naima samale honestly though I think introverts tend to be more introspective due to their pensive nature, it’s not the case for everyone. People forget about all the other stuff that make up your personality. I know extroverts who are incredibly deep thinkers and introverts who uh aren’t so much. Extrovert Introvert aren’t your entire personality so it’s hard to say whether or not one is “introspective” for example just based on one factor
As an introvert, I've sat back and observed extroverts,and have seen on way too many occasions where it gets them involved with all sorts of bad situations and drama.As far as them having more "friends",many of those "friends" they have are fake.No thanks!Introverts have a smaller circle of friends that tend to be more loyal.
That’s exactly what I have seen, with my extroverted friends. As an introvert: I’ve avoided a lot of the pitfalls that they have experienced. They may have more friends than I do, however, I explain to them: I have the amount of friends that I can handle.
I once worked in an office that had lots of break room gatherings and parties, lots! I usually left after a few minutes to get back to work. Everyone would get offended and ask why I’m going back to me desk to work. Well, because I’m at work... ? I don’t understand this at all. Even the managers would tease me about it and I’m just thinking, so you want me to neglect my work, fall behind or have to work late, and pay me to socialize with all these people I see 5 days a week 8 hours a day?
There was a time when I tried to act extroverted. I could always "fake" it a few hours at a time. After a while though, I realized that introversion is a part of my personality and it's not worth my effort to fake it otherwise.
@@nowherenothere "Don't be so anti-social, you shouldn't spend so much time alone, you need to be more outgoing, you need to be more of a people-person, you think too much. . . " Is your cringe factor in orbit yet? !!!
My husband and I both are introverts. We have no desire to go out all the time, we love peace and quiet. If we do go out, we wish we were home. We love it....I was so fortunate to find the male version of myself 40 yrs ago. Even as a child I had 3 sisters and yet always preferred to play alone. Sometimes I would go sit in the car as a child just for the solitude. It's my DNA. I have no intention of ever changing. Liking your own company is wonderful.
Nor should you Cherry. Glad to hear you met someone with whom you can be yourself, and vice versa without apology. Count your blessings, many people are introverted and alone because they don't find or are found by someone who is a good match for them.
I grew up feeling there was something terribly wrong with me for being Introverted; feeling I was missing out on a world that seemed to prioritize extroversion in school, business, social groups, etc. But over time I'm realizing there is real value in embracing my introversion. It really is all about cultivating self-awareness along with a balanced mindset and approach to life, regardless of Introversion or Extroversion. I'm finally learning that it's okay for me to be who I really am, so long as I'm not hurting myself or anyone else in the process!
I’m an introvert, and have perfectly positive emotions while skipping around the house gardening, reading and listening to music, skyping with friends, and watching TH-cam videos. 👍🏻
For anyone who hasn't read it, there's a book called "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking," is so good. It really puts a whole new perspective on the value of being an introvert.
Plus possibly less infection risk coz extroverts still continue to have social gathering despite government announcements to avoid as many gatherings as possible.
Yeah, I was self-isolated before pandemic stuff, so nothing changed for me, or, rather, its been positive since now its socially acceptable to be this way
I agree as long as we differentiate between 1. The ability to spend time alone without becoming sad, and 2. Having been agoraphobic before Corona and now claiming everyone should be this way. 😉
My limit is around the 2-3 hour mark for informal gatherings (family, etc.). I go home completely exhausted. I hate parties where I only know the host! Eek! Haven't been to a party in years, though. However, Covid isolation is too much even for me! 😳
@Brian Jones I can expand it to 6 hours or more but only if there are different things we are going to do and doesn't rely solely on talking all the time. If I get to my limit though i start getting very irritable for very small things. And can get explosive anger it I go too far.
@@diane9247 i get that!! But just before covid I went to a small house party where everyone was kinda introverted. And it was sooo nice. Everyone was like super respectful and interested and no one behaving in a loud way or putting the music loud. I have to say... introvert gatherings... that was just so fascinating and awesome
Avoiding high positive emotions can protect you from the passions of the mob and the facile rituals of the day. That is a big advantage if you believe integrity matters.
A quick joke about excessive optimism: A young lad was exceedingly optimistic and always saw the bright side of things. His parents appreciated this but thought it would be well to temper his optimism as the world might someday come down hard on him. Nothing worked. In desperation they had a truckload of horse manure delivered and dumped through the window into his basement bedroom. When he arrived home from school, he opened his bedroom door, yelled "Yippee" and ran to the garage to get a shovel. His parents asked him what he was doing and he answered "There must be a pony in there somewhere!"
I‘m an introvert and my favorite colleague in the office is an extravert. I love her upbeat energy and lightheartedness that pull me out of me deep thoughts and feel like fresh air. To my surprise, she loves me equally back, but for opposite reasons: she appreciates my calmness and the space i give her, when she talks about difficulties. While other extraverts make jokes to cheer her up, i can‘t think of a joke, i can‘t be funny. So i do, what comes naturally to me: i listen and take her very serious. She feels understood. We are a symbiotic team. 😄😄
I'm extremely extroverted, and my girlfriend is quite introverted. We spend a lot of time together just being in each others presence. I love the break from always feeling compelled to talk. We can just be.
Introverts talk a lot about being judged but really I think introverts are just as judgy. Chatterbox? How about we all try to be more understanding and appreciate the differences between us. Extroverts can learn not to take your silent unsmiling retreat from social interactions as rejection and you can understand that it’s possible to want to relate to other people without being considered obnoxious and empty?
@@esmereldapinchon1422 Yeah, I feel like quite a few introverts are actually jerks. So are extroverts, but at least extroverts don't act like they're the only ones getting judged.
I think our society is geared towards and celebrates extroversion. It can be rough for us introverts! I love extroverts, but sometimes they try to "change" introverts because they can't understand our need to spend time alone to recharge our batteries, so to speak. Thanks for speaking on the positive aspects :)
I don't know which I'm more annoyed by: society's tendency to reward extraversion while treating introversion as a problem that needs fixing, or the same old tired "introvert stereotypes." Being an introvert does not mean that I'm a recluse living in fear of humanity amid piles of books and 20 pet cats. Maybe I'm just bitter? Lol. Thank you for examining the upside of introversion Dr. G!
I was born into a family of extroverts. Constantly being told there was something “wrong” with me. Teased. Bullied into talking and interacting. Thankfully, I have my own family to take care of now so I don’t have to endure them often. Ironically, my in-laws are more introverted than I am, so I’m oftentimes leading any conversation, since otherwise there would be crickets! Lol. You do you. It’s not easy being an introvert in an extrovert’s society.
As an introvert I'm able to get more done. When I was nineteen years old I started a real estate business that I still have today (I'm now 43y/o). While my friends partied I was alone working on my business. I don't believe I would have started a business at such a young age if I was an extrovert.
I appreciate the comments about lack of positive emotion not being equal to negative etc. This is a prevalent assumption in my world. I feel affirmed and will continue to be a realist (an introverted one). Thank you once again Dr Grande. So much packed into so short a video.
I'd point out the cultural context mattering. The difference between Japan and the United states. One socially rewards introversion more and the other has more incentives towards extraversion. So this kind of context could help frame the topic.
Completely agree. Another example is Latin America, where if you prefer to spend time alone, people worry what’s wrong with you! It’s just not right, it’s not natural; you may be sick or even offended at something, and no one wants to see you isolated / isolating. It’s tough to be a natural introvert under those circumstances! People really don’t understand if you say, “I just need some time to myself.”
I have a friend that would be considered an extrovert. In our younger days when men were making advances to her she would act very friendly, but would then abruptly disregard them moments later, because she was not interested. I'm an introvert and was clear from the start when I was not interested, which I thought was more honest and created less confusion. Just one example where coldness can be confused with honesty and sincerity. Another example is that I see a great amount of neediness and selfishness in some extroverted people. It's not about what they can give, but what they can get, and they will hide that behind being very friendly and outgoing. I think people in general have this preference for extroverts because it makes them feel more comfortable when they can socialize than when they don't get much contact. They tend to be suspicious of the introvert, because they just don't know the person. Even though the extrovert they "know" might have a lot more secrets than the introvert they are suspicious of.
Every extravert is not a carbon copy of another. If your personality swings comfortabley from one side to another, that's a different type. The presumption of neediness, shallowness, selfishness is unfair. Unfortunately, I have found over the years that many staunchly introverted people become intimidated by extraverted behaviors, for no real reason except insecurity ... and envy. No reason to wear our "'verts" like a badge. Enjoy the variety!
Being an introvert, i have been on both spectrum. Distant/cold right from the beginning but have also acted friendly and discarded someone shortly after. I am both shallow and highly introspective. My point is, i don't think your using the right pronouns to describe the differences between introverts/extroverts. Dont get it mixed and be thinking introverts are all high and mighty and full of honesty/integrity. All it is, is how we use our energy.
@@Hamyhamster24 No, that was not my point at all. Of course introverts can be full of ugly secrets. I'm just giving an example of how they can also be misunderstood.
@Jake Stockton I can see why you would make that assumptions. But that’s a very shallow assumptions without much research and thoughts being put into. If you consider yourself an introvert you already know introverts tends to self reflect a lot, this means we spend more time looking deeper into things. However Your assumptions just proved to me that both introverts and extroverts are equally capable of being vain, selfish, and shallow. It isn’t the introvert/extrovert traits, it’s the character integrity, values and morals that ultimately guides the individual. Introversion and extroversion is simply just an outlet to release and absorbs energies that fuels our minds, souls and bodies.
@Jake Stockton First, you’re incorrect. Second, you’re calling me a liar and saying I haven’t dealt with Social Anxiety Disorder for 29 years? Perhaps you’d elaborate?
Interesting lecture ..... Now if only we can get ppl to stop harassing introverts to conform to people's perceived social norms .... some of us just want nothing to do at all with societies over dramatized he said she said bullshit ....
Thank you. I used to be pushed by a woman at work to eat lunch in the packed break room with coworkers. I just really didn’t want to. She would yell at me to eat lunch with everyone else. It was so uncomfortable. She was the life of the party, the look at me, tattle tale... so exhausting. I would push back and say “thanks I’m good here.” I just find it unfair for others to want to push their own personality traits on others. Just let me be
@@rebecastevens8892 I thought I was the only one who experienced this. This is why me and my Capoeira Teacher dont get along. He's tries to make everyone who is quiet "come out of their shell". And if you dont, we will single you out and roast you in front of everyone. Luckily for me, as the years went by and my skills started improving AND I became a bodybuilder he started having a harder time sparring me, so now he leaves me alone
@@rebecastevens8892 I dont mind eating with others just for show as long as I am not obliged to be audience for the "life of the party's" awesomeness. Generally I find those self styled life of the party's to be draining as they suck enthusiasm out of you than provide it- i.e fake extroverts and attention whores.
I am a cheerful person. The jobs I hold and have held have forced me out of my previous comfort zone so I am able to be outgoing when I need to be and I enjoy it. Yet I enjoy my privacy. I like to be around people yet I often enjoy things others find boring as I do not need to be around a group of people 24/7. I enjoy people and I enjoy privacy more than most people.
It sounds to me like you're very good at balancing where you put your energy and are aware of the benefits you feel from each type of activity. That's great!
Introverts are happy. That misattribution should end. Introversion is not tantamount to being a miser or misanthrope. I just had to state that. And that said, there's a term for what you describe- ambivert
If you enjoy people but like being around people you are getting energy from that. Which means your are more likely an extrovert that has some sense in enjoying privacy. Privacy doesn’t mean introversion. It means that when introverts are around people we feel deflated, or our energy is sucked dry and we need time on our own to recharge. I like being around people - close friends - not everyone ! But I’m happy not doing this often and am quite happy seeing people once a year even.
(Smiling) 💕crikey, did anyone else have to replay three times to take it all in. Thank you Dr Grande, another great informative vlog. I’m an introvert who likes company in small doses.💕🇬🇧🏴
As an introvert, I think my biggest strength is not letting people know how I feel or what I think. Harder for people to move on you that way. It keeps you in control of yourself rather than having to respond to what others are doing.
The problem of introversion, well at least it's been mine is that unless you grew up with a nurturing environment, is that you do not fit in and you have to be assertive/confident to meet your needs. Otherwise you litterally die from burn out.
Thank you for your insight. I believe I am a “socialized introvert.” People experience me as being an extrovert but I must have alone time to reenergize. The COVID lockdown hasn’t troubled me.
I've been an introvert since day one. I wonder know how my life would have gone had I not been told that that my introversion was a personal bad....which it is not. Introversion has its costs, but those costs were multiplied by the addition of the belief that I was defective.
Stephen Zielinski i agree. My teachers were always telling my parents they were concerned that I was “anti social”. I hope teachers aren’t doing that anymore. I was just quiet and overwhelmed in classrooms full of rambunctious children! Nothing wrong with that, but I didn’t figure it out until adulthood
Stephen Zielinski- Same as you, I've been "shy" all my life. It never helped that ridicule and misunderstanding from others made me feel even more shame, and social anxiety. I have learned over time that I am just as I was meant to be. I try not to be so sensitive. I wish you nothing but the best!
Anarcho Frills you can’t accurately describe how I interpreted this video based on my comment. I was simply speaking to the double standard that extroverts are seldom told to change themselves and introverts are often told that. No one is perfect and we can all work on ourselves. Im not ruling out anything you said, but you don’t have the proper context about me or my situation to make the assumptions that you did.
This is one of Dr. Grande's best videos. Finally someone who recognizes some of the benefits of being an introvert. The smug attitudes of extraverts towards introverts has always bothered me. Dr. Grande has explained the nuances of the facets. This is a video to watch repeatedly.
Dr. Grande Congratulations to you and TO all of us for getting "Christmas Day" to move along into the past and now onward. (The commercial part of it makes it feel like a stress and a hassle even when we stay away from all of that...) Merry Christmas, Though! This is a great new topic! Thank you!
Possible confirmation bias notwithstanding, there are a lot of things to think about from this talk. In some ways you have indeed explained some of my behaviors over the years and it makes sense. Thank you for publishing this.
This is a very interesting topic, Dr. Grande. As always, you have presented the topic of extroversion vs introversion in a very detailed and informative way. I am an introvert yet throughout the years, I have been called upon to do presentations for various companies that I worked at and I even took courses to enhance my public speaking skills. Also, at various functions I can be very outgoing and mingle very well with various people. Therefore, I would get feedback like "Oh, you are so extroverted." "Oh my, how can you stand up in front of a large group of people and show no fear as you speak." The reality is, especially for work engagements and assignments (you don't move up if you are perceived as an introvert), I learned to get out of my shell. So, I can go out of my introverted security zone yet I find I need my space after awhile and I have to be in a state of solitude for a certain period of time to recharge my batteries after a lot of more extroverted activities.
It bothers me so much when kindness is seen as an extraverted trait. Being an introvert doesn't mean you're unkind and many extroverts are not kind people. I don't see how it has anything to do with introversion vs extraversion.
considering that grandiose narcisists are basically the ur-extrovert; that narcissism is extroversion turned up to 11... yeah. Extroversion and kindness are absolutely not synonyms.
My guess is that introversion is not well understood even by psychologists. Probably because they work with people and tend to be extroverts. They often attribute more positive qualities to extroverts. As an introvert myself, I don't fear people, I don't fear social gatherings, I'm not afraid of public speaking, I'm not shy. But I have a natural aversion to being around a lot of people and I can only stand social gatherings for so long. I know many extroverts who are egomaniacal blowhards and others who let themselves do everyone else's work for them.
I would love it if you would talk about the awkward extrovert. For example, engaging with others when it's weird, not letting other people talk and keep talking, not listening, etc.
So nice to hear you pointing out the positives for people who lean more towards being introverted. I enjoy socializing with a small group of friends, love being around family, but also loooove my alone time. What a perfect way you described a part of being an introvert when you said "...looks for interesting things to do, but tries to limit the risk" I have such a high appreciation for the way you so masterfully formulate your messages!
I love how you see people in the lens of traits not personality. It’s like you are not in favor of labeling. That’s is really nice. It encourages self acceptance. And helps maintain an outlook for improvement. Love all the analysis of the traits Thank you Your videos are becoming highly professional Interesting to watch!
I’m a huge introvert and have a hard time communicating my thoughts during work meetings. I cringe when people say dumb things just to fill up a silent moment, especially in front of work colleagues. Sometimes I really wish I could change this, but I don’t know how. I can be hyper critical of myself.
This was very interesting! I'm glad I watched this. The title made me extremely nervous, as I am an extrovert. I was anticipating that this video would make the case that introversion is generally superior to extraversion, or that extraversion is inherently bad... and that's obviously not what this was about. It seems that the point of this video is that many people view extraversion as generally superior/desirable, and that of course is not true. Both introversion and extraversion have their advantages, time and place. The key is being socially intelligent and balanced enough to understand when certain expressions are or are not appropriate. Thank you for the content. I think it is wonderful to fairly and objectively analyze the pros and cons of both sides. Great perspective.
Am I wrong to say there is a spectrum with Introverts at one end, Extroverts on the other end, and in the middle are the ambiverts. Depending on situations one can move back and forth on the spectrum while others spend more time at one end or the other.✌
Thank you for defending (?) for introverts. Also, distinguishing between low positive emotions and high negative emotions is a really helpful highlight. I think a lot of times people confuse these two things.
Thank you for the insightful explanation and for bringing this to light, Dr. Grande!! Living in the NPD environment, and at the absence of NPD knowledge, I tried my best to relate to those around me. However, even after spending a life time, I am still completely puzzled with the whole thing. Thank God for clearing NPD in You Tube channels!! Thank you for your work that otherwise, I would never understand these mystery of a lifetime. Merry Christmas to you and yours and Happy New Year 2020, Doc, and God bless🎄🙏🤞
Interesting topic, Dr Grande. I consider myself to be introverted as high extroversion is or can be an annoyance if I am around a person(s) that are an extravert. On the other hand, I love adventure, but I guess rather quietly. Does that makes sense? Anyway, interesting! Thank you!
RockawayCCW yes it’s but but it opens with a story about a person who she describes as an introvert - but I think of her as very assertive in a way that introverts are not.
Thank you Dr for another great video! I'm introverted and frequently got told by my colleagues when I worked in the care sector (where it is generally preferred that workers are outgoing) that I am such a calm and relaxing influence in an otherwise hectic and highly social job. I found value in my introversion in times where some residents were quiet and seemingly grumpy towards the staff - but they usually just wanted someone that would listen and be a calming influence. I was the perfect fit for that role. I felt tremendously grateful and valuable despite 90% of my colleagues being extroverts.
Thanks for another interesting video doc. I'm definitely more of an introvert, I'm often told that I'm quiet & have been mistaken for someone who won't stand up for myself, but I always have when I've needed to. I can also be very extroverted around people I feel comfortable with.
What a variety of stuff you talk about! Impressed is not enough of a word to describe this channel (edit: feelings-wise for me). Frickin' good job Grande!
Hi Dr. Grande. Have you ever covered the flow state (being in the zone) and related concepts like intrinsic/extrinsic motivation? I’d like to hear your view on that and how it relates to other constructs.
I have no problem spending days alone never having any communication with other people. I have been this way for 60 plus yrs. and enjoy my quite time of self reflection . Growing up I felt left out of the "things" of my socially active peers and siblings. But upon deep reflection I came to realize most extroverts have overblown egos and are phony. I have only known a hand ful of extroverts that had the decency not to "talk over" me when I was speaking. Speaking over another person is a big gripe of mind. I feel mentally exhausted dealing with the non-stop chatty types and I try to distance myself from them.
your comment at 6:00 is spot on. Salespeople are always associated with extroversion and gregariousness, but when it comes to selling things like investments or insurance or any product or service that is more complex and expensive, an introvert who listens authentically and reflects and answers what the prospect is concerned about will outsell simple extroversion. No one should let their introversion make them feel that they can't have a happy, lucrative career in sales. Great observation, I don't hear it a lot.
This topic was great in helping me to understand my sons in their personality. After understanding your insight I can see that either introverts and extroverts have desirable and not desirable traits. Taylor will run to an exciting action w/o thoughts of danger. Whereas Jeremy wants to join in but carefully studies the cons of the activity Kudos. for an excellent topic.. Thanks Dr Grande.
I know its mean but those "always on the go ppl" get on my damn nerves i just wanna say SETTLE DOWN!! Lol to be fair though i am an introvert 😏 i always felt like we are smarter lol
Very Interesting vlog Dr Grande. Thank you kindly! I've had a couple of weeks break from TH-cam & BAM... You've 173,000+ followers! Much deserved.. congratulations!
I am an introverted LMFT and I’ll never forget what the good Dr Bob told me when I was getting my hours under his supervision. He said, a good counselor should only do about 20% of the talking. So, when you said that low gregariousness was a good thing for a mental health professional, it echoed his words of wisdom.
I finally viewed this video and I felt I could understand my traits of introversion . Being a Barber for many years and being able to be a listener , I have been an honorary therapist in so many peoples situations. I have my boundaries, and I won't tolerate much before I will exercise them. I find most extrovert's eventually exhausting and generally superficial. I'm perfectly content in my type of introversion.
I scored a 10/10 in extroversion on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Test on personality when I took it in high school. The administrator said a 10 in any of the measured traits is extremely rare. Now at 41, I’m much more introverted. People can be exhausting and I need time to “recharge” alone after a social visit. Go figure.
Regarding the facets of warmth & assertiveness you have the same misconception that so many people who don’t understand introversion have. Introversion is not about being shy, meek, or anti-social. It’s about how a person responds to social situations. As an introvert, I can socialize with people in a group setting , be friendly and open, express warmth, and make a genuine connection with them. However, if the size of that group is 20 people, my battery is going die a lot faster than if there are, say, 5 people in that setting. And in either case, I’m going to have to recharge that battery doing a quiet, solo activity, typically reading. Put an extrovert in those same situations and they’re going to respond differently. They will in fact be more gregarious and outgoing but that’s because they derive energy out of social situations. Their battery gets charged in a large gathering and they don’t feel the need to, say, make an Irish exit so they can be in their PJs at 10.
Thanks for this, it helps me realize as a introvert i am a really nice guy. There was a short time where i was feeling like i might of been a narcissist but this just proves me wrong.
Thank you very much, Dr Grande. It was truly inspiring to hear the positive sides to being introverted! Wishing you and your family a Happy New Year 🥳🥰
Excellent talk. Nice to know it’s not a disadvantage to be somewhat introverted. I tend to be cautious and don’t like to take risks. Chatter boxes exhaust me. It feels like a chore to visit someone who’s a non stop talker. One has to be polite and go through the motions, especially is it’s family or in laws.
To me, an advantage of introversion is the internal compass. The introvert, other things being equal, is less likely to be misled by the reactions of others, or even by irrelevant sensory information, as in optical illusions. Of course I'm so odd in many ways - not scared of bugs, spiders, snakes, mentally ill people, or gang members for that matter, like so many are. I suppose that is largely because I observe and pay attention, so I can recognize whether there is any threat or not, and if so, what kind of threat. Frankly, I find them all fascinating, and most of them beautiful.
Brilliant! 🤩 Dr Grande, you have really motivated me to embed my wish be more open, compassionate and non-judgemental towards the quieter individual 😌 everyone is unique and we all need to understand this better 🤔 Your description of introverts’ positive attributes is refreshing and really true! 👍🏻 I’m more extrovert, but this isn’t always helpful or the best way to be 🤪 🙄 😉 Thank you, more fantastic and useful information and explanations, as always 🧐 Plus, I saw at least TWO Dr G. chuckles 😆 Ah, my Christmas is now complete!🎄🙏😀
I thought extraversion and introversion were mainly about different cognitive styles. Extraverts are more influenced by what others think/do/say and introverts are more likely to keep their own counsel and make decisions based on their own perception and experience.
One major thing that annoys me is the negative way introversion is described. Not just the typical view that it's undesirable, but the way introverts tend to be described as flawed extroverts. A common description is that extroverts are lively, talkative, engaged, socially active, while introverts isolate themselves, are slow to engage with others, are not talkative, and avoid social interaction. That was one great illuminating thing about Susan Cain's book, that she described introverts as having a very rich inner life that extroverts rarely see. She describes introverted traits in positive terms, rather than being deficiencies, as if we are extroverts who need to be "fixed". Even here, it's described almost as a deficiency, "low extroversion" instead of "high introversion." Extroverts have is a tendency to put exceeding faith in that All Holy First Impression. They often see that introverts are not quick to leap into a conversation, then frequently conclude that there must not be much in our heads because we don't talk so readily as extroverts. Yes I am very introverted, but I can do a lot of things that surprise many extroverts. I am an excellent teacher. I also excel at public speaking, there is no debilitating anxiety at all, and often I come out having thoroughly enjoyed it. Yet I can't stand small talk, I actually feel a tightness in my chest when I hear "hello, how are you today?" It takes an effort to respond in the bland meaningless words that the extroverted expect, it's actually easier to give an honest account of how I REALLY feel. I despise meetings, there's always at least one extrovert who just won't shut up and it all drags on far longer than necessary. I can easily go days hardly speaking to anyone except cashiers and store clerks, and that only from necessity. Social interaction becomes exhausting beyond a certain point, and that point is far sooner than most extroverts can comprehend. Finally, extroverts who get to know me invariably say that their first impression was wrong, that there is much more to my personality than that All Holy First Impression can account for. But few take the time to discover this.
This is a fascinating exploration of this topic. It made me think about how a person can examine oneself and take stock of his/her/my natural "configuration" and appreciate what it means. Wonderful to point out that what sometimes as seen as a disadvantage, can actually be the opposite. On the other hand, it is a gift to realize that there are advantages to what is not natural to us, as one can begin to make efforts to incorporate those characteristics (self improve). For example, a gregarious person might consider shutting the hell up and listening to others in order to do better at work or in a relationship. Once again, I tip my hat to you sir!
spending half of my life as a shy, quiet person, i will take my extroversion any day of the week but I do think I have a decent mix of both. I know where to tone myself down!
I'm both intro & extro, depends on situation, am a great listener. I do believe a lot of extroverts are narcissists, so then those pluses are huge minuses when you get to know them/want a deep relationship. Thanks again Dr G. You have such a great way of letting us see all sides of subjects👍🌻👭💌
I think it’s important to understand the difference between what is best for the whole situation, and what is best for the individual in question. What gets rewarded? Often, gregariousness is rewarded in a given situation though listening skills are really more helpful in the long run. I think the Oprah interview style is a very good example of this.
I love my life as an introvert. Popularity is the last thing on my wish list. I enjoy having friends but not needing them desperately. We listen well and people tend to confide in us. I have time to write and paint. I am a self contained unit and can take or leave the company of others. I get to live the life I want in another country, without a spouse attempting to direct my life (been there, done that).. My children and grandchildren are grown. We keep in touch. Finally, my life is totally my own.
I have openness to to experience I like tandem skydiving so I ask the person I go up instuctor I go up with hows ya family going? Because either the parashoot does get packed properly or the guy you are hooked up to feels suicidal! But being I have the memory of a fish I never want to learn how to do it on my own because they often forget to open their own shoot on the first solo jump. Also 'Splat' terrifies me! lol. I understand we can feel empty but at times are adventurous and extremely outgoing sometimes. Everything on this on makes complete sense. Thank you Dr. Grande for defining these facets accurately..
Leanne I don’t know if you’re aware or interested, but you could probably be a writer. I’m judging your content. It’s interesting. Editing is easier when starting with creative writing. I’m a writer/editor and have never told this to someone online.
dr grande , can you please talk about ambivert personality ? most people would classify me as an introvert since im shy and don't talk a lot but I do feel like I identify with both extrovert and introvert traits ...I have a high desire for social interactions ( with the right people) , I get energized after socializing , and I always feel like wanting to do something adventurous or interesting ...I identify with introvert as well in the sense that im shy, I can listen to people more than talk, and I can go a long time being alone without feeling depressed
This was so interesting because I'm highly introverted but in my workplace I come across as extravert mainly because I get so irritated with people who sit around talking, talking, talking but never DO anything. You may be able to identify, Dr Grande. Academics apparently think that philosophising can solve problems such as poor quality assessment while only active participation actually achieves results. Btw, the way you describe happiness and positivity is exactly how society perceives it - if you're not positive about something, you must be negative. If you're not happy, you must be sad. Realism and indifference apparently never come into it. So frustrating - especially in the workplace!
Being somewhat extroverted but with high emotional IQ and empathy would tend to blur the line on the distinction between a introverted and extroverted person.
I'm an introvert... I am perfectly comfortable in my own company and find it preferable MOST of the time. I like company if i have picked the company and the time frame i want socialise. I am not rude or cold to people, i am friendly to everyone i meet and a person who might not know me may think i am not introverted... I may not initiate conversations with new people but i am always willing to engage for a short while and then will politely make an excuse to leave. I find it weird that people would say introverts are unfriendly, i have a mixture of both groups as friends, some way more introverted than me and some extra extroverted. Only difference is i feel more tired after hanging out with my extroverted friend's... Or a bit mentally drained even, but i still enjoy their company. Sometimes i think people are socially awkward and rude and they use introversion as an excuse.
Dr Grande is very very helpful. One of my counselors said that sometimes people have emotional break downs because they can’t fill in their life (dialog) history without major explanations. For example if someone asks “what did you do in life.? We have areas that are exceptionally difficult to explain so we go introverted. We go introverted until we just can’t bear the load... we don’t make new friends because it all gets too awkward or as kids say “weird.”
That happened to me. I went silent about major issues in my life because they were unusual in my social circle and bigger than anyone I knew... I became and I am still very withdrawn.....
As someone that's very introverted, one of my pet hates (pet hate number 188 to be exact) is when people assume that introversion is the same as shyness. I'm not shy... at all. I have no problem speaking to people, even in large groups, or being the centre of attention. I'll quiet happily get up and perform karaoke in a bar, or deliver a presentation to hundreds of people. I just have certain preferences when it come to social interactions.
What it takes to motivate someone to behave in a certain way highly depends on their personality type. We tend to judge the behavior of others by incorrectly assuming they are motivated by what it would take to motivate us to engage in a similar behavior.
Nice video, thanks. I had been a pretty introverted. I believe that I am more relaxed on a specific antidepressant. There's treatment for social anxiety, but I got treated for depression. Also, my bad migraines disappeared except for an aura about 4 times a year. I don't crave cigarettes anymore. It was hard to quit before taking it. Best wishes.
I have been an introvert all my life and also suffer from anxiety. I have never liked large groups. I don't ever start conversations. If I don't know people, I am uncomfortable with them. I feel guilty if I don't volunteer but want to volunteer. I never would make a first move with a guy. I have few close friends. I don't really want to go out much like other people. I have great compassion for others who are suffering. I'm not a show off and stand in the back. I am a nurse.... I did pretty good with Covid but missed my family . The only thing that was important was taking my dog for a walk every morning. I am a little more outgoing than when I was a child. Thanks for this Video.💖🇨🇦❤️🍩
Something I noticed highly extroverted people do is they tend to befriend too many people indiscriminately out of habit or because they can’t stand feeling lonely. This can include people who are creepy, annoying or shady. I’ve had many arguments about this with my extroverted friends. They can’t seem to grasp the concept that people can cause problems and be dangerous and you don’t have to befriend every weirdo at the bar and invite them back to your house for a party the next day.
I was born introverted, always hated having to socialise. Still struggle with 'small talk' with people I don't know well but I learnt that if you get people to talk about themselves you don't need to say anything lol. The pandemic lock down doesn't bother me at all, it's just another day hiding in my house amusing myself with my hobbies with no fear someone will turn up on my doorstep :)
as strange as this request may be, a video on some of the physical symptoms and manifestations of mental illness would be fascinating like (gross) throwing up before going to work due to severe anxiety. i've dealt with a lot of nausea due to anxiety in particular, and had rapid shifts in weight. even if mentally i'm not worried or anxious, my body reacts without me. it's hard to find anything that will help. and ive known people who, for example, are depressed, get positive attention which is well-earned and fully deserved , and then are sick from sheer self hatred and shame and guilt
![ILLSLICK - THE KING'S LANDING [Freestyle]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/feIJJnNkTfk/mqdefault.jpg)
The best thing about being an Introvert, is introspection. Its a super power. Its kept me out of many troubles.
Excellent perspective!
Introverts are deep thinker and for me they tend to use logical reasoning than explosive emotionally charged reaction
naima samale honestly though I think introverts tend to be more introspective due to their pensive nature, it’s not the case for everyone. People forget about all the other stuff that make up your personality. I know extroverts who are incredibly deep thinkers and introverts who uh aren’t so much. Extrovert Introvert aren’t your entire personality so it’s hard to say whether or not one is “introspective” for example just based on one factor
Yes sir
Well put!
As an introvert, I've sat back and observed extroverts,and have seen on way too many occasions where it gets them involved with all sorts of bad situations and drama.As far as them having more "friends",many of those "friends" they have are fake.No thanks!Introverts have a smaller circle of friends that tend to be more loyal.
That’s exactly what I have seen, with my extroverted friends. As an introvert: I’ve avoided a lot of the pitfalls that they have experienced. They may have more friends than I do, however, I explain to them: I have the amount of friends that I can handle.
Say it louder for the people in the back. So true.
This was interesting, I feel as an introvert we are always told to change ourselves
I once worked in an office that had lots of break room gatherings and parties, lots! I usually left after a few minutes to get back to work. Everyone would get offended and ask why I’m going back to me desk to work. Well, because I’m at work... ? I don’t understand this at all. Even the managers would tease me about it and I’m just thinking, so you want me to neglect my work, fall behind or have to work late, and pay me to socialize with all these people I see 5 days a week 8 hours a day?
There was a time when I tried to act extroverted. I could always "fake" it a few hours at a time. After a while though, I realized that introversion is a part of my personality and it's not worth my effort to fake it otherwise.
all. the. time.
@@nowherenothere "Don't be so anti-social, you shouldn't spend so much time alone, you need to be more outgoing, you need to be more of a people-person, you think too
much. . . " Is your cringe factor in orbit yet? !!!
edriant1916 seriously!! 😁
My husband and I both are introverts. We have no desire to go out all the time, we love peace and quiet. If we do go out, we wish we were home. We love it....I was so fortunate to find the male version of myself 40 yrs ago. Even as a child I had 3 sisters and yet always preferred to play alone. Sometimes I would go sit in the car as a child just for the solitude. It's my DNA. I have no intention of ever changing. Liking your own company is wonderful.
Nor should you Cherry. Glad to hear you met someone with whom you can be yourself, and vice versa without apology. Count your blessings, many people are introverted and alone because they don't find or are found by someone who is a good match for them.
Well that's not true. If so, you would be single.
@@junglistgrrl they like to be together alone if that makes sense
I'm lucky my brother, father and uncle and me are exactly the same in personality and opinions aswell as interests!
Awww im glad u are happily married💜 most ppl aren't lol. Im not
I grew up feeling there was something terribly wrong with me for being Introverted; feeling I was missing out on a world that seemed to prioritize extroversion in school, business, social groups, etc. But over time I'm realizing there is real value in embracing my introversion. It really is all about cultivating self-awareness along with a balanced mindset and approach to life, regardless of Introversion or Extroversion. I'm finally learning that it's okay for me to be who I really am, so long as I'm not hurting myself or anyone else in the process!
This is my experience and feelings now as well.
M Z Never get bored. There’s too much to learn 🤓 need more time to entertain myself lol.
yeah, that's the message people give us. It's like they're not satisfied with our presentation of ourselves if we're introverted. 😠😬😡
I feel the same way, still have some issues with being assertive when I need time to myself. But getting better at it gradually 😊
Jedi Bunny love this..wish I knew this years ago..High School was torture and dating wrong men
I’m an introvert, and have perfectly positive emotions while skipping around the house gardening, reading and listening to music, skyping with friends, and watching TH-cam videos. 👍🏻
For anyone who hasn't read it, there's a book called "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking," is so good. It really puts a whole new perspective on the value of being an introvert.
paperback or hardcover?
Terrific book.
Book called “Quiet” sucks. Clearly written by extrovert. Don’t waste your time.
Thanks for the recommendation Julie . 👍🏾
I agree. It is an excellent book.
Introverts are less affected psychologically when self-isolating in the coronavirus era.
Plus possibly less infection risk coz extroverts still continue to have social gathering despite government announcements to avoid as many gatherings as possible.
I love it, I'm writing music and learning new instruments
We enjoy social distancing and get more time to catch up on reading! Love it!
Yeah, I was self-isolated before pandemic stuff, so nothing changed for me, or, rather, its been positive since now its socially acceptable to be this way
I agree as long as we differentiate between 1. The ability to spend time alone without becoming sad, and 2. Having been agoraphobic before Corona and now claiming everyone should be this way. 😉
I’m an introvert but I like being social in small amounts
My limit is around the 2-3 hour mark for informal gatherings (family, etc.). I go home completely exhausted. I hate parties where I only know the host! Eek! Haven't been to a party in years, though. However, Covid isolation is too much even for me! 😳
@Brian Jones I can expand it to 6 hours or more but only if there are different things we are going to do and doesn't rely solely on talking all the time. If I get to my limit though i start getting very irritable for very small things. And can get explosive anger it I go too far.
I am too introverted to comment. Oh ...
@@diane9247 i get that!! But just before covid I went to a small house party where everyone was kinda introverted. And it was sooo nice. Everyone was like super respectful and interested and no one behaving in a loud way or putting the music loud. I have to say... introvert gatherings... that was just so fascinating and awesome
@@whynottalklikeapirat Hahaha!
Avoiding high positive emotions can protect you from the passions of the mob and the facile rituals of the day. That is a big advantage if you believe integrity matters.
One can still feel positive emotions and think rationally for themselves
Davy Roger Agreed
A quick joke about excessive optimism:
A young lad was exceedingly optimistic and always saw the bright side of things.
His parents appreciated this but thought it would be well to temper his optimism as the world might someday come down hard on him.
Nothing worked.
In desperation they had a truckload of horse manure delivered and dumped through the window into his basement bedroom.
When he arrived home from school, he opened his bedroom door, yelled "Yippee" and ran to the garage to get a shovel.
His parents asked him what he was doing and he answered "There must be a pony in there somewhere!"
Huh that’s a really cool take-away from this. I wouldn’t have thought about it.
ABSOLUTELY...
I‘m an introvert and my favorite colleague in the office is an extravert. I love her upbeat energy and lightheartedness that pull me out of me deep thoughts and feel like fresh air. To my surprise, she loves me equally back, but for opposite reasons: she appreciates my calmness and the space i give her, when she talks about difficulties. While other extraverts make jokes to cheer her up, i can‘t think of a joke, i can‘t be funny. So i do, what comes naturally to me: i listen and take her very serious. She feels understood.
We are a symbiotic team. 😄😄
That was beautiful.
I'm extremely extroverted, and my girlfriend is quite introverted. We spend a lot of time together just being in each others presence. I love the break from always feeling compelled to talk. We can just be.
There is a meme that says “Introverts don’t make friends, they get adopted by extroverts...” 😂
I love introverts. They give me life. I'm extroverted.....very much too
That's a great combination! I don't think extroverts and introverts have to be at war. We just need to know where we fit together :)
not everyone likes a chatterbox. Also, if all you talk about is something I don't care about, I'd rather you stay silent.
Introverts talk a lot about being judged but really I think introverts are just as judgy. Chatterbox? How about we all try to be more understanding and appreciate the differences between us. Extroverts can learn not to take your silent unsmiling retreat from social interactions as rejection and you can understand that it’s possible to want to relate to other people without being considered obnoxious and empty?
@@esmereldapinchon1422 Most people are ambiverts
@@esmereldapinchon1422 Yeah, I feel like quite a few introverts are actually jerks. So are extroverts, but at least extroverts don't act like they're the only ones getting judged.
Alex Coutsavlis I think that has more to do with the fact that society has preferred extroverts for so long.
@@esmereldapinchon1422 you are a very clear thinker and communicator. I envy these attributes!
ATM Machines, self check out, self service gas stations. self-service this and that. It's an introvert's world!
@@jellyfishi_ in reality automation is only there to serve the bottom line of business by reducing labor costs. Any other consequence is unintended.
Its not intended to be, but we introverts can use it to our advantage. 😁
I think our society is geared towards and celebrates extroversion. It can be rough for us introverts! I love extroverts, but sometimes they try to "change" introverts because they can't understand our need to spend time alone to recharge our batteries, so to speak. Thanks for speaking on the positive aspects :)
I don't know which I'm more annoyed by: society's tendency to reward extraversion while treating introversion as a problem that needs fixing, or the same old tired "introvert stereotypes." Being an introvert does not mean that I'm a recluse living in fear of humanity amid piles of books and 20 pet cats. Maybe I'm just bitter? Lol. Thank you for examining the upside of introversion Dr. G!
I was born into a family of extroverts. Constantly being told there was something “wrong” with me. Teased. Bullied into talking and interacting.
Thankfully, I have my own family to take care of now so I don’t have to endure them often. Ironically, my in-laws are more introverted than I am, so I’m oftentimes leading any conversation, since otherwise there would be crickets! Lol.
You do you. It’s not easy being an introvert in an extrovert’s society.
It's just my opinion, but I think it is good to be an introvert who can, when sufficiently motivated, successfully pretend to be an extrovert.
Same
This ^^
I think the term for that might actually just be ambivert. Although idk how scientific that term actually is.
@@jordanb7304 Best of both worlds
As an introvert I'm able to get more done. When I was nineteen years old I started a real estate business that I still have today (I'm now 43y/o). While my friends partied I was alone working on my business. I don't believe I would have started a business at such a young age if I was an extrovert.
I appreciate the comments about lack of positive emotion not being equal to negative etc. This is a prevalent assumption in my world. I feel affirmed and will continue to be a realist (an introverted one). Thank you once again Dr Grande. So much packed into so short a video.
I'd point out the cultural context mattering. The difference between Japan and the United states. One socially rewards introversion more and the other has more incentives towards extraversion. So this kind of context could help frame the topic.
have you visited Japan?
I have; I used to work and live there. Relative to the United States, I would agree that introversion is more socially acceptable there.
But at the same time, it also leads to problems as well. Such as social distancing and isolation being higher in JP than US.
Completely agree. Another example is Latin America, where if you prefer to spend time alone, people worry what’s wrong with you! It’s just not right, it’s not natural; you may be sick or even offended at something, and no one wants to see you isolated / isolating. It’s tough to be a natural introvert under those circumstances! People really don’t understand if you say, “I just need some time to myself.”
The Japanese are intense. Hiding in a cave for 30 years after the war, still waiting for Marines has to be the pinnacle of introversion.
I have a friend that would be considered an extrovert. In our younger days when men were making advances to her she would act very friendly, but would then abruptly disregard them moments later, because she was not interested. I'm an introvert and was clear from the start when I was not interested, which I thought was more honest and created less confusion. Just one example where coldness can be confused with honesty and sincerity.
Another example is that I see a great amount of neediness and selfishness in some extroverted people. It's not about what they can give, but what they can get, and they will hide that behind being very friendly and outgoing.
I think people in general have this preference for extroverts because it makes them feel more comfortable when they can socialize than when they don't get much contact. They tend to be suspicious of the introvert, because they just don't know the person. Even though the extrovert they "know" might have a lot more secrets than the introvert they are suspicious of.
Every extravert is not a carbon copy of another. If your personality swings comfortabley from one side to another, that's a different type. The presumption of neediness, shallowness, selfishness is unfair. Unfortunately, I have found over the years that many staunchly introverted people become intimidated by extraverted behaviors, for no real reason except insecurity ... and envy. No reason to wear our "'verts" like a badge. Enjoy the variety!
Being an introvert, i have been on both spectrum. Distant/cold right from the beginning but have also acted friendly and discarded someone shortly after. I am both shallow and highly introspective. My point is, i don't think your using the right pronouns to describe the differences between introverts/extroverts. Dont get it mixed and be thinking introverts are all high and mighty and full of honesty/integrity. All it is, is how we use our energy.
@@Hamyhamster24 No, that was not my point at all. Of course introverts can be full of ugly secrets. I'm just giving an example of how they can also be misunderstood.
@Jake Stockton I can see why you would make that assumptions. But that’s a very shallow assumptions without much research and thoughts being put into. If you consider yourself an introvert you already know introverts tends to self reflect a lot, this means we spend more time looking deeper into things. However Your assumptions just proved to me that both introverts and extroverts are equally capable of being vain, selfish, and shallow. It isn’t the introvert/extrovert traits, it’s the character integrity, values and morals that ultimately guides the individual. Introversion and extroversion is simply just an outlet to release and absorbs energies that fuels our minds, souls and bodies.
i was just happy to find out i'm an introvert with no social anxiety.
margaret johnson Extrovert here. Been struggling with Social Anxiety Disorder since 1992. You’re right to be happy.
Extroverts with PDs and illness suffer the most because no ones cares or takes us seriously
Capricae. NO ONE takes anyone with a PD seriously or cares. find a good therapist and be well.
Sophia Shakti. according an online test, yes.
@Jake Stockton First, you’re incorrect. Second, you’re calling me a liar and saying I haven’t dealt with Social Anxiety Disorder for 29 years? Perhaps you’d elaborate?
Interesting lecture ..... Now if only we can get ppl to stop harassing introverts to conform to people's perceived social norms .... some of us just want nothing to do at all with societies over dramatized he said she said bullshit ....
Thank you. I used to be pushed by a woman at work to eat lunch in the packed break room with coworkers. I just really didn’t want to. She would yell at me to eat lunch with everyone else. It was so uncomfortable. She was the life of the party, the look at me, tattle tale... so exhausting. I would push back and say “thanks I’m good here.” I just find it unfair for others to want to push their own personality traits on others. Just let me be
@@rebecastevens8892 I thought I was the only one who experienced this. This is why me and my Capoeira Teacher dont get along. He's tries to make everyone who is quiet "come out of their shell". And if you dont, we will single you out and roast you in front of everyone. Luckily for me, as the years went by and my skills started improving AND I became a bodybuilder he started having a harder time sparring me, so now he leaves me alone
@@rebecastevens8892 I dont mind eating with others just for show as long as I am not obliged to be audience for the "life of the party's" awesomeness. Generally I find those self styled life of the party's to be draining as they suck enthusiasm out of you than provide it- i.e fake extroverts and attention whores.
Haha !
I am a cheerful person. The jobs I hold and have held have forced me out of my previous comfort zone so I am able to be outgoing when I need to be and I enjoy it. Yet I enjoy my privacy. I like to be around people yet I often enjoy things others find boring as I do not need to be around a group of people 24/7. I enjoy people and I enjoy privacy more than most people.
It sounds to me like you're very good at balancing where you put your energy and are aware of the benefits you feel from each type of activity. That's great!
"I enjoy people and I enjoy privacy more than most people." I think most people overestimate how different they are from most people
Introverts are happy. That misattribution should end. Introversion is not tantamount to being a miser or misanthrope. I just had to state that. And that said, there's a term for what you describe- ambivert
If you enjoy people but like being around people you are getting energy from that. Which means your are more likely an extrovert that has some sense in enjoying privacy. Privacy doesn’t mean introversion. It means that when introverts are around people we feel deflated, or our energy is sucked dry and we need time on our own to recharge. I like being around people - close friends - not everyone ! But I’m happy not doing this often and am quite happy seeing people once a year even.
(Smiling) 💕crikey, did anyone else have to replay three times to take it all in. Thank you Dr Grande, another great informative vlog. I’m an introvert who likes company in small doses.💕🇬🇧🏴
Yes, he lost me a couple of times, too much info
As an introvert, I think my biggest strength is not letting people know how I feel or what I think. Harder for people to move on you that way. It keeps you in control of yourself rather than having to respond to what others are doing.
The problem of introversion, well at least it's been mine is that unless you grew up with a nurturing environment, is that you do not fit in and you have to be assertive/confident to meet your needs. Otherwise you litterally die from burn out.
Yeah, that sounds true, I've sensed the same thing, and it's annoying. Good point
Thank you for your insight. I believe I am a “socialized introvert.” People experience me as being an extrovert but I must have alone time to reenergize. The COVID lockdown hasn’t troubled me.
I've been an introvert since day one. I wonder know how my life would have gone had I not been told that that my introversion was a personal bad....which it is not. Introversion has its costs, but those costs were multiplied by the addition of the belief that I was defective.
Stephen Zielinski i agree. My teachers were always telling my parents they were concerned that I was “anti social”. I hope teachers aren’t doing that anymore. I was just quiet and overwhelmed in classrooms full of rambunctious children! Nothing wrong with that, but I didn’t figure it out until adulthood
Stephen Zielinski- Same as you, I've been "shy" all my life. It never helped that ridicule and misunderstanding from others made me feel even more shame, and social anxiety. I have learned over time that I am just as I was meant to be. I try not to be so sensitive. I wish you nothing but the best!
Anarcho Frills you can’t accurately describe how I interpreted this video based on my comment. I was simply speaking to the double standard that extroverts are seldom told to change themselves and introverts are often told that. No one is perfect and we can all work on ourselves. Im not ruling out anything you said, but you don’t have the proper context about me or my situation to make the assumptions that you did.
This is one of Dr. Grande's best videos. Finally someone who recognizes some of the benefits of being an introvert. The smug attitudes of extraverts towards introverts has always bothered me. Dr. Grande has explained the nuances of the facets. This is a video to watch repeatedly.
Dr. Grande Congratulations to you and TO all of us for getting "Christmas Day" to move along into the past and now onward. (The commercial part of it makes it feel like a stress and a hassle even when we stay away from all of that...) Merry Christmas, Though! This is a great new topic! Thank you!
Can you do what’s the difference between avoidant personality disorder and high introversion ?
Yes, please. I would appreciate the same.
That would be interesting.
Yeah do that!!!
Being an introvert has been hell for me. This pandemic has been a blessing and a curse.
You’re the man dude I love your vids. Hella introvert right here
Possible confirmation bias notwithstanding, there are a lot of things to think about from this talk. In some ways you have indeed explained some of my behaviors over the years and it makes sense. Thank you for publishing this.
This is really an interesting topic! Being introverted is certainly "safer" in many ways.
I think there comes a time even Dr. Grande might need some bodyguards 😂. Wonderful video doc 😃🇳🇱
This is a very interesting topic, Dr. Grande. As always, you have presented the topic of extroversion vs introversion in a very detailed and informative way.
I am an introvert yet throughout the years, I have been called upon to do presentations for various companies that I worked at and I even took courses to enhance my public speaking skills.
Also, at various functions I can be very outgoing and mingle very well with various people. Therefore, I would get feedback like "Oh, you are so extroverted." "Oh my, how can you stand up in front of a large group of people and show no fear as you speak."
The reality is, especially for work engagements and assignments (you don't move up if you are perceived as an introvert), I learned to get out of my shell.
So, I can go out of my introverted security zone yet I find I need my space after awhile and I have to be in a state of solitude for a certain period of time to recharge my batteries after a lot of more extroverted activities.
It bothers me so much when kindness is seen as an extraverted trait. Being an introvert doesn't mean you're unkind and many extroverts are not kind people. I don't see how it has anything to do with introversion vs extraversion.
Absolutely, I am an introvert and I am kind I guess but I know a person who is extrovert and cruel.
considering that grandiose narcisists are basically the ur-extrovert; that narcissism is extroversion turned up to 11... yeah. Extroversion and kindness are absolutely not synonyms.
My guess is that introversion is not well understood even by psychologists. Probably because they work with people and tend to be extroverts.
They often attribute more positive qualities to extroverts.
As an introvert myself, I don't fear people, I don't fear social gatherings, I'm not afraid of public speaking, I'm not shy. But I have a natural aversion to being around a lot of people and I can only stand social gatherings for so long.
I know many extroverts who are egomaniacal blowhards and others who let themselves do everyone else's work for them.
I would love it if you would talk about the awkward extrovert. For example, engaging with others when it's weird, not letting other people talk and keep talking, not listening, etc.
This would be interesting!
That's not about extraversion, it's about insecurity and anxiety.
like the variation in content and how its not all about diagnosis but more discussions on topics, thanks
So nice to hear you pointing out the positives for people who lean more towards being introverted.
I enjoy socializing with a small group of friends, love being around family, but also loooove my alone time.
What a perfect way you described a part of being an introvert when you said "...looks for interesting things to do, but tries to limit the risk"
I have such a high appreciation for the way you so masterfully formulate your messages!
I love how you see people in the lens of traits not personality.
It’s like you are not in favor of labeling.
That’s is really nice.
It encourages self acceptance.
And helps maintain an outlook for improvement.
Love all the analysis of the traits
Thank you
Your videos are becoming highly professional
Interesting to watch!
I’m a huge introvert and have a hard time communicating my thoughts during work meetings. I cringe when people say dumb things just to fill up a silent moment, especially in front of work colleagues. Sometimes I really wish I could change this, but I don’t know how. I can be hyper critical of myself.
This was very interesting! I'm glad I watched this. The title made me extremely nervous, as I am an extrovert. I was anticipating that this video would make the case that introversion is generally superior to extraversion, or that extraversion is inherently bad... and that's obviously not what this was about.
It seems that the point of this video is that many people view extraversion as generally superior/desirable, and that of course is not true. Both introversion and extraversion have their advantages, time and place. The key is being socially intelligent and balanced enough to understand when certain expressions are or are not appropriate.
Thank you for the content. I think it is wonderful to fairly and objectively analyze the pros and cons of both sides. Great perspective.
Am I wrong to say there is a spectrum with Introverts at one end, Extroverts on the other end, and in the middle are the ambiverts. Depending on situations one can move back and forth on the spectrum while others spend more time at one end or the other.✌
Introverts save money because we don't go out and socialise.
I feel less special now.
introverts also have less connections and relationships which can get you jobs and benefits
Do you know this frugal themed channel Beat the bush? He is a prime example of that :)
@@cautarepvp2079 It only takes one connection. Why have 100 if all it takes is one?
I spend that money having things delivered instead, which is not inexpensive ...
Thank you for defending (?) for introverts.
Also, distinguishing between low positive emotions and high negative emotions is a really helpful highlight. I think a lot of times people confuse these two things.
Thank you for the insightful explanation and for bringing this to light, Dr. Grande!! Living in the NPD environment, and at the absence of NPD knowledge, I tried my best to relate to those around me. However, even after spending a life time, I am still completely puzzled with the whole thing. Thank God for clearing NPD in You Tube channels!! Thank you for your work that otherwise, I would never understand these mystery of a lifetime. Merry Christmas to you and yours and Happy New Year 2020, Doc, and God bless🎄🙏🤞
I def had to watch this twice. Well worth it. Thank you Dr.Grande😉
Interesting topic, Dr Grande. I consider myself to be introverted as high extroversion is or can be an annoyance if I am around a person(s) that are an extravert. On the other hand, I love adventure, but I guess rather quietly. Does that makes sense? Anyway, interesting! Thank you!
I understand perfectly what you mean.
totally relate to you Cissy
Makes perfect sense
Me too 😌
The book, Quiet by Susan Cain is a good book to read on introverts. “The power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking.” I recommend it.
There's a great book called The Introvert Advantage.
RockawayCCW yes it’s but but it opens with a story about a person who she describes as an introvert - but I think of her as very assertive in a way that introverts are not.
Thank you Dr for another great video! I'm introverted and frequently got told by my colleagues when I worked in the care sector (where it is generally preferred that workers are outgoing) that I am such a calm and relaxing influence in an otherwise hectic and highly social job. I found value in my introversion in times where some residents were quiet and seemingly grumpy towards the staff - but they usually just wanted someone that would listen and be a calming influence. I was the perfect fit for that role. I felt tremendously grateful and valuable despite 90% of my colleagues being extroverts.
Thanks for another interesting video doc.
I'm definitely more of an introvert, I'm often told that I'm quiet
& have been mistaken for someone who won't stand up for myself, but I always have when I've needed to.
I can also be very extroverted around people I feel comfortable with.
What a variety of stuff you talk about! Impressed is not enough of a word to describe this channel (edit: feelings-wise for me). Frickin' good job Grande!
Hi Dr. Grande. Have you ever covered the flow state (being in the zone) and related concepts like intrinsic/extrinsic motivation? I’d like to hear your view on that and how it relates to other constructs.
EllipticGeometry I can recommend the original by mihaly cz....
I have no problem spending days alone never having any communication with other people. I have been this way for 60 plus yrs. and enjoy my quite time of self reflection . Growing up I felt left out of the "things" of my socially active peers and siblings. But upon deep reflection I came to realize most extroverts have overblown egos and are phony. I have only known a hand ful of extroverts that had the decency not to "talk over" me when I was speaking. Speaking over another person is a big gripe of mind. I feel mentally exhausted dealing with the non-stop chatty types and I try to distance myself from them.
your comment at 6:00 is spot on. Salespeople are always associated with extroversion and gregariousness, but when it comes to selling things like investments or insurance or any product or service that is more complex and expensive, an introvert who listens authentically and reflects and answers what the prospect is concerned about will outsell simple extroversion. No one should let their introversion make them feel that they can't have a happy, lucrative career in sales. Great observation, I don't hear it a lot.
Finally, feeling some validation coming my way Doctor!!😂. Thank you for this informative video.
This topic was great in helping me to understand my sons in their personality. After understanding your insight I can see that either introverts and extroverts have desirable and not desirable traits. Taylor will run to an exciting action w/o thoughts of danger. Whereas Jeremy wants to join in but carefully studies the cons of the activity
Kudos.
for an excellent topic.. Thanks Dr Grande.
I really appreciate your thorough explanations, you’re a great educator. Thank you 😊
I know its mean but those "always on the go ppl" get on my damn nerves i just wanna say SETTLE DOWN!! Lol to be fair though i am an introvert 😏 i always felt like we are smarter lol
Dale well stated, I feel the same way they get on my damn nerves too.
All that screeching, flapping around and raising dust over nothing! Gah!
That behavior reminds me of childrens behavior, except less meaningful.
Very Interesting vlog Dr Grande. Thank you kindly!
I've had a couple of weeks break from TH-cam & BAM... You've 173,000+ followers! Much deserved.. congratulations!
I am an introverted LMFT and I’ll never forget what the good Dr Bob told me when I was getting my hours under his supervision. He said, a good counselor should only do about 20% of the talking. So, when you said that low gregariousness was a good thing for a mental health professional, it echoed his words of wisdom.
I finally viewed this video and I felt I could understand my traits of introversion . Being a Barber for many years and being able to be a listener , I have been an honorary therapist in so many peoples situations. I have my boundaries, and I won't tolerate much before I will exercise them. I find most extrovert's eventually exhausting and generally superficial. I'm perfectly content in my type of introversion.
I scored a 10/10 in extroversion on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Test on personality when I took it in high school. The administrator said a 10 in any of the measured traits is extremely rare. Now at 41, I’m much more introverted. People can be exhausting and I need time to “recharge” alone after a social visit. Go figure.
Regarding the facets of warmth & assertiveness you have the same misconception that so many people who don’t understand introversion have. Introversion is not about being shy, meek, or anti-social. It’s about how a person responds to social situations.
As an introvert, I can socialize with people in a group setting , be friendly and open, express warmth, and make a genuine connection with them. However, if the size of that group is 20 people, my battery is going die a lot faster than if there are, say, 5 people in that setting. And in either case, I’m going to have to recharge that battery doing a quiet, solo activity, typically reading.
Put an extrovert in those same situations and they’re going to respond differently. They will in fact be more gregarious and outgoing but that’s because they derive energy out of social situations. Their battery gets charged in a large gathering and they don’t feel the need to, say, make an Irish exit so they can be in their PJs at 10.
Thanks for this, it helps me realize as a introvert i am a really nice guy. There was a short time where i was feeling like i might of been a narcissist but this just proves me wrong.
Thank you very much, Dr Grande. It was truly inspiring to hear the positive sides to being introverted! Wishing you and your family a Happy New Year 🥳🥰
Excellent talk. Nice to know it’s not a disadvantage to be somewhat introverted. I tend to be cautious and don’t like to take risks. Chatter boxes exhaust me. It feels like a chore to visit someone who’s a non stop talker. One has to be polite and go through the motions, especially is it’s family or in laws.
To me, an advantage of introversion is the internal compass. The introvert, other things being equal, is less likely to be misled by the reactions of others, or even by irrelevant sensory information, as in optical illusions. Of course I'm so odd in many ways - not scared of bugs, spiders, snakes, mentally ill people, or gang members for that matter, like so many are. I suppose that is largely because I observe and pay attention, so I can recognize whether there is any threat or not, and if so, what kind of threat. Frankly, I find them all fascinating, and most of them beautiful.
Brilliant! 🤩 Dr Grande, you have really motivated me to embed my wish be more open, compassionate and non-judgemental towards the quieter individual 😌 everyone is unique and we all need to understand this better 🤔
Your description of introverts’ positive attributes is refreshing and really true! 👍🏻 I’m more extrovert, but this isn’t always helpful or the best way to be 🤪 🙄 😉
Thank you, more fantastic and useful information and explanations, as always 🧐 Plus, I saw at least TWO Dr G. chuckles 😆 Ah, my Christmas is now complete!🎄🙏😀
I thought extraversion and introversion were mainly about different cognitive styles. Extraverts are more influenced by what others think/do/say and introverts are more likely to keep their own counsel and make decisions based on their own perception and experience.
One major thing that annoys me is the negative way introversion is described. Not just the typical view that it's undesirable, but the way introverts tend to be described as flawed extroverts. A common description is that extroverts are lively, talkative, engaged, socially active, while introverts isolate themselves, are slow to engage with others, are not talkative, and avoid social interaction. That was one great illuminating thing about Susan Cain's book, that she described introverts as having a very rich inner life that extroverts rarely see. She describes introverted traits in positive terms, rather than being deficiencies, as if we are extroverts who need to be "fixed". Even here, it's described almost as a deficiency, "low extroversion" instead of "high introversion."
Extroverts have is a tendency to put exceeding faith in that All Holy First Impression. They often see that introverts are not quick to leap into a conversation, then frequently conclude that there must not be much in our heads because we don't talk so readily as extroverts.
Yes I am very introverted, but I can do a lot of things that surprise many extroverts. I am an excellent teacher. I also excel at public speaking, there is no debilitating anxiety at all, and often I come out having thoroughly enjoyed it. Yet I can't stand small talk, I actually feel a tightness in my chest when I hear "hello, how are you today?" It takes an effort to respond in the bland meaningless words that the extroverted expect, it's actually easier to give an honest account of how I REALLY feel. I despise meetings, there's always at least one extrovert who just won't shut up and it all drags on far longer than necessary. I can easily go days hardly speaking to anyone except cashiers and store clerks, and that only from necessity.
Social interaction becomes exhausting beyond a certain point, and that point is far sooner than most extroverts can comprehend.
Finally, extroverts who get to know me invariably say that their first impression was wrong, that there is much more to my personality than that All Holy First Impression can account for. But few take the time to discover this.
Look at all the introverts you've encouraged to speak about themselves. Well done, Dr. Grande!
Dr Grande -you are soooooo Obviously introverted type.hence you do what you do.😊
This is a fascinating exploration of this topic. It made me think about how a person can examine oneself and take stock of his/her/my natural "configuration" and appreciate what it means. Wonderful to point out that what sometimes as seen as a disadvantage, can actually be the opposite. On the other hand, it is a gift to realize that there are advantages to what is not natural to us, as one can begin to make efforts to incorporate those characteristics (self improve). For example, a gregarious person might consider shutting the hell up and listening to others in order to do better at work or in a relationship.
Once again, I tip my hat to you sir!
Wow! Beautifully explained! I'm grateful for your work.
spending half of my life as a shy, quiet person, i will take my extroversion any day of the week but I do think I have a decent mix of both. I know where to tone myself down!
ambivert?
@@rashedulkabir6227 i suppose that might be true.
I'm both intro & extro, depends on situation, am a great listener. I do believe a lot of extroverts are narcissists, so then those pluses are huge minuses when you get to know them/want a deep relationship. Thanks again Dr G. You have such a great way of letting us see all sides of subjects👍🌻👭💌
I think it’s important to understand the difference between what is best for the whole situation, and what is best for the individual in question. What gets rewarded? Often, gregariousness is rewarded in a given situation though listening skills are really more helpful in the long run. I think the Oprah interview style is a very good example of this.
Im an introvert but i like being social from time to time.
I love my life as an introvert. Popularity is the last thing on my wish list. I enjoy having friends but not needing them desperately. We listen well and people tend to confide in us. I have time to write and paint. I am a self contained unit and can take or leave the company of others. I get to live the life I want in another country, without a spouse attempting to direct my life (been there, done that).. My children and grandchildren are grown. We keep in touch. Finally, my life is totally my own.
I have openness to to experience I like tandem skydiving so I ask the person I go up instuctor I go up with hows ya family going? Because either the parashoot does get packed properly or the guy you are hooked up to feels suicidal! But being I have the memory of a fish I never want to learn how to do it on my own because they often forget to open their own shoot on the first solo jump. Also 'Splat' terrifies me! lol. I understand we can feel empty but at times are adventurous and extremely outgoing sometimes. Everything on this on makes complete sense. Thank you Dr. Grande for defining these facets accurately..
Leanne I don’t know if you’re aware or interested, but you could probably be a writer. I’m judging your content. It’s interesting. Editing is easier when starting with creative writing. I’m a writer/editor and have never told this to someone online.
dr grande , can you please talk about ambivert personality ? most people would classify me as an introvert since im shy and don't talk a lot but I do feel like I identify with both extrovert and introvert traits ...I have a high desire for social interactions ( with the right people) , I get energized after socializing , and I always feel like wanting to do something adventurous or interesting ...I identify with introvert as well in the sense that im shy, I can listen to people more than talk, and I can go a long time being alone without feeling depressed
Mood
This was so interesting because I'm highly introverted but in my workplace I come across as extravert mainly because I get so irritated with people who sit around talking, talking, talking but never DO anything. You may be able to identify, Dr Grande. Academics apparently think that philosophising can solve problems such as poor quality assessment while only active participation actually achieves results. Btw, the way you describe happiness and positivity is exactly how society perceives it - if you're not positive about something, you must be negative. If you're not happy, you must be sad. Realism and indifference apparently never come into it. So frustrating - especially in the workplace!
I was introverted as a child, but have become extroverted as a adult, I would be pretty balanced between the two.
Being somewhat extroverted but with high emotional IQ and empathy would tend to blur the line on the distinction between a introverted and extroverted person.
Sounds like a difficult but worthy accomplishment. I think you’re right and achieved the highest utility through the mastery of both.
I'm an introvert... I am perfectly comfortable in my own company and find it preferable MOST of the time. I like company if i have picked the company and the time frame i want socialise. I am not rude or cold to people, i am friendly to everyone i meet and a person who might not know me may think i am not introverted... I may not initiate conversations with new people but i am always willing to engage for a short while and then will politely make an excuse to leave. I find it weird that people would say introverts are unfriendly, i have a mixture of both groups as friends, some way more introverted than me and some extra extroverted. Only difference is i feel more tired after hanging out with my extroverted friend's... Or a bit mentally drained even, but i still enjoy their company. Sometimes i think people are socially awkward and rude and they use introversion as an excuse.
Dr Grande is very very helpful. One of my counselors said that sometimes people have emotional break downs because they can’t fill in their life (dialog) history without major explanations. For example if someone asks “what did you do in life.? We have areas that are exceptionally difficult to explain so we go introverted. We go introverted until we just can’t bear the load... we don’t make new friends because it all gets too awkward or as kids say “weird.”
That happened to me. I went silent about major issues in my life because they were unusual in my social circle and bigger than anyone I knew... I became and I am still very withdrawn.....
As someone that's very introverted, one of my pet hates (pet hate number 188 to be exact) is when people assume that introversion is the same as shyness.
I'm not shy... at all. I have no problem speaking to people, even in large groups, or being the centre of attention. I'll quiet happily get up and perform karaoke in a bar, or deliver a presentation to hundreds of people. I just have certain preferences when it come to social interactions.
What it takes to motivate someone to behave in a certain way highly depends on their personality type. We tend to judge the behavior of others by incorrectly assuming they are motivated by what it would take to motivate us to engage in a similar behavior.
Nice video, thanks. I had been a pretty introverted. I believe that I am more relaxed on a specific antidepressant. There's treatment for social anxiety, but I got treated for depression. Also, my bad migraines disappeared except for an aura about 4 times a year. I don't crave cigarettes anymore. It was hard to quit before taking it. Best wishes.
I have been an introvert all my life and also suffer from anxiety. I have never liked large groups. I don't ever start conversations. If I don't know people, I am uncomfortable with them. I feel guilty if I don't volunteer but want to volunteer. I never would make a first move with a guy. I have few close friends. I don't really want to go out much like other people. I have great compassion for others who are suffering. I'm not a show off and stand in the back. I am a nurse.... I did pretty good with Covid but missed my family . The only thing that was important was taking my dog for a walk every morning. I am a little more outgoing than when I was a child. Thanks for this Video.💖🇨🇦❤️🍩
Something I noticed highly extroverted people do is they tend to befriend too many people indiscriminately out of habit or because they can’t stand feeling lonely. This can include people who are creepy, annoying or shady. I’ve had many arguments about this with my extroverted friends. They can’t seem to grasp the concept that people can cause problems and be dangerous and you don’t have to befriend every weirdo at the bar and invite them back to your house for a party the next day.
Thank you for this. I always thought something was wrong with me being introverted.
I was born introverted, always hated having to socialise. Still struggle with 'small talk' with people I don't know well but I learnt that if you get people to talk about themselves you don't need to say anything lol. The pandemic lock down doesn't bother me at all, it's just another day hiding in my house amusing myself with my hobbies with no fear someone will turn up on my doorstep :)
Dr. Todd Grande,
I thank you for your sessions.
Thank you for this video, Dr Grande. I think, everything in moderation. Extroversion can result in too much aggressiveness.
as strange as this request may be, a video on some of the physical symptoms and manifestations of mental illness would be fascinating
like (gross) throwing up before going to work due to severe anxiety. i've dealt with a lot of nausea due to anxiety in particular, and had rapid shifts in weight. even if mentally i'm not worried or anxious, my body reacts without me. it's hard to find anything that will help.
and ive known people who, for example, are depressed, get positive attention which is well-earned and fully deserved , and then are sick from sheer self hatred and shame and guilt
Dr Grande rocks... this man seriously knows his sh*t :)