Low Self-Esteem: Signs You Have It, How You Get It, How to Increase It
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 มี.ค. 2023
- Your self-esteem is how you see yourself and your opinion of yourself. How useful do you feel? Do you believe you have good qualities? Do you think you’re able to do thing as well as other people? In this video I’ll show you signs you have low self-esteem and what you can do to improve it.
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I didn't develop self esteem until my early 30's. My early life experiences w/family and my peers obliterated any chance of my having a positive self image. It has taken my whole lifetime to get this point. People really don't understand how damaging they can be.
@PBEs removing myself from shitty and negative situations and people. Also, fully realizing my self worth and that I'm not responsible for other people's abusive behavior. Just my own experience. To each their own.
THIS! Im 33 living my best life and cant help but think how long I could have been living this way if only people around me were self aware enough to notice their own pain they were spilling onto me
Same
how did you fix it
how did you fix it
Being black/biracial with a white father and black mother made it hard for either parent to model developing effective self esteem in American culture. Mom wasn’t male and Dad didn’t present as black. Despite being loved and provided-for, I often felt developmentally on-my-own.
I always empathised with my light skin cousins both literal and culturally speaking as the Schrödinger s position of self esteem but it being dissonant inherently means your never in the right box. I can empathise with that.
I see u in pretty based videos so at the very least u should have pride in having good taste bro 😌👏🏾
Same but reverse. Mom wasn't black, black step-father didn't know how to raise anyone or anything--let alone a multiracial child. To add insult to injury I was not loved nor truly provided for, often denied necessary medical intervention. It was a nightmare from hell, I'll just leave it at that. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
@TayZonday I see you commenting on these kind of videos from time to time. I'm really glad mental health is a topic that we as a society are starting to open up about and well known people with a following, such as yourself, speaking openly about it really helps!
I felt something similar with having African immigrant parents in America I was often too African for African Americans but too American for Africans.
I am sorry that you experienced that lack. I pray that God will fill all the voids for you. May God give you peace of heart and mind! May God bring Godly men into your life to help you along your journey to support you for as long as you need! I pray these things for you in the Name of Jesus Christ! Amen! Thank you for sharing your story. It sheds light on a topic that I had never even considered would be a problem. Wow... That is indeed an eye opener.
My grandmother used to say " if you fix self respect you'll fix self esteem"
Unfortunately, one cannot "out-think" his/her problems. Sometimes the best thing is to accept failure and start the path of self-improvement no matter how late in life it is.
I really appreciate the authenticity of your videos. No ads, no meaningless filler or fluff, no pushing some opinion or 'agenda'. Just great, concise, well researched, informative and educational! Its a rare thing to see on the internet these days! Thank you!
I grew up in an emotionally supportive family but always considered myself a major screw-up who just didn't seem to be able to cope with regular, everyday life. I'm in my 60s now and have realized I have inattentive ADHD. I understand my emotional and behavioral responses now, and it's made all the difference. I didn't need enemies; I did an excellent job of putting myself down at the slightest provocation. I still get frustrated with having to adapt to a world that isn't designed for neuroatypical people, but I've become my biggest cheerleader and life is so much better for it.
1.Identify your core beliefs ("I am not good enough, I am defective, I am unloveable")
2.Identify your safety behaviours that help you avoid facing these beliefs (people pleasing, not speaking up, hiding,perfectionnism, not having ambition)
3. Face your fears by breaking your rules or dropping your safety behaviour ( test your fears)
4.replace self criticism with self-compassion (even if you are rejected, give yourself praise for stating your opinion, you are not responsible for other people opinion)
My mother and kids in school gave me low self esteem. As I grew older, I attracted friends and lovers with low self esteem that hurt me more. Now I'm middle age and feel good enough about myself to forgive my mother and those so called friends. I'M effective with the few people that are in my life. I set boundaries and enjoy myself with less judgement.
Amen
I am going to change my narrative! I am going to speak my opinion and let the chips fall where they may! It's okay if someone doesn't agree with me. They are entitled to their opinion! I will have compassion on myself!
You can't control someone's response; you can only change how you react to it.
If you share your opinions and some don't agree with it, just shake it off and continue expressing yourself authentically without appeasing everyone for their approval of you.
Wish you the best!
I was in a really abusive relationship from 17-19 and I'm figuring out at age 34 that that did a LOT more to my view of myself than I thought.
Me from 19-21... and it took me until ~28 to realise, and 2 years later I've still only just begun to unravel it all.
my father al
When I was a child, my mum often called me an idiot. She told me that if there is a competition in idiocracy, I would won the top prize. So for decades, I believed that I was the dumbest person on this planet and universities are for people who are geniuses.
damn I hate to hear this
I grew up with a father who gave us the silent treatment for days if he was pissed off. I grew up thinking I was not good enough and stupid and insecure and in fear of rejection. I couldn’t make my dad happy most of the time. I’m 57 now and have been working on myself for years and still have low self esteem. I pray I can some day finally break free from this🙏🏼🙏🏼
The Worth
You will not lose your worth if you do not live up to the expectations of others and yourself. We are so unimaginably worthy. We are good, strong and great. As Oprah Winfrey said: "Nothing is ever wrong. We learn from every step we take. Whatever you did today was the way it was meant to be. Be proud of you."
Who We Are Defines Our Worth
Sometimes we judge our worth based on our failed or fulfilled expectations. When we fail to meet our expectations, we think of ourselves as failures. We are not failures. We gain our worth not by the things we do, but by who we are. Who we are defines our worth. When our heart is right and good, we go beyond our failed and fulfilled expectations and recognize our worth.
Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem is a good thing. The grass that grows too high is cut by the lawnmower. And when your low self-esteem increases, the lawnmower has to cut it again. Because low self-esteem keeps you fresh and humble.
I just realized about two weeks ago that I was afraid of asking people for things until I realized, "Hey, I'm not doing a SINGLE thing wrong. If they get mad at me that's THEY business, not mine."
Their *
@@omararreola5449 white boi
I feel vindicated dropping my friends from school now. They were nice people but after 10 years of being the butt of every joke simply because I was the easy going one who let it fly, it wore away at me. Since I broke away from them I haven't been able to make new friends because I work mostly alone at a small company and don't have time to join any social groups, but I feel 10,000% better about myself and know what behaviour I will not longer tolerate from others.
Working on my self esteem at 27
33 here
Working on this in my 40s and referring a friend in his 60s to these videos... it's never too late!
Me too girl after going through alot I realized I need to fix myself
50
Can I let y'all in on a secret... it's a life long process because it has a lot to do with continuous healing in changing situations. 🤷 Other things to consider are times places and conditions, because dealing with some people or situations are sometimes totally out of your control for the moment, but maybe still wearing on your self esteem. You might have to deal with an abusive boss until you find another job. The main thing is to continue to recognize damage and work on ourselves as often as possible. Good luck or God bless you on your journeys ❤🙏😊
“We’re all flawed!” This is such a normalizing statement. None of us is perfect, and most of us are doing the best we can. Thank you for such a great video.
I heard somewhere to raise more resilient children you teach them to praise themselves instead of them relying on the praise you give them.
I’m in my late 30s and still working on my self esteem. Due to family and friends always telling what I can’t do. Those statements put fear in me with full gifts to give in the inside. I feel like I want explode now. Because it’s so much I want to do and try ..I am still working on myself and it’s still hard when you feel like you’re not aligned at all. Change is hard but for the better.
My mom always praised my younger sister because she was outgoing always smiling made good grades in school and the life of any social gathering, nice dresser and good cook. My mom always criticized me growing up. I was the opposite of my sister I was always shy didn’t smile much and stayed to myself average dresser and mediocre. I always tried too hard for everyone to like me but it never worked, they could not see me. I was always over shadowed by my sister. I felt like I was invisible. As an adult I still have low self esteem it has affected all of my relationships with people. I don’t think I am good enough. Then in return people don’t see me as good enough. It is a never ending battle.
❤❤❤❤❤ you are worth so much more!
I think you are very special. Comparison doesn't make anyone better than you. We are all of the same caliber. Nothing diminishes or increases our value in relation to others. No matter what measurements you use to measure each other. We are all equally good and precious. Measured values do not change our individual value. I also wrote a few things about low self worth and low self-esteem. We will not lose our worth if we do not live up to the expectations of others and ourselves. We are so unimaginably worthy. We are good, strong and great. As Oprah Winfrey said: "Nothing is ever wrong. We learn from every step we take. Whatever you did today was the way it was meant to be. Be proud of you." Also who we are defines our worth. Sometimes we judge our worth based on our failed or fulfilled expectations. When we fail to meet our expectations, we think of ourselves as failures. We are not failures. We gain our worth not by the things we do, but by who we are. Who we are defines our worth. When our heart is right and good, we go beyond our failed and fulfilled expectations and recognize our worth. And Low self-esteem is a good thing. The grass that grows too high is cut by the lawnmower. And when your low self-esteem increases, the lawnmower has to cut it again. Because low self-esteem keeps you fresh and humble.
You are special and you are enough hun
Can you talk about how teachers also can affect their students? I haven’t heard much about it, but I know from experience how damaging having teachers who openly talk badly about a kid can affect that child’s self esteem.
Fr, i never had a good, encouraging teacher. Part of the reason i didn't take college seriously.
Lack of ambition is definitely me. For the second time around, my supervisor has asked me to apply/interview for a management position in my company, but I'm terrified because I've never supervised people before and I'm scared shitless of failing, not living up to the expectations of the job and subsequently being fired. She knows I've outgrown my current position and wants to prepare me for leadership and I have no idea how to handle that type of responsibility.
You sound like you’re good at your job! I think you’ll do great.
I am going though this right now. I am lead now and my supervisor wants me to be supervisor of one of the department. I am second guessing myself. I am having trouble now with staff as a lead and of course they black that is giving me a hard time
@@veejonesify Thank you! I appreciate the vote of confidence 🙏🏽
@@reginacameron3011 Keep at it, try not to get down on yourself, you're doing great. It's not you, it's them. For whatever reason, something is going on with them and I totally understand when it comes to working with your own🙄. Idk why it's like that, it's so uncalled for (it be your own people, I swear). If your supervisor is willing to mentor you, ask how they'd handle the issues your having.
As you're explaining how people end up with low self esteem it's like you're describing my whole life.
Same here. It's hard to hear, but we can't change without hearing it.
Honestly, this video made me tear up a bit lol I've been really struggling with self-esteem and it has been something I identified as an issue for myself through journalling but knowing is entirely different from fixing and I felt like I was going around in circles. Just identifying a problem thought, relating it to self-esteem issues, and then... well, how can I even change this??? But being pointed out that safety behaviours exist and that I'm potentially avoiding social interactions, avoiding getting close with people and speaking my opinion and setting boundaries all because I don't value myself enough in my own head was a massive wake up call for me. Finally accepting that these behaviours are valid and are as a result of my self-esteem, and recognising them as such, means I can really start to challenge myself and stand up for myself. I treated myself so badly my whole life because I just felt unlovable and not good enough and I deprived myself of things I enjoy and meeting and engaging with new friends all because I didn't feel like I could handle the rejection of not being good enough at something straight away or people not being interested in connecting. It's easy to get stuck in your head and reject the bigger picture when all you know is how to not like yourself.
You couldn't say it any better.. this is exactly me and I'm glad you overcame this
I'm still stuck 😔
I didn’t even know self esteem, self love, confidence was a thing when I was a kid. But I remember being 7 and picturing myself as an adult. I wasn’t proud of the image I came up with. I didn’t think I’d be cool, or beautiful, or capable of achievements. At 25, I’m nowhere near what I envisioned. I do think I’m pretty cool, I feel beautiful and I know I’m capable of reaching my goals. Yet I still struggle with feeling good enough.
Too much on parents getting a pass for being neglectful and more on the bad relationships. But what made the toxic partner how they are? A lot of times their own messed up childhood, which involves the parents.
I would say often yes. Even just like 60 years ago common parenting tools and techniques that were widely accepted and recommended would be viewed with horror and regarded as abuse today.
I struggled bc my parents had issues. Damn shame. I'm there for my children and listen.
I’ve suffered from low self-esteem since I was seven years old. Nearly everything you’ve said in this video is true for me. I don’t want to be this way anymore.
Trust me , it can change
I have a problem with "not fitting with your peers, specially in the teen years", i mean basically MY ENTIRE TEEN YEARS I WAS ISOLATED FROM PEOPLE OF MY AGE (i didn't even go to high school), now i'm a young adult....i have problems relating and fitting with people of my age mostly cuz i feel like i'm still trap in my teenage years!!!, i mean is like i haven't developed properly due to the isolation, i'm also childish and ignorant about social relationships and clues.... i'm noticing that adults don't like that.
I understand what you're saying . But please don't feel bad for being childish . It's okay to be childish and I'm sure you also possess one or more skills , Please try new things in which you are interested at (arts, music, gardening, reading writing etc), and you don't have to fit in if people don't accept you for who you are (sorry for my grammatical problems ,English is not my first language)
Sounds like you're being so hard on yourself mate. Your past negative experiences don't define who you are and whatever might have caused you to feel the way you do isnt your fault. I would suggest you start doing things you enjoy (or used to). Give yourself a challenge by noting down 10 things you enjoy and spend 30mins to an hr doing each one of them every day.
Identify your positives, write them down. Thesw can be your qualities abilities and achievements. Like the Dr said, you cant control other people's thoughts and opinions but you can yours about yourself.
I read a book by David Bonham and came across the acronym VALUE. it might be worth looking at.
Value yourself first,
Accept yourself
Love and look after yourself
Understand yourself before you understand others
Empower yourself
Sending a you're valuable cyber hug 🫂. Take care mate and take back control. Yes you can do it on your terms and not society or other people 💪
Hey hey! I have faced this problem ...so please allow me to share my experience. Most adults are clueless about social relationships...they are just pretending and figuring out themselves...so first of all, we must stop being demanding towards ourselves. It's perfectly alright to be outcast given your circumstances.
Some have more experience and so they seem better but they have gone through many hurdles themselves. You just didn't see those hurdles... So if you are facing setbacks, please don't worry. It's part of the process.
I used to worry a lot about being childish. This is the point that made me write to you. Believe me, it took me some time but I grew up. I faced a lot of grief, hurdles, betrayals, failures and somewhere in between I grew up and started understanding how to navigate in relationships. You will grow up as well. Sending you best wishes for the journey.
EDIT: i just won a couple of friends who are 17 years old!, 6 years younger than me but anyway....they like to hang around w me at least :). I'm learning so much w them abt social relationships.
@@strongindependentblackwoma1887that's cool!
A healthy self-esteem is THE KEY for so many things in life.
I had debilitating low self esteem throughout my entire 20’s. I hated myself and the way I looked. This was due to bullying in school and I never had anyone in my family to help me build up my resistance. This cause me to deal with men that I looked up to but took advantage of me. I refused the guys that actually liked me. Now in my late 30’s Ive finally gotten to the place of loving myself. Its a daily struggle but i’m healthy now.
I have low self esteem all my life . My dad was verbally abusive to my mum and broke things from his temper . My mother had a mental break and she was too protective of me . Then I got married and my self esteem became worse . I was always helping people and people pleasing .
I am very sorry
SO sorry... I have a similar situation and similar experience..Yet, I know it's now in our hands as adults to heal. I have twin girls now, taking it seriously, it's not just me now, they will copy me...
The concept of self-praise being the foundation of self-esteem deeply moved me. I am making an effort to frequently acknowledge my accomplishments, fostering inner strength and confidence.
I wrote three texts about low self worth or low self-esteem. Maybe it can be of Service of seeing the good in it. All the best to you.
The Worth
You will not lose your worth if you do not live up to the expectations of others and yourself. We are so unimaginably worthy. We are good, strong and great. As Oprah Winfrey said: "Nothing is ever wrong. We learn from every step we take. Whatever you did today was the way it was meant to be. Be proud of you."
Who We Are Defines Our Worth
Sometimes we judge our worth based on our failed or fulfilled expectations. When we fail to meet our expectations, we think of ourselves as failures. We are not failures. We gain our worth not by the things we do, but by who we are. Who we are defines our worth. When our heart is right and good, we go beyond our failed and fulfilled expectations and recognize our worth.
Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem is a good thing. The grass that grows too high is cut by the lawnmower. And when your low self-esteem increases, the lawnmower has to cut it again. Because low self-esteem keeps you fresh and humble.
My low self-esteem started at an early age. I carried it for a long time. Afraid to take risks.
I was trained from a very early age that I was nothing. I let it ruin my life.
I wrote three texts about low self worth or low self-esteem. Maybe it can be of Service of seeing the good in it. All the best to you.
The Worth
You will not lose your worth if you do not live up to the expectations of others and yourself. We are so unimaginably worthy. We are good, strong and great. As Oprah Winfrey said: "Nothing is ever wrong. We learn from every step we take. Whatever you did today was the way it was meant to be. Be proud of you."
Who We Are Defines Our Worth
Sometimes we judge our worth based on our failed or fulfilled expectations. When we fail to meet our expectations, we think of ourselves as failures. We are not failures. We gain our worth not by the things we do, but by who we are. Who we are defines our worth. When our heart is right and good, we go beyond our failed and fulfilled expectations and recognize our worth.
Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem is a good thing. The grass that grows too high is cut by the lawnmower. And when your low self-esteem increases, the lawnmower has to cut it again. Because low self-esteem keeps you fresh and humble.
i didn't even notice how bad my self-esteem was until my last relationship ended literally because of this
WOOOOWW!! You just described my WHOLE life Dr Tracey. 😮 I have a great loving family but my relationships with people has never been good. I married my first love and it was bad. After 10 yrs (4 of those married and abused) I finally left. I do feel bad that I don't have any childhood friends/besties. But I've always been socially awkward. Great video Dr. Tracey 👏🏾❤️
0:00 Introduction
0:24 Signs of Low Self-esteem
2:50 Example of Low Self-esteem
4:45 What keeps you stuck in negative belief about yourself? / Safety Behaviors
5:20 Example of Safety Behaviors
5:48 Improve Self-esteem (4 things)
5:51 Identify your Core Beliefs
6:22 Identify your Safety
I worked with a supervisor who had extremely low self esteem, come to find out she had a Dependent personality Disorder.
I was bullied since I was little all the way till high school. That shit lives with you forever. No matter how many times someone could tell me I’m beautiful I can’t ever believe it. I don’t even think I’m unattractive at all, but I just don’t match the beauty standards nowadays.
Anytime you feel like that, remember that you are a created masterpiece from GOD. Allow HIM to remind you that you are beautiful. Forget about the world’s unrealistic beauty standards because that’s just what they are-UNREALISTIC!!
I wish Dr. Marks could be my therapist. This video almost brought me to tears because everything she said is what I've been feeling for almost 30 years.
Same! 🙏🏾❤️
I definitely needed to hear this one this week. Recently just been feeling like a burden because it feels like everything I do isn’t up to everyone’s standards. I have trouble expressing myself to others, my life has never been my own. I feel like if I honestly try to be 100% myself, people would deny who I am and I would not be able to have the opportunities I have today.
I really want to start to live the life I want to live, but I get too scared. I don’t even know what I like or dislike. My self-esteem is in shambles since I don’t even know who I am or where t start on my journey. I just do what others tell me to do and I’m tired and frustrated with myself.
Lord hear thier prayers;
It's really hard to watch these videos it makes me face my inner demons very painful but it's a great way to defeat them
It's okay. You can hold my hand (imagine you're holding my hand) 🤝 - You got this.
@@TK-pv4uq thanks
you express yourself so fucking professionally, i cant but use such words its out of this world how you make me feel better about my path through this mental health journey that so many times could have led me to death
My low self esteem seemed to go hand in hand with my social anxiety. Now I may be over my social anxiety, but it is hard to stay positive when you still have a bubble of isolation around you. Maybe my self esteem never reached really high, but I can sense the "why bother so much" feelings creeping back. It feels like I'm projecting other people's imagined emotions onto myself, since I don't really know how others see me. Ok it felt good to write that.
Now, to watch this 10 more times.
😂😂😂😂😂😂
I am so tired of dealing with this. I know I will never be perfect but I can be better.
No matter what you have done or lef undone, you are worthy of love.
Great video!!
When people take the goodness of your heart for granted overtime .
Thank you Dr Tracy, I am in a crisis at the moment due the fact that I let someone walk over me and not express in order to avoid confrontation. It really triggering an emotional response in me but I couldn't express because of fear. Your video gave me an insight and what to do about it.
I was bullied by family, parents, and friends lmao. But it sure creates a resilient character, which is what I owe my grit today to! Thanks for the video 😄
There you go!
Your timing is getting impeccable in my life. I used to have high self-esteem and a crappy job made me feel less than I used to feel about myself and now I'm trying to rebuild myself image while trying to get a job in this market. 😵💫
Thank you for sharing
I’ve always had low self esteem.
I’m 34 now and still believe I’m ugly, dumb and just overall trash..
I don’t think I’ll ever beat it. I’m tired of fighting it tbh.
Sending you good vibes and motivation!
The fact that you’re here commenting on this video, or even watching something like this shows you want to. Let’s do it man, we’re in this together. We have to beat it to be who we truly can be. Deep down you want to. Life is unfair and it’s unfair we were shaped into these thoughts, but imagine the feeling of conquering them.
yeah it stuffed my life up
Aww thank you.
My New Year’s resolution is to accept good things about myself. It’s so hard.
I feel the need to punish myself for having feelings.
I’ve been working hard & making progress. I’m in therapy with VA.
Thank you.
Don’t give up everyone.
I have cptsd from my abusive father, neglectful mother & later on the Iraq War.
I don’t know how I’m even alive.
I’m thankful I am.
It's not necessarily just childhood. By that logic, this can't change. I think my issues sprung from early teen / twenties. Make mistakes / get negative feedback / have bad experiences enough, you start to lose trust in yourself. This manifests in life / interactions and spirals. Get caught in it long enough and it will change you.
Omg. This is my life's struggle. I had no idea that's I had such low self-esteem, this all makes so much sense now. Thank you. Now I know where and how to get better and change.
I had every single one of those adverse experiences as a kid and young adult. I hope I can get out of the hole that all that put me in.
6:56 Although I agree with point 3, it's important to be aware that if you have surrounded yourself with people who validate your negative beliefs, they will reject and shame you when you start voicing your true opinions. The entire relationship is based on you believing you're worthless. Look into communication skills to help this process as it takes a lot of skill, willpower and strength to face rejection head on. True friends will never try and keep you small.
I think it's interesting to think about how much self esteem we start life with. We start life with no self esteem, not zero but literally an absence of self evaluation as that wuuld require more self awareness. But the very first time we become aware of our existence (in relation to the environment) and evaluate ourselves, I wonder how that goes...I suppose that could be when we realise we're not omnipotent, which probably isn't exactly pleasant.
I had low self esteem and felt suppressed when I was a regular member of a fundamentalist church. Once I left, I started (albeit slowly) to build a more positive relationship with myself. I start doing what I enjoyed, not what I felt obligated to do.
There's just alot of valid reasons for me to have low self esteem. That's the issue. Yeah sure people shouldn't compare and should accept who they are, but as long as I have awareness, observational skills, and ability to judge myself from 3rd person view, I will always have self loathing because I know Im not good enough. It's not conditioning, rather just observation and conclusion. Sometimes, life is just the way it is regardless of how much you don't want it to be that way.
I feel like I’ve missed so many opportunities to improve my self esteem and confidence. I’m 22 and it just feels like I can’t overcome my inner struggles and it will stay like this forever. But I wanna be more confident so bad, I sometimes can’t stand the awkward situations that arise in daily life.
I connect with what you’re saying. I’m working through something very similar now. Self Acceptance has helped tremendously. It’s accepting the truths about myself. Not the nonsense that has been projected on me, but the Beautiful things about myself that I often turn down because I don’t feel I’m worthy of them. You are worthy of all of the Beautiful things you embody. Getting to know those things may help build your confidence as well. I hope the absolute best for you 🙏🏾💛
The Worth
You will not lose your worth if you do not live up to the expectations of others and yourself. We are so unimaginably worthy. We are good, strong and great. As Oprah Winfrey said: "Nothing is ever wrong. We learn from every step we take. Whatever you did today was the way it was meant to be. Be proud of you."
Who We Are Defines Our Worth
Sometimes we judge our worth based on our failed or fulfilled expectations. When we fail to meet our expectations, we think of ourselves as failures. We are not failures. We gain our worth not by the things we do, but by who we are. Who we are defines our worth. When our heart is right and good, we go beyond our failed and fulfilled expectations and recognize our worth.
Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem is a good thing. The grass that grows too high is cut by the lawnmower. And when your low self-esteem increases, the lawnmower has to cut it again. Because low self-esteem keeps you fresh and humble.
No don’t believe that I’m 19 still learning about myself. Loving myself unapologetically u make the rules in your own world and don’t let nobody put you down. A lot of these ppl struggle from the same shit.
I was the perfectionist gifted kid who KNEW they were doing amazing in school… but it was never good enough to gain parental approval, so it just stopped mattering to me that I was smart or curious or driven at all.
I’m finally going back to my dreams but my parents have absolutely no awareness of how badly they’ve hurt me and probably will never really believe it’s their doing. Just chalk it up to autism and “emotional issues” as usual… all without acknowledging that autism is hereditary and parental coldness is a strong predictor of future low resilience
No mention of socioeconomics and self-esteem. Poor kids, even as adults, very often feel less than and like they have to constantly prove themselves, yet can never measure up.
Dr. Marks, thank you for your contribution in this world where ignorance and confusion often fester lifelong pain. Opening doors and windows, giving tools, you give light and strength to many. I appreciate listening and learning from you. Happy Mother's Day!!!
The behaviours and attitude you have with low self esteem can be quite hard to spot at first. It’s laid there in plain sight but your low self worth usually camouflages it. Only recently did I realize how critical I was being to myself all the time under the guise of just being honest and realistic. The more digging I did the more I found these toxic little beliefs that blocked me off from enjoying just being myself and progressing naturally. It’s really interesting how the brain will run in this deeply flawed circuit just because we see it as our “normal”
Same!
I never doubted that I have poor self-esteem, it's scary how I was deceiving myself unconsciously.
The Worth
You will not lose your worth if you do not live up to the expectations of others and yourself. We are so unimaginably worthy. We are good, strong and great. As Oprah Winfrey said: "Nothing is ever wrong. We learn from every step we take. Whatever you did today was the way it was meant to be. Be proud of you."
Who We Are Defines Our Worth
Sometimes we judge our worth based on our failed or fulfilled expectations. When we fail to meet our expectations, we think of ourselves as failures. We are not failures. We gain our worth not by the things we do, but by who we are. Who we are defines our worth. When our heart is right and good, we go beyond our failed and fulfilled expectations and recognize our worth.
Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem is a good thing. The grass that grows too high is cut by the lawnmower. And when your low self-esteem increases, the lawnmower has to cut it again. Because low self-esteem keeps you fresh and humble.
i am a med student in africa with ocd ........ ur videos helped me a lot of times when i don't have access with professional help AND among other videos on youtube and other websites u make it accurate professional and nourished with information that if I as a med student won't be easy at ALL to find it .......from deep down of my hart thank you ..... and i wish u all the good 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
❤ I’m grateful you took the time to make this video. Thank you!
I love U.
I don’t get it. My parents thought the sun shone out of my arse but I still hate myself and assume other people don’t like me either and that I’m not good enough. I got good grades at school, I got praise from my parents and family, I had friends growing up, and I’ve only really felt this way since my mid twenties. I just don’t understand 😔
Do you feel that you haven't achieved enough things to be proud of? Have you been bullied?
I wonder if too much praise and approval from parent(s) can cause low self esteem. My mom has always prasied everything I've done. EVERYTHING... with WAY too much emphasis and emotion. When I was a kid I could've drawn a circle and she'd have said "oh... my.. GOD. THIS. This is BETTER THAN THE MONA LISA. You're superhuman. You deserve to be KING OF EARTH for this UNBELIEVABLE CIRCLE!!!!" ..I'm paraphrasing.. and maybe embellishing.. but I've always HATED being praised by anyone for anything. I've also always (as long as I can remember) had low self esteem. I feel defective, inferior.. all the things you listed in the video. I feel like I'm a "textbook case." I've never really understood why.
I did have some trouble making friends as a teenager, but who didn't?
Me too. It makes the stakes so high I always fear that I will disappoint or screw up. "What if I can't live up to these expectations ? I am not that smart , I will eventually fuck up and they will see"
Thank you very much for this video. I sometimes struggle with low self-esteem but am making progress. Have now met a wonderful man who suffers from this as well, and am trying to help him with his inner dialogue. It's a constant battle, but proactive videos like this one help tremendously. Thanks again for it!
You’re so welcome. I hope you’re able to support each other! Thanks so much for your super thanks 🙏🏽❤️
Failure and rejection desyroys your self esteem until your soul is crushed.
Hard to beat, for sure
What is it when I find myself as a good person and things, but I believe people cannot value those things based on experiences, not necessarily feeling bad but believing others cannot truly value you.
I need to watch this every single day, my therapist didn’t even give me this much, thank you for this. ❤️
5:58-how many negative core beliefs do you want?
Me: yes
A sign you have low self esteem, your watching this on your bday is one
Are you ok?❤
I wrote a few things about low self worth and low self esteem. We will not lose our worth if we do not live up to the expectations of others and yourself. We are so unimaginably worthy. We are good, strong and great. As Oprah Winfrey said: "Nothing is ever wrong. We learn from every step we take. Whatever you did today was the way it was meant to be. Be proud of you." Also who we are defines our worth. Sometimes we judge our worth based on our failed or fulfilled expectations. When we fail to meet our expectations, we think of ourselves as failures. We are not failures. We gain our worth not by the things we do, but by who we are. Who we are defines our worth. When our heart is right and good, we go beyond our failed and fulfilled expectations and recognize our worth. And Low self-esteem is a good thing. The grass that grows too high is cut by the lawnmower. And when your low self-esteem increases, the lawnmower has to cut it again. Because low self-esteem keeps you fresh and humble.
I’ve struggled with this for years it’s an extremely hard cycle to brake.
same here
Me 3
Same. I'm 21 and it's like I still have my child brain literally. Aging physically but mentally and psychological the same self as child self.
@@tonylittleton3396 i definitely feel you on that. I’d like to say it gets easier with age but that’s not always the case I’m 34.
You’re a blessing to this earth.
and so are you :)
Dr Tracey listed 5 signs of Low self-esteem:
- I criticise and blame myself for things
- I'm eager to please people by going above and beyond to make them happy
- I'm self-conscious, and I second-guess myself.
- It's hard for me to assert my needs
- I focus a lot on my weaknesses.
I think Dr Tracey forgot one important thing:
"I allow other people to unfairly criticse and blame me. I take their unfair criticisms on board."
First comes self love. Without it, self esteem is untenable.
0:04 I wasn't taught anything growing up but financially enabled and when I was unemployed in my 20s, I was told by parent I've had it easy because I never had to work. I think that answers the how useful do you feel question, which is not much, but still trying to become more useful and make my life more meaningful.
YOU ARE AMAZING DR TRACEY THANK YOU FOR HELPING PEOPLE WITH THESE VIDEOS FOR FREE.
I'm so glad that I came across this video. I recently came to the realisation that my self esteem has decreased & that I was lacking it in certain areas of my life - so I've been making an effort to work on it.
I just can't help but love your thumbnails
Love the Captain Marvel thumbnail. Really made my day
Doctor, after watching your video, I feel like you are watching me in my entire life. I saved your video, and then I can watch it again again . Thank you.
Comme on le dit en français tu me psychanalyses dans 8 mn.
Wow! You are GENIUS AND GOD’S GIFTED HEALER. Thanks 🙏
Thank you Dr. Marks, great information 👍🏾.
That example with the loving parents but bullying peers made me feel personally called out, like did Dr. Marks have a secret camera crew following me around or something?
Nah. She's too busy for that.
Dr Tracy, you summed up in one video what I have been struggling with for decades. Thank you so much for doing this work and helping us.
This is why blaming parents is important. Yes we’re adults now and blaming parents is “bad” but fuck it. My parents are to blame for why I have low self esteem and am in my 30’s and single and why I have had poor friendships my whole life. My psychiatrist cannot help me feel good about myself. If they cared they would beg me to stay
Jesus Christ loves you ❤so much :) you can find joy peace and fulfillment in Him!
You need to let go of that anger for yourself, not because you forgive them. Don't hold onto hatred.
Yep!!!!!!!!!!!
Recognising that people sometimes do a terrible job in raising children is one thing.
As said in the video, everyone is flawed, including your parents.
But, blaming them is basically saying that your flaws are their responsibility. Growing up means taking the responsibility for yourself away from your parents. And that includes taking the responsibility for your flaws, even if you feel cursed by fate. And instead of spending time to blame someone, it's better to recognize your situation and to try figuring out what to do about it.
And also, when people blame others, their reasoning is often extremely biased toward avoiding responsibility themselves.
TLDR: It's not important, it's harmful actually.
no one can, therefore move on.
Thank you, Dr. Tracey! I needed this! Blessings sent your way.🙏🏽❤️
I just found your videos and I am blown away by the knowledge that you have and the organized, fact filled, way that you present that information. These are truly helpful, quality videos. I feel like I have been in an actual, paid counseling session.
Thank you very much.
my thoughts exactly. Can't stop watching :)
I absolutely needed to hear this
i really love your content. when i was young i was singled out and bullied a lot for my dark skin, and african name (with no culture from my absent father). my mother always negated my experiences because she was bullied and received the least amount of nurturing out of 5 children. my self esteem is really affecting my young adulthood. ultimately i just want to say your videos have influenced me to seek professional help for all of the pain i have suffered. even in young adulthood. thank u tracey ❤
I'm actually crying hearing this. 😭
I never fit with my peers and my parents didn't praise me growing up. Hear that made me realise another reason why I have it.
Whenever my dad tries to praise me now, I don't accept it as I feel he could be sarcastic about it.
You have a lovely voice so makes it easier to listen to you
Thank you SO much for taking the time to share this valuable and life changing knowledge. This video was beautifully made and easy to digest. Thank you!
Thank you, Dr. Marks. God bless you.
I'm very thankful to have access to all these great videos. So useful, thanks for sharing
I’ve been through extreme abuse and could relate so much to this. So grateful for this video!!