He said she backed out of a SURPRISE weekend getaway at the last minute? It may have been the last minute on his time frame, but it sounds like he just sprung it on her at the last minute. THEN HE LEFT HER AND WENT ALONE. He’s TA. How much time does he usually give her to prepare? Is he taking into account that she has other things to do? If he wants time with her, where is he while she’s doing dinner, cleaning up after dinner, getting the kids bathed, dressed in pajamas, getting their teeth brushed, doing homework, etc.? Is she supposed to not do those things? Is there any way he can split those tasks with her and have the kids occupy themselves and enforce that HIMSELF so they can have time together? He’s being a child and crapping on her for doing her part. He’s playing the victim (“My family just treats me like an ATM!” 😭) when it sounds like that’s all he does for them.
OP needs to help his wife with the chores and see if he gets some attention when she isn't suddenly busy 24/7. When it's solely your responsibility to do everything, you're gonna drop a ball or 2. And when that ball is one that could help out but doesn't... Also... the part where they were having a date night at home and the child woke up and she had to comfort them and he complained, well why didn't he go and help comfort as well? They could've read a book together or something. Show that he can also be trusted to help the child feel at ease. But obviously he would rather the kids only trust the mother with their comfort.
He keeps referring to “her son” and “ her daughter” not OUR. That’s a weird attitude in itself. He seems a little unconnected to his own children and their needs.
2:48 OP said I stopped helping with the kids, stopped helping with dinner, and left messes for her to clean. One time he said our son the other time it's unclear whether Dusty said our or her son
If he wants these date nights and he’s running into issues where his wife has to cancel because the kids have things coming up he should be planning WITH his wife to find the best time frame for these things. Right now he’s planning against his family and taking it out on his partner when he refuses to communicate.
Im really surprised how they seemed to skim over the fact that it sounds like OP isn't doing his fair share of the housework and parenting. By the way he explains it, it sounds like he's got the mentality that all he needs to do is work his 40 hours and then anything else he does beyond that is a favor to her. Like the type of guy who says he's "babysitting" hos own kids. I wouldn't want to be with a guy like that either.
So he works hard at his job, but his job has a quitting time and he gets to be off the clock. Her job doesn't end. I feel like he's neglected her and their family so long that she now resents him and doesn't really want to do anything with the person who leaves her to struggle with the entire load of the household. Communication would go a long way here for OP to figure out why his wife is avoiding him, but treating her like shit is definitely NOT going to make her want to spend time with him.
If he wants her to have time with him, he needs to step up and help with the kids and housework. No woman can feel like being intimate with someone who she has to parent. Her job is 24/7. His is 8-9 hours, 5 days a week. Currently, shes a married single mom with a grown ass man-child, throwing a tantrum.
I understood feeling upset when he described her backing out. But then he kept saying, “the kids needed her”, “she did housework” and he did….? Did he just watch her do housework, help with the kids homework, while tapping his foot and looking at the clock?? He went on their date by himself rather than stay and be part of the household.
I have a couple of questions 1) Does she get time for just her? 2) If you want to watch a movie is it a movie you like or would she really like it too (my husband and I have very different tastes in movies) 3) Is it a weekend she would enjoy also?
And also, does she need to help him with everything in the house like finding the same item for the 5th time this month, that didn't change places the entire month? (Because that's exhausting)
@creativewriter3887 I honestly thought I misheard (it has happened before with a dusty video). Having people confirm I'm right is kind of disgusting. I suspect she's so done with him and can't stand to be alone with him. A weekend with that man must be psychological torture.
@@yamairad1 Yes, I heard that too. And thought "Oh, here we go.". Her kids, well if they're only her kids, what does that make him? A sperm donor, maybe? Definitely not a father. He would have to take an interest in the kids if he's their father, maybe helping with the son's projects would be a start.
That is BS. The kids are in school. People like you need stop acting like ' he dosen't do any child care or house work". He is not asking for 100% attention all of the time. Op is making all of the effort. tutors, babysisters, clubs and etc. Proof. - they kids were clearly not being left alone for the weekend. The person/people watching them, could've helped the son with his work.
@k70freeman Wow! Someone's triggered!! My comment was just that she never gets away from her work but he does. And from what was included in the post it didn't sound like he was doing much around the house to help her. And where in what Dusty read gave you the information you included?
@@rebeccaklages9783lmao that guy is saying the kids are in school, as though that would give her any more time when OP would be working during that time & she would be doing housework, getting groceries, preparing dinner, etc. like you said, her workload never ends & his does when he leaves work. If he did more to help her out, she would have more time. This is completely on OP acting like a man child. I definitely don’t see this marriage working out.
@@tawnyrobinson3930what I don't get is, if the kids are in school, why is there still housework to do after dinner? 🤷 I work 40 hrs, am a single mom (sons dads died), it doesn't take me that long to get chores handled. If I didn't work, those things would be handled while my spouse was at work. As it is, my cleaning routine is done by the time the kids are in bed. 🤔 What's she doing during the day while the kids are at school?
@@strawberi6257possibly multi child household. Maybe she holds some resentment. Maybe she’s burnt out and not firing on all frames. Maybe she is mom mode all the time because of his perceived hands off approach and feels like she has to. 🤷🏾♀️
Plenty of parents nuke their personal life to be a parent or making it their only personality trait but o.p is going down a road that will end in resentment, indifference or divorce
Arrange a date night 1 month in advance, make it a Saturday night. Help make sure the kids projects or whatever home work they may have is done and help with house work so she is all caught up. If she still cancels after that, y'all need counseling.
I doubt that her personality has left more than "MOM" after (the oldes kid is -) 7years without time to focus on herself. And beside the kids she has a manbaby who tantrums for her attention instead of growing a pair, stepping in, making her feel seen (for example giving her time off ALONE). Manbabies AREN'T attractive or so you want to spent alonetime with
I recently seen a short where a cute couple shows the difference between coexisting and living together. It took me a bit to find it but it is called, It's the little things, and the channel was The Tylers. Right now OP is just coexisting with his family. If OP actually became involved with the things his wife and the kids were doing then he would not feel like the outsider. Why not start helping with the stuff the wife is doing instead of waiting for her to finish? Why not talk to her as they are doing the chores together? If this couple actually survives this they should get some couples therapy.
I bet money that it has nothing to do with him getting attention or anything else like that. He probably just wants time with her to have sex. It's not about her. It's not about pampering her. It's not about them bonding. It's about him getting laid.
It sounds like he does help out but I wonder how much. He shouldn't have let this fester to where he ended up snapping. Having time for each other is very important so I get what he is saying, there also needs to be communication so they can work it out.
He also needs to understand that time together can be done at home while doing the stuff that makes the household run. Time together seems to only mean fun time for him.
Helping suggests that he has zero responsibility for raising his children or doing the house chores. He shouldn't "help", he should participate in the running of the household... you know, like he's her partner or something crazy like that! 🙄
Without hearing the wife's side, I say ESH! It sounds like you ALLOWED the situation to develop over the years, possibly ignoring your wife's and children's needs in the process. Her backing out on "dates" last minute sounds like retaliation for you not being there for her. The two of you definitely need to get your priorities straight and start communicating with each other.
He said the trip was a surprise. How much time did he even give her? And if the kid had a project due, why didn’t he know that? AND HE LEFT HER AND WENT ALONE. He sounds completely checked out from his family, doesn’t do anything when he gets home to allow her time to be with him, and expects her to drop everything without even knowing what’s going on so they can actually make realistic plans. How do you just come home on Friday night and tell your wife to pack a bag for a trip she didn’t know about and get mad that little Timmy got homework that day that’s due on Monday, and it’s some kind of project, which means it involves time and probably supplies? He’s basically giving her ultimatums. Me or the kids, pick right now. If the daughter interrupted their date night while he hired a babysitter, that means they were sitting at home. Was there actually a babysitter there? Why didn’t they go somewhere else where they could be interrupted? Were they supposed to listen to their daughter scream in the other room the whole time? Something is wrong with HIM.
@@user-xd6nc6rg7b I don't disagree, but I also think the wife has given up trying to keep him involved in her's and their children's lives. But I do think it's more on him than her.
@NenaSinclair or maybe since she works, takes care of THEIR (even though OP says HER, she didn't get pregnant all by herself now) 2 children AND does all the housework she is too stressed, busy and tired to leave?
Clearly the husband just wants a least 5 minutes to have a grown up conversation with his wife. He's tried to plan things for just the two of them because he wants that connection with his wife. Which is a major thing when it comes to marriage. But just as Candy said, the wife is on nonstop mom mode and she will burn out with or without her husbands help. Hell, she could have things a certain way and when he doesn't do it her way, she gets frustrated. I don't think that he is an Ascon, but it can very very very easily be ESH. They just need to sit down and actually talk. No kids, no nothing.
We don't know enough. But, it seems like he's planning everything without asking her if she has the time or help her make sure that all the errands are done so she has the time.
Did you miss the "her daughter" and "her son"? This man-child never helps with the kids, never is the one to help with homework, never helps his wife with housekeeping etc. He contributes nothing to the house except money and attitude. If the wife is deliberately avoiding him I do not blame her in the least.
@@nikkiewhite476 For all we know, she could be the one saying "My daughter. My son." Obviously we don't know the full story because we are only getting one point of view. But I do agree that he could be helping her out, but we don't know if she said that she could handle it. She might prefer it because it's her way of control of the situation.
All he wants is to spend some time with her. What's wrong with that? He was trying to get some time with her but she kept canceling. He made plans. He tried. Every couple deserves some time together.
He said he feels like he's doing everything alone but it's her doing the cooking cleaning child care homework handling mini crisises Whay's wrong with him getting off his keister and doing it
@@jenniferhoisington66I'm a single mom (only living parent to my sons) and I work FT. My chores are done by the time the boys are in bed. What's she doing while the kids are in school? They made marriage vows. That relationship should be worth making time for IMO
I have some clarifying questions; How many hours are Husband putting into his job? Is his wife working? If so, how many hours is she working per week? How many hours of transport is there to and from Husband's job? And how many to and from Wife's job (if she is working)? Conclutions: If Husband is putting in 60-80 hours per week in his job, and Wife is a stay-at-home - I would have serious (and I mean SERIOUS) discussions with Wife about what is going on, and why she is acting in that manor. If Husband is putting in 40-80 hours per week in his job, and Wife puts in 40-80 hours in her job - Husband and Wife needs to figure out how they can assist each other with their shared responsiblities to make the best of it. If Husband is putting in 60-80 hours per week in his job and Wife is putting in 60-80 hours pr week in her job - Seriously, just hire a nanny since you clearly don't have time for your kids.
He's TRYING to keep a relationship with his wife and she seems to be putting the kids first above the relationship - There has to be balance to keep the relationship healthy. He may have been pushed out of the role of helping by her - because that's kind of what it sounds like to me. I get his frustration because he's trying.
This may be controversial but ESH. The tit for tat is childish. However, at the base of it, the husband wants attention from his wife. To suggest he learn to exist in a MARRIAGE alone is crazy. He did make multiple attempts to solve this. Overlooking that the wife isn't. If this were the wife writing this, He would be an even bigger AH. Both partners share equal responsibility to ensure a continued affectionate loving bond. This is how people choose/justify affairs. OP asks to be a priority sometimes, not the priority always.
ESH, they are their kids together, but he keeps keeps referring to them as 'her' son/daughter. He can help her with the kids when he gets home, thats soending time with all of them. Then, plan something WITH her. Don't spring it on her. She needs to put in an effort with her husband and her marriage. Maybe this attitude she has where she became singleminded is why he is the way he is now. They need to both pitch in with the kids and learn to communicate their needs and reciprocate.
Sounds to me like everyone is jumping on the fem train and not listening to the actual statements. He said he STOPPED helping with dinner and the kids and other things. Which means he DID help and she still ignored him. He never said he put it ALL on her. She is the one who needs to prioritize the relationship more as a partner and not just a mom. Candy seems to understand that a little.
I love how if this is reverse. We be all over him being a jackass. But since she is the one not making the time for relationship, he’s the dick. I love how this works for you. He says he helps with the children. He helps with the dinner also, did you not hear that what he said? She’s canceling on him. In a marriage it is two people. Kids are a priority, but not above your spouse ever. he works overtime, but he’s a jerk because he’s not taking care of the house. How does that work in your mind?
One of the most important part of my day is sending some time with my spouse. Why would he not expect her to send some time with him? He said he doesn’t remember the last time they had a conversation. I talk with my husband daily, if we did not that would lead to problems. No, he should not have acted like a child! BUT we as humans do dumb things when we are hurt. She CANCELED on four dates when him! He was hurt.
everybody sucks - he STOPPED helping which meant he helped before - she's actively avoiding spending anytime with him after he all but begged - organized babysitters etc. and even tried at home date nights - they need therapy and to sit and TALK
I definitely got ESH vibes. I think he sucks a little more with his reaction, but it does sound like he's trying, just not in ways that would actually work. They desperately need to talk, and not in a "you made me feel this" way, just a "I feel this way about this."
Work, parenting, housework issues aside, OP has communicated a need for one on one time with his spouse. Their relationship is important to maintain. Kids grow up and leave. Why isn't that important to her? I often hear these complaints from wives, rarely husbands. 🤔
Why is she using any excuse possible to avoid OP? If she is home every day and goes over homework, how are these 'projects' coming up last minute and not planned ahead so that OP can help in over the weekend before it is due? Both of my folks worked and Dad and I always worked on big things over the weekend. It all sounds like BS to me, and that it is the wife who is causing this because she is not communicating or just doesn't care about him.
She doesn't want to spend time with him because she must have some deep resentment (gee I wonder why???) and maybe fears she's going end up with child number FOUR!
It’s interesting when men work 24/7 and the woman feels neglected. He is ridiculed. When the woman is busy 24/7 putting the man on n the back burner and he is upset it’s also his fault and he needs to do more. The man is always wrong. I don’t think that’s right.
I think it depends what that work is. Usually in the case of the woman, it involves children, other human beings who are wholly dependant on her. Usually in the case of men it's a job they have more control over. You can choose to overwork a job. You don't really have a choice to prioritize your children, assuming you're not a neglectful parent. I've seen it the other way around when the dad is the main caregiver of the child, and it isn't fair if the wife over-prioritizes her job in that case either. She would be neglecting him in that case and would need to step up for him.
@ sometimes your relationship needs to be priority. Not to the point of neglect of the children but priority nonetheless. Make a point to schedule play dates or overnights with family so that you have time with your partner. Put the kids down to bed and purposefully make your partner your focus. It can be done. It’s important, as important as raising your kids.
Children need to be tough that they can’t be interrupting every time they want. Also the kids need to do the homework as soon as they arrive to home and not to wait until the father comes home.
you needed to do more grammer homework and the kids could have Ben at sports or dance or scouts Whay=t you're saying is when Dad comes in he needs all the attention
@ yes, grammar is a problem because English is my second language. And BTW, is grammAr. The father is absent the whole day, and when he arrives to home, there will be only a couple of hours before going to sleep. Things will not going to be perfect but improving schedules and discipline will help a lot.
OP calls THEIR children, “HER son/daughter.” He also went on “their” weekend getaway” ALONE. He’s a gaping a-hole.
I almost spit out my honeybun. Thanks for the laugh, internet friendo
He said she backed out of a SURPRISE weekend getaway at the last minute? It may have been the last minute on his time frame, but it sounds like he just sprung it on her at the last minute. THEN HE LEFT HER AND WENT ALONE. He’s TA. How much time does he usually give her to prepare? Is he taking into account that she has other things to do? If he wants time with her, where is he while she’s doing dinner, cleaning up after dinner, getting the kids bathed, dressed in pajamas, getting their teeth brushed, doing homework, etc.? Is she supposed to not do those things? Is there any way he can split those tasks with her and have the kids occupy themselves and enforce that HIMSELF so they can have time together? He’s being a child and crapping on her for doing her part. He’s playing the victim (“My family just treats me like an ATM!” 😭) when it sounds like that’s all he does for them.
OP needs to help his wife with the chores and see if he gets some attention when she isn't suddenly busy 24/7. When it's solely your responsibility to do everything, you're gonna drop a ball or 2. And when that ball is one that could help out but doesn't...
Also... the part where they were having a date night at home and the child woke up and she had to comfort them and he complained, well why didn't he go and help comfort as well? They could've read a book together or something. Show that he can also be trusted to help the child feel at ease. But obviously he would rather the kids only trust the mother with their comfort.
He keeps referring to “her son” and “ her daughter” not OUR. That’s a weird attitude in itself. He seems a little unconnected to his own children and their needs.
One of his comments (now deleted) essentially said he used to help when the kids were babies but doesn’t need to anymore.
Eww that's terrible...
That kinda tells us all we need to know ngl
We all know he's a coward and that's just more proof.
It also may be that she's made him feel as though he doesn't need to - she may not let him - we don't know the whole story.
@@amandamitteff2455you mean like with weaponized incompetence?
OP didn’t once mention doing things with the children or helping around the house. He even referred to the son as her son.
in a now deleted comment from OP he said he used to help when the kids were babies but doesn't need yo anymore
@@YuriKamado19 yeah that sounds right
2:48 OP said I stopped helping with the kids, stopped helping with dinner, and left messes for her to clean. One time he said our son the other time it's unclear whether Dusty said our or her son
OP’s wife doesn’t like him. She no longer wishes to spend time with him.
Probably because he’s a crap partner.
If he wants these date nights and he’s running into issues where his wife has to cancel because the kids have things coming up he should be planning WITH his wife to find the best time frame for these things. Right now he’s planning against his family and taking it out on his partner when he refuses to communicate.
Im really surprised how they seemed to skim over the fact that it sounds like OP isn't doing his fair share of the housework and parenting.
By the way he explains it, it sounds like he's got the mentality that all he needs to do is work his 40 hours and then anything else he does beyond that is a favor to her. Like the type of guy who says he's "babysitting" hos own kids.
I wouldn't want to be with a guy like that either.
So he works hard at his job, but his job has a quitting time and he gets to be off the clock. Her job doesn't end. I feel like he's neglected her and their family so long that she now resents him and doesn't really want to do anything with the person who leaves her to struggle with the entire load of the household. Communication would go a long way here for OP to figure out why his wife is avoiding him, but treating her like shit is definitely NOT going to make her want to spend time with him.
If he wants her to have time with him, he needs to step up and help with the kids and housework. No woman can feel like being intimate with someone who she has to parent. Her job is 24/7. His is 8-9 hours, 5 days a week. Currently, shes a married single mom with a grown ass man-child, throwing a tantrum.
YTA... dude complains his wife has no time for him so he stops helping with the kids and chores and wonders why it doesn't get better
Another surprised pikachu saying 'totally blindsided, came out of nowhere' in the making...
Why is he saying her son, her daughter? I thought they were your kids?
I understood feeling upset when he described her backing out. But then he kept saying, “the kids needed her”, “she did housework” and he did….? Did he just watch her do housework, help with the kids homework, while tapping his foot and looking at the clock?? He went on their date by himself rather than stay and be part of the household.
I have a couple of questions
1) Does she get time for just her?
2) If you want to watch a movie is it a movie you like or would she really like it too (my husband and I have very different tastes in movies)
3) Is it a weekend she would enjoy also?
And also, does she need to help him with everything in the house like finding the same item for the 5th time this month, that didn't change places the entire month? (Because that's exhausting)
Am I hear him saying "her" daughter "her" son?
EXACTLY!!!! they're HIS kids too!!! And he just gave the REAL reason! He's a POS and yet one more kid!!
@creativewriter3887 I honestly thought I misheard (it has happened before with a dusty video). Having people confirm I'm right is kind of disgusting. I suspect she's so done with him and can't stand to be alone with him. A weekend with that man must be psychological torture.
@@yamairad1 Yes, I heard that too. And thought "Oh, here we go.". Her kids, well if they're only her kids, what does that make him? A sperm donor, maybe? Definitely not a father. He would have to take an interest in the kids if he's their father, maybe helping with the son's projects would be a start.
yeah that's weird
She works 24/7, which he does not.
That is BS. The kids are in school. People like you need stop acting like ' he dosen't do any child care or house work". He is not asking for 100% attention all of the time. Op is making all of the effort. tutors, babysisters, clubs and etc. Proof. - they kids were clearly not being left alone for the weekend. The person/people watching them, could've helped the son with his work.
@k70freeman Wow! Someone's triggered!! My comment was just that she never gets away from her work but he does. And from what was included in the post it didn't sound like he was doing much around the house to help her. And where in what Dusty read gave you the information you included?
@@rebeccaklages9783lmao that guy is saying the kids are in school, as though that would give her any more time when OP would be working during that time & she would be doing housework, getting groceries, preparing dinner, etc. like you said, her workload never ends & his does when he leaves work. If he did more to help her out, she would have more time. This is completely on OP acting like a man child. I definitely don’t see this marriage working out.
@@tawnyrobinson3930what I don't get is, if the kids are in school, why is there still housework to do after dinner? 🤷 I work 40 hrs, am a single mom (sons dads died), it doesn't take me that long to get chores handled. If I didn't work, those things would be handled while my spouse was at work. As it is, my cleaning routine is done by the time the kids are in bed. 🤔 What's she doing during the day while the kids are at school?
@@strawberi6257possibly multi child household. Maybe she holds some resentment. Maybe she’s burnt out and not firing on all frames. Maybe she is mom mode all the time because of his perceived hands off approach and feels like she has to. 🤷🏾♀️
why isn’t he offering to make dinner with her or something else helpful for the house that they can do together?
Plenty of parents nuke their personal life to be a parent or making it their only personality trait but o.p is going down a road that will end in resentment, indifference or divorce
Arrange a date night 1 month in advance, make it a Saturday night. Help make sure the kids projects or whatever home work they may have is done and help with house work so she is all caught up. If she still cancels after that, y'all need counseling.
He needs to arrange gramma and grampa to come spend a weekend with the kids. Her plate is full and you are DEMANDING desert.
I doubt that her personality has left more than "MOM" after (the oldes kid is -) 7years without time to focus on herself. And beside the kids she has a manbaby who tantrums for her attention instead of growing a pair, stepping in, making her feel seen (for example giving her time off ALONE). Manbabies AREN'T attractive or so you want to spent alonetime with
Communication and ACTUALLY doing what was agreeded on is needed
Wife sounds like she is used to doing everything and that diminished their emotional connection. She may not even like him now
I recently seen a short where a cute couple shows the difference between coexisting and living together. It took me a bit to find it but it is called, It's the little things, and the channel was The Tylers. Right now OP is just coexisting with his family. If OP actually became involved with the things his wife and the kids were doing then he would not feel like the outsider. Why not start helping with the stuff the wife is doing instead of waiting for her to finish? Why not talk to her as they are doing the chores together?
If this couple actually survives this they should get some couples therapy.
How old are these kids? Is he getting a sitter? What is he doing when he gets home? What is he takinh off her plate to make these date nights happen?
I know so many adults who cannot be alone, my sister cannot live alone, she has tried.
More information is needed.
Well said Candy and Dusty!
They need get solution focused, Dusty and Candy got this one right.
I bet money that it has nothing to do with him getting attention or anything else like that. He probably just wants time with her to have sex. It's not about her. It's not about pampering her. It's not about them bonding. It's about him getting laid.
It sounds like he does help out but I wonder how much. He shouldn't have let this fester to where he ended up snapping. Having time for each other is very important so I get what he is saying, there also needs to be communication so they can work it out.
He also needs to understand that time together can be done at home while doing the stuff that makes the household run. Time together seems to only mean fun time for him.
YTA help her with all of it. Your solution of adding onto it was stupid. Help her with your kids’ project it will be done faster = more adult time
Helping suggests that he has zero responsibility for raising his children or doing the house chores. He shouldn't "help", he should participate in the running of the household... you know, like he's her partner or something crazy like that! 🙄
Without hearing the wife's side, I say ESH! It sounds like you ALLOWED the situation to develop over the years, possibly ignoring your wife's and children's needs in the process. Her backing out on "dates" last minute sounds like retaliation for you not being there for her. The two of you definitely need to get your priorities straight and start communicating with each other.
He said the trip was a surprise. How much time did he even give her? And if the kid had a project due, why didn’t he know that? AND HE LEFT HER AND WENT ALONE. He sounds completely checked out from his family, doesn’t do anything when he gets home to allow her time to be with him, and expects her to drop everything without even knowing what’s going on so they can actually make realistic plans. How do you just come home on Friday night and tell your wife to pack a bag for a trip she didn’t know about and get mad that little Timmy got homework that day that’s due on Monday, and it’s some kind of project, which means it involves time and probably supplies? He’s basically giving her ultimatums. Me or the kids, pick right now. If the daughter interrupted their date night while he hired a babysitter, that means they were sitting at home. Was there actually a babysitter there? Why didn’t they go somewhere else where they could be interrupted? Were they supposed to listen to their daughter scream in the other room the whole time? Something is wrong with HIM.
Plus last minute and kids rarely mix well
@@user-xd6nc6rg7b I don't disagree, but I also think the wife has given up trying to keep him involved in her's and their children's lives. But I do think it's more on him than her.
@merlinathrawes746 It shouldn't be on her to keep him involved . That's his job
OP is acting like a whiny teenager.
Op is a coward. He's making excuses. This marriage is already over.
I feel like he was helping before like he said he was but she’s too focused and not seeing him at all.
Maybe wife backs out last minute to avoid spending time alone with OP?
My thoughts exactly.
@NenaSinclair or maybe since she works, takes care of THEIR (even though OP says HER, she didn't get pregnant all by herself now) 2 children AND does all the housework she is too stressed, busy and tired to leave?
Definitley TA title only but be interesting to see how they attempt to justify their statement 😂😂🚩🚩
1. God
2. Spouse
3. kids
The kids seem to be all for the mother and not the father
She certainly didn't get herself pregnant
💜
Clearly the husband just wants a least 5 minutes to have a grown up conversation with his wife. He's tried to plan things for just the two of them because he wants that connection with his wife. Which is a major thing when it comes to marriage. But just as Candy said, the wife is on nonstop mom mode and she will burn out with or without her husbands help. Hell, she could have things a certain way and when he doesn't do it her way, she gets frustrated. I don't think that he is an Ascon, but it can very very very easily be ESH. They just need to sit down and actually talk. No kids, no nothing.
We don't know enough. But, it seems like he's planning everything without asking her if she has the time or help her make sure that all the errands are done so she has the time.
Did you miss the "her daughter" and "her son"? This man-child never helps with the kids, never is the one to help with homework, never helps his wife with housekeeping etc. He contributes nothing to the house except money and attitude. If the wife is deliberately avoiding him I do not blame her in the least.
@@nikkiewhite476 For all we know, she could be the one saying "My daughter. My son." Obviously we don't know the full story because we are only getting one point of view. But I do agree that he could be helping her out, but we don't know if she said that she could handle it. She might prefer it because it's her way of control of the situation.
All he wants is to spend some time with her. What's wrong with that? He was trying to get some time with her but she kept canceling. He made plans. He tried. Every couple deserves some time together.
He said he feels like he's doing everything alone but it's her doing the cooking cleaning child care homework handling mini crisises Whay's wrong with him getting off his keister and doing it
@@jenniferhoisington66I'm a single mom (only living parent to my sons) and I work FT. My chores are done by the time the boys are in bed. What's she doing while the kids are in school? They made marriage vows. That relationship should be worth making time for IMO
@@strawberi6257 you forget that she also has a manchild to cater for...
I have some clarifying questions;
How many hours are Husband putting into his job? Is his wife working? If so, how many hours is she working per week?
How many hours of transport is there to and from Husband's job? And how many to and from Wife's job (if she is working)?
Conclutions:
If Husband is putting in 60-80 hours per week in his job, and Wife is a stay-at-home - I would have serious (and I mean SERIOUS) discussions with Wife about what is going on, and why she is acting in that manor.
If Husband is putting in 40-80 hours per week in his job, and Wife puts in 40-80 hours in her job - Husband and Wife needs to figure out how they can assist each other with their shared responsiblities to make the best of it.
If Husband is putting in 60-80 hours per week in his job and Wife is putting in 60-80 hours pr week in her job - Seriously, just hire a nanny since you clearly don't have time for your kids.
See the thing is if it were switched people would be like aww poor wife!
His whole story is about him NOT subbing in. It's rare to hear a woman both doing nothing at home and demanding attention.
I doubt that.
It’s simply that the roles are so very, very rarely switched so we don’t hear about women behaving like OP.
Funny how we never hear of that happening.
He's TRYING to keep a relationship with his wife and she seems to be putting the kids first above the relationship - There has to be balance to keep the relationship healthy. He may have been pushed out of the role of helping by her - because that's kind of what it sounds like to me. I get his frustration because he's trying.
This may be controversial but ESH. The tit for tat is childish. However, at the base of it, the husband wants attention from his wife. To suggest he learn to exist in a MARRIAGE alone is crazy. He did make multiple attempts to solve this. Overlooking that the wife isn't. If this were the wife writing this, He would be an even bigger AH. Both partners share equal responsibility to ensure a continued affectionate loving bond. This is how people choose/justify affairs. OP asks to be a priority sometimes, not the priority always.
ESH, they are their kids together, but he keeps keeps referring to them as 'her' son/daughter. He can help her with the kids when he gets home, thats soending time with all of them. Then, plan something WITH her. Don't spring it on her. She needs to put in an effort with her husband and her marriage. Maybe this attitude she has where she became singleminded is why he is the way he is now. They need to both pitch in with the kids and learn to communicate their needs and reciprocate.
Sounds to me like everyone is jumping on the fem train and not listening to the actual statements. He said he STOPPED helping with dinner and the kids and other things. Which means he DID help and she still ignored him. He never said he put it ALL on her. She is the one who needs to prioritize the relationship more as a partner and not just a mom. Candy seems to understand that a little.
but he complains that SHE had to help with homework SHE had to handled their dat=ughter's nigh=htmare Where is he then
I love how if this is reverse. We be all over him being a jackass. But since she is the one not making the time for relationship, he’s the dick. I love how this works for you. He says he helps with the children. He helps with the dinner also, did you not hear that what he said? She’s canceling on him. In a marriage it is two people. Kids are a priority, but not above your spouse ever. he works overtime, but he’s a jerk because he’s not taking care of the house. How does that work in your mind?
One of the most important part of my day is sending some time with my spouse. Why would he not expect her to send some time with him? He said he doesn’t remember the last time they had a conversation. I talk with my husband daily, if we did not that would lead to problems. No, he should not have acted like a child! BUT we as humans do dumb things when we are hurt. She CANCELED on four dates when him! He was hurt.
everybody sucks - he STOPPED helping which meant he helped before - she's actively avoiding spending anytime with him after he all but begged - organized babysitters etc. and even tried at home date nights - they need therapy and to sit and TALK
I definitely got ESH vibes. I think he sucks a little more with his reaction, but it does sound like he's trying, just not in ways that would actually work. They desperately need to talk, and not in a "you made me feel this" way, just a "I feel this way about this."
Sorry your kids leave if you ignore your spouse then once kids are gone you will end.
Work, parenting, housework issues aside, OP has communicated a need for one on one time with his spouse. Their relationship is important to maintain. Kids grow up and leave. Why isn't that important to her? I often hear these complaints from wives, rarely husbands. 🤔
Why is she using any excuse possible to avoid OP? If she is home every day and goes over homework, how are these 'projects' coming up last minute and not planned ahead so that OP can help in over the weekend before it is due? Both of my folks worked and Dad and I always worked on big things over the weekend. It all sounds like BS to me, and that it is the wife who is causing this because she is not communicating or just doesn't care about him.
She doesn't want to spend time with him because she must have some deep resentment (gee I wonder why???) and maybe fears she's going end up with child number FOUR!
She clearly doesn’t want to spend time with him.
Who would?
Theres sports and dance and scouts so....
It’s interesting when men work 24/7 and the woman feels neglected. He is ridiculed. When the woman is busy 24/7 putting the man on n the back burner and he is upset it’s also his fault and he needs to do more. The man is always wrong. I don’t think that’s right.
I think it depends what that work is. Usually in the case of the woman, it involves children, other human beings who are wholly dependant on her. Usually in the case of men it's a job they have more control over. You can choose to overwork a job. You don't really have a choice to prioritize your children, assuming you're not a neglectful parent. I've seen it the other way around when the dad is the main caregiver of the child, and it isn't fair if the wife over-prioritizes her job in that case either. She would be neglecting him in that case and would need to step up for him.
@ sometimes your relationship needs to be priority. Not to the point of neglect of the children but priority nonetheless. Make a point to schedule play dates or overnights with family so that you have time with your partner. Put the kids down to bed and purposefully make your partner your focus. It can be done. It’s important, as important as raising your kids.
Children need to be tough that they can’t be interrupting every time they want. Also the kids need to do the homework as soon as they arrive to home and not to wait until the father comes home.
you needed to do more grammer homework and the kids could have Ben at sports or dance or scouts Whay=t you're saying is when Dad comes in he needs all the attention
@ yes, grammar is a problem because English is my second language. And BTW, is grammAr. The father is absent the whole day, and when he arrives to home, there will be only a couple of hours before going to sleep. Things will not going to be perfect but improving schedules and discipline will help a lot.