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my gay husband... finally sharing my testimony
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 ธ.ค. 2022
- my gay husband... finally sharing my testimony
Romans 8:28 NKJV
“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”
#mytestimony
#lovemichelleana
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"but the rejection that I experienced was really in the name of God's protection of my heart" FELT THAT 😭
Yessss yes yes! 😭
Right. Chills. It is like death, man and it sucks how many people get caught up in lies people live. They do it for soooo long but thats not God. That's free will and that's why I think nothing is as evil as the will of man. We can come to God, or lie like we are, or completely turn away and just crush people. Its a scary place, right here. That's why we always fall short from the Glory of God. The sins of man and the hurt caused by this story.. Thats nothing godly. Look, im what i say "semi bi" but more pan sexual. Do u know when everyone in the world knew?when i did. Why not? It was the 1990s, it wasnt trendy yet. So.. Im not typically trendy anyway so another thing that's part of me. Not hiding . Cant change me. Or convince me its not ok. I was 3 when i knew something was different w my sexuality. When I learned the term, i owned it!!!
Thank you for your transparency and sharing your testimony. I have been here. While my spouse never had the courage to tell me the truth about his attraction, God revealed it to me. I think it is something he was ashamed of, and tried to suppress. I fought for 2 years to connect with a husband who had already disconnected from our marriage. There were times I felt unwanted, and unworthy of marriage. I wanted children, and I was attracted to my husband, but he told me he wasn’t attracted to me. In the 3 years of marriage we were intimate only once, and as I look back, I see where I ignored red flags. I’m now divorced (it’s been 1 year), and I am still healing. The best thing about it, is I am not giving up on love, I still believe in love and marriage, with the right one, one ordained and sent by God specifically for me. Thank you again for sharing, I needed to see this!
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Whoa! Wow ❤❤❤
You are so strong. I pray that God gives you the desires of your heart!
❤️❤️❤️
God bless you!!! You will find love once again!
Wow!! Just wow... 8 months later, after you made this video, you are engaged. He did not fail you!! WHAT A TESTIMONY 💫
God is so faithful
“My heart is one of the most beautiful gifts, because it’s a heart after God. The enemy has tried to kill this heart beat, for so long, but he never won.”
Thank you Jesus.
Thank you Michelle❤
Same here. when I heard that it was literally a Reply on one of my texts when some one told me be careful of a heartbeat or their lack of one. Not anything or person has a Say over my life that Jesus is the Author of most important Jesus is My Savior way maker. I been suffering since 3 years old and I am now early 50 Jesus really will never leave you nor forsake you. Jesus loves you all 🕊♥️
The biggest thing I took from this video is how much you loved Curtis and did your best to honor Him like Christ. I truly needed that reminder. Thank you so much
Yesss same here! My exact take away.
Yess! Same here. God gave me specific instructions to love some one and love them deeply and I was stuck with not knowing what that meant or what that looked like AND the video began playing on autoplay!! Never have seen this channel before, but so grateful I found Sis! ❤
Yes, she loved him so much no matter how he hurt her. She’s a beautiful woman inside and out
Your husband's untimely passing is what brought me to you Years Ago!
Me too I’ve just kept following and keeping up ❤
Same
Same here!
Same
Same!
I completely understand. I know that I have always been attracted to men since an early age. I love the lord. Sometimes your pushed and force to marry a woman. This is from someone that has grown up in a church where the pastor wanted me to marry early so that I didn't commit adultery.. Or you think that marrying a female will change those feelings.. For me I love people and I could not stand to see someone cry or hurt. That's why I couldn't do it. Seeing this made me really happy I didn't get married just for the sake of fighting the feelings or do what a pastor wants me to do. There was always the holy spirit saying to me "that's wrong". I rather struggle on my own with the lords help rather than bring someone else into it. I rather get that resolved first
I appreciate you not hurting someone for others to be pleased. I pray God continues to cover you and guide you. I too struggle with my sin in private. 😩 I know smoking has been making me feel sicker by the day, but I can’t fight the urge to go out and smoke. 😣
Keeping you in my prayer🤍 to fight with Christ on your side is such a beautiful thing you’re choosing because you are choosing obedience to him over your feelings!! Be strengthened
I'm sorry for your struggles and wish you all the best. Hope your life is feeling blessed.
@Katie Burnett awwww sending you love.
It's 2023. It's ok to be gay. Be happy and live your best life.
I'm glad you did not bring a woman into it.
I noticed and questioned if Curtis was gay when I used to watch her videos and immediately felt guilty for thinking it. So heartbreaking to hear about how she struggled and how much she went through. Her love and devotion to Curtis is inspiring.
Where are the videos with this Curtis guy. I'm new here. This was on my recommended lol
@@MissGlam19 it was recommended to me too lol
Dang is there pictures of him?
@@Beth-mi2hf I can vouch for her. WE noticed.
I remember thinking that he had feminine energy as well sooo many years ago in the videos she shared after he passed. But who would mention that when she was grieving so I just watched her journey to support her. I’m not surprised by this video but definitely never thought she knew or would share..
I first watched this video some months back as I was doing some house work and was uncertain about a lot of things. I was going through unspeakable things in my marriage. He never came out to me but the signs were all there. It was like being deaf and mute unable to express it or understand it, confused out of my mind, just going about the motions of life. I couldn’t even cry. He found absolutely everything wrong with me, nitpicked, hated my smell, tore me apart to other people, giving me the ice-treatment, only cared about money/his looks and constantly gave me the look of disgust and disdain. And so many other things. I was in love with the idea of being a wife, a helper/a lover, having a beautiful home, caring for others -and didn’t realize I was a beard. Fast forward to months later, I did actually end up walking out just as he realized he’d messed up. I did it the best way I could at that time, it was messy -but I knew that marriage was set up by the devil to take me out. Lord help us women to have discernment. Give us grace, Lord, to know wrong from right. Please keep the enemy at bay that your daughters may meet the perfect one and flourish in every way!
Amen sister, your testimony has really touched me. God bless you and redeem every negative experience you had in that marriage.
Wow! He looked gay but since u guys were married I dismissed what I was thinking just wow!
Same.
Its crazy the secrets women we can keep. We are so strong.
Thank you so much for this🥺 I found out my ex-boyfriend was DL and I believed it was a mistake so I gave him another chance. It was going great for months then I found out he was still talking to a guy. I went no contact and he died two weeks later on January 6th. He died in a car accident in such a horrible way. I know exactly how you feel because despite everything I loved him like Christ would. I believe God just called his children home 🥺Thanks for sharing your story!❤️
I love your tone of voice and inflection, how you choose your words so intentionally. It's evident that you spend time in deep contemplation before the Lord. I really admire and aspire to that.
❤ Story begins at 6:10. Side note: she doesn’t really get into the story at all, it’s more of a sermon about going through things like this.
Good looking out Fam
Lol, God bless you!
Thank you because she is rambling and I’m over it.
She kinda says he came out. It was obvious.
@@matthewbrenton2711 if you’re just here for the drama then you could just click off, YALL obviously are not here to hear the heart of God.
I can’t finish this video because I feel the heaviness and the pain that this woman experienced. I’m sending you a BIG VIRTUAL HUG FROM BROOKLYN. I’ve been a subscriber for years now, but i somehow discerned this (the title) from the clips she had kept up. I never thought she would come out and share it though. And as a stranger, I longed for her to share this story but I knew it’ll be in due time. So I am so proud of you for this obedience. I feel by you sharing this, the bondage and pain that was lingering will be released. And this truth/ testimony is going to lead to open doors that Michelle… you can’t even imagine 🤯 Watch as the ashes turn to beauty. This is going to shift in your favor for opportunities and kingdom purposes. You may not fully understand now, but one day you will ❤️.
Ps. If this was too heavy for me to finish, I can only imagine how much warfare she faced recording this. Let’s keep and lift Michelle in our prayers y’all 🙏🏽
This comment is very understandable. I agree but I watched the entire thing. She’s very strong for sharing ❤🥺🙏🏽
AMEN! ♥️♥️♥️🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Thank you so much - my heart is a heart after God ❤
This is crazy, I saw the video when he passed away. I don't know why it was on my feed. Now I'm seeing this one and I can say is, God is always on time! Thank you for your obedience sis, to God be the glory🙌🏾 This really spoke to my ❤️
Same. The video of his passing was randomly on my recommendations and Ive been a supporter of her ever since. Her faith and obedience is very inspiring
I started watching you way before Curtis passed. For some reason, I always felt like he had a strong feminine energy about him. Regardless of what some people may think, the moment he decided to marry you in hopes of suppressing who he truly was; this was ultimately going to be part of your testimony and you don’t need to give his family a heads up in order to tell it. It’s your journey. You telling your story doesn’t take away from the other good things about him nor do they need to be mutually exclusive. Praying and looking forward to the new season in your life where you get to be married again someday. Stay bless.
I totally understand what you mean I picked it up too yrs ago am kinda not in shock. Bless her soul for sharing this
- it's not easy it's for God's glory and that's what's important. I get her and I know great things await her 💯💯💯
You took the words out of my mouth. I share your sentiments on this. Well said ! 🙏🏾👏🏾🤍
He spoke very feminine. It was obvious to me but nonetheless glad she shared her story
Same
I picked up on it too.
I remember in those months of separation all I did was cry. One day I just had a moment where I literally said to God ‘My heart is so broken that I don’t even think you can fix it’ (when the possible seems impossible). Here I am eight years later (divorced) with His joy that surpasses all understanding and His peace that can not be measured.
I’m learning along the way that His word becomes very real when you’re going through the experience and or coming out of it.
“He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.”
Psalms 147:3 NKJV
Honestly don’t burden another person because you haven’t figured yourself out. If you’re gay don’t get into a heterosexual relationship that’s not fair especially when you’re concealing the truth for years. Transparency is important in any relationship. It’s unfortunate that both parties suffered in this process. I can’t imagine being in your shoes girl, and I especially can’t imagine being your husband. It must’ve been difficult for him to live two lives all these years. Needless to say, sending my love and prayers to you both.
He wasn’t homosexual, but this is my story. All the stuff you went through internally is everything I went through through my divorce. You fight and you fight and you hold on to the point where God has to literally remove that person from your life because we can’t keep doing this to ourselves. I’m still healing from that. Thank you for this video.
I feel like why is she making this video after her husband passed away? Like she’s embarrassing him and he’s not here to defend himself. Poor guy.
@@stellagyan6942 I don’t feel that way at all. Even though it’s his story, it’s her story too. It affected her life just as much as it did his. It’s not embarrassing. It’s life and she has every right to speak her truth. I got nothing but authenticity from this video. No malice, no hidden agenda, simply telling her story that it may help others. What I took from this video is how hard it is to go through a divorce no matter what it looks like. Fighting for your spouse to the point that it was destroying her because she tried to make it work with a man that made it very clear he didn’t want her and going through the grieving process of that and then to grieve him passing right in the thick of it. It’s deeper than him being “gay”. I hope you can see that.
@@stellagyan6942 she has every right to speak. He was gay and that’s disgusting. He wasted her time
@@livelaughlove5421 lol 😂
“It’s time for us to walk in what God has ordained us to walk in”. Yup I’ve been in my own dark place and I’m holding tightly to God’s unchanging hands 🙌🏾. Thanks Michelle for be obedient and sharing your testimony.❤
You are so strong and I’m sure i speak for everyone when we say we truly are inspired by you ❤
I couldn’t relate to any of this, but I pray for those who do. The message you shared of Gods love was something I really needed to hear today. Thank you Michelle and thank you God.
We were all once you saying we couldn’t imagine. Keep living and learning.
God bless you on your healing journey! Now that I am divorced, I have realized that my ex-husband is gay. Not until I left, that I understood what Narcissism meant and as I look back there were Red Flags! Even though I never experienced love from him, I still tried to make the marriage work! Thank God I left and am on my healing journey!
I remember watching your video when Curtis passed. I’ve come back to your channel a few times in the years since then. I will say I never forgot about your story and thought about it often and hoped you were doing well. I really hope you find an amazing person to spend your life with. Thank you for sharing this with us!
Same.
I am now 46 years old, I met my husband at 18 years old at a Bible college; eight years into our marriage He made a comment that alleged that perhaps he was gay or at the minimum bisexual, kind of put it under the rug and wanted to act as if he never said it. And then four years later said something similar again. I have a special needs daughter and stayed for the sake of her. I am the middle of a divorce but I’m so glad I am out of that situation, but I thought I was the only person that was married to a Christian man that you assumed was gay all along. 😢 To this day we’ve never spoken about it. It’s just kind of one of those unspoken things.,,
I'm a Bisexual Guy Ma'am. I just want you to know that Bisexual guys are fully capable of being with a woman in a committed and loving relationship. We are in the middle of being gay and being straight. I'm so sorry what happened to you, though. No woman deserves that. If I'm having a relationship with a woman, I will tell her from day one that I'm Bi. It will be unfair to her if I hide it.
@@GaryHField I,m A Gay Man From Ohio I Dated My Sex Ed Teacher After i Graduated He Was Married But It Was The Best Sexual encounter i had now i,m looking for the same Experience
@@ericfreshcorn3590I bet he ain't as good as this young buck lol. I'm out and gay but there's nothing soft about me 😊I don't respect someone who lies like a lil b$ to his family. I bet he picked on gay kids in school and ran his mouth at work too. I got vids ...I'm the little skinny guy in the Playlist vids ...one from an old channel and one from my older brothers channel. yeah don't let the weed pic fool u ...I'm an absolute beast 💪 through and through. I'm only in one vid on this channel. well all of me is anyways 🤪 🙃 hope you find someone to make your night !
I’m so curious, what did he say?
@alyssarosalez2 oh this thread. what can he say? he tripped and fell and got impaled by a big c$? 😆 🤣! sorry construction worker humor ...seriously tho! how can he say anything!? hope they/he / him / them wore a rubber on some real s$. I caught the "drips" before from not rubbering up and it was one of the worst pains ever . felt like I was pissimg guns and amo 😆 🤣! 🔥 🔥like " owewwww!" needless to say everyone made fun of me at work ...I figured it out in the Porta John and then said " my d$ is burning ya'all!" 🔥 they said " what do you mean?" I said wtf do you think I mean! I need to go to the er !
I commend you for overcoming and sharing. Our testimony is for others. You have inspired me to share mine about my abortion journey when I was 19. I'm about to be 43 on the 28th of this month... I know I'm forgiven but I wish I knew then what I know now. I can help others by sharing my testimony. God bless you sis in Christ Jesus.
Hallelujah please share!! The lord said Transparency is ministry.. that too is my story!!! He uses the foolish things of the world to confound the wise😭for your former shame you shall receive a double portion🙌🏾To God be the glory
❤
I had an abortion when I was 16,I’m now 26 and I revealed it to my husband after 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately he couldn’t take it and told me he doesn’t value or love me anymore. I feel rejected.
@@henriettacharles6465 God loves you still and has not rejected you, don’t forget that
Yes please share
Beautifully said. God is so pleased by your obedience. You’ve opened many many doors far beyond your imagination by honoring this huge request of His. Your future husband is on his way to you sis. God bless you. ❤
I can relate. My late ex husband left me 5 mths pregnant after two years of marriage. God is a healer of broken hearts. I healed when I forgave him. Thanks for sharing your testimony 🙏
Forgiveness is not for the other person..its for you and your peace of mind ❤❤❤❤
@@dallasfarms1907 absolutely ♥
Wow
What is going on with people these days ?
Why do they convince themselves that they are not gay when they know they are ?
@@vickyd9584 Probably the fear of discrimination and rejection. Maybe even thinking; praying it was just a phrase.
My God, I know this was for me! Thank you for your transparency! My testimony is very similar to yours. Depression, anxiety, rejection, betrayal, Grief . . . I’ve dealt with it all. I’ve been wanting to share my testimony, but due to the amount of shame, I haven’t. I’m praying that one day God gives me the courage because I know my story will bless many ❤
Same here girl….
Keep seeking God and He will give you strength. You are so loved Sister.
She was holding him down until he couldn't breathe. Forcing him to be in a marriage he didnt want to be in.
@@Tennessee2012 not ok to pass judgement on people you clearly don't know. Just because you have an opinion doesn't mean anyone needs to hear it.
@@SuperCrazybumblebee he didn't get to live his life like he wanted to
Thank you for your obedience. I have been divorced for about 1.5 years now.
My ex was bipolar, which turned to verbal abuse and neglect. As I was literally packing to leave him (for separation) I came across vulgar photos and conversations between him and other men.
My decision at that point was clear, so I filed the next day. I know the pain and embarrassment your felt all too well. Please don’t feel embarrassed or anything love, you did nothing to deserve this. This was something that he had been running from for a while ( I could see the spirit on him in videos years ago, so I prayed about it then).
I pray that your obedience help others, but I am so sorry that you had to go through that too! I wish I could hug you lil sis! I’m here if ever you need to talk ❤
this is so powerful. Thank you for sharing. I found your video when you lost your husband and listening to your story helped to prepair my heart for what was to come in my own life. My middle child was diagnosed with a very agressive cancer when he was 7. I was devistated. How could God allow my baby to suffer. So many questions and so much anger. He has been so faithful to walk me through the pain. I felt Him speak to my heart through this video as he did all those years ago when I first found you. Thank you for obeying Him. My sweet boy just turned 10 and is doing well. We get scans every 12 weeks but so far so good. I would be so honored if you would pray for my Austin. Thank you from your sister in Christ in NC
praying for your sweet boy and your health too in all of this, mama. I hope you're taking time to look after yourself too, because it's so often that mom's put themselves on the back burner when they find themselves needing to care for others. You've come through every parent's nightmare and the trauma of that is very real and heavy on you too, so sending lots of love to you specifically too mama bear!
Praying for God’s healing over your precious son ❤. May the Lord continue to strengthen and bless your family.
Thank you Jesus for keeping & healing Austin 😭 we declare long life & great health over him as he serves You Lord, all the days of his life. Praying for your sweet baby boy and you mama💛 God is faithful!
I'm a Muslim, and I have so much respect for you and the faith you have. I remember watching you all those years ago and it's been refreshing to see you grow. It's hard losing someone you care so deeply about, but even more so knowing that you're being tested for your endurance and patience. May you thrive and be joyous
My sis, I came to you years ago, was by the untimely death of your spouse Curtis. 🥺 I remember praying 🙏🏼 for you. I truly feel this video, as my husband up and left during my Grandma 👵🏽 being on hospice and dying. She was my everything 💔💔 she had Alzheimer’s and heart disease she was 95 and I promise you a part of me died with her. 😢 Then after him being a different man as he had been serving God for 2 years at this point! I prayed for him more than myself, because of his drug addiction and alcohol. He had cheated on me before and I forgave over and over! I LOVED HIM WITH MY HEART AND SOUL!! I at first asked God why, yes I too have cried my eyes out! Prayed hard!! But none the less. He got with someone so fast like 2-3 weeks so I believe he was already cheating! Sometimes I feel God forgot me 💔😢 to this day I hold the depression and hurt! He’s now married and taking care of her kids and left ours. I understand the prayer request we have God don’t give us what we want! I thank you for this video, Thank you for sharing your testimony! God bless you sis! I know and can feel how much you loved him! Especially God ♥️🫶🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
My prayers are with you and your children. I pray that you are able to feel an abundant amount of peace and healing 🙏
@@ashliej6557 Thank you so much friend 🥹🫶🏼♥️🙏🏼
I pray that you can release him over to God... forgive yourself..free yourself... so you can heal and move forward with you life.
Not spending it year after year giving him and the enemy power over you and your thoughts. It's incredibly hard, I know... but praying you can move forward in peace...
Love and light!
🙏🏽
Girllllllllllllll I'm in tears. I remember the first video I watched from you was that music video Abba. That song had such an anointing and you version is the only one I've ever listened. To this day girl i follow you, the Lord has anointed you for his Glory. I know for sure the Holy spirit is using you. I cried with you as I listened, I have been abandoned and rejected as well, but God. I thank you for sharing, indeed he has rescued me as well. I pray for your strength woman of God 🙏
I've been following you since your husband passed away and you have been an incredible person to watch in the Lord, as a younger woman. May you receive double honour for sharing this with us. No one but you knows how painful it was for you to share this but I believe that He truly gets all the glory in it. Thank you for being an incredible example to us❤❤ All I see as I watch this is grace and love because I am so similar to you in terms of character. I always want to hold individuals in high esteem in front of others by our own limited knowledge but sometimes, the Lord asks us to do things that makes us uncomfortable. You demonstrate obedience through discomfort. ❣ Just know that there are younger sisters in the Lord watching and we are proud!! 🌸
@@cupcakepatrice8418 She made a video explaining what happened❤: th-cam.com/video/e_DxzDs0zjM/w-d-xo.html
I'm going through a very similar thing (but I'm not married, he's just someone I'm in love with and I'm trying to release and overcome) and this touched me so deeply, thank you so much for sharing. I've always felt alone in this but now I know I'm not
@mir ask God to help you break that soul tie. I pray for your strength and God to give you wisdom as to what to do and when to do it. I’ve been there and so glad God helped me to get out because it’s miserable, confusing and stressful. So please sis pray for him but let him go!! God loves you and so do I!!!
Me too! I was in my 20s. (In the early’90s) We discussed it and he broke it off. I was devastated but in hindsight I was so glad that he did instead of faking it for years. We had been together before but we had broken up. He also took a new job in a city (Orlando, Fl) where this lifestyle was more accepted. We kept in touch for a while because of my daughter. (He loved her and treated her well) I told her the truth when she turned 18. She didn’t really care because he loved was really good to her. I was out of fellowship with God; yet he protected my heart and mind.
He called me years later and apologized again. I thanked him for not ruining me and my daughter’s life by continuing. We speak every blue moon by messaging. He still felt guilty for years afterwards. I’ve assured him that I had forgiven him long time ago.
Right there with you ❤️
Sooo I have a been running for YEARS from God telling me to do TH-cam and share my story. I recently decided to do what he said. And I’m still struggling and I click on TH-cam and THIS video pops up! And I hear you say that you’re sick of running. Honey I am tired! Thank you for your obedience and for the courage to share your story ❤️
May the Lord continue to shine his light upon you
Thank you for sharing such a hard, private, and sensitive story with us. I haven't gone through this situation but I definitely identify and resonate with the rejection aspect of it. It's wonderful to see someone who's made it to the other side of such a grievous situation, and even though you intended this video to be for only the 2 types of people in this situation. I know that this video will be used to help others outside of that. 😊 💕
Girl, I have prayed for you. When I first heard your testimony I wondered how God could allow a young couple in ministry to go through this. How he could have used you together but now knowing the full testimony I know he will use you so much more because of your struggle. Thank you for being faithful to the lord ❤
Our acceptance of God's permissive will is where we find freedom to trust God no matter what.
God does not allow anything. We are living in the fallen world. God gave people free will to choose. That means he does not allow anything but people choose to yield to the devil by themselves.
Wowww, I’m not even done watching, but I can relate so much in regards to my first marriage! (Testimony on my channel).. Literally only God was able to deliver me from that situation & once God fully healed me, years later, he blessed me with the most wonderful man, we’ll be married 2 years this coming January, one thing about my God if he did it before, he can do it again, if it’s what you desire, God will bless you with the man of God you deserve! You have a beautiful spirit, stay encouraged & keep telling your story❤️
Honestly, the intuitive sense of mine pick up on this vibe from videos you guys did when he was alive. Now I see what you did with that rejection. You made the right decision. And now you released it. You deserve to be handled with love and care
@@Beth-mi2hf she was right. He was a nasty homo
@@Beth-mi2hf homosexuality is a spirit and God has given some ppl the gift of the discerning of spirits. Some ppl may have picked up on it 💯
Yeah it was pretty obvious.
Michelle, the song that came to me as you neared the end of your testimony, was Phil Thompson's "My Response." Thank you for sharing such a deep and vulnerable testimony. Obedience is greater than sacrifice, and I pray that our Father will continue to redeem and restore all that you have lost. Love you. ❤️
The expectation of my marriage failed when it was revealed that the person I married is a pedophile. 5 months married and 11 weeks pregnant and the abuse I went through, to soon find out he got arrested for the rape of a child. As devastated as I was, and wanted to literally merge myself into bleach. I had to pray and trust God with everything in me. My idea of marriage was throw away. Just because I got married and had a baby doesn’t not mean wickedness ceases. God taught me to always look to Him, because He is The Only Truth this world will every know. And I have found out.
So I'll never forget watching the video of you and your late husband. I immediately saw he was gay and I immediately thought that God was saving him and you in his sovernty . Thank you for sharing and I pray your 2023 is full of blessings you can't even imagine.
yep i saw it too
I remember one or two people making a comment abt it and I thought it was such a hateful and absurd thing to say.
Did he die of HIV?
Amen!
I remember watching your early videos, and knew he was. I remember praying for you and your heart back then.
You let the Light in to all of the broken areas, and it’s beautiful.
I can't find it how you exactly said it because I was driving and listening, but the part where you talked about being so focused on honoring Curtis' life led you to dishonoring God, and you realizing that caused you to be disobedient to what God wanted you to share... phew that sent me! Thank you for sharing that! And thank you for your obedience to the call of God on your life, in every season and every way possible. I could write a book on so many other points you made, but I'll stop here. Thank you again Michelle. Your testimony is making waves and shifting hearts and souls towards the Father. God Bless
The Lord God.. "...he's the only one who can heal and restore as if it NEVER happened." Thanks for sharing your testimony, Anna. I know it wasn't easy, and I admire your bravery and obedience.
You're glowing, love - whole and filled with his loving Spirit 🙌🏾🥰
ooo my love. That push and pull between wanting to honour your husband's legacy, and honouring the instructions you've been given, that hit me hard. My heart is with you. On one hand, you want to protect Curtis' memory from judgement, and your own heart from that same judgement in a way, because it can be so hurtful, embarrassing almost, and agonising to feel blindsided by our loved ones in such a way that we can worry it reflects somehow on us. It doesn't of course, like you said Curtis' struggle with his own sexuality was nothing to do with you, he would've struggled regardless of who he married or didn't marry. But it feels so personal. And on the other hand, you feel like you need to share this for those going through it currently, because that's your strength now. What a push and pull! I can't say that I know this experience personally, but I do know feeling some of the same grief and shame. For me it was an abusive relationship, and I felt like I didn't want anyone to know my story, because I feared those judgements of "how didn't you know this was going to unfold? How did you not see the signs, how did you not read their character?" It was terrible. But our shames become our strengths. Our testimony is a comfort to others feeling similarly lost and scared, that there is hope. Love to you.
All I can say is AMEN girl. I LOVED when you said you literally smash the head of the devil every time you open your mouth. My fiancé died two years ago and I swore I would never get over that pain … but GOD somehow …. SOMEHOW DID IT. To this day my heart feels love and peace, finally after so much hurt. And I now know that he was saving me from probably future heartache and pain looking at the situation now. He really is such a loving loving God. I am so happy for you ❤
Michelle I send you a virtual hug, you have tugged at my heart like never before. What a great testimony. When my hubby died and I was left with 2 teens, God literally held my hand and my brain. I would hear metal creaking noises in my head due to the stress. But God prevailed. I understand . Thank you Jesus for Michelle. He is the great I Am.
I have been following you for a long time and I am shocked that your grief had so many additional layers to what you had already shared. I am so sorry.
I have also followed you while going through my own journey of the loss of my husband. Your honesty and vulnerability has always helped.
You are also the only person who has so openly shared your love of God and His great compassion. Your testimonies bring me to tears.
God too, has picked me up from the darkest depths and is slowly healing my soul. Your videos are healing.
Thankyou.
Such wisdom from someone so young. God given strength for sure.
May God continue to strengthen you on this journey.
Your video when he passed brought me to you while i was in a toxic situation, going through bar for bar. I went through and divorced, and healing now. Your videos now help me on my healing journey. I felt like i was the only one. Thank you for being vulnerable and being open about this. ❤To God be the Glory, the healing and being apart of my healing journey. I’m 26. Thank you.
This video changed my life 😢 I love how vulnerable you are when expressing how much you love God. Wow! You’re BOLD and I pray to be there one day. Truly and inspiration. God is telling me to surrender. Thank You 🙏🏽
I remember watching a video you made years ago where you mentioned that after Curtis' passing your pastor told you that Curtis had been praying for God to take his life so as not to allow him to hurt you & your marriage and he really wanted the depression that he had been feeling to end...... With this video all those things said years ago make sense now. We give God the glory that He gives His children peace, rest, comfort and healing in different ways according to what He calls each of us to. You're at peace and so is Curtis. May God bless you abundantly as you go along your life's journey.
Wow
This happened to my parents two years ago. My Dad came out bi. I'm sorry you had to go through this.❤️ happy you are healing tho and moving on with your life.
They are Gay not Bi.
pretty sure he still loved your mom.hes just bi not gay(:
I do not believe in bi.
It is either u are gay or straight
All the rest are just a cover up
Did your mother ever move on?
I just want to say I admire your strength, so much. I admire your love for God and how pure and strong it is. I found you in 2017 after Curtis passed because although I never watched Makeup or hair tutorial videos for weeks you kept showing up as a recommendation to watch. I'm glad I did because it inspired me so much just how strong your love for God is. I'm currently struggling with depression and your love is so vibrant for God that then and now it lifted my spirit. May God continue to bless you and rain over you with his love.
Thank you for being vulnerable with us. It touched me deep.
Whew this freed me because I wondered why I attracted let alone entertained my soon to be ex husband. He never came out but I’ve always had suspicions and I believe others have too. I was so young and loyal to the idea of partnership. After 8 yrs I filed and it’s been a 2 years and I’m still in separation while legally married. However he is moving out of country now and I feel so relieved. I do feel like it is god that is clearing my path for a new beginning.
Same girl same
Same ❤❤❤ Not until he cheated with his best male friend did it smack me in the face and I had to let go
@@annie_patota 😭 u ladies are so brave !
@@vickyd9584 thank you so so much
Thank you for this video ❤️ I was in a similar situation with my partner of 4 years. All the signs were there but my love blinded me from it. I didnt actually care quiet frankly, I thought I could love it out of him. He never came out to me. God was the one revealing it to me. His permit expired and he was deported. It was God's Sovereignty that separated us because I don't think he nor I would have ever confronted it
I felt this....
Girl I just saw this on my timeline but I love you! Thank you for sharing your testimony and being obedient to God’s voice. It’s beautiful to see how God has turned beauty for ashes through your testimony.
Ma'am take 👏 my 👏 money👏 when you finish this book!!! Your courage is encouraging!!
This generation needs what’s on the inside of you. That hit deep because God has said it before but you’re reminding me. Thank you for sharing something so vulnerable in order to be obedient to God. I’m still working on being able to do that but seeing your healing is beautiful.
God bless you, Michelle. I remember meeting you and your husband at your blog launch with a good friend. I remember the love and kindness and good energy that flowed through the space. It was an igniting of success and victory. You are such an inspiration. Continue to do God's work. I know a weight is heavily lifted off of you. God is pleased with you. Sending you love and thank you for sharing.
Sis…. You are soooo soooo brave…. You are very very brave! Your obedience & transparency shall be blessed. I’ve been following your testimony since 2017. I always knew there was something special about you. I always wondered why your vulnerability felt so relatable & genuine. You have definitely confirmed that for me with this video. In your words…”rejection is not my story it is not my portion”. I thank you from the depth of my heart for allowing God to speak through you though the healing journey can be messy & brutal at times. But God!!! I’m so proud of you sis. I’m honored to witness your transformation & evolution as a woman & daughter of God. Sometimes all God really wants us to do is “surrender” 🙏🏾. May God continue to watch over you & keep you as your true identity in him slowly unfolds. 🕊✨
You have no idea how this is blessing me in my own time of healing from rejection violation shame etc God is so good in using others to show us that we are not alone and if he has done it for you he can do it for me !
Amen sis!!! Im going through the same thing. I just had 3 babies back to back from June of 2019 to June of 2022. And just this week the father of my children broke up with me. Telling me and telling my babies he hates me. It was so unprovoked but Im trusting God during my high tides. I pray for all our hurting hearts 😔 ❤
❤❤❤❤I’ve followed you since the passing of your husband. God’s children always come out stronger from the storm. I see and feel your perfect peace. Hugs🥰🙏🏼
I admire your honesty and testimony, I could imagine this wasn’t easy to talk about but God got you covered sis. 🙏🏾
Michele, I knew Curtis was gay w/o ANY doubt! When I first came about your vlogs. He displAYed every demeanor! You endured so much because of your genuine love for him as a human being. God knows EVERYTHING! JUST CONTINUE TO DWELL IN GOD'S WORDS TO LIVE BY FOREVER MORE!
I knew it too. It’s not really hard to spot these things. But what a testimony 😩
Me tooooooo picked it awhile back fought it but whatever it was he conquered it in Jesus am sure no doubt
Yeah I noticed it too.
For all who want to know, video starts at 6:09 . Not taking anything away form her pain and powerful testimony but if you want to get to the facts, start at 6:09
Wow. I think I remember you saying that Curtis passed while he was worshiping God. Now knowing his struggle I can understand why God would take him in that moment. It’s still the mercy of God. Continue to let God use you. 🥰🥰🥰
He didn’t want to loose him after that moment.
God is faithful and I pray he is happy in heaven now where he wouldn’t struggle about his sexuality no more
Yessssss
Wow this is evil and not even biblical
Just subscribed to you because I can sense how real and raw you are being through the phone lol! I feel like transparency like this is so needed in the “Christian community” God always has a way of turning our ashes into glory and working everything out for our good no matter how ugly those parts of our testimony may seem
Thank you for being obedient to the Lord! I love you sis (in Christ)❤️🙏🏼
I saw this one on my time line and gave it a chance, I'm so glad I've watched it, the pain I'm in right now, I feel like giving up coz I've been like this for almost all of my life, thank you for sharing your story my love and I hope you healed so well, indeed he's always there for us protecting us. Your story gave me hope that even if I'm in pain now it's all for the better, God is fighting for me/us and I'll find and have the happiness I've always deserved.
So sorry for what you went through! I know what it feels to die inside, the grief of a marriage, the sadness that you can't change anyone but God is in control and I'm glad I have him. I admire how you loved him and are so mature in your faith! praying God blessed you with his peace, love and a wonderful husband that loves the Lord and you!❤
They used to say this at church when I was little “God created the Spirit of Peace,Love, and a Sound mind” I still whisper it to myself everyday ❤
I pray one day I can share my story and testimony publicly and get rid of that fear (lack of faith). Thank you. This helped me a lot and I needed to hear it. Despite not being able to relate to this topic in particular, I can relate other ways.
People who know my testimony think I’m joking when I share my past at first. My profile pic is old, but god moved me to dress modestly, no longer wear makeup (I want to be clear that I’m not saying EVERY Christian woman needs to, just a part of my journey and testimony!!). You won’t see me in pants, knee length skirts and dresses or longer. I think my appearance along with how I’m constantly speaking of Jesus throws people off… I just love Jesus so much!!!
I used to mock steadfast Christians myself. I was a drug addict addicted to prescription pills with an insanely high tolerance. I thought I was “better” then other addicts because I didn’t inject anything, I didnt touch heroin- sick thinking!! My habit was very costly. I hurt those I love most, I stole, I even got into sex work to support my $200/day habit selling or trading nude pictures, allowing old men to touch me and see me. I had experienced so much sexual trauma over my life that i just didn’t care- I was literally used to being raped that being raped didn’t phase me. Ugh, even typing this and admitting this to complete strangers is giving me tremendous anxiety and is EXTREMELY hard!!! I overdosed 4 times where I was found in time and narcaned. Every time I’d get mad at God for not taking me. I was too afraid of hell to commit suicide (even though I was not even truly saved) but prayed to die.
I definitely created something beautiful from the ashes… with Gods help. My healing has been nothing short of miraculous… GOD IS JUST SO GOOD!! I too am doing soooo good!! Today I’m 35, over 10yrs off the prescription drugs. I have 5 children at home (3 are bonus kids) and I’m married to a wonderful, God fearing man who’s about to get his ministerial license. The end of this video I so needed!! WOW. I was typing as I was listening, but by the time I got towards the end there’s NO doubt me watching this was God answering some prayer… through you. Thank you and God bless!!!!
Wow!! Holy spirit is in you so that means that fear has to bow. Know that greater is He that is in you that He that is in the world
Praise God that he delivered you away from all of that. I’m so sorry for what you went through! The enemy has tried to take you out, but the Lord always had big plans for you! God bless you!
❤❤❤❤❤
My God! What a powerful testimony...thank you for sharing...we serve a Wonderful God!!!! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾
Thank you so much for being willing to share this Sister❤️Grace and peace to you.
Michelle I’am so very proud of you for coming out and speaking your truth. I know this was so hard to keep in all these years. I’am happy that this video will help others who are battling this secret and pain that comes with it. Keeping you lifted in prayer. God bless you always. 🙏🏻❤️
When this happened I Followed you and watched you my heart prayed for your healing, now you’re telling a story that God called you to tell. To God be the Glory. Thank you 🙏🏽You will help so many by bringing this out.
Sis, thank you for your transparency. And I use the word Sis because in these moments, we need to know we aren’t alone. I know this was not an easy topic to discuss, but I know talking about it probably released a huge weight off of your shoulder 🤍. I remember your grief video about him passing, it was the first video that I saw on your channel. We never know what God has planned for us, but trusting him is so important. Cheers to you starting 2023 refreshed, revived, and lifted. 😌👏🏽
This video was in my feed. I have never come across your channel before this. I also lost a Kurtis in 2016. He was my ex at the time. Not sure why God put this video in plain sight for me to see but, I’m Glad he did ❤
Wow wow wow. No words! Thank you for your vulnerability and obedience. The video about your husband’s passing is what brought me to you years ago. I’m just so beyond grateful for who you are and your ministry! Your wisdom and courage inspire me so much. God is just getting started with you! Keep going. Thank you sis! ❤️
So much strength. Your experience and your feelings are absolutely VALID!!!There are so many people probably going through something similar. My takeaway from this is Rejection is a Blessing.
Thank you for sharing. When I saw this video, I literally jumped. I haven’t seen videos about this topic from a Christian perspective before. Something similar happened to me, but my husband shared this with me when we first started dating. That same night a prophet gave me a word and said that the matter of marriage is already taken cared of. Do not be afraid. God gave me multiple confirmations that he is my husband after that. But, this video has made me realize that in the back of my mind it is a fear that I have. I have a wall up and haven’t given my whole heart. I have more healing to do.😢 I feel like God is asking me to give him all of this and let him do what only he can do. It’s hard because I haven’t been able to talk about it with anyone because he is not ready. But I know one day God will receive all the glory for what he had done in us. 💛
Your transparency is so pleasing to the Lord. You are highly blessed and favored 🙏 God Bless you ❤
This touched me in so many good ways. I can't relate directly to your situation... but thats how impactful this was. This was beautiful. Your vulnerability is such a light 🩵
So proud of you 💕 Continue doing you girl. You’re really an inspiration. Even if some of us can’t relate to the situation, I def can relate to being in fear when God is calling you to do something you’re hesitant to do. This whole video was a great example of walking in that Faith and obedience. I could see the weight lifted off you by the end. 💕 love you sis
But being in fear to do so, ughhhh gosh... this grip my heart so deeply
Thank you so much for putting yourself out there like this and being so vulnerable. You are helping so many people.
I'm sorry you had to grieve twice. I pray you continue to have peace.
Thank you for your transparency ❤️ I know it wasn’t easy. I don’t know if it means much, but I’m so proud of you!! 💛💛💛
You are a woman of strength and this testimony is just a drop of all the resilience God has stored in you. ❤
This video is the true depiction of 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”
Thank you so much, sis. 🖤
No words to describe how seen, heard and less alone I feel watching this and reading the comments ❤️ not enough people talk about this and I’m so thankful our Heavenly Father has given you the courage and strength to speak on such a difficult topic. Hadn’t seen your videos in a year and come back to see you MARRIED and so happy. You give me so much hope.
Oh wow...I was waiting for this mama. I knew this was his struggle. Thank you for sharing. Gonna watch now. Love and blessings to you and the family. I pray he's living his true life PEACEFULLY with joy in his great. 🥲🙏🏼💕
This video just popped up for me. How did her husband die? Hopefully not suicide.
@@rheeryder2524 God is awesome...he actually suddenly passesd while worshiping (singing) in church. 🙌🏼🥲 It's like God relieved him of his pain and just had mercy on him and took him. It still gives me goosebumps thinking about it. I definitely encourage you to watch the video she posted when she shared the story of his passing. I believe it was about 6 years ago now. I can't believe it's been that long...feels like yesterday that I was listening to her story with constant tears in my eyes. 💔
@@vanessacevallos5803 Wow!!!
This touched me so much. I haven’t been in such a situation but your emotions and the way you expressed everything yoooh🥹🥹🥹. Thank you for sharing this❤️
Honey this testimony was needed for the entire world !!!!! This is raw and pure testimony so beautifully spoken with grace and love Christ is shinning through you this testimony made my night and I am so beyond happy you shared this you are giving people the strength and courage to no longer let the enemy keep their lips sealed but the power of God comes out to fulfill and spread the truth over the lies the enemy has spoken doing these trials and tribulations thank you for your obedience!! Please continue to do the will of the Lord you are a great messenger praying for you on this new journey the Lord is taking you on !!♥️
Girl. I love you. Been following you for a long time. I love your LOVE for the lord! Thank you for sharing, watching now.
Proud of you for sharing this part of your testimony, it will definitely encourage those that need it the most. God knows what he does. Godbless you Michelle 🥺🤍
Oh Michelle.. you are an angel on earth. 🙏🏾 May God continue to fill you with strength and courage:
Thank you for sharing this intimate part of your life. For those who don’t understand her need to share this is her way to show Gods true grace over her/our lives. As painful as this must of been God kept her. Look at her platform and how many lives she’s touching. God is really using her. 🙏🏿
That’s what it’s all about sis! Even still, Glory will be glorified ❤🙌🏽
❤❤❤❤❤❤! The glow of freedom on your face!! Love you sooo much for this and your obedience to our Father! My sister in Christ, you handle this and to God be the glory for you new chapter!
Talking about this, is honoring Curtis name. It honors what he went through, and opens up conversations that people need to have. He did not want to hurt you, but it happens and it is real.