My husband has all 9 of these characteristics! This is so heart breaking😢 I have learned my husband behavior for almost 30 years! He is a covert narcissist!
My sister is very addicted to food but she is a narcissist a HUGE narcissist. My ex, who has since passed away from lung cancer, a HUGE narcissist, he was addicted to alcohol, a very bad alcoholic, and smoking. I really like this man’s videos but I totally disagree about Narcissists don’t usually have addictions. I know three , and two of these ppl have or had major addiction. The third one, has no addictions, except her narcissistic person that she is, although I know that is not an addiction. I’m not a medical or psychologist but I’ve lived with, dated, and been a Leary friend of three HUGE narcissists and I have read, and watched dozens and dozens of articles, books, videos for over 20 years when I first became aware of the word narcissist to finally realize what both my sister and my ex had the rest of us suffering from.
@@leslievanduzee9282 Narcs have "selective, awareness..." so their 'recollection' can 'flip" from - 20% to 80% + depending upon who and what "the chameleon" has to deal with in the moment, and thereafter. (But of course, it's never logical, nor rational, on a "one way," street...) I do NOT LIKE the terminologies: "falsely empowered," nor "codependent." Furthermore, narcs, etc. are often 'paired' with another of their own personality "type..." since that's a 'match' that may last years, or even decades... especially now that so many are becoming AWARE of how to recognize Cluster Bers, in general. (Which goes to show that with narcissists: even the "emotional supply" can thereby be "an ACT!" (i.e. FAKED 'empathy,' etc., as they 'perceive' whatever IS "imagined," vs. the underlying "reality" of a person's views, character, etc. And thereby ARE also easily DUPED... because they always FALSELY read and view people ONLY as they SEE fit... often, in the extreme! i.e. Either positively, or negatively, vs. 'neutrally...' after a quick, superficial "judgement..." And quite often: INDEFINITELY. They have no USE for reciprocally "doing the work" in friendship, love, etc. "Devaluation and Discarding..." those who don't buy- into their scripted narrative(s) is the RULE. (And of course: Are NEVER AT FAULT for ANYTHING... EVER!)
This video stirred up a lot of discomfort in me. I’m a few months out of a 2-decade relationship with someone I have been labelling as my narcissistic ex. Now I’m wondering if he is actually a falsely empowered codependent. I don’t believe that he has any self-awareness.. I was never aware of it. But perhaps he did and never revealed his self-awareness to me. As an predominantly Empath, I need to be careful not to fall into the trap of feeling empathy towards a falsely empowered codependent. Abuse is abuse and whether any of these two types have any self-awareness or not, it’s not healthy for me to have anything to do with them. Until such a time as I can fully protect my heart and my mind from them and not be affected by them.
Me too. I wonder if co-dependents are mistaken for narcissists. Division bar. Top side is entitled overachiever. Bottom side is needy underachiever. Both take. Needy achiever will take anything.
@@caroleminke6116not all Narcs are classified like that and research is still developing on recognizing this disorder. Many are missed and others misdiagnosed and it’s a BIG problem
Doesn’t matter what the label is…. their behaviors are severely DAMAGING to others, especially those closest to them. And they are both resistance to change, thru professional counseling!
Whoa...I had to stop and really think about that for a bit.... training women to be falsely empowered, rather than truly empowered....thank you, Kenny.
I am the scapegoat of a narcissist family system. I agree with most of your video ..except about animals. Having pets has been my greatest source of love.. helped me be a good mother and greatly improved my personal motivation. They are angels sent from heaven. ❤
Hi, i just wanted to thank you for pointing out that the targets of a narc also have a responsibility in the relationship. Both parents and my husband of 38 years had these traits. I only heard that this has a name and started learning about it around 8 years ago. You're the only person, so far, that has filled in the missing piece. In my mind I'm refusing to be a victim. In another vid you gave me the knowledge that I was missing from a professional side. Thank you! 😊
Watching this video, I have severe "living room" envy. Mr. Weiss, I really appreciate your efforts to share this information, and I love your presentation style. On a more serious level - I am in a seriously bad situation with a family member. The struggle is figuring out what actions could be taken without risking a real bad outcome for that person that I love. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has been through this. I think there very few realistic, affordable, successful tracts to take to remedy (or resolutions to these situations) in our society. I will keep listening to you, and look into the book you recommend, and hope that my puzzle pieces will fall together.
A name is just a name and both are definitely not people to want to be around. My mother doesn’t have an addiction unless lying and controlling me count.
Kenny, Thank you. I watched your childhood neglected trauma and realised I stopped emotional growth when I was just a place- holder until a "Boy" came along. I am going to start on the lists. God bless you. Happy New Year -2025❤
Based on your definition of an addiction, the Ns I have known almost all had an addiction. It's my belief they USED the addiction as a distraction from their self-hatred and feelings of shame and worthlessness. They ranged from alcohol to feel powerful (though he was not an alcoholic -- just used it feel better about himself) to yoga (as a way to soothe her moodiness, rage and self-hatred). All of them, though, had this one thing in common: Selfishness to the bone! They seemingly had no clue how they were perceived by others. I really appreciated the information about co-Ds and your journey. Great video. Very informative. Thank you.
I agree many of them have a second diagnosis and it is addiction!!! and I know the term narcissist or NPD is thrown around a lot, but I know that my ex was extremely sick I’m so tired of being called. I’m the problem I’m toxic. I need to fix something. No, we become toxic. After being in the relationship. I don’t do victim blaming at all. It’s not our fault that we trusted another human being.
Namaste ! Great explanation ! I began the recovery process from codependency when I was 28 years old , so coming to understand all this has been the journey , along with it I was involved with my ex wife , who although provided the impression we were alike , time and consistency in her behavior eventually disproved that in her case it was narcissism not codependency , which served to cause recovery all the more necissity, and trying , I have made more progress and clarity in the past four years then the previous thirty , as it was to attempt to irrigate the dessert , and I have previously used that descriptive ! After our seperation , in our last conversation I actually exclaimed , we had nothing in common , and we do not have anything in common with narcissists though they may use it as cover , which causes its share of exasperation! Agape ! And again Thank you for your courage and candidness on this subject ! Honesty truth sets us free ! I extent gratitude, and appreciation !
Pia is good, she’s a recovery counselor at first, ACOA is the root, understanding those childhood wounds and the behaviors and characteristics, the control, the fear, the shame, the approval seeking, the people pleasing the perfectionism, the fear of authority figures, the rescuer, the fixer, those that we pity and mistake it for love. Don’t talk, don’t feel, don’t tell in the family dynamics causes us to forget and suppress so deep that we don’t even remember that they’re there. Our lives have become unmanageable .
I found this video very illuminating. It’s the first time I’ve heard of the concept of falsely empowered codependency. I’m going to listen to it again. I need time to process how this might apply to my family of origin and the impact on all of us.
Mr Fletcher spoke on captivity it's very real it's happening for people who live alone . I not bending in ways. Bathroom he said people not going ..I'm not that bad. It's horrible you can go without mail like one one trip comes back week and not get mail.
Thank you, Mr. Weiss. Your perspective gives me perspective. I would describe you as a soul-baring courageous giver. I over analyze (one of my addictions lol) many viewpoints concerning the human state of mind. Try to reconcile the contradictions. Your contribution helps me accept others and accept myself without condemning. Perhaps you will never know.
First of all, fabulous video, Kenny!! Thank you for making it. Secondly, in the book, “The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing” author Beverly Engel writes, “narcissism has not received as much attention as other psychological disorders, and yet is often the cause of abusive behavior and the core problem of many that suffer from addictions.” Looking at those in my life who exhibit narcissism, they do suffer from addiction. Whether it’s popping Vicodin or severe alcoholism. I feel like there’s a correlation between a true narcissistic personality disorder and addiction. Also, this would explain codependency and why codependents are so drawn to aiding and assisting those with an addiction. It’s the, codependent/narcissistic dynamic. I’m not sure if I’ve got it right, and perhaps I don’t, but I do feel like there’s a correlation between NPD and addiction. The narcissist is a deeply traumatized and pained individual, and well, what do deeply traumatized and pained individuals so often use to cope? Drugs and alcohol, amongst other things.
I think I am codependent, workaholic, pet holic. Somehow I was with narcissistic person, he have selected memory, not keeping his word, empty promises, cheat, gaslighting. Only he didn't advertise he is better than others. He held such a anger with his childhood, he couldn't have this or that, other kids did, his sister does. I grew up abusive family, but mine was more sadness.i thought we both narcissistic but I watched video, I feel like I am more in codependency.
I don't think so. Narcissist makes you feel so horrible, you can't confuse it with anything else. They have no empathy and it takes time for us to realize it, because they hide this fact very well. And they can't accept no. No empathy is always a major red flag so can't really confuse with anything else.
We? More like: They! (i.e. Public 'indoctrination...' by de$ign.) THEY 'gravitate' towards positions of Influence, Power and Control. They 'infiltrated' everything... since their masters created, funded and perpetuate the dis- order, and are also narcs and/ or psychos! They've recently 'scaled' the dis-ease... via 'indoctrination,' using modern technologies!! (From Chaos, Order. Divide, to Conquer. PR$: Problem> Reaction> Solution, to synthesis... Mind, body and soul, control...) And they've recently USED women (the past six decades, in particular...) to accomplish their "agenda($)" BTW!!!
I noticed that as well and it's a big relief, because he doesn't put ALL the blame on the highly narcissistic individuals, who might be the other ones. 🤔
Sounds like low self esteem. I’m the same. I think it’s because as kids someone said something that hit hard deep down to make us feel less worthy. So we spend our time doing show and tells whenever someone visits, or get triggered if we perceive an insult to our worthiness. What type of things do you say?
Very interesting!! All of this also sounds a lot like borderline personality disorder. But although we can confuse these 3 disorders, the reality is that in the end the label doesn't matter, they are people who are lack of empathy so they are unable to love anyone, so what's the point being around them? They are toxic, don't they??? The best thing to do is to walk away if that's a possibility, isn't it???
Narcs mimic codependents because they’re enmeshed with their primary caretaker so can only enmesh with others… for years I thought my mother was only codependent but clearly her behavior was narcissistic & she was an only child like my father… both were enmeshed & never separated from cold older mothers who didn’t want kids ❤️🩹 your wife was very likely a covert narc as so many women become when unable to attain selfhood
That’s not the point of the video, or rather it shouldn’t. Your ex wife was an adult, I assume, and like any and all of us, she was responsible and accountable for her own behaviour and choice of actions. Period. Whatever the reason why she did what she did, it belongs to her, not you. You had your own interest, your own self to sort out, protect and guard, and maybe your children’s too, and if so, so you were left with having to do what you had to in response to her choices. She did hers, you did yours. If there was an opportunity for her to ‘be better and do better’, then be at peace, she missed it. The issue is often exactly this: they were told many times, in different ways, every conversation, but it flew way above their head. But the second sh!t goes down, now you hear them talking about consideration, human decency, asking for that “second chance they never had” by claiming how they understand now. It’s emotional labour dumping imo.
Codependency is tricky, it is the other side of the coin from narcissism. Learning the family of origin and watching patterns within other relationships how this person personality is really the key.. denial is a very deep well and if you’re stuck in cognitive dissonance and survival mode, the denial even deeper. Most of us are living a dream inside of a dream, In other words, we are in our own illusion created by denial. I can tell you this the relationship will never get better unless both people are working on their own growth. Two years ago, I would’ve died fighting that I was not a codependent, and the last two years with support group for emotional sobriety, I have learned otherwise.
@@tcancella7286 only narcs. Empaths (that in the video is stablished that are Codependant people, need to restrain and control empathy by raising their personal barriers
The dog lady has far supassed the cat lady as the #1 way for women to avoid adulthood: getting married and being totally responsible for the wellbeing of a family. But, thats a topic for another day.
I don’t think that’s fair because a lot of men do that as well, but instead of dog gets their job! The fact of the matter is my ex abandon me when I got sick I was married almost 30 years and those younger kids are seeing people like me and they don’t wanna end up in our place. It has nothing to do with being responsible it has something to do with the welfare of other people. It’s pretty selfish to say I wanna be an adult and go knock somebody up and then, you know in 20 years I don’t like the way she looks.
I am an artistic dude (music, acting, comedy etc…) I wondered whether I am a narcissist, even as I prioritise authenticity the act of expression has the creative will to choose and amplify involved, so from your perspective someone expressing themselves with an amplified sense of self or an altar ego exaggerating a certain aspect of oneself isn’t necessary narcissistic I have in a sense over analysed myself and seem my performative abilities stem from a attention seeking victim mindset wanting to receive love without actually first loving myself and sharing that side of me
How does a severely co dependent/addict find relief from a lifetime of addictions w/o developing Resentments towards the parent (father passed 30 yrs ago)(was also the target for emotional disconnection) I belief they were both NARCISSISTIC but father was the funtioning alcoholic and scapegoat for the unnurting mother of 4 children. I am the only one who has survived. Desperately seeking help! I NO longer feel healthy enough or confident to get through life, even one day at a time.
There are organizations that attract rather than promote healing and recovery for codependents, specifically for those of us whose lives have been affected by alcohol and someone else’s drinking. There are also CODA groups throughout the U.S. too. Codependents Anonymous.
Ok sure, but whatever the reason why someone displays such-and-such behaviour is that person’s problem, and their responsibility to figure out the whys and hows, not the people around affected by it. They have to think of themselves first too.
So my boyfriend has all the traits of narcissism for the longest time it was awful for me but he got on medication and now he can take accountability for his actions atleast somewhat where as before no matter how nicely i approached the subject of something he was doing that harmed me he would blow up in a narcissistic rage and attack me verbally and sometimes physically. But one thing remains he will never admit to being narcissistic because he cares so much about his self image.also he is in therapy so thats why he claims not to be a narcissist cuz he wants help. Im so confused he even triangulated his dr against me saying that the fist time they met she told him he is definitely not a narcissist and i just dont believe him because how could she make that ruling after only 30 minutes with him? So what do u think im dealing with here?
Can't they still have some real narcissism? Along with a mix of fearful avoidant attachment? My ex exhibited the narcissist stare on two occasions. She once stood next to a friend sleeping in bed when she was visiting. The friend woke up to find my ex standing there staring at her. My now wife also experienced this. We both met for lunch with my ex, I went to the restroom and while I was gone my ex gave my wife a very long, over a couple minute, stare. Unblinking and awkward. My wife later told me it was the strangest and most uncomfortable thing she ever experience with someone. Even though your video seems to now convince me she falls more into codependent, does something like that just remove all doubt that she's a narcissist?
I suddenly realized the level of self deception in this. A friend and textbook falsely empowered co dependent dropped me from his life the instant I set boundaries . It culminated by him doing to me what he doesn't want done to him. Though it was done unconsciously. I wondered how could he do such things ? Then it hit me like a fuckin sledge hammer ! It happens because I do to myself what I would never do to someone else , I am textbook under powered co dependent . 60 years old and only now I know why my life is the worst day every day,. I got to stop this. Whole new level of " my own worst enemy " I need to vomit.
Check out the laundry list The 14 characteristics of an adult child of an alcoholic and dysfunctional families . There are five types of codependence. We definitely have a dependent personality.
I don't much care about the difference. Both are dangerous for me to be around. Any one or 2 of those traits and I detatch to protect. I am in my late 60s now and have no use for relationships.
Interesting. I feel like I’m hearing a lot of confusion, mainly because it’s probably about area that we’re getting alot more understanding of and so different people have different ways of defining things. One Phycologist would say that Overt Narcs. Are actually closer to Psychopaths and Coverts are the only true Narcs. The problem is that, while Coverts might fit into the official guidelines, it’s covert so how would you know without crawling inside their brains and hanging out for awhile? It’s why people stay married to them for decades. It’s why I did. Then you also have those who would say that Narcissists are Bi polars in denial, aka. They have intense shame and depression but don’t want to face it so they project their insecurities outwards, blaming those around them. Check. I think that is an interesting theory too. I think the addiction aspect you’ve brought up is incredible interesting. My X has something called Orthorexia Nervosa, addiction to ‘Righteous eating’, oh boy, I could tell you the stories! At the end of the day, these people are condemning, controlling, see you as a means to an ends, and really feel like they own you, though they really resent the fact that they can’t own a better version of you, it would make their life so much better if they could! My Ex read the Co dependency book mentioned in the comments and found it very enlightening. He loves self help as long as he can be in control of it! At the end of the day, why does it matter what we call it? Or if it does matter, can we get some consensus please?
Being overweight isn't socially accepted. I know. I'm a food addict, and when I go to the convenience store or Dollar General, I always get quite a few food items. Other people get one or two. I always feel people judging me. It seems the narcissist always comes out ahead.
You are really grasping at straws with your addiction comment because almost everyone on the planet is addicted to something even if it be caffeine, salt or sugar.
I see your point, but keep in mind the narcissist is a deeply traumatized and pained individual. Thus the reason why they develop the personality disorder they have. Through addiction they are able to cope with the bottled up feelings, emotions, and past experiences to self soothe. Go downtown to Chicago, Minneapolis, or Seattle for instance and walking amongst us are zombies. Literal trauma zombies who are coping through the use of drugs and alcohol. Ever heard of a little place called Skid Row? The mentally ill use these coping mechanisms as a form of escape, to escape their true reality. It’s absolutely horrific. The narcissism is a mental illness/disorder, if it wasn’t then it wouldn’t be in the DSM. The personality disordered individual is trying to cope and through the use of addiction it helps to stave off them having to think and feel. Also, I’ve read that narcissists are “busy bodies.” Meaning, they’re on the constant go often triple booking themselves in a day. This is another way to cope so they’re constantly do, do, doing and go, go, going so as to not have to deal with their thoughts and feelings. I can think of at least 2 narcissists in my life who can never just be content. Their personalities stay the same but they MUST ALWAYS be doing something to get away from their past indiscretions. They too suffer from addiction. Hoarding/purchasing things and severe alcoholism.
A person can be addicted, as you say, to many things but I've never known a person who USES their caffeine, salt or sugar intake to supply their narcissistic need for power and control.
All of the players in codependency are codependent. They simply serve different roles to keep the charade going & pass it onto future generations. The narcissist is just as codependent as the scapegoat & as the enablers & as the golden child, et cetera. They all perform the function of passing on this evil.
I strongly agree with you about this. The narcissist is a deeply pained soul and what do most traumatized usually use as a coping mechanism to deal with their bottled up and suppressed thoughts and feelings? Drugs and/or alcohol.. it’s their coping mechanism. We literally have trauma zombies walking amongst us, ever heard of Skid Row? Addiction is also attributed to mental health issues, and what’s more mentally unhealthy than suffering from a personality disorder? A disorder that overtly affects your personality. It’s very sad. From firsthand, front row experience I can confirm that the narcissist can and does suffer from addiction.
My husband has all 9 of these characteristics! This is so heart breaking😢 I have learned my husband behavior for almost 30 years! He is a covert narcissist!
My sister is very addicted to food but she is a narcissist a HUGE narcissist. My ex, who has since passed away from lung cancer, a HUGE narcissist, he was addicted to alcohol, a very bad alcoholic, and smoking. I really like this man’s videos but I totally disagree about Narcissists don’t usually have addictions. I know three , and two of these ppl have or had major addiction. The third one, has no addictions, except her narcissistic person that she is, although I know that is not an addiction. I’m not a medical or psychologist but I’ve lived with, dated, and been a Leary friend of three HUGE narcissists and I have read, and watched dozens and dozens of articles, books, videos for over 20 years when I first became aware of the word narcissist to finally realize what both my sister and my ex had the rest of us suffering from.
@@leslievanduzee9282 you need to get help for your addiction to books and videos. How much weight have you gained since consuming all the videos?
@@leslievanduzee9282 Narcs have "selective, awareness..." so their 'recollection' can 'flip" from - 20% to 80% + depending upon who and what "the chameleon" has to deal with in the moment, and thereafter. (But of course, it's never logical, nor rational, on a "one way," street...) I do NOT LIKE the terminologies: "falsely empowered," nor "codependent." Furthermore, narcs, etc. are often 'paired' with another of their own personality "type..." since that's a 'match' that may last years, or even decades... especially now that so many are becoming AWARE of how to recognize Cluster Bers, in general. (Which goes to show that with narcissists: even the "emotional supply" can thereby be "an ACT!" (i.e. FAKED 'empathy,' etc., as they 'perceive' whatever IS "imagined," vs. the underlying "reality" of a person's views, character, etc. And thereby ARE also easily DUPED... because they always FALSELY read and view people ONLY as they SEE fit... often, in the extreme! i.e. Either positively, or negatively, vs. 'neutrally...' after a quick, superficial "judgement..." And quite often: INDEFINITELY. They have no USE for reciprocally "doing the work" in friendship, love, etc. "Devaluation and Discarding..." those who don't buy- into their scripted narrative(s) is the RULE. (And of course: Are NEVER AT FAULT for ANYTHING... EVER!)
Kenny, I just found you TODAY! I read Pia’s book 10+ years ago and it changed my life. She is the best and I’m so happy to have found you as well.
This video stirred up a lot of discomfort in me. I’m a few months out of a 2-decade relationship with someone I have been labelling as my narcissistic ex. Now I’m wondering if he is actually a falsely empowered codependent. I don’t believe that he has any self-awareness.. I was never aware of it. But perhaps he did and never revealed his self-awareness to me.
As an predominantly Empath, I need to be careful not to fall into the trap of feeling empathy towards a falsely empowered codependent. Abuse is abuse and whether any of these two types have any self-awareness or not, it’s not healthy for me to have anything to do with them. Until such a time as I can fully protect my heart and my mind from them and not be affected by them.
Spot on!
Narcs come across as very codependent but they’re not separated from mother so not truly independent adults who achieved individuation
Me too. I wonder if co-dependents are mistaken for narcissists. Division bar. Top side is entitled overachiever. Bottom side is needy underachiever. Both take. Needy achiever will take anything.
@@caroleminke6116not all Narcs are classified like that and research is still developing on recognizing this disorder. Many are missed and others misdiagnosed and it’s a BIG problem
Perfect @@caroleminke6116
Doesn’t matter what the label is…. their behaviors are severely DAMAGING to others, especially those closest to them. And they are both resistance to change, thru professional counseling!
Whoa...I had to stop and really think about that for a bit.... training women to be falsely empowered, rather than truly empowered....thank you, Kenny.
I am the scapegoat of a narcissist family system. I agree with most of your video ..except about animals. Having pets has been my greatest source of love.. helped me be a good mother and greatly improved my personal motivation. They are angels sent from heaven. ❤
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏thank you, Kenny, for exposing common addictions!!!! I shared this, i hope it's ok!
So beautifully explained ❤ Some people will be heartbroken or relieved.
Hi, i just wanted to thank you for pointing out that the targets of a narc also have a responsibility in the relationship. Both parents and my husband of 38 years had these traits. I only heard that this has a name and started learning about it around 8 years ago. You're the only person, so far, that has filled in the missing piece. In my mind I'm refusing to be a victim. In another vid you gave me the knowledge that I was missing from a professional side. Thank you! 😊
Now I have to reevaluate these 3 people 😮 Narcs or Codependents? Or does it even matter? 🤔
Watching this video, I have severe "living room" envy. Mr. Weiss, I really appreciate your efforts to share this information, and I love your presentation style. On a more serious level - I am in a seriously bad situation with a family member. The struggle is figuring out what actions could be taken without risking a real bad outcome for that person that I love. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has been through this. I think there very few realistic, affordable, successful tracts to take to remedy (or resolutions to these situations) in our society. I will keep listening to you, and look into the book you recommend, and hope that my puzzle pieces will fall together.
A name is just a name and both are definitely not people to want to be around. My mother doesn’t have an addiction unless lying and controlling me count.
Kenny,
Thank you.
I watched your childhood neglected trauma and realised I stopped emotional growth when I was just a place- holder until a "Boy" came along.
I am going to start on the lists.
God bless you.
Happy New Year -2025❤
Based on your definition of an addiction, the Ns I have known almost all had an addiction. It's my belief they USED the addiction as a distraction from their self-hatred and feelings of shame and worthlessness. They ranged from alcohol to feel powerful (though he was not an alcoholic -- just used it feel better about himself) to yoga (as a way to soothe her moodiness, rage and self-hatred). All of them, though, had this one thing in common: Selfishness to the bone! They seemingly had no clue how they were perceived by others. I really appreciated the information about co-Ds and your journey. Great video. Very informative. Thank you.
I agree many of them have a second diagnosis and it is addiction!!! and I know the term narcissist or NPD is thrown around a lot, but I know that my ex was extremely sick
I’m so tired of being called. I’m the problem I’m toxic. I need to fix something. No, we become toxic. After being in the relationship. I don’t do victim blaming at all. It’s not our fault that we trusted another human being.
Namaste ! Great explanation ! I began the recovery process from codependency when I was 28 years old , so coming to understand all this has been the journey , along with it I was involved with my ex wife , who although provided the impression we were alike , time and consistency in her behavior eventually disproved that in her case it was narcissism not codependency , which served to cause recovery all the more necissity, and trying , I have made more progress and clarity in the past four years then the previous thirty , as it was to attempt to irrigate the dessert , and I have previously used that descriptive ! After our seperation , in our last conversation I actually exclaimed , we had nothing in common , and we do not have anything in common with narcissists though they may use it as cover , which causes its share of exasperation! Agape ! And again Thank you for your courage and candidness on this subject ! Honesty truth sets us free ! I extent gratitude, and appreciation !
Pia is good, she’s a recovery counselor at first, ACOA is the root, understanding those childhood wounds and the behaviors and characteristics, the control, the fear, the shame, the approval seeking, the people pleasing the perfectionism, the fear of authority figures, the rescuer, the fixer, those that we pity and mistake it for love. Don’t talk, don’t feel, don’t tell in the family dynamics causes us to forget and suppress so deep that we don’t even remember that they’re there.
Our lives have become unmanageable .
I was inspired by this great video and just purchased her book. I'm happy to have found a safe place on this channel.
This was so informative. I thought my husband was a narcissist but he is actually a falsely empowered codependent!!! 🤯🤯
thanx Mr. this is very insightful and clarifying.
I found this video very illuminating. It’s the first time I’ve heard of the concept of falsely empowered codependency. I’m going to listen to it again. I need time to process how this might apply to my family of origin and the impact on all of us.
It's very interesting point of view! Never heard anything like this!
Mr Fletcher spoke on captivity it's very real it's happening for people who live alone . I not bending in ways. Bathroom he said people not going ..I'm not that bad. It's horrible you can go without mail like one one trip comes back week and not get mail.
Thank you for the explanation the differences, Kenny. Be kind to yourself.
Wow‼️ now I understand his behavior ; including myself too
Thanks for sharing your take on Moderation and Maturity
My pleasure!
Thank you for all the time and dedication you put in for the Betterment of us all. So much Peace, Love and Blessings to you😊💜🔥✝️
Thank you, Mr. Weiss. Your perspective gives me perspective. I would describe you as a soul-baring courageous giver. I over analyze (one of my addictions lol) many viewpoints concerning the human state of mind. Try to reconcile the contradictions. Your contribution helps me accept others and accept myself without condemning. Perhaps you will never know.
So enlightening! Waw...thank you so much. I am in Coda for 4 years now and it has been a hell of a ride 😅 🙏
I've had some of these characters in the past maybe I have some of them today, but I'm working on them. Thanks Kenny 👍
Thank you! My dear friend is showing to be Codependent and not Narcissistic.
Excellent teaching, thank you.
First of all, fabulous video, Kenny!! Thank you for making it. Secondly, in the book, “The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing” author Beverly Engel writes, “narcissism has not received as much attention as other psychological disorders, and yet is often the cause of abusive behavior and the core problem of many that suffer from addictions.” Looking at those in my life who exhibit narcissism, they do suffer from addiction. Whether it’s popping Vicodin or severe alcoholism. I feel like there’s a correlation between a true narcissistic personality disorder and addiction. Also, this would explain codependency and why codependents are so drawn to aiding and assisting those with an addiction. It’s the, codependent/narcissistic dynamic. I’m not sure if I’ve got it right, and perhaps I don’t, but I do feel like there’s a correlation between NPD and addiction. The narcissist is a deeply traumatized and pained individual, and well, what do deeply traumatized and pained individuals so often use to cope? Drugs and alcohol, amongst other things.
Thank you for this information, Kenny. Much appreciated!
Thank you for clarifying this.
Awesome video! Brought a new light to viewing my ex. Thank you for all you do to help us (me) understand the chaos of the life I was living. 💋
Super interesting, thank you
I think I am codependent, workaholic, pet holic.
Somehow I was with narcissistic person, he have selected memory, not keeping his word, empty promises, cheat, gaslighting. Only he didn't advertise he is better than others. He held such a anger with his childhood, he couldn't have this or that, other kids did, his sister does.
I grew up abusive family, but mine was more sadness.i thought we both narcissistic but I watched video, I feel like I am more in codependency.
🙏🙏🙏
People are throwing around the narc term for someone who simply won't agree with them.
It's out of hand
I don't think so. Narcissist makes you feel so horrible, you can't confuse it with anything else. They have no empathy and it takes time for us to realize it, because they hide this fact very well. And they can't accept no. No empathy is always a major red flag so can't really confuse with anything else.
Very true!!
Ok… all that is kind of relevant as long as the people that need to know the correct info have it.
True.. narcs have a major problem with anyone who disagrees with them.
I agree we train women to be this way!!
We? More like: They! (i.e. Public 'indoctrination...' by de$ign.) THEY 'gravitate' towards positions of Influence, Power and Control. They 'infiltrated' everything... since their masters created, funded and perpetuate the dis- order, and are also narcs and/ or psychos! They've recently 'scaled' the dis-ease... via 'indoctrination,' using modern technologies!! (From Chaos, Order. Divide, to Conquer. PR$: Problem> Reaction> Solution, to synthesis... Mind, body and soul, control...) And they've recently USED women (the past six decades, in particular...) to accomplish their "agenda($)" BTW!!!
Ya this was real
Love your channel
Good to know.
Kenny, you got 131k subs? Wow.... When i gave you my sub you had like 4k maybe or somethink like that. Nice! Good job!
I noticed that as well and it's a big relief, because he doesn't put ALL the blame on the highly narcissistic individuals, who might be the other ones. 🤔
Hi Kenny! Can you please do a video on why we say things to prove our worth to the other person?
Sounds like low self esteem. I’m the same. I think it’s because as kids someone said something that hit hard deep down to make us feel less worthy. So we spend our time doing show and tells whenever someone visits, or get triggered if we perceive an insult to our worthiness. What type of things do you say?
New subscriber! This was brilliant. Thank-you
Very interesting!! All of this also sounds a lot like borderline personality disorder. But although we can confuse these 3 disorders, the reality is that in the end the label doesn't matter, they are people who are lack of empathy so they are unable to love anyone, so what's the point being around them? They are toxic, don't they??? The best thing to do is to walk away if that's a possibility, isn't it???
Lack of empathy made them liers, ¿could be that they are adicted to lies(to preserve or create the mask )?
Excellent video Kenny!!👏🏻 Thank you for uploading & sharing.
I wonder if my second wife was a codependent and not a narcissist? Now I feel like total crap for letting her go …
Narcs mimic codependents because they’re enmeshed with their primary caretaker so can only enmesh with others… for years I thought my mother was only codependent but clearly her behavior was narcissistic & she was an only child like my father… both were enmeshed & never separated from cold older mothers who didn’t want kids ❤️🩹 your wife was very likely a covert narc as so many women become when unable to attain selfhood
U sound off kilter
That’s not the point of the video, or rather it shouldn’t.
Your ex wife was an adult, I assume, and like any and all of us, she was responsible and accountable for her own behaviour and choice of actions. Period.
Whatever the reason why she did what she did, it belongs to her, not you. You had your own interest, your own self to sort out, protect and guard, and maybe your children’s too, and if so, so you were left with having to do what you had to in response to her choices. She did hers, you did yours.
If there was an opportunity for her to ‘be better and do better’, then be at peace, she missed it. The issue is often exactly this: they were told many times, in different ways, every conversation, but it flew way above their head. But the second sh!t goes down, now you hear them talking about consideration, human decency, asking for that “second chance they never had” by claiming how they understand now. It’s emotional labour dumping imo.
You let her go ! Sounds narcissistic to me .I think she's lucky to have escaped
Codependency is tricky, it is the other side of the coin from narcissism. Learning the family of origin and watching patterns within other relationships how this person personality is really the key.. denial is a very deep well and if you’re stuck in cognitive dissonance and survival mode, the denial even deeper. Most of us are living a dream inside of a dream, In other words, we are in our own illusion created by denial. I can tell you this the relationship will never get better unless both people are working on their own growth. Two years ago, I would’ve died fighting that I was not a codependent, and the last two years with support group for emotional sobriety, I have learned otherwise.
They lack assertive comunication(this is related to empathy).
Would like to know more about this… both falsely empowered CD and Narc lack assertive communication?
@@tcancella7286 only narcs. Empaths (that in the video is stablished that are Codependant people, need to restrain and control empathy by raising their personal barriers
The dog lady has far supassed the cat lady as the #1 way for women to avoid adulthood: getting married and being totally responsible for the wellbeing of a family.
But, thats a topic for another day.
I don’t think that’s fair because a lot of men do that as well, but instead of dog gets their job! The fact of the matter is my ex abandon me when I got sick I was married almost 30 years and those younger kids are seeing people like me and they don’t wanna end up in our place. It has nothing to do with being responsible it has something to do with the welfare of other people. It’s pretty selfish to say I wanna be an adult and go knock somebody up and then, you know in 20 years I don’t like the way she looks.
I am an artistic dude (music, acting, comedy etc…) I wondered whether I am a narcissist, even as I prioritise authenticity the act of expression has the creative will to choose and amplify involved, so from your perspective someone expressing themselves with an amplified sense of self or an altar ego exaggerating a certain aspect of oneself isn’t necessary narcissistic
I have in a sense over analysed myself and seem my performative abilities stem from a attention seeking victim mindset wanting to receive love without actually first loving myself and sharing that side of me
Thank you for your video. But how to love someone like this?🙏
How does a severely co dependent/addict find relief from a lifetime of addictions w/o developing Resentments towards the parent (father passed 30 yrs ago)(was also the target for emotional disconnection) I belief they were both NARCISSISTIC but father was the funtioning alcoholic and scapegoat for the unnurting mother of 4 children. I am the only one who has survived. Desperately seeking help! I NO longer feel healthy enough or confident to get through life, even one day at a time.
Find a therapist that deals with both addiction and codependency. They would have to be treated separately
There are organizations that attract rather than promote healing and recovery for codependents, specifically for those of us whose lives have been affected by alcohol and someone else’s drinking. There are also CODA groups throughout the U.S. too. Codependents Anonymous.
Ok sure, but whatever the reason why someone displays such-and-such behaviour is that person’s problem, and their responsibility to figure out the whys and hows, not the people around affected by it. They have to think of themselves first too.
My Narc mother had all 9, since my father passed away she tortured me to the utmost
So my boyfriend has all the traits of narcissism for the longest time it was awful for me but he got on medication and now he can take accountability for his actions atleast somewhat where as before no matter how nicely i approached the subject of something he was doing that harmed me he would blow up in a narcissistic rage and attack me verbally and sometimes physically. But one thing remains he will never admit to being narcissistic because he cares so much about his self image.also he is in therapy so thats why he claims not to be a narcissist cuz he wants help. Im so confused he even triangulated his dr against me saying that the fist time they met she told him he is definitely not a narcissist and i just dont believe him because how could she make that ruling after only 30 minutes with him? So what do u think im dealing with here?
Can't they still have some real narcissism? Along with a mix of fearful avoidant attachment? My ex exhibited the narcissist stare on two occasions. She once stood next to a friend sleeping in bed when she was visiting. The friend woke up to find my ex standing there staring at her. My now wife also experienced this. We both met for lunch with my ex, I went to the restroom and while I was gone my ex gave my wife a very long, over a couple minute, stare. Unblinking and awkward. My wife later told me it was the strangest and most uncomfortable thing she ever experience with someone. Even though your video seems to now convince me she falls more into codependent, does something like that just remove all doubt that she's a narcissist?
I suddenly realized the level of self deception in this. A friend and textbook falsely empowered co dependent dropped me from his life the instant I set boundaries . It culminated by him doing to me what he doesn't want done to him. Though it was done unconsciously. I wondered how could he do such things ? Then it hit me like a fuckin sledge hammer ! It happens because I do to myself what I would never do to someone else , I am textbook under powered co dependent . 60 years old and only now I know why my life is the worst day every day,. I got to stop this. Whole new level of " my own worst enemy " I need to vomit.
I have a question. What is the difference between the VUNERABLE NARc and a falsely impowered codependent? TK
So are you saying a narc would pass a lie detector?
In terms of a codependent s effect on a relationship who cares if it’s one or the other
Point!
479 likes💚💖💝❤
Check out the laundry list
The 14 characteristics of an adult child of an alcoholic and dysfunctional families . There are five types of codependence. We definitely have a dependent personality.
I don't much care about the difference. Both are dangerous for me to be around. Any one or 2 of those traits and I detatch to protect. I am in my late 60s now and have no use for relationships.
Interesting. I feel like I’m hearing a lot of confusion, mainly because it’s probably about area that we’re getting alot more understanding of and so different people have different ways of defining things. One Phycologist would say that Overt Narcs. Are actually closer to Psychopaths and Coverts are the only true Narcs. The problem is that, while Coverts might fit into the official guidelines, it’s covert so how would you know without crawling inside their brains and hanging out for awhile? It’s why people stay married to them for decades. It’s why I did. Then you also have those who would say that Narcissists are Bi polars in denial, aka. They have intense shame and depression but don’t want to face it so they project their insecurities outwards, blaming those around them. Check. I think that is an interesting theory too. I think the addiction aspect you’ve brought up is incredible interesting. My X has something called Orthorexia Nervosa, addiction to ‘Righteous eating’, oh boy, I could tell you the stories! At the end of the day, these people are condemning, controlling, see you as a means to an ends, and really feel like they own you, though they really resent the fact that they can’t own a better version of you, it would make their life so much better if they could! My Ex read the Co dependency book mentioned in the comments and found it very enlightening. He loves self help as long as he can be in control of it!
At the end of the day, why does it matter what we call it? Or if it does matter, can we get some consensus please?
Being overweight isn't socially accepted. I know. I'm a food addict, and when I go to the convenience store or Dollar General, I always get quite a few food items. Other people get one or two. I always feel people judging me. It seems the narcissist always comes out ahead.
" I'm not saying you're stupid. I'm saying your Daddy was right". -Ron Tello
All 9; bingo!
Half the USA ❤
I don't think a connection to an animal is "not a real connection." Surely for some people, it's not. I think it depends on the pet guardian.
You are really grasping at straws with your addiction comment because almost everyone on the planet is addicted to something even if it be caffeine, salt or sugar.
I see your point, but keep in mind the narcissist is a deeply traumatized and pained individual. Thus the reason why they develop the personality disorder they have. Through addiction they are able to cope with the bottled up feelings, emotions, and past experiences to self soothe. Go downtown to Chicago, Minneapolis, or Seattle for instance and walking amongst us are zombies. Literal trauma zombies who are coping through the use of drugs and alcohol. Ever heard of a little place called Skid Row? The mentally ill use these coping mechanisms as a form of escape, to escape their true reality. It’s absolutely horrific. The narcissism is a mental illness/disorder, if it wasn’t then it wouldn’t be in the DSM. The personality disordered individual is trying to cope and through the use of addiction it helps to stave off them having to think and feel. Also, I’ve read that narcissists are “busy bodies.” Meaning, they’re on the constant go often triple booking themselves in a day. This is another way to cope so they’re constantly do, do, doing and go, go, going so as to not have to deal with their thoughts and feelings. I can think of at least 2 narcissists in my life who can never just be content. Their personalities stay the same but they MUST ALWAYS be doing something to get away from their past indiscretions. They too suffer from addiction. Hoarding/purchasing things and severe alcoholism.
A person can be addicted, as you say, to many things but I've never known a person who USES their caffeine, salt or sugar intake to supply their narcissistic need for power and control.
CPTSD can sure look like NPD i can sure come close to NPD but don't have it because i see it?
Agree. And CPTSD also looks a little like borderline personality disorder.
Yes
My X Narc told me she has Daddy Issues. Enough said, that one.
I disagree with the pet being an addiction. Pets love us unconditionally and if my potential partner can’t love me unconditionally, that’s a red flag.
All of the players in codependency are codependent. They simply serve different roles to keep the charade going & pass it onto future generations. The narcissist is just as codependent as the scapegoat & as the enablers & as the golden child, et cetera. They all perform the function of passing on this evil.
I see now, they're blinded by themselves 😢.
Do you have any credentials?
I don’t think this guy realize how prevalent addictions are because it seems like the narcissist would have a co-diagnosis! 🤦♀️😂
dsm means nothing its all options in that book they are not gods
😂
Ginkgo leaves. Chinese symbol.
most narc are drunks
I strongly agree with you about this. The narcissist is a deeply pained soul and what do most traumatized usually use as a coping mechanism to deal with their bottled up and suppressed thoughts and feelings? Drugs and/or alcohol.. it’s their coping mechanism. We literally have trauma zombies walking amongst us, ever heard of Skid Row? Addiction is also attributed to mental health issues, and what’s more mentally unhealthy than suffering from a personality disorder? A disorder that overtly affects your personality. It’s very sad. From firsthand, front row experience I can confirm that the narcissist can and does suffer from addiction.
SOME Narcissists only
Let’s not forget though…Narcs can drive their targets to drink in order to cope with their BS. Narcs also drive targets to the shrinks office!