10 Things Narcissists do to Appear Smarter than They Really Are
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 พ.ย. 2024
- This video answers the questions: Can I provide examples of what narcissists do to make other people believe that they are more intelligent than they actually are?
Narcissism:
There are two types of narcissism: With grandiose narcissism we see characteristics like being extroverted, socially bold, self-confident, having a superficial charm, being resistant to criticism, and being callous and unemotional. Vulnerable narcissism is characterized by shame, anger, aggression, hypersensitivity, a tendency to be introverted, defensive, avoidant, anxious, depressed, socially awkward, and shy.
Narcissistic personality disorder is a Cluster B personality disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. It has nine symptom criteria, five of which are required for a diagnosis.
1: Grandiose sense of self-importance
2: Fantasies
3: Special or unique
4: Requires excessive admiration
5: Sense of entitlement
6: Manipulative
7: Lacks empathy for others
8: Often envious
9: Arrogant attitudes or behaviors
Costa, P. T., Jr., McCrae, R. R., & Löckenhoff, C. E. (2019). Personality across the life span. Annual Review of Psychology, 70,423- 448.dx.doi.org/10.1...
DASHINEAU, EDERSHILE, SIMMS, AND WRIGHT. Pathological Narcissism and Psychosocial Functioning, Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment. 2019, Vol. 10, No. 5, 473-478
dx.doi.org/10.1...
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I often use big words to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
Me too!
I'm green with envy.
Thanks for a good laugh!
😂
I'm feeling this urge to correct your grammar: *photosynthetic
:P
im glad im not a narcissist as I am very humble despite my high intelligence and how attractive I am.
Ikr
😂
Way to go narc!
So is displaying intelligence a bad thing?
@@CashCowz962 im gonna display my balls
I admire others who can say "I dont know", the whole "fake it till you make it" is getting out of hand.
@FML Depends on the subject matter, I have many areas of specialty, and also many areas that I am ignorant about.
Same. Someone who never says “I don’t know” has always been a major red flag to me.
Agreed!
Yes we definitely in the first world live in a culture that nurtures narcissistic personality
Yes, nothing wrong with saying, "I don't know the answer to that".
What you said in conclusion reminded me of something a psychologist told me once:
"Trying to reason with a narcissist is like playing chess with a pigeon - it will just poop all over the board, and strut around as if it's won anyway."
I just love your analysis of a narc!! So funny and true!!!
Good one.
Ahhahahahaha😂
Hahahaaaaaa! Too many people, narcs or not, behave this way these days... Oh man! Help us, all! LoooooL
@@Catherine-bs1xj I don't remember her specifically crediting anyone, but it was delivered in that sort of 'as they say' manner. I doubt she made it up herself on the spot, but I appreciated the relatability (she knew I enjoyed chess).
I’m super humble. That’s what makes me so great
A former Israeli prime minister said, “Don’t act humble. you aren’t that great.”
Lol!
Haha
Doublebinds at its finest. Humble? Narcissist. Not being humble? Obvious narcissist.
and yet, I'm the humblest
"Every mistake that someone else makes, to the narcissist, is a big mistake."
Beautifully said.
There is always something in your past that they can hold up in your face to prove how inferior you are to them.
You know, like if you got caught doing something benign but mischievous as a very young child. They can always stretch that into "early warnings" of even deeper criminal or malicious behavior in your adult life. They can always find a mistake you made long ago in the past and turn it into something more catastrophic now.
Those commas are wrong (JK)
i hate when they do that shit.. undermining someone elses intelligence for their own amusement.. or literally to make themselves feel about themselves
Experienced this at work, it was relentless. he was my senior and now I'm his senior 1 1/2 years on. I treat him with kindness and he hates it as he has nothing to chew on :D
And don't worry, there are cameras up and down the place and my office room is always locked when unoccupied so he can't do anything slimy.
When I got my Master's degree, my sister said, "Anyone can get a Master's degree". To which I asked, "Where's yours?". She hung up the phone on me.
I’m also surrounded be negative nancies, in all things. If you dress down, you “look homeless”, if you dress up, they sneer and say “who are YOU supposed to be?”. They can’t just say “you look nice” or “congratulations” or “good job”, ever. It’s always an insult or a complaint or a dismissal of your hard work. Very toxic.
This funny
touche' lmao
This says a lot about her. Instead of being happy for you, she tried to devalue your acheivement. I feel for you, I have a crappy, unsupportive family too!
Hysterical
I had an aunt who was a narcissist (though we didn't know it at the time) and she lived right next door. She'd come over while Jeopardy was on and impress my grandma by knowing all the answers.
Well, it turned out that she just used her satellite dish to see the episode before it aired in our local time zone and memorize all the answers.
The effort some narcissists will go to is insane to me.
😂🤣
😆😂😂😂
At least she had a good memory.
What? Wow that’s so crazy!
I had to laugh at that. But at the same time, I worried about if that stressed you out.
Irregardless of what you say, its a mute point saying I'm an narcissists souly debased on the fact I use fanciful words in my grammer...But I digest...
Dammit, I want to correct you, but don't want to look like a Narcissist!
@@eclectic_gamer hahaha
Sounds like my ex husband lol
Ok, this one triggered me. 😂😂
Nice won! ('Souly debased' even nicer :D)
What's really annoying is how narcissists do manage to fool a lot of people. I am so glad that these videos are being made to raise awareness. Thank you Dr. Grande!
I agree. They do tend to attract supporters.
Barack Obama comes to mind. Trump too.
They bluff it, they believe their own hype so much it pulls others in. They also lie, they also triangulate and bounce others off each other
There are a lot of B-list narcissists in middle management. They only pretend to work and their bosses don't notice, because the low-level staff does the work. They are the ones who know exactly what the pretender is up to. 😒
@mondblume63 You got it backwards.
Alternate title: Dr. Grande Vents about his Colleagues
That's totally what I was thinking. Thank you. It sounds incredibly personal. I have inkling that this is a widespread issue among academics. I also wonder if professorships entice narcissists or create them. I worked for an college professor for many years and he would always say.. talk to me after you earn your degree - as if I couldn't form an opinion without a credential.
@@vblord - it's not who is right, but what is right. A degree has nothing to do with it.
Ah haha.
This field is ironically, full of narcissists.
😂😂😂
@@vblord I'm not an electrical engineer, not even an electronics repair tech nor an electrician but I can't tell you how many times I have had either my know-it-all friend or a professor try to comment on things of this sort and it ends up being diarrhea-mouth ranting under vague language.
I usually just don't say anything unless it's painfully obvious they're wrong or their incorrect knowledge goes against safety and they're transmitting dangerous and/or fatal ignorance.
Professors try to rebuke me that same way at which point either someone who is qualified steps in on my behalf, or I can simply reference what I'm saying and/or their words are demonstrably false. I've learned to drink in their seething resentment.
My know it all friend on the other hand...evolves. He doesn't concede much unless it's absolutely obvious he's wrong (he loves to rant and argue) but when he thinks he might be wrong he either:
1) talks really fast and talks over you ignoring anything you say, not letting you get a word in edgewise, and conveniently suddenly ends the conversation...or changes the subject and keeps on talking.
OR
2) he has some vague/convenient explanation trying to seize upon ambiguity of what he thinks I don't know. He's smart enough to not reach like he used to because I owned his BS several times.
In any case, the posturing is a symptom of someone who learned to talk confidently and convincingly about something regardless of the truth of the matter. An old tactic. It's more about impressing people who don't know better and getting brownie points. The longer you live, though, the more this just looks stupid or worthy of ridicule.
One time my wife brought up a kind of "new" topic of study we were in to with a narc family member. They immediately dismissed the idea as nonsense and argued against every point and rejected even talking about it.
One or two weeks later we see her again and she goes on and on about the exact same subject now presenting herself as the authority on the matter. Not rejecting it this time but fully into it, completely forgetting/ignoring the week before when she knew nothing and argued against it for no reason. She now was "teaching" us about it like we've never heard of it before.
Major eye roll moment.
Oh! You know her, too?!!!
so true. around the christmas of 2020 i bought a tarot deck, my brother immediately criticized it and told me to never believe in it. (which is fine have your own beliefs) which he isn’t spiritual. now recently he’s trying to say he believes in jesus and got a bible…..
@heyitsbrandon
Let's hope he doesn't fall down the Q rabbit hole.
Lol mine does this
Popcorn 🍿 and wear a Christmas sweater or a mermaid tail
“To the narcissist, every mistake that everyone else makes is a major mistake”.
Goddamn.
I just thought i was being petty
Every mistake a narcissist makes: it's your fault.
@@suicideking6966 wwŵwwwwwwwww8www8w888 e
@@Blue_Azure101 That's true, but escalation is a risky business, and someone who practises that methodology habitually is always going to be better at it than you.
Many narcisist bosses agree with that
The first rule of Condescending Club is pretty complex, you probably wouldn’t get it 😒
I’m surprised this comment hasn’t gotten more love
The first rule of Hipster Club is something you probably never heard of :)
🤣😂
Lol, one of my niece’s boyfriends was meeting everyone and me and my cousin were talking and asked “so man, what kinda music you in to?”. The response was “I don’t listen to mainstream music like the media wants me to”. We all knew exactly what kinda guy he was. Tried to push it a little more and “I only listen to music that has meaning behind it you wouldn’t understand”.
Thank god for my uncle who said: “You’re a real cunt aren’t ya? Bad parents?” and he stormed off and apparently said some mean things about us on social media.
Condescending means talking down to someone.
This sounds like he's passive agressively roasting someone he knows haha
I had the same thought lol. I opened the vid with someone in mind so I appreciated the roast
I think Everyone, as in, every human being that has ever walked the earth has done that to an extent. This is the first video I watch of this man and I am an instant fan. About to go deep in a rabbit hole! Peace!
What's the word for people who call people narcissists?
Cosmic Perspective People.
I definitely know her...
My dad is a narcissist. What I’ve realized is that its almost like you can never really know him. Every time you think you’re speaking to him you’re actually speaking to this façade he’s putting up. Like everything he says to you has been calculated by him to make him look a certain way, not to actually speak to you.
If your dad is really a narcissist, it might just be better to stay away altogether.
@@docbraniac7999 Yeah I sort of have to. It causes so much more harm than good.
Wow I’ve never heard it said like that but I think my ex did that! Did it ever feel like he didn’t even remember your conversations?
How true this is..! I have the same experience.. you can never know him completely.. he has different masks for different occasions and people.. his "real" face can never be seen
Been there, lived through it!!! Pretty much helped me become and insecure and brash younger prick. I owe a huge debt of gratitude to wife for helping me snap out of this years ago. Gotta have the right support.
My narc ex said that he was tested and scored so high that the test couldn't measure it. He said that he was literally too smart to be tested. 😒
I have actually heard different people say this! I just thought they were crazy.
That's usually a clue that he wasn't content with the result... probably under 130 😃
haha funny. remind me of My exnarc told me that he had IQ 180 and studied aerospace blablah and applied for a job in NASA. ....it isn't real but it seemed really real when he fabricated.
Thanks!! Now my sides are KILLING me! 😂😂
Are you sure he wasn't being sarcastic?
"To a narcissist every mistake that somebody else makes is a major mistake"
Yes, 💡
Yes. Mistakes make for good ammo.
Manipulative, Amphibious, Soul- sucking, emotional vampire succubus , dangerous, con artist cowards, without a moral bone in their body.
And lousy in bed...
One trick to crushing a narc (ones who present a danger to themselves &/or others), that I use, is indirectly robbing them of their self-trust in their decision-making.
I once had a narc pinned for believing they had me figured out. I'd use their tells to immediately adapt; change my responses to destroy any patterns they have developed on me, then drag their name through the dirt. These people are your enemies.
Make them depend on you or destroy them completely.
Oh! And don't brag! Remain formless and unseen in your efforts. This is the ultimate requirement.
Its pure mental agony for a narcissist to attack/defend themselves from one or more enemies they cannot see.
Can I quote you?
Why ask, you ask?
"Item 5: Attacking people who have different views than them instead of arguing based on actual evidence."
Everyone on twitter...
"Scientists" are most excellent at "attacking people who have different views... " instead of relying on the conspicuous evidence, they memorize idiotic theories / guesses / wild imaginings / speculation while telling themselves they're "scientific".
Who needs evidence when one has prejudice? - Legal maxim.
Absolute facts! I laughed, but your comment is so true! I had to disengage from there. It’s an absolute cesspool.
This seems to be true of the majority on Twitter. I've found a small percentage who do objective research and maintain neutrality (or civility). Some just throw out a complaint, then attack like pit vipers when any solution is offered. Of course, these same people *never* have any solutions to offer for their own complaints. I've asked. Nicely. They just go silent or block. I've learned to be very selective about the rides I take in that particular carnival.
SJWs
I married into a family of narcissists. They were some of the most stupid people I’ve ever met, yet they always thought they were better then anyone else. How tiresome they were
Lol so true. Eeeks
I bet they all had 4 degrees.
Ditto
I’m not a narcissist, I’m actually better than everybody.
same :P
@@jaredbond7908 The correct way to say that would be..."I'm not a narcissist, I actually AM better than everybody else". lol 😉
imagining the plight of a non narcissist that actually IS smarter, stronger, more capable etc than everyone. i mean they gotta exist right?
@@TheMasterfulcreator yep. They’re all over the place!
@@TheMasterfulcreator Saitama
Plot twist: he’s a narcissist and dunking on other narcissists is his ultimate high.
i have a gif for that (antonio banderas at computer)
I am from africa and i want to learn english , if someone have good advace from let tell me
Sahara Mustaf duolingo
Exactly. All content creators are narcissists
EXACTLY!!!! I have BEEN saying that!!!
This is helpful. I was in an abusive relationship with a narcissist. He developed an interest in poker and took me along to a tournament one night to show off his skills. I won the tournament and boy was he mad! Lol
I love this!
Actually had a similar experience where my ex was convinced he could count cards and win BlackJack (it was literally an event run by my uni) and then just kept sitting there and losing while looking like he knew what to do...
🤣🤣🤣 I'm so sorry for laughing. I absolutely am sincerely empathetic to what you've been through, but damn I took so much pleasure in you kicking his butt in his own game 🤣
When I started reading this I thought you were about to say he brought you to a Poker Tournament and was down big money so he put you up with his Rolex and car keys before going all in.
@Jake Stockton Exactly why he is probably a N.... Perception is all they care about. Reality can be an ego buster, and that is unacceptable for them.
When I was a teenager and through my 20s, I was both a grandiose and vulnerable narcissist - vacillating between the two. I was also a practicing alcoholic from about 12 years old until I was 28. Since I got sober the narcissism is diminished somewhat, but I still have it. My 21 year old son told me that he thought that I'm a narcissist (somewhat) as recently as a year ago.
I think that what really helped me to recognize my narcissism and to work at reducing it was my participation in Alcoholics Anonymous (working on the 12 steps) - where I learned that I'm not all the rage I thought I was and had to examine which behaviors of mine caused my troubles and why. Then I had to review my day to day behavior (and still do 32 years later), admit when I was wrong (or being a narcissistic ass) and apologize to those I hurt. Also working towards an attitude of humility helped.
Charlie Siefert, you sound like a great person to me. Congratulations on the 12 Step Progam.
@@annamummy4166 thanks. I have worked hard to be better
@@ChopBassMan you sound like a flawed human being, but one willing to examine his flaws and when necessary attempt to be better. You focus on today and just remember that no matter what, you never have to drink again...
@@kennyfleck8630 thank you. I have worked on it a lot and have not had any desire to drink for 32 years now.
@@ChopBassMan yes, but the fact that you dug deeper is what impresses me. I've seen a lot of people sober up and feel they were done. It truly is the beginning and only by eliminating the causes of what made drinking seem like the answer is the best way to continue on without worry about relapse...
Wow, I really learned a lot about 10 Things Politicians do to Appear Smarter than They Really Are.
A lot of politicians are narcissists.
clearly u never been in a situation like mine before. If you had you would see they are much worse bc the spotlight isnt shining on them they can do so much more damage. trust me or dont but if you find yourself in that situation dont say i didnt say so
Lol.
Biden is a perfect example of narcissistic behavior.
He described Trump to a “T”.
Good thing I'm not a narcissist, I'm the most humble person I know
I’m not a narcissist either I’m even more humbler than you are in fact I’m the most humble person on Earth
If there was a contest to be humble I would win it hands down
I am not only the most humble, but also the smartest.
Sam Worth if that’s a real wit it HAS to be a troll.
😂😂
"Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues" (Proverbs 17: 28).
David Ramsay Amen!!!!
I think they meant narcissists! :P
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.
The christian marketing literature gaslighting, as usual
I had my first I Q test in fourth grade after my first standardized K.E.S.T at school. I was immediately moved to a program for kids with high potential and low motivation. Thing is, I’m not a genius. I was horribly abused and I read constantly to escape into a fantasy life. I recognized patterns quickly because I had to to survive. I’m hyper aware of everyone in the rooms slightest body language. I have a great memory. All defense mechanisms. I’ve done nothing with it that others would call successful, but everyday , I work to develop more compassion for myself and others… and that has made all the difference.
Saddest part is extremely intelligent get bored that is maybe how borderline personality is second page after gifted child
Well, you sound like you're a Very special lady.... and I believe that God wants to use you and all of your life experience, to be a blessing to others, and help others who may be hurting in the same (or similar) ways that you did when you were growing up
@@tammyfitzgerald5336 I had a difficult time with my son who had a higher IQ and refused to do his homework because "I already know it." He passed every test though so he just rolled through high school. He's an artist/chef now.
Yeah, same here, I seem to notice and remember many little inconsistencies in people’s words, actions and emotions, and I cannot help to poke a dark person if I identify one, not because I’m attracted to him/her, but because I have an insatiable desire to see through his/her inner workings so I can predict every move they make, and find out counter moves to contain them.
It fulfills my need for security and my curiosity. I grew up in a family full of manipulation, deception, violence and fear.
Reminds me of the House MD episode with the woman who developed eidetic memory as a coping mechanism
“When a narcissist is unable to win on the basis of evidence they switch to other tactics: Attacking people who have different views than them instead of arguing based on actual evidence”. Hmmm. Sounds like half our population, at least
It must be global. I was thinking the same about my country 😂
That's sexist
@@and_the_first_last It is possible to be wrong and sexist, just saying ...
@@schonlingg.wunderbar2985 Tempting idea, but I'd rather be right and non-sexist
Especially in politics
People who think they know everything are particularly annoying to those of us who do.
High five if that was a joke ....Jesus Christ if it wasn't!!
Nice screen name
I wish we had the laughing emoji on TH-cam lol.
It’s funny I believe when people say not it alls tends to come from an objective standpoint. If I speak in a form of excitement about things I know, some people may say I am no it all. But I don’t know it all , I just what I know and I am very open to suggestions . But I think it falls in the same line perhaps of when people discuss confidence vs arrograncce. I remember I had a professor describe me in a gaslighting way when I did a speech in front a mass of people. Deep down I was nervous , but I had to psyche myself up. But in his mind he thought I was acting arrogant. Even after I thought I didn’t do a great job. But everybody tend to say it was a great job. I guess things are viewed differently from people who perceive you in a certain way.
It’s even funnier if the last words are, “... those of us who actually do.”
I am 69 and only recently have started to become aware of my own narcissism. This is painful, but in a useful, necessary way. This video was very clear and very 'convicting': it 'held up a mirror', one that gave a true reflection, in a way that got through to me. I plan to listen to it again, to take some notes, and possibly post some 'bullet points' from it somewhere that I will see them often (or, at least, daily). Thank you for making this available: I know it is something I needed to see; and I hope it will help me to grow up and out of where I usually am now. Thank you, again.
I like these videos a lot, but the approach in this one seems off. Dr. Grande is usually scrupulously careful about diagnosing people outside of clinical settings. He even demurred about associating Trump with the n-word, despite the Braggard-in-Chief's daily exhibitions of many of the traits described in this video. So, it's a bit odd to see Dr. Grande recount here various anecdotes about 'narcissists' he's met. Judging by the anecdotes, these encounters were in social rather than clinical settings. So, really what Dr. Grande encountered are different people exhibiting narcissistic traits. All of which is a longwinded and possibly narcissistic way of saying that you, at 69, are probably not a narcissist, just a flawed human being like the rest of us, some of whose flaws are of the narcissistic kind.
I think we all have a bit of narcissism in us, but that doesn't make us a full blown narcissist! Keep trying to improve yourself--it's a lifelong process!
If you come from a neglectful mother/broken family structure, talking to a psychologist about all this could possibly come to some inner healing.
u said sixty nine
Ms Nelson; I'm 68 years young.. like the old saying. As i get older, its surprisingly how smart that person was or this one is. Either way would rather be a person who wisdom is obvious. If not prehaps soon?..😇🕶
"... saving up the mistakes for a greater embarrassment factor later..." Wow, the inner workings of narcissistic thought gives me the chills when filtered through the angelic voice of Dr. Grande!
I love this guy’s dry humor.
*I do as well! I much prefer Dr Grande's affect, personality, and humour over other popular youtubers!*
It evaporated.
It took me awhile to get it. I had to watch him a bit before I started hearing it. Now even some of his title names make me chuckle
So dry it ain't humour
@@BeckBeckGo you forgot a space between the 'a while' wording.
Point 1. Damn it!
This is a legitimately good video. This guy presents it in a way that doesn't feel like he has a seething hate for narcissists, it's factual and put forth without personal bias. Most narcissist videos are rife with criticism and projection, often coming off looking hypocritical. I see lots of narcissist experts that display a lot of the behaviors they're describing... Always thought that was weird.
The reason they do that is to call them out on the BS, kuse it gets old...
This comment helped me, I feel you're right. Sometimes reading about narcissism, the hatred you point out in the articles makes it harder for me to associate those traits with people in my life (even though they match), think clearly about the subject and find the gray areas or nuances.
@@randallee3544 Narcissists are sufferers of a personality disorder that is caused through childhood neglect truama or emotional abuse. Psychotherapy can help treat them but it is unlikely they will go due to their defensive grandiosity as per their condition.
I agree that in some TH-cam presentations about narcissism that the expert, with or without the credentials, can seem obsessed about it, to the point that I wonder if they are projecting or working out their own issues around competition, specialness, unfair attention for others, etc. I think we all have some degree of narcissism to the degree that our egos can be wounded or we desire to be or feel special. That doesn't make us "narcissist" in the clinical sense. To be acknowledged for our efforts or talents and feel good for it doesn't make us narcissistic, either, though it might be something to keep an eye on.
But again, I think that most of his criteria are so general and so ambiguous (except lying about an IQ test) that you could diagnose anybody as a narcissist). You could diagnose Hitler as a narcissist (good diagnosis) but probably diagnose Jesus, Buddha, St. Francis, and Albert Einstein as narcissists too.
Example: a narcissists might say that he is being "logical" or "reasonable." But guess what? Another person, who is genuinely logical, might say that too!!!!!!!!!!
"Narcissists tend to over-commit to ideas that protect their ego." - Dr. Todd Grande
I hear that.
Yep, like religion, or the military
An excellent example would be protecting your ego by continuing to commit to the idea that you actually won the election despite an overwhelming amount of evidence that shows otherwise, even when it reaches the point where your followers are literally storming the capitol for believing your unsubstantiated narcissistic claim.
@@kasperchristensen8416 Thank You Kasper, very cool!
Seen this so many times. They also gaslight you in the argument too. Using your strong arguments and then telling you that you misunderstood their position to save face.
@@kasperchristensen8416
That’s oddly specific. I wonder where that could apply...
I'm so glad I stumbled on this video. There are a couple of points that hit home for me. [3:05 - 3:45] "to the narcissist, every mistake that someone else makes is a major mistake." "...they're saving up the mistakes to get that embarrassment factor up higher." Narcissists are in a perpetual vortex of manipulation. It's their default.
That's correct. It's so important to keep distance from that vortex - it draws you in.
And there default is being better than everyone in every way possible and letting them know it, then again you know absolutely nothing
1) 1:11 - Correcting other people's grammar --when you don't have to or it's impolite to do so
They may avoid telling them in order to use it against them later.
2) 3:55 - They often use words incorrectly (that's the irony)
3) 6:16 - They try to talk about areas where they believe other people don't have a lot of knowledge
4) 7:47 - They support a position even though the evidence is against it --they tend to over commit to ideas that protect their ego
5) 9:48 - Attacking people who have different views than them
For example: "If that person can't spell that word correctly, I wouldn't trust them with anything"
6) 10:53 - Blaming others --"That person gave me bad information"
7) 11:35 - Using the words 'logic' and 'reason'. Simply by using them makes their argument sound better
8) 12:25 - They discount constructs that are connected with intelligence
For example, if they're unsuccessful: "Success is a matter of luck"
Or, in front of a very smart person, they focus on their flaws like social inability.
9) 14:42 - Narcissists lie about their performance on intelligence tests --and they don't remember what type of test they took, where, or who administered the test
10) 18:02 - They pretend to understand material that they clearly don't understand
@@caspian3755 5) is you
@@_Junkers That's not what attacking means. That's just criticism. Attacking would be if I accused you of victim mentality because I assume you're a fan of those two (which I do, but as long as you haven't explicitely stated so I can't go through with that reasoning).
Thanks for the summary, big help.
Haha this just sounds like, business as usual for an Alpha male. XD
Fake it, act like a a big shot, dominate and get the chicks, lol.
@@caspian3755 Haha, I guess? Most jocks do that, anyway.
Also, when a person humbly asks a narcissist for help, the narcissist will lord it over them and make the task seem 15,000 times more complicated than it actually is instead of simplifying the steps, encouraging, and teaching them.
Its a shame that half of them are college professors
And once the work is done, he will constantly throw it in the persons face. "You wouldn't be here, if it wasn't for me!" "I got you here!" Etc
@@calebncontreras-117 Also, professional chefs... not sure why, but most professional (as in formally educated in a culinary art) chefs are narcissists. I maybe have met one or two who weren't, and have met many as I am in the profession (FOH).
One of my favorite versions of this:
Boss to a new hire: Don't forget, I have an open-door policy. Anytime you have a question, come see me.
New hire a little later that day: Hello there. You know, I found something I'm not too sure about ...
Boss(overloud and with a sour exasperated face): What are you, stupid???
My ex wife to a tee
One 'tactic' I've observed from a narcissist is that when I ask a question they don't know the answer to, they try to divert the conversation to something else, or respond with a silly joke answer. It is impossible to get them to admit 'I don't know'.
Dude shut up, stop revealing our secrets
@@empemitheos look at the little troll. Must have not got enough attention this week huh? Nihilist my butt
Mine most often just lies and makes something up when he doesn't have an answer. Occassionally, you can catch him off guard and stun him into silence when you make a valid point that he can't refute.
They want others to believe they know everything, that they truly are superior in every way. Not knowing something is akin to weakness and inferiority to them. They are totally clueless and exhausting.
@@Nancy-yw1rr exactly. Although I don't see anything wrong with making a little joke about not knowing. I learn something new about narcissists everyday. Woman ones at least.
@@brandonvanlieshout7303 I think mine truly thinks letting anyone know that he doesn't know something is shameful. Common sense dictates that no one can know everything, but narcs interact with others on an emotional level- that's why it's so easy to bruise their ego.
Yet, they're often the first ones to call others "too sensitive". They are very hypocritical in almost every aspect of their interactions with others.
1:12 Correcting grammar
3:55 Using words incorrectly
6:16 Talking about obscure topics
7:46 Confirmation bias
9:49 Ad Hominems
10:54 Blaming other for their incorrect beliefs
11:33 Using “Logic” and “Reason”
12:26 Discounting other intelligences
14:42 Lying about their IQ
18:03 Pretending to know alien subjects
What's wrong with using logic and reason or being interested in obscure topics
@@itsasecret2474 it's the claims of referring to logic and reason without actually being logical or reasonable is the problem.
As far as I obscure topics, this is how a narcissist gains leverage. They grope for the exotic to be able to use exotic concepts and terma to blind their targets with the obscure.
I have seen this done by narcissistic managers so that they can sound intelligent and lord it over colleagues and subordinates.
Thank you for taking the time in making the time stamps and topics! 😊💕
non-narcissists watching this: "Am I a narcissist?"
Nah, I'm too stupid to be a narcissist. My IQ is well below 15,000. Its more like 9,000.
People can be narcissistic without being narcissists. I think most people are narcissistic sometimes.
Even thinking of myself as non narcissistic makes me feel narcissistic.
I think maybe a lot of people exhibit narcissistic traits from time to time. I know that I do, but I tend to notice it and I end up feeling sort of bad about it, which I assume (hopefully) means that I am not a narcissist.
@@Tech_Traveler narcissists are stupid and gullible. They aren’t smarter than most and they are quite gullible.
Finally, a youtube recommendation that fits my personality.
Green Sombrero that’s hilarious!
amen.
finally, a non-communal narcissist comment on youtube!
@ensayofr do you even grammar, bro? (its a joke, dont crucify me)
Did you mean "TH-cam"? (:
Another common thing I notice is, a narcissist will try to dominate the conversation and always choose topics he knows something about. So situations where the limits of his knowledge become visible, don't even occur. And if other topics do come up, he might dismiss them as irrelevant.
Or figuratively elbow his way in again with HIS chosen topic.
Yes a very good example. The worst one I know will dismiss topics that don't interest him all the time.
who would engage in a conversation with someone about anything they know nothing about? If i don't know anything about the topic how can i contribute to the conversation? If its one-sided it isn't really a conversation and the narcissist is actually you.
@@m0rtred In conversations with several people, it is common that topics come up that only some of the participants are knowledgeable about. In a healthy conversation, the one who is not knowledgeable would be interested and ask questions, or would just shut up and listen. But a narcissist can't stand not being the one who is most knowledgeable and who is telling everyone else how things are, so they'll try to turn the conversation back to the topics he is most familiar with.
Bingo! Knew someone like that. He got up an hour early to read the papers so he could spring something on you that you "should have known." Two can play that game, lol.
We are already smarter than they are. The key is to not allow what makes us more evolved, our emotional maturity, cause for us to have so much empathy for them that we allow for them to abuse us. Most times, it is this empathy that gets us in trouble. We don’t respond the way we should at the first sign of misconduct because we assume that we are incorrect in our judgment. We are smart enough to know that if someone is damaged they are going to act out and mistreat others. So, we are more patient with them. This is where the problem comes in. Our caring and ability to identify with a person’s pain causes for us to fall victim to their callous behavior. We move the boundary for them because we believe if we do, we can help them. We believe that all they need is love. The problem is, they don’t really want it. They just wanted us to move the boundary. They literally want to see if they can continue to make us do things we not wish to do. They want to see if they can cause a reaction that is out of character. They want to watch us unravel. It makes them feel powerful. Moreover, if you feel sure that your husband might never cheat on you, you might have to rethink. Most wives in marriages are shocked when they find out their husband cheating, and it happens more with people who never thought they would cheat. This is why you have to take the tiniest suspicion carefully. If your husband is cheating on you, the best and probably the only guaranteed way to catch him is to spy on their phones. However, spying on a phone is not something you can do without any external help unless you have the James bond level of spy skills. In such case you will need an expert phone spyier Metaspyhub@gmail. com for the purpose,,,
Dr Grande just described every single person on Twitter.
NARCISSISTS EVERYWHERE
Actually he only described blue check Mark Twitter
Lol...funny
Ryan Fischer tryna tell us he aint on the Tweeters, without sayin' he aint on the Tweeters
👍😂
This was phenomenologically good. I'm tiresome so I think I need a nap.
Maybe you just over idealogicalled
I like the idea of writing a longer story like this. Unfortunately I suck at writing, but perhaps someone else can make this work.
Narcissists are tiresome and cause others to need a nap lol
I can recommend you some of the best tires that exist
I bet you need something! !
In my experience, they often raise their voice instead of improving their arguments..
Yeah then they ask why you are yelling when you speak up.
Mine attacks me personally. When I point out she's wrong, she says stuff like, "your just trying to say things to hurt me. I could hurt you if I wanted to. You're trying to micromanage me and always have to have the last word." A. She can't hurt me because I'm grounded in who I am and I like me. B. I barely have time to manage MY life, why would I take on micromanaging her's? C. I don't have the last word. I walk away. She continues muttering something passive aggressive, then I pop back in with "who are you talking to? "
Her: you! Me: I wasn't even in the room!
@@paulclinton6414They raise their voice to try to get you emotionally off base then make you look unstable.
Despite not being triggered by this, I've had them accuse me of yelling when talking calmly and quietly. They will still accuse you of yelling just for standing up for yourself no matter how calm you are.
Simply standing up for yourself creates conflict with the narcissist and they will do all sorts of dirty tricks to blame you and make you look like the offending party when it is them.
yes. using anger to manipulate people.
Oh my word, that is so true
I have a theory that certain professional fields really attract narcissists. Politics and business are two big ones. As a former activist, I met a loooot of covert narcissists who thought they were saving the world.
Oddly enough I think the field of Psychology attracts a lot of narcissists as well.
also in the religious field as well.
@@fumarate1 1000%
Psychiatry, it is a medical profession, although the profession is the wrong word as we all know it is a practice. They are continually practicing. There’s a lot of wiggle room..
I suppose it’s the field where there wouldn’t be a lot of challenge for those who are coming in to get “help“ or two “heal“… The “ Dr.”yields a lot of power over sad people sometimes..
now.. please have your blood type in your credit card number.😐🤨😉.
The vast majority of activists are also narcissists.
@@shivadasa Activist.
It sounds like a school of some kind. That could be possibly where they all go to and get their degrees.
The narcissist that I have come to recognize all seem to have graduated from the same place. They’ve become quite ordinary to me.
Predictively boring quite honestly.
Both activists and narcissist.
🤡😐🤡.
Oh well..
look at their heads and forgive them..
some wise guy said that..😉
.
Phenomenological video Dr. Grande!
Excuse me, but you used the wrong word there. What you meant to say was 'phenomenal'.
Lol
I _SEE_ what you did there.
comment of the week bro, well played!
IDK if it was so phenmenological . . . all that info is giving me an ideological/eating disorder
I hope these don't apply to me.
"Item Number One: the narcissist feels the need to correct the grammar of others."
Damn it.
I correct my daughters' grammar and vocabulary at home. We speak several languages and I feel it is a parent's job to help their children speak as well as possible. I also correct my students or help them to correct themselves, because that's my job. Otherwise, you're on your own.
@Mark Sprinkle I know right??
@@melaniekeeling7462 Did you use the incorrect 'you're' the second time to bait people? 😏
@@CarlyJ 😅
@@CarlyJ my bad
I appreciate having my friends correct my mistakes. But I can usually tell if someone is sharing knowledge in a caring way vs gloating over and enjoying seeing me make a mistake.
J. Holan exactly
Its nice to have friends who save you from social blunders.
It's the difference between someone who embarrasses you publicly on social media and someone who sends you a message in private in a real effort to help you.
@ludlow 889 We need more teachers like her. That is so inspiring. This type of empathetic teaching should be taught to teachers.
@ludlow 889 I don't mind my pronunciation being corrected but it should not stop the flow of conversation. For example, I would allow the speaker to finish what they are saying and casually correct mispronouced words before responding to the content... If a teacher has created an atmosphere where making mistakes is natural part of learning and not a big deal, then direct and instant correction is also not a big deal or source of embarrassment.
I found it spot on. Having lived with one for 22 years too long, I could identify with EVERY 10 POINTS. I hope MANY people find your video so they can avoid narcissists.
Too late 😔 I've been in a "relationship" with a narcissist for 8 years. That's what brought me to these videos
Excuse me, but some of us can be rather interesting. Some of the stories we make up for ourselves are worth listening to and at times very creative.
@@cassandrarosado8688 making up for yourself and about yourself are different. And it makes a big difference if you are trying to manipulate someone else with the story, which narcissists invariably are.
@@kimbleeblob please Kim, try to get away, especially if he/she is physically abusive. Inbox me at Margaret Burton if you would like to talk.
I am sorry I never did. Would have left 6 plus years ago.
Being a narcissist sounds a lot like being in junior high.
what
That’s because they are in junior high.
where everything is fiction, future and prediction
...or just regular high
@Erika Ives Can confirm, my last boyfriend was a bratty, bratty man. I probably should've watched this before I told him he doesn't make me happy anymore, if I did, I might've been able to predict that he'd actually throw me out that night for saying that.
I'm relieved to know that I'm not a narcissist, but an individual that exhibits narcissistic behavior. Thank you for this video.
How do you know you are not?
@@TeaReis because he still didnt reply
I think it’s hilarious that he delivers sarcasm totally straight faced.
The best way to be sarcastic
@@lukasmisanthrop8557
You'd think Dr. G were a Brit.
i think you mean satire. ha ha
What I see a lot of is the highly opinionated know it all. He has to always be right, no matter what.
He has to be, while working with people who are mad.
the " I use logic !!" one especially resonates, of course coming from the vulnerable narcissist who has a terrible time remembering recent thoughts and regulating emotional outbursts.
One time early in our marriage I excitedly told my physician-husband that I had just read an article that said doctor were finding that there really is such a thing as a will to live. He angrily replied, "I believe in SCIENCE and LOGIC, not VOODOO!"
@@sylviatownsend410 Most scientists say shit like that, especially when somebody without a degree dares to have a personal opinion about something science has so far failed to find (or in some cases even look for) evidence of. They really are as irrational as any other human being. I don't really have a problem with what your husband said, just that it was unnecessarily snappy. There's a lot of pseudo-science out there, fake-science, fraudulent science. Defaulting to skepticism makes sense.
i say that but im actually using analytical data with source or self experience input data lol she hated when she would try and gas light me and id start plugging facts into an ai tool to argue facts lmao
she threatened to smash all my computers (this was all before she really got in my head)
My brother, a malignant narcissist, once tried to belittle me while I was working on my undergraduate degree. He told me that I needed to 'catch up with his TWO master's degrees in photography'. He never went to any accredited school for photography but felt the need to compete with me. What started the whole thing was he asked what was new with me and I simply stated that I had started school to finish my degree. That's just one example of many that he fit which caused me to have to distance myself from him. It's been almost four years of peace so far.
Ya gotta do what ya gotta do, to make things right for you...
Distancing yourself was a wise choice. I had a toxic friend like that. I was hired to write poetry for a publication and my friend, who'd never had anything published, acted like an expert. He said, "Someday I'll teach you how to write poetry." He was so upset about my success that I didn't hear from him for ten years. When he came back into my life, he was still toxic and made fun of my looks--just about anything he could think of--in an attempt to demean me. He's deceased now. In 2021, a drunk driver ran over him.
Bc he’s probably just simply better than you
@@novelist99 ...Dear Lucille: Nice touch with the Jack Daniels and the car combo. I heard a rumor that during a seance, he quipped: "Oh, yeah, well you got me good this time, Lucille, but I'm doing a better job being dead than you could ever possibly do when you're pushing daisies!"
@@novelist99 Sounds like a happy ending to me. Good riddance, you didn't deserve that. Congratulations on your work getting published.
Chapters:
1:11 Correcting other people's grammar
3:54 Using jargon (often incorrectly)
6:16 Discussing esoteric topics
7:45 Supporting a position that the evidence is against
9:48 Attacking people who have different views
10:53 Blaming someone else for their incorrect beliefs
11:35 Using the words "logic" and "reason" rather than making logical arguments
i will add one more: they scan the comment sections for the answers instead of watching the video.
@@seamusoleary3712 I*
😉
@@seamusoleary3712 lol no.. but still funny.
Thank you!
@@seamusoleary3712 I'm a very important person who doesn't have the time to waste on salubrious exaltations such as long winded rambly you tube videos.
It isn't narcissism to know that my time is worth more than yours, give me the answers in the first 30 seconds or I will look elsewhere.
You have been warned.
If a person corrects you in front of everyone, think about your relationship. A person who really cares for you corrects you without embarassing in front of everyone. And kindly.
The really dangerous relationships are those that correct you to others while you're not even present, share the credit for your work with you in front of others, and praise you when you're alone with them when no one else can hear.
Took me 13 years to figure that out unfortunately.
@bugrilyus I correct people in front of other people, I don't see why that's a bad thing. If someone said something incorrect I don't want other people to take that fact and spread the incorrect fact
@@maxresdefault8235 It's a bad thing when someone who knows nothing decides to correct an expert in front of everyone else to make themselves sound superior. I see this very often, but usually in the context of email chains rather than in-person meetings.
Graphic Designer: Here is that logo design.
Know-nothing, CC: all: Well clearly this is wrong because everyone knows you don't use the color green for a restaurant logo.
@@maxresdefault8235 it can be detrimental to the person that you corrected. They may feel out off by what just happened and stop talking when you approach. It is so much better that when you get a moment alone with the person to tell them then. It is better for the relationship as well. Now, it is on the person that said the untrue “fact” to go and correct themselves to the others.
I am late to the table now in 2023, but I am glad I listened Dr Grande.
My narcissist prefaced conversations with, “ When I was in Graduate School …”. He especially liked doing this in the company of blue collar types, friends of mine, including my father. His credentials didn’t have any bearing on the point he was trying to make. It was just BRAGGING to diminish others.
My witchy mother used to say she had a college degree. In reality, she had attended ONE night class at a major University. When I found out, I asked her what the one class she'd taken was and she answered, "It was a long time ago. I don't remember."
I know your mother, I asked her and she replied..."It was how to fill the paperwork out to apply for college." It was a pre course. ;)
Did she pay for the class or just sit in on it?
I know that all too well, narcissism is rampant in my family. My mother was an honorary "secretary" that didn't do anything but collect money from my father and she'd get pissy at family get togethers trying to compare herself to others who were like career nurses and teachers and stuff. Of course you don't find out until the next day when she's taking it out on everybody else
I actually married into a family of narcs I think. I know for sure and for certain that one of the things they regularly discussed was their IQs. They were completely flabbergasted that I didn’t know mine or my son’s. My oldest child is pretty intelligent, always straight As and in gifted and talented, even received a letter from Duke University when he was 13 wanting him to take the ACT. However, his brother struggled but was technically a savant of some sort. He started taking things apart when he was 3 and fixing them. It taught me really quickly that there are different types of intelligence and all are a gift. My oldest son wanted to be a kid and I thought his childhood was more important than Duke wanting to ‘measure ‘ his intelligence. It was a travesty in the narc family. How could we NOT want to know EXACTLY how smart he was?!?! They completely lost the point that the most beautiful thing about my ‘smart ‘ child was his tender heart and the way he never put himself above others
Science is 80% practical. They're both extremely smart. Both kids will make the perfect scientist if they were to pursue in those areas
Jennifer Smith, your kids are very lucky to have you as a parent!
True geniuses do NOT need a number next to their names (or bank balance). They simply do not care or, in many cases, due to the Dunning-Kruger bias, don't WANT to know.
I had a friend bothering me to find out my IQ through one of those stupid online tests. After I a while I lied and said I took it, when she asked how I did I said I got an 85 (which is technically retarded, but most people don't know that). She quickly changed the subject and never brought it up again.
Aaron That’s awesome! You obviously are smart enough to come up with the perfect solution 😊
When I was younger, I thought that using big words made me (and other people) sound smart. The older I get, the more I think that truly smart people use big words when they need to and can explain difficult things in simple ways.
I believe this is correct.
@@bettye444
Yep. Often "big words" just say something in a particularly apt way. You don't use the "big word" to show off but because it has the nuance you really need.
Picking a nuanced word means you thought about what you were saying... rather than just spraying sounds.
@@its1110 I wish I had explained this the way you did. Most excellently articulated.
Some people have large vocabularies and are so used to using colorful language, it gets misinterpreted as grandiose or melodramatic when it's natural.
You're name sounds so familiar
My ex-husband, a narcissistic high-school teacher with a Master’s Degree, once told me after we were married for 7 years, that I wasn’t very “intelligent” because I was a “just” a beautician.
He said, in his haughty voice, “I’ve been schooled, and beauticians can’t be that “intelligent” because there are so many of them, it can’t be that hard to become one.”
(I thought, “Well, there are thousands of teachers in the world, so it must not take that much intelligence to become one either.”)
A few years later, Mr. Scholar, made the highly intelligent decision to have an affair with our 18-year-old babysitter/his student. 3 years later, he married her when she was 21 and “legal” so he wouldn’t look like a total pervert. 😐
My sister (another narcissist) was in school pursuing her Doctorate, and we were discussing something that she didn’t agree with, and she stated, “I HAVE A Phd!” (Again, I was just a beautician, so she had to let me know her opinion trumped mine because of her degree.)(Which she really hadn’t gotten yet.)
🙄
Sounds like a tough time. Many people with PhD have poor knowledge of their subject - the PhD system does not enhance knowledge - quite the opposite in fact.
I've known a couple of people with PhD who were totally delusional and snooty. I'm not stupid but I just couldn't afford to pursue my tertiary education and have to start working right after I obtained my diploma to help out my younger siblings. I was also subjected to subtle insults in my office because I don't have a university degree.
@@rockthecasbah6450 I have a university degree and in my career as a software developer I worked with a number of developers who had no degree at all and I actually preferred working with them by far, and they were much better engineers. The head of a top web design agency I spoke to once told me it was extremely difficult to get suitable job candidates from the pool of graduates - he literally said they did not have a clue.
wooow this is 100% my grandma. i can’t talk about anything without her arguing with me and telling me i’m wrong even if i’ve been studying it for years
@90%makeup - Hallo, I simply like your yt name, wish I had come up with it myself umpteen years ago :) .Can we swap grandma's too? Please! Just for a couple of weeks. Then we'll either both profit or buy a one way ticket to the cliffs of Dover.
That's unfortunate.
My recent ex is like this. This is why he doesn’t live with me anymore.
This is a real good one. Reflects Facebook a lot. lol. I'm a bit guilty of one, will try to watch it. I don't often indulge, but if I furnish data, I'm sometimes parried by "Get Educated" "Learn to research" and sometimes am tempted to say I have a Masters in Information Studies. Feel like a bully as soon as I do, but the usual retort is "educated people can be stupid. A particular Facebook rejoinder to my linking my credentials to my data is I suffer from the "Dunning Kruger Effect." This from a person who matches a citation with their "opinion" or states something I just contradicted with no backup. They themselves are the expert they cite because they "have researched." Listening to Dr makes me realize how many minutes of my life I've bickered with these people. So, maybe I have to show I'm right? Not always, Judy.
My neighbor. And will often talk at length about oranges when I just made an apple statement. I'll finally say, but I was talking abou 🍎 🍏. Or she just says, "I disagree" after I've said something. (every chat).
One of my college psyche professors used to say “it’s not what you do that makes you weird. It’s how often you do it.”
I find these types of channels and posts interesting. At the same time I’ve made the observation that there is a lot of arm chair shrinking happening on social media. That brings me back to my college professors statement above. I’ve found it helpful to keep his words in mind in all things psyche.
Thank you Dr Grande for your thoughtful content. 🙏🏻
I like that quote. Hope you don't mind if I steal it.
There are definitely some things that, even if only done once, would be sufficient cause to accurately categorize someone as weird.
@@bengriffin4027
Yes. But even the most "normal" thing done obsessively is weird.
... and will make you go blind... so you should stop when you see the hair growing on your palms.
Great video. This is why social media is such a blight on society in my eyes -- it gives narcissists a platform, and others celebrate them for it.
We should all be narcissists. It's easier than actually being good.
@@donaldclifford5763 Except that would result in regression of just about everything one could think of.
@@bdickinson6751 Except Hollywood.
@@donaldclifford5763 Most of what has come out of Hollywood has sucked for years!
@@bdickinson6751 Legends in their own minds!
I started painting as an adult. I took classes, read books and watched TH-cam videos. I am proud of my work. My sister asked how I created one piece. This was early in my learning phase, so I used tracings as I cannot draw. I still had to use the correct strokes, brushes, mix colors, etc to create the work. She looked at me and said, “I could do that.” She didn’t compliment my work as any normal sister would do, she said that she could do it.
jealous hater. she prob. cant even properly communicate a thought. good for you in learning something new!
One thing I have learned. If someone doesn't feel they have to live by the rules they put on everyone else, they have core problems. This seems to be a common thread that connects major mental/personality problems like narcissism.
The problem is that in disorders of personality there is a false self. And because the false self is just an appearance made up on the spot, then so are all the rules it seeks to impose or pretends to obey. They do not first believe in a rule and then apply it in order to undestand reality, but they first know what they want or can use and then use the rule as a a part of that.
@@seriouscat2231 well said
I worked for a lady who had narcissistic behavior and it’s was a nightmare. She was the owner of the business. She inherited it from her father and really didn’t know anything about how the actual business was run. She would say the craziest things to customers and to us, the staff. You couldn’t correct her any capacity because she thought she knew everything. It was very stressful. The manager there at the time could sometimes talk sense to her, but not always! He quit and she hired a lady with no management experience but was a carbon copy of her. That was to much and many of the staff quit. These types of people constantly make fools of themselves, prey on the soft hearted and folks who aren’t assertive. Always make try to make you feel inadequate and unintelligent. They make being around them miserable and anxiety ridden. I only worked for one....can’t imagine being in a relationship with one.
Amen
I'm well aware this probably will be misinterpreted as just blatant sexism but let's be honest I cannot think of a single example of a time where I saw a female inherit a business and effectively continue its operation or improve its operation.. especially when it comes to the staff...
infact, theres statistics that prove women do worse in positions of power and make more mistakes, bad calls finacially. Hence why any "all female" business never work. and yes they've tried many times, they ways go up in flames. google it, business, gaming teams, companies... all fail miserably eithoit men at the helm.
quite hilarious because they're mostly feminists. yet their failure shows the opposite of the beliefs they hold so dear; that women and men are equal and capable/deserving of the same exact positions/opportunities at all levels of society. which they certainly are not.
It's "it was" and not "it's was"
I was fortunate enough to be self- employed. If the person who hired me was impossible, I just quit and found another client. I may have been only a house cleaner, but it sure was low stress ( paid well too)
I was raised by one, then married one. It's not fun.
I've also noticed when dealing with narcs they will interrupt anyone dearing a conversation which is very rude but what narc isn't rude especially during having conversations with other people 🤔? They will also steal people's other ideas and claim they came up with those ideas but in actuality they didn't .
Mike depending on the degree of narcissism it can go further, not just interrupting but failing to apologise and if the person tries to finish their sentence the narcissist often doesn’t even acknowledge them. It’s such a glaring double standard.
@@cameronmiller6240 Yes I agree very double standard .
@thee mike t Lol that makes two of us then .
Oh Lord. The interrupting never stops. Sometimes it's every *single* sentence. Literally. Without exception.
@@kesmarn Exactly 😒 so rude !
Your descriptions are so accurate, based on my experience with a couple of extremely narcissistic people. One person, in particular, seems like a textbook example. He will automatically discount the achievements of others, mainly in fields where he himself has been active. Most,or all, of his credentials are suspect. Someone who does not know him well once asked about his experience in graduate school (the rest of us have doubted he ever attended grad school). He evaded the questions and changed the subject until the person gave up. He seems to think that he can simply say he is qualified in some way and others will accept it, but he completely lacks any in-depth knowledge. I think jealousy plays a big role: he will show respect for people of the past, who are now dead, but people in fields that interest him and are currently active are dismissed as phonies or just 'lucky'. He has openly stated that he "has no flaws"", that's he is a good person in every way, and highly intelligent of course. I also know he thinks he is extremely attractive and will rarely credit others with being good-looking.
This is actually oddly therapeutic. I have always struggled with why my family is so f'ed up. But hearing him describing narcs traits...wow. that's what I was dealing with all these years. Thank you for this wonderful video.
Does Korea have a culture that encourages narcism?
Once I remarked that something my ex said was “very droll”. He immediately took offence and asked why I would accuse him of being boring.
I pointed out that “droll” meant sharp, witty, or clever. He argued the point, I went and got the dictionary looked up droll and showed it to him.
His jaw dropping reply was “well that copy of the dictionary is 8 years old and WE In academia know the meaning has changed”.
I was speechless, talk about not being able to admit that one is wrong. Interesting how he managed to align himself with the world of academia to support his position too.
Huh, I always thought it meant boring too. The more you know!
@@TheModestRat reminds me of the word "jaded"--i think peopel always misuse it to mean deceived when in actuality it means exhausted
Hm, when I read it, I assumed it means funny since it sounds close to the French "drôle" but I have to admit that I never heard the English word "droll" before. Guess I would have fallen for a false friend there.
Sorry, I have some follow-up question: I just looked it up and it does say it means something like funny. I could not find anything about witty, sharp or clever. Am I missing anything? Is it used in a way to refer to witty humour specifically? Sorry, I am no native speaker so I probably am not picking up the subtleties in using certain words.
@@f.c.laukhard3623 You were not wrong; the meanings are close. Droll means "curious or unusual in a way that provokes dry amusement." (Google)
I learned two things today;
- I learned the correct usage of the words entitled versus titled.
- Also, I'm a narcissist.
@Josh Belcher actually i think i am too, even if i didn't want to belive it at first, and i think i am empathetic as well, but i have all other symptoms of npd and i'm scared because it makes me look crazy and i lost many people because of it
You're not. People with NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) don't have any introspection skills, and you do. It's not fear to see inside, it's that they can't.
They wouldn't start a comment saying "I learned 2 things today", bc that's showing a prior lack of knowledge and that's a sign of weakness (in their mind).
We're all a bit narcissist, a bit obsessive-compulsive, a bit dependent, a bit codependent, a bit shy/avoidant,... and we don't have those disorders. It's just personality colors.
A personality disorder is much more than that, it's when some of those traits grow like a tumor and take over the whole personality, the patient has no control over it, together with a lot of suffering for themselves and/or people around them
@Josh Belcher thank you very much for your answer,
i don't really understand my situation now, i'm far from thinking that i'm perfect, and i'm also that "too sensitive" person, i think i'm gonna read a book about it to understand more, it seems interesting and maybe it could help me, so thank you for sharing your experience and knowledge, it was very helpful, have a great day :)
In fact, the doctor is not correct about the usage of "titled" and "entitled." But I understand his point. I am a chronic grammar corrector. I've always called it motherhood.
dehydratedgrrr you can’t be both it’s impossible.
I use big words often because I love words.. I know you weren’t making a blanket statement or anything… words just fascinate me, always have… everyone reading this have a safe and happy life…
The experience of being intelligent in certain areas and becoming an object of interest for narcissists can be chilling. "The way you think is so *different* and interesting". Among the eerie compliments: "I've always wanted to have a relationship with an artist." (or Engineer, or whatever.) It's as though in seeking "supply", they're collectors of intelligence and creativity, seeking human shortcuts to assist them in emulating the language and thought processes of an intelligent artist, even while they actually regard them as something to dissect and (at their convenience) devalue. Thank you for another interesting and accurate video, Dr. Grande.
@Bob Taylor learning behaviours?
Bob Taylor Yes, for normal individuals, it is learning behavior to reflect empathy, sympathy and understanding why would those behaviors could be useful to themselves and others. But how narcissists learn is to copy, in order to use it against others, to protect or either suppress their wounded ego. They are probably wondering how can people do things with feelings and emotions that are different than themselves. So, they have to copy or learning behaviors if you would say, just to proof that they are the same, they are happy too, they are perfect too and they try to do better, as they believe that is how to make sure they will standout and feed their emptied self-esteem. Because for them, appearing perfect is perhaps the opposite of what they actually feel inside, so they have to keep trying to covering up! But, in life, it's far beyond than just learning behaviors, it's understanding behaviors, it's knowing purpose of doing that behavior and enjoy the deep meaning of it. No shame whatsoever even if that behavior isn't perfect. But that doesn't happen in case of narcissists, as they want everything to be perfect because deep down is shame that they just have to cover! To make it short, their brain pathways are not wired the same ways as normal individuals, that's all! Stay away from them or try not to copy or learn the behavior, just to be better than others!
Bob Taylor I agree with you if learning is to improve knowledges and skills, as we all do that by learning from our ancestors, our parents and teachers. I find topics about personality very interesting, as there are lots of gray areas we need to try to account for. Personality is somewhat dimensional, and yes, slightly narcissistic might be useful. But when it goes to the dysfunctional side, it might be quite problematic for the person especially when forming interpersonal relationships and that is where my interest and concern go to. Anyway, I see your points, it's interesting indeed about how humans think and function👍
nobody nowhere absolutely. The analogy with dissection is very apt, they do this with everyone, taking what they need in a cold and calculating way. I have finally come to the point of feeling sorry they can never enjoy a real relationship, they are like robots, trying to learn by accumulating sound bites and opinions from others.scratch the surface and there’s nothing there
@CRS LBD True that. After a while of reading everyone associate everything with narcissism, I'm starting to think I'm a narcissist. But I know they're not really talking about ME. I'm just thinking that because I'm a narcis-- ho! I see what I almost did there.
I’m now very self-conscious about incorporating new words into my vocabulary.
Could you put that into layman's terms?
Using new words doesn't usually make you a narcissist; your _reasons_ for doing it matter more than what you're _doing._
Right? I use big words and correct grammar. I used to do a lot of those things he said when I was younger. I’m freaking out.
I just have a very high regard for myself.
"Incorporating"
The best strategy for shutting down a narcissist's BS is to disengage, yes. If you can't do that, refuse to acknowledge any BS they spew, and stay on topic. Don't let them shift the focus of the conversation.
What's the best way to shut down the government from enslaving us as their economic agents?
I had a friend in my teens and early 20s who when looking back, I would say fit the description.
One early red flag was when he once requested I pick him up from the airport at midnight. He just never arrived and I didn't hear a word from him for two or three days. Eventually when I finally met up with him, I found out he had taken a flight the next day because "no one had woken him up for his departure announcement." Never got an apology from him for wasting my time that night, it was like he had been the one super inconvenienced.
It got worse from there as the years went on.
my mother does that thing of giving an immediate answer even if she doesnt know, i remember that one time in elementary school i repeated to the class the answer she gave to me and the teacher laughed and all the class followed..i felt betrayed, sad and lied to
I understand your pain...just make sure you forgive your mom for the pain she cause so you can continues to grow mentally!! God Bless You!!🙏💕🙏
Narcissists spread lies that way. Their victims become inadvertent liars. Great for the narc
How sad she did that. That teacher and class will quickly forget the incident, but you, her daughter, will always remember the way it made you feel 💔
“My- my- my Mama says alligators are so ornery bc they ain’t got no toothbrush” -Bobby Boucher
But the real test of manipulation is if you ask her why she lied and then she replied that it was a joke and you are so gullible to believe her.
Damn 15,000 is high for an IQ test, I thought I did well when I got 13,275. 🤔
John Caputo But you, my friend, are a stable genius.
Bahahahaha .... And you did so well!
Is that a comma or a colon? :D
@@azmodanpc In french, the comma is the decimal point.
@@azmodanpc u seeing shit homie
Dr, Grande delivers burn after burn with a straight face and I'm here for it
I was married to a narcissist and his ignorance absolutely baffled me because he showed all 10 of the things that you mentioned in the video. One of my favorites was when I told him I had a degree in sociology and he was convinced that I was studying psychiatry and trying to analyze him. I just shook my head after I picked my jaw off the floor.
Sounds like my husband with his unreasonable unreason. Surely no one can possibly be that stupid, but he was.
@@marydipietro8124 sadly “unreasonable and reason” make sense. I never imagined my situation was to the point where I would start questioning reality.
Just when I was starting to question my sanity doors open for me to get out and I did.
Wish you the best.
I’ve discovered that I love these videos because I can learn something, but I also find Dr. Grande’s intelligence along with dry wit to be really attractive.
This sounds like every argument on the internet.
You don't know what the hell you are talkin' about boomer!
/sarcasm
True. What I’ve noticed is I’m more likely to employ more narcissistic techniques the more I don’t like someone. If you’re being a dick and you’re stupid, I’m going to call you stupid.
On the internet, it’s easy to misunderstand and assume the worst because of miscommunication, misunderstanding tone, etc. it’s also easier to insult without repercussion.
"Argument" being synonymous with "interaction"?
@@Radagast- its TH-cam, what do you think?
@@tanukiZoot I think that social media isn't very sociable, for the most part.
I will admit
I am a recovering narcissist! I have seen my errors and want to be someone who helps others. I am guilty of all narcissistic traits, I really am.
I watch my words and actions and try to correct, only myself. Hard habits to break for sure. Mostly comes from my low self esteem and desire to be popular. I have never and will never be cool. My hope is to grow in bettering myself so that I can be a positive influence and be humble the rest of my days
Good for you, you are a rare bird among narcissists! The sad thing is I often suspected my ex had really low self-esteem and all the bluster was to inflate himself. While my low self-esteem led me to cave in and blame myself every time he had a rage.
Congratulations. Hope you break free
Help yourself. Most "others" dont need your help.
@@elwampo135 everybody needs help sometimes.
@@elwampo135 Narcs think others don't need help.
In having discussions with my father-in-law, he often tells me not to say so much, deriding me for the “walls of text“ that I send him. So I started using larger, more meaningful words so that I can use fewer of them, but then I get accused of trying to sound smart. I came to realize that there is no pleasing this man
Thank you, Dr. Grande. You are doing a great job at breaking down these concepts. I first learned about narcissism from my late husband, who was a professor emeritus in psychology. One of the elements of his training was to give various tests, including intelligence tests. Later he became an expert witness for legal cases, using his knowledge of psychopathology. I found your talk on narcissism to be quite consistent to what I learned from my husband. I am responding here because over the years I have noticed these characteristics in more people, and I think it is pretty common. I look forward to watching your podcasts because it is clear to me that you have a very steady and informed approach to teaching.
Victoria Grove,You are absolutely gorgeous 🌹🌹🌺,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!
I think there are more narcissist types as the nation passes through time. Our children haven't been raised to meet many once common social behavioral standards, are raised with an exaggeration of their sense of importance paramount, rather than as often a necessary part of a group working toward an end, even as simple as being quiet during a class or movie. This leads to a numbness to others. So in a world wide Pandemic, the US leading in percentage of stricken in the developed nations, we have a large population preoccupied with their freedom, saying they won't be controlled, instead of joining with others to do what is necessary to control the virus. An international emergency can't refocus them from themselves, even though if they would think it through, their lives would be much better the more the virus was less of a threat. If ever there was an example of the growing population of Narcissists, Pandemic is it.
Who was your husband? I wonder if he knew my psych professors.
probably something built in to help with survival honestly
I love when you break character to throw shade! Laughs galore!
I die every time 😂
💀 ⚰️ 💀 coffin
I am not illiterate, my parents were married! Sorry I had to😂
I've had to cut ties with a friend I've known over 20 years. This is something I didn't care to do, considering the years. But then in those years I've gotten to know him well whereas he didn't think I had saw him. It was his world and to be in it, wasn't hard to lose one's self there. Every relationship he's had as that after awhile they got fed up with the way he poked at 'em jokingly whenever company was around. And he was always following up with "You know I didn't mean it, I was just funning". It never failed as when they had finally left, it was automatically their fault. He's the victim, they abandoned him, they didn't love him and I knew this wasn't the case as I've witnessed it and as I aforementioned, I've gotten to see him for who he is. But I also saw something else in him and so he wasn't entirely bad. I tried explaining to him unless stop living in denial and come to understand your self, you'll never move forward. He got with a woman in which perhaps they'll make it as marriage was on the table. I was like wow ok and I'm genuinely happy for people who are doing well and happy in their lives, especially family and friends. Sadly this to ended with her to blame about how she didn't love. She out lasted others and apparently he hadn't changed. She loved him and most likely still does in some ways. Personally, I got tired of being lied to and he's lied to me for years. But I hung around; not only in hopes of trying rekindle that glimpse of spark I saw in him as when he was young spunky kid, cause when I become a friend it's for life... Sadly he's a first hopefully a last. I'm sure I'm added to the long list of people who've disappointed. So be it as I no longer care to accompany nor compliment his misery.
They skim topics and learn just enough to be dangerous.
The downside of Dunning-Kruger effect!
Odds are they are watching this video to learn something new....
@armenian vory v zakone So, you're a narcissist?
Boy. Now I know why the app Blinklist is a success. By using this app one can read a lot of books in skimmed form. And i always wonder how one gets the joy of reading a book?
Pretty much everyone in governments everywhere.
"Saving up the mistakes" for another time. That made me cold. That's is just my family.
(I'll leave the grammar typo in there as an F U to my father.)
Lol it took me like 3 minutes to find the gramma mistake hahaha
I'm sorry you've had to grow up with/ live under such conditions. That sort of thing really does a number on how we view and treat ourselves. I hope you're in a better place now and living a life that is meaningful, satisfying and supportive of who you are. 🙏🏻
@@luna_belle5029 Thank you. For me recognising the patterns of how my family work made it so much easier to distance myself from it. And it's all about the friendship family you chose as you grow... blood is just arbitrary.
Yeah u should just tell them to leave a mistake jar on the mantelpiece for you!
That’s exactly why I had to cut ties with my super toxic mom. There always had to be a problem and if not, she’d bring one up from when I was a teenager or something. It’s not for everyone, but it’s literally the best thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.
Love all the comments here! My ex used to tell me I'd never met anyone as smart as him and was very abusive mentally and verbally, sometimes physically. It took a while before I had enough but one night I told him he was right, he was the smartest... and the drunkest, laziest, sorriest mommy boyest creepiest sob I'd ever met. Our divorce really fkd him up.
Mine too! Sweet revenge...💗
Mommy boyest is almost the worst of all
You go girl lol
@@origamiandcats6873 , I had to think about that. Spot on, dad and brother are twins. And I’m the biological twin, irony.
Good one u go girl!!! I had a boyfriend like that myself long story short, he arrested and he served time.That attorney is really really wacked. She's wanting to let that demon out. Woooooow. She well never everrrr change. Because she is a psychopath and that demon can't ever feel no compassion or remorse I didn't know he was an x con. He didn't share that w/ me, oh i wonder why?!😜🤪😳😜kidding a side. He was going to kill me but he didn't. And that was confirmed
Love the clarity of your points. I was raised by such folks and being smart was a big deal. Thank you! Been working through this stuff for a long time!
Going by this, it's amazing how narcissistic internet arguments on social media frequently are, on all possible sides!
I've experienced this before, but I have also had co-worker narcissist that would correct statements I made. Their favorite line was "Oh no it was just a miscommunication." If I walked into work and said "I thought we were having a meeting first thing this morning". He would say that stupid line about the miscommunication even though we all got memos about it, and whenever he wanted to get out of lying straight faced at you about something he would say that line again. At times he would use that to insinuate I had poor listening skills to get him off the hook. I just think its another form of gaslighting when everything you say has to be "fixed" somehow by a narcissist.
YES!!
Mine claims to be super intelligent.... Yet when I correct her, to point out that simply "paying attention" would've served her better, she counters with "I didn't know, ok!? " I asked her once, " if you're so intelligent, why is 'ignorance' your first line of defense?" Then I remind her that her hero Stephen Hawking once said, " intelligence is the ability to adapt to change". Priceless 😄
Imagine being mercilessly gaslighted (gaslit?) by a co-worker who's a thoroughly indoctrinated political ideologue. This happened to me at one job. We worked at a newspaper. Every time I'd mention some video footage I'd seen that threatened his worldview, he'd go on the hard-core offensive and literally try to convince me I'd been deceived by my own eyes.
Oh, and I met his wife once. She had the look of someone whose soul had been crushed.
@@diggydude5229 Yeah It is like that out there constantly now.People don't want others to have thoughts that are any different.
yes, gaslit is correct.
"I know words, I have the best words." --A certain somebody
many people dont know that
@@michaelleahy123 but a lot of people are saying so
@Redwoodrebelgirl "Malignant assholism"-- love that!!! Suits him perfectly, too.
Like the narcissist that has constantly plagerized numerous people with out sourcing them. The same narcissist that that said he finished at the top of his college, has multiple degrees when in actuality he finished in the bottom and has only the one degree. The same narcissist that ran around and swam at the VP mansion nude where the male secret service agents would joking use the code word "Cobra" to warn female agent that didn't want to see that. The same narcissist that just a month or so ago was saying to defund police, wouldn't call out violence and rioting, admitted he would raise taxes but now he is pretending to adobt his opponents pro-American worker stance. Now he says he won't kill our oil production that has freed us from dependence on foreign oil, he won't raise taxes on the middle class, he wonts refund the police. He is simply lying and gaslighting. He is a typical bait and hook narcissist and then the oppressive and destruction will proceed. That covert narcissist.
Kelli Bodony That Trump joke sure touched on a sore spot huh? 😉
One of the most spot on videos I have ever viewed in TH-cam
I worked at a government lab in Southern New Jersey which was a remarkably narcissistic and toxic organization. Undercutting was done more than actual work toward the mission.
Some tactics I saw that were referenced by Dr. Grande: Pretense about understanding of logic (overuse and even misuse of logical fallacy terms to fabricate opportunities to impress others and gain power by correcting other people), foraging for more obscure terms and concepts ("uncanny valley", "Poincare maps") that staff would go "woo" over, and pretense if statistical understanding and refusal to yield to those who know more than they do.
One key manager and the site leader used all of the tactics Dr. Grande mentioned. Their egos did not allow them to acknowledge that anyone that challenged their often non+starter or incomplete proposals could actually be correct. in fact, they used overt and covert tactics.
They did this to my predecessors and then to me and other colleagues: Blame shifting, credibility loss claims, covert management, keeping staff from meetings, triangulating employees against each other, rewriting narratives, and using employee surveys and performance reviews as weapons.
The problem is that the fiefdom management structure with low turnaround and lack of accountability in a government agency in a low work alternative region resulted in a system which promoted narcissistic behavior. Together with the security aspect of the work, an opportunity for ambitious narcissists to work the system covertly and even be incentivized and rewarded for toxic behavior.
The shocking thing was how much of the staff rationalized the behavior at the lab. Clearly, some were benefactors of others' misery. Some employees seemed to have Stockholm syndrome. Others either adapted and evolved to fit the system or were fit to survive because they themselves were narcissists. Most were blue-pilled and in denial.