anxiety. Felt that REAL hard
@@PiousPallasAthene agreed its sad nobody can enjoy themselves anymore but i think I told my bf the same thing the other day its easier to get bad news if your already prepared for it to happen.
@@happytofu5 yes because you continue to do it afterwards. That was definitely the case with me, I continued it. My brother realized it was all nonsense but I continued to push myself deeper and deeper. My mom might have laid down the foundation but it was me that pursued after that. It was me that shows to go to any and every church event that I could possibly come across. My brother who is 2 years younger didn't choose any of those things and wasn't made to go. I wanted to go because I thought it made me look like a good girl. I'm white and I was going to a Korean Church on their weekly meetings just to have more Church events to go to. My home church had Wednesday nights but the Korean church had Friday nights so that was an additional night that I could go to church. No one forced me to do that that was all me.
@@UlexiteTVStoneLexite It's rarely self-inflicted. I doubt very many people who weren't raised in this end up believing it. It is not easy to realize that everything you've ever been told is a lie. Like you said, going to these things made you feel like you were being good. You were getting positive reinforcement from your community. Don't be too hard on yourself, you got out of a very difficult trap to escape.
@@MissKashira after an adult you do keep yourself in there and even before that a lot of the times you are keeping yourself locked in there. When I was a kid I made myself go to as many religious activities as I could. My mom didn't make me. I did it to myself. Even as an adult I was still keeping myself in there.
Ironically, it's why I stayed in religion so long, because that whole "god loves you like your earthly father does" thing, is accurate for me. It's why it took so long for me to see that my father was abusive, and so is religion. I'm away from both now, and I persued my "happy place" (now living in another country), and I've never been more mentally well than I am now. I'm 47. That's terrifying. I should not have had to be in my 40s before I felt well and content and safe. DO NOT WAIT LIKE I DID. Go out and do the stuff that makes you feel well and happy. Being unwell, unsafe, and unhappy suuuuuuucks!!!
She’s definitely suffering from depression but doesn’t know it. I mean she knows she’s sad but probably doesn’t know the term depression. She was probably taught that her sadness is good and that her suffering will please God somehow. She, along with many other fundies, has developed this martyrdom complex and it’s so unhealthy.
this is exactly what i thought. i've dealt with depression for ages, and when you're struggling w it and don't have any help, it really does feel like happiness is a "shallow, transient emotion" as she described it. but when you're dealing with it, you realize that is NOT the case. happiness is just as deep an emotion as all of them. bethany clearly is struggling with her mental health, an unfulfilling relationship, and an unhealthy relationship with her religion and she has no idea this is not normal. it's sad and a little dangerous.
I kind of doubt if she really beleives what she is talking about. She reminds me of lot of those preachers that can tell you the most horrible things without any emotion.
I think part of her presentation that rings warning bells is the breathy, run-on sentence, driving pace of her speech. It is very much the blueprint of "churchy" and "youth-pastory" way of trying to play up emotions and urgency. I guess when you're young you're more vulnerable to the gish-gallop of religious leaders doing some live, unchallenged, verbal-processing.
That's the schtick, string together a bunch of words that kinda make sense if you don't pause to think about it step by step to see if it's logical, and become more emotional the further you get into what you're saying
Every pastor and religious public figure I have ever met has sounded like this. it comes off as so self-righteous to me, like the importance of what they’re saying is some Big Revelation that other people are so lucky to hear. Idk, it’s icky..
I got a wee bit triggered by the marriage/divorce Convo. For context, I consider myself 'pro-divorce'. *TW, brief mention of unaliving oneself at the end of my rant* Divorce isn't a bad thing and rarely comes due to 1 fleeting moment of unhappiness. No adult who has invested YEARS into a relationship leaves because of 1 bad day! It's because of a systemic change in your partner/realization over a long period of time that 2 people are no longer compatible. My mom used to say 'I wish he would just hit me, that way people would tell me it's ok to leave him' after years and years of a VERY unhealthy dynamic in my parents' relationship. We grew up in the church and everyone would tell her she needed to stick it out and work it out with him, but he was unwilling to change. Now after 14 years post divorce my parents are both independently living the lives they truly wanted. My dad found a wife who fits what he wants (I don't have a relationship with her so I have no idea if she is truly happy) and my mom is incredibly happy. I honestly think if my mom would have stayed with him she would have ended up taking her own life and how is that any better than divorce?!
Yeah, honestly I'm happy my parents divorced before I could remember them being together, they weren't compatible, I can't imagine my mom living on a farm, and living how my stepmother and him do, I'm happy I didn't have to grow up listening to their arguments and have my mom be unhappy and my grandparents not living with us
When I was a kid, people always said "they should stay together for the kids" but now the kids are grown up and they say don't do that. It's cool to watch society learn over time and make things better for the next generation.
My childhood friends were in s conservative Christian church. Their mom, though college educated was supposed to be only a stay at home mom and homeschool the kids. When my friends were teenagers their dad left. Left his job, his family and moved in with a girlfriend he met on the internet. He told his wife and kids that he had never wanted to be a husband or a father. By her church’s standards, she could get a divorce since he was cheating, but they had to give him a chance for “reconciliation” first and complete the process of excommunication from the church before she should move forward with a divorce. So every Sunday for MONTHS, this family, with kids ranging in age from 11-17 had to sit there and listen to the pastor detail their father’s sins and move forward another step towards excommunication. The dad was in another state with his girlfriend (not working and not paying child support)- he wasn’t the one that had to hear it.
I think its crazy how like people at your church feel like they can say things about your divorce. I was like 2 when this happened but my grandmother went to a fundamentalist church with her 2nd husband and he was a pos like used all her money, was mean and just not a good guy, and my grandma found out that he had been cheating on her with sex workers and so obviously she wanted a divorce but he told her that they need to see what the church thinks first, and the church literally told her no. Like told her that she needed to forgive him and stuff, but my dad ended up blackmailing him into leaving my grandmother by saying he had pictures of him with the sex workers ( he didn't lol ) but dude bought it and finally left. Oh and she left the church bc wtf.
When my mom thought about divorcing her alcoholic, cheating first husband, the priest she talked to said: "God doesn't want you to suffer. Get out of this marriage as fast as you can, they're about to change divorce law." I'll forever be grateful to him, my mom's still happily married to my dad and my brother and I wouldn't exist otherwise.
Absolutely. I sure as shit did that when i was still trying to convince myself chrisitianity was right for me. Gotta drown out the creeping feeling that maybe it's alllll nonsense
@@prayunceasingly2029 I don't actually. If religion brings you comfort and purpose I'm genuinely glad for you. It no longer does for me. I feel free from arbitrary shame and worry and a deeper connection to life in the here and now instead of putting all my hopes in an afterlife.
@@not_you_i_dont_even_know_you Christianity is about living in the here and now too. Not just for an afterlife. Without God, where does your objective standards of right and wrong from? If there's no God, morality is just a made up rule that is arbitrarily chosen "in the moment".
in fundamentalism we were taught that God didn't want us to be happy. it was so messed up. "Happiness is fleeting and bad" is something that is taught from the pulpit. They will then say "Only Jesus brings lasting happiness." They create a problem so they can say only they/Christianity/Jesus can fix it. 😬 So glad I got out. Regarding abusive marriages in fundamentalism... I knew women who believed God wanted them to suffer the abuse at the hands of their husbands and others who prayed God would kill them because there was no way out of the abuse according to the religious subculture. This teaching is very damaging.
It's so sad that all that is being pushed onto people today. Hopefully the more we get out there and push back on this terrible disgusting ideology the fewer people have to go through this and eventually it'll just go away
I feel deeply for all the people who grow within these fundamentalist values. I don't want to word it badly but it seems as though that they believe the only thing giving them value and purpose is God and it's not something they inherently have (?) it's what I gather, it sounds really harsh. That last part made my insides drop I'm so sorry to all the people enduring abuse because they can't find a way out without betraying a system of beliefs. Thank you for sharing and I'm very happy and relieved for you
I've never had more love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self control in my life than I've had in the year and a half since I let go of Christianity And I'm happier too so suck it
I’m literally a Christian and HUGE chunks of the New Testament talk about being joyful and happy! Like Girls Defined aren’t even getting their info properly from the Bible.
I grew up super evangelical and the emphasis was always on joy over happiness. “Happiness is circumstantial, but you can be joyful no matter your situation because you have God…” It’s literally just a tool to stop people from actually pursuing the things that bring light to their lives and to “rejoice in suffering” instead. Super manipulative. Living in a state of unhappiness because you “have the love of God” is not healthy. It stops people from getting the help they need to live a positive, affirming life.
She’s citing the Bible for things that are not relevant to her point at all… it’s evil to twist God’s word into harmful “lessons” & im ashamed that she calls herself a Christian
@@Ithinkyousuckrealbad I'm not religious but sometimes I feel like Girl Defined would be breaking the idol worship rule right? Like they seem to think they have the end all be all opinions on how to be Christian and how to be human, which the biblical God would like..have an issue with right?
The thing is: Some of the Biblical text they use is King James version. It's written for poetry. Joy is more poetic than happiness-- doesn't mean anything, because the Bible was never written in English. And words like joy, happiness, etc are open to interpretation--what's happiness, how is it different than joy? From other "good emotional states"?
sometimes i cant watch these vids even commentary ones because the girl defined stuff is so unendingly triggering for me but your reactions are HILARIOUS and i really appreciate you doing this
Me too! I have such a hard time watching even commentaries about them. It's so triggering. Mickey says what I'm thinking. Her facial expressions of shock and disgust are cathartic. ❤️
Yup, when Mickey does these, professional knowledge + the reaction being hilarious and molded by the actual knowledge she has makes these videos. Husband chiming in when he does to help her shine is great too. Jordan and McKay's dynamics also work on reacting to Girl Defined. A collab with them would be so great on a reaction video to something
Some days I can laugh at the bullshit I swallowed for 25 years and sometimes it takes me real low.... Mickey helps skew the reactions more to "fuck, I deserved better" instead of "why did I stay"
Literally Bethy: "i just hope that, wherever you are, whatever is going on in your life, whatever troubles you're going through, that you aren't happy, so that you can accept the deep love of Christ (which you also don't deserve!) and stay miserable throughout your entire, worthless life on earth! Much love! I'm praying for you!" 😐😑😶💀
This reminds me of growing up Mormon. We were taught that “you’ll never find true happiness outside of the church”. Bethany probably felt Kim’s true happiness and was triggered because this “suffering means you’re doing it right” mentality of Christianity sucks ass.
I am unable to believe that an entity who wants me to follow rules that would make me miserable (possibly to the point of severe depression) would grant me an afterlife I would enjoy.
It makes me super grateful that I am Pagan. The Goddess won't fix it for you (nor will She ever promise that) but She and the God will never demand misery as the measure of what a good Pagan you are, either.
As a Christian Witch, I totally agree with you. Honestly when I watch Girl Defined videos I wonder if we believe in the same God, because mine has saved me from depression and severe anxiety and has opened the doors to my practice, while hers seems to be extremely lacerating and honestly, evil. I know from first hand experience that everyone's relationship with God is very personal and different, but the fact that she takes it to such a bad place and even tries to enforce it on us the viewers... this is literally a cry for help from her
i agree as a christian! god WANTS us to be happy. if you follow his actual rules, his rules lead to a stable and peaceful life. God loves his creation so much and in christianity, we dont “work” to get into heaven, jesus did that for us. All god “requires” of us is repentance of sins (which can literally be you praying and asking god for forgiveness) and to have faith.
@@helenahoward7222 no you're God does not want you to be happy. Your God wants you to be obedient and nothing else. You are saying things that do not fit with what the Bible says so I don't know where you're getting these ideas from. You're just making up your own God. Jesus in the Bible was constantly talking about giving things up and following him. That is not about happiness that is about obedience John 12:25 Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. How does that even remotely suggest happiness? Jesus said you have to hate your life. That's not happiness.
What people like Bethy don't understand is that our term "happiness" and their term "joy" is the exact same thing. They've given the word happy it's own definition so that they can chastise people for chasing it, all while literally chasing the exact same thing themselves. The ONLY difference is they think that "joy" comes from God, whereas our "happy" doesn't need to come from anyone other than ourselves. In the end, we're all just looking for peace and contentment in our lives.
I scrolled through the comments to find this. It's seriously just semantics. I've heard sermons before about the difference between "happiness" and "joy" before and it boils down to "happiness" being like a fleeting rush of good feeling, while "joy" is what Mickey calls "contentment." Same concept, just different words.
After I left the fundie cult, I talked to a minister from a more liberal, mainstream church. He asked a question that made me breakdown and cry. “What do you want?” I was not supposed to want, not while I was growing up, before the cult, and they reinforced my belief that I was naturally selfish. I shouldn’t want anything for myself. I was really messed up.
I'm sorry this happened to you, and I'm glad you came across that minister. Wanting is a part of life, and without it, I think we'd grow up too submissive to others. You are as important as others; don't forget that. Have a good one.
Imma guess for her /Bethany she believes “suffering “ is a badge of honor. She seems to frame “happiness “as form of vanity. I’m no fan of KK. Bethany is wholly unqualified to tell others how to run their lives . Girl Defined talks about submission lots in fundamental ism but in that reading of Bible women/females are explicitly told not to preach. Stop it
Suffering is another concept we, as Americans, have manipulated to a toxic state where you cannot even question whether any form of it should exist or not. Its another example of taking parts of truth and make them psychotically held absolutes. But there people's obsession with the value of suffering is why we can't have Universal healthcare, free college etc. It would eliminate suffering that they value (despite the fact that those issues weren't implemented to create a form of "moral value", they were created to serve banal and base interests), as opposed to elimanting the kind of suffering (or obstacles) that HAS NO VALUE.
@@lynn4840 I doubt Bethany would consider Mother Teresa as a Catholic anything more than a heretic. Not to mention, the second part of the MT quote is “He allows us to share in his suffering and make up for sins of the world “ Not a path to a seat at his right hand.
"I'm not part of the book club." Oh. My. God. 🤣 I've been deconstructing my own faith and don't currently know if I believe in God but I know I no longer believe in the bible. What you just said is now going to be exactly how I describe where I'm at. Thanks!
This is honestly so sad in a way like she honestly thinks life should contain no happiness except in these rare fleeting moments- omg what a dark and depressing world!
She all but shouted, "My marriage sucks and I wish I was married AND HAPPY at the same time!" That is entirely possible, Bethy, but you're gonna have to find the courage to admit you want something better and realize it's OK to admit when something no longer brings contentment and joy to your life.
I despise the idea that they promote that people are inherently evil and worthless without God or Jesus. How horrible to see yourself as worthless without God? You deserve life and happiness inherently
Yep. I finally had to leave because of this. One of the last group studies I went to basically was about how bad we are and we're garbage, but good thing God loved us so much that he saved us! Um, what? When I really started thinking about that, the more it does not make sense at all.
How horrible is their God that they're not allowed to be happy and feel comfortable in life? They keep saying that God is like a parent but this is an example of an absolutely terrible parent. Their God is an abusive mob boss
watching mickey be absolutely dumbfounded by the stuff coming out of bethany’s mouth is so funny bc i literally grew up hearing this shit so it barely even registers tbh don’t watch these often bc of how i grew up but always nice to see you break these things down & explain how wrong it is from a therapeutic perspective. thanks mickey!
I know what you mean, my grandmother best like Bethany goes in one ear and out the other for me anymore I'm behaving of the family because I don't believe and that is so bad and we deserve nothing but bad me that's not what the Thunderbirds says always keep your head up and always look for new adventure
I literally loathed myself for years, having had churches reinforce all the things my mom would say out of her own secular, narcissistic rankings… that I didn’t deserve anything. I should just be glad to exist. Any happiness is more than I deserve. Church fed into my anxiety, too. I was so worried about going to hell. Church taught me that even thinking something bad was a sin. I almost drove myself insane as I hated my own thoughts. I literally was taught that a bad thought about someone was just as bad as if we acted on it and I had to ask for forgiveness for these thoughts. I remember trying to not even think, for a short time. It took me many, many years to undo all that.
Exactly. Mickey's reaction was literally the thing that made me realize that all of what Bethany was saying was BS. I then repeated some talking points to my partner (trying to tell him what I heard every day growing up) and the horrified face he made just confirmed that what I learned growing up was NOT NORMAL. Bizarre to learn that so late in life.
9 months ago, I left an emotionally abusive relationship. I decided I was going to work to be happy; I made the choice to be happy. It’s worthwhile work, but it is hard work. I’ve journaled, engaged in therapy, read books about overcoming abuse and setting boundaries, and I’ve cultivated my cherished relationships. I have NEVER been more confident in my life. I also feel like I now have more tools in my arsenal that help me in tough times, because I have actively examined WHAT makes me happy. My life is far from perfect; I still get angry, anxious, and depressed. But overall, I’m content 😊 This video is ridiculous. I deserve happiness. Bethy deserves happiness (and accountability, but one step at a time). Mickey deserves happiness. And YOU deserve happiness too! 🌾💐🌿🌸🌳🌺🌼
“We’ve talked a lot about emotions” says Bethy. They need to stop talking about emotions 🤦🏼♀️ Little story time from growing up pretty fundie Christian: everyone outside the church was talked about as if they were one-dimensional. Everyone outside the church was as shallow as Bethy described, chasing “happiness” (read: substance addictions) every single moment and incapable of everything on their own! And I’m glad I left that church when I was pretty young. When the entire narrative is “us” vs “them,” the people on the outside start looking less and less human.
Yes! It's like when Christians ask that if you don't believe then what keeps you from r@ping and murdering people? Um, general respect for human life? I don't need eternal heaven or hell as a motivator to be a decent person.
Especially they start telling you not to fraternize with anyone outside the religion. So you never get any other perspective and only have the religion to fall upon for decision making. Very dangerous
My biggest issue is that for them every single aspect of your identity and personality is supposed to come from god, and if it doesn’t it’s a bad thing. You shouldn’t pursue happiness unless it’s through god - then finding the happiness/pleasure is great!
There's one verse that says something like "whatever you do, do it for God". And that's why me and my christian friends back in the day were having this ridiculous conversations about if we should watch TV shows, listen to music, play video games or even read for pleasure because how do you do those activities for God?
@@theyoutubeanalyst3731 "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." - 1 Cor. 10:31 I used to love this verse too and had similar conversations. fuckin wild
But it’s through *their* version of god. They really pick and choose which parts of the bible to live from. I guess every sect of christianity does, the girl defined gals just have an extra depressing version.
So, per Girl Defined, you should find your identity in the Bible and you deserve punishment, not happiness.... what's the point of people? Part of the beauty of humanity is everyone finding their dreams and pursuing what makes them feel fulfilled and happy, but per folks like GD, we should throw all individuality aside and just live like bees in a hive. That is just so bleak.
So true. It all just sounds like building an army 'for Christ'. Getting married, having children that you can indoctrinate, and proselytizing. You have to pull in and keep others in your fundamentalist religion, even though you yourself aren't even happy and the others won't be either. So what exactly is the point? What are they matyring themselves over? Do they think Jesus would want this? A wise, loving God can't understand that former lovers may drift apart, have other goals or develop unhealthy realtionship patterns, and that it may be healthier for everyone (including children) to step back and find something new and better? Following letters in a book trumps people's feelings and aspirations for their entire lives? Misery for Jesus, yay!
I mean, I thought Jesus took the punishment humans were meant to have. Christians are supposed to be guiltless because they’re covered by the blood of the cross. So why do so many of them still think they don’t deserve to be happy?
@@xTwilightWolvesx Puritanism. They're just modern-day Puritans. And if you aren't reminded how debased you were before the salvation of God, you might take it for granted and live in "cheap grace" or something. How dare.
@@xTwilightWolvesx Toxic christian culture. as a christian myself I live life knowing that god wants me to be happy, wants me to live carefree. he knows im not perfect and lets me make mistakes since he sacrificed his son for me. I get to live everyday knowing all my mess ups are forgiven, I get to live knowing that god gave me my talents and opportunities, that god gave me the tools to build a life for myself and explore my identity. Christianity is freedom, not restriction. God is freedom, grace, and love.
I didn’t know I grew up fundamentalist until I came to these types of channels. Yours, Jimmy Snow, Fundie Fridays, and Cinema Therapy all helped me see just how toxic my life had gotten under its thumb (even up until very recently). When I was growing up Fundamentalist, there were two very prevalent adages that I am still trying to work through almost 20 years after leaving: 1. Happiness is only based in circumstance; that’s why it starts with “happ”, as in “happenings”. What we want is true JOY. 2. And what does JOY stand for? Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last. Hearing the things Bethany is saying strike a nerve and make me cringe and my heart get really jumpy. She is literally saying everything that’s been pushed on me throughout my entire childhood and teenage years. I still don’t think I deserve to be happy all the time, and I’m just now getting to the place where I can stand in the mirror and like the person looking back, and even that’s not every day. I’ve been in regular therapy for the last 6 years, and I’m 37. If you suspect you’re in the cult of Fundamentalism, take this to heart: there’s hope. Happiness is for everyone.
Turns out….having a job that pays adequately actually can “buy happiness”. It’s a lot easier to be happy when your basic needs are met and you’re not constantly worried about whether you can pay all your bills. Or hey….even being able to afford mental health care. Money helps with that too. Her privileged world view is so blatant on that job comment.
I think it's really interesting that she doesn't connect that "having a greater purpose" is also a self-serving feeling. Feeling like you're part of something special is an ego booster, just like a lot of the ways of achieving happiness that she denounces.
Growing up in a fundamentalist household with ideas such as "we all deserve hell" gave me so much ingrained guilt and people-pleasing tendencies that I quite literally believed it was selfish and wrong to ever prioritize my own happiness. At one point in my deconstruction journey, someone I really admire said, on different occasions, "you deserve to be happy" and "you have the right to be happy." Somehow, I was able to cling to the latter, but the former still sometimes brings out a knee-jerk reaction of "No, I don't."
Damn that seems like a cult tactic to make followers less inclined to act on their own and therefore only work for the religious figures to try and appease God.
The fact that she seems to think that 1. People wanting to be happy in their lives means they ditch anything that wouldn't make them happy in the immediate and 2. If she thought about living a happy life, she'd leave her husband is very telling
Love love love that you mention Abraham Piper. His dad is John Piper, a preacher who has perpetuated truly frightening and heinous religious rhetoric and watching his kid go, "nah, let's not" has brought me so. much. joy.
I remember leaving the room in tears the last time 2014-ish when I sat in at a Bible study my cousin was talking in. She was my best friend at the time, saying these sorts of things about herself--she doesn't deserve happiness, she is nothing without God, etc. I was SO mortified. I felt so sad for her that this is how she saw herself and what kind of expectations she should have about happiness. And this stuff masks itself to everyone as the positive, godly way to live your life because without God and religion, life would be depressing and meaningless. Its bogus. Its sad.
Growing up on a church founded by Southern Baptists Missionaries I heard all my life I deserved nothing but death and hell, every breath I took was a favor from god and just living was something I had to be constantly grateful from. It fucked me up and I’m still trying to heal the wounds it gave me.
I’m so sorry my friend! I’m glad you’re in this space though. Finding a deconstruction community has helped me more than I could ever imagine and I stumbled upon it all by chance. *big hugs from Texas*
"Sometimes divorce is life saving..." Preaching the real good news right here. Also, as an ex fundie, the "don't feel your feelings" bs is so crazy making. You can't express your negative feelings, bc you are supposed to be joyful but you can't pursue real happiness either. So many cuss words flying through my head right now.
I can see her curled up in a fetal position in her closet, tearfully repeating the stuff she says at the end of this video. That one day she will be with her god in the Kingdom and it'll all have been worth it. The idea breaks my heart, even despite the absolutely terrible crap GD spreads.
She probably does. I’ve spent plenty of time curled up crying, telling myself heaven would be worth it. It’s absolutely something I had drilled into me as a very young child.
These pick-mes are 100% jealous. They think that THEY’RE the ones that have put in the “hard work” of being “proper women” and it’s THEM that men should be drooling over lololol it’s so obvious and sadly insecure, they do not know joy without getting the most approval possible from the menzes.
It is so deeply exhausting how Bethany is trying to built a straw man out of rocks, so dedicated to the idea that happiness solely refers to a feeling of momentary enjoyment. They seem to talk like they think other people can't see beyond their own noses, like they don't expect other people to be capable of complex thought, which uh... might say something about how they're used to thinking about their lives so far. :\
I grew up being taught these kinds of views and it causes this very perverse-feeling covert shame. You're taught to submit and shove yourself into the box of learning how to be okay with what someone else tells you that happiness should look like. Now that I'm deconstructing I'm realizing that I will have to learn how to stop living with my head down. It's a weird spot to be in. Thank you for this video ❤️ I needed it.
I need this as part of my deconstruction. I remember literally asking myself the other day whether or not I deserve happiness or if anyone deserves anything because we are all trash...then I realized that's just my old religion talking
And the thing with the argument that humans are trash - the logical extension of that is that our very existence is pollution regardless of what we do. And yet these religious people are all shocked pikachu face when extremist environmentalists describe us as a "virus" - which is nothing more than a corollary of the idea that we are trash. Those folks didn't see that their rhetoric is making the extremist environmentalists' argument for them - the argument that humans should be extinct. The argument that folks like this will lose no time claiming is "evil" on its face - as if claiming all humans are trash is any better. And as if their arguments don't suggest a god who would happily send the "saved" people to hell along with everyone else once he got tired of them, a god who, even if the saved people were always saved, is so evil that our best imaginings couldn't begin to comprehend how evil he is. Because any decent person would know that eternal suffering is the most evil concept it is possible to come up with.
i went through similar things, but with me facing tr@nsph0b1@ due to how awful i was to tr@ns and nb people i was as a fundie than antisjw (i left them, and do realize i was brainwashed into t0x1c beliefs)
@@ddjsoyenby I used to spread hate thinking it was God's love too. It's unfortunate that so many people are taught this way because it's so hard to change the way you think and most people don't even try.
I think a lot of what the Girl Defined sisters hop online to talk about is them trying to justify not being happy in their own lives. As a Christian myself, I find that very disappointing.
For someone who says that "focusing on the self is bad," she seems to focus on what she and she alone thinks, because everything outside of her interpretation of the Bible is Wrong.
Omg it just started and all I can think is “what a sad outlook she has!”I normally get so upset when people use their platform to promote toxicity but with girl defined, I just feel for these two! Like I seriously feel like they are subconsciously repressing a ton of emotions and trauma…. :(
This hit...hard. Thanks for making this video. Hearing Bethy's rhetoric took me back to being actively in the church and I swear I got fight or flight a couple times as my brain recognized the scarring it has from growing up in that and didn't want to experience it again. It...wow. I don't have the full words I'd need to articulate it. I'm currently slowly (oh so slowly) working my way through sifting out what is my actual faith and what is religious trauma from the church as I figure out where I actually sit with religion and faith and all of that fun stuff, and...phew. I think I have a lot more work to do. But this helped. Thank you, again.
I find it absolutely hilarious how Christianity evolved from judaism and as a Jew myself , this is so not how we are ment to live our lives. Humans are ment to do good and help others, not to "get in to heaven" but for the sake of doing good in itself and BE HAPPY. We live here right now . Live life. Treat others with kindness and compassion. Be happy. Find contentment.✌️❤
Ugh this used to be me. So grateful for finding a great psycho therapist. “Redemptive suffering” can really be misunderstood and misused. Learning that it’s okay to be happy and ultimately seek happiness has been incredibly freeing.
This is one reason I feel I can't talk to my parents about anything and boundaries are so hard because I know their automatic assumption when I push back at all is that I'm being sucked in by "the world" and only care about "my own happiness" and that I'm being selfish and terrible, just by saying no, or saying I'm doing something for myself or my mental health. It SUCKS
I feel you but stick to your guns and set the boundaries. I had to do the same thing recently and I promise you it’s soooo worth it. The world isn’t bad, and you gotta do what you need to do
Ugh, so much of her rhetoric reminds me of how my parents would tell my siblings and I that the world doesn't owe us anything and that suffering builds character. Flash forward, 20-30 years, now my parents are confused why we need therapy.
One of the things that hurt so bad about believing that I didn’t deserve safety or care or love was feeling like the people around me / my family didn’t believe I deserved those things either. I have lots of loving people in my life now who do believe that, but even so, it’s really nice to hear you say it over and over. You always drive home the point that people deserve love and belonging, and your videos allow so much space for me to feel and to exist. I bet you’re such a kickass therapist. These videos are awesome, and you are hilarious and heartwarming and I’m so glad you’re here, thanks for this channel y’all! ♥️
my ex pastor and other leaders in my ex church spoke many times about shit like this and the dangers self love. if you search “desiring god self love/care” (not in quotes) you’ll find the mentally of my ex church. you don’t even need to read the articles, the headlines are quite enough.
As a child of divorced parents, when you said sometimes divorces are blessings I was like OMFG, YES. I absolutely would not have had it any other way. People like this piss me the fuck off because they think I should be seen as some kind of pity project which is so condescending and reductive.
"Girl defined thinks you don't deserve happiness." Me after watching the suffocating pufferfish eating a carrot: uhm..I just did have happiness a minute ago, hm?
all her vid says to me that *she* is deeply unhappy and clinging to an upbeat influencer/martyr face helps her cope: she seems to REALLY resent her husband and doesn't appear to enjoy being a mother. It's so weird.
Exactly they were not fully satisfied and that is exactly why they ate the fruit in the story. I love how they always say that Satan lied when Satan didn't lie at all he told Eve that God was lying and guess what in the story God was the one lying and not Satan!
26:39 “Sky daddy hits me because he loves me.” Thank you for putting this into words, Mickey!!! A big part of my upbringing as a Catholic (and now why I’m an Ex-Catholic lol) was this idea coupled with the notion “suffering is a great grace.” So, while religion is telling you that all of your pain and fear are a gift from God, you concurrently are told that the more pain you experience, the closer you are to God, which is SO MESSED UP. It’s what caused my body-focused repetitive behaviors to only deepen through scrupulosity. Thank you so so much for this entire video and all of your nuance in approaching this topic 💕.
@@stephaniekern5614 No, just regular in my case, and my family wasn’t even *that* religious compared to others! I did attend Catholic elementary school, and regardless of the “net good” they claim to do, religions still has the potential to leave lasting harm across multiple areas.
Using Bethany's logic...why do anything? Why have a job? Why have children? Why have a hobby? You're happiness doesn't come from earthly things, right?
She basically said you can't be happy, because other people have it worse than you. But she is also the type of person, that would tell you, you can't depressed, because other people have it worse than you.
I find it to be a huge testament to your professional knowledge that you’re able to make so much sense out of this whole video because to me it just sounded like she used a whole lot of words to say almost nothing. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and professional expertise with us!
I’m a questioning Christian (specifically really liberal ELCA Lutheran) and every pastor I’ve ever known (including one of my siblings who is a Lutheran pastor and their partner who is a professor of Christian theology) ALL strongly believe that God wants people to be happy and all people deserve that. I recognize that religions have different interpretations of the Bible and God and everything, but believing you don’t DESERVE to be happy? Why would you even believe in a diety like that? I’m just going to venture a guess that my sibling who has a Master’s of Divinity and their partner that has a PhD in Theology have more education about the Bible, it’s translations, and it’s meanings than Bethy does…and both of them would tell her that what she’s peddling here is full of crap.
Lutherans are faaaaaar different than fundamentalist... most people practicing various types of "lite" Christianity, like how many people practice today, aren't like fundamentalists at all. But it's not just Bethany, this is how fundamentalists think.
I was a "born again Christian" for about 3 years from 16-19. I don't think I felt more guilt or crappier about myself than I did during those years. And it was DIRECTLY related to the shame and guilt placed on me by the "leaders" and peers in my life. Religion definitely made my life more difficult and sadder because, like you said, if something is wrong, it's YOUR fault. Maybe you didn't pray hard enough or maybe you sinned and this is your punishment. Christianity can be beautiful, but it can also be extremely destructive.
I was raised in an IFB church and school. We were reminded all of the time how little we deserved. Being told that you are inherently bad is soul crushing. I’m 36 and still deconstructing.
I was never more depressed or suicidal than when I was neck deep in fundamentalist christianity because all I heard from every spiritual authority was that I was worthless, filthy, undeserving of the very air in my lungs, and nothing I accomplished or built in my life mattered if it wasn't solely for glorifying god. Every relationship, emotion, daily task, and even good deeds were thrown into question because if I had even a hint of pride or self-worth in it, the thing was garbage. It was fucking madness. If I had stayed in that religion, I would have died. I'd feel sorry for GD if they weren't dragging others into their misery and causing real harm constantly
I grew up heavily ingrained in fundamentalism and truly believed life wasn't about being happy. I believed my life was about getting to the places 'God' had called me to be and if that meant I was miserable so be it. Suffering was my badge of honour, and let me tell you by the time I got to my early 20s I was absolutely destroyed. I was having panic attacks multiple times a week, I couldn't get out of bed, and I truly felt that life wasn't worth living, because the life I had created for myself was so absolutely terrible. So I left it all behind. Peaced out of religion, pulled the rip cord, and did a complete 180 to pursue a life I was proud of. And let me tell you, pursuing happiness has been the best decision I ever made. I'm so grateful every morning for this life I've made, and for all the beauty I experience every day because I chose happiness over suffering. And yes, life is still hard but I know that when I reach equilibrium it will be filled with contentment, and that makes the hard times so much easier. It makes me so mad that young women are still being taught stuff like this, because suffering isn't glamourous or godly, it's just the worst possible way to live your life :/ There's nothing better than trying to build a life you're happy with, and any one who tells you otherwise is trying to sell you something
Let me tell you how I spent much of high school and college afraid to want any particular outcome or life path too much because then God would call me to the mission field or something just to show me that I had coveted something not in his will or something.
Thank you for making content about fundie crap and giving your thoughts an opinions. If these two women (Beth and her sister) were making content when I was a teen, I would listen to their advice and admire them. Im in the midst of de-construction. Your content helps me validate my past experiences and helps me progress through this challenging time.
Hi fellow de constructing sister :-) You are not alone im so glad she makes this content to, it so reassuring that those of us who are leaving are doing the right thing.
I wasn't raised religious but I still had to unlearn the "you don't deserve happiness" mindset as an abuse victim, which I think says a lot about what that mindset actually is
they're just hypocrites. they like to indulge themselves, then preach to people like they are holier than thou. idk if they are miserable or not (tho I would think being a shit person would make anyone feel bad unless they have a personality disorder) they know they don't always practice what they preach, and i feel they try to make up for it by "spreading the good word" ...but they're just being hypocrites.
Hi! Degrees in theology here. Most of what she says is in the Bible is WRONG or rather being pulled out of context and shaving off all nuance! And HELL NO Jesus does not want us to give up our rights! Wtf?!?! The few I agreed with her was about selflessness (but her explanation of that was totally off) and JUSTICE, BUT when the efff do they ever address real justice issues?!?! I’ve never heard it. 🧐
My older sibling is a pastor (our church requires is a Master’s of Divinity for this) and their partner is a professor with a PhD in Theology, and we’ve had so many conversations about folks like Girl Defined that twist the Bible and pull it out of context to use it to oppress others (and sometimes themselves).
I've never understood the argument of "someone with power (Jesus) gave up his rights temporarily to help people, so you should give up your rights permanently to cater to the desires of other people, who are often in authority over you". It makes no sense, even within a Christian framework. Jesus giving up his rights for a time to help me is not the same thing as me giving up my bodily autonomy to a man who has more privilege than I do, for example. For this concept to make sense, it would have to be applied to church leaders or billionaires or monarchs, but instead they are allowed to do whatever they want without question and oppressed groups are pressured to not stand up for themselves using this idea.
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Hey I started a petition to change a law that would have saved my nephews life. Its to remove all kids out of a house if even one child is removed for abuse until a full investigation and decisions are made. If you could check this out and help me spread awarness for the petition and gofundme for his baby sister who he stayed behind to protect. #JusticeForWade #WadestersLaw
Also if this is inappropriate i appolgize you can delete this message if it is.
But why would “that sin” be broken by eve if she were TRULY satisfied by Christ? 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢
This is LITERALLY no different that all the new age and revamp of the law of attraction and spiritual shit going around. Omg. More and more I’m NEEDING to figure out how to make YT content. I can’t handle all this BS going around. Idc if I get nothing but dislikes, I do very much don’t like the ridiculous extremes of society, as of late.
Yeah Bethie Boo Boo, idk about you, but having a fat bank account has always makes me feel REEEEAL satisfied deep down. Bc I know I’m cozy and my family is taken care of (but that’s only happened like twice in my life sooooo). 😂😂😂 I know those $75 acrylic nails surely aren’t necessary. Did Jesus have French tips? 😭 what’s about Botox and a big diamond ring? Dayum. J-Dawg got jipped!!!
Love your hair! So pretty!
"If I admit that I deserve happiness, I will have to admit I am miserable." Fixed it for you Girl Defined. 😉
PRECISELY! Misery is a prerequisite, but you are supposed to feel fulfilled in your misery. Christian martyrdom at its finest
Full 👏 stop 👏
My sister says shit like this all the time and every time, I’m like UHHHHHHH……
And she’d have to admit that a woman who has had sex outside of marriage also deserves happiness. Shocker, I know.
@@thevoid747 Can your sister go to therapy? Not sure if she’d be willing to or have the financial resources, but you can suggest it. 🤷♀️
"The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself .’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”
Mark 12:31 As yourself? So you should love people how you love yourself? Doesn't this imply you should love yourself...... Right?
Absolutely! Christian leaders try to do the biggest mental gymnastics around this one, while also claiming that love is actions.
It took me sooo long to deconstruct this type of self-loathing bullshit (and is honestly something that still takes continuing work)
"If I should be happy in my marriage, why am I still married?" is such a weird self report.
Honestly. I had to pause and take in that she really said that
She did it a couple times, even talking about why she married. This is a cry for help whether bethy realizes it.
Really tattled on her own dang self saying “I loved my husband” too. “LovED” past tense 😬
people like this always post such incredible self-owns without realizing it somehow
That’s saying “I’m not happy”, does she even know what’s she’s saying? That’s so sad. Life does not mean suffering and sacrifice in order to reach heaven. How can you be suffering and miserable and expect pure bliss in return? You have to become happiness you wish to seek, because it’s in you already, not something to achieve. Life is joyous and exciting
When she said her sister was concerned with her safety, I wanted to scream. FEELING SAFE IS PART OF HAPPINESS
Exactly what I thought! Also war is a more extreme situation, so knowing you have to temper expectations in that situation is reasonable. But we’re not talking extremes here.
100%
I remembered my very Christian mom encouraging me to leave my abusive ex baby daddy she told me I deserve to be happy and that God hates abuse. I left and my son and I are better for it because I chose my happiness.
This gives me hope. ❤️🥺
My younger sister is being pushed into a polygamous marriage to an old churchman who is older than our dad (because he wouldn't take her "no" as an answer until she finally gave in to it) which makes me sick. And sick that my parents wanted him to have her because she's autistic and "unattractive so nobody else would want her" (my mom said). Ugh, it feels so wrong and disgusting, but we can't talk her out of it because their religion demands women to "submit ourselves to our fathers and then our husband in marriage". 😫
So I just told her, "Hey, all we care about is that YOU are happy and safe wherever that path leads you in life. And if at any point you're not happy there with those people or if you're being mistreated in any way, just give me or our brother a call and we'll come get you. Okay, we love you sis and want you to feel safe and happy wherever you are."
That's the only advice I could give her when I got the news. I just feel so freaking bad for her and how she's being treated because she's on the autism spectrum and basically being "sold" to this creep and she's been given no other choice by her parents. I just hope it sticks with her. ❤️😞
@@vanissaberg5824check on her as much as possible and really drill it in her head that you are her support. It's so easy to hear things and not believe them when your 'masters' are telling you otherwise.
@@vanissaberg5824Does your sister, a person who grew up in such a fundamentalist religion, even know what her husband might DEMAND from her once they're "married" (which isn't even legal, as it's polygamy)? The creep might sexually assault her, do you realize that? That's very much a possibility. Have you spoken to her about it? Do you realize you could call the cops or social services on your parents? Pls, don't let your sister be abused. Disabled ppl are more likely to be sexually assaulted, plus men in this type of religion tend to believe they can demand sex from their wives or even rape them (which they don't even see as rape, given that they believe they're owed sex from their wives, no matter what).
Pls, do anything in your power to help her, even if it's taking her in with you, whatever. I'm autistic too and your story is terrifying!
@@JulianaLimeMoon legally there's nothing that can be done to help since she's over 18 unless she comes out and says she wants out or he's hurt her in some way. I got trapped in a similar situation with the assault by an older relative because of the same things you mentioned. Thankfully I got help and got out.
All I can do for my sister is try to keep in contact with her and educate her on consent if she even understands she has rights or what those are. Her mom (my dad's 2nd wife) is very mean to her making her do all the work around the house, so she really wanted to move out of her mom's house and that's why she agreed to the marriage. Another problem is she's very deep into the religious brainwashing so if anyone tries to intervene it would only escalate things much much worse. And being I'm also an apostate, trying to help would be very difficult due to the lack of trust in "outsiders" in their cult.
For now, it feels like walking on thin ice trying not to scare her from thinking the government isn't trying to "cage" them when I mention helping get their SSNs or birth certificates, etc. Talking to my sisters about getting their IDs or legal docs so they can have some freedom to them is like offering the "mark of the beast" to be damned to hell (again religious brainwashing) and it terrifies them. So it's very tricky and I don't want to scare them. 😟
@@vanissaberg5824 Oh, my, what a terribly difficult situation! 😟 I'm so sorry these cults exist and you and your family have been/are trapped in one. I wish you all the best. Good thing you're there to help her.
oh my goddd bethany really said "if women deserved happiness, then why would i stay in my unhappy marriage huh? checkmate atheists" and thought that that was not the saddest thing to say EVER, holy shit. she really said with all her chest that her marriage to her husband does not make her happy. ouch.
"I'm miserable and everybody should be as miserable as me"
@@vintagearisen Crabs in a Bucket mentality
I actually gasped when she said this. terrifying...
My thoughts exactly. And I was expecting her to say this as soon as I heard the topic of the argument. The extremists have now brainwashed women and girls like Bethany into conscious self-destruction in order to get and keep them trapped in the unnatural, perverted relationships they call marriages.
Word on the Christian street is her husband went through conversion therapy.
"I didn't marry to be happpy, I married because I love my husband." ???? Does loving your husband not bring you happiness????? I don't think you should be married to someone if loving them doesn't feel good lmao.
The thing I have noticed is that people like Bethy tend to confuse "marriage for love and happiness" as "marriage for ME ME ME!" They seem to sort of just assume that if you're not getting married for some "greater purpose" like god or society or whatever that you're being selfish and won't want to work to make a marriage happy or get through tough times. The concept that marriage can both be for your happiness and worth working for doesn't seem to cross their minds. To them, everything in life has to be some kind of sacrifice for "god's will" even your marriage.
They’re told that their only worth is in reproduction of humans and being at the service of men. I will never, ever understand men who are drawn to this dynamic because …..what the fuck? First of all, if that’s appealing to you, you sound like a fucking psychopath and narcissist that is incapable of forming genuine relationships with their partner. Second of all, if this is appealing to you as a guy, please do humanity a favor and die alone lol your life will be just as fulfilling if you think your wife is below you and is a servant to you and just an incubator for your shitty dna. Which is another thing. These people don’t see children as fully separate autonomous human beings with their own thoughts and desires, they see them as literal property. Human capital whose existence is meant to expand the capital of the “family name.” It’s so self aggrandizing and pathetic tbh.
I do not think that she knows what love is. Loving someone AUTOMATICALLY make you happy and it can NOT be forced. That is NOT love!
⬆️ THIS!!!
my mother actually told me as a child that I didn't deserve anything, that I didn't even deserve to live...because everything is a gift from god. It didn't sit right with me then and now as an adult I can see how messed up that is to say to anyone, let alone a child. Thank you for this video :)
That's absolutely terrible. I also received some wonderful advice from my mother. She told me to never deprive my husband on more than one occasion.......yeah.......
oh shit same hat
My mom didn't go as far as to say I don't deserve anything, but she made me feel incredibly guilty about doing things for myself and made me feel like if I'm not doing something to contribute to others it's selfish, she lives her life for others a lot, and I just can't do that, it's made me incredibly depressed and anxious, even though I no longer believe it's sinful and that being selfish will make me go to hell
the brief period where i was brought up christian, i believed that 'some people are chosen to suffer'. i believed that about myself. and guess how suicidal that made me! ugh
@@boots1622fan oh my god that's messed UP. I hope you're in a safe environment now or that you will be able to get there soon
“We don’t deserve God, we deserve to die” is exactly the reason why so many Christians (or former Christians) have such horrible anxiety. This kind of rhetoric that we don’t deserve happiness and that we’re worthless without God, that we are just awful people without his love being taught to you from a young age absolutely has bearing on how you grow to view yourself.
It’s one of the reasons I left the Church and started to reevaluate my religion (one reason among many reasons tbh).
Yeah they’ll always find a way to make your struggles in life your fault, or the devil’s fault, and never give real worthwhile advice. Just making you feel like a fuck up for not thinking and “thriving” like the other members (even though they are all literally struggling with the same thing behind closed doors)
Relatable.
@@Satans_Sidepiece God I feel you on that. Church nearly killed me and I still struggle with the feelings of worthlessness lol
The guilt, the everlasting guilt while you don't really know what to do about it. It drove me crazy, couldn't really cope with it. Especially not with the commandment I had to love him above everyone else.
I was really fine with fellow christians and still am, I'm still a christian in a social way. But god drives me crazy and I'm glad I'm convinced he doesn't really exist.
THIS, 1000%. I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian household and it set me up for a life of feeling unworthy, and CONSTANTLY bracing myself for the fire and brimstone I “deserved” as a sinner. 25 years later I am still trying to rebuild. This dogma is disgusting and intentionally disempowering.
The way she pretended she didn't know how to say Kardashian 😂. It's okay, Bethany. We know you're not of this world.
oh but she's absolutely of this word... the bitch ain't amish lmao. and she knows a decent amount about kim's life; was married, got divorced, dated pete... that "idk how to even say their name" is just nonsense lots of people do for people they don't like. if you just slightly mispronounce a syllable of someone's name, everyone still knows who you mean. to point it out like that, when its something so small, you're just trying to create distance from that person like "I am sooooo uninterested in this person I can't even say their basic ass name correctly! ...even though i know it well enough that i know i'm mispronouncing it"
its such a peeve of mine. i watch h3 and some idiot tried to pretend they didn't know how to say "ethan" correctly. "efan, ethan... whatever it is, idk, i don't actually watch him" this is giving that same energy.
not ranting at you, just bethany's stupid bs lol
Right! 😭 I almost needed to call 911 to roll my eyes the right way around again.
I was headed to the comments to say this 😂
I wonder if the "NOTW" brand itself could be too edgy for girl defined lol
Lol same. It's so funny coz even if she really doesn't know Kim, Kardashian is easy to read.
She literally self reported that she's not happy in her relationship and only in it to have babies.
That is so beyond toxic on it's own.
I saw something yesterday that said something like “resilience is unsustainable, you should be living your life, not enduring it.” That seems like a good way to describe the “you deserve to be happy” sentiment.
Geez, I need to repeat that to myself
This. 👏💯
What does 'resilience is unsustainable' supposed to mean?
Isn't resilience what helps us to *recover* from difficulties, aka bouncing back from enduring to instead 'living'?
I feel like the second half of that phrase supports living with resilience while stating that's the negative.
Qwandary i understood resilience as what it takes to get through a tough time. I guess it also depends on whether you consider recovery part of the tough time. I had a single head injury four years ago, and I’ve been suffering from a concussion for four years. I’ve been in recovery all that time, but it’s also been very tough because of the chronic pain and cognitive issues. Resilience is getting me through the recovery, but I’m definitely enduring life and not living it.
@@qwandary well, here is the thing. Sometimes you cannot actually bounce back quickly after a difficult time. Putting this expectation of being resilient on yourself everytime you experience a bad event is actually counterproductive. It sounds like toxic positivity repackaged
I really wonder what these people define as "love." "I'm not happy in my marriage but I love my husband" "God loves you but you deserve nothing" "Hate the sin love the sinner" I do not think that word means what you think it means. Especially "don't divorce your husband! 'Love' him more." Grows like mold on toxic relationships.
I really don't see the attraction of a psychopathic diabolical god who demands that you suffer and worship his psychopathic diabolical self, an infinitely powerful mean girl. Doesn't it ever occur to them that they are Devil worshippers?
There is no hate, like Christian (fundie) love.
Maybe I misheard or am reading too much into it, but she said "I LOVED my husband" as in past tense?
@jwoolman5 I think the promise of heaven and everlasting life helps them put up with a psychopathic diabolical god.
🎯🤣 Exactly! They really are devil-worshippers. One day, they'll realize they were right about Christianity...only they were on the wrong side all along...☠👹
fundamentalists flat out saying that people don't deserve happiness is like parody levels of ridiculous. I can't believe I genuinely thought that made sense at one point. A god of love doesn't want you to be happy? doesn't want you to be fulfilled on the planet he created?? sounds like he sucks then!
same here.
yeah that whole “omnibenevolent god” thing is such bullshit if you even take a glance at the bible or at their logic
Yes! They constantly make their god sound like a cruel, vindictive being. Why would anyone want to worship that?
The thing is - they imply that getting married will bring you to a new level of happiness and then when you get married they tell you that (paraphrased) f* happiness, you made a promise. I experienced that myself. If this is there believe they should be upfront with everything before marriage -ok if you want a mate you maybe miserable but you are going to stick together anyway.
Literally think of it as the voice of an abuser. They make the perfect push over and condition people to be targets to obey and violate.
An unlikely source of an excellent quote about marriage is Sex and the City when Carrie asks how often Charlotte is happy in her marriage and she says every day. Not all day everyday, but every day. And I 100% live by this quote and that’s how I knew my husband was the one bc I was happy and content being with him every single day. I feel like women like Bethany have been so brainwashed by their religion to just accept being treated like shit by their husbands that they truly believe that being genuinely happy in a marriage (not all day everyday but every day) is unattainable and unrealistic. I just feed sad for them.
One thing that's wild is there's a chance that her husband doesn't treat her like crap. He might be a perfectly sweet guy. But that doesn't mean she's happy with him. Could be she just isn't attracted to him, he's bad at sex, he's uninteresting in conversation, they don't actually have anything in common, he never helps around the house...any one or combination of a ton of things that might make them incompatible as partners. In that case she'd likely feel more of just a general, ever-present sense of disappointment or dissatisfaction. In some ways that's just as bad, because not only will it last longer but she then has her own brain telling her it's a sin to even consider any of those things as reasons for leaving.
@@Arosukir6 that’s so depressing to consider but you’re totally right
I've been married for 2 years already and I've felt happy every day of my marriage. So I guess to bethany I'm a terrible person for feeling that way
I mean, lets not just assume her husband is treating her like shit... I wouldn't be surprised if Bethany was the one/also treats her husband like shit. She sure does like to get up on her high horse and preach her bs... imagine living with that. Imagine making life decisions with that.
I love this quote too and think about it often when I reflect on how I’m living my life 💕
In a completely secular way, my depression sounds exactly like Bethy. Dont bother trying to be happy, because there will always be the next thing that will make you miserable.
oof this comment hits
its honestly kinda sad , cause ive been in a position (depression) where i relate to a girl defined chick ? like 🤯 lol
Oh god, your depression sounds like Bethy!? Mine at least has the decency to sound like my parents, but bethy!!!?? Damn. That truly sucks major ass.
"why would I bother trying to be happy, that'll make it hurt more when something bad inevitably happens" is a true gd chant of my anxiety. Felt that REAL hard
@@PiousPallasAthene agreed its sad nobody can enjoy themselves anymore but i think I told my bf the same thing the other day its easier to get bad news if your already prepared for it to happen.
Fundamentalism feels like an abusive relationship.
It is. It's a self inflicted abusive relationship.
@@UlexiteTVStoneLexite is it really self inflicted if you brought into it by your parents?!
@@happytofu5 yes because you continue to do it afterwards. That was definitely the case with me, I continued it. My brother realized it was all nonsense but I continued to push myself deeper and deeper. My mom might have laid down the foundation but it was me that pursued after that. It was me that shows to go to any and every church event that I could possibly come across. My brother who is 2 years younger didn't choose any of those things and wasn't made to go. I wanted to go because I thought it made me look like a good girl. I'm white and I was going to a Korean Church on their weekly meetings just to have more Church events to go to. My home church had Wednesday nights but the Korean church had Friday nights so that was an additional night that I could go to church. No one forced me to do that that was all me.
@@UlexiteTVStoneLexite It's rarely self-inflicted. I doubt very many people who weren't raised in this end up believing it. It is not easy to realize that everything you've ever been told is a lie. Like you said, going to these things made you feel like you were being good. You were getting positive reinforcement from your community. Don't be too hard on yourself, you got out of a very difficult trap to escape.
@@MissKashira after an adult you do keep yourself in there and even before that a lot of the times you are keeping yourself locked in there. When I was a kid I made myself go to as many religious activities as I could. My mom didn't make me. I did it to myself. Even as an adult I was still keeping myself in there.
The whole "skydaddy hits me because he loves me" concept was unironically the start of my religious crisis😂
Sorry you ever thought that about yourself. Moral Orel vibes.
Same though.
Ironically, it's why I stayed in religion so long, because that whole "god loves you like your earthly father does" thing, is accurate for me. It's why it took so long for me to see that my father was abusive, and so is religion.
I'm away from both now, and I persued my "happy place" (now living in another country), and I've never been more mentally well than I am now. I'm 47. That's terrifying. I should not have had to be in my 40s before I felt well and content and safe.
DO NOT WAIT LIKE I DID. Go out and do the stuff that makes you feel well and happy. Being unwell, unsafe, and unhappy suuuuuuucks!!!
@@Luubelaar I'm so happy for you, that you made it out!! 🥰
@@Luubelaar I'm sorry but the progression here is both hilarious and relatable 🤣
She’s definitely suffering from depression but doesn’t know it. I mean she knows she’s sad but probably doesn’t know the term depression. She was probably taught that her sadness is good and that her suffering will please God somehow. She, along with many other fundies, has developed this martyrdom complex and it’s so unhealthy.
this is exactly what i thought. i've dealt with depression for ages, and when you're struggling w it and don't have any help, it really does feel like happiness is a "shallow, transient emotion" as she described it. but when you're dealing with it, you realize that is NOT the case. happiness is just as deep an emotion as all of them. bethany clearly is struggling with her mental health, an unfulfilling relationship, and an unhealthy relationship with her religion and she has no idea this is not normal. it's sad and a little dangerous.
I kind of doubt if she really beleives what she is talking about. She reminds me of lot of those preachers that can tell you the most horrible things without any emotion.
Kim Kardashian: "yes thank you I deserve to be happy"
Girl defined: "...And I took that personally"
This gave me a good chuckle
I think part of her presentation that rings warning bells is the breathy, run-on sentence, driving pace of her speech. It is very much the blueprint of "churchy" and "youth-pastory" way of trying to play up emotions and urgency. I guess when you're young you're more vulnerable to the gish-gallop of religious leaders doing some live, unchallenged, verbal-processing.
She sounds really manic and obsessive, to be honest.
That's the schtick, string together a bunch of words that kinda make sense if you don't pause to think about it step by step to see if it's logical, and become more emotional the further you get into what you're saying
Every pastor and religious public figure I have ever met has sounded like this. it comes off as so self-righteous to me, like the importance of what they’re saying is some Big Revelation that other people are so lucky to hear. Idk, it’s icky..
i mean...of course...her target audience are young girls....
I agree of the same verse she said five different times kind of like they're trying to conduct meet you
I got a wee bit triggered by the marriage/divorce Convo. For context, I consider myself 'pro-divorce'.
*TW, brief mention of unaliving oneself at the end of my rant* Divorce isn't a bad thing and rarely comes due to 1 fleeting moment of unhappiness. No adult who has invested YEARS into a relationship leaves because of 1 bad day! It's because of a systemic change in your partner/realization over a long period of time that 2 people are no longer compatible. My mom used to say 'I wish he would just hit me, that way people would tell me it's ok to leave him' after years and years of a VERY unhealthy dynamic in my parents' relationship. We grew up in the church and everyone would tell her she needed to stick it out and work it out with him, but he was unwilling to change. Now after 14 years post divorce my parents are both independently living the lives they truly wanted. My dad found a wife who fits what he wants (I don't have a relationship with her so I have no idea if she is truly happy) and my mom is incredibly happy. I honestly think if my mom would have stayed with him she would have ended up taking her own life and how is that any better than divorce?!
Yeah, honestly I'm happy my parents divorced before I could remember them being together, they weren't compatible, I can't imagine my mom living on a farm, and living how my stepmother and him do, I'm happy I didn't have to grow up listening to their arguments and have my mom be unhappy and my grandparents not living with us
When I was a kid, people always said "they should stay together for the kids" but now the kids are grown up and they say don't do that. It's cool to watch society learn over time and make things better for the next generation.
My childhood friends were in s conservative Christian church. Their mom, though college educated was supposed to be only a stay at home mom and homeschool the kids. When my friends were teenagers their dad left. Left his job, his family and moved in with a girlfriend he met on the internet. He told his wife and kids that he had never wanted to be a husband or a father.
By her church’s standards, she could get a divorce since he was cheating, but they had to give him a chance for “reconciliation” first and complete the process of excommunication from the church before she should move forward with a divorce. So every Sunday for MONTHS, this family, with kids ranging in age from 11-17 had to sit there and listen to the pastor detail their father’s sins and move forward another step towards excommunication. The dad was in another state with his girlfriend (not working and not paying child support)- he wasn’t the one that had to hear it.
I think its crazy how like people at your church feel like they can say things about your divorce. I was like 2 when this happened but my grandmother went to a fundamentalist church with her 2nd husband and he was a pos like used all her money, was mean and just not a good guy, and my grandma found out that he had been cheating on her with sex workers and so obviously she wanted a divorce but he told her that they need to see what the church thinks first, and the church literally told her no. Like told her that she needed to forgive him and stuff, but my dad ended up blackmailing him into leaving my grandmother by saying he had pictures of him with the sex workers ( he didn't lol ) but dude bought it and finally left. Oh and she left the church bc wtf.
When my mom thought about divorcing her alcoholic, cheating first husband, the priest she talked to said: "God doesn't want you to suffer. Get out of this marriage as fast as you can, they're about to change divorce law." I'll forever be grateful to him, my mom's still happily married to my dad and my brother and I wouldn't exist otherwise.
She sounds like someone trying to religion-splain her own depression.
Absolutely. I sure as shit did that when i was still trying to convince myself chrisitianity was right for me. Gotta drown out the creeping feeling that maybe it's alllll nonsense
frrr
@@not_you_i_dont_even_know_you you mean the creeping feeling that nihilism and a shallow subjective meaning is all there is to life?
@@prayunceasingly2029 I don't actually. If religion brings you comfort and purpose I'm genuinely glad for you. It no longer does for me. I feel free from arbitrary shame and worry and a deeper connection to life in the here and now instead of putting all my hopes in an afterlife.
@@not_you_i_dont_even_know_you Christianity is about living in the here and now too. Not just for an afterlife.
Without God, where does your objective standards of right and wrong from? If there's no God, morality is just a made up rule that is arbitrarily chosen "in the moment".
in fundamentalism we were taught that God didn't want us to be happy. it was so messed up. "Happiness is fleeting and bad" is something that is taught from the pulpit. They will then say "Only Jesus brings lasting happiness." They create a problem so they can say only they/Christianity/Jesus can fix it. 😬 So glad I got out.
Regarding abusive marriages in fundamentalism... I knew women who believed God wanted them to suffer the abuse at the hands of their husbands and others who prayed God would kill them because there was no way out of the abuse according to the religious subculture. This teaching is very damaging.
That last part makes my heart ache...
It's so sad that all that is being pushed onto people today. Hopefully the more we get out there and push back on this terrible disgusting ideology the fewer people have to go through this and eventually it'll just go away
yup and you have it drilled into your head that divorce is evil and god h@t3s it also that you'll be destroying your family.
I feel deeply for all the people who grow within these fundamentalist values. I don't want to word it badly but it seems as though that they believe the only thing giving them value and purpose is God and it's not something they inherently have (?) it's what I gather, it sounds really harsh. That last part made my insides drop I'm so sorry to all the people enduring abuse because they can't find a way out without betraying a system of beliefs.
Thank you for sharing and I'm very happy and relieved for you
I've never had more love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self control in my life than I've had in the year and a half since I let go of Christianity
And I'm happier too so suck it
I’m literally a Christian and HUGE chunks of the New Testament talk about being joyful and happy! Like Girls Defined aren’t even getting their info properly from the Bible.
I grew up super evangelical and the emphasis was always on joy over happiness. “Happiness is circumstantial, but you can be joyful no matter your situation because you have God…” It’s literally just a tool to stop people from actually pursuing the things that bring light to their lives and to “rejoice in suffering” instead. Super manipulative. Living in a state of unhappiness because you “have the love of God” is not healthy. It stops people from getting the help they need to live a positive, affirming life.
Bro the Bible talks about joy and happiness so much !!!! Idk how she’s missing that
She’s citing the Bible for things that are not relevant to her point at all… it’s evil to twist God’s word into harmful “lessons” & im ashamed that she calls herself a Christian
@@Ithinkyousuckrealbad I'm not religious but sometimes I feel like Girl Defined would be breaking the idol worship rule right? Like they seem to think they have the end all be all opinions on how to be Christian and how to be human, which the biblical God would like..have an issue with right?
The thing is: Some of the Biblical text they use is King James version. It's written for poetry. Joy is more poetic than happiness-- doesn't mean anything, because the Bible was never written in English. And words like joy, happiness, etc are open to interpretation--what's happiness, how is it different than joy? From other "good emotional states"?
sometimes i cant watch these vids even commentary ones because the girl defined stuff is so unendingly triggering for me but your reactions are HILARIOUS and i really appreciate you doing this
Me too! I have such a hard time watching even commentaries about them. It's so triggering. Mickey says what I'm thinking. Her facial expressions of shock and disgust are cathartic. ❤️
Same!
Yeeees, agreed!
Yup, when Mickey does these, professional knowledge + the reaction being hilarious and molded by the actual knowledge she has makes these videos. Husband chiming in when he does to help her shine is great too.
Jordan and McKay's dynamics also work on reacting to Girl Defined. A collab with them would be so great on a reaction video to something
Some days I can laugh at the bullshit I swallowed for 25 years and sometimes it takes me real low.... Mickey helps skew the reactions more to "fuck, I deserved better" instead of "why did I stay"
I fucking swear Bethany watched "Easy A" and thought that Amanda Bynes' character was supposed to be aspirational.
😅
Literally Bethy:
"i just hope that, wherever you are, whatever is going on in your life, whatever troubles you're going through, that you aren't happy, so that you can accept the deep love of Christ (which you also don't deserve!) and stay miserable throughout your entire, worthless life on earth! Much love! I'm praying for you!"
😐😑😶💀
This comment almost had me dying tho 🤣🤣🤣😂😅
This reminds me of growing up Mormon. We were taught that “you’ll never find true happiness outside of the church”. Bethany probably felt Kim’s true happiness and was triggered because this “suffering means you’re doing it right” mentality of Christianity sucks ass.
I am unable to believe that an entity who wants me to follow rules that would make me miserable (possibly to the point of severe depression) would grant me an afterlife I would enjoy.
Yep
It makes me super grateful that I am Pagan. The Goddess won't fix it for you (nor will She ever promise that) but She and the God will never demand misery as the measure of what a good Pagan you are, either.
As a Christian Witch, I totally agree with you. Honestly when I watch Girl Defined videos I wonder if we believe in the same God, because mine has saved me from depression and severe anxiety and has opened the doors to my practice, while hers seems to be extremely lacerating and honestly, evil. I know from first hand experience that everyone's relationship with God is very personal and different, but the fact that she takes it to such a bad place and even tries to enforce it on us the viewers... this is literally a cry for help from her
i agree as a christian! god WANTS us to be happy. if you follow his actual rules, his rules lead to a stable and peaceful life. God loves his creation so much and in christianity, we dont “work” to get into heaven, jesus did that for us. All god “requires” of us is repentance of sins (which can literally be you praying and asking god for forgiveness) and to have faith.
@@helenahoward7222 no you're God does not want you to be happy. Your God wants you to be obedient and nothing else. You are saying things that do not fit with what the Bible says so I don't know where you're getting these ideas from. You're just making up your own God. Jesus in the Bible was constantly talking about giving things up and following him. That is not about happiness that is about obedience
John 12:25
Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life.
How does that even remotely suggest happiness? Jesus said you have to hate your life. That's not happiness.
What people like Bethy don't understand is that our term "happiness" and their term "joy" is the exact same thing. They've given the word happy it's own definition so that they can chastise people for chasing it, all while literally chasing the exact same thing themselves. The ONLY difference is they think that "joy" comes from God, whereas our "happy" doesn't need to come from anyone other than ourselves. In the end, we're all just looking for peace and contentment in our lives.
💯💯💯💯💯
I scrolled through the comments to find this. It's seriously just semantics. I've heard sermons before about the difference between "happiness" and "joy" before and it boils down to "happiness" being like a fleeting rush of good feeling, while "joy" is what Mickey calls "contentment." Same concept, just different words.
Oh Bethy smh. Sure, let’s just tell young girls they don’t deserve happiness in their lives. That won’t hurt them at all. 🙄
After I left the fundie cult, I talked to a minister from a more liberal, mainstream church. He asked a question that made me breakdown and cry. “What do you want?” I was not supposed to want, not while I was growing up, before the cult, and they reinforced my belief that I was naturally selfish. I shouldn’t want anything for myself. I was really messed up.
I'm sorry this happened to you, and I'm glad you came across that minister. Wanting is a part of life, and without it, I think we'd grow up too submissive to others. You are as important as others; don't forget that. Have a good one.
Imma guess for her /Bethany she believes “suffering “ is a badge of honor. She seems to frame “happiness “as form of vanity. I’m no fan of KK. Bethany is wholly unqualified to tell others how to run their lives . Girl Defined talks about submission lots in fundamental ism but in that reading of Bible women/females are explicitly told not to preach. Stop it
Women can preach, women just cannot be a religious leader, that's reserved for men.
Unfortunately Women can preach to other women biblically speaking
isn't that a direct quote from Mother Theresa?? that suffering is "a gift from God"?
Suffering is another concept we, as Americans, have manipulated to a toxic state where you cannot even question whether any form of it should exist or not. Its another example of taking parts of truth and make them psychotically held absolutes. But there people's obsession with the value of suffering is why we can't have Universal healthcare, free college etc. It would eliminate suffering that they value (despite the fact that those issues weren't implemented to create a form of "moral value", they were created to serve banal and base interests), as opposed to elimanting the kind of suffering (or obstacles) that HAS NO VALUE.
@@lynn4840 I doubt Bethany would consider Mother Teresa as a Catholic anything more than a heretic. Not to mention, the second part of the MT quote is “He allows us to share in his suffering and make up for sins of the world “ Not a path to a seat at his right hand.
"I'm not part of the book club."
Oh. My. God. 🤣 I've been deconstructing my own faith and don't currently know if I believe in God but I know I no longer believe in the bible. What you just said is now going to be exactly how I describe where I'm at. Thanks!
I love that saying lol
This is honestly so sad in a way like she honestly thinks life should contain no happiness except in these rare fleeting moments- omg what a dark and depressing world!
The only way these people can find true happiness is when they die and they are met in Heaven by God I honestly believe that I see it all the time
its like voluntarily voiding yourself of expectations so you can never be disappointed no matter what happens. thats a really bleak way to view life.
She all but shouted, "My marriage sucks and I wish I was married AND HAPPY at the same time!" That is entirely possible, Bethy, but you're gonna have to find the courage to admit you want something better and realize it's OK to admit when something no longer brings contentment and joy to your life.
I despise the idea that they promote that people are inherently evil and worthless without God or Jesus. How horrible to see yourself as worthless without God? You deserve life and happiness inherently
Yep. I finally had to leave because of this. One of the last group studies I went to basically was about how bad we are and we're garbage, but good thing God loved us so much that he saved us! Um, what? When I really started thinking about that, the more it does not make sense at all.
How horrible is their God that they're not allowed to be happy and feel comfortable in life? They keep saying that God is like a parent but this is an example of an absolutely terrible parent. Their God is an abusive mob boss
if it were an actual person these people had a relationship with people would call it abusive
Probably says a lot about the people who teach this
watching mickey be absolutely dumbfounded by the stuff coming out of bethany’s mouth is so funny bc i literally grew up hearing this shit so it barely even registers tbh
don’t watch these often bc of how i grew up but always nice to see you break these things down & explain how wrong it is from a therapeutic perspective. thanks mickey!
I feel the same way!
I know what you mean, my grandmother best like Bethany goes in one ear and out the other for me anymore I'm behaving of the family because I don't believe and that is so bad and we deserve nothing but bad me that's not what the Thunderbirds says always keep your head up and always look for new adventure
Yeah it took a long time for me to realize how bonkers christianese is.... And now it just makes me nauseous
I literally loathed myself for years, having had churches reinforce all the things my mom would say out of her own secular, narcissistic rankings… that I didn’t deserve anything. I should just be glad to exist. Any happiness is more than I deserve. Church fed into my anxiety, too. I was so worried about going to hell. Church taught me that even thinking something bad was a sin. I almost drove myself insane as I hated my own thoughts. I literally was taught that a bad thought about someone was just as bad as if we acted on it and I had to ask for forgiveness for these thoughts. I remember trying to not even think, for a short time. It took me many, many years to undo all that.
Exactly. Mickey's reaction was literally the thing that made me realize that all of what Bethany was saying was BS. I then repeated some talking points to my partner (trying to tell him what I heard every day growing up) and the horrified face he made just confirmed that what I learned growing up was NOT NORMAL. Bizarre to learn that so late in life.
9 months ago, I left an emotionally abusive relationship. I decided I was going to work to be happy; I made the choice to be happy. It’s worthwhile work, but it is hard work. I’ve journaled, engaged in therapy, read books about overcoming abuse and setting boundaries, and I’ve cultivated my cherished relationships. I have NEVER been more confident in my life. I also feel like I now have more tools in my arsenal that help me in tough times, because I have actively examined WHAT makes me happy. My life is far from perfect; I still get angry, anxious, and depressed. But overall, I’m content 😊 This video is ridiculous. I deserve happiness. Bethy deserves happiness (and accountability, but one step at a time). Mickey deserves happiness. And YOU deserve happiness too! 🌾💐🌿🌸🌳🌺🌼
i’m so glad you were able to get out of that awful situation and are doing better now :)
“We’ve talked a lot about emotions” says Bethy. They need to stop talking about emotions 🤦🏼♀️ Little story time from growing up pretty fundie Christian: everyone outside the church was talked about as if they were one-dimensional. Everyone outside the church was as shallow as Bethy described, chasing “happiness” (read: substance addictions) every single moment and incapable of everything on their own! And I’m glad I left that church when I was pretty young. When the entire narrative is “us” vs “them,” the people on the outside start looking less and less human.
Yes! It's like when Christians ask that if you don't believe then what keeps you from r@ping and murdering people? Um, general respect for human life? I don't need eternal heaven or hell as a motivator to be a decent person.
Especially they start telling you not to fraternize with anyone outside the religion. So you never get any other perspective and only have the religion to fall upon for decision making. Very dangerous
My biggest issue is that for them every single aspect of your identity and personality is supposed to come from god, and if it doesn’t it’s a bad thing. You shouldn’t pursue happiness unless it’s through god - then finding the happiness/pleasure is great!
There's one verse that says something like "whatever you do, do it for God". And that's why me and my christian friends back in the day were having this ridiculous conversations about if we should watch TV shows, listen to music, play video games or even read for pleasure because how do you do those activities for God?
Yes! This mindset is so harmful bc when my faith eventually crumbled, I crumbled with it and I'm still in therapy unlearning all of that
@@theyoutubeanalyst3731 "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." - 1 Cor. 10:31
I used to love this verse too and had similar conversations. fuckin wild
@@theyoutubeanalyst3731 In their (the fundie) mindset, you shouldn't!
But it’s through *their* version of god. They really pick and choose which parts of the bible to live from. I guess every sect of christianity does, the girl defined gals just have an extra depressing version.
So, per Girl Defined, you should find your identity in the Bible and you deserve punishment, not happiness.... what's the point of people? Part of the beauty of humanity is everyone finding their dreams and pursuing what makes them feel fulfilled and happy, but per folks like GD, we should throw all individuality aside and just live like bees in a hive. That is just so bleak.
So true. It all just sounds like building an army 'for Christ'. Getting married, having children that you can indoctrinate, and proselytizing. You have to pull in and keep others in your fundamentalist religion, even though you yourself aren't even happy and the others won't be either. So what exactly is the point? What are they matyring themselves over? Do they think Jesus would want this? A wise, loving God can't understand that former lovers may drift apart, have other goals or develop unhealthy realtionship patterns, and that it may be healthier for everyone (including children) to step back and find something new and better? Following letters in a book trumps people's feelings and aspirations for their entire lives? Misery for Jesus, yay!
they think god should be fulfilling enough for them. idk how that's supposed to work. their god sounds terrible.
I mean, I thought Jesus took the punishment humans were meant to have. Christians are supposed to be guiltless because they’re covered by the blood of the cross. So why do so many of them still think they don’t deserve to be happy?
@@xTwilightWolvesx Puritanism. They're just modern-day Puritans. And if you aren't reminded how debased you were before the salvation of God, you might take it for granted and live in "cheap grace" or something. How dare.
@@xTwilightWolvesx Toxic christian culture. as a christian myself I live life knowing that god wants me to be happy, wants me to live carefree. he knows im not perfect and lets me make mistakes since he sacrificed his son for me. I get to live everyday knowing all my mess ups are forgiven, I get to live knowing that god gave me my talents and opportunities, that god gave me the tools to build a life for myself and explore my identity. Christianity is freedom, not restriction. God is freedom, grace, and love.
I didn’t know I grew up fundamentalist until I came to these types of channels. Yours, Jimmy Snow, Fundie Fridays, and Cinema Therapy all helped me see just how toxic my life had gotten under its thumb (even up until very recently). When I was growing up Fundamentalist, there were two very prevalent adages that I am still trying to work through almost 20 years after leaving:
1. Happiness is only based in circumstance; that’s why it starts with “happ”, as in “happenings”. What we want is true JOY.
2. And what does JOY stand for? Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last.
Hearing the things Bethany is saying strike a nerve and make me cringe and my heart get really jumpy. She is literally saying everything that’s been pushed on me throughout my entire childhood and teenage years.
I still don’t think I deserve to be happy all the time, and I’m just now getting to the place where I can stand in the mirror and like the person looking back, and even that’s not every day. I’ve been in regular therapy for the last 6 years, and I’m 37.
If you suspect you’re in the cult of Fundamentalism, take this to heart: there’s hope. Happiness is for everyone.
Turns out….having a job that pays adequately actually can “buy happiness”. It’s a lot easier to be happy when your basic needs are met and you’re not constantly worried about whether you can pay all your bills. Or hey….even being able to afford mental health care. Money helps with that too.
Her privileged world view is so blatant on that job comment.
So her pal from Ukraine doesn't pursue happiness because she needs safety right now. Thank you for literally explaining Maslow pyramid to us.
I think it's really interesting that she doesn't connect that "having a greater purpose" is also a self-serving feeling. Feeling like you're part of something special is an ego booster, just like a lot of the ways of achieving happiness that she denounces.
Growing up in a fundamentalist household with ideas such as "we all deserve hell" gave me so much ingrained guilt and people-pleasing tendencies that I quite literally believed it was selfish and wrong to ever prioritize my own happiness. At one point in my deconstruction journey, someone I really admire said, on different occasions, "you deserve to be happy" and "you have the right to be happy." Somehow, I was able to cling to the latter, but the former still sometimes brings out a knee-jerk reaction of "No, I don't."
Damn that seems like a cult tactic to make followers less inclined to act on their own and therefore only work for the religious figures to try and appease God.
The fact that she seems to think that 1. People wanting to be happy in their lives means they ditch anything that wouldn't make them happy in the immediate and 2. If she thought about living a happy life, she'd leave her husband is very telling
Love love love that you mention Abraham Piper. His dad is John Piper, a preacher who has perpetuated truly frightening and heinous religious rhetoric and watching his kid go, "nah, let's not" has brought me so. much. joy.
She basically just admitted to us that she’s not happy in her marriage and I was like 😳
I remember leaving the room in tears the last time 2014-ish when I sat in at a Bible study my cousin was talking in. She was my best friend at the time, saying these sorts of things about herself--she doesn't deserve happiness, she is nothing without God, etc. I was SO mortified. I felt so sad for her that this is how she saw herself and what kind of expectations she should have about happiness. And this stuff masks itself to everyone as the positive, godly way to live your life because without God and religion, life would be depressing and meaningless. Its bogus. Its sad.
This is like--- telling on herself to the 9th degree.
Growing up on a church founded by Southern Baptists Missionaries I heard all my life I deserved nothing but death and hell, every breath I took was a favor from god and just living was something I had to be constantly grateful from.
It fucked me up and I’m still trying to heal the wounds it gave me.
I'm sorry. I hope you continue to heal
I’m so sorry my friend! I’m glad you’re in this space though. Finding a deconstruction community has helped me more than I could ever imagine and I stumbled upon it all by chance. *big hugs from Texas*
That is so messed up. Church should not be like that. It should teach you about God and learning about his love. Not what that Church is teaching you.
Sounds like she’s confusing “happy” with “pleasure”. We all do that at times, but she’s clearly living in that belief. Poor girl…
That’s exactly I was going to say
Happiness is pleasure…
Well it can be pleasure--but it could be just an inner feeling that you are okay and feel good.
What’s wrong with pleasure?
@@rishaa682 Nothing. I don't think they like pleasure. Could be sex or something. God forbid. :D
"Happiness is temporary."
Everything in this world is temporary.
It is not thou in a terms of you must be unhappy. That is just false. You can be happy as long as you live.
I don't know how it is with anyone else, but so long as kids exist, my happiness exists. So...
What, she should just admit she's depressed and not getting help. Every time I hear girl defined talk all I think is please get therapy.
She sounds desperate
"Sometimes divorce is life saving..." Preaching the real good news right here.
Also, as an ex fundie, the "don't feel your feelings" bs is so crazy making. You can't express your negative feelings, bc you are supposed to be joyful but you can't pursue real happiness either. So many cuss words flying through my head right now.
It’s honestly really sad if bethy really believes all this
It is. It's really sad
I can see her curled up in a fetal position in her closet, tearfully repeating the stuff she says at the end of this video. That one day she will be with her god in the Kingdom and it'll all have been worth it. The idea breaks my heart, even despite the absolutely terrible crap GD spreads.
She probably does. I’ve spent plenty of time curled up crying, telling myself heaven would be worth it. It’s absolutely something I had drilled into me as a very young child.
These pick-mes are 100% jealous. They think that THEY’RE the ones that have put in the “hard work” of being “proper women” and it’s THEM that men should be drooling over lololol it’s so obvious and sadly insecure, they do not know joy without getting the most approval possible from the menzes.
It is so deeply exhausting how Bethany is trying to built a straw man out of rocks, so dedicated to the idea that happiness solely refers to a feeling of momentary enjoyment. They seem to talk like they think other people can't see beyond their own noses, like they don't expect other people to be capable of complex thought, which uh... might say something about how they're used to thinking about their lives so far. :\
I grew up being taught these kinds of views and it causes this very perverse-feeling covert shame. You're taught to submit and shove yourself into the box of learning how to be okay with what someone else tells you that happiness should look like. Now that I'm deconstructing I'm realizing that I will have to learn how to stop living with my head down. It's a weird spot to be in.
Thank you for this video ❤️ I needed it.
I need this as part of my deconstruction. I remember literally asking myself the other day whether or not I deserve happiness or if anyone deserves anything because we are all trash...then I realized that's just my old religion talking
And the thing with the argument that humans are trash - the logical extension of that is that our very existence is pollution regardless of what we do. And yet these religious people are all shocked pikachu face when extremist environmentalists describe us as a "virus" - which is nothing more than a corollary of the idea that we are trash. Those folks didn't see that their rhetoric is making the extremist environmentalists' argument for them - the argument that humans should be extinct. The argument that folks like this will lose no time claiming is "evil" on its face - as if claiming all humans are trash is any better. And as if their arguments don't suggest a god who would happily send the "saved" people to hell along with everyone else once he got tired of them, a god who, even if the saved people were always saved, is so evil that our best imaginings couldn't begin to comprehend how evil he is. Because any decent person would know that eternal suffering is the most evil concept it is possible to come up with.
You deserve happiness. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. I'm sorry that you had to listen to that and be told all of that. It is terrible.
i went through similar things, but with me facing tr@nsph0b1@ due to how awful i was to tr@ns and nb people i was as a fundie than antisjw (i left them, and do realize i was brainwashed into t0x1c beliefs)
Same here. This video helps.
@@ddjsoyenby I used to spread hate thinking it was God's love too. It's unfortunate that so many people are taught this way because it's so hard to change the way you think and most people don't even try.
I think a lot of what the Girl Defined sisters hop online to talk about is them trying to justify not being happy in their own lives. As a Christian myself, I find that very disappointing.
For someone who says that "focusing on the self is bad," she seems to focus on what she and she alone thinks, because everything outside of her interpretation of the Bible is Wrong.
Omg it just started and all I can think is “what a sad outlook she has!”I normally get so upset when people use their platform to promote toxicity but with girl defined, I just feel for these two! Like I seriously feel like they are subconsciously repressing a ton of emotions and trauma…. :(
This hit...hard. Thanks for making this video. Hearing Bethy's rhetoric took me back to being actively in the church and I swear I got fight or flight a couple times as my brain recognized the scarring it has from growing up in that and didn't want to experience it again. It...wow. I don't have the full words I'd need to articulate it. I'm currently slowly (oh so slowly) working my way through sifting out what is my actual faith and what is religious trauma from the church as I figure out where I actually sit with religion and faith and all of that fun stuff, and...phew. I think I have a lot more work to do. But this helped. Thank you, again.
I find it absolutely hilarious how Christianity evolved from judaism and as a Jew myself , this is so not how we are ment to live our lives. Humans are ment to do good and help others, not to "get in to heaven" but for the sake of doing good in itself and BE HAPPY. We live here right now . Live life. Treat others with kindness and compassion. Be happy. Find contentment.✌️❤
Thank you 🙌
Ugh this used to be me. So grateful for finding a great psycho therapist. “Redemptive suffering” can really be misunderstood and misused. Learning that it’s okay to be happy and ultimately seek happiness has been incredibly freeing.
This is one reason I feel I can't talk to my parents about anything and boundaries are so hard because I know their automatic assumption when I push back at all is that I'm being sucked in by "the world" and only care about "my own happiness" and that I'm being selfish and terrible, just by saying no, or saying I'm doing something for myself or my mental health.
It SUCKS
dude that sucks so much and sounds so incredibly invalidating ugh i hope u have some other good folks in ur life whom u can talk to
I feel you but stick to your guns and set the boundaries. I had to do the same thing recently and I promise you it’s soooo worth it. The world isn’t bad, and you gotta do what you need to do
"being sucked in by "the world"" is just a really funny way fundies like to say "experiencing actual real life".
Ugh, so much of her rhetoric reminds me of how my parents would tell my siblings and I that the world doesn't owe us anything and that suffering builds character. Flash forward, 20-30 years, now my parents are confused why we need therapy.
One of the things that hurt so bad about believing that I didn’t deserve safety or care or love was feeling like the people around me / my family didn’t believe I deserved those things either. I have lots of loving people in my life now who do believe that, but even so, it’s really nice to hear you say it over and over. You always drive home the point that people deserve love and belonging, and your videos allow so much space for me to feel and to exist. I bet you’re such a kickass therapist. These videos are awesome, and you are hilarious and heartwarming and I’m so glad you’re here, thanks for this channel y’all! ♥️
I never thought “you deserve happiness” would be a controversial statement
Everyone deserves happiness and to believe anything less is just so sad to me.
my ex pastor and other leaders in my ex church spoke many times about shit like this and the dangers self love. if you search “desiring god self love/care” (not in quotes) you’ll find the mentally of my ex church. you don’t even need to read the articles, the headlines are quite enough.
It's just so bad
Desiring God is also the name of the wildy popular (in the 2000s) book written by Abraham Piper's dad.
As a child of divorced parents, when you said sometimes divorces are blessings I was like OMFG, YES. I absolutely would not have had it any other way. People like this piss me the fuck off because they think I should be seen as some kind of pity project which is so condescending and reductive.
"Girl defined thinks you don't deserve happiness."
Me after watching the suffocating pufferfish eating a carrot: uhm..I just did have happiness a minute ago, hm?
i'm already very unhappy :D
all her vid says to me that *she* is deeply unhappy and clinging to an upbeat influencer/martyr face helps her cope: she seems to REALLY resent her husband and doesn't appear to enjoy being a mother. It's so weird.
If Adam and Eve in the story were fully satisfied, why did they try the fruit?
Exactly they were not fully satisfied and that is exactly why they ate the fruit in the story. I love how they always say that Satan lied when Satan didn't lie at all he told Eve that God was lying and guess what in the story God was the one lying and not Satan!
26:39 “Sky daddy hits me because he loves me.”
Thank you for putting this into words, Mickey!!! A big part of my upbringing as a Catholic (and now why I’m an Ex-Catholic lol) was this idea coupled with the notion “suffering is a great grace.” So, while religion is telling you that all of your pain and fear are a gift from God, you concurrently are told that the more pain you experience, the closer you are to God, which is SO MESSED UP. It’s what caused my body-focused repetitive behaviors to only deepen through scrupulosity. Thank you so so much for this entire video and all of your nuance in approaching this topic 💕.
Oh yeah. And scrupulosity is a sin. Fundy trad catholic?
@@stephaniekern5614 No, just regular in my case, and my family wasn’t even *that* religious compared to others! I did attend Catholic elementary school, and regardless of the “net good” they claim to do, religions still has the potential to leave lasting harm across multiple areas.
Oh my. I'm going to need a nap before I watch this one, I think.
Definitely needed a nap after filming this lol 😂
@@MickeyAtkins Bethy is really over here like Sigourney Weaver in Ghostbusters: "THERE IS NO HAPPINESS, ONLY SHAME."
I was hurt by such harmful teachings as a child and am still recovering from it. It makes me happy that people like you exist debunking their lies.
can you imagine making a video deciding on whether or not someone you’ve never met deserves happiness? what the hell
Using Bethany's logic...why do anything? Why have a job? Why have children? Why have a hobby? You're happiness doesn't come from earthly things, right?
She basically said you can't be happy, because other people have it worse than you. But she is also the type of person, that would tell you, you can't depressed, because other people have it worse than you.
This feels like a common takeaway from Christianity for people :( and why many Christians never get help for their mental health
I find it to be a huge testament to your professional knowledge that you’re able to make so much sense out of this whole video because to me it just sounded like she used a whole lot of words to say almost nothing. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and professional expertise with us!
I’m a questioning Christian (specifically really liberal ELCA Lutheran) and every pastor I’ve ever known (including one of my siblings who is a Lutheran pastor and their partner who is a professor of Christian theology) ALL strongly believe that God wants people to be happy and all people deserve that. I recognize that religions have different interpretations of the Bible and God and everything, but believing you don’t DESERVE to be happy? Why would you even believe in a diety like that? I’m just going to venture a guess that my sibling who has a Master’s of Divinity and their partner that has a PhD in Theology have more education about the Bible, it’s translations, and it’s meanings than Bethy does…and both of them would tell her that what she’s peddling here is full of crap.
Lutherans are faaaaaar different than fundamentalist... most people practicing various types of "lite" Christianity, like how many people practice today, aren't like fundamentalists at all. But it's not just Bethany, this is how fundamentalists think.
I was a "born again Christian" for about 3 years from 16-19. I don't think I felt more guilt or crappier about myself than I did during those years. And it was DIRECTLY related to the shame and guilt placed on me by the "leaders" and peers in my life. Religion definitely made my life more difficult and sadder because, like you said, if something is wrong, it's YOUR fault. Maybe you didn't pray hard enough or maybe you sinned and this is your punishment. Christianity can be beautiful, but it can also be extremely destructive.
I was raised in an IFB church and school. We were reminded all of the time how little we deserved. Being told that you are inherently bad is soul crushing. I’m 36 and still deconstructing.
I was never more depressed or suicidal than when I was neck deep in fundamentalist christianity because all I heard from every spiritual authority was that I was worthless, filthy, undeserving of the very air in my lungs, and nothing I accomplished or built in my life mattered if it wasn't solely for glorifying god. Every relationship, emotion, daily task, and even good deeds were thrown into question because if I had even a hint of pride or self-worth in it, the thing was garbage. It was fucking madness. If I had stayed in that religion, I would have died.
I'd feel sorry for GD if they weren't dragging others into their misery and causing real harm constantly
@Healing Religious Trauma I am, thanks so much!
@Healing Religious Trauma I'm glad you're still here and I hope you continue to heal and thrive 💜
I grew up heavily ingrained in fundamentalism and truly believed life wasn't about being happy. I believed my life was about getting to the places 'God' had called me to be and if that meant I was miserable so be it. Suffering was my badge of honour, and let me tell you by the time I got to my early 20s I was absolutely destroyed. I was having panic attacks multiple times a week, I couldn't get out of bed, and I truly felt that life wasn't worth living, because the life I had created for myself was so absolutely terrible. So I left it all behind. Peaced out of religion, pulled the rip cord, and did a complete 180 to pursue a life I was proud of. And let me tell you, pursuing happiness has been the best decision I ever made. I'm so grateful every morning for this life I've made, and for all the beauty I experience every day because I chose happiness over suffering. And yes, life is still hard but I know that when I reach equilibrium it will be filled with contentment, and that makes the hard times so much easier. It makes me so mad that young women are still being taught stuff like this, because suffering isn't glamourous or godly, it's just the worst possible way to live your life :/ There's nothing better than trying to build a life you're happy with, and any one who tells you otherwise is trying to sell you something
Let me tell you how I spent much of high school and college afraid to want any particular outcome or life path too much because then God would call me to the mission field or something just to show me that I had coveted something not in his will or something.
Thank you for making content about fundie crap and giving your thoughts an opinions. If these two women (Beth and her sister) were making content when I was a teen, I would listen to their advice and admire them. Im in the midst of de-construction. Your content helps me validate my past experiences and helps me progress through this challenging time.
Hi fellow de constructing sister :-) You are not alone im so glad she makes this content to, it so reassuring that those of us who are leaving are doing the right thing.
I loved this video. As a former Christian who was told these things it really hits home... Also, I hope you're doing well and taking care of yourself
I wasn't raised religious but I still had to unlearn the "you don't deserve happiness" mindset as an abuse victim, which I think says a lot about what that mindset actually is
god what a miserable life they (allegedly) must live to think that we aren’t fundamentally deserving of happiness (coming from a miserable person)
they're just hypocrites. they like to indulge themselves, then preach to people like they are holier than thou. idk if they are miserable or not (tho I would think being a shit person would make anyone feel bad unless they have a personality disorder) they know they don't always practice what they preach, and i feel they try to make up for it by "spreading the good word" ...but they're just being hypocrites.
Hi! Degrees in theology here. Most of what she says is in the Bible is WRONG or rather being pulled out of context and shaving off all nuance! And HELL NO Jesus does not want us to give up our rights! Wtf?!?!
The few I agreed with her was about selflessness (but her explanation of that was totally off) and JUSTICE, BUT when the efff do they ever address real justice issues?!?! I’ve never heard it. 🧐
My older sibling is a pastor (our church requires is a Master’s of Divinity for this) and their partner is a professor with a PhD in Theology, and we’ve had so many conversations about folks like Girl Defined that twist the Bible and pull it out of context to use it to oppress others (and sometimes themselves).
I've never understood the argument of "someone with power (Jesus) gave up his rights temporarily to help people, so you should give up your rights permanently to cater to the desires of other people, who are often in authority over you". It makes no sense, even within a Christian framework. Jesus giving up his rights for a time to help me is not the same thing as me giving up my bodily autonomy to a man who has more privilege than I do, for example. For this concept to make sense, it would have to be applied to church leaders or billionaires or monarchs, but instead they are allowed to do whatever they want without question and oppressed groups are pressured to not stand up for themselves using this idea.
Okay but imagine finding out like this that your wife would leave you if given half a chance.