Thanks for producing this @Kate and for sharing Shams-Tabriz. What I've noticed is how predominant a general "fear of intimacy" that we all suffer from and how consistently courageous you need to live with your heart wide open and be willing to be hurt by others ❤
Yes absolutely, thank you for sharing this, @blackmarkt2250. It definitely takes a lot of courage to open our hearts, especially when past experiences of unmet needs and being hurt can make us feel unsteady and unsafe. It's a fear so many of us face, but the willingness to stay open can lead to deeper connections and true healing.🤍🌸
As a relationship consultant myself through Thais Gibson's program, I turned off completely when I heard the part about 'life being hard'. I get it. However, while relationships require work, they should never be 'hard'. If you are in a 'dead' relationship, it means your Needs are not being met - and likely never will be. Thais teaches that 90% of the time, cheating is due to one of the partner's needs not being. I agree totally. That's been my life experience also. Therapists might make a lot of money trying to 'revitalize' broken marriages at this point, but most of the time a person falls in love with somebody else, it's long been over anyway. That's just the final nail in the coffin. It's OK to be divorced. The sun will still come up tomorrow.
Hi @amaricanexpat8797 Thankyou for sharing your thoughts. I would love to hear more about "and likely never will be" Can you tell me more about what you mean here?
@@katelondon01 Hi Kate, Actually, you introduce an excellent question! Thanks for asking. Sadly, we don’t teach people relationship skills in school. I wish we would. Every human being has innate needs that they must satisfy. As Thais Gibson talked about during our training, most adults don’t realize that they have these needs, let alone what they are exactly. In a relationship, you MUST know your own needs. Your partner MUST know their needs. Then, the two must be totally aware of what their partner’s needs are. That doesn’t happen very often. In fact, needs not being met is the source of most relationship issues - and almost all ‘cheating’. We actually go through a specific exercise to highlight what the needs are, and show this to the other partner. Then, the real communication can begin as to how to address HOW to get those needs met.
This is often just excusing after the fact. When women have affairs they start an identity crisis, which then leads them to devalue the husband and marriage because they can't compartmentalize. That's how women manage cognitive dissonance and why they're more consistently angry at the husband than a cheating man is at his wife. The psychology on this has been around for quite awhile. Too bad no one reads it.
I know two people that left their significant other for someone else. Heck one was on his bachelor party. 😬 Both ended up leaving and followed their heart. Both ended up getting married. One has two children. Both are happy! If it’s empty and not working, leave. It’s simple imo. While relationships are indeed a lot of work, it takes two to succeed. If one has one foot out the door time to go! Life is short!
Most of these excuses about the marriage being bad are just Monday morning quarterbacking and the story they create after the fact to feel better about having an affair. Women who often say this were fundamentally dishonest when they got married to their current partner, but because they lack self awareness and understanding of themselves they create this story and subconsciously blame the husband for it. This absolutely annihilates the connection with their husbands and they cannot see it because they are in denial about what they are actually doing.
Thanks for producing this @Kate and for sharing Shams-Tabriz. What I've noticed is how predominant a general "fear of intimacy" that we all suffer from and how consistently courageous you need to live with your heart wide open and be willing to be hurt by others ❤
Yes absolutely, thank you for sharing this, @blackmarkt2250. It definitely takes a lot of courage to open our hearts, especially when past experiences of unmet needs and being hurt can make us feel unsteady and unsafe. It's a fear so many of us face, but the willingness to stay open can lead to deeper connections and true healing.🤍🌸
As a relationship consultant myself through Thais Gibson's program, I turned off completely when I heard the part about 'life being hard'. I get it. However, while relationships require work, they should never be 'hard'. If you are in a 'dead' relationship, it means your Needs are not being met - and likely never will be. Thais teaches that 90% of the time, cheating is due to one of the partner's needs not being. I agree totally. That's been my life experience also.
Therapists might make a lot of money trying to 'revitalize' broken marriages at this point, but most of the time a person falls in love with somebody else, it's long been over anyway. That's just the final nail in the coffin. It's OK to be divorced. The sun will still come up tomorrow.
Hi @amaricanexpat8797 Thankyou for sharing your thoughts. I would love to hear more about "and likely never will be" Can you tell me more about what you mean here?
@@katelondon01
Hi Kate, Actually, you introduce an excellent question! Thanks for asking. Sadly, we don’t teach people relationship skills in school. I wish we would. Every human being has innate needs that they must satisfy. As Thais Gibson talked about during our training, most adults don’t realize that they have these needs, let alone what they are exactly. In a relationship, you MUST know your own needs. Your partner MUST know their needs. Then, the two must be totally aware of what their partner’s needs are. That doesn’t happen very often. In fact, needs not being met is the source of most relationship issues - and almost all ‘cheating’. We actually go through a specific exercise to highlight what the needs are, and show this to the other partner. Then, the real communication can begin as to how to address HOW to get those needs met.
This is often just excusing after the fact. When women have affairs they start an identity crisis, which then leads them to devalue the husband and marriage because they can't compartmentalize. That's how women manage cognitive dissonance and why they're more consistently angry at the husband than a cheating man is at his wife. The psychology on this has been around for quite awhile. Too bad no one reads it.
I know two people that left their significant other for someone else. Heck one was on his bachelor party. 😬 Both ended up leaving and followed their heart. Both ended up getting married. One has two children. Both are happy! If it’s empty and not working, leave. It’s simple imo. While relationships are indeed a lot of work, it takes two to succeed. If one has one foot out the door time to go! Life is short!
Most of these excuses about the marriage being bad are just Monday morning quarterbacking and the story they create after the fact to feel better about having an affair. Women who often say this were fundamentally dishonest when they got married to their current partner, but because they lack self awareness and understanding of themselves they create this story and subconsciously blame the husband for it. This absolutely annihilates the connection with their husbands and they cannot see it because they are in denial about what they are actually doing.
So helpful. Thank you
Hi @marymanikow8335, I'm so glad you found it helpful. 🤍 Thankyou 🙏