Number 4... meltdowns, shutdowns, implosion... leading to number 5, burnouts: for me, as an extremely masking "high functioning" person, that's the biggest problem in my life. It has such a high personal cost. It eats energy, time, relationships and self-esteem to such an extend, that "high functioning" is the most relative thing possible. To the outside world: sure, it looks like I'm doing great. But most of the time, nope... I'm not doing great, although I won't show. I'm lucky to have 1 good friend, that sees trough my mask with a single glance... otherwise, I would mask to self-destruction.
@@etcwhatever you know what, I wish we could all meet up in the real world to talk, just be ourselves and support each other….the online worlds not the same as being there in real time. I’m really sorry to hear about the destruction and to be honest but sounds quite negative for me to say, but it’s validating as well, for me anyhow…I’m not the only one, so-to-speak. What have your friends and family been like towards you? I’ve tried unmasking and mine have completely not got me at all…even my two brothers and a couple of friends are on the spectrum as well. Jesus, even them, what chance have I got to unmask to the rest of the world….none, hence the mask until self-destruction. It’s so very hard. I hope you’re alright and things aren’t bad for you
I used drugs and alcohol to relate to people. It made masking less stressful. What sucks is that I need them in order to be in a social situation, so I stopped being social so I can stop being an addict.
I feel this. It sounds like a form of masking to fit in. I realized I copy people... still do... to try to fit in. Even if I dont understand what I'm doing or what's going on.
I tried that route too when I was young, it just made me drunk, or stoned, or both, AND "weird" and uncomfortable, and didn't really help at all with socializing- nothing ever did. I've been told a handful of times that I can be quite charming, but in those times I wasn't there, I was FAR away behind the mask, running on autopilot. Anything more than perfunctory and brief contact with unfamiliar people almost invariably brings on instant shutdown, except in a transactional/business context, which I managed to mostly do okay with for over 30 years until chronic burnout caught up after the death of my wife left me with no co-regulation or support, now I just can't care about much of anything, not that there was ever much besides her that really mattered to me to begin with. Good choice on giving up socializing to give up addiction, not much benefit to either that I can see.
The big thing that drove me towards realizing I was autistic (diagnosed at age 34) was the feeling of having no identity. At work or in public I was one person, but at home I was a different person. At work I was cautious, reserved, defensive, quiet, observant. A loner. But at home my personality was the polar opposite. I felt like I could be an outgoing person who could talk to anyone and share my opinions at will without fear of judgement. Eventually I realized the reason my public personality was so different from my home personality was because I've been masking when I'm not at home. I realized I was always hiding my true self from the people around me. I realized I was autistic.
This is also my story except I felt like I had to mask even at home to a degree. I think my cat was the only one who saw the true me when I was growing up.
Same here, diagnosed 2 years ago at 50. Mom and I always suspected but didn't know. Now so many things make so much sense, it is so wonderful to actually know why. But it is hard, especially since I am around many people who have autism that are at a lower abilities level and people just don't give me the same consideration as them.
@@autisticBBBELady I’ll be 50 and I just realized this with my self…. starting the diagnostics professionally next week.. hope it wont take long time😖🤯🙏
I had a full time job during some time off from college in an office. I didn't fit in socially and felt very tired and lonely. Then an Asperger guy, 10 years older, started working and we instantly became best buds. I thought he was hilarious and we shared the same humor and outlook on life, but everyone else couldn't stand him and found him annoying. Yeah, that was probably a sign.
I self-diagnosed myself last Christmas by accident and have been on that discovery path since then. I was 36 years old when this happened and now everything makes more sense in my past and future.
Starting at age 47, I was diagnosed with ADHD, then Anxiety, then Panic Disorder, then BPD, and finally at age 60 (last year), the correct diagnosis of ASD-Level 1. At age 50, I couldn't take the stress anymore and retired from full-time work; I was a professional accountant and Business Professor.
I hear you. I've been called narcissistic and autocratic (as a leader). At 38, I was (mis)diagnosed with depression and OCD. Last year, at 41, my GP finally questioned the psychiatrist's diagnosis and suggested I get tested for ADHD. While I'm still waiting for that diagnosis, I discovered that I am really likely AuDHD. It's depressing because I know what I could have been if I'd been NT.
@@eugenetzigane Don't worry what you could have been, enjoy who you are. I am happily living a simple life and don't regret leaving academia or my corporate VP job.
@@objectivityisourfriend9631 ❤️ You read my mind. ❤️ I’m sorry you are experiencing the same thing, but yes- 43y getting the idea my AuDHD was grinding me into the ground, @ 45y I’m not sure how to keep going.
I've had anxiety as far back as I can remember. When your young you don't know why you feel what your feeling. But when you get older you realize that was anxiety I was feeling.
I have severe white coat syndrome. Instead of recognizing my traits of autism, medical professionals over the years just treated me like I was crazy. Which just added to my white coat syndrome and gave me medical ptsd. I had to put the puzzle pieces together on my own. Now my whole life makes sense. Thank goodness for TH-camrs like you. I’m so grateful for this community. ❤️
Great video. I can say that unmasking just makes me feel more hated. If I don't have to deal with any people (not too hard while being bedridden in a small, dark room for four years), I feel proud and quirky. But as soon as another human is added to the mix, back floods the self-hatred and feeling like a burden. Thanks, Orion. Your videos help a lot. ❤️
This video in particular needs to be shared far and wide with professionals in the field. You have hit so many nails on the head. Thanks Orion. (Holding. Self. Back. From. Writing. Paragraph.)
Yeah we need to all get together...and write them...a really long...memo. "Actually, the 'core' traits you emphasize the most are those that impact and inconvenience YOU (social) the most. You've based the diagnostic criteria on your interpretation of the condition rather than our actual lived internal experience" (shocker, they did the same with ADHD - it was mostly diagnosed in boys when they were disruptive and too hyper to sit still).
I recently got diagnosed with ADHD so naturally I go to TH-cam and watch 145 videos about ADHD. Then I started seeing autism videos. Now I'm upset and confused and questioning my life. I'm 47 and always felt like a square peg in a round world. Although I would be lying to say I resonate with everything but I can say I know many of these traits are me 100 percent. I'm confused and lost....
I agree with Orion, think the various symptoms present differently in all autistic people, and for those of us about your age (I'm 3 years older than you), we have masked these symptoms for years. I even ran a very successful company, and even though I made more money not having vampiric business partners whom I now know were taking advantage of my divergence to steal from me for years, I today realize what a lie my life has been as an undiagnosed person. The diagnosis process is difficult, and I'm glad just realizing why some things have been so difficult for half a century
For me early on, I didn't see a lot of my own Autistic traits because I had masked them too well, even from myself. I looked to the persona I had socially, and thought I did "too well" to count as the traits commonly talked about. But then as I learned more, I saw myself from a different angle, and all of it suddenly made more sense. Turns out the traits I didn't think I really had I actually have a lot of, and it sometimes takes burnout or another dislodging situation to see how the masking isn't really me underneath. I also was trained as a kid to hide my stims and repetitious behaviors, so it took needing them more to actually be able to recognize I was doing it. Also stereotypes really undermine the reality of Autistic experience and life. Watching Autistic creators like Orion and others can really help seeing it in a clearer way. And it is a process, absolutely. You have to be kind to yourself to be ok.
I am feeling like this. I've just been told 'it's your ADHD, its your anxiety' and so I treat 'that' but never feel 100 percent. I feel like I can never fit in 100 percent anywhere. I have never knew why..
I feel like now knowing that I am on the spectrum has made me worst. I feel (maybe wrongly) that people like hate me more. Because now I'm asking for things or saying, hey I'm overwhelmed, which i held inside before. I have to remember what my friend with autistic kids said, "you have a lifetime to heal."
I think a big thing to learn is to not expect other people to understand and really they don’t have to. You have to validate you and know what you need. If something isn’t good for you, you need to respect Your needs. You are worth it. Other people most likely will not understand unless they have a loved one with the same issues (I am mostly neurotypical I think, but have 2 kids with autism). Most neurotypical people are self centered to a certain degree and don’t want anyone else to overly bother them, but especially if they don’t understand why. But, that’s ok. You don’t need them to understand you and respect you as long as You respect their differences AND yours! Makes sense?
Everyone can do what they want, but I haven't told most people, disclosed it at work, or changed any of my behaviors with anyone. No way. Same with unmasking. I know they won't like it. Maybe it's because I had an Al Anon boyfriend once who changed dramatically and it went so far he was a different person and was kind of like, "deal with it" and it just wasn't sustainable. Unless something is going to disturb/harm me, I won't ask for any kind of special accommodations, but then again, I work from home. Sometimes I have had to leave situations, certain jobs, but I've never said why. I present well and it would be so easy for anyone to think I'm just weak or lazy or faking it. Not worth the effort. Maybe I'm doing things wrong, not sure. I just can't deal with the headache and the rejection.
As a child of the 60’s, and FEMALE, I was very much undiagnosed. My generation in general and, most specifically women, went UNDIAGNOSED. I would even venture to guess that if anyone was verbal they went undiagnosed until the late 80’s? That means that almost ALL boomers and gen x went undiagnosed until well into adulthood or even in their senior years such as myself. I can only imagine what the world would look like today if we had had understanding and help. I’m grateful we are recognized today but in the end, we needed it so much sooner.
@@ruthhorowitz7625 We didn’t have any choice. When we were kids it was believed that anyone autistic was either non-verbal or they spoke at a noticeably younger level. Anyone who was verbal was just misbehaving. I don’t know about you, but if I ever asked for an explanation as to why this or why that I was undermining someone’s authority or knowledge or…I dunno. It really made them angry. I quit asking for years 🥲. We were expected to learn and think and behave like neurotypical people. For me it meant a never-ending burnout for maybe ten years or more. I was good at masking but in the end I had no choice but to take it off to survive. Now, after years and years of therapy, and misdiagnosis, i am diagnosed autistic. I can truly understand why and what and everything in between. My life makes sense. What about you?
@@MissNikkiDawson my oldest 2 are undiagnosed 80’s babies, and my younger two are undiagnosed 90’s babies. I’m grateful that we’re learning more about autism and recognizing it more readily now.
You know what rare autistic trait I have? Impersonitis. I do impressions like a tick during my conversations. I will talk about physics like SpongeBob, but being completely serious. It's like whatever voice gets the point across more, and I simply pick and choose as I go, on the fly. I can do over 150 impressions, many of them are quite accurate, and I always wanted to do something with that. Like do voice work. That would be a dream come true. Anyway, yeah, a very rare trait of autism, and exclusive to autistic people. Thought you would find it interesting.
I do the same thing! I'll be talking normally and suddenly go into Marshall from PAW Patrol (my favorite character), for example. I also do Ash Ketchum from Pokémon, as well as Pikachu and all kinds of other Pokémon, and I do way more impressions than that and always dreamed of being a voice actor. I didn't know that was an autistic trait (I was diagnosed at age 4 btw)! That's a cool one for sure, even if my constant impressions drive my family crazy no matter what character from what series or show I'm doing 😅.
"you're doing GOOD, but are you genuinely making connections? do you have friends?" feeling REALLY called out by that one, wow! Confusing to see myself manage to play social butterfly occasionally but I don't have any lasting friendships ...past 30 and I have yet to learn how to ride a bike... maybe someday
The part that gets me the most is because it is based on deficits if you have managed to find work arounds to be able to do the things then you don't qualify for the diagnosis because it isn't impairing your life enough. I have heard of people not qualifying for a diagnosis because their social skills are too good. They don't take into account that the social circle is made up of ND people or because you are masking so much.
So you're saying the DSM-5 isn't very good about autism, I totally agree. Unfortunately, that's all therapist and doctors have to go by. Imagine if your medical doctor had such poor and missing information about a medical problem you were having. The part where you were talking about inertia, I thought that came from my ADHD. Whether it comes from autism or ADHD, I have it really badly and I hate it. I struggle with it all day, everyday. I can't get important things started or finished because of it. This was a very good video. I might even tell my therapist to watch it because she has no clue about autism.
I continue to be shocked by every video I watch because I had no idea the majority think completely differently from me but it’s also like wow.. other people DO think like me too. It has been the most emotional experience of my life (and that says a lot iykyk 😉). But it’s nice to feel understood.
Feeling like an alien and failing to understand everyone around me all my life contrast strongly with the instant connection I felt when I first found the online autistic community and content creators.
My daughter and my niece have autism. My dad, older sister are rather suspicious. Many people I connect with well are autistic the father of my child is autistic (no pinger together but closest thing to a best friend). When I listen to any TH-camr that is autistic I can get very emotional, feel a deep sense of validation.
Orion you just addresses one huge problem I’ve struggled with for my first 38 years of life! When a doctor, therapist, medical professional asked me questions about childhood abuse I endured, and asked what that felt like, how it made me feel, what emotions came up, etc… I had no idea or clue about any emotions I had felt, as far as I was concerned I didn’t have any. I never had the ability to recognize, identify or know how to describe any feelings or emotions. So, without my conscious awareness my brain would instantly try to figure out what answer they wanted me to give them. It was as if my brain was asked a question it knew instantly it couldn’t answer the question. My brain never even considered making an effort to understand. So I automatically tried reading their minds for the right answer they were expecting. I’d get anxious, stressed, felt trapped, confused, pressured and scared because I never succeeded in knowing what answer they were waiting for me to give them. This was terrifying every single time I was asked questions everyone else on the planet could effortlessly answer and I called myself stupid, amongst other things, for not being able to. 😢
autistic inertia is so real. the extent to which i relate to newton’s first law of motion is insane. i distinctly remember thinking it was about me when first learning about it.
i self diagnosed by watching your videos. i will never get an 'actual' diagnosis. the medical professionals make it almost impossible. Thanks Orion for helping me sort out this mess. i feel much better. i despise being around people and that will continue, several people talking at once & especially loud voices set me off. my age will be 69 end of June.
I am so grateful that I knew what I did to have my son diagnosed at 2 years old. He’s 18 now. SO many of his presentations could have easily been confused with rudeness, disrespect, bullying, impatience, selfishness, etc. but since I was able to learn what those presentations mean for an autistic person, I was able to interpret them for what they were: confusion, fear, focus, literal thinking, perfectionism, idealism, and I will say it again, confusion at “neurotypicals”. I really pray pray pray he can find his place in the world as an adult with respecting his differences. Love you Orion!! You give me hope for my son!
Hey Orion…. I would really like to talk to you about a thing/ trend I have seen in many current autistic creators (TH-cam etc). I think it is a VERY important issue that needs to be addressed by autistic people! Let me know if you are interested in talking more.
@@ashleylovepace1941 what trend were you wanting to talk to Orion about? Just curious if it's something I should be aware of to not consider or if it might be something that is common to myself or my child...thank you in advance and if you don't want to answer to me it's ok too...have a blessed day!
@@natashayates5192 I think the trend I see is a sort of rude entitlement attitude presented towards neuro-typical people. I think there is a sense from people on the spectrum to want to stop caring about neurotypical people and just feel they want to be themselves and not care what others think. But, the problem with that is that society has to work together. If people on the Autism spectrum want others to care about their special needs, then they don't need to offend and attack people who don't understand them. Unfortunately in the real world, people don't often care about things until they affect them personally. f or instance, I care about my kids on the Autism spectrum, so I am overly patient with their special needs compared to how a stranger may be.. I keep seeing ASD people get so rude and offended by the typical parents not respecting them or treating them how they want to be treated. I feel like they are so frustrated at their own needs that they don't realize how hard it is on parents of ASD kids. Everyone who is on the spectrum is different and it is extremely challenging to navigate parenthood in general, much more when a child has a unique difference. . I guess the thing I would like to communicate to people on the autism spectrum is to try to be merciful to those who are trying to help you. if we hurt the ones who are trying to help us, who will we have left? I think all kids take their parents for granted to a certain degree. But, I worry for ASD kids who are getting entitled and rude to parents and strangers who don't understand them. Unfortunately, society can turn on people fairly quickly. we all have to work together to get along
Excellent critique! I see the DSM criteria as unscientific, and not evidence-based. I see it as top down reasoning using confirmation bias by deeply misogynistic non-scientists (psychologists). Just my thoughts:) A psycho told me in 2012 that I’m not autistic because I had boyfriends:). I “survived” by masking and hiding behind pretty privilege. Completely burned out since 2010, completely used up. They are ridiculous. At least since they added the wording about masking in 2013, *a few* women are being dx’d. I was born in the 60s.
My autism became apparent to me after my eldest daughter was diagnosed. I searched the DSM-5 and DSM-4. I looked on forums and I read your youtube channel. In September last year, I met a woman who is herself Asperger and who makes me understand that I was also asperger. Since then, my life has changed and I’m just starting to stop masking. It’s not always easy, but at least I can get to know myself. i'M 36
My parents tried to get me an autism diagnosis when i was a kid, but i had already been diagnosed with ADD, so they told my parents it was impossible. I remember writing in my journal in highschool, how it felt like i wasn't genuine, that i was wearing different "masks" to fit in with those around me. And it was only about 6ish years ago when i was several years deep into being a social hermit after highschool (hikikamori for those that know) that i decided to unmask and be my genuine self. Around which my mom mentioned that i should see about looking into a diagnosis as she had tried when i was a kid, but i was heavily against it as I thought that'd mean i was genuinely stupid if i was. I eventually warmed up to the idea, but i was off my parents insurance at that point. While i was looking videos on self improvement and working on genuinely trying to figure myself out, I took the radds-r test online, and i got the average score for what autistic people get. Which eventually led me to look into TH-cam videos on autism to get a better idea of if there was an correlation. And the evidence has been an avalanching on my life. Im too busy being a full time single father with a full time job through a temp company to get a proper diagnosis. I dont have full insurance due to the temp company ether. Edit: Seems I'm shadow banned from comments on comments, don't even know why, but know that I love all'y'all.
I’m a single mom with autistic kids. Wish I could help. It’s lonely being a single parent. Can’t imagine how much more struggling with being undiagnosed. ❤
@@ashleylovepace1941 Don't need to worry about me. I'm just glad my 4yo is good natured and listens to me... Mostly... But I do struggle sometimes when my nerves are completely frayed and I need space. But I'm told I'm doing a great job otherwise. I've become content with my situation and being alone. As that is the best way I could heal from my cheating deadbeat ex. And as a consequence of being content, I've found myself reconnecting with a friend a couple months back, and we are considering a long distance relationship. So things are looking to get interesting, I need to figure out how to get comfortable with the changes. But this is the first relationship I'll have where I actually have a idea what I'm working with, in myself. And if I may give a suggestion as a fellow single parent, take it as you will, work on making sure you yourself are taken care of, be content with yourself and your situation. As I was told, you are the life raft for your kid, so make sure you are not going to sink or burnout by focusing only him. I don't know you, but I believe you are doing your best, but remember that you can't always be at your best.
Sometimes my ability to comment or like freezes up upon returning to a page on my admittedly ancient phone. It comes and goes and I think it’s a bug, though I can’t be sure. Though if you can edit, that’s something I can’t do at all on my phone. Technology is a pain.
I was told I was too emotional and I cried too easily, so I dug deep down and decided to mask without knowing what that was. Then, as a teenager, I was told the opposite…I was too cold, aloof, hard to read. As an adult, I realize I eventually became unpredictable and would go to either extreme, depending on my state of mind. It’s such a relief now, to start accepting that whatever I’m feeling is healthy for me, that I was born this way, and sitting with my feelings, withdrawing while I observe and experience them, allows me to accept and be content with who I am…a beautiful deeply emotional, kind human being.
I listen to you in an effort to understand the man I love. I listen without judgment. He was diagnosed by a long time friend and gifted psychiatrist who adored him. I wish he would watch your videos instead of trying to deny his uniqueness. He has all the hidden traits. At times, I feel like he will never love me back. I feel like giving up on us.
I was married to someone I believe was undiagnosed and didn’t admit any issues. I gave up. I wish I hadn’t. I wish I could have learned more and respected us both more. Big hug
23:08 I said this to my mom when I was a little kid. Now at 50 hearing someone else say it really is incredible. I wish I could go back and tell little me I'm alright...to just accept me being different. That I'm not just here to suffer
I was misdiagnosed as bipolar. I now know I have ADHD & autism. What I was told was severe depression is really autistic burnout. The misdiagnosis made me worse, and spiral more into depression. Wow!! you are the first person who has ever been able to explain what I experienced when I try to catch a ball! Thank you! Aren't the traits of autistic inertia also symptoms of ADHD? That's another reason that they may be part of the same overall condition
Wow, yes to almost everything, and made me giggle "defects of the DSM 5" 😂 never a truer word spoken. 😊 A lot of progress has been taken but soo much more could be done when it comes to assessments. 😊
A good assessor will be able to diagnose even people who are masking. Especially if you had problems as a child that you tell them. But if you don't get a good assessor masking could be a problem.
In the late 70’s I was shoved into special ed classes and was the outcast because not only did I have a stutter and spoke super fast I was just “weird”. I spent most of my life believing I was just broken. Even though I blow away the IQ test the psychologists kept giving me and I only got through public schools because despite not doing and homework or assignments I aced every test I took. It wasn’t until I was in my 40’s that I discovered my autism and now in my 50’s I am very open about my experiences. I wish I had people like this in my life when I was a child, someone who could explain why I could suck so bad with people and daily living but still teach my professors new concepts of their chosen subjects in class that I realized during a lecture. Or why I can rattle off historical facts I learned several decades ago in a conversation about which restaurant to eat at. But now days I am far more understanding of my personality and because of which I’m in my first serious relationship with someone who understands my Autistic behaviors. My first relationship to get past the first few months where you can let down the mask and they still care about me. In my 50’s. I’m still learning to forgive the world for that one. Now if only can only get a job not to take advantage of my work ethics and give me a livable wage I may feel like I beat the world.
8:14 throughout my middle school to highschool years I was well liked and accepted by a large group of people and got a ton of attention from women. My impulsiveness and lack of empathy hurt a lot of peoples feelings. I would overcompensate with being extremely social. I was untreated for my adhd, asd, and bp1 until my 20s.
45 y.o. late diagnosed male (ASD & ADD). I couldn't tie my shoes the "normal" way throughout my early school years. It seemed like magic watching others do it. Finally, my father taught me the bunny ear method, which I could do easily because I could visualize it in my head. Unfortunately, I learned this method rather late.... like at 7 or 8 years old. I relied on velcro shoes prior to that. And... playing catch.... I was super confused by all that. I'd always run away from the ball in fear. I was forced to try it so often that I eventually figured it out,..... BUT to this day, I always dread when someone throws something to me. I usually catch it, but it feels like an eternity as the object travels through the air. Finally.... bike and training wheels... I embarrassingly had training wheels long after all the other kids took theirs off. I eventually figured and mastered the bike, but it was an abnormally slow process. Feeling like an outsider, meant to suffer, black sheep, something wrong with me..... yeah.... story of my life. Wow. Just..... wow. Thanks for this, brother. 🙏 🎉
We '80s kids lucked out with that velcro. I'm 45 too, late Dx, and had the same problem, lol. Even after I started wearing laces they'd get 1) stuck in escalators (two times!), 2) wrapped around. my bike pedals and I fell over in the middle of the street (two times!) I just felt so dumb I couldn't get it. Could never do a cartwheel. Always felt left out on that one! Jump roping was not easy, to this day it's tough.
Wow never heard anyone else say about the training wheels thing!!! I stopped riding a bike and now as an adult, I require them again! Luckily, they make adult ones, with colourful lights and everything haha
About the DSMV…my primary care physician diagnosed me as level 1 at age 27 (I’m 30 now). I firmly believe that I need a reevaluation. I was diagnosed within a 15 min appt. I probably was level 3 (or something between 2 and 3) when I was a kid because I had SO MANY of these examples. I learned a mask and I’m just now unlearning that mask. I also think 15 mins isn’t enough to go in-depth/good enough for a proper diagnosis and therefore assistance and amount of support isn’t to the level needed.
Lordy, watch out world if I ever let rip and take my social game mask off, lol! Very few people get to see it, and I always feel quite vulnerable afterwards, if I go too far... Silliness and fun and being a bit outrageous are a strong pull. Best to keep it behind closed doors. Came to this via my son potentially getting a diagnosis at 21, I'm 55. I know how annoying I can be, but I also find it hilarious too, and sad, and a bit lonely. Life innit. Thanks for the videos.
I've always been different, I don't fit in. I've learned to pretend to be social, nowadays I can even do small talk with people I don't know on my good days, it dosen't feel natural but people don't seem to notice. I haven't been diagnosed with autism even though I've been in contact with all sorts of professional therapists, psychiatrists, doctors etc since 1999 when I was 16... Through the years I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, panic disorder, social phobia, insomnia, ocd, borderline and bipolar. I did a neuropsychriatic evaluation in 2008, thats how I got the borderline diagnose, probably because I'm female and have meltdowns and some selfharm problems. I went to DBT therapy which helped me undersrand and express my feelings better and to deescalate emotions. Every single thing on your list is me, I started laughing at some points because it so accurate, and then I started crying 😢 I'm doing a new evaluation this summer by someone whose an expert in autism in girls, I hope I can get some help finally. This is the first time I've talked about this publicly.
Very relatable. I could have written your comment except that the diagnoses started was when I 17 in 1984. Pretty much the same diagnoses until 2018 when I was diagnosed ADHD. I can't afford seeking an additional diagnoses. But finding this community has given me a lot of peace. I'm NOT broken is the biggest take away.
Your story is similar to mine except I was 14 in 1990 when I started with the mental health system. I was diagnosed with 14 mental illnesses in 30+ years. Ten were wrong. I also was misdiagnosed with BPD and went to DBT. DBT was mostly helpful to me though some of the non-DBT mental health professionals were extremely prejudiced against people diagnosed with BPD. I found an assessor who specializes in women and was diagnosed with autism last year at age 47. Good luck with your diagnosis!
I'm pretty sure I'm ADHD but recently considering whether I'm AUDHD coz the more I dig the more I relate to some of the autism presentations though I mask. But I've just discovered my singing is stimming I've been curious as to whether it was for a while. But I watched a video that spelt it out for me. Made sooo much sense. I sing often. Always have. I'm saying this coz it's not often talked about and it might help someone else. As I always thought no I don't stim coz I don't know if I do any physical stuff but singing has always regulated me. And now I have kids I don't hide it anymore. I just sing around the house with them. And I need it coz the kids and that can be sensory overwhelm at times. So I rely on singing at times to stay afloat.
Does anyone know how to deal with neurodivergent ennui? Im often so bored, and Im struggling to find a way to deal with it beyond going a a self-destructive binge until death.
I'm 44yrs old undiagnosed. Both my kids are ASD. So much of what you say is so relatable but also I have a strange way of overcoming my physical coordination. If I stumble or am about to fall I somehow have subconsciously learned to automatically prevent myself from hitting the ground as a natural reflexive reaction. I also struggle to catch and throw objects when I actually make an effort to do so. Most of the time I am to jerky and stiff and have a hard time judging when to release when I throw. However, if I don't think about it, which can be very difficult btw, I can easily catch and toss object very well without even looking at the tossed object or the target I am tossing to. I have had many people be shocked at how easy it is for me to toss items into buckets with such a high success rate even when my back is turned. Of course as soon as anything is said about it I then become aware of " oh yeah. I am tossing items in the bucket" and the my brain goes into overdrive with every little detail of the physics of my body and and location of the bucket and size and weight of the object and then.... Disaster! I couldn't ring that bucket to save my life. That's when I stop, take a deep breath and with much annoyance stand and say "well I guess I'm done with that for the day" and now I can feel the buzzing coursing through my arms and legs just thinking about it. The mind can be very fascinating yet at the same time sooooo frustrating.
Hey Orion, I love your quirky interjections, your sense of humour 😁 These hidden traits are so on the nose! I wish I had known about these long, long ago… I’ve always known I was fundamentally different and didn’t fit in. I unknowingly masked and pushed through. I appeared to be high-functioning, but was a mess when home alone. I neglected selfcare and household chores. Ever since childhood, I had depressive episodes, some even lasting years (unrecognized autistic burnouts, I now think). I burnt out (again) six years ago, big time, and have been struggling ever since. First I received a complex PTSD diagnosis - not wrong, but also not getting to the root of my problems. Last year, I sought and got an ADHD-C diagnosis after recognizing my symptoms in the DSM-5. After starting meds my energy levels rose, then crashed again after a few weeks. I sought therapy and during the intake process the psychologists noticed autistic traits. I was stunned at first, but within an hour self-diagnosed through online searches. Who knew that girls/women present differently from boys/men? 🤯 Last month I received my autism classification and I’m already doing much better. I’m 58, first sought help at 28, received diagnoses of depression and an eating disorder, and only now do I actually understand why my life has been so difficult. I view myself with more compassion and am re-examining my fixed beliefs about myself and the way I (don’t) fit into general society. Your channel has been a big part of my self-education and I’m so thankful for all your hard work ❤
Before I was late diagnosed as having Asperger's, as a kid and through my teens I often thought I was a space alien. What people did (especially girls fawning over boy bands! xD) just never made sense. I could never truly connect with people and sunk most of my life drawing and writing and making up my own worlds just to cope. Now I cannot seem to draw or write any more and I feel trapped. I think my over use of the internet has ruined my creativity...or as you said Transition/ inertia has finally caught up and hit me hard.
Oh gosh yeah... I hated trying to drive because it threw off all of my senses!! It was horrifying! ... also Im super glad I got diagnosed early in life and got good support between family and teachers, which I wish more could experience... thank you for your videos sir! It probably wouldn't happen, but it would awesome to meet you irl if I ever am able to visit Australia!
You are the master of informative and entertaining. Like a wise old sage with a sense of humor. But seriously this was great and something a lot of us in the lost generation totally understand. Great point about meltdowns not being in the DSM5... And my 12 year old son does not know how to ride a bike or tie his shoe. Literally two examples you gave. But he can argue theoretical concepts like dark energy to you so....
I was just like your kid! Very late in learning how to do both, in spite of being hyperverbal and hyperlexic from very early on. One morning in my early teens I just woke up and thought "dammit, I'm sick of not being able to ride a bike" and decided I was going to figure it out once and for all without anybody trying to actually teach me and frustrating me. Took the bike that had been collecting dust for years outside. It took me literally less than twenty minutes to figure it out. So don't be surprised if you come home from running errands one of these days and your kid can suddenly ride a bike because that kind of weird thing happens with us autists.
Thank you Orion for these videos! I'm in bad burnout right now, and I watch some daily to help me feel a bit better about it all. You nailed it in #14, too: I went for a diagnosis before I realized I was masking too well and only came away with a really expensive misdiagnosis of depression and anxiety. It's videos like this, and therapy with an affirming Autistic therapist, that helps me understand myself anyway. Also, your shirts are great, especially this one!
24:04 Has anyone told you that you resemble Conan O’Brien? Wow! Your vids always make me literally laugh out loud. You’re doing a great thing here. Thank you.
Late diagnosed at the age of 38. I was diagnosed with ADHD which explained my inability to sit still or pay attention but it didn’t explain my meltdowns, obsessive compulsive behaviors, strange way of speaking, preferring to be alone, and issues with making and keeping friends. I also had consistent issues with food textures, loud noises, certain clothing, and scented anything. Everyone just thought I was strange. The main thing people always told me was how rude and abrasive I was when I’m not remotely rude.
You've described me nearly ti a "T". Thank you for the reminder that I need to be more compassionate and understanding with myself, that my meltdowns before, during, and after work (I'm the Guest Services/Cash Office Manager at a local grocery store) are likely part of undiagnosed Autism. Im not planning to be diagnosed, but all of these signs fit me and taking online diagnostic tests put me well on the highly functioning end of the spectrum.
I know what you mean I've being in Autistic burnout for 2 years, cause I kept pushing through for way too long, even when I started becoming overstimulated or disregulated 😘 I found the balance..... Extremely hard between self care and then being there for others said with respect, kindness and love. As a child I were actually diagnosed with global developmental- delay.. It was the 90's and Australia weren't up to speed with recognising that as, just simply another presentation of autism, thanks so much for everything you do 😊♡♡
invalidation and imposter syndrom keeps me form pursuing this, but when i watch your videos, i feel like this is me. right now i feel lucky to have a late diagnosis of ADHD at 41 years old. but i also feel like this isnt me as a whole. currently i am almost month 2 in my room, decompressing from the world. i feel pretty lost but highly skilled. i personally feel like i have a dual adhd and ASD. your videos though are starting to let me consider building up the motivation or courage to try to figure out how to communicate this topic with my doctor to avoid the invalidations i am scared to recieve from him. Thank you for your videos.
I have been a teacher of kids for most of my 74 years. You are brilliant to bring up so many commonplace life issues for kids then - and now. Wonderful work you do!!
Who am I? I'm who I want to be! That bit about developing a character resonates so much! I cherry pick behaviours I admire in other people... see how they cope with situations and practice it in my world. I feel like a chameleon at times as i seem to adapt to different situations. I like to be around people where i feel most like the me that i want to be... usually find out those friends are also on the spectrum 🥰😀
Hey Orion, thanks for your valuable work, this helps me to understand my brother better who has aspergers. As a student currently studying/training as a counsellor, you are correct that the DSM-5 has gaps in research that leave out key aspects of certain diagnoses, which means the broad range of experiences, or nuances, of those with autism aren't accounted for. This has been a problem since the DSM was introduced in 1952 due to its scientific basis. A holistic understanding of autism is also worth consideration. Appreciate your work! Jordan
Ive always felt like the Black sheep! I have a difficult time fitting in at jobs if I as myself. I need to withdraw and keep to myself in order to survive.
Soo much of this is so relatable to me! Then every once in a while there’s one that doesn’t line up and I end up feeling like I’m a fraud or faking it or something equally disdainful… In my case today it’s the lack of coordination as a child/riding a bike example that has me thinking this way because from what little I can actually remember about my childhood , I was very very good at riding a bike, I near obsessively spent my time teaching myself to do increasingly difficult tricks that heavily involved a good sense of balance . I was good not just for my age but just good! Does that mean that I cannot be on the spectrum? I’m not sure? I would like to hear from Anyone with an opinion on this.
Dude! I find myself saying this is the most helpful video of yours I've seen, then I watch another one. Thank you very much! You're helpful in so many ways!!
I saw a therapist once at the recommendation of others and told the story of how I went to 12 different public schools (It might have been 13). I told him I had to learn how to be like a chameleon. I had to practice things like metaphors so I could better understand them and learned how to be quick with jokes. Something I have to practice to this day, because i I don't, the skill goes away. I'm undiagnosed, but after watching this video, I have little doubt. I've suspected I might have been undiagnosed for many years now. Been watching your videos all day because we've been told our daughter might be autistic and or adhd, so I've been trying to get a better understanding.
Reciently diagnosed with autism and ADHD, was diagnosed dyslexic in 1986. When I got the letter about my diagnosis I was shocked to see l have very limited facial expressions l didn’t realise I had this at all
You described dyspraxia so well. I can identify with it. As a child I found it difficult to catch and throw a ball or anything else. I remember kids saying I throw/catch like a girl. Of course this is very disrespectful to females, but as a young boy it was humiliating to hear that. Balancing is also a challenge. I struggle with both even now.
26:47 This exact thing happened to me recently. I did not yet know how to unmask (still struggling but i’m getting somewhere), they did a child assessment on me (I’m 18) which was heavily based on them observing my movements and body language. I did not pass the ADOS-2. I passed both other tests they did which were the AQ, and the ADR-I (interview with my mom, I wasn’t present). My mom was watching my assessment through double-sided glass and told me after the meeting that I was not myself in there at all. There were many things in the report that were inaccurate to my lived experience which included saying I wasn’t creative (I make up entire worlds in my head and create elaborate stories that I build on for years), there was no observable repetitive motions, no echolalia (I do both when I’m anywhere but in a room with a group of strangers prodding me), and many other things. I have been misdiagnosed with BPD (I don’t even meet half of the criteria, only violent outbursts, which you mentioned in the video catches a lot of autistic people wrongfully by doctors), and have been diagnosed with 5 DIFFERENT KINDS of anxiety (I wonder why). I cant even face in the direction of a person talking to me, let alone meet eyes with them or even turn my head towards them. I focus on surroundings and observe details in them which helps me focus on processing their speech. If I suck it up and make eye contact I loose my ability to understand or retain what’s being said to me at all. I struggle with inertia to the point where I can only focus on my special interest and cannot move to any other activities at all even if I want to with all my soul. I become so engrossed in my interests I forget food and water even exists and is necessary for survival. I cannot function by myself and need support from my mom to keep myself fed, go outside, keep schedule of things for me, and keep me alive basically. I have become locked away from supports I would’ve gained that would’ve helped me with just existing, by not being diagnosed, due to the mask I’ve had metaphorically superglued to my face since before I can even remember. This video was extremely eye opening. Every single word you said resonated with me completely. Thank you for all the work you’ve put in to put this together!
#s 10 & 11 were the ones that began my journey. Realizing I was masking and never showing my true self and feeling like an alien were my first realizations that led me to find I was autistic. My whole life I "played a character" or different characters in public. I thought everyone had a different persona. I'm still trying to find my true self after masking for so long.
I have been watching your videos lately A LOT and this one spesifically changed everything. I have suffered severely all my life because I have tried to be normal but anything I have done or been hasn’t worked. I do not have diagnosis at least not yet but EVERYTHING you say just makes sense! I made so huge realizations about my own life and reality today that first I bursted into happy tears and right after that I just jumped around waving my arms around ”weird way” (weird for many, happy stimming for me?!) I feel so liberated and free and alive! Thank you so much for making these videos!
Well, I guess I just figured out why I still can't tie my shoes at 45! My eyes nearly popped out of my head when you mentioned that. I do the bunny ears method, it also just makes more sense anyway. Everything you said is also my experience, and I especially resonate with self diagnosing. I don't know if I want to try to get a therapist to help officially diagnose me. I fear it could lead to autistic meltdowns and burnout with me needing to explain my whole life and present a convincing argument to a professional so I can get an official stamp of some kind. I know I'm smart enough by myself to figure it out, so I don't feel the need to convince some authority figure. Thanks for all your videos!
Thank you for this video I needed clarification about burn out. Last year I was self diagnosed, invalidated by a Neuro psicologíst. 65 yo burn out Fatigue takes away half of my life
My sports were solo sports, cross country running, cross country skiing, bike riding. Turn out those types of exercise help with ADHD, never knew why catching balls etc was so hard.
Another one of the barriers to late autistic diagnosis is the people around you are in "denial" and try to gaslight you that you're not autistic at all - THEY DONT WANT TO SEE YOU EMPOWERED, AUTHENTIC, UNMASKED.
I keep saying ah ha and yeah that's me every time I watch your videos. Then hearing you say my thought out loud, "is this me talking on this video or is it Orion?!" I'm still coming to terms with the possibility I discovered last year. I've yet to really deep dive into Autism because I know it'll be my new "special interest" that will take over for months. But I think I'll find even more of myself once I do 😊 Thank you, Orion for all of your content and for allowing those of us who need it to feel seen and validated ❤
I was actually diagnosed in school, but I spent my whole adult life trying to just mask and fit in. Now I'm 29 and getting totally burnt out becaus of it and I'm nowhere near where I want to be in life. I think changes are nessesary.
@20:20 Funnily enough, as I was sitting on my bus to work listening to this, my hand subconsciously went into the same position as yours. I believe I was holding my chin as a way to mask any unusual hand movement. As when you were talking about stimming, I had visualised myself twiddling a pen in my fingers, clicking it etc. I seem to often place my arms or hands in various positions to try and look more “natural”? 45 year old self diagnosed Autistic guy here trying to figure this all out.
I got really close to a having a meltdown at the airport yesterday. I was traveling to see my mom so we can go on vacation together and I was travelling alone for the first time. I was very overloaded after a full day of travel that when i got to destination and was trying to find the meeting spot i got very overwhelmed with the noise, the lights and noise, etc and i got close to a meltdown. I managed to avoid it.
Ya know what I hate the most about airports? On top of all the noise, lights, activity, confusing and unclear rules and procedures, they always seems to have patterned carpet that makes me feel nauseous. Airports are the worst. First time I flew alone I ended up crying and shaking, good on you for coping 🥇
travel can be such hell and I'm a big traveller. Hmmmm, I'm also a writer. Maybe a travel blog/book/vlog for autists could be helpful. I've now got a system down for planes. Earplugs in, over the ear noise cancelling headphones plugged into my phone with brown noise app. Sunglasses on. Soft breathable black jacket over head. Always an aisle seat to avoid claustrophobia. Always preboarding whenever I can to avoid potential meltdowns over being crowded and not having a place for my bag. Water. Safe snacks. Nasal moisturizers. FIVE THINGS OF CARMEX OMG. I've got to figure out a coping tool for delayed planes. One time I missed a flight and threw my luggage, it wasn't good.
Very well done articulation of autism diagnosis Orion and in just 29 minutes.This subject is fascinating for me.Way back in 1970 I went through an intense psychiatric evaluation process that found me to have a "moderately flattened affect"and that I found it "very difficult to converse or communicate"and that I had shown"considerable social withdrawal"and that I also had an "intense fantasy life"and to top it off I had a"thinking disorder"whatever that meant.Of course I was given a diagnosis of schizophrenia in keeping with diagnostic criteria of the day.Oh I almost forgot. My psychological test result showed that my test was "certainly not a psychotic one".Go figure.Anyway for the past couple of years I honestly and totally identify as being autistic and my therapist has validated me on that.Finally I learned to ride a bike when I was 9 and I still rock back and forth when I am trying to concentrate.
Your wife is a hero to me. Pretty sure I’m autistic and absolutely certain several of my children are. None of us can afford to pay for official diagnosis.
I had my interview and at the end the psychist smiled and said he was pleased to share- he is going to proceed with testing me. I am scheduled in September. I said it seemed pretty "out there" in time. The scheduler said no he was pushing me ahead and she seemed surprised. She whispered "He really in demand." Okay, I thought, I am 73. Now I'm thinking I need to be making notes about flashbacks to when I was under a lot of stress. I had some things I am pretty sure were melt downs. They weren't pretty. Orion, you had me at #12. That was sick, and I haven't laughed and cried at the same time in a long time.
I thoroughly enjoyed this video Orion. I sat and watched the whole thing. Usually my ADHD doesn't want me to do that. LOL But it was very educational and entertaining. I love your sense of humor. It keeps my attention. AWESOME! Yes, found my tribe, related to all of it.
This was an excellent presentation. Most of it really resonates with me. I have been diagnosed with ADHD in the past and have recently gone through the testing phase for ASD; just waiting to hear one way or another.
I’ve done both online tests for Autism and ADHD and I scored high in both. I do feel empowered knowing that’s why I’m broken. But trying to tell family. I do this or that because of adhd or autism and I still get into trouble.
I'm not diagnosed autistic but I 110 percent am. It's good to watch to remind myself to take better care of myself. Idk how they would help me if I did get a diagnosis, but these videos help me help me just a bit. ❤
I wish I was diagnosed earlier. I feel like it could’ve saved me a lot of struggle, both past and current, from anorexia. I still use it to cope in times of high stress and change instead of stimming or allowing myself to meltdown. This world just isn’t conducive to allow autistic individuals to thrive. We barely have the resources to diagnose females with autism, or ADHD for that matter, and even though awareness is going around, there is still so much pushback and people ignoring the issue. There are so many mental health disorders that are caused by not getting that autism diagnosis. It’s more than just autism going on for many people. It’s not just all over the internet because people want that label. It’s because it’s finally being recognized. It impacts so much.
Thanks, Orion, as always, you're spot on. I was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago (at age 48), and I'm certain I'm auDHD. However, with all the years of masking, I've convinced myself that I can't possibly have autism to. After watching this episode, I'm even more convinced that I do. I intended to broach the topic with my psychiatrist during my last two appointments but couldn't bring myself to do it. I feared he'd tell me it's just ADHD, and feeling like an imposter prevented me from bringing it up. I remember sitting there during my last visit, my head racing, telling myself, 'Go on, just do it, bring it up,' but I couldn't. Twice i’ve walked out feeling intense guilt and major regret. I've been searching TH-cam for relatable content to help me gain the confidence to bring it up next time, and here are at least 15 examples. Now, I just need to muster up the courage!
Thanks Orion, best list of "criteria" I've seen, and I'm only unsure about two of them. My environmental sensitivities don't seem to be very pronounced, there seems to be hyper-sensitivity to loud, crowded, busy places, or highly emotional expression, but hyposensitivity to my own body sensations. The final criteria about things finally making sense and feeling like part of a community - not so much, after so long as an alien outsider I don't think that's possible for me even among other alien outsiders, and the neurotypical world will always be a madhouse. As for the Dysfunctional Society Manifesto: -It isn't soft and absorbent -it chafes -it leaves one feeling unclean -and it doesn't FLUSH easily! (The Insane Clowns Diary isn't much better.) For a more accurate, realistic, and legitimate attempt to present useful psychological material, give the Psychodynamic Diagnostic Manual ( PDM2 ) a study.
Hey Orion, wonderful video, so informative. Misdiagnosed bipolar in 2020 so this video is a great one for the NTs I reckon. Also, big appreciation for your echolalic reference to jim carrey at 19:45. It was gooood. 😂 Loving the videos ❤
This same video had me both, spitting out my imaginary coffee from hilarity and nodding my head in agreement while holding back tears. Orion you are perfect. And, can we be best friends?
Number 4... meltdowns, shutdowns, implosion... leading to number 5, burnouts: for me, as an extremely masking "high functioning" person, that's the biggest problem in my life. It has such a high personal cost. It eats energy, time, relationships and self-esteem to such an extend, that "high functioning" is the most relative thing possible. To the outside world: sure, it looks like I'm doing great. But most of the time, nope... I'm not doing great, although I won't show. I'm lucky to have 1 good friend, that sees trough my mask with a single glance... otherwise, I would mask to self-destruction.
I wanted to write a longer comment, but no energy. Just yes, exactly.
I have masked to self-destruction
@HaakonOdinsson aaaah that's though!
@@HaakonOdinsson not much left for me to destroy either.
@@etcwhatever you know what, I wish we could all meet up in the real world to talk, just be ourselves and support each other….the online worlds not the same as being there in real time. I’m really sorry to hear about the destruction and to be honest but sounds quite negative for me to say, but it’s validating as well, for me anyhow…I’m not the only one, so-to-speak. What have your friends and family been like towards you? I’ve tried unmasking and mine have completely not got me at all…even my two brothers and a couple of friends are on the spectrum as well. Jesus, even them, what chance have I got to unmask to the rest of the world….none, hence the mask until self-destruction. It’s so very hard. I hope you’re alright and things aren’t bad for you
I used drugs and alcohol to relate to people. It made masking less stressful. What sucks is that I need them in order to be in a social situation, so I stopped being social so I can stop being an addict.
I feel this. It sounds like a form of masking to fit in. I realized I copy people... still do... to try to fit in. Even if I dont understand what I'm doing or what's going on.
definitely recognisable... same here!
Same.
I tried that route too when I was young, it just made me drunk, or stoned, or both, AND "weird" and uncomfortable, and didn't really help at all with socializing- nothing ever did. I've been told a handful of times that I can be quite charming, but in those times I wasn't there, I was FAR away behind the mask, running on autopilot. Anything more than perfunctory and brief contact with unfamiliar people almost invariably brings on instant shutdown, except in a transactional/business context, which I managed to mostly do okay with for over 30 years until chronic burnout caught up after the death of my wife left me with no co-regulation or support, now I just can't care about much of anything, not that there was ever much besides her that really mattered to me to begin with. Good choice on giving up socializing to give up addiction, not much benefit to either that I can see.
I relate to this deeply. Thank you for your openness. You are not alone.
The big thing that drove me towards realizing I was autistic (diagnosed at age 34) was the feeling of having no identity. At work or in public I was one person, but at home I was a different person. At work I was cautious, reserved, defensive, quiet, observant. A loner. But at home my personality was the polar opposite. I felt like I could be an outgoing person who could talk to anyone and share my opinions at will without fear of judgement. Eventually I realized the reason my public personality was so different from my home personality was because I've been masking when I'm not at home. I realized I was always hiding my true self from the people around me. I realized I was autistic.
This is also my story except I felt like I had to mask even at home to a degree. I think my cat was the only one who saw the true me when I was growing up.
Codependency is a big part of it.
I’m so happy you had loved ones at home who accepted you and loved you unconditionally. Kudos to them!
I am late adult diagnosed autistic, was diagnosed at age 61, am now 64. Things finally make sense.
Me too, 2 years ago and now 65 and it's wonderful and scary but worth it. All the best to you.
Same here, diagnosed 2 years ago at 50. Mom and I always suspected but didn't know.
Now so many things make so much sense, it is so wonderful to actually know why.
But it is hard, especially since I am around many people who have autism that are at a lower abilities level and people just don't give me the same consideration as them.
@@colleenciecura6344do you have any migraine fybromyalgia symptoms from.your HF autism
@@autisticBBBELady I’ll be 50 and I just realized this with my self…. starting the diagnostics professionally next week.. hope it wont take long time😖🤯🙏
EVVVVERRRRYYYYTHING finally makes sense. EVERYTHING.
When you talk to other autistic people its like finding the alienspecies and Planet you come from and it just makes sense
This. ⬆️ 🎯
I had a full time job during some time off from college in an office. I didn't fit in socially and felt very tired and lonely. Then an Asperger guy, 10 years older, started working and we instantly became best buds. I thought he was hilarious and we shared the same humor and outlook on life, but everyone else couldn't stand him and found him annoying. Yeah, that was probably a sign.
I self-diagnosed myself last Christmas by accident and have been on that discovery path since then. I was 36 years old when this happened and now everything makes more sense in my past and future.
Starting at age 47, I was diagnosed with ADHD, then Anxiety, then Panic Disorder, then BPD, and finally at age 60 (last year), the correct diagnosis of ASD-Level 1. At age 50, I couldn't take the stress anymore and retired from full-time work; I was a professional accountant and Business Professor.
I feel you. I burned out at 43. At 45 everything is just too much.
I hear you. I've been called narcissistic and autocratic (as a leader). At 38, I was (mis)diagnosed with depression and OCD. Last year, at 41, my GP finally questioned the psychiatrist's diagnosis and suggested I get tested for ADHD. While I'm still waiting for that diagnosis, I discovered that I am really likely AuDHD. It's depressing because I know what I could have been if I'd been NT.
@@eugenetzigane Don't worry what you could have been, enjoy who you are. I am happily living a simple life and don't regret leaving academia or my corporate VP job.
@@objectivityisourfriend9631 ❤️ You read my mind. ❤️ I’m sorry you are experiencing the same thing, but yes- 43y getting the idea my AuDHD was grinding me into the ground, @ 45y I’m not sure how to keep going.
I've had anxiety as far back as I can remember. When your young you don't know why you feel what your feeling. But when you get older you realize that was anxiety I was feeling.
I have severe white coat syndrome. Instead of recognizing my traits of autism, medical professionals over the years just treated me like I was crazy. Which just added to my white coat syndrome and gave me medical ptsd. I had to put the puzzle pieces together on my own. Now my whole life makes sense.
Thank goodness for TH-camrs like you. I’m so grateful for this community. ❤️
Great video. I can say that unmasking just makes me feel more hated. If I don't have to deal with any people (not too hard while being bedridden in a small, dark room for four years), I feel proud and quirky. But as soon as another human is added to the mix, back floods the self-hatred and feeling like a burden.
Thanks, Orion. Your videos help a lot. ❤️
This video in particular needs to be shared far and wide with professionals in the field. You have hit so many nails on the head. Thanks Orion. (Holding. Self. Back. From. Writing. Paragraph.)
Yeah, No need to write my own comment, just this.
Paragraphs are extremely overrated.
Yeah we need to all get together...and write them...a really long...memo. "Actually, the 'core' traits you emphasize the most are those that impact and inconvenience YOU (social) the most. You've based the diagnostic criteria on your interpretation of the condition rather than our actual lived internal experience" (shocker, they did the same with ADHD - it was mostly diagnosed in boys when they were disruptive and too hyper to sit still).
@@iankretschmer559 i thought the exact same thing. Pleased to have found your comment to. My legs don’t work well. Piggy back me please ;)
I recently got diagnosed with ADHD so naturally I go to TH-cam and watch 145 videos about ADHD. Then I started seeing autism videos. Now I'm upset and confused and questioning my life. I'm 47 and always felt like a square peg in a round world. Although I would be lying to say I resonate with everything but I can say I know many of these traits are me 100 percent. I'm confused and lost....
I agree with Orion, think the various symptoms present differently in all autistic people, and for those of us about your age (I'm 3 years older than you), we have masked these symptoms for years. I even ran a very successful company, and even though I made more money not having vampiric business partners whom I now know were taking advantage of my divergence to steal from me for years, I today realize what a lie my life has been as an undiagnosed person. The diagnosis process is difficult, and I'm glad just realizing why some things have been so difficult for half a century
It sounds to me like you are clear, and found.
:::welcome to the rest of your life:::
For me early on, I didn't see a lot of my own Autistic traits because I had masked them too well, even from myself. I looked to the persona I had socially, and thought I did "too well" to count as the traits commonly talked about. But then as I learned more, I saw myself from a different angle, and all of it suddenly made more sense. Turns out the traits I didn't think I really had I actually have a lot of, and it sometimes takes burnout or another dislodging situation to see how the masking isn't really me underneath. I also was trained as a kid to hide my stims and repetitious behaviors, so it took needing them more to actually be able to recognize I was doing it. Also stereotypes really undermine the reality of Autistic experience and life. Watching Autistic creators like Orion and others can really help seeing it in a clearer way. And it is a process, absolutely. You have to be kind to yourself to be ok.
I am feeling like this. I've just been told 'it's your ADHD, its your anxiety' and so I treat 'that' but never feel 100 percent. I feel like I can never fit in 100 percent anywhere. I have never knew why..
I feel like now knowing that I am on the spectrum has made me worst. I feel (maybe wrongly) that people like hate me more. Because now I'm asking for things or saying, hey I'm overwhelmed, which i held inside before.
I have to remember what my friend with autistic kids said, "you have a lifetime to heal."
I think a big thing to learn is to not expect other people to understand and really they don’t have to. You have to validate you and know what you need. If something isn’t good for you, you need to respect Your needs. You are worth it. Other people most likely will not understand unless they have a loved one with the same issues (I am mostly neurotypical I think, but have 2 kids with autism). Most neurotypical people are self centered to a certain degree and don’t want anyone else to overly bother them, but especially if they don’t understand why. But, that’s ok. You don’t need them to understand you and respect you as long as You respect their differences AND yours! Makes sense?
Everyone can do what they want, but I haven't told most people, disclosed it at work, or changed any of my behaviors with anyone. No way. Same with unmasking. I know they won't like it. Maybe it's because I had an Al Anon boyfriend once who changed dramatically and it went so far he was a different person and was kind of like, "deal with it" and it just wasn't sustainable. Unless something is going to disturb/harm me, I won't ask for any kind of special accommodations, but then again, I work from home. Sometimes I have had to leave situations, certain jobs, but I've never said why. I present well and it would be so easy for anyone to think I'm just weak or lazy or faking it. Not worth the effort. Maybe I'm doing things wrong, not sure. I just can't deal with the headache and the rejection.
I can't afford $5000 to pay for a diagnoses, so I just diagnose myself. A life time of evidence
luckily its free in 🇳🇴 but I have waited years😫
As a child of the 60’s, and FEMALE, I was very much undiagnosed. My generation in general and, most specifically women, went UNDIAGNOSED. I would even venture to guess that if anyone was verbal they went undiagnosed until the late 80’s? That means that almost ALL boomers and gen x went undiagnosed until well into adulthood or even in their senior years such as myself. I can only imagine what the world would look like today if we had had understanding and help. I’m grateful we are recognized today but in the end, we needed it so much sooner.
Yes, I was diagnosed at age 57 in 2022. I was told I mask very well. What choice did I have...
@@ruthhorowitz7625 We didn’t have any choice. When we were kids it was believed that anyone autistic was either non-verbal or they spoke at a noticeably younger level. Anyone who was verbal was just misbehaving. I don’t know about you, but if I ever asked for an explanation as to why this or why that I was undermining someone’s authority or knowledge or…I dunno. It really made them angry. I quit asking for years 🥲. We were expected to learn and think and behave like neurotypical people. For me it meant a never-ending burnout for maybe ten years or more. I was good at masking but in the end I had no choice but to take it off to survive. Now, after years and years of therapy, and misdiagnosis, i am diagnosed autistic. I can truly understand why and what and everything in between. My life makes sense. What about you?
Yep!
Us late 80s babies also went undiagnosed. We feel you. ❤😊
@@MissNikkiDawson my oldest 2 are undiagnosed 80’s babies, and my younger two are undiagnosed 90’s babies. I’m grateful that we’re learning more about autism and recognizing it more readily now.
You know what rare autistic trait I have? Impersonitis. I do impressions like a tick during my conversations. I will talk about physics like SpongeBob, but being completely serious. It's like whatever voice gets the point across more, and I simply pick and choose as I go, on the fly. I can do over 150 impressions, many of them are quite accurate, and I always wanted to do something with that. Like do voice work. That would be a dream come true. Anyway, yeah, a very rare trait of autism, and exclusive to autistic people. Thought you would find it interesting.
I think you’re onto something!
I do the same thing! I'll be talking normally and suddenly go into Marshall from PAW Patrol (my favorite character), for example. I also do Ash Ketchum from Pokémon, as well as Pikachu and all kinds of other Pokémon, and I do way more impressions than that and always dreamed of being a voice actor. I didn't know that was an autistic trait (I was diagnosed at age 4 btw)! That's a cool one for sure, even if my constant impressions drive my family crazy no matter what character from what series or show I'm doing 😅.
I do same
Omg I also have that trait but for me It’s almost as if I hear another person or characters voice.
Same!!
"you're doing GOOD, but are you genuinely making connections? do you have friends?" feeling REALLY called out by that one, wow! Confusing to see myself manage to play social butterfly occasionally but I don't have any lasting friendships
...past 30 and I have yet to learn how to ride a bike... maybe someday
Relate. 46 and never could manage lasting friendships or a bike.
Aw riding a bike is so fun, u can get it, but someone should help u if possible because it is scary at first
The part that gets me the most is because it is based on deficits if you have managed to find work arounds to be able to do the things then you don't qualify for the diagnosis because it isn't impairing your life enough. I have heard of people not qualifying for a diagnosis because their social skills are too good. They don't take into account that the social circle is made up of ND people or because you are masking so much.
So you're saying the DSM-5 isn't very good about autism, I totally agree. Unfortunately, that's all therapist and doctors have to go by. Imagine if your medical doctor had such poor and missing information about a medical problem you were having. The part where you were talking about inertia, I thought that came from my ADHD. Whether it comes from autism or ADHD, I have it really badly and I hate it. I struggle with it all day, everyday. I can't get important things started or finished because of it. This was a very good video. I might even tell my therapist to watch it because she has no clue about autism.
I continue to be shocked by every video I watch because I had no idea the majority think completely differently from me but it’s also like wow.. other people DO think like me too. It has been the most emotional experience of my life (and that says a lot iykyk 😉). But it’s nice to feel understood.
Feeling like an alien and failing to understand everyone around me all my life contrast strongly with the instant connection I felt when I first found the online autistic community and content creators.
YES! THIS! And the realization that I was never 'broken'.
My daughter and my niece have autism. My dad, older sister are rather suspicious. Many people I connect with well are autistic the father of my child is autistic (no pinger together but closest thing to a best friend).
When I listen to any TH-camr that is autistic I can get very emotional, feel a deep sense of validation.
Orion you just addresses one huge problem I’ve struggled with for my first 38 years of life!
When a doctor, therapist, medical professional asked me questions about childhood abuse I endured, and asked what that felt like, how it made me feel, what emotions came up, etc… I had no idea or clue about any emotions I had felt, as far as I was concerned I didn’t have any. I never had the ability to recognize, identify or know how to describe any feelings or emotions.
So, without my conscious awareness my brain would instantly try to figure out what answer they wanted me to give them.
It was as if my brain was asked a question it knew instantly it couldn’t answer the question. My brain never even considered making an effort to understand.
So I automatically tried reading their minds for the right answer they were expecting.
I’d get anxious, stressed, felt trapped, confused, pressured and scared because I never succeeded in knowing what answer they were waiting for me to give them.
This was terrifying every single time I was asked questions everyone else on the planet could effortlessly answer and I called myself stupid, amongst other things, for not being able to. 😢
autistic inertia is so real. the extent to which i relate to newton’s first law of motion is insane. i distinctly remember thinking it was about me when first learning about it.
i self diagnosed by watching your videos. i will never get an 'actual' diagnosis. the medical professionals make it almost impossible. Thanks Orion for helping me sort out this mess. i feel much better. i despise being around people and that will continue, several people talking at once & especially loud voices set me off. my age will be 69 end of June.
It's so nice to find people in some way that u can relate to more like this
I am so grateful that I knew what I did to have my son diagnosed at 2 years old. He’s 18 now. SO many of his presentations could have easily been confused with rudeness, disrespect, bullying, impatience, selfishness, etc. but since I was able to learn what those presentations mean for an autistic person, I was able to interpret them for what they were: confusion, fear, focus, literal thinking, perfectionism, idealism, and I will say it again, confusion at “neurotypicals”.
I really pray pray pray he can find his place in the world as an adult with respecting his differences.
Love you Orion!! You give me hope for my son!
Hey Orion…. I would really like to talk to you about a thing/ trend I have seen in many current autistic creators (TH-cam etc).
I think it is a VERY important issue that needs to be addressed by autistic people! Let me know if you are interested in talking more.
@@ashleylovepace1941 what trend were you wanting to talk to Orion about? Just curious if it's something I should be aware of to not consider or if it might be something that is common to myself or my child...thank you in advance and if you don't want to answer to me it's ok too...have a blessed day!
@@natashayates5192 I think the trend I see is a sort of rude entitlement attitude presented towards neuro-typical people. I think there is a sense from people on the spectrum to want to stop caring about neurotypical people and just feel they want to be themselves and not care what others think.
But, the problem with that is that society has to work together. If people on the Autism spectrum want others to care about their special needs, then they don't need to offend and attack people who don't understand them. Unfortunately in the real world, people don't often care about things until they affect them personally. f
or instance, I care about my kids on the Autism spectrum, so I am overly patient with their special needs compared to how a stranger may be.. I keep seeing ASD people get so rude and offended by the typical parents not respecting them or treating them how they want to be treated. I feel like they are so frustrated at their own needs that they don't realize how hard it is on parents of ASD kids.
Everyone who is on the spectrum is different and it is extremely challenging to navigate parenthood in general, much more when a child has a unique difference. .
I guess the thing I would like to communicate to people on the autism spectrum is to try to be merciful to those who are trying to help you. if we hurt the ones who are trying to help us, who will we have left?
I think all kids take their parents for granted to a certain degree. But, I worry for ASD kids who are getting entitled and rude to parents and strangers who don't understand them. Unfortunately, society can turn on people fairly quickly. we all have to work together to get along
Excellent critique! I see the DSM criteria as unscientific, and not evidence-based. I see it as top down reasoning using confirmation bias by deeply misogynistic non-scientists (psychologists). Just my thoughts:) A psycho told me in 2012 that I’m not autistic because I had boyfriends:). I “survived” by masking and hiding behind pretty privilege. Completely burned out since 2010, completely used up. They are ridiculous. At least since they added the wording about masking in 2013, *a few* women are being dx’d. I was born in the 60s.
Me too. Born in the 60s and completely burnt the f out after a lifetime of being misunderstood.
"My hand is up here and don't know if I can ever get it off my chin." 😂😂😂😂😂
Very relatable and an actual problem for me but also hilarious
So much trauma/CPTSD due to my non-diagnosis/mid-life realization .... Anger, resentment, frustration. Man.
My autism became apparent to me after my eldest daughter was diagnosed. I searched the DSM-5 and DSM-4. I looked on forums and I read your youtube channel. In September last year, I met a woman who is herself Asperger and who makes me understand that I was also asperger. Since then, my life has changed and I’m just starting to stop masking. It’s not always easy, but at least I can get to know myself. i'M 36
My parents tried to get me an autism diagnosis when i was a kid, but i had already been diagnosed with ADD, so they told my parents it was impossible.
I remember writing in my journal in highschool, how it felt like i wasn't genuine, that i was wearing different "masks" to fit in with those around me.
And it was only about 6ish years ago when i was several years deep into being a social hermit after highschool (hikikamori for those that know) that i decided to unmask and be my genuine self. Around which my mom mentioned that i should see about looking into a diagnosis as she had tried when i was a kid, but i was heavily against it as I thought that'd mean i was genuinely stupid if i was. I eventually warmed up to the idea, but i was off my parents insurance at that point. While i was looking videos on self improvement and working on genuinely trying to figure myself out, I took the radds-r test online, and i got the average score for what autistic people get.
Which eventually led me to look into TH-cam videos on autism to get a better idea of if there was an correlation. And the evidence has been an avalanching on my life.
Im too busy being a full time single father with a full time job through a temp company to get a proper diagnosis. I dont have full insurance due to the temp company ether.
Edit: Seems I'm shadow banned from comments on comments, don't even know why, but know that I love all'y'all.
I’m a single mom with autistic kids. Wish I could help. It’s lonely being a single parent. Can’t imagine how much more struggling with being undiagnosed. ❤
@@ashleylovepace1941 Don't need to worry about me. I'm just glad my 4yo is good natured and listens to me... Mostly... But I do struggle sometimes when my nerves are completely frayed and I need space. But I'm told I'm doing a great job otherwise.
I've become content with my situation and being alone. As that is the best way I could heal from my cheating deadbeat ex. And as a consequence of being content, I've found myself reconnecting with a friend a couple months back, and we are considering a long distance relationship. So things are looking to get interesting, I need to figure out how to get comfortable with the changes. But this is the first relationship I'll have where I actually have a idea what I'm working with, in myself.
And if I may give a suggestion as a fellow single parent, take it as you will, work on making sure you yourself are taken care of, be content with yourself and your situation. As I was told, you are the life raft for your kid, so make sure you are not going to sink or burnout by focusing only him. I don't know you, but I believe you are doing your best, but remember that you can't always be at your best.
Sometimes my ability to comment or like freezes up upon returning to a page on my admittedly ancient phone. It comes and goes and I think it’s a bug, though I can’t be sure. Though if you can edit, that’s something I can’t do at all on my phone. Technology is a pain.
God bless you, @pineberry212.
I was told I was too emotional and I cried too easily, so I dug deep down and decided to mask without knowing what that was. Then, as a teenager, I was told the opposite…I was too cold, aloof, hard to read. As an adult, I realize I eventually became unpredictable and would go to either extreme, depending on my state of mind. It’s such a relief now, to start accepting that whatever I’m feeling is healthy for me, that I was born this way, and sitting with my feelings, withdrawing while I observe and experience them, allows me to accept and be content with who I am…a beautiful deeply emotional, kind human being.
I listen to you in an effort to understand the man I love. I listen without judgment. He was diagnosed by a long time friend and gifted psychiatrist who adored him. I wish he would watch your videos instead of trying to deny his uniqueness. He has all the hidden traits. At times, I feel like he will never love me back. I feel like giving up on us.
I was married to someone I believe was undiagnosed and didn’t admit any issues. I gave up. I wish I hadn’t. I wish I could have learned more and respected us both more. Big hug
I’ve seen it in my family as well and it’s so difficult. Hang in there and take care of yourself!
O dear I hope u r doing okay
Thank you. Saving now to get my assessment. I am 46. What a life.
23:08 I said this to my mom when I was a little kid. Now at 50 hearing someone else say it really is incredible. I wish I could go back and tell little me I'm alright...to just accept me being different. That I'm not just here to suffer
I was misdiagnosed as bipolar. I now know I have ADHD & autism. What I was told was severe depression is really autistic burnout. The misdiagnosis made me worse, and spiral more into depression.
Wow!! you are the first person who has ever been able to explain what I experienced when I try to catch a ball! Thank you!
Aren't the traits of autistic inertia also symptoms of ADHD? That's another reason that they may be part of the same overall condition
Wow, yes to almost everything, and made me giggle "defects of the DSM 5" 😂 never a truer word spoken. 😊 A lot of progress has been taken but soo much more could be done when it comes to assessments. 😊
A good assessor will be able to diagnose even people who are masking. Especially if you had problems as a child that you tell them.
But if you don't get a good assessor masking could be a problem.
In the late 70’s I was shoved into special ed classes and was the outcast because not only did I have a stutter and spoke super fast I was just “weird”. I spent most of my life believing I was just broken. Even though I blow away the IQ test the psychologists kept giving me and I only got through public schools because despite not doing and homework or assignments I aced every test I took. It wasn’t until I was in my 40’s that I discovered my autism and now in my 50’s I am very open about my experiences.
I wish I had people like this in my life when I was a child, someone who could explain why I could suck so bad with people and daily living but still teach my professors new concepts of their chosen subjects in class that I realized during a lecture. Or why I can rattle off historical facts I learned several decades ago in a conversation about which restaurant to eat at.
But now days I am far more understanding of my personality and because of which I’m in my first serious relationship with someone who understands my Autistic behaviors. My first relationship to get past the first few months where you can let down the mask and they still care about me. In my 50’s.
I’m still learning to forgive the world for that one. Now if only can only get a job not to take advantage of my work ethics and give me a livable wage I may feel like I beat the world.
8:14 throughout my middle school to highschool years I was well liked and accepted by a large group of people and got a ton of attention from women. My impulsiveness and lack of empathy hurt a lot of peoples feelings. I would overcompensate with being extremely social. I was untreated for my adhd, asd, and bp1 until my 20s.
45 y.o. late diagnosed male (ASD & ADD). I couldn't tie my shoes the "normal" way throughout my early school years. It seemed like magic watching others do it. Finally, my father taught me the bunny ear method, which I could do easily because I could visualize it in my head. Unfortunately, I learned this method rather late.... like at 7 or 8 years old. I relied on velcro shoes prior to that.
And... playing catch.... I was super confused by all that. I'd always run away from the ball in fear. I was forced to try it so often that I eventually figured it out,..... BUT to this day, I always dread when someone throws something to me. I usually catch it, but it feels like an eternity as the object travels through the air.
Finally.... bike and training wheels... I embarrassingly had training wheels long after all the other kids took theirs off. I eventually figured and mastered the bike, but it was an abnormally slow process.
Feeling like an outsider, meant to suffer, black sheep, something wrong with me..... yeah.... story of my life. Wow. Just..... wow. Thanks for this, brother. 🙏 🎉
We '80s kids lucked out with that velcro. I'm 45 too, late Dx, and had the same problem, lol. Even after I started wearing laces they'd get 1) stuck in escalators (two times!), 2) wrapped around. my bike pedals and I fell over in the middle of the street (two times!) I just felt so dumb I couldn't get it. Could never do a cartwheel. Always felt left out on that one! Jump roping was not easy, to this day it's tough.
Wow never heard anyone else say about the training wheels thing!!! I stopped riding a bike and now as an adult, I require them again! Luckily, they make adult ones, with colourful lights and everything haha
About the DSMV…my primary care physician diagnosed me as level 1 at age 27 (I’m 30 now).
I firmly believe that I need a reevaluation. I was diagnosed within a 15 min appt.
I probably was level 3 (or something between 2 and 3) when I was a kid because I had SO MANY of these examples. I learned a mask and I’m just now unlearning that mask.
I also think 15 mins isn’t enough to go in-depth/good enough for a proper diagnosis and therefore assistance and amount of support isn’t to the level needed.
Lordy, watch out world if I ever let rip and take my social game mask off, lol! Very few people get to see it, and I always feel quite vulnerable afterwards, if I go too far... Silliness and fun and being a bit outrageous are a strong pull. Best to keep it behind closed doors. Came to this via my son potentially getting a diagnosis at 21, I'm 55. I know how annoying I can be, but I also find it hilarious too, and sad, and a bit lonely. Life innit. Thanks for the videos.
I've always been different, I don't fit in. I've learned to pretend to be social, nowadays I can even do small talk with people I don't know on my good days, it dosen't feel natural but people don't seem to notice.
I haven't been diagnosed with autism even though I've been in contact with all sorts of professional therapists, psychiatrists, doctors etc since 1999 when I was 16...
Through the years I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, panic disorder, social phobia, insomnia, ocd, borderline and bipolar. I did a neuropsychriatic evaluation in 2008, thats how I got the borderline diagnose, probably because I'm female and have meltdowns and some selfharm problems. I went to DBT therapy which helped me undersrand and express my feelings better and to deescalate emotions.
Every single thing on your list is me, I started laughing at some points because it so accurate, and then I started crying 😢
I'm doing a new evaluation this summer by someone whose an expert in autism in girls, I hope I can get some help finally.
This is the first time I've talked about this publicly.
Very relatable. I could have written your comment except that the diagnoses started was when I 17 in 1984. Pretty much the same diagnoses until 2018 when I was diagnosed ADHD. I can't afford seeking an additional diagnoses. But finding this community has given me a lot of peace. I'm NOT broken is the biggest take away.
Your story is similar to mine except I was 14 in 1990 when I started with the mental health system. I was diagnosed with 14 mental illnesses in 30+ years. Ten were wrong. I also was misdiagnosed with BPD and went to DBT. DBT was mostly helpful to me though some of the non-DBT mental health professionals were extremely prejudiced against people diagnosed with BPD.
I found an assessor who specializes in women and was diagnosed with autism last year at age 47.
Good luck with your diagnosis!
I'm pretty sure I'm ADHD but recently considering whether I'm AUDHD coz the more I dig the more I relate to some of the autism presentations though I mask. But I've just discovered my singing is stimming I've been curious as to whether it was for a while. But I watched a video that spelt it out for me. Made sooo much sense. I sing often. Always have. I'm saying this coz it's not often talked about and it might help someone else. As I always thought no I don't stim coz I don't know if I do any physical stuff but singing has always regulated me. And now I have kids I don't hide it anymore. I just sing around the house with them. And I need it coz the kids and that can be sensory overwhelm at times. So I rely on singing at times to stay afloat.
Oh… that makes a lot of sense. I often sing or hum.
Does anyone know how to deal with neurodivergent ennui? Im often so bored, and Im struggling to find a way to deal with it beyond going a a self-destructive binge until death.
I'm 44yrs old undiagnosed. Both my kids are ASD. So much of what you say is so relatable but also I have a strange way of overcoming my physical coordination. If I stumble or am about to fall I somehow have subconsciously learned to automatically prevent myself from hitting the ground as a natural reflexive reaction. I also struggle to catch and throw objects when I actually make an effort to do so. Most of the time I am to jerky and stiff and have a hard time judging when to release when I throw. However, if I don't think about it, which can be very difficult btw, I can easily catch and toss object very well without even looking at the tossed object or the target I am tossing to. I have had many people be shocked at how easy it is for me to toss items into buckets with such a high success rate even when my back is turned. Of course as soon as anything is said about it I then become aware of " oh yeah. I am tossing items in the bucket" and the my brain goes into overdrive with every little detail of the physics of my body and and location of the bucket and size and weight of the object and then.... Disaster! I couldn't ring that bucket to save my life. That's when I stop, take a deep breath and with much annoyance stand and say "well I guess I'm done with that for the day" and now I can feel the buzzing coursing through my arms and legs just thinking about it.
The mind can be very fascinating yet at the same time sooooo frustrating.
Hey Orion, I love your quirky interjections, your sense of humour 😁
These hidden traits are so on the nose! I wish I had known about these long, long ago…
I’ve always known I was fundamentally different and didn’t fit in. I unknowingly masked and pushed through. I appeared to be high-functioning, but was a mess when home alone. I neglected selfcare and household chores. Ever since childhood, I had depressive episodes, some even lasting years (unrecognized autistic burnouts, I now think).
I burnt out (again) six years ago, big time, and have been struggling ever since. First I received a complex PTSD diagnosis - not wrong, but also not getting to the root of my problems. Last year, I sought and got an ADHD-C diagnosis after recognizing my symptoms in the DSM-5. After starting meds my energy levels rose, then crashed again after a few weeks. I sought therapy and during the intake process the psychologists noticed autistic traits. I was stunned at first, but within an hour self-diagnosed through online searches. Who knew that girls/women present differently from boys/men? 🤯
Last month I received my autism classification and I’m already doing much better. I’m 58, first sought help at 28, received diagnoses of depression and an eating disorder, and only now do I actually understand why my life has been so difficult. I view myself with more compassion and am re-examining my fixed beliefs about myself and the way I (don’t) fit into general society.
Your channel has been a big part of my self-education and I’m so thankful for all your hard work ❤
Before I was late diagnosed as having Asperger's, as a kid and through my teens I often thought I was a space alien. What people did (especially girls fawning over boy bands! xD) just never made sense. I could never truly connect with people and sunk most of my life drawing and writing and making up my own worlds just to cope. Now I cannot seem to draw or write any more and I feel trapped. I think my over use of the internet has ruined my creativity...or as you said Transition/ inertia has finally caught up and hit me hard.
Oh gosh yeah... I hated trying to drive because it threw off all of my senses!! It was horrifying! ... also Im super glad I got diagnosed early in life and got good support between family and teachers, which I wish more could experience... thank you for your videos sir! It probably wouldn't happen, but it would awesome to meet you irl if I ever am able to visit Australia!
I love the way you explain autism. Thank you!
You are the master of informative and entertaining. Like a wise old sage with a sense of humor.
But seriously this was great and something a lot of us in the lost generation totally understand.
Great point about meltdowns not being in the DSM5...
And my 12 year old son does not know how to ride a bike or tie his shoe. Literally two examples you gave. But he can argue theoretical concepts like dark energy to you so....
I was just like your kid! Very late in learning how to do both, in spite of being hyperverbal and hyperlexic from very early on.
One morning in my early teens I just woke up and thought "dammit, I'm sick of not being able to ride a bike" and decided I was going to figure it out once and for all without anybody trying to actually teach me and frustrating me. Took the bike that had been collecting dust for years outside.
It took me literally less than twenty minutes to figure it out.
So don't be surprised if you come home from running errands one of these days and your kid can suddenly ride a bike because that kind of weird thing happens with us autists.
Thank you Orion for these videos! I'm in bad burnout right now, and I watch some daily to help me feel a bit better about it all. You nailed it in #14, too: I went for a diagnosis before I realized I was masking too well and only came away with a really expensive misdiagnosis of depression and anxiety. It's videos like this, and therapy with an affirming Autistic therapist, that helps me understand myself anyway. Also, your shirts are great, especially this one!
24:04 Has anyone told you that you resemble Conan O’Brien? Wow! Your vids always make me literally laugh out loud. You’re doing a great thing here. Thank you.
The way you give information that totally resonates with me while also making me laugh hysterically is an absolute joy. Thank you!😊
Late diagnosed at the age of 38. I was diagnosed with ADHD which explained my inability to sit still or pay attention but it didn’t explain my meltdowns, obsessive compulsive behaviors, strange way of speaking, preferring to be alone, and issues with making and keeping friends. I also had consistent issues with food textures, loud noises, certain clothing, and scented anything. Everyone just thought I was strange. The main thing people always told me was how rude and abrasive I was when I’m not remotely rude.
You've described me nearly ti a "T". Thank you for the reminder that I need to be more compassionate and understanding with myself, that my meltdowns before, during, and after work (I'm the Guest Services/Cash Office Manager at a local grocery store) are likely part of undiagnosed Autism. Im not planning to be diagnosed, but all of these signs fit me and taking online diagnostic tests put me well on the highly functioning end of the spectrum.
I know what you mean I've being in Autistic burnout for 2 years, cause I kept pushing through for way too long, even when I started becoming overstimulated or disregulated 😘 I found the balance.....
Extremely hard between self care and then being there for others said with respect, kindness and love. As a child I were actually diagnosed with global developmental- delay..
It was the 90's and Australia weren't up to speed with recognising that as, just simply another presentation of autism, thanks so much for everything you do 😊♡♡
invalidation and imposter syndrom keeps me form pursuing this, but when i watch your videos, i feel like this is me. right now i feel lucky to have a late diagnosis of ADHD at 41 years old. but i also feel like this isnt me as a whole. currently i am almost month 2 in my room, decompressing from the world. i feel pretty lost but highly skilled. i personally feel like i have a dual adhd and ASD. your videos though are starting to let me consider building up the motivation or courage to try to figure out how to communicate this topic with my doctor to avoid the invalidations i am scared to recieve from him.
Thank you for your videos.
What is this "maintaining friendships and other relationships" that you speak of? I am unfamiliar with such esoteric arts.
I have been a teacher of kids for most of my 74 years. You are brilliant to bring up so many commonplace life issues for kids then - and now. Wonderful work you do!!
Who am I?
I'm who I want to be!
That bit about developing a character resonates so much!
I cherry pick behaviours I admire in other people... see how they cope with situations and practice it in my world.
I feel like a chameleon at times as i seem to adapt to different situations.
I like to be around people where i feel most like the me that i want to be... usually find out those friends are also on the spectrum 🥰😀
Hey Orion, thanks for your valuable work, this helps me to understand my brother better who has aspergers. As a student currently studying/training as a counsellor, you are correct that the DSM-5 has gaps in research that leave out key aspects of certain diagnoses, which means the broad range of experiences, or nuances, of those with autism aren't accounted for. This has been a problem since the DSM was introduced in 1952 due to its scientific basis. A holistic understanding of autism is also worth consideration. Appreciate your work! Jordan
Ive always felt like the Black sheep! I have a difficult time fitting in at jobs if I as myself. I need to withdraw and keep to myself in order to survive.
Soo much of this is so relatable to me! Then every once in a while there’s one that doesn’t line up and I end up feeling like I’m a fraud or faking it or something equally disdainful… In my case today it’s the lack of coordination as a child/riding a bike example that has me thinking this way because from what little I can actually remember about my childhood , I was very very good at riding a bike, I near obsessively spent my time teaching myself to do increasingly difficult tricks that heavily involved a good sense of balance . I was good not just for my age but just good! Does that mean that I cannot be on the spectrum? I’m not sure? I would like to hear from Anyone with an opinion on this.
Dude! I find myself saying this is the most helpful video of yours I've seen, then I watch another one. Thank you very much! You're helpful in so many ways!!
I saw a therapist once at the recommendation of others and told the story of how I went to 12 different public schools (It might have been 13). I told him I had to learn how to be like a chameleon. I had to practice things like metaphors so I could better understand them and learned how to be quick with jokes. Something I have to practice to this day, because i I don't, the skill goes away. I'm undiagnosed, but after watching this video, I have little doubt. I've suspected I might have been undiagnosed for many years now.
Been watching your videos all day because we've been told our daughter might be autistic and or adhd, so I've been trying to get a better understanding.
Reciently diagnosed with autism and ADHD, was diagnosed dyslexic in 1986.
When I got the letter about my diagnosis I was shocked to see l have very limited facial expressions l didn’t realise I had this at all
You described dyspraxia so well. I can identify with it. As a child I found it difficult to catch and throw a ball or anything else. I remember kids saying I throw/catch like a girl. Of course this is very disrespectful to females, but as a young boy it was humiliating to hear that. Balancing is also a challenge. I struggle with both even now.
26:47 This exact thing happened to me recently. I did not yet know how to unmask (still struggling but i’m getting somewhere), they did a child assessment on me (I’m 18) which was heavily based on them observing my movements and body language. I did not pass the ADOS-2. I passed both other tests they did which were the AQ, and the ADR-I (interview with my mom, I wasn’t present). My mom was watching my assessment through double-sided glass and told me after the meeting that I was not myself in there at all.
There were many things in the report that were inaccurate to my lived experience which included saying I wasn’t creative (I make up entire worlds in my head and create elaborate stories that I build on for years), there was no observable repetitive motions, no echolalia (I do both when I’m anywhere but in a room with a group of strangers prodding me), and many other things.
I have been misdiagnosed with BPD (I don’t even meet half of the criteria, only violent outbursts, which you mentioned in the video catches a lot of autistic people wrongfully by doctors), and have been diagnosed with 5 DIFFERENT KINDS of anxiety (I wonder why).
I cant even face in the direction of a person talking to me, let alone meet eyes with them or even turn my head towards them. I focus on surroundings and observe details in them which helps me focus on processing their speech. If I suck it up and make eye contact I loose my ability to understand or retain what’s being said to me at all.
I struggle with inertia to the point where I can only focus on my special interest and cannot move to any other activities at all even if I want to with all my soul.
I become so engrossed in my interests I forget food and water even exists and is necessary for survival. I cannot function by myself and need support from my mom to keep myself fed, go outside, keep schedule of things for me, and keep me alive basically.
I have become locked away from supports I would’ve gained that would’ve helped me with just existing, by not being diagnosed, due to the mask I’ve had metaphorically superglued to my face since before I can even remember.
This video was extremely eye opening. Every single word you said resonated with me completely. Thank you for all the work you’ve put in to put this together!
#s 10 & 11 were the ones that began my journey. Realizing I was masking and never showing my true self and feeling like an alien were my first realizations that led me to find I was autistic.
My whole life I "played a character" or different characters in public. I thought everyone had a different persona.
I'm still trying to find my true self after masking for so long.
Hi just wanted to let you know you have helped me not feel completely alone. Thanks 😊 💛 you are awesome
You’re not alone
❤
God is alone but I doubt he cares. Therfore neither do I. Consider NT people as having the problem and embrace who you truly are.
Thank you for all that you do, for us lost generation folks. You validate me.
I have been watching your videos lately A LOT and this one spesifically changed everything. I have suffered severely all my life because I have tried to be normal but anything I have done or been hasn’t worked. I do not have diagnosis at least not yet but EVERYTHING you say just makes sense! I made so huge realizations about my own life and reality today that first I bursted into happy tears and right after that I just jumped around waving my arms around ”weird way” (weird for many, happy stimming for me?!) I feel so liberated and free and alive! Thank you so much for making these videos!
Well, I guess I just figured out why I still can't tie my shoes at 45! My eyes nearly popped out of my head when you mentioned that. I do the bunny ears method, it also just makes more sense anyway.
Everything you said is also my experience, and I especially resonate with self diagnosing. I don't know if I want to try to get a therapist to help officially diagnose me. I fear it could lead to autistic meltdowns and burnout with me needing to explain my whole life and present a convincing argument to a professional so I can get an official stamp of some kind. I know I'm smart enough by myself to figure it out, so I don't feel the need to convince some authority figure.
Thanks for all your videos!
Thank you for this video I needed clarification about burn out. Last year I was self diagnosed, invalidated by a Neuro psicologíst. 65 yo burn out Fatigue takes away half of my life
Incredible video. The content should be made into an academic journal article on autism.
My sports were solo sports, cross country running, cross country skiing, bike riding. Turn out those types of exercise help with ADHD, never knew why catching balls etc was so hard.
Well that certainly explains my like of cross country… and why I never fit in with any team…
Another one of the barriers to late autistic diagnosis is the people around you are in "denial" and try to gaslight you that you're not autistic at all - THEY DONT WANT TO SEE YOU EMPOWERED, AUTHENTIC, UNMASKED.
Thank you for this video. I'm looking at my life through a new lense, and suddenly everything is in focus.
I keep saying ah ha and yeah that's me every time I watch your videos. Then hearing you say my thought out loud, "is this me talking on this video or is it Orion?!" I'm still coming to terms with the possibility I discovered last year. I've yet to really deep dive into Autism because I know it'll be my new "special interest" that will take over for months. But I think I'll find even more of myself once I do 😊
Thank you, Orion for all of your content and for allowing those of us who need it to feel seen and validated ❤
I was actually diagnosed in school, but I spent my whole adult life trying to just mask and fit in. Now I'm 29 and getting totally burnt out becaus of it and I'm nowhere near where I want to be in life. I think changes are nessesary.
@20:20 Funnily enough, as I was sitting on my bus to work listening to this, my hand subconsciously went into the same position as yours. I believe I was holding my chin as a way to mask any unusual hand movement. As when you were talking about stimming, I had visualised myself twiddling a pen in my fingers, clicking it etc. I seem to often place my arms or hands in various positions to try and look more “natural”?
45 year old self diagnosed Autistic guy here trying to figure this all out.
I got really close to a having a meltdown at the airport yesterday. I was traveling to see my mom so we can go on vacation together and I was travelling alone for the first time. I was very overloaded after a full day of travel that when i got to destination and was trying to find the meeting spot i got very overwhelmed with the noise, the lights and noise, etc and i got close to a meltdown. I managed to avoid it.
Ya know what I hate the most about airports? On top of all the noise, lights, activity, confusing and unclear rules and procedures, they always seems to have patterned carpet that makes me feel nauseous. Airports are the worst. First time I flew alone I ended up crying and shaking, good on you for coping 🥇
travel can be such hell and I'm a big traveller. Hmmmm, I'm also a writer. Maybe a travel blog/book/vlog for autists could be helpful. I've now got a system down for planes. Earplugs in, over the ear noise cancelling headphones plugged into my phone with brown noise app. Sunglasses on. Soft breathable black jacket over head. Always an aisle seat to avoid claustrophobia. Always preboarding whenever I can to avoid potential meltdowns over being crowded and not having a place for my bag. Water. Safe snacks. Nasal moisturizers. FIVE THINGS OF CARMEX OMG. I've got to figure out a coping tool for delayed planes. One time I missed a flight and threw my luggage, it wasn't good.
@@objectivityisourfriend9631 I always sit by the windows when I can. I love looking down at all the tiny fields and cities! I take pictures too.
Very well done articulation of autism diagnosis Orion and in just 29 minutes.This subject is fascinating for me.Way back in 1970 I went through an intense psychiatric evaluation process that found me to have a "moderately flattened affect"and that I found it "very difficult to converse or communicate"and that I had shown"considerable social withdrawal"and that I also had an "intense fantasy life"and to top it off I had a"thinking disorder"whatever that meant.Of course I was given a diagnosis of schizophrenia in keeping with diagnostic criteria of the day.Oh I almost forgot. My psychological test result showed that my test was "certainly not a psychotic one".Go figure.Anyway for the past couple of years I honestly and totally identify as being autistic and my therapist has validated me on that.Finally I learned to ride a bike when I was 9 and I still rock back and forth when I am trying to concentrate.
Your wife is a hero to me. Pretty sure I’m autistic and absolutely certain several of my children are. None of us can afford to pay for official diagnosis.
I had my interview and at the end the psychist smiled and said he was pleased to share- he is going to proceed with testing me. I am scheduled in September. I said it seemed pretty "out there" in time. The scheduler said no he was pushing me ahead and she seemed surprised. She whispered "He really in demand." Okay, I thought, I am 73. Now I'm thinking I need to be making notes about flashbacks to when I was under a lot of stress. I had some things I am pretty sure were melt downs. They weren't pretty. Orion, you had me at #12. That was sick, and I haven't laughed and cried at the same time in a long time.
I met all 5 of the dsm 5 guidelines you mentioned trying to get tested as an adult now.
I thoroughly enjoyed this video Orion. I sat and watched the whole thing. Usually my ADHD doesn't want me to do that. LOL But it was very educational and entertaining. I love your sense of humor. It keeps my attention. AWESOME! Yes, found my tribe, related to all of it.
This was an excellent presentation. Most of it really resonates with me. I have been diagnosed with ADHD in the past and have recently gone through the testing phase for ASD; just waiting to hear one way or another.
I’ve done both online tests for Autism and ADHD and I scored high in both.
I do feel empowered knowing that’s why I’m broken. But trying to tell family. I do this or that because of adhd or autism and I still get into trouble.
That's the thing--it does NOT mean you're "broken." We aren't. What's broken is how society treats us.
I'm not diagnosed autistic but I 110 percent am. It's good to watch to remind myself to take better care of myself. Idk how they would help me if I did get a diagnosis, but these videos help me help me just a bit. ❤
Thanks for helping me find my Tribe ❤ I was clueless up till a few years ago. It all started with feeling validated with other's shared experiences.
I wish I was diagnosed earlier. I feel like it could’ve saved me a lot of struggle, both past and current, from anorexia. I still use it to cope in times of high stress and change instead of stimming or allowing myself to meltdown. This world just isn’t conducive to allow autistic individuals to thrive. We barely have the resources to diagnose females with autism, or ADHD for that matter, and even though awareness is going around, there is still so much pushback and people ignoring the issue.
There are so many mental health disorders that are caused by not getting that autism diagnosis.
It’s more than just autism going on for many people. It’s not just all over the internet because people want that label. It’s because it’s finally being recognized. It impacts so much.
Thanks, Orion, as always, you're spot on. I was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago (at age 48), and I'm certain I'm auDHD. However, with all the years of masking, I've convinced myself that I can't possibly have autism to. After watching this episode, I'm even more convinced that I do.
I intended to broach the topic with my psychiatrist during my last two appointments but couldn't bring myself to do it. I feared he'd tell me it's just ADHD, and feeling like an imposter prevented me from bringing it up. I remember sitting there during my last visit, my head racing, telling myself, 'Go on, just do it, bring it up,' but I couldn't. Twice i’ve walked out feeling intense guilt and major regret.
I've been searching TH-cam for relatable content to help me gain the confidence to bring it up next time, and here are at least 15 examples. Now, I just need to muster up the courage!
Writing down the reasons autism fits might help. It might be easier to read from it or just hand them the paper!
Thanks Orion, best list of "criteria" I've seen, and I'm only unsure about two of them. My environmental sensitivities don't seem to be very pronounced, there seems to be hyper-sensitivity to loud, crowded, busy places, or highly emotional expression, but hyposensitivity to my own body sensations. The final criteria about things finally making sense and feeling like part of a community - not so much, after so long as an alien outsider I don't think that's possible for me even among other alien outsiders, and the neurotypical world will always be a madhouse.
As for the Dysfunctional Society Manifesto:
-It isn't soft and absorbent
-it chafes
-it leaves one feeling unclean
-and it doesn't FLUSH easily!
(The Insane Clowns Diary isn't much better.)
For a more accurate, realistic, and legitimate attempt to present useful psychological material, give the Psychodynamic Diagnostic Manual ( PDM2 ) a study.
Hey Orion, wonderful video, so informative. Misdiagnosed bipolar in 2020 so this video is a great one for the NTs I reckon. Also, big appreciation for your echolalic reference to jim carrey at 19:45. It was gooood. 😂 Loving the videos ❤
Orion, you are a blessing. thank you so much
Number 12 made me feel called out but was also very very comforting
This same video had me both, spitting out my imaginary coffee from hilarity and nodding my head in agreement while holding back tears. Orion you are perfect. And, can we be best friends?
Thanks
I appreciate it.