Girl Defined Interviewed the Worst Sex Therapist | Therapist Talks Religious Abuse
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 พ.ค. 2023
- I don't even have words to quickly summarize how awful, ill informed, and traumatizing this interview was. They checked every box of potential negative outcomes from purity culture, religious fundamentalism, and group think in one interview. It goes without saying that their advice is terrible so please don't follow or engage with their content and please take care of yourselves!
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He forced himself on her knowing damn well that she was extremely uncomfortable and didn't want to do it. He does not love that woman.
He does not know what love, empathy and compassion are. I don't even get turned on if my partner is turned of. It just doesn't happen. Or if my partner doesn't want to I couldn't. It's a complete turn of for me. If I would do anything anyway I'd feel like I'm abusing someone. Just imagining it feels horrible. Something must be really off with him, that he feels completly fine with it.
@@danika9411at the very least, he is extremely selfish. If he had a “broken wife” why was the conclusion to “do it anyway.” ???!! That’s so bonkers. Also, extremely codependent for them to blame the wife for her being uncomfortable about her husband.
@@mintyhippo8125 because Christians like this believe you "submit to your husband" and view sex as an act of service owed to your spouse. Their idea of good sex isn't about partnership or connection or pleasure... it's just about doing things "correctly" in accordance with the Bible. The power structures of Christianity are so fucked up all around whether we talk about sexuality, gender, dating, spanking(hitting) children, swear words, what music you listen to and what thoughts you think... it's all about control & compliance. Pleasure or joy or individuality are all just an afterthought at best.
He’s a sexual abuser. Sickening to hear.
Just seeing and hearing this guy is making me nauseated. He sounds so much like my ex, who is an abusive sexual deviant. He has NO business giving others advice; he's no expert on marital relations, I don't care what degree he claims to have. He's dangerous, and vile.
I'm getting angrier the more I watch. I don't know if I can watch much more. Bethany's fake, pouty facial expressions are triggering. I'm not a violent person, but her smug and pretentious attitude along with her facial expressions make me want to change her face up some.
I’d rather be waterboarded than have sex with someone who actively hates it and is in pain. Like absolutely monstrous behavior
I cannot imagine the kind of heartless entitlement one has to possess in order to do that.
Omg RIGHT?! How can you still be turned on seeing someone scared, unenthusiastic, hurt, etc??? That’s the biggest turn off to me. I would feel horrible if the other person wasn’t happy, if I inflicted any type of pain or discomfort. That’s a fear of mine. I don’t ever want to make someone feel pressured or uncomfortable. Wtf. I want someone who wants me. I want them to want it, it shouldn’t be this awful obligation. It’s way more appealing if they’re super into it! I want to make them feel good and happy! Why would you not be trying to give your partner pleasure? Wouldn’t you want them to like it and want it? I’d do everything I could to make them feel safe. I feel sick to my stomach thinking about pressuring someone and hurting them. I truly don’t understand how you could still try to force it on someone who obviously doesn’t want it. That’s disgusting and horrifying imo.
@@annapruitt5546 ^^^^This!!!!!!
Most men are surprisingly comfortable with that.
Christian men love it, though. It's what gets them off. The more the woman suffers, the more they like it. Really sick, isn't it?
oh the way she described feeling safer water skiiing than having sex with her husband was so sad
And water skiing is not even a super safe sport! Imagine rather having an injury instead of being around your spouse.
@@gabiluch87 Maybe he’s injuring her in the bedroom
at that point, is she even his wife or is she his hostage?
@@gabiluch87 I mean the real choice is between physical injury or mental/emotional injury. There's no way forcing herself to let her husband do that to her despite not wanting to use doing nothing to her. Also I doubt he's a foreplay type so it's probably not very comfortable for her.
@@yukikanegawa7470 I can't get over the fact that he was like "I didn't know she felt that way"... Its so horrific
The purity culture ethos of 0 to 100 overnight on the honeymoon is absolutely going to traumatise a repressed young woman.
Who knew? 🙄
I've heard this talked about by fundamentalist Christians and Mormons and others, it's so widespread and so damaging.
Especially when their entire identity was centered around being a virgin and then they suddenly aren't can really mess with people's heads.
@@katiesnider3137yes, some women have described it as feeling “less than” after losing their virginity in marriage.
Go figure.
It's not a great advert for the whole Purity thing, to be sure. You'd have thought they'd have done some research one they were married? Maybe read up on it on the flight?
I was on that path when I was younger. I was lucky anough to find a partner, who I am now married to, who was super patient with teaching me certain things & slowly getting me used to sex in a healthy way.
And because I know it sounds like it no he did not groom me. We were both over 18 & are very close in age.
I need to talk about asexuality in this moment as well. A lot of people label asexual people as broken as well. If you don't experience sexual attraction, you aren't broken. You are asexual and normal. If you don't experience sexual desire, you aren't broken. You are asexual and normal. You can learn how to enjoy sex but it isn't your duty or obligation to "make it work" for the other person. Your partner should be supportive and respectful of you and your sexual needs. Asexual people exist. Asexual people aren't broken. Asexual people are normal and perfect the way they are.
Edited to add: I am not excluding microlabels here at all. I'm speaking on the spectrum as a whole. Demisexuasl and Greysexuals are just as valid and unbroken as well. Didn't think I needed to clarify that.
YES thank you for this! I wish that I had talked about this in the video too because it *needs* to be said!!
@@MickeyAtkins I think purity culture made me asexual? Some combination of shame and repression just made my brain shut it off and my vagina close up shop, aka develop vaginismus.
@@JasminMiettunen I have a similar experience being a gay man who doesn't feel safe or comfortable seeking romantic / intimate relationships: my relationship with religion was never one where I had to swallow purity culture, but I feel that my inability to be intimate and romantic is very much tied to attitudes surrounding relationships I was exposed to growing up and a lack of healthy representation
@@user-mv5zt8qd9l even if you weren’t the target of purity culture, it makes sense you would repress desires for the same sex if you were raised Christian? Not just lack of representation, but the complete opposite of it.
@@JasminMiettunen perhaps... I have no recollection of anything overtly conservative being put onto me (and my experience with religion was through extended family and not in the household so wasn't very pervasive), but it does make me wonder...
I feel so bad for this woman. She shouldn't be spreading harmful advice, but she is a victim here. Having to "endure" sex with an obsessively controlling husband because it's her duty even though she hates it. That sounds like my literal hell
YES! I wanted to shout at the screen "run, girl, run as fast as you can"
It sounds like r*pe to me. She is married to her r*pist.....
Same here! I really, really dislike being touched by people that I don't click with. If I was "obligated" to let them do whatever with my body I would lose my damn mind. Just...even just thinking about it as I type this, I can feel my skin crawling from head to tail. Gross. Absolutely gross. AND he has the AUDACITY to laugh it all off like, "Oh, you know those wammen, always be complaining!" She deserves a divorce.
@@ChristopherSadlowski same, if I have an argument with a partner or family I get the ick when I'm touched and the issue isn't resolved, I need to feel safe, comfortable, and like someone to want to touch them/be touched, even just hugs and shoulder pats
It sounds like a felony, marital rape!!
Why in the world is Bethany grinning and smiling when the woman is saying and explaining how her sexual experiences were traumatizing..honestly gross behavior
Bethany is not okay. Her persistent lack of empathy is something I've always found infuriating and alarming.
She's immature that Bethany so is my cousin who is around same age . She sounds like a teen acting like a know it all and dismisses any feelings with a laugh a fake one at that
Immaturity from Bethany aside, I also imagine that these traumatizing experiences are so prevalent in this type of Christian fundamentalist that they just become prone to internalizing it and just laugh it off as a coping mechanism.
@@JunAlex86 it's definitely possible . These people in this do need de programmed. I can't believe the things they actually believe as "Christian" it's all control by a man.
She’s so immature that she can’t engage with somebody describing a negative experience. She has no idea how to face anything but surface level smalltalk and has no idea what she’s supposed to be saying or feeling
No matter what I didn’t know about the human body, it would NEVER have occurred to me to use my child to check things out. My god.
R I G H T!!!! Like, how atrocious.
AND THEN PUT IT ON THE INTERNET FOR THAT CHILD TO SEE????
What I understand even less is how that was the logic conclusion they came to??? like the woman says she doesn't like penetration so WHY THE HELL would she think it is okay to do that to her NEWBORN CHILD???? these people should be institutionalized I swear
like OKAY even if they don’t remember THEIR PARENTS DISCUSSED IT PROBABLY SO MANY TIMES WITH STRANGERS AND FRIENDS AND IT ALSO LIVES ONLINE FOREVER…. the fact they can go on to give anyone sex advice while still telling this story publicly is so far beyond horrifying
I really, really hope it wasn't like it sounds. I really do. I kind of hope that her medical friend was chatting with her while they changed the diaper and said something like, "Oh, the clitoris is at the front there." And then told her how to find hers. I really hope it wasn't something invasive.
“Welp, she’s just broken, this poor guy married such a broken broken broken person!”
Dude said it with his whole chest. Proudly. 🤬
He’s honestly so nasty and gross 🤮
I mean he knows he’s getting imaginary Jesus points for not trading her in.
@@alexr2172 of course he didn’t know before marriage…he would have compared her to a used car. Just a broken down clunker……I swear I don’t get why people like this get married in general. They despise their partners and refer to them as objects. It’s so gross. Just stay single.
Right! Like, Jesus Christ, this is not something to be proud of my dude! And to sit there and just SAY it like this is another Tuesday!? These people are really not well and need some serious therapy. And a divorce. Definitely a damn divorce.
Legit sounded like his sex doll broke down
Ok the horror i have for her still being in an relationship with her rapist.
It seems fairly common in fundamentalism. It's either Debbie Pearl or the Transformed Wife that describes an extremely horrifying wedding night in her book. Really upsetting and triggering stuff, clearly assault. And she's just like "ha ha, I didn't know my duties as a wife!" Fundie Friday's covered it
it makes me deeply uncomfortable that he's now positioned as an expert. he clearly still has these deep seated fundie beliefs and has not exited harmful misogyny but now he can argue and manipulate using his position and technical language. if his wife is genuinely happy. good for them I guess. but I have a hard time seeing them as properly healed.
@TheDisell when I saw her face while he was talking about her "being broken" and her repeated assaults, I just wanted to hit him. Having her ability to say no stripped away thru this culty belief is so horrific. As for me I could tell in flashes of emotion she covered up with forced laughter how traumatic it was/is. I have had the same trauma responses she showed for different reasons. Oh yeah that horrible thing you went thru, "hilarious" response. And the implication is that you repeat the response every time it's discussed, reinforcing the belief its the victims "fault" for not "enjoying" it. And with his "field of training/work" it sounds like this gets trotted out a lot. 🤮
@@nopeninja8883 I 100% agree with you. I just put in that part about them maybe being happy because as viewers of curated content we can never truly know. I assume it’s not actually a happy marriage for her but I can’t truly know from this side of the fence and one interview.
I wish she could see that what she went through is actually rape, or abuse at the very least. Verbal consent doesn’t count anymore when your partner can see and has full awareness you are not okay, knows you literally hate sex with them but you continue to do it anyway ☹️
Watching someone describe years of sexual violence and SA while their abuser just listens over their shoulder providing colourful commentary is beyond surreal and horrifying
And at no point did he take responsibility.
My thoughts as well
That's what gets to me.@@dacksonflux
@@dacksonfluxI watched, waiting for him to :(
And that fact he’s just staring right down the screen and never looks over at her when she saying some of the most sad and distressing stuff. I feel like even 20 years after the fact my partner would absolutely feel my pain and put his arms around me.
Also - HE learned about the clit but she did not?? Presuming she took her info and instruction from him 🤮
Thank you for this video. When responding to Glenn knowing his wife hated sex, but continuing to expect her to have sex with him, you said “This is an act of sexual violence.” I really needed to hear it. I am so grateful to you for having this discussion, and I’m impressed by how you’ve handled it. Thank you Mickey, your content makes me feel a lil bit stronger ♥️
Hey kiddo, you doing okay? This video was such a mindf**k even I'm having trouble listening to it. This whole mess was...a lot.
Sending you positive thoughts and energy 💕✨
It makes me so sad how flippant both Bethy and the husband are. Whereas the wife is showing true pain in these conversations.
I felt that too! She seemed to be the only one even dipping into a remotely helpful conversation about the psychological effects of purity culture, and every time she did, Bethy and Glen would fucking *laugh* at her and speak over her.
Yes... I noticed it, too. Real pain from her, and the other two totally ignored it. I mean, he obviously cares about her, but he's so totally oblivious about what's going on, he's still very confused, he still hasn't got what she went through and how it hurt her - if she's broken, it's because he broke her.
@Ketutar It makes me wonder if he's on the autistic spectrum as he's so unaware of her feelings and pain. Or else is a sadist and someone else in pain or saying 'no' to them or asking to be left alone is like a red rag to a bull to them. Someone who only reads those Christian or secularised books on the differences between men and women as if there are only two personalities in the world; male and female instead of seeing your partner as an individual. The book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, has done so much damage to relationships and society, and is still being touted in movies as a 'feminist' book when it was written as a backlash against feminism.
@@lemsip207 As an autistic person, immediately no.💀 Autistic people struggle with *showing* their empathy, not *having* it. A lot of autistic people also experience hyper empathy. Please do not associate autism with that creature, thanks. Xx
@@miharus.9055 Not all autistic people are nice people. Some don't even want to show empathy even if they had it.
It’s cathartic to see you get mad because I was raised in purity culture but was never allowed to be mad about it. I think I’m permanently messed up by it and no one is mad about it except me
Right there with you. ❤️
I’m also enraged by it and how it effected me
Thisssds
Hello friend. I share your anger. I'm 20 yrs out of the culture, yet I'm still learning that I have feelings, how to feel them, and that I'm allowed to do so. They get us when we are young so that we have to spend a lifetime unlearning their toxic garbage. I wish you well ✌️❤️
same!
Her: Sex wasn’t as good as I expected…
Him: Best 11 seconds of my life!
There’s no way he actually said that in front of his wife 😭
LMAO I AM BAD AT SEX
And the way he said, “it was a huge win” about the first time they did it made me so angry. As if the act was somehow the greatest accomplishment?!?! 😰
If they had worked on their sex life in a healthy and loving way, this could be funny. Oh our first time was so awkward but hey then we discovered our sexuality together and now it's amazing for BOTH of us. But the way this continued...sheesh 😲
Men will literally think a woman is fundamentally "broken" before considering they themselves might just be bad at sex omfg
It’s fascinating to generalise a whole gender based on the actions of another
@@someguy701 did I say "all men"? No
@@vintagesaskia1139 ok I am wrong but using plural caught me off guard I am sick of people hearing news about someone doing something horrible and generalising the whole group and nobody is innocent in that sense
@@someguy701 I used plural because it's something men do. Reacting defensively to such a statement really doesn't help anyone.
@@vintagesaskia1139 something sexual deviants do” fixed it for you “ something men do” that is really poorly worded like sa is something only men do when i know someone who got drugged by a woman on a date and has been R worded and he hasn’t been the same since
I cant take sex advice from a woman who openly talks about how gross it is fornher to kiss her own husband. Girl defined is so out of pocket
Damn she probably is a closeted sex repulsed asexual 😢 that’s sad.
Bethany sometimes seems to me like she could be closeted when she talks about him. A lot of comphet tones.
She also admitted to not orgasming until 3 years and two kids (?) into her marriage. She's such a novice and still learning so much! I could understand wanting to put together some resources to help others, but to make her own courses and pass herself off as an expert is ludicrous. 💀
Did she really say that?!
@@powderandpaint14 somewhere deep in the trenches of one of her old videos. I'm not even sure it's even available to watch anymore, but I can try to find it and link it for you.
I find it almost impressive how Glenn apparently learned what a clitoris is as a full-grown adult, but they simply concluded that Phyllis must not have one and they did not even talk to a freaking gynecologist about it. Like, at this point they had at least one baby. Surely they could have asked one of the doctors involved in the pregnancy and birthing care? But I guess that would be "shameful" to speak openly about that stuff...
I'm not that far into the video but WHAT? They thought she was MISSING a body part and didn't talk to a doctor about it?!?!
That ego is huge
I don't know how she managed to have a baby and not know she had a clitoris. She must have never looked at or touched her genitals somehow. Insane.
Bethany has such a disturbing lack of compassion. She honestly scares me a little bit. Kristen is just as bad but she's a little better at masking it.
I mean.... her grandpa was a nazi and she posts abou what a ''great person he was'', can you really expect her to be empathetic???🥴🥴
You said it
How could you have compassion, when you don't acknowledge any other experience but your own? "I don't mind my husband using my body as he likes, so neither does anyone else."
It's called psychopathy. A LOT of "people" around you are actual psychopaths who don't feel emotion or empathy. You'd be horrified if you could see inside their minds. Christianity is full of them.
She scares me too. She's so disconnected from her own feelings and empathy to survive and perpetuate her insane culture.
I was taught (as a guy) at my Christian school that my future wife was to be under my control and I was the one to be active and make decisions. It's really terrible what they are STILL teaching young boys. As long as men are taught this way, very little will improve. It hurts everyone when men (at least cishet men) are taught to be controlling and "traditional"; not empathetic, mindful, comfortable with themselves, etc.
@@alexr2172It's so sociopathic. It's terrible.
@Alex R
and how much classism there is in religion as well. You cant worship the rich and affirm prosperity gospel without shitting on people who have less resources than themselves
@@elleofhearts8471 Yes. Jesus was a revolutionary who defied the status quo. A classist Christian is a contradictory one.
@@lars1588 people who tout the Bible as infallible without at least acknowledging the wild changes social contexts have made in the past 2 millenia drive me up the wall
I remember constantly arguing with a teacher at my christian school for teaching things like this.
I truly feel sorry for all the people who legitimately go to Kristy and Bethy seeking advice for any problems they may have.
It's like going to a psychopath to learn about Empathy and Kindness 😂
@@asdfghjklasdfghjkl321 it really is
@@asdfghjklasdfghjkl321 you say that but crazy experience, I met someone who was a diagnosed "psychopath" or ASPD (and dated/lived with them for 4 years) who showed more kindness and empathy to people than I've seen anyone give others. He would even get frustrated over others lack-of because it made no sense scientifically to him. Obviously they were kind of a unicorn, but very fascinating case study! I'd trust his compassion before Bethy & Kristy any day. We are learning so much regarding mental health still.
I just wanted to nerd out about that because it is genuinely fascinating, and also let everyone know that everyone has the ability to be a kind and compassionate person. Even those most misunderstood by society.
@Brit Saunders To be fair, it just sounds like he was faking everything then lol
@Brit Saunders honestly, I have a friend who was similar. He definitely sees others very differently than most humans, but he wants others to be the best version of themselves possible, and I think he's far better to other humans than a large chunk of evangelical Christians. He's certainly blunt, but he's honest about his motivations, unlike so many who ought to have "natural" empathy and claim to follow the guy who didn't value money, fame or any if the crap they prioritize.
12:30 !! love this call out - it’s basically weaponized incompetence. “Oh I just didn’t know!” No, you just didn’t care
I wonder where their apparent lack of awareness and knowledge around safe and satisfying sex came from...
🙌🏻
Weaponized incompetence is exactly what it is. Men who don't even _try_ to learn what their wives need get a pass, but their wives are seen as uncaring, frigid, or "broken" if they can't cater to all of their sexual whims at the drop of a hat.
If you don't even know your wife well enough to tell when she is hurting or not enjoying herself, you should not be having sex with her.
Just here to reiterate that being ignorant about sex is no excuse for this type of behavior. The idea that his feeling of "well I still kinda want to do it" could OVERRIDE ANY FEELINGS SHE HAD ABOUT SEX. I'm sorry to be crass here, but honestly surprised he could finish. How selfish, how disgusting
Seriously. Like it's not even a turn of if your partner is obviously uncomfortable, it's a full stop, absolutely not, I won't touch you now kinda thing.
People who ate so selfish and entitled that they can still enjoy themselves knowing their partner isn't are just plain disgusting and i don't understand those people at all
Hearing them talk about using their baby girl as a model absolutely disgusted me. I cant understand how at no point during that whole thing that for them as parents, for her as a mom, that their brains didnt go "no, this is wrong. This is morally, ethically wrong. This is wrong in all the ways something can be wrong." How is britney not horrified? I cant grasp this. As someone who spends my week days with babies, and wants children of my own, this makes me absolutely sick.
I was looking for a comment like this. Really horrifying what they did what that young baby. It is SA on an infant as far as im concerned.
Really shows that the only ones who are considered people in this culture are the men/husbands and the women/wives and children are just objects to be possessed and do what you please with them.
I waited until marriage to have full sex. My ex was fully aware that I wasn't having a good time when we first got married. I cried on our wedding night because it was too painful for me to have sex. Later on, the man had the audacity to say that I should be "doing more" in bed, because he was tired of me just lying flat on my back saying "ow" the whole time. He got impatient because I would stiffen up and decline every time he suggested having sex. I knew it would hurt. We tried role playing to "loosen me up" and he became upset because he thought I was pretending he was someone else. Role playing. Yeah.
Cut to us deciding to divorce back in 2015. After that on two separate occasions he told me that most men would have left me by now. If I knew then what I know now, maybe I could have said the same thing back to him...
When you say you waited till marriage to have "full sex" what do you mean?
Stiffening in anticipation of pain, or when pain happens during intercourse, is involuntary. Even if you wanted not to do it, it was not up to you.
This only happened to me once, my ex and me had been having too much sex since we were new to it and it was fun. One day, something went wrong- probably a tiny vaginal tear- during intercourse, and the pain caused my whole body to stiffen up in recoil.
He immediately stopped and was devastated. It wasn’t his fault, at all, and I am very glad he was a decent human being about it.
I can only imagine how that must have been for you…
@@hippybecca we did finger stuff and always felt guilty after doing it.
Dear Mandy, I wish you the very very best and that you will continue to heal from these horrible experiences! I know the guilt related to the 'finger stuff' you're talking about, only that I was having full sex. But that guilt is like poison and no one who loves you (be it a mom, a sister, a pastor or God) will guilt trip you like that.
You're worthy!!!
I am so sorry your ex did that to you. He's a monster.
Can you imagine being their daughter and hearing this interview? Oh my goodness. I’d sue my parents. Truly
Ok I’m barely 15 mins in and Bethany laughing/giggling at any of this is reallllllllllly ticking me off
She acts like my younger cousin who sounds just like her literally n. When I first heard her taking on a video I had to look twice she looks and sounds like my 34 yr old cousin different thing about v them Beth had blonde hair
@@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690 it’s almost as if she’s not really listening. The wife is literally talking about sex with her husband being so traumatic that she was planning all this stuff to do so she didn’t have to have sex and Bethany laughs. It’s horrifying.
@kay that's exactly what it is. The hymns and hahs are just for show. She isn't listening to anything this couple is saying.
Considering how difficult her own marriage was you would think she'd be more empathetic. But that's wishful thinking. Fundamentalist aren't capable of empathy.
@@daimen06 from my observations of watching them just to see what they were they are covert narcissist who abuse, brainwash and treat women like second class citizens
It's forced, that's why it's making us feel so uncomfortable. You can pick it up a mile away that she's drumming up hype and it's failing badly. It's just the same stale bullshit they've been peddling for years; they keep trying to put a fresh coat of paint on it, or a new exciting spin, but this nonsense is dead in the water. I wish they would let their awful taking points go already and shut their "ministry" down.
As an asexual - I am not broken. The severe religious trauma may have caused it but it does not mean I am broken.
More power to you
I am SO glad you mentioned how fu cked it is for one partner to know the other is not having a good time during sex- let alone HATES sex and actively avoids it- and yet they still pressure them into sex! Maybe my ace/aro is showing but I cannot imagine loving someone and still knowingly causing them distress and discomfort just so I can experience pleasure! Hell, even if I didn’t know them, I still don’t want to hurt someone for such selfish reasons. I do not care what your religion taught, it is so callous and abusive and hurtful, how could you do that to someone you swore to your god to love and cherish for eternity?! Like I could see them, uneducated and saying ‘well we will do it only to try to get pregnant’ but clearly that is not the case. He expected sex from her multiple times a month (which would be about average for married couples, since most self report having sex about once a week) and didn’t care she hated it. How can he be laughing and joking about traumatizing his wife and being a horrible life partner?!
Just…it turns my stomach. To reduce a life partner to a tool for sexual gratification is twisted.
Thank You!!! It's Called Basic Empathy & Compassion!?
It’s in the most common and popular “Christian” marriage and sex books: men need sex in a way women don’t. Every 72 hours to be more specific. And it’s often taught as something like dishes that just needs to be done. And in Christian circles these teachings are being exposed and the ones pushing them are doubling down. It’s crazy how men have built a system where they admit that they don’t care about their wife’s satisfaction.
Like damn I'm hypersexual and nothing turns me off faster than an INKLING my partner isn't into it. I find it profoundly embarrassing to have sex with someone who's just looking at the time and waiting for you to orgasm so they can be done with it, and I'll never understand how these husbands are just fine with that
I seriously don't understand how they thought this was an okay thing to post.
And I would be willing to bet Bethany still doesn't understand why people reacted negatively to it.
They think victim blaming is okay so it tracks that they don't pick up on probable red flags.
Off topic but I think your profile name is so great ❤❤
I guarantee you Bethy and Kristy will not understand why people hate the toxic garbage they spew. Not that they could not or it's not been explained to them. They willfully choose to ignore it.
@@Windchanter420 Info/Thought control like "We know we're full of shit but Fundie Cult says we're not so endure for Jesus!"
Any negative feedback Bethany received was probably deleted. She knows viewers were upset. She just hasn’t the desire to care or see this as problematic. In her mind this couple is “godly”, there fore it’s okay. Heaven forbid she take a stand.
I was sexually assaulted when I was 13 and had painful sex for 7 years until I found my current boyfriend who genuinely cared so much enough to ask me questions constantly, make sure I was comfortable and receiving pleasure first, genuinely wanted to learn how my body works and what would make me the happiest. It makes me so angry that I allowed myself to believe I was broken for so long
Please be easy on yourself. None of us should blame ourselves for being brainwashed and abused. ❤
It took me YEARS to understand my partner telling me that when I dissociate during sex that he cannot continue because he is aware of it and does not feel ok. Why? Because literally every other partner Ive been with has not even blinked when that would happen. It broke my heart when I realized my previous partners had to have known. With as obvious as I understand it to be now, they had to have known. But they didn’t stop.
I’m glad you found your partner! He’s a keeper💕
I hope you're doing better now
@@AleTitan so much better!
You are not alone. ❤
Oh gosh I’m in the same boat currently, and I’m so glad you are doing better!
If I found out my partner was distressed during sex and scared to tell me, I'd be devastated to know I'd hurt them like that. The idea of *then continuing* to subject them to it knowing it hurts them is horrifying to me. I cannot fathom doing that to someone you love (or anyone, for that matter), let alone acting like spending years in that dynamic makes you an authority on relationships like... wtf.
He clearly loves himself a lot more than he loves his wife.
honestly it’s very clear to me that the purity culture rebrand is a direct response to women having more of a voice when it comes to sexual assault. christian men never had a problem with sex being traumatic for their wives before because it meant they wouldn’t sleep with other men and it didn’t prevent the husband from having sex because spousal rape was not an acknowledged concept. this focus on women’s enjoyment of sex within purity culture has arisen exclusively because now women’s consent counts for more. these men are not looking for signs that their partner is enjoying sex, historically they have expected them not to.
That, and I reckon religious fundamentalists increasingly don't have much to offer the average person who isn't extremely desperate, extremely credulous, or extremely brainwashed. It's hard to win people over with the beatific afterlife fever dreams of Iron Age goat herders when their present-day lifestyle would cause said goat herders' heads to explode like Scanners.
Thus, the fundies have been forced to awkwardly adapt to the demands and values of the larger world in order to remain relevant.
This right here..
Fucking THIS. You’re right. It’s a fucking social adaptation to maintain control.
Best comment all day
EVEN IF that child wasn't harmed from that specific act, having their parents openly tell the internet what they did would be a psychological trauma for most I think. Having that shared on the internet is such a violation of privacy for that child!
even if the child wasnt harmed in the moment, theres every possibility that they could find that clip of their parents talking about it when theyre older
Their story is freaking common. I've seen so many of these fundie couples mention "yeah the first year or two of our marriage was a nightmare when it comes to sex." Paul and Morgan probably erased those videos but they constantly talked about how sex was awful and Morgan cried all the time after it. Purity culture is fine with leaving especially people with vaginas on their own when it comes to trying to express how sex feels for them and when it doesn't "work" of course it's the women's fault. They both just easily agreed that "well she's broken" because they both had no experience or conversation skills in order to find their way to healthy sex.
I didn’t know Morgan was crying after they had sex.
WOW
And as much I despise her views but Paul is such a terrible being.
That Paul and Morgan tidbit makes me want to cry
Paul regularly shames Morgan in their videos that she was not a virgin when they got married.
It's like my dad claiming his new phone is broken and he didn't touch anything at all, even though he absolutely turned it off and never read the guide nor checked online nor asked anyone about it. And he can't possibly assumed he did something wrong because he has no idea what's he's doing, it MUST be the phone that's broken.
Except people laugh at my dad for that. But husbands who think their wives are just broken after not trying at all are hella not criticized in their social circle
These fundamentalist religions have a knack for making scary, entitled man-children that have no accountability and that have just as dysfunctional ways of dealing with shame as the women do, only women get all of the onus dumped onto them.
The fact that this woman used her husbands OCD as an excuse for him to want to force her to be intimate with him is just insane. He is so disgusting and scary
I literally almost vomited when he said that he learned where a clitoris is on HIS INFANT DAUGHTER. What the actual..... Sir, you are admitting that you learned where your clitoris is on your daughter. I am beyond disturbed with this couple for so many reasons but this one pushed me over the edge.
The horror of these adults voting to erase the safety for trans people for example, claiming they are child sexual predators while allowing another adult to observe their baby's genitalia, violating their privacy and safety, is so fucking outrageous and sickening.
Also I'd bet money I don't have on this guy still telling his clients that they just have to keep on sexually abusing their wives until it "gets fixed"
Wolf in sheeps clothing. I hope people start to realise who should really be looking out for if this is an actual "therapist" for the community. Baffeling and sickening.
Absolutely FUCKING THIS
Yup my “future husband” would probably demand that god give him a refund if he found out that I’m actually queer. But then again, he probably doesn’t even exist.
The fact that all they see as sex is strict PIV with the goal of male gratification. SO bizarre to me.
Wow how horrendous. I feel like this guy found the clitoris once and it blew his mind so much that he was like "people need to know about this" and became a "sexologist"
i feel like he become a “sexologist” cuz he’s a pervert
We cannot have effective conversations about consent without first practicing bodily Autonomy for all people including children & carers/family
You’d be surprised how many people don’t think kids should have bodily autonomy. I’d have to put some bass in my voice towards family members when my children refuse to hug them. I don’t make my kids hug, sit with or even speak to anyone they don’t want
@@SailorSlay I am all too aware most parents view children as chattle. Thank you for supporting your kids
A lot of these people think it’s inappropriate to teach bodily anatomy and sex education to children, in any school setting. Trying to remove classes from school. Actively trying to stop people from learning. Actively shaming basic facts. This married couple admitted they didn’t know basic facts. It would have helped them both to have more education about bodies and sex. It’s important knowledge, and it’s much better for everyone to know these simple facts. Every body has a body. It’s factual information, which can be taught in a factual way. It’s about health and safety. It doesn’t need to be/shouldn’t be sexually perverse whatsoever like it’s easy to teach these things factually and appropriately, for different age levels.
children's rights get left behind so often. even in progressive communities. it's so sad.
Oh my God that poor woman I feel so bad for her. I don't understand how he could just keep expecting her to have sex with him even though he knew she hated it and felt unsafe. That is not love...I was so disturbed watching that. That must have been so traumatizing for her and he just plays it off like a joke as if he just didn't know better and shouldn't have been expected to.
It's hard feeling bad for someone that with her whole chest believes women are less than and this is how it's supposed to be, and tells women this when they are in the most vulnerable moments of their lives.
@@corablah9809 you can't ignore that this woman likely has never been in a position where she's had the knowledge or security to be able to call out and unpick the culture she's been dragged into.
Abusers can often be victims who genuinely don't know any better or who simply aren't in a position where it's safe to call out the abuses being committed against them.
Him joking about it is so disturbing and shows he doesnt care about his wife feels even today. Having to hear your husband joke about something traumatic that happened to you should obviously be terrible and not something anyone should do. But he still goes ahead and does it. For years he didnt care about his wifes feelings and still doesnt seem to and its horrifying to watch. And these assholes think this is ok to post online and dont see how this reflects poorly on them.
This poor woman has been and still is in a relationship with her rapist and its so sad to watch. Her husband should of been locked away long ago
I'm sad to say untill I read your comment I didn't realize that he absolutely is her rapist. This is horrendous.
Her body and facial language breaks my heart. She's afraid of him.
And he uses passive-aggressive "humor" to bully, gaslight, and degrade her, as Bethany giggles like a Kindergartener playing with a whoopie cushion.
I'm horrible, but I think it'd be funny to sneak onto a program like this and reverse the male and female roles, such that the man would look visibly uneasy as his devout, horny Christian wife bragged about how they overcame his "brokenness" in spite of him trying to find excuses to avoid the bedroom. I think most evangelicals would immediately go WHOA HOLD UP NOW.
The way Glenn treated her on their honeymoon and beyond is not just stupidity, it’s a blatant disregard for her emotional and physical well-being and there is NO excuse. I cannot believe that Christian fundamentalism makes you inherently unable to feel empathy.
I was 17 when my then-boyfriend (18) and I had our first times with each other and while it wasn’t the best sex I’ve had (unsurprisingly, since we both lacked practice), we little youngins managed to make it a consensual, safe and overall enjoyable experience.
That Glenn‘s not massively embarrassed by his shitty attitude and absolute failure on that day is a red garland to me.
I can't stress strongly enough that the dynamic shown in this interview is exactly what conservative Christians have been doing since at least the 1970s, when they responded to the sexual revolution and The Joy of Sex with their own Christian sex manuals. They did the same things back then that they do now: "Gosh we were so ignorant about sex, but now we've learned, and we're here to tell you, "biblical Christianity" is the true source of sexual liberation!!" They're still making the same stupid jokes about male ignorance that were common in the 70s. Except this time they're pretending to have learned from the defects of the dominant purity culture of the 90s. It's a permanent grift for these people. Absolutely disgusting.
Im a lesbian Quaker and i am shocked by these Christians. My wife and I had a healthy wonderful sex life. She got ill 'tumour in her uteruse' so went into early menopause after a full hysterectomy she had no sex drive but felt bad so went to go ahead with sex. I sensed her reticence while kissing and immediately stopped. She broke down crying feeling guilty. I felt awful that she felt an obligation and let her know I couldn't make love to her knowing she wasnt into it. Reciprocation is hugely important and if you are in love with someone you sense them. We have been married 21 years and our first 17 was highly sexual and id rather never make love again than lose her. I have been very lucky to find such a deep beautiful woman.
The fact that "oh she's broken" "she doesn't like sex" "she doesn't have a cl*t" were reasonable conclusions they both came to and at no point does it seem to have crossed their minds that maybe he was just bad at sex?? (Of course, sex isn't actually a black/white thing so no one is "good" or "bad" at it) But of all the hair-brained hypotheses they posed with stop and think maybe he was the problem. Even all these years later- their verbiage places blame on her, (even if it's unintentional and unconscious.)
LITERALLY
That is exactly what got me about the diaper change. There’s a million things wrong with this, so much has already been said.
The adults drew the line at exposing their *own* genitalia, but decided it was okay for the baby. That’s a big part of the problem, adults & especially Christians, don’t see their children as equal human beings.
I remember being extremely offended when my mom (evangelical Christian) told me as a teenager that she OWNS my body & I had no say in what happens to it when it came to her decisions about my body or my life.
Spot on. For a group who like to tout "think of the children," they sure do love openly objectifying and mistreating children.
Bethany playing at having empathy for this woman is really making my skin crawl
This is heart breaking to watch. My first partner weren't perfect, but he was ALWAYS checking in. It took months for us to even have penetrative sex due to purity culture trauma.
"We decided I was broken. It didn't take long for me to say 'oh, yeah, you're right. I'm one of those broken people'"
My heart sank. I can't imagine.
I have a similar story, and I'm so incredibly grateful that my first boyfriend was patient, kind, gentle and considerate.
And it took a long time for me to get comfortable with anything bevause I hand a history of CSA.
But I absolutely veggie my first boyfriend's patience and willingness to let me explore things on my terms, in my own time, as one of the reasons I'm healthy and happy and comfortable with my sexuality now.
No clue how different things would be if I hadn't dated such a wonderful guy. But I'd probably still be all kinds of traumatized because I wouldn't have had the chance to heal.
My heart breaks for this poor woman and the fact that she's STILL with this man.
This is legitimately sickening. How many Christian marriages were and are still like this? It's fucking disgusting the way they gloss over what was clearly repeated trauma for the wife and talk about how hard it was for the husband to not have consistent sex. AND LAUGHING ABOUT IT. Everyone in that interview should be ashamed of themselves but they never will be.
Lots of them I would think.
Unfortunately, almost all Christan marriages are affected by the toxic beliefs that underpin this conversation. Whether there's sexual violence or abuse is an entirely different story, but it's more than the general population would be my guess (and there may be research to this point as well). So basically, everyone that experiences evangelical US Christianity experiences some degree of this in their marriages... And that's awful.
There are many evangelical/fundamentalist marriages like this. One of my friends was terrified all of her wedding day because of the built up expectation of the wedding night. :(
@@isayhi72 So it's good for her to have a friend like you who can maybe put it into another perspective and empower her :) speaking from experience here.
I grew up in this purity culture religious bullshit, and was molested by my mother for the first 14 years of my life. I hardly ever talk about this but the baby story made me physically sick. This was so similar to the abuse i endured, and it is RAMPANT in this community. Its viewed as a given in the sect i grew up in that afab people will be checked for "virginity" at any time at any age. It happened as early as i can remember, and im sure it happened before that. I even tried to tell my mom no when i was 5 and she explained she had to check that i was pure, and clean me to keep me pure. Some of these checks i resisted and she got violent. I want it made very clear that this is happening way more often than people think. IMO, anyone who subscribes to purity culture displays an acceptance of this behavior.
I have been so traumatized by these events in my childhood and the abandonment trauma after coming out as a trans man and being rejected and being homeless for six years that I have cPTSD and DID. I also have a slew of medical conditions that should have been treated in childhood that im only getting treated now because my family was so science denying.
These ideals are so gross.
I am so sorry!!! You deserved better, and your mother should have protected you. I hope you've been able to get professional help to work through it.
@@Shoot4AlarmFire thank you. Yes, I've been in therapy for a couple years and it's been really helpful. It makes me so mad that others are still going through it though.
@@ianleonard1838 100% agree! My situation was not quite so far on the spectrum, but it did harm that I am still deconstructing. I couldn't be asexual in that world, it wasn't allowed. So instead, people accused me of either being a slut or gay. I don't know if those were lesser sins to those people, or just more understandable. I'm hoping to be in therapy soon, myself.
@@Shoot4AlarmFire I'm sorry you went through that. These communities are so rigid that anyone with any kind of variation is seen incorrectly as being "broken" or "deviant" which is awful. Thankfully now I'm able to live my happy, weird life. I wish you the best in therapy. ☺️
@@ianleonard1838 I’m so happy for where you’re at! And thank you, I hope to start soon and find a therapist who can really help me work through some things.
I feel so represented by Mickey's anger
Yeah, she said almost everything I wanted to say.
Not to mention that this is all on the Internet, and one day, that baby girl is going to come across her parents talking about using her as a sexual education prop.
Wow, "she was obviously broken..." Wow... Unbelievable. Shocking. I feel horrible for her. He is horrible. What a disturbing dynamic.
And then they divulge that he's actually the one with a psychiatric diagnosis---and on that point, while he certainly may be laughing through the pain and just choosing not to divulge certain details about himself, in my personal experience, people with OCD (which the woman insinuated he has) are often conscientious and caring to a fault, such that they are deeply pained by the thought of potentially harming or hurting someone. This dude's general aura of confidence, passive-aggression and total disregard for his wife's body language and expressed feelings didn't align with that general profile. There are other disorders, however, characterized by a need for control, precision, and/or total compliance with one's demands and desires. Just sayin'.
as someone who is ace, the rhetoric around being broken and the expectation of how you "should" be is something that I internalized and caused more pain than gender dysphoria and being trans that I also experienced. A lot of people in the ace community also share the same feelings of being a broken monster. It's also why we're so grateful when people recognize us and are allies because we deserve to feel human and validated. It's also why I love this channel and Mickey as a creator because the conscious effort put into just recognizing that we're here and our experience is valid.
They're literally saying the loud part out loud and still aren't making the connection, I just can notttt
as an SA survivor this guy saying his wife was broken while it was his fault pisses me off and makes me sick
The way both him and her talk about her as if she’s like….a vending machine……
It seems wild that the woman who thought she was “sexually broken” would look at a babies business before doing a more thorough investigation of herself in a small hand mirror or something. Maybe she did and they aren’t talking about it, but idk this conversation hasn’t held anything back yet lol.
Umm I know. Google is an effin thing. Like a diagram would’ve been more appropriate. Getting a book about sexual health from Amazon, or a library 🤦♀️. It’s not that hard to find. Ridiculous
The incident too place before Google existed. But they did have access to mirrors and books. They hadn't banned them all yet.
Or like… DRAW A PICTURE?! If the dinner party friend wasn’t comfortable pulling Phyllis aside to show her, that’s okay. But we weren’t even going to TRY for an explanation?! M is right, there were just so many other solutions that would come before that. Jesus Christ.
The fact that GD doesn't even consider reflection when they repeatedly feel they have to hide content people don't like is infuriating.
It's all part of their "woe is me / I'm being persecuted" narrative
oh i'm sure they think that it's the evil evil secular culture trying to shut them down for speaking about God in the face of Satan's influence on the culture or whatever. When you can just blame a cosmic battle of good vs. evil for everything that happens in your life that you don't like, you don't ever have to grow as a person!
I am actively snarling at the screen every time this man laughs at his wife’s pain.
yay another PTSD Defined video!
22:37 I grew up with this girl in church and she got married and after her honeymoon we were talking about her first sexual experience. She was so confused because it was bad. She said it hurt so bad and she thought something was wrong with her and she was broken. I hadn’t had sex so I had no idea. Once I had sex for the first time I felt that same way-and the boyfriend I had at the time confirmed my thoughts of being sexually broken. Years down the line I learned it was simply because we needed lube….
It’s such a silly and simple fix, but we had 0 education on sex. None. And a woman’s job was to keep her man happy and reproduce so if the act of doing that isn’t enjoyable or it’s hurtful, inevitably you’re going to think it’s YOU.
It’s so sad to look back on that time, because for many years I thought I was broken! I feel bad for this woman and her experiences when she was so young. I can definitely resonate with her!
yo same for me i thought it was just gonna be painful for me for my whole life then used lube and damn its awesome lol
@@QUEERVEEART For real!!! It’s so sad that we weren’t taught basic things like that. The first guy I had sex with was unfortunately a very abusive relationship and he would even validate that there was something wrong with me and that I was broken because sex would be so painful. 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ I’m good now, but during the years we dated I legit thought I was broken and there was something wrong with me!! It’s so sad that some women still feel this way because of what they were NOT taught before having sex!!
@@bethanymichael im so sorry you went through that ): that guy sounds terrible. im glad you are good now!! i am lucky to have never experienced emotional abuse because of painful sex, but partners would sort of pressure me in the past when i didnt want to and then i would feel guilty saying no. but now i feel a lot more safe with my partners these days. not to stereotype but i have felt so much safer with queer partners than i ever did with cis men. im also polyamorous, and the queer poly community is all about safety, compassion, honesty, and communication. ive actually learned a lot from a poly discord server im in lol. its so weird people dont talk about sex more in the mainstream.
And I can't speak for you, but for some women if they were properly turned on enough and enough foreplay is done they may not even need lube.
Some people may still need it reagrdless I am not shaming, but so little is done to get the woman into the mood that of course it is going to hurt if you are tense and not relaxed.
@@QUEERVEEART Oh no, not guilty! That’s awful. I’m glad that you’ve found a community that makes you feel comfortable! ESPECIALLY when talking about sex!
As someone who has struggled with similar ocd-like tendencies (not sure if it’s true ocd, my autism, or something else), HE NEEDS TO JUST BE THE ONE TO FOLD THE LAUNDRY. If someone isn’t doing things “the right way” DO IT YOURSELF 🙄
100% don’t take it out on someone else because of your frustration with the way they do it do it your fucking self or do not complain. Same issues btw ocd or autism or maybe both.
Seriously! It’s shocking it didn’t occur to them to just… have him do that. It’s so obvious and easy if someone doesn’t care how something is done as long as it’s done, and one person wants it done a specific way to a point of obsession… just allow that obsession? Is that unhealthy? I don’t think I have OCD, is that dangerous to just… go with the flow and make easy concessions?
Grew up and still exist in purity culture. Me and my husband had a long conversation about our expectations, fears and what we would be comfortable with. We took it slow and I'm so glad we were on the same page beforehand. I think we didn't have pen*trative sex until we had been married for like two months.
But it made me realize how awful purity culture is. It's just sex, and unless you talk as openly about sex beforehand as we did, it's traumatizing.
I feel bad for these people. If you don't enjoy it, don't have sex. If your partner loves you, they will respect you.
Happy to hear you both came together and actually talked about it beforehand and expressed your concerns. Communication especially in regards to our sexual needs is so important. Taking it slow is the best way to go when you both haven't done anything sexual together before.
Your partner respects you and your body and that's something purity culture doesn't really encourage or teach, it looks at sex like a duty and something for women to endure.
Watching Bethany and Kristen realise that purity culture has fucked them up permanently, not being able to distance themselves from it (because it's their bread and butter) and being resistant to do so, all at the same time, has been profoundly depressing.
Every so often I'm looking up from my crocheting to look up at the screen in horror over what I just heard, and Mickey is giving the exact same expression. This is absolutely banana pancakes. An entire tower of banana pancakes.
What bothers me most about ppl like Girl Defined and Paul and Morgan is that they upload these videos saying “we heard you! There are problems with how Christians talk about/ don’t talk about sex so we’re going to be ‘controversial’ and talk about it!” And then they proceed to double down on all the harmful teachings, continue to victim blaming , etc. The hypocrisy is sickening 🤮
exactly, as far as i can tell, the only change they actually want to make to purity culture is to literally just give the most basic sex ed to the people they think are allowed to have sex. and they act like this isnt still purity culture and also like they've solved the problem, which they are still actively causing with the rest of their rhetoric
I'm not sure how much is hypocrisy, and how much is them just fundamentally not understanding what the problem is. If you don't truly understand and appreciate why something is wrong, the measures you take to rectify the problem will always prove inadequate and incomplete.
Agree. Instead of actually unpacking the institutional harm that's being perpetrated here, these influencers are just trotting out coping mechanisms. It's like they can't even fathom that society may be different than it was 2000 years ago.
I was taught to wait till marriage to have sex. I did. It was terrible. In our religious upbringing we were taught it would all be great as long as we wait. My husband was taught sex was unlimited after marriage. He didn't know it would hurt me. I felt so used my entire marriage. I felt like an object. Every night I'd roll over just to feel his erection be pushed on my back. It didn't Matter how sick, tired or pregnant I was. If I didn't "Handle it" he'd have a tantrum. The worst part is I thought it was normal. I didn't know anything else. We had 4 kids in 3 1/2 years because we were also taught and raised to not use birth control. Only NFP , however when you have a husband who wants sex on demand it doesn't work. Anyway not married to him anymore and now I'm raising my kids in a much different way. These teachings can be poison.
Happy you escaped that situation with your kids!
'' now I'm raising my kids in a much different way. These teachings can be poison .'' I think you're a really good mom :)
Oh my gosh I’m sorry wish you healing and safety to your kids x
I genuinely cannot fathom how they can sit there and think it’s completely ok that she was made to feel broken and had to use/exploit her own child to learn about her own anatomy. How did they never consider seeking help from a GP, gynaecologist, pastor, friend, family member to be educated on this stuff. She was legitimately r**ed for years thinking it was her wifely duty to satisfy her husband. And then they have the audacity to label themselves as professionals to provide advice on marriage and sexual relationships??? Just wow.
Their poor daughter. If she sues, they completely deserve it. I wanted to punch this man when he kept speaking about his wife being broken. He’s an abuser. Period.
Oh my goodness. That lady deserves much better. I can only imagine how absolutely concerned and mortified my partner would be if I told them I hadn't rlly enjoyed being intimate with them let alone HATING IT... And this guy just doesn't care at all?? And continues sleeping with her under these conditions???
I'm amazed that they are still married and honestly I hope she might reconsider that after all the reaction from their interview.
I just cant imagine the horror and embarrassment that poor baby now adult is feeling. Im glad your content exists, its a breathe of fresh air after being in the purity culture for years.
anyone else who was raised Christian (whether you stuck with it or not) just have nightmares about getting married? it still happens sometimes today, especially since i'm gay and asexual. Just the absolute pressure that you *have* to have sex that night. Makes me want to throw up. I mean cool if you're in the mood or w/e but if you're not? i bet weddings are stressful as hell too you probably just want to sleep.
I used to throughout my entire young adult/highschool years. I thought i would just..have to. Even if I didn't want to, because its what you had to do and I was TERRIFIED. I am also ace so it was extra traumatic
im so glad i left this shit and found someone whos so receptive to my feelings across the board
You arent alone friend! ❤
Not quite the same - but yes i had dreams about being in a same sex relationship before I realized I was bisexual. Where my husband would have basically freaky Fridayed into a woman. But it wasn’t positiveZ it was very negative and shameful.
I had (and still have) SO MANY NIGHTMARES about it starting from when I turned 11 or 12. The mere idea of having to engage in that type of intimacy was terrifying. Surprise, surprise - I'm also gay ace!
Yes! Grew up in an evangelical culture (out for several years now) and I used to have nightmares about marrying men all the time. I’m a lesbian. I barely ever have them now that I’m out of that culture and comfortable with my sexuality
Not so much that. But I do fear married life. I've been single for so long idek how I would have a marriage or partnership. I'm almost ready to advocate for separate beds lol. Because I'm used to the sounds and comfort of my bed being all to myself. I'm almost 32 and I wonder if I'll ever get married. 😅
I have a Baby girl and hearing what they did made me physically ill. I couldn't even imagine. What a bunch of freaking nasty abusers.
my jaw actually dropped at the clitoris story like actually on the floor. like ok lets assume its not malicious but jesus fuck
And these people have the audacity to call me and people like me "groomers" because people like me think kids should receive age-appropriate information on anatomy, reproduction, puberty, and consent, and should be allowed the room and freedom to express and explore themselves safely without shame, guilt, coercion, or pain. The irony. The hypocrisy. The audacity.
@@dinosaysrawr absolfuckinglutly kids should know about all of that. completely agree about the movement that teaches kids proper names for body parts and consent. if i have kids im teaching them too
@@dinosaysrawr they're scared of losing control. Kids being empowered to call out and turn their backs on their abusive culture is taking their control away, and they hate that.
Ok, we need to get a campaign (to be clear, not doxxing or harassment) to warn everyone to stay f*cking far away from this “counseling” couple before they spread even more harm (esp at the abuse and seeking a “psychological disorder” for the “broken” wife to explain how she’s so unreceptive to her husband)
I can't believe the turn that their "advice" took. Who on earth would think that treating a child in that way is at all acceptable or justified
I've NEVER understood the people who are ok having sex with someone who isn't into it.
fundies are really good at posting videos that make you think, “why on earth would anyone ever put this on the internet?”
this interview was so heartbreaking and disturbing. it’s so horrible how purity culture puts people into these situations that they feel broken and ashamed of experiencing everything they were taught to go through and suffer through. he literally admitted to marital r-pe and not caring that phyllis was so deeply uncomfortable she HID from him yet he forced this upon her. also, that she wasn’t able to learn her own body or feel comfortable knowing her own anatomy is so sad. this purity obsession is so harmful
i also dont know how people can marry someone after not knowing or being around them for a while, they said they weren’t in the same city most of the time so how would you get to know anyone well enough to be comfortable to have sex, let alone be together for life
@@ashlynonline you don't. That's why these people have to be fed a suffering-porn ideology around life in order to not fall out of line. No one in their community actually _wants_ people to experience life satisfaction for fear of them turning away from their repressive spin on religion.
Not excusing the laughter throughout, but, in this culture, women are taught (by example, not in words), to laugh as a way of indicating, "I know what you're talking about, and that has happened to me." Or to signal, "I feel uncomfortable," or even to say, "I'm listening." You have to pretend to be cheerful and happy all the time, so laughing can mean something entirely different to someone who speaks this language. After a conservative/charismatic upbringing, I went to a state college and laughed whenever someone said something sad or uncomfortable. Fortunately, I had a friend who understood what was going on and gently pointed it out to me. It's part of conservative Christian language that takes a lot of time to unlearn.
Damn I had no idea but that totally makes sense, for example I know there’s a Mormon cult that uses the phrase “keep sweet” to subjugate their female members. And it makes intuitive sense that being trained to be supporting, innocent, never a problem, always happy, etc would result in women reactively responding that way. Thanks for your input!
it's like that whole "keep sweet" bs in Mormonism
Am I watching an interview with a rapist and his victim? Because... because that's how horrible this comes across.
The abject horror i felt throughout this video 😢 i... i just dont have words. I just want to cry for this poor woman...im not convinced shes now happy in that marriage now. Jesus christ...
I grew up in Fundamental Evangelicalism and what you said about child sexual violence is so spot on. It's not always with the intention of sexually assaulting or harassing a child. Most of the time it really is a desire to flex authority and keep kids inside the rigid standard of behavior they set for us. That inevitably put us in very compromising situations that resulted in massive sexual trauma
JFC, I feel traumatized just listening to these 2!!! Holy fucking shit! I hope when young evangelicals search for "Girl Defined" and "Sex Advice" that your video pops up first.
See this COULD have been a decent interview IF at the end they then explain how AWFUL their views were and how they've changed. Explained WHY their views are harmful and how they've changed to be better people and better partners to each other. I'm all for reflecting on your past and examining mistakes, and then you learn from them.
They (including Bethy) should have used this interview to highlight the dangerous teaching and then hiw to fix them.
Yes that would fit the religious nature of the redemption arc, it was this bad for us and now we know better and want to help others avoid what we faced. But it is like he still doesn't get it, and sees it as a joke that not know better back then rather than describing it as the horror it was
I am the exact opposite of religious at this point in my life. I was exposed to religious teachings growing up though. It was not okay. It was also not okay to be taught that sex meant love and any sex outside of love made me a slut and an evil being. It took me a long time to overcome that programming.
YESSSS I’ve been waiting for you and also Fundie Friday’s to talk about this. The shit Bethy has been posting is CRAZY.
Honestly sameee 😅
Looking up a picture of female genitalia is considered wrong but using YOUR BABY is acceptable? That is absolutely unhinged and disgusting
I literally could not believe how they violated a child! So sick in so many ways!
I’m still mind blown.
When they started talking about the baby I was so disturbed. Also, can you imagine how horrible her postpartum and birth experience were? Do you think he waited until she was ready to have sex again? 😔
Anyone who calls their partner "broken" out loud and in public for any reason and lets them believe it - is not a loving partner. To do this is gross and watching it made my skin crawl. I think it is so sad - all this avoidable and self-inflicted pain...
Oh my, I got straight up SA vibes from that husband at times... Even if she was technically "willing" it was because she thought she had to be and was emotionally manipulated into it by him and the culture. Is that not just coercion?
It’s rape. She didn’t want to have sex. She hated it. He knew all these things and penetrated her anyway. It’s rape.
i think the "cant find the clitoris" thing is actually quite literal in those circles, and very probably due to the very real censoring of clitorises in textbooks, reinforced by the purity culture induced shame
so he forced himself on her when she didn't want it...that's called r-word. An r-worder calls himself a "sex therapist"?
I audibly gasped when he made that comment about his new wife being grateful. Tell me you’re packing a baby carrot nub without telling me you’re packing a baby carrot nub. Tbh, I think we need to talk more about how unfulfilling and sad these marriages are in their own ways for both women and men. There’s the obvious part of women being literal sperm incubators and handmaids, and then there’s the part where there’s no actual real partnership or connection for men. You can’t have a real, genuine connection with a person who you don’t see as your equal. Because love is respect and respect is love. And there is NONE of that in these marriages. Such a sad and depressing way to live life. And it doesn’t have to be that way either. That’s one of the most tragic things to witness.
You nailed it. Every beat. I had to re-read your comment, because it perfectly encapsulates the issue.
yeah, this really sums it up. it's so depressing to think that these people CHOOSE to live this way for... reasons...? and they won't even allow themselves to be educated on having a more fulfilling marriage, bc anything outside their rules is sin. so like... it literally won't ever get better for them. I can't imagine just going about my life believing that it's just supposed to be terrible and that's totally normal.
I had to stop listening at what they did to their daughter because of feeling physically ill. Thank you for this video, though, this is truly horrifying.