20 Years in an Emotionally Destructive Christian Marriage | Cindy Burrell | Life-Saving Divorce

Cindy Burrell is the author of the book, “Why Is He So Mean to Me?” and a writer on the topic of emotional abuse. She’s a mother of four. A survivor of a 20-year abusive marriage to a Christian man who memorized Scripture and taught on marriage topics at church, Cindy tells how she finally felt the Lord releasing her from the marriage.
She talks about recovering and rebuilding her life, and her children's life.
Cindy eventually started dating again. She discusses boundaries while doing online dating, and how she met her new husband 15 years ago. She calls him the “love of my life.”
She tells about how counselors and therapists can do a better job at identifying abuse and helping their clients.
02:25 - Examples of types of emotional abuse
04:00 - The tipping point: How the Spirit told her that living like this was insane.
05:00 - How well-meaning therapists and pastors accidentally pressure the victim and side with the abuser
08:00 - 1 Peter 3 requires husbands to be understanding and to give respectful treatment to their wives.
09:21 - How desperation drove her to divorce.
09:55 - God made a path to freedom, but she was still afraid of the future.
10:45 - Rebuilding your life is a walk of faith. Watch and see how God provides. A good counselor who understands abuse is beneficial.
12:15 - Getting past a negative view of men.
13:15 - Online dating disasters-and success
16:00 - Setting boundaries when doing online dating
18:00 - Meeting her husband online.
20:00 - Do you have too much baggage to remarry?
23:40 - Why do counselors miss signs of abuse?
25:00 - How abusers deceive us. What happens when words, actions, and attitudes don’t line up?
26:00 - How abusers blame you for their marriage-destroying sin.
30:10 - Examine the fruit of the abuser: are they bringing love, joy, peace, patience, etc., to your marriage?
31:00 - “Holiness over happiness” messages trap abuse victims in unsafe situations.
32:00 - How life-saving divorces make your home MORE holy, not LESS holy.
36:16 - We want to break the cycle.
37:50 - Your children decide to either become predators or prey.
38:56 - Dealing with regrets that you failed to protect your children, and didn’t get them out sooner.
43:30 - Description of Cindy’s books and website www.HurtByLove.com
45:10 - Praying to the Lord for clarity.
45:45 - When an abuser abuses, they’ve broken their vows.
47:00 - It’s dangerous to do marriage therapy or couples counseling with an abuser in the room. www.lifesavingdivorce.com/couplescounseling
49:30 - Abusers are charming and skillful at deceiving the counselor.
50:00 - Counselors have a duty to warn if their clients are marrying someone with an issue known to have poor treatment outcomes: pedophiles, abusers, serial adulterers, etc.
CONTACT: [e-mail]
ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. For more than 20 years, she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, and emotional abuse. She helps heartbroken people find strength and courage and healing.
Her book, "The Life-Saving Divorce" is about the one-half of U.S. divorces that are for very serious reasons. She will give you optimism about your children's future (nearly 8 in 10 children turn out fine after divorce, according to top researchers); and will help you understand emotional abuse, "gaslighting," the abuse cycle, and tips for surviving high-conflict divorces.
For examples of emotional abuse, read Chapter 4 in The Life-Saving Divorce book.
What's a Life-Saving Divorce? A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for the serious reasons: a pattern of sexual immorality, physical abuse, chronic emotional abuse, domestic violence, felony behavior, life-destroying addictions, or abandonment/neglect.
How to Get the Book, "The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships"
Paperback Book/Kindle via Amazon: amzn.to/3CCBsnr As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
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