Awesome work. Renee, please start your own channel to educate NT partners on how to best deal with autistic partners and children. We would love you for it!
You say that a diagnosis shouldn't make any difference if your relationship is strong anyway. On the surface, I get that - but its abundantly clear that your amazing wife has an extremely in-depth knowledge of autistic behaviour, needs, issues and even more so, an incredibly sound and balanced way of responding and dealing with them. This isn't a 'given' in a relationship without a diagnosis. Your wife has set the bar high for the rest of us. A fabulous role model.
Wow, your wife is really awesome. She gives me hope that there can be people out there who have the patience and desire to try to understand or at least give me the space I need to remain functional and interactive. I think her approach is perfect, and it really stands out to me that when it’s really mostly that simple, why is it almost always so difficult? Honest and straight forward seems like it would be the easiest thing in the world, but life doesn’t seem to reflect that.
In my situation I'm the Autistic wife. My husband is ADHD with OCD. Our son is spectrum as well. 3 daughters Nero typical. Been married for 20 years now. Only thing I can say is communicate and always remember you fell in love with this person for a reason. Marriage is work. Worth it when it's right tho.
I’ve been with my husband for 33 years and I’ve got ADHD and OCD and my husband has OCD and Asperger’s and we have three children. Our Oldest daughter has High functioning ADHD and middle daughter has OCD and Asperger’s and youngest son has OCD. We have always known that my husband has it but during covid my daughter was struggling with her job and was diagnosed and it all made sense! She went to king’s London uni and graduated but looking back I now can see all the signs after being undiagnosed. I’m now medicated and it’s completely changed our relationship!!
@@melaniewantsabeer243 Hi! I am curious about challenges you and your spouse faced and how you worked through them. I had a beautiful relationship that ended in painful disaster for both of us even though we loved each other. I am standing at the threshold of another and I have some fears.
Renee, I just wanted you to know that I think you are a fantastic human being - so wise, so brilliant and so kind. The world needs more people like you ✨
Ah, she's a keeper! You guys have definitely got good communication and understand each other well. I think the divorce nightmares stem from understanding just how much you value your wife, and I don't blame you, but she's just that good that she will not, so rest assured, she cares for you and will not abandon you. I hope that's comforting to you both.
After watching the autistic traits videos I realized just “how autistic “ my husband really is. Up until then I just thought he was weird lol but as the partner I am thankful for you doing the videos with your wife because it helps reassure what to do or what to do more of to make things work. She has to be a very strong and self confident lady to not be rattled by some of the things you guys throw at us. Thank you for all your videos. They are hitting your target.
Thank you, i am an autistic husband to my neuro typical wife we have been together 23 years with 4 kids 2 autistic and 2 not we have an excellent relationship and family unit, created by following very similar strategies as you guys have described, thanks again ❤❤
I have mixed feelings about this video, on the one hand it’s really cool to hear and learn about communication in neurodivergent relationships. And at the same time some of the things that are being talked about like “noticing what has to be done” or Renee telling him what needs to be done and acting as the manager are things that we see in neurotypical relationships and consider forms of emotional labor that are normalized for women.
Completely agree. I would have liked to have seen more discussion of stereotypical gender roles and the mentally load. I'm an ADHD woman married to an NT man and we have kids and I need him sometimes to take over some of the EF snd mental load stuff but it's hard as society expects mothers to do all this stuff. So I wonder how Renee feels taking on this traditional role more in her relationship?
I found out last year I was ASD Level 1 - 2. Wife was diagnosed ADHD this year and my 2 and a half year old son diagnosed with ASD Level 3. It's a real struggle. Thank goodness my wife and I have been together since 2006. Thank you for the free marriage counselling. I'll show this to my wife. Like and Subscribed 🥰
Everything you've both said here and in the previous video holds true for ANY relationship: honest communication, respect, consideration and loving kindness all while remembering that you fell in love with this person for a REASON. So many fewer marriages would fail if everybody treated their spouses the way you treat each other! The common/usual mind games just suck the life and love out of any relationship.
Holy shit! This woman is AMAZING, just the decision making part... me and my boyfriend are finally getting to this point after three years, and a lot of it is courage on my part to be honest about being overwhelmed and asking for help. Because I have trauma around asking for help since I often did not receive it, its hard for me to realize I can trust him and be honest. Because the few times I do need help, I've been laughed at because it seems ridiculous to others and since I normally am so in charge of my own life people think I'm joking since the help seems so insignificant to them. That part has given me such insight to myself, thank you two! Wow this helped me realize I catastrophize things as well... but I don't tell my partner about it for fear of mentioning it will make it true, there is 1 particular situation that happens that I know I'll have to bring it up to him at some point but with all the rejection I've had with NT people its hard to allow myself to be that vulnerable. Hopefully she can do more Q&A her input was insightful for me(the autistic). And she restored some faith in humanity for me.
When you were talking about chores, how you described that you didn't even realize that a chore needed to be done because it wasn't even in your radar or you weren't even thinking about it or whatnot: That drives my Mom CRAZY with me. She just gets mad at me and keeps saying that I SHOULD know what chores need to be done, we had started working on laundry so I SHOULD know that this next step needs to be done now, I need to be "observant" and notice/figure out what needs to be done, etc. She just doesn't understand that it just DOESN'T WORK that way for me, and I NEED specific instruction, despite her insistence that that's "ridiculous" and "no you don't need that". I just recently got diagnosed autistic so now *I* am getting a better understanding of this, but I still don't know if *she* is willing to understand it and idk how I can get her to understand that it is *different* for me and I am not just "using it as an excuse" as she claims :(
As a wife/mother I am NOT a good housekeeper!! All those jobs seem unbearably BORING! (Except folding laundry 😉) I am slowly learning & accepting more abt how I do things.....
Ask for a list and schedule and be willing to follow through. Put timers and reminders on your mobile phone. This will reduce the friction a little. But bigger issue is asking your mum would she be willing to learn more about Autism. The level of un-awareness doesn’t seem possible to the NT until we learn about executive functioning deficits. Still it can take a long time to comprehend how different our brains are. We need a lot of education and from more than one source. Pray she will be willing to connect with other parents of neuro diverse persons.
Thank you for these videos! I'm autistic, my husband is NT. I'm sure there are nuances between married men and women on the spectrum, but I found a lot of what was said in both videos relatable and I hope to share with my husband soon.
First 10 years of marriage, I suspected my wife had Inattentive ADHD, but she refused to acknowledge or look into it. She would often get mad at me (ADHD-Combined, suspected spectrum as well) when I would get hyper-focused, or when I would be completely overwhelmed and overestimated to the point I might just curl up and try to escape.. or any number of my other quirks. When she went to go back to Uni 2 years ago, and couldn't figure out why she was struggling so much, she got evaluated by the school- ADHD, Inattentive Type. She had about a 6 month period of near-hyper-focus on studying ADHD. I remember the day she came to me and wept, apologizing over and over for the way she treated me. In the last couple of months, I got back on stimulant ADHD meds. It brought my focus in, sure, but.... all of my traits that were a bit washed over by the ADHD have come bursting to the fore. In watching Yo Samdy Sam, Autism From the Inside, The Life Autistic, and Orion, I keep thinking "These people are so much like me!". Talking with "normal ADHD'ers" I feel like I can relate maybe 70%, but listening to or reading about people on the spectrum, especially with comorbid ADHD, it feels like 90% or better. The gaps just fill in. And you know what? My wife has locked arms with me and is encouraging me to seek answers, and to send her videos that I relate to, so she can try to better understand. (Because my son is like a carbon-copy of his daddy, and my daughter got sooo many of my traits too) Now... if I can just find someone who takes insurance for adults AS WELL AS kids (why is that a thing??) and doesn't want to charge me $2500-6000 for an assessment..
These two segments on neurodiverse relationships were great!! I loved seeing your wife on the channel. It would be interesting to see more of these with both of you working together. I have been in a neurodiverse relationship for almost 32 years with someone who may have a personality disorder. His response to me realizing our son and I are likely both autistic was to tell me not to tell anyone or they might think we're retarded. You two have blessed me greatly by showing me its possible to have a healthy relationship with a NT person. Hopefully that happens one day after this relationship has legally ended and im free to try this again with an emotionally healthy person.
I have a diagnosis of ADHD since I was 6 years old. I was also diagnosed with Asperger's (if I were to be assessed today, ASD-1), but I never found out about the ASD until I could see my digital health record my early thirties. Orion, I think you and your wife have exceptionally effective communication, and thank you for sharing this unique, valuable video providing rate insight into positive interactions between neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals. I gained a lot from it. All the very best wishes to your family over this end-of-year-season-type-thing, and best wishes for 2024. Keep up the good work you bloody legend. Simon
What a lovely dynamic you two have as a relationship. Exactly how it should be autistic or not. I am single but it's great to learn for future reference. It's a great video to show to neurotypical significant others to help them better understand the autistic mind.
Thank you both. This is helpful. I particularly appreciate how the autistic man shared feeling guilty about his needs, and the woman does not take advantage of him, shame him, or make him feel like his opinions are not as valued in their relationship. I hope/think, if we lived in a world designed for autistic people, that I would be the kind of person who would not shame non-autistic people.
Time and space... We ALL need those. Honest communication requires a sensitivity and a shift of perspective regarding arguing/arguments. Recognizing melt downs as melt downs requires being able to mentally step back and watch my partner and myself rather than taking the melt down personally. (Married 46 years and just figuring this out now... Some of us are slow learners, but persistent.). Thank you both for sharing your insights.
Orion, Renee is a lovely wife. As busy as both of you are, and based on what you said about Renee picking up much of the slack, have the two of you considered having a well trained housekeeper come in occasionally to assist with the heavier (hoovering, mopping, scrubbing bathrooms) and detail (wiping down baseboards, light fixtures, dusting)? I think that is a romantic gift for a wife. In the States (during Covid) I discovered I could go online and order my groceries and have them delivered. I have decided I may start doing that again. It certainly cuts out my impulse purchases. I am very honored to meet your wife. You speak so highly of her. Thank both of you for sharing your communication techniques.
I am very direct. My Husband and daughter say I don't make sense when I talk. And now I'm noticing others think that too. I think it's because others want to read between the lines to get the "real" meaning out of what I just said, and there isn't a hidden meaning..I meant exactly what I said. I also have frontal lobe damage from my brain tumor that's added to the mix ad well though.
So it sounds like it’s the NT’s job to do all of the recognizing and accommodating. Like she is the one who has to pick up the slack or give up her needs. What does the ASD have a responsibility to do? Do they ever need to recognize the needs of the NT? Do they ever give up or sacrifice their time or needs or interests for the sake of their partner? I am asking because of my own relationship. It all feels very much like I have described above.
Felt. It's hard feeling like this, and over time it leads to frustration and resentment. It's important to recognize your own quirks/struggles/imperfections. Because I promise you have them, and your partner accommodates those in their own way. Remember, accommodations are a compromise to get everyone's needs met. Part of the conversation has to include not enabling and enforcing your own boundaries. Just because they can't do all the things you do, or what others would see as an equal amount doesn't mean they are lazy or not wanting to be equal. You just have to work together find the ways they CAN help and the ways that works for them. Only you can decide if that is a journey for you. It is or it isn't, and that is nobody's fault.
I’m trying to end my 28 yr marriage atm, 😢 had enough of parenting my husband, I’m not selfish, I’ve given everything, and nothing makes a difference, I’m old and very sad and lonely. 💔💔💔
Been married 14 years. I've been thinking he was a narcissist but I know him well enough to know he's not trying to hurt me or our children intentionally. I've pleaded with him to take time foe himself instead of snapping at me or the children mainly... all 5 are autistic. I have FIVE CHILDREN age 11-1and I home school all of them with no friends or family to support me.. and obviously, he doesnt have the capacity to support me or the children so I have NO IDEA WHAT TO DO but I'm drowning and I'm tired of seeing my children hurt and confused
I love how this includes ways the neurotypical partner can change their behavior. I have the same dynamic as these guys and have seen that when I make adjustments and not just expect my husband to change to fit my needs, we meet halfway and are both happy!
I found out just this year. My husband and I had been belly-crawling through 30 years of 'what the hell'. My husband is an absolute Saint for sticking by me all of these years. The typical man would have left me 25 years ago. We mirror you guys to the T. I'm so grateful to be female. (sorry, Orion) I was functioning as a masculated female. Always in Charge. That will mess with your man's mind, lemme tell you. This discovery has been a miracle for us! Thank you for your hard work. It is making Our World a better place. We are healing our relationships as a family unit with now adult children. We think they turned out very well. Life will become soooo much easier now. Finally. We made it to the finish line. No more belly-crawling through life. 😊 Thank you, Orion and Saintly Spouse. I love your dress! You are brilliant! 💎 🎵Shining like our Diamonds in the Sky🎵....
I’m so grateful for your TH-cam videos. It helps me to understand my SIL so much more. I have a nephew with Asperger’s and diagnosed when he was around 8. We bonded so much and he still is special to me. He travels and photographs his travels. It has given me such an insight in his perspective of the world and how he thinks. My SIL has not been diagnosed, it’s my pure observation. I send your videos to my daughter and it helps her understand him better. I felt like he didn’t like me because he is so animated around his family but not with us. Then I understood he feels more comfortable to “unmask” around us and be himself. I love both of these men in my life. 💙💙
Love you guys talking about your experiences! We have two boys diagnosed on the spectrum, and over the last 10 years of therapies and learning to live with autistic children, we’ve also learnt to live with each other’s undiagnosed eccentricities that are all too familiar. We’ve been together for 20 years, and I’d like to say to Orion that as your boys get older, it gets easier - the trick for us was that we’ve been privileged to have both boys attend the same disability school which has really given them skills in how to navigate people and life… but also given us a community of like-minded parents and people.
As someone on the spectrum when my husband and sons want me to read reams and reams of lines, I jokingly ask them if they could summarise it in 140 chars or less. That is how we survive family life.
Great video! If I might add a tip on communication: do not lie. It's way easier to always assume everything that you are telling me is the truth and never have to worry about that and a couple of lies are enough to break this entire mental framework. I have a rule to always believe what people say, sometimes I get taken advantage of but well it's a price to pay for the peace of mind - people that I catch on lies don't stay in my life for long because they are too draining. For new or relatively new couples, it helps if you don't pressure your partner into unmasking... It's gonna happen eventually, maybe a bit slower if you mention it constantly.
Thanks for another video with Renee! I really enjoy hearing her approach to difficult daily issues. I can relate to the struggles of having young children, however, it is when they grow up and leave home that is really hard. I know that it is hard to believe that anything could be worse than the struggles of childhood autism, but seeing your grown son take on the challenges of adult life is really hard!!! Enjoy the chaos of being together as a family, you will miss it, when they move out!!
I love seeing how ya’ll make things work between the two of you. I wish you had more videos with Renee. I really like her. She seems like such a caring person. Does she ever get her feelings hurt by something you say very bluntly. Does she ever feel like you’re putting her down by some of the things you say. My ASD 60 year old boyfriend (I’m 69) can make me feel some of those things. Then when I say something he says ,”what did I say”? “what should I have said?” I wasn’t trying to hurt you.. now sometimes if he thinks I’m criticizing him he will say something to hurt me almost like to get even when I wasn’t even meaning it to be critical. A lot of of us would love to hear more relationship ideas , neurodiverse relationships are difficult
Do you have a video on how to cope as the NT partner and not on how to make life easier for the ND person or the couple? Like, how to get your own needs met, how to compromise with a ND m, and so on 😊
How does your wife not feel lonely/alone in the relationship? Sometimes when I, the non-autistic, need to be heard or simply witnessed, I’m too tired or sad to ask for it. I just need my partner to comfort me, figure me out, etc like I usually do for him.
Thank you for your honesty and sharing. Advice after 28 years of frustrating my wife . I am going in for an assessment for Autism. Years ago, I was diagnosed with Adhd but still wasn't able to act normal. Being called a narcissist has at least stopped which is nice change. I have damaged my wife and children from all the years of acting or behaving strange.
I can see you both trying so hard to be considerate of one another. There’s a lot of love for one another … so beautiful to witness. And so rare. You guys are such a power couple because you care and the impact your having on your veiwers can not be measured, such gold. Not many people are authentic or real these days. Especially when it’s such a challenge in everything daily. Thanks guys ❤
This with your wife delegating chores I think is the same for most men. I have to ask my husband regularly to do stuff. Think that's pretty normal and I'm the autistic one. It actually drives me mad because I feel like I have three kids not two. No disrespect to you Orion. I am left to sort everything in the home, the kids, activities etc because my husband goes to work and can't think of anything else. He can't even put his laundry in the basket that's next to the space on the floor where he puts it. His tea plate is left on the dish washer rather than put in so I have to tell him to do everything. Him being this way often triggers me and I end up stunning and self harming at times but I don't do it in from of him or my kids because I know he's not a bad person he just royally gets on my nerves with in the home.
It could be difficult when the one who has a great possibility of being autistic refuses to get diagnosed. I feel it could help him better understand himself and also find solutions that are helpful for these type of relationships. Yeah Ik Ik we shouldn’t be diagnosing anyone but if relating to all the videos are a big help for me as an NT to better understand my partner what does it hurt? I can guarantee if it wasn’t for these videos we probably wouldn’t be together. But I found myself being more understanding now and him more at ease. It’s hard to try to communicate with people in these groups because I get told off all the time just because he’s not diagnosed. It hurts because all I’m try to do is get help. Then I sound arrogant for even trying. Because of your community I learned not to push him anymore about it. It something he needs to find out on his own when he is ready. So I never bring up the subject anymore. For argument ‘s sake let just say he in fact is autistic then it would be sad knowing that I couldn’t get the the support we needed because of walls that people put up if a person is not diagnosed. I can’t help the fact that he chooses to be content not knowing. But it’s not going to stop me from trying to better understand him. I use to brake up with him a lot in the beginning because I was so confused with him but he wouldn’t let me go. And I’d feel so bad because he had no one else he could talk to. And Because I love him so much I stayed. We are doing a whole lot better but I still need support. It’s just really hard to find. Sorry folks I just want one person who is going through the same thing to understand me. ❤ Please for once don’t be hard on me. 🙏🏼😬
I was in very similar situation and ended up leaving as he wouldn’t/couldn’t see or accept differences between how we saw things and communicated so I was the only one trying to learn, understand and adapt. It was extremely hard as without a diagnosis you feel so alone and constantly questioning if what you’re experiencing and witnessing is real. I think neurodivergent couples can work really well but both people in any couple have to play their part and do a share of the work.
I think your a caring loving 🥰 person who cares what others think 🧐 tons of autistic people find out by taking online tests heck I’d like to know if I’m autistic before anyone else lol 😆
As an old experienced autistic woman I feel like some of this is just dealing with a man and their constant need to be "managed", typical female emotional labor, and Weaponized incompetence... However the part about getting to the point, NO small talk, time alone/ quiet, catastrophe, Understanding Shut downs, and direct communication, is very important.
I’m so thankful to see your channel so I can learn how to help and understand my grandson and son-in-law. It’s a lot and I’m finding there aren’t many resources available for us grandparents and mother-in-laws so I am so grateful for you both. One day I’d like to understand how to help my daughter and I to handle her husband’s inability to accept any kind of change??
You both are an awesome, and beautiful couple. I enjoyed this video so much. I could relate to everything you both said because I am on the spectrum and my husband is as wonderful and beautiful as your wife is.
Thank you for your courage putting this out into the world. This video was deeply insightful for me. Seeing how wonderful Renee is made me appreciate all the more all the allowances my wife makes for me.
Thank you..... this is LIFE CHANGING. It has explained two decades of misunderstanding and misinterpreting ALOT. I haven't cried so much in I don't know how long. The peace of knowing WHY certain things were such a way means that alot of things that lead to separation for a few years MAY now mean that there's actual HOPE of a future with the husband that I love deeply but became exhausted when nothing tried made progress in our communication and eventually lead to me losing compassion. Thank you both and especially you , Renee. Im alot like you but ALOT and blanks to fill and education needed....you have given me so much.......even if he doesnt open up to seeking a diagnosis and bring the harmony back to our union, I can give it my ALL one more time with a new deep understanding of so much, which CHANGES so much❤. I am deeply grateful for your openess and sharing .
Thank you both for putting yourselves out there so we can learn and understand. There is one thing to do all the courses read the literature, but to see how you both interact together And hear what you are saying from life experiences is priceless. I can not express enough how invaluable your videos are. Speaking on birthdays have hit home with me. My great nephew turned 10 recently. Everything fell into place with what happened when We took him out for dinner at a restaurant that he knew. It went well, but I realized that we sometimes do things as it's politically correct or just ingrainec, no real basis. I know I didn't want to give him all his presents when we got there other wise he would want to go home. Compromise he opened a few, then he was happy to eat (he has an eating issue). He then proceeded to pick out with his fingers what he liked.(Chinese restaurant and we were shareing food .I said we don't do that with our fingers and certainly not in public. My fault there was not explaining why, just being caught up in the moment as we were having a wonderful time. (as you know public places are challenging). I will rectify this with a proper explanation. I know this is so simple but we still need reminding as neurotypical people as we forget too. Again Thank you both.
You and Renee are great together. You both inspire me in my marriage. I believe I am on the spectrum even though I dont have that diagnosis. This video gives me so many ideas that are helpful. My husband and I feel like we were meant to be. Instinctively, we both tend to speak to each other positively because we are both sensitive to negative words. His consideration of me makes a big difference. Renee is awesome!! I am so happy for you and your little flock. : )
Amazing thank you both so much. Really find both of your views so helpful. I just wish it was more automatic for my neurotypical husband, but bless him he's struggling to adjust the more I unmask x
Loved hearing from both of you, listening to the strategies that Renee puts in place for different things I have learned that even more of the things that I do are autistic traits (or could just be mega anxiety) with the catastrophising and perfectionism.
Thank you - your insight is helping me navigate and understand our son’s now wife. She is so beautiful but yes very direct and at times withdrawn and for me the more knowledge i have hopefully the safer I can make her feel.
Thank you both for this. I could relate to so much of what was said. I found seeing both perspectives and your approaches to many of the complexities of being autistic and in a relationship with children very constructive. I am the one with autism in the relationship and this not only gives me different strategies I can implement to be a better partner but it also makes me have a far greater appreciation for my Fiancée and all the effort she makes on a daily basis to understand me. You are blessed to have each other.
I am adhd and dyslexic, and my husband, who is on the spectrum has no patience for me. I wonder why we are together. We love each other, but what makes us attracted to each other.? it seems as though it would be the perfect storm for irritation. I do try my best to meet the needs and curtail my behavior and I think I do very well. Thank you for your podcast. It’s been helpful.
Oh my goodness. Thank you thank you thank you 🙏🏼 my husband and I have just recently been watching your channel and I now have a completely new and clear understanding about my husband’s behaviors. I am not the autistic partner and parent but one of our daughters is and I/we now realize that my husband is as well. I have thought for many years now that it was narcissistic behaviors but I also felt that something was different and that couldn’t be narcissism because he isn’t innately evil so to speak. I /we are both so grateful to have found your wonderful community. I would love to hear more from you both in this kind of discussions again. Honestly with this new understanding from you both our marriage and family can now be worked on with a better understanding and I can better try to be able to better understand these processes of adult autism which we never knew about or even considered before. Thank you both so very very much. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🥰😊🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Thank you. Endearing & useful. I'll go back and watch the first session . The painful embarrassment/self loathing of not being able to do the most basic things sometimes.
Thank you, guys! That helps so much! My husband and I have very similar relationship. And hearing that other people are similar is very soothing and reassures me that I'm on the right track in our relationship. Thank you, Orion! You help me a lot to better understand my autistic husband
VIDEO OPTION (idea or thought?)- I would love to see more content with you and your wife. These two videos were amazing and helped me a lot in understanding why my marriage failed. One topic of interest concerning your wife, it would be interesting to hear her take on your TH-cam comments. I just watched your reading comments video as well. I am late diagnosed Autistic(48), didn't find out until my 17 yr old son was diagnosed. My first thought was I finally know what is wrong with me and a sigh of relief.
Overall im glad you work out, i think you shared a lot of valuable information and insighs here. Im lucky enough to have an autistic partner and we work out great. But good, honest, communication is always very very important. just a "me personally" take 1:47 honestly if someone says this to me (and this does happen) it really angers me /frustrates me. I understand that your intentions are good. But when strangers do this it really gets on my nerves because it makes me feel like they think im stupid and unable to understand; or i feel put on the spot because im playing through all the emotions im able to portray on my face and thinking "which one are they looking for, i really wish they would just tell me"
I like to think I’m logical for the most part. Being autistic might make me be able to process things intellectually in a different way than others, but the problem with classifying myself as more logical than others is that in actuality even though I do have a super focus sometimes, there’s always an illogical or irrational or emotionally inflated possibility Space looming into my braid of awareness & attention. I often catastrophise for how things can go wrong, or in some cases I meltdown and snap or something like that and in those times especially, I absolutely exist more in the realm of emotions. I cringe a little at putting the concepts of irrationality, illogicality, and emotionality together bc somehow it feels wrong but I think the reason is just that most of us really don’t know know what these ideas mean other than having a surface of a chaotic less-than’ness. That’s not at all the case, in fact it is likely the most important pattern of awareness. It protects and motivates us. It can even calm us down when we are anxious by motivating us and giving us the energy needed (sometimes in bitter frustration) to do what needs to be done. Then once done, we (I) can potentially decompress and relax. I do so hate the idea that I might be making anyone think that my being autistic somehow makes me more of anything than anyone else regardless of whether or not that might or might not be true given the situation. I definitely can’t see myself… past, present, and future, through strictly one lens or another (ie logical or emotional). Sometimes emotional reactions are the most logical way to handle things bc it allows for the release of that total wave of creative possibility to keep from getting backed up and letting feedback interference patterns obscure everything i sense while at the same time magnify everything I’m sensing… in extremis. Well anyways though we’re all different though and this is just my present thoughts… thanks so much you guys. I had to edit this and will probably do more so once I think about it for the next few hours or weeks lol. Let’s hope not that much haha (nervous laughter).
Awesome work. Renee, please start your own channel to educate NT partners on how to best deal with autistic partners and children. We would love you for it!
You say that a diagnosis shouldn't make any difference if your relationship is strong anyway. On the surface, I get that - but its abundantly clear that your amazing wife has an extremely in-depth knowledge of autistic behaviour, needs, issues and even more so, an incredibly sound and balanced way of responding and dealing with them. This isn't a 'given' in a relationship without a diagnosis. Your wife has set the bar high for the rest of us. A fabulous role model.
❤
This is great and all, but at the end of the day his wife is giving wayyyy more than he is
Wow, your wife is really awesome. She gives me hope that there can be people out there who have the patience and desire to try to understand or at least give me the space I need to remain functional and interactive. I think her approach is perfect, and it really stands out to me that when it’s really mostly that simple, why is it almost always so difficult? Honest and straight forward seems like it would be the easiest thing in the world, but life doesn’t seem to reflect that.
In my situation I'm the Autistic wife. My husband is ADHD with OCD. Our son is spectrum as well. 3 daughters Nero typical. Been married for 20 years now. Only thing I can say is communicate and always remember you fell in love with this person for a reason. Marriage is work. Worth it when it's right tho.
I’ve been with my husband for 33 years and I’ve got ADHD and OCD and my husband has OCD and Asperger’s and we have three children. Our
Oldest daughter has High functioning ADHD and middle daughter has OCD and Asperger’s and youngest son has OCD. We have always known that my husband has it but during covid my daughter was struggling with her job and was diagnosed and it all made sense! She went to king’s London uni and graduated but looking back I now can see all the signs after being undiagnosed. I’m now medicated and it’s completely changed our relationship!!
@@QEnKA1989 That's amazing. Learning is life changing.
I would really really really like/need to talk to you somehow.
@@tjthegreates1 What would like to talk about? Answer anything I can
@@melaniewantsabeer243 Hi! I am curious about challenges you and your spouse faced and how you worked through them. I had a beautiful relationship that ended in painful disaster for both of us even though we loved each other. I am standing at the threshold of another and I have some fears.
Renee, I just wanted you to know that I think you are a fantastic human being - so wise, so brilliant and so kind. The world needs more people like you ✨
are you really autstic
are you autstic
Ah, she's a keeper! You guys have definitely got good communication and understand each other well. I think the divorce nightmares stem from understanding just how much you value your wife, and I don't blame you, but she's just that good that she will not, so rest assured, she cares for you and will not abandon you. I hope that's comforting to you both.
After watching the autistic traits videos I realized just “how autistic “ my husband really is. Up until then I just thought he was weird lol but as the partner I am thankful for you doing the videos with your wife because it helps reassure what to do or what to do more of to make things work. She has to be a very strong and self confident lady to not be rattled by some of the things you guys throw at us. Thank you for all your videos. They are hitting your target.
Thank you❤
Thank you, i am an autistic husband to my neuro typical wife we have been together 23 years with 4 kids 2 autistic and 2 not we have an excellent relationship and family unit, created by following very similar strategies as you guys have described, thanks again ❤❤
I have mixed feelings about this video, on the one hand it’s really cool to hear and learn about communication in neurodivergent relationships. And at the same time some of the things that are being talked about like “noticing what has to be done” or Renee telling him what needs to be done and acting as the manager are things that we see in neurotypical relationships and consider forms of emotional labor that are normalized for women.
Completely agree. I would have liked to have seen more discussion of stereotypical gender roles and the mentally load.
I'm an ADHD woman married to an NT man and we have kids and I need him sometimes to take over some of the EF snd mental load stuff but it's hard as society expects mothers to do all this stuff. So I wonder how Renee feels taking on this traditional role more in her relationship?
@@katarinalawergren3280 What do you think should be done?
You two are so great. Thanks for sharing so candidly.
I found out last year I was ASD Level 1 - 2. Wife was diagnosed ADHD this year and my 2 and a half year old son diagnosed with ASD Level 3. It's a real struggle. Thank goodness my wife and I have been together since 2006. Thank you for the free marriage counselling. I'll show this to my wife. Like and Subscribed 🥰
You are a lucky man with an awesome wife. I can't imagine living without my wife of 16.5 years. Thanks for this.
Everything you've both said here and in the previous video holds true for ANY relationship: honest communication, respect, consideration and loving kindness all while remembering that you fell in love with this person for a REASON. So many fewer marriages would fail if everybody treated their spouses the way you treat each other!
The common/usual mind games just suck the life and love out of any relationship.
Holy shit! This woman is AMAZING, just the decision making part... me and my boyfriend are finally getting to this point after three years, and a lot of it is courage on my part to be honest about being overwhelmed and asking for help. Because I have trauma around asking for help since I often did not receive it, its hard for me to realize I can trust him and be honest. Because the few times I do need help, I've been laughed at because it seems ridiculous to others and since I normally am so in charge of my own life people think I'm joking since the help seems so insignificant to them. That part has given me such insight to myself, thank you two!
Wow this helped me realize I catastrophize things as well... but I don't tell my partner about it for fear of mentioning it will make it true, there is 1 particular situation that happens that I know I'll have to bring it up to him at some point but with all the rejection I've had with NT people its hard to allow myself to be that vulnerable.
Hopefully she can do more Q&A her input was insightful for me(the autistic). And she restored some faith in humanity for me.
When you were talking about chores, how you described that you didn't even realize that a chore needed to be done because it wasn't even in your radar or you weren't even thinking about it or whatnot: That drives my Mom CRAZY with me. She just gets mad at me and keeps saying that I SHOULD know what chores need to be done, we had started working on laundry so I SHOULD know that this next step needs to be done now, I need to be "observant" and notice/figure out what needs to be done, etc. She just doesn't understand that it just DOESN'T WORK that way for me, and I NEED specific instruction, despite her insistence that that's "ridiculous" and "no you don't need that". I just recently got diagnosed autistic so now *I* am getting a better understanding of this, but I still don't know if *she* is willing to understand it and idk how I can get her to understand that it is *different* for me and I am not just "using it as an excuse" as she claims :(
As a wife/mother I am NOT a good housekeeper!! All those jobs seem unbearably BORING! (Except folding laundry 😉) I am slowly learning & accepting more abt how I do things.....
Ask for a list and schedule and be willing to follow through. Put timers and reminders on your mobile phone. This will reduce the friction a little. But bigger issue is asking your mum would she be willing to learn more about Autism. The level of un-awareness doesn’t seem possible to the NT until we learn about executive functioning deficits. Still it can take a long time to comprehend how different our brains are. We need a lot of education and from more than one source. Pray she will be willing to connect with other parents of neuro diverse persons.
@@SamLovesMovies25 the chores are always the same. You can learn 🤗
@@SamLovesMovies25 the chores are always the same. You can learn 🤗
Thank you for these videos! I'm autistic, my husband is NT. I'm sure there are nuances between married men and women on the spectrum, but I found a lot of what was said in both videos relatable and I hope to share with my husband soon.
First 10 years of marriage, I suspected my wife had Inattentive ADHD, but she refused to acknowledge or look into it. She would often get mad at me (ADHD-Combined, suspected spectrum as well) when I would get hyper-focused, or when I would be completely overwhelmed and overestimated to the point I might just curl up and try to escape.. or any number of my other quirks.
When she went to go back to Uni 2 years ago, and couldn't figure out why she was struggling so much, she got evaluated by the school- ADHD, Inattentive Type. She had about a 6 month period of near-hyper-focus on studying ADHD. I remember the day she came to me and wept, apologizing over and over for the way she treated me.
In the last couple of months, I got back on stimulant ADHD meds. It brought my focus in, sure, but.... all of my traits that were a bit washed over by the ADHD have come bursting to the fore.
In watching Yo Samdy Sam, Autism From the Inside, The Life Autistic, and Orion, I keep thinking "These people are so much like me!". Talking with "normal ADHD'ers" I feel like I can relate maybe 70%, but listening to or reading about people on the spectrum, especially with comorbid ADHD, it feels like 90% or better. The gaps just fill in.
And you know what? My wife has locked arms with me and is encouraging me to seek answers, and to send her videos that I relate to, so she can try to better understand. (Because my son is like a carbon-copy of his daddy, and my daughter got sooo many of my traits too)
Now... if I can just find someone who takes insurance for adults AS WELL AS kids (why is that a thing??) and doesn't want to charge me $2500-6000 for an assessment..
This is why Orion is so wonderful to help us for free. I so appreciate what he was willing to put himself through to even bring us this video. ❤❤❤
These two segments on neurodiverse relationships were great!! I loved seeing your wife on the channel. It would be interesting to see more of these with both of you working together. I have been in a neurodiverse relationship for almost 32 years with someone who may have a personality disorder. His response to me realizing our son and I are likely both autistic was to tell me not to tell anyone or they might think we're retarded. You two have blessed me greatly by showing me its possible to have a healthy relationship with a NT person. Hopefully that happens one day after this relationship has legally ended and im free to try this again with an emotionally healthy person.
You are both so courageous doing this video together. What you’ve said together is going to help so many people.
I have a diagnosis of ADHD since I was 6 years old. I was also diagnosed with Asperger's (if I were to be assessed today, ASD-1), but I never found out about the ASD until I could see my digital health record my early thirties.
Orion, I think you and your wife have exceptionally effective communication, and thank you for sharing this unique, valuable video providing rate insight into positive interactions between neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals. I gained a lot from it. All the very best wishes to your family over this end-of-year-season-type-thing, and best wishes for 2024. Keep up the good work you bloody legend.
Simon
What a lovely dynamic you two have as a relationship. Exactly how it should be autistic or not. I am single but it's great to learn for future reference. It's a great video to show to neurotypical significant others to help them better understand the autistic mind.
Thank you both. This is helpful. I particularly appreciate how the autistic man shared feeling guilty about his needs, and the woman does not take advantage of him, shame him, or make him feel like his opinions are not as valued in their relationship. I hope/think, if we lived in a world designed for autistic people, that I would be the kind of person who would not shame non-autistic people.
How is your wifes need for solo time & self care provided for? Does she feel her emotional needs get met?
Time and space... We ALL need those. Honest communication requires a sensitivity and a shift of perspective regarding arguing/arguments. Recognizing melt downs as melt downs requires being able to mentally step back and watch my partner and myself rather than taking the melt down personally. (Married 46 years and just figuring this out now... Some of us are slow learners, but persistent.). Thank you both for sharing your insights.
Interesting to watch how Orion appears far more tense and even on edge, compared with his solo presentation style.
Orion, Renee is a lovely wife. As busy as both of you are, and based on what you said about Renee picking up much of the slack, have the two of you considered having a well trained housekeeper come in occasionally to assist with the heavier (hoovering, mopping, scrubbing bathrooms) and detail (wiping down baseboards, light fixtures, dusting)? I think that is a romantic gift for a wife.
In the States (during Covid) I discovered I could go online and order my groceries and have them delivered. I have decided I may start doing that again. It certainly cuts out my impulse purchases.
I am very honored to meet your wife. You speak so highly of her. Thank both of you for sharing your communication techniques.
I prefer text or email. It allows me time to consider what is being said, and how I should react, without insulting the person.
You have a wonderful wife.
My wife and I love your videos. I'm autistic as well as my son, my wife is the neuro typical one. We look forward to watching more of your content.
I am very direct. My Husband and daughter say I don't make sense when I talk. And now I'm noticing others think that too. I think it's because others want to read between the lines to get the "real" meaning out of what I just said, and there isn't a hidden meaning..I meant exactly what I said. I also have frontal lobe damage from my brain tumor that's added to the mix ad well though.
So it sounds like it’s the NT’s job to do all of the recognizing and accommodating. Like she is the one who has to pick up the slack or give up her needs. What does the ASD have a responsibility to do? Do they ever need to recognize the needs of the NT? Do they ever give up or sacrifice their time or needs or interests for the sake of their partner?
I am asking because of my own relationship. It all feels very much like I have described above.
Felt. It's hard feeling like this, and over time it leads to frustration and resentment. It's important to recognize your own quirks/struggles/imperfections. Because I promise you have them, and your partner accommodates those in their own way. Remember, accommodations are a compromise to get everyone's needs met. Part of the conversation has to include not enabling and enforcing your own boundaries. Just because they can't do all the things you do, or what others would see as an equal amount doesn't mean they are lazy or not wanting to be equal. You just have to work together find the ways they CAN help and the ways that works for them.
Only you can decide if that is a journey for you. It is or it isn't, and that is nobody's fault.
I’m trying to end my 28 yr marriage atm, 😢 had enough of parenting my husband, I’m not selfish, I’ve given everything, and nothing makes a difference, I’m old and very sad and lonely. 💔💔💔
Been married 14 years. I've been thinking he was a narcissist but I know him well enough to know he's not trying to hurt me or our children intentionally. I've pleaded with him to take time foe himself instead of snapping at me or the children mainly... all 5 are autistic. I have FIVE CHILDREN age 11-1and I home school all of them with no friends or family to support me.. and obviously, he doesnt have the capacity to support me or the children so I have NO IDEA WHAT TO DO but I'm drowning and I'm tired of seeing my children hurt and confused
@Susan-nm3sx I'm so sorry Susan. I just posted my situation.. I'm here with you but I'm only 34 trying to raise 5 children plus my husband
I have doubts about this too, why would a neurotypical be with someone with a disability to begin with, perhaps to prey on them?
I love how this includes ways the neurotypical partner can change their behavior. I have the same dynamic as these guys and have seen that when I make adjustments and not just expect my husband to change to fit my needs, we meet halfway and are both happy!
I found out just this year. My husband and I had been belly-crawling through 30 years of 'what the hell'. My husband is an absolute Saint for sticking by me all of these years. The typical man would have left me 25 years ago. We mirror you guys to the T. I'm so grateful to be female. (sorry, Orion) I was functioning as a masculated female. Always in Charge. That will mess with your man's mind, lemme tell you. This discovery has been a miracle for us! Thank you for your hard work. It is making Our World a better place. We are healing our relationships as a family unit with now adult children. We think they turned out very well. Life will become soooo much easier now. Finally. We made it to the finish line. No more belly-crawling through life. 😊 Thank you, Orion and Saintly Spouse. I love your dress! You are brilliant! 💎
🎵Shining like our Diamonds in the Sky🎵....
I’m so grateful for your TH-cam videos. It helps me to understand my SIL so much more. I have a nephew with Asperger’s and diagnosed when he was around 8. We bonded so much and he still is special to me. He travels and photographs his travels. It has given me such an insight in his perspective of the world and how he thinks.
My SIL has not been diagnosed, it’s my pure observation. I send your videos to my daughter and it helps her understand him better. I felt like he didn’t like me because he is so animated around his family but not with us. Then I understood he feels more comfortable to “unmask” around us and be himself.
I love both of these men in my life. 💙💙
Love you guys talking about your experiences! We have two boys diagnosed on the spectrum, and over the last 10 years of therapies and learning to live with autistic children, we’ve also learnt to live with each other’s undiagnosed eccentricities that are all too familiar. We’ve been together for 20 years, and I’d like to say to Orion that as your boys get older, it gets easier - the trick for us was that we’ve been privileged to have both boys attend the same disability school which has really given them skills in how to navigate people and life… but also given us a community of like-minded parents and people.
Your wife is awesome! I have hope now lol you both compliment each other well! I’m excited this video made me happy! 😊
As someone on the spectrum when my husband and sons want me to read reams and reams of lines, I jokingly ask them if they could summarise it in 140 chars or less. That is how we survive family life.
Great video!
If I might add a tip on communication: do not lie. It's way easier to always assume everything that you are telling me is the truth and never have to worry about that and a couple of lies are enough to break this entire mental framework. I have a rule to always believe what people say, sometimes I get taken advantage of but well it's a price to pay for the peace of mind - people that I catch on lies don't stay in my life for long because they are too draining.
For new or relatively new couples, it helps if you don't pressure your partner into unmasking... It's gonna happen eventually, maybe a bit slower if you mention it constantly.
Thanks for another video with Renee! I really enjoy hearing her approach to difficult daily issues. I can relate to the struggles of having young children, however, it is when they grow up and leave home that is really hard. I know that it is hard to believe that anything could be worse than the struggles of childhood autism, but seeing your grown son take on the challenges of adult life is really hard!!! Enjoy the chaos of being together as a family, you will miss it, when they move out!!
Agree 100% ❤
You both are brilliant
I love seeing how ya’ll make things work between the two of you. I wish you had more videos with Renee. I really like her. She seems like such a caring person. Does she ever get her feelings hurt by something you say very bluntly. Does she ever feel like you’re putting her down by some of the things you say. My ASD 60 year old boyfriend (I’m 69) can make me feel some of those things. Then when I say something he says ,”what did I say”? “what should I have said?” I wasn’t trying to hurt you.. now sometimes if he thinks I’m criticizing him he will say something to hurt me almost like to get even when I wasn’t even meaning it to be critical. A lot of of us would love to hear more relationship ideas , neurodiverse relationships are difficult
I learned the idea about venting instead of solving problems from listening to "Men are from Mars and Women ate from Venus" as a teenager.
Yes I get it, but both partners have their own emotional needs, and it's important they are both not ignored and are both respected...
Reenee, you are an inspiration to me! Thank you for being very raw and honest about all the details!
Do you have a video on how to cope as the NT partner and not on how to make life easier for the ND person or the couple? Like, how to get your own needs met, how to compromise with a ND m, and so on 😊
another great video as always Orion!! I enjoy watching your videos as I am also autistic!
How does your wife not feel lonely/alone in the relationship? Sometimes when I, the non-autistic, need to be heard or simply witnessed, I’m too tired or sad to ask for it. I just need my partner to comfort me, figure me out, etc like I usually do for him.
Have you tried simply being direct instead of just expecting to be understood by your autistic partner? That's not how our brains work.
Thank you for your honesty and sharing. Advice after 28 years of frustrating my wife . I am going in for an assessment for Autism. Years ago, I was diagnosed with Adhd but still wasn't able to act normal. Being called a narcissist has at least stopped which is nice change. I have damaged my wife and children from all the years of acting or behaving strange.
I can see you both trying so hard to be considerate of one another. There’s a lot of love for one another … so beautiful to witness. And so rare. You guys are such a power couple because you care and the impact your having on your veiwers can not be measured, such gold. Not many people are authentic or real these days. Especially when it’s such a challenge in everything daily. Thanks guys ❤
This with your wife delegating chores I think is the same for most men. I have to ask my husband regularly to do stuff. Think that's pretty normal and I'm the autistic one. It actually drives me mad because I feel like I have three kids not two. No disrespect to you Orion. I am left to sort everything in the home, the kids, activities etc because my husband goes to work and can't think of anything else. He can't even put his laundry in the basket that's next to the space on the floor where he puts it. His tea plate is left on the dish washer rather than put in so I have to tell him to do everything. Him being this way often triggers me and I end up stunning and self harming at times but I don't do it in from of him or my kids because I know he's not a bad person he just royally gets on my nerves with in the home.
Renee you're amazing. Thank you both.
Thank you for another informative installation!
This was great and thank you again for sharing both Renee and Orion! Much appreciated!
It could be difficult when the one who has a great possibility of being autistic refuses to get diagnosed. I feel it could help him better understand himself and also find solutions that are helpful for these type of relationships. Yeah Ik Ik we shouldn’t be diagnosing anyone but if relating to all the videos are a big help for me as an NT to better understand my partner what does it hurt? I can guarantee if it wasn’t for these videos we probably wouldn’t be together. But I found myself being more understanding now and him more at ease. It’s hard to try to communicate with people in these groups because I get told off all the time just because he’s not diagnosed. It hurts because all I’m try to do is get help. Then I sound arrogant for even trying. Because of your community I learned not to push him anymore about it. It something he needs to find out on his own when he is ready. So I never bring up the subject anymore. For argument ‘s sake let just say he in fact is autistic then it would be sad knowing that I couldn’t get the the support we needed because of walls that people put up if a person is not diagnosed. I can’t help the fact that he chooses to be content not knowing. But it’s not going to stop me from trying to better understand him. I use to brake up with him a lot in the beginning because I was so confused with him but he wouldn’t let me go. And I’d feel so bad because he had no one else he could talk to. And Because I love him so much I stayed. We are doing a whole lot better but I still need support. It’s just really hard to find. Sorry folks I just want one person who is going through the same thing to understand me. ❤ Please for once don’t be hard on me. 🙏🏼😬
I was in very similar situation and ended up leaving as he wouldn’t/couldn’t see or accept differences between how we saw things and communicated so I was the only one trying to learn, understand and adapt. It was extremely hard as without a diagnosis you feel so alone and constantly questioning if what you’re experiencing and witnessing is real. I think neurodivergent couples can work really well but both people in any couple have to play their part and do a share of the work.
Knowing then accepting and learning---is SUCH a relief!
I think your a caring loving 🥰 person who cares what others think 🧐 tons of autistic people find out by taking online tests heck I’d like to know if I’m autistic before anyone else lol 😆
great all around relationship advice!
Me and my wife have been going through hard times because I'm autistic and she's not. Thank you so much for all you guys do.
As an old experienced autistic woman I feel like some of this is just dealing with a man and their constant need to be "managed", typical female emotional labor, and Weaponized incompetence... However the part about getting to the point, NO small talk, time alone/ quiet, catastrophe, Understanding Shut downs, and direct communication, is very important.
This is very helpful we go through the same thing as a couple
This IS super important! Thank you!
I’m so thankful to see your channel so I can learn how to help and understand my grandson and son-in-law. It’s a lot and I’m finding there aren’t many resources available for us grandparents and mother-in-laws so I am so grateful for you both. One day I’d like to understand how to help my daughter and I to handle her husband’s inability to accept any kind of change??
So generous to share these facts so many gems
Love your amazing wife! ❤ I cried in the middle about what she said. So understanding, very secure, super reassuring. 🎉
Orion, im very impressed that you can handle a family like you do. Despite your struggles, you are handling it!! I don't think i could
Thank you. My wife watched this intently with me. It is taken about an hour to watch, pausing to talk at moments.
Please talk about how your Demand Avoidance affects your marriage and parenting.
Thank you so much for doing this video. It was very helpful.
You both are an awesome, and beautiful couple. I enjoyed this video so much. I could relate to everything you both said because I am on the spectrum and my husband is as wonderful and beautiful as your wife is.
Thank you for your courage putting this out into the world. This video was deeply insightful for me. Seeing how wonderful Renee is made me appreciate all the more all the allowances my wife makes for me.
Sad it took me a moment to watch this but so so Glad I learned so much about how I function ..
Thanks y'all ❤
I use this phrase often too: "It did not/does not occur to me." It was good to hear Orion explain that.
Thank you so much for sharing! The information really helps me!
Thank you..... this is LIFE CHANGING. It has explained two decades of misunderstanding and misinterpreting ALOT. I haven't cried so much in I don't know how long. The peace of knowing WHY certain things were such a way means that alot of things that lead to separation for a few years MAY now mean that there's actual HOPE of a future with the husband that I love deeply but became exhausted when nothing tried made progress in our communication and eventually lead to me losing compassion. Thank you both and especially you , Renee. Im alot like you but ALOT and blanks to fill and education needed....you have given me so much.......even if he doesnt open up to seeking a diagnosis and bring the harmony back to our union, I can give it my ALL one more time with a new deep understanding of so much, which CHANGES so much❤. I am deeply grateful for your openess and sharing .
What a wonderful woman.
Thank you both for putting yourselves out there so we can learn and understand.
There is one thing to do all the courses read the literature, but to see how you both interact together And hear what you are saying from life experiences is priceless. I can not express enough how invaluable your videos are.
Speaking on birthdays have hit home with me. My great nephew turned 10 recently. Everything fell into place with what happened when We took him out for dinner at a restaurant that he knew. It went well, but I realized that we sometimes do things as it's politically correct or just ingrainec, no real basis.
I know I didn't want to give him all his presents when we got there other wise he would want to go home. Compromise he opened a few, then he was happy to eat (he has an eating issue).
He then proceeded to pick out with his fingers what he liked.(Chinese restaurant and we were shareing food .I said we don't do that with our fingers and certainly not in public. My fault there was not explaining why, just being caught up in the moment as we were having a wonderful time. (as you know public places are challenging).
I will rectify this with a proper explanation. I know this is so simple but we still need reminding as neurotypical people as we forget too. Again Thank you both.
You and Renee are great together. You both inspire me in my marriage. I believe I am on the spectrum even though I dont have that diagnosis. This video gives me so many ideas that are helpful. My husband and I feel like we were meant to be. Instinctively, we both tend to speak to each other positively because we are both sensitive to negative words. His consideration of me makes a big difference. Renee is awesome!! I am so happy for you and your little flock. : )
Amazing thank you both so much. Really find both of your views so helpful. I just wish it was more automatic for my neurotypical husband, but bless him he's struggling to adjust the more I unmask x
I appreciate your wife’s insight, can you do more videos with the both of you?! Thank you!
You both did SO well. Thank you 🙏🏼
Loved hearing from both of you, listening to the strategies that Renee puts in place for different things I have learned that even more of the things that I do are autistic traits (or could just be mega anxiety) with the catastrophising and perfectionism.
Thank you so much for this video ❤ it will definitely shift the dynamic I my home for the better.
Thank you - your insight is helping me navigate and understand our son’s now wife. She is so beautiful but yes very direct and at times withdrawn and for me the more knowledge i have hopefully the safer I can make her feel.
Thank you both for this. I could relate to so much of what was said. I found seeing both perspectives and your approaches to many of the complexities of being autistic and in a relationship with children very constructive. I am the one with autism in the relationship and this not only gives me different strategies I can implement to be a better partner but it also makes me have a far greater appreciation for my Fiancée and all the effort she makes on a daily basis to understand me. You are blessed to have each other.
Thank you for sharing your personal life issues.
Thank you both. Just that. Thank you.
I am adhd and dyslexic, and my husband, who is on the spectrum has no patience for me. I wonder why we are together. We love each other, but what makes us attracted to each other.? it seems as though it would be the perfect storm for irritation. I do try my best to meet the needs and curtail my behavior and I think I do very well. Thank you for your podcast. It’s been helpful.
Oh my goodness. Thank you thank you thank you 🙏🏼 my husband and I have just recently been watching your channel and I now have a completely new and clear understanding about my husband’s behaviors. I am not the autistic partner and parent but one of our daughters is and I/we now realize that my husband is as well. I have thought for many years now that it was narcissistic behaviors but I also felt that something was different and that couldn’t be narcissism because he isn’t innately evil so to speak. I /we are both so grateful to have found your wonderful community. I would love to hear more from you both in this kind of discussions again. Honestly with this new understanding from you both our marriage and family can now be worked on with a better understanding and I can better try to be able to better understand these processes of adult autism which we never knew about or even considered before. Thank you both so very very much. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🥰😊🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Thank you (both); I love your dynamic and the humor which is a great approach to navigating life. This gives me hope.
Thank you. Endearing & useful. I'll go back and watch the first session . The painful embarrassment/self loathing of not being able to do the most basic things sometimes.
Love the video!
I’ve learned SO MUCH about myself in these videos 😃😃😃👍👍👍👍👏👏👏 - I’ve subbed to your channel 👏👏👏👏
Thank you, guys! That helps so much! My husband and I have very similar relationship. And hearing that other people are similar is very soothing and reassures me that I'm on the right track in our relationship. Thank you, Orion! You help me a lot to better understand my autistic husband
Thank you both
It is wonderful how you communicate and are so understanding with each other.
Great video Orion and Renee
I really enjoyed hearing both of your perspectives in this video! Your wife seems like a very sweet person ♥
I love your wife, she is awesome and a great addition to your episodes!!
VIDEO OPTION (idea or thought?)- I would love to see more content with you and your wife. These two videos were amazing and helped me a lot in understanding why my marriage failed. One topic of interest concerning your wife, it would be interesting to hear her take on your TH-cam comments. I just watched your reading comments video as well.
I am late diagnosed Autistic(48), didn't find out until my 17 yr old son was diagnosed. My first thought was I finally know what is wrong with me and a sigh of relief.
Very helpful conversation, thank you
Overall im glad you work out, i think you shared a lot of valuable information and insighs here.
Im lucky enough to have an autistic partner and we work out great. But good, honest, communication is always very very important.
just a "me personally" take
1:47 honestly if someone says this to me (and this does happen) it really angers me /frustrates me.
I understand that your intentions are good. But when strangers do this it really gets on my nerves because it makes me feel like they think im stupid and unable to understand;
or i feel put on the spot because im playing through all the emotions im able to portray on my face and thinking "which one are they looking for, i really wish they would just tell me"
I like to think I’m logical for the most part. Being autistic might make me be able to process things intellectually in a different way than others, but the problem with classifying myself as more logical than others is that in actuality even though I do have a super focus sometimes, there’s always an illogical or irrational or emotionally inflated possibility Space looming into my braid of awareness & attention. I often catastrophise for how things can go wrong, or in some cases I meltdown and snap or something like that and in those times especially, I absolutely exist more in the realm of emotions. I cringe a little at putting the concepts of irrationality, illogicality, and emotionality together bc somehow it feels wrong but I think the reason is just that most of us really don’t know know what these ideas mean other than having a surface of a chaotic less-than’ness. That’s not at all the case, in fact it is likely the most important pattern of awareness. It protects and motivates us. It can even calm us down when we are anxious by motivating us and giving us the energy needed (sometimes in bitter frustration) to do what needs to be done. Then once done, we (I) can potentially decompress and relax.
I do so hate the idea that I might be making anyone think that my being autistic somehow makes me more of anything than anyone else regardless of whether or not that might or might not be true given the situation. I definitely can’t see myself… past, present, and future, through strictly one lens or another (ie logical or emotional). Sometimes emotional reactions are the most logical way to handle things bc it allows for the release of that total wave of creative possibility to keep from getting backed up and letting feedback interference patterns obscure everything i sense while at the same time magnify everything I’m sensing… in extremis.
Well anyways though we’re all different though and this is just my present thoughts… thanks so much you guys.
I had to edit this and will probably do more so once I think about it for the next few hours or weeks lol. Let’s hope not that much haha (nervous laughter).