The previous video can be found here for those who are wondering: th-cam.com/video/fyV0NksMbiE/w-d-xo.html. How do you respond to crisis? Comment your attachment style below.
You uploading multiple vids a day is amazing! By the way, a suggestion, could you do a video on Types Of Unhealthy Friendships because I want to make sure I'm with the right friend group.
Psych2Go i feel like a slave my parents barely give me any food n My parents Yell at me to give them a massage N my dad said Do it or im Kicking you out of the house
Rita Kaizer, I fell in love with a person with that attachment style, she liked me but rejected me because she taught that I was gunna reject her. I’m s a d, cus I actually liked her, but I guess she tought that I didn’t, and she just ignored me 😢. Well time to c r y
My parents are still highly unaware, I’m almost 26. They don’t even remember kicking me out at 18-20. Life has been rather difficult, I don’t have much family left, I really just work & that’s basically it. Not the best life, but I’m not mostly suffering. Really all from 17-19/22 are a big blur. Now @ 26, I’m starting to get it down.
In most cases, the child [refering to the adult version] can work on themselves and grow past the problems they took with them because of their parents. So a lot of this blaming is too much, just focus on what you can do now (inform others, work in yourself) and of course in some extreme cases it's insanely difficult and those are kind of an exception
In a sense, we can hardly blame them. We are all human and parents sometimes find themselves in situations that are out of their control. Even in real life, we often fail to provide friends and families the emotional supports they need. We may even unwittingly hurt those that we care the most. We should learn how to support people around us, and accept the fact that people can try their best and still fail. Regardless of the outcome, we should always be grateful to those who tried their best.
Xian: right?? Like if your needs were Never met-justin my experience emotional, physical safety, etc.. It’s not shocking you're more independent & struggle asking for help as you're so used to Not getting basic needs met. Like why Would you...? When youre so used to dealing with abuse? When any time you ask gor help, it’s used In Order To Abuse you. Thats not a personal failing, thats how we survived. It’s a bit annoying this kind of thing tends to be framed as inalienable, unchangeable, & due to your personal constitution-versus as a result of your history.
Funny how my parents raised me to be an insecure avoidant without even realizing it. Always be the best. Never cause problems Don't bother us by sharing your feelings Everyone is worse than you so stay away Never make mistakes If you have a problem, it's your fault No wonder I became such an apathetic child/teenager and only started to become a halfway decent person when I started to fuck up my "perfect" life a little.
my mom always says i’m “just like your father” (not a good thing, he’s a piece of crap) and she shifts from treating me nice to shouting at me. i barely get compliments from her but rather insults and non-constructive feedback. my self esteem is also rock bottom and i don’t easily trust ppl yet i want to experience affection from my friends (i barely get any though). i overthink and get jealous easily too:(
My mom would say that to me when I was younger 💀I still remember the night she first said it, we were in the car and I told her if she was ok and then she said "you're just like your father, you don't care about anyone but yourself"
So important for everyone to understand. Our past constantly affects our present and how we react in our present defines our future. This is why we must understand and accept our present in order to build a future we want.
Type A:"They most likely focus on the work rather than the social part of a group work" Me a type A: "wait... group work has a social part??? I always think that we have group work because it's either required or too much workload for one person"
I mean the only social part is really communicating deadlines and figuring out who does what part. Otherwise, you just need to do your workload by the due date and that’s it.
It's not a problem, it's just easier than explaining the german opera that's going on in your mind to people who are dealing with their own problems and probably aren't well equipped enough to unpack yours as well.
@Oriax I hate when people with good childhood BRAG about how amazing their life was back then. Like ok Karen I know you had a good childhood but I didn't so can we talk about something else
Same, I feel like I'm independent and don't often ask for help but I don't push people away in social situations. I work better alone, but I am not reserved and I can be talkative. @Pysch2go pls help
Maybe that is because, over time, we get influenced by the environment, learned somethings by observing others or through education, etc and start to alter our ways of thinking little by little because I am like that
yeah, these studies were western-based. they found huge differences between cultures and even countries, with each different culture favouring different styles of attachment.
I find it physically difficult to ask for help. I tend to be sensitive and defensive towards specific topics with family. And when it comes to writing essays for Uni, I won't submit it till I deem it perfect. Even if it's overdue... I ask for extentions. The only real place I've had complete control over is my room due to my severe speech disorder that I had as a child. I would chuck tantrums during class because it was the only way to express that I was having trouble. It would take the teachers a while to calm me down. My twin made everything easier as he was the translator. Because of this the school could not keep me down a grade like they normally would. I have no idea what category I fall under. My parents also tended to criticize me and how I did things.
Even if it was autism as Lauren insisted, it would be a very soft side of autism. In the end, everyone has at least 1 to 3 traits of autism, but this does not make you have autism. I grew up and basically still am growing up with my brother (whom has autism) and we barely communicate. He has a lack of patience, barely has empathy and has problems understanding what is happening around him and happening to others. I’m the exact opposite, I tend to be flexible in relationships, have almost too much empathy, and I’m extremely sensitive. I immediately see what people need. However, every person experiencing autism is different. Don’t bother though, you are you and what kind of person you are doesn’t matter.
What I forgot to add is that autism also has their good traits other people do not have. They see everything in a way you would not think of, and are extremely good in spotting details.
Mine is really strange, I hate asking for help or even working with others. Yet I have an insane perfectionist style that came from my parents and got diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Never got in trouble once in my life either but resorting to alcohol and occasionally drugs to curb the effects.
I don't ask for help because my entire life when I needed help no one was there for me, and no one ever came through. Then, I got married and he left me when our baby was 4 months old. My family, despite living in the same city, never checked in on me. This went on for years. Now I'm in my 50s, and I still don't ask for help. Really, it's easier to do things myself, pay for help, or do without. It's easier to have no expectations.
At first and for a scarily big portion of your life, they definitely can. The nice thing is though, with therapy and dedication, whatever our parents do to us (or don't do for us) in childhood doesn't have to affect us for our entire lives. Way easier said than done, that's for damn sure, but it's not impossible. Insanely difficult, can take years to come to terms with whatever happened to us as children and change who that set us up to be, but it's possible.
I'm insecure attachments, avoid Confrontation and rarely ask for help. I don't make friends that especially. I had issues at work and was recommended to me that I see counsellor which really help. I use mental help app which greatly benefits too. I do want to make contact with my old friends but something keeps pushing me back not helped with anxiety issues.
FACTS. so me lol, I feel stupid/useless before asking for help, then get a little encouragement from the other person's surprise that I asked them or deemed them helpful, or even needed help. Smh, ppl get the impression that I have it all together and are surprised when they find out that I think the opposite.
While this was quite insightful I feel the most important part is missing: What kind of parental behaviour causes the kid to become A, B, C or Disorganized? If you gave us that information we could avoid it!
Insecure Avoidant (Type A). Eversince childhood, I'm the kind of person who can't easily ask for help and having the thought that it's better for me to suffer alone than to burden other people. It's sad that people think I'm just too proud to ask for somebody's help, but the truth, I so not used and shy of asking for help.
Did you get in trouble for asking your parents for help? I know I did. And if I ever showed emotion, I would get in trouble for that too. I only say that cause what you said about wanting to suffer alone, and not wanting to burden others, is very relatable. I think that’s why.
@@justinesnyder9677 I remember when I was still in childhood, my mom would usually tell me 'you have to learn how to do it yourself, we will not always be here forever' and she is a bit of perfectionist. But when I got old, I rarely ask for help I only tell them that I have a problem when it was solved already ( I don't want to burden my family and people around me about my personal problems) 😂 cause I have this thinking that I should learn how to solve them myself. I guess that's the reason why I don't show a lot of emotions as well, I have to be strong and independent. We as a family, we aren't expressive of our emotions really.
@@mariavictoriahierro4689My upbringing was kinda stand-off-ish. "Mom's not a hugger" made me less physical, much less touchy-feely. That was until I found girls. :-) But, as I got old, I found the help is wanting, if I could get it. So, I figure out how to get it done myself. Enduring the physical pain is the balance I must find. If their slipshod job will outlast me, that is my barometer.
@@toddburgess6792 omo, I relate to that. Not touchy or demonstrative of my emotions as well. How is your relationship with girls when you got old? How hard is it to get it done?
@@mariavictoriahierro4689 My relationship with women has been great, as Mom taught respect. If attraction happened, I'd get clingy. Now that I'm married for 36 years, getting "it" done is on the back burner, so to speak, as it has to do, again, with my pain tolerances. I have 2 daughters that I believe are well balanced? :-/ We HUG They're adults with lives, and they seem, from all our inquisitions, quite well.
When i became 18 years old i had an anxiety attack during class. I was diagnosed with Anxiety, and my shrink told me it was caused by social phobia. After a couple of consults she figured out why i had social phobia even though i had friends It's because growing up i had like 5 friends as a kid. I didn't socially developed in the right time, and it caused me to have an almost instinctive fear of socializing. She told me the only reason i had got the friends i have is because they were the ones that assimilated me onto their group Thankfully with treatment and therapy i managed to become highly functional in society.
Is 5 supposed to be few friends? I had like 2 actual friends during my childhood, made a new one in high school and the friends I have now kinda adopted me. What kind of therapy did you do to overcome your social anxiety?
Very understandable. I'm not always thrilled about my wiring either but if you're open to understanding more about yourself, you can work towards a better you. Having kids is certainly challenging but nothing in my experience goes close to the rewards they bring to your life. None of us are perfect parents and it's a process of continual learning. Kids give you an amazing perspective on yourself and if you remain focused on continual improvement for yourself and your kids in a loving environment, you'll most certainly have a wonderful experience as a parent and so will your kids. You sound like a thoughtful, sensitive person and I hope you find happiness and self love whatever you choose to do! Cheers from Australia - Dave
I think the exact same way. But one day I was talking to a friend and she was wondering about her sister's motherhood, and she went about how all her acquaintances that always wanted kids were the worst parents she knew and that complained the most, at the same time that the ones that never wanted kids were the best parents and the most fulfilled; and then it got me thinking that maybe the fact that you don't want kids show how better prepared you are because you don't romanticize the idea of raising someone and you're very much aware how your parenting style can shape a personality and impact someone for the rest of their lifes, so you'll always think things through before acting on impulse and you'll know how the little things are still important, you might even have more patience. And the fact that you already know is hard will help you face difficult moments with calm, and make good moments even more rewarding because you're not really expecting them. Still I don't see myself having kids but also, if I do it right, with responsibility and love, always with a light heart, I might have the opportunity to create an amazing person that might do great things and I'll also have a friend for life so idk, still making up my mind lol
@@ThaMightyWon Or maybe just part of the generation that doesn't do things for the sole purpose of tradition. We already live in an over populated world, is 2020, can we just stop shaming people for not wanting to reproduce? Having kids has nothing to do with if it ain't easy is not worthy it, how is it different from boomers giving up their childhood dream to have the most boring and mediocre job in order to buy a suburb house and marry someone they can cheat without any guilt? Better be aware of it early than go 60 so bitter you end up voting on Trump just to spice up your life a little.
Because my older brother screwed his life up from an early age, I always grew up under intense pressure to be "the good kid", like it was somehow my responsibility to make up for my brother's mistakes. Even today, when we're both in our early 30s, that mentality still seems to prevail: when he screws his life up _yet again_ (usually through some combination of drugs, alcohol, and/or his violent temper), it's always "Don't worry, we'll come rescue you!", but in my moments of crisis, it's always "Eh, he's a responsible adult, he can figure it out for himself." No wonder I'm a hardcore Type A; thirty-one years of living have taught me that the only person I can truly count on is myself.
Hi Psych2Go! You might not see this, but I would love to say thank you. You have really helped me realize and accept my trauma and I have been able to seek help. I feel like your videos really help me understand myself, so thank you!
We read many of our comments actually! We're happy to hear that. Thanks for taking the time to leave that message! Feel free to connect with us directly here: yumika@psych2go.net
This is the first time ever that I'm going to share my "story" publicly... I identified my attachment style as the Type C - Insecure Ambivalent/Resistant. Yes, as a child I used to be overly sensitive to rejection since I was "bullied" for using glasses, having coily hair, and being extremely thin, which apparently made me an "ugly" person... and as of today I'm still very sensitive to criticism. I used to be a great dedicated student, striving for A+, getting medals and recognition (preferably low key, because I didn't want to be the center of attention either -- I refrained from participating in maths olympics in school because I couldn't bare failing if I represented my school, that would mean I wasn't smart enough or fast enough with calculations, and I already knew I wasn't so fast because I always had to double check my numbers just to make sure everything was correct). When it comes to friendships, as a child I accepted to be "used" by others in order to be friends with them -- I shared with them my homework, my food... But they always left me behind when we were on breaks and left me out of their conversation and fun stuff (I was very timid and silent anyways, and made the role of the mediator/counselor when needed). That went on until I reached 8th grade, then something happened and I just decided that I would no longer "beg" for their acceptance nor I would let them use me anymore. Then my "emo phase" started, but ironically I met the most honest friends during that time... So, I paired with other people who had some deeper traumas than me (I recall some of them had a disorganized style), unfortunately I happen to be a Highly sensitive person and absorb all the negative feelings from others as well... When it comes to romantic relationships, let's say that I didn't "choose" a partner; they "chose" me... Those who were not so good for me but gave me "love and attention"; those who decided to ask me out and I just couldn't say no because I felt like someone actually liked me and I should take that chance. But, when all that attention started to shift away from me and towards another things/friends, I always thought that they started to like other people, would cheat on me, and I overreacted some way and decided to break up the relationship... Looking back, it was better to do so with some of them, but I greatly regret breaking up with the last one I had because it was the most promising that I ever had so far. So, I still struggle with my self esteem, with taking necessary risks, with my romantic relationships... I usually look for a friend when I have something to say or need some advice, otherwise I am mostly indifferent, and I feel guilty about it... I feel like am not a good friend, even tho I'm very reachable if they need me for the same reasons. From my experience while being raised, I'm an only child of my mother (single mom), who was working all day and when she finally came home, was very tired and went to sleep, or watch some tv and then sleep; my primary caregiver was my grandmother (who is very conflictive, with a paranoid/obsessive compulsive personality, not the type to give love or emotional comfort to others other than putting blame or repress to their feelings), and I met my father when I was 12 y.o. So there's my story as a person with an insecure ambivalent/resistant attachment style. I'm aware of my attachment conflicts, but I would rather have (obviously) a secure --best case scenario--, otherwise avoidant style (which is more self-assured). I would like to find a therapist who can help me with that... Any recommendations, please? Thanks for reading me (in advance)! :)
Add-on: I only make new friends with people who I perceive they would accept/like me as I am, and turn away from others who are very charismatic or loud...
I am here because I am doing some research for my assignment and then, I realized I am Type A which make me sad. How ironic...But my parent is not bad, there is a good parent but there are too busy to raise money for us because we are poor. Sometimes, there are spending time with me, but I already don't really know how to actually interact with them. I always see the flow in conversation to continue but always ended short. Nowadays, during Covid, my mother is staying with our cousin oversee because we can't afford the cost and think it is for the best. It has already been about 8 months since then and I do not particularly miss her as long as I know she is healthy and alive. I really hate myself now for being like this.
I feel like I was more of a Type A person growing up, but now I’m a mix of Type B and A I was definitely looked at as a loner a lot of the time I started college this year and I willingly sit in the front of class a lot. I no longer have much of a problem in class piping in when I have a question and trying to make sure communication goes okay during group discussions. I even sometimes had a bit of casual discussion with classmates I just met once we finished discussing our work without feeling super anxious or anything of the sort. ... this was months ago though, idk if my social skills have gone down the drain again with the whole quarantine thing and all 😅 But yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever completely got into either category, but rn I’m a mix of both- Mostly B.
Same, I'm a mix of type A and B. In my case I was more of a type A growing up, I have change a little when I started college, but still have more qualities of the type A.
Same. Started with A, now between A and B and still moving further to B. My ex is more like a C-4 mixture which by chance is a quite fitting wordplay. 🤣 That's bad and all but the situation (with kids) forces me to grow up mentally quickly which I'm actually glad about - even though it's a bit too late for my taste. Now it's shoulda coulda woulda; doesn't matter.
I started as a B/A for the first couple years of elementary then I became only A for a while due to bullying and insecurities. Since then I've been a mix of A and C. But for the last couple of years I've mainly been C
I believe I’m a mix between A and C (though for the most part leaning towards A) all while keeping the fun, friendly type B facade. This was a nice video! Quite educational. I love the channel!
Funnily enough, my roommates and friends are the ones that I have a secure attachment instead of my parents. I don't actually know what my attachment style to my parents are 'cos I never really thought about it
Grew up with avoidant but working on towards opening up, when you are adult you choose your actions. Counselling helps a lot during this journey. There's nothing wrong for asking help when you need it. Most valuable lesson for me. :)
Psych2Go oh geez um Christmas Eve I was spinning in my dress and then hit my knee and somehow cut it open to the bone😂 btw do u have a degree in psychology?
I'm definitely a type C with a disorganized leniency: -unstable enough to start drama, insecure/proud enough not to take responsibility for it (depends on my mood) -one day being super clingy just because, another feeling uneasy around people I love for different reasons -either explosive yet incredibly rare anger, usually in moments of crisis, or, much more often, feeling like I'm stomping on eggshells the whole way through in trying to express my thoughts, AKA panicking and reacting too strongly/angrily, then panicking because I panicked and thus they must now hate me -Sometimes blames others for stuff I did just because I want drama (by sometimes I mean I did it once, in my entire life, plus regretted it, but I _still_ wonder how it would go if I did it again) -Scared of rejection so I drift away (hahaha) from people before they do -Hating real people and wanting meaningful, perfect connections simultaneously (thus turning to fiction) -Affection is selective. I can be physically affectionate towards certain people yet I choose not to be with other people (and it pisses them off, for some reason???) -Possessive, overthinking and jealous -Completely aware of all these things I'm describing yet choosing not to move forward with taking more care of myself because: 1) hating and starting drama and pissing people off is fun or 2) because I just "don't feel like it today" or procrastinating
sounds like me aye, it also sounds like you might have borderline personality disorder (do not take my word for it, I'm just going from my past experience and my VERY limited knowledge on the subject) or something else. You might want to go see someone about this cos (and this I can say with absolute confidence) it does help and it does make things better/easier.
"I want you to make friends and have a life" But also "No you can't go to the mall, there's nothing to do there but get in trouble" She'd gaslight me if I ever brought this up
It’s true that a great therapist can help. I was absolutely plagued by an ambivalent/insecure attachment style and I just don’t react like that today. I sought help and experienced healing. There is hope.
I have a friend at school who never asks teachers for help, even when she was doing poorly. I asked her why she never wants help and she says "I'm afraid of the teachers". I didn't know why, but I later found out she was physically abused by her parents and older siblings. I understand why she never willingly talks to teachers, and when she does she's always holding her cheeks. She said it's to "avoid slaps".......
@Pikora Animation oh i know. i was abused. im saying that my parents yelling at each other had more of an impact on me than the abuse bc i kinda blocked that out.
So there is a trait for me that says I'm type C,same I don't like fights,when one starts usually I try to avoid if it's possible,but when the other person walks on my tail,dude I only target the points that hurts the most and the points I know,I mean let me alone in my corner,and yes I too blame myself.
@@Psych2go I'm looking fwd this topic grew up having toxic sibling he was bully and made felt like shit as we growing up and as adults he want us to brothers after so many years of his toxicity forgave him as well noticed we grow up apart as kids. Now adults we hardly do things together he sufferers from Anxiety and I do too as well as Bipolar Disorder, PTSD, and Depression ..After our Mother passed away he occasionally says how I'm doing .I'm usually say I'm Ok to avoid spring my issues to him in reality feel dead inside and hopeless .I hide my emotions to my close knit friends as well don't want burden them my issues.
@@Psych2go grate Because idk if i have one. Hes rude and calls ne name like normal. But some hurt me too much like he called me "the gurl that cuts herself, "
My sister and I are a nightmare. She used to hit me because she felt like she was stronger than me. She was always in an imaginary war with me, but apparently I was the only one evil and my mother enabled her, like If I didn't want to do her homework I was mean because I wanted my sister to fail in life and stuff like that. I am not good at making friends and she always wanted to attach to the few friends I had and after she displayed evil behavior and people called out on her, she would blame it on me. So, I decided to break any bonds with any group she got close to and no one in my family would know shit about my life so no one would say that I was doing something to feel like I am better than my sister. She has even tried to sabotage my marriage and look like the savior, and many other things.
I identified with types 2 & 3. Thru Grace I have been able to let go of me and my story and grow in love, kindness a d compassion for myself and others. This has been a lucky lifetime.
Growing up I suffered heavy consequences of a bad childhood. I was "disorganized" & "insecure" as this video defines it, up until I was 20. I was very manipulative, arrogant, selfish, abusive, depressed, lonely, and confused. The type of person that never did anything for others, but rather to make myself look good so that I have the attention, but this never filled the hole in my heart. I abused alcohol and drugs from high school onwards, but this never filled the hole in my heart. I used woman and manipulated them, but this never filled the hole. I could go on but then this would be a book but you get the point. Here I am now as a solid "type b" attitude, with goals in mind and drive behind every action I do. I find fulfillment every day in doing my absolute BEST in whatever venture I take on. Its actually what I tell myself whenever I find myself tempted by laziness. "Do your best Jared, no matter what just do your best". If you've read this far then you should be able to tell that I've come a long way from that lonely kid. Now that I think of it, it's probably why I liked naruto so much (an anime) because the loneliness he faced is how I really felt everyday of most of my life. I'm 23 now, and not to brag but I went from being 13 in my head, to a man in around 9-10months. If you ask my how I do it, everyday I will tell you it was Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ is the lord and saviour of my life, and if you're reading this and have tried sex, alcohol, drugs or whatever addiction it may be and you still feel that emptiness. Then i humbly ask that you would just try Jesus, at the very least just once and do it SERIOUSLY. With all your heart and to the BEST of your ability. If you do that, then I promise you will not be disappointed. Anything less, and you will only reap as you sow. I'm happy to help you with your first step, you need only comment, message or email mauga.iareti@gmail.com, and I promise that I will do my BEST.
Type C here. I have one best friend, plus three friends I have no contact atm. Besides my best friend, none of them live close by, two in another country, one 2.5 hours away. Technically I got a lot of aquaintances, I guess we could meet up if I wanted, but idk, I just don't feel like it, even though I am lonely so many times.
Same, I think I’m an A I have no friends, seriously just 1 whos there for me but I don’t think she’s her complete self around me ;; she swears some and thinks it’s funny but I don’t really like it... qoq im sooo awkward in social situations...
@@rinkoshirokane8263 I'm type A too, i have a few friends but i like spending most of my time alone. They respect that. I think you"ll find someone who"ll truly be a friend and respect your boundaries.
Me: Let's see Psych2Go try to figure me out Psych2Go: "Insecure Avoidant Type A...independent, rarely asks for help...says nothing is wrong" Me: *Ah shit, here we go again* Edit: First good thing TH-cam's recommended to me in a long time, so I subscribed to your channel! Looking forward to more of your videos!
I have a secure attachment style when it comes to friends and disorganized / anxious when it comes to relationships. A person can have more than one attachment style at a time and also for different settings the attachment style can change. Think about the psycho that kills their own family, usually there’s a bit in the paper about how everyone in town thought was he was a great guy
samee, I’m secure when it comes to friends, but insecure/avoidant in relationships. at the same time I could be secure in a relationship depending on the person. And I agree that those attachment styles do change through time or change depending on the person who you’re with.
Me: pffft I’m not a disorganized Also me: *has ptsd from childhood trauma, severe depression and will occasionally try to escape the pain with self-harm or drinking*
I am type A, but I've never seen myself as "insecure" if I had to communicate with people, there's about a 73% chance ill do great and 27% ill screw it up, or sound demanding when I am not trying to be, I've always seen being "independent" and "not asking for help" as something good, I feel safe when I am in control of things because I trust myself in doing the thing, but it's really hard for me to trust someone to take charge, people tend to say "you don't trust me" or "you hate me" but that's really not the case, I just feel like I am the most fit person for the mission (which some people see as selfish) But all in all, I love my personality and the way I think, and I am very thankful that I have the ability to move forward and not make others' opinions change me😊
The more I watch the more messed up I seem sheesh just lock me in my home I don’t need to have a life family or friends lol. I feel I’m a mix of b and c and I’m dating an A. I’d like a self test and how to manage no time for therapy.
RIGHT ! it feels like almost all these videos this channel has just relates to me, and there’s so many different “ types “ but i’m ending up as being almost all of the choices even in other videos 😭 i think i’m fucked..
That's because these psychological studies are complete bias: people don't have one attachment style, we simply tend to majorly play one of these roles in each relationship (from companionship to simple interactions) yet the more one person identifies with one attachment style by decontextualizing himself/herself, the more he/she will tend to repeat playing the same role in his/her own relationships. Attachment styles are a valid theoretical support only in the context of relational dynamics.
Thank you so much for these videos. Mental health is often ignored in our culture. You present education about it in a fun and easy to learn way. Thanks for contributing to the destigmatization of the topic. Great job😊❤
Alternating between Type A and Type B. Recent example is someone who I liked a while before, and tried too much to get the attention of that other person because I wanted to get closer and talk to them, but I accidentally crossed some boundaries which I regretted later on. When I did realize this, I heavily focused on trying to jeopardize any kind of friendship at all, and tried heavily to remove them from my thoughts and life ( deleted number, messages, removed as friend ) because it all became so toxic for me. I tried to confront the other person face to face so I can talk and explain what I feel, but it only got worse. I thought I was doing the right thing - talking and communication is important. When nothing worked, I argued and left it at that. Nothing else. I got back in contact a few months later and wrote a long letter to apologize, carried a guilt conscience for quite some time. I realized I was too clingy, too attention seeking, and it was my anxiety and insecurity at play which caused me to cross the boundaries. In the end, I realized it was all of my fault. But it did give me a good way and in a way completely changed how I think because it exposed some major, major, maaajoor negative elements in me that were destroying me from the inside. It gave me insight on how to change for the much better, and be more positive. And I'm grateful to that experience for that reason.
TLDR: My mother spent her day time hours napping and has always had an issue with feeding her kids. My brother ended up eating tacos out of the trashcan when, after he asked my mom for food, she passed out again and he was left alone for hours. She wakes up, he's apparently no longer hungry, she learns what he ate, and my dad said she ended up calling him sobbing and remorseful. (I call bull on her remorse) I grew up with the knowledge I ate the cardboard kids books my brother owned. The Toy Story "Woody's Roundup" kind of books. I also apparently chewed on lamp shades, my crib, and pretty much anything I could. I found out a few days that my brother ate trash tacos, same day, same conversation, I learn that my mother would put me in a room, shut the door, and leave me there so she could nap. She continued this behavior until I turned 19 and moved to live with my dad who had asked for a divorce the April before my birthday. When I say she continued that behavior, instead of talking to me, working with me, or at least explaining to me why she wanted me to leave, I would be bullied, harassed, and pressured into returning to my room. She managed to convince me that my room was the only safe place I could be in. She wouldn't allow me to be in the living room with her after she got home. I was expected to clean the house, do laundry, and take care of the trash and cat boxes, but when it came to who had rights to the living room it was always her. She would literally make targeted remarks until I left and returned to my bedroom, start fights with me to do so. It was and is still effecting my mind, body, and health. My younger sibling was born and my mother was trying to go back to school, got herself a job, and I never learned if she just slept through the evenings instead of look after my siblings and I. So where was my dad? Main places. From working Search and Rescue with FEMA, Walmart, McDonald's, and eventually taking on jobs where he transported goods as a semit driver, he regrettably wasn't as there for our childhoods as we would have liked or wanted. Here's the thing though. Even if my dad worked 9-14 hour days, he came home and helped clean the house, he made us dinner, he took us to the river or beach or just did something with us. I still enjoy playing Risk with him when we can. Why did I call bs on my mom's remorse earlier? She was caught having sexted until 2am one day. Her wake up for work time was at 5ish am and she got back around 2-3ish pm. She got home, complained of a headache, went to bed. My dad calls me, then her, I wake her up to make dinner because my dad asked me to. My dad comes home and dinner still isn't finished. At this point is could 7 or 8 in the evening. We usually eat around 5-5:30 because everyone has homework and then school in the morning. When everyone gets their food or is getting their food my mom and dad are arguing. My dad is talking about how it isn't fair to the kids that she doesn't want to make dinner. She's the adult, the only one who can cook and make it, and we're her kids. At some point my mom decides to turn this into an issue of my dad only being upset that dinner wasn't ready right has he walked in through the door. A narrative she would push to us kids for years to come. My dad, rightfully pissed that my mom is trying to make this about him without accepting her fault in behavior or seeing what was wrong with the picture, ends up throwing his food bowl at the entertainment center in anger. This broke the shelf our PS4 was on and the eject button for it. It also got rice, kimchi, and whatever main dish my mom had made all over the speakers, cabinet doors, floor, and TV. We proceeded to joke about what happened to the entertainment center, and laugh about how we'd be cleaning rice out of it for years, after things calmed down. When I learned the truth of this event and the conversation they had, when I hear about my mom sleeping and not feeding my brother, and always locking me in a room or ensuring I felt unwanted outside of it, it explains so many things to me. I'm horribly anxious, struggle to even put myself out there for a job. I am always, even now, in my room watching myself deteriorate slowly. My younger sibling has the best relationship with my mom out of us kids. I'm turning 20 in July. I haven't spoken to my mom since September and I know everyone is pushing this narrative that I'm an asshole and incredibly petty for not speaking with her. But what can I say? She never wanted to deal/put up with me before, that's not going to change now that I'm in another state.
@@pedwantagon90yearsago.91 I mentioned it because I genuinely didn't know which of the four things in the video applied to me. It's a situation where I don't fit into any of the boxes, but I can put a limb into them. As for now, I live with my dad, my mental state is trash, I don't leave my room because it's been ingrained into me that it's the only place where I'm allowed to be myself, and I usually only eat dinner and a late night snack. Sometimes I catch a late lunch and have dinner sometime afterwards. My dad keeps pushing for me to get a job, keeps trying to get me on my feet, but I feel so drained, so tired, and so... Unmotivated. I don't have any plans for the future, I don't care about the long term, and I only care about my cat and that's with the understanding that she'd probably be in better hands if raised by someone else. Yet she can't be handled or in close proximity to anybody other than me. No, I'm not okay, I have people fighting to help me, but I have no motivation to do anything about my mental state because I've already resigned myself to the situation. I am grateful that someone out their cared enough to wish me well, just know I wasn't share for attention, but to try and figure something out that I still don't full understand.
Luckas Silver thank you for sharing your story, I don’t always take the time to read long comments but I read yours. My heart connects to this as I have had my own share of unpleasant/traumatic childhood experiences. When I read stories like yours, it makes me even more motivated to continue with my dream of becoming a psychologist. Im 21. Do you want to maybe be friends ? I have discord if you are interested
Who the fuck said you're in the wrong here? They need a healthy dose of empathy and a great deal of understanding.. Know you're in the right and draw motivation from there. You survived this fucked up situation, so you surely will do it again, again and again.
@@janedoe3002 Apologies for the late response, I don't give out my discord or other contact information via a comments section anywhere. My business email usually sends things into spam as well because people can be very persistent and blocking doesn't always work. Thank you for taking the time to read and I hope you continue into psychology. May I suggest psychoanalyst as a career path? I had a very good psychoanalyst who worked from a literal house and not the hospital or office. He spent years working with kids from the homeless shelters, orphanages, etc and after he "retired" (he left so a younger team could take over) from that made a home he owned into a safe space for troubled kids, teens, and adults. He genuinely had more of an impact on the lives of so many children and teens, entire families even, than any of the three psychiatrists I have spoken with and been medicated by. I'm sure you could do this as a psychologist or even as a psychiatrist, but it may be more fulfilling to be a psychoanalyst. Entirely up to you and what you wish to do, but I hope you make as much of an impact, or more, and enjoy it just as much, if not more, than he does. Wish you all the best!
My parents weren’t really nice to me most of the time. And after seeing how it affected me, i am now treating my brother even nicer now. Because i don’t want him to feel like i did, and as a sister i am going to protect him no matter what. Dear lil bro, i hope you see this comment when you actually grow up. Love ya
Oh my god yes. So many times you see parents in denial about their mental health issues and they project on their kids. Weird comparison, but its kinda like a lot of people who put their dogs on depression medication
But it's good that she took you to therapy though. A lot of parents don't believe in therapy, or don't care about their child enough to even send them to therapy.
I definitely was type D for a long time but since I’ve been working on my self and learn healthier coping methods I’m more of Type B and sometimes type C but I’m definitely working towards becoming type A.
Thats terrifing, at long-term development, its scares to live in a world where you find youself diferent, anyone, no one, can understand you. Its scares, cuz, you are tryin' to figure out why this things happen it to you. But, you are not alone. You don't
It seems like mine is insecure avoidant combined with the continuous feeling of anxiety from the ambivalent. And yes, you can learn how to address the issues on your attachment style. For example, I've learned how to ask for help and even ask for some opinions from the others. I try to express my feelings which is something still quite hard for me depending on the person, but I'm doing my best. Never give up, people! Whatever is hurting you, you can manage to overcome if you put all your effort in succeed and if you search for appropiate help in case you needed it.
I've been C, at least when I was young, but am now more A. Either way it sucks. Is it possible to hate your clingy / insecure nature so much you give up on connection altogether?
For me I'm Insecure avoidant (Type A) -I have many friends, although I have trouble making them... I rarely make the first move, 85% of my friends were because my my BFF I've known for 6 years who introduced me to her friends. -I sit alone even though I have friends in B lunch, I'm afraid of being rejected and I'd prefer eating by myself anyways... The only one I'd eat with is my longest friends Angeline (Known for 7 years) and Sarah (Known for 6 years), but both were in A lunch. -I stay out of drama and focus on school/work more, during group projects I don't communicate and I tend to do it on my own, in 8th grade my teacher told us to pair up with someone and when she noticed I didn't she asked me if I wanted to have a partner (Everyone did since there was an odd number so I'd have to be with 2 other people) I said no thanks, I'd work better on my own... I did it all on my own and got an A, if I had a partner they'd just talk and hold me back. -I lock my feelings away and I'm reluctant to talk about myself or feelings, I'm fine talking about YOUR feelings and helping you with advise (People say I'll be a good psychiatrist when I'm older), but I have insecurities, I'm afraid of being rejected or mocked, and I have committed issues sue to my dad mocking me as a child and teen and my mother ignoring my bullying, being verbally abusive, and never defending me when her family talked shit on me for being quiet. - I often say "I'm fine" as a defensive mechanism and keep things locked away for months to even years and then I explode sometimes I yell in anger and my parents think I'm being defiant or I'll break down, usually when I feel like I'm gonna break down I leave the room... While Smiling, another mechanism of mine... I don't want anyone to follow me and if I start rubbing my eyes I'll blame it on allergies (The doctors diagnosed me allergic to cats, pollen, and dust), just last week I broke down after holding something back for 2 years but sadly I didn't get away in time for people not to notice (The only person who can see through my smiles is my big sister, she knows when I'm upset even through text... Sometimes I wonder if she can read my mind) - I avoid emotional situations and often talk calmly, I was in a near death situation with my mom last year in July and I was freaking out in my mind but calmly calmed my mother down despite I probably felt worse than her (We nearly got hit by lightning, Lightning is my worse fear along with Roller coaster, strong winds, Cars, Loud noises, Fireworks.... Anything fast or loud freaks me out, I have a fear of balloons popping and once got hit in the face with a soccer ball so I hate being inside the gym because of claustrophobia and fear of being hit with a ball... Only ball I'm not scared of is a basketball since I love basketball and they're louder and slower so I can see and feel when it may hit, despite all this... I don't let the fear show.
I see bits of myself in all of the types you named. I feel like Type C because I can be avoidant but super clingy if I like the person but I am not malevolent like a Type C. I act more like a Type A, I do tend to be more anxious, avoidant, and insecure but at the same time once I get to know my environment I feel like a Type B. And there are times I feel so drained and I am just going through stuff and I feel Disorganized. I will go through a drinking binge, and just act extremely stupid. I'll take high risks, and do things for fun without really thinking about the consequences. But the issue is that some of the types seem to describe my attitude i.e avoidant, secure, clingy, disorganized, but not my actions, thoughts or feelings you gave as descriptions.
same I came here for examples of childhood situations and circumstances and how they lead to the adult version of you, got a read of some Psych 101 from 1970 instead For example, I was always a good boy with good grades and took all the silly rules seriously and drank all the praise and now unless my "guard is up" and I actively catch it and go against my "nature" I'm a total pushover to anyone who might test me.
It’s really hard for me to be affectionate because at hime nobody talks about feelings and stuff. So it gets really awkward for me to express my feelings. I could be in a five year relationship and still not be able to express my feelings.
Natasha Owusu It’s a fun game to play. Roll20 is a great way to play it online. It involves fantasy role playing, funny fights and interactions, and generally interesting things to do inside the worlds made by the game master. Some games involve more Roleplay, others involve more exploration, and others involve more action and fighting. The players decide what they want to do, and the game master determines whether they succeed or fail with the help of the rules and the roll of the dice. That’s all.
Type B resonates with me as does a (common) combination of Asperger’s and ADHD (without the H). Until I studied and recognised the latter, others tended to assume only that I was either being deliberately problematic or that I had suffered some major trauma. As stated at the beginning of this presentation, our behaviours can result from a combination of factors. I hope my comment here will encourage others to investigate/consider whether such additional factors might apply to themselves. Yet further perspectives I’ve come across are Myers-Briggs (eg INTP) and Enneagrams. Doesn’t have to be any “single right answer” - we are all so complex - stay loose.
My husband is more Type B. I’m more Type A, but I’m trying to work on it. I come from a dysfunctional background, which makes it a bit challenging to retrain my brain, but I’m not giving up any time soon. 💛
The part about feeling the need to punish people is so terrible because I've felt that way severally. It feels great to be free from such negative feelings.
The previous video can be found here for those who are wondering: th-cam.com/video/fyV0NksMbiE/w-d-xo.html. How do you respond to crisis? Comment your attachment style below.
Wait sooo if im abused Will i be Depressed forever?!? :0
@@lordkenkaih You can always seek help and find recovery. Does anyone have stories to share?
Psycho do a face Reveal haha
You uploading multiple vids a day is amazing!
By the way, a suggestion, could you do a video on Types Of Unhealthy Friendships because I want to make sure I'm with the right friend group.
Psych2Go i feel like a slave my parents barely give me any food n My parents Yell at me to give them a massage N my dad said Do it or im Kicking you out of the house
"rejects others before they reject them" sounds about right
Mhm! Did you relate to other statements too?
Yep
Rita Kaizer, I fell in love with a person with that attachment style, she liked me but rejected me because she taught that I was gunna reject her. I’m s a d, cus I actually liked her, but I guess she tought that I didn’t, and she just ignored me 😢. Well time to c r y
Me too!
gotta get em first
Not so fun fact about childhood: The majority of parents are unaware of this information.
Pedantia I guess its true
Not only they aren't aware, but some of these people believe it's bullshit, like the toxic parents they are.
That's why we need to spread this information like wildfire. Could you guys help?
True..
My parents are still highly unaware, I’m almost 26. They don’t even remember kicking me out at 18-20. Life has been rather difficult, I don’t have much family left, I really just work & that’s basically it. Not the best life, but I’m not mostly suffering. Really all from 17-19/22 are a big blur. Now @ 26, I’m starting to get it down.
Some parents have no idea how they have a bad impact on their children and it messes with their child's life..
A LOT of parents.
In most cases, the child [refering to the adult version] can work on themselves and grow past the problems they took with them because of their parents. So a lot of this blaming is too much, just focus on what you can do now (inform others, work in yourself) and of course in some extreme cases it's insanely difficult and those are kind of an exception
Nobody know anything, there are a lot of thinks that we ignore, sad but true. 😕
In a sense, we can hardly blame them. We are all human and parents sometimes find themselves in situations that are out of their control. Even in real life, we often fail to provide friends and families the emotional supports they need. We may even unwittingly hurt those that we care the most. We should learn how to support people around us, and accept the fact that people can try their best and still fail. Regardless of the outcome, we should always be grateful to those who tried their best.
Xian: right?? Like if your needs were Never met-justin my experience emotional, physical safety, etc.. It’s not shocking you're more independent & struggle asking for help as you're so used to Not getting basic needs met. Like why Would you...? When youre so used to dealing with abuse? When any time you ask gor help, it’s used In Order To Abuse you. Thats not a personal failing, thats how we survived.
It’s a bit annoying this kind of thing tends to be framed as inalienable, unchangeable, & due to your personal constitution-versus as a result of your history.
The voice of the person speaking is so calming tbh.
Ashleigh Aishwarya. Singer/songwriter, Voice Actress.
True!!! in fact those videos are part of my sleep routine
Its making my toes itchy idk why
& the animation so cute
🥰 yay
Funny how my parents raised me to be an insecure avoidant without even realizing it.
Always be the best.
Never cause problems
Don't bother us by sharing your feelings
Everyone is worse than you so stay away
Never make mistakes
If you have a problem, it's your fault
No wonder I became such an apathetic child/teenager and only started to become a halfway decent person when I started to fuck up my "perfect" life a little.
same wtf
@Pikora Animation its not that easy when youre conditioned to think that way for several years and most of your childhood but go off ig
So true
I came to realise that I may be an insecure avoidant too 😕
We stan.
my mom always says i’m “just like your father” (not a good thing, he’s a piece of crap) and she shifts from treating me nice to shouting at me. i barely get compliments from her but rather insults and non-constructive feedback. my self esteem is also rock bottom and i don’t easily trust ppl yet i want to experience affection from my friends (i barely get any though). i overthink and get jealous easily too:(
Have you tried explaining yourself to your friends? Telling others what you need is usually the best way to get it.
Bro I was like this too, go to therapy, it helped me a lot.
Same here! So its the insecure avoidant style?
My mom would say that to me when I was younger 💀I still remember the night she first said it, we were in the car and I told her if she was ok and then she said "you're just like your father, you don't care about anyone but yourself"
That's me too, bro.😓
So important for everyone to understand. Our past constantly affects our present and how we react in our present defines our future. This is why we must understand and accept our present in order to build a future we want.
Beautifully said👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻😁😁
🙏🏼the present moment. Thanks for this.
@@minnie21434 Thank You! Do subscribe to my TH-cam channel for scientific reasoning of life lessons.
@@whatrtheodds Absolutely. Thanks! Do subscribe to my TH-cam channel as well.
Shivam true
Some parents still think they did everything right when they messed up big time.
they know they messed up; they just aren't ready/mature enough to admit it
I’m sorry I just find your pfp funny
big time rush?
@@Kilo-sz4ch that's how it should be
@@laddttt6808 🎶then you go big time🎶
Hey! I resemble that type A, and I'm deeply offended by it. Now I'm going to stew about it and not tell anyone about my feelings.
More I'm gonna stew about it, and not realize I'm even stewing about anything... if that makes sense. Basically we don't know what's cooking.
@@InVinoVeratas Too many cooks spoil the broth :)
AHAHAH MEEEEEE
Type A:"They most likely focus on the work rather than the social part of a group work"
Me a type A: "wait... group work has a social part??? I always think that we have group work because it's either required or too much workload for one person"
That's exactly what I always thought too. -Great- Avoidant minds think alike.
Sameeeee🤤😂
SAME
I mean the only social part is really communicating deadlines and figuring out who does what part. Otherwise, you just need to do your workload by the due date and that’s it.
**Hides everything with "I'm fine"**
Yeah, I *MAY* have a problem.
It's not a problem, it's just easier than explaining the german opera that's going on in your mind to people who are dealing with their own problems and probably aren't well equipped enough to unpack yours as well.
@@Lv-nq9qz My thoughts are more like a natural disaster, but yeah, I know.
If I'm having bad days, I'll just say "I'm awesome!" Because people know that "I'm fine" is a big lie.
Dude same :D
Used to this as well, but now I tell the truth
I saw this tweet last week:
"Did you have happy childhood, or are you funny?"
this puts an interesting spin on my traumas
Lol. Much better to become a comedian than a serial killer.😨
Literally Chandler 😅😅
I'm sure some people can have good childhoods and be funny
naaaah I’m funny .... i got betean half of my childhood 🤦🏼♀️
"Did you see yourself in any of these examples?"
Well, I sure didn't see myself in the Secure type.
@Oriax Oh boy, I can relate to that kind of envy.
Drives me mad occasionally...
Luckily, I am aware of this shadow of mine.
Isn't it weird to think that people like that exist? I wonder how it feels for them to be so healthy.
Same
Same xd
@Oriax I hate when people with good childhood BRAG about how amazing their life was back then. Like ok Karen I know you had a good childhood but I didn't so can we talk about something else
The perfect voice doesn’t exi-
Trivago:Hold my hotel.
Literally half of comments on this channel
"Hey Psych-to-go-ers. Do yOu eVEr cAdschyoUrseLf"
Does anyone else feel like your personalities contain elements of each of these styles, rather than pertaining to specific ones?
Same, I feel like I'm independent and don't often ask for help but I don't push people away in social situations. I work better alone, but I am not reserved and I can be talkative. @Pysch2go pls help
I do... its weird when i visit videos like this i feel like im not normal
Of course.
Yes, we call ourselves Klusterfucks. Welcome the club 🍻 we’re happy to have you. Now leave us alone and let us work, please.
Maybe that is because, over time, we get influenced by the environment, learned somethings by observing others or through education, etc and start to alter our ways of thinking little by little because I am like that
Last time I was this early I actually cared about my life
Oh...
Jesus......
seek help dude jesus
Mood
You ok?
"They tend to focus on the work itself rather than the social part"
Ah... Now I know this is somehow normal~ ?
As an Indonesian, everything that looks superficially fine is normal
It is normal, but extroverts...
yeah, these studies were western-based. they found huge differences between cultures and even countries, with each different culture favouring different styles of attachment.
Video summary
Attachment style:
1. Secure Attachment Style (Type B)
2. Insecure Avoidant (Type A)
3. Insecure Ambivalent/Resistant (Type C)
4. Disorganized
Thanks for putting that together. Quite comprehensive indeed.
First time i have an A on something
@@mrham443 best a
S .D yeah but wtf do they mean
@@chromberries7329 watch the full video you'll understand what each attachment means..
"you can probably name at least 1 person with each style" I am so unhealthily avoidant I genuinely couldn't even if I tried
I can’t remember what happened yesterday, so no way I could either.
I swear this person can probably hypnotize me with her voice if she tried.
I find it physically difficult to ask for help. I tend to be sensitive and defensive towards specific topics with family. And when it comes to writing essays for Uni, I won't submit it till I deem it perfect. Even if it's overdue... I ask for extentions. The only real place I've had complete control over is my room due to my severe speech disorder that I had as a child. I would chuck tantrums during class because it was the only way to express that I was having trouble. It would take the teachers a while to calm me down. My twin made everything easier as he was the translator. Because of this the school could not keep me down a grade like they normally would. I have no idea what category I fall under.
My parents also tended to criticize me and how I did things.
Even if it was autism as Lauren insisted, it would be a very soft side of autism. In the end, everyone has at least 1 to 3 traits of autism, but this does not make you have autism. I grew up and basically still am growing up with my brother (whom has autism) and we barely communicate. He has a lack of patience, barely has empathy and has problems understanding what is happening around him and happening to others. I’m the exact opposite, I tend to be flexible in relationships, have almost too much empathy, and I’m extremely sensitive. I immediately see what people need. However, every person experiencing autism is different. Don’t bother though, you are you and what kind of person you are doesn’t matter.
What I forgot to add is that autism also has their good traits other people do not have. They see everything in a way you would not think of, and are extremely good in spotting details.
Uhh I think your insecure Avoidant i might be wrong but forgive me
Mine is really strange, I hate asking for help or even working with others. Yet I have an insane perfectionist style that came from my parents and got diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Never got in trouble once in my life either but resorting to alcohol and occasionally drugs to curb the effects.
I don't ask for help because my entire life when I needed help no one was there for me, and no one ever came through. Then, I got married and he left me when our baby was 4 months old. My family, despite living in the same city, never checked in on me. This went on for years. Now I'm in my 50s, and I still don't ask for help. Really, it's easier to do things myself, pay for help, or do without. It's easier to have no expectations.
Isn’t it creepy how two people aka parents can literally make or break you
And yet they were probably broken as well with life's challenges.
Its called sex and coming inside
Hell O well that’s a way to put it-
At first and for a scarily big portion of your life, they definitely can. The nice thing is though, with therapy and dedication, whatever our parents do to us (or don't do for us) in childhood doesn't have to affect us for our entire lives. Way easier said than done, that's for damn sure, but it's not impossible. Insanely difficult, can take years to come to terms with whatever happened to us as children and change who that set us up to be, but it's possible.
Change your comment to three because you can break your self
I saw "Insecure Avoidant:
-Independent
-Rarely asks for help"
I said aloud: LITERALLY ME
Me 2 am that type
Same here plus disorganized..except that idont do drugs or negative things..just trying to cure ma depression
I'm insecure attachments, avoid Confrontation and rarely ask for help. I don't make friends that especially. I had issues at work and was recommended to me that I see counsellor which really help. I use mental help app which greatly benefits too. I do want to make contact with my old friends but something keeps pushing me back not helped with anxiety issues.
FACTS. so me lol, I feel stupid/useless before asking for help, then get a little encouragement from the other person's surprise that I asked them or deemed them helpful, or even needed help.
Smh, ppl get the impression that I have it all together and are surprised when they find out that I think the opposite.
Omg I am such an A type it's unreal.
While this was quite insightful I feel the most important part is missing: What kind of parental behaviour causes the kid to become A, B, C or Disorganized? If you gave us that information we could avoid it!
th-cam.com/video/fyV0NksMbiE/w-d-xo.html
it was in the description if you searched enought
@@kunnia4026 He/she is the secure type B, most likely to ask for help
Diagoras of Melos more like, most likely not to pay attention.
My thoughts exactly!
when i’m pregnant i’m honestly going to binge watch these videos so i don’t mess up my child
Thats just amazing! im pretty sure you'll be a gud mother.
Insecure Avoidant (Type A). Eversince childhood, I'm the kind of person who can't easily ask for help and having the thought that it's better for me to suffer alone than to burden other people. It's sad that people think I'm just too proud to ask for somebody's help, but the truth, I so not used and shy of asking for help.
Did you get in trouble for asking your parents for help? I know I did. And if I ever showed emotion, I would get in trouble for that too. I only say that cause what you said about wanting to suffer alone, and not wanting to burden others, is very relatable.
I think that’s why.
@@justinesnyder9677 I remember when I was still in childhood, my mom would usually tell me 'you have to learn how to do it yourself, we will not always be here forever' and she is a bit of perfectionist. But when I got old, I rarely ask for help I only tell them that I have a problem when it was solved already ( I don't want to burden my family and people around me about my personal problems) 😂 cause I have this thinking that I should learn how to solve them myself. I guess that's the reason why I don't show a lot of emotions as well, I have to be strong and independent. We as a family, we aren't expressive of our emotions really.
@@mariavictoriahierro4689My upbringing was kinda stand-off-ish. "Mom's not a hugger" made me less physical, much less touchy-feely. That was until I found girls. :-)
But, as I got old, I found the help is wanting, if I could get it. So, I figure out how to get it done myself. Enduring the physical pain is the balance I must find. If their slipshod job will outlast me, that is my barometer.
@@toddburgess6792 omo, I relate to that. Not touchy or demonstrative of my emotions as well. How is your relationship with girls when you got old? How hard is it to get it done?
@@mariavictoriahierro4689 My relationship with women has been great, as Mom taught respect. If attraction happened, I'd get clingy. Now that I'm married for 36 years, getting "it" done is on the back burner, so to speak, as it has to do, again, with my pain tolerances.
I have 2 daughters that I believe are well balanced? :-/ We HUG
They're adults with lives, and they seem, from all our inquisitions, quite well.
When i became 18 years old i had an anxiety attack during class.
I was diagnosed with Anxiety, and my shrink told me it was caused by social phobia. After a couple of consults she figured out why i had social phobia even though i had friends
It's because growing up i had like 5 friends as a kid. I didn't socially developed in the right time, and it caused me to have an almost instinctive fear of socializing. She told me the only reason i had got the friends i have is because they were the ones that assimilated me onto their group
Thankfully with treatment and therapy i managed to become highly functional in society.
5 is huge
I felt this comment
Is 5 supposed to be few friends? I had like 2 actual friends during my childhood, made a new one in high school and the friends I have now kinda adopted me. What kind of therapy did you do to overcome your social anxiety?
Five friends. I had two
My condolences. Being functional in our society..isn't.
#1 reason I don’t want kids is my childhood/my parents. Being a parent isn’t easy and for years I certainly never liked how I turned out.
Same tbh
Very understandable. I'm not always thrilled about my wiring either but if you're open to understanding more about yourself, you can work towards a better you. Having kids is certainly challenging but nothing in my experience goes close to the rewards they bring to your life. None of us are perfect parents and it's a process of continual learning. Kids give you an amazing perspective on yourself and if you remain focused on continual improvement for yourself and your kids in a loving environment, you'll most certainly have a wonderful experience as a parent and so will your kids. You sound like a thoughtful, sensitive person and I hope you find happiness and self love whatever you choose to do! Cheers from Australia - Dave
Yup that plus pushing out a whole human sounds rather unpleasant
I think the exact same way. But one day I was talking to a friend and she was wondering about her sister's motherhood, and she went about how all her acquaintances that always wanted kids were the worst parents she knew and that complained the most, at the same time that the ones that never wanted kids were the best parents and the most fulfilled; and then it got me thinking that maybe the fact that you don't want kids show how better prepared you are because you don't romanticize the idea of raising someone and you're very much aware how your parenting style can shape a personality and impact someone for the rest of their lifes, so you'll always think things through before acting on impulse and you'll know how the little things are still important, you might even have more patience. And the fact that you already know is hard will help you face difficult moments with calm, and make good moments even more rewarding because you're not really expecting them. Still I don't see myself having kids but also, if I do it right, with responsibility and love, always with a light heart, I might have the opportunity to create an amazing person that might do great things and I'll also have a friend for life so idk, still making up my mind lol
@@ThaMightyWon Or maybe just part of the generation that doesn't do things for the sole purpose of tradition. We already live in an over populated world, is 2020, can we just stop shaming people for not wanting to reproduce? Having kids has nothing to do with if it ain't easy is not worthy it, how is it different from boomers giving up their childhood dream to have the most boring and mediocre job in order to buy a suburb house and marry someone they can cheat without any guilt? Better be aware of it early than go 60 so bitter you end up voting on Trump just to spice up your life a little.
Type A
- Focused on work more than social
- Trouble making friends.
Well, that's EXACTLY me.
You're probably reading my mind from a distance.
Lol same
Work is stressful and busy enough; I'm not trying to talk to people
Ja, it is honestly pretty spot on for myself as well. I don't like talking about emotions much. I want to get to work.
I can't focus on neither work nor socialising. fml
I’m pretty sure there’s some black magic witchcraft going on because it’s too accurate
That’s pretty much the millennial generation
Because my older brother screwed his life up from an early age, I always grew up under intense pressure to be "the good kid", like it was somehow my responsibility to make up for my brother's mistakes. Even today, when we're both in our early 30s, that mentality still seems to prevail: when he screws his life up _yet again_ (usually through some combination of drugs, alcohol, and/or his violent temper), it's always "Don't worry, we'll come rescue you!", but in my moments of crisis, it's always "Eh, he's a responsible adult, he can figure it out for himself." No wonder I'm a hardcore Type A; thirty-one years of living have taught me that the only person I can truly count on is myself.
Omg i relate
My parent was too emotionally invested in other siblings
WOOPTY DOO now i never talk about my feelings
YAY
yup, i'm on that same situation too.
No matter how much your friends and family do, it’s you who has the final say in things
Hi Psych2Go! You might not see this, but I would love to say thank you. You have really helped me realize and accept my trauma and I have been able to seek help. I feel like your videos really help me understand myself, so thank you!
We read many of our comments actually! We're happy to hear that. Thanks for taking the time to leave that message! Feel free to connect with us directly here: yumika@psych2go.net
When you are so fast that you can't think of a comment but still write one just to be one of the firsts.
Hello! How's your night going? Any plans for the day tomorrow?
@@Psych2go its day here
But nvn
@@Psych2go you guys are so nice! love how you interact with your viewers
I do that too. Does that mean I'm looking for praise or adulation? Something i didn't get enough of as a child. Thanks
@@robertgity88 no, (T_T) you just wanna have likes on your comment because it gives you a sense of popularity.
Ok...why is TH-cam LITERALLY reading my mind???👀
Hello new viewer!
No more than the newspaper horoscopes.
They're after you! :tinfoil hat:
because science
@@benjaminlamptey1867 pseudoscience*
This is the first time ever that I'm going to share my "story" publicly...
I identified my attachment style as the Type C - Insecure Ambivalent/Resistant. Yes, as a child I used to be overly sensitive to rejection since I was "bullied" for using glasses, having coily hair, and being extremely thin, which apparently made me an "ugly" person... and as of today I'm still very sensitive to criticism. I used to be a great dedicated student, striving for A+, getting medals and recognition (preferably low key, because I didn't want to be the center of attention either -- I refrained from participating in maths olympics in school because I couldn't bare failing if I represented my school, that would mean I wasn't smart enough or fast enough with calculations, and I already knew I wasn't so fast because I always had to double check my numbers just to make sure everything was correct).
When it comes to friendships, as a child I accepted to be "used" by others in order to be friends with them -- I shared with them my homework, my food... But they always left me behind when we were on breaks and left me out of their conversation and fun stuff (I was very timid and silent anyways, and made the role of the mediator/counselor when needed). That went on until I reached 8th grade, then something happened and I just decided that I would no longer "beg" for their acceptance nor I would let them use me anymore. Then my "emo phase" started, but ironically I met the most honest friends during that time... So, I paired with other people who had some deeper traumas than me (I recall some of them had a disorganized style), unfortunately I happen to be a Highly sensitive person and absorb all the negative feelings from others as well...
When it comes to romantic relationships, let's say that I didn't "choose" a partner; they "chose" me... Those who were not so good for me but gave me "love and attention"; those who decided to ask me out and I just couldn't say no because I felt like someone actually liked me and I should take that chance. But, when all that attention started to shift away from me and towards another things/friends, I always thought that they started to like other people, would cheat on me, and I overreacted some way and decided to break up the relationship... Looking back, it was better to do so with some of them, but I greatly regret breaking up with the last one I had because it was the most promising that I ever had so far.
So, I still struggle with my self esteem, with taking necessary risks, with my romantic relationships... I usually look for a friend when I have something to say or need some advice, otherwise I am mostly indifferent, and I feel guilty about it... I feel like am not a good friend, even tho I'm very reachable if they need me for the same reasons.
From my experience while being raised, I'm an only child of my mother (single mom), who was working all day and when she finally came home, was very tired and went to sleep, or watch some tv and then sleep; my primary caregiver was my grandmother (who is very conflictive, with a paranoid/obsessive compulsive personality, not the type to give love or emotional comfort to others other than putting blame or repress to their feelings), and I met my father when I was 12 y.o.
So there's my story as a person with an insecure ambivalent/resistant attachment style.
I'm aware of my attachment conflicts, but I would rather have (obviously) a secure --best case scenario--, otherwise avoidant style (which is more self-assured).
I would like to find a therapist who can help me with that... Any recommendations, please?
Thanks for reading me (in advance)! :)
Add-on: I only make new friends with people who I perceive they would accept/like me as I am, and turn away from others who are very charismatic or loud...
Crazy.. I also identify as Type C and have a very similar life story
@@lizs5435 Wow, it's kinda reassuring to see that someone else shares the same story as me...
I just want to say: We're not alone!
I think you may very well be my long lost twin sister 🧐
Thats almost my life 😢
But I'm mostly avoidant.
❤
All the type A's are gathered here because we would rather spend whole day on TH-cam than socialise
I am here because I am doing some research for my assignment and then, I realized I am Type A which make me sad. How ironic...But my parent is not bad, there is a good parent but there are too busy to raise money for us because we are poor. Sometimes, there are spending time with me, but I already don't really know how to actually interact with them. I always see the flow in conversation to continue but always ended short. Nowadays, during Covid, my mother is staying with our cousin oversee because we can't afford the cost and think it is for the best. It has already been about 8 months since then and I do not particularly miss her as long as I know she is healthy and alive. I really hate myself now for being like this.
@@nurifa3993 don't worry your not the only Type A
Yep
@@nurifa3993 Agreed. I just found out I am type A. But I delt with emotion neglect and verbal abuse.
Exactly🙂
I feel like I was more of a Type A person growing up, but now I’m a mix of Type B and A
I was definitely looked at as a loner a lot of the time
I started college this year and I willingly sit in the front of class a lot. I no longer have much of a problem in class piping in when I have a question and trying to make sure communication goes okay during group discussions. I even sometimes had a bit of casual discussion with classmates I just met once we finished discussing our work without feeling super anxious or anything of the sort.
... this was months ago though, idk if my social skills have gone down the drain again with the whole quarantine thing and all 😅
But yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever completely got into either category, but rn I’m a mix of both- Mostly B.
Same, I'm a mix of type A and B. In my case I was more of a type A growing up, I have change a little when I started college, but still have more qualities of the type A.
Same. Started with A, now between A and B and still moving further to B. My ex is more like a C-4 mixture which by chance is a quite fitting wordplay. 🤣
That's bad and all but the situation (with kids) forces me to grow up mentally quickly which I'm actually glad about - even though it's a bit too late for my taste. Now it's shoulda coulda woulda; doesn't matter.
I started as a B/A for the first couple years of elementary then I became only A for a while due to bullying and insecurities. Since then I've been a mix of A and C. But for the last couple of years I've mainly been C
I believe I’m a mix between A and C (though for the most part leaning towards A) all while keeping the fun, friendly type B facade.
This was a nice video! Quite educational. I love the channel!
I think we are the same person xd
Funnily enough, my roommates and friends are the ones that I have a secure attachment instead of my parents. I don't actually know what my attachment style to my parents are 'cos I never really thought about it
Grew up with avoidant but working on towards opening up, when you are adult you choose your actions. Counselling helps a lot during this journey. There's nothing wrong for asking help when you need it. Most valuable lesson for me. :)
When you’re literally the embodiment of the insecure/avoidant type
Me thinking back to all the stupid sh*t I did as a kid
I think we can all relate to some degree lol. Should we start sharing a list?
@@Psych2go yes you should 😂😂
Psych2Go oh geez um Christmas Eve I was spinning in my dress and then hit my knee and somehow cut it open to the bone😂 btw do u have a degree in psychology?
Stupid thing I did as a kid : *I asked my father to marry me when I was older* 😂😂
@@Youkai_arts - Yikes! What was his reaction lol?
Would LOVE if you could make a video for each type (insecure/ambivalent).
We are planning that actually, but can you guys like this comment so we know.
that would be great♡
I'm definitely a type C with a disorganized leniency:
-unstable enough to start drama, insecure/proud enough not to take responsibility for it (depends on my mood)
-one day being super clingy just because, another feeling uneasy around people I love for different reasons
-either explosive yet incredibly rare anger, usually in moments of crisis, or, much more often, feeling like I'm stomping on eggshells the whole way through in trying to express my thoughts, AKA panicking and reacting too strongly/angrily, then panicking because I panicked and thus they must now hate me
-Sometimes blames others for stuff I did just because I want drama (by sometimes I mean I did it once, in my entire life, plus regretted it, but I _still_ wonder how it would go if I did it again)
-Scared of rejection so I drift away (hahaha) from people before they do
-Hating real people and wanting meaningful, perfect connections simultaneously (thus turning to fiction)
-Affection is selective. I can be physically affectionate towards certain people yet I choose not to be with other people (and it pisses them off, for some reason???)
-Possessive, overthinking and jealous
-Completely aware of all these things I'm describing yet choosing not to move forward with taking more care of myself because: 1) hating and starting drama and pissing people off is fun or 2) because I just "don't feel like it today" or procrastinating
You and me both, and I fucking hate it.
Ahh yep that’s me
I relate to this too much
sounds like me aye, it also sounds like you might have borderline personality disorder (do not take my word for it, I'm just going from my past experience and my VERY limited knowledge on the subject) or something else. You might want to go see someone about this cos (and this I can say with absolute confidence) it does help and it does make things better/easier.
"I want you to make friends and have a life"
But also
"No you can't go to the mall, there's nothing to do there but get in trouble"
She'd gaslight me if I ever brought this up
Gas lighting leads to trust issues, talk to your parents about it, even though its hard
- "You need to grow up"
- "Ok I want to move out"
- "What if you feel sick in the night and you'll die alone in your flat?"
It’s true that a great therapist can help. I was absolutely plagued by an ambivalent/insecure attachment style and I just don’t react like that today. I sought help and experienced healing. There is hope.
"the first one is secure, type B"
Yeah, that's not me.
@Miguelle Landry is a perfect 10 ???
I have a friend at school who never asks teachers for help, even when she was doing poorly. I asked her why she never wants help and she says "I'm afraid of the teachers". I didn't know why, but I later found out she was physically abused by her parents and older siblings. I understand why she never willingly talks to teachers, and when she does she's always holding her cheeks. She said it's to "avoid slaps".......
i’m sorry your friend had to grow up in that kind of setting :(
me lmao except its not the abuse its the yelling
@@lucerix6033 this isnt something you say me lmao to
@Pikora Animation oh i know. i was abused. im saying that my parents yelling at each other had more of an impact on me than the abuse bc i kinda blocked that out.
@@smsmsm10
? i went through the same thing... but okay.
Seriously cannot get enough of your silky smooth narration
I’m type C yikes
Edit: I blame myself for problems though and don’t like to start conflicts. I actually hate confrontations
So there is a trait for me that says I'm type C,same I don't like fights,when one starts usually I try to avoid if it's possible,but when the other person walks on my tail,dude I only target the points that hurts the most and the points I know,I mean let me alone in my corner,and yes I too blame myself.
Same :(
“need more reassurance then other attachment styles” HMMMMMMMMM-
can you make a video of sibling abuse?
Yes! :) We're doing one on toxic sibling soon .
@@Psych2go I'm looking fwd this topic grew up having toxic sibling he was bully and made felt like shit as we growing up and as adults he want us to brothers after so many years of his toxicity forgave him as well noticed we grow up apart as kids. Now adults we hardly do things together he sufferers from Anxiety and I do too as well as Bipolar Disorder, PTSD, and Depression ..After our Mother passed away he occasionally says how I'm doing .I'm usually say I'm Ok to avoid spring my issues to him in reality feel dead inside and hopeless .I hide my emotions to my close knit friends as well don't want burden them my issues.
@@Psych2go great! Thank you. I can relate
@@Psych2go grate
Because idk if i have one.
Hes rude and calls ne name like normal.
But some hurt me too much like he called me "the gurl that cuts herself, "
My sister and I are a nightmare. She used to hit me because she felt like she was stronger than me. She was always in an imaginary war with me, but apparently I was the only one evil and my mother enabled her, like If I didn't want to do her homework I was mean because I wanted my sister to fail in life and stuff like that. I am not good at making friends and she always wanted to attach to the few friends I had and after she displayed evil behavior and people called out on her, she would blame it on me. So, I decided to break any bonds with any group she got close to and no one in my family would know shit about my life so no one would say that I was doing something to feel like I am better than my sister. She has even tried to sabotage my marriage and look like the savior, and many other things.
Honestly it's very interesting how many times I watch these videos and that so many people deal with the same parental issues as me..
Mindy Vasculine you are not alone.
I identified with types 2 & 3. Thru Grace I have been able to let go of me and my story and grow in love, kindness a d compassion for myself and others. This has been a lucky lifetime.
They weren't kidding when they said my life was disorganized. FML.
When I see how sad some of your childhoods are so sad I really just wanna hug you guys-
I haven't been hugged in months, my mom is the only one who does it once in a few months and I don't feel anything when she does. ;w;
@@knox1392 Damn, that's hard. I'm not particularly social and do a lot of hugging, but that makes me feel for ya. Peace.
I'm glad my childhood is OVER it was a lonely place and now I'm carrying around those OLD scars. .....SMH
Thank you for sharing! How are you coping with life now?
@@Psych2go I'm good help myself I read and I have had Thearpy..
My adulthood was good for the first two years, but now it's been hell. I hope things stay good for you.
@@nathanniesche6380 Thanks.✌
I rely and depend on my parents too much and everytime they leave for a few hours I start to panic and end up thinking the worst happened. Owo
I wish I could depend on my parents... Too bad I'm a middle child.
Yeah, I am way too dependent on my Mom. I'm 25 and still live at home bc I just can't get my life to work, even though I already accomplished so much.
Oh gosh! Her voice is soooo soothing and relaxing!!😪
Growing up I suffered heavy consequences of a bad childhood. I was "disorganized" & "insecure" as this video defines it, up until I was 20. I was very manipulative, arrogant, selfish, abusive, depressed, lonely, and confused. The type of person that never did anything for others, but rather to make myself look good so that I have the attention, but this never filled the hole in my heart. I abused alcohol and drugs from high school onwards, but this never filled the hole in my heart. I used woman and manipulated them, but this never filled the hole. I could go on but then this would be a book but you get the point.
Here I am now as a solid "type b" attitude, with goals in mind and drive behind every action I do. I find fulfillment every day in doing my absolute BEST in whatever venture I take on. Its actually what I tell myself whenever I find myself tempted by laziness. "Do your best Jared, no matter what just do your best". If you've read this far then you should be able to tell that I've come a long way from that lonely kid. Now that I think of it, it's probably why I liked naruto so much (an anime) because the loneliness he faced is how I really felt everyday of most of my life.
I'm 23 now, and not to brag but I went from being 13 in my head, to a man in around 9-10months. If you ask my how I do it, everyday I will tell you it was Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ is the lord and saviour of my life, and if you're reading this and have tried sex, alcohol, drugs or whatever addiction it may be and you still feel that emptiness. Then i humbly ask that you would just try Jesus, at the very least just once and do it SERIOUSLY. With all your heart and to the BEST of your ability. If you do that, then I promise you will not be disappointed. Anything less, and you will only reap as you sow.
I'm happy to help you with your first step, you need only comment, message or email mauga.iareti@gmail.com, and I promise that I will do my BEST.
Me: watches new Psych2go video
*Me five minutes later (a type A)*: Well this explains why I have no friends (this isn't an exaggeration)
O.O
Type C here.
I have one best friend, plus three friends I have no contact atm. Besides my best friend, none of them live close by, two in another country, one 2.5 hours away.
Technically I got a lot of aquaintances, I guess we could meet up if I wanted, but idk, I just don't feel like it, even though I am lonely so many times.
Same, I think I’m an A I have no friends, seriously just 1 whos there for me but I don’t think she’s her complete self around me ;; she swears some and thinks it’s funny but I don’t really like it...
qoq im sooo awkward in social situations...
@@rinkoshirokane8263 I'm type A too, i have a few friends but i like spending most of my time alone. They respect that. I think you"ll find someone who"ll truly be a friend and respect your boundaries.
@@khuzeniblue9109 Your DP says it all.
Yeaahh im early
Idk why im saying it
Everyone who sees this have a good day and stay healthy
Awe thanks u too!!
Same to you.
I hate when they say "we only want the best 4 u", when they treat us like shit. I shouldve went with my dad when he left me.
Me: Let's see Psych2Go try to figure me out
Psych2Go: "Insecure Avoidant Type A...independent, rarely asks for help...says nothing is wrong"
Me: *Ah shit, here we go again*
Edit: First good thing TH-cam's recommended to me in a long time, so I subscribed to your channel! Looking forward to more of your videos!
Me a type C,
"So what do you feel after hearing this?"
Well...I now being reminded once again that I'm a living burden to the sociaty and now I'm sad.
I have a secure attachment style when it comes to friends and disorganized / anxious when it comes to relationships.
A person can have more than one attachment style at a time and also for different settings the attachment style can change. Think about the psycho that kills their own family, usually there’s a bit in the paper about how everyone in town thought was he was a great guy
samee, I’m secure when it comes to friends, but insecure/avoidant in relationships. at the same time I could be secure in a relationship depending on the person. And I agree that those attachment styles do change through time or change depending on the person who you’re with.
Me: pffft I’m not a disorganized
Also me: *has ptsd from childhood trauma, severe depression and will occasionally try to escape the pain with self-harm or drinking*
Me, who also has PTSD from childhood trauma: I'll drink to that dude
Me too
Same except my trauma is when my parents would/ still do force me to go outside in public since I have severe anxiety :/
😢🤗
😂
Wow...
I'll make sure to bring this up to the therapist I get when the pandemic is over.
Pineapple Head I hope you can find a great therapist! Some might be offering phone consults during the crisis, a good second option if needed.
@@TheScarletteWhisper I appreciate the advice and will take it into consideration 😁
Pineapple Head No problem :) best of luck and stay safe!
I am type A, but I've never seen myself as "insecure" if I had to communicate with people, there's about a 73% chance ill do great and 27% ill screw it up, or sound demanding when I am not trying to be, I've always seen being "independent" and "not asking for help" as something good, I feel safe when I am in control of things because I trust myself in doing the thing, but it's really hard for me to trust someone to take charge, people tend to say "you don't trust me" or "you hate me" but that's really not the case, I just feel like I am the most fit person for the mission (which some people see as selfish)
But all in all, I love my personality and the way I think, and I am very thankful that I have the ability to move forward and not make others' opinions change me😊
The "Virgin type A" VS The "Chad type B"
͟͡҉̵W̴ ͟͡҉̵S. Hush and C your way to this D
I related more to Insecure Ambivalent/resistant (type c).
Kinda sounded like me.
The more I watch the more messed up I seem sheesh just lock me in my home I don’t need to have a life family or friends lol. I feel I’m a mix of b and c and I’m dating an A. I’d like a self test and how to manage no time for therapy.
RIGHT ! it feels like almost all these videos this channel has just relates to me, and there’s so many different “ types “ but i’m ending up as being almost all of the choices even in other videos 😭 i think i’m fucked..
I know there's an attachment style test in the stories of @not.yr.boyfriend somwhere! Look it up on Instagram if you want
Okay, that's weird, I'm like all of these, I don't fit in in just one.
People rarely ever would, people are complicated.
Yh same i think i have different styles for different people
I don't fit in any of these lol
That's because these psychological studies are complete bias: people don't have one attachment style, we simply tend to majorly play one of these roles in each relationship (from companionship to simple interactions) yet the more one person identifies with one attachment style by decontextualizing himself/herself, the more he/she will tend to repeat playing the same role in his/her own relationships. Attachment styles are a valid theoretical support only in the context of relational dynamics.
Same
Thank you so much for these videos. Mental health is often ignored in our culture. You present education about it in a fun and easy to learn way. Thanks for contributing to the destigmatization of the topic. Great job😊❤
Alternating between Type A and Type B. Recent example is someone who I liked a while before, and tried too much to get the attention of that other person because I wanted to get closer and talk to them, but I accidentally crossed some boundaries which I regretted later on. When I did realize this, I heavily focused on trying to jeopardize any kind of friendship at all, and tried heavily to remove them from my thoughts and life ( deleted number, messages, removed as friend ) because it all became so toxic for me. I tried to confront the other person face to face so I can talk and explain what I feel, but it only got worse. I thought I was doing the right thing - talking and communication is important. When nothing worked, I argued and left it at that. Nothing else.
I got back in contact a few months later and wrote a long letter to apologize, carried a guilt conscience for quite some time.
I realized I was too clingy, too attention seeking, and it was my anxiety and insecurity at play which caused me to cross the boundaries. In the end, I realized it was all of my fault. But it did give me a good way and in a way completely changed how I think because it exposed some major, major, maaajoor negative elements in me that were destroying me from the inside. It gave me insight on how to change for the much better, and be more positive. And I'm grateful to that experience for that reason.
❤
> "nothing's wrong" then explodes with anger
Yep there it is
I am type A. Asking questions is never on my mind, only if I have to. Everything that was said was so true to me
It's also interesting to see how similar kids are to their parents, like how they speak or act.
TLDR: My mother spent her day time hours napping and has always had an issue with feeding her kids.
My brother ended up eating tacos out of the trashcan when, after he asked my mom for food, she passed out again and he was left alone for hours. She wakes up, he's apparently no longer hungry, she learns what he ate, and my dad said she ended up calling him sobbing and remorseful. (I call bull on her remorse)
I grew up with the knowledge I ate the cardboard kids books my brother owned. The Toy Story "Woody's Roundup" kind of books. I also apparently chewed on lamp shades, my crib, and pretty much anything I could. I found out a few days that my brother ate trash tacos, same day, same conversation, I learn that my mother would put me in a room, shut the door, and leave me there so she could nap. She continued this behavior until I turned 19 and moved to live with my dad who had asked for a divorce the April before my birthday. When I say she continued that behavior, instead of talking to me, working with me, or at least explaining to me why she wanted me to leave, I would be bullied, harassed, and pressured into returning to my room. She managed to convince me that my room was the only safe place I could be in. She wouldn't allow me to be in the living room with her after she got home. I was expected to clean the house, do laundry, and take care of the trash and cat boxes, but when it came to who had rights to the living room it was always her. She would literally make targeted remarks until I left and returned to my bedroom, start fights with me to do so. It was and is still effecting my mind, body, and health.
My younger sibling was born and my mother was trying to go back to school, got herself a job, and I never learned if she just slept through the evenings instead of look after my siblings and I.
So where was my dad? Main places. From working Search and Rescue with FEMA, Walmart, McDonald's, and eventually taking on jobs where he transported goods as a semit driver, he regrettably wasn't as there for our childhoods as we would have liked or wanted. Here's the thing though. Even if my dad worked 9-14 hour days, he came home and helped clean the house, he made us dinner, he took us to the river or beach or just did something with us. I still enjoy playing Risk with him when we can.
Why did I call bs on my mom's remorse earlier? She was caught having sexted until 2am one day. Her wake up for work time was at 5ish am and she got back around 2-3ish pm. She got home, complained of a headache, went to bed. My dad calls me, then her, I wake her up to make dinner because my dad asked me to. My dad comes home and dinner still isn't finished. At this point is could 7 or 8 in the evening. We usually eat around 5-5:30 because everyone has homework and then school in the morning. When everyone gets their food or is getting their food my mom and dad are arguing. My dad is talking about how it isn't fair to the kids that she doesn't want to make dinner. She's the adult, the only one who can cook and make it, and we're her kids. At some point my mom decides to turn this into an issue of my dad only being upset that dinner wasn't ready right has he walked in through the door. A narrative she would push to us kids for years to come. My dad, rightfully pissed that my mom is trying to make this about him without accepting her fault in behavior or seeing what was wrong with the picture, ends up throwing his food bowl at the entertainment center in anger. This broke the shelf our PS4 was on and the eject button for it. It also got rice, kimchi, and whatever main dish my mom had made all over the speakers, cabinet doors, floor, and TV. We proceeded to joke about what happened to the entertainment center, and laugh about how we'd be cleaning rice out of it for years, after things calmed down.
When I learned the truth of this event and the conversation they had, when I hear about my mom sleeping and not feeding my brother, and always locking me in a room or ensuring I felt unwanted outside of it, it explains so many things to me. I'm horribly anxious, struggle to even put myself out there for a job. I am always, even now, in my room watching myself deteriorate slowly. My younger sibling has the best relationship with my mom out of us kids. I'm turning 20 in July. I haven't spoken to my mom since September and I know everyone is pushing this narrative that I'm an asshole and incredibly petty for not speaking with her. But what can I say? She never wanted to deal/put up with me before, that's not going to change now that I'm in another state.
omg. I wish you well, I hope you are okay now.
@@pedwantagon90yearsago.91 I mentioned it because I genuinely didn't know which of the four things in the video applied to me. It's a situation where I don't fit into any of the boxes, but I can put a limb into them.
As for now, I live with my dad, my mental state is trash, I don't leave my room because it's been ingrained into me that it's the only place where I'm allowed to be myself, and I usually only eat dinner and a late night snack. Sometimes I catch a late lunch and have dinner sometime afterwards.
My dad keeps pushing for me to get a job, keeps trying to get me on my feet, but I feel so drained, so tired, and so... Unmotivated. I don't have any plans for the future, I don't care about the long term, and I only care about my cat and that's with the understanding that she'd probably be in better hands if raised by someone else. Yet she can't be handled or in close proximity to anybody other than me.
No, I'm not okay, I have people fighting to help me, but I have no motivation to do anything about my mental state because I've already resigned myself to the situation.
I am grateful that someone out their cared enough to wish me well, just know I wasn't share for attention, but to try and figure something out that I still don't full understand.
Luckas Silver thank you for sharing your story, I don’t always take the time to read long comments but I read yours. My heart connects to this as I have had my own share of unpleasant/traumatic childhood experiences. When I read stories like yours, it makes me even more motivated to continue with my dream of becoming a psychologist. Im 21. Do you want to maybe be friends ? I have discord if you are interested
Who the fuck said you're in the wrong here? They need a healthy dose of empathy and a great deal of understanding.. Know you're in the right and draw motivation from there. You survived this fucked up situation, so you surely will do it again, again and again.
@@janedoe3002 Apologies for the late response, I don't give out my discord or other contact information via a comments section anywhere. My business email usually sends things into spam as well because people can be very persistent and blocking doesn't always work.
Thank you for taking the time to read and I hope you continue into psychology. May I suggest psychoanalyst as a career path? I had a very good psychoanalyst who worked from a literal house and not the hospital or office. He spent years working with kids from the homeless shelters, orphanages, etc and after he "retired" (he left so a younger team could take over) from that made a home he owned into a safe space for troubled kids, teens, and adults. He genuinely had more of an impact on the lives of so many children and teens, entire families even, than any of the three psychiatrists I have spoken with and been medicated by.
I'm sure you could do this as a psychologist or even as a psychiatrist, but it may be more fulfilling to be a psychoanalyst. Entirely up to you and what you wish to do, but I hope you make as much of an impact, or more, and enjoy it just as much, if not more, than he does.
Wish you all the best!
My parents weren’t really nice to me most of the time. And after seeing how it affected me, i am now treating my brother even nicer now. Because i don’t want him to feel like i did, and as a sister i am going to protect him no matter what. Dear lil bro, i hope you see this comment when you actually grow up. Love ya
Fun fact: my mom took me to therapy because "I had problems" turns out she was de problem
Oof
so ironic :'D
Oh my god yes. So many times you see parents in denial about their mental health issues and they project on their kids. Weird comparison, but its kinda like a lot of people who put their dogs on depression medication
I would have loved to see the look on your mom's face, when the therapist told her that.
But it's good that she took you to therapy though. A lot of parents don't believe in therapy, or don't care about their child enough to even send them to therapy.
I definitely was type D for a long time but since I’ve been working on my self and learn healthier coping methods I’m more of Type B and sometimes type C but I’m definitely working towards becoming type A.
Thats terrifing, at long-term development, its scares to live in a world where you find youself diferent, anyone, no one, can understand you.
Its scares, cuz, you are tryin' to figure out why this things happen it to you.
But, you are not alone. You don't
It seems like mine is insecure avoidant combined with the continuous feeling of anxiety from the ambivalent.
And yes, you can learn how to address the issues on your attachment style. For example, I've learned how to ask for help and even ask for some opinions from the others. I try to express my feelings which is something still quite hard for me depending on the person, but I'm doing my best.
Never give up, people! Whatever is hurting you, you can manage to overcome if you put all your effort in succeed and if you search for appropiate help in case you needed it.
Adulthood is the expansion pack of the game called childhood... It has so many bugs.
I wish God never installed the expansion pack... :/
Loool
Tierzoo
Damnit
The game is too dam long
@@genericchannel126 Its too damn short
wait till you see the U2 "free album version" which will be forcefully downloaded .
Your channel was my inspiration to join the psychology field honestly lol
Happy to hear! Hope you find psychology fulfilling :)
I've been C, at least when I was young, but am now more A. Either way it sucks. Is it possible to hate your clingy / insecure nature so much you give up on connection altogether?
For me I'm Insecure avoidant (Type A)
-I have many friends, although I have trouble making them... I rarely make the first move, 85% of my friends were because my my BFF I've known for 6 years who introduced me to her friends.
-I sit alone even though I have friends in B lunch, I'm afraid of being rejected and I'd prefer eating by myself anyways... The only one I'd eat with is my longest friends Angeline (Known for 7 years) and Sarah (Known for 6 years), but both were in A lunch.
-I stay out of drama and focus on school/work more, during group projects I don't communicate and I tend to do it on my own, in 8th grade my teacher told us to pair up with someone and when she noticed I didn't she asked me if I wanted to have a partner (Everyone did since there was an odd number so I'd have to be with 2 other people) I said no thanks, I'd work better on my own... I did it all on my own and got an A, if I had a partner they'd just talk and hold me back.
-I lock my feelings away and I'm reluctant to talk about myself or feelings, I'm fine talking about YOUR feelings and helping you with advise (People say I'll be a good psychiatrist when I'm older), but I have insecurities, I'm afraid of being rejected or mocked, and I have committed issues sue to my dad mocking me as a child and teen and my mother ignoring my bullying, being verbally abusive, and never defending me when her family talked shit on me for being quiet.
- I often say "I'm fine" as a defensive mechanism and keep things locked away for months to even years and then I explode sometimes I yell in anger and my parents think I'm being defiant or I'll break down, usually when I feel like I'm gonna break down I leave the room... While Smiling, another mechanism of mine... I don't want anyone to follow me and if I start rubbing my eyes I'll blame it on allergies (The doctors diagnosed me allergic to cats, pollen, and dust), just last week I broke down after holding something back for 2 years but sadly I didn't get away in time for people not to notice (The only person who can see through my smiles is my big sister, she knows when I'm upset even through text... Sometimes I wonder if she can read my mind)
- I avoid emotional situations and often talk calmly, I was in a near death situation with my mom last year in July and I was freaking out in my mind but calmly calmed my mother down despite I probably felt worse than her (We nearly got hit by lightning, Lightning is my worse fear along with Roller coaster, strong winds, Cars, Loud noises, Fireworks.... Anything fast or loud freaks me out, I have a fear of balloons popping and once got hit in the face with a soccer ball so I hate being inside the gym because of claustrophobia and fear of being hit with a ball... Only ball I'm not scared of is a basketball since I love basketball and they're louder and slower so I can see and feel when it may hit, despite all this... I don't let the fear show.
i really love the style of this video! keeping it in this presentation-esque style with very limited text helps focus on what is being said :)
I see bits of myself in all of the types you named. I feel like Type C because I can be avoidant but super clingy if I like the person but I am not malevolent like a Type C. I act more like a Type A, I do tend to be more anxious, avoidant, and insecure but at the same time once I get to know my environment I feel like a Type B. And there are times I feel so drained and I am just going through stuff and I feel Disorganized. I will go through a drinking binge, and just act extremely stupid. I'll take high risks, and do things for fun without really thinking about the consequences. But the issue is that some of the types seem to describe my attitude i.e avoidant, secure, clingy, disorganized, but not my actions, thoughts or feelings you gave as descriptions.
I feel like I’m somewhere in between Secure and Insecure Avoidant. I tend to be assertive and secure but I rarely ask for help
i thought this video was going to be about childhood rather than personality types
same I came here for examples of childhood situations and circumstances and how they lead to the adult version of you, got a read of some Psych 101 from 1970 instead
For example, I was always a good boy with good grades and took all the silly rules seriously and drank all the praise and now unless my "guard is up" and I actively catch it and go against my "nature" I'm a total pushover to anyone who might test me.
It’s really hard for me to be affectionate because at hime nobody talks about feelings and stuff. So it gets really awkward for me to express my feelings. I could be in a five year relationship and still not be able to express my feelings.
Have you ever played DnD?
Deer God no?
Natasha Owusu
It’s a fun game to play. Roll20 is a great way to play it online. It involves fantasy role playing, funny fights and interactions, and generally interesting things to do inside the worlds made by the game master. Some games involve more Roleplay, others involve more exploration, and others involve more action and fighting. The players decide what they want to do, and the game master determines whether they succeed or fail with the help of the rules and the roll of the dice.
That’s all.
@@deergod8292 the fuck does that have to do with this? Stop advertising your game
@@knox1392 we live in a society
Type B resonates with me as does a (common) combination of Asperger’s and ADHD (without the H). Until I studied and recognised the latter, others tended to assume only that I was either being deliberately problematic or that I had suffered some major trauma. As stated at the beginning of this presentation, our behaviours can result from a combination of factors. I hope my comment here will encourage others to investigate/consider whether such additional factors might apply to themselves. Yet further perspectives I’ve come across are Myers-Briggs (eg INTP) and Enneagrams. Doesn’t have to be any “single right answer” - we are all so complex - stay loose.
My husband is more Type B. I’m more Type A, but I’m trying to work on it. I come from a dysfunctional background, which makes it a bit challenging to retrain my brain, but I’m not giving up any time soon. 💛
this made me realize I'm a type C. especially the clingyness and being insecure
same, but ive known for a while
i just kinda watch these and think to myself "yep, still messed up"
*hUGGie*
*hugs back* thank u
I'm honestly kinda like all of them depending on my mood
When you're so early that youtube says there's 6 total views and 37 likes O.O
Lol. Or maybe cause this video is not going to be relatable for many.
The part about feeling the need to punish people is so terrible because I've felt that way severally. It feels great to be free from such negative feelings.
her voice is so soothing omg